Lalah Delia: The One Habit That’s Quietly Draining Your Soul (And How to Stop It)

Summary

Podcast Summary:

Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen
Episode: Lalah Delia: The One Habit That’s Quietly Draining Your Soul (And How to Stop It)
Air Date: September 11, 2025
Host: Chrissy Teigen
Guest: Lalah Delia, author of Vibrate Higher Daily

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Main Theme and Purpose

This episode delves into the concept of "vibration" as energy—how our internal and external environments affect our well-being, and how small habits, boundaries, and intentional choices can uplift (or quietly drain) our sense of self. Chrissy and Lalah explore practical ways to protect and nurture your energy, navigate feelings of disconnection or overwhelm, and cultivate routines that support authentic self-care and growth.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Understanding Vibration and Energy Fields

• Energy is Real & Everyday: Chrissy opens with the idea that “everything is energy,” not just in a mystical sense, but in everyday interactions, self-talk, and the spaces we inhabit.
  • “The people you’re around, the way you speak to yourself, the tension you carry, the peace you protect, all of it is energy…” (00:48)
• What Does “Vibrating Higher” Mean?
  • Lalah explains that “vibration” refers to the frequency at which we exist, both physically and energetically. Using science and metaphors, she addresses misconceptions and connects scientific facts (atomic structure, frequency) to intuitive feelings (03:00).
  • “On an atomic level, we’re energy moving. We’re vibrating particles at a certain frequency…” – Lalah (03:14)
• Biofeedback and Intuition: Our bodies register the energy of environments and people before our minds do (04:00).
  • “Your body makes decisions for you before your mind even does.” – Chrissy (04:00)

2. What Drains or Elevates Your Vibration

• Distorted Beliefs and Rigid Thinking: Lalah discusses how negative self-talk and rigid beliefs can lower our vibration, while openness to self-discovery and grace amplifies it (04:34).
  • “The distortions come when what we’re thinking or believing…is making us contract, is making us rigid or dogmatic.” – Lalah (04:53)
  • Citing Lauryn Hill: “Never think that you know me; I’m just getting to know me.” (05:55)
• Small, Daily Shifts Matter: Both agree that minor changes in habit or mindset, even if incremental, are significant steps toward better energy (06:54).
  • “It’s the small things, really, that are manifesting things in our life.” – Lalah (07:14)

3. Books and Resources for Inner Work

• Lalah recommends:
  • The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy
  • The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
  • Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (07:56)
• These books underpin her philosophy of self-awareness and self-directed growth.

4. Overcoming Pride, Judgement, and Negative Energy

• Setting Aside Pride: Chrissy discusses how pride prevents openness and growth (08:42).
  • “I think people just have too much pride right now and they can’t possibly see that there could be a certain openness that they could have that would serve them better.” – Chrissy (09:10)
• Mutual Imperfection: Acceptance of universal imperfection creates room for compassion and effort without shame (09:58).
  • “The people that seem to really believe in it know that we’re a bunch of fuckups and…God damn it if we aren’t gonna try to be better.” – Chrissy (09:58)

5. Navigating Draining Environments and Relationships

• Recognizing Red Flags: Both share experiences of being drained by particular people, places, or situations, and the challenge of establishing boundaries, especially for those used to adapting or “pushing through” discomfort (10:44–16:53).
  • Chrissy admits to a lack of boundaries and how lingering shame or energy depletion often follows a draining event (13:23).
  • Lalah validates this as real “biofeedback”—our bodies’ clear messaging about what’s supportive and what’s not (15:56).

6. Boundaries, Saying No, and FOMO

• Redefining Boundaries: Lalah advocates giving yourself permission to rest and say no without guilt; “no is wellness, no is spirituality just as much as the yeses” (15:56–16:53).
• From FOMO to LOMO:
  • “The opposite of FOMO is LOMO—Love Of Missing Out.” – Lalah (17:27)
  • Reframing missed opportunities as acts of self-care, and nurturing yourself as you would a child.
  • Emphasizing the role of the “divine mother aspect”—nurturing, protective self-advocacy (18:08).

7. The Most Draining (and Elevating) Habits

• Judgment and Fear: Two key habits that lower vibration. Lalah encourages self-inquiry (“Why do I feel so passionate in that way about that?”) and reframing judgment with grace (20:27).
  • “Can I be softer? Can I give this person grace?” – Lalah (20:27)
• Softness & Mindful Speech: Chrissy notes how powerful it can be to ask for or offer softness in relationships. Lalah connects this to Thich Nhat Hanh’s teaching on “mindful speech”—it’s not just what you say, but how you say it (21:24–22:38).

8. Accepting What’s Out of Our Control

• Lalah points out that some people won’t change until they’re ready, and embodying your own values is quietly influential (23:46).
  • “They have to want it for themselves.” – Lalah (24:08)
• The real work is not returning judgment or negativity even when it’s not extended to us, and “journeying light” to minimize emotional burdens (26:28–27:22).

9. Overwhelm, Numbness, and Reconnection

• First Steps to Vibrating Higher:
  • Feeling overwhelmed? REST—let something go without guilt (29:19).
  • Feeling numb? Do something outside your routine that makes you feel alive and consider therapy if needed.
  • Get out in the world: Chrissy spots how airports and the internet give a skewed view of humanity; real-world interactions show “people are inherently good” (31:07–32:36).
  • “The more that we are willing to open up our eyes to this and not just sit in this filth…we’re able to just accept so much more and bring so much better into our lives.” – Chrissy (32:27)

10. Media Consumption, Negativity, and Taking Action

• The conversation touches on news, algorithms, and being mindful of exposure to negative content. “You vote with your view.” Take breaks, seek positive content, and support real solutions (33:13–34:56).

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Memorable Quotes

• On Energy and Vibration:
  • “If we look on an atomic level, we’re energy moving. We’re vibrating particles at a certain frequency, and so that’s vibration.” – Lalah (03:14)
• On Self-Discovery:
  • “Never think that you know me. I’m just getting to know me.” – Lauryn Hill, as quoted by Lalah (05:55)
• On Setting Boundaries:
  • “That no is wellness, that no is spirituality just as much as the yeses can seem.” – Lalah (16:53)
• On Mothering Yourself:
  • “This mothering aspect, when we really get in touch with it...this divine mother aspect of nurture, of saying, no, nope, not today.” – Lalah (18:08)
• On Judgment:
  • “Can I reframe that? Can I be softer? Can I give this person grace?” – Lalah (20:27)
• On Embodying Change:
  • “When you can stay true to that path and knowing of what you wanna see in the world, it really does make a difference.” – Lalah (24:08)
• On Letting Go:
  • “If I take all that on, it’s going to weigh me down. The lighter I am, the more I’ll bounce back.” – Lalah (27:22)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |:------------------------------------------|:---------------| | Introduction & energy as everyday reality | 00:00–02:45 | | Explaining “vibration” | 02:45–04:34 | | Signs of higher/lower vibration | 04:34–07:14 | | Recommended books | 07:14–07:56 | | Overcoming pride and judgment | 08:42–10:17 | | Boundary challenges and energy drains | 10:44–16:53 | | FOMO vs. LOMO and reframing boundaries | 17:27–20:13 | | Habits that drain or elevate vibration | 20:27–22:38 | | Mindful speech & societal impact | 22:38–24:08 | | Accepting lack of control over others | 24:08–26:28 | | Practical tools for overwhelm/numbness | 29:07–32:36 | | Media, algorithms, and world negativity | 33:13–34:56 | | Tree of Life visualization exercise | 35:11–41:05 |

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Featured Toolkit: The Tree of Life Exercise (35:11)

Lalah guides listeners through a visualization exercise to help inventory and “prune” energy-draining relationships and habits:

• Draw a tree; put names/habits on branches.
• Positive: green leaf; Negative: red flag.
• Visualize yourself removing red flags, making space for joy, support, and opportunity.

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Tone and Approach

The conversation is open, empathetic, and non-judgmental, blending honest self-reflection (including Chrissy’s candid admissions of struggles) with Lalah’s gentle, nurturing wisdom. Both embrace imperfection, ongoing growth, and the need for grace in personal evolution.

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Summary

This episode offers a grounded and fresh take on the language of “energy,” demystifying high-vibe living. Listeners walk away with validation for their lived experiences, encouragement to set boundaries, and practical strategies for nurturing their energy—including reframing FOMO, practicing mindful speech, tuning into body-based feedback, and embracing gradual progress. The “Tree of Life” exercise serves as a tangible step for protecting selfhood and fostering growth.

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Transcript

[A]

Chrissy here. Want to hear more from today's guest? Go to audible.com chrissyonaudible that's audible.com Chrissy C H R I S S Y on Audible. You're listening to Self Conscious with Chrissy Teigen, an Audible original podcast. Join me as we explore the cutting edge of health, wellness and personal growth with the world's leading experts and thinkers. From inspiring stories to actionable insights, our conversations aim to help you lead a healthier, happier and more productive life. Everything is energy. And I don't mean that in some mystical align your crystals kind of way. I mean it in the very real, everyday sense. The people you're around, the way you speak to yourself, the tension you carry, the peace you protect, all of it is energy and it's shaping how you feel, how you move, and how you show up. And that's what my next guest Leila Delia's book Vibrate Higher Daily is really all about. It's a guide to understanding your energy and taking care of it like the sacred resource it is when we're grounded, clear and making choices that feel good to our nervous system. That's us vibrating higher. And when we're drained, overwhelmed, saying yes when we actually mean no, that's when we drop out of alignment. And honestly, you feel it. Today we'll learn how to notice that shift and build routines that actually support, support you. This is not about being perfect or being high vibe all the time. It's about being honest, being intentional, and learning how to show up for yourself. Layla, Dalia, welcome to Self Conscious. I have this deep connection to nature, the earth, what it provides, people's energy. And I don't talk about it often because it does sound so Los Angeles. But there isn't much that I've ever felt connected to or something that grounds me or makes me feel at peace other than the fact that we're on this beautiful planet and feeling everything that is around us. So that's what your book is. It's such a beautiful look at being able to say thank you to that, but also understand it and understand what it's doing for you and in a very real sense. So you say that everything is energy and that we're all vibrating at different frequencies. For somebody out there that has never heard that before, how would you explain what that really means?

[B]

So vibration, it can sound like a woo woo word. And so.

[A]

Oh, I know, because it's all over like TikTok and reels and like vibes, vibes, vibes. But I wish we could take the power back from it. Because it really is such a big, beautiful, real thing.

[B]

It is. And that's what you felt in nature. That's what you feel, that connection. And so it's this ongoing communication between all things. It's what the base of what everything is, is just vibration. And I know that we look solid and we look like these figures that are just this. But if we look on an atomic level, we're energy moving. We're vibrating particles at a certain frequency, and so that's vibration. We're made up of the same thing. We hear sound. It's through vibration that we make sound, that create energy. That's vibration, and it creates all things around us. So, for instance, Nikola Tesla has this saying that if you want to think of the universe, think in terms of frequency, energy, and vibration. That's everything. And you can just bottom line it to that. So this is why someone can walk into a room and feel love, and you're like, oh, I just feel so cozy and loving here. Or they can feel the polar opposite, like, oh, I don't feel comfortable here. Maybe I should leave. Maybe I should sit. Stiff, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Even though we don't see it.

[A]

Well, that's so interesting, because you do say, too, that your body makes decisions for you before your mind even does. And that's so true. So when you walk into a room, before you even clock it consciously, you are feeling it within your body. There are rooms I've walked into where I was like, ooh, this is not meant for me.

[B]

Yeah. And that's biofeedback, and it's talking to you. And what informs that biofeedback is the energy field that is around you. There's just so much that we can see visibly, but energy is real and it's doing something. This is not just empty space around us, but it's full of something.

[A]

Can you walk us through what it feels like when we're actually vibrating higher?

[B]

You're feeling that life is open to you. You're feeling that no matter what you've been through or what you're experiencing, potential is still yours. You still have a path in front of you that can feel like vibrating higher. Vibrating higher can also feel that your thoughts and beliefs don't carry distortion. And I want to be clear, too. Vibrating higher isn't even about comparing to anyone else, really. It's you. Like, what in you feels like a distortion and what feels like freedom and power and potential within you. And you can say something like, I don't look good. In the mirror. I just never look good in my clothes. Well, we know that's a distortion because you're beautiful and you do look good, maybe. And everyone is okay to have a day when we're off. Please, can we please have an off day? No one's looking and taking pictures. We don't have to post it. Or maybe we can to make other people relate. But the distortions come when what we're thinking or believing or how we're behaving is making us contract, is making us rigid or dogmatic. All these things that take away from life and our liberation. And then vibrating higher is allowing yourself to just open up to more, to potential. And Lauryn Hill has this beautiful thing that she says, never think that you know me. I'm just getting to know me. She's like, there's new parts of me that I'm meeting every single day. So when you see me, don't think that you know me. So that's really what the human experience is, is not settling for parts of you that you don't feel empowered, but don't hate them. That's the difference. Yeah, don't hate them, but don't settle. And then continue to work in grace. That's part of vibrating higher. Vibrating higher can look so much different. It can look like I'm taking time to talk to people now. Maybe I'm guarded. It can be opening up, and you can really use vibration in different levels. How I show up with my work in the world, is it vibrating higher? Is it adding to people's lives? Is it taking away? Is it putting more distortion in the universe, more hate, more agendas that we don't wanna see? Or is it being an answer? And I think overall, the right things for us feel like medicine in so many ways. And that's how we know.

[A]

I do love how small, like almost minuscule the changes can be on, like a daily basis. And that's still higher. It is higher than yesterday. Like, there are things I could do today that would make me more proactive or productive and match where I want to be on such a small level. But what a difference.

[B]

And that's the reflection that we really are living is that it's the small things really that are manifesting things in our life. That creating things, even distortions like those distorted thoughts and beliefs, limiting beliefs is another way to say that that live in the subconscious mind. We want to get things that don't limit us in there. Thoughts, belief, remove programs, doing work to figure that out in our lives is so Important. There's a book called the power of your subconscious mind by Joseph Murphy that I highly recommend is like a must read. And I know that's on Audible and one of the books that always shows that it's spot with my book is the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. That's another one. And then the hierarchy of needs in the book, Abraham Maslow's. I forgot the name of the book.

[A]

You know what I'm talking about. Maslow's Hierarchy of Archae of Needs.

[B]

I think that is the title. Yeah, perfect. Those right there will get you going. And I wrote this book with that mindset of this book is coming from that conversation of like in the year when I wrote this book, from what I've experienced and what I have to bring to this conversation. It follows all of that. And I even quote some of these books in this book. And yeah, it's just really paying attention to life, looking at the subconscious mind and how we're moving and how we're growing and making sure we're not like going back to what we said earlier. Of all these other markers that have nothing to do with our sense of well being. Like, being able to set that aside and just be sometimes is just so helpful.

[A]

All this really makes me think of, I guess the word pride, which I feel like the work that you're doing and anyone that's on this same path, we are able to put that aside because we are able to see that we're imperfect and always growing, always learning every day. I'm a different person than I was a year ago, six months ago. I mean, truly, you know, I may have the same ethics and belief system, but I will never ever think that I'm anywhere close to knowing everything or perfecting anything. And I think like, where we are in the world politically, being able to, in the way that we speak to each other, interact with each other on a daily basis. I think people just have too much pride right now and they can't possibly see that there could be a certain openness that they could have that would serve them better, I guess.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think so much of the negativity that we witness on a daily basis just comes from people maybe even knowing that they're wrong or on the wrong path, but being too full of pride, being too prideful to ever admit that they've maybe taken a wrong turn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And what I love about this is that the people that seem to really believe in it know that we're a bunch of fuckups and we've made errors and made mistakes and gotten on the wrong path. But God damn it if we aren't gonna try to be better.

[B]

Yes, that sums it up. We are not perfect. And what you just said is like, you're beautiful own way of saying the same thing that Christ was saying in the Bible. The person without sin cast the first stone. And sin can mean different things to people. Wrongdoing. It could be missing the mark. A lot of those places that have those harsh eyes for the world. It's like that's the work to really know that I don't want to reflect that.

[A]

Have you walked into a room before and been like blown away by the negative energy?

[B]

Oh, many times back in the day, recently. Oh, yeah. And those are spaces that for me, I have to be careful because I'm the type where I can be a hermit at home. And I'm like, I'm just not going anywhere. Because home for me is such a sanctuary. Me too. Yeah, I can tell. And it's just. That's important to people like us. Like it's everything. If whatever happens in the world, home is going to be the safe place. And I think that for us, it's just so important to know when you step out. And again, that's the vibrational awareness that's the theme running through the book is vibrational awareness. To know this is a place where my energy feels welcomed. Sometimes it will not feel welcome though. And you have a mission or an assignment there. And that's the tough work too, that sometimes the work can look like, wow, this is such a beautiful thing I'm doing. But I don't feel good in the place. Right. And that could be. It's a temporary situation. Maybe it's a place you're outgrowing, a place that you won't always be in, but learning how to survive in the temporary. And it's. It's gonna respond to that because you're growing and it has to respond now with a different reality that reflects your growth. Or it will respond to a reality that you want more of that situation. But also what that can look like, real practical is just knowing when to remove yourself from those relationships, dynamics, places.

[A]

That is something that I have a lot of trouble with because I've always had to adapt and make things work my whole life. Like, even if I felt uncomfortable, I had to make it comfortable. I had to get comfortable. Like, you gotta get used to this and just get push through it. I can't think of many times where I've removed myself from a scenario or situation. Where I felt uncomfortable, I just kind of stuck it out and pressed on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But hopefully just in the way that I've gained confidence and giving myself grace and allowing myself to rest and be happy being a little hermit at home. Hopefully, like maybe in a couple years I'll be able to look back and be like, oh my gosh, I was not able to do this before, but I think what I do now is just complete avoidance of saying yes to things when I know that there's a potential where I might not feel my best there or feel accepted or. So much of my life is just having to fucking do it and just listen. It's an hour of your life. Go do it. So I do it and I press on. But I think, well, can I ask this?

[B]

How does it feel to. Do you have boundaries set around? Sometimes it will be a hard no and an easy no. Does that ever feel easy?

[A]

I don't really have many boundaries because I'm so mood based when I make decisions. You know, I can be tired today and someone will ask me if I can do an event two weeks from now. And if I'm tired today, I'll be like, oh, I'm gonna be tired then. Like I almost can't imagine. But I say yes. I say yes to so much. And then when it actually comes down to having to do it, I am just in a shit mood. I'm in dread of it. I'm exhausted after I'm there. And sometimes I don't know if you feel this way, but sometimes you can do something so simple and it'll just suck the life out of me to where I can't even really function the next day. I'm so like caught up on what was said there, what I overheard. Did I make this mistake? Did I mess up my words here? Was I weird? Was I awkward? And I dwell on it for a couple days. So sometimes the mere act of asking me to do one event for one hour, it turns into like a two day spiral of me shaming myself for something I said, something I did, or just how genuinely icky I felt from being in that room. There are certain events that the public loves to watch, we'll say, and it's a spectacle. And it seems so fun and seems like everyone is just. Everyone on the outside might watch these things and be in awe of the room or the looks or the big smiles. And those are some of the rooms I find to be the most challenging for me that really suck the energy out of me and kind of like change my Thoughts on humanity for, like, a significant period of time. And yet I will say, if I were invited back, I would do it again. And I would do it again and again. Just because I have this weird thing in my head too, where I'm constantly in awe of how lucky and blessed we are, because I think that comes with this appreciation for life. I also am like, we need to do this because one people would kill for this opportunity. I know little me would have freaked out if I got to hear that I get to be in this room. So I do it. And so there's not many boundaries, but I do feel like as I get stronger, that they're going to be there. I'm just not there yet.

[B]

And that feeling that you have, that's a very powerful feeling. It's that biofeedback that we were talking about. And that biofeedback is so real. This is just how the body can work. An event can be two weeks away and you can pick up, especially if you have sensitivities, and you can pick up energies and feelings. These are real gifts that we can have. And your body's just like, no. And your body can know that in two weeks. You need to be in the bed resting. You need to just be doing something that brings you joy. Or it could be your adrenals are just taxed and you just need extra rest. It could be also that your soul, if we can have that conversation, is like, no to the room. And then it's okay. Like, whatever that is for any of us, it's okay. That no is wellness, that no is spirituality. Just as much as the yeses can seem.

[A]

So how can those of us with super fomo, how can we still recognize that as well? Because I tend once I do set a boundary and I say no, I tend to just dwell on it for so long too, that what can I tell myself to make me feel better when I feel like I've gone in the way that my body wanted me to? But I also just suffer from incredible. Like, I can't believe I missed that. I can't believe I let that opportunity slip through my fingers. How can we negotiate that?

[B]

Yeah. The opposite of FOMO is lomo. Have you heard of lomo?

[A]

Love of missing out.

[B]

Yeah. The love of missing out.

[A]

We gotta reframe it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So totally. And reframing literally is when you read the book the Power of youf Subconscious Mind. That's literally like, what the book is gonna help you discover. So just reframe. It's like, I love Missing out. What more of that can I see? I already know it's predictive. And I can always check it out on television possibly if it's gonna be televised. Like all the things. Right. But if you start looking at. I enjoy missing out. This is my piece. Yeah, I really do. And give yourself and see that itself like that self advocacy is so important to say, you know what? I'm gonna allow you to miss out because you really look at you, you love it, right. And you start to just have this conversation with yourself that just feels n. This is another way that we take care of ourselves through the way we nurture ourselves and we don't push ourselves. And so one thing that I teach is mothering yourself through it. This way of nurturing yourself in all the ways you could think of when you're nurturing your children, there might be something you're like, yeah, go a little more. You can do that. You're good. You might push them, encourage them. And other things. You're like, no, no, no, not yet. You can see beyond maybe what they're excited to go get into at the moment. And for our own selves, this mothering aspect, when we really get in touch with it. And some people, which I believe it's like this divine mother aspect of ourself, that's the way I look at it, which is this divine attribute of the divine of God. Right. Where God is not just a male entity. Right. It has a female aspect also. It has to. If we're in a universe of polarity.

[A]

There is no way the creator and energy of this universe is male. There's just absolutely no, no way. I truly believe that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, right. And so this is a way that for you even like when you're talking about spirituality of like let me just get into this divine mother aspect of nurture, of saying, no, nope, not today. Today is a self care day or today is caring for like my nervous system and nervous system work. That's the big thing. Like when you notice those feelings to really drop into. What is my nervous system saying? Because if we go against what the nervous system is asking for, feeling that biofeedback, that's when we into these somatic symptoms like illness, sickness, it can all go all the way to hair loss and anxiety and just all the things. And the body responds in that real way. And that's how we know again that this is real. It's not just woo woo. And it's not just these concepts and words. And science is measured in this way. And we all Experience it. If we really tune in. Yeah. But I definitely say to really practice with Lomo and just really see how.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Yeah. And really see how that can be fun for you. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

What do you think are some common things that people do even without realizing it, that lowers their vibration or pulls them out of alignment?

[B]

Judgment. Fear. And these are very real feelings. And the easiest way to look at judgment is to say, why do I feel so passionate in that way about that? If I reframe that, can I be softer? Can I give this person grace? And that's vibrating low to vibrating high like that. Easy. And fear. Fear stops a lot of us. Fear will have us thinking that where we are is where we have to end up. That's the destination. And that we can't, like, cross the lawn over into, like, a new world, a new reality where courage is saying, yeah, trust. And then it helps the body, the nervous system, everything come into a higher vibration within itself where it's able to now be open to opportunities. New thoughts, new talents, new skills, new ideas, new connections, opportunities. Everything happens when we open up to vibrating higher. Yeah. So that's an example. One of them.

[A]

I have a terrible example. I watch a ton of. Bravo. We talk about it all the time on here. And I was amazed by the fact that this one man that's getting this, like, toxic relationship on the show had said he, like, looked at his girl, and he was like, I need you to be softer with me. So I thought it was so beautiful. Because we don't ask that of people very often. We say, don't talk to me like that. You're always such an asshole. You're so short. You're like. And we get in these, like, passionate fights. But those words, I need you to be softer with me were just, like, so beautiful to me. And so many people need to learn them and say them because they're in the wrong relationship or just being spoken to in a way that they'll never hear. They'll never truly understand where that other person's coming from. So just by you saying that word, we don't use that word enough.

[B]

It's very important, and it's mindfulness. Mindful speech is what Thich Nhat Hanh calls it. Another Buddhist monk, priest. I just look at him in all the ways of, like, the father of the mindfulness community, the mindfulness movement, and he teaches mindful speech. So put mindfulness in your tones, like, the tones that you speak to someone. That's everything. Sometimes they say it's not what you say, but how you say it.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. The way you speak about everything is so beautiful. And to me it's so obvious that it is the way that we should look at the world. The hardest part is that so many people don't look at it like this.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because we're so soft. And it's hard to know that other people just aren't going to embrace this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because so much of it, I know, so much of me would be better if I were afforded a certain kind of, like, softness from people or understanding. And I'm just one person. If we could be like this with our neighbor by people that we disagree with politically. And I'm talking to myself here too. How much more beautiful the world would be, how much more open we would be, how much more understanding if more people could think this way. My God. So it's just so frustrating that, like, we get to behave this way. But, my gosh, it would be so nice if other people adopted it too, because I don't think we're headed for a positive place without more people being in alignment with this.

[B]

That's a very, very powerful point. And it speaks to the point of us. There's a saying like, each one teach one or reach back for someone else. And we can do that to a certain extent. But what I found to be true is that in order for it to really take effect, they have to want it for themselves.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And until you want it for yourselves, it's just gonna be something that you're performing when it's time to turn on. And maybe you won't even turn it on when it's time, you're just like, that's not my belief. And so I think that when we can stay. And this is where embodiment comes from, because when you can stay true to that path and that knowing of what you wanna see in the world, and it really does make a difference. It really does. And even if it's just one or two or three people who agree with you, and you're helping that too, because then they have a network, and then who they're connected to has a network, and so it just begins to pay it forward in that way. And what gave me a lot of peace, because when I first was just on my path of all of this in this way, I fell into the trap of, like, I wanted to preach this to everyone, my family, and they were looking at me like crickets, you know? And if anything, maybe even judging some of it. This is a little out there. It doesn't look. Look like organized religion or what we're used to. But at the same time, I saw past that and that's the way I was able to say, oh, they just don't know yet. But not judging, but just knowing that they for some reason haven't opened up in their mind to spirituality can also look like this. Like happiness, energy, pureness. Not judging that kind of thing and not holding.

[A]

It's really hard to look at people like that and to not. And to extend them every excuse in the book all the time. When you aren't afforded that. It's a tough spot to be in.

[B]

Yeah, it is. But see, and that is so true. And this is where the work is.

[A]

You have to be okay with that.

[B]

Yeah. And it is because it can say the work can be like, oh, well, you know, I donate and I. And I'm a kind person. But then when we look deeper, are we able to not meet people with the same judgment they give us?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I know some people have the. When you think about turning the other cheek, some people are like, I'm not that. I'm not gonna be punked out. Right.

[A]

That whole thing, it's a little bit of me still in me too, for sure.

[B]

Yeah. And what that looks like in my life now. Cause when I was younger, oh, I would definitely. Like I was way too much fire. But no.

[A]

Oh, I'm like a lover of justice. I need people to know when they're wrong. It's like juggling this peaceful life full of grace and honor and making sure people don't feel judged and while still being capable of popping off at any moment.

[B]

Yeah. And it gets better as you do the work of the subconscious work of knowing that the more I react to the things that trigger me, I'm giving it power. I'm giving it power whether it's a judgment, whether it's someone calling me a name, whether it's someone, you know, treating me unkind in traffic or in a lot. The more I give it energy, the more it will exist, even in my own head. When I leave here two days later, one of the biggest hacks is to laugh it off or to say, oh, I don't have to carry that. And. And what helps me too, is just this teaching of journeying light. If I take all that on, it's going to weigh me down. I'll be heavier. The lighter I am, the more I'll bounce back. There's more resiliency, buoyancy, just in my own thoughts in life. And you don't have to carry everybody's stuff and then trusting that you will get it some kind of way. Maybe it's not my job to make you get it, but you will get it. And I don't have to live by your reality and your rules.

[A]

There are some days where I. I am fixated on someone cutting me off from days ago. Like, I'm like, that motherfucker. I'm like, how am I still dwelling on this? And I've had to, like, try to think now, like, if that was my dad driving, would I be upset with him? Like, I talk myself out of it.

[B]

Yeah. Do you ever do, like, what if they're going to the hospital?

[A]

Like, oh, all the time. Yeah. All the time. They're having a baby. They're. Yeah. Their dad's in the hospital. They're this. Yeah. I make every scenario in the book because I am capable of thinking about it way longer than any normal person would, honestly.

[B]

Yeah. So then, like, letting go, like, maybe that's like an exercise you can just try to have fun with. Like, okay, let me see what will happen if I just let it go. And I don't need the satisfaction that comes with, like, almost like, the love of missing out. Let me just have the low mo of the gratification or the satisfaction I would normally get. I just don't need that hit right now. Like, for me, like, that's what it had to end up being because, ooh, I had, like, words I could say, and I'm, like, really witty and all those things almost now when people meet me now, they're like, oh, you're just such a sweet. And they didn't know the other side. When I wasn't always like this. I mean, I wasn't, like, nasty, but, like, you. In a heartbeat, I would stand up for myself, but more so other people if they were mistreated. No, I so feel you. And that's something that we do have to really look at that even now, things can happen to me now where I do have to really quickly put it through that lens because things can get in. And it could, like, what did that mean? Or that's affecting me. That's still on me today. And I think that's okay. You know, just journeying grace there and laugh it out too. Be like, okay, you were ready to turn up.

[A]

Cause we're all still human.

[B]

And we're gonna feel those things until we leave.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's just knowing what to do with what we feel.

[A]

Yeah. So for someone out there listening who feels completely Overwhelmed, disconnected, or just numb? What do you think is the first small step toward vibrating higher that they.

[B]

Can take today if it's overwhelmed? I would say to rest, to put something down. What can I put down? Even if it's gonna be inconveniencing.

[A]

And don't feel bad about it either.

[B]

Don't feel bad about it? Yeah, that unapologetic nature. Because until you are not overwhelmed, you won't be not overwhelmed. You have to make space for a different energy to switch into a different mode. So I would say rest. And then for the person who feels numb to do more of what makes you feel alive.

[A]

Yeah. I will say I live in numbness. I don't often know my emotions or if I'm excited or happy or things happen to me and I'm like, cool, that's great. But I definitely live numb.

[B]

Do something different that looks so different than normally. What you have to get out and go do that get outside feel again. Really? That's what you're saying? Do something that feels again and even something that is completely polar opposite different. As long as it's safe to you and it feels comfortable in the far as it doesn't put you in high risk. It's a challenge, but not high risk. I think it's really, really cool to get that numbness out. If you do need to talk to a therapist, I don't wanna negate that. Really. Look at that. If it's something that you can't handle on your own, to talk it out with something. A spiritual community or a therapeutic office.

[A]

Yeah, I think for that disconnect part too. My God. It's really interesting because we put ourselves out there in these worldly spaces like the airport or something, where you're just getting a complete taste of so many different types of people. But then we take that as. This must be what is. Like, this airport sucks. It's chaotic. There's a bunch of assholes everywhere. Everyone's impatient, everybody's angry. And like, I know that. I'm like, ew, this is like a piece. This is just summing up what the world is. That's what I've always thought before when I would journey to the airport and just hate everything about it.

[B]

Journey to the airport. That makes so much sense to me. Yes. That's what it feels like.

[A]

I love that I get out in spaces that are not that. And you really connect with the people that are in your town, in your area. It really isn't. I thought the same way about the Internet. I thought Twitter was we're just merely taking parts of the population. And so Twitter should sum up the world. Right? I thought that. I thought the airport was the same way. It's just not true. There's so many different, smaller things that go into the way people behave at an airport on Twitter that lend a hand in how chaotic and terrible the energy can be in these spaces. But if you are feeling disconnected and you are able to get out amongst not just. Not your people even, but just people, you will see that there is goodness out there. I'm saying it out loud, so I tell it to myself too. So I start believing it. But I really do believe, and anytime that we're able to get out and amongst other humans, you'll see a beauty in the world. And yes, you'll remember that shit is happening overseas that is unfathomable and terrible and sad. But we can't forget that people are inherently good. I really believe that. And that the more that we are willing to open up our eyes to this and not just sit in this filth of people are negative, bad, sad, unhappy, that we're able to just accept so much more and bring so much better into our lives.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The state of the world seems so bad and scary. And a lot of the time, John brings up that it has felt this way through so many different periods of American life, and we're just experiencing it, maybe not for the first time, but like through many years of decades of our lives now, where we've felt like this has to be as bad as it gets. How could it be worse?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we kind of forget that there is beauty out in the world if we just go out and find it. But you really gotta take it upon yourself to go do it.

[B]

The saying is, you vote with your dollar, but you also vote with your view. And it's like giving views to, like, good news and showing that we want to see more positivity in the world because, again, we counter a lot of the negativity with the positivity. And I know that it looks like it's getting worse and worse and worse. And.

[A]

And it's quite literally your algorithm too, right? You're staying on that stuff longer, so they're feeding it to you.

[B]

And it's like, we wanna be informed and we wanna know the things, but also know when to take breaks, know when it's too much, know when it's a risk for you, if it's becoming too much and your nervous system and you can't function, also know your part in it is There something that I can do with what I'm feeling. Can I really put that into a physical action where I can help in some type of way that really makes a difference for people who are really disturbe and sometimes volunteering somewhere, creating something, sharing something, bringing awareness. But I would say bringing awareness in a way that doesn't feed into the fire. But there is a solution, a real tangible solution for you. That's just always been the case with world change. It comes when it's something that is gonna be really helpful and not fire meeting fire. The world can absolutely vibrate higher. And that's really what chapter four in this book is about. We can can do all the healing we want, but until we also see healing for the world, our healing is not complete.

[A]

And now for the toolkit. Each episode, our guests distill their expertise into practical and actionable insights. Today, Layla takes us through a visual and energetic exercise rooted in alignment and well being.

[B]

Okay, we're gonna do a visual exercise. I refer to this as the tree of life. The purpose is to take inventory of what's affecting us energy wise in our life. And this is a form of energy hygiene.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Draw a tree and on each of its branches place a name of a person in your life. For the people who are in your life in a positive way, draw a big green leaf on that branch. For the people who are distracting you from thriving, who are serving you in a negative way, put a red flag for these people. The red flags are really just to show the contrast. That's what the colors are for. And so anything that you feel needs to leave your field or your life, whether it's a habit, a person, a thing, you would just draw it on a branch on this tree and you can put the name of it and then a red flag. If you just want to keep that in your mind, just put a red flag and you already know what it is. For some people listening, if you do this, your tree could be covered with leaves and red flags. It may be one or two on each side and that's fine. But seeing the red flags allows you to recognize what needs pruning from your life in order for your tree to grow more full, more fruitful, more beautiful, and more healthy. After you see what needs pruning, work on it, get comfortable and close your eyes. You're just going to start seeing this tree that is in front of you. Start to populate that with the green flags in your life. Let's start with a person or people, maybe multiple people are coming up for you.

[A]

There'S so many.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You have a big tree. Yeah, I do. Big tree. And we're going to allow them to keep populating while we're slowly glancing at the other side of the tree and we notice who wants to be there. As a green leaf as well, you can allow this side of the tree to become populated with green leaves again. It could be things, people, habits, thoughts, something that brings you joy. And then as you step back, allow any red flags to begin populating. Maybe they show up one by one. Maybe they start clumping together in a certain part or section of the tree. But knowing that all these green leaves are grounding this tree and nothing is going to happen to it in this moment. But the red leaves or the red flags can show up in this moment. What's causing stress or tension? Maybe something that feels like a no, but you've been saying yes. Maybe it's a belief, the way you've been looking at yourself, talking about yourself. Maybe it's something like fear. Maybe it's something that you're ready to release, that you don't even have a name for. And what you do now, as you step back, feel this immense amount of authority and love and care within yourself and nurturing and recognizing that this beautiful green tree deserves to be in your life. And it gets to continue being in your life because you're here to take care of it unapologetically. Visualize yourself now clipping those, because we know that it is taking energy from the rest of this beautiful tree of life that you have in front of you. Maybe you see yourself taking those flags and putting them in the fire to burn off, to burn away, to dissolve. Good. And now take a look back at your tree. Notice the space that has opened up now that the red flags are no longer there. This is space to breathe. Breathe space for new opportunities, new experiences, connections, blessings, miracles. See yourself standing in front of this tree and taking in any message in this moment that this living, energetic tree has to give you. Maybe even ask it a question that's on your heart and just feel what it's communicating to you back if you bring your hands to your heart and just within yourself saying, thank you, thank you for pruning. Thank you for opening up space in my life. And your tree of life is now even better, vibrating even higher. And you just take this with you into your day, into your week and into the days to come, and knowing that you can come back and prune anytime you need to. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you. So beautiful. I never take the time to do stuff like that. But it's so I say I never take the time. I never make the time, I guess.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I need to make the time. Yeah, that's. That's powerful way to say it. Yeah. That tree of life. Beautiful. That just symbolizes the world around us, that we have the option and the authority to just really nurture all the more.

[A]

Thank you so much for being here today.

[B]

Thank you, Chrissy. Thank you for having me. This was so fun.

[A]

This was so fun. Thank you so much. Layla. I want to thank you for joining me today on Self Conscious. Vibrate Higher Daily by Leila Delia is available on Audible. Until then, tune in, turn on and feel better. This is Chrissy Teigen and you've been listening to Self Conscious, an Audible original podcast. This has been an Audible original produced by Audible and Huntley Productions, hosted by Chrissy Teigen Written and directed by Jimmy Jelinek Executive Producer Jimmy Jelinek Chrissy Teigen Executive Producer for Audible Stacy Creamer Head of Creative Development at Audible Kate Navin Chief Content Officer Rachel Giazza Copyright 2024 by Audible Originals, LLC Sound Recording Copyright 2024 by Audible Original.