How to Ask Your Body What It Actually Needs

Summary

Podcast Summary: Sex With Emily – "How to Ask Your Body What It Actually Needs"

Host: Dr. Emily Morse
Guest: Dolly Josette (The Pleasure Muse)
Air Date: July 21, 2026

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Overview

This episode of "Sex With Emily" explores the foundational role of embodiment and somatic practices in sexual wellness. Dr. Emily Morse is joined by Dolly Josette (The Pleasure Muse), a sexological bodyworker and somatic practitioner, to discuss how we can learn to listen to, nurture, and truly honor our bodies—especially as it relates to pleasure, intimacy, and sexual connection. Together, they offer practical, guided exercises designed to help listeners tune into their bodies' real needs, bridge disconnection, and foster self-intimacy as the basis for better sex and relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Value of Embodiment and Somatic Work

00:00–07:00

• Dr. Emily opens with reflections on the difference between craving sex and craving touch:
  “We think we want sex, but we just want touch. We want those feel good hormones…”
  — Dr. Emily Morse [00:00]

• Dolly introduces the concept of embodiment as the act of deeply connecting with oneself, highlighting that self-connection precedes satisfying sexual experiences.
  “You don’t need to rely on an outside force. You actually need to bridge the disconnection with yourself…”
  — Dolly Josette [04:17]

• Sexological bodywork is described as hands-on, consent-based exploration of the body—for mapping sensation, identifying areas of numbness or pleasure, and healing trauma.
  “I even work with childhood regressions, attachment styles, all these different layers of how we're showing up in relationship… but sexological bodywork is how are you showing up in relationship to your body?”
  — Dolly Josette [05:00]

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What Is Somatic Dialoguing?

10:55–12:04

• Dolly introduces her “holy trinity”—body, mind, and soul—as pillars of somatic connection, and explains “somatic dialoguing”: treating your body as an entity you can communicate with and learn from.
• She notes that often people never check in with what their body really wants, which can lead to numbness or disconnect:
  “People actually, when they do this work, they realize, I've never checked if my body wanted to do something… The body… can start numbing out.”
  — Dolly Josette [11:30]

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Somatic Practice 1: The Body Anchor Meditation

12:46–22:05

Guided Exercise Highlights

• Listeners are invited to try five different body positions to see which feels most grounding (hands on thighs, belly, ribcage, heart).
• Importance of using touch, breath, and sound to access the parasympathetic nervous system and release oxytocin.
• Dollly encourages participants to experience themselves both as giver and receiver of touch.

Notable Moment

Dr. Emily shares her experience with settling into the practice:
“I'm noticing it took me a beat to settle, but when I go to my breath, I'm able to really feel more…”
— Dr. Emily Morse [17:06]

• Dolly prompts listeners to give their body a message, and also to listen for any messages from the body—emphasizing patience and non-judgment if nothing arises immediately.
• Dr. Emily receives a message from her body:
  “…my body was like, I want your feet to be on the ground so you could be more centered.”
  — Dr. Emily Morse [20:20]

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Insights and Reflections on the Practice

22:05–25:10

• Dr. Emily reflects on how lack of connection with her body impedes sexual desire and responsiveness, underscoring why these foundational practices matter:
  “Why would my body be responding to somebody else if I haven't even connected to my body today?”
  — Dr. Emily Morse [22:05]

• Dolly explains that building somatic awareness gives access to bodily wisdom—helpful for decision-making beyond sex, such as trusting your gut and setting boundaries.

• Both share that this work is about making the body feel safe and prioritizing internal connection before sharing it outwardly.

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Somatic Practice 2: Vulva Hug or Cock Cradle

26:51–36:32

• Dolly introduces the next practice, designed for both vulva and penis owners, as another way to anchor attention, gratitude, and connection.
• Guided touch is explained for both anatomy types, with options to identify which hand feels better energetically (left is often “feminine,” right “masculine”).
• The practice centers on holding the genitals with warmth, presence, and non-goal-oriented love—a radical shift from habitual, performative, or externally-driven touch.

Notable Quotes:

“It’s so nice to connect…oh good, here we are.”
— Dr. Emily Morse [31:05]

“My Volvo was like, why aren't you making that appointment if you care about me?”
— Dr. Emily Morse [31:25]

“It grounds the body… it makes you feel so seen and so revered and so respected.”
— Dolly Josette [37:37]

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Integrating These Practices & Relationship to Partners

35:50–44:34

• Dolly explains that she does the body anchor every day and the vulva hug regularly. These exercises can:

  • Take the place of daily meditation
  • Set the stage for self-pleasure, sex, or as a grounding ritual before intimacy with a partner

• Dr. Emily highlights the shift in sexual dynamic when touch isn’t about “doing,” but about presence:
  “So many times partners are touching our genitals with a goal in mind… but when you are grounding your partner... it's such a calming for you feel so calm and held.”
  — Dr. Emily Morse [37:42]

• Both discuss how these rituals can transform partnered sex from transactional or performative, to truly connected and safe—allowing authentic needs and pleasure to arise.

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Naming Barriers: Shame, Stress, and The Power of the Pause

42:51–50:34

• Shame, negative self-talk, or discomfort might come up—Dolly and Dr. Emily normalize these feelings, highlighting how shame “lives in the shadows” and how bringing gentle, nonjudgmental friendship to our own bodies is healing.

• Dr. Emily celebrates that, since embodying these practices, she can no longer tolerate touch or sex that feels disconnected or non-consensual:
  “It's against my entire being to have sexual experiences that are not pleasurable for me and my partner. I can't fake it anymore; I can't be performing…”
  — Dr. Emily Morse [46:12]

• Both emphasize the transformational impact of “the pause”—learning not to respond reactively, but to truly “feel into” one’s response, whether about sex, intimacy, or everyday situations.

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Dolly’s Journey: Before and After Embodiment

47:16–50:11

• Dolly shares a personal story of how, through somatic practice, she learned to respond from her body’s authentic wisdom, deepening intimacy and connection with her partner.
• She emphasizes that these practices help everyone know their authentic yes/no, and bring deeper reverence and respect to all bodies—across all relationship structures and life phases.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “You actually need to bridge the disconnection with yourself so that you can in fact have connection and feel and exude… all of this yumminess…”
  — Dolly Josette [04:17]

• “It’s so nice to connect… It gives me my power back to realize, like, I know what to do about it. I know how to connect, but sometimes I just don’t feel it. So that part of it felt vulnerable. But then, from a personal level, it just felt like I have a… It gives me my power back.”
  — Dr. Emily Morse [33:30]

• “We're saying is, we need to give this to ourselves… you really are filling up with oxytocin… you start listening to your body like, ‘Oh, she wants this, she doesn’t want that.’”
  — Dolly Josette [44:39]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–07:00: Introduction to embodiment and sexological bodywork
• 10:55–12:04: The idea of somatic dialoguing and self-inquiry
• 12:46–22:05: Body Anchor Meditation practice and discussion
• 26:51–36:32: Vulva Hug/Cock Cradle practice
• 35:50–44:34: Integration into daily life and partnered intimacy
• 42:51–50:34: Navigating shame, stress, and adopting “the pause”
• 47:16–50:11: Dolly’s personal transformation and advice

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Key Takeaways

• Embodiment and somatic practices are crucial to understanding pleasure, boundaries, and authentic desire.
• Building a daily routine of body connection (even simple touch and breathwork) can transform sexual experiences and relationships—with oneself and with partners.
• Practices like the Body Anchor Meditation and Vulva Hug/Cock Cradle help listeners connect intimately with their bodies, release oxytocin, and foster self-love.
• Through these methods, participants learn to honor their authentic yes/no, communicate needs, and engage in truly consensual, satisfying sex.
• Practicing “the pause” can shift relationships, decision-making, and daily life by reducing reactivity and increasing attuned responses.
• Ultimately, this work is about developing safety, reverence, and friendship within oneself—foundations for fulfilling intimacy with others.

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Final Thoughts

Dr. Emily and Dolly deliver an accessible, compassionate, and deeply empowering guide to reconnecting with our bodies. Their candid stories and step-by-step practices make this episode a must-listen (or must-read!) for anyone seeking more joy, connection, and agency in their sex and relationships.

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For More Resources:

• Visit sexwithemily.com
• Explore Dolly Josette’s work at thepleasuremuse.com

Transcript

[Dr. Emily Morse]

I am so excited to finally share this with you. I am going on tour. It is the best sex ever tour and I hope you'll join me. And the show is all about you, the audience. Every night I'm going to be answering your questions, win prizes and leave with secrets to have the best sex ever. Every night is different because the show is all about you. So here's the dates then. Heading to Philadelphia on Aug. 5, Nashville on Sept. 29 and Austin on Oct. 7. More cities to come. Come with your partner, your friends, fly solo. You'll leave with practical tools, plenty of laughs, maybe some surprises. Well, definitely some surprises. Visit sex with emily.com events for tickets and tour information. I will see you there. Can't wait to meet you. We think we want sex, but we just want touch. We want that those feel good hormones that tell us that that's plan pleasurable and we want more. Why would my body be responding to somebody else if I haven't even connected to my body today? If I haven't even connected so many times? Partners are touching our genitals with a goal in mind. They're touching our genitals to please us. They're touching our genitals because they want something from us. I can't fake it anymore. I can't be performing because it's like a total override of what is now in my system. System.

[Dolly Josette]

Because it is about that making your body feel safe.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Hey everyone. Welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate conversation around sex. This show is all about you. It's about you having better sex, expressing your desires and knowing exactly what you want. Also, be sure to follow me on all social media. It's Sex with Emily everywhere. Subscribe to my YouTube channel for full episodes and my newsletter. You're going to love my newsletter. I've been told I give really good newsletter if you know what I mean. It's sex with emily.com newsletter. Finally, I am going on tour and I hope you join me. I'll be going all over the United States and my first stop is in Chicago on July 7th. And the show is all about you. I'll be answering your questions live. We'll play games, there's giveaways. It's be going to to be such a good time. You can find that at sex with emily.com events. All right everyone, enjoy this episode. Hi everybody. Dolly Josette, AKA the Pleasure Muse. You can check out on all social media and her website is ThePleasure Muse.com and social media is the pleasure muse. Dolly discussed the importance of what somatic work about somatic work, what it actually is, and what embodiment means, which is such an important pillar of our sexual health and wellness. And, and the first pillar of sexual intelligence, as I write about in my book Smart Sex, she's going to show you today, like, all the layers of what this learning will bring. We're going to show all the layers. Today's practice is going to help you connect to some of your deepest yearnings you have around sex. And what I've seen in the world and from over 20 years of doing this, and Dali's been in this work for a decade, is, is that a lot of you.

[Dolly Josette]

You.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

You want to know how to connect more to yourself. You want to know how to feel more. You want to know what feels good to you so you can really enjoy sex more, so you have more pleasure, so you understand what is going to turn you on, what's going to stoke your desire, what's going to help you feel more present. And then once we learn these practices, these simple practices, not simple, like seemingly simple, but actually the most foundational work of embodiment that we can do anywhere. And so you can just start to attune to your needs and learn the skills so you could immediately drop into your body and be present for sex. So today we're going to learn more of that so you can connect more to yourself, feel more.

[Dolly Josette]

Know what?

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Now, as I mentioned, Dalli's been a sexological body worker and a somatic practitioner for almost 10 years.

[Dolly Josette]

And.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

And if you don't know what that is, Dolly, can you tell us a little bit about the important work that you're doing that has changed my life and touched my life and so many other people?

[Dolly Josette]

I will, I will. Before, I want to piggyback on what Emily was saying about the value of embodiment, because I don't know if I really got into this aspect. And then what we're doing today, the whole theme is sexual connection, but it's this idea of connecting to yourself first. And, you know, we say, like, oh, we hear. Hear the cliches, like being your best lover, like, insert eye roll. But as much as we can kind of joke about this, this idea about being your best lover, really feel into, how much we rely on other people to, to like, let us know, like, oh, he wasn't a great lover. Oh, she didn't know how to do this. Or if you're not feeling Great in a partnership how much you're relying on an external force to actually have you feel good. The, the big mystery is you don't need to rely on an outside force. You actually need to bridge the disconnection with yourself so that you can in fact have connection and feel and exude like all of this yumminess and, and deepen what you're feeling. That's the whole point. So today we're going to bridge it. So the, the work of sexological body work. When I'm working with practitioner with. As a practitioner working with people's bodies, a sexological body worker, we actually can work on the pelvic floors, working with vulva mapping, penis mapping, anal mapping, prostate massage, full body embodiment, sensuality, really mapping the entire body, looking at consent, looking at boundaries. I even work with childhood regressions, attachment styles, all these different layers of how are we showing up in relationship. But sexological bodywork is how are you showing up in relationship to your body? What are you noticing? It's actually bringing the embodiment element. So, so that if I'm bringing touch into somebody, like are you noticing potential for pleasure? Are you noticing numbness? Oh, what's showing up for you? Oh, is that a memory? Oh, you don't feel anything. So then we can start to unwind what your body is holding.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

So.

[Dolly Josette]

So I.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Does that help? It does. I want to say more about this is that when she says mapping and I just want to say they could work with you privately on zoom.

[Dolly Josette]

Oh yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Or in person. And we can. That's through the pleasure. Muse.com if you want to go through there. But what she's done, what she does with people, when she says she works pelvic floor, she actually does hands on work. Non sexual touch. So non erotic touch. It's not erotic in the sense of like can be.

[Dolly Josette]

Well, I'm not bringing my erotic.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

She's trying to help you in this practice, but we're going to help you do that here. And if people are interested down the road in a group vulva mapping or penis mapping that you could all do at home. In the privacy of home, we could do that as well. But she could also work with you. But side note, what she does is when she says mapping, it means like, like if she's mapping you, she touches genitals. Yeah. She could touch your arm. But she also with. She uses a glove and she could. You're. You would be laying on a table if you were in person. But massage, massage table. And she would help you Understand, because there's so many nerve endings on our bodies. Like, where's my vulva puppet?

[Dolly Josette]

Here's one here.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

For example, if she was working with you, and what we could do down the road is she would be touching you and saying, what do you feel here? What do you notice is, do you feel anything? And you see that we. And this goes for penis as well, that these are so specific. We talk about the 12,000 nerve endings we have externally, internally, and the penis has. The Uncircumcised penis has 4000 and maybe 8000. If it's. If it's. Oh, sorry. Uncircumcised is 8000, 10,000, penis, 4000. But these are really specific. So she could touch you. And when you're lying there, all you have to do is receive and really think, wow, I have some more sensation on my left labor, my left part of my clitoris and not the right. And she can help people. Like, there may be. There's some trauma attached to it. Maybe there's some feelings attached to it. And so it's just. It's really fascinating work. That's just a deep one.

[Dolly Josette]

And the reason why we do this. And then we. And then we'll. We'll get into, like, today's practices. It's not mapping, but this is a nice introduction to sexological body work, which is important because part of the education that Emily wants to bring to y' all is. Is the fact that there is so much to learn. And maybe you never even knew that somebody like me existed to understand and to get hands on.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Or.

[Dolly Josette]

When I work with couples, I teach partners how to map each other. I teach sensual massage, but they're bringing their. Their intimate connection to each other. And I'm there, like, as maestro, supervising do that, you know, and it's amazing. But the mapping, we are looking at erogenous zones. We're looking at what's numb, what needs to be healed, and to see what's already online. And where can you actually elevate sensation in your body? Because people come to me often that they're like, I'm not having orgasms, or, I'm not feeling this. And the end week, we can increase your actual pleasure and your sensations and put things back online.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

But. Yeah, but online, meaning, like, it might already be online. It might be a really hot spot. And you're. So if you already find a spot in your body, Dali realize that this part part of her arm was the most sensitive, felt the best. So that I was giving her. I was doing it to Her. And we were like, oh, we were narrowing in on this part. So if we're doing it on our genitals or any part of our body, then we have more information to know. Oh, that's where I, like, touch. The same thing is in our bodies. We've just been having sex the same way. Maybe it's been penetrative or even oral sex. If we learn, oh, this underside of my penis or shaft or this left part of my labia feels great. Eureka.

[Dolly Josette]

We know.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

And then we could say, you know what? This part of my body felt great. Let me show you what actually feels good. And that's the missing piece for so many of us. We just don't know what feels good. And then we, we like, just go numb. Or we're like, nothing feels good because we're not as specific and able to pinpoint. Yeah, pleasure. But it all starts with this very foundational practices. And we're going to run through a few more of them today. I'm so excited. So hopefully everybody will learn how to attune to their own needs in their own bodies.

[Dolly Josette]

So my holy trinity is body, mind and soul. I was raised Catholic. Those of you who have religious backgrounds, you know what the whole the religious holy trinity is. But my holy trinity is body, mind and soul. And we actually, I actually interact with them when I teach. When I, what I'm going to teach you today is how to list listen to your body. So it's as if your body or your vulva or your. Because we're going to get into a couple of different demonstrations. It's as if it has its own zip code. It has its own, like, mind, and it can actually talk back to you. And we don't know that we can talk to our bodies. I mean, because that's kind of out there. Right? But it's what I call somatic dialoguing. So you're dialoguing and you're like spending time with your body to actually see what it needs. Because what I find is that people actually, when they do this work, they realize I've never checked if my body wanted to do something. And their body tells them, like, hey, you, you've been ignoring me. I, I, I have. I want to, I want to use my voice. So the body, that's when it can start numbing out. So why don't we get into practice?

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Yes. But what I want to say is real quick that we're going to get in this practice. We're going to do two practices today. One is for vulvas and one is

[Dolly Josette]

for the whole body.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

The whole body.

[Dolly Josette]

Vulvas. And we're going to combine that.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Okay.

[Dolly Josette]

The whole body.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

So bulbas and penises, she likes to say. I like to say penis, but that's. She's tomato. Tomato. We know what we're talking about. And. And then one for the whole body. So what we're going to do is each one we're going to do something we're going to do, we're going to do with you. I'm going to do it and then we're going to stop. And if you guys have any comments, you want to chat, please sit in your notes. And then we'll cover it. Then we'll go into the second exercise. And after the second exercise, if anyone would love this, we'd love to bring you up on camera and talk about your experience.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah. Because it's really valuable to get feedback in real time. And this work that I'm going to do with you, this is what I begin with with all of my private clients. I really am pulling out details from them so that we're really like seeing what's going on with them. But you're going to get a taste of it and get a sense of what is showing up for you. So we're going to begin our first somatic practice with the body anchor meditation. That is to really land in your body, connect with your nervous system, and actually how to release oxytocin so that you can fill up your cup so. So that you even have more to like show up. You don't feel as depleted.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Okay. So oxytocin is that feel good hormone that we get from touch, which is what we all sometimes so desperately crave. We think we want sex, but we just want touch. We want that those feel good hormones that tell us that that's pleasurable and we want more.

[Dolly Josette]

For now, as you are. Do you want a pillow behind you? I think I left it right on the other side. Do you see that? We can put the vulva.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Everyone should get comfortable. Yeah.

[Dolly Josette]

Get comfortable. So. So just get comfortable. And I'm going to actually lead you through five body positions so that we can see which body position feels the best. It's like, you know, Goldilocks and the three bears. She tries out. Baby bears, papa bears, mama bears. To see, like, what feels just right. We want to feel see what feels just right. This is a place that feels the most grounded and the most nourishing. So, Emily, first start off with your hands on the top of your thighs. Breathe in and then just push into the top of the thighs like you're anchoring in. And everyone viewing, watching, please join along. Beautiful. And then the next breath. Put your hands on your belly. Just kind of hold your belly. This. This chair is a little narrow, so it might be harder to do that. Now one hand lower. Belly. One hand higher, kind of by the rib cages, where that little V is of the rib cages. And sometimes it makes a difference if you swap your hands. So higher and lower, you can kind of get a sense of like, oh, yeah, that adjustment really made a difference. And then the last position, I want you to. Whichever hand felt better on top. Move that hand. I'm going to switch mine and go up into your heart. So now that lower hand is kind of center belly, not lower, not higher center. And then just take a breath in. So I'm kind of watching Emily through the camera. Um, you're doing great, girl. Doing great. And I'm hearing your audible exhalations. That's beautiful. So my pillars of embodiment, because I know Emily has hers from her book, but mine are focus of attention. Breath, touch, sound. Sound is included if you can hear the audible exhalations. So now as you're breathing in, start to have your exhalations a little bit longer. Good. And now out. Beautiful. Breathing in and out. That's accessing your parasympathetic nervous system. And I want you to take the focus, Emily, of your hands as the givers, they are giving to you. Just see if you can flip into taking their perspective. Feeling the ridges of the clothes, feeling the. The roll, the of. Of skin or belly. I can feel that more in mine. Feeling the warmth. Or if you. If you're feeling skin to skin, just noticing your giving hands. Now take the perspective of the receiving body. Your body is the receiver. This is where we start to separate. Like that holy trinity giving and you're receiving. So your body's like a different entity. Can your body feel the temperature? Does your body feel? Is it able to sip in, sip in a little bit of that energy, that warmth, sipping it in deeper into your heart, into your spine, as if you're sipping in the sun. We talked about that a little bit yesterday. Just able to receive. And Emily, keeping your eyes closed, kind of say out loud, what are you noticing?

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Well, I'm noticing it took me a few minutes to settle. Like, I had a moment, like, which hand feels better? And I got, like, tripped up. And then I remembered that, like, it doesn't matter. It's not perfect. Just land on one position. But now I'm noticing. So my mind took a beat, and then once I would go back to my breath, I noticed that I was actually able to really feel more. And then when you said. I thought it was interesting when you said to. To be the giver and the receiver in my own body. So I was like, so if I'm giving, like, this hand here, these hands are, like, figuring out what they're touching. But then as the receiver, I was like, okay, yeah, I feel that my body's getting warmer, like, in my chest right here on my hand is. And then I realized that my. My. I wasn't breathing again. So whenever I go back to the breath, I'm like. And then when I do the deep breath, I can feel my stomach. I'm trying to do, like, the right kind of inhale, exhale. I feel my stomach move. So that's what I'm noticing. I'm noticing it took me a beat to settle, but when I go my breath, I'm able to really settle in.

[Dolly Josette]

So good. Such good noticing, y'.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

All.

[Dolly Josette]

There's no right or wrong if the deeper, longer breath starts taking you out of it and you're, like, doing breath. Oh. The most important thing right here is just being with your body right now. It's like you're comforting yourself, just like you're. You're giving yourself, like, this little hug. Yeah. And as you absorb this one warmth, absorb this presence, your body's actually going to start to release a little bit of oxytocin, and it's going to feel as if you are being hugged. Now, the next thing, with this whole somatic dialoguing that I mentioned, I want to see if you have any messages for your body. Emily, do you want to play along with me? What message do you have for your body?

[Dr. Emily Morse]

For me to my body? I want to tell my body that I wanted. I want it to remember this feeling of relaxation and to be able to get into it more frequently because it feels so good to be still and to be settled and to be connected to my breath. I want my body to remember that this is what it needs to feel grounded and nurtured.

[Dolly Josette]

Beautiful messages do you have for newer body viewers? Just kind of feeling into that. This is something that I'm hoping you'll do each day. The messages might change really good. So Emily wants her body to remember

[Dr. Emily Morse]

what this feels like and that it's so accessible. I have to really do much but breathe and still myself. Turn off my phone now.

[Dolly Josette]

Let's see. Let's Flip it. Does your body have a message for you? And don't answer it right away. Okay. Because the message that your body has can show up. It could shift this, the temperature. It could be an emotion. You could feel, like an energy or a tingling or a tightening memory. So asking your body, like, in your mind, body, do you have a message for me? And she might be quiet. She might not be so sure that she can speak. Has she ever been asked this? So if you're not getting anything, that's. It's. It's fine. Get an overall sensation.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Yeah, my body. Well, first, it's funny because I. My body. My legs were crossed and my body was like, I want your feet to be on the ground so you could be more centered. Like, you could be more, like, not off balance.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Because feet on the ground is so anchoring. And so I just made sure that both feet were planted.

[Dolly Josette]

And is there something, Emily's body, that you need from Emily? So now I'm going to just directly work as a practitioner. Emily's body, I'm speaking to you. There's nothing you have to do. But just in any passage that you want to give to Emily, what's coming up in your mind, in your sensation?

[Dr. Emily Morse]

My body's saying, thank you. Like, thank you for taking time to really connect with me. Yeah, it's been a while. I've been. The last few days been so exciting. But lots of movement, lots of running around. So it's like, oh, good. We're doing that thing where we're just grounding. The body's like, this is good.

[Dolly Josette]

Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, beautiful. Well, thank her. And let's start to move a little bit out of this. You can stay in this position, but wiggle your toes and let your bodies know. Let your body know. I'm late. I'm gonna come back and check in with you. My intention is to do this just even for four breaths a day. Just to be with you, not to ask you to do anything, just to let you know I am here and that your voice matters. Look at that beautiful breath at us. So now, if you have any comments, we're just start to come out of this exercise slowly. You can keep your hands there, letting your eyes come into the center space. Just take it in.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Well, I have a quick comment that this reminded me of is that it reminded me of. Of, like, when I don't do this and I don't breathe or get grounded or meditate or do all the things I do to help me meditate, to help me feel More connected that why. Why it can be so frustrating sometimes when I'm like wanting to be even sexual. I was thinking that a lot of know relating to a lot of our community here, that there's so many times that we're like, how would. I'm not. Why aren't I in the mood? Why. Why don't I know what I want? How do I. How do I get turned on? My partner wants me to get turned on. And it just reminded me of that. Like, why would. Why would my body be responding to somebody else if I haven't even connected to my body today? If I haven't even connected what kind of how we started? Why? Why what? Why would my think that my body should just be in response be in service to others if I'm not establishing that relationship first? It was just such a beautiful reminder of like, this is the work. Because then I deeply know what I need. Like, we're in this together and I can open it up for others once I'm clean with my energy and connection.

[Dolly Josette]

I'm like, really? I'm. I'm. I'm like really moved by what you're saying because this is exactly it. Like big light bulb moment.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Yeah. Big.

[Dolly Josette]

Because it is about that making your body feel safe.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Yeah.

[Dolly Josette]

Saying, hey, we are in this together. What do you want, body? What do you need? Because your body will tell you. Your body might tell you I need rest. Your body might tell you I need some sunshine. Your body might tell you I. I need you. I need you to pay attention to me. When I worked with private clients, some. Some really notable things that came up is like, where have you been? The body has told the client, where have you been? Or it's about time. I've been waiting for you. So log in.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

We're.

[Dolly Josette]

We want to hear your comments if

[Dr. Emily Morse]

anyone has anything you want to say.

[Dolly Josette]

What did you notice, like feel into if there's anything that you want to say. Did you want to say anything to your body? Yeah, sometimes some people have. Some clients have told me that they want to apologize to their body. Like, I. I just. I want to tell my body, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for ignoring you. I'm so sorry for whatever. Fill in the blanks. So this is something that can be done. You can do a body anchor in four breaths. You can find. Know your body anchor position. You can find your breath. Just be there. Hey, body, I love you. I'm gonna have a great day. And then you're off to the masses.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

It's really such a beautiful reset to get into that practice of knowing what you need to calm yourself.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Because what we do when we don't do that, and a lot of us don't do that, and often I don't do it, but we do other things. We respond to what's happening.

[Dolly Josette]

We.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

We are go numb or we're just reacting to our environment rather than taking those 40 breaths where you really can come from a place of grace. Grounded, good. Be more grounded. So then the decisions you make going forward are much more connected to what you authenticate on.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah. And then this, when you start to do this, when we talk about building somatic awareness and attunement, you start tuning in. So, you know when we talk about like, oh, I didn't follow my gut. Your gut is your body's reaction. It's the wisdom. And what do we do? We stuff it down. We ignore our body's reaction. Or we have. We think we have to give an excuse. We're like these bobbleheads walking around and our heads are like, oh, I'm gonna think about it. No, y', all, I want you to feel into it. Do you want to do something? You don't have to say, let me think about it. Let me feel into it.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Yeah. And Dolly does that all the time. We've been friends for a long time and she found me feels more grounded. That's amazing. But I think we should move on to the next exercise. Yeah.

[Dolly Josette]

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[Dr. Emily Morse]

But that is so true, guys. We know when they say, trust your gut, what's your intuition say? And I, I for so long have struggled with that. It's like, I don't know. I don't know. But the second I ground or I breathe, I have much more information that I trust to make decisions going forward, whether it's the bedroom or the boardroom.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah. Beautiful.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

So what's this one?

[Dolly Josette]

So next is vulva hug or cock cuddle. So I'm going to get and like open up my legs now, if you are feeling like this is not for you, you can just come back into your body anchor position.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

And even.

[Dolly Josette]

Why don't you go ahead and start with your body anchor position, Emily, just there. And then find your breath. And then whether you have a. Or whether you have a vulva, I want you just to do a little squeeze. Like, if you're holding back p and release. Just to, like, say hello, inviting that part of our body to the conversation, and then just check in. Is it okay in your mind or out loud if you have privacy? Hey, vulva. Hey, penis. Hey, cog. Whatever term you use, would it be okay for some. For some touch? I'm not going to stimulate you. Just want to spend some time with you. So if you get a yes, your body's kind of like open, like, oh, yes, hello. But if you get a no, it's like a contraction, a pullback. Then I want you to stay in your body anchor position. So, Emily, are you a yes?

[Dr. Emily Morse]

I'm a yes. My bot was like, yes.

[Dolly Josette]

But the vulva's external anatomy. So I'm going to guide guys.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Am I cupping? I'm gonna guys.

[Dolly Josette]

I'm guide guys. Do after I do Gil girl.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

So, guys, hang on to your ball. Do or not yet.

[Dolly Josette]

Dominant hand, four fingers down. And then you might want to angle your body back so that you're kind of placing it down your thumb just on the top. It's easier to get your hand in there. And then your second hand over. And then you don't need to press in. The second hand just creates a little bit more like, ooh. It's like a thicker. Like a weighted blanket without having to press in. So I just want you to kind of relax and be there. Now, guys, the best thing for you to do is to kind of get underneath your testicles. And it depends on what kind of pants you're wearing, but kind of just get underneath the testicles. And then shifting your shaft towards your belly button. So your cradle is more like this, where your hand is lower below the other hand, where the vulva hug is one hand over Emily, kind of get a sense of that. Now I'm going to show you something else. Swap your hands quickly. I want you to feel the energetic difference of the other hand being there. Guys, you don't necessarily need to do this, because whatever is most comfortable for you, it's fine. But the girls, the gals, the vulva owners, do you feel a difference energetically and go to what feels better for you. Okay, so what hand is touching your the left hand.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

And that felt better.

[Dolly Josette]

Okay, so the left side of our body is our feminine side. So it could be a softer, more surrender it just your. Your body again.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

If people also. The left side is also more feminine for men and women.

[Dolly Josette]

It's just typically the right side of the body is the yang is the masculine side. I'm right handed. And if I put my right hand, I actually feel a level of like, intensity. Like.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Like kind of interesting action.

[Dolly Josette]

But then what? But if I put my left hand, it just feels a little softer.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Like it was so subtle, super subtle.

[Dolly Josette]

So go to whichever hand feels better. And breathe. Find your breath. Beautiful. Again, longer exhalation. And start to see if your vulva or your cup can get a sense of inviting in some of the warmth, some of the presence of your hands. Our goal here is just to say, hey, Just to bring some attention and love. Just to thank our bodies for all they're doing. Our vulvas, our cocks, this life force. Yeah. Yeah. So just bringing present and Emily, any messages that you have for your Boba. Thank you for. Acknowledge her for or. And if you want to just keep it in your mind and you don't want to share it out loud, Emily, that's okay. Thinking.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

I'm just. I just. It's so nice to connect. I mean, it's so. I put my educator head on to. I'm like, this is why, like, so just never do this. We never connect. And I think, gosh, I haven't even really just sat and connected in a while. So I'm just like, oh, good, here we are.

[Dolly Josette]

We're back together again.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

That's.

[Dolly Josette]

That's the message. That's what you want to say. It's so nice to connect. It's so nice to hear.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Like, I remember the first time I did it, though, years ago, I was like, you gotta make that gynecologist appointment. Because I'd been putting it off for like a year and a half just to go once a year. And it was like, where's my appointment? Because it was like talking to me about, like, take care of me.

[Dolly Josette]

Your Volvo.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Told you my Volvo was like, why aren't you making that appointment if you care about me? Like, whatever it was, it's like, literally like, I hadn't done this, but since I've done this work my way. She's like, oh, welcome back.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah, welcome back. Breathe. Close your eyes.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Good.

[Dolly Josette]

So all the different phases, all the different things that our vulvas can say now tune into what she might want to say. To you. I know Emily's pronouns are she and her, so if you have different pronouns, why that to yourself? What is he? What is. What do they. What does she want to say? So tuning into your Cox. Tuning into your vulvas, do they have a message for you? Anything that they need or they'd like more out or less of? And if there's no messages, they might just be a little shy. Right. And that's okay.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Yeah. The message is still like, just. This is really. I'm so glad to be here.

[Dolly Josette]

Welcome back.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Let's. Let's connect more.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

And this is important because lately, just to be honest with everybody, no, I haven't been as feeling as connected. I haven't. I've been in my busy mind and haven't felt as connected and as desiring of intimacy. And I know that this is the practice that allows me to actually see sex as a. As a intimacy, as like a feeling of connection and not just like an app that I have to shut off the list. And this makes it a lot more accessible to be like, oh, yeah, we are all one. We are connected. And that. It starts with me.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah. And you can see processing, like, everything. She's speaking, too. So her body's a little separate than her mind. But then it. Then she's also one in the same. So the Holy Trinity, it's all different, but yet it's the same. And so what I want to say, Emily, is are there any feelings about that you haven't been. It's so nice to connect. You haven't been feeling any intimacy, any emotions showing up? Sometimes they do.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Yeah. It makes me. It does make me feel a little like. Well, a few things. Telling everybody that, like, oh, you're. This is what you do for a living. You should always be ready to go. It's like I am just, like, I know what to do about it. I know how to connect, but sometimes I just don't feel it. So that part of it felt vulnerable, but then from a personal level, it just felt like I have a. It's giving me my power back to realize, like, it's not just going to magically, like, hit me over the head right now. Like, I. There's some more work I need to do, and I need to, like, look at the stress in my life or things, the busyness of my life. And I know when I just slow down and breathe and connect, it opens up the possibility of connection and intimacy, that it's. It makes sense for how I've been busy and in my Head a lot lately. So it just is sort of like, oh, yeah. Reminder gratitude for you and for this practice that I can turn to anytime. Yeah.

[Dolly Josette]

Beautiful. Well said. Well said. So now checking in with any messages that your body has for you, if there are, and you want to journal about it afterwards. Like, there might be a lot of downloads that you're getting for you. You. If you quickly come off, it can be like, whoa, suddenly. You can also do one hand there and one hand on the belly. But I want you to feel what feels good to you, Emily, coming out of that.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Okay.

[Dolly Josette]

And then just, like, coming back in this space, you're going to start to move out of the exercise. This. This can also. I want to kind of find out what people noticed. Did you have any sense of any blood flow or anything like that?

[Dr. Emily Morse]

I felt some more warmth. I felt more, like, connection. Like, I was like, oh, yeah, it's, like, warm. And I felt a little bit of blood flow. Flow, Sure. I felt blood flow. I felt warm. That felt connection. Yeah, it was really. I feel so. I heard voice, too. Your voice. I feel so much calmer. Can we talk about this practice, though? About. I don't know. I'd love to know if anyone else felt anything. You can tell us. But also, Dolly, how do we connect the dots on this? How do we. Like, where would we do this? How often? And then could we do this with a partner? Is this the kind of the presentation practice that you're suggesting we do? How frequently, how often, and what. What's the benefits?

[Dolly Josette]

I. I do this every day, my body anchor. And I, I. And every other day. If not like three or four times, maybe not every that much, but I try. And, like, I make it, like, okay, I'm doing my vulva hug. So. So I'll do my body anchor first, and then I move into vulva hub. So for me, like, it replaces my meditation experience because I'm like, I will get fidgety. I developed the vulva hug because I was fidgety. And one day I was just. I just kind of put my hand there to comfort. I was like, oh, wait, what's happening? There's, like, all of this stuff happening. And it started to send this blood flow and this energy that actually, after my very first vulva hug, I was

[Dr. Emily Morse]

like, jason, honey, I remember you called me. I think it was during the pandemic or shortly after. You're like, I. The vulva. Yeah, vulva hug. It's amazing. I'm doing every.

[Dolly Josette]

You are so, so into it. And then I On my website, I have this thing called the vulva hug 2.0 where you're activating yourself to like really get sexual energy. So doing it for yourself before self pleasuring, after self pleasuring so that you're activating that you're bringing in all this embodiment and then you're here. It brings a reverence, it brings respect. It's like, thank you. It kind of brings a little bit of that goddessy energy. You know what I mean? But all. But it's like just reverence more than like goddess the energy. She's like really thankfulness and gratitude. And guys, if you can learn to bulba. Hug your part, your, Your. Your partner, women, men, partners, whatever the combinations, cuddling or vulva, hugging your partner, it's. It just. It grounds the body.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

It does.

[Dolly Josette]

It makes you feel like so seen and so revered and so respected. Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

It's so powerless. This, this, this work here is. Is truly transformational, Dolly. I mean, it really is. You guys, this information is just. This is. This is the sauce. Like, this is the secret. This is what we, we all crave. And I know that you've. You've shown me that in the past how to do that with a partner. And I just can't take your partners. It's so grounding. And you feel so connected because so many times partners are touching our genitals with a goal in mind. They're touching our genitals to please us. They're touching our genitals because they want something from us. They're touching our genitals because they want to get us aroused. There's like a. It's goal oriented. But when you are grounding your partner and you're. Doesn't do perfect, maybe just putting your hand over it and not moving your hand is such a. It's. It is. It was like a. It's such a. It reminds me of like a weighted blank. It's such a calming for you feel so calm and held that it's like really, really beautiful. And it feels so supportive.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

And it feels like it's a different kind of connection that I had never experienced before. And I remember when I got this from you, this practice and it. And then I. I have had a partner do this. It was just. It just changes the whole. I can, I can relax into my body. It gives me permission to feel safe and to know that this isn't. I don't have to do anything else but feel connected to my body at that moment. And then like a lot of emotion can Come up like, just like deep gratitude or sadness for feeling that I haven't been as connected. And then I feel that my. It allows me to feel more like my partner really wanted. I feel so seen by my partner and just like it's such a loving act.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

To just. Because if you think about our generals, it's so charged. It's always so like I said about service or about doing or going, are you wet enough? Are you hard enough, are you acting? Or do you look okay? And just to be like you're okay. It's almost like someone's giving you a hug or holding you, you know, like, you're okay, I'm okay. It's just. I mean that is such a great practice and it is reverence.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Grounding word.

[Dolly Josette]

Because of this idea that you're not being done to. Or like, who's tired of being done to. Yeah, like exactly what you say. I'm of service or I have to do this or I have to be a certain way or it has to be stimulated. But. But even my male clients, like doing the cradle. It seems like, oh, I can get the boba hug. But the copper even settling into that and being like with like the power, this life force, the gratitude, thanking our bodies for all they're capable of feeling. Bridging like trust because your body for it to orgasm for your body to heal. If it doesn't trust that you are looking out for it. For him, for her, like, like your body wants to know, like, yeah, we're a team. She's not ignoring my needs. And oftentimes how often are we going out? Like in my early days, like just going to my fun for the night or one night stands. And it's like I didn't check on my body and I'm like, man, I

[Dr. Emily Morse]

regret that that didn't feel good. Right. I wasn't present. I was of service again. And like I love that balcony said yes. No one wants random grabs. No one wants her to grab her by the. Or grab her by the box. That's why the grab and the take, it just, it feels sometimes so. But we've never been given permission to think otherwise. I know from my experience as a sexual being before I started in this work was that I didn't have permission to say no. And I had it to pretend to like, whatever was happening to me, I had to respond in the way. And if I really. Because I really truly wasn't having pleasure, I would tap into. What am I? Oh, I should moan now. I should move like I like it now. And so I wasn't ever authentically present during sex and responding in a way that was genuine and that was, like, could truly give my partner information to know what I liked.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

And so what I love is that this work is such a jumping off point. And again, I'll say it. It's so foundational. And nobody. Like, this is like a. I feel like Deli is like a secret wizard that I'm bringing in. Like, I. I've been sharing and talking about deli for many years. She's been on the podcast several times. We're dear friends. But it's like, it's so hard to explain it until you experience it. Why this is so important to think, wow, this part of my body, I've never actually built a relationship with. It's always been this. Sometimes it's something we're shameful about. It's not enough. It's not what we want. It's not acting how we want it to. And we're so mean to it, and we're so shamed by it and we're so embarrassed by it. But think of that crazy disconnect that we feel. It's that we're shameful. We're embarrassed. It's not doing what. And then we should be. But I'm open for business. I should be ready for sex. When the messaging has been, I don't know you, I don't love you, I don't revere you. There's nobody, nothing in our culture when it comes to sexuality and connection and intimacy, nothing in our culture is ever like, do this work?

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah. Ask your vulva. Ask your what it wants.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

What is it, your body, does it actually want? And this is the knowing, like, we all sort of know and we all can do this no matter who we are, no matter what our parts, no matter what our history. And I'm wondering if for some people, maybe some shame came up. Like, this isn't okay. We talk about the pleasure thieves, stress, trauma, and shame. Did some anxiety come up? Did some shame come up for you? Like, I shouldn't be doing this, or did you start having negative self talk? You know, I'd love to know that. And we can. You know, this is just the beginning with Sally. Even though she's going to have to leave us to go back to Nashville, she can always be present in this community with us on Zoom. But Dolly, I. Yeah, so just, like, think about that.

[Dolly Josette]

If shame came up and it didn't feel comfortable for you to touch down there, then that's when you want to go back to the body anchor, that's when you want to prioritize that. So the body's like, oh, you don't have ulterior motives. Oh, you really do just want to show up. And shame, especially shame, lives in the shadows and it wants to hide. And so bringing in touch, like, it's like. It's like Brene Brown. You know who Brene Brown is? She says it really fast. Like when shame shows up or you're going through and you're really embarrassed just being present to it. Like a good friend. So I'm a good friend. You're going through something. I'm just gonna sit next to you. You don't have to tell me anything. I. I'm just here for you. So it's like I'm doing that to my body, but here I am, my friend's going through something. I am just here for you, sister. And there's nothing you have to say. I'm just here for you. So in whatever time you want, you can express yourself.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

And that's what we need so much from our partners, our friends. But we're saying is we need to give this to ourselves.

[Dolly Josette]

That's so beautiful. I noticed some emotion showing up for you.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

It's just so be. I like, I just love.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Because that really is. And you have. This is what a good friendship is. And we have always been there.

[Dolly Josette]

And so transferring that, like, I'm here for you. That's what we're doing for our own bodies. So that then you're feeling your own cup up. You really are filling up with oxytocin. And then you develop that attunement. Your body will start speaking to you more. Your body will start. You'll start listening to your body like, oh, no, she. She wants this. She doesn't want that. And then you get clarity. You start to gain confidence. And more than anything, you are nourishing and loving your body. It's like, you know when. When babies get swaddled and they're just being held. It's like you're holding your own body. You're like swaddling and you're just protecting and again building that bridge so that your body can trust.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

That's so beautiful. Dolly. I was going to say, like I. I've noticed. I'd love to hear your experience that for me over the These many years. And when I first started learning embodiment, we met 10 years ago, I realized that there's. Once you get into this practice and I'd Love you to share a bit about your practice and routine and what you noticed. But what I noticed is that I no longer was able to accept touch that wasn't what I wanted or pleasurable. I, I, after doing this, and I've not, I, it's not like I do it every day and I'm not perfect at it, right? But I know now when something doesn't feel good, my entire body is like, that is a Hell, no, that's not okay. So it was like the permissioning actually became more embodied. And so I'm now, I, I. It is against my entire being to have sexual experiences that are not pleasurable for me and my partner. Like, I can't fake it anymore. I can't be performing because it's like a total override of what is now in my system. Like, I can't do the performative sex or the whatever. So the sex that isn't consensual. Because really, we're teaching consent. This is like bodily consent. We are like, first and foremost, we are. The first line of defense is our body. Like, we are the body of consent. So, Dolly, I'd love to know, like, when, how long did it take till this became routine for you? But also, what did you start to notice about your sex life and your relationship to your body and to your, to your part, to your husband? What was Dolly before and after the first routine and then Dolly before and after would be amazing. Dolly before somatic work and then after?

[Dolly Josette]

Well, I have a funny story. When I did my sexological bodywork training, it was in the uk, and for whatever reason, like, I just, I couldn't get my husband, like, we could text. Like, I couldn't get a zoom. My reception was really bad where we were out in the country. And, and as I started really learning about, like, feeling into my body. And he asked me something on text if he could go do something that would normally be a no. Like, I was like, that I, like, I read. It was like, why is he even asking me this? I was like, well, let me feel into it. So I'm like, listen, I'm feeling this. And I'm like, And none of my body was, like, it was just so neutral. And I was like, I felt into it, and I'm totally okay with that.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Huh.

[Dolly Josette]

And he wrote me back. He's like, are you doing the class on me?

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Oh. Cause you.

[Dolly Josette]

He's like, is this the class?

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Like, Cause you responded back.

[Dolly Josette]

I was like, I felt into it. And I'm a, yes, you could do that. And he's like, wait, is this the class that you're doing? And yes. And I'm like, yeah. He's like, oh, I like it. So it's this idea that you do start to get a sense of, like, your body, like, ooh, yes. Or oh, no. And so you do start to know your authentic yeses and nos. And. And so it's what you said. But. But it. But it deepened intimacy. It deepened connection. So if you are craving connection, you might be married to somebody for many years, or you might be looking just to move into a new relationship, into a deeper, more authentic. This kind of practice will deepen your intimacy. It doesn't mean that you need to say goodbye to casual sex. But then you may have a choice. Is casual sex something for you? Like, I'm not shame about it. Like, if you want casual sex, be embodied and, like, go for it and feel everything you can in that moment. And do you want to bridge into the intimacy? Then maybe you're inviting your partner to, like, do the reverence, you know, vulva hug or cock cradle, just so that they can drop into their body. Also, with a cock cradle, it's important to, like, love the cock and all its time stages. We don't need. And having, like, soft and just holding it and being with it. It's like when I did do this to my husband, and initially he's like, oh, I don't know. I was like, I don't have to. In all stages, he's like, oh, and he, like, softened. He's like, I cannot believe how comforting this feels. I cannot believe, like, all my thing. Oh, it's not the way I want. It just went away, Dolly. And so again, it's that just loving your body in all of its stuff stages. And this has gotten me through hellish times of perimenopause, moving across country. Like when I was, like, going through stress about that, like, just here I am, body. We're gonna get through this together. But deepening the intimacy, it's the biggest takeaway so that. So that your relationships can really feel good.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Yeah. Well, what I love what you said is it almost sounds like you. This is. This is such a lesson. This is something that I. I always work on is the power of the pause. Sometimes where we want to just immediately respond to something. Like, you said he sent you a text. You were. Your first thing was enraged. Like, no, how dare he? But you. It's that pause. That's where the magic. That's where we change in the pause between reaction.

[Dolly Josette]

Yeah.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

And that is the practice. And so if you find you people say go for a walk. If you're feeling something like, think about it. This is another thing you could do. I want to respond. I know I shouldn't. Like I'm feeling. Even if anytime you're feeling enraged or anger or like this strong reaction on either side, check in first and see. Like, is this just coming from a thought or a previous conditioning that when your husband asked in the past, it was a no. But I love that. That, that, that granular. Like that wasn't a time thing. You didn't have to respond. We always have time to pause and. And so much of that just comes up. That comes up for me a lot. I don't know if that comes up for you, but I found there's a lot of ways I react. Even today I had a reaction with my assistant. I Ben, who I adore and Dolly was there and I responded a way that he didn't.

[Dolly Josette]

He's been.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

He's a champ. He's doing things so much and we were so much chaos going on that I responded away and I just immediately felt like, why did I do that? He's a woman that's a rock star. And so I. But I'm just thinking I could have. I could have. I was triggered by something that had nothing to do with him. And I thought again, you guys, this is not. I'm not perfect practice. But how do you friggin stop before you react? And I. This is a refresher. I feel like this is gonna even just stay with me.

[Dolly Josette]

Well, and you said like you've been out of practice of doing that. So waking up before you go into meeting when you're finishing up all your stuff, just being there and grounding it actually it has. You show up more capable to take on other people's stuff because you are filling up your own cup.

[Dr. Emily Morse]

Thanks for spending time with me all the.