Paul F. Tompkins

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Senses Working Overtime with David Cross" featuring Paul F. Tompkins

Released on July 24, 2025, "Senses Working Overtime with David Cross" is a Headgum-hosted podcast that delves into the multifaceted conversations between comedian David Cross and his guests. In this episode, Paul F. Tompkins joins Cross for an engaging and humorous discussion that spans from personal anecdotes to pop culture insights.

---

1. Introduction and Name Origins

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted exchange about Paul F. Tompkins' unique name. Cross teases the meaning behind the "F." initial, leading Paul to reveal its unconventional origins.

Paul F. Tompkins [04:57]: "Neither is true. And this is embarrassing. It's an old family name, and I don't know that I ever told you this, and that's why I use just the middle initial. I don't use the full thing. It stands for fascism."

The playful banter sets the tone for the relaxed and humorous nature of the conversation.

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2. Podcasting Mishaps and the Walk of Fame

Paul shares a past experience disrupting the Walk of Fame ceremony, highlighting his penchant for unexpected moments. The discussion transitions to the technical aspects of podcasting, including a humorous mishap with the microphone setup.

David Cross [02:43]: "Paul was the one who... Come on. I mean, you're trying to help, but I didn't."

This segment underscores the camaraderie and ease between the hosts.

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3. Pop Culture Deep Dive: Godzilla Minus One

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around the "Godzilla Minus One" film. Paul and David dissect the movie's classic style versus modern interpretations, debating its reception and thematic elements.

Paul F. Tompkins [11:53]: "Nuclear power does play into it."

They explore the film's narrative, character motivations, and its place within the Godzilla franchise, offering listeners insights into both the film's strengths and perceived shortcomings.

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4. Song Parodies and Musical Improv

Transitioning from movies, the duo delves into the realm of song parodies and improvisational musicals. They reminisce about the evolution of live musical comedy and the complexities involved in performing such acts.

Paul F. Tompkins [55:07]: "They're like savants."

They discuss the challenges performers face when combining musical talent with comedic timing, highlighting acts like the Off Book show and the innovative approaches of other comedians.

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5. Personal Anecdotes: New Orleans Adventures

Paul recounts his first visit to New Orleans, sharing humorous encounters and cultural observations that paint a vivid picture of the city's unique charm and quirks.

Paul F. Tompkins [25:11]: "I was going to say this has been overhyped."

Their stories provide a mix of humor and genuine appreciation for the vibrant city, touching on everything from local traffic peculiarities to the iconic French Quarter.

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6. Book Recommendations: Jedediah Berry's Works

In a quieter moment, Paul recommends Jedediah Berry's "The Naming Song" and "The Manual of Detection," praising Berry's ability to create unsettling yet enjoyable fictional worlds.

Paul F. Tompkins [39:05]: "And I like to. Yeah, but I think people have continued to do it, and Weird Al has been the king of it the entire time."

This section offers listeners a literary escape, inviting them to explore Berry's imaginative narratives.

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7. Audience Interaction: Parrots and Their Speech

In an interactive segment, Paul's daughter poses the question, "How can parrots talk?" Paul provides a humorous and imaginative explanation, attributing parrots' speech abilities to a secretive avian conspiracy.

Paul F. Tompkins [64:05]: "Parrots can talk because they are not in league with the other birds... parrots are the only ones willing to betray that secret."

The playful response reflects the show's lighthearted and creative approach to audience questions.

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8. Promotion: Paul F. Tompkins' Variety Show "Varietopia"

Towards the end of the episode, Paul promotes his upcoming variety show, "Varietopia," detailing tour dates and locations, including performances at Irving Plaza in New York and events in Philadelphia.

Paul F. Tompkins [67:14]: "They can go to paulftompkins.com live."

Listeners are encouraged to attend his shows, further supporting his diverse range of comedic talents.

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9. Closing Remarks

David Cross wraps up the episode by acknowledging the guest and the production team, inviting listeners to explore more Headgum podcasts and leave reviews.

David Cross [70:29]: "That was a headgum podcast."

This final note underscores the collaborative effort behind the podcast and encourages audience engagement.

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Notable Quotes:

• On Podcasting Mishaps:

  Paul F. Tompkins [02:14]: "You’re no Dave Matthews and his band. I can’t sit in a different place if that’s easier for bid."

• Discussing Godzilla:

  Paul F. Tompkins [12:08]: "There are certain things you cannot do with Godzilla and there are certain things that have to be represented or whatever."

• On Song Parodies:

  Paul F. Tompkins [55:13]: "Making it sound like an actual song and keeping a story going. Yeah, it’s a lot."

• Audience Question:

  Paul F. Tompkins [64:38]: "They’ve also all agreed, like, okay, if you are red and yellow, you’re only going to know this many words."

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Conclusion: This episode of "Senses Working Overtime with David Cross" featuring Paul F. Tompkins offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and pop culture commentary. Their dynamic interaction provides listeners with a relaxed yet entertaining experience, embodying the podcast's mission to engage in real, funny, and edifying conversations.

Transcript

[David Cross]

This is a Headgum podcast.

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[Paul F. Tompkins]

Smell.

[David Cross]

My high school, Nick. Good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hello. Hello, Hello.

[David Cross]

Hello.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How's it going?

[David Cross]

Would you like a water, coffee or anything?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm fine. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Great, baby.

[David Cross]

And now you take your choice of seat.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You sit there. Yes. Oh, it's your choice. Sit here.

[David Cross]

Is there a mic firm?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is it wrong? Is this allowed?

[David Cross]

It's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just need a.

[David Cross]

Can I sit over here? I don't like the space in between.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're no Dave Matthews and his band. I can't sit in a different place if that's easier for bid.

[David Cross]

No, we're here now. Oh, wait, you. You've got. You've got my mic. Yeah. There we go. Oh, Jesus.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Freddy Mercury style.

[David Cross]

The whole podcast like that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's really heavy, too.

[David Cross]

How you doing, man?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm good.

[David Cross]

I. I don't think I've seen you since the. Some. The walk of. The Walk of Fame thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is like a million years ago.

[David Cross]

That was a while ago. But it was so awkward that you would disrupt it like that, because that's not like you to. To kind of hijack somebody else's thing and demand your own star.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

When else am I going to get a chance to.

[David Cross]

But no, I mean, I get it. I get it. It's just not.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because it hasn't come up again, right? So I feel like that was my one shot.

[David Cross]

Well, there's other people. There's other people. You could do it every.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're welcome to do the same thing.

[David Cross]

What are you doing?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'll dismantle this whole studio.

[David Cross]

You trying to get the copper wiring?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was trying to tighten this and it went the wrong way.

[David Cross]

Okay, One of those. Just random nuts and bolts dropping off.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's not.

[David Cross]

It's not for you to do. You sit back and relax.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I like doing it. This is what I do in my off hours. There's yet another piece. Why are there so many? There's so many pieces to this.

[David Cross]

This. Look, you made it worse, but that never should have happened in the first place. Paul was the one who. You know. Come on. I mean, you're trying to help, but I didn't. And you have as many skills at this as Paul does. It's a simple. Is that true? You've been doing this longer than I have, though. Well, by mere seconds, this specific thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's so many pieces. There's so many pieces. Okay, I'm gonna let you know when this guy gets on there and he keeps those pieces in there in place. That's his. That's the idea.

[David Cross]

Anyway, podcasting veteran. So he understands this microphone. Oh, you got it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There we go.

[David Cross]

Nice.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then a piece left over. Isn't that fun?

[David Cross]

Well, this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you can do what? What. Whatever you want with. Yeah, Put it on a necklace.

[David Cross]

This. All right. This thing cannot fly. You're not leaving without. All right. Now, I know that you must get this a lot, and a lot of people have written in postcards, and I say the Paul F. Tompkins. The F stands for fun, and you say it stands for Francis.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Neither is true. And this is embarrassing. It's an old family name, and I don't know that I ever told you this, and that's why I use just the middle initial. I don't use the full thing. It stands for fascism.

[David Cross]

Okay. Well, I mean, it seems to be coming back around a little bit.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm not quite comfortable enough yet, because.

[David Cross]

I feel like you live in Hollywood.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. I want to see how things go. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Well, I don't think you have to wait too much longer.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, thank God.

[David Cross]

All right, Paul.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Good for me.

[David Cross]

Fascism. Well, don't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You don't have to say the whole thing.

[David Cross]

Paul Fash Tompkins. It's F. Paul F. Oh, I see. I see what you did. So why included it all? That'd be the question.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A lot of respect to my family.

[David Cross]

Oh, right, right, right. Do you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And you were not fascist, by the way.

[David Cross]

So where did the. What's the origin?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's just a name.

[David Cross]

Oh, it was a name.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's not spelled the same way.

[David Cross]

Is it P, H, A.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, obviously it's not PH.

[David Cross]

Oh, I don't know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's FA Paul F. Tompkins oh, right.

[David Cross]

That's true. I wasn't thinking it's F A Thompson, but initially it was Paul Ph. Tompkins.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, Yeah. I was trying to make people think I had a degree.

[David Cross]

Okay. All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or that I knew a lot about pools.

[David Cross]

Alkaline levels.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, level.

[David Cross]

That'S your go to on a vacation.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hey, what if you don't go into the pool? If you just dyed your hair because it might turn it green and they go.

[David Cross]

Oh, the alkaline level is in the ph content.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Sailing, sailing Take me away to where I wanted.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Does anyone know the rest?

[David Cross]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Take me away to where I'm indecipherable.

[David Cross]

Wait. Okay, Can't. Oh. Oh, the canvas can do miracles. The what can the canvas. I swear to God, the canvas can do miracles. No, it is. That just came to me. That just hit it. All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But he's saying, like as a, as a painter, he's sort of. It's sort of like he's saying, well, it's not me, it's the canvas does the miracles.

[David Cross]

Yeah. It's like God speaks through your fingers. I'm just a vessel for God's. But it's. What's the first part? Sailing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Take me away.

[David Cross]

To where I want.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

To be to where I'm going to where I want to be to where.

[David Cross]

I wanna be something see.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure.

[David Cross]

Well, the canvas can do miracles. Just you wait and see.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think that's true also.

[David Cross]

Just you wait and see if you believe in me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It sounds like a threat to me.

[David Cross]

It's the theme. It was a theme to a show that was not very successful. I think it had six episodes. Was it really Randy and the Sea Beaver?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, Randy the Sea Beaver.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Canadian show.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

That's why it wasn't successful. I mean, it was successful in Canada.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, it's run for 30 years.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Have you, have you ever. Have you ever seen some of their long running shows that are successful? Like particularly the, the one about the gas station.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, Corner. Gas Corner.

[David Cross]

Guess. Yeah, it's my. It's mind boggling.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you know, I've never seen it. And I know Brent Butt, who is one of the stars of it, Maybe one of the creators.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who I've met.

[David Cross]

The creator was the star. It was like a vehicle for.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is he no longer on the show?

[David Cross]

I mean, is it. Are they still filming it? I'm telling you, I honestly don't know. All right. So I was. I've worked in Canada a bunch. And I happened to be there for an extended period of time and had never. Never come across it. And then I saw it. But it has all these different. So there's an animated series, I believe, the same level of. Not like the softest humor. It's tissue paper thin. It is nothing. It is not. And the guy's like, yeah, well, all right. Okay. Like, that's the humor.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But it's essentially. It is. I don't like these people looking in here. These. These doors should not have glass in them.

[David Cross]

Who. Who are these people?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So we get to see. They can't see us. Right. Somebody made eye contact with me. I mean, that's either. They're a master criminal. I love when criminals on a TV show do that, when they're behind the glass and then they look right at the person on the other side.

[David Cross]

It's crazy to me. It's like the fourth wall, the fifth wall. You know, the fifth wall, they're breaking the fifth wall. It's like. It's almost as if that character had seen procedurals before.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

In a world where their television doesn't exist. So, you know, SVU and all those. Law and Order.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

TV doesn't exist.

[David Cross]

TV does not exist. I never caught that. Yeah. It's an important thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So it's because otherwise they'd say, this is like something on tv.

[David Cross]

Yeah, constantly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is wild. This is like something you'd see on tv.

[David Cross]

Yes. They would all. They would. They'd say that they would. When they look straight into the mirror to talk to the people, they'd say, I. You know, I watch tv, guy. I know someone's back there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

When I watched. Did you see Godzilla minus one?

[David Cross]

How many times?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let's say once.

[David Cross]

No, twice. Nope.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Three times, lady.

[David Cross]

No, no.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I saw it once.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I had this thought.

[David Cross]

This.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is sort of an intrusive thought that I had.

[David Cross]

I'm sorry. It's Godzilla minus one minus one. Who. Who's the one that's missing?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yarnell.

[David Cross]

And nobody's gonna get that reference.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You have to be of a certain age.

[David Cross]

Oh, my Lord.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you not know about this movie? Godzilla minus one. No, seriously, it's a big deal because it's the first kind of classic Godzilla movie.

[David Cross]

And this is recent.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is recent. This is a couple years ago.

[David Cross]

Okay, right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Two years ago.

[David Cross]

Okay. Sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Fucking Benny Hill skit.

[David Cross]

I'm just trying to free myself from these mics.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So it takes place at the end of World War II. It's all Japanese cast, made in Japan. And it's like the classic Godzilla style. It's not like the new sort of, you know, he wears 5,000ft tall or whatever.

[David Cross]

Nuclear powered.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Nuclear power does play into it.

[David Cross]

Does it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[David Cross]

Is that his origin story? Is that where he came from?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think a lot of his origin story. I'm not. Look, I'm not a Godzilla scholar.

[David Cross]

No, everyone knows that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you. I'm more of a Mothra guy.

[David Cross]

Sure. But I've seen your tattoos.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's been so many variations of Godzilla over the years, all still owned by the same people who have certain rules about Godzilla. The Jews, Some of them might be.

[David Cross]

Yeah, probably.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But they. There are certain things you. You cannot do with Godzilla and there's certain things that have to be represented or whatever.

[David Cross]

Alvin and the chipmunks. 100. 100%.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, 100% with a bill of rights. And so this was a classic Godzilla. He's the classic size, classic look and everything. But it's actually, it's a very. It's a good movie. Movie. Like, it's very thoughtful and I, I personally think it's a tad overrated.

[David Cross]

I didn't even know it was rated.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

People love it.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

People love it. And it's fun, you know.

[David Cross]

And so this is a Japanese film that they showed here. Regular release. It wasn't like at art houses.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[David Cross]

Okay. I don't remember. So minus one. I still don't know the minus one.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's very.

[David Cross]

Oh, his W. And he's looking for her.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. Oh, so it's Godzilla in search of his wife. He's handing out pictures to everyone.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And there's a lot of like.

[David Cross]

People they couldn't afford to let allow have a speaking. It is just making saving money and.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

People handing tiny photographs to people and.

[David Cross]

Just pulling up a shrug emoji on their phone and showing it to them. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because Godzilla doesn't know what a shrug is.

[David Cross]

Oh, right. Because of his. Yeah, the emotion lives under sea.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. I don't know why this came up.

[David Cross]

I don't know. But the idea. You've noticed that surely in a. Watching a movie where you're like, oh, they couldn't afford to have that person speak. So they. It happens all the time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It drives me crazy.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because it's. It's just give that person a line. Just let them say right away, sir, or whatever.

[David Cross]

It's a lot of shrugging.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's like, yeah, it's a. Or like just a. Then they walk away.

[David Cross]

Yeah, but. And, but the information is Key to the. To keep the story going, the. The scene going. And they're like, have you seen. And person just, like, nodding their head, shrugging, and like, wow. They couldn't afford to give that guy a line.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'd be very suspicious of that person if I were, like, conducting an investigation. And I said, have you seen this man? And they go, why aren't you saying.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why aren't you talking?

[David Cross]

And then they write down weird behavior on a piece of paper. I'll. I'll talk if you've got $900. I've tapped heart lead myself twice now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And then, like, SAG plus 10. Or what is it? Scale plus 10. Scale plus 10.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So this. This background artist has an agent.

[David Cross]

Yeah. But in real life, he's not a background artist is what I'm saying. You. If you met that person in real life and they shrugged and you were suspicious of them, and you said, why aren't you talking? Then they would write down, you know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So this is a person.

[David Cross]

Say something. But scale plus 10.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is like a stevedore that I'm visiting down the docks because there was a murder around there.

[David Cross]

So wait, what now your role in this is what, you're an investigator?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Wait, I thought.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course I'm the investigator.

[David Cross]

I thought you were just Paul asking a guy some.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, if I ask somebody a question.

[David Cross]

As myself, you said you would feel you like if.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If I were in that situation.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Meaning if I were the investigator.

[David Cross]

Oh, not just you being you. Yeah, right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If I. If I were me and I asked somebody a question and they just went. I'd be like, okay. And then I would leave.

[David Cross]

Well, you'd have a story.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think that person's weird, and I don't want to talk to them anymore.

[David Cross]

Right. That's just your. Your intuitive.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Sense of, like, let's not with this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If I can't even get a. Out of this person, like, no way.

[David Cross]

Yeah, but then what if he was mute? Wouldn't you feel bad?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You gotta have a card.

[David Cross]

You gotta have a card, right. That says, I will talk if you give me scale plus 10.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well played.

[David Cross]

Yeah, Brought it around.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, you did.

[David Cross]

All right. This has been Paul F. Tompkins. It was a short episode. It's really short.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But it gives people the chance to listen to it over and over again.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Can we do that, guys? In post, so that it never ends.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just loops.

[David Cross]

It just loops. And then also some sort of ability to. These shows are three hours, so the ability to not be able to shut it off. Yes, that'd be great. Like if there's a hidden thing, like non skippable ads. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can't even shut your phone off. It won't let you do anything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Or TV or computer or.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're about to go on a date. You're about to go into surgery. Whatever. Your phone is still playing this.

[David Cross]

They both can be the same thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's true.

[David Cross]

There's no reason to have a date in surgery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you can have surgery on a date. You don't even. Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Like you. Like you're on Grindr, as you would be. And it's like I'm just looking for a hookup. I just want. I'm a top. I also have. I have a biopsy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

So is this something you'd be into?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Meet me at the hospital.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'll be wearing a scrub. A hospital gown.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Easy. Easy. Access. All right. You. You took it there. I just said the thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The person is a top.

[David Cross]

Oh, right. Oh, right. Well, unless you scoot backwards.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Gotta scoot backwards.

[David Cross]

He got scooched into it backwards.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Scooch it back.

[David Cross]

Scoot your back.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Do you remember the song Float on by the Floaters?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, I do.

[David Cross]

It seems like it'd be right up your alley.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I discovered it relatively recently, I think a couple years ago. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, man.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Yeah. I think I had heard the chorus to it, but I had not heard the full.

[David Cross]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Version with all the speeches and presentations.

[David Cross]

Well, the fact that one of the guys names is Larry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And he's like whatever the. So for those of you don't know, I would actually google it. And it's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's definitely worth your time.

[David Cross]

It's. And I think the long version I want to say is like 11 minutes. It's pretty long. It was the only hit they had. The Floaters was Float On. It was really popular when I was a kid in Georgia.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like, they're Georgia band.

[David Cross]

No, I don't think so. It was just like the. The urban black soul kind of folks. And. And the. The. You know, but it was like. It's real simple. It's just float, float on, float, float on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Nice mellow groove.

[David Cross]

And then. And they laid that down. Then they. Then they start talking. There's like five of them. I believe they tell. They tell their zodiac sign and then. And then they basically have a. A presentation as to why you should. Them. Yeah, right. And then one of them is named Larry. I can't remember his zodiac sign, but he has this whole thing about da, da, da. And then it ends with, you know, this is. You know, why I think you'll find it, you know, making love with Larry, it makes me laugh so hard.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's incredible.

[David Cross]

Making love with Larry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's one guy, I can't remember which it is because they announce.

[David Cross]

They say, my name is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Here's what I like. Here's the kind of woman that I'm looking for. And the one guy's very terse. Like he's. He comes out of the cave like, my name is Steven. I'm a Capricorn. I like women who are clean. I can't remember exactly what it is, but he's like. He's a stick. He's clearly a stickler for this.

[David Cross]

Right? Whatever. Got to wash women's got to wash their asses.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Might have been punctual. I can't remember what his issue was.

[David Cross]

Punctual, punctuality. Not the sexiest thing, but, boy, that will fuck Steve.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, wait, I know what it is. He likes women who are quiet.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I think we all do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, well, I like people who are quiet.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I want to live in that world where nobody has any lines.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Where they just shrug. Yes. For information. Is this. Is this the. Does this bus go to West Broadway? Okay. Do you know which bus goes to West Broadway?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. And here's why. That person. That bus driver is allowed to do this.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's the bus driver. I was asking a guy at the bus stop.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, you gotta ask the driver.

[David Cross]

So just wait until the bus.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That guy. The bus stop could just be sitting there. It might just be his thing.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because there's a bench.

[David Cross]

Right. And there's a lot of crazy people out here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Truly. And the best thing you can do to get away from the. Sit on a bench.

[David Cross]

Right, right. And. And I can't see them questions. Yeah, yeah. And so the bus driver. Sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, the bus driver is not at fault if he's. If he gives you the shrug because. Or she.

[David Cross]

Or they.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or they. Because. How many non binary bus drivers do you think there are?

[David Cross]

73. I think at this point that's two.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

More than I would have said.

[David Cross]

Okay. Why? Well, it makes you think less.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just because you said a number.

[David Cross]

But that's pretty close for a random.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I think it's pretty close.

[David Cross]

All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think you're pretty close.

[David Cross]

Okay. But not. You just wanted your own individual.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think it's 71.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But it says on the. On the front of the bus what the destination is unless they put the shrug emoji on there.

[David Cross]

Well, yeah. It's up to you. You pay half price, but you don't know where you're gonna go.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That sounds fun.

[David Cross]

It is a fun way to work on the bus. But you could also say it could be that's their destination ultimately. But do you go to West Broadway on your way to that destination? Would be a legit question.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no, this. I'm not calling in a question. The legitimacy of the questions.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think these people have every right to ask these questions, but you have to know. If you live in this world where no one can speak, you have to. I think you have to phrase your questions a certain way.

[David Cross]

Oh, I didn't realize. No one. In this world we've invented, no one can speak.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just you and me.

[David Cross]

Are we. Do we know each other?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, we don't know each other.

[David Cross]

Oh, shit. Are we on? Do we know of each other?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We've heard of each other.

[David Cross]

How could you hear it? How is it possibly one of those.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Scratch things, Cave paintings.

[David Cross]

But again, you can't hear that. Learn of it. But you can't hear a cave painting. Unless I've been going to see the wrong cave paintings. You're not talking about the band Cave paintings.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, of course.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They sing a song about it.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, you can sing all you want. You can sing all you want La La Land.

[David Cross]

All right. I don't want any part of this world at all no, no, thank you. You get. I'm noticing your. For those. If you're listening, your ensemble. Your color. Colors are jokerish, you know, from the. From the bottom down.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

From the bottom down.

[David Cross]

The. The mid part down.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. It's. It's really unfortunate that the Joker has ruined these colors for everyone.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because they're. They're. It's a great combo.

[David Cross]

It's kind of only associated with the Joker. Really? Is it associated with anything else if.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You also add gold. It's Marty Gro.

[David Cross]

Of. Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Or lsu.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He almost wore a yellow tie.

[David Cross]

Oh, wow. It'd be full on, like Marty Gr. T. Lane. Right? That'd be Tulane. LSU is Baton Rouge.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you say so.

[David Cross]

I do. And then Tulane is. The Green Wave. Is New Orleans. Yeah. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

One time, my wife and I. This is my first visit to New Orleans.

[David Cross]

You're not in New Orleans. I'm so sorry to.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you kidding me?

[David Cross]

No. This is la.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm actually relieved because this sucks.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was going to say this has been overhyped.

[David Cross]

This Is not numb. But if you do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was going to say, this is just like where I live.

[David Cross]

If you. Yeah. If you do show your tits, you get a balloon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, well, where's that balloon? Right there, Cuz guess what I did when I first walked in here.

[David Cross]

Well, they should have given you a balloon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Everyone should have, David. Yeah, but we were walking across the street and we were at one of those little sort of islands in the middle of the street between two corners where there's like a traffic light. You know what I mean?

[David Cross]

It's like in the French Quarter or.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't believe. I don't know if we were in the French Quarter.

[David Cross]

Oh, I know what you're talking about. The median.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my wife stepped off the median to cross the rest of the way and did not see a car was coming and honked, and so she jumped back, you know, on the median. And a guy saying next to us said, you can't do that here. This is New Orleans. Like, that was unique to New Orleans.

[David Cross]

Yeah. The New York in. Sorry. In New Orleans, they. You can get hit by a car.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, you can.

[David Cross]

Yeah. As opposed to anywhere else.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We pride ourselves on the idea that you can be vehicularly manslaughtered in New Orleans.

[David Cross]

Yes. And you won't find that in LA or New York or Chicago or any of the quote, unquote.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Big cool cities. Because it's illegal, so there's no.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Nobody gets hurt by vehicles. And although it is. If somebody does get hurt, it's okay to just leave. Yeah. You're in the car. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, because I believe it's. What is it called? It's a righteous kill state.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Where if you can. If you can act righteous about it, they will let you go.

[David Cross]

Yeah. It's your. It's, you know, you don't want your freedoms impinged upon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Right. Well, that's the Louisiana promise.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It is the Thomas Jefferson arranged.

[David Cross]

Yeah. You're welcome. It is astounding to me. Not astounding. That's not the right word. It's. It's interesting. That's far from astounding. It's that New Orleans, which is one of my favorite cities. It's very American. It's very unique. I love it there. I love the people. It's one of the best cities in America in arguably one of the worst states. That state sucks.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

As a whole.

[David Cross]

As a whole. Discarded.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Except for New Orleans.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I haven't spent a ton of time outside Of I've been in Baton Rouge, I've been somewhere else.

[David Cross]

But in the sense of. There, it's, you know, the poorest health, the least educated, the, you know, the most. The. The most unemployed, the most. I mean, it's just A baker's dozen is just 12 the. Sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Which is. That's outrageous.

[David Cross]

It's one less of what it should be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Because the baker's supposed to slide you a little something.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Himself, I guess. Or herself.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But then they'll be like, it's a dozen.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And they were baked.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I don't know how we got into this part of the. Anyway.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I think I injected it in there, you know.

[David Cross]

You did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you did know.

[David Cross]

That's true. I guess I was being diplomatic and put. We can tweak it in post and. Yeah, it's a. It's a. Just a terrible dumb state, but with the. One of the. The coolest and terrible politicians and they pride themselves and they're like the, you know, unhealthiest and whatever. Anyway. But New Orleans is great. Love it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

True.

[David Cross]

And you. So you enjoyed it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, of course.

[David Cross]

That seems a city that you would love.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And you get. And you instantly get why it's so special and so. And that it is so unique and.

[David Cross]

The people are great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You know, really great people. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Except for that one guy, you know.

[David Cross]

Not in New Orleans. All right, all right, Simmer down.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's what I'm doing.

[David Cross]

Okay. All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Simmering down.

[David Cross]

Did I ever tell you about the clothing or. You might even been there. The clothing store in Minneapolis that basically is like the Paul F. Tompkins store, probably.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is it in Minneapolis or in St. Paul?

[David Cross]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because there's one in St. Paul called Hymie's.

[David Cross]

That's what I'm thinking of.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[David Cross]

That's what I'm saying. Have you been there?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[David Cross]

Okay, great. Yeah, that. But that's like the. I remember walking in going, this is like. If Paul had a gigantic walk in closet, it would be this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's the dream.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's the.

[David Cross]

In fact, this is about the most dressed down I've ever seen you. You're really letting your hair down. Right. Getting comfy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. I'm on my way to the gym. Yeah. That's a great store. And I've. I've, I've. I've purchased many things from there over the years. Yeah. I always like to. If I'm in the area, I like to stop in there.

[David Cross]

And so that's in St. Paul. Okay. Yeah, yeah, there's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But you can be forgiven. They're twin Cities after all.

[David Cross]

They really are. Yeah, they really are. A fraternal or biological. Do you know? Somebody must know. Can you look that up?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What is the, what is the category of twin? That's biological.

[David Cross]

It's when they're. The Both of the twins are in. Just gestated in the stomach.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, then what's fraternal, I guess is my next question.

[David Cross]

Like you are part of a group and you, you know, it's a Greek.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Origin, like a fraternity.

[David Cross]

Well, this is fraternal.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I know, but like, so this fraternity.

[David Cross]

Yeah, but it's not t. It's all right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But like, like.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Cross]

So there's, there's, so there's fraternal, there's biological, there's egalitae, egalite, French. If you're in fraternity.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Biological Egalitate.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Fraternity is a word the French stole from us. And then. Yeah, I know. And we're gonna get it back. Trump will get it back. Trump will get it back. Trump will fix it. When you know the. I have seen so many horrors in my life, Paul. I've seen so many flags and posters and bumper stickers that, you know, leading up to the election that Trump will fix it. Like Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump will fix it. But that was a slogan of Jimmy Savile's, who.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, that's right. Jim will fix it.

[David Cross]

Jim will fix it. Yeah, the same spelling, same posturing. Jim will fix it. And he was a notorious, awful, pedophile rapist.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Prolific.

[David Cross]

Prolific. Yeah. In really deplorable debase ways where he would go to children's hospitals and, you know. Yeah. So I always found that interesting that they co opted a renowned, awful piece of shit pedophile as Trump will fix it with his dick.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is that the implication?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Never made that connection.

[David Cross]

That's how he wrote out Gulf of America with his dick. Yeah. I would high five, but that's not. I'm not going to high five that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think it's implied.

[David Cross]

It is, it is. And you can fill in the blanks at home if you're. I always say at home. You're not listening to this. At home, I imagine you're in an automobile or on the subway. On an airplane. In an airplane. Get off of the airplane. Get inside that airplane and. Or clean it up around the house for hubby.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you could be at home.

[David Cross]

You could be at home.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Unless you've. Unless you guys have split and then you're at your husband's home still cleaning up. For.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. I have trained myself to say when I want to say something, when I want to describe something for someone who's not here online. For the listener. Because it covers everything.

[David Cross]

What if. Yeah, can I get you to. When we're done with this, drop a bunch of those and we'll. You just give me. Just do ten in a row. The mic open. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do it for the listener. For the listener. For the listener. For the listener. For the listener. For the listener. For the listener. For the listener.

[David Cross]

One more, One more.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Anything that I haven't covered? Ooh, scared.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For the listener.

[David Cross]

Okay, good. And maybe horny.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For the listener.

[David Cross]

How about vaguely English for the listener. What about dying.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

4Th listener?

[David Cross]

And what about, like a body switch Freaky Friday thing for the listener. And now the last one of the last shots in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the remake where the. The head of the human face is on the dog.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For the listener.

[David Cross]

Wow. I would not have put that one. I would have put that attitude to that face. Interesting. Well, thank you so much for that. We will be able to drop those in. Cut them up. Yeah, guys. And we'll put them in. That was very helpful.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What if St. Paul put on big glasses so you always knew which city was which?

[David Cross]

Oh, smart. You mean like the Scar brothers?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[David Cross]

One has glasses, one doesn't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've seen other twins do this as well.

[David Cross]

Yeah, big, like novelty glasses, like the sunglasses you get the scars wear you. Yeah, but they both wear them, so that negates the whole thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But different colors.

[David Cross]

You know how I can tell who's who? Do you. Do you have a way to tell what is it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's glasses.

[David Cross]

Yes, but how. But still, how do you remember?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can I tell you? This is. I'm not going to say who taught me this trick.

[David Cross]

I bet it was me. If. If it was a glasses.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no, no. I remember who it was.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And. Because the way. The way he did it and he's. He admitted it doesn't completely makes sense, but it sticks in your brain anyway.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Jason J. Glasses.

[David Cross]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Exactly.

[David Cross]

Makes zero sense.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Exactly. Somehow it's because G and J can have the same sound.

[David Cross]

Okay, I see, I see.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you're sort of saying G and J at the same time.

[David Cross]

Okay, when you say G Now I get it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I think mine. My. My way is a little bit better.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right? Let's hear it.

[David Cross]

So for those. For the.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For the listener.

[David Cross]

The Sklar brothers are identical twins. And it's tough to tell Them apart. One wears glasses, the other doesn't. That's the best way to which Paul gave us one example. Mine is Randy doesn't wear glasses. Wait, let me tell you why. So, wait, wait, wait. I have no issue with it because it's ran. Is sans glasses. I swear to God, it works. After years, of course, of mumbling. After years of like, hey, Zim, what's up?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. I may have shortened that if it were my method. Rand doesn't wear glasses.

[David Cross]

Oh, right. Randescent. Okay, sure. Mine was Rand Sans.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's great.

[David Cross]

Sans rhymes with Rand.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It does. Yeah, it does.

[David Cross]

But the. What would mess me up is Ayn Rand also didn't wear glasses. So sometimes I would think, did she never. I would think, no. And I think Randy was Ein Rand.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Say, hey, Jason and Ein.

[David Cross]

Ayn Rand. I thought. I know. I thought Randy was Ayn Rand for the longest time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, but he's not.

[David Cross]

No, he's not. I thought, oh, you wrote the Fountainhead, so.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He didn't write the Fountainhead.

[David Cross]

He did not write the Fountain Head.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, for. Guy didn't write. He knows a lot about it because we've talked about it extensively.

[David Cross]

Really?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And he's taking credit for a lot of stuff in there.

[David Cross]

Wow. Okay. Yeah, I'll have to. Or actually, I'll avoid that topic because I don't want to talk about that book. You don't? I don't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Never.

[David Cross]

I don't think you know what I'm.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Talking about a little bit.

[David Cross]

Never say never. Right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. Leave yourself open to the possibility of one day that might be all you want to talk about.

[David Cross]

What's the last book you read that you really enjoyed? It's. And we're grading on a curve.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The last book I read was a song called the. A book called the Naming Song by an author named Jedediah Berry.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who has written a couple novels that are. They're fiction and they are.

[David Cross]

They're.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're all set in their own sort of worlds.

[David Cross]

Is this current?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what I like is that there's always something.

[David Cross]

You never know with Jedidiah could be 200 years old. Exactly right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's exactly right. They're. The worlds that he creates are. Are vaguely unsettling, but in a really enjoyable kind of way.

[David Cross]

Are they like a collection of short stories or. These were novels.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He has one short story and two novels.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And what was the name of the book again?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The Naming Song.

[David Cross]

The Naming Song.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And his previous novel is called the Manual of Detection okay. And I think the short story was a room or a small door.

[David Cross]

You say it with a question mark.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Was that because there might be another word in there that I'm forgetting.

[David Cross]

Titular Biosphere.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Does anybody ever put titular in the title? They should.

[David Cross]

Anagram.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Keep going.

[David Cross]

Eponymous.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Keep going.

[David Cross]

Gastroenterology.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, it's close.

[David Cross]

I feel like Split P. Split P. Yep.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you.

[David Cross]

You're welcome. I knew we'd get there eventually.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The setting is Split P. Anderson's.

[David Cross]

And. And for the listener, Split P. Anderson's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That doesn't have to be a. For the. I mean, I guess it is.

[David Cross]

No, there's nothing visual.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you're not familiar with Split P. Anderson's, it is a rest stop. Well, not a rest stop. That's.

[David Cross]

That's a restaurant.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a restaurant that you. Stop.

[David Cross]

Don't throw it back at me like that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I've got co. Signing.

[David Cross]

Okay. It's a restaurant. French. We'll take that word. Trump will get that word back. A restaurant that specializes in split pea soup. That's on the 5, in between LA I5. Interstate 5. Between LA and San Francisco.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. You could also see kind of in.

[David Cross]

The middle of nowhere.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, absolutely. You can also see the biggest thermometer that's on the way.

[David Cross]

I thought that was south. No, is it? I think it's south. That's a different. The biggest thermometer, that's Bakersfield or near Bakersfield, right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I believe so.

[David Cross]

So Bakersfield is going. Oh, maybe that's going to Vegas. Yeah, that's going east.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah. The world's biggest thermometer. That was. I don't know if you've been. Last time you were at the St. Louis airport.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Probably sometime last year.

[David Cross]

I need a exact date.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Fuck, man. An exact date. Can't give you a month.

[David Cross]

Nope. And I'm going to need you to, within a couple hours.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

May 12th.

[David Cross]

Casey, look that up. Find out where Paul was on May 12th.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You have access.

[David Cross]

We have the tracking thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The tracking thing?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A little bit more specific.

[David Cross]

It's. It's a neural link that we had. Yeah, Check that. Oh, okay. So, I don't know when you were walking from the gate to baggage claim. It's not a very. 215. Yeah. PM yeah. Yeah. Casey's on it. They have, like, these highlights, things to do in St. Louis. There's not a whole lot to do beyond the arch. But one of them is the world's largest chess piece. And it's a photo of, like, a rook or a bishop that's what they went with. Maybe it's a king. I don't know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I would have gone with knight. I think if you're. If you're gonna do chess pieces, it.

[David Cross]

Definitely was a knight. And it's like the world's. And it's not that big. It. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess it is not much more than like 12ft. It's not that big. And I. It just. Every time it was like any other city, Oklahoma City, Omaha, El Paso, just get like do what the Empire State Building did with the Chrysler Building is just make a slightly taller by a couple inches.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Empire State was first, was it not?

[David Cross]

Empire State and Chrysler Building were going up at the same time. And then.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Really?

[David Cross]

Yeah. And then the Empire State. The guy who owned that one famously made the needle. The antenna like the Chrysler Building had capped off.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That shouldn't count, I don't think. I don't stick it.

[David Cross]

I am with you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think those should count.

[David Cross]

I am totally 100% with you. I'm suing for the listener. Paul has injured his, his. His ring hand.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is it. I do have. Because I already had a little scrap.

[David Cross]

Oh my God. That's. This is horrible for the listener.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's horrible. I don't know. I always have little scrapes on my hands.

[David Cross]

What? That one in particular?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't. I couldn't tell you. They're just there.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I got one almost same place just happens. I got my first real six string.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You bought her the five and dime, didn't you?

[David Cross]

That. That should be a shitty stand up guy who just goes. And people he like, just start talking, man. He fills it in with lyrics. Everybody's like, yes, just start. Oh, you know what occurred to me out of the blue? I don't know why, but what if I did? All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That would be freaky, right?

[David Cross]

That would be freaky. What do you. What is it? What do you think?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, what just occurred to you out of the blue?

[David Cross]

This was about a week ago I was in New York.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, thank you. That's not.

[David Cross]

Not that it. I don't want you to get hung up on that because there was nothing that. About my surroundings that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[David Cross]

Made me think of this thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So the place doesn't matter. Does the time matter? About a week ago you said no. Okay. All right. Okay. This is tougher, but I'm gonna give it my best guess.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It just occurred to you that restrature is the correct way. It doesn't. It doesn't have the word restaurant, the forward restaurant in it.

[David Cross]

All right, this is eerie. This is fucking weird because that was not what I was thinking. But it's kind of close.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[David Cross]

So it occurred to me I might have been walking my dog. I'm not sure, but it occurred to me. Casey, you don't really. We look up unclear. Would he have a Magic 8 ball?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Must be nice.

[David Cross]

Don't ask. The Magic 8 ball.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Try again later.

[David Cross]

Oh, that you that in stand up comedy. When, when I was coming up. When we were coming up there, there was, there were a lot of song parodyists and you don't see that at all anymore. Like nobody goes up there with a guitar and does has to be though, right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, because people do it online.

[David Cross]

You tell me when somebody goes the next time you see somebody who brings up a guitar or piano and they do the Gilligan island theme song with something else, but to update it with whatever.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How Steam song.

[David Cross]

Barely an update, but yes, it's okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sorry. But I mean, I, I, I don't think shows have theme songs anymore with lyrics alone.

[David Cross]

Have you seen Alone?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I haven't.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's great. That's my, that's one of my favorite. Have you seen it? No. Neither one of you. Oh, it's really good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think I know this show.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's very good. About survivalists who go out in these different really harsh conditions.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And it has a theme song with lyrics.

[David Cross]

It's. Yeah, it's a. No, no, it's not a, it's not a current real song. No. But it's played on a ukulele and.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure.

[David Cross]

And the big Hawaiian guy who unfortunately recently passed sang it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The big Hawaiian guy.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Ike I want to say or something. He, he, he did over the Rainbow on the ukulele.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that guy. Yeah. Okay.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I never, I've never seen him.

[David Cross]

Wait, his name is Tubby. Not a nickname. Christian name.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Christian. On the birth certificate.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Tubby.

[David Cross]

Tobias. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And you know, I don't know what that guy. I never knew what that guy looked like. I'd only ever heard the song Hawaiian. So Grass skirt?

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, pretty much. So. Yeah. Alone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wonderful shirt.

[David Cross]

And what like. Okay, so not. What about Saturday Night Live? That is a theme song. Live from New York. It's, I mean the lyrics are spoken word intro.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What are the lyrics to the Alone song?

[David Cross]

Hey, you by yourself? No mirror, no nothing. No shelf on the elf. You're alone. Oh, you're alone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Huh. That's Almost. I mean, how are you gonna make that funnier?

[David Cross]

Well, it's not. The intent is not funny.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, they should have put shelf on the elf in there.

[David Cross]

Well, there's no shelf on the elf. They're saying. No, no, I gotta get that. You know, creature comforts.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Things like shelf on the elf.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, we're elf on the shelf. Shelf on the elf. That'd be. That'd be it for the elf.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Shelf under the elf. And you confuse parents. They don't realize they're buying a shelf.

[David Cross]

Right. With it. With an elf on it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Well, no, the elf not included.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I have to provide your own. I hope you are Christian and celebrate Christmas.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

God, I hope you are.

[David Cross]

What we just. I would like to see this. Is this almost. This actually beats the last episode I did for starting to talk about this thing and then spidering out in the amount of things that we started to talk about and then veered off into completely.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Man. I guess it's a good time to ask what was supposed to happen.

[David Cross]

Nothing is supposed to happen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Good.

[David Cross]

You know, because nothing did. Yeah, well, something did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[David Cross]

I mean, there's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, Something did happen 2,000 years ago.

[David Cross]

When God made the earth 20, 25 years ago.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, they're taking time off. Well, they're taking years off.

[David Cross]

Oh, climate change.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just to make it seem small, like more recent.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He. Now, as I understand it, the whole thing took six days. Yeah, 24 hour day, Gregorian calendar days.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So I thought about it being a 24 hour day. I thought of it more like a work shift. Oh, like eight hours.

[David Cross]

That's why he rested, you know, because.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He was just pulling all nighters.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I mean, it's like the ultimate bender, you know? And then he. On the seventh day, Genesis finishes up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was the ultimate bender.

[David Cross]

The seventh day he rested and then instead of going in a linear fashion, they just went back to day one. So a week is only seven days because it took God six days to make Earth.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[David Cross]

You know how long it took him to make. Oh, God, what is it? XC77? Like Gunas or whatever it is. It's in the. It's in a.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What are you talking about?

[David Cross]

It's a planet that is in like six solar systems away. Anyway, it took him seven days to make that planet and he had to rest for two days.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, now, okay, we know all about that one. How long did it take to make Mars?

[David Cross]

Mars, I think that was his. So he made Earth first, then he made the sun, then he made Mercury. Yeah. We didn't need the sun until. Yeah. So it starts with Earth. Everything started with Earth. Love it. And then the firmament, which. The stars. And then I think he went. Mercury. He went out of order. Mercury, Uranus, because that was funny to him. And then Venus, so that he could make the Uranus joke. Because once he made Uranus, he was like, this is hilarious.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Then he made. Sorry. So he made. Sorry. He made Mercury, then Uranus, and he was like, I'm onto something here. This is very funny. Then he made Earth, so we would all get the jokes. And then the other stuff, I think that was contracted out. I'm pretty sure Mars, Venus, Neptune, and Pluto and Saturn got contracted out. Obviously, Pluto was a shit job, and so that got tossed, but, yeah, eventually. Yeah. But it's all in the Bible.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Great. Yeah, that's great to know.

[David Cross]

It's all in my pamphlet about the Bible. Would you like a pamphlet?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I love pamphlets.

[David Cross]

Okay. Cheese. Cheese pamphlet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I love a cheese pamphlet.

[David Cross]

God damn it. What was I gonna say?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Restaurateur.

[David Cross]

Restorator. Yeah. Oh, we said it. We covered it anyway. No, no song parody. You don't see him.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I would bet if you went to clubs, you would see, like, go open mics at clubs. I bet you would see people doing song parodies. What's amazing about it is, is that I think people have continued to do it, and Weird Al has been the king of it the entire time.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

People have come and gone.

[David Cross]

Yeah. They're like. I mean, in Philly, there must have been.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah.

[David Cross]

A good half dozen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[David Cross]

You know, we had in. In Boston.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Nuclear Fish, anyone?

[David Cross]

What's that one?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Those three guys that did song Parents.

[David Cross]

But they, you know, like, you know, just call me angel in the morning. So the guy. DJ Hazard. We go untie my ankles in the morning. Change.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, you've told me about DJ Hazard before, and I don't think I ever knew that he did song parodies.

[David Cross]

He would go up with a guitar and do. Yeah. And he had, like. He'd do two or three lines from the song.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You know what I mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's the way to do it.

[David Cross]

That's the way to do it. But some guys go up there with a whole piano.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A whole piano.

[David Cross]

A whole keytar. Sometimes a guitar. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you know, I. I asked a. A keyboardist recently who plays with the Off Book show, which is. They improvise musicals. They're very good.

[David Cross]

And. God, that's gonna be hard.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He was.

[David Cross]

That's like another layer of It's Zach.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Reno and Jessica McKenna and they are like savants.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I can't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's wild.

[David Cross]

It's hard enough to do without the music part. Yeah, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But to be good at rhyming.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Making it sound like an actual song and keeping a story going. Yeah, it's. It's a lot.

[David Cross]

And funny.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

You know, and they're terrific.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But their keyboardist, Scott Pastorella, I did a show with them and he was standing at the keyboard because they have like a full. They have like a full band, but they have a guitarist and a drummer and a keyboardist.

[David Cross]

Are they taking their cues from him, the keyboardist, or does somebody think.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, he, you know, they. They'll be improvising, you know, scenes, the scenes of the musical, the story. And then he'll start to play when he feels like, oh, this is gonna be a song. And then they go with it.

[David Cross]

Oh, meaning they're doing a scene and they're about to, quote, break into songs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[David Cross]

And he. He comes in. They don't know that he's gonna come in.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[David Cross]

Oh, wow. Even harder.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, sometimes it's like everybody realizes they're kind of headed the same way.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But it is a lot of the time where he starts playing and then they will laugh because, like, well, sing. But he was playing standing up. He didn't have a stool or anything.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And it looked like. Obviously looked more energetic and it looked cool, you know, that he was standing and playing. And we talked about it a little bit and I said, have you ever thought about doing like a key tar? And he said, well, they're not really that easy to play. It's not the same kind of playing as you would do on a keyboard. And also you don't have as many. You don't get as many notes because it's not a full keyboard.

[David Cross]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then I felt stupid because I never thought about it before. But of course it's not a full keyboard because that would be.

[David Cross]

So that'd be too big of a thing to wear so long. It would, it would bounce on the. It would hit the ground.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. And you couldn't. You couldn't do it.

[David Cross]

And much like the mic, you know, going into your mouth before it would be like it would hit the ground also hit your. You could get a stand up piano. Yes. As opposed to like, I'm picturing baby grand. First of all. That would be too heavy to wear, you know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, but like an upright.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah. Or box piano. And they call it a box piano. That. A Hobo would play what would play a piano that a hobo on a train would play? What's that called, you know, when you go to a Western?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, that's. That's an upright piano.

[David Cross]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's what I'm talking about.

[David Cross]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hope on a boxcar. Absolutely.

[David Cross]

Yeah. That's what a hobo on a box car would play.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Such a specific image. Yeah. That I have not seen, but I feel like you have seen somewhere.

[David Cross]

So you never ridden the rails?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've ridden the rails, of course.

[David Cross]

In a boxcar with a. You know, with a hobo.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I mean, if there's a hobo already in there.

[David Cross]

You'Re saying you're. You're a hobo as well?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'll take my chances up top.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay. Well, then you don't know what I'm talking about.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I don't.

[David Cross]

Right. Well, you gotta ride with the hobo. Don't be so, you know. Hobo racist. What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Snobby.

[David Cross]

Hobo, snobby.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hobo, snobby.

[David Cross]

That's a different. That's a whole different kind of snobby. This dude was hobo, snobby. You know what I'm talking about?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But now the whole. How does the piano get in there? It's already in there. They're transporting the piano somewhere.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And it's bolted in and people. Yeah, it's bolted in. And there's a handful of cows and a stool.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What luck. If you're a hobo and you get on a boxcar. Like, hey, there's piano in here.

[David Cross]

That's where the phrase the luck of the hobo comes from.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that makes sense now. I thought it was ironic because. Oh, because hobos aren't lucky. That's what that means. I've been using it wrong.

[David Cross]

Well, a lot of people think hobos are lucky because they get to. It's like, you know, deadheads, they get to just drop out of society and tour around, do whatever.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They get to do that.

[David Cross]

Yeah. They've chosen that lifestyle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did you ever hear that thing where if you kiss a deadhead, you will live 10 extra years at midnight? Yeah.

[David Cross]

If you kiss a deadhead at midnight, you'll live an extra tenure. I didn't know that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I have not heard that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But nobody can prove that it's true.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Be a difficult.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because it's like, well, how do you know that person wasn't just going to live that long anyway?

[David Cross]

And what about if you finger of somebody who's into fish. Does that give you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, then you're a snitch.

[David Cross]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Stitches. Get stitches.

[David Cross]

Oh, I meant like sexually. Finger.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh. I think you just get a good time.

[David Cross]

You don't get extra years added on your life.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, unless joy adds years to your life. You know what I'm saying?

[David Cross]

No. I mean, sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You ever done the fish finger?

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah. And you know what I'm talking about.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Feeling like no other.

[David Cross]

I mean, I did it for money.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So sex workers work.

[David Cross]

Yep. Human rights is. Or trans rights as humans. Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Human rights is people.

[David Cross]

Human. And so Soylent Green, you know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. What the. Those Soylent people that made the liquid, you know, the. The pouches.

[David Cross]

Oh. Immediately thought of that. Why Immediately?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's fucking crazy.

[David Cross]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why did they do that?

[David Cross]

Immediate. That is right up there with. Except they did it after the thing existed. I know. That's crazy. I thought the same thing. But it's why I name it Poison. It's. Or cannibal.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Human flesh.

[David Cross]

Oh, it's insane. It was. I swear to God, I had that same thought, like, because it had to have gone through.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So many people signed off on it. That's. It's mind boggling to me.

[David Cross]

And it only has one reference. Yes. And that reference is in a sci fi movie where people were eating people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[David Cross]

And it was called Soylent Green.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. It's not like a. Soylent actually is also a Gaelic word that means freedom, Right? Yes, But I know what you're going to say. Aids.

[David Cross]

Yes. That was just very unfortunate. There was a.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The worst timing in the world.

[David Cross]

Yes. Candy called aids.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A diet candy.

[David Cross]

A diet candy. You saw that south park, right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[David Cross]

Oh, God, it's genius. I mean, I. I really think south park is one of the most underrated comedy shows.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is it still on? Yeah, they're making new episodes.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's. It's. But the eight where Jared from Subway gave him. He had aids, but he has eight helpers. But he gets the kids. It's just. It's really, really dumb. Funny thing that makes me laugh so hard. But it's like the AIDS candy. Yeah. That was a shout out to Matt and Dre. Yep. Paul F. Thank you so much for coming down here. This is an absolute treat.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I was on my way. Oh, to fun.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay. Is it to. Okay. Is that near Flavortown?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a suburb of Flavortown now.

[David Cross]

I. I close every show.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay. Like, make a call.

[David Cross]

I close every show with a call to Z103.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're gonna win. You're gonna win.

[David Cross]

Trying to get tickets to see La Guns. And no, I am close. I end every show with a question from my daughter, who's 7. When she asked this. Okay, so this is your question now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Does she know of whom she's asking the question?

[David Cross]

Nope. No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

These are just things that she wants to know.

[David Cross]

She'll say, I have a question for your podcast. I have a question for your podcast.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Great.

[David Cross]

Great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And she's seven.

[David Cross]

She. She was. She just turned eight, like, literally days ago. Pretty lady, but she was similar. All right, ready?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[David Cross]

Paul F. Tompkins. Marla would like to know, how can parrots talk?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Parrots can talk because they are not in league with the other birds, who can all imitate human speech and know what they're saying, but parrots are the only ones willing to betray that secret.

[David Cross]

Well, what about minor birds and cockatoos?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And they don't know what they're doing.

[David Cross]

They seem to know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I know they do. Oh, but they don't know what they're doing. Those guys are faking until they make it.

[David Cross]

Oh, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I didn't know parents know what they're doing. They've also all agreed, like, okay, if you are red and yellow, you're only going to know this many words. If you're an African gray, you know, tons of words. And you live forever, you know, so there it is. I. I don't like to use the word conspiracy.

[David Cross]

I thought you liked to use that word.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, I did for a while.

[David Cross]

Yeah. What happened?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It started to sound like nothing to me.

[David Cross]

You know what I mean? When you use too much?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, conspiracy, conspiracy. It sounded weird, but now I'm back.

[David Cross]

Okay, cool.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

From outer space don't turn around now. With that look upon your face I should have changed that Stupid luck. I should have gone away.

[David Cross]

The lyrics are, I've come back from outer space.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So now you're back from outer space.

[David Cross]

Wait, so the. The. The person she's talking about was an astronaut?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You could take it that literally. And I like to. Yeah, but I think she's more like, you go off and you do whatever. I never know. Oh, you're back from outer space.

[David Cross]

And then the person would say, no, I was in Kansas City.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I had work there. But now I'm back.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right. But that's not good enough for the lady. And I will survive.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Gloria Gaynor, I believe. Yeah, yeah. Mitzy Gaynor's daughter.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But do you think that the. The woman in the song is Gloria Gaynor, or do you think Gloria Gaynor is singing the song from that woman's perspective?

[David Cross]

I think she's singing the song from Mitzy Gaynor's perspective.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That makes sense to me.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So parrots can actually talk way more than they. Than we think that they can, but all birds can.

[David Cross]

They're just portraying the bird. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Except for Minas, who don't know what they're saying, and cockatoos don't know what they're saying. Yeah, Cockatoos don't. They don't know what they're saying in English. They can speak every other language.

[David Cross]

Oh, really?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But when you hear them speak English, they have no idea what they're saying. Yeah. Mandarin? Yes.

[David Cross]

Okay. And Klingon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They learned Klingon.

[David Cross]

Sign.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sign asl? Yeah, absolutely.

[David Cross]

Okay. Well, thank you. That's. That's great, Marla.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I hope that that answered your question.

[David Cross]

Well, Marla didn't submit the question. Marlo did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who's Marlo?

[David Cross]

That's my daughter.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What happened to Marla?

[David Cross]

Oh, you didn't hear?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[David Cross]

Oh, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was on my way to fun.

[David Cross]

No, she got caught up in the whole thing in Asheville. Helene. Yeah. So we'll cut that out because it's going to make you look very insensitive.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think it's wise.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And thank you.

[David Cross]

You're welcome. Paul F. Tompkins, do you have anything you'd like to plug?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I want to tell people that I'm doing my variety show, Varietopia. Going on tour.

[David Cross]

Great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The end of April, do a springtime tour, hitting a bunch of cities, and I'm very excited about it.

[David Cross]

Where can they find out?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They can go to paulftompkins.com live.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. That's all the ticket links.

[David Cross]

Are you coming to New York?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Gonna be at Irving Plaza.

[David Cross]

Oh, sweet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Looking forward to it.

[David Cross]

When? What's the date? That's going to be the Great Karnak.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In May, first week of May.

[David Cross]

Nice.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Something like that. Yeah. We'll be in Philly on May 4th. May the fourth. Be with you.

[David Cross]

That's fun.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's fun. And I think either before that or after that, we're in New York.

[David Cross]

That makes total sense.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right?

[David Cross]

What about. You can't be in New York on the day you're in Philadelphia. Same day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'd really have to hustle.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Well, one of those would have to be an afternoon show. Yeah.

[David Cross]

So do it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do a matinee.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In one city and then a nooner.

[David Cross]

As they said in Punchline. Remember?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, the locker room.

[David Cross]

The made up locker room.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Doing a new. I got a new. He says it. He's like running, rushing at the subway. Sally Fields. He's like, I got a nooner. Uptown at the hospital. He has a nooner. Nobody says that. And the lockers. Oh, the lockers. That was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I could watch that again. I haven't seen it since it came out.

[David Cross]

Motorcycle man, his helmet has secret compartments. I remember that. Beauty of a joke.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do remember that.

[David Cross]

Why don't we have superheroes that are like regular people? Motorcycle man, his helmet has secret compartments. That is the dumbest.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But he did. I will say Tom Hanks did a great job of making things sound like they were stand up.

[David Cross]

Yes, he had the cadence. He had the delivery of all those folks.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But it is wild what a. An impossible thing that is to capture for most people. You know who did it really well was the big sick Kumail's movie.

[David Cross]

Yeah, but they still. I. I'm pretty sure they did that thing that I. Is an absolute deal breaker thing where they did it in baby reindeer too, which is when somebody is bombing the feedback on the mic, which never happens. It doesn't work that way. No, I cannot abide by that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Feedback does not happen. Because a sit is uncomfortable.

[David Cross]

Yes. It's like.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But I. If you notice, anytime there's a microphone in anything, there's always feedback, even if it's a little tiny bit at the very beginning.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They and I. I tweeted about this one time and sound people got mad at me. They're like, blame the director. They always make us put it in. I'm like, okay, well, I'm glad to know whose fault it is.

[David Cross]

They do it in baby reindeer where it's like, that's not what bombing looks like. People don't sit there. Also, also, have you been to a standup show in the uk? They're never that quiet. Are you kidding? If you are bombing, they let you know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's very true.

[David Cross]

And they don't rely upon the mic to go coughing and a clinking of a plate or a glass or. Yeah, it doesn't work that way. Fuck you. All right, Paul, thank you for coming down. Sense is Working Overtime is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not gonna do that. Thanks for listening. That was a headgum podcast.