Scam Gumbo with Solomon Georgio

Summary

Scam Goddess: "Scam Gumbo with Solomon Georgio"

Host: Laci Mosley
Guest: Solomon Georgio
Release Date: December 1, 2020

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Overview of the Episode

This episode of Scam Goddess delivers a signature, joyfully irreverent tour through personal and historic scams with acclaimed comedian and writer Solomon Georgio. With Laci feeling both physically spent and energetically hilarious, the conversation bounces from their personal scam histories to outrageous pandemic grant fraud, listener-submitted schemes, and the ribbing camaraderie only two connoisseurs of “True Con” can achieve.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introductions, Energy, and the Joy of Scams

• Laci opens with vulnerability and humor, sharing she’s tired and unwell, but “here because I love y’all.”
• Solomon is introduced with high praise for his comedy, looks, and scam potential.
• Laci and Solomon bond over participating in Nicole Byer’s "Skate Gang" and trading tips on roller skate gear.
• Solomon confesses: “I am a full on scammer, hands down. I’m talking high end scams — former embezzler kind of scams. All right, yes, my skin is black, but my collars are white.” (03:58)
• Both hosts detail early scam influences from their parents ("hobosexuals," "drifters") and swap childhood stories of minor theft and the consequences.

Scamming in the Workplace: Ethics and Methods

• Solomon discusses skimming $5,000 from a corporate job over time by bookkeeping on careless cashiers (09:17—09:33).
  • “Anyone who works in a corporate setting that doesn’t steal... what are you doing?” (Solomon, 09:46)
• Both agree the “ultimate scam” is taxes and encourage small-time rebellion against large corporations.
• “Corporations are the fucking devil, especially in America... If you want to become a billionaire, you have to kill people, indirectly or not directly. It’s just what it is… Steal a stapler.” (Laci, 09:51)
• Customer service hacks: how being nice, escalating to managers, and persistence can get results in capitalist systems.

Pandemic Relief Fraud: The "Farm Scam"

• Main "Hot and Fraud" segment covers a COVID relief scam:
  • A Cleveland family created 72 fake agricultural businesses at three addresses, fraudulently obtaining $7.2 million in pandemic relief loans (16:36—21:07).
  • “If you go let somebody take out some 72 [loans]... that’s not the scammer’s fault.” (Solomon, 20:04)
  • Laci: “Our government is dumb as hell. You heard it here first. Them niggas are dumb.” (21:12)
  • Both hosts note the tragedy for legit applicants but salute the “audacity” of the scammers.
  • Discussion of larger systems that foster such fraud: “The ultimate scam: taxes.” (Solomon, 26:22)

Listener Letters: Real-Life Scams and Advice

1. Venmo Scam Text (Flava Magazine, 28:10):

   • Host received suspicious texts about “unusual activity,” including known personal details.
   • Laci: “If something feels weird and someone wants information or money from you... trust your gut.”
   • “If you are susceptible to scams, don’t have Venmo.” (Solomon, 35:23)

2. Amazon and Audible Refund Hacks (Calypso Jenkins, 37:15):

   • Listener shares using Audible’s generous audiobook return policy repeatedly.
   • Explains how Amazon Fresh's “returnless refund” policy can be exploited for grocery credits.
   • Laci: “I love the mantra of a scammer being like, I need my money more than they do.” (39:28)

3. Coupon Forgery at Sonic (Maxine Vaseline, 40:52):

   • In high school, listener mass-produced “free drink” coupons, traded them for homework and cash.
   • “Coupon scam summer!” (Laci, 43:05)
   • Discussion of extreme couponers: “It’s the same, but it’s not...those people were terrifying.” (Solomon, 43:15)

Scammer of the Week: The Pro Se Prosecutor

• New Hampshire woman Lisa Landon pretended to be a prosecutor and filed court documents dropping charges against herself (45:44—49:21).
  • “She shows up as the victim, she’s in a neck brace, she’s like, ‘yeah, me hurt me a lot…’” (Laci, 50:17)
  • “She is the judge, the jury, the prosecutor, the victim… I want to watch this one woman play every part.” (Solomon, 50:29)
  • Both hosts acknowledge the desperation behind the scam, but agree it exposed serious holes in the legal process—and was committed with incredible gall.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Solomon on family legacy:
  “My dad’s a drifter — that’s the original scammers. A drifter is pretty much just a homeless person on the go… that’s how I was born.” (04:12)

• Laci’s life advice:
  “If you work at a corporation… Type and eat your Panera salad for lunch. Steal a stapler.” (10:20)

• Scamming, gender, and need:
  “The scammers also really needed the money. If you go into scamming, you need coin.” (Laci, 24:19)

• Philosophy of Scam Goddess:
  “Everything is a scam.” (Laci, 31:08)

• On Lisa Landon impersonating a prosecutor:
  “She’s the judge, the jury, the prosecutor, the victim… I want her to play every part!” (Solomon, 50:29)
  “The whole courtroom is her!” (Laci, 51:04)

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Important Timestamps / Segments

• 03:58 – Solomon confesses to high-level scamming roots.
• 16:36—21:07 – Pandemic “farm scam” breakdown: 72 companies, $7.2 million.
• 28:10—36:43 – Listener letter: Venmo scam, scam-spotting tips.
• 37:15—39:55 – Amazon/Audible return/rebate hacks.
• 40:52—43:05 – Coupon fraud (Sonic story), parallels to extreme couponing.
• 45:44—51:07 – "Scammer of the Week": Lisa Landon’s courthouse impersonation.

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Tone, Style, and Energy

Throughout, Laci and Solomon balance sharp wit, Black millennial cultural reference, and sincere (if comedic) advocacy for petty rebellions against authority figures, especially corporations and the government. The episode is effervescent, charmingly off-the-cuff, and gleefully irreverent about the lines between necessity, desperation, and good old-fashioned ingenuity.

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Closing & Guest Plugs

• Solomon Giorgio:
  • “Solomon Giorgio” on Twitter, Instagram, and other platforms.
  • “If you see another Solomon Giorgio, let me know. I’ll kill him.” (53:01)
• Laci Mosley:
  • “DivaLaci” on all platforms.
  • Listener scam submissions to: [e-mail]
  • Tagline: “Stay scheming!”

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[A]

Scams C, Robbery and fraud scam. Cause robbery and fraud. Scam Goddess. What's poppin, Congregation? Yo, it's your girl, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. And let me let y' all know, up top, A is tired. Okay? I'm a. Life is hoard. 70% of us get fibroids. And mine are enlarged. And I'm fully dying. But I'm here because I love y'. All. And we gonna keep it positive and upbeat. Hunty. Listen, y' all know the drill. Say it with me. I am so. What? Yes. Excited. And it's like, I heard you. Like, we in the car together, or we on the phone together, or we in your AirPods together. You see me? You feel me? I'm here. Give me a hug. Thank you, guys. I'm so excited for our guest today. Honestly, truly. Because I snagged this icon superstar. Fucking funny as hell, man. In the middle of the night, I slid in his DMs, thirsty as hell. And you were. And he's the first person I asked because I wanted him so bad. And I was like, oh, I hope I was going to copy the messages because I'm a scammer and just send it to somebody else if he said no. But he has said yes. Yes, honey. He has a hat special on Comedy Central. And when I tell you I've seen this man do comedy in person, in a mask 20ft away outside, and it was hilarious. And also Conan o', Brien, bro. You've seen him on his shit. Like, he's so amazing. Guys, we have the king being comparable also. Fine as hell. Like, he deserve it. Like, God damn, Solomon Giorgio. Goddamn.

[B]

Hello. I am so damn happy to be here. Lacey, this is just. This is just you. You have no idea how wonderful I think you are. So therefore, to be. To even get the appreciation, it's. I'm on cloud cloud nine. Is it cloud nine? I forget which cloud nine.

[A]

Honestly, cloud nine 10. In 2020. We need to be on cloud 30 because child is rough out here. I am fully dying. But when I tell you, Solomon, like, before I even saw him in person. Step my life up, Step my game up. Like, we're part of this group that Nicole Byer called Skate Gang. And we all skate outside, and it's been this thing that we started in quarantine. Cause it's like, okay, bro, we gotta do something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, we gotta, you know, have something that's not related to work, something that's related to joy. And it's just us having fun as adults. And Solomon got these fire ass skates. They were silver, they look like Nikes, and they're cute as fuck. And he put them in the group chat and I was like, tell them what's the website? What's the website?

[B]

I need them.

[A]

And that's how I got my pink light up skates this year.

[B]

I know we got. We're matches. And the thing is, I've only been to the skate gang once. I only got to go that one time. I've been busy ever since.

[A]

I love it. Booked and busy, booked and busy.

[B]

But I just want to make sure I leave a little bit of inspiration behind, you know?

[A]

You did. You left more than enough. Like when I tell you I got those skates and then people reached out to me and were like, where'd you get them? Where'd you get them? Oh, my God. And I was like, let me tell y' all about my guru. Listen, I'm not in nxivm, but, Solomon, you could be a guru. If you wanted to be evil, you

[B]

could be a guru. I. I plan on. That's my full fallback. Like, that is hands down, cult leader

[A]

is my fallback career.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. So, Solomon, do you have any relationship with scams? Have you ever been scammed? Have you ever done a scam? Like, it's. I always want to know, do you like scams? Do you hate them?

[B]

I am a full on scammer, hands down. You're talking about. I'm talking high end scams. I'm former embezzler kind of scams. All right, yes, my skin is black, but my collars are white.

[A]

Velvet rope scammer. I'd love to see it.

[B]

Oh, I don't know how or when I figured it out, but my fam. Well, first of all, my dad's a drifter, so that's the original scammers.

[A]

What that mean, drifter?

[B]

What do you mean? A drifter is pretty much just a homeless person on the go. It is somebody who just goes from town to gets whatever he can.

[A]

And that's how he's a hobosexual. It's like when you start fucking him and he's like, now I live here.

[B]

Yes, exactly. That's how I was born.

[A]

I love a hobosexual. One of my friends is a hobosexual. And I was like, you don't live anywhere, do you? You just live with the women you fuck.

[B]

Okay. Oh, my dad barely ever lived. It was like living with a bachelor. Like, the man got a two door car while I was Growing up. That's the kind of person he was.

[A]

Yo, when you get a two door car and you got kids, you are saying them kids six, I'm leaving. He was like, them kids. He was like, listen, one of the kids can get in sometimes, but maybe

[B]

never a king six two door Oldsmobile, color supreme would wear his tracksuits in it and not. And not a single child could fit in.

[A]

Listen, I'm sure. I'm sure your dad. I'm weak. God. I'm sure your dad caused a lot of childhood trauma. However, I credit him for your flyness, because that all sounds very fly to me. A cutlass tracksuits, a two door car. Even though you got six kids. He was like, one of y' all gotta get in the trunk. Actually, three of y', all,

[B]

we did too. So, yes, this wonderful bachelor that I called my father, he definitely raised a bunch of scammers and schemers. And I actually even at one point took embezzled money out of my own mother's account.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And took $850 out. I walked in with just her deposit check, her forged signature.

[A]

Nikki, you bowled 850.

[B]

I was. It was like 1999. That was like a lot. That was like, that's a huge amount of money.

[A]

Today I would notice 850 leaving my account.

[B]

Well, here's the thing, is that back then, they don't just notify you. And I just went in with a deposit slip. Yes, with her. No withdrawal slip. And I signed, I forged her name, forged a letter. They didn't even call nobody. They just trusted my little black ass. And I was like, how? And I was like. And ever since then, I was like, you, you're going to scam as much as you can until you don't.

[A]

What did you need the 850 for?

[B]

I ran away to Los Angeles and try to be a star.

[A]

To be a star, honey. And you did it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's worth it. Honestly. Your mama should give that as a testimony.

[B]

20 years later. I did it. After I moved back home.

[A]

Yes. Solomon, no. Okay, listen. My mom is like this. It's kind of weird with my mom because my mom could also have been a cult leader. She's so smart. She gives me so many quotes. She could write so many books. She has, she's been published. She's a genius. And she's also, also just like. It's like, I love her, but I'm also afraid, you know, because she's a strong black mama. And I remember when I was a kid, I stole Money, like, change out of her purse, the bottom of her purse. Because my friend in quotes scammed me and told me she didn't have money for lunch money. And I was like, I've always been a generous hoe. So I was like, oh, let me help you. Like, blah, blah, blah, turn out this bitch. She just wanted the money, and she scammed me. But I got my ass whooped one time because my mama saw me stealing out of her purse, and I was like, oh, I couldn't even come up with nothing. I think I was like, I'm looking for chapstick.

[B]

Never scam a scammer. That's.

[A]

My mom is a scammer. My mom has more jobs than any Jamaican has ever had. My mom used to sing background for Kirk Franklin. She.

[B]

I love her. I've had, like, before doing this career, I had, like, 70 jobs, bruh.

[A]

The hustling spirit. You're giving me that energy, and it's, like, giving me life right now. She used to work at a Dairy Queen, and they would have Chili Fridays, which, honestly, this is a franchise, right? Chili Fridays, where my mom would just make chili that she just made. It wasn't nobody at Dairy Queen had said, yes. The Dairy. The Queen. Nobody approved.

[B]

Just freestyle chili. I like.

[A]

She's a queen, bro. So, yes, yes, I'm on the same wave as you, but also, I love that the bank just let you ride.

[B]

Oh, I. And it's not even. That was just the first time, the ultimate time, the first time. This is the one that I will never. I worked for an office supply chain store that I will not say by name because I do not want to be sued by the statute of limitations.

[A]

We love a redacted office supply store, honey. We live for redacted. We live for a redacted.

[B]

But I may or may not have, at one point in time, done bookkeeping for a place that had. The cashiers were very terrible at counting their monies, and it was consistently over. So I just skimmed off the top over the course of six months and may or may have not made $5,000.

[A]

Oh, my God, Solomon, I know you're a genius, because who does bookkeeping? That's like, everyone is over every month. You know what?

[B]

I believe this is my money now,

[A]

and it was your money.

[B]

And 100%. That's the thing is anyone who works in a corporate setting that doesn't steal. What are you doing?

[A]

What are you doing? Like, listen. Corporations are the fucking devil, especially in America, because we give them so many tax breaks. We give Them so many allowances, they kill people. Literally. If you want to become a billionaire, you have to kill people indirectly or not directly. It's just what it is. I promise you guys, like, if you work at a corporation, if you clocking in nine to five, if you in your gray cubicle and you working and typing and eating your, you know, Panera salad for lunch. Steal a stapler.

[B]

Yeah. You are working for the ultimate thieves.

[A]

Take all the post it notes, steal from them.

[B]

And also, here's the thing is if you work in customer service for a corporation, let customers get away with shit.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Hands down. That is why. Yes. That's why I'm like, when I call customer service, you are in for an ordeal. I am not backing away from Jack. I walked. I got a free iPhone that I cracked myself. That's what. That's the kind of person you're going to get when you get me on the phone.

[A]

Listen, Steve Jobs cracked my iPhone from the grave.

[B]

It's like, first of all, why are you trying to defend this $1 phone that you could easily replace? Let me talk to the person that's in charge of you.

[A]

Listen, I joke about Karen's on this show so much, but let me speak to the manager. Be changing lives. One, be nice to your customer service person. Because when you're in customer service, all their job is to hear people be mad at them. So if you're nicer to them, it helps you a lot then if you ask. Because if they're dumb, if you start to feel like this dumb, you can just be like, let me speak to your manager. I was in London and I was working in London at the time. And bank of America is a raggedy bitch that will shut your credit card off. And your cards, they'd be like, oh, you had a gas station that's 12 miles from your house. We thought that wasn't you. You don't like beef jerky, right? We shut your card off. And so I was in London, called them niggas 3,000, 450, 11 times and was like, hey, I'm in London for three months. Come on, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

I go to a ATM randomly in Leicester Square and it shuts off. And at the time I was 20, so, like, I. I was young, I didn't know how to get other money. And I called bank of America and they were like, oh, sis, we're not going to be able to reactivate your car for a few days because we got to do some blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, for the first time. Let me speak to your manager. And the manager got my card activated immediately.

[B]

Yes. That's so how they all work. Here's the thing is that every time, like, I think there's. They definitely set certain rules for that person at the lower ranks. And I'm like, I know you can't do nothing, but I know there's five motherfuckers down do some shit, so let's not waste time with each other. Bring me to the next person. I don't even like. I don't even like. Depending on the issue, I barely talk to the first person. I'm like, let me speak to your supervisor. Then I'm like, let me speak to your supervisor. Let me speak. I will talk to the regional manager. I will get to the CEO if I have to, but I'm gonna get what I want.

[A]

Yes. Let me speak to the king of bank of America. Put bank on the phone. That's his name, Right Bank. And his middle name's Of. And his last name, America.

[B]

What you gotta do is keep going up to the chain of command where somebody's getting paid so much money that they rather just give you what you want than even be bothered.

[A]

Yes. And sometimes they be protecting them. Like, Verbo, I' ma shade you Verbo. Because y' all know I fought with y' all on Twitter. They have scammers on there. And I guess this is a random scam tip, but I know a lot of y' all are getting stir crazy and tired of being home and you want to go somewhere and maybe you do it safely, quote unquote, by being at a house and whatever. Verbo has a bunch of people on that site who have photos of places that are really nice that they don't own. Because vrbo, when you pay for something, they get the money pretty quickly. And then if it's a scam they like, it's too much. It's like too much time between when VRBO can retract the money so that you can make off with some shit. So just so you know, if you go on Verbo and you see a house that's nice and there's no reviews, do not book it. Especially if it's recent. If you see it's like, oh, new place, and it's posted like two or three days after, you know, before you're looking, do not book it, because those people are scammers and they don't own those houses. And it happened to me, and I had $3,000 tied up for. Damn. Yeah, damn.

[B]

See this is why I don't try new things. I just stick to my old. Like, check out this new app. I'm like, let me hear this out.

[A]

Don't try new things. That's the lesson.

[B]

All right, guys, let your friends do it first.

[A]

I love it. My mom was always like, would you jump off a bridge if your friends jumped, too? And I was like, yeah, if they jumped first. And I looked and it was cute and they was alive.

[B]

Like, my friends have been decoys for so many things, right?

[A]

They jump off and I look down and I'm like, y' all good? Then I'm gonna jump off the bridge. How's water scams? Let's get into it. First part of the podcast, what's Hot and Fraud? So today. So what's Hot and Fraud? Normally, you guys know, and if you don't know, if you're new, we talk about a scam that's popping that we want to warn you about or we read a listener letter. But today, this is going to be a wild kind of different episode because, honey, I told y', all, I'm dying. So today, Hot and Fraud is going to be a news alert.

[B]

That's News alert. I love that question mark.

[A]

Can I tell y' all that I blame part of the coronavirus deniers on the fact that since 9 11, when sweeps were through the roof and newscasters were getting awards for crying on live television and shit, the news realized, oh, if we extra scary, niggas gonna watch. So since then, the news has been like, you might die tonight. More at 11.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it's like, so it's trained a lot of people to be like, okay, well, we didn't die tonight. Like, why should we listen to the news? Like, why? So I know that people are saying coronavirus isn't real, but when I tell you I've had so many family members pass, like, bruh, it's real. So how did I get on that tangent?

[B]

Oh, because, like, I'm sorry. Yeah, I get it. But coronavirus is real. I think that should be the main takeaway, is that coronavirus is not a scam. So.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I know I said that. Because what we're talking about in Hot and Fraud is a popping coronavirus scam that I love. I love these people so much. They're my best friends. So a single family house on Forestview Avenue in Euclid, Ohio, a suburb of Cleveland. Okay, Cleveland. Cleveland rocks. I know. The Drew Carey show. That's all I have. Shows no signs of farming activity. You understand? Soon the only things growing on this 18 acre plot are trees, shrubs, and grass. But 20 companies registered at that address with names like Organic Ohio Berries LLC and Garlic Farming llc, have won government approval for loans and grants intended to support small businesses hurt by the coronavirus pandemic. They said, y' all giving farm loans.

[B]

Hold on, hold on and listen.

[A]

I feel jealous. Cause I have a plant. I have one living plant in my house. So I'm a farmer. I'm a farmer as well.

[B]

I feel like I should grow a plant. I feel like, wow. And no one's gonna check Euclid.

[A]

They were like, Here you go. 20 businesses, same address. Here you go.

[B]

That is amazing.

[A]

In all, the owner of the Forestview home and his family members created 72 companies with agragarium sounding names at three Cleveland area addresses, then used them to get approval and loans for grants totaling $7.2 million from the small Business Administration's Economy Injury Disaster Loan Program. State and federal records show there's no sign of agricultural activity at any of the locations, which is hilarious to me because I'm like, did y' all just drive by, like, are these niggas farming?

[B]

Not a plant, not a succulent.

[A]

They said, we saw not a hoe, not a rake.

[B]

Nothing is happening here.

[A]

We didn't see a plow, and we definitely didn't see a tractor.

[B]

They're like, well, first of all, defy small farm. Really? What does that even mean?

[A]

Not a strong hat, not a scarecrow,

[B]

not a pumpkin in the front yard. It is just. I just feel like if you walk in the door, there's a tumbleweed that just blows right through.

[A]

They ain't even seen no tumbleweeds. I was like, where the tumbleweeds at? God damn. We've been sitting outside for 12 hours. We ain't seen not a weed, not a tumble.

[B]

Does an empty house with 12 owl figures staring at you.

[A]

There's no sign of agriculture activity at the locations or that any companies were active before February 1, a requirement for the pandemic.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

None of them were registered by the Ohio Secretary of State's office before May.

[B]

So they knew this then?

[A]

Well, they didn't know. What happened was is everyone who was applying for the aid just got automatically approved. And then $7.2 million went away. And they were like, wait a minute.

[B]

I feel. I feel like there were so many holes in this scam that it is not the scammer's fault by any means.

[A]

Honestly, they shouldn't be charged. If you go let somebody take out some 72.

[B]

Yeah. Well, if you are automatically approving loans instead of doing the minimal amount of

[A]

research, they said, listen, I understand. They were like, I have fibroids. I can't read these loans. Like, I'm tired.

[B]

No, I know that somebody typed in the same address 72 times and didn't even think about it once.

[A]

I honestly, like, these scammers are my favorite people. Because the audacity. If y' all had just done, I don't know, 4, 1, 10, y' all was like, nah, 72. Like, 72.

[B]

It makes sense. Go big. Cause I guarantee they didn't think it was gonna work. Probably 72 times.

[A]

And then when it did, they were like, I don't know. Let's do a little mo. I don't know. Okay, what, 50? Okay. What? 62. I don't know. Okay, what, 70?

[B]

Yeah. There's no way our government can be this stupid.

[A]

Our government is dumb as hell. You heard it here first. Them niggas are dumb. Oh, my God. Look at. Donald Trump wouldn't be president if our government wasn't dumb. And also, he wouldn't be president, and you wouldn't be watching debates on television. Remind you, America is the most. Nuke your country, destroy your family, foot on your neck, ass country of the world. And they asked Donald Trump, in a debate, if you lose, are you gonna leave? It's not his choice. Why would we even ask that?

[B]

That's my favorite. Like, everybody people just like, well, I don't know if he's gonna do what he say. I'm like, you don't have to worry about that. We can tell. You got no choice.

[A]

Yes. The fact that they were like, so. So you did lost, and are you willing to pack your shit and go, no.

[B]

Grab that bitch by the weave and pull her out the damn house.

[A]

I'm weak, yo. I have to just pull over. For a side note that I was reading about the Trump administration because people have been begging me to do, like, a whole Trump episode because I did one about how he was stealing money from cancer children. But there's so much more. And so I was, like, reading it, and there was a part in the article that was like, well, Trump's people who work for him really like him. Like, his three nannies are like, he's so nice. And his hairdresser is like, I've been with him for 15 years, and he's wonderful. And I'm like, bitch, I know you a scammer. You've been doing this raggedy ass hairstyle for this for 15 years.

[B]

That's the thing, is that he is a scammer, but he is also the ultimate patsy. Like, he is. He's the easiest mark. Like this fool scammed, but he got scammed worse than all.

[A]

I can't. Okay, so to wrap up this whole $7 million fake family farm situation, a lawyer for that family said that, okay, yeah, we had scam, basically, but we repaid most of the loans.

[B]

Okay,

[A]

what

[B]

do they pay back the loans with the loan? Because that'd be even better.

[A]

That would be amazing. It would be fantastic. So the loans are the latest sign of the mismanagement of SBA's $212 billion disaster relief program, which agencies and inspector general warrant in July was besieged set by potentially rampant fraud. So I just want to say, when I saw this article in the news, I first saw it on Twitter and then I did a deeper dive. But on Twitter there were a lot of comments that were like, I tried to get a loan and I got denied. Or I da, da, da. Like, I didn't know, like people were doing this. And I felt bad for the people who really needed the money. However, the scammers also really needed the money. If you go into scamming, you need coin.

[B]

Well, first of all, when I heard that they lived in Euclid, Ohio, I'm like, hands down, you need to. You need money to get the fuck out of there. Because I don't know,

[A]

I wish I could. I wish you guys could see Solomon. He like literally, like pulled his jacket and was like, you got to get out of there. Like, afraid, fully afraid of Euclid, Ohio.

[B]

I don't know what's happening there, but it seems. It sounds like. It sounds like the city, somebody would leave to join a cult.

[A]

Absolutely, yes. I feel like they would be like, okay, I give you money every week and then we kiss on the lips. Yeah, I'm describing nxivm like they would do it. So, guys, I don't even know what the warning is here for this because, like, honestly, scam the government, Fuck them. You got one twelve hundred dollar loan. This entire. Not even loan, but like this stimulus, whatever, this entire pandemic. And we've been in a pandemic for like over six months now, right? How much money has Uncle Sam? How many times have you walked outta your job and like, damn, it was a good day and then Uncle Sam reached in your pocket and was like, for me, like, how many shakedowns?

[B]

Look, Honestly, I believe 2020 should be the year that we all decide not to pay taxes, bruh. I feel.

[A]

Can you get a three pointed, like, hat and just start the fucking Boston Tea Party again, bro?

[B]

Seriously, that's what. That's how we. That's how you start a revolution. You want to be like, oh, you ain't gonna do what we want? Well, come get this money, right? Come get it, come get this. Come get this money.

[A]

Cause we've been sending it to you, but now we like, come get it,

[B]

come get it now.

[A]

Oh, man. God, it sucks here.

[B]

You better show up to my door with some universal healthcare, otherwise the money ain't leaving my house.

[A]

That's what I'm talking about. I'm so mad at this point. I'm like, look, I'm paying all these taxes. We live in Los Angeles. I'm like, every time they seal a pothole, y' all need to write some niggas names on that. Like, Tommy sealed this pothole. Or Jake Jay sealed this pothole. I'm like, I need to know where the money going. Cause I'm confused again.

[B]

The ultimate scam taxes.

[A]

It is because even during the whole election, like, oh, we gotta count the votes that Trump is trying to sue and all this shit. I'm getting emails from the Biden Harris campaign that are like, oh, can you send some coin to help with this? And I'm like, I already gave my money to the government. I got to pay for the next president. How much I got to pay for a president?

[B]

What's. Where's all this money going to? I just need. I want receipts as well.

[A]

I would love a receipt. Robbery and fraud. And, y', all, it's time for historic Hoodwinks scam. It's not gonna be historic with Hoodwinks today. Cause I told y', all, I'm dying today. We're gonna read your listener letters on air, and we're gonna get Solomon's amazing opinions on the chicanery y' all been up to. Yes. Oh, my God. You grabbed your head. You are. Oh, my God. I need. I wish people could see you. Jesus.

[B]

I'm just. I love.

[A]

He's so hot and so expressive, and it's just also these teeth. Wow. It's just. It's great. So sorry y' all can't see that. But I know normally in Historic Hoodwinks, and if you're new to this show, just know normally. What we do for the over a year that we've recorded this podcast is I will regale you guys with a historic hoodwink, and I'll get Opinions on everyone's shenanigans. However, today, because a ho is tired, we're gonna read your listener letters. So today, the first listener letter. And, Solomon, I'm going to need you to give me fake names for everything

[B]

you need to talk about.

[A]

I'm prepared, so I need a fake name. Any fake name you want.

[B]

Let me think of.

[A]

Yes, the deep thought.

[B]

We'll start with Flava Magazine.

[A]

What magazine?

[B]

Flava Magazine.

[A]

I'm weak. Flava magazine says.

[B]

Oh, it makes me happy already.

[A]

This is a scam that was recently tried on me. Happy to say I didn't fall for it, but wanted to give people a heads up. Okay, Flavor magazine. I first got a call from a New York state number. I didn't pick up, but when the same number texted me the following. Hello, Venmo here. We are trying to contact you, but we have had no luck communicating due to our unusual activity on your account. Please contact us at this number for more information. I've never got a text from Venmo. Same sis.

[B]

Wow. I would cover up the camera on my phone at that point. I'm like, I trust nobody.

[A]

Only emails, and this text message makes no sense. Scam vibes. So I didn't respond or call back. Smart. Because, Venmo, look, Mark Zuckerberger, which I like to call him that because Lil Boosie, who's problematic and horrible and he's a rapper, was like, got deleted off Instagram. They took away his account because he was problematic as. And showing porn and. And, you know, transphobic and homophobic and too much in gay people's business for my opinion. I was like, you are in gay people's business. Like, get out their business. He was sweeting Mark's. Okay, first of all, Mark Zuckerberg. I can't even say his real name anymore. Zuckerberg doesn't have a Twitter. And he was tweeting him like, hey, Mark Zuckerberg, I give you $100,000 to reinstate my Instagram. They're like, nigga, no. What are you doing? Anyway, so I always call Mark Zuckerberg Mark Zuckerberger now, because I love it.

[B]

$7,000. Okay, Boosie.

[A]

Well, meanwhile, he be buying his kids groceries. And the groceries consist of Flamin Hot Funyuns honey buns that he puts in cereal. It's just. It's a struggle.

[B]

It sounds like all the food groups to me. Just finish it off with some Robitussin and you have a full day.

[A]

He hitting it with the pyramid. The food pyramid, which. The food pyramid was A scam. Them niggas just want us to buy rice. I hate to hear it.

[B]

It was like, what, 90% grain? Why am I eating so much bread?

[A]

Wonder Bread was like, let's make a pyramid.

[B]

It's like fruits and vegetables had to share a tear. But bread had a hole.

[A]

Why? Why?

[B]

And also, dairy took up a big, big chunk of that. You're like a huge chunk. The thing that makes us all shit too much. You think that's necessary every day?

[A]

Drinking the milk of not a human. Oh, it needs to be necessary every day.

[B]

That's part of a healthy diet. Okay?

[A]

Everything is a scam.

[B]

We're all just blowing our asses out here.

[A]

I just want you guys to think about if, like, the cocaine industry was, like, regulated and they could put out ads to be like, cocaine affiliate your diet. Like, that's what dairy is doing.

[B]

That's what it did. Is that. No, that those milk ads, it was a campaign. It was not even a milk company. It was just milk in general. Was like, hey, got milk? And you're like, the fuck is this right?

[A]

The little white line over people's faces. It was a scam. They're like, got cocaine? You need. You need cocaine? It's like, no, you don't. You don't need it. It's bad for you.

[B]

And dairy is now one of the worst polluters in the world. So there we go.

[A]

And it's sad, it's weird and funny because it's the worst polluter, because it's like, methane farts.

[B]

We gonna die cause of cow farts?

[A]

Listen, I was hanging out with my beautiful white lady friends who are rich the other day, and we had this conversation that at the end of the conversation, I was like, damn, this is a very rich white lady conversation. Because one of them was like, look, I try not to eat meat, but if I do, I just need it to be sourced from a place that's not abusing animals. And I was like, oh, so you want them animals to be happy when they get murdered?

[B]

I want them to see it coming.

[A]

I don't want them to want to die. I don't want them to be like, oh, my God, finally, the slaughterhouse. I want them to be like, what's happening? You named me. You love me. Why are you doing this? I want them to have an existential crisis before they're murdered.

[B]

I want to taste the fear. I want them to have a whole personality. I want them to know they're missing out.

[A]

I only want to eat the pigs from what's that? Charlotte's Web. I only want to eat the pigs from Charlotte's Web.

[B]

Can you make sure their kids see them die?

[A]

That makes you feel better? Because it's like you were happy and they're with their family before they died, like, surrounded by their loved ones. Yeah, I need that. I need that a fucking week. So he says. The next day, I got another call and a text from a different New York City number. This time I tried to do a little investigation. I love it. You love scams and I love you for loving them. So I asked, what kind of unusual activity. Activity are you talking about? And so this is the sketchy ass conversation that happened. Hello, Venmo here. We're trying to contact you, but we've had no luck communicating during an unusual activity. The same thing we said before. Me. What kind of you? Unusual activity? Them. Yes, hi, my last name. They used his last name, which he's not giving us because obviously scam was

[B]

magazine, but go ahead.

[A]

They said, they're right. It's magazine. So they said, hi. Hi, Ms. Magazine. Flavor Magazine. Hi, Ms. Magazine. Oh, God, I love you, Solomon. So this is Anderson Lewis from Venmo verification department. There's an alarm going off that somebody by the name of Tyler Thompson is trying to use your Venmo account as a bridge. Do you recognize this person by any chance? Me? No. Let me ask you, were you trying to send money outside of the US as of now? Me?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, if you don't recognize this person and it was not you, the one that was trying to perform this transaction, let me make sure that we do proceed to validate and secure your Venmo account. Okay? That's where the scam came in. They talk about. Okay, let me just validate your account then, because this crime's happening. Oh, so Ms. Flavor magazine started to get freaked out and said that, oh, they had my last name and they told me they were going come to call the FBI.

[B]

Yes. This is like that IRS scam.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like a. Like a different.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Messed up.

[A]

Same. Same. So she said that at the end that she did get a real email from Venmo right after, saying someone was attempting to sign into her account. She changed her password and the calls and text stopped. Be careful out there and warn your boomer parents like I did, because this is the type of. Of the scam they would fall for.

[B]

Also, if you. If you. If you are susceptible to scams, don't have Venmo. Don't.

[A]

Listen. I talked about this on an earlier podcast with Langston Kerman, where there are tiers of apps to transfer money. And Venmo, for me, is the middle class. It's the one that I feel like everybody knows Facebook is like, hey, do you love Qanon? Do you think babies are getting shipped on Wayfair? Also Venmo. Like, so. So everybody has Venmo. So I get it. And it's. It's. It's a good scam because I'm sure it works on a lot of people. But as I always say, if something feels weird and someone wants information or money from you, I don't care how cool they are. I don't care if they sound like your cousin. Like, Solomon sounds like my cousin. I would probably send him my money on vinmo if we finish this podcast. And you'd be like, hey, sis, that was a great podcast. I'm about to send you my audio. What's your Social Security? I'll be like, yeah, here you go.

[B]

Like, I would get it, but I'd find a better way.

[A]

You're like, this shit is too basic for me, but I would rob you, but it would be more fun.

[B]

I want you to. I want it. I want it to be nice and flamboyant. I don't want to be like, yo, give me yourself some security.

[A]

I want flamboyant for a scam is hilarious. But moving on to the next listener letter, this one says, lacey, I have two scams currently running against Amazon because, frankly, I need money more than they need my money. You ain't never lied. Two scams. Amen.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

So they say the statute of limitations is not up on these scams, but I thought it might help my fellow Americans by letting them know these little tricks. Give me a name. Solomon.

[B]

We'll go with Calypso Jenkins.

[A]

Calypso Jenkins. So calypso Jenkins says:1. Did you know you can listen to an entire audiobook on Audible and then return it for a credit and use it on a different book? This is the nerdiest ass scam I've ever heard. Not you out here stealing Becoming by Michelle Obama, which is honestly, can I say, Becoming by Michelle Obama is the book that every black woman received from their auntie. Like, I have Becoming. I didn't buy it. It's an auntie purchased book.

[B]

Like, you only have one copy.

[A]

Truly, I don't know how I only have one.

[B]

I feel like.

[A]

I feel like I posted about it and they were like, oh, well, send it back. Send it to somebody else.

[B]

Oh, you got, like, just one cousin with 10 books, 10 becomings.

[A]

Listen, however many becomings you have is how valuable you are to your family. Do you have 10 becoming by Michelle Obama books? You're the most valuable.

[B]

You became the most.

[A]

I was like, listen, aunties, I became. I read it and I became. I've already became. It's cool.

[B]

I don't wanna. I can't become twice.

[A]

They're like, no, sis, keep becoming. Like, you were so far behind. You gotta keep becoming. You gotta continue to become. You ain't came yet. I know you did. I know you thought you did. He says, that was it. Calypso. Calypso says that I've traded in the same credit a number of times and they haven't caught me yet. If you order groceries on prime now on Amazon Fresh, you can get what they call a returnless refund because there are no physical facilities for you to return things to. If you're not happy with something, you can return it in quotes and they'll refund you the money with barely any questions. I've saved myself a ton of money and gotten all sorts of free food because, again, I need my money more than they do. I love the mantra of a scammer being like, I need my money more than they do. And Whoa.

[B]

It is 100% correct in the situation, though.

[A]

I mean, by money more than they do.

[B]

Look, let's be honest. Saffron cost $20, and it's a little tiny thing, right?

[A]

Feel it and it's delicious. And if you order it and then be like, Amazon, I'm unhappy with my Saffron. What they gonna do?

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

I love Calypso so much. And also, I love Calypso because the end of this email is just in all caps.

[B]

Bye. It was like, oh, I just feel like she's just typing, like, I gotta let these know.

[A]

Be my best friend. God damn, I love you. All right, we have one more letter before we get out of here.

[B]

I want to hear it.

[A]

This one says, hey, hello, Lacey. For legal purposes, the C mail is all a joke.

[B]

This may or may not have occurred at a time or a place in the previous or the past or the future.

[A]

It's all jokes, all the fake. Allegedly, allegedly.

[B]

Ha ha, ha.

[A]

That's how we did the Sean King episode. We're like, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, my name is Lacey Mosley. Allegedly. We put allegedly everywhere. Okay, shout out to my lawyer, Grace Queen. Allegedly, Allegedly, my lawyer. So I need a name for. Hey, hello, Lacey.

[B]

Maxine Vaseline.

[A]

As soon as you said Maxine, I thought Maxine Shaw. Attorney.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But also, Maxine, Vaseline is fantastic. So this has to be a black person because Jesus. I I. You guys know if you listen to this podcast, I try not to read everything beforehand. I really try to be like, oh, I wouldn't be surprised with my guest. So I did have to read a lot of this beforehand, and I'm still shocked. So this says, let's get crunk up on. Have some fun in this dance. Aree not you putting on your boots and doing the Mary J. Blige dance into my goddamn email inbox. Maxine, I love you.

[B]

Oh, I love that song too. Cause it's, it's. All those words are scams.

[A]

We don't need no hateration or no holleration. Honestly, my favorite word that Mary J. Blige made up, we don't need no holleration. There's a lot of holleration on this show and on this episode specifically because of Solomon. A lot of holler ation. So that's what we're doing. So I just wanted to directly shout out how Photoshop has changed and shaped my life of scams to this day. My first foray. Ooh, come on. Words, conviction, foray, courting Mary J. Blige

[B]

and then getting right into the foray of it all.

[A]

The foray of it all. Honestly, it's the foray for me. So my first foray started in high school when I got a free large coupon drink at Sonic for good grades. Am I smart? Question mark. I didn't want this to go to waste. I scanned the Photoshop, then onto a nine page document and started mass producing them. I would trade them for money, homework and money. Had a small coupon ring going, ooh, Sonic said, you can get an ocean water for free for being smart. And he was like, bet I'm gonna get 90.

[B]

I'm gonna get it. I'll do whatever I can.

[A]

I'm gonna get 72 ocean waters like our first scammer family.

[B]

So we got a coupon scam summer.

[A]

Yes. And honestly, I love this because remember those ultimate couponing shows with just a bunch of hoarders who get hard rock hard on getting coupon discounts? Oh, yeah, this is the same.

[B]

It is the same, but it's not. It's more fun because those, those people were terrifying.

[A]

Oh, my God, I love this so much. There's some more to this story, but we unfortunately are gonna run out of time, so I'm gonna just stop it there, but I'm gonna read the rest of the story. On another episode. I promise you guys. Whoo. This is the saddest part of the episode, because this is when I'm soon gonna have to let Solomon go.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

And I don't want to let him go. I want to grab him through my computer and. Yeah, it's just. It's been wonderful. Here we go. Scammer of the week. This is where we highlight a charlatan who we love or hate. Sometimes we hate him. I find out during the episode, I'll be like, damn, this nigga trash. But this one. This one, I feel like is actually wonderful.

[B]

So let's. Let's judge. Let us judge.

[A]

Let us judge. I love that. Solomon, you're gonna be a judge on some TV shows soon because not only do you give energy and comedy, but you do give, like, elevation. Like, you should be judging people.

[B]

Yeah, I really. I bring the best out of people. I don't want to, but they do try hard around me.

[A]

I love it. Wait, when is your birthday? Is that rude? Just tell me what your sign is. Cause that's what I want to know.

[B]

I'm a Capricorn.

[A]

Oh, you're a Capricorn. But you give me huge Leo energy.

[B]

I have no idea what that means.

[A]

I think it's your birthday time, and I'm gonna figure I'm gonna do your chart.

[B]

Well, good luck. Cause I was born in a refugee camp, and my mama and gunabouts remember what time that was

[A]

not. The time was like, they brought the guns out.

[B]

No, no. She's like, I got like, mom, what time was I born? Bitch, just be happy you alive.

[A]

You right. You right. You can't ask what time you was born. I know I was born at 2:18pm on July 4, but I was born

[B]

on Christmas, and it was still a hot day. That's how you know it was hot. Word.

[A]

Word. My mama was making potato salad, so that's how I knew. She was like, I made potato salad. I was like, Oop, a baby. I was an anti. Oop baby. They thought they was gonna turn up for July 4th. And I was like, no, I'm gonna turn up.

[B]

I'm here to bother you.

[A]

I'm gonna turn up as well. We all gonna get lit. Bring the potato salad to the hospital. So scammer of the week. Jesus. Ooh, Lord. Scammer of the week is a woman who allegedly. We gotta sprinkle some allegedlys on this.

[B]

Allegedly.

[A]

But it is a news article. Charge it to wbz. Which that sounds fake, but it is a news Source.

[B]

It sounds like a place that's.

[A]

That's a local news from around the corner. Can you imagine if news was like your homeboy and they just came out on the block and was like, so today, news from my apartment. Like. Like, that's really what news is. We just trust news people. We be like, oh, yeah, they said it, so it's true. They just niggas. They just people.

[B]

Oh, just that's. They have to do. They have to do research. Don't. Like, we can't just. And they just showed up like, you want to take a guess on what's happening today?

[A]

Hey, I'm from the news. What happened over here? I saw y' all congregating. Did something happen up from the news?

[B]

So I just took a walk around the block. So here's today's news.

[A]

I just love industries that can't be set up like startups. Like, you know, we're entrepreneurs technically because, you know, you're so talented. You do podcasts, you do comedy, you do all this shit right? And you started that shit up yourself. You're a genius. But, like, you couldn't just entrepreneurially get into news.

[B]

Look, first of all, I think you can. I think people do. Because no one I know that has a journalist journalism degree is on the news. So I don't know if they're. I don't know if people on the news are facts.

[A]

My girl was like, I'm going to cosmetology school now. She be on Fox 4, like, more at 11. I'm like, what happened? I don't remember.

[B]

You go to a real college?

[A]

What's going on? I had a truly real friend. Her name is Chelsea. Shout out to Chelsea. I fucking love you, girl. We did acting school in Pittsburgh and we used to be. Cause we had this crazy ass picture, like, teacher who. I won't say her name because I actually was going to. She would have us doing these exercises before we started, started play rehearsal that were like, okay, now we're all humping the floor. And we're humping the floor and we're moaning. And we're like, now she work on the news. Bitch, how you get to the news? How? How? I love it.

[B]

You didn't. You didn't remember nothing back then.

[A]

Shout out to that acting teacher. Also acting. Teaching a scam, but also very good. I learned from the best.

[B]

So

[A]

a New Hampshire woman is accused of pretending to be a prosecutor and submitting paperwork, dropping stalking and drug charges against herself, according to an indictment handed down this month.

[B]

Wait a Minute against herself.

[A]

Yeah. She was like, oh, hey, I'm the prosecutor for my case. I ain't. She ain't do it. Did I say I ain't do it? I meant she ain't do it. We should drop all the charges against me. Excuse me. Her.

[B]

Oh, my God. This is.

[A]

So. Her name is Lisa Landon, which. That's a scam name in itself.

[B]

Once you hear the same consonant start, like, that's okay.

[A]

That's robbery. Your name robbed me. Your name robbed me already. I don't have my wallet.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

So Lisa Landon, 33, was arrested after she Allegedly. I got to sprinkle them. Allegedly. In. Submitted false documents in three separate court cases last November and December under the guise of a prosecutor. In some instances, she even used an electronic court system to file documents.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

Now, officials first became, like, suspicious when a state forensic examiner who was scheduled to evaluate Landon's competency for the trial, noticed that her charges had been dropped and questioned if they should move forward with the evaluation. So somebody showed up and was like, hey, I'm here for the evap. And he was like, oh, she not in the system no more. Are we doing this?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So the indictment also says that Landon falsified a decision from a retired New Hampshire supreme court judge and waived filing fees. So she was also like. And also, we cannot charge her. I mean, me. I mean. Oh, damn. I did actually meet her.

[B]

I love all of this. I love her. It's layered. It's all. First of all, you're. You're the only person. She's the judge, the jury, the prosecutor, the victim. I love. It's just. I wanna.

[A]

She shows up as the victim. She's in a neck brace. She's like, yeah, me hurt me a lot. I need money in this super suit.

[B]

I want to watch this one woman. I want her to play every part.

[A]

I want her to have a civil case where she's like, hey, but also, I need money from me. Hurting me. Even though legally we didn't charge me. I just want.

[B]

I just heard an empty courtroom. Sitting in every position, going back and forth.

[A]

A queen, a queen, all the rules.

[B]

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Sustain. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

[A]

Oh, my God. So not. The whole courtroom is her. I'm leaving. The whole courtroom is her. Jesus.

[B]

Runs to the jury to take a nap, whatever you got.

[A]

I'm weak. So she faces charges now. False personation. Because obviously she false impersonated herself a lot. All the time. She was like, false personation. That's what I Do like, I ain't never been me. I'm always you. I love it. So she has six charges of falsifying physical evidence. Now, I do want to say this. She's also accused of filing an order on behalf of a relative to halt guardianship proceedings involving her child. And that for me, like, I think that obviously I talk about all the time scams. People are desperate. They need things like, you don't want your baby to get taken away. So I understand fully putting on a powdered wig and pretending to be a judge to keep your baby. I get it, I get it.

[B]

It ain't gonna work, though.

[A]

It ain't gonna work. But listen, I get it. But also, if your family was like, you shouldn't have this baby. And also you was impersonating everybody, you probably shouldn't have that baby. Like, the baby's. I'm glad the baby gonna get rescued, to be honest.

[B]

No, I'm sure. Yeah, the baby. I'm glad the child is being cared for. But Lisa Landon, wow.

[A]

Lisa Landon is a queen running again. Reddit, she. She usain bolted that shit. They was like, we ain't never seen nobody run this fast. God damn.

[B]

I would like. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she wrote that article.

[A]

Okay. Lisa laughing more than laughing. She did a report on her. And on that note. Jesus Christ. Solomon Giorgio, this is. Oh, this episode has been fantastic. Jesus.

[B]

Aw, it was so fun for me.

[A]

You wore me out. God. Where do you want to be found? That's what we asked on the show. Is there any place you want to be found?

[B]

I'm across the board. Solomon Giorgio on my Twitter, on my website, my album, everything you can find me. Just type the whole name into Google and if you see another Solomon Giorgio, let me know. I'll kill him.

[A]

Okay, Sorry I'm shrieking yalls ears so much this episode because this man kills me. Guys, as always, like you heard in this never done before episode of Listener letters, email us with your scams and frauds. Snitch on your friends and family. Just make sure that the scam is [e-mail] if you want to find us on any platforms that scamgodesspod. If you wanna find me and my ratchet ass. Diva Lacey D I V A L A C I Diva Lacey D I V A L A C I On all platforms. I've never said it twice. What's happening? I told y' all I'm dying. Let me stop convocation. Stay scammed. Scam goddess this has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess is starring me. Duh. Scam Goddess AKA Laci Mosley. Scam Goddess is produced by Chelsea Jacobson and engineered by Marina Baiz with research by Sherrilyn Vera. Stay scheming.