Dr. Rob challenges the common belief that the addiction part of a person is separate and therefore able to be dealt with and removed altogether. Rather, the addict part of you is part of the whole you, and will always have the potential to act out again. As a result, there is danger in declaring that you will never act out again. So what can recovering addicts do instead? Dr. Rob highlights reasonable expectations of both partners in recovery, strategies for building trust again, and the importance of creating a solid support group for both partners after betrayal.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:22] There are two separate parts of me, right? Wrong.

[4:00] If I lie again am I not really in recovery?

[5:45] The value of attending 12-Step meetings long after recovery begins.

[8:07] Common pitfalls in the years after recovery.

[10:09] The importance of building social support relationships.

[11:46] Treatment doesn’t actually fix anyone.

[13:36] Will my spouse ever do this to me again?

[18:03] Strategies for building trust after betrayal.

[22:00] Spouses have work to do as well.

[27:07] Will we ever be happy together again?

[32:00] Addicts need to work every day on being the best people they can be.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

“Your capability to do negative things doesn’t go away because you keep your addiction in check. It’s who you are.”
“Recovering addicts who are fearful and worried about slipping up have a realistic sense of what they’re facing when they go out in the world.”
“Treatment doesn’t ‘fix’ anyone. It just gives you a chance for remission.”
“You can only build trust with what you are doing, not with what you are saying.”
“Addicts need to work every day on being the best people they can be.”

Addiction Treatment is Not a Cure