Coo’dunnit? Pigeon Heists w/ Deacon Jacquis Neal

Summary

Scam Goddess – "Coo’dunnit? Pigeon Heists"

Host: Laci Mosley
Guest: "Deacon" Jacquis Neal
Release: January 27, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this hilarious and eye-opening episode, host Laci Mosley welcomes the ever-charming "Deacon" Jacquis Neal to unwrap a wild, international crime caper: the world of high-stakes pigeon racing, theft, and the absurd lengths people will go for prized birds. Together they explore how pigeon racing, propelled into ultra-wealth status among Chinese billionaires, spawned a wave of elaborate pigeon heists across Europe. As always, Laci and Jacquis riff on the comedic and bizarre, weighing in on their own experiences with scams and offering vibrant social commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Warm Reunion and Scam Confessions

[02:00 – 12:40]

• Laci and Jacquis rejoice at catching up after their bustling careers.
• The "Scam Confessional": Jacquis admits to nearly falling for a bank phishing scam when scammers spoofed his credit union’s number.
  • Jacquis shares, “Now I got money and I’m like, brother... you may have fucked up your money four years ago.” [04:19]
  • He recounts giving away sensitive info before realizing the scam, and how he blamed the bank (and switched banks), despite knowing it wasn’t technically their fault.
  • Laci retorts: “Your bank is like a jealous girlfriend who went through your phone. They know everything already. They don’t need you to confirm things they know.” [09:15]

Historic Hoodwinks: The Rise of Pigeon Racing

[17:00 – 30:10]

• Laci introduces the background of global pigeon racing, its value surge due largely to Chinese billionaires, and the new status of pigeons as luxury property.
  • “Pigeons are the Black people of birds.” – Laci [17:10]
  • They playfully debate the respect pigeons deserve, their misunderstood beauty, and their long-running role in human history as couriers, workers, and even spies.
  • Laci shares, “The Reuters news agency started out using homing pigeons... to get the news to people.” [23:01]

Bird-Based Banter: Pigeon Prestige and Problems

[32:00 – 41:19]

• Discussion of “superstar” pigeons and sky-high auction prices: Armando the pigeon sells for $1.4 million, Nu Kim for $1.9 million – both to Chinese buyers.
  • Jacquis: “I’ve never felt so insignificant knowing there’s a bird worth 1.4 million more dollars than I am.” [32:16]
• Lavish pigeon facilities in China: castles, swimming pools, and even helicopter pads for birds.
• The problematic side: animal welfare groups decry inhumane conditions and dangers faced by racing pigeons.

The Great Pigeon Heists

[49:41 – 56:37]

• Legal crackdowns on conspicuous gambling force pigeon racing underground. Belgian pigeon lofts are raided, hundreds of elite birds stolen.
  • Laci details a cinematic heist: “Two masked men cut through Tom’s neighbor’s fence... climbed onto his pigeon loft... cut a hole in the roof and descended inside. This is like Ocean’s Eleven.” [50:03]
  • Only prized birds taken – thieves were selective, apparently identifying famous bloodlines by sight or record.
• Industry blog "Pigeon Boss" calls it a crisis: “The pigeon mafia seems relentless... these organized gangs don’t see our beloved sport as a passion, but as a business.” [55:45]

Black Market Birds & International Ring

[56:13 – 62:10]

• One arrest: a Romanian man in Belgium is discovered with a secret coop of stolen racing pigeons, some worth hundreds of thousands of euros.

• Birds are smuggled into other countries and sometimes recovered, but often the true owner cannot be found.

• Laci: “Hundreds of birds still missing... pretty soon the only way to reunite the stolen birds with their owners will be opening the cages and hoping they remember to fly home.” [63:18]

Social Commentary & Absurdities

[64:33 – 66:12]

• Both hosts reflect on the sheer absurdity of spending millions on pigeons, and the natural consequences of such extravagant wealth.

  • Laci: “If you pay $1.9 million for a goddamn bird, you deserve everything you get.” [66:08]

• Warm closer with Laci and Jacquis reiterating the joys and wildness of both comedy and scam worlds.

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Notable & Memorable Quotes

• Jacquis: “They called me from my bank’s number... I gave them my credit card number, my CVV!” [08:25]
• Laci: “If your bank is calling you... they know everything already. They don’t need you to confirm things they know.” [09:15]
• Laci: “Pigeons are the Black people of birds... a pigeon is a dove, it’s just dark-skinned and was enslaved.” [17:10]
• Jacquis: “I’ve never felt so insignificant knowing there’s a bird worth 1.4 million more dollars than I am.” [32:16]
• Laci: “If you hate women, get a pigeon. Feels better than being an incel online.” [45:30]
• Jacquis: “This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. I had no idea... there are people doing any and everything.” [63:37]
• Laci: “If you pay $1.9 million for a goddamn bird, you deserve everything you get.” [66:08]

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Important Timestamps

• [04:19] – Jacquis’s phishing scam story
• [09:15] – Laci’s "jealous girlfriend" bank advice
• [17:10] – The “Black people of birds” theory
• [23:01] – Historic role of pigeons in news media
• [32:16] – Outrageous value of racing pigeons
• [45:30] – Gender politics and pigeon-rearing as an incel redirection
• [50:03] – Belgian "Ocean’s Eleven" style pigeon heist
• [55:45] – “Pigeon mafia” crisis pronounced by Pigeon Boss
• [63:18] – The “open the cages and hope they come home” summary

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Tone & Style

The episode carries Scam Goddess’s signature blend of irreverent comedy, sharp social commentary, and heartfelt rapport between host and guest. Laci’s witty asides and Jacquis’s classic deadpan reactions anchor the conversation in humor, even as they marvel at the strange realities of crime and wealth. They use contemporary, culturally aware language and riff off each other effortlessly, keeping listeners engaged regardless of their prior knowledge of the subject matter.

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For Listeners:

This episode is perfect for anyone who loves true crime, comedy, or just wants to hear about a world where birds are millionaires, capers get cinematic, and the funniest people on the internet ask: “Should we be blaming the pigeons, too?”

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Find more:

• Jacquis Neal: @jacquisneal | Dropout TV’s Crowd Control
• Laci Mosley: @divalaci | Scam Goddess (podcast & TV show)
• Show notes, visuals, and more at @ScamGoddessPod

As Laci says: Stay schemin’!

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

50 off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required 45 for 3 months, $90 for 6 months or 180 for 12 month plan taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy. See terms Scam. Scam, Robbery and fraud. Scam Goddess. What's poppin, Congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Back to you with the comedy podcast all about robbery, fraud and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate them. We will see along the way. Yes. And the Ticketmaster word for the discount is Goddess. For the live shows that I am doing in Chicago, Dallas, Irving, Texas and San Francisco. Yes. Pull up on me. I'mma pull up on you. Y' all already know I'm very. What? Yes. Excited, thrilled, elated to have a homecoming of the deacon.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

The deacon on this show. Okay, now listen. We can't start the new year without one of the besties. You might recognize his voice from everywhere. No, seriously, the NDAs are thick. But he is with us all the time. You can't see it, but I'm looking suspiciously side to side.

[B]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

His voice can be heard on the Nickelodeon shows and films and Netflix and video games and commercials and more. He hosts his hit monthly show Comedian Clash. And you've seen him on dropout TV in his hit show Crowd Control, which is coming back for a season. To congregation, please welcome back the deacon, Jes Neal to the show. Amen. Amen. A scam.

[B]

Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

[A]

Gotta pronounce the J.

[B]

You gotta pronounce. You got. We gotta pronounce every letter. Hallelujah.

[A]

Hallelujah.

[B]

What up?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

What's up, Lacey?

[A]

What's up, Jacques?

[B]

It's been too long.

[A]

I know it has. It's so Good to see you.

[B]

You know what I love about. Yeah, you know what I love about people popping and people having success is they have success. But then you don't see. We don't see each other anymore. Cause everybody's doing shit, everybody's working. So, like, whenever we see each other, it's always in passing, but it's always like a beautiful. It's so good to see you. It's like, which is nice. Which is nice, which is nice.

[A]

You too. Yeah, you know, like, I've been trying to hunt your ass down. Luckily, we have social media, I guess, so I can see what you up to.

[B]

We can see what each other up to. But we use. I think people, one day people are gonna like, look back on our era of comedy and be like, oh, they used to actually see each other and do shows, like four or five days a week together.

[A]

We used to see each other all the time. We were hustling and coming up all the time.

[B]

We get our little cult every fucking.

[A]

Week seeing each other.

[B]

And now look at us now.

[A]

And I'm proud.

[B]

I'm proud. I'm black and proud.

[A]

I'm proud of you.

[B]

I'm proud of you.

[A]

Now, we always ask on this show, you know, Dakon. Oh, you know, what is your relationship with scams right now? Do you love them? Do you hate them? Has anything happened, like, anything you want to talk about now?

[B]

You know, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't admit it to some crimes on this. On this podcast.

[A]

They will be on the statute of limitations.

[B]

Yeah, they on the statute.

[A]

Come knock it.

[B]

I look at my young self and I'm even talking like two, three years ago. I was like, nigga, what was you doing?

[A]

You.

[B]

You was talking too much. You was too. Because now I got money and I'm like, brother, you may have fucked up your money four years ago, but so you know, I love a scam. I got scammed. I got real scammed. I got real scammed. Now I will say what happened. Cause I feel people. I feel. I know people are getting tight. Like, oh, Jack Kees, no money was taken. Cause I caught it. I caught it before the money was taken. Okay, all right, here's what I didn't know. I felt like a boomer. I felt like a boom boom baby. Because, like, I didn't know there was a thing called phishing. Have you ever heard of this?

[A]

Yes, of course.

[B]

I ain't never heard of this shit. I seen it, but I ain't never experienced it. Cause I'm like you ain't been phished. I ain't never been phished.

[A]

I get a scam likely call at least. At least once or twice a day.

[B]

But I get. No, no, that's the thing. I get a scam likely call. Great. And if it's a number I don't recognize, I'm not picking up. These motherfuckers called me from my bank's number like they phished.

[A]

They can replicate the number.

[B]

They can replicate the number. So I get a call and this pops up on my bank. I'm gonna put em on blast cause I ain't with em no more. Gang Credit Union. And I'm like, oh, gang call.

[A]

Gang, gang. Gang Credit Union.

[B]

Gain, gain, gain with an N G A I N. Although gain with. If I was with Gang Credit union, I would deserve.

[A]

I thought you were like. I'm talking about gang gang.

[B]

Yeah, I was that gang. Yo, I got my cousin back in the. Back in the way.

[A]

Honestly though, Gang Credit Union. I'm.

[B]

I wouldn't With Gang Credit Union.

[A]

I feel like they got a bat in the trunk. Like, they not playing no games.

[B]

Yo, you scam on Gang Credit Union. They coming to your crib with the bat. They gonna. I might listen. Where the homies at?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Where the homies at? So game Credit Union. It wasn't homies.

[A]

It wasn't homies as in gaining assets. Exactly. Okay, okay.

[B]

So I get a call gain. And like, first is like. The first is like the non American speaking person. So, you know, I'm like, did they live in India?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I can't remember where they lived. But it was somewhere around there. It was India, Asia.

[A]

I want to go to the call centers in India because I know it.

[B]

Has to be a time I could hear it. That was. That should have been my first tip because I can hear shit in the background. I'm like, why is so loud? It's loud as hell back there. Like, what is y' all doing? What's going on? There's too much going on, right? But I'm like. But they was like, hey, we got a like a wire that came to your like, credit Your like bank account, and something is going on. We think you may have been frauded. Now here's where I kind of fucked up. Cause I. My aunt had just wired me something. And who wires anything? Like, but she owed. So she wired me something. So I'm like, oh, maybe she messed up. So I was like, okay, this. I was a little skeptical. So they had me on the hook a Little bit. I was like, the timing was right.

[A]

Cause auntie was doing auntie activities.

[B]

Auntie was doing auntie activities. And so they was like. I was like, oh, okay. So he was like, do you wanna speak to the next person? Which should have been my second tip off. Cause I'm like, why you ain't the person, right? You called me. You called me. You should be the person.

[A]

I'm not the person.

[B]

You not the person.

[A]

How you gonna call me? Talking about some. Hold on. Yeah, right.

[B]

You call me.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Hello. All right. Can you hold on for a second?

[A]

Yeah, we gotta get the next person.

[B]

We gotta get the next person first. So then again, then it's quiet. I get the next person, it's quiet. American speaking person. So now I'm disarmed.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

The xenophobia jumps out.

[A]

The xenophobia jumped out.

[B]

Listen, you get quiet in America and I'm like, I'm disarmed now.

[A]

I don't understand why you were calmed by an American accent.

[B]

I shouldn't have been. I shouldn't have been. We not the ones.

[A]

I've lived in Europe. I've lived all. And. And sometimes I don't get discriminated because I'm black or a woman. I get discriminated against when I open my mouth and this American accent comes out. Cause they know this is a scam.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

They know we live in a scam country.

[B]

And I should have known. Again, that should have been my third tip off. That should have been my third tip off. And it wasn't like, I should have got like a nice white lady from jump. And I got like somebody non American. And then some like. I don't know what he sounded like, but some dude. I should have been.

[A]

And then he got a Michael.

[B]

I got a Michael.

[A]

I got a Michael. I got a Michael.

[B]

Then dude just started asking me questions and eventually had me give him my credit card number to be like, what.

[A]

Types of questions was.

[B]

He was just like, this is what happened. This is the wire. This is the amount. We just wanna verify. Like, can you verify your car number? And I was like, okay, does that. He was like, what's three digit? And the whole time I'm in my.

[A]

Head, three digits on the back.

[B]

He asked me for the cvv.

[A]

No, not the cvv.

[B]

He asked me for. I don't even know what CVV stand for. He asked me for.

[A]

I don't know what it stands for.

[B]

What do C. Jess?

[A]

What does CBV stand for?

[B]

Can we pull credit verification varieties?

[A]

Variety? Credit verification value? Value. That's value.

[B]

He asked me for the credit verification value and I gave him that shit.

[A]

Why would you now not. Jacquees.

[B]

Now listen.

[A]

You know, I know if your bank is calling you, and I've said this many moons ago, I'mma say it again. Your bank is like a jealous girlfriend who went through your phone. They know everything already. They don't need you to confirm things that they know.

[B]

Listen, Lacey, I'm almost all right, and I'm starting to.

[A]

You cannot give up on this.

[B]

I'm almost 40.

[A]

Lacey, listen, you are a deacon in this church. You cannot slide into elderism.

[B]

But let me tell you.

[A]

No, you can't. You are still young.

[B]

I know, but listen. By the time I gave him everything, I was like, this don't feel right. So as soon as I hung up, I called gain back and I was like, did y' all just call me? And they was like, nah, brother, you. You got got. And I had to shut it all down. I shut it all down. I changed banks. I ain't gonna say my bank name.

[A]

It wasn't even gang's fault.

[B]

It was my fault.

[A]

It wasn't gang's fault. You left gang.

[B]

I left gang. I did. I was like, if y' all two. If y' all weak enough to get your number fished, I don't wanna be with your bank no more.

[A]

Okay, but they fishing. Everybody bank.

[B]

Nah, nah. I gotta. I gotta lay blame somewhere else besides all in my feet. I can't lay blame. I can't just keep the blame right on me. I need someone to be mad at. I need somebody to be mad at me. And so I left gang. I left gang. Gang was on some other shit too. And that was the final straw. I was like, it's time to go.

[A]

They were on some other shit.

[B]

And I got scammed. I got scammed. But I caught it, though. I came back to my millennium.

[A]

You did.

[B]

I came back, I caught it. And they didn't take no money out. Why? We got John Cena.

[A]

What is.

[B]

That's me. If I send you in, I gave up.

[A]

Well, yeah, we gotta post this on Instagram. If I send this, it means that I gave up John Cena in a headlock, which looks to be by John Cena.

[B]

By Gunther. John Cena just retired like two days ago. That was his retirement match.

[A]

This is his retirement match.

[B]

He done.

[A]

He finished a 23 year career that declined. I'm sorry. That defined a generation of wrestling. John Cena has wrestled his final match and in true old school tradition, he went out on his back to elevate the next big star.

[B]

He gave up. The first time he's ever given up in 20 years, he gave up.

[A]

How much money do you think they give him to tap out like that?

[B]

Oh, he.

[A]

You know, he got a call.

[B]

He got millions.

[A]

John Cena follows me on Twitter. He follows everybody.

[B]

He follows every. Yeah, Let me tell you, man. John Cena followed too many people. John Cena. When I was on Twitter, I would go to the worst person I know, and we would only have one mutual. And it would be John Cena be like, why is John Cena following Charlie Kirk? Why is John Cena following. What's the dude with Tate? What's the Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate that was following everybody? Following everybody. I was like, I gotta unfollow. I gotta unfollow Johnson.

[A]

I mean, I guess I think I still follow him. I don't know if he be putting.

[B]

Stuff out, but John say, don't put out. He don't. He don't ever be putting stuff out. But he follow everybody. He follow everybody.

[A]

It's funny that he does that.

[B]

It's very funny.

[A]

Oh, child. Well, don't give up, Deacon.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not.

[A]

Don't get scammed by Gang bank fakes.

[B]

I won't. I'm done. I'm done. Cause I left gang. I left gain. It ain't on me. It's not on me.

[A]

You got jumped out of gang.

[B]

Why would you.

[A]

Y' all stay with gang. Gang sponsor the show.

[B]

Yo, if Gang Bang sponsors the show, I'll go back. I'll go back.

[A]

I don't know why you would leave them like that.

[B]

Cause, man, cuz, if you're all right, if you got a boyfriend and your boyfriend's phone calls you, and you'd be like, yo, why you give your phone away, right? But it was somebody else. You gonna give him some of the blame, okay?

[A]

But they copied the numbers. Anybody can do that with anybody, man.

[B]

Get your numbers right, strengthen your numbers.

[A]

I feel as though you are blaming the victim. Even gang was like, I'm the victim. Gang was like, hey, it's not us, bro. Like.

[B]

I took my money out immediately.

[A]

Why are you leaving?

[B]

They was like, you want a new account? I was like, you can do that. But also, I'm coming to take my money out right now. Right now. And you a credit union. Come on, man. You gotta be better than that.

[A]

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[B]

They stealing pigeons?

[A]

So what I want to say is that pigeons are the black people of birds.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay. A pigeon is a dove. Yeah, A pigeon is a dove. It's just dark skinned and it was enslaved. Can you remind you of anything? Listen, we release this, we're like, oh, heaven. Go ahead.

[B]

Heaven. Like, this is beautiful. But the pigeons, we be kicking them off. We kick them, can't get up on.

[A]

Out of here of the sky, cuz they be.

[B]

They be looking crazy. I'm a white.

[A]

I'm the.

[B]

I'm the white man of the pigeons.

[A]

Pigeons have been enslaved.

[B]

I know, listen, I know Mike Tyson was catching them and yeah, he had pigeons.

[A]

That was reparations for those pigeons.

[B]

That's crazy. Pigeons. Pigeons do have a bad rep. You know why though? Because they. Because unlike us, they be all up in your business. They be too close. They be too close. We bothered them, we bothered them, so they bothering us.

[A]

We used to carry your pigeons. We used to like employ work. And then we were like, oh, we got new technology. We don't need to employ y' all no more. And they're like, well, we're not leaving, bitch. Like, we gonna kick it over here. Like, what you got in your trash? What you got over here? I'm kicking it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It was like, these used to be our streets. Now y' all got cars.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah. I'm gonna wait till the last minute to get up out your way.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Damn, you right. I never thought of it like that. Damn. I'm sorry, pigeon.

[A]

Pigeons are standing on business. And I used to discriminate against pigeons.

[B]

I did too, but you changing me.

[A]

I got into the pigeon propaganda. But then I had to realize, like, pigeons are black people.

[B]

Cause you lived in New York for a minute, right? And I'm from Chicago. So, you know, we. Yeah, our pigeons, we got aggressive pigeons.

[A]

We call them the rats of the sky. Yeah, they love to be in our business. And that's cause they're like, we're not scared of you. We've been around your asses forever.

[B]

But sometimes they be looking crazy. I don't know what it is. Cause if you just look at them, they beautiful colors. But like, they. I think they blend in with too much dark shit, which sounds racist as fuck.

[A]

It does. It does.

[B]

Sounds racist. But they blend in. It's like they blend in with, like, the street. They blend in with, like.

[A]

No, but they be having, like, a little blue, a little green on them sometimes, sometimes a little purple. They're cuties, some of them.

[B]

Some of them, like, look at that.

[A]

Like, they're very beautiful. We have black is beauty.

[B]

Black is. Black is what? Black is beauty. Black is beauty. Black is a beauty.

[A]

See, when you say it, it sounds actually legit. Black is beautiful. Okay.

[B]

Black is beautiful. Black is beautiful.

[A]

So look, pigeons can find their own way home, which is dope. That's why they're called homing pigeons. Nobody really knows how they do it, but this special skill has been used for thousands of years for everything from carrying out urgent messages for ancient Egyptians to troop deployment during World War I. Like, pigeons have been employed. That's why they like, oh, we gonna stay in y' all business.

[B]

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we y. Yeah. They were our, like, useful, most useful bird.

[A]

Yeah, like, that's why they like, we not gonna wear it.

[B]

So that mean they really smart. Yes, they really smart. Cause if I gave you give a dog some shit or a cat. Oh, chill like that. They. They gone.

[A]

A cat. Especially a cat. Especially a dog may actually come back or like, you know, you fall in a well, the dog.

[B]

The dog will come out and help you.

[A]

She in a well.

[B]

You in the snow, it'll pull you out.

[A]

Like, fuck you, bitch. Like, cat eat your face. If you die. Like, cats don't give a.

[B]

Cats be on their own shit.

[A]

They be on their own shit.

[B]

They be on their own shit.

[A]

And like, if they didn't smell so weird, like, cats. I have some friends who have cats who have, like, the very high end tech machines where the cat goes to poop and it goes to litter. Yeah, yeah, but it's like a very litter.

[B]

It's a self cleaning litter box. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So their houses don't smell. But most of my cat owner friends, they house a stank and they have. They've gone nose blind to it. They can't smell.

[B]

I mean, I will say this because as a person who I no longer have cats, but I had two cats for a very long time. And you still gotta clean. You clean your litter box once or twice a day, your house won't stink. But when I do come home from like vacation or some shit, and then I come home and I walk in.

[A]

The house has had a refresher and.

[B]

I'd be like, oh, it do be smelling like a barn up in here sometimes. But that's cause, like other people have been taking care of mine, you know, when I'm there at the crib, it's fine. Everything. Well, now I don't have cats, so my house, I also don't eat.

[A]

Like, if y' all listen to this podcast for the six years we've been on, y' all know I don't eat house food, which means if you cooked it at your house, probably not.

[B]

Oh, you don't eat other people's house?

[A]

No, I don't do no.

[B]

Like, I mean, yeah, well, you do some potluck.

[A]

Remember the potluck? Yeah.

[B]

You do cookouts, though.

[A]

But I'm seeing them cooking it. You gotta see them cooking it out and outside. And I'm seeing it. No, no, no, no, no. And if you have a cat, I absolutely will not eat your house.

[B]

That depends. That's a different.

[A]

Y' all be letting them cats get on. I got a friend who posted a picture like, oh, this is so cute. And it was her cat in the fridge. I said, in the refrigerator.

[B]

No, no, no. My cat. My cats were not allowed on the kitchen counters. They were not allowed on the kitchen tables. They were not allowed. My dog wasn't allowed on the couch. You can't keep a cat off a couch. But my dog wasn't allowed on the couch unless I said, come up on here. I had to welcome him onto the couch.

[A]

I know. Vampire. Yeah. He had asked to get inside.

[B]

May I please get to. May I please? Yes, you may.

[A]

So carrier pigeons have been doing all this work for us, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Especially bred ones. Not the regular street pigeons that you'll see in, like Bryant park or, you know, in New York. They can fly a thousand miles. These are the specially bred ones, they can fly a thousand miles and reach top speeds of 90 miles per hour over short distances.

[B]

God damn it. A thousand miles in how long? Like a day.

[A]

They doing 90 an hour.

[B]

90 an hour. Damn.

[A]

In the sky.

[B]

God damn. We need to re. Employ pigeons.

[A]

The Reuters news agency started out using homing pigeons.

[B]

For real.

[A]

That's how they was getting the news to people.

[B]

That's how they was getting the news to people.

[A]

That's why I always love that part of Game of Thrones where they had, like, the.

[B]

It was ravens, though.

[A]

The ravens, yeah. Cause it's like, we really did have that. We had it in pigeons.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. And look, we got this pigeon up here right now flexing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And you know what ravens cause? Ravens also signify death and, you know, scary shit, like Edgar Allan Poe type shit. Whereas a pigeon. Like, I'm not scared of a pigeon.

[A]

Did you know ravens can talk?

[B]

No. What?

[A]

I thought only Paris could talk, but apparently other things be yapping. We're kind of talking, like, just saying, like, human words.

[B]

I do know. I do know ravens can, like. Actually, I probably did know this, because if you. They can mimic. They can mimic, like, human sounds. Yes, I did know this. I did know this.

[A]

I did not know other birds was yapping.

[B]

I thought it was just because that's how they get you in the woods. That's how they get you in the woods. That's how they get you in the woods. You be like, who was that? Who was that? Is somebody here? And it'd be a raven. Can I tell you, I don't mean to derail this. Can I tell you a funny raven story?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was in Paris. I was in Versailles. So not technically Paris, but Paris. I was at Versailles. Beautiful day. I had done the whole tour. I was in the gardens. I was high as hell. I was on the edible. I was eating a little baguette, and I'm high. So that's the caveat to this whole story. And I'm eating a little baguette. I got the little mustard and mayo packets. I put some on my little sandwich, and a bee comes around, and I don't, like. I don't like bees. I, like, swallowed away. I get up, I walk to the next bench, but I accidentally leave a Mayo packet on the bench that I was on. Raven comes over, and he gets up on the bench, and he pecks at the mayo packet, and it's closed. And I'm like, aw. And he looks at me, and he cocks his head, and my High ass thinks, oh, shit, he mad at me. Cause I didn't open the mayo packet. And so he looking at me, and he, like, take a step forward. I'm like. My thinking is, he seen my sandwich. He was like, that's where it is. That's where that mayo is. And then a white woman walks past, and I make eye contact with her. And she looks at the raven, and then she looks at me, and she gives me one of these. And I was like, if the white woman's scared, I gotta get the fuck up outta here. So I get up and I run away. And the raven starts following me. And so I'm run. I'm hiding my sandwich in my little, like, sweater. And then it finally leaves. And I'm like, all right. Bet I outran it. Two minutes later, the raven comes back. Now, a non high person would be like, this is just a different raven. My high ass is like, this motherfucker found me again. And I'm sprinting through the gardens of her side. You high?

[A]

Running from Burns high.

[B]

Running from her raven. High as hell to the point I got lost. It took me, like, 20 minutes to find my way out of this.

[A]

Better safe than sorry.

[B]

I wasn't about to get caught.

[A]

Better safe than sorry. Okay, that raven was already pissed at you. You knew y' all had beef. I knew. And you knew who was at fault.

[B]

And I literally.

[A]

It was you.

[B]

It was me. It. It was gang's fault.

[A]

You literally.

[B]

It was gang's fault. It was gang's fault.

[A]

Gang is taking all the L's. Listen, the CIA strapped cameras to pigeons and used them as spies across the Soviet Union during the Cold War.

[B]

What the fuck did pigeons not do?

[A]

Pigeons was cop spies.

[B]

How they do spies? How they spies?

[A]

Listen, Look. And we got a pigeon right up there. Drug traffickers have used pigeons to move small quantities of heroin and ketamine. What is that drugs in the pigeon's back? Yeah, in the booty, I think in the booty.

[B]

Yo, if you ever give me drugs that came out the booty of a pigeon, I'mma be.

[A]

That's how you know you a real addict.

[B]

Like, I'mma be mad.

[A]

I understand taking drugs casually. But if you got pigeon booty drugs coming to your house.

[B]

Oh, it's a backpack. It's a backpack.

[A]

Yeah, but there's a problem.

[B]

A problem?

[A]

Got pigeon booty drugs.

[B]

You got pigeon booty drugs?

[A]

Yeah, this is fine.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Can't do it. We're like, where this. Where these drugs is at?

[A]

Hold on, hold on. We f to go to the club, but that pigeon f to come over.

[B]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I got to get this up out of his booty.

[A]

Normally goes back to me. I'm going back.

[B]

The pigeon screaming as she.

[A]

Right, like, what? Everybody take. Take it real quick for he about to have a bowel movement. Y' all take it real. What?

[B]

That's the thing, too. Pigeons be too much.

[A]

Exactly. Drugs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is too much.

[B]

Can't do it.

[A]

So they aren't used to carry messages anymore, but they do still take part in pigeon races in some parts of the world.

[B]

This is interesting.

[A]

One is in Belgium, and I've talked about pigeon races before. We talked about a scam out of Canada about this. But where, like, pigeon racing started as a hobby for working class families in the, like, in the early 1800s. And the other is China, where billionaires spill, like, they spend whole fortunes trying to win high stake races by whatever means necessary. Like, they really are into this pigeon betting.

[B]

So, like, you can train a pigeon to race, and if. And if the pigeon wins, you win, like, the prize. So, like, they are basically like, it's. They're. They're just getting pigeons to, like, be like horses. Basically, like, you have your pin. Okay, I get you, I get you.

[A]

And I mean, like, gambling culture is so high that, like, I. I saw a little league team post on Instagram that was like, please don't bet on our games.

[B]

That's wild. These are children betting on children is wild.

[A]

Like, they betting on anything.

[B]

Yeah, I wouldn't trust betting on a bird. Cause, like, I get. All right, you can train the bird, but like, like, when you on a horse, there's a person on that horse, right? So the person is in somewhat of control. Although if that horse just decided, we done, buddy, we done, we done, we fucking done, right?

[A]

It's a reason we call people bird brains. Like, that doesn't seem like the brain to bet on.

[B]

That's not the cause. If the bird just like, I'm gonna go ahead and go south for the winner, right? And just bounce.

[A]

Is that a V. Let me get in that line. Bye. Y'.

[B]

Like, oh, is that a school of birds? I feel like going to school, right? I can't trust it. I can't put no money on that. That's too much. There's too many variables.

[A]

So Chinese tycoons, they were willing to put that money on it, okay? And beginning around 2019, wealthy Chinese industrialists started spending millions of dollars on Belgian pigeons. Most forms of Gambling were illegal on mainland China, but pigeon racing got a pass. If you wanted to get into sports betting, pigeons were the only option. So that's starting to make sense now. Why they were like.

[B]

Why they were.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a gambling addict. I gotta gamble on something.

[B]

They gotta gamble on something.

[A]

I guess it's pigeons also.

[B]

What's a Belgian? What's the difference between a Belgian pigeon?

[A]

I feel like racism.

[B]

That. Yeah. Why?

[A]

You know how like black British people be getting all our jobs?

[B]

Yes. The Belgians, these New York pigeons. Like, I can go fast too. I can go fast too. And then there's a pigeon president bodega and beck.

[A]

What the Belgian pigeon doing?

[B]

We only want the best pitches. We want them from Belgium.

[A]

I'm a British. I'm a European pigeon.

[B]

That's a good pigeon right there.

[A]

And let me play all the civil rights leaders in America because I'm a British pigeon.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Somehow I'm closer to whiteness because of the accent. I'm still very Negro, like very niggerly. But this accent. Remember, I'm not like these regular. These regular Kool Aids that you guys have Kool Aids.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

In America.

[B]

Damn pigeon, you calling us Kool Aid. I'm surprised that's never been used against us.

[A]

It should have been.

[B]

It should have been.

[A]

I see it.

[B]

We'll come to Kool Aid. We wouldn't deserve that one. Because when we racist against white people, we use like foods like crackers. Crackers and shit. But I'm surprised Kool Aid ain't never been used.

[A]

Yeah, they should have used that one. Honestly.

[B]

Missed opportunity.

[A]

It would have hit. It would have included koolaid, Kool Aid, pickles.

[B]

It was crazy in the community. It was too much Kool Aid in the community.

[A]

And that is bad. It don't taste like nothing.

[B]

It's not good. I. Yeah, it's not good at all.

[A]

But have you ever made a picture of it? Absolutely. Oh, yeah.

[B]

100. Boy, I used. Man, I used to make good ass Kool Aid.

[A]

We used to chef it up brown Kool Aid. That's when you combined a lot of different colors.

[B]

Diabetes and a pitcher, baby.

[A]

Woo woo.

[B]

Look.

[A]

So a pigeon named Armando.

[B]

I love that so much. Armando the Pigeon.

[A]

Armando the pigeon. He sold for $1.4 million to a Chinese buyer at a Belgian auction in 2020. Another bird named Nu Kim sold for $1.9 million to a Chinese billionaire, which was Wo Weicheng.

[B]

I've never found who's in pharmaceuticals. I've never felt so insignificant knowing that there's a bird that is worth 1.4 million more dollars than I am.

[A]

Could you imagine being on the auction block for that? It's like you next to a bird. They going for 1.9 million. Nobody want to buy me.

[B]

Nobody want to buy me. How much for the nigga?

[A]

What you got in your wallet?

[B]

What you got in your wallet? Can you come.

[A]

$37 going once, actually.

[B]

Knock that down to 33. Knock that down to $33.

[A]

That's upsetting.

[B]

It's so mad. Yeah.

[A]

So pigeon races in major Chinese cities became opulent symbols of Chinese economic boom, with prizes over $100 million for a single race, which is higher than most of the world's major sports. 100 mil for a race. Mm.

[B]

That's the prize. See, these are the pigeons that we know. These are the pigeons that we know right there. That's too many colors. That's too many colors on the pigeon.

[A]

They gotta have swag. They're the black people of birds that.

[B]

Look like a rags. They putting that shit on that look like that. See, like, there are really beautiful looking pigeons.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But the pigeons that us city dwellers are used to is this one right here. And like, that looks like he got, like. He looked like he got dipped in some, like, chemicals or something. That's why it's all, like, when it got the. The shine on it, the green shine.

[A]

Okay. But maybe they're getting taken very well care of. Like, if I pay over a million dollars for a pigeon, that pigeon is, like, gonna get bass every day. I'm gonna, like, pushay moisture on that pigeon.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. You know, that pigeon. That pigeon lived better than me.

[A]

Right?

[B]

That pigeon lived better than me.

[A]

That pigeon lives better than most of us. Okay.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

So that's probably why it looks so cute, is being able to thrive.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And that was our pigeon buyer right there.

[B]

He's worth $1.26 billion.

[A]

And that's why people don't need this much money. Because you start, you don't even need. Like, I've always said that hoarding is. It's a significant sign of either you're very wealthy or you're very poor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, poor people like to hoard, and so do wealthy people. And it's for different reasons, but it's also the same reason. It's like, look at all stuff that I have. Like, look at. You know what I mean?

[B]

And you don't want to let go of it.

[A]

They get very specific and into, like, weird things like, oh, I collect all this Nazi memorabilia. Y' all come over and look at this. Like, what?

[B]

I'm racing for $100 million pigeons, right?

[A]

He was like, I spent almost $2 million on a goddamn bird to race. Like.

[B]

And that's nothing to them.

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

That's like me and you spending $50 on roach racing, which would be crazy.

[A]

Roach races would be crazy. But honestly, I don't know which roach would win because roaches are very adept. They're fast as hell.

[B]

They fast as hell.

[A]

Like, honestly, way too fast.

[B]

Turn on lights, them boys, it'd be a million. And then you turn on the lights, in three seconds, they all gone.

[A]

When I learned that spiders, like, learn your habits and activity when they're in your house.

[B]

Don't tell me that.

[A]

Yeah, don't tell me that. So if you see a spider, like, in your way, like, outside, it's because you're doing something that's off of your activity.

[B]

That's off of your activity.

[A]

Or it's a new spider, it's off schedule. Okay, either a new spider or you're off schedule because they come out when you gone, and then they go back up when you. When you home. What your ass doing here? You supposed to be at work. I'm supposed to be at work.

[B]

Hey, you get fired again?

[A]

You get fired again? God damn.

[B]

I got to learn a whole new schedule now.

[A]

Child. Let me pull up my web.

[B]

I can't believe this. Hold on. We getting the up out of here. What is you doing here? Let's go back. Let's go back to Lacy's house. Lacey got a schedule.

[A]

I was gonna call your mouth later, but now, damn, now you ain't even.

[B]

Gonna be asleep at 1am Bullshit. God damn. I was trying to get my homies here, right?

[A]

Yeah, I got three cousins waiting outside. You talking about you coming now.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

And don't eat that. Don't eat that chicken, either. That chick was supposed to be there. I've been all up in that shit, man. That's crazy. I hate. I hate that so much.

[A]

I hate that I fuck with spiders a little bit.

[B]

You fuck with spiders? That's cause you know they schedule.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know they know they know yours.

[A]

Robbery.

[B]

Hey there, guys. It's Andy Richter here, and I have a message for you from Carmax. Everyone has their own ideal way to car shop. It's a very particular kind of shopping, and people have a particular way of doing it. You might enjoy shopping online in your pajamas with no human contact, or. Or maybe you want to show up in person. Get that free coffee, those snacks. Either way, CarMax lets you do it your way. CarMax gets it however you want to do it. They make it simple. You can shop online, shop in store, or get both. Do it how you mix it up. Do it however you want, get pre qualified from home with no impact to your credit score and shop by monthly payments that actually work for you. They've got over 25,000 cars under $25,000, so there's something for every budget budget. Visit CarMax.com to learn more and find a car within your budget today. Want to drive CarMax? See CarMax.com for details.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

Ask a doctor about ebgliss and visit ebgliss.lily.com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-545-5979.

[B]

Well, the holidays have come and gone once again, but if you've forgotten to get that special someone in your life a gift, well, Mint Mobile is extending their holiday offer of half off unlimited wireless. So here's the the idea. You get it now. You call it an early present for next year. What do you have to lose? Give it a [e-mail] Switch limited time.

[A]

50% off regular price for new customers. Upfront payment required $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for 12 month plan taxes and fees. Extra speeds may slow after 50 gigabytes per month when network is busy, see Terms Couples Therapy is the only comedy podcast about relationships featuring some of your favorite comedians, actors and writers. Hosted by comedian couple Naomi Ekberg from Netflix Standups and Mythic Quest and Andy Beckerman from the Beginnings podcast. On every episode, Naomi and Andy dig deep into their guests romantic history and answer listener letter relationship questions. Wanna hear Kumal Nanjani and Emily Gordon talk about the weirdness of navigating both their real and fictional relationship? Or Glee stars Chris Colfer and Ashley Fink tell tales of the overzealous dance that tried to ruin their lives? Or what about the time Bo and Yang gave us a postmortem on a former paramour? Through it all, Andy and Naomi discuss everything from black mama drama to the time an old man defecated everywhere on a JetBlue flight and blamed their dog. If you want to love and laugh with the David Bowie and Iman of comedy, download Couples Therapy on ACAST or wherever you get your favorite shows. New episodes drop every Tuesday at Fraud so one racing club south of Beijing kept its pigeons in a castle that looked like Buckingham Palace. Another Tangshan Sunshine Pigeon Village was a series of villas west of Beijing with an indoor swimming pool and helicopter landing pad. These pigeons are living better than us.

[B]

These pigeons living better than all of us.

[A]

Pigeon trainers had free housing for their families next to the birds.

[B]

Yo man, okay, maybe I need to.

[A]

Be with a pigeon trainer.

[B]

I was about to say I chose the wrong shit.

[A]

This art shit. I could have been a wife of a pigeon trainer.

[B]

I could just be training.

[A]

I can't do that.

[B]

And apparently you ain't even got to train them that much. They already fly 90 miles an hour. What I'm training you for? What are you doing?

[A]

Like that way, go that way.

[B]

What is the training crazy? Can you imagine? Like them old school motherfuckers too, if they came back to life now and be like wait a minute, the same shit I was doing for free. You not getting a million dollars for it. I would be mad.

[A]

I would be mad too. I'd be mad if I was an old school pigeon for sure.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

And even though all of this sounds great, right, it's worth noting that wildlife groups and rehabilitators are fundamentally opposed to pigeon racing. Argu that the birds face inhumane challenges before, during and after the events, which sometimes span hundreds of miles and include extreme weather and Predators.

[B]

Oh, damn. Pigeons got predators.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, they're not the apex, so somebody trying to snack on them. Ooh, somebody. I don't know. A bald eagle.

[B]

Bigger birds.

[A]

Yeah, bigger birds.

[B]

I didn't know birds kill birds.

[A]

I mean, we eat birds.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

But chicken is birds.

[B]

Chicken is birds. But I ain't no birds kill birds.

[A]

Turkey is birds.

[B]

Yeah, I know. We kill everything.

[A]

Yeah, we are apex predators.

[B]

Yeah, we are the most apex predator. But, like, there's bird on bird crime. Yeah, there's a lot of animal and animal crime, which makes human on human crime, like, make more sense sometimes.

[A]

Okay, I wouldn't go that far. I wouldn't go that far.

[B]

It makes. Think about it. Every other species be killing each other.

[A]

Oh, okay. Family annihilators. Makes sense now. No, no.

[B]

They saying we gotta go there. I'm just saying it'd be making it make more sense sometimes.

[A]

This is the most Chicago cent I've ever heard. Okay, King Von. No, we don't need to be doing the murders.

[B]

I ain't saying murder. I'm just saying. You know what I'm saying? If you go out, Let me shut up. Let me shut up. I got money to make.

[A]

Keep trying to qualify it.

[B]

No, no, no. This is gang's fault. This is gang's fault.

[A]

This is gang's fault. Gang keep making me talk, so. But pigeon racing still goes on, right? And the fastest birds with the best bloodlines have become international superstar. What the about famous than me? That's crazy.

[B]

I. I wonder.

[A]

I mean, I worked with a monkey that was more famous than me. And honestly, that monkey deserved it. That monkey is very challenging. Oh, my God. I forget the name of the monkey, but I've worked with that monkey a few times, and other people worked that monkey. That monkey was on a hangover. That monkey is like, that monkey. Yeah, that monkey.

[B]

I know that monkey. Yeah, that monkey is famous.

[A]

Yeah, Very famous. Although.

[B]

Although I would be like. You could trick me, though. You could just be like. Like, yeah, this. That monkey. And I be like, okay, yeah, I believe that because they be looking the same.

[A]

Crystal.

[B]

They be. Look, Crystal, the capuchin.

[A]

Yeah, Crystal. Crystal. Very famous.

[B]

Monkeys do be living a long time.

[A]

They do.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And, like, Crystal was on icarly, and she was, like, drinking a beer and doing backflips.

[B]

Y' all had Crystal drinking beer on Nickelodeon?

[A]

Yeah, we had Crystal drinking beer on Paramount, but we definitely had Crystal drinking beer.

[B]

Yeah, I love that. I love that.

[A]

And Crystal's very professional. I will say that I've worked with fox. Hate that. Very unprofessional.

[B]

But have you worked with a pigeon, though?

[A]

I've worked with alligators.

[B]

Have you worked with a bird?

[A]

I've worked with a raccoon. I've worked with a lot of animals, but not a pigeon.

[B]

Not a pigeon.

[A]

Yeah. I honestly think they would be professional because, like, they'd be fast. The Mona Lisa of the pigeon world.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was basically like a Belgian pigeon named Finn who had won multiple national and provincial championships. His owner, Tom Van Gaver, considered Finn like a son.

[B]

Wait, considered the bird like a son?

[A]

Yeah, the bird son. My bird son. And called him the Mona Lisa of the pigeon world. Tom got into pigeon breeding after a soccer injury and a bad breakup. And he found it therapeutic. He named one of his best pigeons after his ex girlfriend.

[B]

Damn. And now that pigeon making him. Now that pigeon is his son or making him money.

[A]

That pigeon is his son. Look, look, he holding it like it's his son.

[B]

Look at my baby.

[A]

Look at my baby. One of the comments says, my little brother, you are an example of determination, work, effort. And with a special talent for pigeons.

[B]

With a special talent for pigeons.

[A]

I don't know what that means.

[B]

I wouldn't even know how to write those words together.

[A]

Fuck bitches get pigeons.

[B]

Also, somebody has a thing that just says gunshots show. And that makes no sense at all for what we're looking at. It makes no sense.

[A]

Honestly, I want the male incel community to shift to this direction. Like, yes. If you hate women, get a pigeon. Feels better than like being.

[B]

That's a slogan. You hate women, get a pigeon.

[A]

Get a pigeon.

[B]

That's a slogan for your ass right there.

[A]

I'm with it.

[B]

Damn. And then apparently you can become a millionaire there.

[A]

Exactly. Like get involved. I don't. Now, I do think that you already have to have money to. It's like doing horse competitions. You got to already have.

[B]

You got to already have money to do pigeon. Cuz otherwise, like, you know, unless you.

[A]

A good New York City pigeon.

[B]

That's what I was about to say. If black people got into this, we would just go on the street. We would just start catching pigeons on the street.

[A]

Hustling ass pigeons.

[B]

And then it would. It would be like the NBA like when black people got in or when Jackie Robinson broke the color bear. If you start getting some pictures in there, boy, they really like. We thought these pigeons were fast, but these black pigeons are. God damn, they are the flash.

[A]

You train them with hot Cheetos. I got a Taki on the west side. Go get that Taki and bring it back.

[B]

Go get that. Go get that Taki.

[A]

Damn pigeon. Influencer Maggie Lu connected Chinese billionaires with the Belgian pigeons. They wanted to buy. She tried to broker a deal for her clients to buy Finn in 2019. The Chinese buyers threw out large sums. They offered to negotiate higher, but Tom insisted Finn was not for sale. That's his son. My son.

[B]

That's his son. That's his son. Named after his ex.

[A]

He turned the buyers away, but offered to sell them Finn's offspring, which he sold for several thousand dollars per chick. Tom bought a. So Finn is a woman.

[B]

Finn is a woman. Finn, he got this woman working for him, making him money mad.

[A]

He got a lady slave.

[B]

He got a lady slave and named.

[A]

It after his girlfriend. I can't. I can't.

[B]

I'm mad. What's this. What's this person's name?

[A]

I don't know his name.

[B]

Him. Tom. Yeah, that's his name. I see it.

[A]

His name is Tom. Old Tom. Ass looking.

[B]

He looked just like a God damn Tom.

[A]

He turned the buyers away, but offered to sell them the offspring. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he hung a billboard sized photo of Finn on his wall. He started a business called TVG Pigeons with the tagline, let your dreams of winning take flight. Then the Chinese buyers disappear.

[B]

Ooh, wait, they disappeared?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, he wasn't gonna sell Finn, right? He was like, y' all can have Finn, baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They were like, we want Finn. We don't want Finn.

[B]

Which means he was breeding them too. I ain't never seen a baby pigeon do that. Have you ever seen a baby pigeon before? I've never seen a baby pigeon.

[A]

They're always adults. They're like the Morgan Freeman of birds. I've never seen a baby Morgan Freeman.

[B]

No one has seen nobody. Nobody's seen. And then if you have seen it, it look like it's from 1932, right?

[A]

Like, what?

[B]

That's a baby pigeon.

[A]

How do pigeons breed? You making them bump uglies? Like pushing them together? What do you do? What?

[B]

Yeah, I just. I didn't even know pigeons, like, knock boots. I just thought they just like.

[A]

I just thought.

[B]

I just thought they had, like, eggs. I thought immaculate.

[A]

Is that them knocking boots? Is that a pigeon on a pigeon?

[B]

Oh, that's a pigeon. That look like a. That's.

[A]

That's. I guess it says what a baby pigeon look like. I guess that's the wing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I thought that was two pigeons on each other.

[B]

So a baby pigeon A baby look. Ugly as hell is ugly as hel.

[A]

It's like, what if a duck looks like a nightmare? Like what?

[B]

That's why we don't see. That's why we don't see baby pigeons. Because the pigeon mamas know, like, if you go out in the street, you're gonna get killed.

[A]

Yeah. No, they stand in the nest. They stand in the nest until they get cute.

[B]

You got, you gots to look better than this.

[A]

What do y' all look like?

[B]

God damn. God.

[A]

Oh, this is nightmare fuel. Y' all don't actually want to see a baby pigeon? They look terrible.

[B]

They don't look right. They don't look right.

[A]

By 2023, Chinese leader Xi Jinping began crack down on conspicuous displays of wealth and gambling, including pigeon racing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The China Racing Pigeon association, they began suspending races and the sport went underground. No more Chinese businessmen boasting about purchasing million dollar pigeons. Now anyone who wanted Belgian racing pigeons would need to import them illegally. That's when the thefts began.

[B]

That's when it started.

[A]

So In November of 2024, two masked men cut through Tom's neighbor's fence and snuck towards his house. They climbed onto his pigeon loft because of course you gotta have a pigeon loft. They cut a hole in the roof and descended inside. This is like Ocean's Eleven.

[B]

Yeah. Also, can I ask a question? What year is this?

[A]

2024.

[B]

Oh, this is recent. Cause there's a. This is crazy. There's a storyline in the Spider man games where somebody has pigeons and somebody's stealing the pigeons and they do that shit. They like cut the hole in like the little pigeon hole and shit. And then like, Spider man has to go find the pigeons. I hate it. It's the hardest. One of the hardest things because you swinging through goddamn New York trying to web up flying pigeons. That's crazy.

[A]

This is the thing, y'.

[B]

All. This is where they got it. They got it from Spider Man.

[A]

A third man waited in a getaway.

[B]

Three people.

[A]

Listen, they doing a. They doing a heist. A pigeon heist.

[B]

This is wild.

[A]

Operation cuckoo. Yes. So according to security camera footage, thieves inspected each pigeon. They weren't taking any birds, only specific ones. They stuffed them in bags, wings flapping.

[B]

This is wild. Cause you don't even know if these pigeons are good.

[A]

They said they, they, they only getting the good ones.

[B]

They only getting the good ones. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Oh, this is footage right here.

[A]

Yes, Let's. A little bit of it.

[C]

And even removing hedge plants to reach.

[B]

The breeding loft in an audacious move. They entered the loft through the roof. Audacious move.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

That's Finn right there. That looked like a New York Chicago pigeon, right?

[A]

Like, why can't y' all just train up the New York pigeons? They everywhere.

[B]

Why y' all up here stealing people's pigeons, man?

[A]

In Belgium and the Netherlands in 2024 and 2025, dozens of pigeon lofts were rated the same way. And hundreds of pigeons were taken. Taken.

[B]

That's too many pigeons in captivity. These are they slaves again.

[A]

They slaves again.

[B]

They slaves again.

[A]

And Luke Ver, his dog woke him up as pigeon thieves. Got away with 14 birds dropping wire cutters on the way. A 790-year-old retired carpenter named Jool.

[B]

Uh huh. Joe's Cool.

[A]

Joe's Cools.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

That's a nice last name.

[B]

Nice. Yeah. Joe's Cools.

[A]

It's giving y' all change y last name from something embarrassing. Y' all family did something and y' all were like, let's become the Cools.

[B]

Let's become the Cools. It's like how Cruz last or not Cruz. Jennifer Anderson's last name is like Gadot last name. Not that they changed it.

[A]

They changed it.

[B]

They changed it.

[A]

And here's him looking all happy with a bird that looks like he's smothering the bird.

[B]

I know they be holding the bird's necks, right? Like, see, that's the thing about pigeons, man.

[A]

They.

[B]

They got a little heft to em. You gotta hold em with two hands.

[A]

I had a bird once named Phoebe.

[B]

You did? Was it a two hand bird?

[A]

Yes. And I ain't like Phoebe.

[B]

Yeah, you ain't like Phoebe.

[A]

I took her outside to get washed with my cousin once. Cause you gotta wash like, she was thinking of my room. Yeah, wash the birds. She was thinking of my room. She needed to get washed.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I didn't know you were supposed to clip birds wings so they can't fly away.

[B]

Which seems wrong to me.

[A]

That seems. Yeah, yeah, like that, that's. That's giving bird slavery. And so we washed her up. And then her ass flew away. Yeah.

[B]

She was like, I'm free. Just bouncing.

[A]

She flew back into captivity though. She flew to my friend Faith's house across the street.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

And Faith already had birds. And so I was like, oh, Faith, do you want to just have Phoebe? Here's all her bird feet.

[B]

I don't want her no more.

[A]

Anyway, here's her.

[B]

Phoebe wanted friends. Phoebe wanted to get down.

[A]

I was like, here you. She gonna have some friends. Over here. Here's her bird feet. Here's her cage. I want that stinky ass bitch out of my home. Like I did not.

[B]

She ain't want to be free. She just wanted more slaves around her.

[A]

She wanted to be the overseer.

[B]

She wanted to be. She wanted to be a. She wasn't ethical. She wanted to be a housebird.

[A]

She was not an ethical bird. Fuck. Phoebe. That bitch probably still alive. Outliving all my goddamn relatives.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

So the high school teacher, L. Luke Oders, lost 32 pigeons in January, including a winner of the prestigious International Barcelona race, one of the Europe's like biggest pigeon racing events. So he lost all his bad bitches. They all were stolen.

[B]

I. I'm flabbergasted. Lacey, did you. Before you found this scam and read up on it and learned about it, did you even know this was a thing?

[A]

I did? Because we had a similar scam in Canada.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I knew pigeons were a thing. And then through Mike Tys, I learned more about pigeons.

[B]

Right, right, right. Yeah. I knew people like kept some. I knew some people kept pigeons as pets. I had no. There is a Barcelona official pigeon race.

[A]

People will bet on anything.

[B]

It's that big.

[A]

And rich people, they don't got nothing to do with their money. So pigeons.

[B]

That's why not wild.

[A]

The Belgian Pigeon Financiers association, they've organized, counted at least 14 thefts, but they knew there were like likely more. They estimated the bird's total value at 2.5 million euros. Which is stronger than the dollar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

1.21 to us. They called it a crisis. The popular blog, Pigeon Boss.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

You know Pigeon Boss, right?

[B]

Yeah. Pigeon Boss.

[A]

I'll be on Pigeon Boss every day.

[B]

Pigeon Boss. Yeah.

[A]

They said the pigeon mafia seems relentless. These organized gangs don't see our beloved sport as a passion, but as a business. They target top pigeons that can be sold for astronomical sums of money.

[B]

Uh huh. Nah, I just saw. I just saw a black picture. A picture with a bunch of black folks? Is that what I was saying?

[A]

What is going on here?

[B]

They doing it in West Africa too?

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Damn. So it didn't came on to us.

[A]

Yeah, it's global.

[B]

It's global now. Cause at first I'd only seen it with white folk and Asian folks. So I'm like, you know, but that makes sense. Yeah, but they done got the black folks too.

[A]

Everybody getting in on the goddamn sad God damn. In March of 2025, Belgian organized CR investigators finally made one arrest of a Romanian man named Doro Lo Ika Doro was living in Belgium with his wife and five kids and with about 70 of his own racing pigeons, which had never won anything.

[B]

Here's something I'm realizing, too, because you keep. You keep throwing out pigeon numbers. And they all, like, everybody got a lot of pigeons. Which means, like, the success rate must be.

[A]

The market is saturated.

[B]

The market is. Because, you know, most people who, like, raise horses, you only got, right, like, a couple horses, maybe, maybe five at the most in your stable. These niggas got 50 pigeons, 100 pigeons, 70 pigeons. Like, how many pigeons do you need to find the one that's gonna win you?

[A]

And having five kids is diabolical. That's diabolical enough kids at 70 pigs being for real with your life.

[B]

This is too much. This is too much. And they ain't even win nothing. You just taking care of pigeons. You just taking care of pigeons.

[A]

House covered in pigeon poop.

[B]

Cause they be shitting. They be shitting, and they be shitting on everything.

[A]

And I do know that they're smart, because one time in my life, I was pooped on by a pigeon. Yeah, I was trying to be funny. I was at, like, in Texas, we would do this thing where we would have this, like, over weekend vacation in the woods in cabins. And I thought it was cute to, like, start saying curse words. And I was like, fuck you, birds. Like, up to the birds. And I was wearing glasses at the time. Pigeon dun. Pooped directly on my glasses.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They knew while I was talking shit.

[B]

Cause they heard them words before I pushed them.

[A]

And they broke. And I was like, you know what? This is what I deserve.

[B]

They made that metal weak. That was a homing pigeon. They honed right in on your glasses.

[A]

They homed right in on my black ass. Also as an ass. Now I realize that most of my teachers at that stay away camp were probably drunk. We had like a Easter egg. Like, it was like a. Like a scavenger hunt. And then all the teachers had to be posted up at the next spot that we went to. They was drunk, lit as fuck, for sure.

[B]

That's why I should never do no shit like that. Cause I know if I got a by at the end of the night when all the kids sleep, if I'm with some other adults, we getting lit.

[A]

Oh, we getting lit.

[B]

We getting lit. We doing everything we doing. Ms. Tinser.

[A]

All of them, they was lit as fuck. They was definitely drunk. Y Thinking, like, they in such a good mood and laughing and giggling. They was high.

[B]

I'll never forget third grade. Third grade. Ms. Auteur. Ms. Auteur was my third grade teacher. I'll never forget. She came to school one day and she. She was always mean too. But this day, she had a headache. She was just head down. And then like in the middle of the day, she was just like, I need to tell you guys, you guys are getting to the age where you need to deodorant. You need deodorant. You got to start putting on deodorant. And like, at this point, I'm just like, what's wrong with Ms. Otur? And now I realize she was hungover as hell cuz she was sensitive to smell. She was. Ms. Otor got lit. Ms. Otor got lit the night before. What y' all need to do is.

[A]

Shut the up and down shut shower. Cause y' all ripe. Y' all ripe as hell. I'm tired of smelling, y'. All.

[B]

I can't take this no more.

[A]

And I wish we had more parents and teachers like that. Because, listen, my mom would threaten me with violence if I came home smelling ripe. She was like, don't you ever. Like, she would check me after I got out the bath. Like, that's what you supposed to do with your kids. Like, why you letting them come out.

[B]

Of here smell good? Let learn them. Learn them.

[A]

Cause, like, as a community, smelling bad is violence.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Like, why would you come in here smelling like that when we all here like, you're punishing us.

[B]

You're punishing us.

[A]

And let me wipe your ass.

[B]

Go to the. Let me tell you. Let me say. Let me take it a step further, and this may offend some people. Your natural deodorant ain't working. Mm.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Get you some aluminum.

[A]

Stop rubbing them lemons, honey.

[B]

I know everybody was like, the deodorant give us cancer. Look, that's a risk you gonna have to take.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Put the nickel back in your trap.

[A]

Right up under your arms.

[B]

Put that shit back in. We need it.

[A]

We need it.

[B]

The natural ain't working.

[A]

It ain't working.

[B]

It ain't working.

[A]

And so, with a search warrant, officers found a. A secret second coop of 17 stolen pigeons in Doro's backyard.

[B]

This man stole so many pigeons, he had to have a secret room for also.

[A]

Pigeons are loud. Like, this is not something that you can hide from the cops. They're gonna be like, woo, woo.

[B]

Shut up. Shut up. Chill, Chill. They are chill.

[A]

The feds are here. Working with Romanian authorities, they figured out that Daru had been part of the international theft Ring and was sending stolen birds back to his parents extended family in Romania to care for before presumably either selling them on the black market or breeding them. The black pigeon market. Child. I didn't even know that market existed.

[B]

I didn't even know that existed in Doru's niece's car.

[A]

Now why you got to bring the niece in to her?

[B]

I know that's. That's wrong.

[A]

Police found dozens of pigeons, including two of Finn's grandchildren. Birds. The birds got crazy himself has not been recovered. Cover.

[B]

I ain't never heard no. I never heard no animal with grandchildren.

[A]

I didn't know there was a pigeon diaspora.

[B]

I never heard an animal with a.

[A]

Grandchild, grandchildren, grandchildren, Pigeons.

[B]

Oh, that's so funny.

[A]

And also, did y' all do a 23 and me fleet.

[B]

Like how you know how you got grandchildren, children. This is wild.

[A]

Wild as hell. Finn himself has never been recovered and only three human arrests have been made so far. Now you saying human arrest. Are y' all doing pigeon arrest?

[B]

Not y' all locking the pigeons up because the pigeon. The pigeons probably in on it too now. They probably. They probably.

[A]

We gotta blame the pigeons.

[B]

We gotta blame the pigeons. Let's see.

[A]

Just like gain.

[B]

You gotta. All the flame can be laid at one foot.

[A]

No, we gotta blame y' all pigeons.

[B]

We got a little blame to go.

[A]

Hundreds of birds are still missing, and high stakes pigeon thefts have continued this year. In April, nine racing pigeons were stolen in eastern Germany. In August, three birds were like that were worth nearly $200,000 were stolen in southern Spain. Many of the recovered birds have still not been matched to their owners, most likely because they were taken in thefts that were not even reported to them. The police. Pretty soon the only way to reunite the stolen birds with their owners will be opening the cages and hoping they remember to fly home.

[B]

This is such a big world and so much shit happens inside of it.

[A]

That people are just doing anything I.

[B]

Would like people are doing.

[A]

I thought they were doing these things. Anything.

[B]

There are people doing any and everything.

[A]

Shenanigans.

[B]

This is insane. This is the craziest thing I've ever heard. I. I had no idea.

[A]

The grand pigeons are recovered, but not the grandfather pigeon.

[B]

The grand pigeons. The grand pigeons. The great grand pigeons. It's a whole lineage. I definitely look at pigeons a little different because they do be. When you see a pigeon, you usually see a few of them. And then like sometimes we. Like I lived in Chicago and we have the l. The elevated train tracks and they be under them motherfuckers and then when they, like, the train comes, they'll all disperse and It'd be like 50 of them motherfuckers, like, dispersing. Now I get it.

[A]

They all.

[B]

Cause they be familied up. They be family up.

[A]

They were just having a little family reunion under the train.

[B]

They really are black. They really are. They got cousins. Everybody at the crib. They be having cookouts.

[A]

They can fly fast.

[B]

They can fly fast.

[A]

We're very well renowned for our racing capabilities.

[B]

I know. They got usain bo. Usain pigeons.

[A]

Usain pigeons.

[B]

They got usain pigeon in. This is wild. People have entirely too much money.

[A]

Too much money. And because you're wasting, like, you're using your money on birds and you not being serious.

[B]

You're not being serious. And there are people who, like, I want to learn how to train a bird to race. That would have.

[A]

If you.

[B]

We don't have kids. I don't have any. That I know of at least. Like.

[A]

And I can confidently say.

[B]

You can confidently say you don't have any. I am almost certain I don't have any children. But, like, if my kid ever came up to me and be like, dad. And I'm very much in a mind. My kid can be anything they want to be anything they came up. I want to be a pigeon trainer. Racer. I'm like, oh, cool. You want to be like a vet? Like, no, I want to train pigeons. How to do that. No.

[A]

I want to be ash from Pokemon.

[B]

But for pigeons, I would be like, yo, you can't. I would just straight up say, no.

[A]

We got to stomp out your dreams. I'm so sorry.

[B]

You can't do that.

[A]

You can be president.

[B]

You can't be a pigeon trainer. You can be a grave digger.

[A]

No, absolutely not.

[B]

You gotta try. You gotta go somewhere. You gotta do something else.

[A]

I'm on the same page. I truly don't understand what the fuck these people were doing or how they're doing it. I mean, I want to feel bad for y' all for getting y' all birds robbed, but I honestly don't feel bad.

[B]

I honestly don't at all. Like, I don't. There's not a single iota part of me that feels bad about no.

[A]

If you pay $1.9 million for a goddamn bird, you deserve everything you get.

[B]

You deserve it.

[A]

I think Phoebe was free with her bitch ass.

[B]

Yeah, Phoebe was free. Phoebe was free. And she didn't want to be. She didn't want to be, but she was. She was free.

[A]

Listen, when she Flew away. I had a great sigh of relief. I was like. Cause she was stinking in my room.

[B]

I didn't know birds stink. I didn't know birds. I mean, I guess that makes sense. They feathers. They stink and they be pooping. They be pooping. Poop. Gotta stink.

[A]

Yeah, it. What am I doing?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they not outside. Cause that's why birds, probably you don't smell them because they just outside. Because they outside but in the house.

[A]

And they're funky as hell. If I see somebody who got multiple pets, I'm like, I know it smell crazy in there. I know it does. Like, there's no way. It does not.

[B]

It can smell fine in the house. You just gotta clean. Gotta clean. You gotta clean every day.

[A]

Yeah, but that's like extra cleaning that you gotta do now also.

[B]

I still do, but I also have like good air purifier in every room in my house as well. The air is being cleaned constantly. You can have a clean, not terrible smelling house.

[A]

You can.

[B]

You cannot.

[A]

You gotta be dedicated.

[B]

You gotta be dedicated, but you gotta be dedicated. You gotta be dedicated.

[A]

Oh, well, that brings us to the end of a fantastic episode. We got the deacon back in the church. The congregation say amen.

[B]

Hallejelujah.

[A]

Stand up in your seat. Stand up in your car seat. Stand up on that plane.

[B]

You on Tide's.

[A]

An office sign is off. Yes. We always ask at the end of the show, Jacquees, where would you like to be found?

[B]

What would I like to be found? What a great question. I love that Acquisneal on instagram or JacquisNeal.com Also, if people don't know, because the last time I was here, this was not announced yet. I host a show on Dropout TV called Crowd Control.

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

Thank you so much. We are in production for or pre production for season two. Now that people know. What is this? The comedians that we went out to that were like, even bigger than the ones we got are like, oh, yeah, we'll do it now. So we got some pretty. Some pretty good folks coming through. So check that out.

[A]

Yes, it's very exciting. Like, that show is so funny. And if you haven't seen it, you've probably at least seen a clip going.

[B]

Viral on the Internet.

[A]

But get into crowd control and y', all, you can find me at D I V A L A C I Diva Lacey on all platforms. If you want to see any photos from this episode. If you love pigeons.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Scam Goddess pod. We'll be posting all of that there. You can find my book Scam Goddess on any platform that you buy books or any platform that you listen to audiobooks on. Get into it Going Dutch. It came back for season two January 15th, so put that in your eyeball. Scam Goddess is also on Hulu. You can watch that as well. Congregation. I want y' all to get out there and stay cool. Woo. Yeah. Scam Goddess. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Moseley, AKA Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Cisneros and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay scheming Eczema is unpredictable, but you can flare less with ebglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate secret to severe eczema. After an initial four month or longer dosing phase, about four in 10 people taking Epilis achieved itch relief in clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks, and most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

[C]

Hempglis Lebricizumab LBKZ, a 250mg per 2ml injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you are allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis before starting ebglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

[A]

Ask your doctor about eglis and visit epgliss.lilly.com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-545-5979.

[B]

This is rich Cannon from Sirius XM.

[C]

NFL Radio, reminding you that Sirius XM is the place to hear every NFL.

[B]

Playoff game from the Wild Card round.

[C]

All the way through the Super Bowl.

[B]

Plus you get to decide how you want to listen to the game.

[C]

We'll have the hometown announcers for each game and the national broadcasters on your radio and on the SiriusXM app.

[B]

And if it's football talk that you.

[C]

Want, just search for NFL Radio on the app or tune to Sirius XM.

[B]

Channel 88 in your car.