The Faux Footballer with Gianni Paolo

Summary

---

SCAM GODDESS: "The Faux Footballer"

With Laci Mosley & Gianni Paolo
Release Date: July 14, 2020
(Podcast Theme: Comedy, True Crime, Scams & Fraud)

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Scam Goddess brings together host Laci Mosley and special guest Gianni Paolo (actor, athlete, and comedic talent) to revel in the history and artistry of scams—both personal and historical. The main event: the hilarious, jaw-dropping true tale of Carlos "Kaiser" Henrique Raposo, the Brazilian soccer scammer who built a decades-long pro football career without ever playing a game. Laci and Gianni also share confessions, debate about astrology, discuss the psychology of fraud, and have a blast with stories from fans and real-life "hot scams" on the streets today.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Scam Confessions & Fake Poverty

[01:05 – 04:00]

• Gianni admits to his "petty" grocery self-checkout scam, tricking the system by weighing steak as cheap gummy bears.
  • Quote — Gianni: "I would pay like $2 and have like steak and chicken for like two weeks." [02:01]
• The duo jokes about the concept of "fake poor"—struggling financially but with supportive families or certain privileges.
  • Quote — Laci: "Fake poor people are my favorite people because it's like, we're humble—but also we love being rich." [03:42]

2. Listener Scam Story: The Seattle Car Repair Scam

[05:00 – 21:46]

• Listener shares a story: A scammer offers to "repair" dents in her electric Nissan Leaf and instead damages her car further, charging for useless repairs.
  • Laci breaks down the psychology of getting caught in a scam, especially when desperate or seeking to fit in with affluent surroundings.
  • The hosts riff humorously on cars, Seattle's vibe, hockey teams as symbols of wealth (“Seattle just got a hockey team. That’s how you know they rich and white.” [05:26]), and odd car break-in stories.
  • Valet’s reactions to Laci’s beat-up car serve as a comic highlight.
  • Quote — Laci: "If anyone tells me they're an honest man, I know they not an honest man." [13:38]
  • Quote — Laci’s Mom: "People only break into cars that they see stuff in because they're like, oh, you have stuff for us to steal." [20:56]

3. Astrology as “Themed” Scamming

[07:46 – 10:30]

• The pair toss around jokes about horoscopes as a sort of soft scam—offering validation, generalization, and sometimes shaping behavior.
  • Quote — Laci: "Astrology is a scam. But I just love it." [09:30]

4. Historic Hoodwinks: The Legendary Footballer Scam

[22:46 – 44:33]

• Main Segment: The episode’s centerpiece—Carlos “Kaiser” Henrique Raposo, the pro soccer “player” who faked a career for over 20 years without ever playing.
  • Kaiser’s techniques: Signing short contracts, faking injuries (muscle pulls), befriending journalists to manufacture press, boasting of fake transfer offers using staged phone calls, maintaining a mysterious persona.
  • Master at blending in—studied player mannerisms, offered camaraderie, even acted as a “locker room guy” and counselor to teammates.
  • Used tactics like “grannycide” (repeatedly killing off his grandmother as an excuse for absence).
  • Ran additional side hustles, including allegedly providing women for club officials, making himself “unfireable” because of his secrets and network.
  • Quote — Laci: "If you say something enough, it is a fact." [31:05]
  • Quote — Kaiser (via Laci): "I didn't take anything. I took my luck." [39:50]
  • Gianni and Laci compare him to locker-room personalities, improv teams, and modern athlete culture.
  • Discussion includes how such a scam might be impossible in the social media era due to traceability.
    • Memorable Moment: The story about Kaiser getting forced into an actual match and escaping play by fighting a heckler and getting ejected ([38:19]).

5. Scammer of the Week: Ryan Allen Walker

[44:49 – 51:50]

• Spotlight on Walker, who changed barcodes in stores to buy products at a fraction of retail price, then sold them on eBay for considerable profit (over $1 million in 9 years).
  • Jokes on the likelihood of Ryan being caught because of the eBay paper trail, and the “three-names” rule for scammers.
  • Lively debate about how Venmo and e-payment apps expose risky criminal activity.
  • Quote — Gianni: "Anyone with three names: scammer." [45:10]
• The segment highlights how online evidence brought Walker down, as opposed to traditional street-level fencing.
• Calls for "someone to pay Ryan's bail" in a joking, tongue-in-cheek tone.

---

Memorable Quotes & Comic Highlights

On Instincts & Scammers:

• Laci: “If you feel bad, leave…Just trust your instincts.” [11:49]

On Honesty:

• Laci: “If anyone tells me they're an honest man, I know they not an honest man.” [13:38]

On Locker-Room Guys:

• Gianni: "I think each team should have one of these guys anyways. Everyone needs a locker room guy." [33:39]

Kaiser’s Philosophy:

• Laci (as Kaiser): "I didn't take anything. I took my luck." [39:50]

On the Scam Goddess Mindset:

• Laci: “…you can make a career out of anything. I hope you guys take that away from the show.” [43:00]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening/Banter: 00:00 – 02:29
• “Despo meter” & Petty Scam Confessions: 01:05 – 03:52
• Listener Scam Story (Seattle Car Scam): 05:00 – 21:46
• Astrology as Soft Fraud: 07:46 – 10:30
• Car Culture Riffs & “Fake Poor”: 03:29 – 06:52
• Historic Hoodwink: Carlos “Kaiser”: 22:48 – 44:33
  • Kaiser’s childhood & creation of scam-persona: 23:15 – 27:00
  • Sports as a scam/social commentary: 28:13 – 29:53
  • "Grannycide", moving across clubs, faking injuries: 34:13 – 35:54
  • Forced to play, gets ejected by fighting a heckler: 38:19 – 38:40
• Scammer of the Week: Ryan Allen Walker: 44:49 – 51:50

---

Additional Fun & Noteworthy Bits

• Ongoing Gianni–Laci banter keeps tone lively, playful, self-aware, and full of comedic asides about class, privilege, and modern scams.
• References to astrology, childhood scams involving MySpace, and infamous athlete injuries.
• Humor about Venmo, eBay, and modern digital crime (“Venmo’s too hot!” [48:58]).
• “Stay schemin’” theme throughout—celebrating the ingenuity (if not the legality) of scams as a reflection on human creativity and survival.

---

Episode Wrap-Up

Plugs:

• Gianni Paolo: Instagram (@giannivpaolo), new Twitter, acting projects ("Power" season 6, "Ma" on demand).
• Laci Mosley: All socials @divalaci, open call for (retired) scam stories at [e-mail].

Final Note:
Laci’s winking reminder: “Continue doing scams until I am jailed.” [52:19]
Scam Goddess closes, as always, with warmth, snark, and a reminder that the only victim here is the status quo (and maybe a Nissan Leaf).

---

Transcript

[A]

Scams C, Robbery and fraud. Scams C, robbery and fraud. Hi, guys. It's me, Lacy Mosley, your scam goddess. And, oh, I got a guess that I just adore to not day. Guys, I have the myth, the legend, the king. Gianni Paolo. He's Italian, so I'm gonna say my fake Italian accent. Johnny Paolo. And I'm doing the. The little hand. You know when you do the little, like the chef kiss? Yeah, the Italian hand. I'm doing the Italian hand. Guys. Giani. What's up?

[B]

How you doing, Lacy?

[A]

Oh, I'm so happy to have you here. I'm like, smiling. So de. Um, Johnny, what's your relationship with scams?

[B]

Ooh. So scamming to me is I do have a conscience. Conscience about it.

[A]

You couldn't even get conscience out.

[B]

I know. Freudian slim in a sense of like. Okay, so the poorer I am at that time, the more that I'll take and be like, okay, I'm. I can take this much. But then if I. Yeah, yeah. But then if I call that the

[A]

despo meter, how desperate are you?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But then if I have like a. I'm like, okay, I can chill out for now and we'll see. We'll see how bad it gets.

[A]

Have you ever been scammed or have you done a scam? If it's retired, tell me.

[B]

Yeah, so I used to. My favorite scam was I used to go to Ralph's.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I used to get, you know, the plastic bags you put the fruit in. So I used to like stock it up with chicken and beef and steak and all that stuff. And then I would go to the self checkout and I would put in like gummy bears. And it's like 50 cents a pound.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

So I would pay like $2 and have like steak and chicken for like two weeks.

[A]

I never knew about this scam. That's a good scam. Wait, was it pre cooked chicken and steak or was it raw?

[B]

It was like the raw. Yeah, you just put it in the bag. So it just goes by weight. They don't really know. Like, if it's late at night, then

[A]

self checkout is ripe for scams. It truly is.

[B]

And then you, like, miss something. But now they have it weighed, like, sometimes it wouldn't do it. But that's when I was, like, really poor. I was working at a restaurant and I was eating like 99 cent head.

[A]

Yeah, you were working in a restaurant. But Johnny, his family, his house, very baller. He's fake poor.

[B]

That's not true.

[A]

I'm fake poor, too. It's okay. I was fake poor. Well, okay, we're both fake poor. We were fake poor because our parents were like, okay, we'll send you out here, we'll support you. You'll never actually be homeless. But we were fake poor.

[B]

My parents are the opposite. My parents have, like, a super nice house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But no money. But no money. Like, so they can't. All their money is going towards paying for this house. So I can't. I didn't have anything at one point when I, like, my Airbnb was up after like four months and I had my hockey bag full of my clothes and I was just walking around la.

[A]

I was like, you played hockey? He's saying he's homeless, but he played hockey. Hockey is the most rich nigga sport I've ever known.

[B]

All right, that's fair.

[A]

You gotta have ice. You gotta have niggas make ice for you because it's not no raw ice out here. Ain't nobody playing hockey on a damn frozen lake. You gotta have raw, fake ass ice. And like, come on now, that's a rich people sport. He's like, oh, my God. It's like golf. Like, people gotta make a course. Like, that's not like football where you just need grass. Like, you gotta have fake eyes.

[B]

All right, that's fair.

[A]

Get outta here. I'll give you that Johnny is fake poor. And listen, fake poor people are my favorite people because it's like, we're humble, we know humility, but also we love being rich.

[B]

Yeah, there's both. Yeah, there's like, you know what it's like to be poor, but you know what it's like to have money at some point. Yeah.

[A]

With Hot and Fraud, that's our first segment of the show. This is where I warn the listeners about what's happening in fraud. Look, guys, I don't want you to get hooked on a scam unless it's my scam. If it's my scam, guys participate. But if it's somebody else's scam, I want you to know about it. If you want to email us your scams, we. But please make them retired. Like, get your full mileage out of your scam. Do not. I don't want to interrupt your process, but if you want to email us us about a scam or when you got scammed. Scam Goddess Pod. Gmail.com. yes, but this is someone who emailed us and I won't reveal their name, but I love this scam. So I don't love the scam because actually she got scammed. But I normally do have the scam. The story is she said I was having a let's give the benefit of the doubt day despo meter. She was a little desperate. She says, I know I was being scammed even as I went to the ATM for cash to give the scammer okay, bitch. I appreciate that. She goes, I lived in one of the sleepier neighborhoods in Seattle. Seattle is a rich white people city. I, my mom visited Seattle and gave me this big bed T shirt like that I sleep in sometimes. Sleepless in Seattle. That's what it said. And it was super cute and it was like super comfy. Seattle is a town of rich white people.

[B]

Seattle just got a hockey team. That's how you know they just got a hockey team this year.

[A]

Okay. That's how you know they rich and white. You get a hockey team. Like, why not have a hockey team? We're rich, we're white. Come on. And also that town is like very rainy, very dark. It's for like people who are moody and sentimental. I love rain. I could live in Seattle.

[B]

I do. I, I can't do it. Like when I was in Mississippi, I loved it. Cause it would rain for like two days and then it'd be really nice for five days. But yeah, I couldn't do rain. I'd be depressed.

[A]

I'm horny for rain. Sometimes I, sometimes I sleep and I turn on rain sound.

[B]

Oh, I do that too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I actually, I like the rain sound, but I like that I'm not getting wet and it's not raining.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like fake por being fake, fake poor.

[A]

You know, it's the exact same thing. Like, of like I love the rain sound. It makes me like horny and sleepy and I'm like, yes, this is good. Great. So I get it. I think I could live in Seattle. I think I would love it there. So she says that I live in one of the sleepier neighborhoods in Seattle where a lot of single family homes are at and there's no crime really. She said I park my beat up Nissan Leaf. What is a Nissan Leaf?

[B]

It's like, it's an electric car.

[A]

I love a Nissan. I do. It's an electric car.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, it's got, it's got one of the big backs.

[A]

That's why I call it Leaf. They were like, okay, it's a Nissan. But we also need to, to say Leaf or something like nature. Like so that you know, it's electric. Oh, look, the Nissan Leaf is up behind us. Look.

[B]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

Oh, okay. It looks like a Prius. Okay, so a bootleg Prius. Yeah, I love a bootleg Prius.

[B]

It's so ugly. You charge it in the front. So you take the Nissan symbol off and you.

[A]

How do you know so much about that?

[B]

Because I know someone who had a Nissan Leaf. Yeah, I'm not proud of it, but.

[A]

You're not proud of knowing someone who had a Nissan Leaf.

[B]

They wouldn't be in my top friends on MySpace, but, you know, I follow them on Instagram.

[A]

My top eight on MySpace. Top eight on MySpace was a real minefield.

[B]

Did it not? It kind of, like, hurt sometimes.

[A]

I had a rotating top eight because I have a Libra rising and I'm all about pleasing people. Okay, So I had a rotating top eight. So it would be like, you come to my page. It's different every time. So maybe I love you the most.

[B]

Wait, no, no, actually, I have. Oh, I have such a bad story. I'm so. I'm ashamed of this, actually. But one of my friends, we all had each other's MySpace passwords.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I don't know. It was just like. We were just all like, we're such good friends, you know, we'll just have each other's passwords.

[A]

Gianni's very young, so if you had a MySpace, you were probably like.

[B]

I was. I was nine. I think I was eight or nine.

[A]

Wow. I turned out eight. He really was.

[B]

And so I, I was in. I was second on my friend's top friends, and I would log into his thing and move myself to one because I was so salty that I was number two, even though I only had known him for, like, six months. And the other kid who was number one, it was his best friend for, like, six.

[A]

Very Gemini thing to do.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

So I. Gemini.

[B]

I don't know. You love that. This stuff. I don't really.

[A]

I believe in. No, I believe in horoscopes. It's so real.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I won't date anyone that I'm not compatible with.

[B]

Well, see, this is the thing. I, I, I look at Gemini and I'm like, oh, my God, that makes so much sense. Like, this is me today. But then I.

[A]

But then I look, I'm a monster.

[B]

But then I look at every everyone else. Like, I look at Virgo or Cancer, and I'm like, this could also be me today. So I'm like, I feel like they make it so general.

[A]

It is A little general. And it's like, so pick and choose.

[B]

Yeah. It's like you may. You may feel sad, but you may feel happy. I'm like, that could be me, right?

[A]

I do the path, and the path gets me wrong a lot, which is annoying because in the path you put in your birthday and you also put in your birthday time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And your year. So I'm like, you should know, I was born 218, July 4, 1991. Why is my shit looking mad weird like, and I have to take and leave them. It's like, your week is going to be very challenging. I'm like, no, it ain't, bitch.

[B]

Like, I'm on set all day fucking eating chips.

[A]

I think it's more of like a therapy thing. Of like, if you see something that reads you fulfilled and you're like, oh, I am doing that toxic thing, or, ooh, I am participating in that. You make yourself better. That's why we all believe in astrology, because it's like astrology is a scam. But I just love it.

[B]

I just don't get how, like, some

[A]

of it is right, though.

[B]

But what like, how is the day you were born have anything to do with like.

[A]

But it has to do with personality types. I do believe, like, I have a lot of Virgo friends who are, like, stingy with money and like, responsible. And I'm not. I have Leo friends who are aggressive and very egotistical and not in a negative sense. I mean it more of like, their ego empowers them and they teach me to empower myself. So, like, I've seen it work and I've seen people reflect the traits of the side.

[B]

But I feel like I could have been both of those things right there that you just said. So I just. I don't know, I just feel like it's so general.

[A]

Well, you're also a Gemini. You guess. I have two faces.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

I know Johnny pretty well, so here we are. Oh, well, here we are. Shut up.

[B]

Here we are.

[A]

Here we are. So we haven't even gotten to the story. So the story is, is that she was having a let's give a benefit of the doubt day and she basically parks her beat up Nissan Leaf out front and it's busted. She says it's busted and it caught.

[B]

All Nissan Leafs are busted if you

[A]

drive a Nissan Leaf. I love you. Okay. Keep bettering the environment with your dusty ass car, but keep bettering the environment, okay? Cause I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna drive a Hummer, I'm gonna. I'm gonna be shitting into the ozone layer my entire life, so I need you. So she says she parks her beat up Nissan and it probably like sticks out in this neighborhood. She said, I had a bad feeling from the get go. Bad feeling from the get go. You gotta just trust that feeling. Trust your instincts, guys. Trust your instincts. If you feel bad, leave. And don't worry about what you left. Like, I learned that as I got older in my 20s. I'm still in my 20s, but I'm still like, I'm getting older in my 20s. And I was like, oh, if I have a bad feeling, just leave. Because I don't need to know what's on the other side.

[B]

But I get a bad feeling a lot of times and sometimes it winds up being good.

[A]

Yes, because you're Gemini.

[B]

Goddamn monster.

[A]

That's why you have that bad feeling all the time. It's you, it's you. It's giving you the bad feeling. But so she says, I had a bad feeling from the get go, but a certain politician had been elected and I really, really wanted to give humanity a chance. I think she's talking, imagine Trump getting elected and they're like, I'm gonna give humanity a chance. I was the opposite. I was like, trump got elected. I ain't trusting nobody. Fuck everybody. So she was like, through all of this, this guy says, yeah, I work just up the street. My partner keeps all the money. So the guy, the scammer, said, my partner keeps all the money.

[B]

So he showed up to her car.

[A]

So if someone came up to me and was like, yeah, I work just up the street and my partner keeps all the money, I would be like, oh, okay, so you're not motivated by money because your partner keeps it also.

[B]

Was that his opening line? That's insane.

[A]

That's a scammer line. It's a scammer line because basically you're saying I have no investment in what I'm doing.

[B]

I would immediately get in my electric car and make no noise as I drive off. Okay, that's what I would do.

[A]

You drive off like, like,

[B]

No, it makes like. It makes like a golf cart noise. It's like,

[A]

unless your car is right in, tell us how your car sounds. So I get it. Because he said, like, look, I have no interest in this. I don't need the money. And honestly, as a scammer, that's a great opening line to be like, I don't need the money.

[B]

So then you're almost listening, right you

[A]

don't need the money. Great. You're just trying to help me. You're a nice guy. And then he says, I just want to show you this so you know which parts of your car I can fix. I am an honest man. That is an. I am an honest man. If anyone tells me they're an honest man, I know they not an honest man.

[B]

I am not a killer. Imagine.

[A]

Why are you telling me this?

[B]

Imagine going on a date with a guy and just him just looking at your eye. Be like, I am not a killer.

[A]

I am not. With like, wide eyes.

[B]

Yeah. I am not.

[A]

I won't chop you up and put you in my fridge.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So she says, I had a bad feeling about this from the get go, but at a certain point, you know, Trump was elected. So I was like, why not? I guess she goes, white women, listen, Trump is a bad guy. But, like, don't give your money to scam car guy. Like, just like, maybe join a union or join, like, I don't know, protest. Like, maybe join Black lives Matter. Like, don't give your money to a scammer. Like, that's not the. That's not the fix. But she says that he asked her to go to an ATM for cash, which I already told him I didn't have cash on hand. But she still went. She goes, I finally thanked him for his hard work and shook his hand as he drove off, thinking that the. This whole. So basically he. She had dents on her car and she's living in a rich neighborhood. So she's probably trying to scam to come up. That's why she got tricked by a scammer, because she's also a scammer. She lives in a rich neighborhood but can't afford a nicer car. I can't afford a nicer car, but I'm a garbage person who's like, I'm going to like a little get your

[B]

car towed nine times a week.

[A]

So not anymore. Don't make that my legacy. I'm not getting towed anymore. I have parking. But this is. What I still am doing is like three weeks ago, a bus drove by me on the freeway when I was trying to, like, get off and ripped my bumper off.

[B]

It can't. Everything happens to you in a car. It can't be everyone else's fault. It has to be you at some point.

[A]

Okay, the bus ripped my bumper off. Was I in the lane illegally and a little bit too much? Yes.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

There it is. I told you, I'm a Horrible trash driver. And I was in the lane a little bit and the bus ripped my bumper off. And what was crazy was I was like, probably. No. Yeah they did. But here's the thing.

[B]

Bus drivers don't give a fuck. It's what I love.

[A]

I was like, oh, it's probably just a scratch. Cause I heard like a noise. But I was like whatever. And then I got off and I started driving and people kept looking at my car in like horror.

[B]

No. Yeah, they drive by you and they do that. The head in the window, they're like, they do that.

[A]

They do, yeah. And people kept looking at my car in horror. So I pulled over finally. Cuz I was like so many people looking at my car in horror. So I pulled over and the side of my bumper on the right side was just hanging off and I was like, oh, my bumper been off this whole time. Okay, word. So I go to a dealership, cuz not dealership, but like, you know, there's so many auto fix places on Melrose. So I go to one of them and, and they're like, oh, we can fix this. It's going to be fifteen hundred dollars. I was like, this car, giving fifteen hundred dollars to this car. Get rid of this car. So I was like, fuck this car. They put the bumper back on and like stick it in like. And they're like the rubber. So basically my car is also a lemon. This Ford Focus 2013, they're lemons. Guys don't buy it, but it has, it does have a backup cam and it has push start. So I was like luxury and also leather seats. I was like, my family gave me a grade.

[B]

That's all she needed. She's just playing black and yellow, no keys, push the start and afford focus.

[A]

I love it. So when they put the bumper back on, the guy was like, I could put some glue on here so the bumper would stay on. And the other guy was like, nah, nah, don't do that. Cause like they wanted to make me pay the money. So they were like, go get an estimate and come back. And I was like, bitch, just put the glue on this because I hate this car. So the bumper has popped off one time after that and I just pushed it back in and it's great.

[B]

So Your bill was $4 for Elmer's,

[A]

so. But yeah, so I get like having a trash car at a nice neighborhood because the car is the last thing I'm gonna spend my money on. Like I'm literally sitting here in a Gucci bag and Gucci shoes and I'm not gonna buy a new car.

[B]

See, the way I grew up is, like, my parents were like, we need the nicest cars and have nothing. You know what I mean? It's like. It's so opposite.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

I hate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Rich white people, opulence, baby. So I'm gonna get to the point of this story. Basically, he was like, I'll fill the dents in your car. I'll make your car look nicer. He does this, but he does it with this fucking wax that's not real. And he goes, you have to wait for the wax and the paint to dry, and then it's gonna look nor. So she pays him in cash up front to pop out the dents in her car and to fix it with wax. So she's trying to fit into this rich neighborhood, right? Ends up after the everything dries, and he's long gone with the money that he said was for his friend who runs the business, but really, he's the friend and he runs the business, and there's no friend. Her car just had even more dense than before because he kind of damaged it because he poked holes in places in her car where the dents were. Because, like, there's these things where you can poke a hole and then, like. Yeah, the whole, like, the little. Whatever the mechanism is has these extenders so that you put the extenders out and then you can pull, and it'll make the dent go away, right? I've learned about, like, doing, like, a hot pot, like, heating up water and then, like, popping out of dent. And there's no injury to your car, but this guy was literally poking something in the hole and then pulling out the dent and, like, not replacing the hole within anything but wax, which does not last, so. But it's also Seattle, so maybe it was pretty cool at first.

[B]

I thought you said that she paid him and then she paid him, and then he drove away with her car. I'm like, she paid this man to steal her Nissan Leaf.

[A]

Honestly, someone's probably paid someone to steal their car. But she didn't pay him to steal her car. But she did pay him to fix it, and he didn't fix it. And so two days later, she realized, like, oh, shit, like, these wax things that he put in my car actually aren't fixing my car. And she was really bummed out about it.

[B]

Oh. She never saw him again.

[A]

I love you for sitting in this scam. I hope you listen to it. You're not a mark. You just wanted a Nicer car. I don't fix my car. I have mad scratches on my car and dents and I don't care. I go to valet. You know, valet, they mark up your car to be like, we didn't do this so that you know. And they'd be marking my car. There's an estimate.

[B]

There's a 40 minute estimate.

[A]

They literally mark my car. It's like 12 marks. They're like, yeah, here, you hear here, your door, your. Blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I know I got a raggedy car. It's cool.

[B]

Just put an X in the whole thing.

[A]

Okay? Like, bitch, don't tell us about anything that I feel.

[B]

I honestly thought I was going to pull up today and your car was going to look like the Jeep Wranglers with no doors on them. I literally thought that was going to be your car today. That's her. I was like, oh, it's actually not in as bad shape as I saw it last time.

[A]

I'm a trash person. It's fine. My car is a reflection of my life. My mom has said that to me. My mom was like, literally, like, I got my car broken into in a garage at my homegirl's house.

[B]

Was it locked?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They put a period pad on it so that it would absorb the sound as they hit it with a golf club.

[B]

That's smart.

[A]

I honestly, I was proud of it. I was like, this is a great scam. And they thought that I had shit in it because I was doing sketch shows and I had wigs and outfits in the back. And my mom was like. I was like, mom, my car got broken into. I just had to, like, pay to get the window fixed. And she was like, what was in your car? And. And I was like, what? And she was like, yeah, people only break into cars that they see stuff in because they're like, oh, you have stuff for us to steal. I was like, oh, damn, I'm living life bad. She was like, yeah, you are. And so they. They did that. And, you know, it was rude. They didn't steal nothing out of it. They just broke my window. They took one wig and then they dropped it on the ground. And I was like, y' all gonna steal nothing that I have.

[B]

At least take something, like.

[A]

And that was the rudest part. I was like, I have to get my window fixed. And y' all didn't steal nothing out of my car, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Yeah, but what they didn't know is I had lubitins in there and I

[B]

had a laptop in the trunk or.

[A]

No, in the car. I don't think they looked hard enough.

[B]

So you.

[A]

It was very messy to break a

[B]

window, and you can't even take. Oh, man.

[A]

Lord Jesus. All right, we're gonna take a break for some non scam advertisements scam. And we're back. Was that annoying? Did that sound annoying? I'm gonna do that again. Yo. I'm tired of. I'm trying to pull it together. Hi, guys. Leave all this in. I want people to know my struggle. Historic hoodwinks. We're back, guys. I'm telling a historic hoodwink to Johnny, who is an athlete. I don't know if you guys know this, but Johnny boxes. He's very athletic.

[B]

She's looking at my arms and she

[A]

said she's like, oh, oh, very athletic body. Johnny's a snack. You'll see. But so he'll relate to this very deeply. He has not heard this story. We never tell our guests the story, but this is the story of Carlos Geyser. And he was one of the most famous footballers in Brazil for over 20 years, even though he had no intention of ever kicking ball.

[B]

Is that in his bio?

[A]

Yes. So Carlos, whose real name is Carlos Enrique Raposo. And as a scammer, you have to have an alias. I'm all about an alias. You can't go by your real name. I go by scam goddess, which really gives away what I'm doing. But I like to be upfront with people. You can still scam people even though you're upfront. Like, she was so honest. So, you know. But his real name is Carlos Enrique Raposo. He was adopted at a week old, so didn't know his parents, which I think is another thing, like, identity crisis is the thing about scammers, like, you're creating your own identity. At 10 years old, he was scouted. At 10, was scouted and asked to come to the training gowns the next day for trials. And this was for soccer. So he was scouted for soccer at 10 years old and was asked to come to.

[B]

Wait. They just saw his, like, body type.

[A]

And like, this guy looks like he can body type. He could run really fast. He was super athletic. So they were like, hell, yeah. Yeah. So the name Kaiser was inspired by Francis Breckenbauer, who was a West German football player. Others say he was named Kaiser because he resembled a Kaiser beer can.

[B]

Okay, One or the other.

[A]

Wait, can I see a Kaiser beer can? It's a beer. It's a normal beer can.

[B]

Someone's just Trying to plug. Someone's just trying to plug their beer. They're like, it looks like a Kaiser beer.

[A]

Can everyone drink Kaiser?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Which is rude. No one wants to be shaped like a beer can. It's round and fat. Fat and all the same size. A beer bottle. Maybe I would be shaped by. I think I'm shaped like a beer bottle. So basically, he started his career. He did have an actual physique of soccer and of athleticism. So that's how he started his whole career. And he was a natural born scammer. He didn't know his parents. He had to create an identity from the jump, so it made. Makes sense. So Carlos Kaiser started his youth career at Botafogo, then moving to Flamingo. These are all in Brazil. Brazil. See?

[B]

Can you do the rest of the podcast

[A]

and Flamingo in Brazil if you're Brazilian? Don't get mad at me. I'm sorry, I don't speak Portuguese. I only speak Spanish. But he wanted to be among the other players, is what Kaiser said. He said, I didn't want to play if it's everyone else's problem, if they wanted me to be a footballer. Not even Jesus pleased everybody. Why would I? What a great quote. Yeah, I want to be my next job in a fucking office. Like, yeah, you wanted me to do these spreadsheets. But Jesus didn't do everything everybody wanted to. So I'm not doing it. Like, what an excuse to get out of work, you know, Jesus. So he never played a single game and rarely practiced. He was always as far as from the ball that he could be at.

[B]

How old was this? I'm so curious. How do you get that far?

[A]

He got into his, well, 20s, doing this, like, end of 20s, 30s. He retired from soccer in 2003. He never truly got caught because even though some people knew he was a fraud, he was really well liked because scammers are like the most likable people. And he kept certain teammates out of trouble. We'll get into that. And he never hurt anyone. So he's just like that cool guy on the team. Like, why not?

[B]

Yeah. We never seen him play, but, you know, he's fun to be around, right?

[A]

We're like, I don't know, we like him. He'd be cracking jokes. You're at the, like, fucking, like at the World cup. You're like, I don't know. Kaiser, he be making me laugh when I got that tendon energy. He was like, cracking jokes, Kaiser, you're

[B]

in the World Cup.

[A]

So his fraud consisted of signing short contracts and stating that he was lacking match fitness so that he could spend the first few weeks only with a physical trainer where he could shine. So basically he would get signed to teams and he was like, who's that basketball player who never plays anymore? You know I'm talking about that light skinned black guy, Derrick Rose. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So basically maybe Derrick Rose is a scammer. Sorry to out you Derrick Rose, but Derrick Rose has had a bad knee injury for like a decade. So he's like the Derrick Rose of soccer. So he like was like, look, I'm Derrick Rose. I'm like, I have so much potential, but I can't play right now. I need a physical therapist. So people would inside him because they're like, oh, when you get back, Derek, you're gonna be great. Sorry, Derek Rose. So he had physical fitness and he could run around and do the exercises, but anytime he was around the ball, he would flee. Which, like, I kind of wonder if he just lacked confidence. Because if you're so athletic that you could play, you could kick a ball. Soccer teams, yeah, you might actually be able to kick a ball. Like, but he was like, also, is

[B]

that not a red flag immediately? Like, I mean, he's like, ah, no, I can't do it, I can't do it. Like, like when the ball comes out. That's insane to me.

[A]

He's creating atmosphere. Look, sports is a scam. Sports is the biggest scam that's running on men. Heterosexual, cisgendered men today, sports, because they're like, oh, I wish that I was that athletic so I could get bitches. I don't know. So like everyone looks up to it. So it's like, oh, this guy's super athletic. He looks in shape. Like, let's just keep him running around.

[B]

And then once you, I guess once you get that track record of being with all these teams, it's like, oh, he came from there. Yeah, he might. Exactly.

[A]

And he knew how to cultivate that. And we'll get to that. So he would befriend journalists and influential people so that they would write fictional stories about him. So he was like, good. And he knew to talk to. So in one newspaper article, it was reported that he had such a great time at Puebla that he was invited to become a Mexican citizen to play for the national team. He made that up. He literally made that up. He was like, they trying to make me a citizen so that I could just play for them full time. It was a lie and it was beautiful. I love It. So he would befriend powerful figures at each club, telling them about his impressive football skills. If he was in the mood, he would approach journalists and players and club owners, constructing a web of lies so elaborate that nobody could remember who had vouched for him in the first place.

[B]

I'm so curious if he genuinely maybe thinks that he's like this guy at soccer, like I get, you know what I mean?

[A]

He can't because he's never kicked a ball. Ego would make you kick the ball.

[B]

But do you think at some part in his brain he's like, I am this man. I am the soccer player. Which is why he's so confident doing it. I don't know that that's crazy to

[A]

me how you can get that far good at soccer. Because he played a lot of soccer and never kicked a ball, but stayed employed. So to me, that's technically the same thing. Okay, I believe him. So he would create fake convers. So he had a fake mobile phone and he would create fake conversations in foreign languages and reject non existent transfer offers. So he also created this air of like, Honestly, this is 48 laws of power. And if you haven't read 48 laws of power by Robert Greene, it is the scammer's guide, honey. Oh, babe, read it. I used to use it on people in college. I stopped because I was a monster, but that's how I got my boyfriend. But 48 laws of power teaches you to create an era of mystery. It teaches you to create like fanfare about yourself for other people. And it doesn't have to be real, but as long as people believe that it is real. Because honestly.

[B]

So it's a whole entertainment industry. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I've said this a million times and I'm a monster for saying it on this podcast, but if you say something enough, it is a fact.

[B]

Yeah, okay, that's. I can see that.

[A]

If you say it enough stuff, it's true. It is so facts. That's how facts work. I'm sorry, but it is. So he created this air of like, oh, people are trying to trade me. People are trying to pick me up. And it was all fake. It was from a fake phone that he was like texting himself.

[B]

That is.

[A]

And he did it in other languages so that people could decipher it readily.

[B]

He's like, yeah, Canada wants me to go play for their, their national team.

[A]

Look, they speak English. Yeah, but they were like, o Canadian bacon. They're like, so what? What did Canadians say? They say, sorry, they speak French.

[B]

Also, sorry, half of them speak French, which is insane. Imagine if half the. That is insane to me.

[A]

It was like V play on my team. So he did this and it worked. He would pretend that he was getting phone calls from the president of Spain.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Or that he was sorting out his contract and then this made.

[B]

How much was he getting paid? Is. Does it say in his. What his contract was? I'm curious of how much he was making.

[A]

I think he was making whatever the standard amount that footballers make in that area. I don't know. Let's look it up.

[B]

Yeah, it depends what league, because each, each league is different.

[A]

But this would get a few suspicions because sometimes he would miss up French and English. He would mix them up. So that makes sense. He would fake injuries. So in his first training session, Kaiser usually suffered a muscle injury that would keep him out for an indefinite period. And muscle injuries are a great scam because muscles recover. It's not like a bone. It's not like you broke a tendon. It's like, oh, a muscle injury, you can like, you know, rehab through that

[B]

and you can't see it.

[A]

Like you can't X ray and you can't X ray. Muscles are the biggest A scam, Derek. We know what you're doing. So he would make up these muscle injuries. So that's how he kind of kept himself in high status. He had a dentist who claimed that he had a focal infection whenever any club wanted to go further. So by following these steps, he managed to stay a few months at the time, like ahead of these various clubs, just training without ever being exposed as a fraud. Because he was just training. It's like you're. It's like NFL training season, like, you know, the preseason. He was just basically a preseason player all the time. He would tell stories and he would get players dreaming. And I think that's why everyone liked him so much. This is a quote from Alexander Torres.

[B]

I think each team should have one of these guys anyways. Everyone needs a locker room guy. I truly believe that. So.

[A]

So maybe he was like valuable. Right?

[B]

That's what I think. Because a lot of the team, yeah, you need like a locker room guy to bring everyone together and make maybe, you know, maybe they could have just hired him as that. They didn't need to say he was a player.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He didn't need to fake all this. He just be like, listen, we know, okay?

[A]

When he was training, at the beginning of training, he would get side tackled and then when his contract was ending, they would like extend it so it's basically like, oh, he got injured in training.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

And then they would extend his contract. One team got so frustrated with Kaiser's injuries that they called in a witch doctor. They were like, we gotta. I don't know, Reiki. We gotta, like, what's gonna heal this man? So they called it a witch doctor.

[B]

And you made fun of me for making fun of the medicine in a different country. And they called in a witch doctor. Xenophobia.

[A]

Look. They called all the other doctors in, and they were like, finally, we gotta call in a witch. I don't know, like, heal him. Also, I want to be so.

[B]

Also, release him. Okay? Release this man from your team.

[A]

So provocatively talented that people are like, look, we believe you. We didn't. But also, we could just call in a witch and, like, see if that's going to work. So he would tell everyone these stories, and he got all the players on his side also. Another way that he avoided playing was when he later joined Vasco da Gama, where he was signed to help a teammate to overcome, like, an alcohol problem, which I'm like, what? So he became a counselor. Yeah, I'm very confused about.

[B]

Well, he probably just talked him to be like, oh, no, I've been. You know what I mean? He probably just talked himself into doing it. So he. He was somewhat of value.

[A]

Yeah. So since Kaiser didn't drink and had a reputation of being a good person, they, like, brought this guy. They brought him in to counsel some players who were alcoholics, which is interesting. So another thing that Kaiser was doing is called granny side. This is a new term, guys. Granny side.

[B]

He.

[A]

His grandmother was regularly killed off to help him avoid his inanimate nemesis football. So he would kill his grandmother off multiple times. He'd be like, oh, my grandma died. I can't play in this.

[B]

Also, who came up with this name? Granny side?

[A]

If you're a college student, please take up granny side. Because I won't lie. When I was in college, I had auntie side. Oh, I had one dead aunt that I was killing off all the time in high school.

[B]

My whole family. My whole family's dead. Parent teacher conferences. I didn't happen. I was like, no, my whole family. Family's death.

[A]

Okay, you're fucked up because you did your family.

[B]

Oh, I did. I did.

[A]

My brother, who was dead.

[B]

I did. My brother who was a freshman at the school. I was like, he's dead. Like, I saw him in the hallway yesterday.

[A]

That's fucked. I did my auntie, who was very much Dead.

[B]

And I thought, I think that's worse.

[A]

That's not worse because she's dead.

[B]

Okay, that's fair. You're like, she's dead.

[A]

But keep changing that funeral program. And up in the year, and up in the year, and you're bringing in

[B]

like the, the prayer cards for the thing, and you're like, yeah, look at the data.

[A]

Yeah. Also, do you guys want to donate to her? GoFundMe. Just go into my bank account.

[B]

Is my car going to be out there when I go? When I leave? Lacy?

[A]

Maybe not truly. Maybe not. But yeah. So he would kill off his grandmother a lot. And then in 1986, he moved to Europe and he joined the Fritsch Division 2 club where his friend was playing, which, honestly, you got to relocate as a scammer. Like, people start to snuff you out. You've killed your grandma too many times. You got to move, see.

[B]

Do you think scamming has now declined due to social media? Because, like, that guy would be outed in 10 minutes. There'd be an article about that guy and it'd be on Twitter everywhere. That guy would never be able to go.

[A]

I do think that it does kind of make scamming harder, but I don't think that it's made it impossible simply because the people who get scammed are usually so insecure and embarrassed about being scammed, they don't want to air that they've been scammed. You have to get people who, like, will keep it a secret because they're so deeply ashamed.

[B]

Yeah. So, okay, that's interesting.

[A]

Yeah, it's a thing. So, yeah, the fight. So one day during a game they were for, they forced him to play. They were like, you're healthy. We know you're healthy. Please play in this game. So they forced him to play and they tell him to start warming up. The fans were booing him and calling him a long haired F word. You guys know what the F word is, right? Right. I'm not going to say it, but F word, gay hate word. Right. So they're calling him that and he pretends to get really angry and jumps over the fence and fights a guy so that he gets flagged and isn't allowed to play the game.

[B]

God.

[A]

So this is a finally, like, he's moved to France. So, like, look, we know you're healthy. We know you are healthy. We know. And so they're like, you have to play in this game. And then when some people are heckling him, he's like, I'm gonna Fight.

[B]

Yeah. That is his last case scenario. You're like, oh, shit, what do I do? What do I do? I gotta fucking hit someone.

[A]

Because it's like, I respect it, and I loved it. So I think another reason that he kind of got away with all of this for so long playing on these teams and never actually playing was is that so, one, he would sleep with older women for money, which. Which, when I become an older woman, I will probably pay young dudes to fuck me up. I will. And then also, Kaiser, he studied the mannerisms and vernacular of, like, every footballer. So he looked like them, he talked like them, he performed like them. His nickname was 171, which was the penal code for scams and frauds. So everyone knew he was a scammer. And then they allowed this. They essentially couldn't fire him because he started providing women, which I hope were consensual. He would provide women to the team and to the coaches. And then it became a problem of, like, if they could. If they fired him. Like, how was a coach supposed to explain that they hired someone before actually watching them play? Yeah. And then also someone who knew all these deep, dirty secrets about their team, everything. Oh, man, this is.

[B]

This guy's a genius.

[A]

And he said this quote, which I love. He says, I didn't take anything. I took my luck. And I was like, yes, yes, they paid you. It's not your fault. Like, they paid you. And I love it. He would act as a pimp. I told you. He would bring women to the hotel room, staying at one floor below them. And then at 10, when they were all supposed to go to sleep as soccer players, he would sneak all the women up, and they would have orgies. He got into a nightclub by saying that he was Renato Gaucho.

[B]

Who's. Who's that?

[A]

He's a famous player. Okay. And then that night, Renato actually came to the club.

[B]

You're already in here, man.

[A]

So when the bouncer went to approach Kaiser, he had disappeared into the bathroom for the rest of the night. So I love him for just, like, not even leaving the club. He's like, I'll just stand this bathroom stall all night because I pretended to be Ronaldo. Like, he did this. Like, he has been a scammer forever. He actually retired. He never got out.

[B]

It really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And did he ever play? He never played in a game.

[A]

No. And there's a documentary about him. It's all in Portuguese, but, guys, look up that documentary. It's, like, super fun. But he did this And I thought it was amazing.

[B]

That is the most incredible. Just because I know, like, what it's like being in a really, you know, competitive environment.

[A]

Yeah. Because you were, like, playing hockey for a while, and it was, like, really intense because it was like.

[B]

Like, I couldn't have. I mean, I. There was this one kid on our team that got injured for, like, five years, every single season. He, like, played, like, two games a year. But he was, like, a good player, so you could see that, like, with.

[A]

But how do you know he's a good player? It's like, Kaiser. He looked athletic. He played athletic, but you never saw him play.

[B]

You can't. I guess you can't fake playing hockey. You can't fake playing out because you have to skate.

[A]

What do you mean? Just skate.

[B]

If you have to handle a puck, you have to skate. It's a lot.

[A]

Okay. But the puck is so rare to get now. Hockey has the lowest amount of goal scores of, like, any sport. Like, you could never have a puck and just be out there. Aren't there guys in hockey who just, like, fight people?

[B]

No, not. Maybe years ago, maybe. But not anymore, though. The game is changing. But no, you. I think you talk.

[A]

The game is changing. Hockey's getting woke.

[B]

Yeah, it's not getting woke. It's just more skilled where they're. They're not paying guys to just go

[A]

out there like a thug on.

[B]

Yeah, they made a movie about that called Goon with Stifler from.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Yeah, he played. And. And not Ellen Page, the other. The one that looks a lot like her. Allison Pill is her. That girl. You know what I'm talking about?

[A]

That's a lot of white women who look like in Hollywood. Okay, we're looking it up now.

[B]

It's called Goon. Yeah, Eugene Levy was in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Allison Pill. Okay. Yeah, I was correct. And, yeah, it was Jay Baruchell. And it was basically about this fighter who had. He. But everyone knew he didn't play hockey. Like, he didn't know how to skate anything.

[A]

He was just a goo.

[B]

He was just crazy and could fight people. So he just made on skates, which is a talent.

[A]

Yeah, skates are very wobbly. Meeting people up on skates as a Dallas.

[B]

So he made a career out of just fighting.

[A]

You can make a career out of anything. I hope you guys take that away from the show as you can make career.

[B]

But, yeah, I can't. Like. I can't imagine that. But that does make sense that all the coaches. Like, that's so embarrassing. That for you to sign and pay a player you could. You would probably get fired by the gm.

[A]

Right?

[B]

No doubt.

[A]

And so that's how he kind of blackmailed people. It was like, you already hired me. Do you want to say that I'm a fraud? Like he got in. And also he created this air of mystery about. He did everything that a scammer should.

[B]

He did everything right. Yeah.

[A]

And also I think he was valuable to the team. It seems like he got somebody off alcohol. He like you're a very.

[B]

A locker room guy. Which I can't stress this enough. Every team needs that. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like someone even on an improv team or something like that. You need someone to bring everyone together. Obviously if someone's doing their own thing, it's like not good.

[A]

Who's dedicated to.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Even at improv. I do improv regularly at UCB and now that I've started working on more professionally, it's. Sometimes I come in and I'm a little like, oh yeah. You know. But there's someone who really cares about it, who's on my team who like galvanize even.

[B]

Even if you're on.

[A]

But also they're talented. Like that's the difference. They'll do scenes and shit. Yes. Guy would never touch.

[B]

Yeah, that's true, that's true. Yeah. Imagine him doing that like at ucb. He's. He's on like Harold night and he's like, I, I'm going to take this scene. He like never goes, yeah, yeah. He's just always on the back line and everyone's like, he's going to do a scene one day.

[A]

I would love that. He looks so funny. He looks like he's potentially very funny

[B]

and he's got like, he's got like a great stance on the back wall and he's like laughing and like, he's just got like great energy.

[A]

He looks like a funny guy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's probably that guy in Hollywood for sure. Guys, we're going to take a break for some non scam advertisements. Robbery and fraud. And we're back. Guys. Was that too loud?

[B]

That was good.

[A]

Scammer of the week. It's the end of the episode.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Saddest moment because I have to let Gianna go. I like to highlight someone who's a scammer and praise them because I love it. Today we're highlighting Ryan Allen Walker.

[B]

Sounds like a scammer. Oh yeah, Sounds like a scammer. Anyone? Anyone with Three names. Scammer.

[A]

I have three names, so I am a scammer. Do you have three names?

[B]

No. Well, I have a middle name, but,

[A]

like, what's your middle name?

[B]

Anyone who goes by. You know what I mean? Like, you go. Sounds more.

[A]

You go by your middle name.

[B]

My. My middle name's Vincent.

[A]

I knew that.

[B]

Did you know that?

[A]

Yeah, I think you told me. Johnny Vincent Paola. Yeah. You don't need your middle name, though. Johnny Palo.

[B]

So it's too much. Yeah.

[A]

There's already a Lacy Mosley. She was in Fly Leaf.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She drives a Nissan Leaf. Is that what you did?

[A]

Good call back.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No, she was like. They made that like. Like, kind of Evanescence kind of music.

[B]

Oh, okay. I see.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How old is she now?

[A]

She's a woman. She's probably in her 30s or 40s. But I did have to fight her name.

[B]

I actually know. I just realized this the other day. One of my friends who plays professional hockey, his name is Ryan Hitchcock, and there's also a Ryan Hitchcock at ucb. And I never, like. I don't know why I put that

[A]

together, but it wasn't the same guy.

[B]

No. But. Nope. Completely different guy. No scam. No scam there.

[A]

So ryan Allen Walker, 35, is accused of buying pricey items from big box stores like Walmart and Kmart and all the other marts for less than what the stores were charging them and then selling them on his ebay account. He earned over $1 million in nine years.

[B]

Wait, that's. That's legal? You can.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Here's how it's illegal, okay? He would go into the store and he would change the barcode of items such as Lego sets, electric truth brushes, and calculators and buy them for lower prices, according to probable cause affidavit on the case. I'm mad because I had to buy a T8 TI89. Y' all know about TI89s? You know what a TI89 is?

[B]

That sounds like a Volvo.

[A]

That's the, like, Lexus of calculators. Like, complex problems. And, you know, I took calculus. I know calculations. I'm a scammer.

[B]

I scan my way into calculus. But I should have been in precalc, and then. And then I left. I never did any work.

[A]

I'm proud of you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he would do this and those. Those calculators are, like, expensive. They're, like, $180. So he was selling them on ebay for discount prices along with other items because he would change the like, scan code.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And no one at Walmart is, like, cares enough. They're like, boop. Ti 89, $10. I guess, like, they're not checking. They don't give a fudge.

[B]

And so where was this?

[A]

What.

[B]

What city or town?

[A]

So it's a flyover state.

[B]

Yeah, it's Ohio, so they don't give

[A]

a fuck about this. He made over $243,000 from these sales. He sold more than 1400 items on his ebay account. He got. I think that if Ryan had been selling this shit on the street, he probably would still be able to do this today. Yeah. When you have an ebay account, like, he was getting greedy. You're getting tracked. There's a paper trail. Like, like, too risky. But if he had just been on the street, like, I got them TI89s. I got them TI89s.

[B]

It's like Venmo now. Venmo. Everyone's people selling drugs on Venmo.

[A]

That's freaking me out. Because honestly, I.

[B]

Why are you buying drugs on Venmo? That's freaking me out. I buy all my coke and I use Venmo.

[A]

I evade taxes on Venmo. So I don't want Venmo to get involved with the government. And they're owned by Facebook, so it's only a matter of time because Mark Zuckerberg already got involved with the government and was questioned. Questioned by the fucking government.

[B]

Sells all of our shit.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm like, damn, Venmo. Like, where else am I gonna do my illegal transactions? Cash app. Cash app's still hella shady. Cash app is where all the Instagram thoughts get their money for their, like, secret Snapchats and shit. Or snapcats.

[B]

Yeah, snapcast, though. 13.

[A]

Yeah, I gotta have people start snapcashing me. It's Venmo's too hot. Venmo guys, fraud alert. Venmo's too hot.

[B]

Imagine going out to dinner with a group of people and be like, hey, can you snap cash for the 20 bucks?

[A]

They know I'm doing crime. They know. But yeah, so he would do this on ebay, which is, I think, his biggest downfall, because that's how he got caught. But he faces felony charges right now for eight deliveries of false sales documents. He was also being sought after for seven felony warrants before his arrest, six theft warrants, and one resisting law enforcement warrant. Walker has faced more than two dozen theft related charges in 2013. And Walker has been in the Hamilton county jail jail since March 21st. According to online jail records. He's being held at125,000 bail, which I'm

[B]

like, that's not that much. Right.

[A]

You could pay that, right?

[B]

Like 10 grand. 10.

[A]

It's like, yeah. I feel like Ryan probably has lots of kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's 35, he's got three names. He's got kids that I think he was probably funding his children with this. I'm bummed that he got caught and he, I think he really got caught just because he was using ebay. That's where they really had the paper trail. So guys, like, if we're gonna like change barcodes also, so.

[B]

But also who. Where's he going to sell that? Where's he going to sell a Texas. Like there's not guys on like the corner being like, oh, you got that calculator. Like, like, I don't know where you're going to sell a calculator.

[A]

You're right. His market. No, you could stand outside of the school at first day of school.

[B]

That's creepy. There's some guy standing out there, some 35 year old older guy, like, hey, you need a calculator.

[A]

Honestly, if some guy was standing outside of the school with clean bags.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

The paper that you get from Walmart, that lined paper, whatever it's called, TI89 and folders.

[B]

TI89. I love how you say the model. He's got TI89.

[A]

I would buy that if I gave to the corner of the school and he was like, hey, I got all the plies, I got all the school supplies.

[B]

What you need.

[A]

I would buy it.

[B]

And he's also gonna get 10 times more years in jail for standing on the the corner of a school. Okay.

[A]

I think he's a pedo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I don't know, man. I think you could pull that off. Like, even teachers, I think because like, teachers have to buy a lot of their school supplies. If I came out to a school and they're like, yo, I got that finger paint. Yeah, I got that finger paint for the low. I would buy the finger paint for the low.

[B]

All right, load it into the focus and let's get out of here.

[A]

It's a lot more work. Yeah, it is. To stand outside of the school. But I don't think he would have gotten caught. Ebay is how he got caught because they literally looked through his sales account and it was like, you have been doing this for years and they racked up all the information on him. But Ryan, I hope you get out of jail.

[B]

Yeah, we're we're pulling for you.

[A]

Oh, somebody pay Ryan's bond. Okay, you guys did it for R. Kelly, and he's a bad man. You guys paid his bond out the first time Someone pay out Ryan Kelly. Ryan Allen Walker's bond, guys, because he's a good guy. I think he's a good guy.

[B]

And he may be at a school near you.

[A]

All right, Johnny, this has been amazing.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

Where can people find you?

[B]

Oh, everyone can find me on Instagram at Gianni Vpolo. And. And I actually just made a Twitter. It's the same thing. Gianni Vpolo. Because I was like, I'm worried about your Twitter. I'm worried about my Twitter.

[A]

I don't want you to get canceled.

[B]

Yeah. So you can find me on there. And you can also find me on season six of Power. And Ma just came out on On Demand, so watch that.

[A]

Yeah, watch mod. So good. Johnny's so good in it, guys. Thank you as always. Guys, email us at scam goddess pod gmail.com with your scams that you've retired. We don't want to fuck up your bag or if you've been scammed. We love to hear about it and warn Twitter. Scam Goddess Pod, Instagram, Scram Goddess Pod. And me, Diva Lacy, you can find me at D I V, A L A C I on all platforms, including Venmo, where I will still continue doing scams until I am jailed.

[B]

And Snapcash.

[A]

I gotta get a snapcash. All right, guys. Bye, G.