Felipe Esparza

Summary

Podcast Summary: Senses Working Overtime with David Cross – Episode Featuring Felipe Esparza

Release Date: May 1, 2025

In this engaging episode of "Senses Working Overtime with David Cross," host David Cross sits down with acclaimed comedian Felipe Esparza to delve into a wide array of topics ranging from the intricacies of the comedy world to personal anecdotes and reflections on sobriety. The conversation is rich with humor, insightful exchanges, and candid discussions, making it a must-listen for comedy enthusiasts and curious minds alike.

---

1. Opening Banter and Initial Miscommunication (00:02 - 01:15)

The episode begins with a light-hearted moment as David Cross navigates a technical snafu, humorously referencing the term "snafu" and setting a relaxed tone for the conversation. Felipe Esparza briefly participates, establishing the camaraderie between the hosts.

• David Cross [01:15]: "You're on a plot, so you can't be a plot."

2. Dissecting 'Snafu' and Favorite Wars (02:03 - 02:30)

David introduces the term "snafu," explaining its military origins from World War II and the Vietnam War. The discussion takes a playful turn as Felipe shares his unique take on his favorite war.

• Felipe Esparza [02:20]: "Grenada."

3. Television Show Insights and Recommendations (02:30 - 04:50)

The duo explores various TV shows, exchanging recommendations and personal favorites. Felipe mentions his recent binge on shows like "Killing Eve," "Murders in the Building," and "Severance," highlighting his appreciation for intricate storytelling and character development.

• Felipe Esparza [04:32]: "I watched the first five episodes, maybe."

4. The Intersection of AI and Comedy (12:00 - 18:33)

A significant portion of the conversation delves into the role of Artificial Intelligence in the comedy landscape. They discuss AI's potential in crafting routines, writing scripts, and even generating personalized content like thank-you notes.

• David Cross [17:37]: "Well, then you'd be like, 'I'm trying to think of a comic that would fit.'"
• Felipe Esparza [18:09]: "I will use AI. Like if I have to send a hundred thank you notes..."

The discussion touches on the limitations of AI in understanding humor's nuanced nature, emphasizing the irreplaceable human touch in comedic storytelling.

5. Personal Struggles, Sobriety, and Resilience (24:40 - 29:01)

Felipe opens up about his past battles with substance abuse, detailing his journey to sobriety since 2009. The candid conversation sheds light on the challenges comedians often face behind the scenes, highlighting resilience and personal growth.

• Felipe Esparza [24:45]: "I haven't done Coke since 2011. Sad."
• David Cross [25:00]: "Wow. That is two years of doing coke without me."

They discuss coping mechanisms, the importance of support systems, and the impact of sobriety on personal and professional lives.

6. Stand-Up Comedy Journey: From Open Mics to Success (32:38 - 36:28)

The dialogue transitions to their respective journeys in the stand-up comedy scene. David recounts his beginnings in Atlanta, moving to Boston, and eventually establishing himself in Los Angeles. Felipe shares his start at the Natural Fudge Comedy Theater (now Silver Lake Theater) in Los Angeles, meeting influential figures like Steven Wright and nurturing his craft.

• David Cross [35:15]: "Your manager at the time, Tim Sarkis."
• Felipe Esparza [36:28]: "Yeah, twice at Just for Laughs."

They discuss the evolution of their styles, the importance of perseverance, and the influence of mentors in shaping their careers.

7. Anecdotes and Celebrity Encounters (39:00 - 47:18)

Felipe shares entertaining stories from his time working at Dodger Stadium, including interactions with celebrities like Stephen Wright and a humorous encounter involving Lindsay Wagner. These anecdotes provide a glimpse into the often unpredictable nature of life in the entertainment industry.

• Felipe Esparza [40:24]: "I walked up, 'Hey, you're one of my favorite comedians, Mr. Steven Wright.'"
• David Cross [44:43]: "She wants to hear shit."

They humorously discuss mistaken identities, the absurdity of celebrity culture, and the importance of maintaining genuine interactions amidst fame.

8. Upcoming Shows and Projects (58:25 - 59:49)

As the conversation nears its end, Felipe promotes his upcoming performances across major cities, including New York City at the Town Hall, San Diego, and Houston alongside fellow comedians Paul Rodriguez and Nate Jackson.

• Felipe Esparza [58:58]: "I'll be performing in New York City at the Town Hall."
• David Cross [58:38]: "That's a good place. That's a nice, nice little theater."

He also introduces his own podcast, "History for Fools," co-hosted with Butch Escobar, where they discuss historical events with humor and depth.

9. Family Interaction: Daughter’s Question (60:01 - 61:58)

In a heartwarming segment, David shares a question from his seven-year-old daughter: "Why can't dogs talk?" The exchange showcases the blend of humor and affection that underpins their interaction, highlighting the familial aspect of David's life amidst his comedic persona.

• Daughter [60:01]: "Why can't dogs talk?"
• Felipe Esparza [60:23]: "You heard barking. That's talking, silly."

Felipe offers a playful and imaginative response, demonstrating the camaraderie and mutual respect between the host and guest.

---

Conclusion

The episode concludes with heartfelt thanks and final promotional remarks, encouraging listeners to check out Felipe's upcoming shows and his podcast endeavors. The blend of insightful discussions, personal stories, and humorous banter makes this episode a standout installment in "Senses Working Overtime with David Cross."

Notable Quotes:

• Felipe Esparza [02:20]: "Grenada."
• David Cross [17:37]: "I'm trying to think of a comic that would fit."
• Felipe Esparza [18:09]: "I will use AI. Like if I have to send a hundred thank you notes..."
• Felipe Esparza [24:45]: "I haven't done Coke since 2011. Sad."
• David Cross [25:00]: "Wow. That is two years of doing coke without me."
• Felipe Esparza [36:28]: "Yeah, twice at Just for Laughs."
• David Cross [44:43]: "She wants to hear shit."
• Felipe Esparza [58:58]: "I'll be performing in New York City at the Town Hall."
• Felipe Esparza [60:23]: "You heard barking. That's talking, silly."

This episode not only entertains but also offers a profound look into the lives of comedians, the challenges they face, and the personal triumphs they celebrate. Felipe Esparza's candidness and humor, paired with David Cross's insightful hosting, create a memorable and impactful listening experience.

Transcript

[David Cross]

This is a Headgum podcast with new McValue and McDonald's. You get more than you expect for breakfast. Like buy a sausage burrito and add a sausage McMuffin for a dollar. Get more than you expect with new MCvalue at McDonald's. Prices and participation may vary. Ballot for item of equal or lesser value. Jesus. You can take your choice. That's Chris, that's Emma.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

No, that one is not that one. Or that one. You're gonna go. All right. Jumping right in.

[Felipe Esparza]

It's fine.

[David Cross]

It's not. I'm not judging or anything like that. Okay, well, thanks for coming in. Sorry about the little snafu there. Tech thing. Oops. Okay. Bless you.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, that's the second time I hear the word snafu.

[David Cross]

You know, that's a. That's a. What is it? Anagram. When it's a word that's made of the letters or other words. That's an anagram, right? Snafu.

[Felipe Esparza]

I heard it in Fargo. That comedian guy with a beard. I don't know his name. He was in.

[David Cross]

The TV show Fargo or the movie. The comedian.

[Felipe Esparza]

I'm sorry for that. Little Miss Snafu. So, yeah, he was. He was. He was a lawyer.

[David Cross]

Okay. I don't know his name in real life or.

[Felipe Esparza]

He's a stand up comic. Yeah, I just came at the Ice House.

[David Cross]

Snafu stands for Situation Normal all fucked up. And I believe it goes back to either World War II or the Vietnam War. What's your favorite war?

[Felipe Esparza]

Mine?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Grenada.

[David Cross]

Grenada with over an hour. Yeah, True. If you're gonna have a war, that should be it, right?

[Felipe Esparza]

That company Clean. You made a movie about that?

[David Cross]

Yeah, well, it wouldn't. It would be a short movie. Yeah, that's the thing. You gotta be at least 90 minutes, you know, if you want to. You want to stream that stuff. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I remember being a little kid and in elementary school and I guess people were still talking about the draft. Yeah, it was 79, I guess. I don't know. I don't know when Vietnam wars ended.

[David Cross]

When was the pullout of the fall of saigon was what, 73, I think.

[Felipe Esparza]

73, huh?

[David Cross]

Yeah. Was that right? I'm not sure. Don't quote me on that. It feels like 73. Ish. Yeah. So. But we kept bombing anyway.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, the actor, he's on that show Parks and Rec.

[David Cross]

Oh, Chris Pratt. No, no, because he's a stand up. Right? Gosh.

[Felipe Esparza]

Not Aziz with a mustache and a beard.

[David Cross]

Oh, Nick Offerman.

[Felipe Esparza]

Nick Offerman.

[David Cross]

Nick Offerman. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

The One starting for the snafu.

[David Cross]

He's great. Did you see. Oh, gosh, what was it? The last of us in the series. Oh, man, he has. There's like kind of a one off episode with him and the guy who was in the first White Lotus. Murray Bartlett, I believe his name is. Australian actor. And it's just. It's so good. And they're both. The acting is just phenomenal, and Nick was amazing at that. But you haven't seen it, so.

[Felipe Esparza]

No.

[David Cross]

Okay. Do you have any interest in seeing it?

[Felipe Esparza]

I watch it now because you said.

[David Cross]

Okay. What, what. What are. What shows are you watching now? What are you.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, man, I just finished watching Killing Eve.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

And then I. Then I. When I started watching Murders in the Building. Okay, that one's done. Then.

[David Cross]

I wasn't that into that. I watched the first. I don't know, five episodes maybe, and.

[Felipe Esparza]

It was like the Search Party.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, that was good.

[Felipe Esparza]

I would do that fast. And then now, man, the one on. On Apple Severance.

[David Cross]

Severance is great.

[Felipe Esparza]

That one.

[David Cross]

That is my favorite me current show. I mean, I love it, love it, love it, love it.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I'm watching right now Apple cider.

[David Cross]

Oh, the lady, the. The light.

[Felipe Esparza]

About cancer.

[David Cross]

Yeah, Light of the.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Influencer or whatever.

[Felipe Esparza]

It's weird because I went to. I went to a. To see a documentary about this woman. She's an actress. And I was there with a bunch of Latino actors. Issa Morales was there, that's the biggest guy I recognized. And she. She showed a documentary how she beat cancer doing some kind of juicing. Oh, it was this lady that was in that lady. Another Latina lady.

[David Cross]

Oh, wow.

[Felipe Esparza]

And they share a whole document.

[David Cross]

Dozen.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. I don't know how true it was, but she looked healthy.

[David Cross]

But she could have been lying from the beginning.

[Felipe Esparza]

No idea. Yeah, because I was there with another. Another actor named Pepe Serna, and he's from Corpus, and he was telling me he was making me laugh on the side of the documentary. I went to the chemo. Fuck this.

[David Cross]

Yeah. That's not a documentary you want to be laughing through. I think that might not be a good look.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. He's a crazy actor, though.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

You run to a lot of old actors.

[David Cross]

Sure.

[Felipe Esparza]

Well, I run into a lot of old Latino actors like Pepe Serna. He's so funny.

[David Cross]

That name sounds familiar to me.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, he's been. He's been a lot of stuff. And he was telling me that he dated Farrell Foster.

[David Cross]

Anyway, he's talking to me, so he's Old, though.

[Felipe Esparza]

He's talking with. Doing a. During the documentary. He's making me laugh. He goes, you know, he goes, did you know I did a Farah Fawcett? No, I didn't know that. When we went to high school together in Corpus Christi.

[David Cross]

Oh, wow. All right. There you go. So he's. He's quite old.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah. What was I gonna say? Something you remind me of. Oh, did you see. I just watched it last night. Emilia Perez.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, I haven't.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

It's a musical, right?

[David Cross]

It is, yeah. It's not. It's not. I wouldn't call it, like, a standard musical. Like, it's not a thing where you. I mean, it is Greece.

[Felipe Esparza]

There's acting then.

[David Cross]

It's not like Grease. No, it's not. I mean, it is. It's a. It's a dramatic movie with occasionally their songs here and there.

[Felipe Esparza]

Like Rock and Roll Cops when we were little.

[David Cross]

Oh, Cop Rock.

[Felipe Esparza]

Little Cop Rock.

[David Cross]

I do remember that. Yeah. That was a head scratcher.

[Felipe Esparza]

That was not like that.

[David Cross]

It was not a. No, not like that. That was a bad idea. That's got to be one of the worst ideas, the. The ones that stand out from being a kid. Cop Rock. Definitely remember that. It was just silly. It was silly.

[Felipe Esparza]

Silly.

[David Cross]

And there was a sledgehammer. No, what was that?

[Felipe Esparza]

You see? Sledgehammer.

[David Cross]

Wait, that was the. Like, it was a cop.

[Felipe Esparza]

But it was like.

[David Cross]

But it was jokey, right?

[Felipe Esparza]

It was like.

[David Cross]

Wasn't that a good show? Wasn't that funny?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, funny. It was like a slapstick.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I'm just talking about, like, really bad ideas, like musical cops, musical procedural, you know, like, whatever. It's a bad idea. And then there was one in the 70s, early 80s that was called. I think was called Super Train, and it was about a luxury. This is for real. It's basically like Love Boat but on a train. So it's a luxury train, and you got to know the crew and there were romances. I mean, it's just the same idea in it. On a Train.

[Felipe Esparza]

The Love Boat. On a train, yeah. With some Fantasy island mixed in a little bit.

[David Cross]

Fantasy Island, I bet. Yeah. I bet. I bet there was a sprinkle, because why not? That was successful, too. And that was back in the day where just, like, there wasn't a whole lot of originality.

[Felipe Esparza]

Fantasy island. When you watch it now, it was like a black mirror type of show. Right. Because they went into these different worlds.

[David Cross]

But really, that also was ridiculous in part because it was a network show, so they couldn't really get dive into, like do a deep dive into, you know, human psycho analytical shit. So I do remember a couple, I think they had, I believe it was Lonnie Anderson was on Fantasy island and she wanted to be attractive. And that was the woman, the hot big tit blonde from WKRP in Cincinnati. And so they did that classic thing where they put her hair up and she had glasses on. And then to become extremely attractive, she took her glasses off and put her hair down. And I just remember thinking, boy, she could have saved a lot of money, you know, because they present it as like, you know, it's like 20 grand to do this thing and this back in the day. And when that meant something. And if somebody had just said take her at night, she must have taken her glasses. She was surely she wouldn't sleep with her glasses on. And then I imagine her hair was down sometimes. So she never caught herself in the mirror and said, I just went from the most unattractive woman to the most attractive woman. And all I did. She had to go to this island. And I'm sure there were NDAs signed, they hooded masks. So you can't, you know, they like kidnap you so you don't know where you're going. Where the island is kind of like squid games and that'd be a good crossover. Squid games and Fantasy Island. How about that?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. Be awesome.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I always wonder like when, when the people are in their fantasy and they want to get out, then Ricardo Mozoban will show up as a character in their mood, in their scene, like they're in Mexico, like they're like in Germany. He shows up with a, with a helmet. He goes, so you want to leave now? Have you had enough?

[David Cross]

I don't remember that.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. He will pop in every once in a while. He'll be a character in their fantasy. And they go, there was John. Have you had enough? Do you want to leave?

[David Cross]

But he would still talk exactly like Ricardo Montaman. Yeah. I wonder if who was behind Fantasy Island. I'm going to guess it was Jeffrey Epstein or Jeffrey Epstein to Jason had something to do with Fantasy island and how it worked and how they got everybody there and the money behind it. Right. That's why he was doing what he was doing, so he could fund Fantasy Island. That was his real true love.

[Felipe Esparza]

Him and Ernest Balin.

[David Cross]

Him and Aaron Spelling. That's exactly right. And Candy. Don't leave out candy. And little, little Tori. I worked on a film with Tori Spelling.

[Felipe Esparza]

Tori Spelling, yeah. Wow.

[David Cross]

His Aaron Spelling's Daughter.

[Felipe Esparza]

That's how she looks just like him now.

[David Cross]

Dead. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh.

[David Cross]

Oh, well, all right. And, oh, before we go any further, is there anything you want to plug? Let's make sure. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

How about Netflix special? Just came out two days ago. Raging Fool.

[David Cross]

Raging Fool. Well, congratulations. That's nice. That's why you're here.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay. All right. Sometimes I come in and I. I mean, I don't know how many of these have done now, but initially they were kind of all friends of mine. And then it kind of branched out to people I sort of knew, you know, had a new in, you know, various tangential ways. Some people I hadn't met. And then now we're into people I've never met before and really know very little about. And you're going to fill it in for me.

[Felipe Esparza]

You find that weird when you meet somebody that you don't know, but they know everything about you and all the work you put in?

[David Cross]

Oh, not. Not anymore. I mean, initially it was kind of, you know, a little off putting, but it's a better problem to have. It's not a problem. I shouldn't say problem, but now. Now it just makes more sense, especially as everything's been built up and I'm. I'm in the process of dying. Not anytime soon, but definitely I'm. I'm heading that way, you know? And so I would want to ask.

[Felipe Esparza]

You, did you play the same character and waiting for Guffman and Men in Black?

[David Cross]

No.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, because I'm waiting for government. You're like standing in front of a Martian landing.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Felipe Esparza]

And you're describing the. The. The. The way the field is.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And then you say, if you stand right here, it's a little bit colder when you stand outside of the circle. And then when you went. And Men in Black, you, like, knew everything about the guys about aliens and everything about Martin Lipe.

[David Cross]

You're the first person that's ever made that connection. Yeah, Maybe a distant relative. Yeah, because that guy was in. Where was he? Texas. Where. Where does Waiting for Government take place? I can't remember.

[Felipe Esparza]

It's in. In some town somewhere.

[David Cross]

That much I could have guessed. Yeah, it is definitely in some town somewhere. We shot it in Texas, but I don't. Oh, right, right, right, right. Kansas, Missouri. Missouri, sure.

[Felipe Esparza]

But one of those places where I know that Jacobs Mirnoff is popular there in Stand Up.

[David Cross]

Oh, Missouri. Yeah, yeah. Yakov Smirnoff has his own theater, his own show, I heard. Yeah. In Branson, Missouri. And I heard. And this is going to be exciting for the people that go to his shows. But I heard he wrote a new joke about 17 years ago that he's doing, so that's nice.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, yeah. The thing that was called. We have in Russia. We have that Russian car. It says, don't go, don't leave. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Is that. Is that a real Jakob Smear out? I bet.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because America. Yeah. American Express card. Don't leave home without it. And we have the Russian card. It says, don't leave. I got the Mexican. Mexican credit card. He would take out a knife.

[David Cross]

That's a classic. Yakov. Yeah, that's good. Now, if. If. If AI can do anything, it can write a new set for Yakov Smirnoff. And no one.

[Felipe Esparza]

It will.

[David Cross]

You just be seamless. No one. It wouldn't skip a beat. You wouldn't. You just fill it in and you can get an animatronic. Yakov. I don't think the people there have. Who are going to see him have the particularly good eyesight. They're an advanced stages of cataracts and whatnot. And so you could just put an automatron. Yakov. Automatron with the mouth moves and lips flap. And they get AI to write a new act, but just plug in. All right, what's the Russian version of this American saying? And then, you know, he'll probably be.

[Felipe Esparza]

Like, in America, you have Discovery card. In Russia, we have to do this. Thank you, AI. My wife had AI write my bits and they were like. Like, they just. There's no punchlines.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

AI doesn't know, like, set a punchline. They just write the whole joke. Like a whole. Like a story, a whole premise with no punchline.

[David Cross]

Well, then you'd be like, I'm trying to think of a comic that would fit. I'm sure there's somebody who's a storyteller. Comic with no punchlines. Yeah, with or like seven or. They're not funny. You don't even know it's a punchline until later. You're like. You're leaving the theater going, oh, I think he was. I think the thing where he was talking about the oranges and the difference between the oranges and the tangerines and how he mixed up the bag and all that stuff. I think that was. I think that was supposed to be funny. You know, something occurs to you later. Oh, that was supposed to be the. The button on the bit. I get it. I see now, yeah. So it's technically a joke, but. Yeah, I see. Would you use AI if offered?

[Felipe Esparza]

I Will use AI. Like if I have to send a hundred thank you notes or my wife. My wife's sister got married and she, she gave everybody like homework and for a year from now, let's do. So a year from now, everybody had to. All the guests that were invited, they had to write something real nice about the way. About the. About them, the couple, wife and groom, you know that. Oh, man, I'm so glad you guys been together whole year. AI wrote it.

[David Cross]

Yeah. That's a pretty. That is a. That is a. Definitely a clever application of that. I meant more for a stand up routine. But I love that answer that. Yeah. You got to write 100 thank you notes.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes. That recommendation for somebody you don't really care about or know anything about. AI will just.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Fuck.

[Felipe Esparza]

Perfect.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Resume boom.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Movie script. I don't know.

[David Cross]

No, no. Although in with the vast majority of movies that get made. Sure, why not? You know? And that's, that's. Isn't that the fear that everybody has is that it'll replace. Not that like, oh, we're not going to have Shakespeare anymore. We're not going to have Pinter or Mammoth or Schrader or whoever. And the real fear is like, oh, we're not going to. Because no one's going to give a shit. And they're still going to go see Fast and Furious 27 and that can be written by a computer and then people are out of work.

[Felipe Esparza]

I know, right? Because AI's not gonna take over. No scripts. Because most of those movies are gonna be musical anyways.

[David Cross]

I hope so, because I was in.

[Felipe Esparza]

Denver and I'll come in at the theater and they were putting out a poster for the next showing in three months and somebody decided to make Die Hard into a musical. It's called.

[David Cross]

As a joke, though.

[Felipe Esparza]

I'm not joking. No, Yippee. I ain't. It's the name of the musical.

[David Cross]

Yeah, but it's got to be tongue in cheek, right? It's not a real. You're not supposed to feel the gravity of the situation, are you?

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't know, man. They must have a little tunnel with a little light where he's singing.

[David Cross]

No way. Felipe, you're with me. Yeah. You're with me, right?

[Felipe Esparza]

So it's called Yippee I Yay. Whatever he says.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah. Yippee Kaya.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yippee ki yay is the name of the musical.

[David Cross]

Chris, will you look that up? Because I'm having trouble believing this.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man.

[David Cross]

Yippee ki yay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes.

[David Cross]

I'm I believe it. I believe you. That there's this musical. But I'm. I'm saying it can't be that serious. There has to be some sort of. Yeah, yeah. Exists. But it's a parody. That's what I'm saying. All right, thank you. All right. That's what I'm saying. Okay, okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Like Outsiders, the musical.

[David Cross]

Well, that's not a parody. That's a legit musical. Have you seen Omar? Hello. Do you. Are you from. Sorry, Are you from New York? Are you based. Los Angeles? Is. But you've been to New York before, surely? Yeah. Do you ever go see shows on Broadway or off Broadway?

[Felipe Esparza]

No, the only show I ever saw was an. It was off Broadway, but it was an la. It was called Point Break Live now.

[David Cross]

So it's Point Break the movie.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes.

[David Cross]

About a live show. How does that work?

[Felipe Esparza]

Well, they have all the central characters already booked. You know, actors in the play, and they have an audition, a live audition while the show's going on to have someone in the audience play Keanu Reeves. So they grab a Keanu Reeves, random.

[David Cross]

Oh, so it's a fun show. It's a silly. Got it.

[Felipe Esparza]

A fun guy. A guy from the audience and they suit him up to pee. To be Agent Utah. And they have a woman with a cue cards. She follows him through the whole play and he has to. He reads the lines off the cue cards.

[David Cross]

That sounds like every time.

[Felipe Esparza]

There's thing.

[David Cross]

That's the only show you've ever seen.

[Felipe Esparza]

I went to see Mozart. And I went to go see the Marriage of Figaro.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

I saw Phantom.

[David Cross]

Those are operas, right?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, Phantom of the Opera. I saw.

[David Cross]

I'm not an option.

[Felipe Esparza]

Chicago.

[David Cross]

Okay, well, that's a musical.

[Felipe Esparza]

Chicago.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

But these are all. I never, like, bought tickets to go to these places. Women took me to go see them. They invited me.

[David Cross]

You say women invited you?

[Felipe Esparza]

Dates. They invited me.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

But I never, like, went out my way.

[David Cross]

So you became known as the guy who will go to musicals with you. Yeah, because so they would. They were like, I want to go see Chicago, but I want to go with a guy, and none of my friends or, you know, friends with benefits want to go. Oh, I know this one guy, comic. He'll go to the musical with you.

[Felipe Esparza]

And keep me laughing the whole night.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And then did you have to put out for that kind of thing or is it transactional?

[Felipe Esparza]

I told her I'm not like that no more.

[David Cross]

And how'd they take that?

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh.

[David Cross]

You have very white, straight teeth.

[Felipe Esparza]

Thank you, man.

[David Cross]

You have some good teeth there.

[Felipe Esparza]

Thank you. Last comic standing winner. Oh, the Martin were really bad before. Like, really bad.

[David Cross]

Oh, and you, you spent the money on. Oh, yeah, Well, I can tell. I mean, that they. You look good.

[Felipe Esparza]

My teeth were really bad before, but because of constant smoking of crack, you know, and they just. There were. And then, like, I remember a comic was giving me a ride in Atlanta and I made fun of his coat. I said, whoa, man, what kind of coat is this? Where are you going? The Regal beagle. And because he was like 50, he got the reference.

[David Cross]

And then I got it. The regal beagle.

[Felipe Esparza]

He goes, larry, here. And I closed the door. And I closed the door right in my mouth.

[David Cross]

Wait, I don't understand. Oh, as you're getting in.

[Felipe Esparza]

Getting in. I slammed the door right in my mouth.

[David Cross]

That's what you get. That's what you get, Felipe.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I didn't fix it. Yeah, they rot away and.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, they're up from the inside out, right?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[C]

Hello, it is Ryan. And we could all use an extra bright spot in our day, couldn't we? Just to make up for things like sitting in traffic, doing the dishes, counting your steps, you know, all the mundane stuff. That is why I'm such a big fan of Chumba Casino. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino style games that you can play for free, anytime, anywhere with daily bonuses. So sign up [e-mail]. that's chumbacasino.com.

[Felipe Esparza]

No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[David Cross]

So. But it was mostly crack. It wasn't those crack and meth. Yeah, methyl, really.

[Felipe Esparza]

But I only spoke like meth once or maybe three times. But the rest was just crack cocaine.

[David Cross]

And yeah, cigarettes, that'll do it.

[Felipe Esparza]

But now I'm sober. Like, I haven't drank since 2000. 2009.

[David Cross]

Oh, sorry to hear that.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I haven't done Coke since 2011. Sad. But yeah.

[David Cross]

So you. Wow. That is. I don't think I've ever done coke and not been drinking. So that's interesting.

[Felipe Esparza]

Me too.

[David Cross]

You did, but. So you did coke. Well, if you sobered up in 2009 and then stopped coke in 2011, that's two years of doing coke without.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, I actually stopped everything in 2009. Like Coke and everything.

[David Cross]

Oh, I think I thought you said 2011 is when you stop Coke. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Felipe Esparza]

2009, I stopped drinking and doing coke and everything. I've never done coke Sober, Like I'm saying.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's like not a sober. Yeah, exactly, exactly. That's why I was surprised. Like, whoa, you did it for two years without me.

[Felipe Esparza]

I want to talk to my wife about it. And I got. He goes, I would. I remember like wanting to do coke at 2 o'clock in the morning after a show at 3 and I'm drunk already.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And then, well, that's what's there for. I would wait. My friend would tell me, no, bro, we ain't gonna get a bag till noon the next day. And then I would get mad because I will go to sleep and I wake up not wanting to do coke. And then I would get very upset that they didn't want to do it no more.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Felipe Esparza]

But I wanted to do it four hours ago.

[David Cross]

Sure.

[Felipe Esparza]

When I was wide awake.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a oft told tale. Yeah. The doing coke first thing in the morning when you're on a bender is such a. It's both great and awful at the same time. You know that thing where it's day two, you slept just because you ended up crashing at some point, and then you wake up, you got a bunch of blow, and the decision is like, do I just go back to sleep or do I keep this thing going? And then you make the decision, I'll just do a little bit. And then you're into the second of your 48 hours up and completely wasted.

[Felipe Esparza]

What the long have you been up?

[David Cross]

I did this dumb experiment and so I was flying back from Shanghai, China, and decided I was going to stay up the entire time we had a layover in San Francisco. And I'm not. I can't remember exactly how long I was up for, but it really. And I was drinking, you know, pretty much straight through. And I remember calling my friend Mark Rivers. I was in on a stoop in San Francisco and I started crying. I was like, I don't know if I can do it, man. This would probably be, I don't know, 30 plus hours at this point. And. And he's like, well, then don't go. What are you doing? You know, like, he was not. And hearing his reaction, which is of course was normal. Like, you're having a meltdown, dude. Go to sleep and. And nobody cares. You're not. What are you. You're not getting an award. There's no medal. There's no, you know, this isn't a thing that is beneficial in any way. What, so you're gonna go, I did it. You know, like And I was like, yeah, you're right, man, I can't do this. And it was. Yeah. So I'm gonna guess it was like 30 something hours.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. I remember my daughter calling me and she was the coked out and it was the same situation like you. She was feeling bad. He goes, oh, I feel so bad. He goes, I was up and I, and I, and I was sober. I said, listen, nobody knows. Nobody knows that you were up for three days. Nobody knows that you were cooked out. Nobody knows you were drunk. Yeah, nobody knows. He goes, just go to sleep.

[David Cross]

Go to sleep.

[Felipe Esparza]

Wake up. Nobody knows. Only you know. You're going to feel bad, cry it out. Yeah, but it's going to go away in three days. You're going to feel like doing it again.

[David Cross]

You just remember this. Yeah. And remember this feeling.

[Felipe Esparza]

That's why I would not go to sleep. Because I don't want to have that feeling. I was the longest I ever stood up with five days straight.

[David Cross]

Like what is.

[Felipe Esparza]

Stop.

[David Cross]

But what I. Yeah, I've never done. I don't know even know what my, my mind would be melted at that point. You know, I don't even know how that works.

[Felipe Esparza]

I was like non stop with this. With some. Well, I did it with a bunch of people five days straight. But so the, the last time my, my friend who I did it with five days straight, he, he text me recently and he wanted to come to a show. He said he saw me but I didn't text him back cuz I'm worried. Like is he sober or.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Or he wants to party.

[David Cross]

Right?

[Felipe Esparza]

Cuz I party hard with this guy. And now the last time, that was.

[David Cross]

Literally the last time he did it. Oh wow.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, because we were doing. I never done Xanax and we were doing coke and Xanax.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Felipe Esparza]

He was telling me, no, man, you gotta slow after every bump you go, you gotta slow it. You gotta slow down your heart. Take some of this.

[David Cross]

Yep. You gotta craft your buzz. As David Lee Ross would say.

[Felipe Esparza]

Vodka and cranberry juice.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Sorry. My shoes. Got something sticking it or something. All right, I'm taking them off a rocker. Please don't have, don't be offended.

[Felipe Esparza]

Mushrooms? Never.

[David Cross]

Mushroom socks. Yes. That was a gift. There we go. I don't know what that was. I think it was a piece of my shoe. See my shoes coming off because I treat these like those sketch. Sketcher step ins. But they're not. So they're all kind of torn up in the back here.

[Felipe Esparza]

That happened to me. I wore My shoes like that, and I'm just like you. I only tie them once and they become slip ons.

[David Cross]

Yep.

[Felipe Esparza]

So the grinding of the heel, I built like a bunch of lint.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

A little lint turned into a ball.

[David Cross]

That's what I think that was. I think that's what that was. Yeah. Not very practical. Lazy. And now I. Now I have to stick my finger in there like a shoehorn.

[Felipe Esparza]

So you're a San Francisco comic or New York comic?

[David Cross]

Neither. I'm what you start at. I started in Atlanta.

[Felipe Esparza]

Punchline.

[David Cross]

Yeah, in Sandy Springs. This is pre. How old are you?

[Felipe Esparza]

55.

[David Cross]

Okay. I'm 60. So this was Sandy Springs, which is with Marcy. Marcy.

[Felipe Esparza]

She's. She's a manager there. Older lady. Long.

[David Cross]

No, this is a guy. This is a guy named Chris De Petta.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, Chris Depetta.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Okay. So this was. I was 17. It was just about turn 18 when I did my first open mic there. And. And then I, you know, I got work here and there. It took me, you know, did a bunch of open mics. And also there was a comedy club called the Comedy Spot, which was further down Roswell Road that isn't there anymore, but they gave me work, too. And then I went from there. I did it in Atlanta for about a year and a half, and then I went to Boston and really, like, really accelerated. Whereas opposed. Post. Excuse me. Whereas, opposed to once a week, once every two weeks. I was doing, you know, three sets a week, four sets a week. And. And. And, you know, made a lot of friends there. That I'm. People I'm still friendly with who, you know, are huge successes. And. And that's pretty much so. Even though I did start in Atlanta, I feel more like a Boston comic. And so many of my peers are, you know, of that era and that mindset. Where'd you start?

[Felipe Esparza]

Los Angeles? I started at the Natural Fudge Comedy Theater.

[David Cross]

Where is that? Natural Fudge?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. Now it's called the Silver Lake Theater.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

But it used to be called the Natural Fudge. It used to be owned by Johnny Roberts and his wife Brenda Roberts. They're old hippies. And I didn't know that.

[David Cross]

Never heard of it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Natural Fudge was there on the side of. It was on Merrill's.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Right. Right across the street from that church that Tom Cruise goes to.

[David Cross]

Yeah, Scientology. Down by. Off of what? For Fountain.

[Felipe Esparza]

Fountain Avenue.

[David Cross]

Oh, so that's the Sea Org, I think.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Asha a S h a. Yeah, that's the. That's the Scientology Tax dodge.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes. So the, the theater was right there on Fountain and I did open mic there for the first time and I met Jamie Kennedy and Alonzo Bowden and a lot of comics there just going.

[David Cross]

We're going back a bit.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

So what, what year was this?

[Felipe Esparza]

It was like 94.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Wow.

[Felipe Esparza]

93. 94.

[David Cross]

Wow. Wow. Yeah. I was in LA at that point. I moved to LA in 92. No. Yeah, 92. Fall. Fall of 92.

[Felipe Esparza]

I remember. I, you know, I. You were the first person to do a Cops bit. Bad boy, bad boy. What you gonna do?

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, my God, you're even at the Improv. I remember, like, they stood out for me because it was like real. Oh, everybody has set up punchline. That's funny. Yeah, but you were more like. More like. You did the. You did a bit of. You took all your clothes off and then you said, where's my shoes? Because white people always lose their shoes and they get arrested.

[David Cross]

I don't.

[Felipe Esparza]

That was a bit. But my wife, the bit. She. She knows that your show.

[David Cross]

Oh, Mr. Show.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Well, that, that bit turned into a character.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes.

[David Cross]

Called Ronnie Dodge.

[Felipe Esparza]

I told my wife about it, said, no, that's Rodney something.

[David Cross]

That's Ronnie Dodds.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I was like, no, no, no, nothing to do with. No Rodney. He took his shoes off. He goes, where my shoes.

[David Cross]

Yeah, there is. I don't remember exactly the thing, but it was basically I said the bit was, here's my impression of every other person being arrested on the show, Cops. And then, you know, the guy's like just a dumb. And it's, you know, I grew up in Georgia, so it's very much that kind of guy. You'd see a bunch.

[Felipe Esparza]

I remember your manager at the time.

[David Cross]

Your manager at the time, Tim Sarkis.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. And they were, they were talking about he fought to put you on that show.

[David Cross]

Oh, the evening at the Improv. Yeah, sure.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because you were not like a traditional stand up with the other guy out there.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I got very, very lucky in. And there's so many people who have this story, but I tried for years to get into the Just for Laughs festival and the guy, Bruce Hills, was a fan, but I wasn't ready and we'd like to. And you know, and I respected him. There are a handful of people when you're. When who will say, I don't think you're ready. And you kind of trust them, like, okay, you're the person. I will. You know, I'll. I believe so. You know, got some more seasoning. Whatever And. But my. My approach to stand up didn't really change was, you know, it was a lot of around. But I did. I eventually got onto Just for Laughs and then I did the. Have you done the festival?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, twice.

[David Cross]

So they have that like Danger Zone or, you know, Naughty Late Night, whatever. The. The Showcases for Young Comedian Showcase. Not yet. I don't think it was Young comedians. I did that. But I think the one where I. Maybe it was. But the one that I just destroyed and I can't tell you why, you know, why it works well one night and not the other night. But it was one of those showcase things and I just. It killed. It was ridiculous. And. And then, you know, that was all the buzz. I remember Charles Joffe, who was Woody Allen and David Letterman's manager. He talked to Tim and then he put this thing out there, like, you gotta watch out for this kid, David Cross. Da, da da. And my life changed overnight. And.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I always thought your manager was Dave. Becky.

[David Cross]

No, no, right. I'm friendly with Dave. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I always thought you were your manager.

[David Cross]

No, it was Tim Sarkis and he. He. He was Stephen Wright's manager. And Stephen brought him up to Boston to see me because I had this sketch group called Cross Comedy where we would do sketches that started as it was in the body of an open mic night on Tuesday nights at Catch in Cambridge, Massachusetts. And. And it would be. We have all these fake characters and sort of very. Just kind of subvert the show and subvert. And then it just became a sketch show. But nobody knew. I mean, eventually people knew and came to see it. But initially it was like we had fake comics go up and. And we had like fake violent shit happen. And nobody knew that there were plants all over the place. And we'd have them stand in line with the people standing in line to go into the show as their characters, like drunken, you know, people from an office party. And. And then we had videos that we roll into unbeknownst, you know, it was pretty cool. But. So Stephen Wright brought Tim up to see me, who was in New York at the time, and then he signed me.

[Felipe Esparza]

I met Stephen Wright once. I was working at Dodger Stadium. I was making hot dogs.

[David Cross]

Really?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, I was making hot dogs. Then we always check people out because they would pass by, grab a hot dog, grab nachos, grab a soda, and then go pay. And I was working with a bunch of gang members from LA and a bunch. We know a bunch of people. And he came in and I goes, oh, my. I told My friend. Oh, my God, that guy right there, he goes, I got the Oscar winner right there. He won an Oscar for a short film and he's a stand up comedian. And my friends, they don't know anything about no Oscar. They don't know anything about. Yeah, nothing. They would have just recognized Edward James almost. That's it. And they said, shut up, man. That guy looked homeless. He probably was a free hot dog. He goes, go there, say hello, see what happens. So my friends are all watching, and I'm a loud person. If I see somebody famous, I scream out their name without saying hello. I saw Jason Momoa last night at the lounge and I just said, jason.

[David Cross]

Mm.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I say hello back. And anyway, so.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that's not gonna get you a hello back. No, quite. That probably won't. So what was the thing you. Steven Wright looked homeless and you gave.

[Felipe Esparza]

Him a hot dog. I walked up, hey, you're one of my favorite comedians, Mr. Steven Wright. I ordered breakfast during the Renaissance through the punchline. He just looked at me weird. Eggs. Then I said, oh, man, you're my. I'm a big fan. I stuck my hand out. I think the germaphobe or something. No, he shook my hand. Like this. Yeah, like covering up his hand, but I still shook it. Thank you very much. I went back in. He goes, man, he didn't want to shake your hand, stupid. He's not even that the guy. You said he's just being nice to you.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, did you give him a hot dog?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, I gave him a hot dog.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And where. Where. What part of Dodger Stadium was it?

[Felipe Esparza]

That was field level, stand 207, right before behind home plate.

[David Cross]

Wow. Nice. I bet you, Felipe, I will bet you that I got a hot dog from you at some point.

[Felipe Esparza]

I'm pretty sure you probably did.

[David Cross]

I went to a bunch of games and for two years. Gosh, when was this? Right when I got there. I was the voice of the Dodgers. Ads. I did. They had radio ads. Radio spots. And I did the radio spots and they gave me season tickets, so.

[Felipe Esparza]

Wow, that's cool.

[David Cross]

That was early. Early on.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, I worked there till 2001.

[David Cross]

That seems like a pretty. It seems like a good job for people watching. Probably saw a lot of. And various stages of drunkenness, too. Probably.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, I saw a lot of comics there, but they were all like, old school. Like, I made it. Elaine Boozler, she used to go to every game.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

And T.K. carter and David. No, that guy that sings. Oh, man, I'm sorry. I forget his name. Billy Idol.

[David Cross]

Billy Idol.

[Felipe Esparza]

I saw him there with his son. He bought him a drumstick. He loves his son.

[David Cross]

A Dodgers drumstick?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, like a little. No, actually, no. My bad. We don't start. We don't sell those no more. Kulaku.

[David Cross]

What?

[Felipe Esparza]

It's. It's oatmeal.

[David Cross]

Oh, you mean. You meant the drumstick? The ice cream sandwich. Oh. That's why I was thinking a drumstick, like an instrument. I was like, why would you sell.

[Felipe Esparza]

But it wasn't a drumstick. It was a kulaku. They took your stadium.

[David Cross]

I remember.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oatmeal coverage sandwich. Ice cream sandwich dipped in chocolate.

[David Cross]

Much better than a drumstick, in my opinion.

[Felipe Esparza]

He bought one for his son, and then he seemed like a real nice father.

[David Cross]

It's interesting because Billy Idol is. No, he's childless. He has no children.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, no. Maybe he kidnapped that kid, but where was his nephew or his side chick's son?

[David Cross]

It could have been. I don't think he has any nephews or nieces or cousins. Yeah. So I don't know where that boy came from. How old? Can you describe him?

[Felipe Esparza]

That was 2098. It came out to be 8 or 6.

[David Cross]

Okay. Can I ask you. When this is over? We're gonna meet with a sketch artist friend of mine, we're gonna put out an apb, and we're gonna get this kid found.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes.

[David Cross]

I don't know. And try to figure out. We'll run it through some software and see what he looks like now.

[Felipe Esparza]

I saw Lindsay wagging.

[David Cross]

Oh, my gosh, Chris, this looks like you. Like you would have looked like as a Chris. What? Did you find my father? I did. Well, did you. Do you remember being at a Dodgers game in 2001?

[Felipe Esparza]

2001?

[David Cross]

No, I have no memory of this. Yeah, they probably. They probably wiped your memory. They probably wiped your memory. Oh, like idol, middle initial, I. Last name dull, st. All right. That bit didn't do very well at all. That was. I thought we were gonna have something there. It really just. Shit to bed, that one.

[Felipe Esparza]

I met Lindsay Wagner there.

[David Cross]

All right, let's talk about Lindsey Wagner.

[Felipe Esparza]

That was my. My boyhood's crush.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Bionicle body woman. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

My brother and I used to get into fist fights because his crush was the Lynda Carter wonder woman.

[David Cross]

Oh.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I said, no, not even close.

[David Cross]

Linda Carter is way up here, and Lindsay Wagner. No, no, no, no, no.

[Felipe Esparza]

Get into a fight.

[David Cross]

No, I will get into a fight.

[Felipe Esparza]

A woman has pimples on her ass. No, she does It. And we'll start fighting.

[David Cross]

Wow. So how old is your. Was your brother older?

[Felipe Esparza]

He's the same age as me. We're like nine months apart. We're like Irish twins, so. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

When I'm 55, he's 54 and a half.

[David Cross]

I could have guessed that.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I remember about nine months. So nine months younger.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay. I would. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I met Lindsay Wagner and I said, oh, my God, I'm your biggest fan. And she shook my hand and I. And then. I think, I shouldn't have done that, but what can you do? She. She barely touched my hand and I pretended she was crushing it. I fell on the ground.

[David Cross]

Did she enjoy that?

[Felipe Esparza]

No.

[David Cross]

Bit of theater? No.

[Felipe Esparza]

She was there with her two kids. I think she has two kids. Unless you were one of them.

[David Cross]

Chris. Are you. Was Lindsay Wagner your mom?

[Felipe Esparza]

Are you bionic?

[David Cross]

Well, I don't think it's. Yeah, that's actual, like software hardware that goes in the body. I don't think it's like a genetically. Like, just because she had a bionic eye.

[Felipe Esparza]

No.

[David Cross]

No ear. Right.

[Felipe Esparza]

She's a woman. She has a bionic ear.

[David Cross]

She. The bionic ear. Yeah. That separated. Sure.

[Felipe Esparza]

She wants to hear shit.

[David Cross]

Yeah. So in our lifetime, we've gone from the concept of a $6 million man. I've got $6 million worth of fucking dental work and plates in me from various things. You know, I'm a six million dollar man and I have no superpowers. Shitty teeth, Terrible teeth. I've got resin screws in my shoulder. I've got some shit in here. You know, I. But I can't beat Bigfoot up or whatever he did. Remember when he fought Bigfoot? $6 million man.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man. Under the giant.

[David Cross]

Andre the Giant. That's right. Yep.

[Felipe Esparza]

You know, it's funny, man. I saw Lee Major in a commercial. He's doing Harry for hearing aids.

[David Cross]

Well, I don't think that's funny. That's just. Come on.

[Felipe Esparza]

That should have been. That should have been my girl's gig. Lindsay Wagner, she had the barn again.

[David Cross]

Oh, I see. I see. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Well, maybe she's dead. Is she still alive? I have no idea.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, she's alive. She's. She's like a multi millionaire.

[David Cross]

Really.

[Felipe Esparza]

She's married to the CEO of General Motors.

[David Cross]

Oh, wow.

[Felipe Esparza]

I know. Too much information.

[David Cross]

You got a lot of information about Linda.

[Felipe Esparza]

You know, when I found out who her first husband was, I was like, what her first husband is. He's a stuntman.

[David Cross]

And why Is that like, shocking to you?

[Felipe Esparza]

But I don't know what. I don't know the actor's name, but I just know that he was in Car Wash, the movie Car Wash. Oh, wow. He's the guy that. He's the guy with the pig ears.

[David Cross]

In Car Wash. Dude, you are a font of trivia. Information.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, pop culture trivia. Like, I talk about it with my. My bits that I don't remember names, but I remember situations they were in.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Like if I. If I want to tell my wife something. Like.

[David Cross]

Is that your wife out there? Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

You watch that show Shit's Creek. And she asked me who's in it. Home Alone's mom and American Pie dad.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Felipe Esparza]

He's the guy with eyebrows like a Russian. Armenian.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Unibrow.

[David Cross]

Home Alone's mom and American Pie's dad.

[Felipe Esparza]

American Pie's dad.

[David Cross]

Next time, if you ever do see them or the next celebrity, you should introduce yourself that way. Like, hey, Home Alone's mom. My name is Felipe Esparza.

[Felipe Esparza]

I did that earlier today. I was at the Sherry show and the.

[David Cross]

What show?

[Felipe Esparza]

Sherri Shepherd. The Sherry. And there was an actor that came in. Now, they didn't know who he was, but then I yelled out Ricky. And it was a guy who got shot at the end of the movie of Boys in the Hood.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. I don't even know his first name.

[David Cross]

Boys in the Hood. Bullet taker.

[Felipe Esparza]

Bullet Taker, man.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

You were both to have a big, big time football career and somebody shot you with a shotgun.

[David Cross]

And then they'd say, well, that's. That was a character I played in the movie. And you're like, no, that was a documentary. All movies are documentaries. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

My baby never hurt nobody, but he still got shot at baby's party.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Sad. Well, spoiler alert. I guess we can cut that out if anybody wants to watch Boyz N the Hood. So you're LA born and bred?

[Felipe Esparza]

No, I was born in Mexico.

[David Cross]

Okay. How long were you there for?

[Felipe Esparza]

I came here when I was three.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

I was born in Mexico. I was born in Sinaloa, Mexico.

[David Cross]

Have you been back?

[Felipe Esparza]

Nah. Yeah, I haven't been back since. I don't want to go back.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I haven't been. I. I would love to go. I want to go to Mexico City. I have a number of friends who've been there and love it.

[Felipe Esparza]

I like Tijuana, Mexico.

[David Cross]

I've been there. Here's one of my favorite. I've not been to Hong Kong. No.

[Felipe Esparza]

Hong Kong. In Tijuana, Mexico.

[David Cross]

Wait, Hong Kong? Little Hong Kong In.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, in Tijuana, Mexico, there's a little, a little red light district area, which is one block, it's all lit up and there's like a famous 24 hour strip bar.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's called Hong Kong.

[Felipe Esparza]

Hong Kong.

[David Cross]

No, I haven't, I haven't been there.

[Felipe Esparza]

With a hotel right upstairs too.

[David Cross]

How can you.

[Felipe Esparza]

Across the street is the Caesars. Is the Caesars hotel. And they invented a Caesar salad there.

[David Cross]

That was what I was about to say is my favorite trivia is where was the Caesar salad invented? And nobody's ever gotten it right. Not even close. But yeah, Tijuana.

[Felipe Esparza]

Even Cardi B got it wrong. She was eating. I saw her eating Caesar salad and I guess she didn't like it, didn't have enough dressing. And then she said, I want a real Caesar salad the way the Romans used to make it.

[David Cross]

Is that for real?

[Felipe Esparza]

She said that?

[David Cross]

Boy, that's dumb.

[Felipe Esparza]

Look it up.

[David Cross]

That's pretty dumb.

[Felipe Esparza]

Where the Romans made it.

[David Cross]

And, and so where, where was she eating when she.

[Felipe Esparza]

New York somewhere.

[David Cross]

Yeah, the way the Romans made it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, man.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because you know, the Romes. The Romans, yeah, right after they pillaged.

[David Cross]

They had Caesar, they would have is, they would sit down, have a big celebratory Caesar salad. You know, the Romans were known for A, anchovies and B, romaine lettuce. That's where it comes from. Romaine, Roman, Roman lettuce, latte, chicken.

[Felipe Esparza]

Put an egg in there and mix it all up.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Right in front of your plate while you're, while you're being sodomized by those Roman soldiers.

[David Cross]

That's the Roman promise. Yeah. Wait, now, you observed this or you heard about this?

[Felipe Esparza]

I observed this. My friend went there and then Anthony Bourdain went there and, and then I looked it up and yeah, it happened there.

[David Cross]

Well, that's not observing something, that's just reading about it.

[Felipe Esparza]

I went there, but I didn't order it because I don't eat anchovies I don't need.

[David Cross]

Still, that would have nothing to do with whether you actually saw it happen or not, whether you ordered it later. Did you see Cardi B say this?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes, I saw it on video.

[David Cross]

Oh, you saw it on video? Yes, I got you, I got you, I got you.

[Felipe Esparza]

And then the comments, because you went live on it in the comment were like, it was not in Rome, TJ. Yeah, and another problem, stupid, the Mexican. Mexican aren't even Italian. How they going to invent this?

[David Cross]

Yeah, Mela okay, here's another. Here's another food related trivia. I think it's a little easier, but it's still out there. Do you know where the Reuben sandwich was invented or created? I should say.

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't know. Rubenstein.

[David Cross]

We can, we can cut that if you'd like. Yeah, we can certainly get rid of that poor attempt at. No. Ready? You're kind of close with Dubuque, Iowa. You're not. You're in this. You're in the. The right kind of like. Huh. I wouldn't have thought that much. Like, you know, you wouldn't think a Caesar salad was invented in Tijuana. The Reuben sandwich was created in Omaha, Nebraska.

[Felipe Esparza]

No way. I've been there. Nobody talks about that.

[David Cross]

That's all they fucking talk about. Are you kidding me there?

[Felipe Esparza]

They only mentioned corn husk and Omaha steaks.

[David Cross]

No, that's.

[Felipe Esparza]

And my friend grew up in Omaha. He never mentioned it once.

[David Cross]

I'm telling you, it's. First of all, there are plenty of places where they talk about the. And they, you know, they'll have a sandwich, they'll have the Reuben. Yeah, I've. Where were you in Omaha?

[Felipe Esparza]

Omaha, Nebraska. I did a show at some theater there.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because my friend who told me about it, Toby Hicks, either he grew up in Omaha. His mother, his grandmother was the first colored person to get hired to be an operator.

[David Cross]

Like a phone operator. Okay. Oh. In the whole world. In the whole country. Country. Oh, wow, that's cool.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because she was, she was light skinned, so they hired her.

[David Cross]

Right. Of course you could pass. Yeah. And also you're. It's just, you're not even being seen.

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't know. I don't know the lineage, but she must have been, she might have been octoroon, right? One.

[David Cross]

That's an eighth. Yeah, yeah. Well, you got your straightforward. You got your mulatto, you got your quadroon, you got your octoroon.

[Felipe Esparza]

We have the same thing. We have the same thing for Native Americans in Mexico that the Spaniards made. And one of them is. Quintana was the original. Quintana was a Spanish last name. And then he came out with Quinto, which is half of Quintana, which means fifth percent Spanish.

[David Cross]

Right, right, right.

[Felipe Esparza]

So your quinto.

[David Cross]

Oh, so that had an actual applicable.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

So Quintana was the original one. But then when they started mixing around and getting. They don't want to probably name native Quintana, so they shorted to Quinto.

[David Cross]

Well, there's Carlos Quintana, who was a Ball player for the Red Sox back in the 80s, I believe. 80s 90s.

[Felipe Esparza]

Quintana.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Carlos Quintana was a ballplayer. Chris, you wanna. No, no. I don't know. Well, look it up. Chris. I'm not asking. I mean, come on.

[Felipe Esparza]

So Billy Idol your dad or not?

[David Cross]

Will you look up if Billy Idol is your dad? Yeah, I'll ask AI. But after Carlos Quintana and find out.

[Felipe Esparza]

If they like cedar salad from Mexico.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Sesal salad.

[David Cross]

What?

[Felipe Esparza]

No. Cause Caesar salad, if it were made in Mexico, how come they don't call it Cesar. Cesar salad?

[David Cross]

Because, like, everything, Americans took it and Americanized it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, that's right.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And then you dilute the information so much that you have people thinking it's Caesar salad and it's related to.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, kind of like enchiladas. Julius Caesar and why people call it casserole.

[David Cross]

I'm going to say. No, I'm going to say casserole. Is casserole a type of thing? So an enchilada is a type of casserole, but casserole is not definitely an enchilada, right?

[Felipe Esparza]

No.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Felipe Esparza]

But I've seen my wife put enchilada in a casserole and try to pass it off with enchilada. And I said, nah, man, that's a tortilla lasagna you just made.

[David Cross]

That's an enchilada. Casserole.

[Felipe Esparza]

Enchilada casserole.

[David Cross]

So it's a casserole casserole?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You're saying that all enchiladas are casseroles by nature?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

I think if once you put the enchiladas instead of casserole, it becomes a casserole.

[David Cross]

I agree. It's because it's an. It's a casserole with enchiladas in it, but a casserole. Well, you just sound like you just knocked your wife's cooking and now you're going. I just described the same thing. And we're like, oh, that sounds good. You've had it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Your wife has made it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah. Her and I had a podcast one time called Enchilada Casserole Podcast.

[David Cross]

Chris, will you look up enchilada casserole podcast, please? I. I don't. I'm not sure if I should believe. Have you been fucking with me this entire time? You're not Mexican. That's not your voice.

[Felipe Esparza]

I'm 39% Native American and 11% Greek. Italian.

[David Cross]

Wow.

[Felipe Esparza]

And 3% Irish.

[David Cross]

Did you do one of those? Yeah. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, I did my answers to DNA and they opened up another child support case on me. I have two kids. They're hanging out with Billy Idol right now.

[David Cross]

Right, right. He loves him.

[Felipe Esparza]

He calls them Guillermo. That's Spanish for Bill.

[David Cross]

For Bill. Yeah, yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Billy is Memo.

[David Cross]

Oh, right. Guillermo. Right. I got it. That's why they would call Billy Idol. Got it, Got it. I had to make the connection. All right, Felipe, I want to make sure we get all the information you want out there. Where are you going to? What do you. Because you're just visiting New York.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

Are you doing shows here?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes, I'm going to be coming back here at next month in March.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

I'm performing in New York. I forgot where, but come on, if.

[David Cross]

You want people to go, you got to tell them.

[Felipe Esparza]

I gotta look it up and see.

[David Cross]

Jesus. What kind of phone is that?

[Felipe Esparza]

It's a holy place in New York. What's the date?

[David Cross]

Let me see. Let me see. How. That's huge.

[Felipe Esparza]

I'll be March 7, 2025. I'll be performing in New York City at the Town Hall.

[David Cross]

Oh, wow. That's a good. That is huge. How big is. I mean, I've got. Wait a minute. This is. So what. What kind of phone is this?

[Felipe Esparza]

Android. I don't know the brand. Yeah, but it's a newer one and I love it. And the little pen right here, that comes out.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's a. I know what that is. That's the Samsung tablet thing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, those are big. Okay, so you're. You'll be at the Town Hall. That's a. That's a nice, nice little theater.

[Felipe Esparza]

I went to Grand City Rapids, Mr. Green's comedy club for the first time.

[David Cross]

Mr. Grins.

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, Mr. Grins. Never been there.

[David Cross]

What a bad name.

[Felipe Esparza]

Now I'm going to. Oh. April 5th, I'll be in San Diego. April 25th, I'll be in Houston with Paul Rodriguez and Nate Jackson.

[David Cross]

Okay, cool. Well, Felipe, I. I close every episode with a question from my daughter, who's seven.

[Felipe Esparza]

You have a daughter?

[David Cross]

I do. Seven year old daughter. Felipe Esparza. Why can't dogs talk? You can answer that any way you see fit. From my daughter, 7 years old. Why can't dogs talk?

[Felipe Esparza]

You heard barking. That's talking stupid.

[David Cross]

Now I'm gonna have to put my foot down. You may not call my daughter stupid.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, that was for anybody. Or silly.

[David Cross]

Hmm.

[Felipe Esparza]

How about silly?

[David Cross]

Yeah, Silly is probably less harsh than stupid. You shouldn't call a kid stupid.

[Felipe Esparza]

I think how my dad would react to me When I would ask him, why does cop.

[David Cross]

I don't want her growing up to be a stand up comic.

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

I'd like her to have a normal life.

[Felipe Esparza]

So the question why don't dogs talk?

[David Cross]

Why can't dogs talk?

[Felipe Esparza]

Oh, babe, let me. I will sit her down and goes, let me tell you, when dogs bark, that's their language. That's the way they talk. We don't understand what they're saying because that's the way they talk. Just like our neighbor right here, the one that goes to grass and speaks real fast. He's talking and he's barking in a different language.

[David Cross]

There you go.

[Felipe Esparza]

We don't understand our dog Stain because he speaks Spanish. We got him from a man in Mexico, right?

[David Cross]

So the dog barks in Spanish and you can't understand because you only understand English barking.

[Felipe Esparza]

That's what I tell my neighbor. My neighbor, this guy down the street, he rescues dogs from Mexico. So he had all these loud dogs barking all the time. When I passed by my dog and my dog, he goes, I'm sorry my dog's barking at your dogs. Sorry my dog's barking at your dogs. It's okay.

[David Cross]

What kind of dog do you have?

[Felipe Esparza]

Pet bull. And I tell him, it's okay, man. My dog doesn't speak Spanish.

[David Cross]

Does he enjoy it every time you say that?

[Felipe Esparza]

He loves it, man.

[David Cross]

He loves it.

[Felipe Esparza]

He's an old, retired old man.

[David Cross]

He loves every time you say that.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because what if he died? Then what's going to happen to all those Spanish dogs?

[David Cross]

Well, you'll. You'll inherit them. Yeah, they'll be. They'll be over here. Where do you live in la?

[Felipe Esparza]

I live in San Fernando Valley. Granada Hills, on Haskell. And San Fernando.

[David Cross]

Is that when you go past Burbank, you keep going?

[Felipe Esparza]

Is that you keep going? Yes.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that's the. And they go up those hills. That's San Fernando. Okay. And then is it on the other side of those hills?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yes.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

I live by the same neighborhood that Machete grew up, Danny Trejo.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Felipe Esparza]

Because when I go down the street to places, they seem to know him and George Lopez, I guess that's their neighborhood.

[David Cross]

You mean now?

[Felipe Esparza]

Well, they grew up there.

[David Cross]

I thought George Lopez grew up, like in East. East.

[Felipe Esparza]

No, San Fernando. Pacoima.

[David Cross]

Oh, really?

[Felipe Esparza]

And I think Danny Trejo from Pacoima or San Fernando.

[David Cross]

Okay, That's a. That's. How long of a drive does it take you to get. How long is that?

[Felipe Esparza]

If I have an audition by.

[David Cross]

Dude, man.

[Felipe Esparza]

By the. You Know where the Seas Candy store is? Right over there by Kello S. By the airport. It takes me an hour to get.

[David Cross]

To the airport to LAX or Burbank?

[Felipe Esparza]

Lax.

[David Cross]

Where's the Seas Candy? I can see sort of.

[Felipe Esparza]

It's a black and white lankershim right by before you get to the airport.

[David Cross]

Right, right, right. Well, coming down Heights. Yeah, I rarely go. I come the other way. But, yeah, I know where you. I know you're talking about the Seas Candy. Can you believe that's still a thing that they. Man, outside of Valentine's Day? I mean, what are their.

[Felipe Esparza]

And I don't know anybody who buys that stuff.

[David Cross]

No, nobody.

[Felipe Esparza]

I see them at kiosk and I pass. You have any samples? No. Okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

I like that character you did on the show. You had an HBO.

[David Cross]

Mr. Show?

[Felipe Esparza]

Yeah, yeah. The one where. When. The one I kind of wrote up. I didn't write a bit about it, but the one when you give that burn kid.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, Titanica. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Little arm.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that was a. But you know Brian Post Saint. You know, Brian Posein. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wrote that.

[Felipe Esparza]

Our podcast.

[David Cross]

Oh, right on. Yeah, he wrote that bit. The only thing I contributed to that bit was the he looks like a wet cigar line. I think that was all. That was the only thing I. That was all pretty much. Brian.

[Felipe Esparza]

Another one where you guys had, like, groupies for the. Another sketch for Satanica. Like, there were some groupies that were trying to follow him. Follow the band. And they went inside your luggage, but then they died. And they were like skeletons. No, but you could see their skillet. There's silicone through the skeleton.

[David Cross]

No, that was.

[Felipe Esparza]

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. These two female groupies, and they were locked in. In one of your luggage and they supposedly died. No, but now they're skeletons.

[David Cross]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Felipe Esparza]

And you can see their breast implants through the. Through their skeleton.

[David Cross]

That was not us.

[Felipe Esparza]

You sure?

[David Cross]

I'm pretty sure. Yeah. I don't. I can't remember 100% of Mr. Show, but I can pretty much remember 100% of what wasn't on it. Well, thank you for coming down, Felipe.

[Felipe Esparza]

Thanks for having me and.

[David Cross]

Absolutely. And just check out my podcast.

[Felipe Esparza]

What's up, fool? And I have another fun podcast called History for Fools. And my friend and I, Butch Escobar, we just talk about. We read a whole book, actually, in one week, and then we try to remember it and talk about it on a podcast. History for fools. We have a new episode coming up. The last episode was the Irish uprising of 1916.

[David Cross]

Oh, I know a little bit about that. Yeah, that's the Black and Tans. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

Back in tan.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Good for them. Michael. What was the guy's name? Michael. Guy who led it.

[Felipe Esparza]

Michael. Well, a lot of them. The guy who wrote it was Joseph Plunkett. He was one of the member who.

[David Cross]

Know but the leader of the Michael McConally.

[Felipe Esparza]

Michael Connelly.

[David Cross]

Michael Connelly. Yeah.

[Felipe Esparza]

He was in a movie played by Neil Sweet. Michael Collins.

[David Cross]

Michael Collins. That's it. I'm too glad you corrected it. Michael Collins.

[Felipe Esparza]

He was killed by the IRA while riding his bicycle.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, thank you for coming down. Yeah. Sense is working. Overtime is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not going to do that. Thanks for listening. That was a Hitgum podcast.

[C]

It is Ryan Seacrest here. There was a recent social media trend which consisted of flying on a plane with no music, no movies, no entertainment. But a better trend would be going to chumbacasino.com it's like having a mini social casino in your pocket. Chumba casino has over 100 online casino style games, all absolutely free. It's the most fun you can have online and on a plane. So grab your free welcome bonus [e-mail] sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Felipe Esparza]

No purchase necessary vgw group void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.