Ian Karmel

Summary

Senses Working Overtime with David Cross: Episode Featuring Ian Karmel

Release Date: May 22, 2025

In this lively and humorous episode of Senses Working Overtime, host David Cross engages in an entertaining conversation with comedian Ian Karmel. The duo navigates through a myriad of topics, blending personal anecdotes with witty banter, offering listeners both laughs and insightful reflections.

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1. Introductions and Shared Backgrounds

The episode kicks off with David and Ian introducing themselves, establishing their professional rapport and mutual connections. They mention their lengthy careers in comedy and their shared acquaintance, Shane Torres, a beloved friend from Portland.

David Cross [01:23]: "Well, thanks for coming down here."

Ian Karmel [01:25]: "Nice to meet you."

2. Hailing from Beaverton vs. Portland

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around Ian's roots in Beaverton, Oregon, and the common misconception of being from Portland. Ian expresses his frustration with local media persistently labeling him as "Beaverton's Ian Carmel," highlighting his aspiration to be recognized as a Portland comedian.

Ian Karmel [02:39]: "It's Beaverton, which is a suburb of Portland."

David Cross [02:43]: "Or in reverse order you then Nike."

3. High School Memories and Physical Stature

The duo reminisce about their high school experiences, particularly focusing on Ian's time in football due to his large physique. They humorously discuss the alternative of being placed in a shed for physically imposing teenagers, painting a vivid picture of teenage life in Oregon.

Ian Karmel [08:52]: "I was the personification of Ozempic."

David Cross [09:07]: "I would rather play football than be put in a shed."

4. The Mythos of the LA River and Local Geography

Transitioning to their experiences in Los Angeles, David and Ian delve into the often-overlooked LA River, sharing amusing anecdotes about its current state and their misconceptions about its purpose.

David Cross [32:33]: "It's nothing and it's dirty."

Ian Karmel [35:23]: "It's a pretty similar flavor."

5. Etymology of Last Names and Jewish Heritage

A heartfelt segment unfolds as Ian shares the origin of his last name, Carmel, detailing his grandfather's immigration story from Paris and the subsequent name change from Solomon Katz to fit into American society. This discussion sheds light on the broader theme of assimilation and identity.

Ian Karmel [40:44]: "It was made our family name Katz originally."

David Cross [41:04]: "Hernandez is Herb Nand."

6. Podcasting, Parenting, and Musical Interests

The conversation takes a familial turn as David and Ian discuss their children and the role of music in their upbringing. David shares his experiences with introducing his daughter to vinyl records, emphasizing the interactive and analog nature of music consumption.

David Cross [60:07]: "Talent is a Vampire by Bongwater... my daughter loves it."

Ian Karmel [65:34]: "She loves the tops and the paninis, like, select."

7. Humorous Exchanges and Light-Hearted Banter

Throughout the episode, David and Ian engage in playful exchanges, often veering into absurdity. From debating the pronunciation of "Los Feliz" to imagining the Supreme Court adorned with sour cream, their comedic chemistry is palpable and entertaining.

David Cross [20:55]: "They have a kind of flay open the gums..."

Ian Karmel [51:02]: "Franktown. It's full of French people."

8. Closing Reflections and Final Thoughts

As the episode nears its end, David and Ian reflect on the unpredictable nature of podcasting, the joy of spontaneous conversations, and the value of shared humor. They conclude with a light-hearted interaction involving a question from David's daughter about swallowing bubblegum, seamlessly blending humor with familial warmth.

David Cross [67:08]: "Why can you not swallow bubblegum if it is a food?"

Ian Karmel [67:21]: "It's biblical."

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Notable Quotes:

• Ian Karmel [02:39]: "Always called me Beaverton's Ian Carmel... drove me crazy because all I wanted was to be like the cool, actual from Portland stand-up comedian."

• David Cross [32:33]: "It's nothing and it's dirty. And the whole. It's cement."

• Ian Karmel [40:44]: "We're Jewish, so it was. It was made our family name Katz originally."

• David Cross [60:07]: "Talent is a Vampire by Bongwater, which is great. It's just a great, interesting."

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Conclusion

This episode of Senses Working Overtime masterfully blends humor with personal storytelling, offering listeners a window into the lives of two seasoned comedians. Through their candid exchanges, David Cross and Ian Karmel explore themes of identity, family, and the quirks of daily life, all while keeping the atmosphere light and engaging. Whether you're a longtime fan or a new listener, this episode promises both laughs and meaningful conversations.

Transcript

[Ian Carmel]

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[David Cross]

Choice of C.

[Ian Carmel]

Which would you prefer do you have?

[David Cross]

It's your choice.

[Ian Carmel]

All right, cool. Like this one? Have we ever before? I don't think so. I'm Casey. I'm Ian. Nice to meet you.

[David Cross]

Well, thanks for coming down here. Thank you for having especially because you just had a big. Oh, you probably wanted to get out of the house.

[Ian Carmel]

It's actually wonderful.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

It's really great to get out.

[David Cross]

And you said three months.

[Ian Carmel]

Three months.

[David Cross]

Yeah. It's so you've. You've got a little bit of time left. It'll start getting fun in a. In about five years.

[Ian Carmel]

It's.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you'll have about five years.

[Ian Carmel]

He is intermittently he.

[David Cross]

Six years.

[Ian Carmel]

Six years and then for three years.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. We have a mutual. Shane Torres.

[David Cross]

Oh, right on. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

One of my dearest friends from back in Portland.

[David Cross]

Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. Shane was opening up for. For a little while. Yeah. Replacing the. The great Sean Patton.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh.

[David Cross]

Who's also now. So we'd never met.

[Ian Carmel]

I don't know if we've met officially. I think we've been in like similar circles at times. I mean, like, we just know a lot of the same people, right? Yeah.

[David Cross]

But we haven't been in the same room.

[Ian Carmel]

We haven't been in the same room. I don't think we. I don't think we've done shows together.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

I never lived in New York. From Portland right to here.

[David Cross]

Right. Are you from Portland?

[Ian Carmel]

I'm from Portland. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

One of the few who can say they're from.

[Ian Carmel]

One of the few even that they find they give me shit because I'm From Beaverton, which is a suburb of Portland.

[David Cross]

Yeah. So you're not from Portland.

[Ian Carmel]

I'm not from Portland.

[David Cross]

You're from Beaverton.

[Ian Carmel]

I'm from Beaverton, Oregon.

[David Cross]

Well, I mean, come on. I don't know what you're trying to pull.

[Ian Carmel]

Trying to pull a Portland. There are people who do like because like when we all started to stand up there, the Portland Mercury, which was. Is our like all weekly newspaper. Oh no, it was the Willamette Weekly, which is the other alt weekly newspaper. Always called me Beaverton's Ian Carmel, like would not let it go. It fucking drove me crazy because all I wanted was to be like the cool like actual from Portland stand up comedian because all these other people had moved there.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Being Beaverton's own is not as big a deal as it's own.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, it's Nike headquarters. So that and me.

[David Cross]

Or in. In reverse order you then Nike.

[Ian Carmel]

Me the Nike.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

I use less child labor, but not none.

[David Cross]

Right, right, right. I mean per capita though.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Okay. If you do per capita, I am actually a bigger abuser.

[David Cross]

Yeah, then. And you got your kid, you got your boy working.

[Ian Carmel]

I already got him in the lab. Yeah, I already got in the lab. In the lab, yeah.

[David Cross]

You have a lab?

[Ian Carmel]

I have a lab. I have a snake laboratory.

[David Cross]

Wait, wait, I'm sorry. Yeah. So what are the odds that the two sneaker giants globally would both be in Beaverton?

[Ian Carmel]

Ian Carmel and Nike? Yeah, it's. It's poor. It's. I mean it's 100% of the odds because it just. It happened.

[David Cross]

Yeah, well, fair point. But I guess pre it happening, what would the odds be?

[Ian Carmel]

It would have been 32%. We actually did the math after. After it happened.

[David Cross]

Those are. Yeah. Those aren't odds.

[Ian Carmel]

Really? No, no. One in eight.

[David Cross]

One in eight, that's not a big deal.

[Ian Carmel]

There we go.

[David Cross]

No, that's also not 32%.

[Ian Carmel]

Are you and I. It depends on the math. It's a regional math thing actually in the northwest that is 32.

[David Cross]

Oh. These guys do things differently there when it comes to math. Yeah. No one's gonna tell you what two plus two is.

[Ian Carmel]

Absolutely not.

[David Cross]

It's four, by the way.

[Ian Carmel]

Not annoying.

[David Cross]

Yeah, well it is okay.

[Ian Carmel]

It's nice.

[David Cross]

I know. But then somebody is going to tell you what two plus.

[Ian Carmel]

I'd like to see them try.

[David Cross]

I just did.

[Ian Carmel]

I'd like to see you try to do that in Oregon. We're in California right now.

[David Cross]

Guys, can we. We're gonna. I don't know how this works. Logistically, have we. No, we'll record in a. In a, In a. Yes, we are recording.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay. I'd prefer not to record.

[David Cross]

Well, we never do.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay, that's great. Yeah.

[David Cross]

That's why I think this is probably our last, our last round here. I think we might not. This might be the last LA trip I make to do recordings as senses working overtime.

[Ian Carmel]

Because you're not actually recording or because we're slowly slipping into the ocean. What's the.

[David Cross]

Both.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And they don't want a. Any evidence of us slowly slipping into the ocean.

[Ian Carmel]

No, they can't have that on the record. Yeah, no.

[David Cross]

So all the.

[Ian Carmel]

Can you swim?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

You listen to that tool song that said learn to swim and you were like, yeah, that's the first thing I'm gonna do.

[David Cross]

Yes. And I relearned because I knew I was pretty good swimmer. I was actually a swimmer. When was, you know, competitively.

[Ian Carmel]

Were you actually a competitive.

[David Cross]

I was for, for many years, yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Were you, were you good?

[David Cross]

I was good, yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Where did you grow up?

[David Cross]

All over, but mostly Georgia.

[Ian Carmel]

Mostly Georgia, yeah.

[David Cross]

And I was on a very good team in Roswell.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And like we'd go to, you know, state, you know, finals and junior AAU and all that stuff. And I. So I, I had my fair share of, you know, ribbons, metals.

[Ian Carmel]

Did you have a, a stroke that was your specialty?

[David Cross]

Yes, it was backstroke until I. The way that the, the regionals work is, you know, there's everybody, you know, there's just. It's a, it's a two day event.

[Ian Carmel]

You go.

[David Cross]

And, and so because there's so many teams and they have all these different heats, they. You can get a point just for participating. Basically you get. So it goes one through.

[Ian Carmel]

If you swim, it's like you're, you're there. It's a point. If you win, it's 10. Like that kind of thing. Yeah.

[David Cross]

And then. And so there's individual stuff and then there's team stuff and, and one. One year they just needed a body to throw in. They had an extra heat and they added extra lane and they were like cross go and do freestyle, which was. I was good at freestyle, but it wasn't. My, My particular stroke was backstroke and. And so my buddies were up on the, the bleachers, you know, high up. We're in this big massive, you know, Olympic pool.

[Ian Carmel]

Your buddies on the swim team or did you have like friends?

[David Cross]

No, no, no. Because you go down there, you know, it's like a, whatever, three hour drive. You have to show up all over the place.

[Ian Carmel]

Right. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Um, and so I did this. I did this, this heat, and I. I didn't think anything of it. Maybe that's why I did so well. But I ended up looking, you know, finishing. I think it was just 100 meters. And then my friends are going nuts, and I look back and everybody else is kind of lagging behind, and I ended up placing. I think I came in last in the. In the finals, but I never should have been there in the first place. Like, this is out of, like, finals, you know. Yeah. Like 86 people, whatever. And I made it. Yeah. So. And then after that, they started using me more in freestyle. When we're doing the IMs and the, you know, individual medley and. And then team medleys, I would. I used to do backstroke, but then I would do. I'd anchor, you know, freestyle in my age group.

[Ian Carmel]

Was your resting heart rate just like 40 when you were doing.

[David Cross]

I was like the personification of Ozempic.

[Ian Carmel]

You were. Yeah, you were human Ozempic?

[David Cross]

Yeah, I was human.

[Ian Carmel]

Draw your blood and then inject it into people like me just to make sure.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, I was.

[Ian Carmel]

I, like, I up until a few years ago, weighed like 400 pounds, including. Really, in high school. I played football in high school. Because when you were that big, you have to.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Otherwise legally. Legally in Oregon.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, that or they just put you in a shed behind, like the high school. You legally have.

[David Cross]

Rather play football than be put in a shed.

[Ian Carmel]

I would rather. Now, I would rather be in a shed than play football, but at the time, I would rather play football.

[David Cross]

Describe the shed. What's in there? Is it. Is it.

[Ian Carmel]

It's a tin shed. So. And it rains a lot. And that. Actually, it's kind of a whimsical sound. When the rain does hit the shed.

[David Cross]

It's pleasant.

[Ian Carmel]

It's relaxing.

[David Cross]

Relaxing.

[Ian Carmel]

You sit in there and you read some of the great works of the Pacific Northwest.

[David Cross]

Ken Kesey.

[Ian Carmel]

Ken Kesey. Your Chuck Palahniuk's, you know, your Judy Blumes, as it were.

[David Cross]

Where is Judy Blume from?

[Ian Carmel]

Portland, Oregon.

[David Cross]

No kidding.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that true? I think that's true. It's one of the two. It's either Judy Blume.

[David Cross]

Well, it's certainly not Beaverton.

[Ian Carmel]

She's not from. No, she's definitely not from Beaverton. Nobody's from. Just me and several unfortunate children. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Two of the biggest.

[Ian Carmel]

She was born in New Jersey. Okay. It's not Judy Blume. It's the other. It's the Other children's author. Children's author who writes about like.

[David Cross]

Well, there's several.

[Ian Carmel]

Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.

[David Cross]

Judy Bloom.

[Ian Carmel]

Christ.

[David Cross]

Oh, maybe Margaret. Maybe the character Beverly Cleary.

[Ian Carmel]

Beverly Cleary. Beverly Cleary, yeah, yeah. Portland.

[David Cross]

The mouse in the motorcycle. Yeah. Was that her? Beverly Cleary.

[Ian Carmel]

Should we just keep checking stuff? Like, just formal now?

[David Cross]

You got to check.

[Ian Carmel]

And it was a Yamaha motorcycle.

[David Cross]

The mouse in the motorcycle, was that Beverly Cleary? Yes.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Nice. Good job. Yeah, yeah. Beautiful shed.

[David Cross]

Yeah. So aesthetically you liked it? You like the layout of the shed?

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, I did, yeah. Yeah. But it was full of 400 pound teenagers, so it got crowded fairly quick.

[David Cross]

Oh, of course, you weren't the only one. Yeah, no, no, because they growing big up in Beaverton.

[Ian Carmel]

They grow them big. The land of the tall pines.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Beaverton, Oregon.

[David Cross]

And was that sung that for, you know, the land of the tall pines.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, there's several. Wait. The land of the tall pines Flapjacks to the ceiling of pulp of the tin shed.

[David Cross]

Oh, this is a song specifically about the tin shed.

[Ian Carmel]

It's about. Well, every high school has a tin shed in Oregon.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

For the fatter kids who didn't want to play football.

[David Cross]

Now would you say fatter or big boned?

[Ian Carmel]

My bones are gigantic.

[David Cross]

Right?

[Ian Carmel]

They are actually.

[David Cross]

So maybe you get a. You get a bad rap, as it were.

[Ian Carmel]

I get a bad rap, yeah. My bones themselves weigh 342 pounds, so I. To get to my current weight, I'd have a bunch of them removed.

[David Cross]

And which ones would you. You gotta do the, you know, you gotta do the.

[Ian Carmel]

The ribs.

[David Cross]

The ribs. So you can suck yourself off.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, I was, I was, I swear to God, having a conversation about self sucking.

[David Cross]

Yeah. You know Marilyn Manson. Yeah, had. That's true.

[Ian Carmel]

That he had his ribs. That hit my middle school.

[David Cross]

Yeah, of course.

[Ian Carmel]

Like a fucking hurricane. When that happened, people were like. People were like the true believers, like evangelists for the fact that he had a rib removed. Slamming desks.

[David Cross]

And somewhere in this great country of ours, walking amongst us is the person who came up with that first person, the person who invented that rumor. A lie. An out and out lie.

[Ian Carmel]

Steve Bannon of middle school propaganda out.

[David Cross]

There who's just putting together, throwing some Hitler salutes out.

[Ian Carmel]

He was throwing some Hitler salutes out there. He was this guy like did the Richard Gere gerbil rumor. And then for like 15 years, people were like, what do you got next? How are you gonna follow this up? And he couldn't. He was Just like.

[David Cross]

But his son did.

[Ian Carmel]

His son.

[David Cross]

That's the thing. He passed it on to his son.

[Ian Carmel]

He said, yeah, they had a difficult relationship.

[David Cross]

Yeah, well, they were lying constantly, making.

[Ian Carmel]

Shit up to each other. Yeah. I love you. Or do I? You can never.

[David Cross]

The thing, it's got to be so frustrating from them is there's no way to monetize it. This country has succeeded by out and out blatant lies. People are making tons of money lying blatantly. Specifically lying to gullible people. And they have not been able to monetize our most powerful lies.

[Ian Carmel]

Nobody's been able to put a price tag on it. Yeah, it's beautiful. They're like Jonas Salk. They're like the Jonas Salk of R, where they refuse to copyright it and they cured. They just put it out.

[David Cross]

Their rumors cured.

[Ian Carmel]

They cured people's diseases, polio, or at least their blue balls.

[David Cross]

There you go. Yeah, there you go.

[Ian Carmel]

I'm not proud of myself for that. I'm actually upset.

[David Cross]

Yeah, we can. We can cut all of this out.

[Ian Carmel]

I like to cut everything out but that. So people hold me accountable.

[David Cross]

Why is this episode only 7 seconds long? I just put it on a loop.

[Ian Carmel]

Ian Carmel saying blue balls over and over.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Sort of a jazzy piano in the background.

[David Cross]

We'll put some effects on it. It'll be cool. Yeah, absolutely.

[Ian Carmel]

Throw a little wawa in there.

[David Cross]

I'm noticing it's somebody's birthday, clearly. Because there's a ton of birthday balloons, Beverly.

[Ian Carmel]

Clearly.

[David Cross]

And I don't know whose birthday it is, but can I invite Ian to take one of those balloons with him on the way out? Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

Thank you so much.

[David Cross]

You are welcome.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, I have a birthday coming up later this year, so that's actually very meaningful to me.

[David Cross]

Are you doing another one?

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Holy shit. How many do you have a year?

[Ian Carmel]

This is gonna be six this year. Wow. Yeah.

[David Cross]

So how old are you?

[Ian Carmel]

192 years old.

[David Cross]

Wow. That's. Oh, that's the Oregon math. Oregon math, Right.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Oregon. Yeah. In Beaverton. I'm 186.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Well, you love the Bible. You love Genesis.

[Ian Carmel]

Huge fan. Peter Gabriel.

[David Cross]

Well, I meant the. The book of.

[Ian Carmel]

I did too.

[David Cross]

Oh. Because Peter Gabriel's mentioned heavily.

[Ian Carmel]

Have you read Genesis? Are you a Bible?

[David Cross]

I have. I have, yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

You didn't. You didn't pick up the very strong Peter Gabriel undertones in it.

[David Cross]

No. Maybe that was because my translation was. I maybe had a different.

[Ian Carmel]

Did you read it in Latin?

[David Cross]

No, I read it in Latin because I don't. Oh, there you go.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I don't know Latin either, but. Oh, you just found Peter Gabriel mention.

[Ian Carmel]

I just felt his presence while I was in Latin. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Well, it's interesting because he did the soundtrack to the Last Temptation of Christ. The movie.

[Ian Carmel]

That's right.

[David Cross]

Not the actual Last Temptation of Christ, which was.

[Ian Carmel]

Which was bubblegum.

[David Cross]

That's what he asked for. He was up on there. That was his last thing. I want to. Baby. Old thing of. Of bubble gum.

[Ian Carmel]

Like, we can get you anything. Jesus, he's just like. It's weird. I just. Just gum.

[David Cross]

That's all he wanted, a big old bubble gum. He was trying.

[Ian Carmel]

Pizza break.

[David Cross]

The Guinness Book, and they didn't have books yet, but the Guinness. The Guinness Carving of World Records, the Guinness Cuneiform. And also, you know, much like the Bible and everything we know about it, their world they couldn't conceive of Japan.

[Ian Carmel]

Or Sub Saharan Africa was the inability to conceive of Japan.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah. That's why the Bible doesn't exist anymore. You don't find people referencing it.

[Ian Carmel]

No, we do have the work of Dan Brown, which is as close as it gets.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Da Vinci Code.

[David Cross]

And better. I'd say an improvement.

[Ian Carmel]

Absolutely.

[David Cross]

On the.

[Ian Carmel]

On a more prescriptive moral code I found.

[David Cross]

And also the thing is, it's just. I think people wised up in a sense. Like, they were like. They read Genesis and they're told to take these things literally, and they're like, wait, so people live to be 970 years old, and these are people not in Oregon. In Oregon. I get it.

[Ian Carmel]

A lot of people live 900.

[David Cross]

Clear air, tall mountains, and terrible math.

[Ian Carmel]

Awful math.

[David Cross]

Yeah. So I get that.

[Ian Carmel]

But in the, like. Yeah. These are people, like, in. Where's the Bible? Take Italy.

[David Cross]

In Italy. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

People in Italy.

[David Cross]

Chile. Chile, yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Bogota.

[David Cross]

Well, that's Colombia.

[Ian Carmel]

Montevideo, Uruguay.

[David Cross]

Yeah. All those.

[Ian Carmel]

All those places.

[David Cross]

Bible. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

And these people are living to 900 years old?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. You find that hard to believe?

[David Cross]

I do, yes.

[Ian Carmel]

That they were living.

[David Cross]

I find. I find literally everything about the Bible hard to believe.

[Ian Carmel]

So you're not burying your plates when you're done eating on them. And you don't send women to sheds when they're menstruating. That's.

[David Cross]

No, I do that. But that's for different reasons.

[Ian Carmel]

That's a different thing. Okay, good, good, good, good, good. Well, that's the thing. Some of these are like timeless lessons that don't necessarily. You don't need to, like, fear a vengeful God. To know that it's a good idea to send a woman to a shed when she's menstruating.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I mean, let's also be mindful that we're. When I think shed, I think it connotes this kind of like. Like a barn. And it's dirty and it's cluttered and cobwebs and all that. But the shed that I have for my women, that I send to the. Whether they're menstruating, whether they.

[Ian Carmel]

We should also say people who menstruate. Like, we want to get ahead of that, too. Like, it's not just women, it's people who menstruate. Anyone who menstruates.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

To go to a shed.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And. But the set is nice. I mean, I know that's relative, but it's. It's really nice. It's outfitted. There's a ton of Yankee candles. Choose yourself.

[Ian Carmel]

I like that.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And then there's.

[Ian Carmel]

Because people are like, I'm gonna spend 120 on a candle. You don't need to do that. Yankee candle makes a great price.

[David Cross]

Wait, who's spending $120 on a candle?

[Ian Carmel]

People in Oregon.

[David Cross]

Oh, right, right. So what's the GDP of Oregon?

[Ian Carmel]

$753,000.

[David Cross]

Oh, that's way less than I imagined.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh. So the bad math goes both ways.

[Ian Carmel]

Total $753,000 for the whole state. And most of that's candles.

[David Cross]

I didn't. Boy, I'm learning a lot about Oregon now. I will say this. I shot a movie in what's called the Dark Divide. The biggest, last. Un.

[Ian Carmel]

Circumcised.

[David Cross]

Uncircumcised trail in North America and the Pacific Crest Trail. No, it's called the Dark Divide.

[Ian Carmel]

Is it, Norman?

[David Cross]

Well, that's the nickname. It goes up to the. Through the Cascade. So it's partly in Oregon, partly in.

[Ian Carmel]

Washington, up into the Olympic Range and everything.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Part of it is Mount Adams.

[Ian Carmel]

Adams.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Absolutely. And this was Twilight 2. Right.

[David Cross]

This was the second Twilight 2. Electric boogaloo, which was a. Which was a musical that we did, and it was kind.

[Ian Carmel]

That's what the tin. That's what the Shed song is from.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Ian Carmel]

Sorry, I didn't actually put two and two together. I'm embarrassed now.

[David Cross]

And it's. Well, don't be. Don't be. A lot of people make that mistake or don't see it, but it's. Yeah, it was a fun kind of parody. Porn. It was a porn parody of Twilight.

[Ian Carmel]

It was a parody of Porn.

[David Cross]

Or it was a parody of porn. So there's no, there's no sexual acts in it. But we really, we really give it to the porn industry finally. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

They've had it too good for too long.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And, and, and then had some fun with the whole Vampire v. Werewolf thing.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. You know, which is, I think, a Supreme Court that gets cited more and more, especially with the Trump administration. Yeah. Empire v. Werewolf.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Boy, can you imagine if there is a opening in the Supreme Court? Can you imagine 73 becoming 8 to 2? No, wait, 7 3. No, 72 becoming 8 to 1. No, wait, 63 becoming 7 to 2. Is that right from Oregon, the 9?

[Ian Carmel]

Well, yeah. You don't want to ask us about the Supreme Court.

[David Cross]

Oh, so you're aware that it's bad math, huh?

[Ian Carmel]

No.

[David Cross]

Oh, then why don't I want to ask somebody from Oregon about the Supreme Court?

[Ian Carmel]

Because everyone up there thinks that means it's a court with sour cream on it.

[David Cross]

Oh. Oh. So, right, we have a Supreme Court, like a top Supreme.

[Ian Carmel]

A supreme burrito.

[David Cross]

So there are people who believe that the Supreme Court is a court with sour cream that comes with sour cream either on top or on the side.

[Ian Carmel]

On top.

[David Cross]

On top.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

So not either.

[Ian Carmel]

You can't.

[David Cross]

Just definitely side you can't get on.

[Ian Carmel]

There would have Supreme.

[David Cross]

Yeah. What kind of court would have sour cream on the side that's. That's more absurd than sour cream on top?

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I mean, is it on top of them? Themselves, Their heads? Their.

[Ian Carmel]

Like a, like a wig on a British judge? Kind of.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

All the judges wear it sort of piled on on top of their head.

[David Cross]

So it almost looks like a wig.

[Ian Carmel]

It does look a little bit like a wig. They also use Greek yogurt sometimes. It's a pretty similar flavor.

[David Cross]

And for health purposes.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah.

[David Cross]

I mean. Live and learn.

[Ian Carmel]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big Wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just 15amonth. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront.

[David Cross]

Payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] man, this just from the very beginning, guys, we've learned so much.

[Ian Carmel]

This was. Yeah, yeah, I'm happy to tell you even more. Any questions?

[David Cross]

You want to feel like we can stop now? I mean, why continue? There's. What else is there to learn? It's like the guy after. I believe it was after the steam engine or the train, one of those things. There was a guy. I want to say.

[Ian Carmel]

What, Fulton's Folly?

[David Cross]

No, I was going to say. Unless I don't know the name for it. But the guy, I believe he was a congressman who just wanted to close the fatten office because everything that could be invented had been invented.

[Ian Carmel]

Is that a thing that really happened?

[David Cross]

I'm going to guess Republican. I'm just going to throw that out there.

[Ian Carmel]

He's like, that's it.

[David Cross]

I can't remember which thing it was. It was like the. It was something like steam engine or train or cotton gin or something where he's like, it was a waste of money. Close the pat.

[Ian Carmel]

Do you think he, like, sat at home for like a week and just trying to think of another thing? Like, just like, what's a. What's the next thing? Yeah, just after a week, like. Well, I can't come up with it.

[David Cross]

But here, to his credit, he actually did come up with. He came up with the Roomba.

[Ian Carmel]

That was him.

[David Cross]

Yep. He came up with the water pick. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

You're supposed to use that.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you should.

[Ian Carmel]

Do you want to pick?

[David Cross]

I do. I have terrible teeth. Terrible, terrible. Terrible. Beyond bad. Like. Oh, I have. I believe I counted it with the last one. I have more artificial fake teeth in my mouth than teeth I was born with.

[Ian Carmel]

When did you start, like, going to the dentist, like, in your life? Was that a. Was that a regular. Did you go, like, as a kid.

[David Cross]

Or did you have, like a long gap? I. I like when started. Well, yes, there was a gap when, you know, like, a lot of, you know, people who lived on their own when they were like, you know, 19, 20. Well, my 20s, I probably only went to the dentist if I had to.

[Ian Carmel]

Right.

[David Cross]

And. But sometimes these two teeth are mostly plastic because when I was in third grade, I was going down a pretty steep hill. Hill on my chipper, which was a junior version of the chopper. Remember that bike? And I was going down and my handlebars started shaking. And then within a few seconds, my whole wheel just. Just turned and basically stopped and it launched me and I went flying and landed on my face. And a neighbor, I was just a bloody mess and missing, you know, teeth. And. Yeah, a neighbor carried me. Remember, my mom was on the phone, like, old school phone with the cord coming you know, sitting at a kitchen table or whatever. And my. This guy, my neighbor, carries me. And I remember my mom, you know, it was like a screen door or something. Yeah, well, that's what she said. No, I'm not gonna. Just screaming a bloody mess.

[Ian Carmel]

Like, the bloody corpse of Christ in her arm just bleeding from your mouth. That's hilarious.

[David Cross]

And it was fake. It was. It was. It was bad, but it wasn't quite that bad.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You know what I mean? It was his face, so there's blood everywhere, even though, you know, it was scraped up.

[Ian Carmel]

And it looks as bad as it can look.

[David Cross]

It looks. Yeah, it looks really, really bad. And I have.

[Ian Carmel]

Because I have a theory about the. I, like, I didn't go to the dentist probably from, like, when I was, like, 19, until maybe I went, like, once in my 20s. Right, right.

[David Cross]

That's. That's kind of. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

I think pretty standard. And then.

[David Cross]

And you had no insurance. I'm not gonna go. I had no money and no insurance.

[Ian Carmel]

Right. You're supposed to, like, go out of pocket and be like, yeah, here's like, 400 of the $200 I have.

[David Cross]

Yeah, here. Here, clean my teet. And. And let's see. Was it $180? That's ren. Almost rent and beer and. But then I won't get cavities. I won't have mouth pain. I'm gonna hang on to this money for now.

[Ian Carmel]

I'll take the beer.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I'll take the beer.

[Ian Carmel]

I'll drink until it doesn't hurt anymore.

[David Cross]

Yeah, there you go.

[Ian Carmel]

And once I finally started going, like, in my mid-30s, mid to, like, late-30s is when I finally started going to the dentist, and I thought I had had great teeth. I'm like, I think I just have teeth that don't get cavities. Like, I thought it was, like, a genetic.

[David Cross]

Your teeth look pretty good.

[Ian Carmel]

Thank you. But I grind them.

[David Cross]

Oh, sure.

[Ian Carmel]

So they look, like, straighter than I think they, like, actually are.

[David Cross]

But what's the problem?

[Ian Carmel]

My teeth were full of cavities.

[David Cross]

And it didn't hurt it.

[Ian Carmel]

Like, when I finally went, one of the teeth was, like, falling apart. Like, there was, like.

[David Cross]

And you didn't have any sense of that due to pain or anything it really ever hurt.

[Ian Carmel]

It was crazy. Like, never. Never. The kind of pain where I couldn't, like, get through my life without it. Even when the tooth collapsed, it was more like a novelty in my mouth, much like a Carvel.

[David Cross]

What a fun novelty.

[Ian Carmel]

But it was like a structural anomaly. I'm like, oh, that's weird. There shouldn't be like a hole right there. But. And I had. It's extra embarrassing because I had dental insurance for like five years without ever going. But I think like, you will spend X amount of time at the dentist and you can either do it spaced out over like 10 years like you're supposed to, or you can do it like in a two year span or like in a three month span, like I did, where I was like in there twice a week with them like doing like fillings or like root canals and all that stuff. So kids go to the dentist for sure.

[David Cross]

Go to the dentist now. I've had all kinds of procedures. I had my recessed gum lines.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, yeah.

[David Cross]

And I ended up having to get this. I've been quite lucky actually, with timing. Like when this happened with my front teeth, they had just invented the bonding, the enamel stuff and then the purple ultraviolet light.

[Ian Carmel]

Right.

[David Cross]

So I. That had like months prior to that. So.

[Ian Carmel]

So like they could attach this and.

[David Cross]

Occasionally it comes out and it falls out, but it doesn't hurt. And everything's dead up there anyway. And. But it's. So I got lucky with that. And then I've had a number of things, procedures and stuff, but on my upper left and my lower on my left side, I had to go in. And they had invented this. This is maybe nine years ago, ten years ago, something like that. Yeah, they grafted. It was a German guy who invented this, but a pig cell bones. So I. I can't remember exactly what it is.

[Ian Carmel]

When did he invent it?

[David Cross]

During the Nazi. Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, it's good.

[David Cross]

Yeah. So it's not like posts. No, it has been. You know, they used people.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay.

[David Cross]

This wasn't a bunny rabbit thing.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay. Thank God. Because I was gonna say you don't want like.

[David Cross]

No, no.

[Ian Carmel]

When you say pig, you mean not a Jewish people. What you mean Jewish people cells. When you say pigeon. Am I taking the rift too far? I'm Jewish.

[David Cross]

Dude, you gotta commit.

[Ian Carmel]

Come on.

[David Cross]

You can't backpedal like that, everybody. I'm Jewish. I can say that because I'm.

[Ian Carmel]

Another funny joke. That I am Jewish Episcopalian. Lifelong Episcopalians.

[David Cross]

Oh, man. No. You got a comedian.

[Ian Carmel]

I'm sorry.

[David Cross]

If you're gonna do that, you're gonna come on this podcast. That was an early ripcord. We're still in the plane. We haven't even jumped yet.

[Ian Carmel]

I feel like I pulled the ripcord at the Sbarros before security.

[David Cross]

Oh, my God.

[Ian Carmel]

But yeah, I'm Sorry, that was a pig.

[David Cross]

And I even went with cop. And you didn't even steamrolled that to get Jingo Jew.

[Ian Carmel]

I didn't even.

[David Cross]

I wasn't like, you want to get.

[Ian Carmel]

I was so nervously cradling this punchline in my hand that I didn't even listen to yours. And then I threw it up directly into a ceiling fan.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that was cells from a pig teeth or whatever it was. And you bought. And you. He had a kind of flay open the gums and then put this stuff on and then stitch. Everything was stitched. I had like 22 stitches on each level.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And level. You're only two. Got a jaw left.

[Ian Carmel]

You have a split level mouth. Right.

[David Cross]

Level. Level. The upper and the lower platform.

[Ian Carmel]

Your upper plat platform.

[David Cross]

The. The great thing about the upper one is the view, though.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, the view is much better. Astonishing. Yeah. If you can get over. Because it's a walk up. Right. This.

[David Cross]

This just reminded me when I was working on the Ben Stiller show and I had spent very little time in LA and certainly no time in. In like Hollywood or. Or Burbank, and we. There was a thing I was doing after the Stiller show and. Do you know Rob Cohen at all? Comedy writer? No, Rob. Rob and I were writing this thing for Ben to direct and Judd to produce. And our office was in Burbank. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. But you. You know what. So the river, the LA river. The mighty LA river.

[Ian Carmel]

Mighty LA river. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Runs. Part of it is. Is. Runs through. And for those of you have not been here, it's like a trickle stream. It's nothing and it's dirty. And the whole. It's cement. It's where they shot the.

[Ian Carmel]

Remember in the Terminator?

[David Cross]

There's all. It's all that. That's the river.

[Ian Carmel]

It's such a sad state of affairs.

[David Cross]

Really sad. But I remember seeing apartments and they were advertised as having a river view.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, my God.

[David Cross]

I'm not shitting you. It was one of my first years, you know, my first year here. I'm like, are you fucking kidding? But to somebody, it's like, yeah, I'll pay a little extra to see the.

[Ian Carmel]

Take a look at the river. The two days a year it rains.

[David Cross]

The L. A River.

[Ian Carmel]

I think that's. They're probably trying to get, like, people like you who are moving to, like, haven't really spent a lot of time. And I'll go like, fucking. I didn't even know there was a river.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I guess it's A dry period.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, that'll change. For the last 600 years, when they filmed Chinatown and then like, Sense then it's had no water in it.

[David Cross]

Right. That was half their budget.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, that was it.

[David Cross]

Getting enough water to.

[Ian Carmel]

There are parts of the LA River. It's weird. Like, I live near a part of the LA river and I'm actually. My house is actually on the market where the river is quite full.

[David Cross]

And where is that at Water Village. Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

It's at the water. It actually. There actually is.

[David Cross]

Never fucking put that together. I used to live up the street. I used to live in Los Feliz in Silver Lake when I lived here.

[Ian Carmel]

So I'm right across the river from there.

[David Cross]

That water, I never put that together. I'm not kidding. That's not me trying to be funny.

[Ian Carmel]

It took me a few. It wasn't until I lived there for a couple years where I was like, I think, like, standing in the village.

[David Cross]

Those Indians are smart, brilliant people.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, yeah, Brilliant people. And I don't care what Trump says. We need to get the visas out there.

[David Cross]

I do care what Trump says.

[Ian Carmel]

You do care what Trump says. Oh, I've been tuning it out.

[David Cross]

Yeah, no, listen, listen. With like, really listen.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, I listen to Trump. Of the original Latin.

[David Cross]

Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a true, very real example of how dumb I can be.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay.

[David Cross]

In the sense, but way worse than the. Oh, Atwater. I just. Now I get it. So I've been living here for years and years and years. I mean, five years at least. And when you go down the 10, I think in between sort of like Fairfax and La Brea, one of those exits kind of near there. You'll see to the right it says accident investigation site. Right. And there's this kind of, like, area that they've. Right. And when I first saw it and for years and years, so I'm going to say well over 1800 days, I was like. I thought it was where a really bad accident occurred and they had created this thing and just never.

[Ian Carmel]

It was like a cold case. Yeah.

[David Cross]

For a car. A cold case. Car accident.

[Ian Carmel]

We still don't know.

[David Cross]

I truly. And then when I. When it occurred to me, because it's so obviously that's a dumb thing to think. And it. I felt. I felt dumb for about a year.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Like, wow, how dumb is that?

[Ian Carmel]

You're like, if you're driving by with someone, you won't make eye contact with them during it. You're just so, so embarrassed. The other thing is, though, about That I don't know what it's for then.

[David Cross]

Well, you're supposed to pull over if you have an accident so you're not blocking up all the lanes of the.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, so it's like, okay, we got a little fender bender. Try to move to this spot, like away.

[David Cross]

Are you serious? You didn't know what it was?

[Ian Carmel]

Well, no, I didn't think it was what you thought it was, but I didn't know.

[David Cross]

Well, now you're qualifying.

[Ian Carmel]

I didn't know if that's where.

[David Cross]

So what do you think it was?

[Ian Carmel]

The car accident. Detective. He parked.

[David Cross]

The car accident. Detective.

[Ian Carmel]

If I'm being 100% honest, that would have. I think when I drove by it, I was like, that must be where they set up their little base camp and then they go investigate the accident.

[David Cross]

I would say that's slightly less dumb than what I think.

[Ian Carmel]

More than slightly.

[David Cross]

I don't think so.

[Ian Carmel]

I think it's a little more I.

[David Cross]

Don'T think so than like a five.

[Ian Carmel]

Year old accident that they.

[David Cross]

No, she.

[Ian Carmel]

She can't take it. She just found out that it's. She just found out that that's not what it is.

[David Cross]

Get her back here. I want her to settle this.

[Ian Carmel]

Have the meeting in this room.

[David Cross]

All right.

[Ian Carmel]

Have the meeting in this room.

[David Cross]

Yo, yo, Hanya. I just have a quick meeting. I know, but we have something that we have to settle. Oh, can I say something? Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

I thought you brought me in because I thought you finally noticed the grapes.

[David Cross]

I noticed the grapes.

[Ian Carmel]

Grapes. And there's grapes out there too. I noticed grapes on the way.

[David Cross]

Did not like. So I got new grapes. Yeah, these are different grapes. I did actually. I did notice when I walked in. That was kind of why I laughed when I walked in. There was. I chuckled to myself. I looked and I was like, nice. You know what? Because these are blatantly fake. So I. Which I know is your problem. I appreciate these are nice.

[Ian Carmel]

This is pleasing to me in a way where it feels like I'm at my grandmother's house. Like that kind of thing. Right.

[David Cross]

Well, that's what you're going for. You're what, Ukrainian? Russian?

[Ian Carmel]

Russian.

[David Cross]

Russian. So. So imagine this.

[Ian Carmel]

Nice.

[David Cross]

Yeah, Nice.

[Ian Carmel]

Nice. Russian Jew.

[David Cross]

Good Russian Jew.

[Ian Carmel]

Which is different. Very different.

[David Cross]

Better than Russian judgment. I don't know if you saw the stolen valor Jew thing. He tried to.

[Ian Carmel]

No, I'm 100% Jewish.

[David Cross]

Oh.

[Ian Carmel]

I'm bar mitzvah and everything.

[David Cross]

What was your haftura?

[Ian Carmel]

It was. It was Noah. It was the flood. Baruch Hata. Donoh alohe.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you sound like somebody you know.

[Ian Carmel]

I know.

[David Cross]

I just watched a YouTube video.

[Ian Carmel]

Started with, like, the most basic part of Judaism.

[David Cross]

All right, I'll be back. You can be back. All right.

[Ian Carmel]

But you want to ask her about the crash investigation site.

[David Cross]

Well, she's got this meeting to go.

[Ian Carmel]

No opinions on that. Is the meeting about crash investigations?

[David Cross]

No, I wish, but we. What? Can we get a office wide meeting about whether his thinking the accident. Accident investigation site? He. I'm saying it's slightly less dumb. He's saying it's a lot less dumb.

[Ian Carmel]

I'll ask the Spotify people what they think. Yeah, yeah. Well, they're Swedish.

[David Cross]

Get them in here. Get them in here.

[Ian Carmel]

They're Swedish.

[David Cross]

They love apps.

[Ian Carmel]

They do love apps, the Swedes.

[David Cross]

The Spotify people.

[Ian Carmel]

The Spotify people. Oh, they love apps.

[David Cross]

They love Swedish apps.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, yeah. Meatballs, Lingonberry. Trying to think of other licorice. What of might. What else might be an appetizer in Sweden?

[David Cross]

Herring.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, herring. Like sort of a herring egg roll situation. If you go to a Swedish TGI Fridays, do you think it's like, you know, we have like cheeseburger egg rolls here?

[David Cross]

Well, they say, thank God it's Friday. Yeah. So it's different. Yeah, it's just a different vibe. Yeah, thank God Himmel. Thank God it's German, but, you know.

[Ian Carmel]

And Friday, it's actually thank God it's Thursday because I think they probably have like a more reasonable work week.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah. And then they also work from home.

[Ian Carmel]

Right.

[David Cross]

So do you have a podcast? I guess you do.

[Ian Carmel]

I have a podcast.

[David Cross]

Yeah, everybody has podcasts. Casey, do you have a podcast? I used to have a podcast. For fucking real? Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

What was your podcast about?

[David Cross]

It was about Formula one, race cars.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, okay. Yeah, there you go.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I said the guys never heard it. Yeah, no one heard it. It's fine.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, it was called. The name of your podcast was called the Pit Wall. Yeah, we all listen.

[David Cross]

So did you have to give up your podcast to make room for mine? No, I gave up. I gave it up to make room for other podcasts, though. For sure.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

See, that's how it works.

[Ian Carmel]

Sacrifice. That's how they get one in, one out. Yeah, I've had mine since 2016.

[David Cross]

This is brand new. I mean, I never. Yeah, I shouldn't say brand new at this point, but how many shows have I done? Any idea episodes that you've done of this? Yeah, let's see.

[Ian Carmel]

We're gonna get that info.

[David Cross]

Okay. In. In American Numbers, not Oregon numbers.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay. Also, like in Oregon numbers.

[David Cross]

Well, you can train. You're the only person in this room who has the authority to.

[Ian Carmel]

One of three people. Oh, in this room. Yeah.

[David Cross]

But that's Oregon math. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Who can do translate?

[David Cross]

Oregon. Yeah. Now, I have a question about your last name. Is it one of those regional things, like, depending on where, what part of the country you grew up, whether it's caramel or Carmel.

[Ian Carmel]

It's Carmel in Oregon.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

So where from? In Georgia, it would be caramel.

[Ian Carmel]

It'd be caramel.

[David Cross]

Okay, cool.

[Ian Carmel]

Actually, it's caramel everywhere, but I actually wouldn't mind making that switch right now.

[David Cross]

And what is. What. What is the. Or etymology, origin, whatever that's called?

[Ian Carmel]

We're Jewish, so it was. It was made our family name Katz originally. So my grandfather's name was Solomon Katz. And when he came to America, like so many other Jew, he just changed it because he was like, it's too Jewish. It's gonna, like, hold me back.

[David Cross]

And then he went to Katz's deli and went, oh, what a mistake.

[Ian Carmel]

It's packed. Yeah, I could have kept it. He changed it to George Carmel from Solomon Cats. I don't know how he picked Carmel. There's, like, Carmel, California. You know Carmel by the C. I.

[David Cross]

Don'T know, but that's spelled with a.

[Ian Carmel]

C. It's spelled with a C with a K. I have no ide. Where he got it from.

[David Cross]

And this is your grandfather?

[Ian Carmel]

This is my grandfather.

[David Cross]

And he came from where?

[Ian Carmel]

Paris. He was Parisian. Yeah. Yeah. So he was. But yeah, he was born Solomon Cats. Interest. I mean, like, he was in Paris for the entire Nazi occupation. He didn't come over until after. This is. It's weird to talk about this, and then also. But he was, like, in the same Paris apartment for almost the entire Nazi occupation. Him, his brother and his mom.

[David Cross]

How did they survive? How did they get there?

[Ian Carmel]

His mother, I mean, like, I think had some kind of relationship with, like, someone who protected them. Like, either like a Nazi officer or something like that. Just out of pure desperation to keep the family safe. His father, my great grandfather. Part of the reason he was so comfortable getting rid of the cat's last name, like, when the Nazis were invading. Just split. Just left his kids, left his wife, got out.

[David Cross]

Where'd he go?

[Ian Carmel]

He went to Israel. So he like. Or to that re. Yeah. Which was. It was not Israel yet, but, like, that region just left. Left them all behind. So like, when he was like, what.

[David Cross]

A piece of shit.

[Ian Carmel]

One of the Most like just the biggest pieces you can possibly do. Yeah, absolutely despicable. So when he got. When he was like, I'm my own man now, he really. A lot of Jews, like, change their own name. There's this. I read this book.

[David Cross]

Did you? That's great. Yeah, that's great.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

The Beverly Cleary.

[Ian Carmel]

It's Beverly Cleary if you give a Jew a last name.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

But the. You know, there's.

[David Cross]

Well, don't spoil it.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay, I won't spoil it.

[David Cross]

But I have read a book, and so what happens? So what? What?

[Ian Carmel]

Just wanted everyone to know I read a book.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Sounds good.

[David Cross]

Congratulated you, everybody.

[Ian Carmel]

Thank you very much.

[David Cross]

So tell me, milk it a little.

[Ian Carmel]

More after it made it funny.

[David Cross]

And the book said about the.

[Ian Carmel]

This is true. A lot of the people, Jews. But this is everybody who, like, came to America and said, ugh, Ellis island changed my last name because they didn't understand it. That's almost, like, complete bullshit. Yeah. Ellis island changed almost zero last names.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Ian Carmel]

Because they were like, the guy didn't understand my Russian last name. And it's like. Well, they had people who spoke Russian. They did. Like, it was mostly people who changed their last name but were kind of ashamed.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Ian Carmel]

Didn't want to copy.

[David Cross]

That's interesting.

[Ian Carmel]

To, like, other Ukrainians or Jews or Polish people, like.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Ian Carmel]

So they mostly just did it to fit in better and then lied about it later. Like, if you. They have records of all the last names they changed, and it's like half of a percentage.

[David Cross]

And they're all Hernandez.

[Ian Carmel]

It was all Hernandez. They changed them to Fernandez, which was easier for the American ear to hear. Yeah.

[David Cross]

As a.

[Ian Carmel]

Here, Fernandez is gendered.

[David Cross]

It's gendered. Right. It's like. It's like the British thing where they say herbal.

[Ian Carmel]

Herbal.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

In England, it's Herb Nandez.

[David Cross]

It's what?

[Ian Carmel]

Herb Nandez.

[David Cross]

Herb Nand. Hernandez is Herb Nand. Oh, so they add a B. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

They had a B. Well, they pronounced the B. The B is there in America. We just don't pronounce it, you know?

[David Cross]

Do you have any idea why the Brits call arugula rocket?

[Ian Carmel]

No, I don't. They also. Yeah. No.

[David Cross]

I don't know.

[Ian Carmel]

No, I don't know why they do. I like it more.

[David Cross]

Yeah. It's more fun to eat, but it's not.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. I mean, I'm a big old plate of rocket.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Like, they called German Shepherds Alsatians. And I get that because they hate the Germans so much that they Were like, we're not even gonna give them this dog.

[David Cross]

Alp. Dog.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Yeah. But like, the rocket thing. No, I don't get. Yeah, a few others, don't they? Isn't there, like.

[David Cross]

Well, that one in particular is odd. Like courgettes. Courgette. Well, that's French.

[Ian Carmel]

That's French.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Rocket just seems arbitrary for a specific lettuce leaf. Arugula.

[Ian Carmel]

It absolutely does.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

They call eggplant something weird, too. Right.

[David Cross]

We.

[Ian Carmel]

No, well, we do.

[David Cross]

We do. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Eggplants.

[David Cross]

I mean, that's weird.

[Ian Carmel]

That's the weirder name.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. England calls eggplants something different. Right.

[David Cross]

Aubergine. But that's also French.

[Ian Carmel]

French.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Here's. This is an interest that's just completely partially related. Interesting thing. You can sort of tell the class split in England from the. All the, like, fancy names for the animals, like lamb. This is, like, one of my wife's facts. And now I'm butchering it.

[David Cross]

But, like, mutton butchering. Interesting choice of word. Yeah, interesting.

[Ian Carmel]

Like, mutton is derived from the German, you know. But, like, lamb is, like, from the French. Like, it's more fancy. I fucking. I could not have blown that fact.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I don't.

[Ian Carmel]

I'm tempted to get her on the phone to give it.

[David Cross]

It's not even a. That's not even a thing.

[Ian Carmel]

No, it's one example in, like, buff.

[David Cross]

As opposed to beef.

[Ian Carmel]

Beef.

[David Cross]

That's French.

[Ian Carmel]

It's bad. I'm. I.

[David Cross]

Is your wife Jewish?

[Ian Carmel]

She is.

[David Cross]

Okay, so your parents were happy?

[Ian Carmel]

Very happy.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Her parents were even happier.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

This. My wife was the first Jewish woman I dated.

[David Cross]

Really?

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

On purpose?

[Ian Carmel]

No. No.

[David Cross]

It wasn't one of your rules.

[Ian Carmel]

Weirdly, it was not one of my rules. I only have three rules.

[David Cross]

And what are they?

[Ian Carmel]

Live fast.

[David Cross]

Right. That's for. But I thought they were applied to dating.

[Ian Carmel]

But okay, these do, too. Live fast.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

Second rule is not. Not too fast.

[David Cross]

Okay. And what's the third round?

[Ian Carmel]

Actually, why don't we just slow down?

[David Cross]

That's the third rule.

[Ian Carmel]

That's the third rule.

[David Cross]

Oh. It seems like you can dispense with the first two rules now.

[Ian Carmel]

You get the first two to set up.

[David Cross]

Okay. But it applies to dating. Live fast.

[Ian Carmel]

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Live fast.

[David Cross]

Oh, live like Liv. Live fast. Live. Oh, that's not her last name.

[Ian Carmel]

Is it not?

[David Cross]

Oh, live fast. Are you saying live Ty. No, Liv Tyler is her last name, but fat. I thought.

[Ian Carmel]

I thought her last name was fast. It's not Fast.

[David Cross]

It's Tyler. When you just referenced Liv Tyler. That's how I knew Liv Tyler's last name. Talk about. Because you said her last name.

[Ian Carmel]

I'm not sure that's true.

[David Cross]

Well, maybe in Oregon.

[Ian Carmel]

Not Oregon. Names.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Is this. Is this. These riffs. This is. Is this what the podcast is? Because. Okay, Fantastic. I'm having a great time.

[David Cross]

Well, we haven't really started yet, but if you want to start recording, that's what I want to know when we start, actually. All right. We're talking with. With Ian Carmel. He.

[Ian Carmel]

Unless you're in Georgia.

[David Cross]

Unless you're in Georgia. Caramel. Now. Do you have anything to plug?

[Ian Carmel]

A lot of stuff. Most of the lamps in my house. I got a toaster. We got a magic bullet. My wife has been really enjoying that.

[David Cross]

So what. Is there a place where we can find more of these comic gems? Because you took plug literally.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Did you like how I did that?

[David Cross]

No.

[Ian Carmel]

Could you see yourself doing it maybe later on?

[David Cross]

Absolutely not. No.

[Ian Carmel]

Let me just set up a scenario for you where you might use it.

[David Cross]

Sure.

[Ian Carmel]

You're on someone else's podcast.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

They haven't heard this one. You know that for a fact because you sit down.

[David Cross]

Because they don't have children. Because that's a very.

[Ian Carmel]

This is a podcast for people with children. This is a parent podcast. Right? Right.

[David Cross]

This one. Yes.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, yeah. This one. Okay. Yeah. They ask you, do you have anything to plug? Eventually, you are going to get to the thing you have to plug, but first you decide. Let me go ahead and give this person just a little levity in their day, and then you just mention, I guess.

[David Cross]

All right. A little levity.

[Ian Carmel]

Sure.

[David Cross]

Just a little levity. Yeah, A tiny bit. Yeah, yeah. Just enough, barely visible to the naked eye.

[Ian Carmel]

Just like. Just like. Enough for, like, a little smirk. Like a gentleman. A gentle smirk, and then you.

[David Cross]

And an accompanying eye roll.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, but like a cute eye roll. Like, it's an eye roll. But I still. I'm really glad we're doing it.

[David Cross]

Vicious. It's not a vicious eye roll.

[Ian Carmel]

No, it's not a. It's not like you're afraid their eyes are gonna roll out of their head and, like, down the street and you're gonna have to chase after them because they can't even see where they went. That might be a scenario where you might do that.

[David Cross]

That'd be fun. But then the eyes would get filthy. You wouldn't be able. The eyes wouldn't be able to see within seconds.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. They'd be covered in detritus.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah. And Just. Yeah. La Detritus.

[Ian Carmel]

The La Detritus.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Which. Congratulations on your recent World Series win. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

I'm not from la, so it wouldn't be. I can't share in that.

[Ian Carmel]

You lived here, though.

[David Cross]

I did, yeah. I spent nine and a half years here.

[Ian Carmel]

That's all it takes. You were in Los Feliz, right?

[David Cross]

I was in Feliz. The correct pronunciation would be Los Feliz. Los Feliz, like the happies.

[Ian Carmel]

Like Feliz Navidad. Yeah.

[David Cross]

And. But everybody calls it Los Feliz.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Just to go, fuck you.

[Ian Carmel]

It's because it's at the water.

[David Cross]

Spanish Descent. Yeah. Atwater Village. Never. Never at the water. Yes, we covered that, but it never occurred to me. But I like that I now have that in my head.

[Ian Carmel]

Did you ever give any thought as to why it's called Frogtown? Because right across from Atwater Village, just sort of down the hill from Los Feliz, Frogtown. You know about Frogtown?

[David Cross]

That's got to be new. That wasn't. Yeah, that wasn't here. That wasn't a thing on that other.

[Ian Carmel]

Side of the river. Frogtown, when you lived here earlier. Oh, so that's like new. That's a very strange sort of gentrification. Branding.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I guess.

[Ian Carmel]

French Frogtown.

[David Cross]

Is it French?

[Ian Carmel]

It's the original German frog.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah. Huh.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Frank Town.

[Ian Carmel]

Franktown.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

It's full of French people.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

Wow. Yeah.

[David Cross]

No, that was definitely. And when you say cross the river, what is. What was that called before?

[Ian Carmel]

I think it was the only time I've only ever known it is Frogtown. Across from Atwater Village is an area called Frogtown. But maybe it wasn't called that.

[David Cross]

I mean, maybe they didn't have anything. I really, you know, don't spend much time here anymore. And occasionally I'll come here and do the podcast here for a week, bang out a bunch and then. But I've only done that. I want to say. This is, what, my fourth time I've done this?

[Ian Carmel]

I think so.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And. And then I'm only here for work, but I haven't worked much. Certainly not in LA in a long time.

[Ian Carmel]

Well, that's everybody. Nobody has. Yeah.

[David Cross]

But, you know, so I've done a bunch of stuff in Toronto, but.

[Ian Carmel]

My grandmother was in Belgium and she was hidden in a convent by these nuns. Well, the Nazis were in Brussels, so she and her sister were eventually ferried out.

[David Cross]

Out.

[Ian Carmel]

To the United States.

[David Cross]

You think that's why they call it Frogtown?

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, interesting.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. I don't think it's unconnected.

[David Cross]

Well, then it'd be connected.

[Ian Carmel]

I don't think it's. I don't think it's unconnected. I don't think. That's not true.

[David Cross]

That's a way to say that it's connected.

[Ian Carmel]

I don't, I don't think. That's not a way to say it's connected.

[David Cross]

I mean, you're just. Yes. You're. You're saying those things. Things. But you're making it a little wordier by.

[Ian Carmel]

I don't think I'm out making a word.

[David Cross]

It's like the most infuriating person to argue with. I. I wouldn't say that I am. I wouldn't say that I'm not.

[Ian Carmel]

I wouldn't say. I wouldn't say that.

[David Cross]

I wouldn't say that.

[Ian Carmel]

I'm not wrong. Yeah.

[David Cross]

I wouldn't say that I'm wrong. I wouldn't say that I'm not wrong.

[Ian Carmel]

I wouldn't say that I'm not wrong. Just complete. Just a brick wall you're throwing a baseball against.

[David Cross]

Ah, it was good times.

[Ian Carmel]

Have you had a good time? I can't.

[David Cross]

I have.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay, good. I've had a good time. I've had a blast. This has been.

[David Cross]

Oh, no. I like laughing.

[Ian Carmel]

I do too. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And you know, these. I never know how they're going to turn out, these podcasts. And, you know, you know, some are a little bit more serious. Some are very, very, very silly. Like this one.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Which they both have their place.

[Ian Carmel]

I'm so. I, like, I was talking to Shane, our mutual friend Shane Torres.

[David Cross]

Sweetest guy.

[Ian Carmel]

Sweetest guy in the world. Like, legitimately might be the sweetest person in the world.

[David Cross]

Very nice guy.

[Ian Carmel]

Like, he's like my mom. And like, well, she's known him for.

[David Cross]

Like, like 15 years, you know, super fun. Have you heard his latest bit about nurses?

[Ian Carmel]

Yes. Oh, my God. I love the way he loves to.

[David Cross]

Just like, well, we can't give anything. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

But yeah, yeah, you go see Shane.

[David Cross]

Torres and it just keeps coming.

[Ian Carmel]

You can't.

[David Cross]

And it just keeps coming.

[Ian Carmel]

God, I love that dude. I think he's gonna be out here this week actually.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

If you're here. But I was like, what's. This is embarrassing now. I was gonna, like, bring you a present and then I have a three month old and I just could not.

[David Cross]

Oh, I don't wan. 3 month old. I have. I have my own kid. Jesus Christ.

[Ian Carmel]

This is like a pretty cute kid.

[David Cross]

I. I Have a flight to. I can't just get.

[Ian Carmel]

He's a lap infant still.

[David Cross]

I, I, I've got stuff to do. I can't. And I'd have to consult with my wife.

[Ian Carmel]

Bring you a diaper bag?

[David Cross]

No, no, no, dude.

[Ian Carmel]

See, this is. Oh, now I'm glad I didn't bring it, because this is how you're gonna react. I'm glad you didn't have a gift.

[David Cross]

It's the, it's what the gift is again.

[Ian Carmel]

It's the gift of life. It's the greatest gift you can give.

[David Cross]

Yeah, well, to a person who wants the family. No, not to anyone.

[Ian Carmel]

You don't know how much you're gonna grow. This kid's gonna grow on you, and he's gonna grow on you.

[David Cross]

This seems like you're shirking your responsibility.

[Ian Carmel]

Absolutely not. No, I thought it was, like, what's the most meaningful thing I can give?

[David Cross]

I mean. Yes, to you. I see that. That's quite a sacrifice. And your wife's okay with this?

[Ian Carmel]

I'm running by my wife.

[David Cross]

Well, that's something you might want to bring up, because that could be a real deal.

[Ian Carmel]

Break up to my wife, and then she goes on a podcast later this week. She brings. Brings the kid, and it's like, well, that was my idea. It's like, too late. I can't go get it back from.

[David Cross]

Well, whose podcast is she doing?

[Ian Carmel]

I don't know. The Splendid Table. I have no idea. I don't know what she might go on.

[David Cross]

Casey, what's the Splendid Table? I'm not familiar with that one.

[Ian Carmel]

The food.

[David Cross]

Is it food? Are you asking woodworking? It's not woodworking.

[Ian Carmel]

No, no, no. But there is a Splendid Table after show, which is about the literal table.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, it's a, It's a food. It's a food podcast. She might go on there. She might bring the boys.

[David Cross]

Well, regardless, I appreciate the thought. That is exceedingly generous and. And it's the thought that counts, but I don't leave your address.

[Ian Carmel]

We'll mail. No, I get the flight thing now that I. I'm sorry I reacted so strongly. I do understand that my, the flight hard.

[David Cross]

Well, there's. There's more. It's more to it than that. It's my. I'd have to check with my wife and my daughter and our dog. We have a new puppy. Puppy. You know, the dog's not gonna like this. No, that's what I'm saying.

[Ian Carmel]

Is this a. Is this like, unanimous consent, or can it pass with a majority so if, like, the three of you are into it, the dog's not into it. Is that still okay? Or do you. Does that turn.

[David Cross]

The dog has less of a vote, but it does have a vote. My daughter has less of a vote, but it does have a vote. My wife has no vote, and then I have.

[Ian Carmel]

She's in the shed.

[David Cross]

She's even gonna vote. Yeah, she's in the shed. Well, you know, it's one of those things. Tap three times for yes and twice for no. And then. And then I would. I get. I get her vote because I'm the man.

[Ian Carmel]

That makes sense.

[David Cross]

And I'm white, you know?

[Ian Carmel]

You're white?

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, congratulations.

[David Cross]

White. Ish.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Why not?

[David Cross]

I tan. Like, I get very dark.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Get you out there.

[David Cross]

Very dark.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Well, that's why I try to want to get the kid to you in the. In the. In the winter. Still counted for more.

[David Cross]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

So we'll just ship them off. You leave me an address, we'll get them there.

[David Cross]

I still. Yeah, we'll talk about it. We'll see.

[Ian Carmel]

Let's talk about it right now.

[David Cross]

Let's not waste people's time with us arguing about whether I'm gonna take your kid off your hands, okay?

[Ian Carmel]

Cause you're gonna. It's a silly thing to even discuss. Yeah, let's not waste any time. I was talking to Shane. I was like, what would be some other good presents I'm gonna give him? My son. What's another thing I could put in that box? He was, like, saying some cool beer would be fun or, like, records. And that led me to wonder what, like, I. Because I've been getting into vinyl. I have a son turned 40, and I had never gotten into vinyl or records or any of that stuff. But now I'm, like, really enjoying having him listening to, like, full albums all the way through. Sure, it's mostly for me, but it's nice to, like. It's not a screen. It's a little more, like, analog and, like, interactive.

[David Cross]

Absolutely.

[Ian Carmel]

What are you listening to right now on vinyl? Just on. In, like, music wise, in general. Like, what are you enjoying?

[David Cross]

I mean, we will take. We have a place upstate in. In New York.

[Ian Carmel]

In.

[David Cross]

And near the. Right. On the New York side of the Delaware River. And. And we will drive up and down with our daughter. We used to be there all the time, but now that she's in school, we can't do it as much. But she just had a week off, so we were up there for a while. And on Those trips we will go and rotate.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Song requests and.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, that's fun.

[David Cross]

So I. I haven't sat down and listened. I have the new Nick Cave cd, which I haven't listened to yet, but I've got that sitting in the. In the plastic and. And I just try to turn my daughter, or my daughter and my wife onto something they might not have heard.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

So a lot of it is, like, pulling older stuff, like deep cuts. Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Do you feel like you have sort of a cur. Like, do you. A curatorial hand and, like, your daughter's taste in music? Do you try to, like, subtly direct it or how, like, engaged do you get in that?

[David Cross]

No, I definitely have done that, for sure. And some sticks and some doesn't. And some things I think she's gonna love and she doesn't. What. What we've. What. She's really. She's way into werewolves and vampires and stuff, and she's way into that thing. She's a werewolf. And she found out I'm part vampire and what my. What my abilities are, and she's a werewolf, et cetera, et cetera. So I played her, and my wife, too, because I don't think she knew of it. Talent is a Vampire by Bongwater, which is great. It's just a great, interesting. And it's Anne Magnuson doing these different voices. They're pitched up, pitched down, of these women talking to each other. And it's really, really, really, really funny.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And then this, like, you know, kind of thick guitar comes in and. And my daughter loves it. So play it over and over again. So. So I've been. I've probably heard Talent is a vampire maybe 40 times in the past month or so.

[Ian Carmel]

Right. Because like. Like, any kid, when they get something they like, they just, like, want to run it back and forth.

[David Cross]

That's gonna be for her. She's like, oh, when the music comes on, that's them turning into vampires. I was like, that's right. That's exactly right.

[Ian Carmel]

So she's, like, really engaging with it, like, on a real.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Ian Carmel]

That's gotta feel, like, amazing, right?

[David Cross]

Yeah. But her first favorite song, I used to go when she had her crib in a room, and I would sit outside the door, and I would wake her up with different songs. Like, I'd play them. And her first favorite song that she recognized as her favorite was There She Goes by the Laws.

[Ian Carmel]

Loved it.

[David Cross]

We played that at her party. And then, you know, we've introduced her to different songs. But one of the greatest Things and it was a total surprise. And she's all done now. Like, we were doing this just Saturday, driving back, because I had to get on the flight Sunday.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And we were taking the phone, you know, hooked up to Bluetooth, Spotify, and pick your own. And she's old enough to kind of figure it out.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And. And like, okay, you're up, Marlo. And she, like, I wonder what she's gonna play. And she's way into fart songs, songs about poop and stuff. And she played Surfing usa, Like, all right. All right. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[Ian Carmel]

God, I haven't even thought about that.

[David Cross]

Song in a while. Yeah, she went and found it.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

So. Yeah. She used to love One Step beyond by Madness. Loved it.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And I'm trying to think of an early.

[Ian Carmel]

It's kind of fun. You start to think of those signs. You're like, oh, yeah, this does, like, have some of the quality. Even though, like, I didn't hear it until I was like, 28 or whatever. You know, you're like, it does have, like, the quality of.

[David Cross]

Well, there's things. Oh, I bet she'll like this. And nine out of ten times I'm right. And. But then there's like. Like, I thought she'd like Intergalactic by. By Beastie Boys, and she did not care for that.

[Ian Carmel]

That's a big old wall of sound I can see. But you're like, but is she.

[David Cross]

There's other walls of sound she likes.

[Ian Carmel]

She does you. Yeah, but has she seen the video with the robot that might help sell it?

[David Cross]

No, but I. Again, this is not about screen. And we're driving, so. And when I drive by myself, if I'm, you know, driving up or down or whatever, I listen to mostly sports radio. I'll listen to MLB Network. I'll listen to fantasy.

[Ian Carmel]

Are you a Braves fan? Are you a New York. Yeah. Braves.

[David Cross]

No. Fuck New York. No.

[Ian Carmel]

I don't know. You lived there for a long time.

[David Cross]

I don't, but I'm not. No.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Neither Yankees nor Mets.

[Ian Carmel]

No.

[David Cross]

No.

[Ian Carmel]

Cool. Especially.

[David Cross]

And I'm a Braves and Red Sox fan, so.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, yeah, you're right. So you could not be less in the New York.

[David Cross]

The only New York sports team that I. That I follow, that I love, and I've been to a bunch of games. Take my daughter to is Liberty.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, they're great.

[David Cross]

It. Not only are they great, but that is in my. I mean, 50 years of going to see different sports. Sporting events, every single, you know, kind of sport in Multiple times. Venues all over the world. I mean, going to see a Liberty game is the best vibe.

[Ian Carmel]

The arena experience there is, like, so good. They got, like, Ellie, like, dancing.

[David Cross]

Oh, I have a picture of my daughter. Took a picture with Ellie. Here. Here's my home screen or whatever. That's her. That's us at the Liberty.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, that's great. Yeah. And Sabrina Ionescu, University of Oregon. She went to Oregon, so I've been rooting for her forever.

[David Cross]

And then it's such a fun team to watch. And the games are great. And when they're playing another good game, it's great. And when they're on, they're good.

[Ian Carmel]

The finals were.

[David Cross]

Yeah, great.

[Ian Carmel]

That was, like, great basketball.

[David Cross]

And I mean, it's. And we. I can walk there. We. Marlo and I walk down there.

[Ian Carmel]

They're playing Brooklyn.

[David Cross]

Yeah. It's down the street from us. And it's just the best vibe ever at a sporting game. And I've taken her to Cyclones games. A single. A Mets single A game on Coney Island. Yep.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Cross]

And that's fun, too, but it's not the same, you know?

[Ian Carmel]

I can't wait. My son, like, I'm from Portland. Huge Trailblazer fan.

[David Cross]

Portland, Oregon.

[Ian Carmel]

Portland, Maine.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah, but you're a Trailblazer. Oh. Cause they share the same city.

[Ian Carmel]

They share half their games in Oregon. They play half their games in Maine.

[David Cross]

Oh, I did not know that.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah, that's 100% true. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, shit. Okay.

[Ian Carmel]

That's why they had to trade Damian Lillard. He was like, no, I'm getting blood clots from these flights. It's enough already, you know?

[David Cross]

Right.

[Ian Carmel]

He said, I really enjoy. But, like, please, you have to send me to somewhere in the middle of the country. So we're like, wisconsin. You got it.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

But I can't, like, I can't wait to take him to the game. Like, I'm already. He's three months old, and I'm already, like, what's the youngest I could realistically bring him? And I figure, like, three years old, I think then I'll, like, take him a game in Portland.

[David Cross]

It's. It's. It's a. It's a really satisfying. Also, my daughter, kind of out of the blue on her own, got into. I collect baseball cards in them for a long time. So I have quite a. You know, we're going back 40 years, you know, and. And she got into baseball cards. So I'll get her, like, tops. Series one, Series two. Which were the.

[Ian Carmel]

Does she, like. Does she like the current players or is she like, going back? Are you like, this is. This is like Ken Griffin.

[David Cross]

She doesn't have a real appreciation for the players as much as like, I got a special card and this one is rainbow foil, and this one's got a blue border. Right, right.

[Ian Carmel]

She loves the tops and the paninis, like, select. Yeah. I got like a Scoot Henderson, like.

[David Cross]

Red gem thing for my son and she got. She pulled a game used. I can't remember who the player was. I think it was Evan Carter, the catcher for Texas. And, you know, a little piece of the uniform was like, that's a uniform he wore in a game. She's like, wow. You know, touching it. And I was like that. She's like, is that a sleeve? Because we have little penny sleeves.

[Ian Carmel]

Ye.

[David Cross]

That's asleep. Put it in a sleeve.

[Ian Carmel]

Oh, that's exciting. Yeah, dude, that's great. Yeah.

[David Cross]

So, Ian, I close every podcast out with a question from my daughter.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And I'm going to. Okay. All right, Ian. Carmel.

[Ian Carmel]

It's Carmel. I'm not going to hold that against you, darling.

[David Cross]

It depends on where you're from.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay. If you. All right, that's fair.

[David Cross]

Okay, here's your question from my daughter, who was seven when she. She's eight now, but seven when she came up with it. Why can you not swallow bubblegum if it is a food?

[Ian Carmel]

I mean, this dates back to something we were discussing earlier, which was when Jesus was on the cross and his last temptation was the bubble gum. He said, you may chew it of me.

[David Cross]

You may chew with.

[Ian Carmel]

You may cheweth of me, but thou must not partake.

[David Cross]

Oh, partake, meaning in jest.

[Ian Carmel]

Swallow and to just. Yeah. You may cheweth of me.

[David Cross]

Oh, so it's biblical.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

It's not a scientific based thing.

[Ian Carmel]

No, not at all.

[David Cross]

Nothing in the Bible, there's a scientific.

[Ian Carmel]

Reason you can't swallow bubble gum.

[David Cross]

Okay. Okay. I think that. Okay, well, that's good.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. Unless you're a Christian scientist and then there is a scientific reason you can't. Sure, sure.

[David Cross]

Yeah, Yeah, I. Well, she knows and we're. Obviously. My wife and I are letting her choose whatever to believe, whatever she wants to believe. And she knows that I'm doesn't know the term atheist, but knows kind of my leanings, you know, but the. The one. The one thing I do teach her is Revelations. And we will read Revelations at night. It's a bedtime story. Read it every night.

[Ian Carmel]

You're going to take one chapter?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

You know, Revelations. Yeah, yeah. That's great.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

This should answer your question.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Mentally insane, syphilitic old dude who was dying, and they, you know, what do you call it? Not ostracize him, but, you know, sent him away. Banished him. Yeah, banished him. And he was having fever dreams, and someone's like. And then wrote this down. Write this down and teach it, people. So that's what I do.

[Ian Carmel]

That's good.

[David Cross]

Good.

[Ian Carmel]

That's good. It's the new. It's the New York Liberty.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

It's Revelations.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

And it's. And it's ripping packs.

[David Cross]

It's all.

[Ian Carmel]

And that's the big three, baby.

[David Cross]

That's a big three, baby. You got it, Ian. Thank you so much.

[Ian Carmel]

What a pleasure. This was so much fun.

[David Cross]

Good, good.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Glad you liked it.

[Ian Carmel]

I really did.

[David Cross]

I did, too.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay, good. Don't say it. You said, I'm glad you liked it.

[David Cross]

Well, because I did like it. It's a. It's a given.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

If I didn't like it, it. I would wait until you're gone, and then I would say, let's cut this down to, like, scrub an hour.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You know, because it was a fun three hours, but if I didn't like it.

[Ian Carmel]

Right.

[David Cross]

It's only going to be an hour long.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Because you're gonna get to all the stuff we talked about, right? I mean, the. We talked about, like, the. My sightseeing. Yeah. The NASA stuff.

[David Cross]

All the projects you've got. You wanted.

[Ian Carmel]

Yeah. I walked everybody through my trip to Italy.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ian Carmel]

Stop by. Stop by. And that was. You're not going to want to miss that. All right.

[David Cross]

Yeah. You have to go.

[Ian Carmel]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Since his working Overtime is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show Art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or. Or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not gonna do that. Thanks for listening.

[Ian Carmel]

That was a Headgum podcast.