Matthew Kieran's Identity Theft of the Unhoused with Lennon Parham

Summary

Scam Goddess: "Identity Theft of the Unhoused" with Lennon Parham

Podcast: Scam Goddess
Host: Laci Mosley
Guest: Lennon Parham
Release Date: July 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Scam Goddess dives deep into one of the most egregious cases of identity theft ever covered on the show, focusing on a scam that targeted a vulnerable, unhoused man and upended his life for three decades. Host Laci Mosley is joined by comedic actress and writer Lennon Parham for a conversation that is as hilarious as it is infuriating, balancing the show’s signature lighthearted tone with an acknowledgment of the human cost of fraud. Together, they dissect a chilling historic scam, riff on personal scam stories, and muse on society’s response to both small- and large-scale deception.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Guest Introduction & Scam Origin Stories

[02:46 – 10:00]

• Laci Mosley exuberantly introduces Lennon Parham with a rundown of her impressive credits, noting her comedic prowess and range ("I could literally read Lennon's bio forever, okay?" [03:07]).
• Lennon Parham shares an early Los Angeles scam experience: After her landlord locked herself out and hired a locksmith, Lennon’s apartment was broken into in a suspiciously staged burglary days later, leading her to suspect the locksmith was the culprit.
  • Parham investigates the break-in, discovers staging flaws ("The broken glass... was outside of the window" [08:16]), and riffs about her detective skills.
  • Mosley and Parham riff on how some criminals "just aren't cut out for the next level" of scamming and the everyday risks of trusting strangers with access to your home.

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2. Listener Scam Story: The Wrong-Number Scam

[10:50 – 15:26]

• Listener “Talise” submits a story about her father, whose phone number was one digit off from a local business. Scammers created a fake version of the business using a similar phone number and address.
• For years, Talise’s father was mistakenly harassed by angry customers believing he was part of the scam, but he seemed unfazed, simply fielding calls and expressing confusion.
  • Mosley and Parham playfully debate whether Talise’s dad was an unbothered bystander or unknowingly enabling the scam.
  • They call for more details about the nature of the fraudulent business and services involved, highlighting the confusion that can occur with identity and digital fraud in the real world.

Memorable exchange:

Mosley: "To be this unbothered, I kind of love your dad, Talise... He just kept getting angry phone calls and was like, ‘I don’t get it,’ and just going about his day." ([13:06])

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3. Main Story: The Identity Theft of the Unhoused – The Tragedy of William Woods

[18:27 – 44:03]

a. The Scam Set-Up & Players

• Scammer: Matthew David Kierans ("Thick Neck")
• Victim: William Woods, an unhoused man
• For 30 years, Kierans lived under Woods’s identity so convincingly that Woods himself ended up forcibly medicated and jailed for "stealing his own identity."

b. How the Scam Started

• The two met in 1988 at a hot dog cart in Albuquerque, where Kierans (Thick Neck) stole Woods's wallet and used his personal information to assume his identity ("Just like every Matthew's a scammer..." [33:17]).

c. The Depth/Length of the Scam

• Kierans took over Woods’s legal and financial life:

  • Applying for jobs, loans, and credit
  • Filing taxes, buying vehicles, and legally marrying under Woods’s name
  • Even naming his own child with Woods’s last name

• Woods, meanwhile, cycled through homelessness, odd jobs, and periodic stays in hotels and motels, always sensing something was wrong with his finances (“He looks like he could have been on Castaway, the movie.” [20:12])

d. Harrowing Details: Victim Turned Suspect

• When Woods eventually tries to reclaim his identity, banks and police don’t believe him because Kierans can answer all security questions (having registered them himself), and Woods’s appearance and station in life work against him.
• Woods is arrested, declared mentally incompetent, spends over 100 days in a psychiatric hospital, and is ordered by the courts not to use his real name ("He was told by the law to stop using his own name." [39:42])

e. Kierans (Thick Neck) Finally Caught

• After years of Kafkaesque setbacks, Woods collects DNA evidence with the help of a sympathetic detective, ultimately proving his identity and exposing Kierans, who confesses and is sentenced to 12 years in prison.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On recognizing a scam:

  Parham: "The broken glass that would have been on the inside... was outside... I know somebody let themselves in with a lock and then staged it to look like they broke in from the outside." ([08:16])

• On scammers' logic:

  Mosley: "If you're a locksmith and you don't want it to get pointed back to you, why not just break in like a normal robber?" ([09:18])

• On modern 'charity':

  Mosley: "He goes outside to visit unhoused people and make videos of them, which is a thing people do now for money... but is the money you're making from YouTube helping you help more people?" ([21:46])

• Describing "Thick Neck":

  Parham: "Is it coming back? It's straight down from the top of his head, right?" ([19:15])

• The Kafkaesque reality:

  Mosley: "He was told by the law to stop using his own name." ([39:42]) Parham: (deep sigh) "Yeah, I'm gonna let that sit for a second." ([39:44])

• On data privacy and Ancestry.com:

  Mosley: "See, this is why I don't use Ancestry.com... every other day they're like, 'Hey girl, yeah, we gave away your data again. Did you want it?'" ([36:18])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–02:15: Ads/Intro (skipped)
• 02:15–04:14: Laci introduces Lennon Parham
• 05:25–10:13: Lennon’s personal scam story (locksmith break-in)
• 10:50–15:26: Listener scam: wrong-number and fake business
• 18:27–44:03: Main fraud case – identity theft of William Woods
  • [19:08]: Introduction of scammer and victim
  • [22:06]: Discussion of "help" YouTubers and social media charity
  • [23:27]: Woods discovers the fraud
  • [24:42]: Bank encounters; Woods not believed
  • [27:58]: Woods is jailed and institutionalized
  • [33:53]: Scam expansion, using victim’s identity for decades
  • [36:08]: Use of Ancestry.com to gain more legit documents
  • [39:42]: Woods forbidden to use his own name
  • [42:26]: Detective takes DNA, scammer slips up, evidence found
  • [43:36]: Kierans’s son defends him in court; Kierans is sentenced

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Tone & Language

• Laci Mosley leads with comedic, irreverent energy, frequently riffing on scammer logic and society’s gaps, but she always grounds the humor in empathy for the victims.
• Lennon Parham brings playful skepticism and energetic detective vibes, especially in her storytelling and analysis.
• The episode is lively, with frequent asides but always returns to the tragic real-life cost of the historic scam.

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Closing Thoughts

• This episode stands out for its balance: infectious humor and exasperation about scam logic, paired with a sobering look at how bureaucracy, classism, and unchecked fraud can devastate vulnerable lives.
• The story highlights how scammers exploit systemic weaknesses and how victims—especially those unhoused or poor—are rarely believed.
• The hosts underscore, with biting wit and clear-eyed empathy, the madness of a world where someone can lose not only their money but their very name.

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Where to find more:

• Lennon Parham: Instagram (@lennonparham)
• Laci Mosley: All platforms (@divalaci), @ScamGoddessPod

Stay schemin’, Con-gregation!

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Transcript

[A]

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apply to samsung.com hey everyone, I'm Jamie Lynn Sigler. When I got my diagnosis, I was in my 20s and it turned my whole world upside down. But over time I decided I wasn't going to let it hold me back from my life. I decided to take charge and after talking to my doctor about my, the choice for me was obvious. Boom. That's Kisimta. Learn more about kysimpta [e-mail] Scams C

[A]

Robbery and Fraud Scam Cun Robbery and Fraud Scam Goddess what's poppin Congregation? It's your girl Lacey Mosley AKA Scam Goddess. Back with another episode of the comedy podcast all about Robbery, Fraud and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate Them. You know what? We might laugh at them, but we'll never laugh at the victims, because it's not your fault.

[D]

Huh?

[E]

Nee.

[A]

Congregation, I need y' all to. What? Yes, go ahead. Stand up. Stand up out of your pew. Get up out of your seat while you're driving. As long as you're at a red light. Yes. And please give it up for a graduate of the Upright Citizens Brigade. But you know from. So much more than that. Okay? I'm talking shows like Veep, Parks and Recreation, Comedy Bang Bang, Arrested Development, Lady Dynamite, and Mad Men. With frequent collaborator Jessica St. Clair, she created and co starred in NBC's Best Friends Forever and USA Network's Playing House. I could literally read Lennon's bio forever, okay? Including she directed episodes of Going Dutch that I was in. Like Lennon is that girl, period. All right? She's also. Stooka, Parham and Sinclair spun off their comedy Bang Bang characters Wampler and Lister for a new Earwolf podcast called Womp It Up. So you can also listen to Womp It Up. Yes. I thought. That's right. With St. Clair as a host and Marissa Wampler and Parham co hosting. Yes. There's so many places to listen to Lennon. There's so many places to watch her on tv, whether she's in front of the screen or she's behind the camera. And I'm so glad to have her here today, y'. All. Please give it up for Lennon Lynn. It's good. Blessed assurance Jesus is just the. Welcome to church. Welcome to church. Yes. We love a good hymnal to start. So you join the choir. Okay.

[D]

Yes. Yes, absolutely, I am. I'll do any solo that you want me to do. Happily. Happily. Soprano, alto. Whatever you need, I got you.

[A]

I love that. That's where we do our money movement ministry. You know, you gotta really get people in the mood to give.

[D]

That's right. That's right.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Not enough that your dad is, like, asking if. Pass it. Passing the.

[A]

The tray.

[D]

Pass it Collection.

[A]

Absolutely.

[D]

Offer torture.

[A]

Don't worry where it's going. Okay. Just knowing it. Just know it's flowing. Okay. We're getting to somebody. Somebody in need of our money is getting.

[D]

You owe it to them for all they've done for you.

[A]

Exactly. So I usually ask on this podcast, but I have been switching it up, so when I don't ask. If you have any relationship with scams, then I'm gonna share a little listener letter that we've gotten. As always, you can send in your letters to each other. Snitch. Here we go. Snitch on your friends, family and your [e-mail] we may just read them a lot on the show. I know it's been a minute, guys, but I told you I was bringing it back. But first, Lennon, I wanna know about you. Were any scams popping when you were younger or even as an adult now? It could be anything. Well, I'm just scam.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, growing up in the South, I think there was always an ad. I had to pull one over on a child.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

You know what I mean? Just like there was like an adult authority thing. And I very. My mom taught me to like that I was equal to those adults. So that did not go well really early on, but the one that pops out in my mind is okay. And I don't know if this is like a thing that happens out in the world or if it just was a one time thing, but when my husband and I first moved to la, we had a. We. We rented a place. Like it was a. It was like a duplex sort of in the. In like.

[A]

Well, they took one of those big houses and kind of cut it up into smaller houses.

[D]

Yeah, so we were on the bottom. No, we were on the top. And our landlady landlord was on the bottom. But it was. It was like in this remote part of Echo park where it's a walking trail. So you park on the street and then you go upstairs and then you have to walk down a brick path past three other houses.

[A]

So like, what if Dateline, like sold houses?

[D]

I don't know what that means, but

[A]

yes, like, I mean, like, like the type of house you would see on Dateline. You know what I mean? Like if you went on Zillow, you were like as featured on Dateline because. What do you mean? House in a wooden path area that have to leave the lit path area to get to the house.

[D]

Passed by like a little cabin and there were. There were trails that led to the backyards of other houses. But our house was the last house. And.

[A]

Okay, also sounds like a horror movie title. The Last House.

[D]

The Last House. And there was like a stone archway that had been built that said like 1879 or something on the front of it. And our landlady had locked herself out and she called a locksmith and they came and let her in. And about two days later I came home and the front door was unlocked and we had been broken into.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

And I looked around to see now was this what they Were physical.

[A]

Like a Brinks type things, Glasses breaking or, like, did they.

[D]

Well, that's the thing. Yes. There was broken glass. But I think that they were trying to stage it to look like it was a robbery when really it was the locksmith.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Because when I did my like, and I was watching the closer, a lot like Kyrris Sedgwick's the Closer.

[A]

Okay, okay. So you were locked in at this period. You were locked in.

[D]

And so when I walked in, I knew something was off. And then I walked into, I think, our. Our guest room where our, like, giant imac should have been, and it was gone. And then I went in to see they had taken my grandmother's jewelry.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

Which was, like, random. And then I tried to figure out how did they get in, because they went out the front door, I think, and there was a footprint on top of the washing machine, like, on a towel that was on top of. But the footprint, had they broken in from the outside, would be facing in away from the window.

[A]

Sis, I ain't got shit on you. You said, scoot over. Iced tea. Let me get my white gloves out and start looking around. Okay.

[D]

It was facing out. And the broken glass that would have been on the inside if they had broken that window to get in was outside of the window on the dirt path. So I know somebody let themselves in with a lock in that room and then staged it to look like they broke in from the outside. But not thinking, like, oh, right, all of that glass. And those dirt prints should be the other direction.

[A]

Right. If you're breaking in. Also, I'm confused as to, like, okay, if you're a locksmith and you don't want it to get pointed back to you, why not just break in like a normal robber? Like, why did you add the locksmith. Locksmith element to it all? It was unnecessary. That's true. That's true. Like, that's like hat on a hat. They do. Like, they won't know it was me if I use my locksmith toolkit. But then I make it look like a robbery. Just make it look like a robbery.

[D]

Well, they didn't break into our landlord's apartment. They only broke into ours. So, like, they had let her back into that apartment, I think, and they were like, oh, we won't break into that one, because they'll know it's usually. But we'll break into the one above it. Yeah.

[A]

The logic here wasn't great for my locksmith guys. Like, I kind of wish they would have just stuck to Unlocking doors for people legally, because the second they tried to, like, really upgrade themselves and stage it.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, they. They never got caught, though. I don't know.

[A]

I usually tell people with imposter syndrome to just keep trying, but sometimes you shoot above your belt level, and this feels like they weren't skilled enough to go to the next level of breaking into people's home. Like, yeah, well, this is a short little scam letter, so we'll get to it before we get to our historic hoodwink today. So I need a fake name for this person. Lennon, we don't care about gender on this show. And as always, snitch on your friends, family, yourself, your enemies at [e-mail].

[D]

okay, the name is Talise.

[A]

Ooh, Talis. Where did that come from? Yeah, that loaded. You know a Talise girl? No, I don't. So Talis says, hey, I just found your podcast, and I'm obsessed with it. Thank you, Talis. This letter is from a little while ago. I'm not gonna say how long. Cause you're not gonna know how trifling I am. But, Talise, I hope that you really hung on. Talisa, I hope you're still here. You've never been slipped.

[D]

I hope you're still here.

[A]

Felice, meet on social media after this episode comes out.

[D]

Get on Blue sky or wherever we're supposed to be these days.

[A]

Oh, my God, Talis, tell me something still. Let me. Please tell me you're still there. I need to know. Okay, we're gonna be looking for you, Talis. So Talis says that I've been thinking about if I had a story, and I couldn't think of any until I remember the story of how my dad was involved in a scam when I was a kid, but in a pretty unusual way. So there was a local business in my area when I was growing up that happened to have a phone number that was one digit from my dad's cell phone number. At some point, some scammers created another business in quotes that replicated the legit one, but just never followed through on their products. The fake business had a website with fake addresses and a fake number, which. Which was just, like, one digit off of the other business's information or, like, one letter off of their street name. Like, all of it was just, like, almost identical. And so for years, the leaf says, my dad would get calls from angry customers about how he stole their money and didn't deliver. He was really confused about it for a while because he had no other to the business. And people weren't explaining what was going on because they thought he was playing dumb. So basically, Talisa's father allowed a scam to go on forever.

[D]

Mm. Mm.

[A]

What do you mean? For years, you never thought to go to the business father and tell them, hey, I can.

[D]

Did he not know that his number was one off? I mean, I think because once you get the call multiple times, you gotta be right. And this is before call blocking and all that stuff, you would just get a yeah, right?

[A]

Yeah, but like, I'm not a phone number nowhere, you know, that's not my thing.

[D]

So how would he have found out about this other business?

[A]

I feel like at a certain point, you have to be like, what services am I offering? What's the name of my business? Like, but to be this unbothered. I kind of love your dad to Lisa that much that he just kept getting angry phone calls and was like, I don't get it. And then just going about his day, like, answering it and like, kind of

[D]

taking it and being like, I hear you, I hear you. I have no idea what you're talking about. A lot of people keep calling me. It's not me. I don't know what's going on.

[A]

I hope it made him feel, like, very important in love. It's like, ugh, my phone's always ringing off the hook. People always calling me who know.

[D]

I gotta let them know when they call.

[A]

They always have so much passion. Look, there's never a boring what worth services?

[D]

Like, what worth services that he. That these other people had supposedly offered and who was paying a random place for that?

[A]

And there was a brick and mortar store in their neighborhood. So I'm guessing that's why when people called and didn't get the services, they were also confused. Cause they were like, we know you have a physical business here. I don't know what the services are. That was never said. Talese does not tell us what the services are.

[D]

We need more info. We need more services like Talese.

[A]

You need to tell us what the business was. The legit one and the fake one. Cause what are these services? Was the services supposed to come to me? It says that he was stealing their money or he didn't deliver. Was he physically delivering or delivering physically?

[D]

Well, like it said, like a pizza place. And they ordered and they give their credit card over and some rando is running it. Like, are they sending a check to Lisa?

[A]

There's still. These are questions that need answers. Because as simple as a story as this was. I'm trying to make out if your dad's not really a part of the scammer. If he is. Cause right now, Talisa, I'm not quite sure. We don't know what the products or the services were. We don't know what if he was a part of the scam of it all and those calls just came. Cause why didn't those calls last? I don't know. Talis. Hmm?

[D]

We need more info.

[A]

Yeah, Lennon, I'm on your side. I feel like there's too much left out here for me to know who's the scammer and who was just accidentally involved in a scam. Scams.

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S co hey everyone, I'm Jamie Lynn Sigler. When I got my diagnosis, I was in my 20s and it turned my whole world upside down. But over time, I decided I wasn't going to let it hold me back from my life. I decided to take charge. And after talking to my doctor about my options, the choice for me was obvious. Boom. That's Qysimta. Learn more about Qysimta [e-mail] Cons

[A]

since we don't know who's who, that brings us into my favorite segment of this show. And what a lovely segue. Historic hoodwinks. This is where Iorba Gayle let in with the famous con caper group of criminals. We'll get her opinion throughout. Maybe we like them, maybe we hate them, maybe we can't figure out who they are. So for 30 years, Matthew David Keyans assumed the identity of another man so convincingly that his victim was forcibly medicated and jailed for identity theft himself. So this is Matthew. He's our scammer. He has a face that a mother

[D]

who's still on her epidural have questions about his neck. To be honest.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Questions like where did it go? Is it coming back?

[D]

It's straight down from the top of his head, right?

[A]

Is it in the.

[D]

Was he only working his neck out? He does look like parts of him worked out.

[A]

Maybe it is kind of giving Lego build though. He was like. He has shoulders and they were like. And a head and then pop it

[D]

off, pop it off.

[A]

Change it to. Or maybe you're right, Lennon. Maybe he was doing those neck ups. You know, they put the big heavy weights on the Back of the neck. And they do the neck ups.

[D]

Heck yeah.

[A]

So Matthew here, he's our scammer. And his victim was William woods, who is now 55. He's been down on his luck for a long time. This is William. He looks like what life has put him through. He looks like he could have been on Castaway, the movie he does.

[D]

Trapped on an island. Is this a real picture of this real man?

[A]

Yeah. And I don't want to make fun of, like, because he's the victim. So I'm not trying to make fun of him in a way that I'm like, coming for his looks. I'm coming for what his experience looks like. Like, this man looks like he's been

[D]

Kenny Rogers down here. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, he looked like he definitely sent like a message in a bottle before, like, but really waited on his return. Like, maybe he's even received some.

[D]

So what happened was the gentleman, the aforementioned neck stole his identity and then did so many nasty things with his sponge.

[A]

Oh, they worked at a certain point together. He was working like odd jobs in New Mexico in the 80s, then as a day laborer in El Paso, Texas, and then at a laundromat in Las Vegas. Eventually he moved to Southern California. This is William Wood, the victim. William says that he stayed in hotels and motels and lived on the streets and sold gemstones, gold scraps, and other items he found on the streets of downtown LA's jewelry district. In 2015, a YouTuber known as FouseyTube found found William living on the street and created a series of videos with more than 1 million views each, documenting BossyTube, giving William food and paying for him to stay in a motel. So this is Yousef, and He has a YouTube channel where he goes outside to visit unhoused people and make videos of them, which is a thing that people do now for money. How do you feel about that? Because on one hand, like, they are helping, but on the other hand I'm like, do we have to be on YouTube? But also the money you're making from YouTube, is that helping you help more people? I don't know.

[D]

It's questionable for sure. I mean, I guess it depends on the type. I mean, I feel like the lasting help is better, not the one time handout. The organizations that are there doing the work and knowing that know the population and are able to actually help on a consistent basis and help to support, you know, folks in the way that they want to be helped.

[A]

I love that and I love what you said at the end about in the way that they want to be helped and not just being like, this is what we think you deserve. Also, we got a camera in your face. YouTube. And I'm like, that is gross to me. But seeing people help and knowing where to donate and things like that, if you can't physically be out there, you're right. Then there's like, two sides of this. Absolutely agree.

[D]

So he's getting him housed for the night, but he's gonna pay for it. Okay.

[A]

And side note, this Mr. Fosse gentleman, he also was in the movie Boo a Madea Halloween. So.

[D]

So he does. I mean, he's multifaceted. We got a lot of men with many different versions of personalities like we have.

[A]

That's how they got along. He's like, I do lots of different things too. I make these YouTube videos on the street. I work with made.

[D]

I see myself in you. We have all different parts. Yes.

[A]

Serial entrepreneurs. So William would use the money that Fauci gave him to pay for credit monitoring service and learned that someone was racking up debt and opening accounts under his name. So he was telling people, like, something's up. I know I didn't open these accounts, these cards. Like, I didn't have access to my money. And now this Fousey man, Madea star, has helped me. So an assistant manager at the bank. And this is in August of 2019. William went to this bank in LA and at this branch, told the assistant manager that he discovered someone was using his credit card and accumulated a large amount of debt. He wanted the account numbers with his name on them so he could close them out. Normal thing for someone to wanna do. He gave the assistant manager his Social Security card and his California id. There were bank accounts in his name with lots of money in them. But William couldn't answ the security questions. The assistant manager called the phone number on the bank accounts, and the person on the line did answer the questions correctly. The bank employee called the police on the real guy. So then when LAPD officers arrived, they didn't believe someone had used William's Social Security number. They didn't believe it was his card.

[D]

Okay, so the bank, the accounts are full of money. So they weren't full of debt.

[A]

So he was taking out loans and taking out debt. This fake William.

[D]

Oh, I see.

[A]

That's how he had money coming in because he was using it for crime. He was doing all types of things, but he's doing this all under this poor William's name. Right.

[D]

And the police did not Believe him when he went to say because he couldn't answer the security question. But how would he answer it if he had not opened the account in. In the beginning?

[A]

I also don't think that was the only reason the security guards didn't help him. I feel like he didn't know how to use his whiteness in this moment. Like, you can't come in here looking like castaway babes. You should have went to CVS first, got yourself a little shave. But you put your little. Put your little cologne on, get really in your malarkey bag.

[D]

Like, okay, he's got something happen and there's some kind of self doubt that's hiding. It's like Samson and Delilah situation. Like, he does not want to cut. He needs to always have some kind of a. Yeah, he went into the

[A]

bank looking like he just finished a convo with Wilson. So I'm like, I don't think the bank is gonna believe you over this guy on the phone who can answer all the security questions, which is fucked up to see, but here we are.

[D]

So Neck is answering these questions far away and saying, I'm the real guy.

[A]

I'm the real. I'm the real.

[D]

But was he also, like, wiggling in his boots? Because now the real guy's onto him now.

[A]

Nick has been doing this for a while, so.

[D]

Years.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm not sure at this point if, like, I feel like Neck has come up with so much confidence. Just on the base way that he moved throughout stealing from Williams, I think he was like, hey, Mr. Officer. Like, I think he's like, you know, whenever you watch one of those, his

[D]

whiteness has used it.

[A]

Yeah, he's using it right. And the other guy's using it wrong. He's piling up with the officer. Like, I didn't see on the greens this weekend. What weight do you use?

[F]

Right?

[A]

And Williams over here, like, please, please give me my identity. And they're like, you're crazy. Get out of here, crazy.

[D]

Well, that's also, you know, one's in person and one's on the phone. So it's also like someone that needs to go into a physical branch to do their banking. You know what I mean?

[A]

Right.

[D]

But this was also in the before time when Chase still existed in person,

[A]

you know, because that is also a classless thing. You're right. Like, people not taking cash anymore like they used to. Or if you physically go into a bank to deposit a check, they're like, what are you going through? Like, why are you paying something in person, Like. Yeah. You literally feel like you're on Good Times. Yeah, absolutely. Understand. So when, you know, the LAPD arrived, obviously they did not believe poor William. They talked to the real account holder, Mr. Thick Neck, on the phone, who faxed them a copy of another Social Security card, a Wisconsin driver's license, and a Kentucky birth certificate. The cops arrested poor William. He spent two years locked up awaiting trial. Yeah. Including more than 100 days in a psychiatric hospital.

[D]

No baby.

[A]

Because he was losing his mind. Cause the whole world was telling him that he was.

[D]

He's not who he said he is.

[A]

Yeah. Eventually, he pleaded no contest to identity theft and false impersonation in exchange for time served sentence and immediate release from custody. So he just said he was guilty so he could get out of jail?

[D]

Well, now, where's Fousey through all this? Is he filming Madea in Atlanta? Like, why isn't he stepping up?

[A]

Yeah, maybe Fousey had to go film

[D]

Madea's last wish.

[A]

Madea goes to Hanukkah or something. Because he was supposed to be helping. You're right. Where did he go? So. Oh, my God. Oh, man. This is.

[D]

Wait, is this thick? Is this. What is this picture?

[A]

So now we're seeing. This is.

[D]

This is thick neck. Okay, so he gets married in 1994, but he still used the other guy's name. This is like. This is a Sleeping with the Enemy.

[A]

Yeah, he's, like, unrelenting.

[D]

Single white female. Like, whoa, robbery.

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[C]

Hi,

[A]

I'm Steph and I work at UnitedHealthcare. When I think about UnitedHealthcare's members, I think of my own family.

[E]

My niece was diagnosed with an ultra rare genetic disorder.

[A]

I know how hard it is for families at UnitedHealthcare. We can make it easier. I'm Brian.

[B]

I care because I know what it's like to not speak the language. It's not easy.

[A]

Health insurance is complicated. I would say our job is to make everyone, everything easy for our UHC members.

[B]

I work for United Healthcare.

[A]

I'm committed to care.

[C]

Hey, everyone. I'm Jamie Lynn Sigler. When I got my diagnosis, I was in my 20s and it turned my whole world upside down. But over time, I decided I wasn't going to let it hold me back from my life. I decided to take charge. And after talking to my doctor about my options, the choice for me was obvious. Boom. That's kysimta. Learn more about kysimpta [e-mail] and fraud.

[A]

So, finally, I'm just happy that he got out of jail. But this is gonna ruin his life, obviously. But he was the real William Wood. We know that, right? And this con began 30 years earlier at a hot dog cart in Albuquerque. William, the victim, had been working at that hot dog cart for when Matthew, who was our thick neck, was hired in 1988. The two guys didn't interact until William's wallet went missing. Matthew admitted to stealing the wallet and gave it back William's Social Security card still inside. So Matthew was like, my bad, man. I did steal your wallet. Cause, you know, it was left around for stealing, but here it is. You can have it back. But it didn't matter if you physically had the wallet. Cause obviously he's already copied the contents. Right. But poor little. Poor little math or sorry, poor little

[D]

boy went down at a hot dog cart. I mean.

[A]

Cause remember, like, at the time, William was working all those jobs. This is before he met Fousey in between Fauci's Madea jobs.

[D]

Yeah. This was back in his New Mexico days. Right?

[A]

Yeah. I also like calling Matthew Thick Neck because Matthew and William sound like the same name to me. It's the same name in a different font, and it's confusing me.

[D]

It's our forefathers. It's definitely.

[A]

So Thick Neck is the evil guy. Guys, I'm not gonna say Matthew. Anyways, just like every Matthew's a scam. This could be anybody if I keep saying his name. So Thick Neck stopped using his own name, birthday, or Social Security number, and only used William's name and info for employment insurance, driver's licenses, titles, loans, and credit. He even paid taxes under his former coworker's name.

[D]

That sounds like psycho.

[A]

Right? So he took this man's identity for so long that the man couldn't prove that it was his to get it back. Because this man has now established so many different lines of credit. He's even, like, paying taxes and doing, like, illegal things under this poor man's name. Thick Neck was busy.

[D]

Yeah. And also, like, the choice to steal this guy's identity. Like, how down on your luck do you have to be? Like, his life must be better than mine. He's got this steady job at the hot dog cart, you know?

[A]

Right.

[D]

Like, why wouldn't he.

[A]

Decent credit.

[D]

Steal some investment banker or something's identity. Like.

[A]

Cause I feel like that person probably would find out faster. Like, an investment banker is more likely to be opening lines of credit than somebody who seems to be, like, kind of like, in and out of being housed and seems to, like, probably not have a bank account. Like, he wasn't calling the bank when he went to the bank. Right?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Versus, if this is, like, a Wall street chad, he's probably paying a little bit more attention to his bank account.

[D]

The ins and outs and the ups and downs of the market.

[A]

One thing I say, I will say I do respect about this is Thick Neck did keep his scam going. Thick Neck didn't try to get greedy he tried to go above and beyond.

[D]

He named his child. He named his child the Wood Lake, with Woods as the last name.

[A]

Naming your kid with a last name, though, is so funny. So she. Look, so he just stayed with the bit. He stayed with the bit. He gave him the last names. I mean, we gotta give him the commitment to the bit. In the 90s, he got a Colorado ideas, William Woods. Then a job at a fast food restaurant. He must have been doing something at these jobs he was getting fired from. Cause he kept needing to have Matthew's identity and the new identity.

[D]

Yeah, maybe he was looking for other people's identities to steal.

[A]

So Thick Neck got married in 94, again, using those names that he stole. And for some weird reason, in 2012, thick neck requested and received a certificate, like a copy of Williams birth certificate from Kentucky using information from Ancestry.com.

[D]

okay. Oh, my God, this is so upsetting.

[A]

Also, like, see, this is why I don't use ancestry.com cause it's like it'll pull your DNA for your cousins, your second cousins.

[D]

I do it. I do it. And you can set it to private. You're not sharing with other people. But if they're.

[A]

Do we trust them when they say private? Cause they're always like, hey, girl, sorry about your privacy again. It's us. We gave it away.

[D]

No, that is true. I have like a whole file folder for. For data. Data loss or whatever it's called.

[A]

Right? Because I swear, every other day they're like, hey, girl, yeah, we gave away your data again. You didn't want it, did you? Did you want it?

[D]

Here's a complimentary identity theft software that will be so difficult to set up.

[A]

Just a heads up. Change all your passwords. Just a heads up, though, you know,

[D]

they get your Social Security number. Don't worry, though. Don't worry.

[A]

Somebody's being you right now. But if you hurry, you can catch Thick Neck before they get too far.

[D]

Okay, but does. Okay, Thick Neck gets married to someone using someone else's name and Social Security, does that still count? Like, is he still legally married and entitled to all this stuff that he sets up in someone else's name?

[A]

Well, you would think that the person whose real name is married would be the one entitled to any dam or, like, any finances there. Because on paper, Thick Neck is not married to this woman.

[D]

Right? Not a real. Not in real time. No.

[A]

Mr. Woods is so. Okay, so how did it all get. The couple had a child in Oregon who also got the woods last name. Like we talked about. Thick Neck later got a job as a systems architect at the University of Iowa's hospitals and clinics under again, Williams name, because that's what he does now. And Thick Neck worked remotely from home in Wisconsin and was paid at least $700,000 by the hospital. Over a 10 year period between 2016 and 2022, he took out vehicle and personal loans in William's name for more than $200,000. He was living the middle class dream with somebody else's name. So finally, our poor victim here, Mr. Woods. Excuse me. He's tired of Thick Neck shit. He's gotta do something, right? So the district's attorney's office charged the real William with two felonies. Again, not fake William. This is again. And so for two months, William is again, real William is back in jail, but he got a new lawyer this time. And he said he wanted an investigator. But the things he said didn't seem to make sense. In February 2020, the judge found that William was not mentally competent to stand trial and ordered him into a psychiatric hospital. So things got worse for Mr. Woods. He was like, I'm telling y', all, I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. They were like, we're gonna put you in a psychiatric hospital. Eight months later, after delays in due bed space and Covid, our poor William was taken to the Patton State Hospital in San Bernardino. He was convicted in March 2021. He pled no context. They credit him.

[D]

This is a real downer.

[A]

Before I get into. This is a real downer. I know. And then 147 days that he had to spend in the house. So unfortunately, after all of this, he was ordered to stop using the name William Woods.

[D]

Who was the guy? The actual guy. Not Thick Neck.

[A]

Not Thick Neck.

[D]

He was told he was ordered by the law to stop using his own name.

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[D]

Yeah, I'm gonna let that sit for a second.

[A]

Yeah, like, poor, poor William. He, like, when it was all said and done, they were like, sorry, my bad. But also, don't use that name no more.

[D]

Okay, Tell me there's. Tell me. Tell me Thick Neck gets put away. Tell me Thick Neck gets caught.

[A]

So in 2021, real William. Okay, please stand up. Contacted the police department in Wisconsin and reported that Thick Neck has stolen his identity. That same month, Thick Neck goes to the police and says, I'm filing a claim too. You stole my identity. So now they're doing the Spider man meme at each other. Like, who stole the identity, me or you? And Thick Neck knows he stole the identity. But now, you know.

[D]

But he's been living in. I mean, who really needs to be in a mental hospital? Like, he's been living with this other man's identity from this long. He believes it now, right?

[A]

Why shouldn't he? The whole world has validated it and put this. The real William, you know, in a psychiatric.

[D]

Psychiatric center.

[A]

So, William, stay with me here. Good Lord. Hate when this happens. William then filed customer disputes in an attempt to clear his credit report. Matthew filed a second identity theft complaint with local police and submitted this. So this is fake William. Matthew is like, I'm gonna file another complaint against Real William because Real William keeps trying to file complaints against me. So in 2023, this is where we learn that Thick Neck. We know where Thick Neck works, okay? And William finds out, and William's on that ass. So William has Detective Ian Mallory collect DNA from the hospital that Thick Neck's biological father, who was listed on his real birth certificate, proving that Thick Neck was his own father's son. Stay with me here. So basically, Real William figures out where Thick Neck works, gets a sample of Thick Neck's DNA, secretly, secretly has Detective Ian on the case. Whoop, whoop. And now we know that there's no way that Thick Neck could be William. I feel so bad for William. He had to do all his own police work. He had to pay his own investigator.

[D]

And this while in and out of a mental hospital. I mean, this is how serial killers are created. You want to know the beginning of, like, a horror film? Down at the last house on the end of the brick path? This is it. Because he comes out of that mental hospital with nothing to lose.

[A]

And I think you're right about him, because eventually, Thick Neck does plead guilty in federal court. So Detective Ian Mallory goes as far to meet Thick Neck, and he tells Thick Neck. He's like, hey, there's this other guy, William. He says he's the real you. And Thick Neck's like, oh, that guy's crazy. He should be locked up, and blah, blah, blah. And in the conversation, Mallory asked Thick Neck for his father's name, and Thick Neck accidentally said his real daddy name the first time and not his fake daddy's name that he stole. And that's how you. He gets caught accidental. Real Daddy release. Wow. So then he pled guilty in federal court. Thick neck did in 2024. And in a letter written to the court on Thick Neck's behalf, his son identified him as the son of Matthew Kierans, formerly known as William Woods. In either case, known to me as dad. And Matthews was still sentenced to 12 years in prison. So love that your son was trying to be like, hey, no. Even though he was never Mr. Woods, he was always Mr. Woods. He was Daddy woods to me. Sir, your dad is weird and you should not be defending him.

[D]

That is a line from a Madea movie, for sure.

[A]

Maybe that's where they got it from. That was Daddy woods to them. Because, you know, thick neck also said, my life is over and everything is gone. And it's like, sir, your life should be over. Cause that's what you did to this poor man, Mr. Woods. You took his life away. His sanity, his health, his home. Like, what do you mean we should. Woe is you get your thick ass neck behind them bars. At least we know you can't shimmy out. Cause we know you're not getting that neck through the bars.

[D]

Nope. Getting stuck like one of those children's toys.

[A]

Oh, gosh.

[D]

Those plastic ones that are up and down straight.

[A]

Oh, well, that brings us to the end of what was a strange episode, Leonard. But I'm so happy to have you here, though, making it fun and light for me. We always ask on this podcast, where would you like to be found? Where do you want people to hear your show, see your work, whatever that is.

[D]

You can follow me on Instagram Enparum. And that's it.

[A]

Yes. And you can find us at Scam Got us Pod. If you want to see this man's thick ass neck.

[D]

It is so thick. I encourage you.

[A]

Honestly, it's worth it for that alone.

[D]

Look at it because you will not believe your eyes.

[A]

Follow me and my shenanigans at Divalcid Valacy on all platforms. The congregation. Yeah, y' all get out there. And I mean, your neck don't need to be this thick. Okay? But don't stop believing. Apparently you can be anybody you want to be, including somebody else for the rest of their lives. Don't recommend them. Don't recommend Scam Goddess. Scam Goddess is an iHeartMedia and big money Players production. The show is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, the SVP of West Coast Productions. Jack o', Brien, vice president of programming, Miles Gray and Director of programming, Lindsey Hoffman oversee production. Our executive producer is Joelle Monique. Our senior producer is Bea Haskins. Ina Burke is SCP of content with additional services provided by Mark Kanson, Dylan Unger and the team at Hot Dog Sandwich. Our editor is engineer Justin Connor. Our theme music is composed by me, Lacey Moseley. Cover on photo is Robin Von Swank. You can follow the show @scamgottispod on Instagram TikTok. If you've been scammed, pulled a scam, or saw a scam, send us an [e-mail] to tell us all about it. Don't forget to like and subscribe and tell a friend.

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[C]

Hey everyone, I'm Jamie Lynn Sigler. When I got my diagnosis, I was in my 20s and it turned my whole world upside down. But over time, I decided I wasn't going to let it hold me back from my life. I decided to take charge, and after talking to my doctor about my options, the choice for me was obvious. Boom. That's Qysimta. Learn more about Qysimpta [e-mail].