Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen

Episode: Dr. Jessica Zucker – Pregnancy Loss, Postpartum Grief and How to Ask for Help

Air Date: January 22, 2026
Guest: Dr. Jessica Zucker, Clinical Psychologist & Author of Normalize It
Host: Chrissy Teigen

Episode Overview

This poignant episode of Self-Conscious delves deep into the complexities of pregnancy loss, shame, grief, and the power of honest conversation, especially for women navigating motherhood. Chrissy Teigen and Dr. Jessica Zucker share personal stories and professional expertise, exploring how silence breeds shame, how societal messages fail women, and practical strategies to support oneself and others during times of loss and postpartum challenges. Listeners will find both validation of their emotions and actionable tools to begin processing and healing, as well as guidance for partners and friends.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Consequences of Silence and Stigma

[02:20 – 04:48]

• Dr. Zucker explains how silence around taboo topics (pregnancy loss, shame, grief) reinforces stigma and breeds isolation.
  • “Culture seems to benefit from our silence, and then the stigma makes us feel caught in ourselves, thinking, can I say this out loud?” (Zucker, 02:34)
• The compounding effects of shame can manifest as anxiety, depression, addiction, and low self-esteem.
• Importance of integrating real discussions around reproductive health into sex ed from girlhood, to prevent later-life shame and self-blame.

2. Myths and Misinformation Around Fertility

[05:17 – 06:38]

• Chrissy reflects on being taught pregnancy is “easy” to come by, leading to surprise and distress during struggles with infertility or IVF.
  • “All you hear about is, if you have sex, you will get pregnant. And... it’s so shocking... that they can’t just have sex and get pregnant.” (Chrissy, 05:50)
• Women, unlike men, internalize blame for fertility struggles, with self-critical thoughts about past decisions.

3. Small Acts to Challenge Shame and Normalize Feelings

[06:43 – 08:23]

• Dr. Zucker advocates modeling emotional openness for both girls and boys—demonstrating it’s acceptable to experience and express the full spectrum of emotions.
• Social media can help, but true change comes from lived, everyday vulnerability and honesty.

4. The Realities of Pregnancy Loss—Personal Accounts

[08:23 – 17:37]

• Chrissy shares her own experience of pregnancy loss, confusion around terminology ("miscarriage" vs. "abortion"), and the trauma of public scrutiny.
  • “I did not know what was happening. I was completely ignorant to the correct language, what to say.” (Chrissy, 10:13)
• Dr. Zucker recounts her own 16-week miscarriage, performed at home, and subsequent trauma, despite her professional expertise.
  • “I had been sitting for years across from women... Now I was blindsided. We don’t think that we will become a statistic.” (Zucker, 16:15)
• Both discuss the desire for more supportive, “soft” experiences in the hospital and feelings of regret or uncertainty regarding time spent with the baby or mementos.

5. Grieving in Real Time—Physical and Emotional Aftershocks

[14:24 – 18:49]

• Chrissy describes panic attacks upon returning to a medical setting, realizing how trauma can be involuntary and physical.
  • “I lost my mind in the elevator... panic attacking so bad.” (Chrissy, 14:24)
• Dr. Zucker admits moving on too quickly after loss due to pressure to try again, resulting in compounded anxiety in subsequent pregnancy.

6. Postpartum Depression & Anxiety—Breaking Misconceptions

[19:50 – 23:31]

• Both women discuss the underrecognized realities of postpartum depression and anxiety, which often manifest later than expected and don’t fit stereotypes.
• Chrissy: “It took four months to, like, even show itself. And I thought by then, if you had postpartum you should be over it. But I had no idea it could come so late.” (Chrissy, 21:48)
• Dr. Zucker notes the need to consider unresolved childhood grief and generational trauma in postpartum struggles, alongside hormones.

7. Support Systems—Partners, Friends, and What Not to Say

[23:31 – 27:13]

• Partners should “take the emotional temperature” of new mothers, research postpartum conditions, and check in genuinely.
• Well-meaning but harmful phrases to avoid: "God has a plan," "Everything happens for a reason," or any statement starting with “At least…”
  • “Friendships dissipate with these kinds of words. Relationships crack because people do not need to hear these pithy, clichéd platitudes.” (Zucker, 26:19)
• Offer presence and listening, not solutions.

8. Couples & Shared Grief—Navigating Differences

[29:04 – 32:20]

• Trauma can distance partners; men may try to “protect” by focusing on logistics, avoiding emotional depth.
• Dr. Zucker encourages both partners to voice their own feelings, not just cater to the mother's; otherwise, relationships may unravel.

9. Talking to Children About Loss

[32:48 – 35:45]

• Chrissy recounts unconventional ways of keeping her lost child’s memory alive for her children—taking ashes on tour—while also describing the shame and pain of losing the ashes.
  • “I lost. I literally lost the baby. This is so stupid. But I've only kind of, like, talked about it with like… the shame, I lost.” (Chrissy, 35:48)

10. Moving Through Shame—The “UPEND” Technique

[40:28 – 42:50]

• Dr. Zucker introduces her “UPEND” process for unraveling grief and shame:
  • Understanding: Sink into your feelings, name your grief.
  • Prepare: Write your story, get ready to share.
  • Evaluate: Reflect on feelings after sharing; how does grief inform you?
  • Normalize: Integrate grief, treat it with self-compassion.
  • Dedicate: Commit to ongoing self-integration.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On shame and honesty:
  • “Shame cannot survive being spoken aloud. The thing about shame is that it eats away at you from the inside.”
    (Chrissy, 01:00)
• On language and loss:
  • “The politicization of terminating for medical reasons does leave a lot of people saying they had a miscarriage because they want to protect themselves in this world.”
    (Zucker, 10:01)
• On support:
  • “All we need is to feel the presence of our loved one... You can text, ‘I love you. I'm here for you.’ ...It's a reiteration of being consistent, psychologically available, emotionally sound, and not trying to fix or minimize or focus on something else.”
    (Zucker, 27:20)
• Chrissy on losing ashes:
  • “I don't know what could give you more shame than losing my baby. And I didn't even, like, take him out that much. And still just the not knowing... is so frustrating.”
    (Chrissy, 34:53)
• On the essence of grief:
  • “Leaning into our pain sometimes helps it dissipate.”
    (Zucker, 37:23)

Important Timestamps

• [02:20] – Dr. Zucker defines “normalizing it” and the roots of silence → shame
• [05:17] – Chrissy discusses societal myths around fertility
• [08:48] – Chrissy opens up about her loss and public scrutiny
• [09:23] – Chrissy and Dr. Zucker unpack use of “miscarriage” vs. “abortion” and language confusion
• [13:02] – Dr. Zucker details practical options for honoring a lost pregnancy
• [15:50] – Dr. Zucker recounts her own miscarriage experience
• [19:50] – Exploring postpartum depression and anxiety symptoms
• [25:42] – What not to say to someone after pregnancy loss
• [29:04] – How partners react and process loss
• [32:48] – Chrissy reflects on talking to her children and the story of the lost ashes
• [40:28] – Dr. Zucker introduces the “UPEND” framework for addressing shame

Practical Takeaways

• Sharing your story, even imperfectly, is healing for both self and others.
• Partners and friends should focus on presence and active listening, not platitudes.
• Grief is non-linear—may impact new parenthood even after a “successful” pregnancy.
• The UPEND technique is a stepwise, gentle approach to grieving and integrating loss.
• There’s no “right” timetable or way to grieve; self-compassion is essential.

For more on Dr. Jessica Zucker’s work, her Audible Original “Normalize It” is available now.