Tyra Banks: CEO of Doing the Most LIVE at Cobbs w/ Jacquis Neal

Summary

Scam Goddess: “Tyra Banks: CEO of Doing the Most LIVE at Cobbs”

Host: Laci Mosley
Guest: Jacquis Neal
Date: May 19, 2026
Location: Cobb’s Comedy Club, San Francisco (LIVE episode)

---

Episode Overview

This lively, raucous live episode of Scam Goddess dives into the many schemes, scams, and… “innovations” of Tyra Banks – supermodel, TV mogul, and relentless entrepreneur. Laci Mosley is joined by comic Jacquis Neal before an uproarious San Francisco crowd as they dissect Tyra Banks’s wild career: from modeling milestones to the troubling stunts and controversial businesses she’s launched over the years. The duo examine everything from America’s Next Top Model’s problematic moments to Tyra's beauty MLM, her Harvard “degree,” her novel Modelland, and her foray into “hot ice cream.” As always, the analysis is smart, irreverent, and full of iconic moments.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Audience Warm-Up & Live Show Banter

• Crowd Energy: Laci opens by joking about her delayed flight (“I was on the tarmac in Los Angeles, and the plane was just driving around. I think they wanted us to feel like we were going somewhere. We wasn't going in the sky. I was like, at this point, bitch hit the highway.” [02:00]) and pokes fun at the crowd’s reluctance to “steal” promo table items (“I put up a whole sign that said steal this. Y’all didn’t listen to me. That was the litmus test!” [07:02]).
• Chicken in the Audience: The hosts riff about the universal love of chicken, with Jacquis: “Everybody loves chicken…Black people don’t lie about chicken.” [06:33]
• Scam/Scheme/Real Thing Game: Laci challenges Jacquis to identify if cultural trends are a scam, scheme, or real thing—kicking off with airlines offering credit for giving up flights (scheme), TikTok shops (mostly scam), and even “fathers” (“Well, I hate to be a stereotype, but I don’t have one. So: scam.” [16:45])—offering both comedy and light social commentary.

2. Tyra Banks: From Supermodel to Con Artist Entrepreneur

• First African-American Solo SI Cover: Laci notes Tyra’s early career as a relatable Black supermodel in the ‘90s. “She’d be the first to tell you she was the first African American model to appear solo on the cover of Sports Illustrated.” [28:02]
• Self-Honoring on TV: Jokes about Tyra honoring herself as Black History on her own show: “She put this photo up and was like, I’m Black History. And honestly, I love it.” [28:44]
• Early Life: Tyra’s upbringing—child of divorced, middle-class parents, bullied at school for height and warts (“She was being called five head and froggy. That shit is diabolical.” [31:14])—parlayed into an early modeling career. Critique on child modeling and maternal pressure: “Why are you making your baby employed?...You put your little hot baby in this position.” [33:29]

3. Tyra’s Era of Reality TV (America’s Next Top Model & Talk Show)

• ANTM Shenanigans: The infamous scene—“I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!” [46:59]—with deep resonance in Black pop culture.
• Problematic Moments:
  • Blackface Photo Shoots: “She had these young women switch ethnicities for a photo shoot in 2005…She did it again in 2009. I feel like I knew blackface wasn’t a good idea in 2009, but that’s OK.” [49:09]
  • Homeless Themed Shoots: “Used real life homeless people as extras.” [49:37]
  • Neglecting Contestants: Contestants paid $40 a day, no per diem, no food/rest breaks—leading to lawsuits for breach of contract and emotional distress. [50:42]
  • Sex Trafficking Scandal: ANTM winner Angela Preston disqualified for being trafficked, not for contract breach (“Tyra and Tata Banks –– found out that Angela had been sex trafficked…They said she couldn’t be America’s Next Top Model because she was trafficked.” [52:22])
• Talk Show Stunts: Tyra’s “pretends to be fat” and “pretends to be homeless” segments: “Tyra, fat people exist and they’re beautiful. I don’t think they need you to put on a suit.” [54:36] Plus, her attempt at a pop song (“Shake your body, body… I’m mesmerized right now.” [53:45])

4. Tyra’s Business Ventures and Shady Hustles

• Multiple Companies: “Tyra incorporated herself as Ty Girl Corporation, which became Ta Ta Baby Productions, then Bankable Productions…” [44:21]
• Tyra Beauty MLM:
  • Harvard Business School “Degree”: “By business school she meant Harvard’s non-degree granting course…It has no formal educational requirements.” [66:28]
  • MLM Structure: “My goal is to help you be the CEO of your life…You can start your own business by selling Tyra beauty products. I am galvanizing a community of entrepreneurs called…beautytainers.” [67:47]
  • Startup Fees and Products: “If you want to be a beautytainer…all you need is $150…plus $59 to enroll…Six Minute Tie Over Kit…Oops Eyeliner…Menage a Brow.” [71:51]
  • Inspirational Scam Ads: Parody of Tyra's emotional recruitment video—spinning her mother's journey out of poverty to market beauty sign-ups [73:49]:

    “Why she…Why was she like, can someone go do poor B roll?...And that was my mother.” [75:00]

• Model Land (Theme Park):
  • Description: “Modeland was at the Santa Monica Place shopping mall. Cause you know how theme parks be at the mall.” [80:31]
  • Mockery of “Immersive” branding: “A theme park is whatever you want in your mind. Theme park is a vibe.” [80:52]
  • Disappointment: “Even the mannequin look tired…Why am I looking at raw table foot?” [82:32]

5. Books & Cultural Impact

• Modelland (YA Novel): “She was supposed to be the J.K. Rowling of modeling-turned-writers, except she wasn’t gonna be no turf like J.K. Rowling.” [58:04]
  Noted for outlandish character names (“Tookie De la Creme”) and scathing reviews (“Reviews called it overlong, warped and exhausting.” [61:28])
• Theme of Excess: Laci notes Tyra “doing the most” at every turn, parodying Tyra’s drive to keep launching new ventures.

6. Hot Ice Cream — Smize & Dream

• Product Origin: Sold in Australia, described as “hot ice cream” that technically can’t be called ice cream (“You can’t call something ice cream unless it has 10% milk fat. So hot ice cream can now be referred to as hot smize cream.” [86:44])
• Mockery: “A black woman with audacity is the best thing in the goddamn world. I love it. I love it.” [86:44]
• Flavors: “Wake up in the Smell the Crunchy,” “All Night Love,” “Purple Cookie Monstar.” [87:37]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Laci (on airline “flight bucks”):

  “You can negotiate…Ask for what you want, whatever monetary amount…but you can also ask for a hotel room…and rebooking. Otherwise, you done gave your ass away and they throwing you on standby.” [12:02]

• Jacquis (on “fathers”):

  “I hate to be a stereotype, but I don’t have one. So: scam.” [16:45]

• Laci (on Tyra’s relentless hustle):

  “Tyra was the relatable supermodel—meaning she was black in the ‘90s…There were no black supermodels. And they were like, wow. Relatable.” [26:55]

• Jacquis (on Tyra’s ANTM yelling):

  “Wasn’t she kind of yelling at us as a collective family?” [47:49]

• Laci (on Tyra Beauty MLMs):

  “She called them Beautytainers.” [68:24]

• Jacquis:

  “Tyra do sound like Black woman Donald Trump.” [68:24]

• Live Crowd Roast:

  Jacquis: “Not raw table foot? This table ain’t got no shoes on!” [82:48]

• On Smize Cream:

  Laci: “And it’s not a real thing. It’s not melted ice cream, it’s not a latte, it’s not crème anglaise…It’s a new invention. Here’s Tyra talking about her company and its legacy. Actually, I’m not gonna play that. Cause I don’t care to.” [85:02] “You can’t call something ice cream unless it has 10% milk fat. So hot ice cream can now be referred to as hot smize cream.” [86:44]

---

Important Timestamps

| Segment | Topic | Key Details | |---|---|---| | 01:13 | Laci’s travel ordeal | “I was on the tarmac in LA…the plane was just driving around…” | | 07:02 | “Scam/Scheme/Real Thing” begins | “You should have stole some outside. You still got time…” | | 12:02 | Airline Negotiation Tips | “You can negotiate for more than just credits…” | | 16:45 | “Fathers” as a concept | “Scam, scheme, or real thing: fathers” | | 25:19 | Tyra as a “relatable supermodel” | “It is our fault. Because we let that lady shenan…” | | 28:44 | Tyra honors herself as Black History | “She honored herself as Black History…” | | 46:22 | Iconic “I was rooting for you!” scene | Full reenactment and analysis | | 49:09 | ANTM’s blackface photo shoots | “She didn’t learn her lesson…she did it again in 2009.” | | 50:42 | Contestant lawsuit/sex trafficking | “Angela Preston sued Tyra in 2014…” | | 68:24 | “Beautytainers” and MLM structure | “You need to be on her team…” | | 80:31 | Model Land “Theme Park” | “Modeland was at the Santa Monica Place shopping mall…” | | 86:44 | Hot “Smize Cream” | “Hot ice cream can now be referred to as hot smize cream…” |

---

Tone & Delivery

• Energetic and irreverent: Laci and Jacquis roast, praise, and analyze Tyra with comedic timing, joy, and sharp insight.
• Community focus: Live audience engagement, with playful ribbing and call-outs.
• Social commentary: Jokes often carry a point about race, labor, exploitation, and celebrity culture.
• Relatable “scam” wisdom: Both hosts share their own run-ins with scams (travel, shopping), always checking “is it truly a scam?”
• Black pop culture consciousness: Several running discussions on the experience and labor of Black women (and Tyra’s unique legacy), blended with laughs.

---

Conclusion

Scam Goddess’s look at Tyra Banks blends personal stories, iconic pop references, and searing wit—highlighting Tyra’s long list of “schemes” from TV and beauty products to theme parks and hot ice cream. The live crowd atmosphere amplifies the laughs and community spirit, making this a quintessential episode for fans of both the podcast and Black pop culture.

Memorable sendoff: “A Black woman with audacity is the best thing in the goddamn world. I love it. We should let more Black women get away with this type of shit.” [86:44]

---

For New Listeners:
You’ll leave with a smarter, funnier understanding of Tyra Banks’ wild business moves, classic ANTM moments, and the anatomy of a “scam,” all delivered with wit, heart, and plenty of pop culture shade.

Transcript

[A]

America's best network just got bigger.

[B]

Switch to T Mobile today and get

[A]

built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores.

[B]

Best mobile network based on analysis by Oogle of speed test intelligence data 2H 2025. Bigger network. The combination of T Mobile's and US cellular network footprints will enhance the T Mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk, text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See t mobile.com for details. You know what they say. Early bird gets the ultimate vacation home. Book early and save over $120 with VRBO because early gets you closer to the action, whether it's waves lapping at the shore or snoozing in a hammock that overlooks. Well, whatever you want it to so you can all enjoy the payoff come summer with Vrbo's early booking deals. Rise and shine. Average savings $141. Select homes only. Scam. Robbery and fraud. Scam.

[A]

Car

[B]

robbery and fraud. Scam. Goddess. G. Y' all gonna put some lights on? Okay. I'm black, baby. That was just teeth and eyes. We. We. We need lights. Oh. Oh, thank goodness. Okay. There's so many more black people than I thought would be. Oh, listen, we love. We love a diverse crowd, honey. Okay. I love that all of my bisexual white men bring their boyfriends. Oh, Luke, Austin. Hi. Courtney. Hi. Oh, man, family's here. Y' all know how I start these shows. If you've been to these shows before. But I have to make a brief interruption because I need y' all to know how goddamn hard it was for me to get here today. I love you all so much that I fought through the airport. Apparently, y' all had some drone issues yesterday in San Francisco. So then all of our flights were delayed, and I was on the tarmac in Los Angeles, and the plane was just driving around. I think they wanted us to feel like we were going somewhere. We wasn't going in the sky. I was like, at this point, bitch hit the highway. Cause, like, it ain't that long of a drive. Like, let's just take the 747 out. Delta. I also had to give up my business class seat. Woe is me. Woe is me. Oh, I can't stand y'. All. But they put me in a seat that had, like, a little curtain to business class. Cause, you know, it's a quick flight, so it's not leaving no layback or nothing. But it was a little curtain that was Right in front of my face that said, you're poor. And every time a flight attendant would walk past it, it would blow in my face. But I was like, you know what? I'm coming. I'm coming because I love you. Yes. Also, litmus test. How many of you guys walked past that table and didn't steal anything? Damn, y' all really didn't steal. Okay. The music was ominous at first. When y' all came in, it was a little scary, so I could see why you didn't want to steal nothing. Yeah. We had to talk to Cody, shout out to Cody. And I was like, can you please put on some crime music? Because I think. I think the people are getting scared. I think they're gonna think I'm gonna walk out here real slowly and be like, grand rising. Are you ready to change your life? This is a cult. Nacha wanted to be in the cult. I love that. We need. Okay, you can be a lieutenant. We need eager participants. It's unpaid volunteer, but you're gonna get so much out of it. So this is how we always start this show. Church always begins with devotion. So if you know it, help me out. Especially today, I'm struggling. Scales comes rubber breach. And FR. Scam Goddess. Thank you. We have a beautiful show for you tonight, and I'm so, so excited to have one of San Francisco's favorite treats here that makes him sound like a prostitute. So you've probably seen him on Grand Cru or you can see him again on the second season of crowd control coming out on Dropout. Please give a very warm welcome to my co host and captive for the evening, Jacquees. Neal.

[A]

I got to sing. I got to sing.

[B]

Scam.

[A]

What up, what up, what up, what up?

[B]

Hello.

[A]

What's up, Lacy?

[B]

Oh, my goodness. Jes.

[A]

Lacy. How you doing?

[B]

Woo. That. That's a loaded question.

[A]

That's a loaded question.

[B]

We here, though.

[A]

Oh, we got chicken in the front. Sometimes, you know the was going to have chicken in the front. Every nigga got chicken in the front right here.

[B]

You can't say this in front of this many white people. Why would you say that?

[A]

I know we got two white people front and center.

[B]

Everybody loves chicken.

[A]

Everybody loves chicken. We got salad. You got salad from the second row back. I love it. I love it.

[B]

It's a universal food that everybody loves. You're right. You're right.

[A]

I love chicken. I love chicken. How is it? How's the chicken? It's pretty good.

[B]

It's pretty good.

[A]

All right. You know, black people don't lie about chicken.

[B]

Y' all frown a bird up in here. Okay. Love to see it. So I've. I've switched up the show a little bit. Oh, one. This is actually a live recording, so

[A]

we the only two getting paid, though. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[B]

Yeah, y' all not gonna. Y' all not gonna get paid.

[A]

So sorry. Y' all can listen to yourselves.

[B]

You should have stole some outside. You still got time. I said steal this. Who stole something? Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. See? See? Those are my people. That was the litmus test. You should have stole something. Leave with something. I put up a whole sign that said, steal this. Y' all didn't listen to me. So now I'm starting the show instead of asking you, Jacquees, what your relationship with scams is.

[A]

Cause I be admitting crimes on this show.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, you do be admitting to crimes. I'm just going to ask you, is it a scam, a scheme, or a real thing?

[A]

I love it.

[B]

I have three little questions for you. All right, so the first one, which, honestly, is way too poignant today, when an airline. I wrote this show before I came here.

[A]

I wanna listen. Lacey, I love you, Lacey. Me and Lacey have known each other for, like, over 10 years now.

[B]

Don't say that many years. I'm a baby. I have never known anyone for 10 years. Not even my own mother.

[A]

That's fair. I'm so sorry.

[B]

I'm fresh out the womb. You don't see my placenta? Perm, please.

[A]

I see it. I see it. We've known each other for 10 months now. And so, Lacey, you know I love you, but, like, you forgot one key part of that. Lacey missed her first flight. Cause we were supposed to be on the same flight out here. And I'm like. I'm like. I'm texting, like, lacey, where you at? Where you at? You're like, baby, I missed my flight. I'm like, all right, I'll see you in San Francisco.

[B]

Stop agreeing with each other. Stop agreeing with each other over there. Yes. Okay. We were in France, and we. We had to take a really long

[A]

Uber, so Lacey could have been here at the same time I was here today.

[B]

Why would you. Why would you say that?

[A]

I mean, you know, listen, before we.

[B]

You over here talking in front of mixed company.

[A]

I'm so sorry. You right. You right. We got a lot of black people in front. I'm forgetting I can't see the white people, which is the first time you've ever heard that. What you like, man, that nigga can't see us always. See? I'm so sorry. Continue. Continue. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Lacey. The people had to know. They had to know.

[B]

Did they?

[A]

They did. They did. They're endeared to you. Now, how many of y' all misplaced? Y' all misplaced.

[B]

Is it a scheme or is it a real thing? All right, so is it a scam? Is it a scheme? Is it a real thing? Airlines offering you what I like to call flight books to give up your seat on an overbooked flight.

[A]

The credits. The credits.

[B]

Is it a scam, scheme, or is it a real thing? I mean, now, I'll define this for you.

[A]

Yeah, define it for me.

[B]

Scam is absolutely, unequivocally like fraud.

[A]

Right, right, right, right.

[B]

A scheme. Legal grade.

[A]

A little fraud. A little fraud. But, you know, they can do it.

[B]

It feels bad, but it's. It's legal.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

You know, like, it's like the difference between a Ponzi scheme and an mlm. A Ponzi scheme is a scam.

[A]

A mlm. If you do it right, you can get a Benz out of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you get a Mercedes out of it.

[B]

You can sign up your friends and family to sell leggings, and eventually they mortgage their homes. And then a real thing is like, we're like, this is a legit thing. Like, okay, so how do you feel about giving up your skin?

[A]

I'll never do it. I'll never do it. It's a scheme. I'm not gonna say it's a scam. I'm not gonna say it's a scam. Cause they, you know, they do be giving you the money, but you got to give me more than, like, $250. Nigga. Flights is $5,000 right now.

[B]

Yeah, they are gas.

[A]

Gases, man. I was watching I Am Legend a couple of days ago, and they had, like, the gas. It was like six something. I was like, remember when that was the apocalypse? That shit is crazy.

[B]

I've never heard about the straight of Hormuz in my life. I never even knew about that shit. And now I know everything about it. I'm like, they gotta find the mines that are under the water. Seriously, we gotta do stuff.

[A]

We gotta do stuff. So. So? So I need more than they be offering. They be low balling you. They be offering like, 250.

[B]

Yeah. But then they'll rise it up. They'll be like, all right, 300, nobody.

[A]

300.

[B]

A thousand, nobody.

[A]

Mm. Mm.

[B]

6,000 airbucks.

[A]

I'll be like, give me. Give me $1,250 plus a first class seat.

[B]

Okay, well, see, here's the issue.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When they make you give up your seats, one. Okay, one thing that we all can know about this. If you actually want to not do what Jaquis does, which is not engage, you can negotiate.

[A]

Oh, you can negotiate.

[B]

Yes. So you can ask for what you want, whatever monetary amount that you want, but you can also ask for a hotel room. What? Yes. And you can also make sure that your flight is rebooked instead of. Cause, like, they'll throw your ass on standby. So you done gave up your seat, you done gave your ass away, and they throwing you on standby. And you waiting in the damn line.

[A]

You waiting forever. I feel like this wouldn't work for me. I feel like I'm not attractive enough for this to work for me. I feel like they'll be like, Nigga, we said 350. There's other people that want this deal. Do you want it or not? I feel like they would shoo me

[B]

away, but you can do that. And also, there are blackout dates too. So typically, one, no matter how many air bucks they give you, you can't fly first.

[A]

Oh, they put you on the standby.

[B]

They put you on the standby, and then they gonna put you in coaching. They gonna have the little. The little thing.

[A]

Then what's the money for?

[B]

They gonna have the little curtain blowing in your face. You not. You not finna be up there.

[A]

You gonna try to use the bathroom. It was like, no, no, no. Use the poor bathroom back there.

[B]

And don't look at me poor.

[A]

That one don't have soap.

[B]

Damn. We can't even have soap.

[A]

I don't even have soap. Man, the napkins be all bunched up. You gotta. You take one out. Eighteen coming.

[B]

Oh, so sad.

[A]

That's the poor ones. Okay, so. So what you're saying is it's a scheme. It's a scheme.

[B]

It's a scheme.

[A]

I thought.

[B]

I feel like you can protect yourself, but it is a scheme.

[A]

So they lowball you first.

[B]

Yes. And then you gotta just hold out. Just sit still. They'll keep rising that Skybucks number up.

[A]

See, here's the problem with that, though. Like, real talk, they just gonna be. They'll just say no to you, and somebody else gonna come and be like, I'll take it, right? Oh, no. So we need to work together.

[B]

The first person can't live in a scarcity mindset you're right, you're right. You got this.

[A]

I need to get up and be like, I got this deal, and if anybody come up, I got a bomb.

[B]

Now you gonna fight him? You gonna fight him?

[A]

I'm gonna fight. I'm gonna fight you.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

We'll fight you. We gonna be viral.

[B]

These are recession indicators. Good Lord. Now we gonna fight for the Skybucks. We can't do that. For the Delta doubloons.

[A]

For the Delta Doubloons. We gotta fight for them Delta doubloons, man.

[B]

We don't need anything.

[A]

Times is tough. Times is tough, Lacey.

[B]

Scam, scheme or real thing?

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

TikTok shop.

[A]

TikTok what shop?

[B]

Yeah, scam I'm hearing. Scam. I'm hearing.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like TikTok. I'm not on TikTok, but like I have bought shit on like Instagram and shit. I feel like it's probably the same thing.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

I bought something and it said like, I bought it during Black History Month and it said, I am black history. Right? And I was like, oh, this is tight.

[B]

They got you with that?

[A]

They got me. They got me. It came and was like, you're a Caucasian, man.

[B]

They got you with that.

[A]

They got me.

[B]

They got me.

[A]

I was like, you know what? I am black history. Thank you for telling me that. Instagram, I'm black. And I'm putting on the shirt.

[B]

I'll buy the shirt.

[A]

But that shirt was looking tight on the, on the, on the post. And it looked like it had like little leather that was screen printed. It had, it had like, the, the words was like little, like fabric. The model was looking good.

[B]

They hot ironed it on there.

[A]

Yeah, it was screen pressed on there.

[B]

Yeah, it was screen pressed.

[A]

It felt like a jersey.

[B]

Honestly, Jacquees, the reason I'm saying this is because I've done this scam myself. During the height of 2020, I was selling legalized black T shirts and the money went to black. I'm black. So how you gonna say it?

[A]

The money went to.

[B]

You go to black.

[A]

You know what? And that makes it a real thing. That makes it a real thing.

[B]

Real thing.

[A]

That makes it a real thing.

[B]

Now last. Last. Last one. Scam, scheme or real thing Fathers.

[A]

Well, I hate to be a stereotype, but I don't have one. So scam. Well, my father's so trifling, his family's trifling. My, My mama had me.

[B]

Nobody knows their dad's side of the family. That's not a thing.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know them at all. My mom had me young. My mom had me when she was 16. So little teen pregnancy.

[B]

And so they want those back now.

[A]

They're teens.

[B]

They want them back.

[A]

Oh, they want them.

[B]

The kids aren't getting pregnant anymore. That's what they're saying on Fox News. They're like, why aren't the teens getting pregnant?

[A]

We're like, we need the teens.

[B]

Isn't this good thing?

[A]

I'm not going. This is recorded. I'm not going to say nothing on that. I got. I got a job. You make more money than I do, Lacy. But, but. But. And his mama, like, my. Like the.

[B]

You just said his mama, and that's your grandma.

[A]

Fuck. Fuck her. Like, fuck her. She took that n. He was 16. He didn't make the choice. His mama made the choice. Tell that nigga to raise his kids. His mama made the choice. Yeah, so fuck that whole family.

[B]

I mean, honestly, I had to do this joke in front of my dad.

[A]

Is your dad here?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

My dad and my stepfather father were both at my show in Texas.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

And I had to be like, hey, y', all, don't worry about this. Y'. All. Y' all are cool. Y' all good. We love each other. I know. I know your phone number. I know where to find.

[A]

You know, I'll say this. I'll say fatherhood is a scheme, not necessarily a scam. I'll say it's a scheme, and here's what I'll say, okay? Because, like. Because for the most part, like, the person who was birthing the child, for the most part, you have to. Even if you give up the kid, you have to go through the experience, right? The father ain't gotta do shit. And it could kill you, and it could kill you, right? So you taking the burden on that pregnancy, the father ain't got to do until the baby come, and then you still probably barely doing anything. So if you are a good person, a good man, you take care of your responsibilities. So, you know. But there are some men out there, so let's. It's a scheme. Not fully a scam.

[B]

We can't clap for men too much. Sorry.

[A]

No, no, no. Don't clap for us. Yeah, boo us. Boo us.

[B]

We live in Los Angeles. And the reason that I added this is because there were advertisements in Los Angeles, take time to be a dad. They have them in Oakland, too. Damn.

[A]

Damn. Father's walking out, like, put up billboards

[B]

to tell you to be a Father.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Especially in 2020. Who even thought of that? Who was like, you know what? How can we make them be father? You know what? Let's take out an ad.

[A]

Let's take out an ad.

[B]

Let's take out an ad. And then they gonna be fathers once they see the ad. Cause they gonna be like, damn, I do have kids while I'm at this stoplight.

[A]

Yeah, I do. I better call them kids. I do have kids also in 2026, like. Cause my. You know, my dad skipped out in 1986 so he could just move down the street and you'll never see that Nigga again in 2026. We got social media, man. We can find you anywhere. We can find you anywhere.

[B]

You better take time to be a dad. We will locate you.

[A]

We can locate you now. We can locate you. We see your Instagram, right?

[B]

We see you taking time at Cabo. We see you taking time at. We see you at the Lakers game eating chicken Bellagio. Not being a dad.

[A]

Not being a dad. Eating that brown bread. You ain't even gonna be a brown dad.

[B]

Brown bread.

[A]

Shameful.

[B]

And not being a dad. And the last reason I want to bring this up, because you guys know that there's always going to be, like, a little hippie propaganda, okay? That's why I'm dressed like Cher. There are a lot of laws that are happening. Laws that are happening. Makes me sound like I'm illegally blonde and like, I don't know what laws are. There are a lot of laws happening, guys, to us, but there is legislation. How about that? Mm.

[A]

Legislation.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of legislation that's being enacted right now that is punitive towards women who decide to terminate their pregnancies. And the reason that I brought up fathers is because if we can't get an unjust law to not happen anymore, you know what we can do? Get men involved. Because if men had to go to jail with them women, that law would not be here anymore. We went half on a baby. You inseminator. Serve this time with me. We both doing a bid.

[A]

You right? And they should. And you should get nine months less. They should take the extra nine months.

[B]

Yay.

[A]

Take the extra nine months. Matter of fact, take 18 months. Tell him Jaques sent you.

[B]

Now

[A]

tell him Jaquee sent. I gotta do nine more months of jail. Jaquis sent me.

[B]

Not you got the jail recommendation. Jaques sent me. Y'. All. Oh, yeah. You good.

[A]

You good, you good, man. Take cell block B.

[B]

Scout early birds always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine. Average savings $141. Select homes only. If you're trying to be more intentional about what you wear day to day, Quince can help with that. They've got pieces that feel easy, comfortable, and still put together. Quince uses premium materials like 100% European linen, organic cotton and ultra soft denim. I'm telling y', all, I got that denim on right now. Everything at quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. And directly with ethical factories. And cut out the middleman. So you're paying for quality and craftsmanship. No brand markup. And lately I've been so obsessed with their stretch crepe cropped jacket. I know I'm 59 on the Internet, but in real life, baby, the jackets be cutting me at the knees. And then it's just too much. I can still look fresh and fancy. I can grab two Quince pieces and bam. I got a classy lady outfit. I know that's right. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.com Goddess for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Goddess for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com Goddess and Doug, there's nowhere I

[A]

wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual.

[B]

Even if it means sitting front row

[A]

at a comedy show.

[B]

Hey everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[A]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on

[B]

car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married.

[A]

Me to a human, him to a bird.

[B]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways.

[A]

Get a'@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.

[B]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[A]

Cut.

[B]

So now let's get to the main event. Historic hoodwinks.

[A]

Yeah, We were rooting for you. Frieda.

[B]

Fried, Fried. Frieda. Frieda. Fried, Fried, fried. A fried fried, fried. Wanna be on time. Now I know what you all are thinking. That this is gon. Yeah, black people always like to talk about hot ice cream. We'll get there. That really pissed y' all off as a community. Cause every show that I've done, live show, there's always black person like hot ice cream. Cause we need to take her to test for that one. No. So I know you're probably thinking that this is gonna be all about America's Next Top Model and her shenanigans. Tyra. Ms. Tyra Banks, she's been up to way more than you think. We got MLMs. We got fake degrees. We got all. All types of shit.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

And you know what? It's our fault. And you'll see as we walk through the show.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

You'll see your suja keys. You'll see as we walk through the show that it is our fault. Because we let that lady, Shanann.

[A]

We did.

[B]

And Shenan'd once and then Shananned again. And that's our fault. Cause we was like, yeah, girl, keep going. Keep going.

[A]

It sound like she on her way to being the President of the United States.

[B]

Honestly, there's some very shrump. I'm not gonna do that. So, Tyra, you can't start this off

[A]

with making us say, aw, that's a cute picture.

[B]

I know. Look, Tyra create. Yeah, look, look, I got paperwork.

[A]

Look at that. Give it up for Lacey. I don't think y' all know how hard Lacey be working. How hard Lacey B.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I know on the podcast, you don't be seeing, but Lacy B. Laci, be on it, Lacey. Lacey, be on it.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

The rest of us, we just show up and just be talking bullshit. Lacey be working.

[B]

I love you talking. Well, so we know that Tyra created, like, problematic reality shows, and honestly was kind of a blueprint in that time. And she really pushed the envelope. She kept going. America's Next Top Model, like. But she also created a ton of other predatory businesses that you probably haven't heard of. Tyra was the relatable supermodel, meaning she was black in the 90s. There were no black supermodels at that point. And they were like, wow. Relatable.

[A]

You. You prove anybody can. If a. If a black woman can do it, anybody can do it. Relatable.

[B]

This is a skinny black woman with a gorgeous body and face. If she could do it, anyone can.

[A]

Anybody can.

[B]

She's a black still.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, she's still black. Let me tell you, man. I don't know. It looked like we got a older crowd here. So most of y' all was alive during the Fresh Prince. Boy, we're gonna. The crush I had on Tyra Banks.

[B]

Most of y' all were alive during Fresh Prince.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think everyone was alive for that.

[A]

Some people. I bet you somebody here was born in 2000.

[B]

I think about like a talkie in the 20s.

[A]

It feel like it. Shit. Who here was born after 2000? See,

[B]

We got one.

[A]

We got one.

[B]

Hey, hey, hey. Kody staff, get that 2000s, baby. Don't let her leave. Cause we're gonna need to harvest our organs. She ain't getting out of here. How dare you bring your young ass to this show? So, yeah, she was a relatable supermodel in the 90s and an A list celebrity who repeatedly referred to her own five head. And she'd be the first to tell you that she was the first African American model to appear solo on the COVID of Sports Illustrated.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Now.

[A]

Hell yeah, you horny ass motherfucker. Who said that, right? There we go.

[B]

It was like ta taes. But also, my favorite thing about her covering Sports Illustrated is that when she did have a television show, the Tyra Banks show, she had more than one show. It was Black History Month.

[A]

Wait, what?

[B]

And she. She honored herself as Black history.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

She put this. This photo of and was like, I'm black History. And honestly, I love it. Listen, I love it.

[A]

Listen, she was.

[B]

She was. Sometimes you gotta honor yourself. You gotta honor yourself.

[A]

Sometimes you gotta honor yourself. She bought that shirt on IG just like I did. It's like, I am black history.

[B]

So she, Tyra Lynn Banks, she was born in 1973 in Inglewood. Her dad, Don, was a computer consultant, and her mother, Carolyn, was a medical photographer at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena. Damn. Y' all know about the Jet Propulsion Laboratory?

[A]

My man said, hell yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I ain't never heard of that shit in my life. What is that?

[B]

I have never heard those words together in a sentence. Damn, y' all some nerds out here. Okay?

[A]

San Francisco got that tech money.

[B]

Okay, San Francisco. Y' all got y' all turtlenecks on tonight. Okay, Steve Jobs, is this.

[A]

Uh huh. The person who said, hell yeah do got a suit on, right?

[B]

Wait, shit, he do got a suit on. Damn. You jobbing your work or you working your job? Amen. You know what? I like that. You came with your black queen and you put your suit on. And we like that.

[A]

There we go. There we go. So y' all know each other? Yeah, she leaning too close. Y' all know each other. Y' all know each other?

[B]

Yeah. I think he know that lady real bad. I think they look at that hand placement on that thigh. He rubbing on that thigh like he know that thigh. You done been all up and through that thing. Sorry, girl, I ain't trying to put you out there like that. So, Don and Carolyn, these are Tyra's parents. They divorced when Tyra was 6 and going to a private elementary school. Her dad moved nearby, and the divorce was amicable. But she did face some challenges when she was young because at age 9, she got warts on her hand.

[A]

She got warts on her hand.

[B]

Mm. And the kids at school were calling her froggy.

[A]

Damn. She was being called five head and froggy. That shit is diabolical.

[B]

It's terrible.

[A]

That's so sad.

[B]

And of course, she was being bullied for being so tall and th. According to her book, she would make herself chocolate peanut butter milkshakes every night before bed.

[A]

Damn. She had enough money to make chocolate milkshakes, man. I don't feel sorry for her ass no more. And in a divorced household, yeah, you got two incomes.

[B]

And, you know, this is how you know that she was really having white lady problems. Because, you know, white kids divorce be the hardest thing that they ever went through.

[A]

That's the hardest thing they ever try not having a father.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

My parents, they separate. Separated. My parents don't love each other anymore. Walked out on my mama when she was pregnant.

[B]

My parents were never together. I'm the oops, baby.

[A]

You the oops. We are mistakes miracle. There you go.

[B]

Yeah. I actually feel really good about being an accident. Cause I'm like, whoopee. Look at me. Your best. Yes, kid. So, obviously, at this point, the only other option that she had was to look for a modeling agency. That's all she could do.

[A]

That's all she could do.

[B]

She signed with LA Models in 1989 when she was 16. Seventeen magazine contacted Los Angeles agencies looking for this feels gross to say teen girls for a photo shoot. And that's how she ended up with

[A]

her first magazine shoot with Seventeen magazine.

[B]

Now, after that, a French modeling agency got in touch with her. The rest is history. Obviously, she's a very successful model and her mother, who I think is probably a little more problematic than we think. Cause, like, first of all, why are you making your baby employed? Your baby's 16, and you gonna put her in one of the most exploitive industries in the world, where your whole job is to be a coat hanger and be naked a lot.

[A]

Yeah, that's tough.

[B]

And you a baby.

[A]

That's tough.

[B]

You put your little hot baby in this position.

[A]

That's tough. That's tough. She had to afford them milkshakes, so

[B]

Carolyn

[A]

had to afford the milkshake for the Milkshake. She had to afford the milkshake.

[B]

It was like Tyree eating us out of house at home with these people

[A]

eating us out of house at home.

[B]

Man, get your ass to work on this Runway.

[A]

You know, it was chocolate milk calls in 1988.

[B]

The straight of Hormuz has been moving chocolate milk for years. So Carolyn, her mother, Tyra mother, she took Tyra's portfolio photos and they branded them. So there was Tyra. Innocent.

[A]

Oh, okay. All right. I love. I love that innocent look.

[B]

Tyra. Sophisticated.

[A]

Mm. Cross the leg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm commentating this for people who are just gonna listen to the podcast.

[B]

Tyra, come hither.

[A]

Yeah. Legs open. Knee in between the leg or elbow in between the legs. Knee in between the legs. That's what I'm trying to do tonight. Hit my DMs. Hit my DMs.

[B]

Not hit my DMs. So, you know, they was really working on her career, right. For the fall and winter, she, like, walked in 25 shows in six days.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Why are you making that baby walk so much?

[A]

That's a lot. That's a lot.

[B]

But also, though, I kind of get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Back to my airport trauma. Just for a moment, I was sitting in a. God, this doesn't make me sound good. Sitting in the lounge.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my life is hard. And there were these really comfortable looking egg chairs, and everyone who was sitting in them was an unemployed baby.

[A]

Yeah. Get up out of them.

[B]

And I was like, you a baby?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sit on the floor.

[A]

Sit on the floor.

[B]

I'm old. I deserve the egg chair that you swinging around in. You get your unemployed ass on the fl. Sit down.

[A]

Yeah. It's like a cat, man. Like a cat can lay anywhere. You can lay anywhere.

[B]

You can lay anywhere.

[A]

Move up off the comfortable spots.

[B]

You are literally somebody's unemployed roommate. Why are we, like.

[A]

Why are you taking up space? You don't know what lumbar mean. Get up off that comfortable seat.

[B]

You ain't even hurting.

[A]

Get the up off that comfortable seat. Watch out. Get up.

[B]

You don't know about a disc in a back.

[A]

Yeah, I'm with you.

[B]

You don't even know your back. God dis.

[A]

I'm with you, man. Hey, fuck them kids.

[B]

Thank you, Robbery.

[A]

Hey, guys, it's Sean. We went ahead and made the risky decision to let cameras into a smartless episode. That's right. It happened live at the Avalon Theater in Los Angeles. There was a huge crowd. There was a surprise guest, and his name is Jonah Hill. And now you can actually watch the whole thing because Smart List Live at the Avalon is up on YouTube. Yeah, we said watch. Yes, we said YouTube. This is still strange for us too. But if you prefer to keep things traditional, you can also listen to the episode wherever you get your podcasts. Smartless Live at the Avalon. It's out now. Out on the road, it helps to have a partner like the Love's Rewards app. Download Luv's Rewards today to get sweet discounts and earn points on food, fuel, drinks and more. Every time you scan Love's Rewards, save and earn at every turn. Terms apply. See website for details.

[B]

The GLP1 pill you've been waiting for is now on ROE. Yep, it's finally here with the same clinically proven ingredient now in a pill and now on Roe. It's the first FDA approved GLP1 pill for weight loss at the lowest price available. That's one daily GLP one pill for big results now on ro. Go to ro Listen to see if you qualify. RX only go to RO Co safety for serious side effects and boxed warning associated with GLP1s and fraud. So let's get to something that I find quite interesting about Tyra's personality. And honestly, I love we could learn from her. We really can. I love the Audacity, truly. So Tyra booked the Michael Jackson video Black or White.

[A]

Oh, oh, yes.

[B]

She was in that. And then, you know, maybe that inspired her. Cause later she gonna make people black and white. Don't even won't worry about it. We'll get there. We'll get there. But in the Michael Jackson video. So this is when now I'm gonna sound like you like the talkies. Y' all remember Fresh Spring. So this technology at the time for the Michael Jackson Black or White video was actually really transformative. There wasn't no AI. Wasn't no like you. Like they had to actually configure this with computers. So the whole thing was that you're supposed to come in and the song is like, it's black, it's white, it's da da da da da. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you're supposed to do. That's the choreography. This what Tyra did. That's the picture you wanted.

[A]

That's what I'm waiting for right there.

[B]

Why would she do that?

[A]

Tyra was like, y' all gonna remember me in this video. And they had to stay on her longer too because they was like, we can't transition from this.

[B]

They had to put her in a different place. Because they could not transition. Because she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, like ma'. Am. And she showed up late. Showed up late and didn't do the job.

[A]

Imagine showing up late to a Michael Jackson video. That's wild. Honestly, in 1990, that's flexing kind of flex.

[B]

To show up late to a Michael Jackson. So Michael Jackson video and also not follow instructions.

[A]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[B]

Listen, I will follow instructions. Y' all know if you know me, if you've read my book, or maybe you steal it later. Seven minutes late is my sweet spot. Like, I can be seven minutes late and nobody's gonna be mad. Cause five minutes ain't enough. I need a bedrock a little longer.

[A]

You need them two extra minutes.

[B]

10 minutes is too much.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Cause now they looking at the watch and they like, where this bitch at? It's been 10 minutes. Yeah, that's too solid of a number seven.

[A]

It's nobody thinking about that.

[B]

It's nebulous. Nobody knows. So Tyra, this her acting era. She was in a John Singleton movie, Higher Learning. She was really like kind of eating it up.

[A]

She was in one of my favorite movies of all time, Love and Basketball. She was. She was Omar Epps wife that, you know. And he fucked her over and left her. Yeah, he left her.

[B]

He left her after he played ball from his heart with Sanaa.

[A]

Yeah, he was an all the fair in loving basketball.

[B]

Honestly, I'm not staying with you if you dunk on my ass, nigga. Like. What you mean? Play me for my heart. And then you dunk on me like, so you don't love me.

[A]

You can't. Like. Come on, bro. You could have laid it up.

[B]

I would have left the.

[A]

You ain't gotta touch the rim. You ain't gotta touch the fucking rim to prove crazy. Come on now.

[B]

I'm leaving.

[A]

Come on now. You could have done the airport. You could have done a sky hook.

[B]

Some respect for yourself. You gonna let this nigga dunk on you and then you still love him and have his baby? Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

[A]

He posterized her ass. Crazy.

[B]

Damn crazy.

[A]

I mean, she did love that movie. She did love it. I love that movie.

[B]

So, yeah. So Tyra was the first black person on the COVID of gq.

[A]

Oh, that's dope.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

And she did a Nike super bowl ad with Chris Rock and a Got Milk. So Remember when they used to convince celebrities to paint your upper lip white so that you could do propaganda for Milk?

[A]

Yeah, man, I Got Milk is the best lying ass campaign that Shit don't help your bones. Have y' all heard this shit? Milk don't help your bones. It don't do nothing for your bones. Got them commercials had us drinking fucking milk for nothing.

[B]

It's another animal's milk. It's not even our. It's not our milk.

[A]

It's fucking us up. We up here boo booing and shit. It's fucking us up. It's fucking us up. They be like, eat that drink up in your bones. And we on the toilet like, my bones are strong.

[B]

My bones are strong.

[A]

Just shitting your life away. They had a lying ass campaign, man. Lying.

[B]

My bones are strong and crazy. That's really what it was. But yeah, so she did this campaign. She's extremely successful. I love this lady. This is a love letter. I know that it seems like an attack.

[A]

Oh, it.

[B]

But it is a love letter.

[A]

I love that you did that. I didn't even see. You actually put no evidence that drinking milk makes your bones strong.

[B]

Yeah, we're on the same page. Sorry you had to spend that much time on the toilet to realize so. All right, let's get into America's Next Top Model. We won't live here long. Put my papers together. I'm gonna get a binder next time, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

It'll be cute.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Right now we got loose leaf sheets.

[A]

Yes. I. You know, it's the economy. It's crazy right now. Four binders. No more. We can't afford binders no more.

[B]

Binder's too expensive. Y' all is bad.

[A]

You gotta hole punch them. That's too much.

[B]

Way too much. Have you seen a hole punch in a while?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, because this is San Francisco.

[A]

We ain't using whole punches in la.

[B]

I ain't see the hole puncher in a minute.

[A]

I ain't see the hole puncher in a minute.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Yeah, I'm listening out. We live in a different. We live in a different place. We live in a different place.

[B]

Fuck. All right. Damn. Okay, so Tyra, she incorporated herself and this is how you know it's a scam. There's too many different name changes and companies. Okay? Tyra incorporated herself as Ty Girl Corporation, which became Ta Ta Baby Productions, then Bankable Productions, and Ty. Ty Baby was the one that was producing America's Next Top Model, which ran from 2003 to 2015 and then again in 2018, which had a brief period where it was hosted by Rita Ora. Now, here's my thing about Rita Ora. I love her energy because I feel Like Rita Ora is somebody who just stays ready. She may not be the main attraction, but baby, is she gonna be in a gown with a full beat waiting in the parking lot in case somebody don't show up? She gonna be there. So, yeah, we're gonna watch this briefly. You already know what it is. This is serious to these girls. This should be serious to you. Looks can be deceiving. I'm hurt. I am. But I can't change it, Tyra. I. I've been. Yes, you can. You can't change what? I'm sick of crying about stuff that I cannot change. I'm sick of being disappointed. I'm sick of all of it. I'm not thankful. You're sick of being disappointed. Obviously I am. No, you're not. If you were sick of being disappointed, you would stand up and you would take control of your destiny. Do you know that you had a possibility to win? Do you know that all of America is rooting for you? Do you know that? And then you come in here and you treat this like a joke. You come in here and look at that and say, I can't read that. You read 10 times better than half of those girls over there.

[A]

She did.

[B]

She didn't. And you come in here with a defeatist attitude. I don't have a bad attitude. Maybe I am a angry inside. I've been through stuff, so I'm angry. Yes, but it's not. This is not. Be quiet to anybody. Be quiet. Stop it. I have never in my life get up a door like this when my mother yells at this because she loves. She loves me. I was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you. How dare you learn something from this? When you go to bed at night, you lay there, you take responsibility for yourself. Yourself. Because nobody's going to take responsibility for you.

[A]

Crazy. Crazy, crazy.

[B]

Tyra, you need to learn something from this.

[A]

Also, when she's like, well, my mama yelled at me like this, that means she loved me. No, it didn't.

[B]

I don't know. Sometimes your mama be yelling at you and it feel like love.

[A]

I don't feel like love. That's what. That's what. That lie they tell. That's that same lie the milk people told us.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

My mama was spanking me. That ain't love.

[B]

Not the milk people told us.

[A]

This shit hurts.

[B]

Yeah, it hurts. But then you remember it different. It hurts less after. But also, Tyra, doesn't that speech resonate somewhere in your head and your heart?

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

Don't you remember it? Isn't it iconic?

[A]

I didn't even watch Next Stop Mom.

[B]

Wasn't she kind of yelling at us as a collective family?

[A]

She was. That was so big.

[B]

Sometimes you need to get up off your ass and everybody rooting for you. We all rooting for you. Get your bitch ass up and go do your job. Shit, I got my bitch ass up today.

[A]

You did. And you late. But you got up. You got up, though. You got up. You here. We here. We here together. We made it. Now, why would we in San Francisco?

[B]

See, this is why I can't. This is why I can't with my friends and family, because you just go, wow. So anyways, she also created new ways of exploiting vulnerable young women for reality television purposes without sometimes giving winners money that they were promised.

[A]

Wait, what's this picture on the screen?

[B]

Oh, yeah, we gonna get to that.

[A]

Cause I'm looking at this shit and I'm like, this is wild.

[B]

This is when she had these young women switch ethnicities for a photo shoot in 2005. And don't worry, guys. She didn't learn her lesson. She did it again in 2009.

[A]

No.

[B]

And I don't know why she didn't realize blackface wasn't a good idea in 2009. I feel like I knew that in 2009, but that's okay. So the show. The show Walk with Me. The show also featured a homeless themed photo shoot in which real life homeless people, unhoused people, were used as extras.

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, did they get paid to really make it authentic?

[A]

I hope they paid them.

[B]

And I don't know, because she was only giving them girls $40 a day.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And that's. That's no per diem either. I know this San Francisco. Y' all know about some per diem. Always going on work trips. Y' all all got sky miles numbers? Don't. Sure. Reward programs.

[A]

$40 a day.

[B]

$40 a day and no food. You got to pay for your own. For your own food. Yeah. So, yeah, she wasn't giving the girls nothing. She was giving them $40 a day and no food or water. Honestly, this is almost as bad as baddies, where they give them tequila and half a Dorito and make them fight. It's kind of rough. So the cycle 17 winner, Angela Preston sued Tyra in 2014 for $3 million for bread contract. Infliction of emotional distress.

[A]

Yup.

[B]

And failure to provide meal and rest breaks during filming. Damn. She wouldn't even let these girls take a nap. Shit.

[A]

Also this making me. This is making me reconsider what I should be asking for. $3 million for no food and no rest.

[B]

We don't get paid that much for tv. For tv, for TV shit. And we don't be getting no food and rest. We don't be getting.

[A]

Yeah, they be having us on set all damn day.

[B]

They're not gonna sympathize with us. We don't know what a three hole punch is.

[A]

That's all right. We didn't sympathize. Yeah.

[B]

They're like, you're out of touch. Like, no, we need $3 million right now. And everybody's like, no. So.

[A]

So we got a bunch of engineers in the crowd or some tech people, right?

[B]

This lady Angela. The reason that I bring this up is because how it's covered in the news. But after I did some deep dives. So it was covered that Angela won America's Next Top Model and then breached her contract. And they reshot the episode to let the other girl win instead of her. What actually happened was is that Tyra and Tata Banks and Bankable and whatever the fuck she calling them companies found out that Angela had been sex trafficked. Yes. And so they were calling her an escort, but I don't really think that's what it was, at least from her accounts. So they said that she couldn't be America's Next Top Model because she was trafficked.

[A]

What? What?

[B]

Yeah. No, you. That's. That's it.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Yeah. Damn.

[A]

Damn, Tyra.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Damn, Tyra.

[B]

I know. I know.

[A]

Damn, Tyra. About to move down in this whole damn club. She's crazy.

[B]

Tyra, please. Was America's Next Top Model the most harmful show of the 2000s? No, it was probably the swan

[A]

or

[B]

that Lord of the Flies show that put 40 kids in an abandoned ghost town in New Mexico for six weeks.

[A]

I didn't see this. I didn't see this.

[B]

I didn't see that one either, but I was horrified. Like, what? Again? Why y' all let y' all babies go employ like, so. At the same time that America's Next Top Model was happening, Tyra was hosting the Tyra Banks show, right? Where she produced memorable episodes. Like, oh, shit. Yeah. She tried to sing. I'm actually not even gonna play this. It's not worth it. Y' all want to hear Shake your body, body.

[A]

I ain't never heard it. I wanna hear it. I wanna hear it. Let's go, Tyra.

[B]

I love this lady. Okay. Shake your body, body Move your body, body that's body. Body. It's over, but I'll show ya.

[A]

I'm mesmerized right now. I'm mesmerized. I ain't never seen this in my life.

[B]

You ain't never seen shake your body. Y' all ain't seen shake your body Body.

[A]

Lacey was trying to stop that for the last 15 seconds and Tyra was like, not today.

[B]

Just like, I'm not finished. So now remember when I said that Tyra Banks is all your fault? We're gonna get there now.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

So remember Tyra had her Tyra Banks TV show?

[A]

The talk show, right?

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So she had memorable episodes like pretends to be fat.

[A]

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

[B]

Tyra, fat people exist.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And they're beautiful and they're doing just fine. And I don't think that they need you to put on a suit.

[A]

Well, you remember she started on the first Prince of Bel Air. You remember that one episode where Will Smith had to put on fatsuit?

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

You remember that episode?

[B]

There's nothing wrong with being fat.

[A]

Oh, no, I know that. I'm just saying that's where she got the idea from. Probably.

[B]

Damn. She probably did.

[A]

She probably was like, I remember when Will, she went to the black and

[B]

white music video and was like, I'm gonna make people black and white. And then she.

[A]

She just pulling.

[B]

Then she went to Fresh Friends.

[A]

Fresh Friends. She's like, I'm putting on the fur suit. She just pulling from all her experiences. Yeah, that's it.

[B]

Okay. Because, you know, if it wasn't enough the first time, she had to pretend to be homeless again. Now I think she overshot this one.

[A]

Tyra, baby, it's giving.

[B]

Like she was trying to give us like, refugee.

[A]

I know. Yeah, she.

[B]

Yeah. Like, what war torn country are you in? I mean, America.

[A]

Yeah, America is almost.

[B]

You could very much just be here. Actually, I take it back, that's xenophobic. This is actually accurate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, but she really was selling it with the face and the sadness. I think she had somebody put dirt on her face or something. Ms. Gibby.

[A]

Also, why she got something on her hair. Like unhoused. People let their hair out. Ain't gotta be like, yeah, they cover my hair.

[B]

No, they don't. Jacquees. That's how everyone knows you're homeless right now. No, I'm kidding. No, it's. Yeah. I don't know what she was thinking. But don't worry, guys, because then Tyra needs to be pretend to have rabies. She know you know how you need to be pretending to have rabies sometimes? You know how you be needing to do that? And you know why I said that? This is our fault.

[A]

I bet this shit got 80 million views.

[B]

Rapies won two Emmys.

[A]

Yep, yep, yep.

[B]

This is our fault. We encouraged this.

[A]

We watched this and was like, riveting. I've never seen a person with rabies. Give me more.

[B]

Honestly, it's the best decision out of the three.

[A]

I mean. Yeah.

[B]

Is rabies.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

The other one is cosplaying people who are in dire straits. The other one is like, what are you doing, girl? And then this.

[A]

I mean, I'm gonna be real. The little video.

[B]

You

[A]

the video. You guys.

[B]

Don't look at that sexually. Jakees.

[A]

I was about to say, like,

[B]

I

[A]

was gonna say, like, you know, don't

[B]

go look at that sexually.

[A]

I mean, you know, you got a

[B]

lot of spit there. You know, I round you up with the Shake your Body Body video. You know what I'm saying? Now you don't know how to act. All right, you can do a lot with that. Let's get into the book. Cause I'm gonna be wrapping this up in a moment.

[A]

Model land.

[B]

Model Land.

[A]

She got books too?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now, come on, Tyler.

[B]

These were her YA novels. Well, it was supposed to be more than one. She was supposed to be the J.K. rowling of modeling turns of writers.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

But except for she wasn't gonna be no turf like fucking J.K. rowling.

[A]

Yeah, fuck J.K. rowling.

[B]

Fuck J.K. rowling. One thing. Thank you. And one thing I will say about motherfucking Tyra Banks is, look, she might cause you emotional distress and harm, but she ain't gonna call you out of your pronouns. They a bitch, she a bitch, he a bitch. We ain't misgendering none of you bitches.

[A]

The hero we need. It's the hero we need right there.

[B]

The hero we need is crazy. But yeah. So she had these books and I'm telling you guys, I'm telling you, this is not assault because I still love this lady. Somehow this book landed in my hands. In middle school, you have this book. I didn't buy it, but it was being passed around in the cafeteria. And I learned about Tookie. Tookie, who had one green eye and one blue one.

[A]

Uh huh. Tookie, That's a black ass name.

[B]

Tookie Delacrime.

[A]

Tookie de la Creme.

[B]

That's a name, right, For a character in a book.

[A]

You could tell. You could tell that was Tyra's. Idea, the editors was like, can we change this name, please? And it's like, no, it's Tuki de la Creme. Tuki de la Creme. You can't. Don't change it.

[B]

Like, it feels like she did. Like, like if you were to have, like, remember those buzzfeed tests and stuff? Like, if they had one that was just like, what's your RuPaul's Drag name? And you just put in your initials and they like, Turkey Delacrime.

[A]

What was your first pet's name and the last thing you ate? Tookie De la Creme.

[B]

De la Creme. That's you. So she, Tookie was unexpectedly invited to this exclusive magical model school called Model Land, where she met an albino girl.

[A]

Can we say that still?

[B]

She.

[A]

She. Is that okay to still say, I don't know, man. We grew up in a different time. We used to be able to say a lot of shit. We can't say no more. I don't know.

[B]

She also met a plus size girl and she also met a short girl.

[A]

The worst. The worst infraction of all.

[B]

And she learned about friendship, courage, and self belief to become one of the seven intoxabellas. Those were the sexy people. Reviews called the book

[A]

it had to be terrible.

[B]

Reviews called the book Overlong

[A]

Ain't making up words for this book. This book is overlong. I've never heard that word in my life.

[B]

We couldn't even escape her music video.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

I was trying to click it. She was like, no, I'm not done. Nope. They also called it warped and exhausting.

[A]

Damn. Can you imagine being exhausted by a book that you can put down? Like, you can put the shit down. If you're like, whoo, it's too much. Just put it down. And you still exhausted.

[B]

They're like, no, I gotta.

[A]

I gotta do it.

[B]

Okay. In this economy, you gotta keep reading the book.

[A]

You gotta keep reading this book. You try to close it and just open back up, but we gotta just

[B]

keep reading the book.

[A]

Just like that, at the end of Wicked, the book opens up.

[B]

Yeah. So. Oh, God. So in season 17, Tyra had the four remaining contestants on her show America's Next Top Model perform as characters in the novel in a short film based on the book.

[A]

No.

[B]

How have I. Oh, you think I'm gonna show you that I'm not? I've never heard about Fab life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Fab Life with the life wasn't that fad. Like, she quit this show after three months and Honestly, Jaquis, give me your best guess at what you think Tyra's catchphrase would be. Fab life,

[A]

fabulous. I don't know.

[B]

Fabracadabra.

[A]

That was the next thing I was gonna say. I was gonna say that next.

[B]

Fabrica Dabra and her cat. You got a good voice. And her catchphrase didn't get to take off. And then. Cause she quit. Right? And then. Okay, if we were to think of someone who's Rita Ora in a different font, who would y' all guess?

[A]

Rita Ora in a different font

[B]

because

[A]

someone took over the show. Fergie.

[B]

Fergie?

[A]

Nah, Fergie been down since he did the national anthem all them years ago.

[B]

Oh, damn.

[A]

Y' all remember that? I was like, fergus, you done, bro, you done.

[B]

I was actually in the building for that.

[A]

You was You. Yeah. I hate America. And I was even like, girl, don't do that.

[B]

I really enjoyed it.

[A]

Don't do that. What you doing, man? Have more respect for. More respect for the national.

[B]

She was giving us rhythm, she was giving us blues, she was giving us jazz. I love it. I love when people do too much. I do too much all the time. I need people to do too much. So wrapping this up pretty soon here, guys. We're probably looking at what? Yeah, yeah. Probably about like 10, 15.

[A]

There we go. They put it there.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Now they got it there. I didn't have to look at my phone like an unprofessional the whole goddamn time.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

That's all right. So you.

[A]

We going to keep COB here all night?

[B]

None of you guessed who Paris Hilton.

[A]

Paris Hilton.

[B]

Hilton is Chrissy Tegan in a different font. Said it.

[A]

Chrissy, what happened?

[B]

Rita Ora and Chrissy Teigen are the same person.

[A]

Chrissy Teigen.

[B]

We've never seen them in the same room.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

So Chrissy showed up and put her Rita Ora fascist on. Was like, I'mma keep hosting Tyra's show. And then it ended. Now, remember Tyra Beauty?

[A]

No, no, no, no. I'm gonna be real with you, Lacey. I ain't heard nothing from tyrant in 15 years. I thought she was not doing anything. And, like, she been doing a lot.

[B]

Yeah, she's a busy lady.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this was her multi level marketing scheme. So Tyra told the TV Critics association, when the Tyra Banks show ended, I was like, I'm done with talk. I'm gonna hunker down, go to business school, and really focus on the business side of my career. Okay, Tara in business. So by business school she meant Harvard. Harvard's non degree granting course. Harvard non degree ganging course.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Called the nine week owner president management program. Lot of words in there. Which has no formal educational requirements.

[A]

Damn. You can go to Harvard with nothing. I didn't know you can go to Harvard with no education.

[B]

Yes. Give a certificate and a skipping. You gotta print it yourself. Like they not even gonna. They ain't even gonna.

[A]

They just send you a link and be like, here you go bro.

[B]

They send you a link, you can

[A]

print that out just so they airdrop

[B]

that shit to you. They like you got your airdrop on for your Harvard non real degree. Yeah. So yeah, yeah. They don't even refer to them as students. They call them clients.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

It's designed specifically for presidents and. And CEOs of companies over $10 million. Like making over $10 million annually. Tyra said she wanted to educate herself as much as she could to help her sales force rake in what she calls bank signs. So Tyra, she said on her website, my goal is to help you be the CEO of your life.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

You can start your own business by selling Tyra beauty products. I am galvanizing a community of entrepreneurs called. What do you want to call these entrepreneurs? And then I'll tell you what she calls them.

[A]

I would call the entrepreneurs. Bet your old bankrolls. I like that.

[B]

Oh, bank rolls.

[A]

The bankrolls, good. The bankrolls. The bankrolls.

[B]

You need to be on her team.

[A]

I know. Yeah. You looking for a job?

[B]

Yeah. Cause you, you need to be working with Tyra because she called them beautytainers.

[A]

Beautytainers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm be real with you, man. Tyra do sound like black woman. Donald Trump.

[B]

I didn't want to say it.

[A]

It sound like it's crazy. It's crazy.

[B]

It's not that bad.

[A]

She's not as evil and as racist as he is.

[B]

He's. He's. That's a different. She just be doing anything.

[A]

She be doing anything. She be.

[B]

She's like, if Donald Trump had two loving parents. Cause you know he's inflicting a lot of that pain on us because he ain't getting no hugs.

[A]

He ain't getting no hugs.

[B]

He used to be a fucking Democrat.

[A]

He got a million dollars and was like, get on up out of here.

[B]

Obama and Biden live rent free in his head. Cause he's like, damn, I wish I could be as cool as them niggas. Damn. And he was mad about January 6th, you know the funniest thing that he said, what he was like, January 6th, like, my fans, my. The people, they didn't look as good as I thought they would.

[A]

The people, they didn't look as good as I thought they didn't look as good. They didn't look as good.

[B]

Yeah. He was mad that his fans was ugly. He was like, y' all supposed to be sexy, but storming the capital.

[A]

And honestly, Tyra Banks would have said the same.

[B]

Head on.

[A]

Tyra Banks would have said the same. She would have been like, with all these ugly people in this room,

[B]

come out here representing me like this.

[A]

We was rooting for you.

[B]

And that's why I appreciate y'. All. Cuz y' all be looking nice and good when y' all come to the show.

[A]

Looking beautiful. Everybody looking beautiful.

[B]

Thank you for putting that on. I appreciate that. So as we are wrapping up here. Yes. So beautytainers, right?

[A]

Beauty Tainers.

[B]

So she said, okay. I know some of y' all probably heard the music when you first walked in here, and it was, like, a little ominous and scary.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

That's how she was like. Yeah.

[A]

She was like, yeah. The first song I heard was from Sinners. That's when it went for the first people that walked in. Y' all was listening to Sinners coming in. I was like, God damn. I mean, I was black, right? It was black. I thought it was a choice.

[B]

I was, like, saying, steal. I said steal stuff. And then I was like, they probably gonna think this is a trap. Cause I got this fucking music on. Like, I'm fucking. Like. I'm like, I can't. I need to put a period in between. I say the next sentence like, I'm Jesus at the last Supper. Like, one of you will betray me.

[A]

One of you betrayed me. And they was like, we can't steal to this music. Which means the people that did steal to that music, y' all niggas from a tenderloin or something, boy.

[B]

So, yeah. She said that she's gonna train her beautytainers with her team in the art of fusing beauty and entertainment. What could those two words go together as? And racking them up into bank signs. Every new beautytainer was assigned to an established beautytainer crew. And to be an active beautytainer.

[A]

This is wild.

[B]

Now, listen.

[A]

How long did this go on?

[B]

It might still be going. Now look. Now look.

[A]

And don't be ashamed. Don't be ashamed. Is anybody in this room?

[B]

Is anybody a beauty tainer?

[A]

Anybody a beautytainer in here? No. Okay. What'd you say, no, thank you?

[B]

She said, no, thank you.

[A]

Okay, you can tell us after the show. You can tell us after the show. If you a beauty tainer.

[B]

Listen, you don't have to confess now. Confess later. Now, listen, if you want to be a beautytainer in the future, all you need is $150. Now, you can either sell $150 worth of product, or you can give her $150.

[A]

And you're a beauty tamer also.

[B]

Like, just a little $59 to enroll.

[A]

You got to give $150 and $59 to enroll?

[B]

Yeah, it's just 299.

[A]

Just two.

[B]

Are you trying to be a beautytainer or no?

[A]

Listen, you know what? You gotta pay to be beautiful. I get it.

[B]

Yeah, I get it.

[A]

I wanna be a beautytainer.

[B]

Listen, after you pay your fees and order products, we have the six Minute Tie Over Kit. I don't know if that was working.

[A]

The six Minute Tie Over Kit.

[B]

It's gonna tie you over.

[A]

It's gonna tie you over for six minutes.

[B]

We got the smize eyeshadow palette Smile.

[A]

Well, your eyes are smiling. Mm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We got the.

[A]

The.

[B]

Stick with me makeup setting spritz.

[A]

All right, we found the person who. A beautytainer back. There we go.

[B]

I think we heard a beautytainer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We got the Oops eyeliner, which is definitely something you want to hear when you're putting something near your eye.

[A]

Yeah. Oops.

[B]

Oops.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then also we got menage a brow.

[A]

Menage a brow, Which I don't want

[B]

my eyebrows to fuck. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I actually want them to be separate also.

[A]

Minaja, ain't that three?

[B]

Yeah, I think. I think it's three.

[A]

Where the third one at? Where the third eyebrow at?

[B]

Minaj brow.

[A]

Minaj brow.

[B]

She's trying to put them all together. We don't need to look at this. I want to tell you the story of a woman. Okay, fine. A woman that stayed married to her longer than she should have because she didn't have the money or the independence to leave a marriage that she felt was no longer a. A positive in her. She's recruiting. One day, she found domestic abuse victims that marriage, and she moved her kids to a one.

[A]

What a crazy position to sit in for a video of Los Angeles, California, Wash.

[B]

While a little one shared a tiny room. She said, look at this. She promised her children on that first night in that one bedroom apartment that in one year they would move to an apartment with two bedrooms. She did just that.

[A]

I want to be clear. She has a chair behind her.

[B]

She promised her kids that in one year they would move to a safer area.

[A]

Ah, she did just that.

[B]

She was able to move her family into their three bedroom dream home. That woman was my mama. And one of those kids was. And my mama is somebody that thinks outside of the box. If there was a more modern and an extra.

[A]

So the first one, we gonna move to a two bedroom for her back then. But we still in the hood, baby.

[B]

Sooner. So what is Tyra Beauty and how did my mama's struggle lead me to? Why she. I'm sorry. What? I'm sorry. I have. I'm not gonna go back to the video. But I. Why she. Why was she like, can someone go do poor B roll? Like, yeah, like, can we find one of those?

[A]

Show us poor pictures.

[B]

Can we find a stairwell that's so dirty.

[A]

Let's find a stairwell with paint chipped off of it.

[B]

Can we find one of those windows with the bars on it that's gonna really get it across? And then she's like. And that was my mother.

[A]

Let's find a two bedroom apartment that don't have a door on the front. On the front of the building.

[B]

Why would she do this? She's so unserious. Please be for real.

[A]

I love that. She was like, my mama moved us. She was like, I promise we're gonna get better.

[B]

It was still ghetto, though. When we moved to the two bedroom,

[A]

we had a two bedroom.

[B]

Mama wasn't doing that great at the

[A]

time, but gunshots were still flying through the air.

[B]

But then eventually she got it together and got us a home. And you can do that too. With Tyra Beauty. She acted like her mama did. Tyra Beauty, how you gonna advertise your mama's success story?

[A]

I swear, there's a lot of beautiful people in the hood too. What Beauty gotta do with getting out the hood, man? There's a lot of beautiful people in the hood.

[B]

Honestly. Beauty gets you out of the hood quick.

[A]

Beauty gets you out. Yeah, maybe. Beauty and dribbling the basketball get you out the hood quick.

[B]

Oh, Lord. And also being smart. Look at all our computer kids in here, man.

[A]

Ain't none of these who was. Who grew up in the hood? Who grew up in the hood here? Yeah. There you go.

[B]

All right.

[A]

There you go. So.

[B]

So you saw. You saw some of them. Them stairwells with the paint.

[A]

I saw them steroid. You saw them windows with the bars. He was like, I'm home. I didn't Know I was gonna see home when I got to this show. Sorry, man. I grew up on the south side of Chicago. I grew up in the hood, bro. I grew up in the hood. I grew up in the hood. I get

[B]

this hand is saying I did not. Stay strong. Damn. So Tyra, she came out of modeling retirement to return to Sports Illustrated, right? But she got a new name now, remember? She got 50, 11 names. Now we're on Bank X. Honestly, she beat Elon to it. She threw an X on it.

[A]

Wait, she like changed her like name? Yes, the name she wants to go by.

[B]

She said a new symbol. She said the X symbolized xing out like cookie cutter beauty.

[A]

But why she still use B A N then? Just use X. Just use an X?

[B]

Yeah. Ban X is kinda crazy.

[A]

Ban X is crazy. Just use X.

[B]

It sounds like a deodorant I had as a teen.

[A]

Yeah, that sound like a high blood pressure medication.

[B]

Ban X. Now that I've started using Ban X, my days are brighter. I have time to play with my grandchildren. Yeah.

[A]

On Banx, I could do the things I never could do before.

[B]

And now all of a sudden, I'm on a bicycle and then I'm in a bathtub.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so she said bank X. Ban X.

[A]

Banks. Oh, it's still supposed to be Banks.

[B]

Damn, I can't read.

[A]

Hey, that's not on us. That's her with that dumb ass name.

[B]

If you knew I was saying it wrong, why didn't you say something? Luke?

[A]

Yeah, come on, man.

[B]

Laughing. You knew I was saying Banx and it was Banks.

[A]

We was up here talking about it like it's medicine.

[B]

Help me.

[A]

We was like, this is medicine.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you, sis. Thank you, sis.

[A]

I appreciate the front row. You relate to a nigga who had bars on his windows. He don't even tell you shit. Don't tell you nothing, man.

[B]

Banks, not Banx. Banks. Fine. I can't read good no more. Apparently so.

[A]

Nah, I think not knowing how to pronounce B A N X is okay.

[B]

Well, she said that Banks is her. It's also every woman.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Banks represents rebirth. And that beauty and boundaries can always be broken.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Now, before we go, this is the next logical place that we have to go. Okay? And it's gonna make make so much sense. This is Tyra's next adventure theme park.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You know how you gotta do a little theme park sometimes?

[A]

I love a theme park.

[B]

You know how you gotta do a little theme park?

[A]

I love a theme park. Everybody who know Me know. I love a theme park. I love it.

[B]

I don't. I literally just saw a TikTok video of people having to walk off a Six Flags ride, and somebody in the comments was like, oh, bitch, if I have to walk off this hole, I'm on five of them flags when I get to the ground. Cause what do you mean? What do you mean?

[A]

Hey, you know, listen, sometimes flies get stuck.

[B]

Tyra entered the theme park industry, and she's a known Disney lover. Doesn't that make sense that she's a Disney adult? It adds up.

[A]

Yeah. Where my Disney people at? Where my Disney people at? There we go. I see you.

[B]

So she made this theme park called Model Land after the book. She ran it back.

[A]

She ran it back.

[B]

She ran it back. Now listen, Modeland was at the Santa Monica Place shopping mall. Cause you know how theme parks be at the mall.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna say theme park and 10,000 square foot don't go together. Yeah, theme parks are bigger than that. That's a store.

[B]

A theme park is whatever. It's whatever you want in your mind. Theme park is a vibe.

[A]

I guess so.

[B]

A theme park is a feeling. Put your hands up right now. Wee wee.

[A]

We in a theme park.

[B]

Woo. Yes. Yes.

[A]

See, she got her hands up.

[B]

Thank you for coming to my theme park. So, yeah, 10,000 square foot. And she ticketed it as an immersive experience. I love that because it's so vague. It could mean anything. What does immersive really mean? Hmm.

[A]

It means that if you white, they might put you in blackface. Wait, this is in our. This is near us. Santa Monica Place. Yeah. First of all, I ain't never heard of that mall in my life.

[B]

I ain't never heard of it either. So it opened two years after it was supposed to. Because we know she loves to be late.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And it's obviously half the size it was supposed to be. You pay for a regular or VIP ticket and you walk through a series of themed rooms at the mall.

[A]

Mm. So, all right, we got the Beauty. Tish. What's it called again? The Beautician. What's it called?

[B]

The Beauty Tainers.

[A]

The Beauty Tankers.

[B]

All right, let's immerse ourselves. Everyone ready to be immersed?

[A]

Let's immerse.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

We ready.

[A]

I still love tyranny. I'm ready.

[B]

Is y' all immersed?

[A]

This looks like something I would spend $2.32 on.

[B]

Even the mannequin look tired.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

She don't look like she want to be There.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

And, baby, y' all couldn't get a tablecloth for this table. Why am I looking. Why am I looking at raw table foot?

[A]

This is. Yeah, man.

[B]

Why is the table showing feet?

[A]

Not raw table foot? This table ain't got no shoes on no nothing. Table ain't got no shoes on. The mannequin naked.

[B]

Why can't he put a coat on that?

[A]

Baby, the mannequin ain't got no clothes on at all.

[B]

And then she got three wigs on some mannequins. This is the immersive leather gloves. What is this immersive?

[A]

What the fuck this gotta do with being a model?

[B]

I don't know, but look, somebody is immersing themselves. Look at the back. It's a photo booth.

[A]

Oh, right there. I see.

[B]

Yeah, it looks kind of sad, whatever this photo booth is. But they look like they immersing for

[A]

people who are listening to the podcast and can't see this yet. The description. The description of this is it looks like shit.

[B]

Closed captioning. It looks like shit. Looks. Oh, man. Yeah, but that's the VIP ticket, y'. All. So y' all need to get immersed.

[A]

That's the VIP ticket.

[B]

Got this. So, you know, I do wanna say this before I move on from this. She said that her theme park was a natural extension of the mission she began with on America's Next Top Model. She said my empathy for women in general increased through the experience. And now

[A]

he knows lies. I hear you back there.

[B]

And now with Model Land, I'm taking it 10 steps forward, giving people the opportunity to engage with the elusive world by opening it up to everyone. Three wigs and a raw table, guys, we've been missing out now. All right, black people, we've reached the end of the show. I know, I know. Wait, I have a hot mic. I'll let two people come up and give me listener letters, and then we have to get the fuck out of here. I heard someone scream, so I know that they coming. So the last thing here, hot ice cream. So smize and dream.

[A]

Smize and dream.

[B]

Yeah, that's the hot ice cream.

[A]

Oh, she actually got hot ice cream.

[B]

Yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like.

[A]

So it's just milk. She be on that toilet, boy. Like, this supposed to be for my bones. It's supposed to be. She be on that toilet. Oh, my bones.

[B]

Your bones are gonna be so good. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. And it's not a real thing. It's not melted ice cream. It's not a latte it's not creme anglais. Did I say that right, Louis? Thank you. It's a new invention, guys. Here's Tyra talking about her company and its legacy. I'm actually not gonna play that. Cause I don't care to. So this hot ice cream is only available in Sydney, Australia. And for some reason, at her ice cream parlor, Smize and Dream, after an Australian reporter asked, basically the Australian reporter was like, bro, going on, what is this?

[A]

What is this, bro?

[B]

What are we selling to put in our mouths, ma'?

[A]

Am?

[B]

And so then he. A petty person. And I. I do love the petty community.

[A]

Petty. The pettiness.

[B]

Wow. The petty community. Really?

[A]

Somebody petty is here. Petty is in San Francisco.

[B]

Thank you for acknowledging the petty community. Of course. I got y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

I got y'. All. So someone looked it up, and they said, you can't call something ice cream unless it has 10% milk fat. So hot ice cream can now be referred to as hot smize cream.

[A]

I admire this woman's audacity. I love it. I love it. A black woman with audacity is the best thing in the goddamn world. I love it. I love it.

[B]

We should let more black women get away with this type of.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

We deserve it.

[A]

We deserve it.

[B]

We work so hard.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Uplifting society. Doing all the movements.

[A]

Yeah. Make smize cream, girl. Do your fucking thing. Do your thing.

[B]

Yeah, there it is. Yeah. So that's her face.

[A]

Why she got an ice cream mustache again? She got the ice cream mustache. Yeah.

[B]

She went back to got milk. Maybe that's where she was inspired.

[A]

That's where she was inspired.

[B]

She said, got milk, and now I got some ice cream.

[A]

I got some ice cream.

[B]

Beautiful. Oh, oh. And the flavors. I didn't read the flavors.

[A]

Ooh. What we got? What we got?

[B]

We got. Wake up in the Smell the crunchy. Yep, that makes sense.

[A]

Love the smell of crunchy.

[B]

All night love.

[A]

Why not all night love?

[B]

Is that like all night long? Was she listening to Lionel Richie and

[A]

was like, probably all night long. Probably, yeah.

[B]

And then purple cookie monstar.

[A]

She was high as hell when she said made that she was high as. For sure she was. She looks high in this picture. Gone boy.

[B]

Honestly, Maybe we all need. Need to be eating smize when we're high. Yeah, eat it when you're high. We don't know what it is. Don't act like y' all ain't ate some shit when y' all was high. It was really kind of questionable, so. All right. I have a microphone Here.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

And I will take two guests if you want to be the fastest one, if you want to tell me about

[A]

the longest arm and hand I've ever seen in the back right there.

[B]

Are you raising your hand? Oh, y' all have to turn the lights up on.

[A]

Everybody, come on up. Come on up. You standing up? Come up, come up, come up.

[B]

Come on up.

[A]

Yeah, you right there. Right there.

[B]

Okay, you better walk. You better walk the Runway.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes. That's one.

[B]

Okay, you better come on in your car. Is that a cardigan or a blazer?

[A]

Oh, my God, I'm so happy to talk with you.

[B]

Oh, my God, are you drunk?

[A]

You specifically. No, I am intoxicated with life. I'm so excited to be the community here, and I'm. What? Yes. Very excited. I stole that from my. Like, I'm gonna tell you, you know,

[B]

I'm gonna come over here because I think I might. I think I might need to. God damn. I think I might need to hold your hand.

[A]

So cute.

[B]

All right, what's up?

[A]

Okay, so. So I stole your intro for my. I host 100,000 real estate agents, and I stole my intro to my education thing. And I say, you know what? Real estate agents, I'm excited. And now I have them saying for what?

[B]

They're saying, for what?

[A]

For anything real estate related. But what I'm saying is, like, I.

[B]

So you excited for, like, a bus bench? You were excited for, like, anything. That's what you get me excited about.

[A]

Anything and anything. Okay, so what I want to ask you is.

[B]

Oh, we haven't even gotten to the question.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Cuz, boy, I was confused as hell. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? My question is, what are you excited about? Oh.

[B]

Oh, don't make me cry. You know what I'm excited about? I'm excited about tonight and being present here with all of you. And I'm also excited that my friends and family came. I'm excited to see people that I love. And I love all of you. Yeah.

[A]

What's your name? What's your name, my friend? Nikki. What's your name again? Nikki Jacques. I loved your commentary. I thought you were really funny. Oh, thank you. Now, Nikki, I didn't know what to expect, Lacey, and actually, let me tell you a story real quick. Let me tell you a story real quick. Let me tell you a story real quick. So, actually, I saw you. Yeah. I loved you. I loved you.

[B]

Since scam got us, I loved you. Oh, not the sandman. Oh, they done called the Sandman on you, Nikki. But, Nikki, I love you. Thank you for coming up and sharing a moment with me. They don't call the sandman on you. I love you.

[A]

I love you.

[B]

I'm so happy.

[A]

They gave. They gave. They gave nigga the Apollo. Like. Like, get up.

[B]

They. They literally win. That y' all was. All right, we have time for one more.

[A]

Okay. Oh, man.

[B]

All I want to say is white people really do be shared all their business, right? What?

[A]

White people be what?

[B]

Sharing all their business. Like, unasked. Have you noticed that? Anyway, this is my friend, cuz.

[A]

Black people scared of going to jail. That's why.

[B]

No, no, no, it's cool. It's cool. Sometimes you have to cosplay as the help. You know, they be like, oh, let's. You know, I was just talking about that. They want to sit on the porch and drink lemonade. I just told you, if you listen to Brandon Kyle's Goodman podcast, I told y', all, white people miss us. They love chatting with us. They miss having black friends.

[A]

They do. They miss us.

[B]

They love black friends. I love lemonade. But I am half white.

[A]

You half white. What's the other?

[B]

Lacey. Lacey. Have you heard of the Sherpas who are taking people up? Yeah. They take them to the top of Everest for the normal price, whatever. And then they say, well, now you're here. So if you want to get back down, if you want me to lead you back down, then you can pay maybe like 10, maybe, like 20 times what you're gonna pay. But they disassemble. I am on the side of those Sherpa. I'm on the side of. They're getting scammed by all these rich men who go and are like, I'm gonna. It costs, like, 100 grand to climb ever. Guys are the ones who die. Like, most often. It's the Sherpa who die on those excursions. They're getting paid. Like, they should scam all the rich men climbing ever. 100% go. Sherpa scam. Honestly, shout out to the one Sherpa who probably had that idea. He was like. For him, he was like, we've been leading all these people up the mountain, and we the only ones know how to get back enough.

[A]

Yeah. And I. And I gotta be all white man, too. Cause if it was me, I'd be like, nigga, I'm getting on your back. You ain't gonna be able to walk without me.

[B]

We love them. We support them, right? I may not get on the back, but I. I'll hold on to an ankle. We riding down. We riding down together. All right, congregation.

[A]

The congregation. Give it up to yourselves. Give it up to yourselves.

[B]

Thank you

[A]

also. Cause I know she won't do it. I know.

[B]

Up today, cuz I know she won't do it.

[A]

Give it up for Lacy. Give it up for Lacy right now. The Scam Goddess. Like I said, I. I've known. I've known Lacy for 10 months I've known Lacy for 10 months since I was born. We came up. We came up together in the LA comedy scene, and it's really dope to see what you're doing. I love you. I'm proud of you. Keep doing your thing. Keep doing your thing. I love it.

[B]

I'm proud of all of you. Every day. Getting out of bed is a fucking accomplishment.

[A]

Yep. And sometimes you don't even get up on time. Yeah, we on the same flight tomorrow. And watch. I'm gonna be on that plane tomorrow by myself. Like, where you at, lazy?

[B]

So y' all just gonna roast me at the end of my show? This how y' all feel? Well, congregation, please get home safely. If you didn't have an opportunity to steal something off of the table, you might as well go and get you some. Thank you all so much for being here. Please get home safely. Good night. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Our producer is Jessica Cisneros, and our audio engineer is Rich Garcia. Research for the show is conducted by Kate Doyle. Stay scheduled.

[A]

Hey, guys, it's Sean. We went ahead and made the risky decision to let cameras into a Smartless episode. That's right. It happened live at the Avalon Theater in Los Angeles. There was a huge crowd, there was a surprise guest, and his name is Jonah Hill. And now you can actually watch the whole thing because Smartless Live at the Avalon is up on YouTube. Yeah, we said watch. Yes, we said YouTube. This is still strange for us, too, but if you prefer to keep things traditional, you can also listen to the episode wherever you get your podcasts. Smartless Live at the Avalon. It's out now. Out on the road. It helps to have a partner, like the Love's Rewards app. Download Love's Rewards today and save 10 cents on every gallon of gas and up to 25 cents on every gallon of auto diesel. Love's Rewards. Save and earn at every turn. Terms apply. Not available in all states.