Chris Guillebeau - How Thinking Differently About Time Gives You More of It

Summary

Podcast Summary: Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen Episode: Chris Guillebeau - How Thinking Differently About Time Gives You More of It
Release Date: July 17, 2025

In this insightful episode of Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen, Chrissy engages in a profound conversation with renowned author Chris Guillebeau about Time Anxiety—a pervasive sense of time slipping away and the emotional toll it takes on our lives. Drawing from Guillebeau's book, the discussion delves into understanding and redefining our relationship with time to cultivate a more fulfilling and less stressful existence.

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1. Understanding Time Anxiety

[02:55 - 03:26]

Chrissy opens the dialogue by exploring the concept of time anxiety, which Guillebeau defines as:

"Time anxiety is the sense of time running out. Like, the constant sense of time running out... There's a sense of distress or discontent."
— Chris Guillebeau [03:00]

Guillebeau emphasizes that the root problem isn't merely time management but rather our emotional response to the inexorable passage of time. This anxiety manifests both existentially—feeling too late for life's milestones—and in daily pressures—overwhelmed by immediate tasks.

2. Personal Experiences with Time Anxiety

[03:26 - 05:07]

Chrissy shares her personal struggles with time anxiety, illustrating how even routine tasks can become sources of stress:

"Sometimes I feel like I'm always counting backwards... And it just go backwards until it seems like there is no time until the meeting at all."
— Chrissy Teigen [03:26]

She contrasts the satisfaction derived from productive activities, such as preparing for meetings, with the dread associated with less rewarding tasks, revealing a tendency to prioritize external obligations over personal well-being.

3. Strategies to Manage Time Anxiety

[05:07 - 07:34]

Guillebeau offers practical advice on managing commitments by re-evaluating future opportunities:

"The trick is, when you're encountering all these opportunities or requests for your time that are far off in the future, just consider that they were happening tomorrow... If you're not excited about it tomorrow, you're probably not going to want to do it three months from now."
— Chris Guillebeau [05:07]

This perspective encourages listeners to assess their enthusiasm for tasks in the present moment, thereby preventing the accumulation of unwanted commitments and reducing future anxiety.

4. The Concept of "Do Things Poorly"

[15:10 - 16:25]

Guillebeau introduces the empowering idea of embracing imperfection:

"Not everything needs to be done with excellence... This perfectionism actually holds people back from doing a lot of things."
— Chris Guillebeau [15:10]

He advocates for allowing oneself to perform tasks adequately rather than perfectly, which can unlock creativity and reduce the paralysis often caused by the pursuit of perfection.

5. The Impact of Social Media on Time Perception

[16:25 - 19:06]

The conversation shifts to the detrimental effects of social media on our self-perception and time anxiety:

"Does social media fuck us up? Yes. Yeah, absolutely. It's not real. It is filtered. It is projected. It's an illusion."
— Chrissy Teigen [16:25]

Chrissy reflects on how social media fosters unrealistic comparisons, leading to feelings of inadequacy and mismanagement of time as individuals strive to emulate seemingly flawless lives.

6. Executive Functions and Personal Skills

[23:16 - 24:13]

Guillebeau discusses the importance of executive functions—skills like focus, planning, and emotional regulation—in overcoming time anxiety:

"They're not bad at life. They don't need to fix themselves. They just haven't learned some of these skills that you mentioned."
— Chris Guillebeau [23:16]

He reassures listeners that difficulties in managing time are often due to unlearned skills rather than personal failings, emphasizing that these skills can be developed with intention and practice.

7. Reflection on Death and Life Purpose

[26:03 - 28:34]

A poignant segment explores how contemplating mortality can influence our use of time:

"Time is limited. We all have a certain amount of it. We don't get it back."
— Chris Guillebeau [26:15]

Chrissy shares insights from a documentary she worked on, highlighting how awareness of limited time can lead to more meaningful and beautiful actions, fostering a sense of purpose and urgency.

8. Toolkit: Practical Exercises for Managing Time Anxiety

[30:22 - 34:34]

In the "Toolkit" segment, Guillebeau presents actionable exercises to reframe our experience of time. One key exercise is "The Eighth Day of the Week," which invites listeners to imagine an extra, weekly day dedicated solely to personal fulfillment without external obligations.

Chrissy envisions her ideal eighth day, filled with quality time with her children, creative activities, and cherished moments with her husband:

"My eighth day would be going on a date night with John... getting to talk to him about normal things that didn't involve the kids and stuff."
— Chrissy Teigen [34:29]

Guillebeau explains that such exercises can help identify what truly matters, encouraging listeners to prioritize activities that bring genuine joy and satisfaction.

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Conclusion

This episode of Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen offers a nuanced exploration of time anxiety, blending personal anecdotes with expert insights. Chris Guillebeau provides listeners with both a deep understanding of the emotional underpinnings of time-related stress and practical strategies to reclaim their time and well-being. Chrissy's reflections add a relatable dimension, making the conversation both enlightening and applicable to everyday life.

Key Takeaways:

• Time Anxiety stems more from our emotional relationship with time than from poor time management.
• Saying No to future commitments can prevent unnecessary stress and preserve energy for what truly matters.
• Embracing Imperfection by allowing ourselves to "do things poorly" can reduce the paralysis of perfectionism.
• Social Media can distort our perception of others' lives, exacerbating feelings of inadequacy and time mismanagement.
• Developing Executive Functions like focus and planning are crucial for managing time anxiety effectively.
• Contemplating Mortality can enhance our sense of purpose and prioritize meaningful actions.
• Practical Exercises, such as creating an "eighth day," can help redefine and optimize our use of time.

Listeners are encouraged to apply these insights and exercises to cultivate a healthier, more balanced relationship with time, ultimately leading to a happier and more productive life.

Transcript

[Chrissy Teigen]

Hey, it's Chrissy. Dig deeper with today's guest and hear more from all our groundbreaking guests on Audible. From bestsellers and new releases to podcasts and Audible Originals. Discover the next step on your journey. Go to audible.com chrissyonaudible you're listening to Self Conscious with Chrissy Teigen, an Audible original podcast. Join me as we explore the cutting edge of health, wellness, and personal growth with the world's leading experts and thinkers. From inspiring stories to actionable insights, our conversations aim to help you lead a healthier, happier and more productive life. So does anyone else feel like time is just slipping through your fingers? No matter how early you wake up or how many calendars you color code, you're still behind. For years I thought that feeling was just adulthood. Like this is what we signed up for. A constant low key panic about doing enough, being enough, and always catching up. But then I read Time Anxiety by Chris Guillebeau and it just hit different he shifts the conversation from productivity hacks to emotional honesty, helping us understand why we feel so overwhelmed by time and how to change our relationship with it. The problem isn't how we manage time, it's how we feel about time. We're not lazy. We're not broken. We're just living in a culture that makes us afraid to rest, afraid to waste time, afraid to slow down. In this episode, I'll unlearn all of that noise and rethink what a good life really looks like. Chris Guillebeau, welcome to Self Conscious. Chris Gillebo, welcome.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Thank you so much. Chrissy, welcome to my bedroom. Thank you.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Thank you for coming up. I know you're from San Diego, right?

[Chris Guillebeau]

Yeah. Living there now.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay, great. Beautiful. But you're from Pacific Northwest?

[Chris Guillebeau]

Portland, Oregon. That's right. Represent.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Amazing. I just feel like we have a certain vibe to us. I don't know if it's because of like the overcast weather or what.

[Chris Guillebeau]

We're used to resentment towards the rest of the country. You know, a commitment to passive aggressiveness.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes, absolutely.

[Chris Guillebeau]

We do it so well.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And also the best, like donut shops.

[Chris Guillebeau]

On the planet, but not voodoo donuts. That's what everybody always talks about.

[Chrissy Teigen]

They do love voodoo donuts so much. I've had it with donuts that are loaded with stuff.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Okay.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I don't need cereal and bacon if.

[Chris Guillebeau]

You'Re drunk at three in the morning, it's a great place to go to. But for other times and other situations, I think there are better options.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I'll take a glazed any day anyway.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Chris, is this Everything we need for the burger.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Gin. This is everything we need. I think we got it. Okay, so, Chris, let's start with the obvious thing. What exactly is time anxiety?

[Chris Guillebeau]

Time anxiety is the sense of time running out. Like, the constant sense of time running out. There's not enough time in my life, so it's a sense of distress or discontent. I just feel this unsettled sense of angst. And it can have physical symptoms, like my heart is racing, I'm having trouble sleeping, having trouble focusing or paying attention. There's a couple of different ways that it shows up. There's like an existential type, which is I'm too late for something in my life. And then there's a daily type, which is too much is happening right now.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Sometimes I feel like I'm always counting backwards. When I first open my eyes, we'll say it's around 6 in the morning. And I'm like, okay, I have a meeting at five, which means I have to start my makeup at four, which means I have to take a shower at three, which means. And I just go backwards until it seems like there is no time until the meeting at all. I am completely incapacitated by the thought that my meeting is at 5 o'. Clock. But now I have no time until the meeting.

[Chris Guillebeau]

And how does that make you feel?

[Chrissy Teigen]

There's never any time. But at the same time, I really like feeling like I'm accomplishing something. And so I will give myself more grace for that meeting and how much time it's taking to get there than if it were just picking up my kids from school or something, which to me is equally just as important. I guess I put more importance on the things that I have to do for other people that get rewarded more.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Well, it also takes a different kind of cognitive energy, A different kind of attention to prepare for a meeting is requiring this cognitive attention that doesn't require the same effort as going to pick up the kids.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I do feel like a lot of my day is dread.

[Chris Guillebeau]

What do you dread and what do you.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That sounds terrible.

[Chris Guillebeau]

No, I mean, I have this whole thing about dread. Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Every day is dread. In my dream world, I would just be planning Girl Scouts and my daughter's birthday and my son's birthday and going to a Beyonce concert. And everybody wants that.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Sure.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And you actually have a chapter about this where you mention those things that we tell ourselves that can possibly help. This one thing I love, which is, if it's not a hell yes, then it's a no. I don't do that.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Or you don't do that.

[Chrissy Teigen]

No, I live my whole life with, yeah, that sounds good. And then when it comes time to do it, I am like, why did I waste my time doing this? Because it's not only that exact thing you have to do, but it's also this big lead up of months of approvals or it's never as easy as it seems. And I'm sure a lot of people have to deal with little things like this in a slightly different way, but I don't feel like I've ever done this.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Okay.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Which is why I'm so excited to talk to you about.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Honestly, I have an idea about this. So the things that you're talking about, these are things that you often commit to far in advance, I imagine.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Because you mentioned, like, when I'm a different person, the months of lead up and stuff.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes.

[Chris Guillebeau]

So we all tend to say yes to future commitments. If something is far off in the future, we are much more likely to, to say yes to it than if it is coming up tomorrow or next week or something. Because we're just like, oh, maybe I will want to do that. And so the trick is, when you're encountering all these opportunities or requests for your time that are far off in the future, just consider that they were happening tomorrow and you get this opportunity and be like, if this was happening.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Tomorrow, a thousand percent no.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Exactly. Or tomorrow or next week in the very near future, how would you feel about it? And so if your answer then is a hell yes, you're like, great, that's what I want to do. But for all these other things, if you don't want to do it tomorrow, you're probably not going to want to do it three months from now.

[Chrissy Teigen]

No, in three months I'm going to be a totally better person that really is going to be so excited by this opportunity.

[Chris Guillebeau]

But you're paying the cost all this time, not just the three months later, but then, as you said, like the dread leading up to it. So a way that you can be kind to your future self is to perhaps say no to it if you're not excited about doing it tomorrow.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I'm worried, Chris, that I would never do anything ever. Then I'm not a hustler.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Somehow I don't think that's true.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Really. I always look around at people, like a lot of my friends that have so many different businesses. They have their hands in beauty, in food. They are influencers.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Don't you do all those things?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, but not with the excitement that they do. It.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Okay.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And I don't know why I'm really hard on myself because I so want to be like that.

[Chris Guillebeau]

You want to have more excitement?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, because I'm given every opportunity here to get to put my hands in so many different things and have a good time with it, hopefully inspire somebody. But I really. I don't think I'm meant for hustling and that makes me feel bad.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Okay. I don't think you should feel bad about that. You're doing lots of things right. You have all these projects, but if you're not excited about something, I think that's a clue. If you're not, if you are feeling this dreadful over something.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Do you get frustrated with people that. Because I know I do. I'm just. That's the reason I'm asking that don't do as much.

[Chris Guillebeau]

I mostly get frustrated at myself because I look at what other people are doing and I look at author friends of mine or other colleagues or people who have great influence, and I'm like, how are they doing all these things? So I know I get frustrated at myself.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So you're hard on yourself.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Yeah, exactly. I don't really care what other people are doing.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Guillebeau]

I'm not judging. That's more about self judgment. That's me.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Oh, I think. Yeah, I definitely do.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Sure.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And it feels very judging and not like me. I think it maybe comes from, like, just having to be forced to do so many things, like when I was little that, like, I wasn't really given a choice. So when I do see someone that has agency and choice over it, it frustrates me because I'm like, you could be doing so much more. And it's obviously me projecting, though, and upset that I'm doing so much that I don't want to do. And so I just. I don't know. Just a side note, I don't like that trait about me.

[Chris Guillebeau]

So we just talked about this idea of noticing what you want more time for and what you want to do less of. What do you like doing of these different things? And what do you dislike? What do you wish you would not do if you could?

[Chrissy Teigen]

I love doing kids stuff. So much of my life is planning kid events and big special moments for them. It's going on Amazon and picking every single little thing that goes into their gift bag for their birthday party to give to their friends. I love opening an email that says, miles is having a secret reader at school. We need you and John to show up and surprise them. I love planning my daughter's roller rink birthday, physically making the baskets for it, cooking a recipe, working on something that takes hours and hours. This is what's so crazy to me. I only like doing recipes or cooking recipes that take four or five hours. That takes completely my entire afternoon. The chopping, the ordering of the groceries, the going to the grocery store, that stuff never, ever feels like work to me. Meanwhile, there are things that I know I want to do that I would put down on like a bucket list of what do I want to accomplish in my life that are very high up on the list. Very exciting. Writing a children's book that I cannot sit down and do not forget. Five minutes at a time, 10 minutes, certainly not an afternoon writing. And it's really frustrating because I can do things that I want to do really well, really quickly with excitement, but the things that I have to do are dreadful.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Yeah, that's a very core ADHD characteristic. We were talking earlier and you said you don't necessarily identify with adhd, but whether you think of yourself as being neurodivergent or not, like, the idea of I can hyperfocus, I can really go hard at something, I can lose myself in this flow state, especially for something that's physical or intelligent, tactile, like cooking, as you said, but then struggling perhaps to do some of the other things. What I was wondering was, do you have a. Do you have a reverse bucket list? Do you know what a reverse bucket list is? So everybody knows, like, the bucket list is like, oh, I want to go bungee jumping, or I want to write the children's book or whatever else. Right? The reverse bucket list is what have I done in my life? Oh my gosh, what have I done that is interesting or notable to me? Part of the reason we feel anxious about time, we're like, there's so much that I haven't done. But you can also look back on your life and being like, wow, actually, I have done a lot. What have you done?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Oh my gosh, man. I don't really sit on anything too long to be able to be like, that was awesome. That was so cool.

[Chris Guillebeau]

See, I don't either. I'm not good at it. And that's why I think this is helpful. Like, I'm very future minded and very goal oriented in what's coming up, but I never think about the past. This was very helpful to me because I was like, oh, actually, I have been able to do a lot. I went to every country in the world. I did this. I read these books and all this Stuff. But so what are some of those things for you?

[Chrissy Teigen]

I've gotten to go to the White House and I've gotten to throw up at the White House. That's great.

[Chris Guillebeau]

It's a much smaller number of people that have been to the White House than have actually done that.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I know. I've gotten to literally flip the lights on in the West Wing and see it from a perspective that, like, so many people have not. I have gotten to experience an incredible earthquake in Bali. I've gotten to live in Thailand for a few months and visit my family that is from the village that had never stepped foot in a car before. I've gotten to accept awards by people I never thought I'd be accepted by. Sometimes, like, it's the little things that really mean the most to me. Take my kids in a convertible because they just love beep beep so much. And so we've gotten to rent a car before and drive up the coast and to smoke a cigarette in France, a skinny little one. And you just felt so cool doing it.

[Chris Guillebeau]

That's great.

[Chrissy Teigen]

There are so many things. So I met John when I was, like, 21. My life until 21, 22 was just, like, incredible. And I look back on it so fondly because there were no cameras. I wasn't being outed for anything. I really have gotten to do incredible, amazing things. And I don't feel like things are that important to me anymore. I guess we'll say. I think my younger days are full of, like, really incredible things. But I don't know how often I'd look back right now and be able to pinpoint things that didn't have to do with my kids or family or work that were that inspiring or great for me.

[Chris Guillebeau]

That's still a pretty long list, though. I know that's just what you came up with on the top of your head. So I wonder if anybody who's listening, if they're feeling stressed about time and time running out, how do I spend it? And there's a lot of things we can do, but I think one of them is maybe just reflecting on, like, what you have been able to do thus far.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I think a lot of my things that I get most excited about to think about in the past are things I probably couldn't get away with now.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Okay.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And so I think maybe it's very therapeutic, by the way, in a way, since I know I can't do it anymore, I just have to leave it in the past. I can't run down Broome street smoking a cigarette anymore and do drugs off pizza boxes or so I think I put those things in the past and now I do, like, really simple things that make me feel accomplished.

[Chris Guillebeau]

So sometimes there's a grief cycle and letting go or like accepting, okay, those are. Some of those things might be in the past and maybe in some ways that's sad. But also, as you said, what can you do now? What are you doing now that you weren't able to do then?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Oh, my God, I might be so boring now. I literally just do paint by numbers and I cross.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Does it make you happy, Chrissy?

[Chrissy Teigen]

It does, but I'd probably rather be smoking a cigarette on Broome Street. It does make me happy. It fulfills me in the way that I know there's an end to it. And so when someone's watching me do it, I'm like, yeah, I'm doing something and I'm doing something that has an end. But I will say I never finish those things. I never finish my paint by numbers as much as I enjoy doing it. I never finish my cross stitch as much as I enjoy doing it.

[Chris Guillebeau]

It sounds like it's a good escape for you because it's actually not goal oriented. If it's goal oriented, then it has an end and you must finish this thing. But for you, it's like, I'm doing the baking or the cross stitch or the paint by numbers just because it's actually a place for me to feel present.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So you have this phrase in the book, do things poorly. And I really love that. That would change the game so much for me if I knew that if I were just jumping into something, if I were allowed to do it a little shittily, it would at least get something going and a light of fire.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Yep.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So can you explain do things poorly?

[Chris Guillebeau]

Not everything needs to be done with excellence. Not everything that you do will be excellent. And I think a lot of us put a pressure on ourselves. Maybe some of it's internalized from childhood. We have to give our best. We always have to do our best. But you're not going to be able to do your best for everything. And this perfectionism actually holds people back from doing a lot of things. So it could be like a creative project. Oh, I'm not going to share my writing or my art with the world until it's perfect. Then of course you're never going to share it. Or it could be something like a household task or I can't. Like, I'm overwhelmed by the laundry. Well, what if you just did one load what if you just accepted, okay, I'm just going to start the laundry and you can think about it through all kinds of. For all walks of life, all parts of life. What does it mean to just do something poorly or to not give it my all? And maybe later I'll choose to, like, focus more on it, or maybe in doing that, it's actually going to free up space in my life to do something else with excellence.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Do you feel like social media has really fucked us up from all of this? Because you're thinking that everyone is always good at everything. The first time they do it, it looks perfect. You don't really see the struggle anymore with anything. I have a company and I don't feel like we are at the same level as anyone else with a new business or as a founder. I just feel like everyone's doing everything right the first time.

[Chris Guillebeau]

But you know that's not true.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I don't.

[Chris Guillebeau]

And you know it's not real. And so your question, does social media fuck us up? Yes. Yeah, absolutely.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Chris Guillebeau]

100%. It's not real. It is filtered. It is projected. It's an illusion.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I said before if I should share the struggles of it. And then I've had people be like, it might scare investors with. I'm like, that's so frustrating.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Now, is that your market or is it like, are those the people you want to please the most? Don't you want to please people who are looking to you and for inspiration? And they're like, oh, Chrissy Teigen is perfect. And you're like, but actually, I'm struggling. And that's actually more interesting. That's more interesting, I think.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And I've always wanted to share the struggle more. It seems like everybody has a lot of time and a lot of money.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Because of what you see posted on social media.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah, yeah. And that they planned better than I did. So I can never go backwards.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Something I think could be helpful is ask yourself, when you're in the situation of comparing, would you trade your life for theirs for that person? And when you do this, you have to realize, like, it's not just. You're not just adding their life to yours. If you trade your life for someone else's, you have to trade your life, everything that you've been able to experience. This has been helpful to me because I often feel really envious of other authors or other colleagues. I'm like, oh, they got this Netflix thing or their book is on this bestseller list or something. And then I think, would I really trade my life for theirs. And at first I think, oh, sure, of course. Then I think everything that I've been able to experience, the things that are on my reverse bucket list, and all the experiences I've been able to have, relationships and just life, I'd have to just let go of that, and I wouldn't. And once I do that, I'm like, oh, actually, I've had a pretty great life. I would not want to trade that. Yeah, my experience is unique, and that's pretty great.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Oh, I'd say The answer is 1000% no ever.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Right. Why would you want to give up all of your life experience?

[Chrissy Teigen]

But I still don't feel like I'm doing it right. So that's why I think your book is so helpful, is because it gives you, like, a little happy medium. Here's how we can be able to be better at those things, knowing that we don't want to trade lives with people. But I know that I can be more efficient with the things that I want to do and the people that I want to please without being so hard on myself about it. But I'm like, I'm very judgy about how other people spend their time, and I feel safe about it because I know that sucks. I know that's a shitty trait to have.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Do you have an example?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Sometimes I feel like people in my life that want more can be doing more, and they have these big ideas of what they want for their life and these changes that they want made, and I'm frustrated by it because I'm like, so do it right. Make the change. Make the time. Figure out your life. Get it together. Which actually reminds me of this little saying that's going around Instagram, which is basically, if you were watching a movie of your life, what would you be screaming at the person to do, right? Like, what would you be yelling like, oh, my God, do this, girl. Like, run. Run this way. Go do this. What would you tell yourself? So I think about that often, and the answer is always pretty much the same, which is, get out and do more. Get outside the house.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Leave the house. Do more.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay, if someone were watching a movie on my life and they saw everything that was happening all the time, they'd be like, girl, get out of the house. Go experience people. Go experience things. Go to the beach. Do these things. Because I'm, like, very much an indoor cat. Like, I don't leave the house.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Maybe this is what you were saying to yourself, because I don't know that other people would necessarily say that. I think Other people would say, but you're. Look at what you're doing, right? Yeah. And you've also identified what's important to you. You've talked a lot about that.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Never crossed my mind that nobody's not yelling at me to leave the house. You think some people are watching me and like, yes, girl, I think a.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Lot of people are watching you and thinking that, yes, girl.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Oh, that's cool. Then that just proves I'm so hard on myself. They're. They're in my mind. They're all screaming at me to do the opposite of what I'm doing. If I, like, tried to think of it as. They're like, yes, girl, paint those numbers. Watch that. Bravo. Lay on that couch. That's so different. I never thought of it.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Take care of yourself and rest and have compassion for yourself so that then you can get up tomorrow and do more shit. Do whatever you want.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I literally never thought of it that way before. That's so crazy. Okay, so if somebody out there is listening to this episode and just feels totally burned out, what one thing could they do today to start us off on the right foot?

[Chris Guillebeau]

Yeah, I think probably the first thing to do when you're feeling overwhelmed is give yourself the gift of time. And whatever you can do to give yourself time, that's going to then allow you to take some bigger, perhaps more important next steps. Okay, so how can you give yourself time? There's a couple things, like look at your calendar and practice time decluttering. So look at your calendar and just challenge yourself. Can I take two things off my calendar for the next two weeks? Are there two things on there that I don't actually need to do now? Can I just remove that and then actually notice how you respond when you take something off your calendar? How do you feel before you put something else on it? Just notice. How does this make me feel? Most people feel a sense of relief. They feel the sense of, like, oh, and so basically you were giving yourself time. You can also think about all the different ways people communicate with you, like all your different inboxes and things. These days we have so many multiple inboxes from social media and email and multiple accounts and so on. Is it possible to close one of those down? Do you need all of those? What if you just closed it down and. Actually, I'm not. This is no longer. I've put a brick in my inbox. And then maybe also this is all connected to giving yourself more time, but allow more time for transitions. When you're going from one Thing to another. If you're running an errand, like a physical errand, and you're like, oh, I need 10 minutes to get to this thing, but I'm going to try to do one more thing before I go. And then you end up being late. Like, people who are chronically late, most of them don't want to be late.

[Chrissy Teigen]

I always felt like I was bad at life.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Did you?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah. It just seems like some people, and I say this to my therapist a lot, some people are born certain ways. They're born happy, positive. It's always been hard for me to understand that, like, we're a product of our environments. Right. And you can be born happy and then you get sad. Sometimes I just feel like I was born depressed, born lazy, and that everything I have to do now is training myself to be the opposite of the way I was born. What would you say to somebody that feels like they're bad at life and bad at getting it together?

[Chris Guillebeau]

For someone who feels like they're bad at life, I would say most likely they need to develop their executive functions. They're not bad at life. They don't need to fix themselves. They just haven't learned some of these skills that you mentioned. Maybe they have struggle with focusing or with emotional regulation or with planning. All of these things are tools. They are skills that can be learned, but they're not usually taught. If you go through life and you have this deficiency, or you just, maybe you have strengths in other areas, let's say then you're always feeling like, oh, I need to compensate for this, I need to fix myself for this. And I've often felt ashamed. There's a lot of things I'm not good at. And so you don't need to fix yourself. You can learn some executive functions, you can learn some skills. You can learn about allowing more time for transitions like we talked about. You can learn about the cognitive distortions that affect how we see ourselves and kind of give ourselves this negative self perception. And once you understand this, then you can feel a lot better. So it's not about fixing yourself at all.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So where do you start? Where do you start? With somebody like me.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Okay. Do you ever struggle with focus?

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yes.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Okay. And what do you do when you're like, I need to focus better? Do you tell yourself a story like, I need to get up tomorrow and focus hard? Or you avoid, completely avoid. Okay, but what about when you actually do try to tackle something? Like, what's your approach?

[Chrissy Teigen]

I sit down in a quiet environment and I try to be Inspired. And I know that inspiration for me comes from the most random time and random place possible. But I sit down and I try to tell myself, you have to turn this in by tomorrow or you're in trouble. The trouble thing always works for me because I'm a child of, if you didn't do this, you get in trouble. So I always have to conjure up a story where I'm gonna be in trouble if I don't do it.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Okay. So one thing that's important to understand is we all have a very limited amount of focus energy every day. It's two to three hours max. And that is true for everyone. There's been these studies where people looked at Beethoven and famous people who are incredibly prolific, and they all have about two to three hours a day of cognitive attention. Okay. So obviously, you're doing lots of different stuff throughout the day, but you've got two to three hours max. So when you try to focus, like, the wrong thing is, okay, I've been putting this thing off. I'm going to spend six hours on it.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That's.

[Chris Guillebeau]

That's not gonna. That's gonna make you really tired. You're gonna be exhausted the next day. The work product's probably not gonna be great. There's this classic pomodoro method where you're working on something for 25 minutes at a time, and you set a timer and you work on it for 25 minutes, and then you take a break for five to 10 minutes. So I used to do the pomodoro thing all the time, but then I would push through the break. I would be like, okay, I got started. I was resisting it. I was avoiding it. But now I've been able to start, which is great. I don't need the break. I'm gonna keep going. And then what I learned is actually the break is what makes the whole thing possible.

[Chrissy Teigen]

So you write about one of my favorite topics ever, which is death.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Love it. Yeah.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And you write about it not in a scary way, but in a really clarifying one. How has facing that truth let you live?

[Chris Guillebeau]

I think thinking about death can make you feel panicked and anxious, or it can make you feel very purposeful. And ultimately, the reason why we are anxious about time is because time is running out. Like, this is truth. Time is limited. We all have a certain amount of it. We don't get it back. So time is running out. What are we going to do about that? We have to accept that fact rather than denying it. We have to accept it. Once you accept it Then it can be very freeing because you're like, oh, there's a lot of shit that I might have cared about before, but now, because I understand that time is limited, I'm not going to care about that. I do want my life to count for something, whatever that looks like to you. It can be something different for each person, but I think it's very helpful to just be mindful of death. Be mindful of death every day.

[Chrissy Teigen]

There was actually a documentary that I was working on for a little bit where it covered two groups. There was a group of people that were given sentences of, you might not make it out of this. You might have 10 years, 15 years. And then there was a group of people that had two years to live. And the people behind the documentary actually saw so much more beauty and life in the group where they knew they were going to die. They were very at peace with what was happening, and they didn't do more. They did really beautiful things in that time rather than the people that didn't know that. They were questioning it. And that's all of us. We're all questioning how much longer we have.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Maybe they felt a sense of urgency. You know, maybe they.

[Chrissy Teigen]

They did, but also just. I think being at peace with it and knowing that it was gonna come is really a beautiful, special thing. Yeah. I don't know where that goes from there, but, like, it was really an interesting thing to experience. Experience. They also experience so much more positivity around it. And when you just don't question something anymore and you're like, this is it. It becomes a really beautiful, special, amazing thing.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Maybe it just helps you realize, like, what really matters.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Chris Guillebeau]

I think this is a good thing for people to do. At any point in your life, whenever you're feeling stressed about whatever, it's like, you just ask yourself, what matters to me right now.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Yeah.

[Chris Guillebeau]

And every person, like, they're going to have an intuitive answer.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Oh, I think that way about so many different things. I think that way about diet. Like, when I'm avoiding, like, having a piece of pizza, or I'm like, I'm gonna be on my deathbed caring that I fucking had a piece of pizza. Like, what is so important about my thoughts all the time? So. And I think that's something that comes with age. Like, I did not. I don't think I would have been this person a few years ago. But now, understanding that you're able to have your own thoughts and able to make your own decisions has been really big for me. When did you feel like, this was something that you needed to devote your time to. When did you feel like this was an important book for you to write? Why is it so important to you?

[Chris Guillebeau]

I wanted to write a book that would change me, first of all. And this is something that has really affected my life deeply for a long time. And as I started studying it and investigating it, I was like, oh, there is some hope. And some of the hope comes from accepting, right, that we can't do it all. Like, we can't do everything. And I'm the kind of person who likes to do a lot of things that was hard to accept. But then working through, oh, even though we can't do everything, there's still a lot that we can do. And there is time. Time is running out, but yet there is also time. And then as I started talking with people about it, I've been writing books for 15 years, but I don't think I've ever had a concept that people responded to as personally as this one. And I would talk about it and what are you working on? Like, I'm doing this thing about time anxiety. And they would say, I've never heard of that, but I have that. Or, I've never heard that phrase, but this is, like, my whole life. Or my friends and I talk about this all the time, but we never had a name for it. Or this affects, like, so much of my day to day. And so I thought, there's a lot of universality to this, and I really want to understand it and hopefully create something that's helpful.

[Chrissy Teigen]

And now for the toolkit. Each episode, our guests distill their expertise into practical and actionable insights. Today, Chris Guillebeau takes us through a few exercises focusing on how we experience and think about time.

[Chris Guillebeau]

I'm so excited about this, Chrissy. I was thinking what would be best for today. And the exercise we're gonna do is called the eighth day of the week. So I want you to imagine that you have all of a sudden an extra day in the week. Okay? So the eighth day is a recurring day. This is what's key. It doesn't just come around once. Right. It comes around 52 times a year. So it allows you the chance to actually do something that is additive or cumulative. And so the whole idea of the eighth day is like, you've got this day. And a key point, nobody is bothering you on this day. Nobody is expecting anything from you on this day. Also, one rule that I had to add, because I used to do this and ask people, how would you Spend your eighth day. And a very high percentage of people would say, I would catch up on my email, which is sad, but it's also, like, why I wrote this book. There are better things to do, so you can't just use it to catch up.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Nobody's bothering you. Remember, time has stopped for everybody else. And so you've got this day to yourself, and it's going to come back around. So how do you spend that day and what does that look like?

[Chrissy Teigen]

I would go down Melrose to this pottery class that's on this rooftop, and I would spend the morning at a nail salon having my nails removed so I could go do this pottery class. I would make vases with my daughter because we love to do art together. I would go to Westfield Mall and have some hot pot with her. After, I would come home and hopefully there's a new Bravo show on and I could catch up on the below deck. I would take a bath with my kids and ideally be in the mood to do something with my husband. That would be like my dream day.

[Chris Guillebeau]

And then would you do the same thing? Eight days? Would this be the recurring cycle? Because that's the thing with you. If you had the whole eighth day, it actually would.

[Chrissy Teigen]

If nobody else was counting on me for any other thing, I would go to my son's baseball practice in there, or I would get to go to Dave and Buster's with him and then get to go on, like, a date night with John at the very end before the thing I'm in the mood for, depending. I'm in the mood. So that would be the most ideal packed day possible.

[Chris Guillebeau]

The reason we do this one thing is we can actually, like, hopefully free up time so that you can do more of those things. And often, sometimes when people think about this, they realize there's something that's undeveloped in their life or maybe underdeveloped, something that they would like to spend time on. But they, for some reason, they just.

[Chrissy Teigen]

That would be the husband part, right?

[Chris Guillebeau]

They've prioritized. Other things or other things just come up. So I was actually thinking of this comment from one of my readers on my blog who said something somewhat similar to you. She said, the eighth day for me is always one free of an agenda, no one else's agenda. Not a rigid to do list I've created for myself. I just flow without watching the clock. I have casual tea time in the morning. I exercise as long as I want. I read, I daydream, I paint, I play with the dogs, whatever my heart desires throughout the day. Then I end the day with reading in bed, maybe even a good movie. So if you're. If somebody's first thought is I would go for a long walk, maybe it's like, that's something that you should do right now.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Well, I can just tell by what you just said, my eighth day would be. The only thing different about my eighth day that I told you was that it would be a lot more husband stuff, which is really telling me that I wish I could fit those in that time in on those other days. My eighth day would be going on a date night with John, which I know he loves so much. He would be cuddling with him in bed. It would be getting to talk to him about normal things that didn't involve the kids and stuff. Yeah, my eighth day is John. I think it's more beautiful that the discovery that the eighth day is John because that means he's not getting enough on those seven days.

[Chris Guillebeau]

And there are different seasons in life, right? Every relationship goes through seasons. There's always different patterns. But maybe that is helpful to notice.

[Chrissy Teigen]

It really is so helpful. It means that I'm conscious of the fact that he's not getting enough of my time. So it's really interesting. My eighth day would be fully drawn, basically. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you.

[Chris Guillebeau]

Thank you.

[Chrissy Teigen]

Chris. Thank you so much for joining me today on Self Conscious. Time Anxiety by Chris Guillebeau is available on Audible. Until then, tune in, turn on and feel better. This is Chrissy Teigen and you've been listening to Self Conscious, an Audible original podcast. This has been an Audible original produced by Audible and Huntley Productions, hosted by Chrissy Teigen Written and Directed by Jimmy Jelinek Executive Producers Jimmy Jelinek Chrissy Teigen Executive Producer for Audible Stacy Creamer Head of Creative Development at Audible Kate Navin Chief Content Officer Rachel Giazza Copyright 2024 by Audible Originals, LLC Sound Recording Copyright 2024 by Audible Originals LL.