Family and Friends Edition!

Summary

Scam Goddess – "Family and Friends Edition!" (Nov 18, 2022)

Host: Laci Mosley with guest Priscilla Davies
Theme: Hilarious real-life confessions of scams perpetrated (or survived!) by listeners’ own friends and family, plus reflections on scammy systems all around us.

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Episode Overview

This special Confessions episode features host Laci Mosley and recurring guest Priscilla Davies reading wild and messy scam stories sent in by audience members. The theme? Family and friends scamming each other, with comedic analysis and personal asides about why these kinds of cons are so common (especially around money, inheritance, and immigrant experiences). Hustle, survival, and the absurdity of modern economic woes are big through-lines, all delivered with Scam Goddess’s trademark irreverence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Messy Family Inheritance Scam

(Story: "Larry" and the Uncle from Hell)

• Timestamps: 02:24–16:50
• Listener “Larry” describes how his uncle, after the sudden death of Larry’s father abroad, exploits COVID travel restrictions to take control of the family’s affairs.
• Uncle ransacks the deceased’s house, loots cash and documents, refuses to allow an autopsy or funeral rites, stalks the sister, spreads lies about relatives, and ultimately tries to sue for the family land with a forged document using the dead father's fingerprint.
• Both Laci and Priscilla joke about the cartoonish villainy:
  • Priscilla: “That’s a shady ass brother, right?” (04:32)
  • Laci: “Is your uncle a super villain?” (05:20)
• The uncle’s “evidence” (forged document with fingerprint) is thrown out by the court, but he’s not punished—courts favor men, and his attempt faces no legal consequences.
• Laci on why this kind of family betrayal is so common, particularly among immigrant communities:
  • “Always fighting over land back home. Always fighting with cousins and uncles and aunts over that same land. Cause they all think you’re rich because you’re in America.” (10:29 – Priscilla)
• The hosts relate with personal anecdotes of how relatives think "making it" in America means you’re well-off, and why family can be the most dangerous when money is involved.

2. Scams, Hustle Culture, and the Absurdity of Modern Life

• Timestamps: 11:00–17:30
• The hosts riff on how appearances are deceiving – family thinks Laci lives glamorously in Hollywood, when in fact she is working long hours, struggling with LA realities (unhoused population, high cost of living).
• Lampooning of economic “scams” at a systems level:
  • Laci: “Money is already made up. So they’re just doing make em ups to us.” (13:54)
  • Joking about Social Security as a Ponzi scheme/MLM, and the absurdity of current U.S. policies around inflation, abortion, and generational greed.

3. The Sexy Side Hustle: Tech CEO John

(Story: "Barry" and the Rub & Tug Hustle)

• Timestamps: 17:32–30:01
• Listener “Barry” (aka “Barack Obama” per Laci) writes in from Silicon Valley, revealing that alongside tech startup gigs, he made up to $30K/month as a “sexy masseuse” (rub & tug).
• His scam? He confesses to his boss (company CEO) that he has a crush, and the CEO becomes a client—crossing all kinds of lines.
• The segment morphs into a funny exploration of how people wind up in underground/gray economies and questions of whether turning a crush into a paying client is a scam or a win.
• Priscilla: “If you thought he was hot and it turned into good money… I think a win is a win!” (24:18)
• The hosts reminisce about times they felt like regular massage was getting a bit “too intimate” and share wild spa stories from abroad.

4. Generational Gripes, Math, and Social Security

• Timestamps: 24:39–29:53
• Millennial and Gen Z cultural banter – why Gen Z is skipping “after-work drinks,” and what makes millennial identity so fraught.
• Priscilla, a self-described “educator,” defends Common Core math and shares the hilarious rarity of actually using Pythagorean theorem in real life.
• Tangents about how socio-economic systems push everyone toward hustling, finessing, and finding “creative” ways to get by.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Family Scams & Inheritance:

• Laci (commenting on uncle’s villain arc):

  “Your father was right...like, what is this brother doing? Terrible trash man.” (04:36)

• Priscilla:

  “It can really be your own family that fucks with you. Even basic respect for the dead can really go out the window when some people’s money gets involved.” (10:17)

On the Absurdity of Modern Hustle:

• Laci:

  “Let the government co-sign on the fraud… I’m gonna start taking people to shady court.” (06:23)

• Priscilla:

  “Money is already made up. They’re just doing whatever they fucking want. And it’s crazy that we just accept this shit.” (13:54)

On the Rub & Tug CEO Confession:

• Priscilla:

  “I don’t know if this is a win or not, I mean, if you thought he was hot and it turned into good money for you… I think a win is a win!” (24:11)

• Laci:

  “You just turned an opportunity into a trick, and we love that for you. Congratulations.” (30:01)

On Generational Pet Peeves:

• Priscilla:

  “The funniest thing to me was, especially as an elder millennial, like, when elder millennials didn’t know we were millennials, so they would be talking shit about millennials and I’d be like, guys, I have some bad news. We’re millennials.” (24:53)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• 02:24–16:50 – "Larry" Family Inheritance Scam Story
• 11:00–17:30 – Riffs on American/immigrant hustle reality, systemic scams
• 17:32–30:01 – "Barry" Tech CEO Rub & Tug Confession, plus side hustle debates
• 24:39–29:53 – Generational banter, jokes about math, “real-life” Pythagorean theorem

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Tone and Language

• Casual, unfiltered, irreverent—frequent cussing, jokes, pop culture drops
• Very conversational, filled with personal asides, and plenty of “real talk” about identity, class, and modern struggles.
• The hosts juggle genuine empathy for storytellers (“Fuck that uncle!”) with playful roast energy and sharp comedic timing.

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Final Notes

• Each “scam” or hustle is explored for its implications on family, race, class, and gender, with the line between scam, hustle, and survival constantly blurred.
• Laci closes with a call for more confessions:

  “Snitch on your friends and your family at scamgottispodmail.com—just make sure the scam is retired so we don’t fuck up your bag.” (30:14)

Summary:
A signature Scam Goddess episode: riotously funny, biting in its analysis of both petty and systemic cons, and brimming with crowd-sourced stories that prove the messiest scams almost always start close to home.

Transcript

[A]

What's Poppin Confession. Secret Conm. Munity. It's your girl, Lacey Mosley and Priscilla Davies. And we're back with another installment of Confessions. As always, snitch on your friends and your [e-mail] and maybe if your letter is too long to be on the main show, you'll end up on our secret, even more fun show. That happens now. Priscilla.

[B]

Hello. Hey. Yay. Hi.

[A]

That was, like, probably the worst introduction I've ever done. I'm so sorry, guys. I'm so tired. But we're here, and we're queerish.

[B]

And get used to it.

[A]

Get used to it. Happy to be here with all of you criminals out there. How you doing, Priscilla?

[B]

I'm doing fantastic. I'm having a great time.

[A]

Wow. Wow. Okay. Okay, cool. Well, as you guys know, this is the podcast where we read your letters, snitch on your friends and your [e-mail]. just make sure the scam is retired. Cause we don't wanna. What? Yes. Fuck up your bag today. We've got some long ones. I love how we've always been like, hey, guys, try to truncate it. And everybody's like, no, you get in this book, okay? You're getting a Stephen King. You're getting a Game of Thrones, and I love it. We need it.

[B]

It's all the juice and the squeeze.

[A]

Thank you for giving it to us. So let's get into this first confession, see how fast we're getting into this. Guys, it's two minutes. That was two minutes. We didn't do any small talk. We're professionals now. It only took three years.

[B]

Three seasons.

[A]

It only took three seasons, but then we perfected it. So I'm gonna get right into the messy story. Well, actually, give me a fake name for this person.

[B]

P. Um, let's call them Larry.

[A]

I like Larry. Summer Walker has a Larry tattoo on her face, and her and Larry broke up, so that's kind of sad. I just feel like Larry is not a name to get tatted on your body. Like, what's another name that's not, like, good for tatting? Cause it's just not. I'm sorry. If you're a Larry out there, Mary. Anything that rhymes with Larry? Carrie. I feel like maybe Lawrence. Cause isn't that what he's short for? Like, I just.

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

I just feel like Larry or John. John. Like, you know, there's just things that don't feel like good ideas to tattoo Especially on your face. But shout out to Summer Walker and her music and her beautiful weirdness. Okay, so Larry says, I'm gonna get right into the messy story. That is the time my uncle tried to scam my family out of our father's inheritance just a few years ago. Damn, Larry. In late 2020, our father traveled back to his home country. But then he passed away very suddenly, unexpectedly. I'm sorry, Larry.

[B]

Larry, is your dad Nigerian? Cause I feel like that's where this is at. Went back to our home country. This is sounding familiar now, Larry.

[A]

I don't think at any point in this letter, Larry tells us what the country. What the home country is, which feels like it's on purpose. So I don't know what we're hiding from the home country. But wait, like, is it. What was that fake home country in coming America?

[B]

Zamunda?

[A]

Is it Zamund? Did dad go back to Zimonda where he go? So Larry says, you know, father went to the home country and passed away very suddenly, which is very sad. Sorry about that, Larry. It was very hard and sad time for my siblings and mother. Due to the COVID restrictions, we were unable to go see him right away. And it was left up to the care of our uncle who lived there and assured us he would take care of everything on his end. But pretty soon it became clear his priority was scamming us. Damn. So you thought the uncle's helping with like the services and getting everything. Meanwhile, he was like, let me help myself. Hilarious things. So my father's friends told us that the very first thing my uncle did when he went to my father's house was essentially ransack it. He looked. He looted my father's wallet for money and went around the house grabbing whatever documents he thought looked important, as well as looting random safes and boxes for more money.

[B]

That's messed up.

[A]

Your brother just passed away and you are going through his wallet. Wouldn't that be on his person?

[B]

Yeah, that's messy.

[A]

That's really messy. And he's going through all his shit. It's like. And nobody's over there to check him.

[B]

Yeah, that's fucked up. That's a shady ass brother, right?

[A]

That's a brother who was looking at your daddy like, ooh, Just counting everything he had, pretty much like, oh, you got a raise. Congrats, big bro. Congrats on it, big bro. Where you gonna put all that raise money? Like, exactly the location. Proud of you. You need anybody to help you count it? Like, what is this brother doing? Terrible trash Man. So he did all kinds of other shit on top of this to basically make our lives hell during this time. Refused to give our father an autopsy. Buried him without any burial rights. Paid for men to stalk my sister when she went to visit our home country. Spread lies about each of us and tr. Turn us against each other. But at the time, we didn't know how bad it would get until he tried running his worst scam in court. Okay, is your uncle a super villain?

[B]

Yeah, this guy's really fucked up. But, you know, that's why I asked if Larry was Nigerian, because this is very much like the story. Sounds very familiar to me.

[A]

I'm not gonna put this on the Nigerian community.

[B]

Not Nigerians. I mean, I'm talking about not Nigeria, not just the Niger gang.

[A]

Listen to me, this is only Priscilla talking here.

[B]

No, I'm just saying because actually, this sounds more familiar. This sou to my Haitian family. So I'm just saying any, you know, first gen, but I feel like any family. But it's true, it's true, it's true. But I don't know, something in this just feels black.

[A]

I feel that too. Something in me. It's giving, like, big mama pass. And as someone who's had a big mama pass, and then people started stealing her clothes and doing stuff like, you know, it's giving a little bit big mama, but at the same time, like, he's taking it to court, you know, and that's very white. That's very white. White people love court.

[B]

That's true. But they do that to just like, legitimize what they're doing. Like the shady shit that they're doing, right?

[A]

Let the government co sign on the fraud, which, you know, we gotta get better at. I'm gonna start taking people to shady court. Let's all start suing for defamation. More if you trip and fall. Make a meal out of that. Okay? And then make a coin.

[B]

Shady court.

[A]

Shady court. Okay. I'm gonna get one of them injury attorneys. Give me an abogado. Oh, my neck and my back. I can't wait to trip and fall in a Chipotle. They all going down. So the shady supervillain uncle is now trying to scam at the courthouse. My father had land back in our home country, and he was always insistent that when he was alive, he wanted to sell it and give the money to us, his children. He made my siblings. And I swear that if anything happened to him, absolutely not ever get his brother involved in the business with the inheritance, because my father did not trust him one bit. And your father was right.

[B]

So why did you guys let him run?

[A]

Cause it was Covid, and they couldn't

[B]

get off the country. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it kind of ended up landing in his lap. Okay.

[A]

Yep. The shady brother was like, this is how I win.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Even though I feel like y' all should have kept the death away from the shady brother. Was there anybody else y' all could have told and been like, don't tell him, like, weekend and Bernie's your dad. And then, like, had some other people take care of him. Was he the only relative over there?

[B]

I guess so. Or maybe he just, you know, jumped at the chance.

[A]

Oh, he definitely jumped. He had jumped. He leaped. Like, these are Olympic jumps. So when our dad died, my uncle insisted on trying to help us deal with the lawyers and inheritance. But when we politely told our uncle that we were dealing with the father's inheritance alone and didn't need his help, he became enraged and would leave us nasty messages, swearing at us up and down, and decided to take us to court to sue us for the land that my father had left to us. We were very confident that he didn't have a leg to stand on, as we had multiple cooperating pieces of evidence and deeds that provided that my father had divided the land and left it for us, as the lawyers and witnesses had said. But my uncle, however, in court. I love that the uncle is like, calling him, you raggedy bitch. It's me, your uncle, again. You need to get a longer voicemail, because every time I try to come cuss your bitch at whoopee. Are you satisfied with this message? He's like, damn it. All right, I'm calling again. Like, what? This man is wilding. So my uncle, however, in court, produced a piece of evidence he thought would be a slam dunk. It was a single sheet of paper that said, my father left everything to my uncle. The land, his money, his house, all of it was my uncle's. It was obviously forged. But the kicker that made him so confident to present it in court. Question mark. Question mark. It had my father's fingerprints stamped underneath as his signature. A common practice for documents in my home country. All of us.

[B]

So you took his dead finger and used it to make a. Oh, my God. A fingerprint.

[A]

It's given how to get away with scandal.

[B]

Yeah, this is messy as hell.

[A]

Messy as hell. Not you over here. Desecrating this man, body dipping his finger in ink at the. The mortician was like, oh, yeah, you've identified the body. We don't need to be hearing anything. He was like, I need a moment alone with him. Sir, why do you have that ink?

[B]

Oh, my God. Why do you have that ink paddle?

[A]

Why you have that ink pad and that paper? I just need to grieve alone for a moment. Get out of here. Get out of here and close the door. Like, what? Shady as hell. So the uncle has this fingerprint. It's likely he got it while he was alone with my father's body and used his finger to get a print for the bogus document. The court saw through his scheme and denied his claim of the land. Even though what he did was illegal, he did not get in trouble with the law because the courts in our home favor men hugely. And they let him off without even a slap on the wrist. Wow. So the court was like, you tried. Valiant effort.

[B]

Patriarchy strikes again, literally.

[A]

My siblings and mother received the sum total of our inheritance. And we never spoke to my uncle or any of our cousins from his side of the family ever again. More of the story. Always be careful. It can really be your own family that fucks with you. Even basic respect for the dead can really go out the window when some people's money gets involved.

[B]

Yeah, it's unfortunate. I mean, this is, like, a common theme in, you know, immigrant families in the U.S. it's just, like, always fighting over land back home. Always fighting with cousins and uncles and aunts back home over that same land. Cause they all think that you're rich because you're in America. And so, you know, they think that they deserve a cut.

[A]

That makes so much sense. Cause it's like, you got the American dream in quotes, and now they want a piece because they assume you just living it up.

[B]

Yeah. And it really. It's hard to explain. Like, no, we're struggling here. It's just a different type of struggle.

[A]

I think the one way that I can explain it, at least from being an American and not knowing where I'm from because of that good old boat ride back in the day.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Now, they just dropped us off here. We don't know exactly where we came from, but when I moved to Hollywood, I had family and friends from back home in Texas who really thought I was living that Hollywood lifestyle. And I was like, y', all, I work at a restaurant 50 hours a week. My ankles are swollen, and I'm tired.

[B]

Like, grass is always greener.

[A]

Right. They just thought I was drinking champagne by the Hollywood sign every day.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Please.

[B]

After you hiked. And, like, Went to the beach after

[A]

I drove with my top down next

[B]

to the ocean on the pch.

[A]

Literally. That's what they think. We're driving every day on the pch, just seeing the ocean breeze flowing through our hair. And I'm like, no. I'm stuck in grinding traffic while strangers keep knocking on my window trying to sell me flowers.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. You know you don't know what we're dealing with here, right?

[A]

We're trying to outrun the unhoused people that our government refuses to help before they, like throw piss on us. Sometimes. Sometimes.

[B]

Just sometimes.

[A]

Just sometimes.

[B]

Not all the time.

[A]

Not all the time. A lot of them are cool, but some of them, you know, they might randomly try to hit you. I know two people, two separate people who are actually, myself included, who were attacked by people on the street, like, just randomly.

[B]

That's so scary.

[A]

Meanwhile, they think we're over here in the Beverly Hills Hotel.

[B]

Listen, just because my Instagram says one thing right, doesn't mean that it's the truth.

[A]

My Instagram does say, like, I'm going into stores on Rodeo Drive, saying, you work on commission, right? Big mistake. Huge. But in my real life, I'm like, gas is how much?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, we gonna have to walk. I'm gonna have to start avoiding left turns. Like I'm a UPS truck, bitch.

[B]

Cause it's bad out here the way

[A]

this gas is looking. I literally moved closer to one of my jobs and I haven't had to get gas in three weeks. And I've been present for work every day. And it's. Cause I just drive my car there and drive it back. And I was like, this is the grift. I'm saving so much money.

[B]

Commute, baby.

[A]

Cause the way them prices look. And I love fake inflation. Cause yeah, there's inflation happening right now. But I was watching a congressional hearing, I'm sure you saw this too, where they were Talking about how 50% of inflation is just corporate greed. Like, everybody realized that we were in an economic downturn, so they were like Welsh's fruit snacks about to be $6.

[B]

Yeah, it's fucked up. It's really fucked up. And the Fed is like, let's raise the rates. That won't actually have any effect on inflation and just really fuck the people.

[A]

And money is already made up. So they're just doing make em ups to us.

[B]

They're just doing whatever they fucking want. And it's crazy that we just accept this shit. It's insane. I don't understand. Actually, I do understand. Why? I think we're the first generation that's really getting the shit end of the deal. Everybody else just got a little bit, you know, enough to keep them quiet and happy.

[A]

Like, yeah, older generations, they had to go to some fake wars and some bad fake wars, you know, that sucked. But when they came home, they bought a house.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, they created a society that actually supported the society. And then the people who got supported the most, boomers decided to fuck it, screw everybody.

[A]

They were like, we're living good. How could we be living better?

[B]

Yeah, it's something else. I mean, it really speaks to, like, you know, being spoiled. Like, when you have it good, you don't know anything else.

[A]

And you want more if you're starting. Because that's the human nature is we all want to improve our lives. So if your life starts off way better than most people, you're like, okay, let's get it up and stuck. And so now we're all stuck paying the consequences. I can't believe Social Security turned into a Ponzi scheme.

[B]

It's just. It's just so depressing. And the fact that these people who are doing this have been in power for, like, 30, 40 years. It's like, oh, my God.

[A]

And won't die.

[B]

And won't die.

[A]

I won't leave.

[B]

Oh, and, you know, we know who just reannounced recently. We shall not say that name. But, like, it's just. It's just this is a fucking clown show, this country. And everybody's just like,

[A]

right. Like, who would have thought that the Social Security number would essentially become like a NFT or like Lululemon leggings, Like Herbalife. My Social Security is now Herbalife.

[B]

It's an mlm.

[A]

It's an mlm. And they're like, if you have kids, we gonna force y' all to have kids so y' all can get some more members into the downline.

[B]

Oh, my God. And that. And they're literally doing it now. Right? That's why abortion is off the table. They trying. These babies come, right?

[A]

They were like, look, we need stuff on the downline.

[B]

They're trying to lower the age for girls to get married in some of these states. It's crazy. They're like, you know what? 12 is not young enough. Let's do 8. Let's start at 8.

[A]

I've met some very mature 8 year olds. Like, what? No. Everything is sick and very, very nasty. Oh, my goodness. And yet here we are. Here we are, fighting every day, doing a podcast. What else Are we supposed to do? Yes. Doing podcasts is embarrassing, but what else are we supposed to do? Truly, I get very embarrassed if anyone ever introduces me as a podcaster. Please don't say that as a podcaster just to say I be doing audio to people. Like, let's. You making me sound like Kevin Samuel

[B]

was like, oh, my God, they took him, but they didn't take the rest of them.

[A]

Right, but that was a win for us. You know, shout out to the devil. He at least pulls up once every.

[B]

I don't know if that was the devil that did that. I think it was a higher power.

[A]

You don't think the devil is like, I want him to be with me. He's really working so great for the cause.

[B]

I feel like someone just yoinked him out. Somebody. I feel like Archangel Michael's like, yeah, let's go, buddy.

[A]

Back it up.

[B]

Back her up.

[A]

People are down Bad enough. We're gonna just go ahead.

[B]

Get him out of here.

[A]

Canc. So that your subscription to Life?

[B]

Basically, it's a wrap. You're done here.

[A]

Oh, Lord Jesus. But let's move on to our next letter here.

[B]

This is one of our confession congregants. No. Yes. Oh, yay. This is so exciting. Okay, so let me get a fake name for this writer.

[A]

Ooh. You know, I'm gonna keep with the theme of names. You shouldn't tattoo on your face. And let's call him Barry.

[B]

Barry.

[A]

Barry.

[B]

What is Barry short for?

[A]

Barack Obama.

[B]

Oh, that's true. That's very true. I'm sure all the white Barrys are not Baracks.

[A]

No, they all are. Every white Barry is a Barack.

[B]

Got it. Now it makes sense. Now it makes 100%.

[A]

I'm gonna start calling them that. No. What else is Barry? All I know is Barry White.

[B]

Maybe Barry's just the name. Berenstain Baron.

[A]

Yeah, it's either Berenstein Baron. Now I sound like I'm talking about them bears.

[B]

The Berenstain Bears.

[A]

The Berenstain Bears. But yes. So Barry, short for Barack, very short

[B]

for Barack, says, I've worked at a number of tech startups in the tech startup capital of the world.

[A]

That's San Francisco.

[B]

Silicon, right? I don't know. Silicon Valley.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cupertino. For the longest time, I never knew why Cupertino was on all iPhones, and I was like, oh. Cause that's what they are, isn't it?

[B]

Also on a pencil, too. Cupertino? No, that's Ticonderoga.

[A]

You have so many random facts.

[B]

That anyway.

[A]

Your brain.

[B]

Yeah. Or isn't Cupertino a font? Maybe it's like something else too. I know it's a city, but it's like something else. But anyway, so understanding the volatility of the market while wanting to stunt like a bat bitch. I always had a side hustle or two while working full time.

[A]

And we've got confirmation. It is a font.

[B]

It is a font.

[A]

Yes. You go p. Yes.

[B]

Okay. So one of my longest hustles was working as a sexy masseuse. AKA rub and tug. Uh oh, uh oh. Happy. Happy endings.

[A]

Happy endings. I've always wondered, like, how do people know that they're going to a. A sexy masseuse? I mean. Cause, you know, they have all the massage places out here that are just on every corner. Like, how do you know which ones are. You gotta find out.

[B]

It's like, how do you know where the underground party is?

[A]

But how do you ask? Because I feel like that's a question. If you ask and they're gonna run you out of there.

[B]

Well, I think you probably ask your boys. You don't ask them.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

It's just word of mouth.

[A]

There's no flyers, there's no billboard.

[B]

It's just. It's literally word of mouth. Yeah. So. AKA Rub and tug. You know, I remember Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when Denise Richards said that she got a happy ending massage.

[A]

Yes, I remember that.

[B]

And I just was so. I mean, I still think about that to this day. Like, wow. I don't know if I could do that.

[A]

Yeah, it feels like. I guess. Cause I have a vagina. I'm like, this is a lot of.

[B]

I don't need to get in there. I don't need it. Yeah. It's like, I don't. Where have your hands been? I know where they've been. They've been all over my body.

[A]

True. I'm like. But I'm like, if I had an exterior external, it's a different story. Yeah. If I had something on the outside, maybe then I'd be like. Maybe like a boo bra. But that's. What is that really? Probably.

[B]

That's just a nice massage. Yeah, it's just a nice. Get that tension out.

[A]

I will say one time, though, I did get a massage in Mexico where I was like almost 100 certain that this woman was trying to, like, do sexual stuff to me. Because it was like one of those massages where it started with a full body scrub and then you get into the shower. It was at a really nice place. But the shower has a glass door, right? So I thought when I got into the shower, like, she would step out. And then I get into the shower and dry off and then get back on the bed for my 80 minute massage or whatever. Tell me why. So she does the scrub, and then she's like, oh, okay, get up. And I speak Spanish. So we're speaking in Spanish and we go over to the shower and she holds up the towel. It's a glass shower, so you can see me in the shower. She holds up the towel, but, like, doesn't look away. So she's just holding the towel up and can see directly into the shower. So I'm like, what is the point of the towel? So then I get shower. I'm like, whatever. This is just what's happened. You already seen me. Anyway, I get back on the table, and when she's massaging me, it was just like very deep into the upper thighs. Like, very, very. I was like, is she gonna. Is she about to Ditto by Skittle. What's happening? And then when I turned over, you know how when you turn over, they look away and you, like, flip over? And when I turned over, she was just looking and just like, well. And then she kept fluffing up the sheet when I was on my back so then my titties would be out. And I was like, what? What is it?

[B]

Oh, my God. I feel like getting a massage in a foreign country is, like, you know, at your own risk. I've had something like that happen to me too. When I was in India, I was like, I'm being molested on this table.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, it's happening, right? We're past the professionalism.

[B]

So, yeah, like, so maybe she was

[A]

letting me know, like, if I wanted.

[B]

That's what's up.

[A]

Yeah, that Denise, she was about to give me a piece.

[B]

You want that Denise special?

[A]

Oh, we continue. So, Barry, what else has happened?

[B]

So, you know, I'll spare the details to protect my fellow sex workers, but let's just say some of us made upwards of $30,000 a month. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Anywho, the scam in quotations is I flipped one of my tech company bosses, CEO of the company, into a john. Oh, my God. Now you just messy.

[A]

You just not the side hustle like you should. Really. On the weekends, I do massage therapy if you ever need some therapy.

[B]

Oh, my God. Okay. So my young dumb ass confessed to having a crush on him. And rather than nip it in the bud like a responsible leader, he ran with it and ended up becoming a massage client of mine. What a creeper. What a creeper. I have so many other stories, but I'll leave it there in hopes that y' all want to hear in person when I, Aaliyah, come to LA for search history on November 18th.

[A]

I'm dead. Okay, I'm gonna pull up on y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

You know we want it for the podcast. How you gonna give us a teaser? I feel like we get roped into this massage game now.

[B]

I want to know what happens next, guys. I do. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if this is a win or not. I mean, if you. If you thought he was hot and it turned into good money for you.

[A]

Cause what's better than, like, doing somebody consensually with somebody that you have a crush on and you get paid?

[B]

That's what I'm saying. I think it's a win is a win.

[A]

Win is a win. Yeah. I don't even know if this is a scam. It just sounds like.

[B]

It just sounds like a date,

[A]

an unconventional date. You were like, hey, why don't you come see my side hustle? See, this is why after work drinks were canceled by Gen Z. They don't want to do after work drinks no more. And everybody mad at them, right?

[B]

Like, they're so mad at Gen Z. I mean, they're still mad at us. We still haven't gotten out of the hot seat as millennials.

[A]

But, no, the name alone is just. It makes people's blood burn hot.

[B]

The funniest thing to me was, especially as an elder millennial, like, when elder millennials didn't know we were millennials, so they would be talking shit about millennials, and I'd be like, guys, I have some bad news. Like, we're millennials.

[A]

You had to come out. You had to come out as a millennial.

[B]

I literally had. I remember writing a post. Like, I noticed a lot of my millennial cohorts don't know how to do math because you were born during this time period.

[A]

Look, we had calculators. I just saw a post on Twitter where they were doing that math with the square. Like, when you have to do complicated multiplication, it was like, 35 times 12,

[B]

and then they put the number content core or whatever. Yeah, Common Core. Common Core, yeah.

[A]

And I was like, this is so much mental energy. Like, this is not how I would do this. You just do. You do 35 times 10, and then you do two more 35s, and then it's 420. That's how I would do it.

[B]

The thing is. So I actually am a proponent of Common Core because, you know, I'm an educator.

[A]

Very true.

[B]

Yes. So I. You know, when people come for Common Core, it's like they don't understand what Common Core is about. The point is for you to understand how you're getting to those answers. Because, like, yeah, we all know how to borrow and carry, but do you really know what that means when you're borrowing and carrying? No. Right.

[A]

No. But also, the world is on fire. I don't got time to contemplate how I ended up there.

[B]

Not now. But I'm just saying, back in the day, before, you know, everything. Well, it's always been bad.

[A]

Before it got to the point where they were like, y' all stay out of the rain. Cause that water is acidic.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the thing is, it helps you because it allows you to be able to do. Translate that skill. And that's where it matters. So, like, when you're an adult, you're not sitting there confused about how to, you know, scale something for your room when you're trying to. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Shit like that. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It comes back. It comes back. Listen, I remember I did use Pythagorean theorem once in my life as an adult. I did, I swear to God. And I was like, oh, my God, we can use Pythagorean theorem. I was moving and. Or I was helping somebody move, and we were trying to get something into, like, the back of my car. And so. And it was like, you know, it was a perfect, like, fucking Right. Right triangle or whatever. And so we measured one side, we measured the other, and we squared them, we added them up.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And we were like, ah, it's too big. It won't fit.

[A]

We can't get it in. Wow.

[B]

We actually did it, and it was amazing. That's.

[A]

I think you might be the only person in the world I'm pretty proud, other than architects who have had to use it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Cause I ain't never had no moving company be like, hold on, get the pen and paper out before we move this couch. They just be shoving that shit into your door frame and breaking off the legs.

[B]

Exactly, exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We just. I think we just were too lazy to actually carry. I think it was a mattress or a box spring. And it was like, why drag this out to see if it even fits? Let's just use our brains. And I was like, oh, my God, we can use PYTHAGOREAN Theorem.

[A]

Oh, my God, y' all worked smarter, not harder. Yeah, that's wild. Cause I would have just been trying to shove that box spring and sweating and shit, and I would have come to the same conclusion. I might be bleeding a little bit,

[B]

but my car might be fucked up. The box spring's broken. Now I have to throw it away.

[A]

We both got to the same point.

[B]

Exactly. And in conclusion, that's why Common Core is important for America. No, I'm kidding.

[A]

Listen, you just proved a point. I never thought about it that way. And now I'm glad that I can say I know somebody, because this is gonna become my conversation at parties, is that I know somebody who did the Pythagorean Theorem for real.

[B]

In real life, I might even lie

[A]

and say it was me. I'm like, what time I did it when I was trying to move?

[B]

I swear to God, if this comes back to me, I'm gonna be like, she's stealing my identity.

[A]

Slowly but surely, I'm stealing everyone's identity. That's the goal.

[B]

That's the plan.

[A]

Okay. That's why. Look, I told y', all, Social Security is a scam. So if y' all want to get into my Social Security mlm. Just send me that nine digit number, okay? Send it this way, and I'm gonna get y' all in. Okay. It's gonna be popping. Is it nine or ten? However many digits you got. Wait, three, three, four, right?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, so it's ten. It's ten.

[B]

No, it's nine.

[A]

Yeah, I just had to do my social. Yeah, it is nine. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I was about to say it out loud, too. I was like, one, two. Oh. I mean,

[A]

oh, my goodness. But, yeah. Barry, I don't know if you ran a scam here, Barry.

[B]

This just seemed like a consensual act between two adults.

[A]

Yeah, but you wanted to talk about it. You wanted to flex. And I love that for you, the scam was you writing into the show and us believing that your scam was a scam. And then you also tried to link up. That was a scam, and we love that for you, I would call this

[B]

more of a hustle. Yes, this is a hustle.

[A]

A finesse, if you feel.

[B]

Yes, yes. It's not. You didn't really scam anybody. You just turned a trick. You turned an opportunity into a trick,

[A]

and we love that for you. Congratulations. Yes. Well, congregation, that brings us to the end of another episode of Confessions.

[B]

A riveting episode of Confessions.

[A]

Yes. We're gonna call it riveting. As always, snitch on your friends and your [e-mail]. just make sure the scam is retired so we don't fuck up your bag. And I wanna put a fuck you out that evil uncle. I'm sorry, Larry. I'm sorry that you went through that. Cause your uncle is like a Tyler Perry villain.

[B]

So horrible. Yeah, Larry, I want to, you know, give you some condolences as well. Like, for him to do that, like, when you were grieving is just so low. So goddamn low. So fuck that uncle. I'm sure we do not approve. We do not approve. And I'm sure he's getting all kinds of karma his way. And, you know, I hope he is, too.

[A]

I genuinely hope he's stubbing his baby toe every day.

[B]

Every day. Every day.

[A]

I hope he gets a winning lotto ticket and then loses it in a strong gust of wind.

[B]

And the gust of wind takes it to a poor family who Larry did

[A]

dirty two weeks ago like a tumbleweed in a Pixar movie. I hope he gets all his comeuppance and his comedownance, because that is trash. Like, I just imagine your uncle Larry, like, in the worst wig and just like in a Tyler Perry movie, being just straight up evil.

[B]

Yeah. That's just so fucked up. It's just so. I wonder what the relationship was like between the bro. Obviously it wasn't bad because he was like, don't talk to this fool. Don't give him nothing. Don't say nothing. Don't take nothing from him. So, Right.

[A]

And it's funny because he knew the whole time, he was like, if anything happened to me, my brother is going to be the first one pulling up to do evil.

[B]

Damn, that's so shady. So shady. To do that to your own sibling is shady as fuck.

[A]

It really is. And I feel like if the brother had gone about it, like, nicely and lovingly, maybe they would have left him a little something or, like, you know, let him get something. He tried to take everything. Like, the brother couldn't just take the money out the wallet and, like, whatever shoebox he had.

[B]

And then, like, the safes.

[A]

Right. And then let everything else go. It's not like anybody would know what was in the safes. Like, he had to go full villain.

[B]

Yeah. And that's how. And that's how they get you. And by them, I guess, the authority, I don't know. Jesus, the authorities.

[A]

Because the brother got off because he had a penis okay.

[B]

And that's the other. Now that makes me wonder what fucking. Please Write us in and tell us what goddamn country this is. Please, Larry.

[A]

Mm. We won't even tell nobody. Just tell us. It'll be our secret. I'm just curious.

[B]

I just need to know.

[A]

And if you wanna find us online, my socials are D I, V A L A C I Dival on all platforms.

[B]

And of course, you can find me Risthegoddess on all platforms as well.

[A]

Yes, Congregation, stay connin'. But not your uncle. Not your brother. Not your family.

[B]

Not the family.

[A]

Scam Goddess. This has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Goddess. It's produced by Judith Garcbo, engineered by Ryan Connor and Abby Aguilar. Our researcher is Kaelyn Brandt. Stay scheming. Did you know Fred's appliance has been family owned and local since 1962? Come check out all LG appliances on sale and in stock today. From induction ranges to dishwashers to washers and dryers and so much more, you'll find exclusive sales on all LG appliances. Plus 6. Save up to $800 in rebate when you buy more. Save more. This 4th of July at Fred's, we have thousands of items in stock, making us the smartest and most convenient choice. Stop by today and make your home celebration ready. With appliances built to keep up with every season.