The Blazin’ Embezzler w/ Brendan Scannell (Fraud Friday)

Summary

Scam Goddess: The Blazin’ Embezzler w/ Brendan Scannell (Fraud Friday)

Original Air Date: May 1, 2026
Host: Laci Mosley
Guest: Brendan Scannell

---

Episode Overview

In this re-released “Fraud Friday” classic episode, Scam Goddess Laci Mosley welcomes comedian and actor Brendan Scannell (Netflix's "Bonding") for a riotous deep-dive into scams both petty and audacious. The pair talk about scam culture, swap personal and listener scam stories, and gleefully dissect the shocking criminal career of a septuagenarian embezzler who tried to cover her tracks with literal fire. As always, the episode is packed with comedic banter, tangents into pop culture, and a healthy dose of scam appreciation.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Scam Culture & Personal Scam Connections

[04:03]

• Laci explores Brendan’s views on scamming, asking if he’s ever been scammed or enjoys scam stories.

• Brendan is drawn to "enterprise scammers"—those who fake expertise to make millions, referencing the COVID-era LA Dodger Stadium testing scam and the infamous Theranos scandal:

  • "I'm a big fan of, you know, medical scams ... You would go and you drive through and they would test you... And of course it's like some 25 year old who knows somebody at city hall and got an $100 million contract for his little startup." (Brendan, 04:28)

• Both hosts riff on scams involving fake medical startups and the culture of bold, youthful grifters seizing opportunities.

• Laci and Brendan bond over the idea that employers who underpay minimum wage almost invite workplace-level pettiness or petty theft as a form of minor revenge.

Listener Scam Story: High School Ice Cream Heists

[06:56] – [14:32]

• Brendan selects the alias “Tabitha” for a listener confession, leading to hilarious sidebars about ice cream shop names and the economics of Cold Stone in Indiana.

• The scam: Tabitha and co-workers at Baskin Robbins would sell higher-value items (pints) for cash, ring up a cheaper item (kid’s cone), pocket the difference, and pad the tip jar.

• They also traded ice cream for Quiznos sandwiches and, occasionally, for weed.

• Both hosts reflect on the almost inevitable pettiness of minimum wage jobs:

  • "Y’all don't want to pay people a living wage...y’all pay them shit. They should rob you. Hire an adult." (Laci, 13:00)

• Discussion includes humorous confessions about small-time workplace theft and makeshift perks, like "stealing" straws from Sweetgreen or printing at the office for personal use.

Behind the Scenes: Showbiz Grifts

[14:42] – [17:00]

• Brendan describes how he once grifted Moon Juice from the set of "Heathers" as a response to being asked to do unpaid promotions:

  • "They were like, does Brendan have any crafty requests for food? And I said, I only want Moon Juice. So everything on set that day...was just a full spread of Moon Juice. And they did it." (Brendan, 16:11)

• Laci and Brendan riff on wellness drinks, influencer scams, and Instagram marketing cliches.

---

Historic Hoodwink: The Blazin' Embezzler, Janice Carlstrom

[20:52] – [43:16]

The Crime

• Janice Carlstrom, a 73-year-old bookkeeper from San Jose, embezzled over $1 million from her employer (Saratoga Realty) between 2014–2019.
• When confronted with accounting discrepancies, Janice tried to cover her tracks by setting the office on fire and faking her own assault.

The (Botched) Cover-Up

• Janice claimed she was subdued by an "unknown assailant" who duct-taped her, stripped her to her underwear, and set the office on fire. She even self-inflicted injuries (cut/broken nose) for believability.
• Laci and Brendan illustrate the absurdity of Janice's cover-up:
  • "So you're trying to tell me that a man came up to you from behind, duct taped you, stripped you naked, and then began embezzling over four years time?" (Laci, 28:52)
  • "I'm curious about these people's acting skills, like when they're being interrogated..." (Brendan, 29:27)

Motives & Aftermath

• Janice used stolen company money to pay her own as well as her son’s home loan accounts, spreading the ill-gotten wealth. Laci quips:

  • "She took care of her baby. We love a supportive mother!" (Laci, 23:11)

• The police quickly saw through her story. Surveillance and evidence (including her fingerprints on arson-related items) confirmed the arson was self-inflicted.

Sentencing and Sympathy

• Janice faced charges: arson, grand theft, workers comp fraud, filing a false police report.
• Both hosts express some sympathy for Janice, seeing her case as an outcome of an unforgiving system that lets the elderly toil into their 70s:
  • "That's the real criminality here, is that at age 73, you still have to be going into Saratoga Real..." (Brendan, 42:02)
  • "Steal all the money. I'm sorry. You're gonna probably spend a little time in jail and these are your twilight years. But maybe that could be a fun change." (Laci, 42:11)

Notable Moment

[27:24] Brendan delivers a dead-on impression of Janice psyching herself up to self-inflict her injuries:

• "Just fucking do it, Janice." (Brendan as Janice, 27:24)

The Lesson

• Laci’s verdict: If you’re caught embezzling, just relocate—don’t escalate with arson.

---

Scammer of the Week: Brandon and the Faked Kidnapping

[44:28] – [61:10]

The Caper

• 2021: Brandon, a young tire shop employee in Arizona, faked his own kidnapping to avoid going to work.
• He tied himself up with a belt and bandana, then staged himself by train tracks, telling police two masked men had snatched him.

The (Un)Believability

• The story unraveled—no injuries, no surveillance evidence, no text messages—and under scrutiny, Brandon admitted he’d made the whole thing up.
• His reason: he just didn’t want to go to work.

Hosts’ Take

• The comedy writing is strong as they break down the logic:

  • "Your job must be really bad if you would rather lay in a ditch next to the train tracks." (Laci, 60:45)

• The theme: petty scams flourish everywhere, from fraudulent sick days to full-blown “kidnap” dramas.

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On pandemic medical scams:
  • "People love just being told that you know how to do something, like Elizabeth Holmes..." (Brendan, 05:47)
• On workplace theft:
  • "If I work at an office, I’m stealing staples, those little tiny tacks..." (Laci, 13:00)
• On getting caught:
  • "Janice, you just sang like a stool pigeon. Goddamn." (Laci, 41:06)
• On elaborate coverups:
  • "If you can cook the books, you can uncook the books." (Brendan, 31:13)
• On criminal improv:
  • "I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it." (Brendan, 29:41)
• On jobs worth ditching:
  • "Your job must be really bad if you'd rather lay in a ditch next to the train tracks." (Laci, 60:45)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:03 – Brendan’s obsession with enterprise scammers
• 06:56 – Listener scam: The Baskin Robbins pint/cone switcheroo
• 14:42 – Brendan’s Moon Juice grift on set
• 20:52 – Historic Hoodwink: Janice, the blazin’ embezzler, intro
• 22:20 – Details of the embezzlement and fake arson
• 27:24 – Brendan’s “Just do it, Janice” impression
• 42:02 – Systemic ageism and criminality in Janice’s case
• 44:28 – Scammer of the Week: Brandon’s fake kidnapping escapade
• 56:58 – Breakdown of Brandon’s lies
• 61:10 – Laci and Brendan wrap-up and closing remarks

---

Final Thoughts

Laci and Brendan blend sharp social commentary, personal anecdotes, and outright hilarity as they pick apart scams at every level—from ice cream shop sleight-of-hand to self-made disasters fueled by desperation and underappreciation. The episode’s message: “Stay schemin’,” but if you must, at least scam smarter than these folks!

---

Scam Goddess is produced by Earwolf. If you want to send your retired scams or follow Laci's antics, check out ScamGoddessPod.com or @divalaci on all platforms. And, as always, stay schemin’!

Transcript

[Pharmaceutical Announcer]

Eczema is unpredictable, but you can flare less with epglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema after an initial four month or longer dosing phase. About 4 in 10 people taking EBGLIS achieved itch relief in clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks, and most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

MGLIS Lebricizumab LBKZ a 250mg per 2ml injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis. Before starting ebglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

Ask your doctor about eglis and visit ebgliss.lilly.com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-545-5979.

[Apple Card Advertiser]

This message is brought to you by Apple Card Spring always feels like a reset, clearing things out, simplifying what you don't need. Apple Card is built with that same idea in mind. No annual fee, no late fees, and no foreign transaction fees. No fees, period. Get started and apply in the Wallet app on your iPhone today, subject to credit approval. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 17.49% to 27.74%, based on creditworthiness rates as of January 1, 2026. Existing customers can view their variable APR in the Wallet app [e-mail] Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City branch terms and more at

[Lacey Mosley]

applecard.com what's Poppin Congregation it's your girl, Lacey Mosley, aka Scam Goddess. Welcome to an episode of Fraud Fridays, where we release older episodes from the Scam Goddess vault. That's right, Fraud Fridays is where we bring back your favorite episodes from behind the Paywall. Enjoy this episode from behind the Paywall and as always, stay scheming. Scams Ca Robbery and Frau Scam Cause Robbery and Fraud Scam Goddess. What's poppin, Congregation? Hallelujah. We're back on this sanctified and saved Tuesday for another episode of Scam Goddess podcast, The podcast that's dedicated to robbery, fraud, cons, all those things of the like. And it's also a comedy show. Have y' all picked up on that yet? All right, guys, it's me, Lacey Mosley, a. A scam goddess. And as always, I'm. What? Yes, I'm excited, I'm thrilled, I'm fucking elated for our guest that we have today. You have seen him in the reboot of Heathers, and if you didn't see him in that, honey, you definitely saw him playing Pete Devon in the Netflix dark comedy Bonding. Okay, let's get you da dun. Okay. We got a da dung king in the house, honey. Yes, guys. Brendan Scannel. Yes. Did I say your last name correctly?

[Brendan Scannel]

Cause it's because you said tab.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes. Ok, great, great, great. Cause I don't know.

[Brendan Scannel]

I don't know what a da dong King. What's a da dong King?

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes, Da dong. The king of da dong. Put that on your.

[Brendan Scannel]

Is that like the dongs?

[Lacey Mosley]

Oh, God. Maybe. See, I wasn't even going there, Brendan. You took it there. I was talking about the da dun. Hi, Brendan. How are you?

[Brendan Scannel]

I'm good. Happy Friday.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes. We are recording on a Friday. I love a good Friday recording. I feel very loose and relaxed, like I have a real job, as if tomorrow means something to me.

[Brendan Scannel]

Oh, yeah, it totally doesn't. All I did today, I got a rapid test and came back neg love. So I can enter this weekend and do nothing.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes. Do you know that that's actually something that's risen on dating profiles now? People are putting if they're vaccinated or when their latest COVID test was, I was like, okay.

[Brendan Scannel]

Ooh, yeah.

[Lacey Mosley]

The dating apps are. Everybody's trying to advertise themselves as, like, the best candidate possible.

[Brendan Scannel]

I mean, that's how. That's how it's kind of always been on the. The LGBT dating apps, you know?

[Lacey Mosley]

Oh, they've always had their stuff up. Yeah.

[Brendan Scannel]

I mean, you know, people want to know your status and that sort of thing.

[Lacey Mosley]

That's true. That's true. Understood. Well, now everybody's doing it, and I appreciate that because they should be. Yes. Wait, okay, so do you have any relationship with scams? Like, have you ever been scammed? Do you like scams? Do you hate scammers? It can be anything.

[Brendan Scannel]

I mean, I feel like this is such a. A moment of scam. In our culture, you know, so I'm a big fan of, you know, medical scams. I was really into the idea that all of. All of LA had these Covid tests at Dodger Stadium for like six months, basically. And you would go and you drive through and they would test you. And it was this company started by this 25 year old, obviously. And then six months into it, we find out that those tests aren't accurate and haven't been accurate for the past six months. So, like, people are like going on trips based on their Dodger Stadium Covid tests. People are seeing their families. I saw my family. And of course it's like some 25 year old who knows somebody at city hall and got an $100 million contract for his little startup. So I'm very interested in that sort of like dropout. Somebody pretending they know how to do something. And because we all know nothing about medicine, we're like, yeah, sure, I love those too.

[Lacey Mosley]

We actually just talked about one of those with Deanna. On a different episode, a 22 year old in Philadelphia just started vaccinating people and everybody was like, okay, who are these people? I don't know, but I love them. I love that they have the audacity and the gall to be like, oh, a global pandemic. Let me get involved, Let me get my coins up. I love that.

[Brendan Scannel]

All it takes is like, people love just being told that you know how to do something, like Elizabeth Holmes, the Theranos person, and was just like, yeah, we can test all your blood, I guess, with one little prick. And she got a billion dollars for

[Lacey Mosley]

it for making something tiny. I loved her tiny thing. It was just very tiny and a secret. It's the perfect scam. I live for it. So, yeah, okay, you're like an enterprise scammer. You like somebody who's getting in an industry and just completely making up their whole career path.

[Brendan Scannel]

Yeah, I'm like a Bernie Madoff type scam person. Like, yes, I have all your money. It's right here. I haven't been spending it on boats. You know, that's what I'm up to, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

Chill, chill. Don't worry about my new plane. It definitely is not none of your money. Okay? Would you like to give some more? Like, oh, I love those. I'm also obsessed. Well, guys, let's get into it. Our first segment here is called what's Hot in Fraud? This is where we warn our listeners about popping frauds on the streets. Or we get a listener letter and let you guys snitch on your friends and family. As always, if you want to snitch, just make sure your scam is retired and email it to scamgodesspodmail.com we love to hear it. So I need a fake name, Brendan, for this person. We don't care about gender on this show, so it can be anything.

[Brendan Scannel]

Tabitha.

[Lacey Mosley]

Tabitha. Ooh, I like Tabitha. That reminds me of my favorite Tabitha, which is Ms. Tabitha, the black lady who just says encouraging things in a velvety voice. Everyone's auntie. Have you heard Ms. Tabitha?

[Brendan Scannel]

No.

[Lacey Mosley]

Oh, you gotta get into Ms. Tabitha. She be on TikTok and she on Instagram and she'll just be like, hey, baby, you're doing great. And I'm like, thanks, baby. Thanks, Ms. Tabitha.

[Brendan Scannel]

She's like, ASMR. Tabitha, yes.

[Lacey Mosley]

She's a queen, but I'm also managing her. If that's not clear.

[Brendan Scannel]

She is available for live shows. She's vaccinated.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right. I do all of her bookings and all of her payroll.

[Brendan Scannel]

So, yeah, she's doing drive in Miss Tabitha at the Rose bowl next weekend.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yo, drive in Ms. Tabitha. I'm weak. They have those drive in strip clubs. What y' all get up there.

[Brendan Scannel]

That's just not a culture I'm dropped into.

[Lacey Mosley]

You don't wanna get up there and support the strippers in your vehicle.

[Brendan Scannel]

I'm supporting drag queens in my vehicle. That's about all. That's about as far as I can support. Drag queens are sort of strippers.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah, at times they do strip and also their wardrobe is very intense.

[Brendan Scannel]

So we'll take it's burlesque adjacent, which I think we're all in the burlesque umbrella here.

[Lacey Mosley]

That's very true. So Tabitha says, okay, this is such a minor and petty scam, but I was a savvy 17 year old. The year was 2007. Oh, okay. I like this. Like the year. Take me back 2007. The place, senior high school and I worked part time at Baskin and Robbins. Is Baskin and Robin two people.

[Brendan Scannel]

I thought it was just Baskin Robbins.

[Lacey Mosley]

I always thought it was Baskin and Robbins. She put a dash here, so it's still very unclear.

[Brendan Scannel]

Slash. Oh, Baskin. Slash. Robbins.

[Lacey Mosley]

Baskin and his homeboy Robbins or Dash Robbins.

[Brendan Scannel]

Like, it's like a last name of two people who didn't want to give up their names.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah, they have a dash. So I'm not sure, but it's giving Batman and Robin, like, it's like Baskin and also Robin. I don't know. But so she said she was Robin Baskin, and Robin and I love to hear it. So the person who owned the store was super old and refused to update technology. We used our credit card machine that was basically from the 90s, and it was detached from our register and hooked up to Damn landline. A mess. I've actually worked with one of those before. I bartended in New York City with one of these where you had to write tabs down and just stick them on top of the credit card and then close everyone out at the end of the night.

[Brendan Scannel]

Oh, like a little, like, swipey thing?

[Lacey Mosley]

No, like a little, like, we just stuck your credit card on this rail at a bar, and then we put a piece of paper on top of it with all the drinks you ordered. And then at the end of the

[Brendan Scannel]

night, we charged it.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes, on an old timey charging machine.

[Brendan Scannel]

Interesting. I worked at a Cold stone for, like, three years in high school, and I was, like, a very much a wizard at the cash register. But, yeah, it was not attached to a phone. It was updated.

[Lacey Mosley]

Okay, that's cute. So wait, Cold Stone, was that, like. Is that where the girls, like, scrape the ice cream with the little paint thinners and then they flip it, cook it or something?

[Brendan Scannel]

You scrape it, you put it on a cold sheet, and you add, like, Kit Kats and stuff, and you charge people, like, $14, which was a big scam. People would be like, it's how much? And this was in Indiana, which is like, you know, Whoa.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah, that's way. That's way.

[Brendan Scannel]

I came in here for a scoop of butter pecan, because that's how they said pecans, pecans. And they're like, this is $100.

[Lacey Mosley]

I just love the image of you, Brendan, like, over here giving them a real show, like, chop, chop, chop, flip, flip, flip. And they're like, that'll be $40.

[Brendan Scannel]

I was, like, manager of that place. I was running that place. Me and a bunch of high school girls who were on the soccer team and me and we ran the Cold Stone, basically, in Valparaiso, Indiana.

[Lacey Mosley]

Wow. It sounds like the way you're making it sound, sounds like you were like, we ran the cold skullstone.

[Brendan Scannel]

We did, yeah, we ran the sang.

[Lacey Mosley]

You sang? Yes. I wish I could have visited this Cold stone. So they were using their Boulevard credit card machine. One night when I was closing with another teen worker, she. You taught me a trick. A trick, you say? Okay.

[Brendan Scannel]

Ooh, that sounds like it's gonna be a scam, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

What kind of trick is this? A legal One. That's what I'm gonna start calling scams Tricks. What you talking about? We just did a little magic trick and your money went away. What's wrong?

[Brendan Scannel]

Turning tricks. Stealing.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes, yes. So whenever a customer bought a hand packed pint and was paying cash, six, seven dollars, something like that, she would pack it and pretend to ring it up. But really ringing a kid's cone, that way she could make the change and enter the sale. Then she'd take the extra five and put it in our tip jar. We got really good at this scam. We only did it with paints because there was no way to trace the inventory cones. We had to count. Okay, wow, that sounds familiar, right? We also had two other minor scams going. The teen boys at the Quiznos across the street would trade us sandwiches for ice cream. And we, of course, hooked up our friends whenever they came in. The final scam was trading ice cream for weed, which I'm proud to say my dorky ass never did. Love the show. Okay, so you didn't do it, but somebody else was selling some.

[Brendan Scannel]

I feel like we're so familiar this. We also had a Quiznos across from the Cold Stone. And they would bring in stuff and we would give them stuff. One time a guy got fired and as he was being fired, he stole like a whole thing of ice cream. Like a huge container of it. But it's like, where do you put that, Josh?

[Lacey Mosley]

I'm proud of him. That's the pettiest thing how you try to roll out a bunch of.

[Brendan Scannel]

Stick it to the franchise owner, stick it to the franchisee.

[Lacey Mosley]

Cause I'm taking this vat of ice cream. I don't know. I love that for him, though. Okay, Josh, we see you king. I feel like this is a fun scam. Seems like you had a crotchety, mean boss and took a couple.

[Brendan Scannel]

Yeah, I mean, you can't trust. She sounds like a teenager. You just can't trust teens to run your business.

[Lacey Mosley]

No, no. And that's the thing about minimum wage. It's like, y' all don't want to pay people a living wage. So teenagers who have their income, for the most part, subsidized by the families that they live in, y' all pay them shit. They should rob you hire an adult. Right. I keep telling people like y', all, I don't understand why people are mad about minimum wage going up when really maybe your theft will go down. Cause y' all all get robbed. You pay a 7. 25 an hour. I'm stealing something. I don't care where I work. If I work at an office, I'm stealing staples, those little tiny tax. I'm gonna steal that stuff that you use. Instead of licking the envelope, I'm gonna rub it on all my home envelopes. Like, I'm taking something.

[Brendan Scannel]

I'm just gonna print everything. All my documents at the work printer.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes.

[Brendan Scannel]

I worked at an accounting firm in college randomly, and I. Yeah, I was supposed to. I had this huge scanning job that I was supposed to, like, scan all their files into documents. And I would just show up and, like, scan a file, check Reddit, do nothing for, like, six hours. And then I'd be like, well, bye.

[Lacey Mosley]

I love this for you. I mean, that's what you're gonna get. When you don't pay people, why should they care? I would do the same thing, but for real, I'm gonna steal anything that's not nailed down. If you're not paying me enough, I don't even care if I need it. I might steal it, walk out the door, throw it in the trash. I just don't.

[Brendan Scannel]

So working from home, or you just, like, stealing your own?

[Lacey Mosley]

Whenever I get to go to somebody else's office, I'm taking things. I literally went to Sweetgreen yesterday, and I took 40 straws.

[Brendan Scannel]

I'm gonna recycle these, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

I need straws for my matcha lattes.

[Brendan Scannel]

Wait, so when you're, like, shooting on a set, you know, are you somebody who, like, at lunch adds extra. Puts a little bit extra food away to, like, take home for dinner? Is that your vibe?

[Lacey Mosley]

See, I don't like carrying shit. One of my co stars did do that all the time on my last job. But I will ask for certain snacks to be in my fridge, and then I'll be like, yeah, for me as well. That's where I'll. That's my grift, for sure.

[Brendan Scannel]

It's like a weird job where for a little bit of it, like, people will bring you whatever you need so that you don't. Basically, it's not even, like a classist thing. It's so you that don't walk away. Cause if you walk away, they have to find you. And if they have to find you, it's annoying. So they basically, it's like you feel like you're being waited on, but you're just like a baby, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

You're also a child prisoner. Basically. They're like, give the prisoner some juice so she'll shut up before so we can get this take set up. I know what you mean.

[Brendan Scannel]

She needs to come play pretend. She needs to be in a good mood to play pretend, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

I've had the most ridiculous thing I think I've ever had someone bring me on a set was we were shooting on location and one of my contacts just fucking was like, bye, girl, we're done. See you next time. And so someone had to go hit up a friend of theirs who was an optometrist, get my prescription, and bring me a contact on set for my fucking eyeballs.

[Brendan Scannel]

The scammiest thing I ever did was for Heather's. They wanted me to shoot these, like, this whole promo recap series, and it was gonna be just me. And I was like, well, are you gonna pay me? And they were like, no. And that really pissed me off. And then so when I showed up to do it, because I at the time thought you had to do everything a network asked you to do, which scam. You don't.

[Lacey Mosley]

You don't.

[Brendan Scannel]

You really don't. And so they were like, okay, does Brendan have any crafty requests for food? And I said, I only want Moon Juice. So everything on set that day at Viacom on Gower in the basement of Viacom in Hollywood was just like a full spread of Moon Juice. And they did it.

[Lacey Mosley]

Oh, my God, that's amazing. And for you guys who don't know what Moon Juice is, Moon Juice is some expensive as hell as scammy ass juice. Every time I go in there, I see Common notes. I'll be like, hey, Moon Juice. This with the celebrities drink.

[Brendan Scannel]

It's very like activated charcoal almonds for $40.

[Lacey Mosley]

Mm. And then you don't feel no different after you drink that shit. You know what? You feel a little lighter. Cause you're a little broker.

[Brendan Scannel]

No, I think it gives you all. Gives you diarrhea.

[Lacey Mosley]

We love that in la. We love that it makes you lose weight, right? I mean, technically. As always, though, my disclaimer is that we do not endorse harmful ways of losing weight. We are not fat phobic. But if y' all see me selling some Skinny Tea, mind your business, okay? I always told people that at some point in my career, I wanted to sell Skinny Tea on Fit on Instagram.

[Brendan Scannel]

That's like a. That's like, not just gender things. That's like a girl Instagram ad type thing that just doesn't show up in my algorithm. Like, all my ads are like, hey, do you want this pair of sweats? And it's a close up of a man's crotch in the sweats. You know, like, it's like, oh, maybe I do need some more shorts that are just a photo of a man's butt.

[Lacey Mosley]

Look great. Sweatpants are lingerie for men. I hope that every man has a pair and they let that thang them right now. Yes. Yes, Brendan, we love to see it. And you gotta let that thing thang sometimes. Yes.

[Brendan Scannel]

Scams Good surprises Free dessert Bad surprises

[Pharmaceutical Announcer]

Hidden fees that's why University of Phoenix's tuition guarantee locks in your tuition rate from start to finish of your program so you can focus on the sweet stuff. Learn [e-mail].

[Lacey Mosley]

this podcast is supported by Ring With Ring. It's protected. Keep track of packages and see more at the front door with battery doorbell. Make sure your yard is safe at night with their outdoor cam plus that delivers a wide field of view and enhanced video clarity with retinal 2K video and upgrade to 4K cameras and doorbells featuring retinal vision that give you ultra clear footage and let you zoom in without losing important details. I love to order a package. I the the feeling in my stomach when something new arrives in the mail. But we all know that it's scamming season four times a year. Yes, that's all year round. So having a ring protector doorbell keeps your packages safe because now the scammers do see the ring and they will let go of that thing and move on to the next house. Okay. And also what I love about it is for me personally, sometimes I get a food delivery driver who's not followed the instructions. They don't knock, they don't ring the doorbell. But you know, it does always ring. Ring your door, your yard, your home. With ring it' shop cameras, doorbells and more right [e-mail] Spring is one of my favorite times of the year. It's when the weather has decided to stop scamming us. It's not too hot, it's not too cold, and it's the perfect time to wear all of your favorite pieces. Which is why I love quince. Quince has quality pieces that work all throughout every single season. They're versatile and y' all know the things that I'm obsessed with. I was in Paris and nobody side eyed me once because I looked amazing in my quints. And their spring pie are lightweight, breathable and effortless. The kind of things you can throw on and instantly look put together in. Which is my favorite scam. Okay. Because I can always be a fashionista, which is why I need quints for me. Refresh your spring wardrobe with quints. Go to quints.com Goddess for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to quince.com Goddess for free shipping and 360 five day returns. Quince.com/ Goddess Con guys, it's time for historic hoodwinks. If this is your first time listening to the show, this is when I will regale Brendan with a famous con caper, con artiste. And we'll get his opinions all throughout. Today we're talking about somebody that I think I fuck with. We never know. Sometimes we don't fuck with a scammer. But this is Janice. Excuse me. Her name is Janice. I put a lot of seasoning on that Janice. I said Janice Alicerorum.

[Brendan Scannel]

I don't know any Janese's. So I do.

[Lacey Mosley]

I'm like, Janicia. That is not her. Her name is Janice, but I'm gonna call her Janicia. So Janicia is a 73 year old bookkeeper and she's been charged with stealing more than a million dollars from her employer and then attempting to cover up the crime by setting her office on fire.

[Brendan Scannel]

Wow. Maybe she is a Janice. Wow. Okay, that's a Janice. That is a Janice.

[Lacey Mosley]

That's a Janice. She's not a Janice. She's definitely a Janice. She's got the Janis haircut.

[Brendan Scannel]

That is like the haircut that every boy has right now. Cause they can't go to a barber, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

Oh, damn. Here's the thing about Janice is I really want to root for her, but her face is giving me strong, like, call the manager. Like she's called.

[Brendan Scannel]

She looks like all of my female family members. She looks very like, giving me these Irish Catholic fairness, blue eyes, a blonde something.

[Lacey Mosley]

What we call that a bowl. Is that a bowl cut? She's got some sideburns.

[Brendan Scannel]

Mm.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah. Okay. It's giving Pyrex. The haircut is giving Pyrex bowl. But okay. Okay, Janice. So let's see what happens.

[Brendan Scannel]

I like that she has a mask, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

She did have a. Y', all. She had a mask on. I wonder if she wore it for the fire. She puts it.

[Brendan Scannel]

I don't think that medical mask does anything. She's gonna need like a K90 whatever, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

K95. Ew. Yes. So the backstory. Janice Carlson lives in San Jose and worked at Saratoga real estate company for decades. However, she allegedly embezzled and stole money from 2014 through 2019. Five years on the grift. Amen.

[Brendan Scannel]

She started late in her life. She was like, where's my retirement fund? Listen, no 401k, no pension at Saratoga, I'll tell you that.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right. She probably started looking at her savings and said, oh, it's time for crime. And I love that for her, truly. You gotta make your own 401k sometimes. So an investigator said she would issue checks from her employer to pay off personal credit cards, her personal home loan account, and her son's home loan account. Okay, so we're.

[Brendan Scannel]

Okay, so she's spreading the wealth.

[Lacey Mosley]

She took care of her baby. We love a supportive mother. You know what I mean? It is Women's History Month. Shout out to the women.

[Brendan Scannel]

At that point, he seems like he's probably like in his 40s, so.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right. Oh, yeah.

[Brendan Scannel]

Struggling. Can't overbought. A lot of people over buy.

[Lacey Mosley]

That's true in houses and shit.

[Brendan Scannel]

They buy too much house.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah, you're right about that. Maybe I also find it funny that she was like. Like, she's showing up to the bank, she's showing up to Chase, you know, credit, debit. And she's like, here's your check, girls. And they're like, okay, this says Saratoga Realty on it. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's. That's my company. I'm Saratoga. That's my name. That's my other name.

[Brendan Scannel]

Saratoga.

[Lacey Mosley]

It's hibernated.

[Brendan Scannel]

Yeah, Saratoga, she's got an S corp. You know, we're all committing just a little bit of fraud through our S Corps, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

Just a smidge, you know, for taste. I do fraud to taste. I'm like, mm, this tastes like enough. Fraud.

[Brendan Scannel]

Like, this peloton is a business. Exactly. Expense.

[Lacey Mosley]

It is. Technically.

[Brendan Scannel]

Technically, it's research.

[Lacey Mosley]

Not. It's research. I do everything for research. So if I buy any movie, if I go see any play, hell, if I get my car washed, I'm like, that was research. I have to play a role as a car washer. So I need to watch them wash my car. I love a good. I love a good tax scam. The flavor. So how she did it. On the morning of November 4, 2019, Janice arrived to work around 7:30am this is.

[Brendan Scannel]

Wow. Exactly.

[Lacey Mosley]

Love it. She's punctual. Look, you can't be late and robbing the business, okay?

[Brendan Scannel]

You gotta be there first, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

You all the time. They ain't asking no questions. She told police that after re entering the office, she remembered an unknown assailant coming up from behind her, duct taping her eyes. And her mouth is closed and stripping her body down to her underwears before her niece. The place on fire.

[Brendan Scannel]

Okay, now, so did they find her like that? Cause how did she do. How do you do that by yourself?

[Lacey Mosley]

Questions that need answers. I mean, you can tape your mouth and then your eyes, and then I bet if you, like, really rolled around on some duct tape, you could probably get it around your wrist. And you do your ankles first, hands last. Right.

[Brendan Scannel]

So she's saying she showed up to work at a real tea party.

[Lacey Mosley]

A.

[Brendan Scannel]

A realtor's company. Okay, so not a place where money is held in any sort of vault. And somebody tied her up and lit the place on fire.

[Lacey Mosley]

Mm. That's what she said. That's what she said that had happened to her. And they stripped it down, too. They didn't. They. Nothing salty happened. But for some reason, they did not want her to wear her clothes, which I feel like that's just. She watched too many movies, and she

[Brendan Scannel]

was like, yeah, she's been watching too much Fatal Attraction.

[Lacey Mosley]

What else? What else? They cooked my rabbit. They also cooked my rabbit on the stove, y'.

[Brendan Scannel]

All, Janice definitely has a bunny, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

She definitely has a bunny who got cooked on this day. So reports say that she did not have a memory of anything else related to the assault until she was awoken by fire sprinklers and being helped by the firefighters.

[Brendan Scannel]

This sounds seductive for me, like, I'm getting deeply. Like, she read this in an erotic book.

[Lacey Mosley]

It's a little horny. It's a little horny, right? It's giving. Shonda Rhimes. It's giving. It feels like the firemen pick you up, and then, I don't know, y' all have a romp, and. In flames. I don't know. Is that happening?

[Brendan Scannel]

There's nothing like just having sex surrounded by fire.

[Lacey Mosley]

The carbon monoxide really adds to the sexual experience. So, yes, very horny. This description and this setup. So after Janice was rescued, she was treated for a cut to the back of her head and a broken nose. Okay. Commitment. So, Janice, did you hit yourself with a bag of oranges? Cause that's what. It's. Oranges. I don't know. Or, like, if she had to hit herself in the back of the head, too. Was she just in there rocking back and forth in the corner, just hitting the nose, hitting the head?

[Brendan Scannel]

You hate that moment for Janice where she's like, just fucking do it, Janice.

[Lacey Mosley]

You got him. She's hyping herself up. You've been stealing money, you stupid bitch. This is perfect. Brendan, that voice is absolutely perfect. That's definitely Janice. She was like, come on.

[Brendan Scannel]

I have been pinned. I'm auditioning for Janice. I just bought the rights to Janice's story.

[Lacey Mosley]

Honestly, you should. This would be a great role for you, Brendan. Seriously. Because I definitely see her this way. She's probably just like, my son needs this thing. Funny.

[Brendan Scannel]

Like a real left turn for Brendan.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right? They were like, wow. Yeah. So he went from bonding on Netflix. Yeah. He's in a Lifetime movie called Janice and the Horny Fire.

[Brendan Scannel]

Is it Janice or Janiece?

[Lacey Mosley]

We call her Janice, but it is Janice. But I feel like it's Janice or Janiece in the Horny Fire. Sorry, Brendan, why? I want this for you. Let's make it happen. So soon after being released from the hospital, she immediately filed for workers compensation and injury benefits. You know, as you do next time doing the paperwork.

[Brendan Scannel]

Why wouldn't it be suspicious not to?

[Lacey Mosley]

Right? That's absolutely what she should do. So deputies became suspicious of the crime when they noted that nothing had been taken from the scene and later documented the embezzlement. So

[Brendan Scannel]

did the lighting it on fire lead to them finding about.

[Lacey Mosley]

About the embezzlement?

[Brendan Scannel]

She cook her own book?

[Lacey Mosley]

Literally, she physically cooked the book like it was stir fry. But I wonder if she knew that people were about to catch on or something. But here's my thing, Janice. Okay. If you wanna fake a robbery, yes, go the fire direction, absolutely. But are you trying to tell me that a man came up to you from behind, duct taped you, stripped you naked, and then began embezzling over four years time? He was like, what's your password, you old bitch? And then he was like, yes, I'm gonna embezzle so many checks over the next four years, girl, I'm always curious

[Brendan Scannel]

about, like, these people's not to talk about it, but acting skills, like when they're being interrogated, you know, it's like, ugh, you know what? He wrapped the duct tape around my eyes before, so, you know, I really couldn't get a good look at him.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right.

[Brendan Scannel]

I don't, like, I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

[Lacey Mosley]

I also feel like she was telling this story like it was a YA novel. Like, I feel like she sat down and they were like, would you like some coffee? And she was like, no, no, I'm fine. So what happened was a strong man with burly hands ravaged me. First he took my eyes, then my mouth.

[Brendan Scannel]

He stripped off my pants from Delia's, my blouse from Marshall's, and as it

[Lacey Mosley]

cascaded to the floor, I thought, is he gonna kill me? Like, ma', am, Ma', Am.

[Brendan Scannel]

I am wet.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right? She thought she could distract them with how horny it was. Cause. Yeah. Why are they breaking into the Saratoga Realty? Not stealing anything, stripping you naked and setting the place on fire? Like. Sis, the math ain't math. It. We need some more maths.

[Brendan Scannel]

No motive. There's no motive here.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right. The only person who has motive is you. So, you know, something didn't add up. Makes sense. And the case was immediately classified as a suspicious circumstance rather than an assault and kidnapping. So. Damn, my good sis, Janice didn't even get away for a second.

[Brendan Scannel]

Uh, I'm telling you.

[Lacey Mosley]

Authorities quickly ruled out any public threat. So this is how she got caught. Apparently, it wasn't long after Janice was confronted with an accounting irregularity that the office had been set on fire. So just like we were saying, like,

[Brendan Scannel]

girl, this is an impulsive move. If you can cook the books, you can uncook the books.

[Lacey Mosley]

You know, I think we actually have some transcript right now from that actual conversation that happened at Janice's workplace. Hey, excuse me, Janice, could you come in here?

[Brendan Scannel]

Yeah, what is it, Bill?

[Lacey Mosley]

Hey, Janice. So I just want to talk to you about some checks that we got. It was a little suspicious.

[Brendan Scannel]

Oh, my God. Where's my lighter?

[Lacey Mosley]

Wait, Janice, wait. Why are you looking for your lighter? Wait one moment. We just want to figure out why Saratoga Realty is making personal payments directly to European Wax Center. It looks like several waxes. In fact, a year package was purchased with a check from Saratoga Realty.

[Brendan Scannel]

Sorry, Bill, I thought you said you would liked a landing strip.

[Lacey Mosley]

No, no, no, no. We were talking about a home that we have that has a landing strip for a private plane. Yeah. Okay. Seems like a simple mistake. Yeah. You can go back to your office, Janice.

[Brendan Scannel]

Oh, thanks. I actually don't have an office. I sit out in a cubicle just out in the. You know, the bullpen.

[Lacey Mosley]

Okay, yeah, you can go back there. You can go back there.

[Brendan Scannel]

Okay, thanks.

[Lacey Mosley]

All right, well, that adds up to me.

[Brendan Scannel]

I gotta call my son. I gotta call my son on his landline that I pay for.

[Lacey Mosley]

Oh, my God. So that's what happened, guys. That was real live footage from Janice getting caught. And then, ironically, the office got set on fire. Weird. Bizarre. So investigations found that Janice had already allegedly stolen more than $44,000 from her employer. That's not even that much.

[Brendan Scannel]

That is not that much. I'm sorry. Over how many years?

[Lacey Mosley]

Wait a minute, though. So it's over five years. But that's the first discovery, right? Is the 44k more fraud was also discovered that allegedly involved Janice totaling more than $580,000 from multiple other financial institutions. Because remember, this is real estate. So they're working with a lot of banks. They're working. You know what I mean, they're closing these deals. So as for Janice's assault and injuries, investigators said they appear to have been self inflicted shocker as detectives found no evidence suggesting she was working with an accomplice. I don't know, maybe she had her son hit her a couple times. He had to do something. He had to earn.

[Brendan Scannel]

His key isn't there. Did she burn the cameras down?

[Lacey Mosley]

That would be wise. Let's see. It says that Janice's thumbprint was also found on a piece of unspecified arson evidence.

[Brendan Scannel]

I don't know what a lighter, you

[Lacey Mosley]

know, unspecified arson evidences. You know what those are? Evidence also showed that Janice herself had used an accelerant to light the fire.

[Brendan Scannel]

Like gasoline or Ritalin or, you know, acetone.

[Lacey Mosley]

You know, I don't know anything about starting fires, but you know something.

[Brendan Scannel]

A nail polish remover.

[Lacey Mosley]

You know how the girls do. I'm very curious. Okay, so what was her hope with lighting the fire? That maybe the computer would catch fire and then all her embezzlements would be gone?

[Brendan Scannel]

I don't know. She has to know that everything is in the cloud, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

It's the most terrifying place in the world, the cloud.

[Brendan Scannel]

I think this is just pure desperation, honestly.

[Lacey Mosley]

The cloud is the reason I don't send nudes to people. Like, I once had a guy ask, well, guys have asked me for nudes or girls too, but I don't send nudes. But one time a guy kept asking me for nudes. So finally I drew a picture, like a stick figure with some titties. And then I put a real picture of my face on the top. I was like, here you go. Like the clothes everywhere.

[Brendan Scannel]

Hope you never get hacked for that.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right?

[Brendan Scannel]

People will be like, lacy is a freak.

[Lacey Mosley]

It's worse than a nude. They're like, what is she into?

[Brendan Scannel]

She's got a child's drawing of a

[Lacey Mosley]

huge set of titties and her real face, like haphazardly photoshopped onto it. Yes, that's when you see that I have real problems.

[Pharmaceutical Announcer]

Robbery eczema is unpredictable. But you can flare less with evglis. Monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four month or longer dosing phase, about 4 in 10 people taking MGLIS achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

MGLIS Lebricizumab LBKZ, a 250mg injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to Eglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis. Before starting ebglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

Ask your doctor about ebglis and visit ebgliss.lilly.com or call 1-800-LilyRx or 1-800-545.

[Apple Card Advertiser]

This message is brought to you by Apple Card Spring always feels like a reset, clearing things out, simplifying what you don't need. Apple Card is built with that same idea in mind. No annual fee, no late fees and no foreign transaction fees. No fees, period. Get started and apply in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 17.49% to 27.74% based on creditworthiness rates as of January 1, 2026. Existing customers can do their variable APR in the Wallet app [e-mail] Apple Card issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City Branch terms and [e-mail] Sometimes

[Lacey Mosley]

I become a creature of habit because I don't want to be scammed by trying new things. But you know what? It's finally time for me to say goodbye to dry with HelloFresh. With HelloFresh, savoring new flavors from around the world isn't just delicious. It's simple and wholesome. You can choose from more than 80 global recipes every single month, including Vietnamese, Moroccan, Caribbean and more. Cravings shouldn't just wait for takeout. Get international ingredients straight to you. I love it so much because I feel like I'm impressing my friends. Like I don't typically have. Like Cream of chowder Mushroom with Couscous When's the last time you just made couscous at your house? And eating at home is just so Much better. I know what's inside of it. I can pronounce all the ingredients. And that's why I love HelloFresh. Go to hellofresh.com goddess10fm to get 10 free meals plus a free NutriBullet Ultra PL2 in one compact kitchen system. A $189.99 value on your third box. Free meals applied as a discount on the first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. Must order the third box by May 31, 2026. And fraud. So let's talk about Janice and her time. Time for her crime. Oh. So the Santa Clarita District Attorney's office said that Carlstrom will be arraigned on arson, grand theft, workers compensation, fraud, and filing a fake police. Damn, they threw the whole library in my sis.

[Brendan Scannel]

Wow. Even the workman's comp.

[Lacey Mosley]

Damn.

[Brendan Scannel]

That should get wrapped into the COVID up crime, you know?

[Lacey Mosley]

Right? Come on now.

[Brendan Scannel]

If I was her public defender, because she does not have the money to pay for a defender, right? I'd be like, judge, come on now. Look at Janice.

[Lacey Mosley]

Don't do this to her, Janice. Show them your sad face. Like, yeah, like, what is Janice really gonna do to society? Like, she's a feeble older woman. Let Janice live. Also, y' all didn't have to throw this many books at Janice. They done threw the whole fucking Harry Potter series at her. They was like in the Prisoner Azkaban, and also this one.

[Brendan Scannel]

And like, goddamn book seven split in two like this.

[Lacey Mosley]

A lot of books. I mean, J.K. rowling is a terf. Boo. But they threw a lot of books at my sis. So over the past year, the sheriff's office said they collected evidence indicating that Carlstrom Janice was embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from her employer. With the latest estimate being around more around, like, the 580 that we thought. Okay, that's not bad.

[Brendan Scannel]

That's a good amount. It's not crazy. It shows somebody who's like, you know, I'm only gonna take a little bit each year. You know, pad the books, but not, like, take the whole book, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

I mean, 100k a year is a big pad. Yeah, but I still love it for her. Honestly, I don't understand why she would draw more attention to herself by making this fucking fire, like, bitch, just move. Move town. Change your name, get a new haircut.

[Brendan Scannel]

Definitely get a new haircut.

[Lacey Mosley]

A wig. Give us a wig moment. Okay, but burning down the office just seems very counterproductive.

[Brendan Scannel]

But also, that's definitely, like, she's deeply Unwell at that time, like, not feeling great, right? Nervous, like, imagining Janice right before, just being like, I can't believe I'm about to fucking do this.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right? She was probably.

[Brendan Scannel]

She'd already been in a life of crime, though. Yeah, sure, panic. Definitely panic.

[Lacey Mosley]

And she was about to get discovered and maybe have to go to jail anyway. So if you have to go to jail anyway, you might as well sprinkle some arson in, you know, really make it cute for the girls.

[Brendan Scannel]

Mm. She said, I might as well just die in jail. I have no retirement.

[Lacey Mosley]

That's true. Jail is a bad retirement plan. But they will house you and feed you.

[Brendan Scannel]

There's a library sometimes, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

You go to white collar jail. They have, you know, cricket. You know, you can make a sweater cricket. The white collar jail is cute. Martha was living cute up in there.

[Brendan Scannel]

They're like, welcome to white collar jail, where you are British.

[Lacey Mosley]

Everyone's automatically British. It's just what happens in white cooler jail. Yes, I'll jail.

[Brendan Scannel]

Okay, Come through. Accents.

[Lacey Mosley]

Thank you. Thank you. My special skills. So when Janice was interviewed by a detective, she admitted making fraudulent payments and setting the fire to conceal the. Damn Janice. You just sang like a stool pigeon. Goddamn.

[Brendan Scannel]

Deny, Janice, deny.

[Lacey Mosley]

You were supposed to get in there and do the shaggy. It wasn't me. Like, you're just supposed to get in there.

[Brendan Scannel]

No, she did not hold up to scrutiny.

[Lacey Mosley]

No, not at all. She also confessed to making up the story about being assaulted by the unknown suspect. Okay. I hope at least your son did the punching or something. Like, he had to do some kind of work for this. I felt like she was doing all the work and the son wasn't.

[Brendan Scannel]

With her own damn nose. Didn't have to do that.

[Lacey Mosley]

He at least better be doing some dishes if he wasn't breaking her nose and helping her out.

[Brendan Scannel]

You know they're taking his house right now.

[Lacey Mosley]

Damn. They are, huh? Cause they know about it. Ooh, and the feds are petty. They will take anything that's not nailed down. I feel so bad for. Oh, Janiece. This is just tragic. Guys, if you're caught embezzling, just try to move. I don't know. Leave the country.

[Brendan Scannel]

It's hard. We just don't take care of our elderly, you know?

[Lacey Mosley]

Right.

[Brendan Scannel]

And I get that she's. You said she's in her 70s, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

Mm, 73.

[Brendan Scannel]

She's still working. That is. That's the real criminality here, is that at age 73, you still have to be going into Saratoga Real, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

Ooh, you're Right. About that. Honestly, I'm on Janice's side. Like, get mad, honey. Steal all the money. I'm sorry. You're gonna probably spend a little time in jail and these are your twilight years. But maybe that could be a fun change. Cause when you're old, like, you need a new purpose and maybe like going to white girl.

[Brendan Scannel]

I feel bad. Like, my grandma, she got remarried at 78. So this is a time where, like, Janice could be, you know, meeting the new sugar daddy. Like, she didn't have to go this direction. Like, she still has it. The va va voom.

[Lacey Mosley]

You're right. And she's not. You know, for a 73 year old, there's some. She could be out here pulling some men. She could get her somebody.

[Brendan Scannel]

Totally.

[Lacey Mosley]

Or women, whoever she prefers.

[Brendan Scannel]

Also, I think a Princess Diaries glow up. We could do it.

[Lacey Mosley]

Janice, let us make you over. Cause prison is trash. And no way am I trying to glamorize prison, because a prison industrial complex is ass. And y' all know that for me. But I will say, like, Janice, like, if you want an instant makeover, me and Brendan will make you over and get you a man. What's a little felony when you're 73, nobody cares if you're a felon. Like, that's cute. That's called a checkered past.

[Brendan Scannel]

Complicated.

[Lacey Mosley]

Exactly. Would I set fire to a place if I had embezzled it?

[Brendan Scannel]

I feel like I would be too afraid. I think I'd be like, just take me. I don't think I would have it in me to burn down a building.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah, it just feels like a huge risk. Also, like, what if you burn it down and the fire girls don't get there quickly enough and you're just like,

[Brendan Scannel]

what if somebody is happens to be there before you, cooking their own books, you know, and you kill some? I. Yeah, I just couldn't live with myself. Also, I have a great respect for property and property ownership. You know, the man. That sort of thing.

[Lacey Mosley]

The man. You know boots. Love licking them. They're tasty.

[Brendan Scannel]

I'm sure it was like an architecturally significant Saratoga real estate Deco.

[Lacey Mosley]

You know, Andy Warhol's been in the Saratoga Realty.

[Brendan Scannel]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Lacey Mosley]

So it's actually a historical landmark. Yes. We really care about Saratoga Realty a lot. Okay, guys, well, let's get into our scammer of the week. So scammer of the week is where we highlight a famous charlatan who's really, truly worthy of our praise. Or maybe not. We never know. So today. Ooh, Brendan. Today we're talking about a Brandon.

[Brendan Scannel]

Oh, hello.

[Lacey Mosley]

Not a Brendan, but a Brandon.

[Brendan Scannel]

Ooh, my Starbucks name.

[Lacey Mosley]

That's probably so much easier. You know how many ways there are to mispronounce, Lacey? I get in Ubers and they're like, hey, Lakai. I'm like, is it.

[Brendan Scannel]

Oh, no.

[Lacey Mosley]

Lakai.

[Brendan Scannel]

Lakai.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah. And in school, when you had the automatic lunch machine, did you have the automatic lunch machine in school that would, like, basically announce to everybody if you were poor?

[Brendan Scannel]

We did not. I don't think so.

[Lacey Mosley]

It was maybe. I don't know if it was just my school, but when you bought lunch at school, you had to swipe your little school card, and it would take money off of your account. And then if your account was low, so it would be like, thank you, Lassie. And it would, like, talk. And then if your account was low, it'd be like, account balance low. And I'm like, why are you doing this?

[Brendan Scannel]

I went to, like, this tiny little Catholic school. I graduated with, like, 14 people. Like, I had no. There was, like, no lunch. You had to bring your own lunch, so.

[Lacey Mosley]

Oh, Now I imagine, like, a Little House on the Prairie.

[Brendan Scannel]

Like, deeply. Yeah, I had pigtails.

[Lacey Mosley]

I ran through the field to get to the school, which was one room,

[Brendan Scannel]

no Catholic school uniform, learned no math, only learned religion.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes, that's good for you. There's a lot of math in religion. Something about some loaves and some fishes. You could do math with that. That's a word problem, right?

[Brendan Scannel]

That's a puzzle. That's calculus.

[Lacey Mosley]

How many wines did Jesus turn from water? Like, you know things that the girls need to know. Yeah, I don't know why my school machine did that, but it would snitch on us. It'd be like, you balance low. And I'd be like, okay, you gotta yell. Like, why is the machine talking at all? Curious.

[Brendan Scannel]

This must be someone else's card, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

Why are you trying to shame children? It's not like I got money to put on the card. Wow, I didn't realize that that was abnormal until now. So, guys, Brandon. Back to Brandon. He was arrested Feb. 17, 2021, on charges of false reporting. We're going back to another false report. Let's stay in a theme here. False reporting to law enforcement. Love it. They believe he faked his own kidnapping in order to be excused from his job at the tire store. No, girl, this is him.

[Brendan Scannel]

Not worth what? Colin's sick.

[Lacey Mosley]

Brandon is so young looking.

[Brendan Scannel]

He's young, but looks old to me. Like, he's got like the goatee moment. That's like, I'm trying to become a man.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah. And he's got a very spotty beard. Like, his beard is definitely not 4G.

[Brendan Scannel]

He's giving me his face. He's got kind of like Matt Dillon hair from the 90s or like a Johnny Depp cut.

[Lacey Mosley]

I see it, I see it. His eyes are giving. Lifeless. They're not really giving a lot of depth behind there. So we might need to be putting him away. His brows would be good if he brushed them. I don't know why I'm going through this whole little boy's face. But yeah, his mustache has a strong two bars. We need more signal from the mustache.

[Brendan Scannel]

But it's all. He's got a great cut, though. Loving the cut.

[Lacey Mosley]

The cut. And he got some product in it. Okay, so Brandon worked at a car shop and in Coolidge, Arizona, where he installed tires and drove around the area to pick up parts for the store. Police said. Drove around the area to pick up parts.

[Brendan Scannel]

Okay, sure. I don't know that world. I imagine that's part of it.

[Lacey Mosley]

Sounds sketchy. And then he also would drive around the area for, you know, parts lying around. You know how parts are.

[Brendan Scannel]

My various jobs, replacing tires, parts.

[Lacey Mosley]

You know how car parts be. They just be lying around.

[Brendan Scannel]

Whenever I have an audition for, like, something that's like a cop or anything, I'm like, yeah, so talking like, you know, that life.

[Lacey Mosley]

Oh, God.

[Brendan Scannel]

Basically, I'm basically just like, I wonder if I could not come across as gay in this audition.

[Lacey Mosley]

You can. You can, or you. Or you just do as a. I don't know. I turn down cop auditions at the moment. Cause I can't be a lovable. If there was like a despicable cop who came around, maybe I would do that. But I've, like, seen some auditions where, like, she's a cop and she's fun, and I'm like, no, not my experience with cops. Not fun.

[Brendan Scannel]

Sorry. Jake Johnson and that movie let's Be Cops.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right. I once had. Okay, the weirdest. Okay, not the worst, because I don't want to bum you guys out. But I've had some bad experience with police because, hello, I'm black. I'm openly black. I'm coming out as black today. Like I do every day when I leave my house. But I once got pulled over after leaving a catering event in downtown la. And you know how downtown LA has, like eight lanes, but they all one way? Well, I'm from Texas. I don't understand that. So when I first got here, I was just like lanes and fully didn't read any signs. So I was driving down the wrong lane of like an eight lane street trash. I get pulled over by a cop on a motorcycle, which I'm already like, motorcycle. I don't like anybody on two wheels. It just feels like a scam.

[Brendan Scannel]

It's very Terminator 2 for me, where I'm like, you're about to fucking kill me.

[Lacey Mosley]

Exactly. So he pulls me over and he's like, hey, do you know why I pulled you over? I was like, uh, what's up? And I would never talk like that to a blues off. So I was like, oh, no, officer, I don't. Also, I'm British. That makes me like a little bit more of a white black than normal. You like that, isn't it? I do that for cops and also for any historical black figure movies. Cause they love to pick British black actors. So I'm like, well, I can do that too.

[Brendan Scannel]

That's Harriet right there she is.

[Lacey Mosley]

Thank you guys so much for having me in today. I would love to play Ariet Tubman. Ariet has been a dream of mine to be Ariet.

[Brendan Scannel]

Ariet Admin.

[Lacey Mosley]

With the strongest conquering accent. I would love to meet Ariat Ahmed. She did. So much for the slaves.

[Brendan Scannel]

Don't say the first letter of any

[Lacey Mosley]

word that's British for the alaives, like, even when you definitely need the first alaives.

[Brendan Scannel]

I'm an alaive.

[Lacey Mosley]

I'm like, oh, don't beat me. I'm alaive. How was that, guys? Did my accent slip out? So, yeah, you know, I'm putting on the funk, right? He goes, have you been drinking tonight? And I was like, no. I left the catering event. So I was working, but I was like, no. And he was like, blow on my hand.

[Brendan Scannel]

Excuse me? Blow your hot breath onto his hand.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes, he asked me to blow on his hand, I guess to see if he could smell the alcohol or to fuck with me.

[Brendan Scannel]

Did he bring his hand up to his.

[Lacey Mosley]

He brought his hand. Ooh, he brought his hand and his face close to mine and he was like, blow on my hand. So like, I was like, am I blowing in your mouth? What's happening? And then, you know I'm black. So I was like, okay, don't kill me.

[Brendan Scannel]

That is not Covid friendly.

[Lacey Mosley]

Okay, but is that a procedure, Brittany? Can you tell me? Blowing on the hand.

[Brendan Scannel]

I think maybe you just got me too'd like, no, I don't think you. I don't think that's A thing you've

[Lacey Mosley]

been drinking at night. Suck on my finger and then I'll smell it. What?

[Brendan Scannel]

It's like that episode of Friends where Joey's like, you know, that's how they do, Pam. And the guy who's been making his pants his whole life has been cupping his balls, you know.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah. That's how they do pants. Y' all know how they do pants from the back? No. Oh, man. Boy, oh boy. That's only happened to me one more time and I'll just say it. Cause we're on the subject. I was in London and I had a doctor who like every time I would come. Cause I'd had a cyst removed, but it was like near my butt. So I had to like, this is so tmi. I had to like get. Take my panties off and get it like dressed every day until it healed. And I got some free surgery that I stole from London. Ew. Thanks, Chelsea. Westminster. I'll never pay you, bitch. And the doctor would always be like, you know, you always wear these skinny little knickers. And he was talking about my thongs. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll be wearing thongs. And he was like, you know, you're so fit. And I was like, I do be running. And then I didn't know that fit meant like hot.

[Brendan Scannel]

Hot. Yeah.

[Lacey Mosley]

I'm like ass naked. And he's like, you're so fit. And I'm like, thank you, sir. I do be ready.

[Brendan Scannel]

He was. He like, I feel like we're really cracking on maybe.

[Lacey Mosley]

Oh, Lord. I was oblivion.

[Brendan Scannel]

I go to. I go to a gay doctor, obvious, because you have to different needs. And sometimes like these doctors can be a little bit like over familiar, you know? Like one time I had a doctor, the nurse practitioner in the office, like swab my mouth, you know. And he went really deep. And I was like. And he was like, you need to work on your gag reflex. And I was like, excuse me, you're a medical professional.

[Lacey Mosley]

I love that for you. You were like, I don't. I have one gay doctor. He is my urgent care doctor who I love to visit. Cause I love to panic. And he's like that too. But I receive it like I'll come in panic about something. He's like, lacey, why are you worried about this? And he's like, you don't have any of these diseases. I really need you. Like, he'll just come therapize me sometimes. And I'm like, okay. But also there's a really hot nurse at my Doctor's office. That is so fucking hot. And I was trying to, like, track him down. Cause I think, like, we belong together. One time he, like, did my intake, and I was like, this man is beautiful. And every time I go to see the doctor over there, I always have something really embarrassing. And then he's always there when I have something embarrassing. Like when Covid first started, I thought maybe I had Covid. Cause I had a flu and I didn't have Covid. But I was like, hey. They were like, what are your symptoms? And I was like, uh. And the hot guy was there, and I was like, ugh. Diarrhea. But it's cute, though. Like, the cutest diarrhea you could imagine. Like, it don't even smell.

[Brendan Scannel]

One of my gay actors is really hot. And he's always just like, okay, so, like, how many sexual partners? And I'm always like, well, you know, just waiting on Mr. Right.

[Lacey Mosley]

Does Jesus count?

[Brendan Scannel]

I'm free tonight.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right. He's the only one I let inside of me. So what's up? Yes. Trying to be hot for medical professionals. I love it. Big tangent back to what's happening here. So, Brandon. On February 10th, at about 5:25pm the police responded to a report about an injured man in an area near the train tracks. Okay, train tracks. Cute. Also sounds like you come through.

[Brendan Scannel]

Old timey villain.

[Lacey Mosley]

We love an old timey villain. So the caller reported that a man was going in and out of consciousness. When the officers arrived, they found a man, later identified as Brandon, with his hands bound behind his back and a belt and a purple bandana stuffed in his mouth.

[Brendan Scannel]

Kinky.

[Lacey Mosley]

I love that. The people who called the cops were like, he's going in and out of consciousness. Y' all didn't notice he was tied up.

[Brendan Scannel]

That's definitely his belt. Cause he needs it.

[Lacey Mosley]

Right. His pants are hanging off and it matches his shoes. Did you just, like, pick your work outfit and was like.

[Brendan Scannel]

It's really a theme this week of just people tying themselves up.

[Lacey Mosley]

Mm. Also, the tie that he looked doesn't look very tight. It feels like he could wriggle out of that.

[Brendan Scannel]

Mm.

[Lacey Mosley]

Am I crazy?

[Brendan Scannel]

No, you're not.

[Lacey Mosley]

Okay. So, guys, we're looking at a photo of this man, Brandon, laying in a ditch. He did a very good job rolling around in said ditch to just really give us ashiness, give us panic, give us the kind of wearing, like a

[Brendan Scannel]

blue short sleeve button down with the collar popped.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yes. So it feels as though this is his work uniform. He did pop his collar before he faked his kidnapping. Cause, you know, gotta stay fresh. Kidnapper's not gonna catch him slipping. Okay, so. Yeah, so when the officers arrived, they found a man later identified as Brandon with his hands bound behind his back and a belt and a purple bandana stuffed in his mouth. Right. A photo from the police department showed Brandon with his hands tied. He's lying on the ground, giving us a cute kidnap moment. So Brandon told officers that after completing an errand that morning, he returned to his home, where two masked men abducted him near his vehicle, struck him in the back of the head and knocked him up. Brandon said, the men drove me around in a vehicle before they let me out in an area where I was found. Okay.

[Brendan Scannel]

Okay, so reading up on the. Is everyone reading the same manual on how to kidnap yourself? Like, hit yourself in the back of the head?

[Lacey Mosley]

That's the sweet spot. Okay, here's my curiosity.

[Brendan Scannel]

What's the crime?

[Lacey Mosley]

No shade, Brandon. But why would two people go out, buy some ski masks for $5.99 on Amazon? Don't tell me why. I know. And then show up to your home and take you. Take you, Brandon. What does that mean?

[Brendan Scannel]

Doesn't make any sense. Like, there's no motive here. Like, is he. What do they want from him?

[Lacey Mosley]

What were you gonna give them, Brandon?

[Brendan Scannel]

A day off work? Is he just literally avoiding work, judging

[Lacey Mosley]

by the belt and the shoes that you're wearing during this? Objection. I. I don't know if you have anything to give them, Brandon. No shade, but I'm curious. So he was taken to a hospital where he was evaluated and interviewed by the police. This is when he told investigators that he had been kidnapped because his father had a large amount of money hidden throughout the desert.

[Brendan Scannel]

Okay, this is Shia LaBeouf's holes, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

I was like, so your daddy is the N from Holes?

[Brendan Scannel]

Dig it up, babe.

[Lacey Mosley]

Dig it up.

[Brendan Scannel]

Dig it up.

[Lacey Mosley]

Saying that the whole time they were driving me around,

[Brendan Scannel]

I was kidnapped by Armpit and one of the other characters from Holes.

[Lacey Mosley]

Arpit. Yo. What was that one who didn't talk?

[Brendan Scannel]

It was the whole Zero because he didn't say anything.

[Lacey Mosley]

Arpit and Zero pulled up and took him away.

[Brendan Scannel]

That book is 50 chapters. And I remember reading it in grade school and being like, I just read a 50 chapter book.

[Lacey Mosley]

Same, same. They had lots of spaces in between them sentences, but it was still 50 chapters. And I took the W. So this is how he got caught. For days, detectives tried to investigate his account by reviewing surveillance video of the area and interviewing people that he mentioned. Hospital records show that Brandon had no concussion or injury to his head. And text messages reviewed by detectives did not show messages or phone calls that Brandon described. Eventually and after repeated confronting Brandon with problems in his story detect, basically they were like, brandon, you lying. Brandon, you lying. He was like, no, I'm not. I'm for real. Zero. And that nigga armpit came, and then we rode around in a Ford is floor. And then they left me by the train tracks.

[Brendan Scannel]

There were no texts, no emails, no calls. Contactless crime, right?

[Lacey Mosley]

Contactless crime. You've heard of contactless deliveries? We also have contactless crime. It's very healthy and safe. I appreciate it. So they're basically like, brandon, girl, you lying. Stop with the lies. And eventually he breaks because hospital records show that, you know, none of this shit was true. So eventually, he basically says his story was fabricated and no kidnapping or assault occurred.

[Brendan Scannel]

Duh.

[Lacey Mosley]

They also determined that the story of hidden treasure was false. Damn, you didn't even have no treasure. For real.

[Brendan Scannel]

It's a tall tale.

[Lacey Mosley]

He goes in there and he files, like, a stolen, like, insurance claim for the missing treasure. Man, I think this through. They also determined that, basically, a manager from the tire store declined to comment on the arrest. And according to Brandon's Facebook profile, he no longer works there. The profile is now private. So I'm guessing he just did all of this to get out of work.

[Brendan Scannel]

I mean, to avoid getting fired for skipping a shift.

[Lacey Mosley]

It just feels like, what happened to sick? Maybe he had called in sick too many times. It was time to call in. Kidnapped, right?

[Brendan Scannel]

That's desperate, that is. Brandon, just show up.

[Lacey Mosley]

Show up. Brandon, you don't want to go. Your job must be really bad if you would rather lay in a ditch next to the train tracks.

[Brendan Scannel]

You're already out of the house. It's not like you're at home watching Netflix, like, making quesadillas, which is what I do all day. But it's like, what are you. You're just getting yourself really dirty.

[Lacey Mosley]

You're in your. You're in your uniform. You could have just went to work. Like, we have to do this, Brandon. I don't know.

[Brendan Scannel]

He was already running an errand in the morning, driving around, picking up parts.

[Lacey Mosley]

Guys, have any of you called and kidnapped, Let me know. Is this a good strategy? Should I try to.

[Brendan Scannel]

I still, like, don't really believe when people are sick, because I would just pretend to be sick all my childhood to stay out of school.

[Lacey Mosley]

That was wise of you. I mean, and truly, you were actually sick. You were Sick of going to school. That's it.

[Brendan Scannel]

Yeah, that works. I was sick. I'm sick of it.

[Lacey Mosley]

It's like, I'm sick of this shit. I'll be home. Cause I'm tired of it. Okay? I let you know when I'm sick of. Okay. And when I get well, I'll let you hoes know. But it won't be soon, so don't even wish that. Okay? Wish me a long recovery, because that's what I need. Oh, yes. Okay, guys. Man, what a fun episode. We've reached the end and I have to let Brendan go. But before I do that, Brendan, we always ask, where do you want people to find you and your content?

[Brendan Scannel]

Oh, yeah. Go watch Bonding on Netflix. It's really quick. It's a little BDSM comedy. There's two seasons of it, but they're both really short episodes. They're like 15 minutes each. And yeah, I'm trying to stay off social media right now, so don't find me there.

[Lacey Mosley]

Ooh, okay. Cleanse yourself, cleanse your mind. I love that. I loved it. I love how you get roped into this crazy world and then you're like fully a part of it. I have to finish it, but I started bonding not too long ago and I was like, okay, yes.

[Brendan Scannel]

It just really gets, like, the loins going.

[Lacey Mosley]

It does. It's very horny. There's a lot of leather. There's a lot of leather. It's. You look really hot in it too. It's great. It's a feast for the eyes and for the brain. Yeah.

[Brendan Scannel]

That's what it's all about. Looking good.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah. That's my only scam.

[Brendan Scannel]

They're making these cameras so intense now, they need to stop, you know, blur it up.

[Lacey Mosley]

Like, what happened to the 1920s cameras? Man, I wish I could have acted in the 20s. And then everyone was talking like this and dawn, it's gonna be a big rabble rouser. Like, nobody had to act in the 50s.

[Brendan Scannel]

No, they were all just fresh out of vaudeville. Like, what's the pictures?

[Lacey Mosley]

The talkies? Why you get yourself in the talkie? People said things like, why I oughta.

[Brendan Scannel]

Like, I wish a lot of old timey villains doing stuff near the train

[Lacey Mosley]

stations, which is where this episode clearly got its inspiration from, was lots of old timey villains. Love you guys. You vaudeville, comedian criminals. Guys, if you wanna find us, Scammer got his pod on all platforms. If you want to send us your scams, just make sure they're retired. Scamgottispodmail.com and if you want to follow me in my shenanigans, D I V A L A C I Diva Lacey on all platforms. I'm back on ABC's the Con Guys, so look out for that. We telling some new fun stories, honey me as a con expert, the biggest con I've pulled off so far. Stay Scamming Scam Goddess this has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess is starring me, duh. The Scam Goddess, AKA Lazy Mosley. Scam Goddess is produced by Chelsea Jacobson and engineered by Marina Baiz with research by Sherlyn Vera Stay Scammin

[Pharmaceutical Announcer]

Eczema is unpredictable, but you can flare less with ebglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema after an initial four month or longer dosing phase. About 4 in 10 people taking EBGLIS achieved itch, relief and glare. Almost clear skin at 16 weeks, and most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

Hemglis Lebricizumab LBKZ, a 250mg injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals, or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to Epglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis. Before starting epglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

Ask your doctor about ebglis and visit egliss lily.com or call 1-800-lilyrx or 1-800-545-5979.

[Brendan Scannel]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a time.

[Lacey Mosley]

Comedy show hey everyone, Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Brendan Scannel]

Oh no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Lacey Mosley]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Brendan Scannel]

Anyways, get a quote at libertymutual. Com or with your local agent.

[Pharmaceutical Announcer]

Liberty.

[Lacey Mosley]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.