The Criminally Morbid Mortician w/ Harvey Guillén

Summary

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Scam Goddess Podcast - "The Criminally Morbid Mortician" w/ Harvey Guillén

Release Date: October 28, 2025
Host: Laci Mosley
Guest: Harvey Guillén
Episode Theme:
A hilariously grim deep dive into the wildest funeral home scam in Los Angeles history, featuring tales of childhood hustles, the bizarre rise and fall of David Sconce—the mortician who turned cremation into a criminal enterprise—and the darkly comic ways scammers prey on grief.

Episode Overview

This special Halloween episode explores the infamous real-life case of David Sconce, a mortician who treated the funeral industry more like a Silicon Valley startup—ramping up cremations, skimming gold from dental work, and quite literally stuffing bodies to maximize profits. Actor Harvey Guillén joins host Laci Mosley in this comedic true-con caper, also sharing his own scam-adjacent childhood work stories and dissecting what makes a good (or bad) scam.

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Highlights and Key Discussion Points

1. Spooky Season and Guest Introduction

• [02:45] Laci introduces Harvey Guillén, highlighting his role on "What We Do in the Shadows" and accomplishments as a groundbreaking queer Latinx actor.
• Quip:
  • Laci: “Would you climb down into a sewer with me?”
  • Harvey: “If it was spooky enough—I might!”

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2. Childhood Scams and Selling Chocolate: Harvey's Early Hustle

• [07:27] Harvey recounts hustling as a child for acting class money by lying about his age to get work. Ends up working for (what he later realizes was) a shady chocolate-selling operation run by a local scammer.

  • Harvey describes the scammer's business model: buying cheap candy, selling at high prices using sympathetic kids, paying them pennies.

• Notable Quote

  • Harvey: “We were kids and we're desperate. He gives you $1.25 [on a $5 sale], he keeps the rest. I became really good at it… eventually I was a junior manager.” [12:36]

• [13:21] Harvey describes the rickety “safety system”—using sidewalk chalk to trace routes so if someone’s missing, you’d know where to look.

  • Laci: “What in the hopscotch HR is this?”

• [14:07] Sharing tips was forbidden because “the boss” wanted to control all profits. Harvey learns to take secret tips but gets anxious about being caught.

  • “I collected tips, sometimes I would go home with way more tips than actual sales.” [17:12]

• [19:08] Harvey details the turning point: seeing the boss physically wrestle a teenager for keeping a tip.

  • Laci: “That man is a pimp.”
  • Harvey: "That is a pimp. … If I’m that good at selling, I could get a job that doesn’t put me in danger late at night.”

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3. Good Vibes Win Tips: Life Lessons from the Hustle

• [24:13] Laci and Harvey compare service industry stories, riffing on how waitstaff personalities affect tips, and reading table "energies" (including running up the tab for couples about to break up!).
  • Harvey: “Every table was a bit. … All I want is that tip. ...I want to make sure you left happy, at whatever that capacity means for you.” [26:45]

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4. Transition: Real-Life Scary Scams—David Sconce, the Morbid Mortician

• [30:12] Laci introduces the true con of the week: David Sconce, who ran his family’s beloved funeral home into a nightmare operation in Pasadena, CA during the 1980s.

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5. The Sconce Scam: Turning Cremation into a Conveyor Belt

Background

• [31:24] David Sconce, shut out of a football career after a freak injury, joins the family funeral business and takes over cremations.
• Family legacy: Lamb Funeral Home, operating since 1920s and respected in LA.

Cutting Corners

• [42:15] Sconce uses a Dodge van, not a hearse, to fetch bodies from all over California, offering cut-rate cremations for $55 each—hundreds less than standard rates.
• Scandalous Scaling:
  • Prior managers did ~4 cremations/day. By 1984, Sconce runs 4,300 in a year, packing up to 15 bodies into a single oven, breaking bones as needed.
  • Harvey: “That’s not physically possible... breaking limbs.” [47:47]

Grisly Details & Grave Robbing

• [48:19] Sconce and his hired (sometimes crack-using) right-hand man compete to shove more bodies per burn, regularly mixing ashes and returning random remains to families.

• He also grave-robs gold teeth and jewelry, even naming the process “Poppin Chops.”

  • Laci: “Why do you have a name for it?”
  • Harvey: “You titled it!” [51:24]

• Portfolio: Clothes hanger of rings, bowl of gold teeth; claimed $20K/month from dental gold alone.

• Sconce’s ghoulish lack of remorse: “Dead people are just rotten meat.” [52:12]

  • His vanity license plate: I BURN 4 U.

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6. The Rival Mortician and Big Men Unlimited

• Tim Waters, a competitor, blows the whistle after noticing Sconce’s suspiciously high volume.
• Reprisal: Sconce has thugs (his football friends, dubbed “Big Men Unlimited”) physically assault Tim and a trade magazine publisher.
  • Laci: “Not you gonna leave a card on me... Big Men Unlimited is crazy.” [56:08]
  • Harvey (riff): “Sounds like a dating site!” [56:10]
• Tim later dies under "mysterious circumstances" after dining with Sconce; many suspect poisoning, though officially ruled a heart attack at age 24.

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7. Downfall: Too Greedy to Stop

• After Sconce’s crematorium burns down (thanks to his cracked-out assistant leaving it on), he continues collecting bodies but with nowhere to cremate them.
• Oscar Ceramics: Neighbors eventually report the smell of burning human flesh at his desert warehouse.
  • Harvey: “There's nothing out there. You go there so no one finds you.” [60:59]
• Sconce, his parents, and wife are eventually convicted of mutilation, illegal dismemberment, organ theft, forging donor forms, and more.
  • Sconce does five years for mutilating bodies, mass cremations, and hiring hitmen (“Big Men Unlimited”).
  • His parents serve ~3.5 years for illegal body part removal and forgery.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | 07:39 | Harvey | "I've been part of scams... When I was in elementary school, I wanted to pay for acting classes... So I called and I scammed them, and I was like, yeah, I'm 13." | | 14:07 | Laci | “What in the hopscotch HR is this?” | | 17:12 | Harvey | “I collected tips, sometimes I would go home with way more tips than actual sales.” | | 19:08 | Laci | “That man is a pimp.” | | 26:45 | Harvey | "Every table was a bit... All I want is that tip... I want you to leave happy, whatever that means." | | 42:15 | Laci | "Y’all don’t got a hearse?" | | 47:47 | Harvey | “That’s not physically possible... breaking limbs.” | | 51:24 | Laci | “Why do you have a name for it?” Harvey: “You titled it!” | | 52:12 | Laci | (on Sconce's vanity plate I BURN 4 U) “Why would you put that as your vanity plate? Like, that’s so weird.” | | 56:08 | Laci | “Not you gonna leave a card on me... Big Men Unlimited is crazy.” | | 56:10 | Harvey | “Sounds like a dating site too!” | | 62:54 | Laci | "How are you just going to decide my family member is going to be cremated because you want them to...?” | | 64:22 | Laci | “You’re a bad man. Your whole family is bad.” |

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Important Timestamps and Segment Breakdown

• 02:45 — Guest intro & spooky banter
• 07:27 – 19:29 — Harvey’s childhood chocolate hustle, the scam behind it, and learning vibe/tip work
• 30:12 – 64:22 — The Sconce case: family business origins, how David Sconce scaled a mortuary scam, key conspirators, rival mortician/whistleblower drama, and the legal comeuppance
• 51:24, 56:08, 62:54 — Peak comic moments & quotable lines worth revisiting

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Concluding Thoughts

• Laci and Harvey reflect on both the disturbing audacity and the darkly comic absurdity of the Sconce story, reminding listeners how greed repeatedly pushes scammers over the line.
• Harvey delivers wisdom from his family:
  • “I wish you the day you deserve. … If you’ve done good or bad, that’ll settle it.” [27:29]

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Where to Find the Hosts & Guest

• Harvey Guillén: @harveyguillen on Instagram & Twitter
  (“Not at a funeral home, that’s for sure!” [64:36])
• Laci Mosley: @divalaci on all platforms
• Show Updates: @ScamGoddessPod on all socials

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Final Word

A perfect Halloween treat: scam comedy meets true crime with great comedic chemistry, a truly jaw-dropping historical fraud, and hard-earned life lessons about agency, vibes, and not letting scammers (or morticians) take more than what’s decent.
Stay schemin’!

Transcript

[A]

Fall is my favorite time to cuddle up on the couch and get into some good television programming. Which is why I love Hallmark Plus. It's everything you love about Hallmark all in one place. Stream all new Hallmark original series and movies the next day. Enjoy the largest collection of Hallmark.com Rom coms, mysteries, dramas, holiday movies and feel good shows and you get the benefits like $5 monthly coupons to spend at Gold Crown stores or Hallmark.com free cards, exclusive gifts, and much more. Visit Hallmark HallmarkPlus.com and use code HPLUS5 to get two months of Hallmark plus for just $2. Don't you hate when you have something important coming up or you just need to look good but your hair is not cooperating and you don't have a lot of time? That's why I love Batiste. They're the number one dry shampoo brand in the US and the world. And I never thought that, like, dry shampoo was for my hair texture. But when I tell you if it gets a little oily and I put in some Batiste, my hair looks full and fluffy again and I can scam my way into not having to do my hair that day. With Batiste, you can instantly refresh your hair and it absorbs all that oil and that grease. Okay. So your hair feels more clean and it has added volume and texture. It's great on your hair and easy on your wallet. Buy Batiste Dry Shampoo online or in store at your nearest retailer. Scams Co Robbery and Fraud Scams ca Robbery and fraud. What's popping, Congregation? Oh, it's spooky season. Do y' all like my spooky voice? Would you climb down into a sewer with me? Yes. My name is Lacy Mosley and this is the podcast Scam God is all about robbery, fraud and those who practice it. And yes, it's a comedy show as well. Sometimes we love the scammers, sometimes we hate them. But we'll learn that along the way. Today we have an actor, an actor on the show, a true darling who you may have heard as Perrito in Puss in the Last Wish. Or perhaps you've seen him in the sci fi thriller Companion. But for our more comedy loving macabre fans, you may know him as Guillermo de la Cruz from the hit show what we do in the Shadows. And for this portrayal, he earned five Critics Choice Award nominations for best supporting actor and made history by becoming the first queer Latinx actor to be nominated in this category. I know that's right. Congregation, please welcome our first timer to Hallelujah. Night, Halloween. Yes. Harvey Guillen to the show. Hi, Harvey.

[B]

Hi. Thanks for that intro. That was really nice. And I love the voice.

[A]

I was trying to give him a little spooky name.

[B]

I was spooky. It was cool. Were you spooky?

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

It was a sophisticated spook. I liked it. I was like, oh, yeah.

[A]

You know what it is? It's like I had R.L. stine as a kid, and so we had that, like, same weird skeleton man who had, like, a little bit of skin left.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what really made him scary. If he was just like, a bone skeleton that you see, like, you know, in, like, biology, he wouldn't have been.

[B]

That scared with that layer of skin. And it's a. Whoever did the illustrations, I think it was the same illustrator for all the books, did a fantastic job because that's how you got those in your head. Like, you got the visual of, like, the COVID of the book, and you're like, I'm in the power of a cover of a book. The jingles that make us.

[A]

I miss jingles now to just be like, bodies. We said, we know you. You starving.

[B]

Ye.

[A]

We know food prices is up. Come on over here with your bitch ass. They used to try to woo us. McDonald's used to try to do a whole bunch of commercials with black people. Like, ba da ba, ba ba. We're black and we love it now. Now it's like, right now, they're like, just come get this, McDonald's. We know you live in a food desert.

[B]

It's just a still. They don't even want to film a video like this.

[A]

Like, what else? Where are you going to eat? I know it ain't no grocery stores nearby, and y' all don't got a community garden. So where y' all gonna eat? Come get this chicken snap, right? We put a little lettuce on it. That's healthy.

[B]

Maybe chicken.

[A]

Maybe, right?

[B]

Maybe chicken. Maybe chicken.

[A]

Although I will say, when that documentary came out, like, ages ago, I had to watch it in health class. The one about McDonald's super size. Super size me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I got a McDonald's burger that day. Everywhere.

[B]

It made me want to go.

[A]

It made me want to go.

[B]

I was like, say what you will, I want to have a bite of that.

[A]

Right? But also, there are moments with McDonald's where they were like, now with real chicken. And we were like, what was more.

[B]

Now with real meat, right?

[A]

Like, please.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Huh? Like, I feel like that's something you just don't tell Us then, Because at.

[B]

That point, we crossed the line. Just don't tell me.

[A]

It's just like, Taco Bell knows their audience. Okay. Yeah, because they got healthier beef and stuff. And they didn't tell nobody because they were like, they'll think it's not gonna be nasty if it's healthier. So they didn't tell people that they actually upgraded the quality of their food.

[B]

It's kind of true. My brothers will not eat something if I tell them it's healthy. But if I tricked. Not trick them, scam them into thinking that this is like, that's a regular taco, and they eat it, like, that's pretty good. I'm like, wasn't it good like that? That was all vegetarian? And they're like, oh.

[A]

And then they get.

[B]

They get sick or like they. They get sick in their mind like that. Don't do that.

[A]

That's gross.

[B]

And they start, like, spitting it out like, you are eating it. You eat vegetables. I was like, you were eating it a second ago. I was like, yeah, but I know it's not real meat. And I was like.

[A]

They acted like the opposite. Like, if you try to trick a vegetarian, be like, yeah, that was fish in there and crabs.

[B]

How do you feel? You just ate a cow.

[A]

Yeah. And it hurt real bad when it died because I feel like now, like the younger gener generation, like a Gen Z or Gen Alpha, the way that they consume spooky is like. They'll be like. And then Slenderman hopped out of the shadows, and I'm gonna tell you all about it while I apply my Patrick Star setting spray. It's like, they're not. They don't get the full spookiness. I don't wanna see you doing your makeup while you tell me about a grizzly murder. Like, I wanna be scared. And they're like, no, it's really important to put on your base and make sure.

[B]

And guys, take a look at this.

[A]

Yeah, but you gotta put the hand up.

[B]

Same color that the victim was found dead with, but different on me. So what you want to do is. Oh. So anyways. So yes, four people ended up being murdered.

[A]

Yeah. But, like, their blood was running rouge red throughout the streets. And speaking of rouge red, Rihanna has a new red lip color out. I'm going to be. Thank you, Fenty. I'm going to be doing this today. But as I was saying, when the last lady was stabbed to death with a knife that had a similar shimmer to this eyeshadow that I'm wearing from Urban decay.

[B]

I don't know if you can see it. Can you see it?

[A]

Yes. Can you see it?

[B]

There you go.

[A]

This is actually the Love island combo.

[B]

I'll put the link below.

[A]

I'll put the link below. Okay. Y' all get it. The past. Like, the link code is Olandrea. The link code is Nicolandrea.

[B]

Justice for. Oh, man.

[A]

Yo. I did actually think, though, when that season was out, like, Alandria was wearing, like, a full beat, and I was like, you need to get into the makeup industry, because every time she kissed Nick, his face was gonna be dark skinned. He was, like, not agreeing to blackface. He kissed her, and then all of a sudden, he was in blackface. So, you know, we gotta get some. We gotta get. But we always ask on this podcast. Listen, okay? They need that Patrick Star setting spray. Patrick Starr, sponsor the show. I just saw it. Okay. Yes. I really do like it. I do like it. It's a gag.

[B]

I still have the wicked palettes.

[A]

Yeah, they're beautiful. I got some sent to my house. And, like, Trixie stuff. And like, yes, like, the pigments. Like, listen, a drag queen knows how to make it stay, okay? Cause they gonna be up there sweating like a hoe in church.

[B]

Does not move.

[A]

But it doesn't move. Face, don't move. Okay. Face, don't froze. But we always ask on this podcast. Harvey, what's your relationship with scams? Do you love them? Do you hate them? Have you ever run any that are past the statute of limitations? Have some been run on you? It could be anything.

[B]

I mean, I don't love any that's run on me. You know, I've been tried to be scammed several times financially, maybe those telemarketers that people call you, it's. It's a thing. Scam.

[A]

You were picking up those calls.

[B]

No, eventually I was not. But, you know, the first time you get a call, you're like, what? And you're vulnerable and you're like that. Like.

[A]

And, I mean, you work in television, and so sometimes there is production calling from a number that you don't know all the time.

[B]

I almost missed out on a role because a number called me and I was like, telemarketer. And they kept calling and calling. Oh, my God, leave me alone. Hey, you got the part. What?

[A]

You pick up, like, what?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What the fuck do you. We think you're super talented and we want to employ you. Oh, okay, okay.

[B]

I'm falling for that.

[A]

And I went to this audition and you say I was there? Yeah. Oh, okay.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That would explain why I didn't work for four years. Because I kept turning down the calls that kept saying yes. And I said no and not no end.

[A]

Not no or not no or.

[B]

I don't like scams, but I have been part of scams that I. Unbeknownst to me, maybe I knew when I was in elementary school, I wanted to pay for acting classes because my parents couldn't afford to pay for it. So I found a flyer on our street where they had those, like, things and, you know, light poles or whatever poles, and it says you can rip.

[A]

Off, like, a little number.

[B]

I called them, and it said, if you're the ages between 13 to 16, that was the age. But I was 10, 11, so I wasn't old enough. So I called and I scammed them, and I was like, yeah, I'm 13. And they came to the house, and the guy, it was. It was this crook who would literally hire kids who've been a juvie because they know they had nowhere else to go to make some money. And so I was like, yeah, I'm 13. And he looked at me. He's all, yeah, I guess. Yeah, I believe it. And I was like, okay, thanks.

[A]

It was like that.

[B]

They want him to believe me, but not so easily. Like, I was like, yeah, I'm 13. He's like, yeah, you look it.

[A]

And I was like, but, you know, when you're a black or you're a brown person, they automatically assume we're older than we are, even though we age the best. And we don't look that way because.

[B]

We'Re mature behind our years. We have to grow up really quick.

[A]

They're like, that man. That grown man had a stick, so we had to attack him.

[B]

He was 10, sir.

[A]

Yeah. And it's like, no, that wasn't a grown man.

[B]

That was a kid.

[A]

And the news still does it. They'll be like, this adult was murdered. We're like, that's a baby.

[B]

That was a baby, right? That is literally a baby.

[A]

That baby can't go to the bar. That baby can't.

[B]

He was holding something. It was a bottle. It was holding a bottle.

[A]

It was a bottle.

[B]

He was holding a bottle.

[A]

Yeah, he was attacking that lady. No, that was breastfeeding. He's an infant.

[B]

Literally, an infant breastfeeding.

[A]

Yeah. No, that's his mother.

[B]

That's his mother.

[A]

Yeah. Like, you're aging up the brown people too much. Okay. So you feel like you can kill him. Like, no, they're an adult.

[B]

He Needs to calm that down a little bit. Yeah, a lot, right? So I was 10, 11 and pretending to be 13. And I knew it was a scam the second I met this guy, but I needed to make money, right? So you need me. I need you.

[A]

When you have that decimal meter, it's like, okay, I see some red flags, but at the same time I'm trying to get the bag, I'm trying to.

[B]

Get bag and I'm trying to pay for my acting classes. And my mom was like, who is this man? I was like, he works for. I won't say the name for it because they're probably still out there on that, that scam artist, California blank something. And it was a. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, California blank something.

[B]

Yeah. I hope he's not in business, cuz what a crook. Like he would take these kids in low income communities and literally give you a box of chocolates that he paid a dollar for each one at the 99 cent store. You sell it for $5, he gives you $1.25. He keeps the rest.

[A]

Okay, here's what bothers me about this. Clearly he's having y' all do the legwork and he's not giving you a fair cut of the cash. Right? Like you're getting 20%, but you're doing 100% of the legwork.

[B]

But we're kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're desperate.

[A]

And he's taking 80. But also, I don't think he was dreaming big enough. Why the fuck you trying to sell this for $5 a box? Like when you got it for a dollar and you got cute kids that are knocking on doors like, hey, we trying to play basketball and we need jerseys or hey.

[B]

That was how my voice sound, by the way.

[A]

Back then.

[B]

That is my voice.

[A]

We want to work for you one day, like cleaning your house or something. But we can't do that if you don't buy these chocolate bars cuz otherwise they going to put us in jail. So rather like, hey, nice white person, wouldn't you want me working for you? Rather than being.

[B]

I had a monologue, like literally, what would you say? Some of my best actor was like, hi, I'm Harvey and I'm with California because I'm two boxes away from earning my. You know about a trip to Six Flags or a camping trip or whatnot, whatever. He told us that week was the goal. Which I first I believed him and I was like, you know, we take trips, we go to Disneyland, we go to thing. We never went to Disneyland. Like I worked for that man, for three years I never went anywhere with him except for McDonald's afterwards, where he would drive us to after working a long shift. So you would waste your money because you would need to come back tomorrow.

[A]

He wasn't going to pay when he took y' all to Mickey D's?

[B]

No, he didn't pay.

[A]

He said, y' all have McDonald's money. Here's your 125.

[B]

You got 125. You buy it. You.

[A]

I just gave it to you. Okay? Now you're not going to be able to get no fries. And here's a water cup. If you're smart, you'll fill it with lemonade. Yeah, but no.

[B]

Yes. And that way, you have to understand, like, I. I became really good at it. Because also, I was younger. So I was this kid who was walking. This little chubby kid with the box. I could barely, like, hold it. And like, literally this. It was heavy. It was like. It was like 25 items in there. Like big boxes.

[A]

I remember those boxes.

[B]

Sewing kits also. We sold sewing kits. We sold it. It didn't matter if you're diabetic or not. We had something for you. Like, it was like, we got a sewing kit. We got like a. You needed this thing. A fairy card holder? No, it's whatever the 99 cent store was selling that day on sale, he would buy a bulk of that.

[A]

And I could see you cleaning up. If it's like you come to the door with a box and it's so heavy and you got your little baby 10 year old arm shaking, like, would you like to buy? And it's like, they gotta buy from the baby with the shaking arms and the shaky cheeks.

[B]

I was like, it was also winter sometimes and we're like, my whooping cough.

[A]

Not the whooping. Okay, Tiny Tim, you just went around and Tiny Tim, oh, no.

[B]

Tuberculosis strikes again.

[A]

You literally went around like, tiny Tim, I'm weak. But then they got a great story for dinner parties. They were like, there was this young boy and he was shaken, shaking.

[B]

And I helped him.

[A]

Yeah, And I helped him and I helped him.

[B]

Savior. Yeah. Literally, that's what they needed to feel like they were the savior in the story. And I was, you know, banking it in. Like, I was selling so much. And I became like a junior manager, which meant, like, he would give me the better spots. Like, gas stations were better. Mind you, I'm like a kid and I'm at a gas station until 11pm on a weekday. Like working these streets.

[A]

What if y' all got abducted here's.

[B]

How we stopped that. This is before, like, no problem. There was complaints. There was complaints about getting abducted. And. And we took those complaints into consideration. We took them to hr, which also.

[A]

Happened to be like, hey, a lot.

[B]

Of us just got promoted with abducted.

[A]

Hr, I got put hr.

[B]

So I get the complaints in the complaint box, and I reread them, and I'd be like, we can address this. And the fear was that, you know, this was before anyone. Could no one afford to have a cell? No, we didn't have cell phones. And the way that he got security was he gave you a piece of chalk, and when you went into a street, you put an arrow that you went into that street with your initials. If there was no arrow coming out on the other side of the street, that means you were in that street. So we know where to find you. And if for some reason you forgot to chalk out, we stay in that street looking for you for an hour.

[A]

What in the hopscotch HR Is this?

[B]

He would look for you late at night. Sometimes we'd be looking for one.

[A]

Y' all need some breadcrumbs. If we don't see the breadcrumbs coming back, we know either a pigeon was hungry or you got ch. Like, what do you mean?

[B]

No, I'm telling you, we spent, like, an hour and a half looking for this kid. And we're like, can we go home? We were all hungry. We were looking for one kid. But this guy was also, like, this responsibility. I gotta go tell these kids parents. So he finally gets the gut, pulls over to guests and calls the home and goes, hey, just to let you know, we can't find. Oh, he's here. He's there. And he's like, yeah, he just took the bus and left and didn't want to do it anymore. Would have been great if he told us that, because we've been looking for an hour and a half. I got home, like, at midnight that night, and I had a test the next morning.

[A]

Yeah, but he should have did the right thing and hung out at each stop with the kids. He was trying to be greedy and separate everybody.

[B]

He would pack a van with 20 kids, and we would be sardines in this van. Like, we were, like, over the maximum capacity. Like, there would be kids on each other's laps.

[A]

See, if he was a smart business person, he could have hit several areas multiple times with different kids. Cause if he had kept all the kids together and been like, harvey, you go to this one house, and we gonna hide over here. In the corner, in the bushes. And then the next kid, ok, Shane, you go to this house. We gonna be in the bushes. And then we can hit it the same week. We just write a little map. Like, okay, Harvey hit this one. So now he hit this one.

[B]

He had a routine. He's like, this week we're doing a Sousa. Next week, Montebella. Like, he was, like, covering his tracks. And then in five, six weeks, we come back to those cities again, and he would switch out. You got it?

[A]

Okay. So he was doing it, but in a more irresponsible way. You just can't take your eyes off of children.

[B]

You wouldn't want to hit the same neighborhood twice in a week.

[A]

Talk about draw a chalk line.

[B]

That's selling yourself short. Because if you hit the same neighborhood twice in a week, they're like, I just bought from this little kid with his cheeks. They don't want that. Let seven weeks go by. You can revisit that place again.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I just don't like that. He's like, if you are feeling like you're going to get abducted, like, draw a little body outline.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's so that we know you got took.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now we can. Yeah. The worst kidnapper. I just have to draw this real quick. So they know, like, no, no.

[B]

He was a scammer. And the worst part was that he didn't let us take tips because he doesn't get a cut of that. Because he doesn't. If you got a tip and didn't sell a box, he. That's, you know, you don't get 10% of nothing or 90% of nothing. So he was like, don't take tips. And so I was always paranormal about taking tips.

[A]

And one time, what the tip is for your actual.

[B]

So this lady's like, I'm diabetic. I don't. I have a 20. And I was like, oh, we don't accept. And I was like, wait, why don't we accept tips? And this is like me just being, follow the rules. Follow the rules and play by the rules. And I was like, okay. And I took the 20. And I had this gut feeling the whole day that he was going to find out somehow. I was like, you think I didn't see that? I was like, that's what I thought. So I. I collected tips, and sometimes I would go home with way more tips than actual sales. And eventually you saw my sales, like, decline. So you're not selling as much. And I was like, yeah, people aren't buying it's like, or maybe you're not trying harder. And I was like, dun, dun, dun. I was like, he's starting to smell that. Like, I'm going to work, and I'm not putting as much effort to selling one box. I'm putting much effort. If you don't like chocolate, I'll take a tip. I was working for tips.

[A]

I mean, you're funny as hell. I feel like you're not just going to the doors doing bits. No, I was like, literally, Beyonce used to do that as a kid. They would, like, go door to door and sing for Carol. Like, you were Carol.

[B]

I made my brothers and my sisters come. We were in professional care. I came. I made them come with me door to door to Carol and be like, we wish you Merry Christmas. Them. We're four.

[A]

Okay? Entertainment.

[B]

Entertainment was always in the family. So one day he was driving. We were picking people up, and we saw a guy. He was, like, 16. He'd been to juvie. He was wearing, like, you know, this white top, like, tattoos everywhere. But he knew that he needed this job because no one else. They weren't hiring him at McDonald's. They weren't hiring because of his record. Like, he had a really bad record. And at that point, he needed this job. But people were taping him. They were taking, like, you know, take this 20 and, you know, all the best to you. He saw him take a tip, and he got out of the van, and he walked up halfway through, like, the walkway where the house was, and he goes, I saw you take a tip. And he goes, I know what you're talking about. I saw you give it to me. He said, what? Give me the tip. He's. I said, give it to me. And he grabbed him and, like, wrestled him to the floor. This is a child. He's still 16. He's underage. This is a full over $10. Like, just wrestled him. And I was like, this, like, watching in the window. And that's when I knew, I have to get out or if that's gonna be. Yeah.

[A]

Because that man is a pimp.

[B]

That is a pimp.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm pretty sure it was heading that way. Eventually. He was probably gonna start. Now that you're really good at selling chocolate, you could sell something else.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Scam artists. I would say working for him was, like, a big scam, but it taught me something. It's like, people are out there scamming people every day, and either you're the scammer or you're the one being Scammed, you know, it's just like people are desperate and they're desperate. Everybody has needs and everyone has needs.

[A]

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[A]

In the red corner, the undisputed, undefeated.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Bring it on. Cut. I just think, like, wrangling up a bunch of children and having them under threat and trying to keep them underpaid.

[B]

Is very Pinocchio dinner.

[A]

Yeah, like, what are you doing, bro? Like, if you can round up this many kids and it's like kind of daycare, I mean.

[B]

Oh, and I saw one time I got to go to where his storage facility, which was his house, his garage, and this is going terrible.

[A]

This is already his storage facility. AKA where he lives. Where he lives. You know what, Listen, I was on Conan once and I was in my car and Conan was like, lacey, I thought you were gonna call. Like we were gonna have this video call from your office. Cause it was like in the height of COVID And I was like, this is my office. Wherever I park is. Okay. Y' all mail it to Fifth Wilshire Boulevard and Lexington. Yeah, that's where my office is currently. Okay. It was just a mobile office. You know, people have mobile homes. I have a mobile office.

[B]

True.

[A]

He had a storage facility that was also where he slept at home.

[B]

He had a mansion.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I saw this man, I was like, you live here in a two story mansion? And he's all, yep. And I was like, and you do something else, like during the day? Nope. His lifestyle was paid by these kids and he lives in a gorgeous home while I'm living, like an apartment with a family of six. You know, like a one bedroom, you know, craziness. Like, the idea that I was like, we're paid. That's when I realized I was like, we're paying for this house. I'm paying for this. I should live in this house. And he was just like, yeah, so keep the boxes. It's the garage. The garage. The doors open and there's tons of chocolate. Like you would have imagined. It was just like drug, kilo, cocaine. Essentially, it was him.

[A]

He had his corner boys. Yeah. Out here, slanging that. Choco.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? That pure Colombian. Choco. Colombian cut Choco. Colombian cut Choco. Okay. Straight to your door. Very discreet, very demure, very mindful.

[B]

Very mindful.

[A]

He was Pablo Esco candy bar.

[B]

You know, like Esco Chocolate bar.

[A]

They call him El Chocolate.

[B]

El Chocolate.

[A]

And you do not want to cross El Chocolate.

[B]

No. El Chocolate.

[A]

I once took a tip and El Chocolate saw and jumped out the van and wrestled me to the ground.

[B]

I've already heard legends of El Chocolate. It's true, though. That's when I knew that I was like, I need to bounce. I need to also, if I'm really good at this now, like, I could probably get a job that doesn't put me in danger late at night. And, like, then, you know, ended up going to work for a swap meet as a runner off of tips. I realized tips is where the money's at.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, I could just do a job that just.

[A]

And you have great vibes. And you really have to have great vibes. Like when you walked into the studio, I was like, oh, My God, Harvey has such great vibes.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yes, I can feel it. And you really have to have great vibes to get good tips.

[B]

That's true. I didn't think about that. I just thought you were just like. Like, do a good job and you'll get a good tip. But you're right.

[A]

I met.

[B]

I've met people who work in food service when I was, you know, a waiter and stuff, and people are not good vibes. And I was like, what are you doing here? This is not for you. And they're like, yeah. I was just like, hi, welcome to B. Sure, I'll get that. And I was like, what are you doing? Like, that's how you talk to customers. It's like you're not getting a tip. And then they get mad if they don't get a tip. They're like, what did I do wrong?

[A]

And it's like, everything, Everything. Everything is I. Okay, so I was kind of like medium vibes because I didn't want to be working at a restaurant, but I wasn't going to give you an attitude. I kiki with you a little bit. I just really was not supposed to be.

[B]

There goes such a long way.

[A]

Yeah. But, like, I had a friend, Nick, who, like, he, like, I was still getting very high tips, but he would get the highest tips every quarter because he liked engaging with people full out. And like, my worst nightmare was if there's, like, a couple that's been together for a long time, and you could tell they don't really have nothing else to talk about. So then when you walk over to the table like, hi, welcome. Can I get your order? And they're like, oh, how you doing, little lady? How was your week? And then all of a sudden, we're in a conversation. I'm like, I don't want to talk to you. Just please the order. And then they come. You know, you come at the end of the me, like, did you enjoy everything? And they're like, oh, we hated it. And, like, the plate's empty. And they're like, we hated it. I have to act like it was the first time I've ever heard that.

[B]

Got to write that one down.

[A]

Like, my soul is just leaving my eyeballs in my body. And I'm like, oh, yeah, because it's empty.

[B]

I saw it as an acting gig every time. Every table was a. Was a bit. Because everyone has different energy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I would go to the people that are, oh, they're about to break up. So I'm going to make it Lighter, but not too over the top to, like. I'm annoying them to be like, hey, guys, welcome. You know, it's. How's it going? Sure, I'll get that for you. They also want their quiet time. Read people's energy. And they're about to break up. Give them a second. Bring the check after.

[A]

Ooh. They used to call me a mercenary. If I had a couple that was about to break up, I would actually do the opposite and run their tab up. I'm like, somebody knows this. They last meal. Okay. Somebody has to know.

[B]

You want to push for that dessert. You either drink you wanted to drink.

[A]

Y' all give me Yamazaki vibes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like, at least 14. You know, don't mind the price. Cause I could just tell, like, how you live today.

[B]

Yeah, that's fine. But it's true. Every table was a. I felt like it was, like, a little scene. And for this tonight's performance, for this table, they're breaking up. You're a little more, like, fun, but light, but not, like, too much. For this one. They just had a really terrible day. Cheer them up. They want to have a good day.

[A]

So cheer them up.

[B]

And it worked every time, because everybody goes to these houses to get food and nourishment or whatnot or to get away. And either you're just doing your best because they're living their life. You're doing the best you can, and they're doing the best they can. So all I want is that tip. So, like, I want to make sure that you left happy at whatever that capacity means to you. If you were happy by my service, you're happy that I made you laugh, but you leave happy. That's all I care about.

[A]

Exactly. And that's why you had the riz. That's why you were making money when you were out here being scammed, you.

[B]

Know, being part of a scam without knowing a scam.

[A]

Yeah. Not even knowing. And then, like, you did it legit, and you made even more money. I love that. That's such a great story. You know what I mean? And wherever, you know, Esco chocolate bar is, you know, I hope he's doing well. I don't know. You was beating up kids, so we can't hope that you're doing that well.

[B]

I don't know. I wish you the day you deserve.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

I wish you the day you deserve.

[A]

Whatever that means.

[B]

Whatever that.

[A]

That's what I wish you to get. Exactly what you deserv.

[B]

And whenever someone taught me that and it stayed with me because it's true. People are like, you know, I wish them well. I was like, no, don't wish them well. Wish them the day they deserve. Because, you know, if you've done good or bad. And so if you say, no, don't. Don't tell me that. It's like, why? Is there something you want to confess?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, I wish you the day you deserve. No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Why do you feel bad about that?

[B]

Yeah, why you feel bad?

[A]

What have you done?

[B]

What have you done? Or if you go like, thank you. That's. Thank you. You know, you've done good because you have no, you know, qualms about it.

[A]

It's like, I should get everything I deserve.

[B]

But if someone goes, no, no, no. Not the day I just deserve, then.

[A]

We know that's a good little scam. Like, I wish you the day you deserve. Why would you put that evil on me? It works. Oh, man. Well, now it's time to get into the spooky part of the show. Even though I think, like, el chocolate is kind of scary, you know, it's.

[B]

No, it's taking off. It's coming.

[A]

He took, like, a fun confection. And now I feel like if you saw that same chocolate bar, you'd be like, ah, ptsd. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I do see people sometimes. There's kids with boxes at gas station. Like, no. And I'll go up there like, you don't have to do this. You can be off the streets.

[A]

Not you pulling a full Drake like you do at the strip club. Like, you don't have to do this. I put you in a song. Okay. You work on at the Hooters on Peach Street. I'll put you in a song. You ain't never gotta sell a hoot oot, oot or holler again. You were like, no. Y' all put the chocolate bars down. You were like, that Michael Jackson meme. When they're like. And they don't really care about us, and they hold the gun up to Michael Jackson, he, like, puts it down with his finger like, no, you don't have to sell this chocolate no more.

[B]

No Peach Street. I was just on Peachtree this weekend in Atlanta.

[A]

Oh, yes. Well, yes, I know. I'm like, what would you do if your son was not home crying all alone on the neighborhood floor? Chocolate. Cause he's hungry, and the only way to feed him is just sell some chocolate for a little bit of money. Like, no.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So we have our Halloween spooky episode, and we definitely wanted to do this because you are very familiar with the spookiness. Yes. What we do in the shadows. And so we wanted to give you a fun little historic. Ooh, twink. Ooh. Y' all feel that shiver? The shiver up your spine? Yes. Yes. It's not anemia. It's fear. Yes.

[B]

It could be both.

[A]

Okay. It's not anxiety. It's me making you shiver also.

[B]

I think it could be.

[A]

It could be both.

[B]

So.

[A]

In the early 1980s, a mortician, David Scott, found new and gruesome ways to cut corners in the cremation business, turning his family's funeral home into a money machine. Oh, yeah. I just feel like funerals are one of those things where funerals are for the living. And I don't want anyone running a funeral home like it's something in Silicon Valley I don't want you thinking about, like, the numbers, the quick turnaround buck. Yeah. I hope there's not a chart that's like, look, deaths are up this year, which means we need to be on the ground. Okay. If we see an ambulance coming with a black. With the whole black body bag, that is an opportunity for us, and we need to get after it. Like, I don't want that to be like, it's supposed to be a nice, emotional thing for people to say goodbye. But he was like, no, I see some roi. We could get on these.

[B]

Well, you know, I grew up in San Gabriel down the street from this place. Place in Pasadena. It's like, I grew up down the street from here.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Yeah. This mortuary and crematorium was down the street from the Lamb Funeral Home. Yeah. You're familiar, but the Lamb Funeral Home had been around since, like, the 1920s.

[A]

Yeah. Cause it's a family business.

[B]

Family business.

[A]

David Sconce is the one that took over and started.

[B]

He married into the business. Right. Did he marry the daughter? Who's the son?

[A]

Let's see. I think you might be right about that. So before. So the family business, just to get a little sense of the business.

[B]

The Lambs.

[A]

The Lambs.

[B]

The Lambs.

[A]

Not to be confused with my ride, Carey Stanbase. Also, let's look at him real quick. This is David Scott.

[B]

That looks like a killer. Yep.

[A]

Yeah, he looks like, you know, when people hold onto their hairline and it's like, the hair does look luscious on the parts where it's not bald and you can see he's putting some product in it. But it's also like, we can see that you bald babes. Like, just go ahead and lean in. Like, you don't have to like, what is this? The Mr. Burns cut? Like, you went in and like, you were like, right. You went into the barbershop and was like, give me the Smithers special.

[B]

This new show just came out this year called the Simpsons. I really love it.

[A]

It's so good. It's so like, I don't think it'll last.

[B]

I don't think it's gonna last long.

[A]

But please give me this, just one season.

[B]

I give it one, two seasons for sure.

[A]

So he looks mischievous in this photo. So I'm getting it. So the famous, right? Smithers. So the family business. Before their license was revoked in 1989, Lamb Funeral Home had been one of LA's most well known and trusted places to help lay a loved one to rest. So we're looking at the LA Funeral Home. I love that. It like, it's Spanish style. That's what I was about to say. Like, it blends into the neighborhood. It's not giving us the. It's giving like this is a, you.

[B]

Know, there's a coffee shop right across the street from there. And I literally drive by there once a week.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's kind of terrifying the things that happen there that like, you know, now have led to this. But most people who live there either forgot about it, because if you live in sgv, the Singapore Valley, you either knew about it or you didn't. And I was too young to. When I was too young.

[A]

I was such a baby just eating my Relax chocolate.

[B]

I just remember not hearing about this till later and because, you know, after a while people hear like stories, especially like St. Gabriel, like about haunted places and whatnot. But I grew up in that area and I'd heard about it, but not to the detail that I've come to know in the last, like couple months.

[A]

So you didn't get like a chill down your back? I know I could say spine, but I like back better. You didn't get a chill down your back when you walked past?

[B]

No. I mean, you do get that. You start doing the Harlem shake, you start shaking uncontrollably. Smithers.

[A]

Smithers. So it was run by a prominent old Pasadena family and had been established in the 1920s, helping Pasadena and Altadena neighbors mark the passing of their loved ones with respect and dignity. Or at least it appeared that way. Right. So Charles F. Lamb founded the funeral home. Then his son, Lawrence Lamb took over from the 1950s to the 1980s. When the business passed on To Lawrence's daughter Lorianne and her husband, former football coach Jerry Sconce. Their son, David Sconce. So they're the son of loriann in who she married. David Sconce really wanted to be a football player and wanted to be like his dad, who was Jerry. One fateful day, David stepped into a gopher hole and suffered a career ending injury which led to him joining the funeral home business instead. So he's like, I can't play football.

[B]

So wait, how does one step into a gopher hole? Like it's like your whole foot goes in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cause like your toe goes in. How big is a gopher?

[A]

Like the golfers be making holes and then like you may be running on a field or something. You're like, is it. It's gotta be big enough for like a young man's foot to go in. Yeah. And even if it's like the top of your foot, like if you break your ankle, something crazy. Yeah, if you break it something crazy, then it's a wrap.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he was like, okay, I was trying to play, you know, football, but now he looks so happy there. Funeral home.

[B]

You know, you look happy in that, that last photo we saw of him. Now he looks happy there.

[A]

Yeah. But he was like, okay, I'm getting in the family business. And so 20,000 future victims suffered at his hands. So David Sconce, who we've been talking about, and now we know his parents were Lorianne and Jerry Scotts and that he wanted to be football player like his daddy. And the gopher hole snatched him up.

[B]

Gopher hole strikes again.

[A]

Yeah, the gopher hole was like Lake Lanier and just snatched him up underneath. And then he couldn't do football no more. So. So now he's like, got 20,000 victims at the funeral home. So David Scott got his mortuary science certification from Cypress College at his parents suggestion. Yeah. You can't just join the funeral business. This is not like that one television show where you just be like, I'm a part of it. Like, I think you do have to.

[B]

Get some education how to embody embalming. Embalming? Yeah, embalming. Embody. Body. Body.

[A]

Yes. Oh no. So David's parents kept running the actual funeral home and during embalming's view and burials. Right. While David got to run the cremation business, which happened off site at the old Pasadena crematorium facility in Mountain View cemetery. So the parents were still like, we'll do the embalmings, we're gonna do the viewings and the burials. Cause we know what we're doing. And then you come in and you do the crematorium off site. And I will say, like, funeral homes do tend to be a family business. A lot of the funerals I've dealt with were a family business. And I've said it on this podcast. One time, like a 10 year old in a suit opened my grandpa's for the viewing. And then he was like. We would walk up, like hysterical crying. He's like, I'm so sorry for your loss. And I was like, this is a baby in a suit. He was like, you running around selling your chocolates.

[B]

Wasn't that the storyline for My Girl, the movie? Dan Aykro plays a dad who works for the funeral. Jamie Lee Curse is the mom. And she has to bury her best friend Macaulay Culkin, when he gets stung by bees at his.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And she was like, he needs his glasses. What is he gonna see about his glasses? That is one of the most depressing fogging scenes. Just like sobbing. I was like, I'm too young for this.

[B]

And the reason he went back to get her mood ring was for her. Cause he loved her and had a crush on her and got stung by killer bees. Well, no, she was allergic to bees. That's the story.

[A]

Yeah, he was allergic to bees. And they had. The baby didn't have no EpiPen or.

[B]

Nothing, but she grew up in the funeral parlor cause her dad owned the shop. So I was like, oh my God, that is the story. They.

[A]

That's depressing, I know, but also very sweet. She was like, no, he gotta go in looking. Like how he be looking. But it was like nobody expected that movie to take that turn. Honestly, abusive.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

I.

[B]

It's a warning trigger warning. If you hate bees, if you hate dying, like all of it, or if.

[A]

You love Macaulay Culkin. Because he was definitely that child.

[B]

Hell yeah. He was everywhere.

[A]

Yes. So please be serious. So cremation was getting popular as a cheaper alternative to burial at the time. But David wanted to up their output. So in 1982. Now, how you gonna up an output that's dependent on people being dead? Like, I don't think you can run the numbers up like this just in. We all need to be watching the 11 o' clock news. Okay. And then we send them a fruit basket and our funeral stuff. Okay. I like feel like they're like at candlelight vigils for like missing people. And they like, they got their candle, but they're like hey, if this doesn't go the way that we want, this is my card. This is.

[B]

Here's the coupon.

[A]

Yeah. We give you a coupon. If it's a missing person, you get 15% off. We also can bury empty casks.

[B]

If they're missing for more than 40 days, you get 25% off.

[A]

Exactly. If they come back and they're not alive, we'll take care of it, too. The makeup will be free. So, like, what is wrong with y'? All? Bargaining. So he. So David wanted to up the output, so he started offering cremation services out to other funeral homes using the mountain view. Like, cemetery nearby, down the street, just.

[B]

Like, not that far. Yeah.

[A]

So he's like, I already got the plug here. So if y' all need them, y' all need them cooked. Like, let me cook. And so you all need them. I need to get off the Internet.

[B]

Oh, my God. Okay, ready?

[A]

Forgive me, Glorilla. Oh, no.

[B]

If you all need alternative ways of saying goodbye to your loved ones.

[A]

That's clear. That's what I meant. That's what I meant. Oh, no.

[B]

I'm here as an interpreter for my client.

[A]

Thank you so much. This is my counsel, because y' all are gonna get me.

[B]

Objection, your honor.

[A]

I showed up with a lawyer today. Okay.

[B]

Sidebar. We can't say that.

[A]

We can say what?

[B]

Sidebar.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay. And don't end.

[B]

My client wishes to refrain from saying, if you don't eat them, to cook them.

[A]

You said shut the hell up. You said shut the hell up. I said shut the hell up.

[B]

We're rewording that. To alternative ways of saying to loved ones goodbye.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's what we meant. Remember it different.

[B]

Remember different.

[A]

Yes. Robbery.

[C]

Explore the world's hidden wonders on the Atlas Obscura podcast. A village in India where everyone's name is a song. A boiling river in the Amazon. A spacecraft cemetery in the middle of the ocean. Every day, the Atlas Obscura podcast will blow your mind in 15 minutes. You can find it on the SiriusXM app, Pandora, or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

[A]

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[C]

Four, I use it.

[A]

Five, my mom uses it.

[B]

Are you.

[A]

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[B]

See mintmobile.com oh, the car from Carvana's here.

[C]

Well, will you look at that?

[B]

It's exactly what I ordered. Like precise.

[A]

Precisely.

[B]

It would be crazy if there were any catches. But there aren't, right?

[A]

Right. Because that's how car buying should be with Carvana. You get the car you want, choose delivery or pickup and a week to love it or return it. Buy your car today with Carvana. Delivery or pickup fees may apply. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven day return [e-mail] and fraud. So he started offering the cremation services to other funeral homes. Right. David was the sole owner. And oper. He used his Dodge van with the seats taken out to pick up the bodies from mortuaries as far away as Santa Barbara and San Diego. Then he drove them back to Pasadena to cremate them. Now, I know y' all working at a funeral home and y' all been doing this since 1920. Y' all don't got a hearse.

[B]

Budget cuts. We gotta be resourceful. Also Dodge. A resourceful, reliable car. Dodge. Sponsored in part by Dodge.

[A]

Right.

[B]

If you're watching us, you're probably watching this from a.

[A]

That's a new feature about Dodge that I didn't know. Pick up your bodies with Dodge. Like what? What?

[B]

Pick up your bodies.

[A]

They're like, our AC system works real well. Like, we got it in the front and the back.

[B]

You can't tell they're alive or not.

[A]

Like what? So he undercut everyone on price to drive up the business, charging $55 per body. Hundreds less than other more charges. Yeah, $55 to be cremated. Like he.

[B]

You can't get those deals now.

[A]

He was like the Uber of cremation, you know?

[B]

Yeah, call me up. Yeah. Wow. $55. That's really good. Even for 1989. That's really good, right?

[A]

That's really good. So his overhead was the cardboard box his bodies were carried in, which cost $5, and the diesel fuel for the crematorium, which was less than that. He returned the ashes to clients or scattered them at sea.

[B]

I don't think he scattered them.

[A]

I don't think he did either.

[B]

That was extra gas. That was the drive. He's not making misgiving.

[A]

You said you scattered them at sea.

[B]

But maybe, say the wind scattered them in Your backyard.

[A]

He was like, garbage island is at sea. So if I put it in a trash can, eventually it'll make it to the se.

[B]

Or worse.

[A]

Oh, oh.

[B]

If I just put them somewhere else and.

[A]

Right. He was like, toilet water is technically the sea. So what do you mean terrible to the water? We're like, no, I don't think it is, sir.

[B]

I don't think it is. I do not think so, sir.

[A]

As his operations got bigger, David hired former football players he knew from his time as a player as van drivers for $250 a day. So he was like, you ain't make it to the NFL. Well, you were still lifting 250, so, boy, do I have a job for you.

[B]

This is second best.

[A]

Like, you worked out this much. Like, you can lift these bodies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have a Dodge question number one. Why don't you sponsor the show?

[B]

Dodge. Dodge for your family vacations and for your family vacations.

[A]

Yes. So he paid his right hand man, former gang member Johnny Palorana.

[B]

Now, that's a gang member.

[A]

That's a gang member's name. He's like, oh, no, it's Johnny Palerama.

[B]

Watch out.

[A]

Yeah, it's very like Scarface, Ian. So he paid Johnny Polar $6,000 a month to help him load the bodies into the oven chambers where they were burned. Johnny was smoking rock cocaine at the time. It was the 80s, okay.

[B]

Oh, look at that.

[A]

So this is a photo of him.

[B]

Johnny.

[A]

Yeah, Johnny is Johnny. You know what's funny? Like, he's got on this kind of palm tree button up. Like he's trying to give, like, you.

[B]

Know, warm weather, easy breezy, but then he's like a staircase.

[A]

He's doing crazy crack.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it rock cocaine crack?

[B]

Johnny don't do crack. Johnny don't do crack.

[A]

Johnny don't do crack. No. I hope he wasn't lighting up the little pipe with the. With the fire from the furnace and stuff. Now I'm like, what was going on?

[B]

Johnny does look like he's lived a life, though. Like, in those eyes, you're like, he knows stuff. He's not telling us stuff. I could tell right now he's only telling us as much as we need to know.

[A]

Exactly. And, you know, they say people have, like, crackhead strength sometimes. So he was in there, like, lifting bodies. So he was very strong, you know, Johnny, I'm not really against you right now. Cause it seems like you were just doing what, like, you were told. This is still people's, like, wonderful gift and last wish. You get A nice urn, you can keep it in your house.

[B]

I could be wrong, but I think Johnny was the reason that this all fell apart. Because he was smoking crack and he burned the crematorium.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know if your right hand man should be smoking crack a lot. It just feels like a bad business idea to me.

[B]

Yeah, you're hiring your buddies, that's fine. You're hiring your friends.

[A]

But I feel like he could had a lower ranking position. Like, I just feel like right hand man shouldn't be reserved for anybody who's like actively on crack.

[B]

Crack.

[A]

If you're not on crack anymore, that's a different story. If you're in recovery, like, and honestly, that's a shout out to anybody who's in recovery. Like, learn what you've been through. Like. But if he's actively still doing it, then not a good business decision.

[B]

And I think if I'm. I could be wrong, but I think I remember hearing about it all went down because of him. If he never would have been smoking crack.

[A]

Harvey got the chisme. Harvey is from the neighborhood and he's walked past the grandees on their porches like.

[B]

El Johnny.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Say crack again.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. The chisme was hot.

[B]

The cheese was hot. Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So cutting cremation corners. The Pasadena crematorium facility at Mountain View Cemetery had two chambers. And under previous managers, it would only have done a max of four cremations in a day. Because it takes several hours to heat it up to the point of incinerating and several more hours to cool down to the point that you can open the chamber again. So in 1981, before David took over, there were 190 cremations at the facility. Facility. In 1982, that number went up to 1500, then 3500 in 1983 and 4300 in 1984. So when they were doing it ethically and only doing four cremations a day, they were doing 190. Right. By the time two years time, they had upped it to 4300.

[B]

That's a big jump if those are. You just hit the jackpot.

[A]

Right? You just hit the jackpot. So he started by putting two or three bodies into a chamber at a time and then upped it to 15 at a time.

[B]

Yes, I heard about that. I heard that. That's not physically possible. Naturally you would have to be breaking limbs.

[A]

And that's what. I'm so sorry for the gore, but like, you really are spot on, Harvey. To make them Fit David and Johnny would have to break collarbones sometimes or legs or arms and force them in. And he. Oh my gosh. I'm not gonna, I don't know, I'm not gonna say this part, but like it's so gross. Like there's also docu on HBO if you want all the nitty gritty gory gross. But I'm not gonna do that. We're a good times for this family.

[B]

The families of these victims that like they, they trust you to say goodbye to their loved ones and you're stuffing them in like you're, you know.

[A]

And now it kind of makes more sense to me that his right hand to do this part needed to be on crack.

[B]

Right. See, now it makes sense.

[A]

Yeah, because like no person who's in their like right mind would be like, yeah, sure. Like obvious David is not a sane human being. And so Johnny could have just been like the crack made him like, this is a good idea. When maybe it wouldn't be if he wasn't.

[B]

But the weird part is that like, I mean, obviously we know who's at the top of all this.

[A]

Yeah, it's David.

[B]

But it got to the point where he was so selfish that it wasn't enough that they were cramming so many bodies in one day into the crematorium. They started taking gold teeth out of their mouths. They started taking their rings. Like it's like one like you're grave robbing. You're grave robbing these people. You're already robbing the family of the dignity to say goodbye to their loved ones and now you're gonn rob their teeth. There's a bowl of gold teeth that he collected from all the skulls that he like pulled those teeth from.

[A]

And why. And then it's like, if you're gonna. And I'm sure we get to it in here, but we can talk about it a little bit now. Like if you're gonna have like steel gold teeth, why are you not melting it down and like selling it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You just want a bowl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of people's like, you are weird, bro.

[B]

That's weird. That's weird.

[A]

So David and Johnny competed to see who could load the most bodies in a chamber at one time. This is a not a fun game. Eventually, one of their burn sessions would nine 50 gallon trash cans full of ash.

[B]

That's a lot.

[A]

Commingling their ashes is illegal. But David argued you could never get all the ashes from one body out of there before you put in the next one. So mixing ashes together Wasn't a big deal. And I mean, it's like, I'm not gonna know. I'm not gonna be able to open an urn and be like, this is not grandma.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, no one's gonna know. You know, so.

[B]

And he leaned into that. He. That was. You know, I think I saw an interview where he was just like, people are so sensitive. They're gone. They're no longer here. I was like, it doesn't matter. They were souls that loved ones want to respect their memory and their legacy. And for you to say it doesn't matter. Bones are bones. Ashes are ashes.

[A]

And it's like, you don't get to decide.

[B]

You don't get to decide that. You don't get to decide that.

[A]

And so, like, you were talking about just a second ago, Harvey, looting. Even with the incredible cremation output that David had achieved, he was still, like, leaving money on the table, literally. Until he started, like, dismembering people to get jewelry. And I know. I'm like, what you said before, like, what's enough, enough.

[B]

I mean, he started off with, like, he. He brought in, like, $146,000, right? Of the math is mathing. And the first year. And then by the. What is it, the second, third year was bringing in, like, millions of dollars.

[A]

And it's like, when is enough gonna be enough? And that's how you know he's just a scammer. You know, like, he would get watches, bracelets, and he had a clothes hanger full of rings at the crematorium. One day after work, his wife found him sitting on the floor in the garage with a Styrofoam cup with AU written on it. And if you took your science classes, you know what AU stands for. He was cracking teeth with a hammer to. To get out the gold fillings and then sweeping the teeth away. He called it Poppin Chops. Oh, why do you have a name for it?

[B]

You titled it.

[A]

He's like, you know, after I do this, I gotta pop them chops. Like, no, that doesn't make it more friendly.

[B]

Wait. Imagine being his wife coming home. He's like, honey, what's that? Is that.

[A]

They're like, mommy, where's dad? Like, why doesn't he have to eat dinner? And like, your father is popping chops right now.

[B]

You know, your father's popping chops, and he doesn't like to be disturbed.

[A]

He doesn't like to be disturbed.

[B]

Okay, now let's all smile and have a wonderful right.

[A]

If you still want to go on that ski trip to Aspen, you have to let your father work. Popping, popping chops. So he made $20,000 a month from gold fillings alone, according to his guise. As for feeling remorse, even nearly 40 years later, with plenty of time to reflect on it, he says dead people are just rotten meat. So he had no reservations about it. He was afraid of getting caught, but not too afraid. He flew to Vegas once a month to gamble and drove a Corvette with the license I, B, R, N, the letter for U. So if you haven't put that together yet, his license plate was I burn for you. Wow.

[B]

Class act, this guy. He's a catch.

[A]

Like, I feel like I haven't seen, like, maybe the only stunt queen mortician I know is, like, Phaedra Parks, But I feel like everyone else isn't. Like, I bury your dead. Well, yes, but she wants to do.

[B]

It the respectful way, but make money doing it. But respectfully.

[A]

I don't think she would ever, ever do something like this.

[B]

No, I can't say that.

[A]

But I'm saying, like, that's the only famous person I know who, like, you know, owns a, you know, funeral home.

[B]

Funeral home.

[A]

And clearly has been doing it very well for many, many years and not doing any weird shit like this. But other than that, I feel like the morticians just kind of keep it low key. So it's like, why would you put that as your vanity plate? Like, that's so weird.

[B]

Yeah. And also now going back and saying, I had nothing to do with that. You literally have all these, like, things like your license. You're boasting you gave your teeth popping activities a name.

[A]

You gave it a little kitschy name. That's so getting caught. Tim Waters of the Alpha Society in Burbank was also a low cost cremation provider. But Tim couldn't compete with Dave's prices, like David's prices. And so I think Tim started to realize, like, if he's doing this correctly, there's no way he could be this efficient. Like, something is up. And so we have a picture of Tim, and this is Tim.

[B]

Look at Tim.

[A]

Tim definitely does give me, like, I'm here for business. Yeah. But no, he also gives me, like, the eyes like that are very empathetic. Like, his whole face says, I'm sorry for your loss. Right now he has resting, I'm sorry for your loss face.

[B]

I want Tim to greet me when I'm having a hard time.

[A]

And you know what he's gonna do? He's gonna grab your hand for A handshake. And then he's gonna put his other hand on top of that hand. He's like, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And he tried to give you a little warmth, but not too much. You're not gonna be smiling.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know, but he'll give you a little just closed mouth smile. Like, we're gonna get through this together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm Tim.

[B]

I hope. Okay. And then what happened to Tim?

[A]

So then Tim is like, I can't compete with this. And the only way that David's business made sense to Tim was at an illegally high volume. He was like, there's no way in hell you can do this many creations. It has to be illegal.

[B]

So he called him out.

[A]

Yep. So in 1985, Tim started paying attention to David's operation and spreading his suspicions around the funeral service community in la. So even more cheese made there. Like. Yeah, it's me, Tim. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so sorry for you having to take this phone call at D there. Yeah. See my smiles through the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to tell you about some shady stuff. So Tim was about to publish an expose article in Mortuary Management magazine. Y' all got a magazine which I.

[B]

Subscribed to and they've asked me to leave. May 19th.

[A]

Oh, this is since May 1965. Mortuary management was popping. They're like, learn all the latest in homegoing. Okay. Yes.

[B]

Do you want your loved one to have or down right.

[A]

The latest embalming tricks. Fashion. Yes. Funeral makeup for you and yours.

[B]

Just cause they're dead doesn't mean they have to look bad.

[A]

Right. Okay. So Tim was about to publish this expose article in Mortuary Management magazine about David's crimes. When David hired his football player drivers to go rough him up along with the publisher of the magazine. So they said we gotta beat everybody's ass. The publisher.

[B]

Cause he'd be talking. He's gonna be talking.

[A]

Yes. So David made his hired thugs Big Men Unlimited business cards. And they beat the shit out of Tom and the publisher and not you gonna leave like a, a a card on me. Like clean yourself up. And also Big Men Unlimited is crazy. So it's like you can take us out, but we are unlimited in big men who will whoop your ass.

[B]

Yeah. Sounds like a dating site too.

[A]

Oh, yes, it does. Unlimited. If you like big boys, you like big boys. We all like.

[B]

You like big Big Men Unlimited.

[A]

We got one for you.

[B]

You like them big. The men are unlimited.

[A]

Unlimited.

[B]

Big Men Unlimited. Yeah. Big, big Men Unlimited coming this fall. Yes.

[A]

Bears galore.

[B]

Will you be the next Big Men Unlimited?

[A]

Oh, so that's a funny card to just throw at people. I love it. So Tim went out to eat with David two months later, possibly to make amends. I don't know. Should we go to dinner and be like, hey, I did, like, David's like, hey, my guy. I'm sorry I had to send Big Un Men Unlimited to whoop your ass. Come have dinner with me. Yeah, come have dinner with me.

[B]

Let's talk about it now.

[A]

Let's bury the hatchet.

[B]

Let's bury the hatchet.

[A]

Let's bury you.

[B]

The hatchet.

[A]

Let's bury you. No, no, not you. The hatchet.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So they went out, right? This is two months later, possibly to make amends. And later that evening, Tim died under mysterious circumstances. Our sweet face, Tim, him and, like.

[B]

And he's young. He's pretty young. He's younger than our, you know, suspect.

[A]

And I'm also like, oh, my goodness.

[B]

Why do you keep doing that?

[A]

These are jump scare images of David. My goodness. He's. It's giving Snape so bad. Like, you gotta warn us. Y' all just popped it up on the screen. We're like, it's that movie.

[B]

It's a clip from Scary Movie. I'm about to have a heart attack.

[A]

This shit's scary. I mean, you already sent the big men after Tim. Did you have to send him to the big house in the sky?

[B]

The big house in the sky. Tim doesn't deserve that. Look at Tim.

[A]

So the cause of death at the time was ruled a heart attack. But Tim had only been 24 years old. Mm. And many suspected David of poisoning him. Cause, of course, you're like, let's go to dinner. And then, you know, maybe Tim gets up to wash his hands. As he does. As one does when he does.

[B]

Or I have a vision of like, oh, sorry, spilled wine on your lap. Oh, that's okay. I'm just going to wash it. Yeah, you go wash it off.

[A]

Hey, I'm back. Oh. Oh, you still got a little bit left.

[B]

Oh, I forgot my keys.

[A]

I'll be back.

[B]

How we doing up here, folks? Anything else go get you? Oh, no, no, we're good.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's poison, right?

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Okay. All right, I'll be back.

[A]

Not poison, sir. Why would you do this?

[B]

It takes a lot of strategy. And also, if you work in this field, I think you have access to chemicals, things that could come across under autopsy or anything as that's normal. Sometimes that happens. Right. You know. You know what makes the test go through.

[A]

Exactly. Because they have to deal with people. Like if it's like a homicide or something. You know what formula. Yeah. You know what is not gonna raise flags and it'll just look like a heart attack. And so I would have never gone to that dinner.

[B]

I don't know how great.

[A]

Like, he just had you beat up by goons. Tim. I don't think there's a reconciliation. I think he was like, I need to finish the job.

[B]

But that goes to show that Tim sounds like a really nice guy that was gonna give something. Like, you know what? I'm give you a second chance and put my money.

[A]

Marrying the hatchet is crazy. After you get jumped by Big Men Unlimited. No, no, no, no, no, no. And so by 1986, David's business was firing on all cylinders. And Johnny was getting high a lot to cope. So. And I thought he might be coping. I did. So one day Johnny got high and left. Oh, my gosh. Stop doing that. So one day, Johnny got high and left while the crematory was on and the whole building burned down. David no longer had a facility for cremations, but he kept picking up. Picking up bodies from all over the state.

[B]

But you got nowhere to burn them.

[A]

No, he said, that ain't no problem. We got big lighters.

[B]

I got a big van.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I got a grill. Okay. Like, we know we got. No, we got it. Don't. Don't even worry about that, sweetheart.

[B]

Sweetheart, don't you worry about that, sweetheart. I do care. This.

[A]

So he said, one crematorium ain't gonna stop no show like I thought. I think it does. I think it does stop the show. I think we need to stop now. So. Oscar Ceramics. In January 1987, San Bernardino Air Quality authorities started getting complaints about a business called Oscar Ceramics in Hesperia. It was a large, unmasked warehouse in the middle of the desert owned by a man named David Sconce. Coincidence. One neighbor, right? Just a coinky dink. One neighbor had served in the military unit that liberated Auschwitz and reported the smell of burning human flesh, which he recognized. And he reported that to the authorities. He was like. He knew what it was.

[B]

I lived in Esperia, and there's nothing out there. That's, you know, you go out there so no one finds you, Right? Yeah.

[A]

And that's also so triggering to, like, be free and then you have a familiar smell, which scent is so deeply connected to memory.

[B]

The trigger.

[A]

Yeah. And so David had built a warehouse size oven facility and was burning 200 bodies at a time. That is insanity. So Lorianne Jerriet and David were all later put on trial for deceased dismembering people and selling their parts without family consent. It turns out that harvesting gold teeth and organs from cadavers without permission of next of kin was actually a part of the family business. So now they're also stealing people's organs.

[B]

That's crazy. When does. When is it enough?

[A]

Right? It's not enough for y'. All. In 1989, Sconce, he pled guilty to 21 criminal counts, including mutilating dead bodies, holding mass cremations, and hiring hitmen, which were. He was like, no, they're just Big Men Unlimited. They're just hitmen. They're just. Oh, yeah, and they'll give you unlimited ass whoopings, but they're not Hitmen Unlimited. Right. Big Men Unlimited. Oh, yeah. Okay. But so he was. He ended up being sentenced to five years in prison and then was sent back in 2013 for violating his lifetime probation by having a firearm. He was released on parole in 2023. Look, sir, we need you to be serious. Be serious. Serious. Just be so serious for one moment. His mama and papa were found guilty of unlawfully authorizing the removed of organs from bodies before cremation, as well as three counts of forging customer signatures on organ donor and cremation authorization forms. They both served three years and eight months in prison. Like, how are you just gonna decide my family member is gonna be cremated? Because you want them to. And then what? I buy a casket and then you just, like, fill it with rocks and you're like, it's closed casket. It's closed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Lock it.

[B]

Or you do the viewing and then go like. We'll take care for it. Might come across couple of hours, dump out rocks in, then go to the.

[A]

Oh, yes. That might be it. They're like, oh, we actually got to get another cart. Like, this wheel is faulty. Why do y' all need to take the casket? Don't worry about that. The pallbearers are, like, wrestling with them. We will be right back.

[B]

All right, here you go. It's heavier than before. That happens sometimes.

[A]

David, get the rock. That's for different. We need those.

[B]

We need for.

[A]

You know how people throw? Like pigeons doves in the air? We throw rocks in the air, in their memory, in their mem. And it's, like, harder to throw, and it's more beautiful. Don't worry about it.

[B]

Look Out. Cause they come right back.

[A]

Yeah, we don't want to work the birds like that, but, yeah. So it's just a part of the rock.

[B]

We care about the living.

[A]

And, yeah, we want you to be solid as the rock. Solid rock that you are returning to in the earth. You feel us? Right. Okay. Anyways, yeah, David got them rocks. Oh, my God. Oh, these people are bad. This is scary to know that these people were doing this type of thing and that they also weren't ever satisfied. They just kept making it worse and worse and worse.

[B]

You could have gone away with it, actually, and, like, people would have not known. But then you're like, no, you know what? I'll get those teeth.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

I'll get those organs. You know what? I'll get the body.

[A]

You could do, like, 15 people a day, whereas most people can only do four. And you could undercut the market. 200 a day, but, you know, 200. Come on, come on, come on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're a bad man. Your whole family is bad. Like, this is. But thank you for walking with me, Harvey, through this very spooky story. We always ask at the end of our show, where would you like to be found? Any social medias. Anything that people can watch watch, obviously.

[B]

Oh, not at a funeral home, that's for sure.

[A]

No, no, no, no. We don't want you down here.

[B]

You can find me on Instagram and on Twitter @HarveyGen. Yeah. And, you know, you never know, might be doing a little spooky podcast show myself soon.

[A]

Ooh, yes, we love to hear it. Yeah, it's coming through your walls, Big Man Unlimited. Oh, no, that's. The unlimited part is just the scariest.

[B]

But okay, because you don't know what you're getting. You're like, is it sexual or is this like. Oh, you'll find out. Just know it goes on unlimited.

[A]

Almost joke trying to do that again, as always. Guys, if you want to see the photos and the business cards from Big Men Unlimited, you'll find all of that at Scam Goddess Pod on Instagram. You can chat with me on Scam Goddess Pod on Twitter if you want to look at my shenanigans. D I V A L A C I Diva Lacey. On all platforms. If you want to watch Scam Goddess, the television show, all episodes are streaming now on Hulu. If you want to watch the first season of Going Dutch, all episodes are also streaming now on Hulu. And you can pick up my book wherever you like, your audiobooks or your physical copies right now. And congregation. I want you to get out there and I want you to stay. Unlimited Gam G Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Cisneros and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay Scheming Start the season with Etsy and make your holiday traditions extra special on Etsy. You'll discover original pieces from small shops that will help you you celebrate your way. Shop Etsy for holiday decor that makes you feel seen. Special starts on Etsy.

[C]

This is Comedy Bang Bang the Podcast the promo and in 30 seconds I'm going to tell you why you should check out the show. I the host Scott Aukerman have a light hearted conversation with famous celebrities like Jon Hamm, Alison Williams, Phoebe Bridgers, Jason Alexander, Natasha Lyonne, Bob Odenkirk, just to name name a few things go a little off the rails when different eccentric characters and oddballs drop by to be interviewed as well. Each week is a blend of conversations and character work from your favorite comedians as well as some new hilarious voices. Comedy Bang Bang the Podcast Listen every Monday wherever you get your podcasts.