Con-Fessions: Walmart Trickeries

Summary

Scam Goddess

Episode: Con-Fessions: Walmart Trickeries

Host: Laci Mosley
Guest Co-host: Priscilla Davies
Release Date: July 23, 2020

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Main Theme Overview

This episode delves into listener-contributed stories about elaborate — and occasionally creative — scams pulled at Walmart. Laci Mosley and her guest, Priscilla Davies, dissect the intricacies of these “True Con” narratives with signature wit, weaving in social commentary on privilege, capitalism, and the ethics of scamming vast corporations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Childhood Theft Stories (00:31 – 04:55)

• Laci shares her earliest foray into petty theft, stealing chapstick from Walmart at age 9, comparing herself to Winona Ryder.
  • “I just wanted to get high. I was like 9 years old… So I took a chapstick and whoo, a thrill went up my little leg!” (Laci, 00:53)
• Her only other childhood theft was stealing trinkets at Sky Ranch camp after being denied spending money as punishment for a dirty room.
• Priscilla relates with anecdotes about her strict immigrant parents using the threat of deportation as discipline.
  • “How your parents gonna threaten to deport you, dude?” (Laci, 04:11)

2. Listener "Timberland" and the Walmart Receipt Scam (04:58 – 12:03)

• A listener codenamed “Timberland” describes an elaborate early-2000s scam in which he and friends forged Walmart receipts to steal and resell electronics.
  • Technical details: Using genuine Walmart receipt paper and Photoshop, they altered cheap receipts to look like big-ticket purchases, then waltzed out with expensive goods—exploiting Walmart’s security weaknesses at the time.
• Race and Privilege Commentary:
  • Both hosts note how “middle-class looking white boys” could pull this off with less risk.
  • “Maybe don't try to scam if you ain't white... You might have too much melanin for this scam.” (Laci, 06:42)
  • “They do it big. This is robbery. I love it. Walmart doesn't treat their employees well. I don't mind.” (Laci, 08:01)
• Financials: Made approx. $90,000 net profit within a year.
  • “All in all, we made about $90,000 after expenses.” (Timberland, 08:23)
• Lessons:
  • No internal betrayal—equitable splits kept the operation intact.
  • They quit as soon as security measures increased: "I love that they knew when to stop." (Laci, 10:41)
• Broader scam context: Parallels to the college admissions scandal and importance of “loyalty to the scam.”

3. "Vanessa" and the Payroll Check Fraud (13:36 – 19:38)

• “Vanessa” admits to a payroll check fraud in the retail sector. An accomplice (a bookkeeper) provided account numbers, which another party used to print fake payroll checks. Scam participants would then cash these, often at Walmart.
  • “Most checks were between 900 and $1,500.” (Vanessa, 15:36)
  • The scam lasted due to companies' net-30 payment terms, delaying discovery.
  • Downfall: Use of real names, Social Security numbers, and eventually being banned across Walmart and several banks.
• Hosts critique Vanessa’s lack of caution (no fake IDs) and marvel at her luck in avoiding arrest:
  • “Vanessa, yeah. You needed to stop this because this is federal crime. This is time. Time. Running scams on banks is never wise.” (Laci, 17:20)
• Points raised about the declining usefulness of check scams in a changing banking landscape.

4. "Phil" and the Paint Can Refund Loophole (20:30 – 25:16)

• Phil, proud clout chaser, shares a relatively low-stakes scam: buying, using, then returning various products to Walmart — including empty paint cans, directly leading to a policy change.
  • “I used the paint and then head to Walmart with three empty paint cans... After a few minutes... I was given a full refund.” (Phil, 24:55)
  • Hosts credit Phil for “inspiring” the written paint return policy.
  • Broader insight: Scammers often believe if they want something they’ll find a means to get it, regardless of means.

5. Social Commentary: Scamming, Capitalism, and Labor (25:16 – 34:17)

• Discussion on the ethics of scamming large corporations that “treat their workers poorly.”
• Laci reflects on the systemic scams of capitalism, government, and the college system.
  • “Life is a scam. This whole adulthood is a scam, you know?... You gotta get in the scam race.” (Priscilla, 25:58)
• Calls for restorative justice — “When I get a parking ticket... I want a pothole with my name on it.” (Laci, 26:21)
• Pandemic-era anecdotes: Minimum wage labor viewed with more respect during COVID-19, yet old hierarchies and hypocrisies persist.
• Riffs on baby boomer attitudes and generational misunderstandings about work, prosperity, and social safety nets.

6. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Racing to Scam Walmart:
  • “Texas alone has 500 Walmarts. So this is a profession.” (Laci, 07:13)
• On White Privilege in Scams:
  • “Oh Chad, isn't it good to be white?” (Laci, 07:00)
• On Check Fraud Consequences:
  • “Don’t give your real information. I'm barely giving y’all my real name.” (Laci, 20:08)
• On Clout Chasing:
  • “Cloud is the devil.” (Laci, 22:15)
• On Adult Life:
  • “This whole adulthood is a scam, you know? So…I was like, wait, I'm getting scammed, so why am I not being a part?” (Priscilla, 25:58)
• On American Individualism:
  • “Individualism is killing us.” (Laci, 29:16)
• On the Definition of Work:
  • “Work is work, my nigga. It doesn't matter what the fuck you—it's work. That's why we call it work. It’s not play.” (Priscilla, 33:28)
  • “What a simple phrase that holds so much weight.” (Laci, 33:53)

7. Socialism, Systemic Injustice, and Hopeful Notes (30:02 – 34:39)

• Laci (half-jokingly) leans into socialism and critiques the two-party system.
  • “Yes, yes, I'm a communist. This is in the secret episodes. You get to find out that I'm a communist.” (Laci, 30:38)
• Riff on how baby boomers and old attitudes hinder social progress.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:31 — Laci's first Walmart theft story
• 04:58 — Timberland’s Walmart receipt fraud; technical breakdown
• 06:42 — Race and privilege in scam outcomes
• 08:23 — $90,000 net profit from scam
• 10:41 — Loyalty within scams and lessons from college admissions scandal
• 13:36 — Vanessa’s check cashing scam introduced
• 20:08 — Advice on avoiding legal trouble in scams
• 24:55 — Phil and the empty paint can loophole
• 25:58 — “Life is a scam” and embracing creative survival
• 26:21 — Restorative justice riff
• 29:16 — Individualism’s social cost in pandemic/policy
• 33:28 — Work is work: commentary on labor respect

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Conclusion

The episode blends outrageous scam tales with broader reflections on social justice, race, and American capitalism, all delivered in the sharp, irreverent tone that defines Scam Goddess. Listeners are left amused, a little wiser about Walmart’s vulnerabilities, and reminded that “if you can’t beat the scam, recognize it — or beat the scammer at their own game.” As always, Laci and Priscilla’s blend of honesty and humor shines through.

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For More

• Submit your own scam story: scamgoddesspodmail.com
• Follow: @ScamGoddessPod | @divalaci | @priscilladaviesactor

Transcript

[A]

And welcome back to another private, intimate stitcher premium episode of. Well, this isn't Scam Goddess, but this is Scam Goddess adjacent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As always, I'm here. Lacey Mosley as your host and my co host is here.

[B]

I'm Priscilla Davies.

[A]

Yes. We're here to talk to you all about scams today. Y' all have written in so many scams about Walmart.

[B]

Makes sense.

[A]

Y' all are definitely leaving the blue light on. So. So we're gonna get into some Walmart scams. I'm trying to think. Have I ever, you know the only time that I ever stole from a store. That's not true. I stole from a store two times. But the first time was a Walmart and I stole some chapstick and bitch, I felt like Renona Ryder.

[B]

What?

[A]

I felt, I honestly, if I had asked my mom for the chapstick, she would have given it to me. But I felt I just wanted to get high. I was like 9 years old and I just wanted to get high. So I took a chapstick and whoo. A thrill went up my little leg.

[B]

And you never did it again. Oh, except for the other day.

[A]

The only other time. Yeah, the only other time I stole was at this. This is actually some weird shit. Maybe this just happens in Texas. But in Texas, when you're in elementary school and you go on this, like in fifth grade, you go on the sleepaway trip to this place called Sky Ranch. And right before I was supposed to go on the sleepaway trip, I got in trouble, I think because my room was dirty, my mom would be getting. My mom, she used to love to get mad about the dumbest shit because we were good kids. But I think my mom just grew up with like her brothers and sisters being bad and they mama always having to get on them. So she was always trying to just turn something into nothing. So my room was dirty. So she got mad and was like, we already paid for the trip, so you can go but you ain't gonna get no spending money. Which I was like, girl, it's a room. It's a room. Like you doing a lot. And I got in trouble when I got home too. It was some. So I went to Sky Ranch with no money, which was so disrespectful. Cuz I went to a very white school. It was very, you know, affluent area. Like don't have me out here looking hungry. So you didn't need money cuz they fed you meals and they had like ice cream socials and. But you Know, I wanted some shit from the gift shop. I wanted to get some drip. Okay.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

So I went into the gift shop, and, girl, I stole so many trinkets. And, you know, they be in there selling rocks. That's the biggest scam of all. Colored rocks. Yeah. It's crazy, because when you're a kid, you go into a store and they sell you colored rocks, and you hype. And then when you an adult, they sell you them same color rocks, but they call them crystals and talk about energy, and then you buy them again, okay?

[B]

Oh, that's how they get you.

[A]

We just love colored rocks. Okay, So I stole all that shit. And then when I got a bird pooped on my glasses, and then they broke when I tried to wash them. And then the guy really got me back with the karma, so I never stole again. Because then when I got home, my mom took all the shit that I stole.

[B]

Did she know you stole it, or would you tell her your friends bought it for you?

[A]

Yeah, which is even worse.

[B]

Which is even worse. Cause they'd be like, you let people buy shit for you. Yeah, you took my money.

[A]

So now you got us out here looking poor. Now people think we poor.

[B]

I didn't do that.

[A]

You did that

[B]

slap,

[A]

right? Oh, man. I mean, I was a different kind of kid, though, if I got in trouble, because it was always some stupid shit. If I got in trouble, then I was like, well, if I'm gonna get a whooping, I may as well curse y' all out.

[B]

Damn. Not my ass. They would have shipped me back.

[A]

I was already getting in trouble. I was already getting in trouble. So I was like, I might as well double down. I'd be like, I can't believe this. I'm like 10 years old. I didn't give a. I was like, y' all gonna whip my ass anyway. I might as well get my little curses out, get my little high.

[B]

Smart you. Smart. My parents, I was exhilarating country. So I was like, whatever you need me to do, I'll do it.

[A]

How your parents gonna threaten to deport you, dude?

[B]

That's. Girl, let me tell you, when I. This is some. My first passport picture. I look, it's like a horrible. It's horrible. Like, it's just a horrible picture. And it's because my mom told me I was 13. My mom was like, oh, you know, we're getting you a passport so that the next time you act up, we don't have to wait for the passport. We can just send you.

[A]

Isn't that Fucked up.

[B]

Turns out they actually were sending me on a trip for my graduation. But

[A]

that's hilarious. Why do they have to just scare you?

[B]

My parents were all about the mind trips.

[A]

I appreciate it. Even though now it's why I go to therapy.

[B]

Well, absolutely.

[A]

So Walmart scams. Here's a retired scam that I started in 2002. It based in Austin, Texas. Shout out to Texas. Yes, we'll call you Timberland. So Timberland says I started a project in quotes on my own, but quickly realized I would need to recruit a few scammy friends. We were all barely 21 years old and all middle class looking white boys. A big advantage in scamming. You ain't never lied. Acknowledge your privilege, Timberland.

[B]

I like that. Go ahead Tim.

[A]

So partner one walks into the Walmart and buys something cheap at the electronics department register. They bring the receipt to me in my car with a laptop and scanner and a roll of genuine micro printed Walmart receipt paper. Very important. He puts in quot how did you get this?

[B]

He had to steal it.

[A]

I scanned the receipt into the Photoshop downloaded from a torrent site of course. So they didn't even pay for the Photoshop, but Photoshop you need it to scam. And then he would change the information to show an LCD computer monitor or an entire desktop computer system that was purchased in the store at the electronics register from the same cashier with a timestamp 20 minutes in the future. I tape a blank strip of Walmart receipt paper to a standard piece of printer paper and print the new receipt. Partner 2 takes that new receipt, shops for a few groceries, grabs the monitor or computer, then checks out in the front of the store. They show the front cashier that the electronics were already purchased. In quotes he puts no problem white boy.

[B]

We learning about society and how it works in this one, children.

[A]

So maybe don't try to scam if you ain't white

[B]

cause you will be under the jail, right?

[A]

You might need a little melanin protection here. You might have too much melanin for this scam. Okay guys.

[B]

So they say no problem.

[A]

They show the door greeter their two receipts. Make small talk. Laugh, laugh, laugh. Oh Chad, isn't it good to be white?

[B]

I love it. It makes me feel good.

[A]

What a great day to be white. The weather's great for white people today. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. And then walk out of the store. Partner 1 and I were always watching for loss prevention teams and catching on. So loss prevention always groups outside the front Doors if they're going to grab someone. We went store to store from El Paso to New Orleans on the weekends for about a year. Texas alone has 500 Walmarts. So this is a profession, they said. We sold the monitors and computer systems locally on Craigslist and eventually on eBay, etc. At one point, we had to rent a storage unit to hold all of our items.

[B]

Damn. This is how white men scam. This is it.

[A]

They do it big. This is robbery. I love it. Walmart doesn't treat their employees well. I don't mind. Back then, the LCD monitors were 379 retail. We sold them for 300. Computer systems were 698 and we sold them for 600. Wow. So you could get like a little almost $100 off.

[B]

That's cute.

[A]

All in all, we made about $90,000 after expenses.

[B]

Oh, after expenses, mind you.

[A]

Holy shit. Yeah, he's talking net profit, he's talking about net gain. And they're, mind you, they're barely 21, right? There's only three of them. So they've made $30,000.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

They said they stopped because people started scanning their receipts at the door. And then he says he hasn't been to a Walmart since. He also says in the ps, we also scammed our way into hotels everywhere we went, including Harrah's in New Orleans. Wild.

[B]

Damn Timberland. I'm glad that rhyme.

[A]

Timberland.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

This is.

[B]

This is some next level shit. I mean, y' all really did the damn. Like you had accepted expenses for your scams. They had an expense account for their scams.

[A]

This is like, they're right.

[B]

This is wild. This is impressive.

[A]

There's two things I love about this. One, that nobody got greedy and tried to cheat anybody out of the scam. They all did it together and it seems like they're still friends because when you get greedy, that's when you get took. And I talk about that all the time. I mean, the college admission scam had three white men. It was Sanger, some, somebody named Rudolph Meredith and this other white dude. And they all had a role. One was the middleman who knew the celebrities. One was the guy who took all the tests himself. And then the other guy was the one who would work at a university and Photoshop the kids faces on shit. And the reason that they got caught was because Singer, the guy who was taking the test, thought that he was smarter than everybody else. So then he started trying to get his own little business going. And that's how they got caught, so you can't. When you start a scam with people, you all have to be loyal to the scam. You cannot try to kick anybody out of crime. Because that's the other thing about crime. Like how you gonna kick me out the crime when we all did crime together? Now I have nothing but incentive to snitch on you, right?

[B]

I have leverage, bitch, what the hell?

[A]

Also, I love that they knew when to stop. It seems like they went to every

[B]

Walmart in the tri State, all 500 plot. Oh, and also they also went to New Orleans. Damn, y' all went to New Orleans to do that? Hey, what did.

[A]

They went to Nolan's. They didn't deserve that.

[B]

Come on, baby.

[A]

Come on, baby. They went to the Walmart with a hand grenade, baby.

[B]

Come on, baby.

[A]

They're like talking to the loss prevention people out there, like, yeah, baby, what a good day to be a white man, baby. All we know how to say is,

[B]

baby, only thing I can say at all.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

I mean, this is, this isn't. I mean, this is some ill. And I have to say, like, I'm happy you guys got out. Like, you're right. You got in and you got out. They were smart about that because y' all are wiling $90,000 and that was your profit. Yo, that's. This is like, is this in the, you know, grand larceny stage? Like, these motherfuckers could have gone to jail for a long time for this shit, right?

[A]

Yeah, they could go to jail. Jail.

[B]

The real one.

[A]

So I hope that the feds never hear about this podcast. God damn y' all don't track down Timberland. He's my king. Okay?

[B]

My white king.

[A]

My white king. But shout out to y', all, all right here, we're moving on to another Walmart style scam. People love to scam Walmart. And I'm not mad because, you know, when Wally Mart, Mr. Wally Mart. What was his name? Fred?

[B]

Walmart. I think it was. I think it was Wall. Walbert Mart. I believe it. I believe so. Walbert. Walbert Mart. Yes, I remember. Yeah.

[A]

I'm not even gonna look up the real name because I like Walbert Mart. So when. Yeah, let's look up the real name. But Walbert Mart for now. He was a good dude. His whole thing was like Walber Mart's whole thing was like, if you work for Wally Mart, if you work at Wally World, you gonna retire a millionaire. Like, no. Is he the one?

[B]

I thought Walmart.

[A]

I thought Walmart.

[B]

Fucks their people.

[A]

Yeah, but that's cause Wally Mart did. When Walber Mart died, that's when they went, they, they started getting real fucked up. They were like, now finally that good man is dead, we can start gouging these people, we can start treating them like crap.

[B]

Oh, I didn't know the history. Interesting. Good to know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. While Beautran Mart, he was trying to take care of people. So now that they're run by evil conglomerate. You know, I'm not against these scams, not in the least. So this one says, hi, we'll call you. What's the name?

[B]

This is Vanessa.

[A]

Vanessa. So Vanessa says, so an old scam I used to participate in was pretty genius and would have likely lasted longer if we just put in a little bit more effort. Oh, Vanessa, why was you being lazy with your scam? You gotta get like Timberland. Timberland had a whole operation. He had expenses. They were pricing out gas, but okay, I see sometimes, sometimes you just want to chill. So a friend was the bookkeeper at a pest control company and had a great deal of their clients be retail agencies. So probably like Walmart. When they would get paid by check, she would scrape the account and routing numbers and give them to a guy who obtained a payroll check printer. He would recreate the checks with a new pay to name and then take an individual to a branch of the company's bank or to Walmart to cash the recreated check and split the amount with the person cashing it. Most checks were between 900 and $1,500. We would just tell the bank teller that the check was for our renter deposit being returned after moving. It lasts for a while because most businesses pay out on a net 30 schedule and the amounts were identical to another check. So it probably went unnoticed. Eventually someone did notice and Walmart has banned us by Social Security number at their money center along with most other banks. Vanessa says it probably would have lasted longer if we had fake IDs, but it was worth it. And also like I'm trying to figure out how this works. So a bookkeeper at a pest control company had a lot of their clients that were rental agencies. When they would get paid by check, she would scrape the account off and the routing numbers and then another guy would reprint the check with a new pay to name. Oh, and then they would go to the bank. So basically they were stealing the check. So the check is supposed to go to the pest control company.

[B]

So they would basically duplicate the check kind of thing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And cash it themselves.

[B]

Right. And then. Okay, I. I see this. And then she was able to keep it going because it's. What? Because it's like a 30 day schedule, I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

30 days before they even notice that it's.

[A]

Isn't paying attention. Yeah. They don't notice that they haven't got their money because the company, they're expecting the check to come in within, like to pay within like a 30 day pay schedule. And one of the people was a bookkeeper at the company, at the pest control company. So she's basically just stealing checks.

[B]

Yeah. Right. Damn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Wow. But then how does this. How do you not get caught? Well, I guess she did get caught, right? Someone didn't notice because I.

[A]

Someone noticed, but they couldn't catch the people who were doing it.

[B]

I wonder how they were. How could they not trace that back?

[A]

I am. So it was. I guess because technically they're blaming the bank. Cuz they would take them the checks to a branch of that company's bank.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And be like, oops, y' all ain't. This is complicated. I don't understand.

[B]

All I know is that Vanessa, I'm glad you. I wonder how much money she made off of this.

[A]

Vanessa. Yeah. You needed to stop this because this is federal crime. This is time. Time. Running scams on banks is never wise.

[B]

Ever.

[A]

Never wise.

[B]

They are the biggest scammers on the whole planet. Damn, girl, you lucky you got out. I'm glad you got out. I'm really like, happy for you. For your freedom mostly.

[A]

Right. Because if y' all change the names, but y' all put y' all real names on here, then what if she.

[B]

Because that's why they needed the fake IDs. Because she could have used. Oh. Cause she was using her real shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Damn, you wild as hell. How did they not get caught?

[A]

This must have been a while ago. Cause I'm like, they didn't look. They didn't try to find you because you checked. You cashing the checks in your name. That's.

[B]

That's a lot.

[A]

Yeah. Y' all should have got fake IDs. But also, also I'm glad that you quit, Vanessa, because from what I surmised from this, I don't think that you should continue to do this scam.

[B]

Don't ever go back unless you absolutely have to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I want to, like, give Vanessa a hug because I'm like, girl, you just dodged all the bullets.

[A]

I also feel like check scams are on their way out because, like, are people really using checks like that? I Guess we get checks from our employ, but check getting is not as easy as it used to be.

[B]

No. Well, good job. And I'm glad that you got freed before you got caught.

[A]

Right. Cause y' all definitely was about to get caught. Honestly, the bank was being very lazy by not trying to catch you.

[B]

Right. Also, like, she's like, we're banned by Social Security. They have your whole ass Social Security number, dawg. Like, girl, what is you doing, baby?

[A]

I. I'm gonna do a little bit more research into this because I'm. I'm a little. I'm still a little confused as to what the fuck y' all were doing.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like we might be missing a little piece of this story.

[A]

Well, basically, they were doing check fraud, and they were doing a lot of it at Walmart, So Walmart banned them at their money center, but they said a host of other banks did as well. And then nobody called the cops. Shout out to y'.

[B]

All. Yeah. Like, you are so lucky.

[A]

The police are probably busy. They're probably like, they didn't even steal enough money for us to. They're busy killing unarmed black people.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

They don't have time for this.

[B]

900. 900 to $1,500 per check. Maybe she only did it a few times.

[A]

Must have been because I'm just like. This is. They couldn't have made off with any significant amount of money.

[B]

Yeah, this is. This is like a.

[A]

Well, a couple. Vanessa. This was lazy. Guys, y' all out there, don't. Don't give your Social Security number in no scam. Don't ever give your real information. I'm barely giving y' all my real name. Don't give nobody your real. Your real Social Security. I can't.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

So we have another Walmart scam.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Name this person.

[B]

This person's name is Phil.

[A]

Okay, Phil. But I will read what Phil said in the beginning. Phil says my AKA can be whatever you want to come up with. Also, feel free to use my name. I don't care. Catch Clout, not Feelings.

[B]

Ooh. Okay, Phil.

[A]

Shit. Use his name. What the hell was his name? I don't know if. I don't know if Catch Clout, like Feelings is a good mascot in 2020 or a good catchphrase in 2020. I'm tired of clout. Clout is out here. I saw a video. It's pretty old now, but I saw a video during the pandemic where this kid on TikTok brought a huge, like, container. Like, it had to have been like a 60 gallon container of milk and fruity pebbles onto a train. Spilled it on purpose everywhere. And mind you, everyone around is in essential is like in masks and distancing and probably essential workers, because at the time, that's who all was working. And then he pretends to, like, clean it up and it's like this big joke and he narrates it. I'm like, y' all have gone too far with this clout chasing shit. Remember when people licking ice cream. Imagine if people were still licking ice cream when the coronavirus had started. Like, bruh, like, I get it. Y' all want likes and clicks. And eventually likes and clicks can make money. But, like, cloud is the devil.

[B]

Cloud has taken a few people. Y' all out here have legit died searching for cloud, right?

[A]

It's not worth it, y' all licking toilet seats. And I'm like, ugh, come on.

[B]

I never understand that shit. Like, I'm like, the day somebody. I mean, you got to pay me a lot of money, like straight up, like up front to be licking a toilet seat.

[A]

But you would lick a toilet seat?

[B]

Yeah, Well, I would for, yes, a lot of money. But it's gotta be fucking upfront. I'm not doing this for future. For likes that will eventually turn. I'm not investing in my future with this shit. Ew. I don't think I could, though. What's that?

[A]

What if you looked at toilet seat and you got no likes. What if you posted it and you just couldn't get it circulating?

[B]

I'm sure those videos exist, bitch. We just ain't seen some. They haven't come up in the rotation.

[A]

That would hurt my feelings. That would hurt my feelings if I went and licked some subway railing and then I was like, reposting it everywhere. Like, come on, guys, come on, look at me. Lick this up.

[B]

Wait. Those people who do shit like that have always existed, though. It's just like, now they can do it for a camera. There was. You always knew those nasty people in school. You'd be like, ugh, I remember this one fucking kid that I went to school with. He would take the gum off the bottom of a chair, like the dried, nasty gum, and, like, chew it, but like any gum, like, from any fucking chair.

[A]

It was so nasty.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Why? And you imagine being like the original clout chaser. Like, back in my day, we just chewed gum off of a hobo shoe for no likes, for no retweets.

[B]

Just nasty.

[A]

Just for the thrill, Just. Oh, God. Well, then I guess today's Clout chasers are better off. Maybe they can get like an Instagram sponsorship for poop tea, right? So this person, Phil says, Phil the clout king says, I used to buy things from Walmart, use them, and then return them from carpet shampooer to drills. I am sure I am not the first, but there is now a written rule in their return policy about returning empty paint cans. And it's because of me. I used the paint. I would use the paint and then head to Walmart with three empty paint cans. I said to the customer service rep, I dumped the bad paint out because I didn't want it to spill in my car. After a few minutes of him scrolling through the policy, I was given a full refund.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I can't believe who thinks of this.

[B]

He got a Phil done. He has a policy written. You know how Walmart is. We know there's 500 in Texas, okay?

[A]

Right? So they're everywhere.

[B]

Walmart, you has a policy in place because of your ass.

[A]

Phil called the Phil the Phil paint policy. Okay, but what's, what's interesting about this is like it always kind of harkens back to capitalism. And like I can afford to pay for most things, right? So I pay for them. But if I couldn't and I wanted them, I still got to get them, right? That's what scammers whole mo is. I think a lot of people are like, oh, I can't afford this. Moving on. But scammers are like, I can't afford this, but I want it. So I will have it. I will have it.

[B]

Okay, sister?

[A]

Okay, I will have it, sister. I am a pence. I want Kaneri.

[B]

Listen to me.

[A]

I want Kaneri Yellow and I will have it, okay?

[B]

Please. Wow. I mean, yeah, scammers just have a different mentality. But also, you know, the older I got, the more I appreciated scams because life is a scam. This whole adulthood is a scam, you know? So I was like, wait, I'm getting scammed, so why am I not being a part? You gotta get jump in the scam race. It's not about the rat race. It's a scam race, okay?

[A]

Truly. Okay? And we've let our government run so many scams on us. I wish that there was a branch of government where we. Because this is something that pisses me off. Like restorative justice. When like, like for example, when I was talking about the college cheating scam earlier, like, why the fuck didn't those people have to pay money directly to college funds for kids who can't afford to go to school but have the grades to. Like, why are we giving it to the amorphous government? What the fuck is they going to do with it? Nothing good. Like, when I get a parking ticket, bitch, I want to. I want a pothole with my name on it. Like, I pay so many parking tickets, I want several potholes to say, dedicated from Lacey Mosley to you. Enjoy driving. Like, I don't even care if you write it in the cement with your finger when y' all closing that bitch up. But I need something so that I know my money went to the right place. And we don't know this. Our whole government is a scam. Everything we operate in is a scam. Walmart's a scam. Mr. Wally Mart was out here trying to let people retire as millionaires. And then as soon as he died, they were like, y' all are slaves, okay? Like, y' all will make nothing. And you will work hard every day. We'll maybe give you a little standing pad so your back don't go out. You raggedy bitch. Like, he's treating his employees so poorly.

[B]

You raggedy bitch. They are the worst. Yeah, that. You gotta. You gotta get in where you. It's like double Dutch, you know? It's like you gotta. You got that little hesitation before you get in. It's time to get in. Get in the scam race. That's the only way you can get through this life as an adult. You gots to scam or else you'll be scammed, right?

[A]

Or at least you need to recognize the scam so that you aren't participating in it, you know, and getting taken. Because, like, there's scams that I fuck with. And I'm like, oh, this was funny. Especially if it's like, against any institution that's making billions of dollars on the backs of, you know, just the lowest paid labor and the hardest working Americans. Because, I'm sorry, work is work and we all love to be snooty and shit. Look, college was a scam, okay? I got lucky and didn't pay tuition.

[B]

But.

[A]

But it's a fucking scam. It's expensive as fuck and does not guarantee that you will be gainfully employed or be able to pay your fucking bills back. But we love to flex on people because we're miserable about the choices that we made. So we're like, well, I went to college, so I should get paid a living wage. But you didn't go to college. And even though you're doing backbreaking labor. You don't deserve to be able to keep your lights on, bitch. Like, what? Who tricked us to think like this?

[B]

Oh, man. I mean, it is especially like, during this time during the pandemic. You're really sad seeing that shit come out in a way that's like, wow, Someone. Someone had a sign that was like, your safety is not more important than my freedom. Or some shit like that. Like, okay, cool, got it. Glad we're on the same page.

[A]

I don't care if you die. I need to dine in at Red Lobster. Okay, girl. Girls. But that's the trick that this country has done to us. Individualism is killing us. Like, everybody's like, well, I don't want to pay for your hospital bill, bitch. You already do. It's called taxes. Who do you think? And that's when nobody pays at the hospital.

[B]

And that's the other crazy thing about it. It's like, but you already do. Like, we're already paying all this shit, and instead of us getting it, having it benefit us, you know, it's going to the government. So that now when we actually need that shit, motherfuckers want to be like, oh, you know, arguing over twelve hundred dollars a month for a pandemic relief. Like, what the fuck?

[A]

And mind you, like, states like California, we were in the pandemic for, you know, almost six months at least when this was recorded. Like, we were projected to be in for almost six months. So twelve hundred dollars ain't nothing for six months. Like, who, how, where? And 45% of America has no savings. So it's just like, we all have to realize that we are being robbed by the government. Our two party system is trash. Yes, yes, I'm a communist. This is in the secret episodes. You get to find out that I'm a communist.

[B]

Go ahead, speak it.

[A]

No, I'm not a communist. I might be a socialist, though. I mean, we're already socialists, but, you know, it could be a little more socialistier.

[B]

Okay, that's the other thing. It's like so much of this is just propaganda that's preventing people from choosing things that are in their benefit, you know, it's just literally propaganda. Yeah.

[A]

And also, it's crazy that when you get older and I wonder, if this is gonna happen to me, where am I gonna get bitter about people getting to live better lives? Because, like, you know, a lot of baby boomers, they complain about how sensitive we are and how, you know, back in my day, I got called a nigger to my face and punched in my throat. And everybody should have to experience that. Like, no, they shouldn't. Why can't we live better? And obviously, that's a poor example, because in the 60s, like, they were marching against that. Like, black people were marching against that. But I just mean, like, it feels like older people want us to suffer. They're like, you want health care? Back in my day, health care was whiskey and building your own coffin because you knew you was about to die. Like. Like, why? Okay, why?

[B]

It's just.

[A]

Everybody just get drunk and build ourselves.

[B]

I think that it's definitely. You know, there's actually been a lot of analysis about this, about the baby boomer generation. And a lot of what. What they say it comes down to is, like, they were the first generation that basically got shit, like, handed to them in, like, the best of ways, you know? Like, they didn't go through depression. They didn't go through, like, all the bullshit from back in the day. And their parents came from that depression mentality and were like, we're gonna give you. They set up all these great social networks and all these social systems, and these motherfuckers benefited from it. And because they benefited from it, it's like they forgot. They think it's just the way it always was. You know what I mean? It's like, no, motherfuckers made programs. Motherfuckers came up with these things, safety nets for the community. This shit doesn't just happen naturally. And, like, you know, if I went through it, you go through it, too. Like, that type of shit. It's like they just. It's almost like, you know when you're a kid and you don't realize that, like, someone is cleaning up after you, you're like, oh, the pop just went away. You know what I mean? And it's like you don't realize. It's like, yo, your mom watched that shit. You know what I'm saying? And that's the same thing with baby boomers. It's like you don't realize these social programs were put in place, and that's why you guys prospered and did so well. And now you benefited, and you're like, fuck everybody else. We did it on our own. That's the other thing. Their delusion of doing shit on their own.

[A]

Yeah, and everyone has that delusion because we're all individuals, and we all know that we get up and work hard every day. And so we think because we're working hard, we're somehow working harder than people who work at Walmart and I don't think that that's the case. Like, it's not even plenty of minimum wage jobs.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I've worked. I've worked jobs on so many levels of the spectrum. Spec. Yeah, Levels of the spectrum. It's like, work is work, my nigga. It doesn't matter what the fuck you. It's work. That's why we call it work. It's not play.

[A]

It's hard.

[B]

That's what my mom used to always say, right? But she'd be like, work is not work is not supposed to be play. Okay? That's why we call it work.

[A]

What a simple phrase that holds so much weight. I mean, I hope that one day we can start to respect these people. Because the first people to treat minimum wage workers like shit are always the first ones to be yelling. Yelling at them at the store when they need to find some gold Bond foot powder. And nobody's pointing them to the right aisle. Like, which is it, bitch? Do you need us or no? Okay, so. But guys, these go by so fast. We are at.

[B]

We went on a little political tangent.

[A]

We did, we did. If you would like to hear more of our socialist propaganda, go to social scenes. Honestly, this was all a long con. We just wanted to get you involved. And then all of a sudden you're like, wait a minute, this is not what I signed up for.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

We have meetings on Tuesdays.

[B]

Free health care for all.

[A]

Right, as always, guys, you can email [e-mail] to snitch on your friends and family and yourself. Just make sure that it's a retired scam. You can find us online @ScamGoddepod, on Twitter and on Instagram. And you can find me and my personal shenanigans at D I V A L A C divalacy, on Twitter and Instagram.

[B]

And you can find me at priscilladaviesactor across all the. What do you call them? Platforms. Why can't I do English?

[A]

So on that note, scammers, you know, I guess keep scamming Walmart.