Jacqueline Novak

Summary

Summary of Podcast Episode: "Jacqueline Novak" on Senses Working Overtime with David Cross

Podcast Information:

• Title: Senses Working Overtime with David Cross
• Host/Author: Headgum
• Episode: Jacqueline Novak
• Release Date: March 13, 2025

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1. Introduction and Tour Promotion

The episode opens with Jacqueline Novak enthusiastically promoting her upcoming stand-up tour, "The End of the Beginning of the End." David Cross humorously acknowledges Jacqueline's promotional efforts, setting a lighthearted tone for the conversation.

• Timestamp [00:29]: Jacqueline Novak announces multiple tour dates across the United States, including Tacoma, Fargo, Sioux Falls, Portsmouth, Ardmore, and Athens.
• Timestamp [00:48]: Jacqueline shares her tour's progression, mentioning stops in Canada and Europe before returning for special tapings.

2. Casual Banter and Footwear Discussion

The dialogue shifts to a playful exchange about shoes, specifically Crocs, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and comfort with each other.

• Timestamp [02:17]: David Cross expresses his discomfort with Crocs, fearing they might appear on camera.
• Timestamp [20:35]: Jacqueline humorously points out David is wearing Crocs, leading to a light-hearted acknowledgment.

Notable Quote:

• [20:45] Jacqueline Novak: "You guys are so weird with your... Why would Brandon ever care... it's part of life."

3. Cultural Significance of Everyday Items

The conversation delves into the cultural symbolism of common items like Mason jars, highlighting their evolution and personal attachments.

• Timestamp [05:05]: David Cross discusses the Mason jar's cultural load and its resurgence.
• Timestamp [07:21]: Jacqueline reflects on how Mason jars have become more of a cultural statement than a mere container.

Notable Quote:

• [07:21] Jacqueline Novak: "It's the Icarus of cupboard wear."

4. Health and Personal Challenges

David Cross opens up about his struggles with acid reflux and the difficulties of keeping up with medical appointments, intertwining personal anecdotes with humor.

• Timestamp [09:05]: David Cross describes his unpleasant experiences with acid reflux.
• Timestamp [17:05]: He humorously narrates his procrastination in getting medical labs done.

Notable Quotes:

• [09:45] David Cross: "It sucks. And I had an endoscopy. Oh, really? Yeah, I had to go to the hospital and there was nothing. Nothing they could do."
• [17:05] David Cross: "It's like, okay, I need to make this appointment in theory. I know this. Right. And then I go, why?"

5. The Role of Reddit and Online Communities

Both hosts discuss the reliability and pitfalls of seeking medical advice online, particularly on platforms like Reddit.

• Timestamp [14:08]: David Cross considers using Reddit to find remedies for his acid reflux.
• Timestamp [15:27]: Jacqueline Novak expresses skepticism about trusting strangers online for health advice.

Notable Quote:

• [15:37] David Cross: "You can take a no harm, no risk, potential solution off of Reddit safely. See what I'm saying?"

6. The Podcast’s Conceptual Framework: The Senses

The hosts briefly touch upon the podcast's original premise related to exploring the five senses, noting how conversations often diverge from this structure.

• Timestamp [23:46]: David Cross reminds about the podcast's sensory conceptual conceit.
• Timestamp [34:18]: Jacqueline Novak reflects on how the topic of senses was scarcely touched upon during the episode.

Notable Quote:

• [34:47] David Cross: "Right. Because I was. I did."

7. Stand-Up Comedy and Performance Insights

David Cross shares insights into his stand-up routines, discussing the challenges of live performances and audience interactions.

• Timestamp [35:29]: Jacqueline Novak praises David’s stand-up style.
• Timestamp [36:18]: David Cross mentions incorporating his "French fries" bit into a food-themed show.

Notable Quote:

• [37:34] David Cross: "But you're still, you know, killing, as you said, and it's really funny."

8. Promotional Exchanges and Mutual Support

Towards the episode's end, Jacqueline Novak and David Cross engage in mutual promotion, encouraging listeners to check out each other's work and upcoming shows.

• Timestamp [41:05]: Jacqueline Novak shares that her wife loves David’s sweatshirt available on her website.
• Timestamp [62:07]: David Cross promotes Jacqueline's website and Instagram handle.

Notable Quote:

• [41:12] David Cross: "You have to get it. That makes me. It's all about the merch in the end, isn't it? The merch is where the real compliment lands."

9. Closing Remarks and Final Interactions

The episode concludes with a blend of humor and heartfelt thanks, reflecting the casual and genuine nature of the conversation.

• Timestamp [66:07]: Jacqueline Novak emphasizes her role in the podcast, handling the conversational parts without engaging in the editing or promotional aspects.
• Timestamp [66:10]: David Cross wraps up by reaffirming that it was a Headgum podcast episode.

Notable Quote:

• [66:10] David Cross: "That was a Headgum podcast."

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Conclusion and Key Takeaways

This episode of Senses Working Overtime with David Cross with guest Jacqueline Novak is a vibrant blend of stand-up promotion, personal anecdotes, humorous banter, and informal discussions on cultural items and health challenges. The hosts maintain an engaging and lighthearted atmosphere, making the conversation relatable and entertaining for listeners. While the original sensory-based premise of the podcast is acknowledged, the dialogue naturally steers into diverse topics, showcasing the hosts' versatility and camaraderie.

Highlighted Themes:

• Promotion and Tour Updates: Jacqueline Novak's stand-up tour and special tapings.
• Humor in Everyday Life: Discussions about Crocs, Mason jars, and massage chairs.
• Personal Health Struggles: David Cross's experiences with acid reflux and medical appointments.
• Online Communities vs. Professional Advice: Skepticism about platforms like Reddit for health solutions.
• Stand-Up Insights: Challenges of live performances and audience dynamics.
• Mutual Support: Encouraging listeners to explore each other's work and offerings.

Notable Quotes for Reference:

• "It's the Icarus of cupboard wear." – Jacqueline Novak
• "It sucks. And I had an endoscopy... there was nothing they could do." – David Cross
• "You can take a no harm, no risk, potential solution off of Reddit safely." – David Cross

This episode offers a candid look into the lives and thoughts of David Cross and Jacqueline Novak, blending humor with genuine conversation, making it a valuable listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[David Cross]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Hey, guys, David Cross here announcing some more dates for my the End of the Beginning of the End tour leading up to a special taping. So May 10th, I'll be in Tacoma, Washington. May 17th at Fargo, North Dakota. Love Fargo. May 18th, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. May 27th, Portsmouth, New Hampshire. May 28th, Ardmore, Pennsylvania. And then May 31st in Athens, Georgia. My home away from home away from home. Two shows at the 40 watt. And I'll be taping my latest special. We started this tour in September. Been going, about to head out to Canada next week. Got a couple weeks there, then I'm in Europe for a month and then coming back doing these shows and then doing the special taping. So please check it. Check me. Check it. Or me? I mean, one. You can't have one without the other. Well, actually, you could. Anyway, please come to the show. If I mention your town, I love you very much. Sit wherever you choose of the three chairs.

[David Cross]

Now, let me ask you this, okay? It's a real question.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, I'll give you a real answer.

[David Cross]

So shoes. How. How. How often do you go to the wide? You know what I'm saying? Are she was in. Are she's fully in.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I don't know, shoes? I've never. Never watched this.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I have not ever watched an episode. All right, so you.

[David Cross]

So I'm gonna just. Basically, I would literally take my shoes off for fear of these Crocs appearing, or I would.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You don't want people to know.

[David Cross]

For comfort. There's just. It's just a bit much. You know what I mean? Like, these aren't. These are for. These are not a statement.

[Jacqueline Novak]

As long as you don't raise your feet higher than that. They are not on frame.

[David Cross]

Okay. All right. I'm gonna trust it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay.

[David Cross]

How am I looking, guys? That look cool. That's all that matters.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I mean, there's a. It looks like you very quickly, in a slapdash way, applied a minimal amount of makeup.

[David Cross]

Great. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, that one I did. He's. He's not mocking me.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I'm not.

[David Cross]

I said that. I told him that they.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Casey and Anya, you know, we're like, jacqueline's in the parking lot, but.

[David Cross]

Oh, they could tell.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, but she's in her car. I was like, oh, do you think she's early? Or is she on the phone or whatever? And then Anya went to the door, but you can't really tell from that angle. So then I just decided to come out, and it was wild. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Are we live?

[Jacqueline Novak]

I mean, you know, we can go live whenever you like.

[David Cross]

I think. I think we just get into it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, we already have.

[David Cross]

Okay, great.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So, you know, like, Sorry, what?

[David Cross]

But you know, like. Like Netflix, like documentaries, like, how they love to do kind of now. It's like, I'm very standard. Like, they show the guy walking in and getting my.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

And it's like, you know, and they even, like, everyone knows it now. And it's like, I feel like in a. I don't know how many years, but I kind of. I wonder if that will feel like a dated, you know, like, oh, that's.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Very special period of time. Yeah. I mean, it'd be a fun thing to do for a sketch. Like just, you know, not mocking it, but just using that as a jumping off point to do some funny sketch.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's very. Like, we have one. One last request.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yep.

[David Cross]

Do you think. Would you consider decanting this heinous thing for me? I don't want to be promoting Starbucks this much.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, then we'll have to bleep out. We'll have to bleep out the Starbucks reference. But wait, you don't want to promote it yet. You will patronize their store.

[David Cross]

That's $1 versus the millions that this podcast appearance will generate for them. It was desperate. It was an emergency.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Of all the things in Los Angeles that are readily available almost any time of day. Almost any day of the calendar year.

[David Cross]

It'S coffee and independent coffee.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, Non corporate coffee.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

If you will. All right.

[David Cross]

Sometimes. Yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So what are you promoting here? What's on the. What's on the glass head? Gum. Okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Beautiful. Thank you. I really appreciate it. That's really nice. Right?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. This one is. First of all, it's a clear Mason jar with just HD on it. Nobody's going to know what that means.

[David Cross]

I mean, that one is for those. It's interesting. They've got. I wonder if they have a third kind of cup because.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, let's ask.

[David Cross]

It's sort of like.

[Casey]

Yeah, we had Mason jars originally with our old logo. That's what that is. And then Matt Rogers came in a year ago.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Matt Rogers, that.

[Casey]

Yeah, I gave him a water and he said, oh, we're still doing Mason jars. And I said, okay, I'm gonna have to replace these.

[David Cross]

That's really funny because the Mason jar is so loaded.

[Casey]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

As like.

[Casey]

He was right. We were way beyond.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You guys. You guys are so weird with your. Why would Brandon ever care no, the, the, the style of thing that you're drinking out of, it's part of life.

[David Cross]

Got it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It doesn't have to be part of life. Exclude it and move on. And don't be concerned about the shape of the thing holding your water.

[Casey]

But there is like a feeling of drinking it out of a certain thing.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, I don't have that is what I'm saying.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Casey]

I mean.

[David Cross]

Oh, you. Right, right, right. For the viewer.

[Jacqueline Novak]

For the viewer.

[David Cross]

Now it's very. I mean, I mean, how do you escape these things? Because it sounds like you're able to let go.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, clearly I don't have any. I don't have the deep attachment and I don't know, is there judgment involved, baggage, whatever, based on what's in one's cupboard.

[David Cross]

The Mason jar held a lot of promise in like the 2010s. Okay. For a kind of, you know, barn wedding and a kind of, you know, la.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Very.

[David Cross]

Etsy, we're only gonna drink out of glass. I'm gonna reuse my erewhon Mason jar to get, you know, huge ounces.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Right.

[David Cross]

Yeah, Etsy. Yeah, exactly. Right. Twinkle lights and.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yep.

[David Cross]

You know, like anything.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Flowerbeard guys. Those Flower beard.

[David Cross]

Exactly. And I think the Mason jar flew closer to the sun than it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's the Icarus of cupboard wear. Okay. Well, yeah, I, I'm. I'm not unaware that the Mason jar was like a. You know, whatever. A fun. Look at this. We're having fun drinking from mason jars just like our poor ancestors did all those.

[David Cross]

Exactly.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Years ago. And, and it was kind of fun. And then I guess you're saying it's part of a. You can't look at the Mason jar without removing that kind of context from it. And so then it's less fun to use the Mason jar. Whereas I never had any fun drinking from a Mason jar. It just was. I didn't have lack of fun.

[David Cross]

You were non attached. So you never got a boost from it and now you're never gonna get depressed from it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, right, exactly. You were walking the line. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Now I actually, now there's a kind of pleasure, I think, to using the Mason jar. Like you're talking about, like right now. I've got some going in my home.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I mean, it's practical and it's.

[David Cross]

Yeah, right. Well, you have to ask against the lips, is it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. Ready?

[David Cross]

You don't find any struggles? Do you have any issues with like choking on your own saliva?

[Jacqueline Novak]

I mean, I have acid reflux.

[David Cross]

Is that what. Okay, so that's A flash.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's not really choking. It's where everything tightens up and it's really painful. It's awful.

[David Cross]

Is it something where there's a valve that's not fully closed?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I think that's where heartburn comes from. But the acid.

[David Cross]

Acid reflux is different.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Acid reflux is where your throat closes. And usually, at least for me, I can only speak for myself, I did not know this.

[David Cross]

I really thought there was. I think I thought they were the same thing anyway.

[Jacqueline Novak]

They might be. I'm not. I ain't no doctor. I'm drinking from a mason jar. Well, don't look to me for advice.

[David Cross]

Wait, I'm coming closer. All right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's. It's. The sensation is you're. And it almost always happens. In fact, I think it always happens when I'm mid chewing and I've swallowed something. And then it's. The sensation is like your throat has closed and. And like something's trying to get out. But it's not nausea. It's not like throwing.

[David Cross]

Does it feel to you? Is it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Although I have thrown up.

[David Cross]

Is there. Is it. Does it feel like choking? Kind of. Not that you've necessarily had that a.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Little bit, but not exactly.

[David Cross]

You can definitely breathe.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You can breathe. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can breathe. It's just this painful involuntary action that your body is doing and it just. I've never been able to pinpoint the like, oh, that's why it's happening. You know? But sometimes it goes away in 30 seconds and sometimes it's pretty severe. And I've. I've thrown up because I think it's just my body trying to.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Right. Itself. But it sucks. And I had a endoscopy. Oh, really? Yeah. I had to go to the hospital and there was nothing. Nothing they could do. They're like, it's just a thing that happens.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And I know a couple people who get it. It's a bummer.

[David Cross]

Do you ever Google, like, I cured my acid reflux or whatever? Like, like, you know, this, you know, this crazy way or whatever. Like, try to find the person who has the sort of. Out there, you know, Like, I mean, I haven't. Like, Reddit would be huge for this. I bet.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You could find your people there.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But I don't really trust that. I'd rather go to a doctor, I guess.

[David Cross]

Well, when the doctor has nothing for you. Okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

If the doctor.

[David Cross]

I always think they're considered.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Have you considered Reddit?

[David Cross]

I think they're behind. They're too Busy seeing it's not a good doctor.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Right. They're too busy curing things.

[David Cross]

The data aggregation, like, I don't know, I'm like, I'm somewhat new, I guess, to really sinking my teeth into Reddit. And so it's sort of like a revelation for me over there.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I'm like, I don't do that stuff.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you keep it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You keep. I don't mean it sounds like I'm denigrating it. I'm not. I just don't. Maybe I should. Maybe I'll, you know, if somebody says, oh, you know, eat a banana right before you go to bed, or whatever. Casey, can you look up eating a banana right before you get to.

[David Cross]

That does sound like it might be relevant.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. But it's. Yeah, it's a. It's a. It's a bummer. I don't know. There probably is. You know what I need to do is talk to more good witches. You know, all those hippie witch. And LA is filled with them.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Eating a banana before bed can help you sleep better because it contains nutrients that promote relaxation and sleep. How about that? I pulled that out of my ass.

[David Cross]

No, that's very interesting, but what if you wrote in will eating a banana at the beginning of the day wake me up?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, here we go. A little contradictory.

[David Cross]

The rabbinical. Okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Western versus Eastern medicine.

[David Cross]

You know, this is. It's like, it's so easy to get the answer you want with the food item.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Eating a banana at the beginning of the day can provide a quick burst of energy, potentially helping you feel more awake. Nailed it.

[David Cross]

It failed. You nailed it. That's why you should never.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Don't go on the Internet.

[David Cross]

I know.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Don't go on the Internet.

[David Cross]

I Google for information a lot. Like, it's a huge part of my life is. And I need to know now. Like, suddenly, like, you know, just like. And it's, you know, it's dangerous. Obviously you get down.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, yeah, if you hadn't brought up the information superhighway. But Jacqueline, if you hadn't said, you know. With a knowing roll of your eyes. Yeah, now Google weather about eating a banana at the beginning of the day, and I would have walked out of here going, you know, I'm going to eat a banana before I go to bed because it's calming.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And then little would I have known that. Yeah. So I guess it's like most of the Internet just plays to your unconscious bias.

[David Cross]

Yes. And serves you up Fresh details with which to affirm that bias. Right. Like it gives you more grist for that. But it's also sort of fun to go. Like, you know, I'd be like, I cured my own acid reflux. Reddit, you write that in, it'll take you right there. Oh, I mean it won't.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, that's the thing you Google.

[David Cross]

But if you want to make sure you're getting a Reddit answer, you guys know.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay. It's like amazing.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You guys are talking a secret language that I don't know.

[David Cross]

I don't know why I'm pushing Reddit this hard, but like, I've had a couple experiences recently where like they just, they have the answers and the cream rises to the top and you're able.

[Casey]

To crowdsource the information you're getting. Like 20 different people, 18 of them are like, bananas in the morning are really helpful for me. And then two are like, I got really sick from eating bananas in the morning, but you can kind of make your own.

[David Cross]

And then a third person goes, I have a PhD and here's what I say. And then someone else goes their other.

[Casey]

Post to be like, do they really have a PhD?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, that sounds like a wonderful use of time.

[Casey]

But the doctor doesn't give you any information. It's like 15 minutes in and out. You give them $200, they give you nothing.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I just don't know that I would trust the stranger.

[Casey]

No, we're fucked. Kind of either way.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Unverifiable. No. Well, you're not fucked with the doctor. The doctor, I mean, you have less of a chance of being fucked by a doctor.

[David Cross]

Well, no, but here's the thing.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I mean, less of a chance.

[David Cross]

You take a non risk. So Reddit tells you. Banana, right? Yeah, you know, or whatever. Restless leg syndrome. Put a bar of soap in the bottom of your sheets. Okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I do that anyway.

[David Cross]

So you can take a no harm, no risk, potential solution off of Reddit safely. See what I'm saying?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, if it's put a bottle, a bar of soap, sure. That's not gonna hurt you no matter what.

[David Cross]

I'm not gonna write you a prescription, you know?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. What if it's ingesting a certain thing that you know might be bad for you?

[David Cross]

That's on you to, that's on you to take the stuff. That's a safe risk. You know, like if someone's like, I'd.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Rather go to the doctor where it's.

[David Cross]

Not less on me, this wonderful doctor you go to, I, I find the whole Thing Hellish. Is it concierge medicine? Is that what we're talking about?

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's. It's on ZOC do. And.

[David Cross]

Okay, I go there.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Super touchy feely. Where? And he's got one of those wheel, you know, chair chairs with wheels. So he, like, wheels himself to the. This side, and then he spins over and wheels over there.

[David Cross]

Wheels over to you?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And then are his legs open?

[Jacqueline Novak]

His legs are always open. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[David Cross]

You know what I mean?

[Jacqueline Novak]

That's why I went to him, because that's on his thing. My. My legs are always open. Come on. Come on in, come on down.

[David Cross]

Because I feel like they're on those stools. And then their legs are like a diamond and their feet are then out. I don't know. I have a very. When they wheel over, I've had a. I don't know, I just. I struggle to make the appointment, to get there, to follow through, all of it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So what's the struggle? I mean, tell me what the struggle is.

[David Cross]

It's like, okay, I need to make this appointment in theory. I know this. Right. And there's a medical concern. Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So you're aware that you need to make an appointment. That's an easy part.

[David Cross]

That's the premise. Right. Okay. And then I go, okay, I go, why?

[Jacqueline Novak]

What are you anticipating?

[David Cross]

I go, where?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Where?

[David Cross]

Who? Okay, so how do I find a good one or whatever? Okay, slash, doesn't matter who, you know, just get in there. And then. And then, like. And then zocdoc, let's say, comes up and I get in there. And then it's like, you already have him. You've already signed up to ZOCDOC once. Okay, you forgot your password, I guess, and password reset. And I go over and it's like, you know, it's like, not there yet. Okay. And then I forget and I do something else.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay.

[David Cross]

And then two weeks pass or two years.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Literally two years.

[David Cross]

Okay. I remember again, I go, something about zocdoc, the yellow. I can picture the yellow Zoc doc haunting me. I didn't wear out for me last time. Don't know why. Okay, then same thing, log in. You know, maybe password reset. Maybe this time it comes through and I push through to the next step.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Okay. And then it's like. It's like. It's like insurance information, and I fall on the floor. Okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Has the. And it's been two years. And has the cancer spread?

[David Cross]

So. No. I mean, the truth is. I mean, recently I did. I'm trying to get caught up. So I went, I went to the thing. I went to the health wise.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You mean?

[David Cross]

Yeah, to get caught up on all the appointments.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Sure.

[David Cross]

And like when you're doing the catch up, it's scary because you're like, I haven't been here.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And you're like, so, so that it's, it's, it's like it gets the anticipation. This is worse because, you know, it's like, oh, now it's been even longer since I went. I don't want to go.

[Jacqueline Novak]

How often do you usually go to the doctor?

[David Cross]

Well, you're supposed to go yearly for a checkup, right?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, yeah, that's what the pharma wants you to do. I mean, I don't go yearly. No, I go. I mean, I pretty much go every. I get a full on. Full on, Full on, you know, the works. Every 10 years.

[David Cross]

And, and, and is. Damn. So now when you say that. Because I'm going. I've never heard a doctor offer the full on, full on. Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Just. I mean, I go in and I say, give me everything. Blood, urine, ekg. Do you want some cum? I can give you that if need. I'm giving it to you anyway.

[David Cross]

Exactly. You know the Rodney Dangerfield?

[Jacqueline Novak]

No.

[David Cross]

Like, I went to the doctor, he asked me for a blood sample, urine sample, semen sample. I give him my underwear. It's not quite it, but you can. I'm sure it was better. Yeah. I said my Friday night, you know, like it was something.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But yeah, I do all that stuff. And, and, and you, I mean, they, they pretty much, you know, they, they run it to the labs and they, you know, they're checking for everything. And, and also as, as I get older, the potential for things that I don't have to worry about now that I might have to worry about in the future. Yeah. And the only thing.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I'm always shocked by how healthy I am. I mean, I'm fairly resilient and healthy, but I've just done so much damage, you know, and I'm always. Excuse me.

[David Cross]

Pardon me.

[Jacqueline Novak]

That's a nice Croc.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Jacqueline's wearing Crocs, by the way.

[David Cross]

I found them outside and that is not surprising. It was an emergency. But the damage you've done.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. And I get a clean bill of health and to the point where I'm like, really? Did you want to check again? And the only thing is, recently my cholesterol level has started to rise. Not like I have to keep an eye on it.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And that's about it.

[David Cross]

And I just put you on a statin. Why am I like, I'm going so hard medical today? Like, I can't stop, but I'm loving it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, well, all right.

[David Cross]

But I don't mean to lead us down a medical path, but I will say I got into the pharmacy, the physician for the physical.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You know, I'm gonna pull this car over and double back and I'm gonna bang a ue right here, get us off this path and head down because there was an off ramp that I missed, and I don't wanna keep going down here.

[David Cross]

You don't think the one. I should just say the one thing? Sure, say the one thing. So I did end up going to the doctor for those who were still wondering. And then he gave me the slip to get the labs done. And it hasn't happened. That thing just is coffee stained. I've blotted lipstick on it, and that's been months.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You're supposed to fill something out.

[David Cross]

No. You know, they give you the slip to go to quest labs.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, yes.

[David Cross]

And I just haven't gotten the labs done. So these are the kind of issues I'm dealing. Wait, let's get off.

[Jacqueline Novak]

That's so easy. Jacqueline. It's just you they do. It's like you can do walk ins at Quest, Whatever. Yeah.

[David Cross]

You know, it's like googling for that because I enjoy googling for the other things. The information straight in my head. Where's Quest? Where's the nearest Quest? Can I walk in?

[Jacqueline Novak]

What the fuck is wrong with you? That. That is a. It's literally. You're on the computer already, clearly, a lot. Or your phone, whatever. So just search quest.

[David Cross]

You don't yearn to go home? Like, go home and stay home?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Did you say. Do I yearn to.

[David Cross]

Yeah, like in a moment. Where you could go or go. Or go. I could go do the labs now or, you know, I could pull my life together and, you know, turn to art. You know, I should do art today. You know what I mean?

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, I've never. If there is information that is. I can only get via blood work, then I will make the. I'll make the appointment. And they're pretty. I mean, there's a bunch. I mean, near me in Brooklyn. I'll just get on my bike and ride down. I know there's one I'm visualizing right now in Atlantic over by.

[David Cross]

I think I. I could if I was in New York again.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, you would do this if you were in New York, you wouldn't do it.

[David Cross]

I struggled then, too.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's the. It's the West Coast. That's really. Yeah, that's really.

[David Cross]

Anyway, I. I grant you your U turn again.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, okay.

[David Cross]

Because I promised it was just going to be a.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay. I don't know if there's anything else to talk about, really.

[David Cross]

Remind me. The conceptual conceit. Oh, sensory.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, no. Yes.

[David Cross]

Deliciousness.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh.

[David Cross]

Oh, right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. It. It is. In a long story short, because I've told this before, but you don't have to for them.

[David Cross]

They know. I know.

[Jacqueline Novak]

We'll cut it out. I'll tell you and we'll cut it out.

[David Cross]

It slipped away. It evolved. Probably started hard immediately.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, yeah, it evolved immediately.

[David Cross]

I do actually enjoy this, though, as a. It is a nice. Like, how. What's the. Does anyone ever push for the Sixth Sense around here?

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, it just doesn't. It doesn't come up.

[David Cross]

Monks, the boundary is 5.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It truly hasn't come up.

[David Cross]

Are you serious? Not even as a gag? Like the gag I just made?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, no, damn, you're the first one.

[David Cross]

Because I did think about it for a second ago, esp.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Like. Yeah, there was a show called the Girl with Something Extra, and I can't remember it was about. Or the Guy with Something Extra. Wait, it was a. It was a. It was a guy who was dating a girl who was like clairvoyant or something. That was the whole premise. And it actually. Yeah, it was not FaceTime.

[David Cross]

Yeah, no, she was fictional. Right? I mean, not a doc series.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, no, this certainly exists. This is like.

[David Cross]

Like the girl or something.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Late 70s, early 80s.

[David Cross]

Okay. Interesting. Almost like they were like trying to do a. Well, Bewitched and all those worked beautifully. Like, my wife's got a little.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Kind of. But it was. It was. It was so. You know, it's vague and ambiguous what extrasensory perception can be and is. So I think they. That was their out for each episode if something was ridiculous. But it's the last thing I remember. Cause esp. Esp. 6th sense was kind of a big deal for a while. Like, people talked about it and now nobody talks about it.

[David Cross]

I think the language has changed. Esp. They've sort of lost. I think the jargon has changed.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So what would they say now?

[David Cross]

Now they say like, psy. Like psi. And like there's just more. It's like, you know, they're like. Well, in a quantum model of the universe, if consciousness precedes matter, then. I mean, that sort of. It's broader where it used to be kind of like. Yeah, it used to be kind of like esp.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Google, go to Reddit and ask. Jacqueline's not giving me anything here about esp. Please.

[David Cross]

Wait, do you mean but extrasensory perception. Right, right. Yeah. Okay. No, making sure you weren't asking the Internet what it stood for.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, no, I know what it is. Yeah.

[David Cross]

O. Okay. Okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, it used to be a thing, but. Well, you're saying it still is, but the jargon is different.

[David Cross]

And now I think so many people accept kind of it that they're almost not even othering it quite as much right into a little term.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, some people think they're Christ.

[David Cross]

Indeed.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And that's like the ultimate esp.

[David Cross]

Well, is it?

[Jacqueline Novak]

It should be.

[David Cross]

I mean, if you know it, you got it. And others believe too, then you've pulled something off.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I might be if it's you. The second coming of Jesus Christ.

[David Cross]

Well, you know, it usually with like, you know, it is often the reluctant. It is often the skeptic. Okay. That these, you know, like channeled works. When you get these channeled works. A lot of times it's like, you know, it's like I was a skeptic, I'm a hard nosed. Whatever the fuck. Right. And then, you know, the ascended master came and gave me the.

[Jacqueline Novak]

His name is Moroni. He has a name.

[David Cross]

There's several. Okay. But they will choose the person.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Always. When you're sleeping at the foot of my bed.

[David Cross]

I am obsessed with the foot of their bed. The foot of the bed.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. Angels and deities there at the foot of my bed. Visited always. Never on the side.

[David Cross]

I know. Thank God. Well, actually scarier like that, at least that you might think it's someone you know for a second and then I.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, I'd be scared. Maybe that's why they do it because I'd be more scared if they were right to my left.

[David Cross]

I think they do it to cover their feet.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh. Cause they're wearing Crocs. Right.

[David Cross]

Because they usually don't have feet and they're embarrassed.

[Jacqueline Novak]

They're embarrassed God took their feet away. Well, they're not ghosts, Lynn. They're spirits. They're not ghosts.

[David Cross]

Well, I moved off. I was on Ascended Mountain Master because I don't think they appear at the foot of the bed. Okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I'm gonna say I don't like this couch anymore. This chair. I started out liking it and you know what? It's.

[David Cross]

Do you want to switch to there? No, we can do that like mid. Could kind of be. That could be.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But it's like, there's too. Too much of this part.

[David Cross]

It's deep.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Too deep. It's deep.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So I feel. It feels weird. I feel like a little.

[David Cross]

Feet are gonna swing.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Maybe that's it.

[Casey]

You always let people choose. But I do have to do that anymore.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I do. But I wonder if other people. No, I'm gonna maybe do this.

[David Cross]

That is kind of what you. It's a cinema. It's a. They sometimes call them like cinema couches or something when they're. They're for. I don't know, like. Really?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, because you. Whenever you go to the theater, there's big, wide, comfy, plush, deep chairs, right?

[Casey]

Well, like, some people don't wanna sit on a small chair. They want a bigger chair.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, I mean, I get it. It looked more appealing to me in that kind of base, kind of primitive, like, more. More chair.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. More is better. Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

More chair. Better chair. I mean, but it's not. I actually. I mean, I find myself kind of.

[David Cross]

Like, yeah, this is a little better if you were. Yeah, yeah. You have to pull the hips and so you feel more on top of your own hips.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But do you guys know what I'm talking about? Have you sat here and, like, right.

[David Cross]

Now I even feel a little back. Right? Like, I' like, not because so much of the depth, but just because I'm allowing a chair to, like, you know.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Is that chair as deeper than. As deep as this?

[David Cross]

No, but I'm. It's not like, if I were kind of to get my hips under me, right.

[Casey]

You can have a pillow if you want.

[David Cross]

You know, like, hey, you know, like, now I'm alive.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. All right. Well, I found by bringing my feet up like this, it's definitely better.

[Casey]

Full week of recording to hate it. So that's nice.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. Maybe it's also because I got the.

[David Cross]

Shirt me at the end this.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But it's also. This shirt also kind of gets. Which I didn't have the shirt before. And it's getting kind of.

[David Cross]

I wonder. This conversation about the chair is allowing me to contemplate my own performance thus far. It's giving me a space to think about it. I'm going.

[Jacqueline Novak]

This will never air.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I'm going. I think the prickly kind of, like, argue that part of my mind is kind of interesting. Okay. Because against yours, right. Is almost like. It's like. I wonder if it's better in a way or if it's. What should I say?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Switch chairs? How's that gonna help?

[David Cross]

Maybe almost. It's. It's Like, I'm refusing to charm you or something when I could do it. Like, if I came in here, I was like. Like I could. I could do that. It's like. But I'm actually relaxed and, like, fully being me. So you're getting, like.

[Jacqueline Novak]

That's what I want.

[David Cross]

You're getting just like me. Like. Like. No, David, I'm gonna tell you about, you know.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, no, but I get. That's what I. I'm gonna bring up the sixth sense. I don't. I don't see it that way. And I don't, you know, I don't know you very well. We've hung out before. I'm a fan of your work and. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't want you to come in here. I don't even. I'm curious. I'm curious as to what that would look like having. Having seen your material. But. And don't forget, this whole episode started off very oddly with you refusing to come in and sitting in your car until you could put your proper footwear on.

[David Cross]

What time was it? 12:05. You think? Did it get that far?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, I'm gonna go 12:06.

[David Cross]

No way.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yes.

[David Cross]

I thought it was like 12.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay.

[David Cross]

I thought it was 12:01.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Nope.

[David Cross]

And I was being generous by throwing you at 12:05. You know why? Rhetorically. To force you to concede. Well, actually, it was 12:04. And then I'm a big winner.

[Jacqueline Novak]

12:06. It's 12:06 now.

[David Cross]

I noticed. Cause the calendar had it as like an hour and a half. And I was like, they're building a little padding time for the average asshole.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You know that performer. They're always late, you know, and.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. You know who fucking hasn't shown up was supposed to be here three days ago. Gene Hackman. That motherfucker just ghosted me. Yeah. Supposed to do the show. Won't answer his phone.

[David Cross]

And no one else answered either.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No. A despondent neighbor.

[David Cross]

I mean, these.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Hi, is there a despondent neighbor there?

[David Cross]

So. God, the whole. Is this.

[Jacqueline Novak]

For those of you listening, Gene Hackman just. They just found his body. Him at this point. So that's why it's funny. It may not be funny a month from now. I don't know when it's coming out in. Hopefully it'll be. It'll be. It's. It won't be as raw.

[David Cross]

It won't be as raw. Then.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It won't be as. Yeah, we won't have the. Too soon.

[David Cross]

Do you remember what's the movie that Gene Hackman's in where he's like, they're listening and it's.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, the conversation.

[David Cross]

Oh, wait, it's so funny. That's such a better description of the movie that. That movie. I'm not even thinking of that one. I'm thinking of a different one.

[Jacqueline Novak]

What is it?

[David Cross]

It's like. It's a. It's another kind of. It's a maybe 90s thriller. Like. Like. And they are listening and it's. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Okay, I'll take us away. What's your favorite of the senses? That continues to be the lead sense that people get into.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Has this thing gone off the rails so poorly? Is this so bad that now the guest is introducing the premise that never even really got.

[David Cross]

No, because I was. I did. Okay. It's in my peripheral. And so I go. The signage. Right. And I did think before. I wonder what other people like, do A lot of people lean on taste. They come in here or just. It was abandoned so soon that there was never even time for that kind of thing.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It was. I honestly, I think it came up twice.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And that's it. And. And then it wasn't even about some. It wasn't a. A fully explored thing. It just. Just naturally the conversation took a different turn and I just. And it was also like. I just didn't get to it. I wouldn't. I. I was. I didn't. I wasn't interested in completely abandoning the thing. I thought, okay, we'll start here and then we'll see where we go. But I never even got to it. And I think partly that's because I knew that I wanted to start with the cameras rolling before the person entered so that we can. All that off the cuff stuff.

[David Cross]

Oh, my God.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, you should have seen what Kristen Schall said. Oh, boy.

[David Cross]

I can't even imagine.

[Jacqueline Novak]

All off the.

[David Cross]

Oh, my God. And what about post? You leave it running all night? Yes, because I always return live. I always return at night to the scene of a podcast and think about what I did.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, there'll be time for self flagellation later.

[David Cross]

Always.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But I also want. It's a bit late, but I want people to know about you who might not know about you. Ye. Yeah. You're a brilliant standup who turned a bit, you know, and you do fairly lengthy. And you break things down. You have questions and you. And what was. What was the bit about the. Was it the French fries? Right. Is that.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Do you still do that.

[David Cross]

Well, I'm thinking, because I did that on like a late night appearance and I'm. I don't feel like, you know, a piece of material should die with one late night appearance.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

When I want to do. So I'm like, oh, I'll do. I'll put that into a big food show that's all about food.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But. And, well, you should. Yeah. But it's also you as a audience member. You're not ahead of it. I don't know where you're going because it just keeps growing and growing. It's about. Was it about taking the French fry?

[David Cross]

It's about people saying, can I steal a fry? Okay. And it's like.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But it's a whole long bit.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

That's what's great about it.

[David Cross]

Yeah. It's several minutes and I'm barely getting to everything I have to say about that topic because. And it was a weird audience.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh.

[David Cross]

And then I knew when I came out, I mean, it was instant. And they had talked about something negative, like something downer right before I came on. Whatever, it doesn't matter. But I knew it was like, you know, like these things, like, people are like, it'll be the easiest audience you ever had in your life. They are so pumped up from Jimmy. And then like, you go out and you know instantly, this is not the best audience I've ever. And there's like 30 cold feet between you and this. And I just was like, all right, this one's for the people at home.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And like, steeled myself. But yeah, yeah, I.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But you. And you took one. You took one bit that you had. I almost hesitate to call them bits because they're.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

They're not jokey. Jokey joke.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You know, but. And turn that into a. Is it they or them? A1. They show.

[David Cross]

I was like, well, I'm waiting for more.

[Jacqueline Novak]

A one woman show.

[David Cross]

Oh, one of the worst terms. Yeah. I mean, one of the most loaded terms probably in showbiz. One man's not great either.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, no. Truly is. Absolutely one. You. I hear one man show and I'm like, well, I fold my arms in my head. I'm folding my arms going, all right, make me laugh.

[David Cross]

Exactly. And it's. The implication is like, they've taken. They've taken the stakes off the table. They've taken the promise of laughter. Right. That's why I always insist. I'm like, it's stand up. Count the jokes per minute. You know what I mean? Which, you know, any real stand up comedian Would recognize instantly, I would hope. But there were a couple people, like, like, even. Like, so how is that? Like, what do they say? Like, how do I feel different than doing stand up? Like, like, some comedian asked me that once. Like, I was like, are you fucking joking? Like, you know, like, different. Like, you mean, how did it feel doing 94 minutes of straight killing? I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. But you know what I mean?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Motherfucker. Boom.

[David Cross]

Act like. Yeah, like, they act kind of like it was like, it's just. But also, whatever people would call it what they call it, you can't worry.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But this. This goes to what you're saying. It's a loaded term.

[David Cross]

Right?

[Jacqueline Novak]

And I. We both had the same reaction to. Yeah, you know, it's like, all right, it feels like you want to be defensive about it, like you. Or qualify it, like you just did. And it's. Yeah, it's stand up.

[David Cross]

It's.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's still stand up. It's just in a different setting. You know, you're in a theater, and that has its own kind of pretense to it.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But it's your. Your pretty much guaranteed there's not gonna be any heckling. No, no, no, wait. Waiter, waitress is gonna drop the check, you know, step on your punchline, and. And everybody's sitting there. And. And so that's the nice aspect about it.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But you're still, you know, killing, as you said, and it's really funny. And it was. It was called on your knees. Get on your knees, get on your knees.

[David Cross]

And a lot of people do call it that, though.

[Jacqueline Novak]

On your knees.

[David Cross]

Yeah, they call it all sorts of things. I don't know. I feel the need to make it seem, like, not aggressive. Like, get. It's called get on your knees, by the way. Do you think me being like, I'm killing. Like, I'm even like, like. And you're like, as you said, you're killing. Like, I never said shit like that. Like, I'm only. I'm sort of saying it with like a, you know, sense of.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I mean, I. Humor. I saw the show and I've seen your stand up and yeah, you were killing. I mean, that's.

[David Cross]

I just like, you know, like, go to the, like, you know, it's like. It's like she's killing, but she doesn't know it. Is the requirement on the woman, you know, like, she's pretty, but she doesn't know it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, I don't agree with that.

[David Cross]

I don't. I'm not saying that it's true. I'm saying that's what's like sparking in me. And I'm going like. I describe myself as killing.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Right.

[David Cross]

Fine, take me back.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay.

[David Cross]

You're trying to say.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh. What I wanted to say was my wife wanted me to tell you that she loves that sweatshirt.

[David Cross]

Oh, my God.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And it's her favorite sweatshirt to wear.

[David Cross]

That's the.

[Jacqueline Novak]

That has. That has stuff written on it. That's how she. That's what she said?

[David Cross]

Yes. Okay. It's phenomenal. It's still on sale. Okay. They are [e-mail].

[Jacqueline Novak]

There you go. It's. It. It. I haven't worn it, but she. And she does wear it a lot.

[David Cross]

Nice looking Amanda.

[Jacqueline Novak]

She loves it.

[David Cross]

That's so fabulous.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And she did tell me to let you know.

[David Cross]

Great. That is such a compliment.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And she has a lot of sweatshirts with writing on them. I mean, the.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You know, and 100% of them are all some feminist bullshitty thing, you know, that are just like. No wonder you want the Jacqueline Novak sweatshirt.

[David Cross]

Yes. I love that. Thank you. That is. That is. That makes me. It's all about the merch in the end, isn't it? The merch is where the real compliment lands.

[Jacqueline Novak]

That's. That's.

[David Cross]

They're wearing a sweatshirt.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Fucking this goddamn.

[David Cross]

Do you. Sir, do you.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, see, look at this. It's.

[David Cross]

No, it's. It's very deep. Put a pillow back there, you'll know it's a pillow. You need. Like, you need several.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Let me see. Let me see if this works. I wonder if it's this.

[David Cross]

Still a little deep, right?

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's. It's just like a. I feel like.

[David Cross]

If, you know, we're in a cafe, like, we're kind of like. But we're seated at the L. Like, you know, when. The corner table, when you.

[Jacqueline Novak]

When there's like something like you go to a friend of a friend's house and they got a.

[David Cross]

Sounds like hell already.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's not. It's not.

[David Cross]

You really know that person and I don't.

[Jacqueline Novak]

There's a weird smell I can't kind of put my finger on, but it's not. It's like moldy. And you go there, or a friend of your mom's maybe, and they have a. They have the big fancy chair, right? That. That's like. What do you call it? Lazy boy type chair. Right? And it's got buttons. It's got a little massage thing. And then you press the. The lumbar support the thing that goes like this and has that ever been good in anything that little. Little rolling.

[David Cross]

You mean, do you mean pleasurable?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, right, like, yeah, pleasurable or. No, but they're. They're all just kind of like cheapy little.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Like, I feel like you've paid a lot of money for this massage chair. Or sometimes it'll be in a car or sometimes it'll be.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Where Like a plant. You know what?

[David Cross]

It's very feeble. It's like. It's like a little vibrating mechanical thing. But you ever get the ones that go deep, like the shiatsu types? No, because those are like. You'll see them.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Sure.

[David Cross]

They're like, okay. They're like something hard moving under fabric. Okay. It's like disgusting. They look really weird.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But where do you. We're like stone, like. Oh yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh yeah. Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But I'm just talking about the ones that go up and down and you can hear them. It's like. And it's on your back and it's nothing. It's like.

[David Cross]

No, you need to. There are ones that lift up.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's like a one year old punching you.

[David Cross]

Yes, exactly. No, exactly. If it's not near violent. Okay. If you're not afraid that it's gonna crunch you like that.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I'm with you.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I once gotten one in a store. Okay. And I've never forgotten it. It was like it lifted me. Okay. I was like afraid I was in the hands of a very large robot.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I would like to try that.

[David Cross]

And it like lifted me and it was like, whoa. It was like. I really like grabbed me like, like by the, like that, like deep bone sort of. It's like.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It was scary.

[David Cross]

It was scary. But I was like, finally.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I hate a weak massage.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Like a Swedish.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I have a whole bit in my current tour about the Chinese massage places where the middle aged women, they don't know what they're doing and they just beat the shit out of you. It's great. It's way better than the other New.

[David Cross]

York to the qigong Tuina places and just get, get, you know, beaten and I, I loved it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Love it. Way better than the fancy. Yeah. Spas. Oh, wait, we started late. So I'm gonna add a. I'm gonna add another five minutes.

[David Cross]

Great.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, let's see what just.

[David Cross]

I thought we were just getting, getting warm.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. I don't understand these three hour podcasts, but. Yeah, whatever.

[David Cross]

I bet your fans would.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I don't think so.

[David Cross]

You don't think they'd want I think.

[Jacqueline Novak]

There'S an appeal to, you know, it's pretty much between these things end up, what, like, I don't know, an hour, an hour and 15. Somewhere between. That's plenty of time.

[David Cross]

It is.

[Jacqueline Novak]

That's too, that's gonna spend with me.

[David Cross]

They need company.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Get the. I, I, I, I understand the appeal of podcasts, both informative and, and entertaining. And I get why people might not choose this one. Like, I'm not looking for that, you know that I'm looking for this thing. I want to know what your opinion of Popeye's new fish sandwich is. That's more important to me.

[David Cross]

Right, right. And to hear it in audio form.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. And I like, listen, I'm going to be stuck on the four or five and I would, I'd like to hear about last night's Law and Order SUV or svu. Suv.

[David Cross]

Yes. Oh, well, that, that is heaven.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. So I get it.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I understand. But I think with the nature of what I'm doing here, and I've been doing, I think about an hour is about good, you know?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And we'll cut this down to 20 minutes.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Well, I was gonna say you cut down to the good stuff.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

How much left is.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh.

[David Cross]

So probably as long as it's gotta be.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's gonna be 10 minutes.

[David Cross]

Yeah. That's okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And just let's. I know you want to plug these Crocs in the Starbucks, so.

[David Cross]

Okay. Accidentally in Crocs. Why?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Did you say accidentally?

[David Cross]

Yeah, it came from the gym. There's a very. Yes, instantly that. Oh, shit. You know, I didn't have much time in the car. I do have other shoes in the car. You came out. I go, Jesus. David Cross is in the parking lot. My young idol, by the way. I remember, like, listening to an album, yours, like, in college when I started stand up. Okay. You know, and this with this guy who also wanted to start stand up. And we, like, went to an open mic the next day.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Who's the guy? Did he continue?

[David Cross]

No.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Joe Rogan.

[David Cross]

He ended that day. Yeah, that was it. And yeah, it's just like, it's nice. It's a very nice memory.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Good. Anyway, you don't get close into the.

[David Cross]

Parking lot I go. There's no time to put on shoes. There's no way the podcast is gonna show my feet. This is a foot of the Bed podcast. And then here we are.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And you seem not, you seem, you are very defensive about these crimes.

[David Cross]

I just, you know, I think they're much like the Mason Jar Loaded, culturally. And they were given to me for free. And I don't know what they mean to other people. And that scares me because I know they mean something to other people. Exactly. Yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It's. They're supposed to be very comfortable.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And they are. I mean, so they found the line and a discussion. Yeah. I just worry about, you know, they're, you know, people judging it. The semiotics of the croc, what I'm partaking in without realizing. Forms of language I've foisted on your listener should they view. Am I the last of your day or the fresh warmup?

[Jacqueline Novak]

You're both the first and the last, thank God, today. Yeah. Well, you're supposed to have Tig Notaro, but she, I think, had some. I love Tig. This is the second time she was booked and couldn't do it. No. I've had some very un. Legit reasons, like.

[David Cross]

Like my mood that I wondered. I go, is it too late to cancel due to my mood? And I was like, it's a half hour from now. I think it is. You know, like, you draft the text, the cancellation text in your head.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Like, would this play. I was. Like, I was writing to my mind, how much would this fuck you guys if I didn't?

[Jacqueline Novak]

I would love the idea that that became kind of acceptable. Like, it's actually a good thing. I mean, everybody would use it as an excuse. It's kind of like, you know when you're. You're late to work and you always have in your back pocket, man, the fucking C train. Da, da, da. And they can't really. That happens all the time.

[David Cross]

So when I got on the highway today, I thought I saw traffic and I thought, thank God I got something. And it's real. Yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Traffic in la. I never, ever. Yeah, once everyone. Oh, they're lying. Like, traffic here sucks. It's brutal. But I. I like the idea that people would go, hey, I know that thing you planned for, and I know you flew out here for this, but out of pocket. But, yeah, you know what? My head's just not right and I'm. I'm in kind of a shitty mood. I would. Can you take. Can you bring the podcast to this pub I'll be at?

[David Cross]

Yes, yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I'm gonna try to write the ship, but right now, no, I'm gonna get a breakfast burrito.

[David Cross]

Particularly for a performer. Yeah, mood is real, but that's. No, you gotta get there.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You're a professional. You gotta. Doesn't matter what your mood is or what thing you Experienced or you know, who. And his. And his wife and dog died mysteriously in New Mexico. I mean, it doesn't matter.

[David Cross]

People are waiting. You ever do it, Cancel a stand.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Up gig for any reason other than illness? No, and I pride myself on that. And I.

[David Cross]

It's really.

[Jacqueline Novak]

The. The last time I had cancel. I mean, I have postponed gigs because I got work and it's like, oh, this is too good. Not to being a Spielberg. Yeah. But like the day of or the day before, like, I've only done it a handful of time, maybe five times in my career. And the last time I think I was gonna do. In fact, I know it. It was going to be at Caveat.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

In New York, in the Lower east side. And I was gonna. And I was, you know, they promoted me and I was looking forward to doing the show and. And I was like, man, something's not right. I. I'm really out of it. I'm so sorry to do this to you. And I was trying to, you know, I waited so long because I thought I'd be able to do it, but I really. It's just not a good idea.

[David Cross]

Took it to the line because you were like, I'm doing it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I'm doing it and I will do it. And you know, like, okay. So sorry. And then it was Covid.

[David Cross]

Oh, my God. So it was the first case in America.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

We now know that was Covid.

[Jacqueline Novak]

It was Covid and measles. And so. So first thing I did was hop over to Tennessee. I mean, Texas, and talk to as many kids as possible. Came back. No, but I would have ridden the subway in.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And had Covid.

[David Cross]

Absolutely.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And then gone in a. In. Yep. Get on stage where it's not. The stage is. Is also, you know, flat or it's not raised very.

[David Cross]

It's like. Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

4 inches, 5 inches off the ground.

[David Cross]

Spraying onto them.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. Talking to people and being backstage in that little close green room. And I would have given. I mean, 100 people. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Eight.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Not eight in my dreams. No. I would have given 100 people Covid. But, you know, thank God I called it, right. Yeah. Yeah. But that's. I. Under the worst conditions, I will go up and do a show and I. And I have, I've. I've, you know, I've been in either emotional or physical pain. But also that thing happens.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Where you get on stage and you, you can power through.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You know, for however long it takes. And then, you know, you kind of collapse when you get off stage.

[David Cross]

Angels.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

The Spirits that are haunting the stage. I'm pushing more on you. More extra angels?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, I don't think angels are extrasensory unless you're the only one who can see them, but that presupposes that there are angels.

[David Cross]

So what is it?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Wait, it's like clairvoyance.

[David Cross]

No, no, no, no, no. I. Oh, okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Esp, but.

[David Cross]

Right, right, right. Okay. Well, let me say it again. I guess what I meant to say was, look, I'm pushing spiritual, you know, conjectures on you again, Like. Like in an agreeing style, as though it's what you said. Like, you know, you get on stage and the thing happens, and I'm like, the ghosts, they help you, and then it's like you got, like, sucked in almost to.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Well, I thought you were. I was just going with the riff. Yeah, I wouldn't say it was sucked in. I didn't for a second believe that there were angels. I just was. It's called being a considerate conversationalist. Being diplomatic.

[David Cross]

Interesting.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. Jacqueline Novak.

[David Cross]

What? Trying to wrap me up?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

All right. You think we got enough? Because I'll go two hours if that's what's needed to get a good podcast out of us. We're good.

[Jacqueline Novak]

We're good.

[David Cross]

I'm serious.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay. I appreciate it. I know. I take you at your word. Is there anything you want to plug or promote besides your love of Starbucks and Crocs?

[David Cross]

Okay, I need everybody. Why not tonight? I want to go number one on Netflix. Okay. Okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You want to take a piss on Netflix? That's weird.

[David Cross]

Maybe that's what's not working with my affirmation.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Wait, you're contradicting yourself.

[David Cross]

Go number one. People say that, though. People say that without. I think that that phrase holds. Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Go number one.

[David Cross]

Like. Like, my. My single went number one on the billboard. Yeah, right. I want to go number one. We're going number one.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, no, no.

[David Cross]

Went number one is still pissing.

[Jacqueline Novak]

That sounds like something Tobias Punke would say. No, it's not. I don't think, you know, we're going. We'd like to be number one. We want to be number one. Go number one. I don't think so.

[David Cross]

We went number one. We are number one.

[Jacqueline Novak]

We are number one.

[David Cross]

Yeah, no, I'm. I'm Google. Go number one. Okay, I'm thinking that sounds like, you.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Know, when you see those kind of ambiguous, like, sport type, rah rah jackets or sweatshirts that are made in China and have, like, English. Weird fractured English on them, like.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I feel like Go. Go number one.

[David Cross]

We're a number billboard or whatever.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Like go number one. Oriole fan.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You know.

[David Cross]

Right, right. No, Yeah. I wanna take me to the top. Okay. But anyway, get on your knees on Netflix. What I'm proposing is that all of your listeners on this very day, they're listening. If they watch all at once, I think I could get up there.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay.

[David Cross]

That'd be interesting. And then I don't know when this comes out, but I'll be in London March 11th to the 23rd. And then I'll be doing a. Oh, nice.

[Jacqueline Novak]

What are you doing?

[David Cross]

An Amsterdam and a Dublin. I've never been to any of those places.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So this is March. That's where you do.

[David Cross]

I don't know if anyone will show, you know.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Are you doing get on your knees. No, stand up.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay, cool.

[David Cross]

New. New.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Great.

[David Cross]

We're in London Explorations, the Soho Theater on Dean Street.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Sure. I was just talking about that and then.

[David Cross]

Really?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Were you there?

[Jacqueline Novak]

I was there. I had a month residency there and it really was, you know, if you look at your life and career, it was a really important domino.

[David Cross]

Incredible.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And are you filming your current hour.

[Jacqueline Novak]

In Athens, Georgia at the 40 watt? I'm doing two shows.

[David Cross]

So exciting.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. It's. I was going to shoot in December.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So I had. We had plans. We had a theater. It was going to be Missoula, Montana. Yeah. Which I love. Love Missoula. I have good shows there. I wanted to do it in a red state, you know.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And. And then. And we had. Everything's booked. We have the production crew, the theater and all that stuff. And then when Trump got elected, I was like, oh, you know what? By the time this thing comes out, it's gonna feel really weird that I've been doing all this stand up and it's gonna feel dated even though it was only a couple months before. It's just gonna feel weird.

[David Cross]

Like, why isn't he talking about.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Right.

[David Cross]

Yeah. So you're moving it up.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So I. Yeah, I mean, I still did the two shows and Missoula, but I took the production out where. So we're gonna shoot it now at the end of May. And I just booked a bunch more dates. I'm going to Canada the next, you know, for two weeks. I go to Europe for a month and then just kind of hit doing all those little shows and, you know, Sioux City and Fargo and, you know.

[David Cross]

The run up to the tapings. Exciting.

[Jacqueline Novak]

So, yeah, it was. It Was a. It was.

[David Cross]

You got a director?

[Jacqueline Novak]

I do.

[David Cross]

You know, I was making a play.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, of course.

[David Cross]

You have one already. I just, you know, someone drops out.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Jack Lenovo in there. Yeah, sure. Have you directed any stand up specials?

[David Cross]

No, but I'm raring too.

[Jacqueline Novak]

But how hard can it be? Yeah, right. We all know that.

[David Cross]

I know, I know, I know.

[Jacqueline Novak]

I mean, Tom. Tom Segura is going to direct.

[David Cross]

Oh, cool.

[Jacqueline Novak]

The special. But you know, I was like, yeah, okay. Quote direct, right?

[David Cross]

Don't do, don't. Don't get too artsy.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Don't do too much artsy. Fartsy.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Restrain. You know, so.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, but that's good. You're. You're gonna have a. You're gonna have a blast. And London's great and Amsterdam is great. Now I will tell you. Where'd you say? Paris? Amsterdam?

[David Cross]

Dublin.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Dublin. Dublin's great.

[David Cross]

And those are just like one night.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Where are you in Dublin?

[David Cross]

You know, I don't know. It hasn't been announced yet. It was like, just. I feel like it had. One of them had a weird name like Chicago. Oh, no, maybe it was Amsterdam. Oh, boom.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Chicago. That's Amsterdam.

[David Cross]

Okay, so that's Amsterdam. That's Sugar Room or something is somewhere. Maybe that's Paris. And then I. Anyway, give me more.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Boom. Chicago is great. I mean, it's. Dublin is going to be raucous and great and yeah, Dublin's a great town. And really, those are fun shows. Amsterdam is kind of like some of the other specifically like Scandinavian shows where you do them and I was just talking about this with somebody. You do them and, you know, you're not bombing by any stretch, but you're not killing. Yeah, I mean, you're just. There's not a roll of laughter and it's, you know, you get the chuckles and stuff and. And you're. You're up there and you're like, holy fuck, that was. You know, and you're looking at the clock going, you know, okay, yeah. And you think, this isn't going again. You're not bombing right. It's just not going well. And then you, you go, all right, good night. And then everybody gives you a standing ovation and cheers and you're like, what the.

[David Cross]

Right. You're like a hero. You, like, try to sneak out the back because, like, you don't want to see them. And then they're like, that was the greatest.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, it's.

[David Cross]

So they have a different way of expressing.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yes, they do.

[David Cross]

That's a very good tip.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. And you know London can. Is. Is. You know, English audience really can be quite the extreme on either end. Like, they will let you know if they like it and they'll let you know if they don't, you know.

[David Cross]

Yeah, they feel like very professional comedy fans over there. Like, they're like, they know their shit. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Absolutely. Is there is. Do you have a website or anything where people can go access these things?

[David Cross]

Jokesnovak.com and Instagram is just Jack Nova Nov. That's where most of the stuff goes. Jac. N O V. You'll tag me in a post or something?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, yeah. I don't do any of this. I don't listen to this. I don't edit it. I don't read the reviews. I don't watch it. I do this part. My work is done.

[David Cross]

That's the way to do it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Now wait, I'm in the back end. Oh, yeah. Check out my podcast with Caper Lamp. Berlanta Novak. We went independent recently.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Really? From where? Oh, you were Starbucks.

[David Cross]

And then we were highly paid. Yeah, we, you know, I don't. You know, we just started independent. We used to be at iHeart with a different podcast called Poog.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Okay. What does Poog stand for?

[David Cross]

It's goop backwards.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, okay. Oh, that's your hook.

[David Cross]

That was our hook. And we abandoned wellness really quick. Although you can see it's still an interest.

[Jacqueline Novak]

What are you doing?

[David Cross]

It was like, in my mind, this needed to be parted. I thought you'd take a photo.

[Jacqueline Novak]

No, I know. I wish you could see what Jacqueline has done here. No, what are you doing? Let me finish. I tell you, I end every episode with a question from my daughter. So I was pulling it up on my phone.

[David Cross]

How old is that kid?

[Jacqueline Novak]

That was really five. She just turned eight.

[David Cross]

It flew into action because. Did you send me an email? Not you, obviously. I know you don't do the work. Okay, but an email was there, like, and there will be a photo after, or was that something else?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yes, yes. No, there'll be a photo and your.

[David Cross]

Feet will be in it. It was like, yeah, okay.

[Jacqueline Novak]

These were your Crocs. All right, so this is a question she would. Would have been seven when she asked this. Okay. Jacqueline Novak. And you can answer in any way you choose.

[David Cross]

I won't be able to resist.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Jaclyn Novak. Why does it smell bad when you put rubber in fire?

[David Cross]

Damn.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Why does it smell bad when you put rubber in fire? I want to know why. How she knows that it smells bad. When did she burn rubber?

[David Cross]

How old are the kids? 7. When they asked that. Yeah, because what's that smell? Burning rubber. Right.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, you know what?

[David Cross]

She must have smelled it.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Oh, I do know what. Yeah, I was doing donuts. I know what it was. There was a. What do you call it, like an underground fire on, on our street.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And the cables were, you know, sparking. So this thing went on for like four hours and they had to, you know, block the street off and they had the cruise down there. But all this like crazy SM smoke is coming out and then the occasional like.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

You know, and, and explosions and, and flame coming up from the grating. The sewer grating. And, and the smell was flaming.

[David Cross]

It clown. Just when he says.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, Pennywise it clown.

[David Cross]

Yeah, thank you.

[Jacqueline Novak]

And, and, and, and it smelled. And that was, it was like, there's the rubber on the, on the, the wires.

[David Cross]

Here's the first answer. So I know rubber comes from a plant. There is a rubber plant. Right. But the stuff that we got going out there, it's unnatural stuff. What we think of as rubber fire is not fire doesn't want to eat this. Unnatural man made horror. Right. It's telling us, why did you make this? You know what I mean?

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah, man. Jet fuel can't melt steel. That's my bumper sticker.

[David Cross]

I gotta get one of those. Yeah, that's the missing from my general identity.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Yeah. Jet fuel cannot burn steel.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Jacqueline Novak]

All right, well, thank you, thank you. All right, Jacqueline Novak jokes novak.com.

[David Cross]

That'S me. All right, thank you.

[Jacqueline Novak]

Thank you. Senses Working Overtime is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not going to do that. Thanks for listening.

[David Cross]

That was a Headgum podcast.