Episode 79: How to Grow Without Losing Yourself

Summary

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Shed and Shine | Episode 79: How to Grow Without Losing Yourself

Hosts: Gino Wickman and Rob Dube
Date: September 10, 2025

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Brief Overview

In this episode, Gino Wickman and Rob Dube explore a common challenge for driven entrepreneurs and high achievers: how to grow and expand professionally without losing touch with your true self. Through personal stories and practical insights, they discuss the dangers of the “more, more, more” mentality and offer strategies to create a sustainable, fulfilling path that honors both ambition and authenticity.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

The “More, More, More” Trap

• Rob Dube opens the conversation by highlighting society’s obsession with continual achievement, emphasizing the potential risk to inner peace, values, and authentic self (00:41).
• Gino Wickman shares that even after decades in business, he battles the temptation to do more—acknowledging that the allure of more talks, more money, and more recognition never totally goes away (01:39).

“As a driven person, you can get sucked up in that thing… you can completely lose yourself. There’s so many driven people that just completely lose themselves. And not only do they then lose themselves, they lose everything. They lose their family, they lose…”
— Gino Wickman (04:40)

Drawing the Line: Boundaries and Capacity

• Gino explains his personal system for staying balanced:
  • Determine your “100% capacity”—the maximum you can handle without burning out (02:54).
  • Be intentional about what to say “yes” and “no” to, filling your schedule only with high-impact activities.
  • Recognize you can’t have or do it all; set boundaries to avoid sacrificing what matters most (04:10).

“You’ve got to create your own filter because it’s so exciting. As a driven person, you can get sucked up… So I work this much and I can say no to everything else…”
— Gino Wickman (04:54)

Personal Experiences of Losing (and Finding) Yourself

• Both hosts share candid stories of losing themselves in relentless work in their twenties (05:40–06:30).
  • Rob Dube: Credits mentors like Gino for helping him realign and find clarity.
  • Gino Wickman: “I lost myself in my 20s. That’s all I did was work in my 20s. …Thank God I got my wakeup call toward my late 20s…” (05:40)

The Cycle of Sacrifice for Driven People

• Rob observes that achievers often “kick the can” on their personal lives, promising themselves a better future after the next “big milestone”—but rarely course-correcting.
• Gino suggests using tools like a quarterly self-assessment to regularly check alignment with your true priorities (07:39).

Hidden Costs: What’s Really Being Sacrificed?

• Gino shines a light on specific sacrifices high achievers make—most notably, neglecting people-development and mentorship in both business and family life (09:04).

“You’re sacrificing this opportunity to really leave a legacy with the people that report to you because you’re so damn busy doing all that other intoxicating stuff and you’re just not saying no.”
— Gino Wickman (10:25)

Achieving through Self-Sacrifice: Is It Ever Worth It?

• Gino brings nuance, citing an old saying: living out of balance is okay “as long as you know for how long and why” (11:04).
  • Temporary sacrifices are sometimes necessary, but it’s crucial to understand the endpoint and the reason.
• Rob adds the power of asking hard questions: “Why do I want this? Who told me I have to do it this way? What really matters to me, even if no one else approves?” (12:41)

Signs of Misalignment

• Gino humorously but poignantly lists obvious symptoms: “Dress, a frowny face, drained energy, bags under their eyes…” (13:42)
• Rob and Gino discuss fear-based decision-making as another warning sign, encouraging listeners to reflect on whether their choices are rooted in fear or love (13:53–14:23).

“They’re trying to fill a hole that can’t be filled... when you can shed that layer… you realize there’s no hole to be filled. You are whole and complete and lacking nothing.”
— Gino Wickman (14:23)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On boundaries and ambition:
  “There’s a line. My job is to figure out where’s the happy medium.” — Gino Wickman (02:20)
• On early career burnout:
  “I lost myself in my 20s… I was just not there. And then when I was home, I was not present.” — Gino Wickman (05:40)
• On continuous self-reflection:
  “Take stock of where things are, you make changes, and so it never gets out of control.” — Rob Dube (08:25)
• On missed opportunities for legacy:
  "You’re sacrificing this opportunity to really leave a legacy with the people that report to you..." — Gino Wickman (10:25)
• On the seduction of success:
  "They're trying to fill a hole that can't be filled. …You are whole and complete and lacking nothing." — Gino Wickman (14:23)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:41 — Main theme: How to grow without losing yourself
• 01:39 — Gino’s reflections on the “more, more, more” culture
• 05:40 — Personal stories: Losing oneself in the pursuit of success
• 07:39 — The value of frequent self-assessment
• 09:04 — Concrete sacrifices: neglecting people development
• 10:54 — Living out of balance—temporarily
• 12:41 — Asking the hard “why” questions
• 13:42 — Signs someone is out of alignment
• 13:53–14:23 — Are your decisions fear-based or love-based?

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Takeaways and Action Steps

• Define Your Boundaries: Know your work and time capacity; consciously choose what to take on and when to say “no.”
• Periodic Self-Assessment: Utilize tools like the True Self Assessment or 90-day check-ins to realign with your values and priorities.
• Maintain Perspective: Think in terms of decades. Paint the “perfect life” picture, not just a perfect business.
• Ask Core Questions: Regularly check in with yourself: Why am I pursuing this? Is this for me or someone else’s expectations?
• Recognize Red Flags: Watch for physical/emotional signs of misalignment and moments where fear drives decisions.

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By the end, Gino and Rob emphasize:
You don’t have to lose yourself in the process of achieving your dreams. Staying true to who you are amplifies—not hinders—your growth.

Transcript

[A]

Is one of our clients who said they were really focused on an exit three years from now. And this person said to me, and then I'm going to start living. And I said. And I said to her, will you be living in three years? I mean, come on, let's really think about this. So that's losing yourself. Hello, everyone. My name is Rob Dubay, and I am here with Gino Wickman. Gino, good to see you. How you doing?

[B]

I'm doing, man, looking forward to this.

[A]

All right, so as always, I like to start with some context to get your gears turning. So today we're going to dive into something that many driven people wrestle with, and that is how to grow without losing yourself. And so we have a world that is obsessed with more. More impact, more recognition, more success. And how do you expand in your profession or your passion without sacrificing your values, your energy, and your inner peace? So it doesn't matter if you're a business leader, an artist, an athlete, a teacher, a healer. Growth can be beautiful. But it can also pull you away from what matters most if you're not intentional about it. And this is about aligning your outer expansion, your outer world with your truth. So today, I'm hoping we can explore how to keep your heart and soul intact while you grow. All right, did that do enough to get your gears turning, Gino?

[B]

There's a slow turning going on. A couple of thoughts. You know, I'm reminded one thing that's really interesting is I wrote more and more and more here before you said what you said, so. Right. It's really interesting. I mean, that is what goes on. And so the place I wanna start is it makes me think about all of the ways that I get pulled and the more that I could do, and I'm going back 25 years through three different businesses, and, you know, I could always do more talks, and I could always do more podcasts, and I could always do more meetings, and I could always write more books. And, you know, so if I would was willing to go out there and do 100 talks a year, there's no question I'd sell more shit and help more people and make more money, but it's like, there's got to be so there. So for me, it's always this really simple formula that's maybe not fair and as simple for others, but it's like, how much is too much? There's gotta be a line. And so I always go from the 0, you know, to 100% thing where, okay, so I can't do or shouldn't do 365 talks a year. Right? Like that would be crazy. So I know I can't do that and I want to do more than zero. So my job is to figure out where's the happy medium, you know. So Again, I do three to five talks a year, a very small number. I do 35 sessions a year. This is where I am at this point in my life, you know, and my hundred percent capacity is certainly full with lots of stuff, but I can't do it all. And so I have to put a line in the sand for myself. And then this is where all of a sudden the disciplines start to come into the conversation. Know your hundred percent, what is your work capacity? How much are you willing to work? Because now I gotta fill that with the highest impact items. What is your 10 year thinking? So I gotta think about where do I wanna be in 10 years and 20 years, multi decade terms? What do I want my life to look like? And then say no often. What are all the things I need to say no to to do that? So it's all about boundaries as we're talking about. So sudden, the average normal, driven person, you get pulled into the helium of more, more, more, more, more. Same thing with money though. It's like, I know I could have made more money. I know I could be making more money right now. I could have sold EOS worldwide for more. I could have held on to EOS worldwide for three more years and gotten three times as much money. I have not one regret because I'm freeing myself up for the next thing. So the money is nice, but where does it stop? Do I need like $10 billion? Like what's the number? So I just don't need that much. And so now I'm balancing between wanting to be a great family man and a great husband and a great friend and a great businessman and a great. So you add all that up and there's only so much time to do all those things. So some things have to give and, and I'm just willing to give on some of that income and that wealth. I certainly. There's amount I want to have because I want to be financially independent, but where does it stop? Because you could just keep going and going and going more and more and more. So you got to create your own filter because it's so exciting. As a driven person, you can get sucked up in that thing into the, you know the title of this podcast or where you started is you can completely lose yourself there's so many driven people that just completely lose themselves. And not only do they then lose themselves, they lose everything. They lose their family, they lose. So it's, it's, you know, I'm able to anticipate and it's just not worth it to me to lose all of those things. So I work this much and I can say no to everything else and that's going to make me this much money and it's going to create this kind of wealth while at the same time being all those other wonderful things in my life.

[A]

Yeah. Was there ever a time where you felt like you were losing yourself?

[B]

Oh my God, so many times. And that's, you know, so that's where I learned is, you know, you, you get stung. I mean, I lost myself in my 20s. That's all I did was worked in my 20s. You know, it's, it's amazing. I'm still married. I was just not there. And then when I was home, I was not present. So thank God I got my wake up call toward my late 20s and into my 30s, I was able to become more balanced. But yeah, I completely lost myself in my 20s.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And so that's a really important point for any of us. First of all, the, that you may have some ebbs and flows in your life where you get really clear and maybe you lose some clarity because you get sucked into something that maybe isn't in alignment with your true self. I know that definitely has happened to me over the years, similar to you the first 10 years of business. I think I was completely lost, honestly. And thank you for coming into my life. Gino, you're one of the people I thank every single night. I truly do. One of my teachers, my mentors and just helping me get clear and get things really focused on what mattered most in my life. And from that point on, I think having that clarity really helped guide decisions that have really helped me in the totality of my life. And so that's something that you can all think about as a listener out there is look at the totality of your life and is all of this serving you and get really clear if you're getting lost and going down paths for the wrong reasons, chase chasing after something and you don't really understand why you're doing it. All right, Gino, what is something that driven people tend to sacrifice when they start growing fast in their careers or their businesses? Have you noticed anything as you've worked with some of your clients that you're noticed, you know, where you notice they're losing themselves.

[B]

I feel like I'm going to repeat myself. So hold me to task. But certainly if there's something. Can you share an example that might prompt something?

[A]

Yeah, two. Two examples. You know, one person shared with me. Once I get this next deal, then I'm going to really focus on my life. So they were, as I like to say, they were kicking the can on the real problems. And there was no way when they got that deal that they were going to address what was really going on in their life. I just knew it. I intuitively knew it. I had another person. I've shared this story before is one of our clients who said they were really focused on an exit three years from now. And this person said to me, and then I'm going to, to start living. And I said, and I said to her, will you be living in three years? I mean, come on, let's really think about this. So that's losing yourself. And I think this is where the 10 disciplines really is useful. And we have tool of Shameless Plug, the true self assessment. Take it every 90 days so you can course correct yourself before things spin out of control. And I think this is a really important thing. Like, you know, you created EOS and every 90 days it's kind of a reset. You know, it's where are things at? You take stock of where things are, you make changes, and so it never gets out of control. And that's one of the things I love about the assessment. And we have our mastermind group take it every 90 days and we take a deep dive into the areas where they're off track because there's always something off track. And so this way you don't lose yourself.

[B]

Yeah. So here's what you prompt. I'm going to do a real specific one because, you know, again, my mind just goes to these general categories of sacrifice. And I think that's clear to everybody out there. Maybe I'm not being fair, but here's a really specific one. And so for whatever reason this flashed in my mind for whoever you are out there that needs to hear this, this is directed at you is like, here's an example of something a driven person sacrifices. And let's use an example of like a driven leader. Okay? And you have people that you lead for some reason. You have people that report to you and your intoxication around whatever it is, making more money, doing more, getting more, whatever this thing is that you can do more. More of what you sometimes sacrifice is time with your people is time to Grow your people. Time to coach your people, time to mentor your people. And if there's an aspect of you that loves to teach and build people up and lift people up and grow people, because when you grow people, it makes you better, that's one of the things that you're sacrificing, is you're sacrificing that incredible opportunity with your people. Now, we could transfer that to parenting and we can talk about not enough time with your kids to be a great parent, but we don't have to go there. But that's another example. But some of you out there, you're sacrificing this opportunity to really leave a legacy with the people that report to you because you're so damn busy doing all that other intoxicating stuff and you're just not saying no.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What do you think you would say to someone who feels like they have to give up part of themselves to achieve in the spirit of achievement?

[B]

I'm going to say this. So there's an old saying, it talks about how you can live out of balance in life as long as you know for how long and why.

[A]

Thomas Merton.

[B]

Was it Thomas Merton?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Tom Hopkins is who was given credit for saying that 35 years ago. So I don't know who said it first, but maybe he got it from him. But regardless, that's what I would say to that person if in fact that person is going to sacrifice themselves for a short period of time, because I have sacrificed myself. You know, there was a time when my session load with clients was at a all time high and I simultaneously wrote a book that pushed me to my limit and pushed me to the limit of my personal relationships. So. But I knew that it was short lived. You know, it was a long period of time, it was a year, year and a half. But I knew there was an end. So I was able to live out of balance because I knew for how long and why. So assuming that's the situation with that hypothetical person you're sharing with me, but if it's somebody who is about to spend the rest of their life doing that, I would share everything I shared in the previous 10 minutes of this podcast episode. You know, I would urge them to really look at the entirety of their life. 10 year thinking, paint the perfect picture. What does the perfect life look like for you? And hopefully help them see how there's a balance that they're striving for. And that will help them see that they can't put 100% of everything into everything. And Sacrifice all that stuff for very long without a lot of things suffering.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You might ask yourselves, why do I want this? Who told me I have to do it this way? What really matters to me, even if no one else approves. I was having a conversation with somebody who's in their 20s and, and they were in a career that was very successful and it was draining them. Now, thank goodness this person's in their 20s and said this, I cannot continue. Even though they were making great money now, the parents felt like, this is crazy. You can't walk away from this. But the person did. And I gave that person so much credit because that's a hard thing. She was saying, well, why am I doing this? Who told me I need to do it this way? This isn't what my life is going to be about. So, you know, depending on what age you are, it doesn't really matter. You can always ask those questions. Now, do you notice any signs with people who are out of alignment with their true self?

[B]

Dress, a frowny face, drained energy bags under their eyes. Yes. All of those kind of signs.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And watch when your decisions are fear based. We write about this in Shine and pay really close attention. Maybe even spend a few days with, with your one place. That's one of our disciplines as well. And just write down, okay, is the decision I'm making right now fear based or love based? Am I, do I, am I fearing I'm missing out of something? Or do I fear I'm not enough? You know, these things are what wears you down. And when you start to recognize them, this is the awareness level. You can unblock that energy and, and.

[B]

To just grab that too. It's like they're trying to fill a hole. So they're trying to fill a hole that can't be filled. And so chase back where the hole came from. What conditioning led you to believe that there's a hole that needs to be filled? And when you can shed that layer and whatever that is, all of a sudden you realize there's no hole to be filled. You are whole and complete and lacking nothing. And then you'll start making more love based decisions.

[A]

Oh, that's a good time to. That's a good place to stop, I think. Do you have more?

[B]

No, we said that was good.

[A]

All right, Gino, thanks so much. And as always, thank you for joining us. You don't have to lose yourself to grow. In fact, the more you stay true to who you are, the more powerful your growth becomes. So we'll see you next time and as always, stay focused and much love.

[D]

Thank you for listening in today. We truly appreciate you taking the time to spend with us and please tune in for the next episode. Until then, if you'd like to see where you are on your true self journey, go to shedandshinepodcast.com to take the True Self assessment and receive personalized guidance. If you're all ready to begin your inner world journey with Rob and myself, please join us for the next round of the 10 disciplines group coaching program. We wish you all the best in.

[B]

Freeing your true self.

[D]

Stay focused and much love.