Mighty Morphine Morons

Summary

Scam Goddess: "Mighty Morphine Morons" (October 20, 2022) Hosts: Laci Mosley & Priscilla Davies

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Episode Overview

In this episode of Scam Goddess, hosts Laci Mosley and Priscilla Davies dive into wild real-life scams sent in by listeners for their recurring "Con Fessions" segment. With their trademark irreverent and hilarious energy, they break down two stories: first, an international romance scam from Brazil involving a fake American cop and a supposed treasure in Turkey; second, a darkly comedic tale from California where a man secretly kept his father's corpse for years to keep collecting Social Security checks. Both stories spark plenty of comedic roasting, pop culture riffing, and genuine insight into the psychology and mechanisms behind scams.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "Delilah's" Letter: The Brazilian Romance Scam

(00:52 – 27:04)

• Listener "Delilah" from Brazil writes in about her father's friend, a "pillar of the community" who fell for an internet romance scam.

  • The scammer posed as an "American cop" stationed in Turkey.
  • The ruse included love-bombing, nudes, and an outlandish story about discovering a $5 million treasure in a Turkish cave.

• Breakdown of the Scam Mechanics:

  • The scam included classic elements: urgency, the promise of a huge reward ("Nigerian Prince" vibes), and a need for secrecy and money transfers to "release" the found treasure.
  • Nested layers of scamming: a diplomat "friend" of the woman is suddenly introduced, requesting bribes to get the treasure out of customs.

• Hosts' Reactions & Social Commentary:

  • Laci and Priscilla riff on the downward slide from "pillar of the community" to making a series of suspect decisions.
  • Hilarious theorizing about "sharing a single brain cell," poking at why anyone would believe a story this wild.
  • The psychology of "urgent" scam tactics and how love and ego make people vulnerable.

• Notable Moments & Quotes:

  • On sudden urgency:

    "Whenever anything needs to happen quickly... that's problematic." – Laci (10:56)

  • On the cop/diplomat angle:

    "Only cops do crime with other cops, okay? You don't do crime with the cops, period." – Laci (12:06)

• The Aftermath:

  • The victim lost $2,300 USD ($12,000 Brazilian reais), stealing money from his daughter's wedding fund.
  • Additional scamming attempted by the "diplomat." The victim refuses to believe his "girlfriend" is in on it.
  • The victim almost contacts police but realizes (thanks to a more skeptical friend) he could be charged as an accomplice to smuggling.
  • Laci and Priscilla break down the "brilliance" of these scams where reporting the crime would implicate the victim too:

    "They can't just go to the cops and claim, ‘Hey, this lady I was trying to help smuggle treasure out... scammed me,’ without getting in trouble themselves. Double scam. Genius." – Laci (24:12)

• Coda:

  • The scammer had multiple victims in the same town—essentially copy-pasting the seduction strategy.

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2. Stephen's Story: The Dead Dad Social Security Scam

(27:11 – 35:27)

• Story as Reported in the LA Times:

  • A man named Randall in the Sierra Nevada foothills kept his deceased father’s corpse in a recliner for up to six years—collecting Social Security and retirement checks the whole time.
  • The ruse was only uncovered when Randall himself died.

• Gallows Humor & Social Critique:

  • The hosts marvel at the logistical (and olfactory) challenges, riffing:

    "So you just come home every day and dead dad just in the recliner watching Wheel of Fortune?" – Laci (30:02)

  • They discuss how poverty and desperation drive people to extreme measures, acknowledging both the dark comedy and the tragic reality of the tale.

• Notable Quotes & Moments:

  • "He did it. You did it! You did it. This was a scam success." – Laci (33:11)

  • Wondering about the logistics:

    "I would love to get more details, but the guy who would tell us has passed on as well." – Priscilla (32:53)

• Societal Reflection:

  • Both hosts empathize with the loneliness and economic desperation that can lead to such acts.
  • Practical riffing on “disclosing” such a death for future realtors, and a running joke about needing to burn the house down as a "soft reset."

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Memorable & Quotable Moments

• On the "shared brain cell" motif:

  "Damn, you should have went and picked up the brain cell real quick... I'll put it in the mailbox. So when she asked him for 5,000 Brazilian... he did not think twice and sent her the cash." – Laci (12:50)

• Roasting romance scam tropes:

  "So she sent you a couple pictures of her titties and then she was like, ' I'm Indiana Jones. I found a national treasure, bitch.'" – Laci (11:32)

• Societal critique:

  "That's where we are as a society. That makes more sense, that you're like, well, we gonna have to just wait on that... 63 is not that old." – Laci (30:31)

• Deadpan summation:

  "So shout out to an icon, rest in of front piece... hopefully they took you out of the recliner." – Laci (34:06)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:52 – Listener Con Fessions segment introduction
• 04:52 – Delilah's scam story begins
• 10:54 – Breakdown of the scam's urgency and fee escalation
• 15:36 – Calculating the total scam loss in US dollars
• 18:54 – The brain cell combines and the scam's unraveling
• 20:42 – Victim tries to "rescue" his scammer girlfriend
• 23:11 – Realization about reporting the scam and legal risk
• 24:45 – The victim considers stealing from the church to make up the lost funds
• 27:11 – Second scam story: Randall and the recliner-bound dead father
• 30:31 – Hosts reflect on desperation, poverty, and the sadness beneath the scam
• 33:11 – Concluding that Randall "won the scam Olympics"
• 34:34 – Closing out the episode, shoutouts, and social handles

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Tone & Style

The episode is delivered with the signature "Scam Goddess" blend of razor-sharp wit, irreverence, social commentary, and genuine empathy for scam victims. Laci and Priscilla roast the scammers and victims alike, but always keep the commentary rooted in humor and curiosity about what motivates people to create or fall for a con.

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Summary

"Mighty Morphine Morons" showcases two extremes of scam artistry—a classic romance scam snaring a credulous community figure, and a macabre but oddly relatable scheme to keep familial Social Security payouts rolling. Through laugh-out-loud riffs and incisive breakdowns, Laci Mosley and Priscilla Davies illuminate not just scam mechanics, but the messy, human desires for love, wealth, and survival that underlie them. The episode provides both comic relief and a cautionary tale: scammers never sleep, but neither do comedians.

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Stay schemin’, Congregation!

Transcript

[A]

What's poppin, Congregation? We're back with another installment of Con Fessions, the podcast where we read out your listener letters, where you snitch on your friends, your family, even your enemies. Just make sure the scam is retired. Scamgoddesspodmail.com I am one of your hosts, Lacey Mosley.

[B]

And I'm the other host, Priscilla Davies. Yes.

[A]

What if I keep this the whole time y' all like this?

[B]

I was like, ooh, you sound sexy.

[A]

This is my NPR era. Yes.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Did I make y' all uncomfortable? I'm so sorry about that. It was a little too horned up, y'. All. But we're here to talk and go through your letters and maybe judge you a little bit, but not too much.

[B]

A lot of it.

[A]

We're here to, you know, talk shit, but not too much shit. It's always with love, a lot of shit. Yeah. Also, nothing that we said, we are liable for. No, we do not say it at all.

[B]

And if we are, we're getting an arbitrator. Arbiter. What do you call arbitrator? Arbit. We're going to arbitration. We ain't going to Twitter.

[A]

When you signed up for Stitcher Premium, you initialed in a box, much like when you initial for your new terms and agreements for your iPhone. That allows us to do whatever we want with no repercussions.

[B]

And there it is.

[A]

We also have your blood type and social now. Thank you so much for complying.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

But let's get into it. We've got a scam store here. I need a fake name for this person.

[B]

P. Delilah. Hey there, Delilah.

[A]

That's where I was going. Yep. And that's Death Cab for Cutie knocking right now. That's all we can see.

[B]

Damn, that was a bop. Oh. I mean, it was the last great era of, like, white boy simp music. Yeah, it's like now they just an incense.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

I don't even know what's going on in the white music arena outside of pop. Like, is there is rock and roll a thing anymore?

[A]

You know what? I feel like the decline of bed head hair products was really indicative of us losing recipes in the young, whiny white boy music community.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Tonight'll be the night that I. Oh, for you free. Wait, where's that?

[B]

Where's that? Are you getting charged for this?

[A]

That was white boy R and B. Okay? That was them begging down on their knees, like, trying to get they bitches, but also moving. They bang every three seconds because it was always in they eyes, that emo era.

[B]

It's like we're just. We've just not. Nothing's come after that.

[A]

No, we need more emo music because the. The little white boys need to stop being so angry. We need to get them off four channels.

[B]

They're all trying to be rappers now.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Jackie Harlow.

[A]

I mean, that's one girl. It's always a Eminem in the bunch.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know what he be doing over there.

[B]

What's that dirty. What's the one that always looks soiled, Little nasty.

[A]

Oh, you talking about. What was I about to say? Oh, no. The predator.

[B]

He looks like. He's like 48 years old.

[A]

Oh, no. White Iverson.

[B]

Yep, that's it.

[A]

Lonnie. Now Post Malone.

[B]

Post Malone.

[A]

I'm not gonna do you like that. Cause I've heard you're very nice, and I once went to a party at your house, and it was fun.

[B]

Oh, I take that back then, if you're a nice guy. That's all that I heard.

[A]

He was nice. He just got. He just, you know, has that unshowered look.

[B]

I need you to take a freaking shower, man. Comb that hair just a little bit. A lot of it.

[A]

No, a suave.

[B]

You know, we're not asking for much.

[A]

You could do one of them three in one. Shampoo, body washes, anything.

[B]

But there's, you know, there's those people who, God love them, they just never look clean. They can come straight out of the freaking shower.

[A]

And you're like, just run. Here, you look. You.

[B]

Yeah. You know who's like that? Oh, she's gonna come for me. I don't know her, but Julia Foxx.

[A]

But I love it. I love it.

[B]

I'm like, baby, she looks like she. And I don't even think she.

[A]

And sometimes she be in the tub when she be talking to her TikTok. And I'm still like, is you bathing?

[B]

Is you bathing? And she's. The thing is. And I know this for a fact, I don't know this for a fact, but she looks like the type who will get her makeup professionally done and then sleep in it for, like, three days. Cause she likes the makeup. I had a friend like that.

[A]

I know people who do that.

[B]

Yeah, I had a friend like that.

[A]

There are celebrities who do that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I had a friend who was a model, and she, like, walked in a show, and we went back to my crib afterward, like, went out and partied and then crashed in my crib. And I was like, is you gonna wash your face? And she was like, oh, no, I like this makeup. I'm gonna keep it for like, a few days. I was like, but how nasty hoe. And then she was in my bed. I've thought about this story and I was wondering, like, what did my pillowcase look like after she got up?

[A]

Cause I don't. It was like a full of her face. Like the full beat. Like, I don't like it.

[B]

I don't remember. I don't remember.

[A]

Well, if she's sleeping in, I'm sure she was sleeping pretty. That's what my mom used to call it when I would have rollers in my head. Sleeping pretty. She'd be like, you gotta sleep on your hands like this so you don't mess up your hair.

[B]

I mean, it's like. Yeah, that's. I just. I'm not. I just. Please, just look. I don't know what it is. These dusty laser. I just. I don't know. They shower and it doesn't make a difference, so.

[A]

But we digress. Love you. Love, love you guys. No shade.

[B]

No, all the shade as we stand in a forest.

[A]

Absolutely no shade, though. So let's get to our first letter here. Did you give me a fake name? P. I feel like that's how we might have got on this.

[B]

Delilah.

[A]

Delilah. You did. That's how we got on this tangent. Here we go. See, we recognize. We get back. So Delilah says, my dearest parasocial friend, Lacey. What's up, Delilah? Hey, how you doing? Did you respond okay? Girl, I write to you today all the way from Brazil as a longtime listener and first time snitcher, to tell you of the unbelievably funny scam situation I've learned of the other day, though I thought immediately, I must write Lacey. I gave it a few days to see if it would get any updates, and the wait paid off. So now I have the full story. That's what I'm talking about. You better come with all the receipts. Okay?

[B]

Go ahead, brother.

[A]

You better. Diane Sawyer this. Delilah Sawyer. You better be out here doing your investigative journalism.

[B]

Also. Is this the first international letter we've had from Brazil?

[A]

No, we've had some from the uk We've had some that. It happened to them when they was internationally.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

We international. We getting our passport stamps on the pod. Okay, Stamp me up.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Take me through that good. TSA that.

[B]

I got that global entry. Yes.

[A]

They checking our booty hole before we come back in the States. Okay. International. So I'm glad you waited, Delilah, and got us the full tea, because, you know, I love a full cup of tea. So a little background. This scam happened to my father's friend with whom he shares a singular brain cell. Shade. Wait, why you come at your daddy? This heart and his frame. Cause you said they share a singular brain cell together.

[B]

Just one.

[A]

Just one for both of them. They pass it around. I get it on Wednesdays and Thursdays. What? So this man is a married man, a leader in his church, a pillar of the community. He's seen as an honest man and has been saving money for his daughter's wedding. So I already know the way that you set that up, that he ain't

[B]

never seen as an honest man.

[A]

He's seen. She said he's seen as a pillar.

[B]

Allegedly. He's an honest man.

[A]

He's really more of a scene, a pylon, maybe a electric pole, an albatross. Not reliable. Okay, not a pillar. Okay, it's coming down. So this man met a woman on God's own Internet. They messaged back and forth, and he was, honest to God, having a text message affair with this lady. I know you don't, Shame, and normally I don't either, but honestly, shame.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

Now she done pulled out the bell and started. Shame, shame, shame, shame. You gotta walk him through the. You gotta make him stand next to that pillar he used to be and be like, that was you. We believed that. We was rooting for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Knock his pillar down. So he had a wife at home and was having a straight up affair with a bunch of ones and zeros. Not the computer affair you are, Delilah.

[B]

You shady as hell. Ooh.

[A]

Not that cheating. Not the. Not just cheating like that. Not the clickety clack tap. That. That's wrong. An affair is an affair, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Okay? If you mean to get your little root kicks on Route 66. So she claimed to be an American cop. Not FBI, not Army, just a regular cop on duty in Turkey. The country, for some reason.

[B]

Yeah, I love how she puts it in parentheses. Like, I mean, what other turkey girl are we gonna think it was? Listen, Delilah, is there a turkey in Minnesota? I don't know. Is there?

[A]

There might be. Okay, I don't know all the cities. Do you know all the cities? I don't know all the cities.

[B]

I mean, I know the only country that I know that's named after a literal animal. It's not named after an animal. It sounds like an animal, you know? Come on, guys. There's only one turkey on this planet.

[A]

I appreciate the specificity. Cause it could be a turkey, Alabama for all I know.

[B]

Fair enough. But maybe there's a turkey in Brazil.

[A]

So the country Turkey. Between the in quotes, my loves and promises of spending a lifetime together. And nudes. She told him that while serving a warrant. And in a Turkish cave, she came across a treasure appraised for over $5 million. Not a treasure, bitch. What is this we pirates? You found some booty? Like, ain't nobody finding no goddamn treasure. Who this fucking pirates of the Caribbean with that trash, man? Ain't nobody finding no damn treasure.

[B]

Yeah, girl.

[A]

And also, like, If I found $5 million worth of treasure, I'm not talking to you about it.

[B]

Like, I've never even met you, dawg. Like, we just.

[A]

We're just right. We just do a sexual.

[B]

We're at this level.

[A]

We like, ooh, ah, okay. Harder, Harder.

[B]

We're just doing a sex podcast where we have sex, you know, like, what are we.

[A]

What are we talking about? So, however, as always, there was a catch. If the Turkish government found out about the treasure, they would seize it because it was their own national treasure. Not you over here trying to be a colonizer in this country. Talking about, can you help me colonize real quick?

[B]

Hey, boo.

[A]

I got some Christopher Columbus questions for you. You remember Ponce De Leon?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. So we need to pounce on this money. No. Like, so. But cops do be out here raiding places and stealing. That's a lot of the reason we have no knock warrants is because they want to bust up on a drug front or a drug house, and they want to go in and steal cash and jewelry and drugs and drugs. And, you know, they put a little bit on the table for a cute moment on their Facebook, on the Channel 5 news and for the Facebook post. And then they keep the cash because it's like, who's going to know how much money is in the house when you run up in there and steal?

[B]

I mean, when you steal from. From robbers, that's it.

[A]

But they're both gangs. The cops are gang and the gangs are gangs.

[B]

Exactly. So it's stealing from gangs, period.

[A]

You know, I don't approve of it, and I hate no knock warrants, but, you know, that's what they be doing this shit for. That was a part of the Breonna Taylor situation was. It was a no knock warrant to the wrong address. Running up in there thinking that they was about to catch a lick trash. So the Turkish government, in quotes, will get involved. So now she needs some help colonizing the coins, right? So she said she needed help smuggling the found treasure out of Turkey and doing it so fast. So now we got the next part of this scam. So the first part is I found some money. It's giving the Nigerian Prince, right?

[B]

It's 1000% Nigerian prince taxes and fees, right? Yeah.

[A]

But then also adding to this scam is the urgency. I told y', all, whenever anything needs to happen quickly.

[B]

Yeah, it's a big first of all,

[A]

she's like, you don't have to have time to think about it. No, no, no. Just believe everything I'm saying real fast

[B]

right now in this moment, instantly. Yeah, that's problematic. But also, like, dog, she's supposed to be a cop. So you know you're about to get into some weird shit. Like she's.

[A]

She's also, if she a cop, why, she should know how to smuggle, period. She need you for random. Church leader, pillar of the community, sex online friend.

[B]

Like, you don't have a network for this girl.

[A]

No. So she sent you a couple pictures of her titties and then she was like, bitch, I found. I'm Indiana Jones. I found a national treasure, bitch. And they about to roll the rock in front of the cave. You got 45 seconds.

[B]

Let me tell you, there's no time or period in my life where I would ever willingly agree to step into a scam with a copper. Like, you're just setting yourself up for failure there.

[A]

Right? Cause also, this is crime. And they just told you they a cop. Right? It feels like that's where you exit the conversation.

[B]

Right, Exactly.

[A]

Just feels like you don't do crime with. You with cops.

[B]

You don't do crime with cops.

[A]

Only cops do crime with other cops. Okay? Period. You don't do crime with the cops, period.

[B]

Politicians do. They do. Politicians do.

[A]

And some higher up gang level. True children. You know what? I take it back. People do crime with cops all the time. You know, that's not sticking out to me anymore. So lucky for her, this honest man, this pillar of the community. Ooh, you do not like this man. Cause you are reading him down, right? Did not have a shared brain cell that weekend. So the brain was on loan to her dad.

[B]

Her daddy had.

[A]

So, damn, you should have went and picked up the brain cell real quick. You need to go stop by his house and be like, I need it just for like 45 minutes and I'll be right back and I'll drop it right. Back off. I'll put it in the mailbox. So when she asked him for 5,000 Brazilian. Reyes. Is that how you say that?

[B]

Reyes? Reyes. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

Reyes.

[B]

Reyes Rios. Reyes. Reyes. I think it's Reyes.

[A]

Yeah. I travel to ship the treasure out of the country via her friend who was a diplomat and promised to split the treasure with. He did not think twice and sent her the cash. So she's asking for 5k in Brazilian money so that she can get her friend who's a diplomat, to ship the money out. So why the friend don't got diplomat coins? Cuz I thought diplomats had a little coin. Diplomat ain't got 5k.

[B]

And this is what's not adding up here. And that's how you know this. It's like. Okay, so you telling me this copper couldn't figure out how to do their scams by themselves? In addition to the fact that they're also working with a diplomat? They need you, Johnny. From Nowhereville America.

[A]

One brain cell, leader of the church, paying for your daughter's wedding. Bumper of the community, speed bump of the community. They need you.

[B]

It's not adding up.

[A]

The math. It's not mathing here.

[B]

It's not mathing.

[A]

It wasn't long until that friendly smuggling diplomat contacted him, however to inform him that the treasure had been confiscated by customs. So why is the diplomat, who you don't know, contacting you about this?

[B]

I feel like scammers never work alone.

[A]

I don't even think this could just be one person. Remember, they're having Internet sexual messages. So this could be one person who found some cute nudes online, cropped the head out, sent em, you know, made sure the titties match and the lighting and the bathroom fixtures match and then sent it on over and then now they on a diplomat email and diplomat.com.

[B]

got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. That makes sense. Yeah.

[A]

So now. So now international [e-mail] GoDaddy oh my God. FM edu mail dot com. Nah, Gmail. Too legit. It's giving Hotmail. Okay. It's giving Yahoo.

[B]

Hey, hey. You know I got a Yahoo account.

[A]

I got a Yahoo too. Where else would I send my spam emails?

[B]

Well, I use. That's my regular email account. I love Yahoo.

[A]

That's cause you're doing crime. My mom still got a Yahoo email. It's very embarrassing.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I feel it.

[A]

I was like, get off of this platform.

[B]

What are you doing? It's cause it's so good. Continue.

[A]

Is it.

[B]

It's better than Gmail Don't. I know.

[A]

I don't know what.

[B]

Listen, unless Gmail is sponsoring this show,

[A]

then we love Gmail. It's the only way to send an email through the G. Real G's Gmail. So now the diplomat has reached out to inform him that the treasure has been confiscated by customs and that they needed an extra 7,000 Brazilian dollars to bribe them into releasing that treasure. So now it's about to be 12k. Right.

[B]

Can we find out how much that is in American money?

[A]

Yeah. So 12,000 in Brazilian. Riaz. Let's see how much money that is. Cause I'm sure it's. I think the dollar is. The dollar's stronger than that. So it's a decent amount of money. So I cannot stress enough how much. He did not have access to that one brain cell that weekend because he once again dipped into his daughter's wedding fund.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

And sent the $7,000. And then he came to my father. A seven twenty something year old men who have been using their shared brain cell to try and figure out the best way to explain why vaccines are bad and a healthy diet is all you need. And to brag about how savvy he was and how he'd made bank with his mistress. So he came over to say all types of stupid shit. Cuz that was a red like what? He came over and he was like, the Earth is flat. We don't need vaccines. The moon is made of cheese.

[B]

Climate change is normal.

[A]

It's actually getting hotter. So what do they mean? It's getting colder. So what do they mean? Global warming. Okay, so 12,000 British dollars. Oh, okay, so 12,000 Brazilian dollars is 2,000. 2,000 UK or excuse me, United States dollars. So it's about 2,300 in the US dollars. So he didn't send.

[B]

It wasn't that much.

[A]

Yeah. Because our money's stronger. It was more to them. But it wasn't as much like 2k as a wedding fund. It's still a decent amount. Especially like I don't know what town you live in. So two could easily pay for.

[B]

We don't know what your. Your budget was.

[A]

Right. Because now the open bar gonna have to be closed.

[B]

Yeah. Now catering, it's gonna have to be cash bar now.

[A]

Right. Catering is by Golden Corral.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I actually went to a wedding once where they did a scam where like they had all of the chargers, the plates and all of the nice shit out. Like all beautifully displayed. Right. Like it was gonna be a meal type dinner.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They took all these photos, these videos, and all this shit. And then why did the staff come over and take all of the plates and the chargers and everything away except for the silverware? And then they had a. And you had to go get your Chipotle taco and then bring it to your seat. But they made it look like they was about to serve the steak in the frites and the shrimps, you know, the vegetarian option. But in reality, it was like, now, everybody get up here. Gone. All over.

[B]

These are Chipotle settings, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

These are just place settings.

[A]

No, don't touch that. We actually need to leave it clean. No fingerprints. We have to put them back in the box. Y' all get the boxes.

[B]

We're returning these, okay?

[A]

But the wedding video is about to be fire. Love that. Love that. So now this daughter's wedding. I feel bad for her because he's allocating coins to the online mistress. You're not even getting nothing with this online mistress. You're literally getting photos, dude. You could have literally just paid for somebody's onlyfans, and you would have had more interaction with them. Cause some people have tipped things where it's like, oh, if you tip this much, or if you subscribe to this level, I'll send you a personal video, or, oh, we can FaceTime or something. You could have had a real mistress. But instead, you over here, very dumb.

[B]

Using that one brain cell, right?

[A]

So he bragging about how he about to make 5 million DOL for spending $2,000, which don't make no damn sense. So my dad, before returning the brain cell, informed him that it was an obvious scam. He insisted, however, that his girlfriend was for real. And when the diplomat friend contacted him again to ask for more money, my father picked up the phone and started asking questions. So at least y' all are really sharing this brain cell.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, oh, daddy, okay, dad knows what's up.

[A]

He was like, listen, if we put our minds together, if we put all

[B]

of our minds, our powers combined.

[A]

Mighty Morphin. Okay, now listen, you're not a moron if you fall for a scam, and you're not a moron if you fall for this type of scam. Sometimes in relationship scams, depending on how long you're talking to this person, you really develop feelings for them. That's normal. I'm just saying, he done got got twice, and he talking about vaccines ain't real.

[B]

You know, he's getting got a lot, right?

[A]

He talking about the Illuminati and how you Gotta hit somebody with your car if you wanna be a real contender in the music business. Like, he just putting out all types of, like, conspiracy theories. He ain't say that. But you know what I' saying? Like, it's giving. Dumb. It's giving. I do my own research on.

[B]

On Reddit, YouTube. Yeah.

[A]

Red pill. It's giving. Red pill. So daddy, the other dad, he's like, I got the brain cell right now. Let me pull up. So at this point, this alleged diplomat, who had no problem communicating with my dad's friend in Portuguese because the man speaks no other language, started claiming he didn't speak Portuguese. Or as how he put it, no hablo Portuguese. Finally, my dad's friend became convinced that the diplomat was a scammer but not his girlfriend. So he's, like, not blaming this diplomat. He's like, my boo just got caught up.

[B]

He's like, y'. All, oh, he was in love.

[A]

Yeah. But also, like, that's the arrogance of, like, why wouldn't you think that the girl is involved when she literally was the one who roped you into the situation?

[B]

He's in denial. It's not just the river in Egypt, Right?

[A]

But it's like, get out of denial. Dry off. Okay, okay. And put your feet on the soil and just realize it wasn't what it was. It's okay. So he immediately contacted her to tell her he wanted to rescue her and ask her how.

[B]

This diplomat is like, oh, hold on a second. When you call the girlfriend, clicking over.

[A]

Hold on, hold on. No hablo's Portuguese. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[B]

Hey, boo.

[A]

I wish I knew a little Portuguese. I don't. I should, at this point follow Portuguese, right? That's how she picks up the phone on the other line.

[B]

Obrigada.

[A]

Right? He's like, it's weird. I thought the diplomat hung up, but it still says, he's on hold. Let me swap over. She's like, ah, ah. Okay, cool.

[B]

Let me merge the phone calls, right?

[A]

Oh, don't do that. We don't need to merge. So he calls a girlfriend and is like, he want to rescue her. He said this man was forcing her to participate in this scam. Keep in mind, he never even voiced with this one. He never voiced with this woman.

[B]

Like, they never spoke.

[A]

So I guess they never spoke. The whole affair was all text messages and presumably stolen nudes. That's what I was thinking. She hit him up with a bunch of my love. What are you talking about? Nonsense. After he begrudgingly admitted she might have been. Oh. So after he was like, boo, Like, I gotta rescue you. Like, this is all bad. Da, da, da, da. She was like, my love. What are you talking about? And then after a while, he begrudgingly admitted that she might have been in on it, at which point he decided to scorch the earth and go to the police with this scare.

[B]

Oh, sir, she is a cop. No, I'm kidding.

[A]

He calls the police, she picks up. My love, my baby. Hello. Oh, my God. Why is you calling my job? I can't do a Portuguese accent. I don't know what it sounds like.

[B]

They sound like Russian speaking Spanish.

[A]

Okay, wonderful. So, however, and I love that, like, you got scoring, you gave some money, and now you calling the popo. You already in the wrong. You cheating on your wife, you're stealing from your daughter's wedding. Now she gonna have to have paper plates. Okay, we gonna hope Dixie can stand up at her wedding. Like, what? You know, you already in the wrong, and now you calling the popo.

[B]

Just take your l take it.

[A]

So, however, my dad reminded his friend before finding out it was all a scam. He believed he was helping her scam a whole country and willingly Lynn along with it. So he couldn't go to the police with this because they would immediately lock him up.

[B]

Let me just say that one brain cell works really good.

[A]

Yeah, your dad needs to just cut it in half and give the friend some, because that brain cell's really working.

[B]

Yeah, your dad's making complete fucking sense here.

[A]

So then his friend starts backtracking that. No, he wasn't trying to steal anything. He is an honest man. He didn't think it was smuggling. Find us, keep us, lose us, yada, yada, yada. The best part is that the scam is still happening. The lady has claimed two more victims in the town, as I last heard. And honestly, I. Stan, I'm not gonna get around this small town.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

She everybody mistress, right? She copy pasting text messages to new people.

[B]

Wait, you didn't dating Candy, too?

[A]

Wait, you. Oh, you are also dating Kandy.

[B]

Wait, we're all dating Candy?

[A]

Candy is a busy woman. I know she got carpal tunnel because she's out here typing, okay? She got to keep all the stories straight, get her lie journal together. Like, literally. Candy wake up every day. Like, got to hit up several lovers, and she got to keep them stories straight. Like, how is that hip surgery, Craig? Oh, you ain't get you a get the hip surgery? Oh, you. I was think I was thinking about the diplomat, the Diplomat. He had hip surgery. Let me. Let me text you back.

[B]

And she's also playing multiple roles, right? Yeah.

[A]

There's a lot to keep track of.

[B]

She's everybody to every. She's everything to everybody.

[A]

She's every woman. It's all in her. Exactly. Okay? And I love that. So she's doing this to the whole town. It's one of the oldest scams in the book, but it still works. And it's brilliant because they can't just go to the cops and claim, hey, this lady I was trying to help smuggle treasure out of a foreign nation scammed me without getting in trouble themselves. Double scam. Genius. Anyways, he became desperate to cover up the money that he lost before his wife found out because she was close to kicking him out of the house. And he asked my dad for advice on that. Through their conversation, he decided to make up the difference at the church he runs.

[B]

What is.

[A]

What's this triple scam? Problematic. This is what Delilah's written. Now, how you gonna. Mr. Sir, you are stepping out.

[B]

How?

[A]

On your wife. You're stealing from your daughter, and now you about to go steal from the church?

[B]

See, I was. At first, I was gonna give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Like, he just may be a simple man who doesn't. Who's unwor. But I realize you're the problem.

[A]

Yeah, you're the problem. Am I the drama? Yes, you are the drama.

[B]

You're the drama. It's you.

[A]

It's you, and it's always been you. So this ends the letter as far as right now. If I have updates, I'll write you, but I doubt I'll have any updates. The stories died out in my neighborhood.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I wish there were of this, because. So he just stole from the church and nobody knew?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm wondering, like, they were like, why is Deacon. Deacon Smith walking out of the church with the collection plate? Did y' all see that? We put the money in the. And he went outside.

[B]

Deacon Smith is like that pastor in Brooklyn who's shaking down.

[A]

Did you see where he liked that guy? We talked about him.

[B]

Oh, my God. He. Well, did you see the new video? I didn't watch the video, but apparently he, like, roughed up one of his female. What do you call it? Congregants. But, like, during a sermon on the. On the. In front of the church.

[A]

On the live stream.

[B]

On the live stream. I didn't watch the video. Cause I'm like, I don't want to see that.

[A]

But, yeah, roughing up the community on the live stream.

[B]

On the live stream, dawg. Like, it's like, what a. Come on.

[A]

I guess he just moving out loud now. They done called him and put all these articles out about how he's a criminal. He was like, well, the people know, so.

[B]

So I'm about to start strong arming

[A]

bitches now on live.

[B]

Literally. Wow, this is so. Yeah, I, I'm, I'm actually. Yeah, I don't, you know, the story is still kind of, you know, unfolding.

[A]

Yeah, but stealing from the church after you done stole from your daughter and your wife and. You are a bad man.

[B]

He's not a good person.

[A]

You're a nasty man.

[B]

And honestly, I think that cops should call him back up and be like, baby, you're right, I was a scammer.

[A]

But I'm so let's get back together. I need knee surgery. Can I have US$12,000?

[B]

And also I'll take a green card as well.

[A]

I got 90 days to be your fiance. So can you get the divorce started with your current wife? She gonna leave you anyway?

[B]

I mean, my God. Well, shout out to. Was it Delilah? Yeah, Delilah. Thanks for this letter.

[A]

Very thorough letter.

[B]

Very thorough. And you know, if there's any updates. Yeah, please send em in to us.

[A]

All right, we have time for one more.

[B]

Oh, yay.

[A]

And this is another nasty one.

[B]

I don't think it's that. Well, Okay. I don't think it's that nasty.

[A]

Well, you're reading it.

[B]

All right, so do we have a name?

[A]

Let's call this person Stephen.

[B]

Very normal Steven. So this is a scam that was recently reported in the LA Times. So there was a 63 year old man named Randall in the Sierra Nevada foot foothills and he was collecting his dad. His dead dad's ada. That's the dad's name. His dead dad's Social Security and retirement after his dad died, possibly for six years while he was decaying in a recliner in the house that they lived in together. Now, the scamman was only found out because he himself died. Otherwise he would have kept the dad decaying scam going on going. Apparently if he told, if he told that his dad had died, the funds would dry up. So naturally he kept his dad decomposing in the house instead. So a sheriff's deputy found the dead and decaying dad and said this. It was severely decomposed. It was severely decomposed with partial skeletal remains. And the coroner added, because the body had been sitting there for so long, there was no pungent odor. And the skin had taken on a leathery appearance. It has been been so long that everything was dried out. Oh my God. He had been there for years and years and years.

[A]

Oh my God. The coroner is doing a lot since. When the coroner added all this editorialism, he was like years and years.

[B]

And also years and years as well. If the son was still alive, the guy would still be sitting there, basically. End quote. So just thought you should know about this wild and wacky scam where this guy allowed his own dad to decay in the chair inside their house for years to get paid. I mean, since the dad apparently died of natural causes. Go ahead and get paid, Randall. But bury your dad in dignity. Wow.

[A]

It's just this seems like something that would come out of a movie where they're like, oh well, if we call the coroner, then we don't get our checks.

[B]

Like, I feel like a shameless episode.

[A]

Yeah, there's actually an episode of Good Girls where her husband dies of a heart attack and then she just preserves him in Good Girls.

[B]

Yeah, the redhead.

[A]

No like spoilers, but if you haven't seen. It's been out for. But there's someone on the show, not one of them, but who puts daddy in the freezer so they can keep collecting the check. And that's like a TV storyline. I did not know somebody really. People do shit like you letting your daddy become a whole ass mummy. Also like the recliner. Like you left my guy literally in the recliner watching Wheel of Fortune. So you just come home every day and dead dad just in the recliner.

[B]

I just. Yeah, I just went like, oh my God.

[A]

So clearly you never have any guests over.

[B]

I mean, obviously, obviously. Like you can't if they. If you're. I mean, I just wonder if he really was like in the recliner in the middle of the room of the apartment. Or if it's like he was in his room locked off or whatever. I mean, this is. Listen, what's. This is a crazy. This is a wild story. But what is really sad is that like people. The lengths people gotta go to get their little check.

[A]

Right? And that's what it more so is, is that this poor man lived with his dead dad because he needed money and he could not afford to bury him and move on without that check. That's where we are as a society. That makes more sense that you're like, well, I mean, we gonna have to just wait on that. Like we just gonna have to. 63 is not that old. So.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, I mean It's. Oh, God. I. I don't know how I feel. That's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm like, I don't know how to feel about this scam. I mean, I feel like he should. I mean, I get it. Like, I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Are you talking to him when he get home? Like, what up, dad? Like, how you.

[B]

I feel like he probably. I mean, you got to. You got to. It's like the elephant in the room. But it's. But it's a dead body. I just feel like, you know, he. I don't know. You couldn't have buried him, right?

[A]

Or at least like, put him in the basement or something. Like, he just sitting in a recliner. Like, my God, he just. In your living room.

[B]

Like, I wish there was more details because I'm like, did. Did this. No, no. 63 year old, years old. Was the dude who was the son.

[A]

Yes. And look, look. So we look at right here. It says to notify the relatives of the son's death. A sheriff deputy arrived about 10am on July 13 at the residence. And we're not gonna say the residence. The deputy initially thought no one was home, but had heard a noise he believed to be a fan.

[B]

So the deputy peered through the window

[A]

and saw a deceased person later identified as Randall's father. So he got his daddy sitting in the recliner next to the window for air problems, probably.

[B]

The daddy was 91, and you got

[A]

him sitting next to the window, like, so anybody could have seen the dad. They're like, he always in that recliner, child.

[B]

I mean, I just wonder, like, have

[A]

y' all seen what's his face, Daddy? He ain't looking too good in that recliner these days.

[B]

I mean, it's just like, he doesn't do anything all day. He's in that recliner.

[A]

Every time I come by, they'll go on my walk. He over there in that recliner. He don't look very alive. Ish.

[B]

I just, you know, people who, like, will live with dead bodies. Like, I mean, I don't know, man. You know, death is an interest. Grief. Grief is a.

[A]

Is an interesting thing.

[B]

It is.

[A]

You know, people have their own ways of dealing with it. But I'm like, bruh, I don't know, put him in a closet or something.

[B]

Like, at least put a blanket over.

[A]

I mean, just sitting in the recliner.

[B]

I just. I wanna. I would love to get more details. We can't. The guy's dead now. The guy who will tell us the story has passed on as well?

[A]

Yes. So, I mean, it's the perfect scam. Cause what they gonna do? Prosecute you, get the money back? They can't. Y' all both did.

[B]

He did it. You did it. You did it.

[A]

This was a scam success.

[B]

You won the scam Olympics. The scam Olympics.

[A]

Very weird success. But I mean, who won? You.

[B]

You did. I mean, he got to fund the rest of his life to the end and all.

[A]

He hang out with his dad as much as he wanted.

[B]

All he had to do, you know, I mean, you know, they say that men don't have the same nasal capacities that women do, so.

[A]

So you think he just didn't notice?

[B]

Of course he did. I'm just saying, like, maybe the smell didn't bother him.

[A]

He got used to. I guess it went away at some point.

[B]

It had to. When the leather.

[A]

Cuz the cops said. And the. You know, the courter said, many, many years.

[B]

God damn. Randall.

[A]

Randall.

[B]

Honestly, I'm concerned and sad, but I'm also happy that you got to scam the government to the day you died.

[A]

To the literal day you died. As we all should. So shout out to an icon, rest

[B]

in of front piece.

[A]

Hopefully they took you out of the recliner. I hope everybody's out of the home now and, like, I hope they raise

[B]

that shit to the ground.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Raised it to the ground and literally started afresh.

[A]

Yeah. I think we need to burn the house down.

[B]

Yeah. Nothing good can come from that.

[A]

Yeah, just one arson. One quick arson, just to, you know, reset. One soft reset with some arson, please.

[B]

No, I need a hard reset for that one, because that's just crazy.

[A]

That's wild. Imagine the realtor. You try to sell that home.

[B]

I mean, I always think about that, like, when there's a home where someone has died, like, how do you.

[A]

You have to disclose. But I wonder if it's Only if it's a murder, like. Cause if it's just like, people just passed away, like that happens at people's homes. I don't know if you have to disclose that.

[B]

I don't know. That's the question.

[A]

Yeah, it was some people up in here. It was a tomb briefly.

[B]

It was a tomb for a hot minute.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And now it's a home again.

[B]

So go ahead and move in.

[A]

Just think of it as like a very large mausoleum.

[B]

So go ahead and sign right here. Here's your keys. I'm gonna go.

[A]

Do you want the recliner? Okay. No. Okay. We'll take that. Out. No worries.

[B]

Too soon.

[A]

Too soon, is it? Because clearly it was many, many years ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't know if it's too soon. I think it was too late. The whole thing was too late.

[B]

Too late.

[A]

But, guys, that brings us to a fun end to an episode.

[B]

I mean, I had fun,

[A]

guys. As always, snitch on your friends, family and your [e-mail] just make sure this scam is retired. If you want to find me D I V A L A C I D valacy on all platforms. If you want to find the show Scam Goddess Pod on all platforms. If you want to find Priscilla Risthegoddess on all platforms and check out her TikToks, because they are fantastic.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm just gonna keep pushing that because I'm having a great time.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I'm gonna force you into becoming a full time content creator.

[B]

That's my plan.

[A]

I need more. You need to drop three a day.

[B]

I'm working on a dance challenge as

[A]

we speak, so love that for you. Love that for us. Can't wait to see it. All right, congregation, keep confessing. Yeah, I've got it. This has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. It's produced by Judith Garpo, engineered by Ryan Connor and Abby Aguilar. Our researcher is Kaylin Brandt. Stay scheming.