Have you ever felt like the project manager of your relationship —

the planner, the therapist, the reminder system, the emotional

regulator — and somewhere along the way, you stopped feeling

like a partner and started feeling like a mom?

In Episode 315 of Secret Life Podcast, Brianne Davis-Gantt

introduces a term you haven't heard yet but won't be able to

unsee once you do: CinderFellas. Men unconsciously seeking a

woman to mother them — not love them, not partner with them.

And before anyone gets defensive: this isn't about shaming men.

This is about a dependency dynamic that both people create,

and both people can change.

In this episode, Brianne covers:

— Why this isn't a masculine problem — it's a dependency problem,

and it can happen in any relationship, including same-sex couples

— How the "CinderFella" dynamic forms: society teaches boys how

to build careers but never teaches them emotional intellect,

so they grow into adulthood still searching for someone to

provide emotional containment

— The irony at the center of it all: the more she mothers him,

the less masculine he becomes — and the more masculine she

becomes. Nature hates a vacuum.

— How this becomes The Fantasy Loop™: both people invest in

the potential of the relationship instead of the reality —

he's fantasizing about eventually being rescued, she's

fantasizing about eventually being able to fix him

— The questions every man needs to ask: Where am I outsourcing

my responsibility? Where am I waiting to be motivated? Where

am I expecting my partner to regulate emotions that belong to me?

— The questions every woman needs to ask: Where am I over-

functioning? Where am I rescuing? Where have I become his

mother instead of his partner?

— Why rescuing and supporting are not the same thing — and why

rescuing someone from discomfort actually weakens them

— What real love actually is: not built on who needs who, but

on two people who can stand on their own and still choose

each other every day

— Concrete first steps for both partners — starting tonight

This episode is going to hit some nerves. That's the point.

The thing that triggers us often reveals exactly where we

need to grow.

Resources at secretlifepodcast.com

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