Publisher’s Scammin’ House

Summary

Scam Goddess – "Publisher’s Scammin’ House" (Sep 8, 2022)

Host: Laci Mosley
Guest Host: Priscilla Davies
Format: Comedy/True Con, Listener Confessional Letters

---

Main Theme

This bonus episode of Scam Goddess, “Publisher’s Scammin’ House,” continues the podcast’s mission of exposing (and celebrating) the wildest con artists and scams, with a special focus on listener-submitted stories that are “too long or too messy” for the main show. Laci Mosley and Priscilla Davies guide the “Congregation” through two hilarious, confessional scam tales—one involving a Publisher’s Clearing House phone scam and another about a beloved office admin who moonlit as a serial embezzler. The tone is warm, playful, and deeply irreverent, with the hosts sharing personal takes, cultural observations, and plenty of jokes.

---

Key Discussion Points & Episode Highlights

1. Setting the Tone: What’s Poppin’, Congregation? (00:02–04:10)

• Exclusive-VIP feel: The hosts open with a bit about being gatekeeping publicists at a secret party, setting the episode’s fun, conspiratorial vibe.
• Confessions Format: Laci explains this bonus “Confessions” episode is where listeners snitch (anonymously) on themselves, friends, family, and enemies—with the only rule being the scam must be “retired.”
• On rooting for 'people's demons': The hosts egg listeners on to submit even messier stories, especially ones involving enemies.
  • “Every now and then, you gotta root for somebody’s demons. My mom always say, you don’t wanna dig a grave for somebody else—it’ll be the one you fall in.” (A, 01:39)

---

2. Letter One: “Publishers Scammin’ House” – Tito vs. the Fake Millionaires (04:43–23:46)

Tito’s Tale (06:12)

• Tito gets a sketchy phone call from a supposed Virginia number. The caller cycles through voices—Jamaican accent, Sesame Street character, finally a "woman" named Mary Johnson.
  • “He went through a lot of characters on the phone… changing wigs.” — Laci (07:36)
• Discussion about black folks’ love for prefacing stories with “I was minding my business,” leading to a riff on cultural storytelling and victim-blaming. (06:28–07:12)

The Scam Unfolds (10:20)

• The caller claims to be from Publisher’s Clearing House (PCH), tells Tito he’s won $3.5 million and will get $10,000 a week for life, with Steve Harvey allegedly set to deliver the prize.
  • “You gon’ get $10,000 for the rest of your life and Steve Harvey is somehow involved.” — Priscilla (12:21)
• Tito is told to buy a OneVanilla card (prepaid Visa) and load $150 “for taxes.”
  • Hosts explain OneVanilla cards and compare this tactic to Nigerian prince and secret shopper scams. (12:59–14:18)

Tito Pushes Back (14:54–17:56)

• Tito calls out the scam: “Number one, I didn’t believe that the tax on $3.5 million would be so low.”

  • Hosts riff on how, if it were real, the government would take MUCH more. (14:54)

• The scammer gets aggressive, accuses Tito of being ungrateful for not being excited to win.

  • “I love a good scammer gaslight. I love when they start making you question if it’s you, are you the problem?” — Priscilla (15:48)

• Tito strings the scammer along, asking for instructions and then poking fun at their “Elmo” voice.

• Background noise: Tito hears tropical music, jokes about there being an office party during the scam.

  • “What party? Elmo have no party.” — Laci (19:34)

The Jig Is Up (20:00–23:46)

• Tito fully calls out the scam, mocks the caller, tells them to get a real job and repent.
• The caller laughs, admits defeat: “Okay, you got me.”
• The Reverse Scam: The scammer immediately pivots and asks Tito if he can call or text on a personal level because Tito “sounds cute.”
  • “Now you’re trying to scam me into a relationship? Hell, no.”— Tito, as read by Priscilla (21:31)
• Tito shares the scammer is in Jamaica and wants to “get my bag up.”
• Hosts riff on the flirtatious scammer and Jamaican culture’s faux prudishness.
  • “They’re so fucking prudish. But they’re nastiest… I ain’t never met a non-freaky deaky Jamaican in my goddamn life.” — Priscilla (22:43)

Memorable Quotes & Moments:

• “You sound like Elmo and it’s hard to understand.” — Tito (As read by Priscilla, 17:56)
• “The scammer was like, maybe I can get you in another way. You lonely?… There might be another way to rob this motherfucker.” — Laci (21:19)

---

3. Letter Two: “Disney Adult Embezzler” – The Curious Case of Stella (26:06–41:32)

Introducing Loquacious’ Story (26:06)

• Loquacious recounts their first job post-college at a fun-loving, big tech company.
• Main character: Stella, beloved office admin and party planner, “sweet as pie,” notorious Disney adult, runs multiple ‘side hustles’ (Lularoe MLM, Disney travel packages).
  • “When someone’s doing 18 things at once, it’s sus… It’s giving serial entrepreneur.” — Priscilla (28:37–28:44)

The Scam Revealed (34:11–41:21)

• Stella abruptly disappears. The office gossip mill uncovers she was fired for embezzling up to $40,000 by expensing purchases and then returning them for cash.
• To avoid scandal (company is publicly traded), her employer and Amex arrange to put the debt on Stella and her husband, quietly letting her go.
  • “If I’m the husband, I’m like, now why am I in it? Take this fucking ring back.” — Priscilla (35:14)
• Discussion: Is it fair you inherit your partner’s debts when married? A digression into real-life examples (including Erica Jayne/RHOBH).
• Hosts marvel at Stella’s skill in using her party-planning as a cover—most people likely shrugged off missing funds, blaming Stella’s elaborate parties.

Ethics & Aftermath (39:52–41:32)

• “$40k is nothing when it comes to business, right?” — Priscilla (39:43)
• Stella is now self-employed and still selling Disney trips.
• The real victim? Stella’s husband, who gets saddled with the debt.
  • “Men don’t deserve things. So Stella’s husband, you deserve this too.” — Laci (40:50)

Memorable Quotes:

• “Let’s think about how she made people feel. You don’t remember what they do, you remember how they made you feel. Stella was a good time.” — Laci (39:59)
• “The fact that they let Stella just go without calling the popo lets you know she was a good time.” — Priscilla (39:59)

---

4. Tangents, Quips, and Cultural Commentary

Sesame Place Scandal (07:46–09:44)

• Outrage over viral incidents of black children being mistreated at Sesame Place, contrasting with the show’s “inclusivity” values. (“Sesame Place is MAGA territory.” — Laci, 09:16)

Disney Adult Wedding Etiquette (32:32–33:56)

• They mock a viral Reddit post where a couple spent wedding money on Mickey and Minnie Mouse photo-ops instead of food/drinks for guests.

Office Party Criminality (38:21–38:50)

• “People who volunteer to throw the company parties… that gives them access to company funds, which they can use at their discretion.”

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• (01:39) Laci’s mom’s wisdom on revenge:
  “My mom always say, you don’t wanna dig a grave for somebody else—it’ll be the one you fall in.”
• (15:48) Priscilla on scammer gaslighting:
  “I love a good scammer gaslight. I love when they start making you question if it’s you, are you the problem?”
• (17:56) Tito (as read by Priscilla) trolling the scammer:
  “You sound like Elmo and it’s hard to understand.”
• (21:31) Priscilla, after the scammer tries to flirt:
  “Now you’re trying to scam me into a relationship? Hell, no.”
• (28:44) Priscilla, on suspicious multi-hustling:
  “It’s giving serial entrepreneur.”
• (39:59) Laci, on Stella’s legacy:
  “Let’s think about how she made people feel… Stella was a good time.”

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Intro & Banter: 00:02–04:10
• Letter 1: Publisher’s Scammin’ House: 04:43–23:46
• Letter 2: Disney Adult Embezzler: 26:06–41:32
• Cultural tangents (Sesame Place, Disney Weddings): ~07:46–09:44, 32:32–33:56
• Wrap Up & Calls for Submissions: 42:57–43:43

---

Final Thoughts / Tone

The episode is a riotous blend of roasting, realness, and cultural critique. Laci and Priscilla’s rapport is effortless, swinging from sharp mockery to genuine warmth for both the “scam gods” and their victims. They urge listeners to keep the stories coming and not to shy away from spilling the messiest tea—especially if it’ll help others stay schemin’.

“Stay schemin’, Congregation!”

Transcript

[A]

What's poppin? Congregation.

[B]

Hey, hey, hey.

[A]

Secret Stitcher Premium. Congregation. How y' all do? Should we whisper? Since it's let's Whisper podcast.

[B]

This is the exclusive podcast. Yes.

[A]

Vip.

[B]

Welcome.

[A]

Let's. Is your name on the list? Okay, I see your name. You have a plus one. Okay, y'.

[B]

All. Sorry,

[A]

did you put your plus one on rsvp, though?

[B]

It's a different name. Sorry. Oh, yeah, no substitutes.

[A]

We're just two, like, bitchy publicists with, like, the sleekest ponytails you've ever seen and, like, black suits. Like, I'm so sorry. I don't see you here, period. Yeah, no. Well, then go ahead and call them. Cause, like, this is the list that I have.

[B]

I'm. I just work at the front. I'm sorry.

[A]

Yeah, I'm sorry. We actually need to get the next guest. If you could stand in the corner. If you got around the corner.

[B]

Around the corner. Yeah.

[A]

Cool, cool. We're gonna let all the congregation in. Okay. What's up? Congregation? Come through. Oh, my God. It's been a long time no see.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Very long bit. Welcome to Confessions. This is the bonus podcast where we read your letters that are probably too long or maybe too messy for a scam goddess. And that's why we love it here. I am one of your hosts, Lacy Mosley.

[B]

And I'm your other host, Priscilla Davies. Yes.

[A]

And this is where you guys confess to your cons. As always, snitch on your friends and your family and your enemies. Just make sure the scam is [e-mail].

[B]

i would love some enemy snitches. I don't think we've gotten that.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like y' all not praying on people downfall enough for me, you know?

[B]

I need you to pray for people's demons.

[A]

Every right. Every now, you gotta root for somebody. Demons. Okay. You don't wanna. My mom always say, you don't wanna dig a grave for somebody else, it'll be the one you fall in.

[B]

Listen, that line has changed my life. I'm not gonna lie. I think about that. I'm like, God damn, that's poetry. And it's so. It's so true. Like, I really think about.

[A]

I think about what you said. I've dropped this on other people. And they'd be like, wow, damn. When I'm like, priscilla always says, think about whose imagination you're living in, period. I was like, ooh, that's so deep. Like, who made this shit up? Not me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Period Scammers Made this shit up. Which is why we all need to take a deep dive. And they really.

[B]

And listen before we even get into this letter, okay? And they really are so scammers because when you start to really peel back the layers of the onion, you're like, yo, these are the least qualified fucking people on the planet running shit. They bamboozled us, all of us.

[A]

And the thing is, it's all sheer confidence, truly, who's qualified for anything? We're all born without stuff and we just figured out how to get stuff from people and pay our bills every day for the most part, like, we're all out here making it up. I mean, like, after a while of doing make em ups, you start to see patterns and then you might know something, a little something.

[B]

This is why we have our elected officials, like, questioning people about finstas.

[A]

Still, elected officials are wild as fuck right now. I really can't take any of them on either side. Like, we like, hey, can I get rid of the AR15s? They like, did you vote? You need to be doing some more votes if you want change, bro. What? Like every time I turn around, I got a new email from Nancy and they're begging. I'm like, nancy, you got money? You don't need my money to campaign no more, sweetie. You're famous. Like, get on Twitter and campaign. You don't need my money.

[B]

You can literally write a tweet and create policy like that. Like, what are we doing? But because you're an octogenarian, you don't know how to tweet.

[A]

That's my favorite, least favorite, but favorite thing now is politicians getting on Twitter and be like, we need change now. It's like, bitch, we hired you for that. How you gonna get. That's like, if I hire a plumber and they come over, they look at the toilet like, damn, you really need a plumber. Somebody need to come in here and start plumbing now.

[B]

That's why I called you in here, sir, please.

[A]

The plumber shop is like, have you called a plumber? Yes, you.

[B]

Yes, you. You 100%.

[A]

Oh, we need to find somebody to fix this. Come on, you and me together. What?

[B]

No, no, not at all, sir, Ma', am, friend.

[A]

They really trying us. They really trying us now. And you know, it's hilarious and sad, but let's get into it. Let's read one of your letters where you snitched on your friends or your friends, family P. You want to take the first one or you want me?

[B]

I'll take the first one. It looks Good. I like. Can I say the title or is that just for me?

[A]

That's just for you.

[B]

Okay. Because I'm like. That's why I'm choosing it.

[A]

Yes, but you made a wise choice. I'll give you a fake name.

[B]

Yes, please.

[A]

Let's go with Tito.

[B]

I never met a good Tito in my life. Except for the vodka.

[A]

I don't think I've ever met a Tito. What's that short for? Antonio?

[B]

He must. What is that short for? Tito. Tito. Tito. I don't know. It sounds like it would be the end of a name, Right?

[A]

I've only known Tito the vodka from Austin. I don't know any other Tito's, but.

[B]

And obviously Tito Jackson, Right?

[A]

I know Tito Jackson personally.

[B]

Obviously.

[A]

Could you imagine being Tito Jackson? Oh.

[B]

Can you imagine being any of the Jacksons who were not Michael and Janet or even Latoya, dog? Latoya had her moment for a hot second.

[A]

Okay. Latoya did have a little second. She was like a it girl.

[B]

She's still an icon. She still has her iconic moment. She doesn't do much these days, but she's still an icon.

[A]

She's got some gifs and some memes. You're right. Let's. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

[B]

But the rest of them.

[A]

Oh, God. Sorry. Right. You're just Jason Jackson and nobody's ever heard of you. I'm Charles. I'm Chuck Jackson. Nobody knows.

[B]

How sad. Mm.

[A]

All right, well, Tito.

[B]

Tito. On Monday, January 10, 2022 at 3:21pm thank you for the specificity, Tito. Thank you.

[A]

That was copy from the email. Sorry, my bad. I'm unprofessional. Yeah, see, that's how you know it's the email. Don't read nothing else from There you go. Put that email out.

[B]

God damn. I was about to keep going, but I like the email name too. Tito.

[A]

It's hilarious. Tito.

[B]

It's very funny. Okay, so. Yo, Lacey. Longtime listene first time writing in. I wanted to make you aware of a bizarre call that I received. I was minding my business and working from home when a number for Virginia from Virginia contacted me in the middle of the day.

[A]

I feel like this is a black person already because only black people feel the need to inform you that they were minding their business when something happened.

[B]

Accurate.

[A]

It's very much. That's like I was just minding my business as I do. As if someone accused them of not minding their business.

[B]

Cause that's the first thing. Cause you know what? When you tell black people that if you complain about something, that's the first thing they're gonna ask you is like, well, were you minding your business? Like, were you doing this? Did you deserve this?

[A]

No, we need to do better. Cause we do be victim blamers. We do be victim blamers. The first thing a black person, like, if they tell us a story, like, well, where were you?

[B]

Exactly?

[A]

Exactly what time was it?

[B]

Well, then why was.

[A]

Why was you all the way over there?

[B]

See, and this is why you have to preface with things like, I was minding my goddamn business.

[A]

And Tito told us he was at home minding his business, also doing his business at work.

[B]

There it is. So the caller sounded like a Jamaican man at first, then switched his voice, which was very similar to a Sesame street character, then claiming that he was a woman named Mary Johnson. Okay, okay.

[A]

He went through a lot of characters on the phone. It was like, he changing wigs. Like, it was like, hold on, I gotta put on a. Also Sesame street character right now. We ain't fucking with Sesame Place, so.

[B]

Oh, Sesame Place.

[A]

Yeah. Did you see all the Sesame characters beating up the black children?

[B]

Pushing the black kids out of the way.

[A]

Yeah, pushing them out of the way and slapping them and ignoring them and knocking them down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Somebody called Sesame Place a sundown town. I was like, oh, no.

[B]

Oh, my God, That. I mean, it kind of is. I saw somebody post something about. It was like, Disney. And then they were like, they shaded Sesame Place. I wish I could remember. But they shaded Sesame Place. Cause they were at Disney actually getting loved. The black kids were actually getting loved at Disney.

[A]

Disney said, all the black kids money is green, okay? So Mickey and Minnie are pulling up on you no matter the color. Sesame Place was like, look, we Trump supporters, and this is our chance to harm the black community, okay?

[B]

They were like, half of our staff is hidden behind masks, so they're gonna do whatever they want, right?

[A]

Not y' all being the new kkk, not the grand wizards of Sesame Place.

[B]

And what's so fucked up is Sesame street literally is the epitome of inclusivity. That was the whole point of the TV show.

[A]

Because they always had little black and brown kids, and they were always teaching you everything.

[B]

I watched a little documentary about it. And Sesame street was made for black and brown kids. And that's why it was modeled. The set was modeled after a street in the hood of New York City. Cause it was for black. So Sesame Street's really for us, y'. All.

[A]

Well, clearly not Sesame Place. They said, we're taking it back the

[B]

place is, you know, MAGA territory.

[A]

Don't bring your black babies to the place. I saw.

[B]

What?

[A]

Where did the cartoon character slap the little girl across the face?

[B]

You're a liar.

[A]

I didn't see that. No, it was like he hit her face. Like, it's not hard. He didn't, like, hit her with no baby powder or like, whine back, but he, like, popped her in the face. And she was, like, looking confused. Cause it wasn't hard, but it was like, why did they hit me in the face?

[B]

What is going on at Sesame Place?

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Anyway, so this dude sounds like, went from being a Jamaican man sounding like a Jamaican man to a Sesame street character and then suddenly became a woman claiming to be named Mary Johnson. Very good. Neutral, you know, I'm a black woman in the 1920s type of name. Mary Johnson. Okay, so the caller stated that they were with phc, AKA Publisher's Clearinghouse. That would be pch. But, hey,

[A]

semantics here. Don't give Tito. Don't. Don't do Tito like that, okay? Tito is trying to give all the details. Also, I thought the Publisher Clearing House was like, when that white man showed up to your house with a check. Like, I didn't know they called you.

[B]

Let me ask you a question. Do you know which white man it was? Cause you know, there's a Mandela effect conspiracy theory about this. Do you know which white man shows up?

[A]

No, but in my head, I think it's the white dude from the Price is Right.

[B]

Oh, oh, Pat Sajak or something. Who is that? No, that was Bob Barker.

[A]

Oh, Bob Barker. I think it was Bob Barker, but it's not him. That wasn't his side hustle. Side hustle, right.

[B]

Say that again.

[A]

That wasn't his side hustle, right? Dropping off checks.

[B]

Bob Barker didn't have a side hustle. He was on men's show for 83 years. He didn't have a side hustle. Okay, I thought it was Ed McMahon. Remember Ed McMahon?

[A]

Oh, yes, yes. It wasn't him.

[B]

No, apparently not. But a bunch of people remember it being him. And I'm one of the people that remembers it.

[A]

I would say I would remember that, too. Maybe I was thinking of Bob Barker. I just knew it was some white haired man that I had known for my whole life for some reason, reasons unbeknownst to me.

[B]

Yeah, it was Ed McMahon. He was star Church. Right? I was gonna say Star Church.

[A]

Yeah. Cause Ziggy isn't there that video with Beyonce where it' Girls time. Like, they lost Yup Beyonce's so petty. She's like, look at this one time I lost. To who?

[B]

Who? Exactly.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

That's what I thought.

[A]

That's extremely petty shit. I'm gonna make a TV show where it's like some petty ass shit that I lost. Like a spelling bee or something.

[B]

Use everybody's real names blurred, no faces out who.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

That's what I thought. Okay, so publishers a house clearing or Publisher's Clearing House, however you wanna say it. And that I was. So the caller stated that I was the winner of 3.5 million bucks. The caller stated I will receive about $10,000 every week for the rest of my life. And that's Steve Harvey.

[A]

You go and get $10,000 for the rest of your life and Steve Harvey is somehow involved.

[B]

You hear me? Steve Harvey. Imma come give you some money. 10,000. Sometimes, not every day. So Steve Harvey would come to my house to give me a check. The caller went on to provide me with a badge number, case number, and confirmation number to claim the prize. All legit. Before getting my prize, I was requested to go to my nearest Walmart. Oh my God. To purchase a one Vanilla card. What's a one Vanilla card?

[A]

That's a prepaid Visa debit card where you can pay like a little $4 fee to put cash on it. And it works just like a debit card.

[B]

Is that like the rush card?

[A]

No, because the rush card was like, oh, we can take it from your job direct deposit and put it into your fake bank account. That is involved with Simmons people.

[B]

No, that is in Russell Simmons pocket. Right.

[A]

Russell gonna hold your money and then he gonna get it to you. No, this is where you go. Like I do this sometimes, like on set and stuff. Like if I give gifts, like I'll just go get. Put cash on a gift card and then give them the gift card. This is that kind of situation.

[B]

Oh, it's a gift card.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Okay. It's like the white one. Is that why they say vanilla?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It looks like that box with the. You know that box that you see at cvs. It's like a gift card. It's got like a box on it with a bow.

[B]

Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. They make it really beautiful. Okay, so this one vanilla card and purchase it and put $150 on the card so that the funds could be released to me. As this money was supposed to cover the federal taxes for the money. So what I'm getting here before I continue. This is your standard Nigerian prince scam that I'M getting so far, we're gonna send you a check. You gotta cash it first and then you gotta do this to get the money. It's sounding familiar.

[A]

Well, yeah. And this was more on the lines of the secret shopper scams because it's like they're asking you to go purchase the debit card and then they're being like you're gonna get your money back and trying to give you some convoluted reason as to why you would need to purchase a gift card and then scratch off the back and give them information so they can use it online.

[B]

All this for $150. That's a lot of work. Yeah. So that the funds could be released to me as the money was supposed to cover the federal taxes. I informed the caller I knew this was a scam. Yes, Tito. And that number one, I didn't believe that the tax on $3.5 million will be so low.

[A]

Yeah, the government's definitely gonna want half of that. $150 ain't a drop in the bucket for Uncle Sam. He's like, oh, we won. Publishers Clearinghouse. Like, bitch, who is we? You? Us. We both want. Everybody jump up and down.

[B]

Woo. Now give us 150 bucks, snatches it out of your hand and runs.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. So, yeah. Two, I didn't enter any sweepstakes with the company. And three, if I did indeed win, I would not be requested to give you information with the car that I obtained at my nearest Walmart. The caller then goes on to state that my phone number was chosen at random, which is how I won the prize. They then stated that they have been working for the company for over 10 years and I was the most difficult person who appeared not to be happy about being a millionaire. I love.

[A]

I love gaslighting.

[B]

I love it. I love a good scammer Gaslight. I love when they start making you question if it's you, are you the problem?

[A]

I've been working for Publishers House Clearing. I've been working for them for 10 years and every time I call somebody they are grateful, they are jumping up and down. This part where you supposed to be screaming, crying and throwing up, but instead you asking me why you gotta drive to Walmart and why you gotta get a 150 gift card and why I want your Social Security instead you asking all these wild questions. Ungrateful, rude.

[B]

And. And your mother's made a name again though.

[A]

What was your first pet? You goofy. Okay, I don't even want to give you this.

[B]

How dare you 10, 10 God damn years of my life and I never,

[A]

never have I ever hit you with an I never.

[B]

How dare you not be grateful for this? $3.5 million. Actually, 3.4 million minus $150. I can't do that math fast enough. Okay, all Right. So number three. Did I say number three? Yes, I did. So the 10 years. The caller then stated that they would give me time to get the card and that so they're not giving up this. So that they would give me time to get the card and that they had a meeting so they would call me back. They were like, bitch, I got shit to do too.

[A]

I gotta grift other people. This is taking way too long. I usually get the 150 much faster than this. But we're gonna call you back, though.

[B]

We're calling back. I told them not to call back. But to my surprise, six hours later. That was a long ass meeting, dawg. Six hours later, the number called again. The caller said they were following up with the sweepstakes and asked if I obtained the card. I began to laugh and stated, yes. The caller got aggressive and stated, I'm taking a serious matter as a joke. And they did not believe that I had purchased the card. I continued to laugh and I stated I had the card and asked what they wanted me to do with it. The caller told me to reveal the numbers on the card and to this my response was, you sound like Elmo and it's hard to understand.

[A]

I understand you. You need to give us the back numbers on the card.

[B]

I love how he's throwing reverse gas lighting shade, right?

[A]

Also, Tito, you're having too much fun. This is what happens when you work from home. This is why they want y' all at work and they want to get them toilet seats that when you sit on it too long, your legs start to hurt so that they can get more productivity out of you.

[B]

That's horrible. I'm so.

[A]

My seat was floating around on Twitter. They were like, the new seat that all the offices need is angled in a weird way so that if you sit on the toilet checking your phone, your legs go numb and they start to hurt.

[B]

I mean, but also, who's really sitting on office toilets that long? Cause I'm not.

[A]

I'm not. I guess they're like, look, if your employees want to get away that bad that they would rather sit on a shit pot and look at their phone,

[B]

then, yeah, bite it to it that

[A]

it'll break their legs.

[B]

Put these pigeon spikes up, kick these Motherfucking legs out of here.

[A]

After five minutes on the toilet, little spikes come up out of the seat.

[B]

Listen, if you come back to your desk and your legs are bloody, we know what the hell you were doing, and we're writing you up.

[A]

We're writing you up. We're writing you up. Okay?

[B]

We're literally writing you up. So the caller still using the. Oh, wait. I think it skipped something. Oh, yeah. So I told the caller to use their real voice, and it got quiet. I could also hear what appeared to be a tropical musical selection in the background. Due to this, I asked, was there a party going on in the office? As it was really unprofessional. The caller still using that Elmo voice, stated that it was no party.

[A]

What party? Elmo have no party.

[B]

Elmo by himself.

[A]

Elmo by himself. Give us Walmart gift card. Give me the numbers on the back, Rocco. Elmo, start talking like heights. Hello, Rocco. You getting talked to like you Rocco now, right? Hello, Rocco, do you have that gift card or not? Rocco?

[B]

You so ungrateful for this $3.5 million bitch.

[A]

Minus $150 for taxes.

[B]

Only for the taxes. So the call. Yes. So I told the caller once more, it's a scam. And after an after mocked every word that the caller said, I went on to tell the caller to get a real job and repent for his sins of scamming. The caller then began to laugh and said, okay, you got me. Hey, I love a scammer who just. The jig is up.

[A]

All right, coppers, Maybe I'll put my hands in the air.

[B]

Sure, you got me. You got me. And I went on to you. I went on to tell the caller, it's not cool to try and trick people out of their money. And if he was going to do this use. Just use your regular voice. Tito is pissed off that you would

[A]

do this unless you're giving notes like, step it up, too.

[B]

Tito's like, how dare you not only insult my intelligence, but show up out here talking like Elmo.

[A]

Not you giving me these Nicole Kidman

[B]

ass accents match you being a Madonna in her third trimester of identity. Oh, my God. So I went on to tell the caller that it's not cool. So the caller said. The caller said I was smart and then went on to ask if I could call and if he could call and text me on a personal level because I sound cute. I realize the grift is still going.

[A]

Yep. The scammer was like, okay, you are still so invested, so maybe I Can get you in another way. You lonely? Cause clearly you got a lot of free time if you know this is a scam. You still talking to me. So I love that the scammer was like, there might be another way to rob this motherfucker.

[B]

Cause yes, the scammer was like, I'm a lover. I'm also a lover. And I'm a scammer and a lover, so I sound cute. My response to this was, you tried to scam me out of my coins and now you're trying to scam me into a relationship? Hell, no. The caller stated he could at least hit me up on Facebook. I love a diligent scammer. Never give up.

[A]

Never give up. Also, you were like, bitch, you sound hella lonely. I know you got a Facebook. I know you be on there posting photos of your food at Ben against and tagging six relatives who are not involved in the slightest. Okay. I know you be tagging frozen drinks and cheddar bay biscuits, talking about girls night.

[B]

I'm sad. He ended up giving me his real name and confirmed that he was in Jamaica. Just trying to get my bag up.

[A]

I love how he went from scamming to Stella got his groove back. He was like, wait, you wanna give me a passport? You want somebody to go Jamaican stick?

[B]

Jamaican stick is very good.

[A]

It's very good.

[B]

It's amazing. They try to act like they're all one thing about Jamaicans, man. They have this like faux modest culture.

[A]

Yeah. So prudish.

[B]

They're so fucking prudish. But they're nastiest. I ain't never met a non freaky deaky Jamaican in my goddamn life.

[A]

Same never.

[B]

And they act like they're like, oh, man, I'll eat. I would never. Eat poom Poom in me life.

[A]

And then you're like, tail.

[B]

Exactly. As soon as the camera cuts, this guy's in your pants. Come on, come on.

[A]

Come on, Cleveland, get it on. We know what you're doing over there.

[B]

We know what you're all about. And then. And then the women, too. They be talking about their fatty poom poom. Come on, Spice. Come on. We know who you are. So we laughed and said a friendly goodbye. I mean, this was a journey. The number is blocked. And Casey tries to call me again because I might actually have feelings. No, I'm kidding. I added that part. I added that part. And surely hope no one falls for this poorly put together scam ever again. Oh, Tito.

[A]

Thank you, Tito. Thank you for that also, Tito. I don't Know this. Making this sound like you might want to. But you might.

[B]

You might want to think about some things.

[A]

You might want to think about it.

[B]

You might want to go on over there, get yourself a. You know. You know, I'm going to Jamaica in a couple weeks, so.

[A]

Oh, yes. Maybe find this person.

[B]

I'm hoping to find this person and any. And listen, any rude boys. I'll be staying at the. No, let me tell you where I'll be staying.

[A]

Any rude boys.

[B]

Any rude boys that want to come and say hello and get it up, you know, you want to play like you're prude. We can do that. It's fine. It's a family vacation. We can do that around my parents.

[A]

We can keep it real classy while we at Sandow's. And then we get to the hotel room.

[B]

We gonna get it in. Okay. I'm trying to be duggering. I want to jump off of a

[A]

roof and land on your penis.

[B]

That's how they. I mean, it's like they really do

[A]

be doing that, though. And the way they be dancing, like, come on now.

[B]

It's like, who are you fucking fooling? Y' all are some lying ass. But whatever. Whatever you need, Delroy. Whatever you need to get through your sterling.

[A]

Whatever you need.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

We love it for you. We love you Jamaicans. And your horn.

[B]

We love your horn.

[A]

Oh, gosh. Do we have time for another one? Let's see if there's a shorter one here. Yeah, we can do the next one.

[B]

Oh, sweet.

[A]

That was so good. I want to know how this relationship goes, Tito. Right back in.

[B]

Unblock Delroy, Unlock Delroy and definitely start this relationship up.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

For us.

[A]

For us. Okay.

[B]

What if Delroy is hot, Tito?

[A]

Yeah, he. The confidence was there. It was given. I'm sexy and I know it. Okay? Who else is going to be like, yeah, Ms. Scamia, you know, I'm trying to get my bag up. Yeah, you're lonely. Yeah, Sometimes your pom pom sound. Un, unbeat. God, let me stop over here. Whip my ass.

[B]

And they will, and they will.

[A]

They're very talented that way. All right, guys, we're gonna give you one last. I'm trying. We're trying to do two scam letters an episode. I know we've been giving y' all one and just kikiing, but that's what y' all came here for. Y' all know what this is. So the next letter, give me a fake name.

[B]

P. Loquacious.

[A]

Loquacious. She's so loquacious. Yes. So first of all. Oh, loquatious says some nice things. Okay, thank you. Loquacious. So I work at a pretty big local technology company in my first real job out of college. Posetic quotes. It was a great place to work where I made many friends, and we had a great time during and after work. Oh, y' all was a happy hour and. And making sluttiness with each other, weren't you? It's giving industry.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you know, work. Work relationships get really dark sometimes, right?

[A]

Y' all go to the bar, y' all complain about y' all manager, and then the next thing you know, somebody's doing karaoke to Journey, and then somebody else making out in the photo booth.

[B]

Like, we know, lot of codependency, lot of just not, you know, it's just not. It's messy. It can be messy.

[A]

Yes. So, but, you know, they said. Laquisha said it was a great place to work. One of these friends that I had made was the beloved office admin. Let's call her Stella, who eventually moved into an operations role. She would throw next level theme office parties, many done with DIY projects of her own making. And they were so fun successful that even the CFO had her plan. His kids party.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Okay, so she was like, look, one thing I'mma do is answer these phone calls and these emails and throw these bangers, period, period.

[B]

Okay? Stella be throwing bangers. Stella's like, in the break room.

[A]

Stella's throwing Pinterest. I got on Pinterest, right? She's like, I got on Pinterest. I learned how to cut everything out. I looked at that punch man. The punch man. Who be making them punches to kill people. Stella, like, I got that killer punch and these uber discount codes. So don't nobody get in trouble.

[B]

It's giving like, Stella, this is your calling. Not working for a tech company, but go off.

[A]

Stella, open up Stella's soiree, period.

[B]

Get your groove back, Stella.

[A]

You called in Jamaican, y' all open a party plan company together. Okay? He sounds like he could be great admin for you. So she's so successful that she's throwing parties for the cfo. Her other side hustle was selling Lularoe leggings. Red flag in hindsight, yes. She's also a part of an MLM and doing Disney travel packages for families. Stella got a lot of side hustle. She working an admin at this company. She throwing hella bangers. She's selling leggings on the side, and she got Disney trips for You. This just feels like too many different jobs.

[B]

Yeah. When someone's doing 18 things at once, it's sus.

[A]

It's giving. Serial entrepreneur.

[B]

Yeah, it's giving. You know, I've said this before on the show. It's giving storefront where they do everything. I am a notary republic. Republic. Notary republic number one. I, you know, I can do.

[A]

Oh, like an African braid shop. Have you ever gone to an African braid shop? They always selling clothes in the back.

[B]

Oh, right, right.

[A]

But that. They actually never sell it. Cause the clothes got hella dust on them. And then it's always like some very formal looking purses that probably fell off a truck.

[B]

Literally just hella random shit.

[A]

You could buy contacts. It's like, what are we doing in here?

[B]

A lot. A lot.

[A]

Y' all can't sell everything. Why they got patties back there? What is happening?

[B]

Yeah, it's. Yeah. Let's just, you know, try to focus on one thing at a time here, Stella.

[A]

Now listen, when you're a criminal, you gotta multiple.

[B]

You gotta diversify.

[A]

And I love that. So did I mention that Stella was also a huge, in all caps, Disney adult to the extent that her wedding was Disney themed and she'd make the trek to the house of Mouse a couple times a year at least. So she'd make the trek to the house of Mouse a couple times a year, at least. So Disney adults are always very fascinating to me because I'm like, I don't get it. Theme parks drive me nuts. I went to Disneyland for the first time. And y' all know I've been to Disney World because I used to do that scam program as a kid where they bust you up there and they give you a free ticket, but you still gotta pay for everything else, but you gotta sing in the. You know, I did that scam for free, but so I went to Disneyland and we had a concierge, like the tour guide person who takes you behind the lines and you just go straight into everything so you can ride everything. And it was still 50 capacity because of COVID at the time. And it was packed in there. I was like, if this is 50, what is 100? And there is no way in hell I will come here and wait in lines and stand in the hot sun all day for what? So I can ride two things for

[B]

that last two minutes that last. Yeah, yeah. I've never. I still haven't. I've been here for God knows how many years. I still haven't been to Disneyland because I just even though it's a 15 minute drive. I literally have not been. I did go to Disney World. I've been to Euro Disney, so I feel like I've gotten.

[A]

You did enough. Miki and Minnie, they know you, you've been through. They got their camera and I used

[B]

to literally like tutor a Disney. So yeah, I'm in the mix here.

[A]

Okay, not. I tutored Disney.

[B]

I actually did. It was actually you were a fancy

[A]

tutor, so this was.

[B]

I am. He was a very sweet kid.

[A]

Oh, I love to hear that. So. Because if I was a Disney, I don't know, I think I'd be like the worst. They'd be like, oh, here comes Lacey Disney. That bitch. I'd be like, yeah, okay, Disney. Does that sound crazy?

[B]

I'd be like, here comes Lacey Disney. Oh God. Whose parents saying? Your parents say, oh, here comes Lace Lacy Disney.

[A]

Yup, yeah, that's right, bitch. I'm what dreams are made of. What's the slogan?

[B]

I think that's it.

[A]

I don't know, something when you hear your family, that's Olive Garden, something like that.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

The most magical place on earth. Bitch, I'm the most magical place on earth. Me.

[B]

You know, you'd be surprised. I actually all my rich and famous kids, they are all really nice and like good kids and like, you know, I never really dealt with any spoiled kids, to be quite honest. And I've tutored a lot of of you know, really wealthy kids and that makes me happy.

[A]

Yeah, you can be rich and a good person. You just gotta raise your kids right.

[B]

I think honestly, I gotta say, like, it really show. They have a lot of. One thing that I really appreciated about them was that they have a really strong work ethic. A lot of those kids, like, I would be like, damn, like, you know, you're rich, you know, you don't have to do.

[A]

Not just being like Drake trying to rescue a stripper.

[B]

Like, you don't have to do this, you don't have to write that essay. Come on now.

[A]

We could pay this person off, like for real.

[B]

No. But yeah, very good kids. Very hardworking, respectful, like chill. I really had very no issue, so.

[A]

Well, Stella has no issue either because she's all up in Disney all the time and also planning family vacations for other people is one of her several jobs. So she had a Disney themed wedding. And this is the last tangent I'm gonna take here, but I just have to ask you, did you see that Reddit? That was like, am I the asshole? And it was the Disney couple who, like, instead of having food and drinks for their guests, they paid to have Mickey and Minnie Mouse at their ceremony. So then nobody had nothing to eat or drink at the reception, but Mickey and Minnie Mouse were there to take pictures with a couple, mind you. They paid for two meet and greets, one tea with Mickey and Minnie by themselves, and then Mickey and Minnie to be at their wedding reception. And everybody was mad. Cause they was hungry and there wasn't no alcohol. Here, these two weirdos with Mickey and Minnie. Oh, my God.

[B]

And who's writing this? This is the person who's wondering if they're the asshole for doing this. Yes.

[A]

They were like, are we the asshole? Because we spent, like, $3,500 on having Mickey and Minnie instead of getting people food and alcohol at the reception. Yeah.

[B]

Why would you do that?

[A]

Because they were Disney adults, and this is. Stella's a Disney adult. So listen, no shade to y' all Disney adults. Some people be taking it a little too far. Disney theme wedding, if that's what you want. That's your wedding. It's your day. So Ste. Stella was sweet as pie and even got me and another teammate custom Nalgene off Etsy. What is that? N A L, G E, N E,

[B]

S. I lost my spot. Oh, Nalgene. No, no, no. Custom Nalgene. I've heard of that before. Let me look it up. Nalgene's.

[A]

It must be some kind of brand that dispenses water because she got the bottle. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's what it is. It's a water bottle. I literally have one behind me. It's a water bottle.

[A]

That's so funny. When she overheard us saying we wanted and needed to drink more water, she was like, I'm gonna get y' all some water bottles off Etsy. I got y'. All. One day, she seemed to be all but disappeared into thin air, which was very bizarre since she had been beloved staple of the company for, like, ages and appeared to be pretty decent at her job. So there's just like, Stella up and dipped, and we were like, okay, where'd she go? Later, we learned the piping hot tea that she had been quietly fired for embezzling company funds, I believe up to as high as 40. My understanding is she would purchase things on the company card, expense it, and then when the Amazon purchase arrived, she would return it and pocket the cash. To avoid company embarrassment and alerting the authorities, the public is publicly traded. So that would have been a bad look, I guess, is what Loquatius wrote in parentheses. They worked with Amex to put the debt on her and her hubby's name instead, and then sent her packing without upkeep. Now, if I'm the husband, I'm like, now why am I in it?

[B]

Take this fucking ring back. Right?

[A]

What, you mean the debt on me and my husband?

[B]

Well, is it? Don't you. Aren't you responsible for your partner's debt?

[A]

Yes. And a lot of people don't think about that when they get married. Like, just because both of y' all may not be rich doesn't mean you don't need a prenup. I learned that in college because I had a grad teacher who was going through an ugly divorce, and this was like a marketing class. But she would just every now and then go on tangents about her divorce and randomly be like. Like, oh, and make sure if y' all get married that y' all have a prenup. Because otherwise you might divorce your husband and still have to pay for his student debt, like I'm doing right now. And we'd be like, okay, so for number seven.

[B]

Damn. That's like, what do you think that's fair?

[A]

I mean, it's a contract. Like, the whole reason to get the government involved is because you want to save money and get tax breaks when you're married and, you know, certain privileges and legality things that tie you together. So it's like two contracts go both ways. It's good, and it's also bad if you don't protect yourself.

[B]

Yeah, but I mean, like, how. I mean, I know, like, this is, like, what it is. It's like, how are you responding? I just finished up the second to last season of Housewives of Beverly Hills. And you know Erica with her.

[A]

Her scammer man, that she's pretending she had no clue. Erica, now, you know, you knew.

[B]

Let me say this much about Erica. I. I think let's just make this all about Real Housewives right now. I think that Erica. I feel like. Do I think that Erica probably had an inkling or some kind. 20 years of marriage. Did she hear things? And da, da, da, da. I'm sure she did. Do I think that Tom was out there keeping her in the loop of everything? No, I don't think so. But I do think that. But also, it's like, what's she gonna say? She's not gonna fucking put her business out there.

[A]

Cause she's in a legal bind, right? I'm gonna say I didn't know nothing. I'm gonna Listen.

[B]

Exactly, exactly. But I don't. You know, even still. But yeah, if you go to bed

[A]

next to somebody for 20 years, you tell them you didn't know they did crime. I don't believe that now. And.

[B]

Okay, that sounds legit. The thing is, like, he ain't never

[A]

come home stressed out about the crimes and leak nothing. You'll hear him talking in his sleep, like.

[B]

Yeah. And there it is. I mean, I feel like it's just the relationship power imbalance. You know, when they first got together, like, it's like, I don't see him. I never saw him being the type of motherfucker to really be engaging her like that. You know what I mean?

[A]

Right? She was just supposed to look cute, spend her little allowance and be quiet and have peace.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And show up at fucking meetings when he needed her to be.

[A]

Right? Looking good.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

That's true. I mean, Stella, I'm not mad at this. And I also love that you had the whole company distracted because it's like, oh, Stella, she's so fun. She throws the best parties. I saw Stella leave with a bag of cash from the petty cash. Oh, Stella probably was using it for a party or something. You know how she do.

[B]

She's probably getting pinatas for our taco party on Monday.

[A]

No, but it was like $10,000. Well, you know, I don't know how much pinatas cost, but I know. Listen, Stella's parties are popular lit.

[B]

They are litty lit, okay?

[A]

I have a family member who got in trouble for something similar to this where it's funny. People who will volunteer to throw the company parties, they sometimes know that that gives them access to company funds which they can use at their discretion. And not every company is going to add up all the receipts and make sure that you spend all the money where you were supposed to. So this person that I know was using, like, skimming on the parties, like, you know, going to the Dollar store and getting all the supplies and then taking the excess money every single year

[B]

and pocketing it, not getting Dollar Store

[A]

supplies and eventually got caught. It's like, what's the budget for this party? 30, $12,000. Yeah. Yeah, y' all not enjoying, y'. All. Takis, put a little lime on it. Put a little lime on it. That's why you ain't enjoying it. I mean, Takis and your old English 40 mulligger.

[B]

Oh, my God. I feel like.

[A]

You know what, Stella? It's not a bottle for everybody. Y' all need to pour that bottle into them Dixie cups. It's a split. Make it last.

[B]

And it's the little Dixie cups, the ones that are basically shotguns.

[A]

Mouthwash.

[B]

The mouthwash ones. Like, yeah, it was an accident.

[A]

In quote, everybody take a taki. Pass that lime around. Cause it's enough juice in there for everybody.

[B]

Okay. Oh, my God. All right, I'll cut another half a lime.

[A]

Oh, y' all eating today? I saved y' all appetite, huh? Yeah. All right, let me cut this other lime.

[B]

Right? I mean, I don't think Stella did anything too harsh here. I mean, 40k is nothing when it comes to business, right?

[A]

And it sounds like she. Like, let's think about how she made people feel. You don't remember what they do. You remember how they made you feel. Stella was a good time. Who made you feel good?

[B]

You. I feel like the fact that they let Stella just go without calling the popo lets you know that Stella was a good time. They were like, baby girl, we just gonna transfer this to you and your man. You go ahead and get out of here.

[A]

And I'm sure whoever was above Stella, they were also being negligent by not realizing that she was stealing. So they were like, it's probably better for all involved if we just quietly go into the night. It's probably the person who was the most drunk in all of Stella's parties. Literally, it was like, I can't let this get out. Cause they're gonna be like, see, I told y' all Sam's drunk ass wasn't doing his job.

[B]

The fuck? Fuck you, Sam. That's $40,000, right? You know what? The real victim here is Stella's husband.

[A]

Stella's husband ain't do shit to nobody, to nobody. And now he gotta pay $40,000 worth. That ain't right. But you know what? Men don't deserve things. So Stella's husband. You deserve this too.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

For long time, it seemed like Stella had scrapped her presence from the interwebs. But according to LinkedIn, at the time of writing this email, she's been self employed since leaving the tech company world. Still doing travel agent stuff for family trips to Disney. Anyway, love the pod. Give me a fun name. Yes. Loquatious. We did. I mean, Stella was like, look, y' all ain't gonna find me online. I'm gonna change my name. And y' all gonna be like, stella. Stella. And I'm like, who is that? Never met her.

[B]

Don't even know who that is.

[A]

Now, do you want this Disney vacation or what?

[B]

Stella's a Disney adult. You Know they gotta do what they gotta do to afford them tickets. Cause they're expensive.

[A]

Those tickets are not cheap, even if you get the year pass. And it's not cheap once you step foot in that bitch. They make sure they pat you down and, you know, rub your booty hole. Make sure you're not smuggling in water.

[B]

Don't try to come in here with no popcorn.

[A]

Nope. You gonna pay $30 for a bottle of Dasani. And you're gonna like it, bitch.

[B]

You need minimally, like, I think, 1,500 dol a day, individual for each person.

[A]

For each person. That's just. If you want to eat, use the bathroom. Right, Right. Literally ride a ride. Don't you dare want a souvenir now.

[B]

Oh, now you're talking crazy. You can maybe get a keychain.

[A]

And the keychains is high, too. I was looking at keychains. That was like anywhere from 17 to $40. I said for a chain. For the key.

[B]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[A]

Not. Y' all get into cardinal prices for a keychain.

[B]

Listen, Disney said, look, it's either you pay for these keychains or you go to that racist ass Sesame Place. So you let me know what you trying to do. You like? Yeah, that's what I thought.

[A]

39.99. Thank you, Rosita Got a noose over there at Sesame Place. Is that what you want? Is that what you want? Or do you want to come to Disney and not get hate crime?

[B]

Okay, telly, you bugging out there.

[A]

Not being hate crimed is not cheap. Okay, okay. It's not free.

[B]

Come on, come on, come on.

[A]

Congregation, that brings us to the end.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Of another bonus episode.

[B]

We did it, guys. We did two. We did two stories.

[A]

And this is longer. These technically only have to be half an hour.

[B]

Yeah. So you're. Yeah. You're welcome.

[A]

All right, guys, if you want to snitch on your friends, your family, and your enemies. Guys, more enemy snitching. Prey on people's downfall. Just a little bit. We'll keep it anonymous. Scamgetteddespotmail.com if you want to follow me. And my shenanigans. D I V A L A C I Diva Lacey. On all platforms.

[B]

And of course, you can follow me. Risthegoddess. On all platforms too.

[A]

On all platforms, too.

[B]

Across all. We finally did it.

[A]

We did it, Joe. We did it. All right, congregations, stay.

[B]

Have fun. Good.

[A]

Stella.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Good riddance. Wow. Goodbye, scam goddess. This has been an earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. It's produced by Judith Kargbo, engineered by Marina Pais and research by Kalen Brain. Stay Scheming.

[B]

This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.