Cruisin’ for a Bruisin' w/ Luenell

Summary

Scam Goddess – "Cruisin’ for a Bruisin'" w/ Luenell

Release Date: September 16, 2025
Host: Laci Mosley
Guest: Luenell

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Episode Overview

In this hilarious and lively episode of Scam Goddess, Laci Mosley welcomes comedy legend and Las Vegas headliner Luenell for an in-depth (and side-splitting) conversation about one of the wildest cruise scams in recent history. The duo digs into the story of a three-year round-the-world cruise that never happened, shares personal tales of almost getting scammed, debates the morality of fraud, and takes loving jabs at cruise life and three-year vacations. True to form, Laci and Luenell’s comedic banter brings levity to the con while also unearthing fresh perspectives on scams, their victims, and the cultural factors in play.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Getting to Know Luenell: Comedy Royalty in the Building

• Laci introduces Luenell and celebrates her storied career and history-making successes, including her Las Vegas residency and recent Netflix special ([01:00]).
• Playful banter over “air horns” and self-hype sets the comedic tone.

“We got some praise dancers today. It’s Hassley’s anniversary... because we have royalty in the building.” — Laci Mosley ([01:30])

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2. Luenell’s Perspective on Scams

• Luenell wastes no time: she hates scams, especially those targeting individuals.
• She’s wary of online shopping, particularly from overseas retailers, and talks about the difficulties of catching real people in scammy operations.

“I hate scams. Scams are the worst... the fact that that's somebody's gig to defraud people out of their money is heinous.” — Luenell ([03:29])

• Laci draws nuance between “Robin Hood”-style scams (scamming greedy corporations) and scams against everyday people, with both hosts agreeing on a distinction ([04:05]).

“If you are able to get billions or hundreds of thousands from some greedy ass corporation, then go, go, baby, go.” — Luenell ([04:23])

• Both discuss their approaches to avoiding scam calls/emails: hang up and block immediately.

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3. Getting Scammed in the Entertainment Industry

• Luenell shares classic showbiz scam experiences: bogus gigs, bounced checks, and disappearing promoters ([06:37]).
• Story: Three comedians do a New Year’s Eve gig in Sacramento, only to find the venue “shuttered” and the check bouncing the next day.
• Laci and Luenell joke about needing an ask-no-questions “shakedown man” for their careers.

“They packed all that shit up and was gone.” — Laci ([07:35])
“Now... I got like a line of people you have to go through before you ever, ever, ever, ever get to me.” — Luenell ([08:11])

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4. Celebrity Security, Beyonce, and Renaissance Tour Scams

• Digression into celebrity security: tales about Beyoncé’s bodyguard, Julius.
• Both attended the Renaissance Tour; Laci vents about resellers and the secondary ticketing scam ([12:27]).
• Luenell and Laci discuss how bots make ticket-buying nearly impossible for real fans.

“Bots. Is that another word for wife?” — Luenell ([13:18])

• Luenell: “I don’t buy tickets if I can’t go with a plug, get backstage.” ([13:38])

• Scammers robbing Queen Bey’s crew: Laci speculates on inside jobs and security failures for touring artists.

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5. Historic Hoodwinks: The Cruiseless ‘Life at Sea’ Cruise Scam

Story Setup ([17:10])

• Laci introduces the main con: a Turkish company, Miray Cruises, promises a three-year round-the-world cruise for adventurous (mostly older) folks post-pandemic. They attract buyers by pitching affordability and a once-in-a-lifetime experience: 375 destinations, full amenities, even healthcare.
• Victims sell homes, pack up their lives, and some even ship all their possessions in preparation.

Immediate Jokes and Skepticism ([18:14])

• Luenell calls the idea of a 3-year cruise “lunacy.”

“What kind of lunatic goes on a fucking three year cruise? Five days and I’m ready to go the fuck home.” — Luenell ([18:14])

• Jokes about cruise food, lack of black culture/food aboard cruises, and the sheer impracticality of long-term cruise life.

Failure to Launch: The Boat That Never Was ([19:09–38:39])

• Miray Cruises sold nearly 300 cabins, but the boats they proposed were old, under-fueled, and unfit for the journey.
• They continued collecting payments, despite not actually securing any suitable ship.

“They were taking money for a boat they didn’t have! ...That’s an AI boat.” — Laci & Luenell ([22:53])

• The company kept shifting deadlines, postponing departure, and giving vague reassurances, mostly over Facebook posts.

“If I buy something, I don’t want the company that I’m purchasing from to contact me via Facebook.” — Laci ([37:20])

The Fallout ([39:02–44:00])

• Many buyers were stranded in Istanbul, with nowhere to live and no refunds. Others had to pay out-of-pocket to get their possessions sent back yet had essentially lost their life savings.
• Less than 4% of victims got any refund.
• Victims formed online support groups to share their stories and organize possible legal action.

“96% of us have not been refunded. I haven’t received one cent back.” — Quoted victim ([44:12])

• Luenell is unsympathetic, finds the scam absurd, but does express remorse for elderly or vulnerable victims.

“I don’t give a fuck about the victims or the company or this fucking boat, okay? This is the stupidest shit I ever heard.” — Luenell ([49:40]) (with later, more empathetic follow-up!)

Sociocultural Context: Who Gets Scammed? ([40:04, 41:10])

• Luenell asks how many black people were even involved:

“How many black people was on this boat? ...None. That’s how the fuck many.” — Luenell ([41:12])

• Laughs abound about cultural attitudes toward travel, risk, and big purchases for retirement.

“Keeping black ass on the drive. ...Stay on land. Black people don’t fall for the bullshit.” — Luenell ([54:34])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On old scams:
  “You can’t prank call me. Cause I’ma hang up and I’ma block you. ...Who’s this? What? Click. Bye. I don’t know you.” — Luenell ([05:27])

• On cruise life for three years:
  “How many people can you fuck if you stay on a boat for three years?” — Luenell ([19:27])
  “Now you gotta boo up. ...We go together.” — Laci ([19:30])

• On the 'missing' boat:
  "That ship is giving dysentery. It’s giving all the toilets clogged up and then flood." — Laci ([33:05])

• On scam victims:
  "I judge. ...Clock it. Because I will. Because Luenell will. Luenell will clock it. Period.” — Luenell ([42:18])

• On surgery tourism scams:
  "If any part of your female anatomy stank…It’s bad.” — Luenell ([46:41])
  “Bbls are dangerous so I don’t [recommend]... and they stank, that’s what Nicki Minaj said.” — Luenell ([46:17])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:00] — Laci intros Luenell, comedy praise, Las Vegas residency.
• [03:29] — Luenell’s strong anti-scam stance.
• [06:37] — Early-career scam stories, bounced checks.
• [12:27] — Ticket resale & bot scalping at Beyonce's Renaissance tour.
• [17:10] — Introduction of the “Life At Sea” cruise scam.
• [18:14] — Luenell’s roast of the three-year cruise idea.
• [19:27–21:08] — Jokes about cruise food & life; “black deck” and Soul Train Cruise banter.
• [22:21] — Scam breakdown: promises, marketing, and the real ship’s condition.
• [33:03] — The reveal of the not-so-nice ship.
• [34:02] — Details on payment delays and postponements.
• [39:02] — Company sues their own manager; victims stranded.
• [44:12] — Victims’ online group message; “I haven’t received one cent back.”
• [49:40] — Luenell’s blunt judgment (followed by some empathy).
• [51:00] — Luenell plugs her Vegas residency and other projects.
• [53:35] — Laci plugs book, Hulu show, and teases Luenell for not being on it.
• [54:34] — Luenell closes with: “Stay on land. Black people don’t fall for the bullshit.”

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Final Thoughts & Episode Wrap-Up

Both Laci and Luenell confirm their allegiance to the average person, noting how unfortunate it is that so many well-meaning, adventurous retirees lost their life savings chasing a dream. As with many scams, the core lesson: if it sounds too good to be true (like a three-year, all-inclusive cruise apartment for less than LA rent), it probably is.

Luenell delivers her signature blend of tough love and humor, and the chemistry with Laci keeps the laughs rolling. This episode is a must-listen for anyone who loves comedy, cringes at cruise life, or just wants to hear two Black women brilliantly break down the culture of True Con.

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Stay Schemin’!

Find Luenell:

• Vegas: Jimmy Kimmel’s Comedy Club, Sundays & Mondays
• Online: heylunell.com + @lunell
• On TV: Hacks (HBO Max), Dogman, The Proud Family, and upcoming Crutch on Paramount+

Find Laci:

• Everywhere: @divalaci
• Scam Goddess book & TV show out now!

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“Stay on land. Black people don’t fall for the bullshit.” — Luenell ([54:37])

Transcript

[A]

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Visit your local Ashley store or head to Ashley.com to find your style. Scams, Robbery and fraud Scam cause Robbery and fraud Scam Goddess what's poppin? Congregation, it's your girl Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess, back with a comedy podcast all about robbery, fraud and those who practice it sometime. Love them. Sometimes we hate them. We'll figure it out along the way. And congregation, you already know I'm what? Very yes. Excited y'. All go ahead and stand up. We got some praise dancers today. It's Hassley's anniversary. This is a lit ass day for the podcast because we have royalty in the building. She's an icon, she's a legend and she's always the moment. The original bad girl of comedy. You've seen her in Coming to America Too. A star is born. Always sunny in Philadelphia, Hacked and so much more. That's just we would be here all day if I listed how much this woman works. This year our guest made history at the iconic Apollo Theater by becoming the first black female comedian since Mom's Mabley in 1968 to sell it out two years in a row. Yes. If you haven't already, please check out her latest Netflix special, Town Business and see her live headlining a residency in Las Vegas. Y' all know y' all love the Las Vegas residency, Honey, at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club. Congregation, please welcome the icon, the queen, my personal comedy hero, the hilarious Lunel to the show. Lunel. Hi. Yeah. Add me in some classes.

[B]

Air horns, Bim and Bem. Thank you. You have all your information?

[A]

Yes, put them in on the back end just so we can have some classes. Air horns yes. Linnell, I love you doing it for yourself.

[B]

I Do it all the time.

[A]

As you should.

[B]

My favorite club noise.

[A]

As you should. Now at your Las Vegas residency, are you giving out cherries like Usher?

[B]

No, I would love to give out a cherry or two. Not like Usher, but so far it's just laughs.

[A]

I love it. That's all the people need. Okay?

[B]

That's all they need from me.

[A]

Especially in this comedy scene. Like we love a seasoned comedian who knows how to get the crowd going.

[B]

Okay, Just same.

[A]

Just saying. So I have to ask you, Lino, what is your relationship with scams? Do you love them? Do you hate them? Have you ever had some run on you? Have you run some that are past the statute of limitations? The FB and the I won't come.

[B]

I hate scams. Scams are the worst. I think one of the biggest scams going now is ordering anything from Japan. You know, if you order like, oh, that's a nice top, I'm gonna get it in 3X. You come. And the 3X in Japan, about the size of a Barbie doll shirt. No, man, that's a scam. And anything that you can't get ahold of a person to deal with is a terrible scam. I don't like scams. I mean, you know, the thought that that's somebody's gig to defraud people out of their money is heinous. Wow.

[A]

We've got a strong opinion from Lul coming in today. Lunel's coming in with I hate scams. I'm on the edge with it. There's some scams that I feel like are more Robin Hood where it's like you're scamming up the corporations are scamming us, you're getting your lick back. I'm not mad at that. But if you're scamming everyday people on the streets or the trains and the planes and the byways, then yeah, I have an issue with that.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so I don't have a scam. If you are able to get like billions or millions or hundreds of thousands of dollars from some greedy ass corporation, then go, go, baby, go.

[A]

Right? But if it's from an elderly person or if it's from somebody who's really in desperate financial straits. Love fraud. I hate love fraud. Across the board. Hate it.

[B]

That is terrible.

[A]

Yeah, okay, but have you ever had someone try to run a scam on you?

[B]

I think I probably have, you know, early, before we really knew what a lot of these scams were. You know, you get emails that say, hey, your account's gonna be deactivated in five minutes, all your files gonna be gone if you don't click this link and put your password in.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's a scam.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know phone solicitors that they're trying to help you. No, they're not. That's. That's a scam.

[A]

What they be trying to offer you, Luna.

[B]

Well, you know, I don't really remember because I'm not one to be on the phone with the bullshit for long. Like, you know how you hear people, like on Ricky Smiley show and stuff, and they do prank calls.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't prank call me. Cause I'm a hang up and I'mma block you. And then you can't call me back. Like within one minute, I'm like, who's this? What? Click. Bye. I don't know you.

[A]

You're not engaging at all. Who's this? What? Click by. Don't know you.

[B]

Right, right. Don't know you. What you doing?

[A]

I also can tell now a little bit if I pick up a random number and they're like, is this Ms. Mosley? And I'm like, you don't even sound like you know me well enough to be doing anything with me. Or this call may be recorded. Okay, if you gonna record, then I'm hanging up.

[B]

Well, record me.

[A]

Is it quality? Oh, yes, we will and are.

[B]

No, I don't mean you. I mean, like, on all phone calls, record me, because I'm just gonna end up showing you how dumb you sound.

[A]

I would imagine, like, in this industry. And you've been in this industry for a while now. Always working, always books. Like, nobody ever reached out and was like, lunel, we have an opportunity for you. Like, come perform here. Come do this or that. And it was like a little sketchy. And you didn't do it.

[B]

Oh, back in the earlier days. Yeah. Before I had security. Yeah.

[A]

Just so you know, there are. There is security in here. Okay.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm a little shook. I was like, okay.

[B]

And more for more ways than that. Anyway.

[A]

I was like, no sudden movements. Lunell, security is here. Okay.

[B]

Or you can make a sudden movement and get tackled. Ooh, sounds like fun to me. No, I don't. I don't. I don't have. I don't have many bogus show offers anymore, but of course, we've all been through them. Do a show on New Year's Eve, get a check, the check bounces. New Year's Day, you ain't got no money, you go back, try to find them. Can't find them no more. Damn Place is closed. You know, we closed. They shuttered the doors or been. Yeah, I went back to me. I can name three of us. We all did a New Year's Eve show back in the day in Sacramento. Got a check and then the next day went to go crack the check and it was no bueno. So we go back to the place where we did the show the night before and it's like somebody came and moved that motherfucker. I don't know, maybe they was renting the chairs or renting the whatever, but it was like gone. And then the person's number was.

[A]

They was traveling like the circus. They packed all that shit up and was gone.

[B]

And then one time I did a show for a guy who was like, oh, Kevin, bring the money to your room. As soon as we sell him. Bring the money to your room. Never came to the room. Wasn't there at checkout, had to get out of the room, sit in the lobby, wait for his food, not answering the phone. He was off on some drug whore binge. Like Lamar owed him.

[A]

No.

[B]

And was like, it took me a lot to get my bread, but that don't happen too much anymore. I got like a line of people you have to go through before you ever, ever, ever, ever get to me.

[A]

Yes, yes. I love that. You deserve to be protected. A black queen. Yes. Ok. We love to see it.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

We don't have to shake people down no more. We got people who do the shake.

[B]

What if we do?

[A]

Okay, now, see, that's what I like to do.

[B]

Don't put him on camera. But if we do, that's the shakedown artist right there.

[A]

Oh, man, I can't wait till I'm since, like, I get to phase in my career like you, where I can have a shakedown man who travels with me.

[B]

You can have that. It just costs money. He's not cheap, girl.

[A]

Let me tell you that right? I'm like, I don't even know where to find a shakedown man.

[B]

Oh, we got him. Went over there.

[A]

Okay, okay, that's good to know. That's good to know. Now I'm gonna have to hit you up. Cause I need to or hood up your team. Maybe hit up your shakedown man and then I can learn. I just plan to go to nightclubs and see bouncers and try to save them. Like, you know how Drake tries to save strippers from the strip club? But I'm like, I go to the nightclub and I see a bouncer and I'm like, you don't have to live like this, baby Boo.

[B]

Shit. The bouncers are fine. They're fine.

[A]

I just need somebody who's big and pregnant.

[B]

They're pending.

[A]

You can travel with me.

[B]

Yeah, well, Right.

[A]

Yes. Be my Julius. You got Julius when he was Julius.

[B]

I've been in contact with Julius before, and he knocked the fucking phone out my hand.

[A]

Oh, Lord Jesus.

[B]

Yeah, I was doing a video with Lady Gaga and Beyonce. The telephone video. Yes, telephone. And I was on the set. I was trying to sneak in video Beyonce, which I did get a little bit, but that was way back, like, seven phones ago. But Julius, Julius, he hovers around. He's very, very big. And he was doing poon. Good phone and poon. Filming poon like that.

[A]

He's on it.

[B]

Yeah, he's on it. I mean, he's still.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, when you become famous for being someone's bouncer, like, you know, you really on it.

[B]

And we've never heard his. We've never heard his voice.

[A]

We've never heard that man speak.

[B]

He don't say nothing.

[A]

I don't see no social media from him.

[B]

He don't smile. Yeah, No, I don't think he got no social.

[A]

He don't got. He could even have some nice fun content. Like, Julius is juices and. No, no, none of that. He stays off the web for the.

[B]

Bread that he's getting. Probably he gonna do whatever the fuck she say do.

[A]

And I. And I am in. As he should.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

That's what I would do. Listen, Beyonce could hire me to just blow wind in her, like her fan break.

[B]

Hold the fan break.

[A]

Just out there holding fans. I'm blowing on her. Like, if I was in Destiny's Child, the original four. Oh, there was no way you kicked me out of that group, baby.

[B]

Did you go.

[A]

I would have been quiet as hell doing what? I was like, beyonce, do you need a massage?

[B]

Did you go to Renaissance Cowboy Carter?

[A]

Of course. Of course.

[B]

Where did you go to Cowboy Carter at?

[A]

Cowboy Carter got to go to Houston.

[B]

Oh, you went to Houston.

[A]

And you know what made me so mad about that is that Beyonce got scammed because she did Cowboy Carter in Atlanta and gave Atlanta, like, all the. You know, Jay Z popped up like it was real popping up.

[B]

Jay Z, too.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And in Paris and Vegas got Destiny's Child.

[A]

Yes, exactly. I live in Vegas, so. See, I didn't get Destiny. I didn't get the Children of Destiny.

[B]

But Renaissance, we were there when Diana Ross came out.

[A]

Okay, I was there for that, too. We were in the same theater. I mean, it's the.

[B]

I can't remember. It was Dochi. What was it? K. Somebody I know.

[A]

Last Renaissance. She had Meg come out. Megan thee stallion. But I don't remember if Dolce came out. But maybe for Cowboy Carter. I'm not sure. But I just remember that. Wait, Whoops. I go with this. You got Luna, you got me.

[B]

It's a scam.

[A]

It's a scam. It's a scam.

[B]

How much do you love Dochi?

[A]

I love her. I think she's fantastic. And her music. I loved her. That song that she's like, how does it feel to be you? How does it feel to be the best?

[B]

Did you see her tiny desk?

[A]

Yes, I did. I loved it.

[B]

She was so that whole band. Females, female bass player, drummer. We love to see the ones. We love you, Dochi.

[A]

We love you, Dolce. Come to the show. Yes, but I remember what I was saying. In Atlanta, she had brought out guests and stuff. Cause she didn't bring anybody out in Houston, but she brought out guests and stuff. And then it might have been night three, I can't remember which night, but she got like. They broke into one of the buses or cars that they had and took her music. And she wasn't the only person though. A bunch of scammers came out and started like busting open cars and stuff. And you know what the scammer logic. First of all, how dare you rob the queen? You know, she's gonna find you. She finds everybody. Baby, picture. And they don't even know how. Like, why would you rob the queen? But also what struck me was that Beyonce concerts are actually kind of like affordable when they come out. But then when the resellers get a hold of them, they become astronomical. Like crazy.

[B]

So I think, I think it's really. I mean, the tour costs a lot of money. I get that. But I think, you know, and I'm sorry, I'm, you know, a little older. I'm. When concert tickets was $15, you know, but. But I just think that it's really outrageous the money that people are paying for these concert tickets. But you know, I'm not. I'm not trying to get to beehive.

[A]

Well, it's not. Not gonna buzz. Cuz it's not Beyonce doing it. She's a benevolent queen. She puts out the tickets and then resellers buy the tickets and mark them up. Crazy.

[B]

There's something that could be done because Prince did 25 shows for 25 days for $25 at the farm.

[A]

Yeah. See?

[B]

So you can do it. There's a way to circumvent that. I don't know how.

[A]

That was a different time, cuz now the girls got bots, Lunel. They got bots.

[B]

Oh, that's right.

[A]

Yeah. They got bots that are buying up a bunch of tickets at once. They're putting them on a credit card and then reselling them.

[B]

Bots. Is that another word for wifeo?

[A]

Sometimes yes. Sometimes yes.

[B]

Wife will be buying. They get that credit card, they'll buy 20. I think there's a limit now, isn't there a limit on how many tickets you can buy?

[A]

Yeah, but then now they're going for the higher priced tickets in the front and stuff. And then they're getting a few of those and marking them up. Crazy.

[B]

I don't buy tickets if I can't go with a plug, get backstage.

[A]

I ain't Luna. You should not have to buy a ticket to nowhere.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Okay. I don't even want you buying a ticket at the airport. You should just show up and be like, yeah, that one.

[B]

I'm trying to screw a pilot. I'm trying to find a pilot. So I do have to stop buying tickets there. But any pilots out there want to date a celebrity, holler at me.

[A]

Yes, pilots out there, if you want to date a celebrity.

[B]

Private plane accepted.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Delta and American, preferably.

[A]

But we've got specific PJs are okay, too. Yes. Listen, I always say, like, look, y' all can say PJs are bad for the planet, but for me it's reparations because I'm black. Solo on the planet. Yeah.

[B]

How the fuck long we gonna be on the planet? Anyway?

[A]

I remember, Lindell, you are fantast. Y' all are probably like, what is going on with you? No, but I was gonna say, like, I feel like because the tickets are so expensive for Beyonce because of the retailers, like, if you can afford to go to a Beyonce concert, scammers are definitely gonna be like, oh, you know what? We should definitely go rob these people's cars because they got it.

[B]

Excuse me. First of all, how did they even get to the vehicle? Where was the security? Inside job, if you ask me. Cause how do you get like. I've been on tour with Kat. I've been on tour with Chappelle. There's people watching the vehicles when the show is going on. So how did that happen?

[A]

That's a good. That's a good theory.

[B]

I know there's no. It's not like she parked on the street, right?

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You know, they're on a loading dock. They're in an underground.

[A]

Yeah, you're right. The Beyonce tour bus is not like triple parked in the front of the venue.

[B]

It's still parking lot. Shit. So how did that happen?

[A]

This is a good point. I hadn't thought about that.

[B]

Scammer. Scammer in the camp.

[A]

Well, you know, Beyonce will sniff him out, so I'm gonna have to pray for him. Cause that's crazy. Scams. Witness the new season of Reasonable Doubt. Streaming on Hulu September 18th. Louisiana. S most successful attorney, Jack Stewart, defends.

[B]

A young actor accused of murder.

[A]

Follow Emma, Yazzi Coronaldi, Morris Chestnut, Joseph.

[B]

Sikora, and guest stars Cash Dahl and Lori Harvey as they face off in the year's most sensational trial.

[A]

In the pursuit of justice, every move counts. Reasonable Doubt, Season 3, is streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney September 18th. Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers.

[B]

Terms apply. I'mma put you on, nephew. All right, unc.

[A]

Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss?

[B]

I've been hitting up McDonald's for years. Now it's back. We need snack wraps. What's a snack wrap? It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back.

[A]

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[B]

Yeah, we didn't think it through, neither did the passengers. Cause first of all, what kind of lunatic goes on a fucking three year cruise? Five days and I'm ready to go to fuck home, number one. Number two, if you can pay for a three year cruise, you can afford to lose some money. Cause you already got the money.

[A]

But they were going to 375 destinations.

[B]

What kind of lunatic. Okay, you ain't getting no fried chicken or nothing. Have you ever been on a cruise?

[A]

Yes, I've been on cruise ships.

[B]

Do you know there's no potato chips on a cruise ship?

[A]

I never thought about that.

[B]

I know, think about it.

[A]

Wow. I never had a chip on a potato ship.

[B]

There's no potato chips.

[A]

Oh, I've had a potato chip on a cruise ship.

[B]

No potato chips. Wow. And so you're only gonna be eating cru cruise food. There's only so many lobsters you can eat, girl. After that I just want some neck bones.

[A]

Right? So many of them.

[B]

So maybe on the Soul Train cruise. Can you go three years on the Soul Train cruise?

[A]

Hell no. I ain't going three years on no Soul Train cruise. Why?

[B]

That's the cruise. Go three years on shit, Teddy, Riley, them.

[A]

And are they staying on the boat the whole three years?

[B]

You tell me. It's not my scam.

[A]

Well, listen, no, on this one, they were supposed to stay on the boat for three years and visit 375 different destinations.

[B]

How many people can you fuck if you stay on a boat for three years?

[A]

Now you gotta boo up at that. You gotta get married on the cruise.

[B]

I don't want.

[A]

It's not a fling. We go together.

[B]

I Don't know. I have an icebox where my heart used to be. So I don't know nothing. I don't wanna be with nobody for another three years.

[A]

Nope. It's bae. I'll see you on the lido deck.

[B]

On that lido deck.

[A]

We together. We together. Bad. Three years.

[B]

Yeah, three years.

[A]

I better not see you doing karaoke with nobody else.

[B]

I'm the captain. If I'm on the boat for three years, I'm fucking the captain. I'm driving the boat.

[A]

Okay, listen. Driving the boat. Literally shout out to Meg. I love it. Well, this was a Turkish cruise company called Miray Cruises. They launched this Life at sea project after 30 years of sending boats around the Mediterranean. So they did have some like, clout for sending boats around the Mediterranean.

[B]

And then they got everybody.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they couldn't be found. They've been found.

[A]

We know who they are. So clearly they've been found. Yeah. Cause I got they name, but. But what? I.

[B]

Who is it? Nevermind.

[A]

It's Miray Cruises.

[B]

Miray Nim.

[A]

Mire Nim. Miray Nim Cruises.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yes. And so this is March 2023. You know, we're fresh off of the height of the pandemic. Like senior citizens, people who just want to get away, touch some ocean. I could see people wanting to escape after the grueling time that we had. Like, you know, there are people who.

[B]

Have retired to cruise ships. I do know about that. They done sold the house, sold the shit, said, fuck the kids, we out. They get on the cruise ship, go on the cruise, stay on the boat. Like they live there. I've seen that before. Yes, and that can be exciting.

[A]

But three years, shit, that's way too long for me. But they do have a lot of different locations, so maybe they could spice it up. But no, I couldn't eat that cruise food. Have to at least change the menu.

[B]

A lot.

[A]

A lot, a lot.

[B]

Yeah. Where's a black deck? Where's the soul food deck?

[A]

Yes, you need to have a black deck.

[B]

That's what you don't have on a cruise ship either. You find me a cruise ship with black eyed peas, I'll book a trip.

[A]

Tonight for three years.

[B]

No, bitch, I got shit to do. I got shit to do.

[A]

We know you do.

[B]

Five days, Ensenada. That's it. I'm not going. Yeah. No, I can't.

[A]

Did you ever perform on one back in the day?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yes. I love that. I actually had an interaction with a comedian that was like, not that great a cruise.

[B]

Ship.

[A]

I don't remember his name. No, I don't think he'd be working like that. It wasn't like a. You. Like, I walked up to him at the end of the set and I was like, oh, great set. I was like, and I think I was in college and I was like, I really want to do standup comedy. And he was like, well, good luck with that. And then just like left and where's that fucker today?

[B]

I don't know exactly.

[A]

I don't know. I. Hopefully he was booked to work on this cruise that never left.

[B]

On the three year cruise.

[A]

Yeah. So they were offering these tickets for this three year cruise, promising passengers a thousand days of sailing around the world in a floating apartment block. And it's not a vacation on these trips. Like you live here now. So they're trying to say it's not a vacation. Don't look at it that way. You live on the boat.

[B]

I mean, if that's what they want to do.

[A]

And so Moray was jumping on a trend of long term, round the world cruising and offering it at a discounted price. So I know you said, like, who can afford that? Like, this is supposed to be the cheaper version for. So the everyday person can have an. A boat apartment.

[B]

Well, you get what you pay for.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everyday people don't need an apartment on a goddamn cruise ship. Not everyday people. Everyday people need to take their ass to work.

[A]

I think everybody, you know, they gonna be retired if they own this thing. But also my thing is, like, if we own there for 375 days, what happens if my apartment has like a what if a.

[B]

Is that it?

[A]

Yes, that's the boat right there.

[B]

The boat that don't exist. Yeah.

[A]

Or maybe a boat.

[B]

So that's an AI boat. That's an AI boat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or I ain't never seen no boat look like that.

[A]

Yes. But listen, this is on Good Morning America. So that's how far they got with the marketing, is they targeted the Good Morning America audience. And you know, if you've done. I know you've done gma, I've done it too. And like that audience is like a little bit like they, you. They're usually a little bit older and they're either white. Yeah. Or women of middle age or more and white. Okay. Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, yes. But you know, it's like either you watch GMA while you're getting ready to go to work, or you watch GMA when you're waking up to start your retirement day before you get to crocheting and you know.

[B]

Everybody retired is not crocheting.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

You're not retired. How you know?

[B]

I don't know. You're right.

[A]

You work all the time.

[B]

Yes, I do. Worked last night. Working right now.

[A]

Working right now. Trying to tell me what retired people.

[B]

I don't know what the retirement.

[A]

Your guess is as good as mine.

[B]

They get syphilis and like that. No, there's a lot of fucking going on at the senior citizen facility.

[A]

There is. Because when you see ads around Cali now, the ads for like. Cause we have like, AHF and like a bunch of like, STD awarenesses. Things like, you might see a billboard that's just like syphilis, and you're like, damn, it's the syphilis is back. And I'm like, oh, my God. But they do now have the ads where it's not just the young sexy people hugging. They have the older people.

[B]

Yeah, Nasty.

[A]

So we have a little video here of like, what this cruise would look like. So let's see what the advertisement is giving.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

An inside look at a voyage on the high seas like we've never seen before. As more and more passengers sign up for the world's first three year around the globe.

[A]

They do people, places and things.

[B]

I am excited to experience 300 people places and things she's excited to experience in 135 countries.

[A]

Yeah, Luna, you're right.

[B]

Across all seven.

[A]

She's trying to experience people.

[B]

You could do that at home.

[A]

Yeah. You can experience people, places and things on land. She was trying to experience some locked on a boat.

[B]

Look, she trying to be a little sea urchin out there and get that thing away.

[A]

Listen, cruise eyes too. Cause like, there's only so many people who can be on the boat. So you're gonna have to make your choices, guys. It's limited.

[B]

You just start at the top deck and work your way down. Everybody don't know everybody.

[A]

That's true. So fares started at 30,000 per person per year. Now if you think about an apartment, that's like a little less than 3 than what you would pay for.

[B]

Don't ask me to do math, right?

[A]

No, my brain is like doing this thing where I'm like, it's 12 months in a year. So. Yeah, so it's like. That's like 2,500amonth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's pretty. That's like.

[B]

And you get laundry service.

[A]

Yeah. So this included accommodation. Right. Because you don't have food, drinks, laundry, and even health care.

[B]

Yeah. Because they have hospitals on ship. I went to one one time.

[A]

Really? Yeah. It's like in the brig or the brig is the jail, right? That's.

[B]

Yes, it is. They got that on there too. Why you bushing?

[A]

That's cruise prison. You've been there too, Lenn.

[B]

You've been to the bridge. No, no, no, no. Not on the ship, on land, not on the high seas.

[A]

Now wait, I need to know if you get locked up on the three year cruise, like, are you doing a bid under the boat?

[B]

I think when they dock, they're gonna take your ass off that bitch.

[A]

Okay? You're not gonna be like, akon, I'm locked up. They won't let me out.

[B]

You will be, but you're getting off that boat.

[A]

Okay? Okay. You're getting off the boat. Cause I was thinking about that. Now I'm like, how I'm doing three years on the boat, Kevin. No, no. So they had like 111 cabins. And they were trying to get a slightly older ship with smaller cabins so they can make it affordable for the everyday person. Now, the ship that we're looking at right now, that don't look old to me. Like, what's being advertised on GMA does not look old. It looks pretty nice and new. And the cabin looks pretty large. And cruise ship cabins are not this big unless you're looking at like a deluxe suite. So it's giving. Y' all are doing a bait and switch where you're showing me this nice luscious ass boat. And then when I. When I show up, y' all was gonna put me on a buoy.

[B]

That's like buying property off the Internet. And you get there and it's a swamp.

[A]

Yup. Oh, my gosh. I once was looking at a place and the guy was. I was like, okay, would you guys have any like, pest problems or like rodent. Rodent problems? Like, I was renting an apartment and he was like, oh, no, we don't, we don't. And I'm like checking the cabinet to see if I see a roach, Mom. Well, I said like, well, he actually was lovely enough that he was like, no, we have no pest roach problem. No roach problem. But if you leave calm Roche will come. And I was, okay, then that means y' all got a broach problem.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

This is the kitchen. The crumb is gonna happen.

[B]

Roach will crumb, right? Girl, that was funny.

[A]

He didn't even add no s to the crumb. A crumb, a crumb. They coming outside.

[B]

Roach crumb. I have A terrible cockroach story.

[A]

No.

[B]

Back in the days when I was living in Oakland, California, and the crack epidemic was running rampant. And I was smoking crack, too. I went to a crack house. I put my purse on the floor, and I think a cockroach crawled into my purse. No. The next day, I had to take the BART train, which is like the L train or whatever like that, to a temp job. I got to the temp job. I put my purse on the desk, and a cockroach crawled out my purse. My boss at the temp job was talking on the phone, and I could see the cockroach going around the phone cord, coming up toward his mouth, mortified. Then they put the phone down before it got to his mouth. And the cockroach came across the door and went in for the drawer. And I slammed, slam, slam, slam, slam. Slammed the drawer and obliterated the cockroach. But that bitch followed me to work in my purse. The end.

[A]

Now we just two working girls just locking in for the day.

[B]

Come on, girl, catch a ride with me.

[A]

Not the cockroach was like, girl, get up.

[B]

You don't have to be about that crack life. Come on to work with me.

[A]

Crack is wet. Get up, girl.

[B]

We going to work.

[A]

Oh, Lunell. My goodness.

[B]

Girl, it's.

[A]

Who is a wild life robbery, y'? All. Sometimes it is so hard having hair. If your hair looks crazy, you look crazy. And sometimes you don't have enough time to stroke it with all the waters and the creams to get it to look beautiful. Which is why I love Batiste Light, the lightest dry shampoo from Batiste. Batiste Lite dry shampoo has lightweight, non gritty feel, and it effectively absorbs oil and grease, leaving your hair looking clean and refreshed without wet hanging down. Hallelujah. With an invisible finish that blends seamlessly into your hair. There's no white residue for cleaner looking, feeling hair. It's great on your hair, and it's easy on your wallet. Giving you a blowout look without a blowout price. I love being able to put some Batiste in my hair. Cause y' all know I got, like, 50, 11 jobs, and sometimes I gotta show up and be cute, but I don't have time to, like, get this hair together. And Batiste comes in and scams my hair back into life, and. And it's amazing. Buy Batiste Dry shampoo online or in store at your nearest retailer.

[B]

I'm gonna put you on, nephew. All right, unc.

[A]

Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss.

[B]

I've been hitting up McDonald's for years. Now it's back. We need snack wraps. What's a snack wrap? It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back.

[A]

While you're out buying new school supplies and trying to plan a new schedule this season, the last thing you want to have to factor in is a giant, giant wireless bill. With Mint Mobile you can get the coverage and speed you're used to for way less coins. Listen, I know, especially if you have some of those unemployed people in your home. Back to school season is where the times are expensive. So why not take one of those things off of your plate? So for a limited time, Mint mobile is offering three months of unlimited premium wireless service for just, just 15 bucks a month. Listen, a lot of my producers have met mobile. And one thing I can tell you about them is they are mobile. They can reach me anytime, anywhere, any place. I think they're on vacation, they might be in a mountaintop, but they are still reaching out to me, making sure I am doing my job. And that is especially because of Mint Mobile. Okay? They are never out of reach. Get this new customer offer and your three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a [e-mail] goddess that's mintmobile.com goddess upfront payment of $45 required, equivalent to $15 a month limited time. New customer offer for the first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. So remember the company that we talking about, the Turkish company that had that nice ass boat? They already had a boat called the Env, which was like a 19,000 ton vessel and it was built in 92. Now remember it's 2023 now, so we don't get in a 1992 boat basically. And it could accommodate 1074 passengers. So that's the kind of around where they're looking for. So according to Mike Peterson, the managing director who was in charge of sales for the cruise at the time, by the end of March 2023, the team has sold 285 cabins out of 400 cabins. So 285 people was lit. They wanted to go on this magic boat, right? But then the engineers in April were like, hey, the ship actually can't accommodate this many people cause it's old as hell. And so they said they didn't have enough fuel capacity to make it across the Atlantic. They didn't have enough boat gas.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

Noah never had this problem with his ark. That's all I'm saying.

[B]

Because Noah relied on Jesus.

[A]

I think they were trying to rely on Jesus, too. So who needs gas when you got the Noah? When you got Jesus? So basically, they were like, ooh, don't worry about it. We gonna get a new ship. This is actually the raggedy ship that they were using.

[B]

Yeah. Cause that's not the ship that we saw at first.

[A]

No, this is the ship that they were talking about.

[B]

It looked like it got no thousand people neither.

[A]

That ship is giving dysentery. It's given. All the toilets clogged up and then flood. It's giving. I don't like it. So May 30, 2023, customer payment. Like, their deadline approach. So they told everybody, you gotta pay by this much. So they probably got some kind of, like, cl. You ain't got it all up front. You can pay it down, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So the managing director, and this is Mike again, he still hadn't received confirmation that they actually had a boat. Because, like, the other boat, remember, they was like, it don't got no gas. It's hella. Hella old. Like, it was given Titanic. So they were like, oh, okay, we're gonna get another boat, and we will keep taking money. They never got another boat. They never got the Aura, which is supposed to be nicer.

[B]

So cut to the chase. What has happened to these people with this money? Like, they still standing? What's going on? Yeah, so they in jail.

[A]

We gonna. And in one more page, we gonna know.

[B]

Okay. You got more info? Yeah, sorry, people. I'm trying to get you. I'm trying to get you locked up.

[A]

Don't let me out. Yes. When they go to the brig, to the clink. Yes. So without consulting his bosses, this is Mike, who was taking all the payments. He postponed payment deadlines for customers by a month, meaning that he was. He was like, hey, we don't got no boat right now anyway. So actually, remember me different. I ain't say that. Hey, we want to give y' all all a chance to get on the boat. So we're gonna postpone the deadline. Y' all keep g. Meanwhile, they don't have a boat.

[B]

Well, I don't know what to say because I would never fall for no dumb ass shit like that in the first place. So I don't know what to say.

[A]

But how you gonna know, Lunel, if they got the boat? Anytime you booked the cruise ship, did you ask, like, hey, can I get a picture of the boat with today's newspaper?

[B]

I have never booked a cruise. I'm not saying you have only been hired to cruise. That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Like a booking.

[B]

Well, I don't know. I'm not a mere mortal like that. I don't book cruise.

[A]

Exactly. So you wouldn't know if they. You just show up to be the star. So how do you know if the boat gonna be there when you get there?

[B]

I don't know, but I mean, got my deposit and don't give a fuck. I don't that.

[A]

Amen. How about that? Okay, yeah, these people were paying.

[B]

I'm like, oh, no boat. Okay, well, I'll just keep this 15,000.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Call me when y' all ready to go work.

[A]

Okay. See you get booked, they are doing the booking. It's different.

[B]

Okay, well, we have choices in this life. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Well, you know, everyone can choose to have talent like yours. That's a blessing from God. But that's very sweet of you to be like. Everyone can choose to be Lunel. Why aren't you just being Lunel?

[B]

You know, there are choices in this as well.

[A]

Yeah, it's not that hard.

[B]

No, it's just like if you choose to be a doctor or you choose to be a lawyer, you gotta work at it. If you choose to be.

[A]

You think that if you choose to be an artist and you just work hard enough that you'll be successful.

[B]

Not all the time, but it's certainly more easier now with social media and all this bullshit.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Like, there's a lot of singers that's on the radio that can't sing. Oh, man, there's talk show hosts on TV that aren't.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

And there's a lot of people that are working right now in the industry that ain't.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

And I name names if you want me to anyway.

[A]

The Cat Williams. No, but I know what you mean. Those tiny desks have been an eye opener. I'm not gonna say who because we go. We gonna lead with light and love.

[B]

I really liked all. Almost all of them.

[A]

I like almost all of them too. So when I click on one that.

[B]

Who you didn't like?

[A]

I'm not gonna say. But I. I love when they were singing and I thought they were so wonderful and then they were singing and I was like, oh, no, could you never be able to sing? You were just beautiful.

[B]

I haven't heard a bad one.

[A]

Oh, I'll tell you off the date.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay.

[A]

I love this Person. I love this person too much to say it. Cause I'm still standing by beside me.

[B]

Okay. Okay. I can't wait.

[A]

The owner of the whole company, his name is Vedat Ujeru. He said, oh, don't worry about the boat situation. We're gonna get another boat, so just keep taking the money. Cool. Cool. Co. So they keep taking the money. Kendra, who's another person who was promoted from vice president of strategy and business to CEO. She. Oh, she told passengers on Facebook, because that's definitely where you contact passengers.

[B]

Wait a minute. CEO. Yeah, I'm gonna use that. I'm a CEO.

[A]

You are a CEO.

[B]

Oh, my God, girl, you just gave me a little bar.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

A CEO.

[A]

So. But why is the she o Knocked the tongue out. Real hot girl. Shit. Okay.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

CEO. So she got on Facebook. Now if I buy something, I don't want the company that I'm purchasing from to contact me via Facebook. That's like, if I purchase them on Amazon and Amazon get in my DMs, like, hey, girl, we saw you wanted these fans for the concert. It's Amazon. I'm not gonna respond to that.

[B]

I might. I need a friend at Amazon. Clearly, I got an addiction, Lunel.

[A]

You're just trying to make friends everywhere. You need a friend at Amazon. You need a friend who's a pilot.

[B]

I need a friend. I need a friend at the gas stat. I need a friend at Amazon. I definitely need a friend at the Apple store. I need a friend at the grocery store. And you know. Cause the eggs bitch. And so I need friends. Yeah.

[A]

I feel like anytime you throw a party, it just looks like a corporate convention. Like, it's a friend from every industry.

[B]

No, that's what I need. That ain't what I got. My friend's crazy. Ratchet.

[A]

Oh, I love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So they basically got off Facebook, and they were like, we determined to keep this cruise going. The boat thing is a minor detail. We gonna have that later. Don't worry about that.

[B]

How long we gonna keep talking about this goddamn boat? I know.

[A]

So basically, it was not happening.

[B]

So. So, boom, they got scammed next.

[A]

Yeah. So boom. Yes. So November 1, 2023, they basically had to say to people that behind the scenes, they ain't get no boat. There's no boat. So Mike had an incentive to keep selling these cabins, even without a boat, because he was getting a cabin.

[B]

He's.

[A]

Yeah, he was getting a cut.

[B]

He's still selling cabins on a boat that don't exist. And people are paying I need to meet Mike. He's a goat.

[A]

He really is. And then the company filed a defamation lawsuit against Mike, claiming that the cruise was taking place on a bigger and better ship. And people who had paid for cabins were confused. Where is the cues. Is like the ship happening or not? Are we getting on the cruise or no?

[B]

No. Did they get okay. Did they get their money back? Well, okay, that's a very.

[A]

The people who bought the 111 cabins that were already sold went to Istanbul. That's where the cruise was supposed to take off at. And they were stranded there. Yeah, they couldn't get back. It was very dealt with.

[B]

You okay, so you got got lesson learned. Lesson learned.

[A]

I mean, other people had nowhere to go back to Lunel because they had sold their apartments or their homes to fund them going on this cruise ride for three years.

[B]

I want you to do a. Do we have.

[A]

Or they rented out their homes.

[B]

Do we have any kind of breakdown about how many black people was on this vote? 1.

[A]

I mean it's pretty hard to get us on now we get on boats. But I feel like for three years.

[B]

Not for three goddamn motherfucking years.

[A]

Three years and not for.

[B]

I'm not selling my house and I'm not paying no 30 ass goddamn dollars. The.

[A]

Yeah, and they sold their possessions too.

[B]

I'm not selling my possession neither. No, I like my.

[A]

Not even some of them tops from Japan.

[B]

No, I give them to my.

[A]

Well, yeah. I mean, look, some people had also boxed up their possessions into pods to be loaded onto the ship. So everything that they owned that they were bringing on the cruise, they also brought with them in pods.

[B]

Did they never watch Titanic? Did they never watch Titanic?

[A]

Oh, but the boats are better now. You know, people can see the iceberg.

[B]

Are they really? Because I have seen some boats flip the fuck over recently.

[A]

Okay, well, you know, one of them.

[B]

Just crashed into a dock about a week.

[A]

Points are made. Points are made.

[B]

Okay. Anyway.

[A]

Yep. I mean, but look, they got their possessions, they had everything and loaded it onto the ship. Those pods were in a Miami warehouse.

[B]

All I want to know is how many black people was on the boat. Do they have a report about that?

[A]

We do not have the racial dynamics of the people.

[B]

Okay, let me tell you how many.

[A]

Okay, how many?

[B]

None. That's how the fuck many. Maybe one. I think there's might be some interracial couples on there.

[A]

Okay, yeah, that's happening. But I think you're right. The full. Both black girl.

[B]

Cause we don't be having no $30 million 30,000 DOL.

[A]

Some people have that.

[B]

I mean, I got that, but I'm gonna go fuck it off on no three year ass. Goddamn. Okay, I'm sorry people, but that was.

[A]

Gonna be all expenses.

[B]

People of SiriusXM Radio that listen to Scal Goddard, I wanna apologize for me.

[A]

Don't apologize.

[B]

I apologize for my fucked up ass attitude.

[A]

No, you're amazing.

[B]

And thinking that this is really stupid for somebody to do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because some people really have faith and they really wanted to do it. And I think it's sad that they got fucked up.

[A]

And you are entitled to your opinion, like, because a lot of people did make a lot of risky choices before knowing that they were really able to get on this boat.

[B]

But somebody might be listening that did that. And they don't want to be called a stupid motherfucker.

[A]

Yes. We don't judge here.

[B]

I judge.

[A]

And that's fine. You're the guest. You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want.

[B]

I'm judging.

[A]

I like that. It's like the opposite of that Twitter thread that's like, we listen. We don't judge. He said, I listen and I judge.

[B]

I judge. Clock it.

[A]

For sure. Clock. Clock it. Because I will. Because Lunel will. Lunel will clock it. Period. Period. But so, yeah, other people had stuff waiting in a Miami warehouse, so they had to pay to ship their stuff there and then also pay to return it when they realized there was no boat.

[B]

I got no money to pay to return it. So now you're broke.

[A]

Yeah. Most expensive.

[B]

How do you make. Okay if you paid $30,000 to get on the boat? You know, when we get on boats, we still buy things. We still buy trinkets and buy souvenirs and buy things. Things. I don't know. Well, they must have that. They got. They got the money to spare. They must have the money to spare.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, also, when you're thinking about it, it. It may not be spare money because it's cost of living. Like you're living someplace that's your apartment on the water and you have laundry and food and all these like, entertainment things included. And you get to travel. So it's like you're really kind of like you're living on this boat, so.

[B]

Yeah, but there's a casino.

[A]

Yeah, there's.

[B]

There's this. And don't think them drinks are free. They're not.

[A]

No, no, not the alcoholic ones. But you can go hit that juice bag as much as you want.

[B]

You can get that little boat card when you get on the boat and make you think you got credit. Oh, this round's on me. Yeah, let's get some drinks. Then the night before you get ready to leave, they slide that little fucking paper up under your door. That's when people start jumping off the side of the boat.

[A]

But see, the real drinkers be on TikTok, give you the tips like most boats will let you bring two bottles of wine and they're like, the trick is you take out all the wine and you fill them all up with hard liquor and everybody in. And then we never have to go to the cruise ship bar. But I mean, for three years, you can't do that. You're gonna have to buy the booze.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, these people who were the victims, they had to link up online. What did that look like? I just wanna see a couple of the comments that the victims had.

[B]

Oh, I would love to see.

[A]

Okay, can we zoom? Can we see any of these?

[B]

Make them read it. They're over there by the computer. Yeah, you can read it.

[A]

Okay. Rich, will you read it?

[B]

Go ahead, baby. Hi. I am a life at sea. Refugees.

[A]

Castaway, not castaway.

[B]

I was just.

[A]

She already talking to Wilson.

[B]

Ref.

[A]

You are not a refugee. This is not a war torn country.

[B]

You're leaving. Oh, my God. Okay, go.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was just interviewed by my local TV station two days ago and will be speaking to New York Times in the next two days. So I'm happy to answer any questions for you all Here we have a WhatsApp group where we talk to each other and someone got wind of your Reddit group and posted the link if we wanted to answer your questions. I'm an open book. One of the things my TV station got wrong was when they said I haven't been fully responsible refunded yet. Like 96% of us have not been refunded. I haven't received one cent back.

[A]

And that's great. I love that there is an organizer in here who's like, let's get the angry mob together. Okay, I'm going to talk to the New York Times. I'm talking to anybody who listens to me. I'm going anywhere. They got a microphone. Okay. Turn me on, turn me up.

[B]

They can talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. They can talk, they can tick tock. But what they can't do is get that $30,000 back.

[A]

Oh, they're trying. No, they're trying.

[B]

No, that the dude, he done paid for a side bitch's condo. Another boat that they really are on. And her wardrobe and all that. And her BBL and her Brazilian.

[A]

Oh, can you imagine getting a BBL before you go on a three year boat ride?

[B]

And then I can't imagine getting a bbl. Cause you can't even sit down when you leave the hospital.

[A]

It's a rough.

[B]

What's it worth to you? God damn.

[A]

Yeah. If you leave Miami, you're gonna see people in wheelchairs with their knees like getting rolled to the plane and like flying back. Like.

[B]

Nah, I can understand because my security and I the other day saw a horribly flat bootied lady who. It just looked like she had a hole in her back where her booty hole is. This bitch had no ass. She. I could see get a little. A little enhancement.

[A]

It's like when she get like she can go up to a flat wall and like touch every part of her back to her.

[B]

That part.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I feel bad for that.

[A]

Then it's like maybe do it if you want to get. We don't plastic surgery, Shane. But like bbls are dangerous. So I don't wisely.

[B]

And they stank. That's what Nicki Minaj said.

[A]

Oh my gosh. They keep saying that on the web. Now I'm like this. This whole phenomenon.

[B]

I heard no man say they stank.

[A]

I've seen some people on Tik Tok, but I don't know if it's for clout. Yeah. Or. Or people who date women with bbls, whoever that might be. They. That's a new thing that they saying.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I feel like it might just be like we not go to a hospital. It's healing or something. I don't know. I don't pretend to know too much.

[B]

If any part of your female anatomy stank.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's bad.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Your armpits.

[A]

A doctor can explain that.

[B]

And I know some funky bitches. And they got men. They got men though. But some men like a little funk pheromone.

[A]

Okay. That's true. Pheromones are a real thing. You're attracted to certain people's sense whether they're like wearing something or not. I'm just saying, like, I don't know. It's a scam to go out of the country and get a discount any type of surgery. So if you're doing that, that's a scam. Please go to a reputable doctor.

[B]

Please. Oh, Tijuana ass. Low budget.

[A]

Before as we wrap this episode up, I to talk about arrival. No, I can't. I love you.

[B]

I like you. This Boat is on my nerves.

[A]

I know we gonna stop. It's a different boat, but we gonna be quick about it.

[B]

Another boat.

[A]

So another boat rose from the ashes. Look at these people. They standing in front of the boats.

[B]

Where the black people at? Where the black people at?

[A]

You know, we're not there. You already said it.

[B]

They're gonna. The people on the radio are gonna see the. The. The. Anyway.

[A]

Yes. They're gonna see the screen.

[B]

People look at the screen. Tell me where the black folks are.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

See the mountains in the back. They over there barbecuing.

[A]

Yeah. There was another company that pulled up and they were like, hey, we're actually gonna do this for real. So they have a residency ship, and they are actually en route to Acapulco. So they're actually doing the damn thing for real. And look, they got fresh fruit and vegetables. Look, they got a man and a chef hat.

[B]

They ain't got no tacos. Potatoes.

[A]

We only looking at one thing he provided. And this looks like breakfast.

[B]

What a meat that. I don't see no bacon.

[A]

Breakfast. They got the pools. They got everything. They got a boat.

[B]

I'm not getting in that pool neither.

[A]

Oh, no, we know. That's just like a swimming pool. I mean, a toilet bowl.

[B]

It's like a toilet bowl. Yeah.

[A]

For little kids. Yes, truly.

[B]

Staff syphilis.

[A]

Oh, no, not back to that.

[B]

I got my own pool now, so I'm a total bitch about it. I used to swim in the. In the pool parties in Vegas.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But now, ever since COVID I'm like, you know, maybe I'm not getting back in this water like that no more because, you know, you don't know what's up under them bikini bottoms.

[A]

Okay? That's a fact. There's a lot of chlorine in there, so.

[B]

Okay. But if you got 5,000 people in the pool.

[A]

Yeah, it does get a little warm.

[B]

I want them to put that shit in the pool that make it turn blue if you pee and shame everybody.

[A]

I have never actually seen that in real life. I wondered if it was.

[B]

Oh, really? You go in my friend's house, pee in their pool. You'll see it.

[A]

You'll see it.

[B]

Come pee in mine and watch what happened.

[A]

That's an invitation from Lunel to pee in her pool.

[B]

Yeah, do it. Watch what happened. I got some shit for that ass.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. No. I'm too shook to ever pee in your pool.

[B]

No, mine turns red. You make. You think you started your period? No, I bet not.

[A]

You trying to play mind Games.

[B]

I bet you won't piss in my goddamn pool no more, huh?

[A]

What if it's a man and they gonna think they dick is bleeding? Oh, no.

[B]

Hemorrhoids. Oh, no. Just don't do that in my pool. Lordy, it's on Amazon. It's some.

[A]

So, Lunel, where do you stand on this scam? Are you mad at the company? Do you feel for the victims?

[B]

I don't give a fuck about the victims or the company, about this fucking boat, okay? This is the stupidest shit I ever heard.

[A]

Ludel hates the boat fair.

[B]

I don't know. Of course I stand with the victim. Of course you don't want nobody to be scammed at their money, life savings. They think they're going to live in the lap of luxury. We're going to get away from the buying minorities. We're gonna be on a motherfucking ship. We're gonna live our beautiful white lives.

[A]

That was a selling point.

[B]

Yeah, no minorities. They're like, sign me up.

[A]

No, I also feel for the victims here, but. Cause like, they did ship their stuff to Miami or they tried to put it on the boat and now you're paying thousands of dollars to go. Maybe not to any home at all. Or if you leased your place out to people, they not leaving for three years.

[B]

I hate SK scams. I hate that people get scammed. I hate that they scam the elderly. I think that's really fucked up. I hate that people's dreams got deferred. I think it's really terrible. And I think that there should be prosecution, restitution and incarceration.

[A]

I don't know if they're getting their money back, though.

[B]

I know they're not getting their money back. I'm trying to wrap this up nicely. You know, they not getting that.

[A]

Goddamn sweet of you. That was kind of you.

[B]

Well, look what happened.

[A]

Can we ask you where would you like to be found? Anything you want to plug, Anything you want listener to, like, go see where they can see you.

[B]

Well, apparently this is all over the country because it's beautiful. SiriusXM radio, which I love, by the way. I have on all my devices, in my car, on my iPad, on my phone. Yes, I have a residency, a comedy residency in Las Vegas. I've been there for five years. I just signed for a couple more years.

[A]

Congratulations.

[B]

At Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club in Las Vegas. Every Sunday and Monday night at. At 10pm do not look for me in January or August. I will be on vacation.

[A]

Love that.

[B]

I also am on the road going around to different countries and doing city wineries and improvs and stuff like that. And you can find those tour dates at least. We post, like for four months at a [e-mail], h e y l u e n e l l dot com. You can also follow me on Instagram if you're Instagram girly or boy unle N e L l. And if you live Los Angeles area, I do a show called that time of the month once a month at Flappers. I just did one last night. It's in Burbank. It's the first Wednesday of every month through the end of the year. So we got September, October, November, and December, the first Wednesday of the month. Flappers in Burbank.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, and there's so much more. But girl, you ain't got time. Cause the fucking boat ate up all my goddamn time.

[A]

We have time for you to talk about anything.

[B]

Okay, well, you can catch me the series Hacks on HBO Max with Gene Smart. I also am the voice of Millie in the animated movie Dogman for the Kitties. And I also just did a voice for the proud family Christmas episode. And I have. There's a show coming out that's the sequel to the show the Neighborhood that Cedric didn't attend to shooting. It's called Crutch. It's a Tracy Morgan show. Be on Paramount plus or Disney or something like that. And I'm saying go. How about that?

[A]

Okay, as you single, let me wrap that up. If you drive a plane or a boat plane.

[B]

If you got a boat of your.

[A]

Own, that's even better.

[B]

Or if you're a pilot. Get at me in my dm. Put a little plane first. Cause I ain't got time to be reading all this. Put a little plane, a little boat, and I'll know that I heard you right here on Scam Goddess.

[A]

Yes. And as always, you can find all of the images from the boat that Lunel loves so, so much@scamgoddesspot on Instagram. And you can find me at D I V A L A C I Divalacy on all platforms. You can get my books Scam Goddess anywhere. Books are sold and.

[B]

Oh, my God, did you sel.

[A]

No, not self publishing.

[B]

You got a book deal?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, you got the advance?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, you got the bag?

[A]

Yeah, I got the bag. High five, girl. Thank you so much.

[B]

I ain't mad at you. Who published the book?

[A]

Oh, Hachette. Yeah. And then I have a scam. Got a Television show that is airing. All episodes are airing now on Hulu. And you can watch Going Dutch right now.

[B]

Why? I ain't on that one.

[A]

What?

[B]

Well, I'm not on the one on Hulu.

[A]

Oh. Because that's me going around the country talking to victims of scams.

[B]

Come down to Crenshaw, talk to me. There's a lot of scam victims down in Crenshaw.

[A]

That is very true. We gotta go to Crenshaw. Listen, we've been moving. We've been baiting.

[B]

No, don't put Crenshaw laughs on the list. What's that?

[A]

You're like. No, no, no, no. Keep it low key.

[B]

I don't be on the Hulu Show. I want to be on the Hulu Show.

[A]

Yeah, look for me on Hulu, everybody. Yes.

[B]

Right. Scam got us. And say, put that bitch on your real TV show.

[A]

As this Lunell doesn't have enough jobs. I'm not even going to.

[B]

You're right. I'm tired as a motherfucker right now. I'm about to slide out this chair right now.

[A]

We got you and congregation, I want you to get out there and, you know, stay boating. All right. Stay boating with Luenell because she loves the boat.

[B]

Keeping black ass on the drive.

[A]

The boat.

[B]

Stay on land. Black people don't fall for the bullshit.

[A]

Scam Goddess. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Cisneros, and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay scheming.

[B]

He's Kenny Maine, the funny guy from espn. Formerly, he's Cooper Manning, the more intelligent and handsome of the Manning brothers. And he's Brian Baumgartner. But to me, he'll always be Kevin from the office. Yeah, you and everybody else together. We're the hosts of the new comedy golf podcast, we need a fourth from Smartless Media and SiriusXM. It's like a cold beer after a round. You hear the strangest and most bizarre golf stories from our friends. Friends, athletes, celebrities and comedians.

[A]

It's all about how much we love.

[B]

Golf and how much we hate golf. New episodes are out every week. Listen now and subscribe wherever you get. Your podcast could just be anywhere. Just on a couch. Doesn't matter. Sometimes an identity threat is a ring of professional hackers.

[A]

And sometimes it's an overworked accountant who.

[B]

Forgot to encrypt their connection while sending people bank details.

[A]

I need a coffee.

[B]

And you need Lifelock, because your info is in endless places. It only takes one mistake to expose.

[A]

You to identity theft.

[B]

Lifelock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Save up to 40% your first [e-mail] specialoffer terms apply.