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- [00:00]
A
Scams C, Robbery and frauds. Scams C, Robbery and fraud. Scam Goddess. What's poppin, Congregation? It's Ya Girl, Scam Goddess. And we're back with another edition of the show Scam Goddess. It's your girl, Lacey Moseley, and I'm one of my guys. Say it with me. I'm super excited. I know. You're saying it with me. In your cars and your homes and the bathtub where you hide to avoid your children while you're on lockdown. Yeah, I'm super excited to have this guest, guys. You loved him in the last season of Search Party. I know I did. And you can hear him on Earwolf, his own podcast, Urgent Care. Guys, I have Joel Kim Booster.
- [00:53]
B
Oh, my God. Hello, Lacey.
- [00:57]
A
Hi.
- [00:58]
B
I am so excited to be here. I popped a vyvanse. I have my iced coffee. Coffee. I am feeling vibrating into a different dimension right now. I'm ready to make a podcast.
- [01:10]
A
That's where I want people to be. I want them to have coffee and Vyvanse and just be so focused. No, I'm kidding. You can totally will roam all over the place. People love it. Some people hate it when we go on tangents, but it is what it is, y'.
- [01:24]
B
All. Guys, we need I. As a listener of the podcast, I like the tangents, okay? That's what podcasts are for.
- [01:33]
A
See, that's what I thought, too, but some people think this is, like, real true crime when I'm like, this is not homework, okay? I'm not going. Yeah, you'll learn something. You could tell your friends at a dinner party. But listen, bitch, I'm not about to be over here giving you a dissertation. I'm not Sarah Koenig.
- [01:48]
B
The scam is that you listen to an entire podcast and only got 20 minutes of real facts. Okay? The rest of it is just us chatting. You're listening to a podcast called Scam Goddess. Okay.
- [02:00]
A
You should expect me every episode. You are absolutely right, though. Wait, so do you have any relationship with scams? Have you ever been scammed?
- [02:09]
B
I do. You know. Oh. I mean, I've definitely been scammed, but I feel like I am a millennial. And our generation, I'm assuming. Please don't tell me you're Gen Z.
- [02:20]
A
No, I'm a millennial. I'm a millennial.
- [02:22]
B
Okay. Thank God. I would have had to leave the chat if that was you. Thought I was a young ho.
- [02:29]
A
I'm a young ho, but not a really good young ho.
- [02:32]
B
I'm a young ho. As well. But as a millennial, I think our generation is like the scam generation. Did you read Gia Tolediano's book Trick Mirror? She has an entire chapter in that book about how our generation has really uplifted the scam into sort of the mainstream discourse and made it sort of. We love scams. We love scams. We've been forced to do scams, like, one of the earliest. And some of these aren't scams. They're just straight up crimes. But like, one of. I remember in college, like, I used to constantly shoplift Mucinex by putting it into my breast pocket and. And. And walking out of the store because I didn't have health insurance and couldn't afford health care when I was sick. And that was, like, expensive. It's expensive. And, you know, I'm asthmatic. I have chronic bronchitis. I needed that medicine, and I couldn't get any through the doctor. And I had very little money in my bank account. And so I had to go to the Kroger and I had to shop with Mucinex. And did I get arrested for it? Yes, I did. And was I radicalized by that experience? Yes, I was that. So that's like an early crime slash scam. Another one later on, also in college. So I worked at Family Video for four years. I don't know if you're familiar, Family. Family Video is mostly in the Midwest, and it's a blockbuster mom and pop sort of situation. Which, by the way, Family Video was known in the Midwest because it was blockbuster. But it had a porn section.
- [04:07]
A
Yes.
- [04:09]
B
Which is amazing inclusivity. And that's literally the sort of the line that we were supposed to give if people asked how could we could be called Family Video and had porn. And it's because we cater to every member.
- [04:21]
A
We have horny members of the family, okay?
- [04:25]
B
Even the uncle who isn't invited for Christmas. Okay? There was a man who would take a taxi cab in the middle of Decatur, Illinois, which is not a place you take taxis every Sunday. And he would rent 13 porns and then return the 13 that he had rented the week before. And boy, what a life. Just cycling through 13 porns every week.
- [04:45]
A
Look, he got a routine, okay? Two and a half porns a day. Two porn. Yeah. That's a lot. And then on Sunday, just one porn.
- [04:55]
B
Some of them are like two and a half hours long. It's incredible. But we all. We all at the Family Video would check out movies for free and just ring them up as kids movies because Kids movies were free. So we were just like any movie. We would just ring it up as a kids movie for ourselves. And I one time, after years. Four years of service, four years of service to that fucking company, I checked out the movie Rachel Getting Married, and I checked it out as a kid's movie, and the person that I was working with ratted me out. He narcked on me. And after four years. Four years of service for renting out a dollar movie for free, they fired my ass unceremoniously, which is outrageous.
- [05:39]
A
That's absolutely ridiculous.
- [05:41]
B
I mean, is it outrageous that I couldn't spend a dollar to rent Rachel Getting Married? Maybe. But at the end of the day,
- [05:49]
A
you lost your job for Rachel Getting Married.
- [05:52]
B
I lost my job, and, you know, I still own it. I still own that movie. I think it's great.
- [05:57]
A
I'm glad you took it with you. If they're gonna fucking fire you. Oh, bitch, you're never getting Rachel back. You'll never know if she gets married or Nahla. Yes. Shout out to your hater employee friend, like, I know. What do you gain from that?
- [06:13]
B
Literally nothing. And I remember I Facebook messaged him. I was like, what the fuck? Like, why would you rat me out for that? And his response was literally, he was like, well, like, you put me in a really awful position. Like, what was I supposed to do in that situation but rat you out? And it was like, not say anything and let me enjoy the, you know, comic stylings of Anne Hathaway in peace, you stupid motherfucker. So that was another one. And then I think the greatest scam I ever pay polled was, you know, wage theft is, like, a huge problem in this country. Like, it is, like, the biggest robbery. Like, companies are stealing, you know, unpaid overtime from. From employees. They're not paying employees what they need. But when I worked for Groupon in Chicago, I sort of did the reverse of that. I worked in customer service at Groupon, and I worked, quote, unquote, like, 45 hours a week for them. But in actuality, I was writing screenplays and not doing any work at all. Like, truly wrote most of my art at job. I would steal Lacroix. I would steal Lacroix by the handful. Is that even steal pop chips by the handful?
- [07:31]
A
Everyone deserves Lacroix if they work at a modern job at a.
- [07:36]
B
At a startup. Yeah, you steal the Lacroix, but, I mean, you're not supposed to take them home. Like, I would literally bring a tote bag and fill it up with Lacroix and pop Chips. And some nights that's all I'd have for dinner was the Kroy and pop chips. Because it was not cheap. Living in Chicago at the time as a 22 year old, it was not an easy situation to live alone. And I remember like, I was paying like $500 in rent. And at the time I was like, this is outrageous. I don't know how I'm going to get by. And now to think back at that time, I'm like, wow, if only I were paying $500 for rent.
- [08:08]
A
I fucking wish. Also, it's crazy to me that you were working there full time and you were still like, I have this $500 rent. This is a struggle. Like, they owed you all the pop chips. I feel like at that point you need to be rolling the refrigerator out the door every night. Like, no, I'm gonna just take this.
- [08:22]
B
Well, the reason I was like, still struggling is because I got scammed by the biggest scam in the entire country, which is private student loan sharks.
- [08:31]
A
Woo.
- [08:33]
B
I was paying like three times my rent and student loans for like upwards of 10 years outside after college. Like, truly.
- [08:41]
A
Yeah, those people are thugs too. Like, they will come to your home. Like, you really have to pay them. They will call you constantly. I have student loan number saved in my phone. It's on autopay now. And it hurts me, but I have it saved in my phone.
- [08:54]
B
What did you get a degree in though, at least?
- [08:56]
A
I have a marketing degree. And I actually did pay for the degree. The scam was I actually got like a free semester of college too. Europe. I scammed my college so hard. I worked for financial aid when I was there because I was like, this where the coins is at? So let me get in here. And I wasn't stealing like that one black man. I'll talk about him one day on the podcast because I love him. There's a black man at Howard who was just stealing everybody's financial aid and flexing on the ground. And he's a king. He's a king. But no. So I worked in financial aid. I would give tours, I would do admission stuff. So then I was real cool with the admission people. I already had a. When I went to the University of Pittsburgh, they called me and they were like, oh, you're gonna get a partial scholarship. And I was like, oh, cute. And my mom was like, not cute. And she called back and she was like, give her the whole thing. And she shut them down. She was like, she's black, she's gifted. Give her the Whole thing.
- [09:48]
B
Yes, she is. Yes, she is. Both those things. I love that. I actually. So I don't actually. I don't have a diploma. Wait, I'm gonna. I'm gonna show you something.
- [09:59]
A
Wait. Oh, my gosh. Joel is getting up. I'm very curious to see what he is about to show me. What is this
- [10:09]
B
podcasting. Famously a visual medium, you know, but this is. So this is my, like, diploma, like, holder, and inside is a. Is a bill. Is. There is no diploma inside the diploma holder? It is a bill. Because this is actually. This is actually. This is maybe the only real scam that I have done in my life. So when I was in college, I would park where you're. Where students aren't supposed to park, and they put, like, a big sticker on your windshield, and it would tell you that they added, like, a $60 ticket to your bill your.
- [10:43]
A
Like, to your tuition.
- [10:45]
B
Yeah. Your student account or whatever. And what I would do is I would peel off that sticker, and then every time I would park again, I would just put the sticker back on my windshield so it looked like someone had already gotten to me and ticketed me. And so I only ever got, like, they only ever caught on a couple times. Like, I would re up the sticker every time they'd catch. And so I. I managed to park for free at my school for a long time just by what? Like, just by getting, like, one $60 ticket. But when I graduated, they're like, we're not giving you your diploma until you pay this $60 parking ticket. And I was like, oh, well, I don't need a diploma. I got a degree in fucking theater. Okay? Nobody. Nobody at the fucking Steppenwolf Theater is asking to see the degree, honey. Okay?
- [11:32]
A
Right? And you got it. You got the full education. Also, I fucking wish there was a meter maid at my college. I would beat. Like, we would have to beat them up. Like, I feel like we have to start a social club at the university that was just like. We followed a meter maid and. And we beat them up. And that's our extracurricular cause, like the fuck.
- [11:51]
B
Yeah. Terrible. But, yeah. Ten years later, still don't have a diploma. Still don't really care.
- [11:57]
A
You have the holder.
- [11:58]
B
Like, I have the holder, and I have the career, honey.
- [12:02]
A
Yes.
- [12:02]
B
That's what matters.
- [12:03]
A
It does.
- [12:04]
B
Okay. I don't need the diploma. Theater degrees are a scam. You want to talk about a scam? Theater degrees are the fucking scam.
- [12:12]
A
They're very expensive. And then it's like, you got to go be poor afterwards. That's why I went to a college. I got full tuition, scholarship. I did get a tiny loan for housing, which I shouldn't have done. I should have just got a job. But my parents were like, don't work. Then they were like, okay, we'll pay half of your loan off. I was like, y' all supposed to pay all this. Y' all said I was a black American princess. Where the rest of the money at? But it's fine. I love my parents. They're wonderful. They did support me while I was a struggling ass actor until I was 26. So that's pretty old to be getting money from your family. I'll be honest with y'.
- [12:45]
B
All.
- [12:45]
A
I'm not gonna lie. Cause I think a lot of people assume because I'm black that I grew up poor, and I be scamming them. Like, when I was in college, I would go to, like, I have a marketing degree. I would go to my finance classes looking real tore up, and I'd be like, I just really need to keep this scholarship. Professor Jones, please.
- [13:04]
B
They bump it up from a D to a B, right?
- [13:07]
A
I'm like, all my life I has to fight. They're like, are you quoting the Color Purple? I'm like, yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, I came from the suburbs and, like, definite did not have to fight anybody. But, hey, other than the police. But, guys, let's get into the first segment. These are. You have some good. You are a scammer, y'. All.
- [13:26]
B
Thank you.
- [13:27]
A
Sometimes I have to figure it out along the way with people. Or some people are like, I feel like I'm a mark, or I have too much empathy. But like, you. You are, like, an amazing scammer.
- [13:35]
B
Like, I. I appreciate coming from you. That's high praise. High praise and honor.
- [13:39]
A
I appreciate it because you made it happen through all the obstacles. You were like, no, I'm going to have the thing. And that's what scammers do.
- [13:47]
B
Absolutely, yes.
- [13:49]
A
But now you're legit. Like, so.
- [13:51]
B
Oh, yeah, now I'm legit. I mean, here's the thing. Like, when you grow up. I did not grow up with money. And so, like, my. I learned from my mother, mostly. I mean, she was. She's a good Christian woman. She wasn't doing, like, scams. She certainly wouldn't call them scams. But there was a lot of, like, returning things after they had been used several times. You know, there was a lot of saving receipt based scams. Scams. I would say I would call them like, if you lived in my house, as long as the receipt was saved, you could return something a year from the date as long as the receipt was there.
- [14:28]
A
Your mom was a survivor. Your mom was a hustler. That's what that was.
- [14:31]
B
She worked at a department store. And people who work at department stores are damaged afterwards. Okay, Damaged people. Have you ever seen a Zara changing room attendant that you didn't want to save? I mean, they're all so harried and stressed out, every single one of them.
- [14:50]
A
I worked at a. Oh, I worked at the bootleg Abercrombie. It's called.
- [14:55]
B
What's that?
- [14:55]
A
It's called Aeropostale.
- [14:58]
B
Aeropostale, yes. That is when you were too poor to go to Abercrombie. You got Aeropostale.
- [15:04]
A
And we do the price marketing, where it's like they marked everything up 40% just so that they could take it off and say that there was a sale. So everything was always on sale in the store. So you always got to feel like it was crummy prices, but it was cheaper. So you got the fly. You would scam it. Boy, oh, boy, that clothes was trash.
- [15:21]
B
I got some pastel polo shirts from Aaron Pastel still bumping around somewhere in my closet. I'm sure of it.
- [15:27]
A
I'm sure of it. That's interesting. One day I'll do an episode on loss prevention at stores because I've learned a lot, because one of my friends is, like, very high up in the retail chain. And boy, oh, boy, do they be robbing them stores. And, you know, you could just rob stores. I didn't even know that. They can't chase after you.
- [15:43]
B
Really?
- [15:44]
A
Yes. You could just go in the store and be like, la da de di da. Like, the only stores you shouldn't do that in. Or, damn, I should not be telling y' all this. I'm gonna go to jail. Is like, stores with security guards, because they have a security guard, the second you walk out the store, they can tackle you. But if there's no one, then you can just be in there, like, la di da. Like, literally just picking shit up.
- [16:05]
B
The one. Yeah. Just like, some little teenage girl in a jean skirt is not gonna stop you from stealing.
- [16:10]
A
No. And I remember when I worked there, my old manager used to work at a Rainbow. She was like, yeah, I chased these thefts, these people who were stealing from us into the parking lot. I said, oh, bitch, I would not die for Rainbow, y'.
- [16:20]
B
All. Why? Yeah.
- [16:21]
A
Crazy.
- [16:22]
B
Why would you care? Why? If you were some middle manager At a rainbow. Why the fuck would you care?
- [16:27]
A
You've been brainwashed by capitalism.
- [16:29]
B
It's a scam, babe. That's the truth.
- [16:32]
A
But, guys, let's get into our first segment, Hot and fraud. This is where I'm going to tell Joel about some things that are popping in the fraud industry right now, and I'll just get his opinion. So today we're talking about coronavirus fraud surges. And this summer, the girls have been trying to buy hot tubs. So. So in July, there was a surge in hot tub sales, and people looked to buy a hot tub to make their long lockdown days a bit more comfortable. I'm like, hot tub. It's a hot tub.
- [17:01]
B
Just take a bath. Yeah, right.
- [17:03]
A
Baths are horrible. It's just like you cooking yourself. Like, I'm trying to like it, but it's not my thing.
- [17:09]
B
So I don't. And I don't find hot tubs to be sexy either. People are always talking about wanting to have sex in hot tubs. And I. It is not. I don't know how it is for you folk, but for gay men, like, it is not conducive to gay sex. It really is not. Like, water is not lube.
- [17:25]
A
It's not conducive to uncomfortable.
- [17:27]
B
No. It is not enjoyable. No.
- [17:30]
A
Speaking as someone who has not tried but maybe has, it's not great. So basically, they were trying to buy these hot tubs, but unfortunately, many of those customers had to cancel their hot tub plans when they found out they had been saved scam by buying products that never existed. So 1. How do you buy a hot tub online? I feel like that's something you don't buy online.
- [17:54]
B
Well, I think that. I think everybody thinks that because of Corona, you can buy anything online now. I think that they just think like, of course you. Your initial instinct is that's something you need to see, right? But I think like, everybody's like, well, the world has changed, so it has to change for me. And the things that I want, which is a hot tub, and they're wrong.
- [18:16]
A
Like, what are the other things that you really should not be buying online right now? I'm trying to think like, well, like, you can buy.
- [18:23]
B
I keep seeing these commercials for, like, cars. You can. They'll, like, you can buy people. They're trying to convince people to buy cars online now and they'll deliver it to your house. And it's like, have. Have you ever looked at a car online and then gone to the lot and seen it and been like, yes, this Is the one for me. No, like, that's just a recipe for disaster.
- [18:42]
A
Right. But people are doing it because the company is still afloat. I see it. Every time I see the commercial, I say, who's doing that? Who is doing that? It must be a big drug front or something. Like, we need to figure out what's going on with cars online. Cars online, houses online. But you got to go see the house, right? At least once. We'll get into that.
- [19:01]
B
Everybody's buying. Everybody's buying right now. It is not a seller's market.
- [19:05]
A
Nope, it's a seller's market. For the first time, I feel like a horrible capitalist because I'm like, is this gonna get worse? I hope it gets worse because I'm trying to get something. Oh, God. But not coronavirus. But just, like, the economy. So also just, like, hot tub fried. People were buying Nintendo switches, kittens, rental properties and cars that don't exist. So we just talked about cars. Who buying a cat online? Like, they just dropped the cat off. I need to see if the cat has good vibes.
- [19:37]
B
Yeah. Chemistry is everything with cats. With any pet, really. You want to see, like, because cats. This is. This is the thing with. I love. I'm a cat person more than a dog person, but I want a cat that doesn't care if I live or die, that leaves me alone, that, like, is on its. Its own journey in life, doesn't need much from me. And I. A lot of these cats. These cats these days that they're making are like dogs. They want attention. They're following you around the house. They're all up in your business. And I don't want to. Like, the whole point of a cat is that it barely notices that you're there.
- [20:13]
A
Right. That when you do that, might snack on your face.
- [20:16]
B
Yeah. Within three days. That's fun. Fact. A dog. If you die alone in a house with a dog, it will take weeks before the dog will begin to eat you, and it'll start at your fingers. If you die alone in a house with a cat, it'll take. Take three days, and it'll start at your face. Okay.
- [20:32]
A
Which is so disrespectful. Like, you can't even leave me cute. You can't even leave me cute for the cat.
- [20:37]
B
It's a closed casket. It's a closed casket if you own a cat.
- [20:41]
A
FYI, guys, if y' all buy y' all cats online, you gotta make sure you at least get one who gonna wait a few days so your friends who fuck with you. Can come check on your ass.
- [20:49]
B
Yeah, that's like, one. Like, one too many Ambien. Like, one too long of a sleep, and you're in trouble.
- [20:55]
A
Right? And you will not be cute in the casket. And I need to be a bad bitch in the casket. Like, I want them to have not only I want the caske. I want people to be tempted to touch. Like, I need there to be a sign. It's like, don't touch her.
- [21:06]
B
She is beat to the gods. Contoured. I want cheek. I want my cheekbones sticking out of the grave. That's how sharp I want them to
- [21:15]
A
look like, did he get plastic surgery after death? Like, what is this? Postmortem?
- [21:21]
B
That is something I would like, actually. You know what I really want, Lacy, is, you know, you can get turned into a diamond now.
- [21:28]
A
Yes.
- [21:29]
B
You can get cremated and turned into a diamond. That is what I want. I want to be turned into a diamond, and I want it. I want to make my offspring promise that they will propose with me.
- [21:41]
A
But the thing.
- [21:43]
B
Compressed body.
- [21:44]
A
This is my dad. Wear him. No. Here's the thing, though. It's a bit of a scam because you can't get, like, the. The body's ashes aren't enough to get a big diamond, so it's, like, really, like, this little, like, chip. Because they have to, like, compress it. Yeah, it's trash. So, I mean.
- [22:00]
B
Oh. So for me, someone like me, it's gonna be an even tinier because I'm. It's gonna be so small. I'm gonna be small. My diamond's gonna be so small.
- [22:12]
A
It can be like one of those little chips. I hate those rings. I don't want to say this because I don't want to offend nobody with one of those rings, but I'm gonna say it anyway. You know those rings where they make the diamond, like, up of tiny little diamonds? Like, they have a setting, and then it's just like, lots of little ice chip diamonds, little chips. I hate those.
- [22:29]
B
Yeah, it looks like little. It looks like the leftovers.
- [22:31]
A
Yeah, but I'm a bigger diamond. Those people's marriages probably last the longest. So if you have a little chip right now.
- [22:37]
B
Cause you know it's about love.
- [22:38]
A
It is. It's definitely about love.
- [22:41]
B
It's definitely about love.
- [22:42]
A
And that's what it should be about. But I'm trash, so. Also, increased working from home has led to a spike in fake calls from payroll departments and Internet service providers asking for personal information. That's a good one. So now they're calling you at your house like, hey, it's us from payroll, from your job, you know, where you work at? Anyways, we need your social. It's us unemployment.
- [23:08]
B
I will tell you, if I get one of those calls right now, I have an increased amount of time to do that thing where you're just like, uh huh. But like, where are you? Where are you from? Like, what's your name again? Can I get your department? I love chatting with those people because just like going down the rabbit hole of them being like, no, we will have to call in the FBI if you don't give me your Social Security number. And it's like, like, oh, really? Oh really?
- [23:31]
A
I have Stacy 45 minute talk with a woman who said she was from the Census Bureau because I was being lazy because they sent me all the census stuff. And I was like, well, if y' all gonna call a bitch, I'm gonna just talk to you and tell you what you need to know. And then after a while I was like, this can't be from the Census Bureau. She was like, do you have any pre existing conditions? And she asked about diabetes. And I said, no, I don't have diabetes. And she said, do you have any? I was like, she stopped going down the list. I said, no, girl, I don't have no pre existing conditions. Why you reading them all? You could just check. No, come on, let's keep it moving. And then I realized she wasn't really with.
- [23:59]
B
What. What do you think she wanted? What did she want?
- [24:02]
A
Personal information. So I think she wanted to break me down, like, get me comfortable and then start peppering in questions that would actually give her information that she was asking for.
- [24:12]
B
You should have just been like, girl, I'm on Instagram. They already have it. Okay, I'm sure there's like, all of my personal information is out there. I have sold it to Zuckerberg, right?
- [24:23]
A
Same. Like, I tell people this all the time. Like, I took a picture of my booty hole and I sent it to Mark Zuckerberg personally and he uses it to log into Facebook. And it's fine, it's fine. So emails have been sent claiming to be from the government, which states. Sorry, which state. The recipient can get a free evaluation for emergency COVID 19 tax relief. But you have to click on the link and it links you to a site specifically set up to deceive the victims and game their personal information information. Duh.
- [24:54]
B
See, I. I fucking hate this one though. I really do, because people are actually like, this is a scam. That's punching down. This is a scam. That is punching down people. Like, this is like. Like the hot tub scam. Like, if you have the means and the space to purchase a hot tub on Amazon, yeah, you're asking for it. All right, I. Like, you're. Obviously, you have the money to spare, but people who are, like, actually hurting right now, like, like, what are you gonna scam? You're gonna squeeze out the last nothing money that they. They don't already have? That's why they're clicking on the damn link. Like, it. It's that, yeah, those people.
- [25:32]
A
And also, like, I don't even click anymore. Y' all stop clicking links when you get a text message, even from your friends, even for your friends on Instagram, anywhere. I don't click links no more. Like, unless you told me you were sending me a link. Or unless your link follows up with, hahaha, girl, this funny. Or like, you know, like, you have to pitch me the link. Literally. Somebody sent me a link earlier today from TikTok, but it looked weird. And so I texted her and I was like, is this a scam? And she was like, no, I really want you to check out this TikTok. It's me for real. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I clicked it.
- [26:01]
B
That's smart. That's smart. Because sometimes they do shorten those TikTok links, and sometimes, honestly, TikTok is the biggest scam of all. Really.
- [26:09]
A
And I love it. That's my favorite scam. I was like, TikTok, what y' all want my retina? You can have it. I can do these dances.
- [26:14]
B
Take it. You think it's so funny. They want to shut down TikTok because the Chinese government is selling it. And it's like, okay, I'm sorry. I've already given it all of my information away to the white men in this country. Why not some of the Chinese men in that country? Like, they can have it too.
- [26:30]
A
I trust the Chinese men more. And if we're really talking about production value, like, China's done a lot more for my life than the white men in this government. Like, practically everything I own is from there. So they can have some of my shit. That's. That's fine. They can go where I live. Also, I mean, don't take my arm dances away from me. I love getting on TikTok and doing my arm dances and minimal movements. It's exciting. So other emails purporting to be from the World Health Organization, who says that a recipient should download an attachment which allegedly contains the results of the first human COVID 19 vaccine test. Opening it can result in usernames and passwords being passed on to the fraudster.
- [27:10]
B
Why? Why would I want to click on a link to tell me the results of the first vaccine? Like, if you. If I need to click on a link to find out if the vaccine works, it's like, no. Like, just. It should be in the body of the email. Does the vaccine work? Yes or no? Why are you taking me to a second location?
- [27:29]
A
We can't tell you until you click on the link,
- [27:34]
B
but to be honest, I would. I'm first in line. Even the fake vaccine that I'm. I'm gonna be scammed. I'm gonna be scammed so hard. Like, they're gonna. Like, I don't know what they're gonna put in my arm, but you're gonna join the group. Oh, I am joined. I already signed up for. To be in the test. In the test for the vaccine. I said, take me, Take my body, take my health. I just want to go outside.
- [27:58]
A
See, I'm black. And they have experimented too much on us for too long back in the day. So I will be. I encourage all of my friends, as reparations, to go out there and sign up for that COVID test, that COVID vaccine, and let me know how it works. Let me know if it's possible.
- [28:14]
B
I'm actually gonna follow up, email, and be like, in fact, you have to pick me because it is reparations.
- [28:21]
A
You gotta let some people go before you though, Joe. You gotta let. You gotta get in line and then watch and see what's happening to folks. You can't go, like, absolutely first.
- [28:28]
B
I mean, all I want to do is be out in the club. That's all I want. That's all I want. And if I have to lose an arm to a fake COVID vaccine for that to happen, then, by God, I'll do it. I just want to bounce so I can dance.
- [28:42]
A
At Promatica.
- [28:43]
B
Yes. At the club. Rain on me. Rain on me with that vaccine.
- [28:50]
A
Yeah. Come on. Rain on me with that vaccine. Yes. Well, guys, there's been over 2,300 victims of coronavirus related scams since February. So, guys, be careful, okay? Like, if it looks too good to be true, it is. If anybody calls you offering money, they lying. Like, you know what I mean? Just be skeptical. Treat everybody who calls you like a man that you gave or a man or a woman or a person who gave you. Like, you gave them an extra Chance after they cheated on you. But you still very suspicious of them all the time. But you came back because the sex was good. That's how you should treat anybody calling you, asking for money. Money. She's like, why? Why you want to give me money? Where were you last night? Why you don't want to give me money last week? Who else you give me?
- [29:30]
B
It's never easy to get money from the government. It's always so hard. Like, and we give them money. We give them money, them money.
- [29:41]
A
And they'd be like, but you want your money back for what, bitch? And it's like, cause it's mine. I can't stand the government. I'm tired of being in this abusive relationship with the government.
- [29:52]
B
I know. End it all. Anarchy. Anarchy Goddess.
- [29:57]
A
Well, guys, we'll be right back after a break with some non scam advertisements scams,
- [30:06]
B
guys.
- [30:06]
A
And we're back. And it's time for my favorite segment of the show, Historic Hoodwinks. This is where I'm going to regale Joel with a infamous caper. And we're gonna get his opinions all the way throughout. Today we're talking about surgeon Paolo Macchiarini. He was revered as a scientific pioneer, a superstar surgeon and a miracle worker until he was exposed as a con artist. I love the term superstar surgeon. Like, you can be famous for anything.
- [30:37]
B
You really can. And let it be said that doctors can be anybody. I've been saying this for years. I've said it on my own podcast many times. But, like, look at Ben Carson, okay? One of the biggest idiots on the planet. He could be a doctor, and he's a superstar surgeon. He's a superstar surgeon and an idiot, right?
- [30:56]
A
He had that movie, Little tiny hands or tiny baby brains. What was it called? Little baby brains.
- [31:03]
B
Tiny hands. Tiny brains. The Ben Carson story.
- [31:09]
A
Magical hands. Gifted hands. Unbelievable. Someone's yelling at the whatever device is on, right? I'm not even gonna look. No, I will look eventually, but yes. So he was a genius, but also an idiot. So guys, you can diversify. Like, what's his name? Who's an actor? He's also used to be a doctor. What is his name? He was in the Hangover. What is his name?
- [31:34]
B
Bradley Cooper.
- [31:35]
A
Yeah, Bradley Cooper. No. You know what?
- [31:38]
B
Imagine if he was hot and talented and used to be a surgeon. That's too much.
- [31:42]
A
I'm gonna do this just to piss y' all off. I'm not gonna get either of those. I'm not gonna search either of those. Just kidding. My producer searching.
- [31:48]
B
Oh. Oh, John John. Ken Jeong.
- [31:51]
A
Ken Jong. So Ken Jong is a doctor for real. For real. And an actor. And very funny.
- [31:55]
B
Yes, yes, yes. And very nice, you know.
- [31:59]
A
Oh, is he.
- [32:01]
B
Let's not. Let's. Let's not forget. He's also very nice.
- [32:04]
A
Well, Chelsea, can you also tell us who. What Ben Carson's movie was called? Tiny Hands, Little Baby Brains, Little Tiny Sir Gifted Hand.
- [32:17]
B
Why were we so fixated on the side? But it does it doesn't it make sense that his hands would be tight? Like. Like to get into like a rearrange shit, you need tiny little raccoon hands. That's what I picture him.
- [32:29]
A
If they were meaty, then you. They'd be all in the way. You couldn't see the little baby brain. Yeah, I imagine him.
- [32:35]
B
Oh, my God. In Cuba. It's Cuba. Cuba was Ben Young. Ben Carson.
- [32:41]
A
Yes. That was not a good choice. Who decided that actually he was good in that movie? I think I like that movie. I didn't know Ben Carson was gonna be tiny hands. Yes. I didn't know Ben Carson was gonna be trash, though. But. So this is. I could never have guessed, Paolo Macchiarini. He was a tiny hands in his own right because he was born in Switzerland, raised in Italy. He dressed in a white lab coat or surgical scrubs. He was handsome, charming, and certainly looked the part of a trustworthy doctor. So. Excuse me, Macarini. So you just going out to restaurants and shit in your white coat? Like, what? That's how they should have known he was a scammer.
- [33:20]
B
This is. This sounds like. This sounds like a high end white version of that kid, that teenager who passed himself off as a doctor.
- [33:29]
A
Doctor Love.
- [33:31]
B
Doctor Love. Doctor Love. He is, yes. I mean, I would rather have Dr. Love, honestly, than Ms. Paolo.
- [33:40]
A
That was hilarious.
- [33:41]
B
I don't even know his full story yet, but I already know that Dr. Love is the superior version of this man.
- [33:47]
A
Well, see, the issue is that Paolo actually did go to Medical School. Dr. Love. Dr. Love went to some conventions. I'm not even kidding. He went to some conventions. He went to Dr. Khan and was like, all right, got what I need to get. Open it up. My practice. So he dressed like he was basically doing surgery everywhere, which is crazy. Macchiarini became well known in 2008 when he created a new airway in the throat of a woman named Claudia Castillo, a woman from Barcelona. This was Macchiarini's first big success. And basically what he did was is he used, like, a donated trachea from someone who had passed away. And then, like, used her DNA. And the whole thing was supposed to work, like, he put in a new throat, and then it wasn't supposed to need, like, any antibiotics or anything because it would automatically adjust to your body because it's you. So your body shouldn't reject it. I shouldn't say antibiotics, but I'll say that you didn't need medication to stop it from being rejected like you would from, like, a kidney transplant or liver transplant or anything else.
- [34:50]
B
So it was like, sounds great.
- [34:52]
A
Super popping, right? So this is Macaroni's first big success. Countless news stories around the world declared it was a medical breakthrough. We now know that wasn't true. And there were serious complications that Castillo and many of Paolo Macchiarini's patients suffered. By 2011, he was. So basically, they were like, oh, my God. He giving the girls throats. Like, they all gave throats. You get a throat, you get a throat. You know what I mean? I'm swallowing different. And that's.
- [35:17]
B
That's because that sounds like. That sounds like a verse in wap. It sounds like you gave me a new throat. He's so he gave me a new throat. Replaced my little dangly thing back there. Gave me a new throat.
- [35:33]
A
He bought me a tote. He gave me a new throat. Like, let me try to do my main one. He bought me a tote. I gave him new throat. Yes, Yes. I love. You don't even have to get that old throat, girls. Get that new throat.
- [35:51]
B
New throat.
- [35:53]
A
So he was giving the girls new throats. And then they realized shortly, like, much later, that the throats weren't as popping as we thought.
- [36:02]
B
Oh, no.
- [36:03]
A
But by 2011, he was working in Sweden with one of the world's most prestigious medical universities, and it was there that he reinvented his technique. So he was like, I'm gonna get out a new, new throat. Okay? We're gonna. We're gonna get it together. This landed Macchiarini on the front page of the New York Times. Macchiarini's medical discoveries regenerating windpipes caught the attention of NBC, and they set out to make a documentary about him. So this was about to be his own tiny hands. It was going to be tiny throats. So during the production of A Leap of Faith, he met Bonita Alexander, a producer for NBC News. Benita has worked with NBC's top talent, earned many awards. She's an investigative journalist, which. She's the person who's going to be scammed here. So remember, she's an investigative investigative journalist.
- [36:49]
B
You hate to hear it. You hate to hear it. Especially from a bonita. An amazing name.
- [36:53]
A
It is bonita. I love it. She. Oh, she had two Emmys, honey. She was out here. So it was during this time that the two became close, and then they started dating. She was soon breaking one of the cardinal rules of journalism. Don't fall in love with the subject of your story.
- [37:13]
B
Lois Lane, the only famous journalist I can think of who fell in love with the subject of her story.
- [37:21]
A
Same, same. I agree with you at the. Or maybe. Maybe Spider Man. No, because he was himself when he was. Yeah, he was himself.
- [37:29]
B
He was taking pictures of us.
- [37:31]
A
That would be me. I'd fall in love with myself, like, oh, I'm so fine.
- [37:37]
B
So set up this camera. Yes.
- [37:40]
A
At the time, Alexander's first husband was hospitalized with. This is a bummer. Sorry, guys. He had an aggressive form of brain cancer. And she shared details about his condition as well as her satisfaction with her second marriage with Paolo. Right. So Paolo kind of swooped in. She's supposed to be doing this story about him. She's like, paolo, how you be making these throats? And he's like, you know, this is what I start with. One. One neck at a time, you know, like, whatever they talking about. And then she's like, paolo, my husband is dying. And he's like, look, I see people die all the time. I'm a doctor. You know what I mean? Sometimes the throat don't work. Sometimes the throat don't fit. So they bonded over trauma and pain. Yeah. So romantical.
- [38:20]
B
So romantic to bond over throats and brain cancer.
- [38:24]
A
Yeah. So another person who got to know him through. So another person who got to know Paolo through Bonita compared him to the most interesting man in the world from those Dos et quis commercials. No. Yes.
- [38:41]
B
No, that man is not interesting.
- [38:44]
A
Wait, Chelsea, pull up a picture of Paolo Macchiarini. I want Joel to see what he looks like, too, because she said that he looked like George Clooney, and I want to see if you see that.
- [38:55]
B
Oh, not at all. Not hot at all.
- [39:02]
A
Even if you squint. Even if you squint, you don't see George Clooney.
- [39:06]
B
I mean, if you squint real hard, like, halfway blind, like.
- [39:10]
A
Okay, so we'll say George Clowney.
- [39:12]
B
Clowny, for sure. He looks like. Who's. Who's George Clooney's best friend who did the voice of Bing Bong? He looks more like that guy.
- [39:21]
A
Oh, I don't even know who that is. Don't Google it.
- [39:24]
B
Your readers know. Your readers know. They're screaming at their phones right now. They know who I am. They are.
- [39:28]
A
They. They hate me so much. I'm the only person with faces. This guy is not hot.
- [39:34]
B
He must have one hell of a fucking personality. And like, you must be really into medical science to get horny for that guy.
- [39:41]
A
I mean, remember he was wearing scrubs everywhere. He rides on a motorcycle and you know, apparently he seemed like the dose keys, man.
- [39:50]
B
I just, I don't understand female sexuality. Female heterosexual sexuality. I don't understand it because you're all about like the scrubs and the medical advancements and you're like, it's hot to me that you can fix a throat. And it's like you need to be hot and then you can fix the throat and that's like the cherry on top. But you guys, it's like reverse for you.
- [40:10]
A
It is. I think we've been taught. And my friend Priscilla always says this because I'm from Texas. She was like, what is it about women from Texas and loving and marry ugly men? And I was like. And then I started thinking about all my friends and like going through their Instagrams. I was like, damn, I got some fine ass friends married to some ugly ass man. Like, like I'm talking like people who they face look like a thumb. Like no neck to be found. Like, I don't know what it is. I've dated a guy because he had really nice hands.
- [40:36]
B
That is okay. The patriarchy is a degenerative disease on your brain that has made you.
- [40:44]
A
Have you ever been touched by some nice hands?
- [40:47]
B
You would have been a mark for Paolo because he got those nice hands. You would have said, give me a new throat.
- [40:54]
A
I would have. I might have let him try out giving a throat to me. Cause he. Look, he took her on lavish romantic vacations where he paid for everything. By the time.
- [41:04]
B
Yeah, with a face like that, you're gonna need more than a Sandals to get in my pants. Okay, I'm gonna need more than a Sandals resort.
- [41:11]
A
He was taking her to Michelin star restaurants. Come on now. Like he was giving her.
- [41:15]
B
He looks like the Michelin man.
- [41:20]
A
Damn, Joe.
- [41:21]
B
Damn.
- [41:23]
A
Well, I can't even say anything.
- [41:25]
B
I just, I had. I'm so, I'm so sad because I pictured him like with a name like Paolo and a back. And you picture like, I don't know, you just picture someone hotter when you hear the name Paolo.
- [41:37]
A
I know, I know a Paolo. And I got teased a lot because he's like a super Beautiful friend of mine. And they were like, were you flirting with him? And I was like, y' all stay on my business. So. But yeah. So Paolo's usually are hotter. I do agree with you on that.
- [41:50]
B
This man looks like a Fred.
- [41:52]
A
He does. He looks like an Arnold. Sorry to the Arnold's out there. Sorry to this Arnold. So by the time the program aired in mid-2014, the couple were planning their marriage. So she done wrote the article about him. She was like, he's doing the throats. He's popping. He's also doing me and my throat every night. And it aired on NBC. And now they're planning a wedding, right? So they were taking trips to the Bahamas, Turkey, Mexico, Greece, Italy, you name it, all over the world. And they went on shopping sprees. They went to, like, you know, like we talked about before, all the popping restaurants. And when Macarena informed Alexander during a dinner cruise later that summer that his divorce had finally come through, he gave her an engagement ring. So.
- [42:32]
B
Okay. And I bet it wasn't one of those tiny little chip.
- [42:35]
A
No, it wasn't a chip. It wasn't a chip ring. But here's my thing is, like, I've talked about this in la. I was like, dating in la. Like, if you want to find a good man, it's like parking. Like, you never gonna just see an empty spot. You gotta wait till somebody backing out and then be like, you leaving it, leave it. Let me get in there, let me get in there to that, man.
- [42:52]
B
Circle the block, circle the block, circle the block.
- [42:55]
A
You see somebody walking to their car and you like, you leaving and then you back up and then you get a nice spot.
- [43:01]
B
And then sometimes that doesn't even happen and you just call it, and you go home and you call an Uber back to where you were supposed to go, right?
- [43:07]
A
You just gotta walk. And we just call that hook and nail.
- [43:10]
B
Settle for a bird scooter. That's.
- [43:15]
A
That's all I do in LA is ride bird scooters. It's trash. I'm tired of these bird scooter ass men. But that's interesting because he literally was getting out of a divorce, like, getting out of a marriage, and then was like, okay, this marriage, I ink is dried ring for you. Like, didn't you just. You don't wanna. No breaks, no breaks. Hiatus, okay?
- [43:35]
B
From one throw to the next.
- [43:37]
A
From one throw to the next. So the wedding. After his proposal, he told Alexander that he could not stick around for New Year's because he was on for an emergency vip Surgery. That's the only surgery I want to have is vip. I want to have, like, the Kim Jong Un surgeries where it's like, if I die, you know, you dying too. Like, I want.
- [43:56]
B
Yes.
- [43:56]
A
I need you to have the pressure to be so high, like, you better cut me good. You better not play. So he claimed to be a part of a highly classified group of doctors from around the world who catered to the world's vip. Over time, he revealed that he had operated on Bill and Hillary Clinton, the Emperor Aikido Japan, and President Obama. He was cutting on Barry.
- [44:18]
B
Okay, well, it looks like all, like, a lot of people. A lot of struggling with their throats. A lot of powerful people struggling with throat problems.
- [44:26]
A
I mean, Barack Obama's got that nice throat, too. The way he was singing and stuff. That's one of my life regrets, is I'll never be able to have sex with him because I respect their family.
- [44:36]
B
Hey, don't say. Don't say never. I believe in you. I believe in that. I believe that could happen for you.
- [44:41]
A
I think about it a lot. I get disappointed, but.
- [44:44]
B
So the ones, they could have a will and Jada sort of set up,
- [44:48]
A
you know, an entanglement.
- [44:49]
B
Ooh, yeah.
- [44:50]
A
Okay. Okay. You're right. You're right.
- [44:52]
B
If they had an entanglement, she'll take you to her red table.
- [44:55]
A
You're right. If they had an entanglement, then I would dip a toe. I would have to dip a toe in the entanglement. Thank you.
- [45:01]
B
Would you be comfortable with Michelle watching?
- [45:03]
A
Absolutely. I would love to perform for a queen.
- [45:07]
B
Yes.
- [45:10]
A
I would be super professional. Come in. Like, hey, where's my mark?
- [45:13]
B
Here, wash my hands. Everything's good.
- [45:15]
A
Okay, let's go. Great. Oh, God. I'm getting canceled. Michelle Obama got a podcast now. Michelle, we playing over here. We playing sis still. Let me on the podcast sometime. Okay. I'm trying to become. I'm trying to become, too. Every black girl I know got becoming in her room or on her bookshelf. I got it too. I don't know why. It's like every black mama, when it came out that Christmas was like, here you go, baby, become. I was like, okay, thanks, Mom. I will become.
- [45:44]
B
So the wedding you became.
- [45:45]
A
I became. I became. So the wedding was supposed to be extravagant. The guest list included the Obamas. Of course, he was cutting on their throats. The Clintons, Vladimir Putin. Andre Bocelli was supposed to sing at the ceremony. And of course, Pope Francis would officiate the wedding at wedding his.
- [46:04]
B
Because why not wow, wow, wow. At what point is Bonita like, okay, this has escalated a little. Like, at a certain point, you get one of those. You get one of those. And certainly not the Pope. Who's. Do you think the Pope is officiating weddings? That is crazy.
- [46:23]
A
I don't know what he doing at the Vatican all day. I'm sure if you gave a sizable donation, perhaps he would come and put.
- [46:29]
B
They're sitting on a city full of gold. The man does not need to do.
- [46:34]
A
Okay, fair, fair, fair. Our city on a city full of gold. Okay, okay, you're right. So these coins wouldn't mean nothing. You don't think he would come by and just blow some smoke from that little.
- [46:42]
B
No. Did you see how he reacted to that woman who tried to touch him?
- [46:45]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [46:48]
B
He's not going to somebody's wedding.
- [46:50]
A
You right. You right. Okay. So she really should have known at that point, but he was saying that he was cutting on the Pope throat. He said he was all up in the throat. The throat. The jugular of the Pope. So she thought he might come. So as the big day approached, Alexander saw these plans unravel. So I want to put in some details here that. That'll really make sense to this. So she had four dresses. She had a guy who designed the dresses personally who was so hyped because he thought this was his moment. Like all those designers who got called to be in Beyonce's the gay or blackest king. Like, this was his blackest king. He was like, I'm about to see. The Pope is about to see my gowns.
- [47:30]
B
Bonita is queen.
- [47:33]
A
Bonita is queen. He was about to do Bonita is queen. And he was hyped. So I feel so bad for this guy. His name is Matthew. I'm sorry, Matthew. And then also another fun detail about this was, like, so Bonita was like, damn, I'm about to have a wedding with the Pope at it and whatnot. I need to have dancing invitations. So she takes it upon herself to spend $10,000.
- [47:59]
B
Oh, my God.
- [48:00]
A
On invitations that are leather bound, embossed, like, heavy in the hand. Just like fancy invitations.
- [48:12]
B
What do people think? Like, when I get a wedding invitation, how would I put that on my fridge? That's like, how?
- [48:20]
A
Well, this is. This ain't a fridge invitation, boo boo. This is a. This is a paperweight. This is a foyer t. You know what I mean? Like, this is expensive.
- [48:31]
B
It needs to be, like, functional. It needs to be, like a literal. Like, something I would use, like an anal. Douche like, give me something that I can functionally use and use again.
- [48:44]
A
The invitations to my wedding are a butt plug. You can literally shove my wedding up your ass.
- [48:54]
B
Yeah.
- [48:54]
A
I don't know. That's interesting because it is very wasteful. But this was like a very extravagant thing and everyone was buying these tickets, these non refundable tickets to Italy because they were like, oh, Obama's gonna be there. Like, the girls are coming.
- [49:06]
B
So it'd be amazing if you showed up to that wedding after getting a leather bound invitation. And they're like, cash bar, cash bar. Sorry. We spent it all on the invits knocking shit over.
- [49:18]
A
Okay, I dare you. I used to work cash bars back when I did cater waiting and I would always pour real, real heavy because I felt bad for them.
- [49:29]
B
Yeah. What? The whole point of a wedding is to give your. To. To give your friends free booze for one night. That's all they want.
- [49:36]
A
And they give you gifts in return, so it's fair.
- [49:40]
B
Quid pro quo.
- [49:42]
A
Exactly.
- [49:42]
B
Quid pro quo.
- [49:43]
A
You know what I also think is like, if the wedding doesn't last, isn't there like a rule, like if it doesn't last like three months or something, you got to give all the gifts back or a year.
- [49:51]
B
Really?
- [49:52]
A
Yeah.
- [49:53]
B
I didn't know that that was like a full on. Cause that's a scam.
- [49:56]
A
Can you google the wedding etiquette of when you have to give the gifts back? Cause there is definitely a certain point where it's like, if you don't last till this long, you gotta give the gifts back. So I feel like I would just stay with somebody at least that long.
- [50:07]
B
Yeah. And then you split the gifts. You and I should get married.
- [50:09]
A
We should.
- [50:10]
B
That's what we should do. We should get married. We should just decide. We should go to the Target website, register for the things that we need in our lives and just stay married for however long.
- [50:20]
A
Right. And I want people to be like, why is there two blenders on the registration? Because it's a week.
- [50:27]
B
If you. According to Emily Post, you don't got to give them back.
- [50:30]
A
Really? Who is she?
- [50:33]
B
She is like the etiquette person.
- [50:36]
A
Oh, okay. I mean, I would love to have authority in something just like random like that. Like I just make stuff up. That would be great.
- [50:44]
B
I didn't know Emily Post was a real person. I thought she was like a title like Dear Abby.
- [50:50]
A
Right. So Emily said, you don't gotta give him back.
- [50:54]
B
Yep, Emily said it. And if Emily said it, then, well,
- [50:57]
A
then we could just we don't even. Joe, we don't have to get married. We can just, like say we're getting married, make a registry. People be like, this is bizarre. Y' all have two nutriblenders on here. Like what? We both like to blend at the same time, but in the same house.
- [51:08]
B
His and hers, hers. His and hers. Wow. We live in a gendered binary society. Sorry. If you want. If you. If you don't want to get us two blenders, then change the way society views gender.
- [51:20]
A
Okay, thank you. Yes, we did his or hers, everything. And then we could just not get married. We could just do a ceremony on Zoom and then nobody's gonna know if it's.
- [51:29]
B
Yeah. Because of the pandemic. Talk about a Covid scam. That's the scam.
- [51:33]
A
That's the scam. Everybody needs.
- [51:35]
B
Sorry, we can't have a wedding, but we still need shit.
- [51:39]
A
We were planning on getting your shit, though. We will send you all individual little baby Tito's vodka so that you can have a drink at home. That's classy. That's class. So the whole reason the scam falls apart is because Bonita starts like six months. The wedding's supposed to be happening at the six month mark. He sends her six long stemmed roses. It's like the countdown begins. Boo. We about to get married. So she's looking into what, like where the ceremony is going to be and everything that's going to happen, and realizes that the Pope's schedule says that he will not be in Barcelona. The Pope's schedule says that he will not be at his home during the time that they are getting married. So she's like, wait a minute.
- [52:26]
B
This woman is an investigative journalist.
- [52:28]
A
I know, but listen. She was on her second marriage. One of them died, she got a kid, her friend said she takes care of everybody but herself. So she finally found this man who was whisking her off. Maybe he was dicking her down. He must have been.
- [52:42]
B
Yeah, he must. You know, sometimes you get the dick so good that it makes you stupid.
- [52:47]
A
Right?
- [52:48]
B
It really does. You get fucked so hard your brain rattles and you just can't think straight. And also, you start believing the Pope is gonna come to your way.
- [52:59]
A
I just wanna let y' all know out there, no matter who you're with, what sex, gender, if you'll know you're not having good sex when you start just having so much time to think.
- [53:09]
B
If, yeah, you need to. You need to have the sex needs to be good enough that you believe the Pope will Come and officiate your wedding.
- [53:17]
A
Your wedding.
- [53:18]
B
Like, you don't have time to put two and two together on that one.
- [53:20]
A
Cause you're like, I gotta go back to fucking. Like, you gotta get back to it. So, guys, if you couldn't believe that the Pope would come to your wedding, you need to break up with whoever you're with.
- [53:30]
B
Yep. Rule of thumb.
- [53:32]
A
Rule of thumb.
- [53:33]
B
Emily Post says so.
- [53:35]
A
We believe everything that Emily Post says. So she now gets into her, like, external. I'm sorry, her journalism. She puts her journalism hat back on. Her investigative journalism hat back on. And now she's like, spy versus Spy in this bitch. So she hires a private investigator, discovers that Macchiarini was still married to his wife of 30 years.
- [53:56]
B
No.
- [53:56]
A
But Benita wanted to find out more, so she made a trip to Paolo's home in Barcelona. Because, remember, they all had these flights booked to Italy already for this wedding. So to her homegirl, she was like, y' all flights are not refundable. Anyway, so y' all trying to go pull up said, if you can't go to Barcelona, where the hell can you go? And so they pulled up to Barcelona, and Bonita was in the car wearing a blonde wig. And I was just like, yes, espionage.
- [54:27]
B
Oh, my God, to invest in a wig. She is serious. This is journalism.
- [54:32]
A
I want to think about her, like, going to the store, like, yeah, that
- [54:35]
B
one, the blonde one.
- [54:37]
A
Yes. Oh, her name's Susan. Okay, so Bonita puts on her Susan wig, and they go to the house, and they find out that there's already another blonde woman who's in the house when they pull up, who's not even his wife. This is another woman.
- [54:56]
B
My God.
- [54:57]
A
So when he was doing these emerger emergency surgeries, he was really running off to be with other women.
- [55:04]
B
That is crazy. This is like. What's that movie? John Somebody Must Die.
- [55:07]
A
Oh, John. John Tucker Must die.
- [55:10]
B
John Tucker Must Die. That's this vibe, right when he was
- [55:14]
A
so fine and everybody was having sex with him, and then they just had to, like, make a coup. I'm just like, maybe I just need to all be sister girlfriends, you know, the other woman.
- [55:22]
B
Yeah, that movie.
- [55:23]
A
Sometimes you just got to live with it, you know, that's okay. So, you know, that's something that we don't accept anymore as millennials. But back in the day, you know, a man used to have multiple families on the same block, and now, you know, I feel like. I feel like everybody should be able to do that. Women, too.
- [55:38]
B
Absolutely. Who? Who? Just somebody on the east coast, some city. Just like legalized polyamory. Like ratify. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember who, but I don't
- [55:49]
A
know why it's not. You know, it doesn't harm you if people want to have lots of wives. As long as it's not like there's a problem.
- [55:57]
B
Everybody should know about it, though.
- [55:59]
A
Yeah, everyone should know. And everybody should be enthusiastically participating. Yes, but. So the deceit was so wild that researchers have labeled Macchiarini as a psychopath.
- [56:10]
B
Wow. Yeah, I'm on board for that.
- [56:13]
A
His diagnosis, at a distance, says that Macchiarini is the extreme form of a con man. He's clearly bright and has accomplishments, but he can't contain himself. There's a void in his personality that seems. That wants to be filled by conning more and more people, obviously, because what's the end goal here? Like, when everybody flies to Italy? He said that he had a castle for them to stay in. What is the. What? He said that she was gonna ride in a horse and carriage. That would be her and the Pope
- [56:43]
B
again. Bonita, take a step back.
- [56:48]
A
Bonita's about to be in the Pope mobile.
- [56:50]
B
Hear what he is saying to you. Hear what he is saying. Did he say that there was gonna be a Pegasus that would fly her down the aisle, too?
- [56:59]
A
You did say there was gonna be horses, so you're not far. Oh, my God. So this left, like, a really burning question in the air, which is like, if Macarena is a pathological liar, then what about them throat surgeries?
- [57:14]
B
Yes, that's literally what's gonna be my question. So what about the throats?
- [57:18]
A
What about them throats? So Macchiarini gave his regenerating windpipes to 17 or more patients worldwide. And this is so sad, y'. All, I'm so sorry, but most of them have died, so. And I am sorry. We don't do sad. I do not love Michael Paolo. You see, we spent most of our time talking about Bonita. Paolo's on some fuck shit. And unfortunately, when he was he in jail.
- [57:42]
B
Is he dead?
- [57:43]
A
No. Because he was doing this shit, and it was like, oops. Like, you know what I mean?
- [57:48]
B
I don't think you can just oops. You can just oops. That. That's an oops situation. 17 people dead is just an oops situation.
- [57:55]
A
Faced with a public relations disaster, the institute where Macchiarini worked immediately improvised to investigate the allegations, but then within days, suddenly announced that his contract would not be extended. So questions arose to how he even made it as far as he did in the medical field because, like, duh, like the fuck. And Macchiarini's fame had won him well placed backers. This included Harriet Wahlberg, who was the vice chancellor of the Karolinsky or the Karolinska Institute. In 2010, she pushed through his appointment despite the fact that he had some very negative references and dubious claims on his resume. At the institute in Sweden, he could do whatever he wanted, which is probably why a lot of this shit happened in the first couple of years there. He put plastic airways into three patients. Since this was radically new, Macchiarini and his colleagues should have tested it on animals first, but they did not, which is crazy that they didn't. Anyway, he was just out here doing crime, crime time. And he did actually have some charges brought up against him for some of these wrongful death suits. And he received a 16 month prison sentence for forging documents and abuse of office. So he didn't actually go to jail. He's not in jail anymore, but he didn't go to jail for malpractice, but he did go to jail for forging documents and abusive office.
- [59:15]
B
I hate that. I hate that. He should be in jail for murder.
- [59:19]
A
Right? He's also crazy.
- [59:21]
B
Like, this is this, is this. I mean, this is crazy. And I don't want to harp too, because, like, people are dead. So this is serious. But he's not even hot. How did he get away with it? It's crazy. It at least would have made sense if he were like devastatingly attractive and it. And white, you know, but he is just white and average. Like, he looks bad. He looks.
- [59:47]
A
He was charismatic. He had charisma. I mean, he had an investigative.
- [59:54]
B
I hate how far a personality goes for straight people. I really do.
- [59:58]
A
You don't think it is the same all over?
- [60:00]
B
No, I really don't. I don't think gay people are shallow. Gay people are shallow, shallow, shallow, shallow, shallow people.
- [60:07]
A
You did not hear that from me. Look, I'm bi and I'm. I am very deep.
- [60:11]
B
Oh. I mean, gay women aren't gay women and queer women in general and queer, non binary people I don't think are shallow. I think gay CIS men, very shallow. And I'm speaking for. I'm speaking for the entire community. Everyone backs me up. Every gay man backs me up on this. Every gay man listening is not screaming at their phone that I'm. I'm misrepresenting them. No, no, they're all saying. They're nodding their heads. Yes. They're saying yes. Joel is not being hyperbolic. He's being truthful. He's being absolutely and 100% truthful. This is. He speaks for all of us when he says gay CIS men are shallow.
- [60:45]
A
I wish that I was.
- [60:47]
B
Jk, we're not all shallow. I'm shallow.
- [60:50]
A
We know that you're joking. But I guess I wish I was more shallow because sometimes I end up with guys and I'm like, the hot guys I don't stay with because a lot of times they're dumb. Like, I met this one guy, and when I tell you he was so fucking beautiful, like, he was a model. He was really into me, but he was so stupid. Like, he literally thought Atlanta was a state. And I'm not even joking. Like, he was completely serious. And I was like, God, why can't I just, like, lay next to this hot man forever? But I wanted to blow my brains out. I also dated a guy once because we had the same name.
- [61:21]
B
Oh, interesting. And how did that go? How did that go with Boy Lacey I love.
- [61:33]
A
Look, it's already too specific. You guys are gonna find out. But he was hot. But he was, like, kind of crazy, so.
- [61:39]
B
No. But not Paolo crazy, though. Not.
- [61:44]
A
Not replacement. No, he didn't have crazy. No. He didn't go around doing murders to people under the name under the guise of science and marrying lots of women. No, no, no. He didn't go that far, but he was pretty nuts.
- [61:56]
B
Do we know what happened to Bonita Paolo today?
- [62:00]
A
So Benita's fine. She's at. Yeah, she's good. She's.
- [62:04]
B
I mean, will she ever be okay, though? That's the thing. Will she ever be really okay after this?
- [62:10]
A
She still believes in love.
- [62:12]
B
Okay.
- [62:13]
A
Yeah.
- [62:14]
B
I don't know how I would bounce back from this. From the Pope.
- [62:17]
A
I don't know. I feel like you have to enjoy the ride. Like, she did get to go to all these nice restaurants. He flew her out. She got flew out a lot.
- [62:25]
B
I'm sure she got that big old ring and that she's. That had a really high resale value.
- [62:30]
A
Yeah, if it was real. Because, child, who knows with this man? But I'm sure Bonita got it. But see, I'm calling her Bonita now because I wanted to make her name sound black. I'm sure Bonita. I'm sure she got it appraised. She's doing just fine. She's great and she's cute. She'll be fine. Yeah, but. All right, guys, we will be back for the end of the show after some non scam advertisements, robbery and fraud. And we're back. And this is the saddest part of the show because this is where I have to let Joel go.
- [63:03]
B
I'm sorry. I feel like I talk too much.
- [63:05]
A
No, you're wonderful. Like, this is. This is wonderful. This is just scammer of the week. So we'll just talk about a charlatan who's worthy of our praise or not. Sometimes I think they are. And then I get to the brass tacks and I'm like, no, I hate you. But I think I like this girl. This is Vermita Miller, which, like, honestly, she could be my cousin.
- [63:27]
B
She claimed to be an amazing name that makes me hungry.
- [63:31]
A
It's spelled V E, R, M, Y, T, T, Y, A. And I want to take a guess and say that this is like the combination of two people's names in the family or something, because it just doesn't.
- [63:44]
B
Two grandmas. Yeah.
- [63:46]
A
Yeah, Vermita. Anyways, she claimed to be injured so badly that she had to call off her wedding reception. But authorities say it was actually a scheme to commit fraud through a popular wedding website, the Knot. Okay, so I've heard about the Knot because the girls like that website. In October 2016, Vermita, a Santa Clarita native. Oh, Shout out to Cali. Used the website to book a wedding reception at the Galleria Ballroom in Glendale County, California, with a $10,000 event cancellation insurance policy. But soon afterwards, Miller says she tripped on her wedding dress, injuring herself so severely that she had to cancel the reception. Authorities said Miller filed an insurance claim using falsified medical reports and received a ten thousand dollar check.
- [64:38]
B
Snaps.
- [64:39]
A
Yeah. About five weeks later, Miller emailed the insurer saying that her check was stolen.
- [64:47]
B
Now, this is what we like to call gilding the lily. Vermita, you could have stopped while you were ahead. You got your 10,000. You got your 10,000 for your fake ass trip over your dress story. Keep going.
- [65:03]
A
You got $10,000. You didn't have to work at all. Vermita. Why you gonna call and say the check was stolen? So she sent over a copy of a police report she had apparently filed with the police department for the stolen check. When the insurance company received the claim to the Department of Insurance for investigations, detectives found the report was for an incident that took place years earlier and that the medical records had been falsified. A spokeswoman with the Knots said the website collaborated with the insurance company in 2016 to offer their invention, cancellation insurance products to couples who use the Knot venue for booking service to help Booking their wedding venue. But they stopped offering insurers coverage in 2017. Now, what's crazy is, is if there was insurance coverage right now during COVID Oof. These are bankrupt. Because everybody would have been like, we can't. We can't get married over for me to. You actually got the bag, sis. What the fuck?
- [66:01]
B
And, like, I don't think Vermita understands how checks work. If you cash the check and then you claim the check is stolen, they can very easily check and see if the cash. The check was cashed. Like, you can't. That's not how that works.
- [66:15]
A
But if she cashed it, I think she probably should cash it a check, cash in place and let them take that absorbent fee out, thinking like, oh, it's not in my bank account. They'll never know I did this at Western Union. But, y', all, anything that's done at Western Union is probably a crime. You know, that's the first place that the cops go. I wouldn't be shocked if the cops just go to Western Union once a month and be like, can we see their logs? Okay, we'll start Googling all of these people.
- [66:42]
B
You walk in, you're marked, right?
- [66:44]
A
Cameras everywhere. You think it's unsafe to go on Facebook and give them your information? Don't go into Western Union and give a shit. Cause you going to jail. Yeah. Romita, you are my scam of the week. Because this was an excellent scam. You thought of something so brilliant, you really took advantage of. Of the system, you know, insurance. It's a scam. I'm just really.
- [67:04]
B
And the wedding industry, for that matter, too, right?
- [67:06]
A
Because as soon as you put wedding on a white dress, all of a sudden it's marked up, like, 500%. If you just buy a white dress, it's never as much as a wedding dress. It's like, what's the difference, bitch? It's the same material. I do love going to Davis Bridal, though, because Davis Bridal. I'm sure you could find a cute wedding dress in there. But a lot of it's very tragic. And it's fun to go in there and just try stuff on and be like, this is so sad.
- [67:31]
B
Well, they're marked up because you gotta be a virgin to wear it. Lacey. Everybody knows that it's more expensive for a virgin. That's why.
- [67:38]
A
Listen, I got a program. If y' all get on my Instagram, y' all probably see my program called Virginity rocks, where if you send me two installments of $20, I will give you your virginity back, and you can be a virgin, too. Okay. Oh, my God. Join the club.
- [67:56]
B
Signing up.
- [67:57]
A
Virginity rocks.
- [67:58]
B
Give me that V card. You send them a physical laminated V card.
- [68:02]
A
That's what I do. Yes. That's what I do. For 40 bucks, you can have your virginity back. It's not that hard. Guys, guys, we've reached the end. And, Joel, I have to ask you where you want to be found.
- [68:17]
B
Well, if you want to find me, you can find me at I hate Joel Kim on all social media platforms. I got in before the haters could. And, yeah, that's where I'm at. That's where I'm posting. That's. That's where I'm, you know, spending most of my time during COVID So, yes,
- [68:33]
A
if you haven't watched Search Party Guys, you have nothing else to do. Binge. All of it. Season three is my favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite so far. It was so goddamn good. You guys were amazing.
- [68:45]
B
Thank you so much.
- [68:46]
A
And, guys, you can find us always@scamgodesspodmail.com Snitch on your friends and family, write in listener letters, and then where can you find me? God Scam. Goddesspod on all platforms. D I, V, A L, A, C I. Diva Lacey on all platforms. If you want to see my shenanigans. All right, congregation, stay ski.