Lane Moore

Summary

Senses Working Overtime with David Cross

Episode: Lane Moore
Release Date: October 17, 2024

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Introduction to Lane Moore and Personal Interactions

The episode kicks off with a playful conversation between David Cross and guest Lane Moore about their comfort with physical affection, particularly hugging. Lane observes, “[You’re] not a hugger, right?” prompting David to clarify his flexible stance on hugging, initially hesitant but becoming more open-hearted post-9/11. This segment sets a light-hearted tone, illustrating their ease and rapport.

Notable Quote:

• Lane Moore [00:02]: "I feel like you're not a hugger, right?"
• David Cross [01:10]: "It's not important to me. I started... after 9/11, I became a little more huggy."

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Diving into Personal Backgrounds

The conversation seamlessly transitions into their upbringing. Lane describes her metaphorical "raised outside" experience, moving frequently and lacking a fixed home, which fostered her resilient nature. David shares a more challenging childhood marked by his father's absence and his mother's struggles, highlighting the formative impact of their family dynamics.

Notable Quotes:

• Lane Moore [04:13]: "I have to like, raise myself and like kind of everybody."
• David Cross [05:22]: "My dad wasn't there a whole lot and then he left when I was nine."

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Exploring Wealth and Materialism

Both guests reflect on their perceptions of wealth during childhood versus adulthood. Lane reminisces about simple markers of wealth like extra rooms in a house, while David contrasts his early understanding with the complex notions of wealth he observes now in places like New York City.

Notable Quotes:

• Lane Moore [08:07]: "There's levels of wealth that I didn't know existed since I come from such really having nothing."
• David Cross [08:51]: "I know exactly. Look back on when I was a kid... more than one game."

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Lane Moore’s Career and Tinder Live

Lane introduces her comedy show, Tinder Live, where she swipes through live dating profiles with audience participation. She emphasizes that the show doesn't "punch down" but rather showcases the humorous and often bizarre aspects of online dating. David shares his positive experiences participating in the show, appreciating its comedic value and the unexpected turns conversations can take.

Notable Quotes:

• Lane Moore [20:29]: "Tinder Live, I'm going on my dating app, and I am swiping through live."
• David Cross [21:38]: "It was fucking funny... I was completely ignorant to those dating apps."

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Humorous Insights into Dating Apps

The duo delves into the quirks of dating apps, discussing the often exaggerated and humorous profiles people create. Lane recounts her time working in customer service for a sex toy website, drawing parallels to the strange and amusing interactions on Tinder Live. They explore themes like oversized accessories and unconventional relationship dynamics, highlighting the absurdity and humor inherent in online dating.

Notable Quotes:

• Lane Moore [16:06]: "Someone return a ring, and I'm like, how is that worth it?"
• David Cross [17:07]: "If you need 10 bucks, you need 10 bucks."

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Touring and Culinary Adventures

Lane and David share their experiences touring, with a particular focus on their love for exploring diverse culinary scenes. Lane discusses her obsession with finding the best food in every city she visits, while David recommends specific spots like Schwa in Chicago. They exchange tips on how to navigate popular dining establishments and the challenges of securing reservations at high-demand restaurants.

Notable Quotes:

• Lane Moore [42:10]: "I become obsessed with food. Wherever I'm going, I want to eat the best food."
• David Cross [45:14]: "You gotta call and I don't know, maybe."

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Balancing Comedy and Personal Life

The conversation touches on the balance between professional life and personal interests. Lane expresses her anxiety and love for spontaneous, improvised performances, while David reflects on past performances that didn't resonate well with audiences. They discuss the importance of authenticity in comedy and the challenges of maintaining it on tour.

Notable Quotes:

• Lane Moore [35:07]: "I have to say, like, hey, I know this is, like, weird, but I do this comedy show..."
• David Cross [36:02]: "I think that's a lot of it."

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Closing Remarks and Audience Engagement

The episode concludes with a light-hearted interaction where David poses a question from his seven-year-old daughter about the spiciness of ghost peppers. Lane provides a creative, child-friendly explanation, showcasing her ability to engage with both adult and younger audiences humorously.

Notable Quotes:

• David Cross [64:30]: "Why are ghost peppers so spicy?"
• Lane Moore [64:52]: "I have, I have the child answer because they were so spicy that someone ate them and died. And now they are a ghost."

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Conclusion

This episode of Senses Working Overtime with David Cross featuring Lane Moore offers an engaging blend of personal anecdotes, comedic insights, and relatable discussions about modern dating and the intricacies of touring. The chemistry between David and Lane, combined with their candid exchanges and humorous perspectives, provides listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful reflections on everyday experiences.

Transcript

[Lane Moore]

This is a Headgum podcast. I feel like you're not a hugger, right?

[David Cross]

What?

[Lane Moore]

You're not a hugger, right?

[David Cross]

No. Hug you. It's fine.

[Lane Moore]

You don't have to. Well, because I feel like I've seen people hug you and I know I have, and I feel like you're like, eh, could take it or leave it.

[David Cross]

Oh, for sure. I can take it or leave it. And I'm. I'm. Well, that's very observant of you. Normally a hugger.

[Lane Moore]

Wow, thanks.

[David Cross]

Yes. Also, do you have a preference?

[Lane Moore]

Oh, I'm closer to this one. That works.

[David Cross]

All right.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, I just like. Hugging is always such a weird thing because I'm like, if somebody really it's like important to them, I want to do it. But if it's not important to them, then why am I forcing them? You know what I mean?

[David Cross]

It's not important to me. I started. I was, you know, I was more like not anti hugging. I just didn't like being touched. And. And then after 9 11, I became a little. I'm not kidding. Really became a little more huggy. Yeah. For real.

[Lane Moore]

That actually makes a lot of sense. It's just so often after 911 is usually someone's punchline, you know, So I was not expecting an earnest thing to follow it.

[David Cross]

No, it was true. And it was something that, I mean, I was aware. I became aware of it because I'm like, oh, wow. I'm not normally ever the person to initiate come in hugging out. I don't even think about it, you know, unless. Unless somebody's super sweaty.

[Lane Moore]

I worried that would be me. It's not even that hot out.

[David Cross]

I did. I was. I meant you.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah. Okay, cool. I was pretty sure I'm wearing lace. You know, it clings. But I.

[David Cross]

Why are you wearing lace?

[Lane Moore]

I just was in the mood. I haven't really, you know. You've never been in the mood for lace, David?

[David Cross]

I don't. I mean, I guess, but it was a Purim thing, but that's fine. No, I've never been in a lace mood, but I can imagine it sometimes.

[Lane Moore]

I like it. There's just something that's very like, I don't know, that's very like new wave 80s goth that I just really appreciate about. A sheer lace undershirt somehow reminds me of maybe the way the East Village used to be.

[David Cross]

Maybe not a long time ago.

[Lane Moore]

A long time ago, but, you know, time I didn't get to see does.

[David Cross]

It feel good or, you know, it.

[Lane Moore]

Feels better when it's not summer. I didn't. I'm not very good at, like, planning my outfits based on the weather. Like, I'm not gonna go out. Like, when I look at my weather app or whatever, I don't look at it and I'm like, oh, it's 72. Like, I know what to wear. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm always either a little bit too cold or a little too hot. I haven't.

[David Cross]

I can't do it knowing that you're always a little too cold or a little too hot. What about adjusting since you have that knowledge? What about going, you know what? I'm always a little too cold or a little too hot. I'm going to bring an extra.

[Lane Moore]

I'm. I am devoutly stubborn. I will not do it. I will not do it. I don't want to carry an extra thing. I have, like, a weird anxiety about it where I'm, like, now bringing this jacket on. What if I don't even need it? And the whole night I'm just carrying this jacket because what if I need it?

[David Cross]

What about a backpack?

[Lane Moore]

Or rather be uncomfortable. I do have a tote.

[David Cross]

Okay, your tote. What about putting a wrap in your tote? Because here's the thing.

[Lane Moore]

I honestly don't know you.

[David Cross]

If it's cold enough to be cold.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You wear a jacket.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And the extra thing can easily fit in that tote. Easily.

[Lane Moore]

And it's better to have it. I have. I think some of my stubbornness is like, I still have some kind of a, like, tough it out mentality. Like, I wasn't. I don't know. I didn't. That's kind of what I have. I have kind of like a. I don't know. I'll figure it out. Were you.

[David Cross]

Were you brought up outside? Outside of, like, just. Just raised outside, outdoors?

[Lane Moore]

In many ways. In many ways? In a metaphorical sense, yes.

[David Cross]

I meant in a literal sense.

[Lane Moore]

No, no. But I might as well have. Like, people are like, are you raised by wolves or are you just, like, raised in the woods? Like, I'm, like, kind of.

[David Cross]

Where were you raised?

[Lane Moore]

You know, And I'm not saying this to be, like, clever, but I wasn't really. But I was kind of raised all over. We, like, moved a lot, so it was kind of. It didn't have, like, a set place. Yeah, same here, I guess. Yeah. So it's like, I don't have. Are you like this? Like, I don't have an attachment to, like, this is, to me, New York City. Is home. I don't have a, like one other spot. So it's like. Yeah. And I'm not. It's not a like, close thing, but I think I had some of the tough it out stuff I know comes from like. I think you might have some similar stuff with this, but like it was very much like very patriarchal. Shitty dad. Very like, I'm scared of him, Mom. Me. Kind of like.

[David Cross]

She's being serious. She's being serious.

[Lane Moore]

That's really rude.

[David Cross]

That is rude.

[Lane Moore]

Sorry, did that just happen?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

Or did you make that happen?

[David Cross]

No, no. That my phone has, you know, got a mind of its own and likes to chime in.

[Lane Moore]

I thought you were being like a shock jock and being like, no, my.

[David Cross]

Fingers are right here, my hands are right here. You can see it.

[Lane Moore]

But I was like, maybe somebody else is like, there's like a shock jock at Head Gum who's like. She's talking about something personal.

[David Cross]

That's hilarious.

[Lane Moore]

Like, oh, God. Cool. So is that just your like, text tone?

[David Cross]

It's my notification.

[Lane Moore]

Oh, okay.

[David Cross]

Sound.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

It's the sad trombone.

[Lane Moore]

Tremendous. But, you know, I think like, I had to like, raise myself and like kind of everybody. And when you have that, I think sometimes you take some of that stuff into your adulthood where you're like, tough it out. You can deal with it. And it's like, yeah, for sure.

[David Cross]

I. I don't think our backgrounds were. Because my dad wasn't there a whole lot and then he left when I was nine and my.

[Lane Moore]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Sisters were seven and a half and five.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And it really. It was after that where. Because we. We had no money, you know, in debt and he just left. So there was a lot of. I mean, you did just that because nobody really had to tell you. You just. We were let.

[Lane Moore]

Someone has to do this.

[David Cross]

So you're like, if you want to eat, make yourself a sandwich. You know. And you know, my mom wasn't coming back until 6:00. And yeah, you know, that was. That was it. You know, it was. It wasn't necessarily, but I do I. Because I grew up poor and without, you know, kind of a support system outside of my mom's at first just scrambling to find any job because she had no real skills. And you know, it was just. It was. It was. I have a lot of that where it's mostly right now I'm thinking of. And she's an okay kid, but she's. My kid is definitely spoiled and we know that she's an only Kid, I've never. I, at age 60, have never lived in a place as big as my brownstone. And she is. She knows nothing except living in that brownstone. And I'm like, I mean, we didn't have stairs. Stairs. We didn't have stairs. Stairs that were.

[Lane Moore]

Stairs are a rich man's game.

[David Cross]

Lead to another room, another level.

[Lane Moore]

I love when people sometimes, like, there's levels of wealth that I didn't know existed since I come from such really having nothing, that sometimes there are wings to a house. I'm like, there's a wing. Just these levels that you didn't even know were there. Because my version of wealth was not that wealthy. Do you know what I mean? Where you didn't have a comprehensive.

[David Cross]

I know exactly. Look back on when I was a kid and what I thought and really wealth was as I see it now as an adult. Like, for me, anybody who had video games, you know, a video game system, Atari, whatever, like, more than one game.

[Lane Moore]

I think I had, like, the game that came with the system.

[David Cross]

But, like, people had a bunch of thing. And anybody who had that kind of carpeted, like, carpet on the walls, kind of rec room where they turn their basement. If they had a house, and they turned their basement into, like, the fun zone, you know, with like.

[Lane Moore]

I've. I've seen this in movies, which says a lot, but it's like, there's a ball and stuff. And like.

[David Cross]

Well, no, no, not like an arcade.

[Lane Moore]

Not like an arcade. Okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I meant, like, you took the place that would have been storage or whatever, and they turned it into, like, fun world. Yeah. And like, that's my dad's wet bar. And then we. But it's a whole separate part. So you. You go to these smaller houses, which to me was like, that's cool. You got a house and you got a little stairway. Yeah. You know, and it goes up and there's like, not. Not. I mean, again, by my standards now it's like, oh, it's fine. You know, you got second floor and you got two bedrooms and a closet and a bathroom. And then the downstairs is like maybe a, you know, pantry and kitchen, dining room, living room. That's it.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

But to me, that was like, wow. And then when they had their basement finished and there was fucking shit in their basement and stuff that you could do. Holy shit.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

That's wealthy, right?

[Lane Moore]

And then you. And then you grow up and especially being in New York City, and then you're like, around these people who have, like, levels of wealth that you Can. Your brain can't even comprehend because the levels of wealth that you had as a kid were so kind of paltry in comparison. And then you're like, oh, there's just all of these kinds of levels. I didn't like. It's always when. When you said like, you know, your dad wasn't around a lot. My dad wasn't around a lot. But like, when he was, it was like, not great. And so then when they split up and it was like, we're just kind of like finding places to live or whatever. It was like, there's that, like, brief relief. I don't know if you felt that, like, whatever when your dad left or whatever, but there was kind of a.

[David Cross]

Like, no, it's still horrible.

[Lane Moore]

Everything was still horrible.

[David Cross]

No, it was. It was a bummer when he left because. Yeah, there was. I don't remember. I was talking to my sister about this. I don't remember any, like, real fights, like yelling between my mom and dad. My mom is very. She's a pushover, docile, you know, weak, spirited or that's not the right word. But just, you know, also, you know.

[Lane Moore]

I don't know your mom. I don't know what the situation is, but like, in all fairness, I look at aspects of that in your mom and my mom, and I'm like, that is what the world told them was the best route, which sucks.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah. You know, I mean, I, you know, I think part of the problem too was she wasn't that experienced and she came from. I didn't. Both my grandfathers died before I was born, but my grandmother, you know, her mom was pretty cold and.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Not a warm person at all. Very intellectual.

[Nicole Lyons]

Very.

[David Cross]

But just there was nothing there. And also really critical of my mom too, and did not like my dad and, you know, told her as much.

[Lane Moore]

Like, which may be fair. Oh, right.

[David Cross]

Okay. She was. Right.

[Lane Moore]

Dynamic. Yeah.

[David Cross]

And. And then I was too young to know of the I told you so stuff, but I would imagine there was a lot of that.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And you know, she would go to my mom for money when we need money. And also she didn't care for us very much. The kids.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And. And it was just a weird situation. And I remember when my grandmom was getting too old to be self sufficient. She was very self sufficient, very independent and self sufficient. Yeah. And also my grandfather died in front of my mom and my grandmother. He had a aneurysm brain and just like, boom, like was up. They were all in the den reading or whatever. And he went up to like go get a book and he just dropped dead. And so that's got to fuck a person.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, totally.

[David Cross]

And. And from what I know he was pretty cold too. And they were so then, you know, my mom and grandmom had a strained relationship. And then when my grandmother wasn't able to be self sufficient, she moved down to Atlanta to spend her last days there. And I remember after she died and she was in this kind of, you know, cool old folks home, like modern, you know, like fun.

[Lane Moore]

Right. And it's also like, what even is that? Is there like sex?

[David Cross]

What is it? Just jerking off. Lots of jerking off. Vibrators all over the place. Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

For free. Just in the bathroom.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Well, was a federal one.

[Lane Moore]

Leave one.

[David Cross]

This is. It was an earlier. It wasn't all gop. It was. There was a little bit more then. This is Atlanta too. Not, you know, it's Georgia, but it's still. So they were, you know, giving. They had a program where they, you know, vibrators, you know, rabbits and Fleshlights for the elderly. And there would be like a van that would come by and that's what you're paying for.

[Lane Moore]

You're paying for that premium. Like you didn't have to.

[David Cross]

Well, it's taxpayers.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You know, we funded by the, by the city. Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

Tax funded orgasms for the elderly.

[David Cross]

You know, it's a platform orgasm is, you know, fingers crossed. But I mean, they're not making any promises. You don't see a whole lot of old ladies going, you know, like, this didn't work for me and look, ma'am, you're doing it wrong. Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

To be fair, some of those have a lot of functions.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

A lot of settings. Learn that at 80. God bless you, man.

[David Cross]

They're not tech savvy, so you gotta.

[Lane Moore]

Charge them with a usb. What? Like, yeah, they can.

[David Cross]

I'm the same way. But I know, I get it. And there's nothing more awkward than returning a Fleshlight and trying to get your, you know, like this doesn't work. I don't know. I don't think it's me, but it's just not. And well, you know, having to argue with the person behind the counter like, well, what's wrong, sir? I don't know. It's not.

[Lane Moore]

I mean, you have done this. This is a real multiple times. Okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm on my, I don't know, 17, 18, 19th Fleshlight.

[Lane Moore]

Wow. Devotion. Brand devotion. Is this, is this sponsored by Fleshlight?

[David Cross]

Well, I mean, hint Hint. Right.

[Lane Moore]

Willing.

[David Cross]

Yeah, willing.

[Lane Moore]

And can I tell you that the first thing that brought up is. And I haven't actually, like, talked about this because sometimes I'll have, like, a topic that I'm like, that's so rife with, like, material, and I'll do it one day. But I worked customer service at a sex toy website as a teenager, and I have not explored it in my standup or anything like that or written about it.

[David Cross]

Oh, my gosh. That should.

[Lane Moore]

I've been on the other side. I've been on the other side of it where I was like. Like having men, mostly men, just be like, I'm having a problem with this. Or they would, like, return on the phone with them. Sometimes you're on the phone, sometimes you're processing orders that come in. And they would have, like, special notes or. Yes, and I love the special notes. For, like, someone who wanted to be community was just like, this is the perfect job. But they would have, like, someone return a ring, and you have to select a reason why you're returning it. And I'm sure I just loved imagining the men checking the box that said, too big. Like, I got too big of a cock ring and I want my money back.

[David Cross]

Like, my eyes were. My eyes were bigger than my.

[Lane Moore]

Is probably $10. I feel like that's probably worse. Worth the cost of just eating the $10. Then, like, sending it back to the company, being like, I put my dick in it and my dick was much smaller than I thought. I would like a refund, please. Like, how is that. How is that worth it?

[David Cross]

If you need 10 bucks, you need 10 bucks.

[Lane Moore]

You need it. But I. But I just was like, wow. The like, good for you. I guess that you were like, I'm gonna send it back and I am gonna check. Too small. Like, this guy was honest. He wasn't like. Or whatever. Was it too big? Yeah, he was like, too small. My dick was huge. Or like, you would get women probably bachelor. I got the vibe that was a bachelorette gift. Would buy these, like, the biggest dildo you've ever seen that was like, you know, two feet wide, whatever.

[David Cross]

A ripper. Yes.

[Lane Moore]

Some, like, comically large dildo. And they would send it back and be like, too big. And I'm like, yeah, no shit. You bought the biggest penis in the world that was, like, supposed to sit on a table and you were supposed to, like, laugh at it. And they're like, too big. We didn't need it. I just. It was just. Or I think my favorite ones were we sold these penis cages that would be used for, like, I guess, like S and M stuff where it would be like, keep your dick in a cage till I get back or whatever.

[David Cross]

Like a. Like a novelty or. For real.

[Lane Moore]

It was like a little cage, this little cage that you would, like, put over your penis. And the idea is your partner has the key and it's like, oh, like.

[David Cross]

A chastity Belford, guys.

[Lane Moore]

Correct. Yeah. And then the. I had a couple phone calls where I'd have to be like, what if you got it?

[David Cross]

Go to the bathroom.

[Lane Moore]

Or sometimes the wife would take the key.

[David Cross]

That's what I'm saying.

[Lane Moore]

Give it back.

[David Cross]

What if you have to do something? What if you have to sign some documents and you're paraplegic and the only way you can do is with your dick?

[Lane Moore]

Well, then you're going to have to do what I had to tell these men. Sometimes calling on the phone, frantically, penis bursting from the plastic, just like. And me, this, like, teenage being, like, I gotta advise this penis bursting, man. He had to call the fire department. That's what we were told to tell them. They had to call the fire department and have their dick cut out of a cage.

[David Cross]

Oh, my God, that's humiliating.

[Lane Moore]

Amazing. An incredible job.

[David Cross]

That's. And. And you got this job as a teenager in the United States of America.

[Lane Moore]

In the United States of America. It was. It was a. It was a fun job, but I'm always just like, there's so much shit that happened in that. It's its own. It's its own thing.

[David Cross]

What was the. It's just an online, like, massive.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, it was just a. Yeah, it was just a sex toy website. And I remember at the time, the reason I chose it, I wasn't like, ooh, salacious, fun job. It just paid well and I was making shitty money, you know, like waitressing or barista or whatever I was doing for work and stuff. And I was like, oh, this pays more than that stuff. I don't really know what it is. And they're kind of vague in the listing. And I just went in and I.

[David Cross]

Was like, you know, it's an office job. You went in somewhere.

[Lane Moore]

I went into an office. Yeah. And it was like the blessing slash curse of having the mind of, like, a writer in comic who was like, this is kind of fun. This is a very interesting job to have.

[David Cross]

Wow.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

So anyway, we are talking with Lane Moore, she of the Tinder Live show, which I've participated in now 5, 6, 7 times. Enjoyed it. Very, very funny. You're very good at what you do, and I know your Tinder Live is going on tour again.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, I'm going on tour. This is a big tour because it's the 10th anniversary tour. It's the 10 years since I started the show, which is wild. That.

[David Cross]

Will you explain what the show is?

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, absolutely. So Tinder Live, I'm going on my dating app, and I am swiping through live. The audience votes whether I swipe right or left on somebody. We match live in the moment, and we match.

[David Cross]

And it's projected on a big screen.

[Lane Moore]

It's projected on a big screen, so you can see all of it. You can see what I'm typing. But the thing that I always like to note with people is that the show is known for not punching down. That's not interesting to me. I knew when I started it.

[David Cross]

Well, I told you, I almost left before I knew you, before I knew what the show was. And I think Janine had. Jenny Garofalo had said, like, oh, yeah, it's. It's good. And I don't know exactly why I jumped on or said yes, but. And you went out there and you talk for, like, five minutes before you even get started.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, I like what the show is, kind of.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Guess how. And then I'm thinking, oh, this is bullshit. Fuck this. I was really starting to get a little angry. And I was. In my head, I was fantasizing, like.

[Lane Moore]

About the worst version of it.

[David Cross]

Well, about coming out and going, hey, I'm not participating, because I think this is fucked up.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I don't like it. I don't. I think it's cruel and it's. And I thought you were making fun of those people, and in a way, you are, but you're leading them to. They're hoisting themselves on their own petard as a totally there. You're not. You're not pointing anything else out, and you're letting them do all the work. And. And then, you know, it started, and I was like, it wasn't exactly what I thought or wasn't, you know, what you fear.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And. And it was fucking funny. And it was really funny to watch. And also, I was completely ignorant to those dating apps, how they work. And I mean, I've done it a bunch now, and I still have occasionally be like, wait, so what's happened? How does he know?

[Lane Moore]

My favorite moment of that was. I want to say this was the first time you did the show. I got to explain what the eggplant Emoji means to you. And it was an incredible moment for me.

[David Cross]

I don't know any of that shit.

[Lane Moore]

It was so great, I guess, for people. Why you don't know what it is? It's.

[David Cross]

Why are you Putting eggplants?

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, 19 eggplants. But yeah, it was. It was a great moment. I was like, oh, this is. This is nice. But I think that's it, you know, like, I've been doing the show for 10 years now, and it's like the one thing that I'm kind of like when I hear it is like people's. And it's rare, but, like, sometimes people, if they don't know me, they don't know the show. They have this thing in their head. And usually it's people who haven't used dating apps will assume that, like, dating apps are full of, like, the most wonderful people who are being really earnest. And so the only version of this.

[David Cross]

Is if I could just be like, who thinks that. Who because thinks that there are only earnest people on dating apps.

[Lane Moore]

Right? I don't understand it either, but I have heard, like, well, like, one time I was doing the show in Portland, Oregon, which is one of my favorite places to do the show, and someone I emailed about, like, you know, one of the like, press people or something was like, you know, I really commend people. It's so hard to get on there and be your earnest, authentic self. And, you know, you don't want to punch somebody while they're trying to find love. And I was like, why would I ever do that? Why would anybody ever watch that? Like, of course it's not that you just. And it was somebody who has never used dating apps, and they just assumed that it was gonna be that. And it's like. But the first time that I went on Tinder, I got the idea for the comedy show and pitched it that night because I was like, oh, this is just like the craziest men. The photos they choose, the horrible things they say, the, like, way they're framing themselves, the yelling at women, the just like, toxicity. I was like, oh, this is such, like, so ripe for comedy. It's just. It's right there. And my. My favorite. One of my favorite descriptions of it is like, I'm sure, you know Frank Coniff. And I was such a Mystery Science Theater fan. And he has done the show a bunch too. And he was like, a lot of people have done Mystery Science Theater type stuff, but I feel like tinderlive is the truest to what Mystery Science theater was where it's like he says, he describes it as Mystery Science Theater. If the movie could talk back. And I think that's very accurate where it's like, you know, it's a fun thing. And I think, you know, a lot of times the guys that have really horrible profiles and I start talking to them and I'm playing a character for people who haven't seen it. I'm playing a character that my Tinder life character does much better on dating apps than I do because she's kind of an amalgamation of what the worst or weirdest men on Tinder kind of want, which is like somebody who's pretty dumb, somebody who's not all there, somebody who like you can kind of mold that.

[David Cross]

Hey, planning any exciting trips this year?

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[David Cross]

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[Lane Moore]

They don't have any needs or expectations. Pretty drunk. Super horny. That is really who that character is.

[David Cross]

Well, one of my favorite things about it is in all the times I've seen it and watched you do it, I'm always surprised at the perfectness of your response to be very funny in a way that I wouldn't have guessed. That also keeps it going and gets the guy. I mean the, the you get, you get the person, they get the guy to a place that I'm like how Is he still.

[Lane Moore]

They'll still talk to you.

[David Cross]

What is going on? I mean, you've. Oh, so much blood.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, it's. I will say, like, you know, kind of the most out there stuff, and they'll still keep going.

[David Cross]

When somebody describes themselves as funny or humorous, and then you really, really like, oh, my God, that's so funny.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, I'll do like a thousand. Ha ha ha. Because it's like, you know, it's kind of like playing with what I don't get to do in real life. You know, when you're on a date with a guy in real life or you're talking to a guy in a dating app in real life, and he's like, I'm really funny. A lot of women don't get it. I deal in sarcasm or whatever. You know, he's. He's kind of saying about himself. It's like a. I would never swipe on that guy because, like, whatever, I'm really funny.

[David Cross]

And most women don't get it.

[Lane Moore]

And most women don't get it. But it's like, that's where I go.

[David Cross]

That's a very attractive feature.

[Lane Moore]

Such an attractive feature. But it's so. But, you know, in my personal life, when I was going on Tinder, and these guys would be like, I want a woman with a sense of humor. But eight times out of 10, that means I want a woman who thinks I'm very funny and sits there quietly. And I would. I would see it and I would notice that I would. I would go on there as myself.

[David Cross]

I've been watching a lot of Japanese.

[Lane Moore]

Schoolgirl porn, I'm sure, and that's what that character gets to kind of do. And it's. So I think the other thing that's nice about it, too, is that one of the things I hear a lot after Tinder live shows with women especially, are like, oh, I can say anything. Because I think when we're trying to connect on these dating apps, we're like, I have to say the perfect thing. I have to be the funniest. I have to be like, the cleverest. I have to be the most fun or whatever is best version of myself. And I'm like, you know, with a lot of these guys, like, I will just say the most out there stuff. But it's interesting how it works. I think it works two ways with those guys where it's like, they're either just like, she's kind of insane, but she seems like she might have sex with me. So I'm just gonna keep Going down this road.

[David Cross]

That's, I think, a lot of it.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah. But I think, you know, because at a certain point in, like, when I started doing it, some of these guys that you'll see on the show. And that's why it's like, you know, when people kind of are like, is it like this? I'm like, no, but, like, whatever. Like, you know, it's so. It's so much better than that. But when I'm talking to some of these guys, they, like, are somehow, like, kind of in on the joke. They, like, get it, and they'll kind of. I don't know if you've seen that happen in the show. I'm sure once or twice, where it's like, they're kind of throwing jokes back, and you're like, oh, this is really fun. They're, like, meeting me at my level. And sometimes people in the audience were like, you should go out with that guy.

[David Cross]

He seems cool.

[Lane Moore]

No, I did it a couple times. I tried to go out with them, and I realized why it wouldn't work, because I kind of thought, like, what a kind of cool story, potentially. Of, like, I was doing my comedy show and, like, I thought this guy, his profile was crazy. I thought I knew what type of guy he was. And then he ran with the joke, and people were really rooting for us, and he was great in person. The tough thing is, when they're going with this, it's like, who are they drawn to? Are they drawn to me because I'm funny? Or are they kind of drawn to a really subversive, kind of dumb, moldable. Do you know what I mean? And that's what I found to be.

[David Cross]

True, where it was like, were they surprised when. When you met up? Were they like, well, I told them.

[Lane Moore]

First, you know, in order to, like, make that transition, which I did used to try to do. And it did. Like, it always went well because it was such a silly. I think that's what I love when people, like, see the show or find out about TinderLive, and they're like. They find out that, like, that's really what the show is. Is. It's like, nine times out of ten, like, these guys would get laid with any woman in the audience because they're being such good sports. As long as you're not being the worst man. It's like, there are people who are like, I think he's hot. And I'm like, okay, cool. And I've actually had people who I've matched with and talked with who were like, could you give him my number? And I've given the woman in the audience the number of the guy I was talking to, and they've, like, dated or whatever, but sometimes. Oh, my God. I completely lost my train of thought. What was I.

[David Cross]

What were we talking about when you were out with some of these guys?

[Lane Moore]

Oh, when I was out with them. You have to. So I have to say, like, hey, I know this is, like, weird, but I do this comedy show where we kind of do this. And you were really funny. I was surprised. And, like, this is, you know, this is who I am. You can look me up.

[David Cross]

Say this before you meet, of course.

[Lane Moore]

Because I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna, like, the. I'm not. That's kind of the whole crux of the show is like, I'm not trying to, like, mess with anybody or, like, whatever. It's like, you know, also then, like, if I didn't tell them that, then what am I gonna be her on the date? That's not fun for me.

[David Cross]

No, no.

[Lane Moore]

So I kind of have to.

[David Cross]

But you say that, and then they can look you up.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Once you give them all that information and then choose to continue to go, yeah, fuck it, I'll hang out with you.

[Lane Moore]

And they always did, I think, because the ones I was picking, it was like, they were such good sports. Like, I do live streams, especially during the pandemic, and there was one guy who ran with the bit to such an unbelievable degree that it, like, blew up online, and we were all, like, kind of freaking out about it. And then, like, I think what happened with him is, like, everyone was really rooting for it. I think he just got freaked out. I don't blame him because he was like. He really wanted to go out, and then I think just got cold feet. And I was like, that's fine, because, like, it's tough to make that transition. Just many reasons why I don't do it anymore. But it's like, he doesn't know that, like, I'm not the type of person who would, like, you know, go on, like, TikTok live during our date. Like, I'm not. That's not. That's a type of person.

[David Cross]

Do you think there was a fear that this. This date would also be fodder for comedy?

[Lane Moore]

That's what I mean. And it's like. It's like, that's where it ends for me. Like, the second that it's really in my personal life, I don't seek stuff out like that. I think it's like, part of why. I think. I think part of why Tinder Live works and why it's. Is because it's not cynical. Like, I like when I see a really nice guy's profile on there.

[David Cross]

I like when it's also really, really funny. I mean, I certainly don't mind funny cynicism, but. And it's not cynical, but I just.

[Lane Moore]

Mean it's not a. Like, everybody sucks.

[David Cross]

Like, yeah, punching down, really making fun. Too much of. I mean, it's. It's inherent because, yeah, the guys you're, you know, in the audience will tell you, like, do it, do it. And. Yeah, and then there's, like, an immediate match, and you're like, oh, shit, he's up. He's. You know, and it just starts getting silly.

[Lane Moore]

They're around. Yeah. I think that's, like, what you said about, like, always being surprised about where you take it. Where I take it. One of my favorite things about the show is that so am I. Like, so am I. Because I'm just going off of that. Like. Like, the best part of Improv brain is where you're, like, surprised that your brain even came up with that. And I. Very often, I will think something and I will have a moment, and I'll be like, am I about to type this? I am. And then it hits, and it's just the best feeling that, like, I love standup so much, but it's like, this utilizes some of that, like, crowd work can be kind of shit on. But, like, the best crowd work is kind of that, where it's like, you're engaging with the crowd, you're not doing the, like, where are you from? Blah, blah, blah. But, like, something happens. And now it's, like, a group experience. And I think that that's one of my favorite things about Tinder Live, where it's, like, it is interactive, and there are people in the audience who are like, that's my brother. That's my guy from work. Like one of the shows.

[David Cross]

Oh, fucking.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, that show.

[David Cross]

Where the guy. Wait, what happened? He.

[Lane Moore]

He was on the screen and it was. He was in the audience, and we're going through his profile, and it was like.

[David Cross]

That was really weird.

[Lane Moore]

So weird. But it was, like. His profile was, like, really chaotically fun. It wasn't, like, toxic. And that's the thing.

[David Cross]

So just so everybody at home knows this guy who happened to be in the audience. His profile came up as she was swiping through, and then didn't somebody say, like, that's him, or that's him, I think.

[Lane Moore]

Or he might have said, that's my profile. I think he said it. And he. We were like, what? And I. Oh, whenever that happens, I'm always, like, come up on stage not to, like, you know, beat the crap out of you, but I always say, like, if your profile comes up, tell me and I'll ask you why you made these choices. That's what I want to know. And it was fun.

[David Cross]

It was a very cool specific.

[Lane Moore]

Do you remember the rest of that? It was his birthday.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I remember birthday.

[Lane Moore]

His birthday. He had a gift someone had given him. You took his gift away and gave it to me and said, like, oh, you brought her a present. And it was like a bottle of tequila or something.

[David Cross]

And.

[Lane Moore]

But he, like, kind of explained his profile. And, like, you know, later that night, like, came up and was like, can I get a photo with you? And I was like, this is rad. But, like, that happened to me. I was in LA a couple months ago with David Koechner and Lamorne Morris, and a guy who worked at Dynasty Typewriter was in. Was. Came up on screen, and we had him come up and, like, play piano. It was this whole thing. It was like.

[David Cross]

So it's just, hey, that's me. Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

And he was, like, really cool. And I like to think he got a bunch of numbers that night. But, like. And he posted about it later. He was like, this was. I went to work tonight, and this. It turned into this whole thing. So it's just. It's like, my favorite. It's my favorite thing to do. I just. Because I don't. I'm such an anxious person, and I'm so in my head, and I tend to get very, like, I want to find. I love words. I love finding the perfect words. And kind of the great thing about doing a show where you're doing basically an improvised set kind of every night is, like, there's, like, trust I've had to develop where it's like, I'm gonna find the joke every time. That I think is really cool as a performer, even though you taking the show scary at the time. I'm going all over. I'm starting in Washington, D.C. and then I'm going.

[David Cross]

The nation's capital.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah. Are you sure?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

Okay. I'm going to North Carolina. I'm going to.

[David Cross]

It's the nation's capital.

[Lane Moore]

I thought so.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

Okay. I'm going to.

[David Cross]

We're in North Carolina.

[Lane Moore]

I'm going to Charlotte and Durham. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I Haven't been to Charlotte yet.

[David Cross]

As long as you can balance out Charlotte with Durham, that's good.

[Lane Moore]

I think I can. I'm going there and this is good. This is like a good brain exercise. Like, where am I going to? I'm going to the Midwest. I'm going to Chicago. I'm going to Minneapolis. I'm going to Grand Rapids. I'm going to.

[David Cross]

Doing the comedy festival in Grand Rapids or just a one off?

[Lane Moore]

No, a one off. I didn't even know there was a comedy festival in Grand Rapids. Call me Grand Rapids Comedy Festival.

[David Cross]

I don't know if it's still around. I did it a long, long time ago, and it seemed very. I don't want to say it was. It was, you know, not much of a. Like, when you think of the comedy festivals and you think of Sketch Fest in San Francisco, you think of, you know, Clusterfuck. You think of just Relapse and. Yeah. Various Bridgetown and stuff like that. You think of the comedy festivals and Laughing Skull Festival and all that. This one was not like. You haven't heard of it?

[Lane Moore]

No.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I didn't, but it seemed very, you know, small potatoes. Tiny.

[Lane Moore]

That you had to say in the tiniest voice to match how tiny the potatoes were. Yeah. I'm like, it's. My quest on tour is, like, always, like, you know, it's like, yeah, you want to do the great show. But I become obsessed with food. Wherever I'm going, I want to eat.

[David Cross]

Sure.

[Lane Moore]

The best food that I can in every single city.

[David Cross]

Absolutely. Well, do you know Jim Gaffkin?

[Lane Moore]

No, I don't know Jim Gaffer.

[David Cross]

I mean, I know Jim has. He knows where all the food is. Okay. Aziz Ansari knows where all the food is. Will tell you where all the food is.

[Lane Moore]

That's great. Yeah. Because I need to. I keep a. I have an email thread of, like, the best restaurants that I've eaten at so that I can go back when I. Yeah, that's good. I'm very obsessed. One time I went to. I performed in Portland and we went to this sushi place, and it was so great. And the guy was like, oh, what are you doing in town? I was like, oh, my comedian. I'm doing this comedy show. And he was like, oh, David Cross was here last week at this place.

[David Cross]

I know exactly where you're talking about. You go upstairs. Yes.

[Lane Moore]

Holy shit. It was incredible. And I was like. I was like, I know David. Yeah, he's done my show.

[David Cross]

When you said that, I pictured. I fucking pictured that place. And it was good. It was so good. And it was not expensive for that. When you walk in, you're like, oh, this is gonna be fancy. Oh, yeah, it was great.

[Lane Moore]

It was so incredible. And I was like, that's so funny. I was like, yeah, I know David. David does my show. Yeah, but it was so good. I'm so obsessed with that stuff. And then like.

[David Cross]

So what do you eat when you go to Atlanta?

[Lane Moore]

I've only been to Atlanta a couple times, so I don't really know. Atlanta is, is one of the only. I think the last time I went there, there was one of those situations where like, I got a hotel that was too far away from everything.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

And you're just kind of door dashing some like, kind of good food, which is a. Right. If you really care about food. That is a bummer.

[David Cross]

I need. Yeah, there's some really good food. Bad food.

[Lane Moore]

I'm a little sad.

[David Cross]

I would. Are you doing a show in Atlanta?

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, I am doing a show in Atlanta. San Francisco. I've had good food. I'm going back to San Francisco. I've had good food. San Francisco's great. Chicago always had good.

[David Cross]

What do you eat in Chicago?

[Lane Moore]

Chicago, I haven't really found it yet either, but I've only been like twice.

[David Cross]

I. Okay, so there's a place that I try to go to every time I go. There's a, like a several month waiting list. But. And, and I don't know if you can eat there by yourself. So you'd have to bring somebody or. But you have tech people, right? Or is it just you?

[Lane Moore]

It's just me. Sometimes. Sometimes I bring people. Like I'll have like a merch person or something like that. Yeah.

[David Cross]

But you can also just see if they're. And it is not cheap. Yeah, it's not cheap, but it's absolutely worth it.

[Lane Moore]

It's incredible.

[David Cross]

It's incredible.

[Lane Moore]

I would rather spend like food over like a $12,000 handbag. I'm like, give me an incredible meal that I'm going to freak out about for four hours. A $12,000 hand job, no handbag. I mean, I'm sure that exists too.

[David Cross]

Okay. I was going to say that's a bit much, but I'm sure that exists too. But that's also a handbag.

[Lane Moore]

That's the value as the Fleshlight sponsors of the show.

[David Cross]

Exactly, exactly. So there's a place. I don't know what area it is. Is it in.

[Lane Moore]

I gotta get, I gotta get. I'm not sure, but it's and sorry, Gaffigan spreadsheet. I gotta get it.

[David Cross]

You gotta go to a place called Schwa.

[Lane Moore]

Okay.

[David Cross]

If you can. Again, there's a several month waiting list and a resi.

[Lane Moore]

Thing. Do I have to turn notifications on?

[David Cross]

I think you call and I don't know, maybe. I don't know.

[Lane Moore]

Do you do that with like a restaurant I really like? I'm constantly turning on notifications for when a table opens up.

[David Cross]

I've never, I don't think I've used Rezi.

[Lane Moore]

That's like my new thing.

[David Cross]

I mean, I'll call the place. Yeah. And I will call place solely so that I can say my name.

[Lane Moore]

I was going to say, do you just name drop and you're like, give me the.

[David Cross]

A third of the time. It'll work, you know. A third time like, oh, shit. Yes, Mr. Cross.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, I'm going to do that. Like, yes, this is David Cross. I would like to come and eat at Schwa.

[David Cross]

And I've been there a bunch and it is just. It's very much a molecular gastronomy stuff. And they do really amazing inventive things, I think. In fact, I'm not sure. But it's so up this guy's alley. I'm going to say it probably was Patton Oswald who got me in there in the first place during a comedy festival in Chicago. And he's the one told. I think he might have taken me too. But I've been there a bunch since then and the staff is great. It's just a really great experience. It's just small, dark room with maybe, I mean, I'm going to guess maybe 14 tables, something like that maybe, you know, give or take. And it's just always a great experience.

[Lane Moore]

Maybe I could, if I don't impersonate you because I'll probably know when I get there because as you said earlier, you're not a lace person. Then maybe I could be like David Cross sent me.

[David Cross]

You can try. I don't know that it's going to help. I mean, I.

[Lane Moore]

Either I'm making this reservation on behalf of David Cross, which has a murky.

[David Cross]

Meaning where it won't be there, but it's, it's. If I, if I'm on the road and if I can, you know, with enough advance notice and get in and get a. I'd go. I pull a stranger off the street and go here, sit right down. Because they won't let me eat by myself. Oh, yeah, it's great. It's a really good experience and it's one of those things where it, you know, they're like those kind of. There's smaller portions, you know, like, this is it. And then you're stuffed by the end of the night.

[Lane Moore]

Totally. Because it's like 10 courses or whatever.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that's my dream, and I love it. And you're there for a couple hours, and every, you know, they present. There's also a place.

[Lane Moore]

It also allows me to eat more slowly than I usually do because I inhale my food. I always have. But at those places, I'm like, that's.

[David Cross]

The great thing about sushi.

[Lane Moore]

I'm gonna savor it.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

I'm actually gonna savor it instead of inhale it. And then it's like, takes forever. I don't get to pull too fast. I, like, keeps me on my toes. Like, what is this? It's just. I think that's my favorite way to spend my time. That's not.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you'll really like schwa, then. And it's schwa. Like the symbol. Yeah, like the schwa sound. Okay. And where else did you say you're going? What do you eat in San Francisco?

[Lane Moore]

I'm trying to remember. This is why I have the list. Because I'm not like, if. If it really stands out to me, if I go, like, 10 times, I'll remember the name, but otherwise I don't remember the name ten times.

[David Cross]

Yeah, no, but you know what I mean.

[Lane Moore]

If I've been back multiple times, then I'll remember. But sometimes I remember it vaguely. Where I'll be like, the Malaysian place. What was that? And then we'll look up the Malaysian place. But I've only been to San Francisco a couple times. But there's a lot of places in Portland that I really love. There's one place I don't know. Yeah, obviously that sushi place. I think about that sushi place all the time. I don't even remember. I had, like, incredible sake there. It was just, like, top to bottom. But I don't know the name of that place. Do you?

[David Cross]

I don't remember. I don't remember the name of the place, but in my head, I can get there. Yeah, I tend to.

[Lane Moore]

But because of the bias of remembering things that I hated, I'm. It's much easier for me to remember a place that wronged me. That I'm like, that pizza was the fucking worst, and I'm never going to forgive you for making me eat it. And, you know, probably didn't throw it out. Probably definitely just kept eating it. Out of spite. But going to Seattle, I haven't found really great food in Seattle. I know it exists, L.A. i'm still trying to find. I know there's good food in la. I know that person. I refuse to be that person.

[David Cross]

No, la's got great food.

[Lane Moore]

It has so much really great food. I just haven't been there yet. Because what happens is in and out.

[David Cross]

Shake shack, chick fil A, the hits.

[Lane Moore]

Just keep on coming.

[David Cross]

Available on Hollywood, Yoshinoya Beef Bowl. Oh, I don't like that place. Okay.

[Lane Moore]

It's pretty expensive. Because what happens is, a lot of times when you go out to these cities, like, I'm not in L. A ton, and then it's like, you have people who tell you the places to go, and it's like, absolutely not the place to go. They just think it will be impressive to somebody coming in from out of town, and you're like, no. What impresses me when food is incredible? Not if it's, like, crazy expensive or if. You know, I almost just said, if Diane Keaton's next to me, but that would impress me. But you know what I mean? They give you the sceney places. I'm like, no, no, no. Just give me. I don't care if it's.

[David Cross]

You want to go to Diane Keaton's house, eat there.

[Lane Moore]

I want to go straight to Diane Keaton's house.

[David Cross]

She's got, like, an island with stools around it and, you know, doordash.

[Lane Moore]

That's.

[David Cross]

You know, she's gonna make it fun.

[Lane Moore]

She's gonna make it fun. I don't. I. Maybe she whipped something up.

[David Cross]

Yeah, she's a spirited sprite.

[Lane Moore]

No one has given me Diane Keaton's address, and I think that's.

[David Cross]

You got to get a Maps of the Stars home. You get that.

[Lane Moore]

Stalking celebrities to get really good dinner.

[David Cross]

It's not really stalking. You just get the address. You go on the tour, hop off.

[Lane Moore]

Like, hi, J.

[David Cross]

Sent me.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, I'm Lane Moore. Nice to meet you. Why are you doing that?

[David Cross]

Are you familiar with Senses working Overtime? Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah. I was told to come here. He said it was fine.

[David Cross]

There's.

[Lane Moore]

But then we start a friendship, and it's quirky and it's, like, fun. Maybe there's a body swap. I don't know.

[David Cross]

Yeah, body swap would be great.

[Lane Moore]

Just change things up.

[David Cross]

Yeah, but then she'd be doing Tinder Live. That'd be weird, right? Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah. I don't think. I don't. I. I'm hesitant to say there's anything that Diane Keaton could not do. But I feel like it'd be. It'd be a very different show.

[David Cross]

It'd be a very different show.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah. Very different show.

[David Cross]

She'd be flustered, I think.

[Lane Moore]

I think she. Right. That was the first thing I thought of, where she'd be like, I don't.

[David Cross]

I don't know about this. But then she'd have to pretend that she was you. Who does know about it? So that's where the comedy.

[Lane Moore]

Comedy comes in. It sounds where the ticket sales come in.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

You can hear the cat.

[David Cross]

Summer box office.

[Lane Moore]

I know.

[David Cross]

Bonanza.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Worlds are going.

[Lane Moore]

So where else am I going? I'm going to Somerville, not Boston.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Lane Moore]

Somerville. Which I haven't been to. I think I've been to Summer.

[David Cross]

Go to Red Bones. Somerville. Yeah. It's a barbecue place. It's quite good.

[Lane Moore]

Okay.

[David Cross]

In Somerville.

[Lane Moore]

All right.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

I've heard there's great places there. I'm going to Philadelphia. I've had some really good food in Philadelphia.

[David Cross]

Go to the Israeli place. The. I want to say Zahav. Something like that. Fantastic.

[Lane Moore]

Okay. I. Where else am I going? I'm going to dc. I always have good food in DC. I'm going to.

[David Cross]

Wait, where's good food in dc? I'm not sure. I've had a.

[Lane Moore]

There was. Okay.

[David Cross]

Remarkable meal there. Or memorable meal.

[Lane Moore]

I know there's.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Lane Moore]

This is how much a good eating something good means to me. I don't remember anything else about what I ate. I went to this one restaurant that I had these, like, breaded artichoke hearts that had a fried. Or they were fried breaded artichoke hearts, and they had this. What's the name of that thing? It's a sauce with the red peppers and then aioli.

[David Cross]

No, not an aioli. It's not a red pepper.

[Lane Moore]

It's the one with the nuts and the red pepper. Someone's listening to this, and they're like, of course it is this, but I don't remember what it's called.

[David Cross]

Nuts and red pepper.

[Nicole Lyons]

Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

It's made with, like, walnuts and red peppers and anything. No.

[David Cross]

Is it Mediterranean harissa?

[Lane Moore]

No, it's, I think, Italian. I feel like someone's Googling, but I don't know. Maybe not. Nope.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Lane Moore]

It doesn't matter. She's just, like, typing. And I was like, oh, you're looking it up. But anyway, it was so good that I'm like, great food. But it was, like, this one thing that I had.

[David Cross]

But, yeah, I'm not Gonna go there, just.

[Lane Moore]

No, of course you're not. But like. But I'm like. But I'm gonna go back this time and see what they got. And maybe it'll be great, maybe it won't be, but that's kind of the only place. The only other place that I'd eaten there on tour was like, at a cava, which Cava's not bad, honestly, as far as the chain places go, it's not bad. But Philly, I've had multiple good foods. I can. I can. I can speak to, I guess more. Where else am I going? Obviously, like doing a show in New York. Doing show in la. Oh, I'm going to somewhere in Connecticut. I want to say Stanford or somewhere like that.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Lane Moore]

So I don't know about Connecticut food. I don't know. I mean, I think I do know, but I want to be wrong.

[David Cross]

Well, if you're on the.

[Lane Moore]

I only get Szechuan food in Stanford once.

[David Cross]

In where?

[Lane Moore]

Stamford.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Lane Moore]

Really good Szechuan food. I love Szechuan food so much.

[David Cross]

Best spa I've ever had is in Denver. Outside of Denver.

[Lane Moore]

I'm going to Denver, Boulder and Fort Collins. Really?

[David Cross]

Those are. Those will be fun shows.

[Lane Moore]

I love.

[David Cross]

Yeah, those are. Those are great. That's a nice show.

[Lane Moore]

I love it. It's. It's so beautiful. And then I like to go hiking while I'm there. I hadn't really gone hiking, but in the last few years, like, I actually, the last time I played Denver, Boulder, that area, I bought hiking shoes there. It was a very big moment just so I could go. I just didn't. I don't know, the way people had described hiking to me. I didn't think it would be something that I would like or something. Because I think when I went hiking, sometimes it's like scaling a mountain, but that's. I don't like that.

[David Cross]

Sometimes it's like scaling.

[Lane Moore]

Right, but you know what I mean?

[David Cross]

It's like, quite often it's not.

[Lane Moore]

Right, right, right. But that's what someone had told me, that hiking was like scaling a mountain and you could die at any moment. And I'm not. I don't want to do that. Well, Jesus. It wasn't the best intro to hiking, but. But you know what I mean? Like, we were. I was kind of trying to do that and I was like, this is awful. Like, I think the. You could die at any moment was my internal voice that was like, why would I want to do this? But just like walking around, exploring stuff and like walking up something and like.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you don't have to sell me on hike or even describe it. I know both of those things. I like walking.

[Lane Moore]

Right, right. But I think. Yeah, it was just sold to be really wrong. I think sometimes people look at stuff sometimes for people, it's like they want it to be the most grueling, death defying stuff for it to be fun. And that's who sold me on hiking.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Lane Moore]

When I discovered it was not that I liked it a lot.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's. Well, especially there. It's a great, great part of the country and red rocks and like you should. Yeah. I do do a. A little bit of research and find out where the. There's a. It's. It's a good 25 minute drive, like out of the city, but there's a section that's full of Vietnamese restaurants. And I'm telling you, the best pho I've ever had, the best Himalayan food.

[Lane Moore]

I've ever had was about 20 minutes outside of Denver. I'm trying to remember the name of it, but it was like, it was.

[David Cross]

So good to probably, you know. Similar.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah. I stuffed myself to the gills to where I couldn't move for a while because I didn't know when I would get food that good again. It was like that good. But I felt horrible for way over eight, too.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

Right.

[David Cross]

Cause they give me a big fucking bowl.

[Lane Moore]

Well, there was a buffet. It was a Himalayan food buffet. I was done. I was so, so stuffed and I. I felt so bad. But looking at.

[David Cross]

Go throw up and start again, you.

[Lane Moore]

Know, I think that would have actually been the move.

[David Cross]

It was. So that's why you have the tote bag. Just lean over.

[Lane Moore]

That's why I can't put a jacket in it.

[David Cross]

I've got room. That explains it. That explains it.

[Lane Moore]

Good. I thought so.

[David Cross]

All right, well, that sounds. I'm hitting a bunch of those places right now. Whenever this comes out, I don't want to say airs because that's sort of an antiquated thing. Can't say it. Whenever this. It's not airwaves anymore.

[Lane Moore]

When it drops.

[David Cross]

What is it? Nicole, what would you call this? Whenever it.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[David Cross]

All right, Whenever it drops. Whatever. And then put a s. Sound effects of breaking glass. But do it so it loops for a full minute. Great. And then a fart. Farting clown. And then an alien farting.

[Lane Moore]

Just bring the back the womp. Womp from David's.

[David Cross]

Well, I'm waiting for my phone to Chime in. Okay, cool. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I'm going out. So I'm out on tour right now as. As of this moment. Not for you, but for everybody else. And I'm hitting a lot of those places you mentioned and where my first show is in Seattle. But then I've got a lot of like, I'm going to Eugene, Oregon, which I didn't expect I'd be going back there. I did two shows there separately over the years. That one was Stand up And one was Mr. Show that both sucked. And I did an interview with a guy from a local news show.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And I. He said, you know, have you done. You've been to Eugene before or something? You know, he brought up. And I was like, yeah. And I told him the shows were not good at all and he's kind of nodding. And I was like the theory that we all had after we did the Mr. Show thing and I had already done Stand up there and it was. Was not good, was people are so spoiled that because it's right in between Seattle and Portland or San Francisco, I can't remember what. It's on the run. Yeah. So maybe it's San Francisco and Portland or something. But so Portland, everybody stops there because it's a halfway point. You show in, you have to refuel, you know, get. You don't have an eight hour drive, you have a four hour drive. Whatever.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And so this small college town is just spoiled because they get every fucking. Like Radiohead will come to. You know what I mean? Like it's in the middle of. And yeah, after the Mr. Show thing, we're like, what. Why do. Why am I, why would I come back here? But I am going to be back there. I'll give Eugene one last chance. We'll find out. But I don't know where to eat there. Arcada. Arcada. California. Northern California.

[Lane Moore]

Is it Arcadia? I think there is an Arcadia, California, but maybe not.

[David Cross]

Oh sure, maybe I'm not sure. But a bunch of new places on this tour. So I'm excited to hit him. I've never done San Antonio before. I'm going to be there.

[Lane Moore]

I did San Antonio. Where did I eat years ago? I don't know because I didn't. I'm. I'm sure there's good food there. I didn't eat it though.

[David Cross]

Oh my gosh. Where was I?

[Lane Moore]

But real pretty.

[David Cross]

One of the best. Mexican. Was it in Al. No, it wasn't Albuquerque. It was in Santa Fe. Yes, Santa Fe, just outside. That was a really Good show.

[Lane Moore]

I haven't been to Santa Fe either. I really want to play Santa Fe. I really want to go out there. I think it's so.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I think the oldest church in the country is in Santa Fe. I believe so, yeah.

[Lane Moore]

Oh, I could do it there. There's a. The venue that I do Tinder live at in Portland. A lot of the time is in an old church, and it's incredible.

[David Cross]

Where is it?

[Lane Moore]

It feels extra holy. It's called Polaris Hall.

[David Cross]

Polaris Hall.

[Lane Moore]

Polaris Hall. No, it's like, downtown somewhere, but it's in an old church and the acoustics are amazing. And so when you hear everybody, like, cheer, like when I match with somebody or something, it sounds like it's an arena.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's.

[Lane Moore]

It's. It's. It's incredible.

[David Cross]

There's a. I think it's. Oh, gosh. Where is it? I think it's in London. I do occasionally do shows at a place called Chapel Something. It's in. It's Union Chapel.

[Lane Moore]

Okay.

[David Cross]

And I believe it is a real, you know, like a functioning church, very progressive, you know, and. But it's a church where you have. They have shows and specifically, I've done it a couple times. And specifically my last. In the last special, the last tour, whatever. As a whole thing about killing Jesus and, you know, what a better world it would. You know, it's. I mean, that's. There's more to it. And, you know, the.

[Lane Moore]

You don't just say that and leave the stage.

[David Cross]

The rapists within the Catholic Church and covering it up and all that shit. But doing that in a real church, that is an actual church, is pretty cool.

[Lane Moore]

It really. There is some kind of its own. I almost had to hesitate to use these words, but religious experience, though, for whatever that means to you. But it's like, I'm not a very religious person, but it just makes sense.

[David Cross]

Well, I see you're wearing lace.

[Lane Moore]

Yes. Right. Yeah. As you know. You know, Madonna was so Catholic, but, like, there is that kind of like, you know, in your own way, you're. You're doing this, like, at least, I guess, for me. Like, you're doing this cathartic thing that, like, means a lot to you and, like, you're sharing this experience. Like, I think there's some. Some element of that.

[David Cross]

See, my phone calls on that.

[Lane Moore]

It gets it. It gets it, but you know what I mean? It just feels extra cool. Cool that, like, it was used for this other. This other purpose, especially for mine, which is, like, no longer a Church. But I'm like, you know, church isn't always the most healthy, communal, like, positive, great, fun thing. So I think that's what it is for me. I'm not like, churches are always great. It's like, no, because they're not doing a comedy show there. Feels like extra cool somehow.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. Thank you.

[Lane Moore]

Phone. He agreed.

[David Cross]

All right, Lane Moore, she of Tinder Live. Thank you so much for coming. Now, I end every show with a question from my daughter.

[Lane Moore]

Great.

[David Cross]

Who is seven. And this is your question.

[Lane Moore]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Okay. Yes, Lane Moore. Why are ghost peppers so spicy?

[Lane Moore]

I've actually thought a lot about this. She's had a ghost pepper.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Lane Moore]

Okay. Good for her. They're really spicy, but I don't know if they're as spicy as a scotch bonnet, for whatever that's worth to her. Why are they so spicy? I mean, they were bred that way. Is a. Is the true answer. I believe. It's like they just bred them to be like that. I'm sure there's something there with. Okay, all right. I have, I have, I think the child answer because they were so spicy that someone ate them and died. And now they are a ghost. That's all. That's as close as I'm going to get to it.

[David Cross]

Interesting. I think you are one of the very few people to try to frame the answer so that a 7 year old would understand it.

[Lane Moore]

I was a babysitter for a really long time. I loved it. I loved it. I think kids are fun. And it's.

[David Cross]

Her babysitters are fucking great. They all go to Pratt down the street.

[Lane Moore]

That makes sense.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And she fucking loves him.

[Lane Moore]

Yeah. It's a. It's a. It's a fun thing. Especially like, I think. Yeah. When I thought about that, I was like, what would I tell when I babysat 7 year olds? And it was like, you know, during the day I'm like writing for the Onion and like coming home and like they're coming and like, babysitting or whatever. So it was that same kind of vibe of like, you're going to do this other weird thing and then you come home and you're like talking to these. These kids or whatever. Come to work, I guess. Not home. Someone's home. Going to someone's home. But I always liked finding little words like that that you just feel like it lights up that part of their brain that they're like, that's fun. I don't think you are serious, but I think that's fun.

[David Cross]

I took the question more of a. As a mummy. Like, what kind of God would allow this kind of.

[Lane Moore]

Why does anyone need this? Yeah.

[David Cross]

Unnecessary unpleasant heat.

[Lane Moore]

I'm sure that was it. And in my attempt to lessen her potential existential crisis about why the world is the way that it is, I went to really goofy. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Good for you. There's no right or wrong answer.

[Lane Moore]

I think that's.

[David Cross]

I mean, there is, but. Yeah. Yeah. What was it? I think it was closer to the first.

[Lane Moore]

So technically I did get it right, and then I just went somewhere else on my own, which sounds right.

[David Cross]

Sure. Yeah. All right, Lane, thank you very much, and I'll see you all next time.

[Lane Moore]

Thanks.

[Nicole Lyons]

Sense is Working Overtime is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show Art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not going to do that. Thanks for listening.

[Lane Moore]

That was a Headgum podcast.