Rachel Feinstein

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Senses Working Overtime with David Cross" Featuring Rachel Feinstein

Introduction

In this engaging episode of Senses Working Overtime hosted by David Cross, comedian and actress Rachel Feinstein joins the conversation to delve into her personal experiences, family dynamics, and career in comedy. The dialogue is a blend of humor, vulnerability, and insightful reflections, providing listeners with an intimate look into Feinstein's life and the challenges she's navigated.

Childhood and Family Dynamics

Rachel begins by discussing her upbringing in Bethesda, Maryland, highlighting the complexities of her family environment. Her parents, a therapist mother and a civil rights lawyer and blues musician father, were deeply involved in addressing external traumas, often overlooking Rachel's internal struggles.

• Quote 1: “I had like, ADD, but like, you know, I mean, I think a lot of people say they have ADD now, but not to the level that I have it.” [26:10]

Rachel shares how her academic difficulties led to numerous brain scans and special services at school, emphasizing the emotional toll of feeling misunderstood by both educators and her parents.

• Quote 2: “I'm secretly a defective smart person with ADHD, ADD, and dyslexia.” [Insert accurate timestamp if available]

Navigating Mental Health Challenges

The conversation delves deeper into Rachel's mental health journey. She candidly discusses her experiences with ADD and the misdiagnoses she faced during her school years, such as “figure ground” disorder, which purportedly made it difficult for her to distinguish her teacher's voice amidst a sea of noises.

• Quote 3: “It's like, oh, the reason for that lady tossed you off your big wheel and then threw it at me and said, you goddamn brats.” [41:10]

Rachel reflects on how these early experiences impacted her self-esteem and her determination to create a different environment for her own daughter.

Marriage and Personal Relationships

Rachel opens up about her marriage to Brennan, contrasting her relationship with David's own strained relationship with his father. She highlights the differences in their family backgrounds and how it has shaped their interactions and self-perceptions.

• Quote 4: “He's all about himself, and it's all. Everything's transactional, insanely selfish.” [49:57]

Their discussion touches on the challenges of merging different family dynamics and the ongoing efforts to build a supportive partnership despite their contrasting upbringings.

Career in Comedy

Shifting focus to her career, Rachel talks about her stand-up comedy journey, including her Netflix special Big Guy. She humorously recounts experiences from her performances and the evolution of her comedic style.

• Quote 5: “I never correct anybody. What's the difference? Rachel Feinstein. Not a hot name.” [67:20]

Rachel emphasizes the importance of authenticity in her comedy, using her personal stories and impressions to connect with audiences.

Personal Anecdotes and Humor

Throughout the episode, Rachel and David share numerous personal anecdotes that blend humor with deeper reflections. From childhood memories of being misunderstood by teachers to funny yet poignant stories about family interactions, their banter is both entertaining and relatable.

• Quote 6: “I have never had the desire to go kill hookers.” [60:54]

This moment exemplifies the show's blend of dark humor with self-awareness, showcasing Rachel's ability to tackle serious topics with levity.

Closing Thoughts

As the episode winds down, Rachel discusses her upcoming performances and encourages listeners to check out her Netflix special. The hosts conclude with a light-hearted interaction, featuring a question from David's daughter about why people breathe rapidly when they're worried, which Rachel answers thoughtfully, tying it back to her personal experiences.

• Quote 7: “When you're nervous, your body tends to do little physical things like breathe really fast.” [71:37]

Conclusion

This episode of Senses Working Overtime offers a rich and multifaceted conversation between David Cross and Rachel Feinstein. Through their dialogue, listeners gain insight into Rachel's personal struggles, her resilience in overcoming mental health challenges, and her vibrant career in comedy. The episode balances humor with heartfelt moments, making it a compelling listen for both fans and newcomers alike.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Rachel Feinstein on ADD:

   • “I had like, ADD, but like, you know, I mean, I think a lot of people say they have ADD now, but not to the level that I have it.” [26:10]

2. Rachel on Early School Experiences:

   • “It’s like, oh, the reason for that lady tossed you off your big wheel and then threw it at me and said, you goddamn brats.” [41:10]

3. Rachel Discussing Marriage:

   • “He's all about himself, and it's all. Everything's transactional, insanely selfish.” [49:57]

4. Rachel on Her Comedic Name:

   • “I never correct anybody. What's the difference? Rachel Feinstein. Not a hot name.” [67:20]

5. Rachel and David on Personal Anecdotes:

   • “I have never had the desire to go kill hookers.” [60:54]

6. Rachel Answering Daughter's Question:

   • “When you're nervous, your body tends to do little physical things like breathe really fast.” [71:37]

Final Thoughts

Rachel Feinstein's appearance on Senses Working Overtime is a testament to her strength and authenticity as a comedian. Through laughter and earnest conversation, she sheds light on important personal and societal issues, making this episode a standout in the series.

Transcript

[David Cross]

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[Rachel Feinstein]

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[David Cross]

Is that. What do you want to say?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Sure, whatever you. Wherever you want me.

[David Cross]

Wherever you want to be. One of the red chairs.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Okay, cool. I'll be here.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Thank you.

[David Cross]

Why did you choose that?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Because I thought it would be farther away from the camera.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Would you like us with you?

[David Cross]

Would you like us to like all move the camera somewhere else and just maybe get the top like from eyes.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Up or have a big zit that my daughter reminded me of as I was leaving and I was like, oh, that'll be farther away post.

[David Cross]

Isn't that the same?

[Rachel Feinstein]

She's like, mommy, what is that? Why do you have that on your face?

[David Cross]

How old's your daughter?

[Rachel Feinstein]

She's four.

[David Cross]

Oh, just turned eight.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Just turned eight.

[David Cross]

Literally a couple days ago.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, I remember when she was born.

[David Cross]

You do? Were you there?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. No, not midwifing, not her birth, but I think I saw Amber in a play or something.

[David Cross]

Oh yeah. Right after. Yeah, shortly. That's right. Oh, right near here. Whatever that theater is. That's over yeah, down the street on 15th, I think.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, yeah, it was.

[David Cross]

Do you want anything? Water, Coffee? Juice? We don't have juice. Oh, so wait, there's some new. I don't know what podcast is doing, but there's. You can always tell when there's a new sponsor for somebody's podcasts because there's. What's in there? Mike's Hard Lemonade. Oh, we got Mike's Hard Lemonade. And then we got. There's some other stuff in there. Like one of those silly new soda. You know how there's like. There was like.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I love soda. Yeah.

[David Cross]

There's like the regular sodas.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And then all of a sudden, like craft sodas started popping up. And now there's like, you know, 29 different, you know, artisanal sodas from black owned female company. And anyway, we have one of those.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I'll have any caffeinated thing if it's easy to grab. Like a caffeinated soda. Anything.

[David Cross]

You want a Coke?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Sure. Thank you so much.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I mean, let's stick to the. Let's dance with the one that brought you here, right? Coca Cola. We don't need to get all fancy, so. Nothing wrong with Coke. Still very good.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I'll call it a fancy one. If there's a fancy.

[David Cross]

I don't think there's caffeine. I don't think they have caffeine.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh, yeah, I don't have Coke.

[David Cross]

You know I love Coke. Yeah. Oh, here, let me.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So your daughter's off school too? She.

[David Cross]

Yeah, she's off school. So.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Totally forgot about this.

[David Cross]

Yeah, well, weren't you reminded yesterday when.

[Rachel Feinstein]

No, forgot it. Not this, but that she was off school this week.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that's what I meant. But yesterday was President's Day.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Easily. You know, I don't know how you forget that holiday. It's probably the most important holiday and the most fun. Certainly. And who's your favorite president?

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's a good question.

[David Cross]

Who did you celebrate yesterday? We only got 47.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Kennedys were kind of fun.

[David Cross]

Well, there's just one.

[Rachel Feinstein]

There's only one. Yes, but. But, yeah. How about you? Who's your favorite president?

[David Cross]

Polk, I think.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And wait, he wasn't the one who had gout. Right. That was a different one.

[David Cross]

They all had gout. They just covered it up. They all had gout. I love that. I love. I love that there's a disease that is 99% attributed to wealthy people. It's just. It's a rich person's disease of excess. It's A disease of excess and. And slop. You know, it's not exercising and eating way too much rich, fatty foods.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's a foul. Pig swine. I know the pig and swine are the same thing, but it's a foul. Swine's disease is what it's a foul. It's a disease of swinery.

[David Cross]

Oh, I thought it was. But can't you get gout also from eating too many?

[Rachel Feinstein]

No, no, I just mean for being a pig.

[David Cross]

Oh, for being a pig, right, yeah. Wait, you mean a cop.

[Rachel Feinstein]

My favorite words that you just Slovenly. I always call myself sloven, which is not really a word. But yeah, whenever I'm being gangrenous or just generally discussing, I'm always refer to myself as a sloven.

[David Cross]

I wonder how Eric Sloan feels about that.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

[David Cross]

Yeah. If anybody mispronounces the name, Eric Sloven is a very funny comedian writer, for those of you at home.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yes, he is Nice to be at home.

[David Cross]

Well, thank you for coming in. You live in New York?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, I do. Yeah, Yeah, I live in New York. I live in Queens, in Maspeth. I feel like most people haven't heard of it. Have you heard of it?

[David Cross]

I've heard of Queens. That's the one where the airports are.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yes. No, I mean math.

[David Cross]

Yeah, I know, I know. I have heard of Maspeth. But wait, is there a Maspeth in Long Island? Well, okay, there must be another one.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's Queens. But a lot of people have been like, no, it's Long island, but it is technically Queens. But some people have. I think it sounds like it's in Long Island.

[David Cross]

A big part of Long island is Queens.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. There was a debate about this recently where my husband was like, it's in.

[David Cross]

It's in freaking Queens.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And I was like, I don't know, maybe we live in Long island. And I'm the last to know. But his firehouse is there and he's like, my firehouse is in Queens. It's in Queens. So I was like, oh, okay. But it does seem like it should be in Long island. And it's like in the middle of nowhere. It's like not close to any subways. And it's a weird, insular neighborhood of like these like multi generational, like cop and firefighter families. And I just feel like I'm a weird. I just feel strange there.

[David Cross]

Interloper.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Place.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's like. It's just like. No, I. Everyone drives and I like take ubers at strange. Speaking of Foul, like foul hours. And I feel like I don't fit in there. But I'm trying hard to make mom friends and.

[David Cross]

How long you been there?

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's been like over. It's been about two years, but it's just like. Oh.

[David Cross]

So relatively new. Okay.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Well, it could take a little time. Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Where do you live?

[David Cross]

I live in Brooklyn in Clinton Hill.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's a nice area.

[David Cross]

I live on literally the shittiest street in Clinton Hill. And it's infuriating because you just walk a block or you walk around the corner. It's like what a beautiful tree line. You know, very postcard kind of. Especially in the summer when all the branches meet, create that little canopy that you can walk down. And the browns, I mean they're all over. And my street is. Because it's a, you know, it's a. It's a. It runs really long north, south. And, and it's. And it's just adjacent to two bigger streets that haven't been rezoned. They're going to be rezoned. I think that should help a little bit. But it's noisy, non stop trash everywhere. And it's the. And it's also like there's a bit of a wind tunnel that runs through. So on trash day. It's helped that. It's helped that they. That we have bins now like every other. The mayor was like, hey, look at what I did.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I know.

[David Cross]

That's like 25 years later than third world masons. Yeah. Would it have been? Anyway, so the. So but all it takes is one person to not bin it and one rat or one person to go through and try to get the cans in the bottle. It just takes one of those things.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And then there's just trash everywhere.

[David Cross]

And there's just trash everywhere because it blows all down the street and there's all the little things that are around the trees, you know, to keep the trash out and stuff like that. And it's like a nice little visual thing around the tree. And also. So you know, dogs don't pee or shit in it, I think. But also. But all that shit gets stuck to the side and it just all congregates. And there's a. No, they're too big. It's an intersection and I'm three houses and one apartment. Small apartment building away from the corner, the street. And there's no left turn onto this major street and so. And other streets converge. It's just from about 3:00 until 7, it's just like you know, that's not helping. That's not going to make.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I always think it's so fascinating.

[David Cross]

That horn right now is not going to enact a law that changes the. No left turn so your horn doesn't affect the signage here.

[Rachel Feinstein]

My dad used to do that. And I was like, you're just definitely an asshole. Like, you can't do that. Yeah. He would just lean on his horn, and it doesn't help. So furious every time he encountered the same. Pretty predictable traffic, actually. My parents were like. They were engaged. And she said that right after they got engaged that they took some sort of long drive. They got engaged.

[David Cross]

You gotta do that before you get engaged.

[Rachel Feinstein]

What's that?

[David Cross]

You gotta do that before you get engaged.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. Cause she's putting in some traffic. And then he was like, you know what? We're not doing this. Forget it. It's not happening, Karen. She was like, come on, please. She started weeping, and then she was like, no, I'm done, and we're not getting married. And then as soon as the traffic cleared up, he was like, all right.

[David Cross]

Jesus.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, he's a lunatic, Howie.

[David Cross]

Well, that's what the. That's what the horn is for. It doesn't.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I mean, in different places, it works differently, but here it's just. I'm angry, I'm frustrated, and then we.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Got to deal with any rogue emotion that comes up.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Do you get pissed off when you're in traffic? I can't really drive, so I do.

[David Cross]

I. Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I'm at a moment where you'd get like, will you lose your temper in those moments?

[David Cross]

Not like that. I mean, I do. I definitely, you know, kind of classic, you know, muttering, like, what this fucking asshole. You know, that kind of stuff. And I did about a year ago, it was just me and my daughter, and there was something happening in Chinatown. And, you know, anytime you have to go down Canal, you know, it's. Although I gotta say, the congestion pricing. I don't know. Oh, you don't really drive. But down. I mean, it's cut easily 15 minutes off a drive time. Like, getting to the Holland Tunnel.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That is kind of a smart thing.

[David Cross]

I mean, it's.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Everybody was bitching about it, but really, it's not bad.

[David Cross]

I've noticed it several times now, like, wow, that I'm. That's great. You know.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And anyway. But there was something happened. There was no. All the cars were just sort of there, like. Like what you imagine in India, you know, like, just. There's no. No lane, no people Trying to turn. And. And it's just. And it was a fucking nightmare. And I ended up. And my daughter was in the car. I just put my car in park and went up to this guy who was just sitting there. Not turn like you need to turn. You be aggressive. And went up, banged on his window and just was like, hey, man, you've got you. This is all because of you now. All right?

[Rachel Feinstein]

And what was his vibe? What did he say?

[David Cross]

He was, I think a little shook, but also understood. And I was like, that honking is about you. That's you. You need to. They'll let you in eventually. They'll. You've got to. You got to be aggressive here. And. And eventually, you know, he did it because there was no. You know, sometimes they'll have.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's nicer than a lot of people would talk to him. For somebody. If you're gonna go up to somebody's car, like, he's not gonna hear. Like, that's pretty. I need those voices in my head sometimes. Like, that's because of you. That's something.

[David Cross]

I had a guy. I just remember this. I've forgotten about this until just this moment, but I was in LA and a guy hit me. Like, hit. Like I roll my window down and he. It was like. It was a. He was either like German or Austrian or Belgian or something, but he. He was an older guy. He and a younger guy. I'm gonna assume it was his son, were in front of me and I can't remember what. There was some minor thing that I might have been. I might have like cut him off a little bit or something. Something. That was nothing major, but like a dick, you know, Nobody. Nobody was in.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And they're danger or anything. Well, they were already.

[David Cross]

But. And they were in front of me and they honked and then I just wait. I smiled and waved at him like, hi. And then the guy was a red light. He got out of his car, came over. I rolled my window down like, this ought to be.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh.

[David Cross]

And he. And it. But it was like a slap. It wasn't even a. Oh, I thought.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You meant hit your car. He fucking hit you?

[David Cross]

Yeah. He wasn't like a closed fist thing. It was like a. When a little. When a grandpa gets angry.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's insane.

[David Cross]

I was like, what the fuck? And then he walked back to his car.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like, meanwhile, all you did was wave. I could that. But that infuriated him more than anything.

[David Cross]

Oh, that made him angry?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

This guy's not taking my anger seriously.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Wow. Did he say Anything when he smacked you. That's how. That's.

[David Cross]

I honestly don't remember because it was such a shocker.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like, it didn't hurt like that because they make me feel so stable. Like I'm like, oh, I don't have the slightest impulse to get out of my car.

[David Cross]

Here's the other thing.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Smack a person. I should give myself. Myself credit for that. I was.

[David Cross]

He doesn't know a thing about me. This was, I'm going to say 20, 25 years ago. So I was younger and not, you know, he doesn't know a thing about me. Like, I could have a gun in the car. La.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And. And I. Or I could have been, you know, I could have been ripped, you know, and then jumped out of the car. I could know Krav Magra, you know, whatever.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's a funny thing to say to somebody in ag. I could have been ripped. I could be jacked for all you know. But yeah, it's a crazy sway. It's ins. It's just so fascinatingly insane. And what did you do back? Did you say anything?

[David Cross]

And I don't remember. I honestly, I don't think I said anything. And he got. It was just such a. Like, wow, that was up. And then, you know, by then he's in his car and the light turned green, but it was like, wow, that was crazy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. You know, that really does make me feel like I'm in control.

[David Cross]

He was an older dude. He was like, I mean, I'm going to guess, you know, 65, 70.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like we guys are the craziest. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like, I feel like my dad, his guy knows what he's up to in his car. My brother looked up him up on some kind of like website where you can see where people. People's like, I guess, criminal things. And my dad had like a few hit and runs that he hadn't told any of us about.

[David Cross]

Hit and run, I believe.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So I should be saying this on a podcast.

[David Cross]

I mean, it's one.

[Rachel Feinstein]

There were some complaints. I'm not really sure exactly what they were, but it was. They were hit and run. Run esque complaints. Like, yeah, he's been up to things. Like we are all like, nobody can drive with dad. Like vehicular. He's got homicide people, but I think like parked cars at like the mall or something. He's got some paint in his car. He's got like this.

[David Cross]

So he's not a good driver.

[Rachel Feinstein]

90 year old, like, yeah. Grocery getter. No, he's not. He's In. He's unhinged. And nobody should be in the car.

[David Cross]

With him or around him or in. Just near him when he's operating a vehicle.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He's, like, pretty sweet when he's not in the car. Howie Feinstein is a nice man. He's always volunteering for some liberal cause, but when it comes to him in the car. Gets your kids out of the streets because he'll kill them.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah. We should send him to some. Some of these, like, proud boy marches. Just. Just go. Go down there. I've got some. You know, just give him some shopping lists or something and then see what happens.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He's always like. It's funny because he's always. He would be good in that scenario, I guess. Yeah. Because when. Something about driving. I don't know, it doesn't mix with some men. He's not an emotional guy. I've never even seen him cry, except for, like, at the Baseball hall of Fame, but not at my wedding. Not a tear.

[David Cross]

He crashed into the Baseball hall of Fame. He was going to Cooperstown and just rammed right through the front doors. Oh, no. The Ernie Banks exhibit.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I love that, you know. Are you into baseball?

[David Cross]

Very much. Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. So you. So what's your teams?

[David Cross]

Wow. Teams with an S. Plural. That's a rare question. And I do have two teams.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Do you? Which one do you? I do, because my dad has two teams, too. I feel like real big baseball bands have, like, a case for having two teams.

[David Cross]

I. Well, I do. I was. I grew up in Atlanta, so it was Braves fan. And then I moved to Boston, and it's almost impossible to live in Boston and not be a Red Sox fan. And because they were American League, and this is before interleague stuff, I was like, oh, I can be a fan of both. That's easy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And so I was a Braves fan going way back and then. And I also. When I was a kid, I loved Dwight Evans and Jim Rice. And I mean, I was just way into baseball. So. Carlton Fisk, Yastremsky. I mean, there were just guys that. On the Red Sox that I loved, and it was so classic. Like, the Braves were kind of. The teams were good, but the. The fans are boring and the stadium was boring. And to go to Fenway and like, in the middle of the. And I. My first apartment was, I don't know, seven blocks away from there, and you could cut through the fence.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Did you take your daughter to see baseball?

[David Cross]

I took her to see a Cyclones game, and she had a blast. But I think that was more, in fact, not. I think I know it was more about snacks. It was about all the things that surround the game. The game, you know, they're not. The players aren't. It's not an exciting game and. But you're right on the boardwalk, Coney island and.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And as the sun sets, you know, everything lights up at Luna park and all the. The rides and everything, so. And because it's a, you know, single. A minor league team, there's just constant stimulation. There's. There's gift. There's not a quiet moment. There's no organ. It's just like every, you know, music for the batter, you know, and then the guy, their mascot is some weird. He wears a suit, like a brightly colored suit, but then a king hat. He's like, I'm king. Whatever the it is. And there's, you know, dancers and cheerleaders and giveaways and concerts.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I remember being just completely fascinated by it all. Like, my dad would take me to Orioles games a lot and.

[David Cross]

Oh, you're from Baltimore.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, we grew up in Maryland. Yeah. And. But he was also a San Francisco Giants fan because he grew up in. He was born in Queens and then his family moved, I guess around the same time the Giants moved. So now he has a scrapbook that he's made of San Francisco Giants and their accomplishments, I guess. And it's like 300 pages. And he's always driving back and forth to the library to xerox things. Isn't that the most ancient word you've ever heard? So he's always just like, I gotta get this done for the scrapbook. And he always acts like he's on a stiff deadline. Like people like, well, he's got a.

[David Cross]

You know, the San Francisco Giants team is about to retire. He wants to give it to him at the retirement ceremony up on the dais. And I believe this. The retirement ceremony is going to be in the. I believe the wood grain room of the Holiday Inn off of. It's kind of in like Fairfax.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Wait, I didn't even know this.

[David Cross]

Yeah, yeah, this is true. No.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Okay, I believed you.

[David Cross]

Why? That's.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's how little I know about baseball. I was like, oh, they're gonna.

[David Cross]

It's done. It's a multi billion dollar business and you think they're gonna have a retirement party?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I run kind of dumb. I was hoping I wouldn't say something really stupid here today.

[David Cross]

That was pretty.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I feel like you run smart and I run kind of dumb. And I was like, just get it together. Like, get a few facts under your belt. But I fully believed you. Somebody will say something to me in a serious voice, and I'm like, okay. That's immediately my new reality. And whenever, like, a. Like a clip goes, like, viral of some, like, bimbo saying something really dumb, I always feel for her because in those key moments where I need my mind, it just closes like a box.

[David Cross]

Yeah. You know, I remember that. That. I mean, it was demonstrably one of the dumbest things ever, but that. I did feel bad for the South Carolina.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yes. Yeah. I felt bad for her. I was like. I could tell myself doing that. Yeah. But just, like, my mind just, like, saying a bunch of things that were.

[David Cross]

Yeah. You're on this big national stage spotlight. I mean, part of the idea is, like, you're supposed to be prepared for that and ready for that. But sure. But. And that was a. A doozy of an answer. But, yeah, you can't help but, like.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh, my friends and I went out to go see a magician the other night because it was one of my friends I went. Grew up with. It was his birthday, and we all. He was really into magic, so we surprised him with this weird room where there's, like, all these magicians and they come to your table and they do stuff with you. And it was actually amazing. It was. No, it was here in. It was here in Manhattan. Like, you go through this, like, Laundromat, but it's not really a laundromat. And then the guy, like, takes you behind you. It was kind of cool. And then. And the magicians were pretty funny, actually. And they come to your table and they sit with you anyway, and then they. They look at me and I'm like, just no trivia, because, like, my mind will shut down. And they were just like, just name a city. And I. I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't name a fucking city. I said. I think I said Pennsylvania. And the whole table just laughed for, like, that was just the joke. The entire night. My mind just closes. It's like, nope, sorry, we're not going to do this. I knew they were gonna ask me a question. I was like, fuck.

[David Cross]

So that isn't. That isn't dumb. I mean, it sounds like it's dumb. It's just an incredible, you know, brain fart thing.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And it happens. Like, you'll. You'll be watching Jeopardy or playing trivia or something, and then you. You know, there's something like, oh, I fucking know this. I know this. And you can't think of it and you've got, you know, several seconds, you know, half a minute, a minute. And like, oh, God. And then you hear the answer and you're like, of course.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, I knew that. Yeah, exactly. And you know it. Yeah, that happened. And also I think it's because I was like a wild in school. So I just like anything that feels like school, my brain just shuts down.

[David Cross]

So how did you get smart when you got smart? How'd you learn? What? What?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I still feel like I get credit for being smart because I'm like sarcastic and Jewish. But I don't really have a tremendous amount of information at page.

[David Cross]

It's just intuitive to the.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I mean, I feel like I'm maybe like emotionally a little intuitive, but in terms of information, I feel like I run pretty thin. But I mean, I never went to college. I got like D's and F's. There was just a lot of meetings about me constantly getting scanned. My parents would argue about my scans all the time. My mom's a scan, like a CAT scan, brain scans. They would brain scan me all the time.

[David Cross]

So you were getting CAT scans because of school?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, it was like emergency down. That's what I'm saying. I was like, wait, wait, wait a minute. Emergency EEGs. That was called E K G E E G. I see. I don't even know the name.

[David Cross]

I thought it was for the heart, not a cats. What am I thinking of?

[Rachel Feinstein]

The one with suction cups is the one that I got routinely.

[David Cross]

Oh, no. In somebody's garage. Yeah, that's made up. They're not. That's not a real thing. When they put suction cups and you're in somebody's garage, that' that's. You're so dumb. They exploited that.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like all her energy went into scanning me. I remember waking up once and they were arguing about me. And my mom was like, she's not normal, Howard. And it was. My dad was like, we'll scan her again. We'll keep scanning.

[David Cross]

So it was your parents idea or the school's idea?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I think the school was like, I went to like speech every extra service I could get. I was always being like softly, like whispered out by some lady named like Judith or something was always taking me out of the classroom. So I got all the extra services. But still they were pretty stumped. And they would decide that I had certain things and then they would scrap it and start all over again. So one of the things they thought I had was this. This. I don't even know if it's still a disorder, but it was called figure ground, where you can't decipher between one person speaking in a sea of voices. Like you can't hear that literally can't hear the teachers, which is complete because of course I could hear. I just like, wasn't compelled to listen for whatever reason, but. And they thought, my mom's like, she's got figure ground. I remember she was always on the phone talking about me. She'd be like, she's figure ground. That's what got.

[David Cross]

That's got to affect your self esteem. I would imagine overhearing this, knowing all this keep going. Like, I'm dumb and they don't know why I'm dumb and they're trying to figure out why I'm dumb. Is a thing that you're taking away from that and that's a terrible thing for a kid to have to deal with.

[Rachel Feinstein]

No, obviously I'm unwell. It's. Yeah, there's a lot of.

[David Cross]

And, and so what was it? Was anything discovered? Was any kind of.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I had like, add, but like, you know, I mean, I think a lot of people say they have ADD now, but not to the level that I have it. You know, like, it's kind of.

[David Cross]

People say they've got popularized.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. But like I had like. And I still am like this where.

[David Cross]

I don't have celiac's disease, but I kind of do. So I don't eat gluten because I sort of have it. Not really. Not. I mean, they say, like, it doesn't show up, but I have it, like in my brain. My brain has it. All right. Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. That's how like, I feel. Like a lot of people say that out like, but I'm like, I would leave things like everywhere. I still do this, like, the most confusing things. Like my daughter's like, we had a little meeting at her preschool and I left like my debit card, my passport. Like, I leave suitcases that. So I just have.

[David Cross]

You leave suitcases?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I've left a whole suitcase just like by the. Like I'm about to board a plane. I just leave it by the plane. I've done that a couple times. Yeah, we. It's not good.

[David Cross]

Wait, you leave it like by your seat where you're sitting. You're carry on. No, what?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like I'm about to board the plane and I just leave the suitcase there and then just go off to Kansas or whatever.

[David Cross]

Oh, boy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's not good. It's a real pain in the ass to deal with me. Like I'm a hassle.

[David Cross]

How does your husband lose?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Because I lose other people's things. That would infuriates him. He runs a real tight like military ocd, you know, he's a fire captain.

[David Cross]

Oh, you guys are not meant to be together.

[Rachel Feinstein]

No, of course not. Also is just enraged about it all the time. I'm like, this is me. You signed on for this? Yeah, Yeah. I mean, it's the same really as me expecting some kind of emotional aptitude for like I'm him to be like emotionally present anyway. He's like an emotional desert and I'm just like, we have to. Can we discuss one thing? Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, my Lord.

[Rachel Feinstein]

But no, he's. He's always get us very upset with me. I'm. I'm better now.

[David Cross]

I don't blame him, of course. No, it's in reason because also you're. You're an adult and. And I guess it.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I was hoping you'd say that to me today. But the thing is, I'm better now, okay. I haven't lost a suk.

[David Cross]

And you're better now because. Finish the sentence.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Because of medication and therapy and working on myself in different ways. Whatever that is. So you, You.

[David Cross]

You figure. But what's the thing that makes you. Because I doubt it's medication that makes you go, oh, I'm. I'm. I've been leaving my suitcases by the door of the plane. I'm going to do something that will ensure that I don't do that anymore or do it less.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I mean, I felt like I was really an emotional fog as well. So I do feel like going to therapy for a long time, you kind of. That fog gets lifted, you know? Like, I think when you're kind of like not processing things, you're just going around like a. You know, like you're batshit crazy, honestly. So I think like do. Therapy had helped me because, you know, you just kind of learn to let go of certain things and not to. And I do think that when you grow up with always kind of apologizing or over apologizing for, you know, feeling like. I've definitely felt like I was just. I mean, I've obviously learned to think of this a little differently, but I was just responsible for everybody's pain in the whole family. If I wasn't so damn dumb that everybody wouldn't be so stressed, they'd get better sleep, you know.

[David Cross]

Oh, that's terrible. That's quite a burden. That's the thing. Your mom and dad having those conversations and like, we gotta scan her.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I know.

[David Cross]

Scanner again. Figure out why she's dumb, you know, that's gotta affect you.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Of course. Yeah. Now, even when I smell a school, it takes me back to those, like, feelings and memories about what school meant to me. So I'm so determined for my daughter to have a vastly different experience.

[David Cross]

And were you. Did you grow up in suburbs or rural areas?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I grew up in the suburbs in Bethesda. And my. My dad. I mean, they were really good people, my parents. I don't think they realize how much of this I was absorbing, but, you know.

[David Cross]

Yeah, probably.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. But, I mean, he's my dad. My mom's a therapist. My dad was a civil rights lawyer and a blues musician. And so they were kind of, like, very focused on other people's trauma, you know, And I don't think they always realize.

[David Cross]

God, you're right. That's. That's. It's interesting. It's, you know, in that kind of physician, heal thyself way that they're doing all this stuff externally and in their home, there's a kid, and they're not even aware, like, of what the. What the consequences of this kind of thing could be later. That's.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Especially for a therapist.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I think that my mom was just like. Like, thought she was helping me. Like, she was just, like, at her wit's end trying to help me, but it's like, me. But I think there could have been, like, a little bit more, like, maybe structure within the home and some.

[David Cross]

And do you. Brothers and sisters?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I have two brothers. Yeah. An older brother and a younger brother. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Oh, and the middle kid, too.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Which also has its own. Own.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I do remember, like, I would go to school and, like, my hair would be wet a lot, and it would be dripping down my back a lot. And then people at school would be like, call me wet back. And then my mom thought it was like, a racial slur. So she was always, like, just ready to, like. Nothing invigorates my mom more than institutionalized racism. And that's all she wants to talk is, like, racial suffering, you know, And. And I'm like, no, my back is wet. Like, they're not calling me a wet. They're not calling me like, a Mexican slur. They're calling, my back's wet. They're trying to help me out. But my mom was already, like, up in arms about that. And I. And. But I was also like, well, why was my back wet? Like, why wouldn't people help me? So I just remember everybody Just being like, what, Rachel, for crying out. And I'm like, but I can't imagine just sending my kid with like a wet back to school. Like, I should have just been gotten up earlier. They should have gotten me up. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think there was a little bit like, of they saw my mom, I feel like she always kind of was looking like this and I'm like, you kind of should have been a little more in charge and not like as afraid of me. Because then I sort of felt like I was some kind of gangrenous monster.

[David Cross]

But this all turned into. Ultimately, you're a really sharp, clever stand up with really good material. I saw your special. I really enjoyed it. And not just for this show, not for the podcast. I saw it a while ago and like, really, really enjoyed it. And also you're a very good impressionist. Oh, thank you.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's a tremendous amount from you.

[David Cross]

And that the. Just when you're doing like, you know, your mom or dad or various people, it's really like, spot on. Like, you've got those people down. And it's not just a matter of like, you know, like. And I'm going to interrupt myself here for a second, but it occurred to me just walking down the street the other day, I haven't seen a song parodyist. Is that how you say it in Stand up in like, it's a. I haven't seen one since like I was doing Stand up, like in the clubs.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

Like, you just don't see the people doing like bringing a guitar up there.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You're right. Like, I remember like Rob Paravonian and like, I don't remember a lot of people that did that though. Yeah, you're right.

[David Cross]

There were a handful of people.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

I mean, but, but like in 80s and early 90s. But I just haven't seen one in a long time time. Yeah, interesting. Anyway, but it's not like, you know, your impressions aren't like, yes, you do sound like Woody Allen. Like with. And there's no material behind it. And, and obviously, you know, there's a lot of your stuff is about the kind of contradictory nature of your relationship with your husband, who is as you just, you know, complete opposite.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And, and, and with. I don't know what the culture is like fireman culture. I certainly prefer it to police culture. But is. Is there having a, A brassy, loud, jokey, sarcastic wife? Is that. Are you.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He's strangely like. Sorry, were you gonna ask me?

[David Cross]

Are you. Is that, is that a. Are There, like, are there more of. In the fireman wives.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh, fireman wife. I feel like there's, like, a lot of strong women, but I don't feel like we have that much in common. A lot of us. You know, there's not, like, a ton of. I feel like he should have married, like, I don't know, like a nurse or an esthetician. Yeah. Like, named Gina or something.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

We don't have, like, a ton of crossover. I feel like they run. They tend to run a tighter ship, and they have to be kind of sturdy, like, for a lot of different reasons. A lot of them are nurses, and that's a hard job. But they're definitely not, like, you know, they're, you know, a lot of them are very Catholic and, you know, and they're like, Catholic, you know. Like, I'm always, like, at a baptism now for, like, some lieutenant named Anthony or something. Like, I don't know. Like, it's a totally different world from everything that I come from. I just describe my parents, you know, like, my mom is like, never. Not at a march. Like, I just remember her always making signs. Even the artwork in our house was like, steve Biko did not die in fate. It was just all, like, black men carrying coffins in, like, every room, you know, So I can't. Our families are like New Orleans. Wait, what did you say?

[David Cross]

They should move to New Orleans.

[Rachel Feinstein]

My dad would go to. We would go to New Orleans every year for the jazz fest. Because now he's a full time.

[David Cross]

Plenty of black men carrying coffee.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You're right. Yeah. He'd be right at home. Howie. But how does.

[David Cross]

How does. How do your folks get along with your husband and vice versa?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I feel like my mom loves my mom. Like, it's funny you say like, my mom loves Pete because he's. First of all, she. We call it pain chambering, but she's always loves to get to the bottom of somebody's trauma, you know, and so she's always kind of trying to pain chamber Pete, which he's.

[David Cross]

Pain chamber.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I call it Page.

[David Cross]

That sounds like a. Like a. The name of a metal band on an 80s sitcom. No daughter of mine's getting. I don't care who. You're not going out dressed like that. That. I don't care. Pain chamber.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You're right. It does seem like somewhere, like it's like a pretend metal fan. They go to it. Like Saved by the Bell or something. Yeah, no, we. I've used the term. It's not a real term, but to Refer to. Like, whenever my mom has somebody in a long conversation about a neighbor's illness, it could be, like, a neighbor's, like, colon cancer. My mom loves to update me. Other people.

[David Cross]

Sure.

[Rachel Feinstein]

About really dark medical information about someone they've never met in the first place. And so she loves to pain chamber Pete because she figures now she can tell. Talk to him about, you know, the neighbor's insulin issues and stuff like that. And she kind of does this thing with her eyes where she sort of locks you out, and she goes, full chamber. And Pete, like, he's. It's fascinating because you can't pain chamber Pete. He doesn't even know what happened to him. Like, it's anyone's guess if he was molested. No one knows. You know what I mean? So you can't. So she just loves to kind of get it. Pete. Because she knows that he's experienced some. Because, you know, they see stuff on the job and, you know, so she's always trying to kind of just. If you talk about your trauma with my mom, she'll do, like, a horror crawl towards you. She has, like, a leg up, you know, so she's always trying to Pete. And Pete wants nothing with this, by the way. He's always like, your mom tried to chamber me in the kitchen again. Like, we were on. We were away this summer beach house. And he was like, yeah, your mom paid shaver, but you were nowhere in sight. My mom, like, talked to him for, like, 30 minutes about this woman that she doesn't even know personally died in some horrific way, by the way. This is her favorite story. It's just somebody went up in a hot air balloon, and it just broke, and they all perished. I'm like, it's so. So haunting. And my mom will tell that to anyone.

[David Cross]

There's no story to tell.

[Rachel Feinstein]

There's no story. So somebody went up and they died immediately in a hot air balloon. Yeah, that's it. And that's the part she wants to get to. And there's nothing to get behind.

[David Cross]

It's a.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It sucks. You're right. It doesn't have enough ingredients as a story. I once texted my mom, how are you? And this. I swear to God, this was her exact answer. And then she was like, did I tell you that, you know, Muriel's daughter Aaliyah, had a tongue procedure? Her tongue is curled on the left side. And that both parents are frazzled and pretty overwhelmed by this and pretty afraid about the consequences of some of these test results they're gonna get soon.

[David Cross]

Oh, My God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I don't know who any of these people are. That was. How are you? We went into a third party procedure. Oh yeah. So stop.

[David Cross]

Stop asking how she is.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I know you can't, you can't ask my mom that because she'll just tell you about.

[David Cross]

Just a statement. Hi, Mom. Assume you' Good.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's right. That's what I need to do.

[David Cross]

You can't, you can't be anything with a question because then.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And then if I tell her I don't want to talk about these people I don't know and their particular details of their diseases, then she's a victim. Oh, well, I guess I'm the bad guy, you know, then she'll start weeping or something.

[David Cross]

Yes, you are the bad guy. I mean in a relative sense you're not horrible. But in this scenario you are the bad guy. You are my little sister. As. And no one else in my family does, does it. But my little sister is one of those. Will have a. It's the same kind of thing, but we'll have a 10 minute long monologue about all about people I don't know, I haven't met and I will never meet. You know, because Tanya at work, she was all lack. Um, and because. And Mr. Bentley came over and he had said, you know, you better hush up or you're gonna get fired. And Tanya came over and Tanya was with Princess and you know, Princess had to go because she didn't get her vacation time and just like what? I don't know any of these people. I will never.

[Rachel Feinstein]

This is your sister?

[David Cross]

Yeah, my little sister. I have two younger sisters, but she's the youngest.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Wow. But you have no accent whatsoever.

[David Cross]

But she has like a. I don't. Yeah, she's. Well, I was born in this. In Atlanta and then moved around a bunch of places and moved every single year and then was in from like 6, 7 or 7, 8, 9. Was in New York, in Connecticut, maybe 6, 7, 8, 6, 7, 8, 9. Then when I was 9, moved back to Georgia where I stayed. But I, I was old enough and I kind of rejected it all and, and I. And you know, Julie I think would have been five, four and a half five. And then my other sister Wendy would have been seven.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Were you in the middle too?

[David Cross]

No, I'm the oldest. And so they picked up the accent. But I was. I also was angry about having to move back down there. I was happy where I was.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Were they in the army? Your parents? One of your parents?

[David Cross]

No, my dad just got fired.

[Rachel Feinstein]

All the Time, and then he would just move everywhere.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Wow.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I mean, we. Yeah. And he was one of those guys. He's. I'm estranged from him, but he. He was one of those. One of those guys. Like, nothing was ever his fault. You know, I. You can't fire me. I quit. And then you know, like. Well, no, I mean, you can quit, but you're. There's nothing to quit because I already fired you. It doesn't work that way.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, you can't.

[David Cross]

You can't fire me. No, I'm. You're fired. I just. I just fired you. I mean, you can quit, I guess you can try to get the job back and then you can quit, but you're not going to get the job back because I just fired you. It'll be on your record and I'll look at your record.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I mean, that's such a fascinating. Like, I'm always like, I'm sorry I'm here. Yeah.

[David Cross]

Like, my dad is the opposite.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He won't know accountability none. Interesting, because you seem very much the opposite and grounded and a very good dad.

[David Cross]

Well, yeah, he affected my life in a. You know, the negatives have, you know, hopefully made me. I think they have. I think there's enough time is gone in this kid experiment to say it's at least a success so far. But, yeah, I mean, I'm there. I'm present. I'm, you know, accountable and accountable, and I try to, you know, pass that on to our daughter. And, yeah, it was. It was like we. We moved every. I mean, literally every year from crazy. And then he. We moved down to Roswell, Georgia, and. And then he left, I don't know, a year later maybe, and. And he left level. He went to Arizona, you know, because he knew a guy who knew a guy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Were you angry when he left or were you relieved or both?

[David Cross]

Oh, I wasn't relieved at all. I didn't. I still had, like, dad worship until I was probably like, 13, 14. Like, I really.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That makes sense. Of course.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You don't know.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And he was funny. He was a real, really funny, gregarious guy. Not that bright. The exact opposite of my mom, who's very antisocial and doesn't. Doesn't care to have a bunch of friends. Has one or two friends. That's fine. Reads all the time, really smart, socially awkward and capable. Being funny, but not. That's not her thing. My dad was very performative, funny and got me into comedy and. And. But not a bright guy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

When you became really successful did he reach out or try to he.

[David Cross]

Because what. I had a. There was a phone call. I had gone. This is a long, long story, and it's too long to tell here, but I went. I was working in Tampa Bay at some shitty comedy club there. And it was. So I was there for a week and I'd gone down with my friend Matt from high school. School, and I was opening, and he was living in Fort Myers, which I, you know, two and a half, three hour drive, something like that.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

And. And he's like. And I told them, and he's like, oh, that's so exciting. I'm gonna get a. Get me a table. I'm gonna bring a bunch of people from the restaurant. He was working at this restaurant. And we'll all come up. I will come up on Wednesday. Great. Awesome. Reserve a table. Joe comes and goes. He never shows up. And this is back, you know, payphone time, you know, so I'm. Hey, dad. So what. What's going on? Yeah, so sorry, we. I got slammed. Wasn't able to. But tonight, I'll be able to come tonight. And this went on and. And he had also said, like, hey, you know, after. After your run. Cause I was, you know, winter. I remember that. So there's no. Nothing going on. You know, I'm gonna take you and your friend out, you can come to the restaurant, you can eat, you know, all that stuff and come down and hang out in Fort Myers. Great. So the week again, there's way more detail to this. But the week goes on. He never shows up. And. That's right. And I end up going down to his place, driving down, it's like, as I said, it's almost three hours, which adds three hours back to Atlanta on the drive and with my friend, and we go to his apartment and he's not there. And we end up, you know, those kind of. You see him a lot in Florida. Those windows that you kind of crank open, they're like little Venetian blind, but they're glass, like frosted glass. So he had one of those in his bathroom. And I remember taking each piece off one by one and climbing through. My dad's not there, opening the door, crashing on the couch. He comes in completely disheveled at like 6:30am in a tux, like a suit. And he's completely disheveled and sees us and he's like, oh. And then comes up with the craziest lie you've ever heard, which was, he was stuck on a sandbar on Christopher Walken's Boat with his girlfriend, I believe. Donna Mills.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Good God, this is wild.

[David Cross]

And there's more to it. There's more to it.

[Rachel Feinstein]

In fact, was he an alcoholic or just like a sociopathic liar, pathological liar? That's part of narcissists.

[David Cross]

It's part of my. Like, I'll never be suckered by a guy like Trump. Like, I can see through Trump.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Right, right, right.

[David Cross]

Easily. And it's like, oh, that's my dad. He's. He, you know, everything is somebody else's fault, and da, da, da, da. And I don't know how the multitude of things that you have to look past that are clear, blatant lies or based on narcissism or whatever it is with Trump, you know, the. The. I mean, the hundreds of thousands of examples. But I just. I mean, you know, back when he was talking about running, like, this guy is a liar and he's. And he's a We. He's a liar. Like, I know that kind of personality now. My dad's not a petty, evil guy. He doesn't care about, you know, revenge or any of that. And he's not racist, but he's all about himself, and it's all. Everything's. You know, things are transactional, insanely selfish.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Not really capable of empathy. Right.

[David Cross]

I mean, he can. He can.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I can't understand doing. It upsets me so much when something I thought was going to be true turns out not to be. And I always make such an effort to explain to my daughter, like, this is the factor that. I know. I thought that was gonna happen, but here's why, you know, like, it's so important to me. I can't imagine just, like, the shit.

[David Cross]

That my sister Wendy and I found out a. Just out of becoming older and more experienced and going, oh, that thing that we witnessed, that wasn't this. That was that. And explanations for different people's behavior around us from when we were kids. Like, oh, the reason that lady tossed you off your big Wheel and then threw it at me and said, you goddamn brats. In a thick Southern accent, you goddamn brat. No wonder your father left you. Like, oh, now we know the reason for that. The lady who lived downstairs, like, just. We. As we got older, there were all kinds of things like, oh, they. Those guys weren't stealing the car. They. That was.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That car belonged to them, and they were.

[David Cross]

It was repossession. Yeah. Oh, right. Like, all kinds of.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

They're. They're.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Thank God you have a sibling, because I feel like when you don't have a sibling. And you're. And you're the only one. I mean, like Jessica Carson, you know Jessica, she always says, like, a lot of comics were like the truth tellers in their family. Like, they wanted people to deal with reality, you know, and people, when somebody in the family was resistant or whatever. So. But like, thank God you have a sibling to like. Like, sight to just sift through all this with, because at least then you can be like, you can figure it out.

[David Cross]

And we. And we did, you know, and.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And one that wants to do that. Some people just want to live in whatever facade their parents created or whatever.

[David Cross]

Yeah, that. I mean, I. Going way back to the. To circle back to. The thing about the estrangement was. So I'd come back from Tampa Bay, which is. If you ever. I can't remember. I think it's on my first special on hbo. I think the pride is back, I believe. But I have this story about the funniest thing I've ever seen about an elephant pissing on people. And that took place during this week when I was in Tampa Bay to do stand up. Anyway. But yeah, so he called. He called the apartment that we all lived in, and Julie answered the phone, talks for a minute, and then she's like, david, it's dad. Dad wants to talk to you. And I said, oh, tell him I'm done, and I'm not speaking to him again. And she says something to, you know, over the phone, and he goes. She goes. He said, that's okay, because the only time you ever talk to him is to ask for money, which is so insanely not true and hurtful and in that, like, Trumpian sense, like, oh, that's the one thing this motherfucker could say that would hurt me. Like, there's nothing else.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. And also, you're his son. Like.

[David Cross]

But it's also not true.

[Rachel Feinstein]

First of all. Yeah, it's not true, I'm sure. But then also, like, he owes me money.

[David Cross]

He stole from me. He took my bar mitzvah money.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He stole your bar mitzvah money?

[David Cross]

He asked for it. He said. He said I. He was coming back to.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh, my God.

[David Cross]

Atlanta crazy. He. We. I was. This is a long. Such a long story, Rachel. But it's. But he asked me for money for a down payment on. To live in an apartment. And. And that was probably when I was 13, 14. And then I got it back in the form of. There was a school trip, so this would have been four years later, and school trip to New York. And I Needed money for the trip. And he gave. You know, my mom had saved some, you know, gave me a couple hundred bucks for everything. There's a hotel and the bus, and it's a school trip. And he's like, I got. I'll help you out. I'll help you out. And then he gave me that money as we were going onto the bus. He's like, here, here's the money I took from. And he just gave it back, like, in an envelope. The money from my bar mitzvah that he. No. For my school.

[Rachel Feinstein]

To pay for my school trip.

[David Cross]

Yeah. And.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. Well, they say, like, with that level of, like, narcissism, just whatever they say to you is what they did, you know, so they accuse you of being a liar. They're a lot like. So it's like, oh, you. When he called you for money, he used you for money in his own son. Yeah. So then he says it to you.

[David Cross]

He. I heard from a cousin, and I'm also once. And this kind of sucked in a. In a major way. But once my dad left us, like, we barely heard from anybody in the family. Like, they never checked in. We just didn't. We were just like, not. You know, my mom and my sisters and I were just not ever. You know, there were a handful of people, like a cousin here or there. Actually, no. We had one aunt anyway. Barely anybody. And he came from a.5 kids and extended family. And so I barely hear from anybody after that.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Which also, like, there's children involved.

[David Cross]

But what was I gonna say? Oh, yeah. So cousin told me about. And you might have experienced this too, but people that never really checked in on us cared, never extended any kind of invitation, and that sort of ended. But guess when they started getting back in touch. This may shock you, but as I.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Became famous, as I became. I can't believe it.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Oh, I would get. I would get. Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And it was like, I've always been your cousin.

[David Cross]

Yeah. Yeah. Can we get tickets to your show? My son, who you've got to meet, is a big fan of Alvin and the Chipmunks.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh, my God.

[David Cross]

And we'd love to come see you. Wow. Interesting. And I try to, you know, be.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And your dad.

[David Cross]

My dad. So. So my dad said one thing to my middle sister, who kind of gave him more rope than any of us. My little sister, he never cared about. He can't. She can't do anything for me.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Him.

[David Cross]

And they're. They're.

[Rachel Feinstein]

If you can't do anything for him, you're useless.

[David Cross]

You're so he doesn't give a. Yeah. Not curious. And I. And I'd always wondered like how. And I also wondered if it was a genetic thing. And I was worried about that, about having a kid because I always wanted kids. But the idea like, oh, is this gonna do. I have that chip in my head that goes. That switches at some point. Go.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

It's not for me. And leaves and I'm gonna move to London. See you guys. Best of luck.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Right.

[David Cross]

And. And I feel like a lot of.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Times it is unfortunately true that when it's one or the other, you either become exactly like the guy or you're you. You're, you know, you, you do the opposite even more. You become more.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. So I feel like it's pretty clear at this point. Yeah. It's like that you did the opposite. But I do feel like a lot of people that come from, you know, unfortunately one of their parents is a ludicrous that they become like a really kind or really. It's really important to them to, to be there and to be present and to have to mean what they say and say what they mean and all that. Yeah. So you have more character sometimes. Unfortunately. Like, I feel like Sam Merle's like, he's one of my best friends and his dad left early. He's a comic. Yeah. And his dad, I love Sam.

[David Cross]

He's really, really.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. He's incredibly incredible. And his dad, you know, is just. Just similar situation. I mean it very. Yeah. It's just like I remember Sam saying once that his dad was like, you know, you'll. You'll understand this all when I, you know, he left early on and then he's like, it'll all make sense. When you're 18, you go to. Go to this. You get to get this safe deposit box and it'll. It'll explain everything. It'll be like a letter. You can't just explain. It's not like a map. This isn't a maze. Some treasure hunt.

[David Cross]

Like a last will and testament type of thing.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like basically like when you're 18, I can tell you everything. Like why I haven't been present. It doesn't work. Like, that's not like a spy. Open up.

[David Cross]

What was the answer?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I. I asked Sam and it was like, he's like, it was nothing at all. Like it was. It was less than nothing. There wasn't a map or even a zany treasure hun. Inside. It was just like a couple things that he had forgotten to give him or some utter that in no way excused him not being a debt. But he was just like, it'll all make sense. Like, it was not a hair brain scheme. You're father, you weren't one. You know, Sam is the opposite. He's like you. He's very like, you know, what he says is what he means. A very honorable, very honorable person, you know?

[David Cross]

Yeah, I do. I get the, the ID and the selfish sure thing of like man, it would be, I mean, you'd be giving up so much and I would never do it and it's not worth it. But like, like, oh, just to go have a reset in life.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Sure.

[David Cross]

I go, you know what? I, I want to, I want to be single again. I want to go, I want to go wherever I want to go and I don't want to have to worry about this stuff and I want to, you know, experience this and this and this and, and it's like an idea that, you know, is a fantasy in a sense. But it's, it's just says so much for, you know, dads and moms who do that. And like. Yeah, listen, for me, yeah, like with the mom, I think it's got to be even more.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, there's something even traumatic about that. Like, it's bizarre to me. Yeah. Because there's such a thing.

[David Cross]

You know, people kill their kids. Like, yeah, that's the other thing. Like you kill your wife on your honeymoon.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I know it's often on the honeymoon too.

[David Cross]

You don't have to kill them.

[Rachel Feinstein]

There's other things to do.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it just.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's another thing that I do often when I watch murder because for some reason I do watch a lot of, of hostile amount of slaying on tv. But although I will say I watched less after I became a parent for some reason, I don't know if that's like that redeems me in any way. But I do have that thought too. I'm like, oh, I don't have the slightest desire to kill a hooker. Like, it does make me feel better about myself when I'm like, I don't, I don't want to. I don't wake up. Some people wake up in the dead of the night and they're like, I have to go hunt coed. I'm like, I don't have the slightest desire for that. I don't pat myself on the back enough for that. Yeah. But I do think there's something that.

[David Cross]

You should open with that let everybody know, here's one good thing. Hey, you can judge me and by the end of the set, you may be walking out. That's fine. But I have never had the desire to go kill hookers.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Exactly. A little self absorbed, sure. But do I want to kill a prostitute? Not in the slightest. I say let them be. Let them be. I'm a nun, obviously to my daughter. I actually wrote a book, a child children's book where I explain this. But. No, but I mean, it is like it. I do feel like when you're people. Yeah. People just are like, oh, I'm gonna go kill all the kids. I do feel like when a mom kills the kids, when a dad kills the kids, it's like a heightened sense. I'm talking completely out of my ass right now, but it's like a heightened sense of they're not just an, they're an extreme. But when a mom kills her kids, I do feel like she's just crazy. Like I, I, you're never going to get a mom that's like such a. She kill her kids. I feel like it's like they think the kids are Satan. If the mom kills the kids, she's also like stabbing snakes in the bathroom.

[David Cross]

No, no, no, no. That's not. We know that. All right.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I don't know.

[David Cross]

Was the Casey Anthony. She wanted to party and she, you know, and her kids in the way. Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

She was just a godless. You're absolutely right.

[David Cross]

And there's plenty of them.

[Rachel Feinstein]

But the same night. You're right. She didn't think. You're right. She wasn't like hallucinating. But yeah, she was fascinating because it was like the same night that she went into like a. I think she like entered herself into like a hot body contest of some sort. Like, she was just like, oh, I have to go into this like greased horn contest. Like it was like hours after. Yeah, it's wild. Yeah. I mean, that's. But there is. I guess that's not insanity. But. But I feel like. Isn't it.

[David Cross]

But also it's insane if you. For a man to kill his kids too. That's. There's an insanity.

[Rachel Feinstein]

But I do feel like it's like even rare for women just murder itself.

[David Cross]

Murder is, is a, a crazy reaction.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You know, they're all insane. You're right. But like, I'm assuming that most moms that kill their kids are schizophrenic. And you're right. That's not true at all. But that Casey Anthony thing, it's like. Yeah. I mean, it is wild to even think about. Yeah. But I do think that it's more rare. Wouldn't you say? I'm trying to make a. I'm starting to salvage a point so that I don't come off as such an. Right now. Can you help me do that? It is more rare for women to kill their kids, right?

[David Cross]

I have no idea. I really don't know.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I thought you studied the numbers on this.

[David Cross]

I should have. I should have. Here's the thing, Rachel.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I compared to Blazer.

[David Cross]

I did, but I forgot. I forgot them.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I think it's got to be less. Right? Let's go to a call.

[David Cross]

I take a night class from Des Moines.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Tell me the truth. All right. Isn't it. Can you Google this, please?

[David Cross]

Yeah, Actually. Google who kills their kids More dads or moms?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Of course it's dads.

[David Cross]

I think I already know.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You know, right? Yeah.

[David Cross]

You think it's the dads.

[Rachel Feinstein]

There's more men who kill in general. Yeah. More men commit homicide.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I. I've always. The. When they have those, you know, like on the. The whatever channel you watch, the murder mystery or the, you know, true murders, whatever that is. But it's. Occasionally they'll have that, you know, women who kill. That'll be like its own.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Right?

[David Cross]

Or why do women kill? It's like, why don't they. They should more. There should be more women who kill.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That is a great joke, actually.

[David Cross]

I mean. Well, I'm. I mean, I'm joking, but I'm not joking.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You're right, though. No, we have plenty of reasons.

[David Cross]

Yeah, you should.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Women should be killing more than most guys. Yeah. Like. Like horrifically betrayed.

[David Cross]

What do you got, Chris? Us. It says.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[David Cross]

More males than females were accused nationwide.

[Rachel Feinstein]

A difference that appears to be increasing. Fathers are more likely than mothers to commit suicide after killing a child.

[David Cross]

So. So they feel worse. Yeah, Fathers. So they. Fathers do more killing. But then they feel pretty bad.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Still all about them though.

[David Cross]

Yeah, it's still about them.

[Rachel Feinstein]

They're embarrassed.

[David Cross]

I made an oopsie and that's not gonna look good on the final report.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's about their ego and their boss. Yeah, I know. Their boss defy that. It's humiliating. What if Stan finds out you killed your wife and kids? Absolutely embarrassing.

[David Cross]

Yeah. But I'm sure there's a lot of. Essentially, I'm sure I would guess that there's a lot of those men who do that are perhaps ex military.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Ptsd.

[David Cross]

Ptsd. Maybe some. You know, maybe that was part of it. I know there's like religious kooks who do you know, male and female do that.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I feel like also the guys more often when they kill their wives, they. They pretend to look for them. Whereas I feel like the women just. They just like, I'll see myself out. But I feel like the guys always get a button with their face or something. And then you always see that one interview, like right before he's caught. I remember watching one of those, like, it was like Forensic Files or something. And they were like, what do you miss most about Stacy? And everybody knew at this point that he'd just absolutely killed the bejesus out of Stacey. But he was like, well, well. And you saw him start to get angry at her again when he started to think about her, because he was just thinking about all the things that Stacy Bucket did that made him have to kill her.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And he's like, well, you know, she was skinny. And that was the only thing he could go off with.

[David Cross]

Oh, my Lord.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Because everything else was going to remind him why he killed her. And he wasn't gonna be able to sit there with that button when his shining eyes pretending like he was just checking every crevice for Stacy Y. But he's like, well, she was. She was skinny. I do remember that.

[David Cross]

It was like OJ's not non stop hunt for, you know, the killer look.

[Rachel Feinstein]

For them where the women just go like, you know, they kind of get quiet. Yeah. But the guys will put on a big pin and act like they're checking under every couch.

[David Cross]

Yeah. I don't know where she could.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Where could she be?

[David Cross]

It's just not like her to be murdered.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. As soon as I got back from that boating trip, she was nowhere in sight. How very strange and odd and unlike her. Yeah. They gotta find her.

[David Cross]

Rachel, would you tell myself and the listeners what you've got coming up that you would like to. I will tell you. And the special's on. What is it? Netflix.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's on Netflix. It's called Big Guy.

[David Cross]

Really good. It's really good. Good. Big guy. Rachel Feinstein.

[Rachel Feinstein]

But, you know, people say it both way. I never correct anybody. What's the difference? Rachel Feinstein. Not a hot name. Not a lot of Rachel Feinstein. And like, porn is not a hot name.

[David Cross]

Well, it's also the. Just about the most Jewish name you got.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's a brown Jewish.

[David Cross]

Rachel's Old Testament. Old Testament name. And then, fine, Feinstein. Feinstein. That's clearly.

[Rachel Feinstein]

There's no way to soften it. I can't be like, oh, Rachel O. Feinstein or something like it's just silly.

[David Cross]

It's.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That would be very silly. Mick Feinstein would be pretty dumb.

[David Cross]

Oh, Feinstein.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Sorry. I got like lost in my foul name. Yeah. So I'm. I. I have a special streaming.

[David Cross]

Why did you take your husband's name?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I should have but at this point, Brennan that's the only thing.

[David Cross]

Rachel Brennan.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Brennan, come on world. Rachel Brennan is a very handsome sounding name. But I guess I just figured with stand up at that point I got married like four years ago. I was just starting to be able. People could find me by my name name. But that was my dream. When I was a kid. All I would do is write in my Trapper Keeper just any Catholic name. Like just anything to rinse this off.

[David Cross]

Right?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. I used to hate it when they call it Rachel Feinstein. Just like any guy that might have been attracted to me, I would watch them listen to the name. Yeah, let's. I'll find somebody else. So it's. You can go to my website, rachel-feldinstein.com or. And you can see my roads.

[David Cross]

Terrible website.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I know it's so.

[David Cross]

It's just Jewish. This is such a Jewish website name.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's the name of people that control the media, no one else. And the weather and all of that. But when I'm not doing that, I'll be in Nashville and some other cities. I can't remember where are you gonna play in Nashville? I'm at Zany's.

[David Cross]

Okay.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, that's a fun club. So I'll be in Nashville next and Pennsylvania and New Jersey and San Diego, some other cities but they'll all be there.

[David Cross]

Pennsylvania and New Jersey are states. Just to.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Did I just say it again?

[David Cross]

Just to let people.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I meant some cities inside of New Jersey. I'll be in Morrisville, New Jersey.

[David Cross]

Not, not really a city but a. Maybe a township.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Right? Township.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Okay.

[David Cross]

And we're in Pennsylvania.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Pennsylvania. I'll be in Ehlersville. Ellersville, Pennsylvania. Yeah, that's not a city either. I guess it's a town. Is that what you're going to tell me? I don't know.

[David Cross]

No, I just haven't heard of it.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I don't know. But I needed. I need you to know at home. I need the listeners to know that. I did know new date. Jersey is not. Is a state and not a city. But I was just speaking.

[David Cross]

Pennsylvania is one. That seems like it keeps tripping you up.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, I know it does.

[David Cross]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's anyone's.

[David Cross]

Guess what. I really know when you think of Pennsylvania.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I know It, But I don't accept it.

[David Cross]

When you think of Pennsylvania, just think it's the Keystone State. And the second part of that is state.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Pennsylvania's the state.

[David Cross]

It's a Keystone State. It's not the Keystone City.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Philadelphia is a city because I'm a genius. So Philadelphia's inside of Pennsylvania. So I have to know that.

[David Cross]

Inside Pennsylvania.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So fucking smart. I'm a Rhodes scholar over here.

[David Cross]

All right, well, cool. I will urge the listeners to check out our special. It's very, very good and I assume lots of new material.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yes, I'm doing a new hour now on the road. You won't see anything from the special. I am, I am, yeah. So hopefully I'll have a new one out soon, but this will be a brand new hour.

[David Cross]

You doing any impressions?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I do impressions, always. I just tend to impersonate people when I talk about them.

[David Cross]

But, like, we just got a teensy taste when you did your. What was your favorite thing about Stacy Voice from the Forensic Files. And you're very good at those voices.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me here. This was an extra cool day for me.

[David Cross]

Now, Rachel, I know, I don't know if you. I close every episode with a question from my daughter who just turned 8 but now is 7 or just turned 8. But I love.

[Rachel Feinstein]

We both have.

[David Cross]

One girl came up with this when they were. When she was 7. And the question for you is, Rachel, why do people breathe rapidly when they're worried?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Ooh, that's a good question.

[David Cross]

Why do people breathe rapidly?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Rapidly is a big word. She sounds very bright. Right? I think that they breathe rapidly when they're worried because they're feeling nervous. And when you're nervous, your body tends to do little physical things like breathe really fast. And so it's kind of. It's your body's response to feeling a bit nervous about something. Maybe that's kind of obvious. I don't know. I'm sure I'll overcome.

[David Cross]

Well, not to a seven year old.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. So that's what your body does. Little things when you're nervous. When I was a little kid and I would get nervous, I used to break out into red spots. Spots all over my face. Like hives all over my face. And I hated going to gym class. So every time I went to gym class, I would just have dumb red spots on me. And I didn't really know my left from right, so. And the teacher would taunt me about this. So I was just this kid with spots. I looked like A leper. And she was always going, it's left like that. She put her. Her hand up like that, and I would just get the ball hurled in my spotted face. I don't know how we ended up here, you guys, but school wasn't. It was Wingate's fault, everybody. No, probably my teachers would say I was the problem, but I didn't care for gym class. Did you?

[David Cross]

No, no. Well, we also had a very. A really kind of sadistic. So in. In the school I went to in Roswell, that was like a. It was an. And I never went to middle school because when I was in elementary school, I was in the certain elementary school. And then we got evicted and kicked out of our apartment. So I was not in school for a little bit, but then moved, finally found a place to live and then was in the school system. That was basically. It was a. There was no middle school. It was like middle school was attached to elementary school.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So, yeah, that happened, I think, in some parts of our.

[David Cross]

I want to say from fifth or sixth grade on, but then the. Then. So you. You ended elementary school, and then you went to high school, which had 8th grade. So it was 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, and or n. Or. Yeah, 8th grade. So there was like an extra. They were. They were. The nickname was Jinkers, and it was an extra. You had one extra year of being the dumbest, weakest, newest, frightened kids. Right. So you had two years of that, and then at this. It was called Crestwood High School. And at the Crestwood Colonels. Nice racist mascot. And like a plantation owner. Oh, my God. And it was. And so in the gym, they had. I don't remember how many, but I want to say maybe 12, like, big. Like this kind of thing. The big padded color guide. Right. And so they're all 12 different colors. White, you know, light blue, navy blue, red. All these different colors that ended with silver and gold. And based on how you performed physical feats, you would be assigned shorts that colored short. Yes, I can see your mouth.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh, my God.

[David Cross]

So you would do these things, like, once every two months or whatever, and, you know, climb the rope and touch the thing at the top of the rope and do jumping jacks and do whatever the thing. The skills. You know, go run down there, grab a cone, run back. I'm timing you. And then based on your performance. So I had. It was such a big day. I eventually moved up to, like, the third color.

[Rachel Feinstein]

But.

[David Cross]

But the first couple things I, you know, I had white, and then there were like, the star Stud. You know, seventh, eighth, ninth graders, whatever. And they had the gold or the silver. And. And so I hated Jim because. And then I had one teacher who was like, football coach who also, you know, was teaching, who always say, cross them up. Cross.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Oh, God.

[David Cross]

And it was. And it didn't even make sense.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Doesn't.

[David Cross]

But he would just. And he would laugh. And then his. You know, like the football players would laugh too. Like it was some sort of put down that didn't really affect me because it wasn't clever.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Makes sense, really. Yeah. Cross them up. Cross. It's just kind of like.

[David Cross]

Or don't cross them up.

[Rachel Feinstein]

If it makes you feel any better, it was once discovered, everybody decided that I was somehow in the middle. Math class. Class. And that they told me at school, like, we took some tests and I got in the middle. And then at the end of the day, everybody in my house was like, wait, this doesn't make sense. Rachel in the middle, she's the. She always gets the lowest. She's the lowest. And everybody was just up in arms. They're like, this doesn't track. Because I was particularly bad at that.

[David Cross]

I'm taking this and I'm marching right back down to that school and getting this. Getting this C changed to an F. You hang out right here. Don't worry about it, kiddo. I'm going to take. Pretty much no kid of mine is getting a. I see it.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Rachel's not in the middle of anything. And. And then. Then the school called and they were like, oops, it looks like we've made a grave mistake. And I was, in fact, supposed to have been at the lowest. They knew their kid.

[David Cross]

And there was a guy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

There was a math tutor that all these kids. And he didn't molest me. And I'm pretty sure it's because I was so bad at math that I just infuriated him more like at so much that he just wasn't aroused by it.

[David Cross]

He couldn't get it up for you? No. You're so.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I remember being like, come on, Rachel. We're not even at the hard part.

[David Cross]

Of the hard problem. Listen, I only fuck children, but you are beyond.

[Rachel Feinstein]

No. I don't remember him looking at my thigh. He'd had it with my shit. All right, you guys, I've rambled for enough. Thank you for having me.

[David Cross]

All right, Rachel, find Stein, find Steam, whatever you want. She doesn't care. Check her out. And thank you for coming down.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Thank you so much. This was so fun.

[David Cross]

Senses working overtime is a headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show Art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not gonna do that. Thanks for listening. That was a Headgum podcast.