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Shiny New Clients!
Overcoming Scarcity, Negative Comments and Mean E-mails with Mindset Coach, Samantha Chung
00:29:16
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- [00:01]
Jenna Warner
Welcome to Shiny New Clients, the marketing podcast that helps you attract shiny new clients to your business. We'll talk about social media, what makes people buy, how to go viral, and marketing psychology all in 20 minutes or less. Whether you're a coach, a stylist or a wedding planner, if you've got a service based business to sell, this is the show you need to fill your calendar. I'm Jenna Warner, your new marketing coach and this is Shiny New New Clients.
- [00:33]
Samantha Chung
If you have ever stressed out about a negative comment, if you've ever been worried about showing up, if you've ever worried about money or stressed about charging your clients what you're worth, all of that is what we're talking about in today's episode. I had been following Samantha Chung, who is simplifying Sam on all the socials. She's massive on TikTok and on Instagram. I'd been following her for quite some time and I reached out and invited her to come on this show because I have learned so much from her just in her reels, like I would watch one 30 second reel and have like a mental revelation about my mindset and my business and my approach to life. I'm like, I gotta get this girl on the show to help you do the same. And she did not disappoint. She is just so full of wisdom. And if you are a little bit woo, like you're into abundance and manifestation and all of that, all the better. It's not a prerequisite for this episode. If those words didn't mean anything to you, we will explain more about them and more about what I mean and her approach to life and her approach to regulating your nervous system. Oh my goodness, I'm so glad that you're here. I'm so glad that we can meet Sam together. Here she is.
- [01:51]
Brittany
In order to serve customers, to serve people, you have to believe in what you have to offer. So there naturally has to be a really strong layer and foundation of self trust and self worth. And I find that a lot of people go into business to find their self worth, right? They want to build this business, they want to sell products, they want to make money. And they think that through doing that they're going to feel really good about themselves. And it's a total, oh my God. It's just, it's the ringer because they get into the space and then they realize I needed to have all of that before I started. Now I have such a wonky relationship to my business. I always feel like I'm in Scarcity. Even if their business is doing well, they feel like they're in scarcity because they feel like, oh, this is just a one off. This is just a fluke, Luke. And so the work that I do, which is more, more inner work that prepares you for business more so than like the marketing strategy, like the tools, those are really great too, but I think that they're almost useless until you have this really deep, like rock solid foundation of inner trust and knowing and works.
- [02:54]
Samantha Chung
People always say in business is the self development course that you didn't know you were signing up for a hundred. I need you to know that I have never been impacted by social content more than I have by your social content.
- [03:05]
Brittany
No way.
- [03:06]
Samantha Chung
Yeah. Like, usually with social, it's like you're a reel, gives someone an essence of something and then it's up to you to go and learn. Right. And I've like sat there watching your reels, having full send epiphanies.
- [03:19]
Brittany
No. Oh my God. Thank you, Jenna. I'm really allowing myself to receive more lately. I used to be like, compliments would just like bounce off of me and ricochet. And recently I've been opening myself to receive that. So I'm, I'm really feeling it at my heart today. Thank you so much for sharing that. I always wanted, wanted my content to be that if you could not afford coaching, if you were someone who was so overwhelmed with life that all you could do was manage to scroll on your phone at the end of the day, that you would still get something out of that. Because I know that that's the majority of social media users, right? Not every single person is going to go on there and like click on the link in the bio and like, apply to the program and like, apply the tools. Like, not everyone's going to do that. And so I really wanted my content always to reach and impact the most amount of people and not alienate people into thinking too, like, oh, I have to invest in order to get the results. I think, honestly, I will tell you right now, if you watched all of my videos and you listened to all of my podcasts and you genuinely applied everything, you wouldn't need to sign up and work with me. The reason that people sign up to work with me is because they don't have accountability measures in place. They don't trust themselves to do the work. Right. But if you have that and you are like, you are willing, God willing, you do the work. I've had people say, like, oh my God, like, I watch these videos, these podcasts completely shifted everything for me. And I'm like, that's amazing. That's what I, that's what I create it for. I'm, I'm not really here to make like the most amount of money on earth. That's just not my goal. Although I do think it's a beautiful byproduct of the work that you do and you offer to the world. But I wanted people to be able to show up on my page, like, you know, scrolling at night. Maybe you're in a freeze state and you, you just shift a little bit and then you're like, okay, now I feel like I have that extra little impulse to go forward towards what I want.
- [05:07]
Samantha Chung
See, that's so interesting because so many people come to me and they're so worried about giving away value because they think it'll eat up all their business. And I always tell people the opposite of that. I'm like, no one is watching. Well, even if people do watch every single piece of your content and listen to every single podcast and then they believe that they don't need to work with you, one might argue that wasn't the Perfect client anyway, 100%.
- [05:33]
Brittany
And yeah, I think that's a deeply scarcity driven fear. Like, oh my God, if I give away like all the value, like no one will come. But I think the ultimate value is being in your energy. And that is something that I teach my clients. It's something that I've had to learn over time. It's something that you can't get through the video, right? You can get the words, you can get the experience, the knowledge. But to be in a one on one dialogue, to be in a space together, that is transformative. It is very different watching a video of someone than being in the room with them, right? Like we've watched movies and TVs and interviews of every single person that we are connected to in the famous world or whatever. But if you were to be able to like sit down and have dinner with them or be in the room with them for 75 minutes, that's a very different experience. And so something that I've learned to value more deeply than the knowledge that I have is the energy that I bring. Because I know know that that's what really creates results, right? When you meet someone and you feel deeply, energetically impacted by their presence, their words, that's what changes you. You can watch a ton of videos online and yes, you can absolutely apply them and get results, but there is something deeply magnetic and incomparable to someone's energy. And so I tell my clients all the time, I'm like, give it all away, give it all. Because at the end of the day, once they receive all that info, they're going to be like, I want to be in the room with you.
- [06:57]
Samantha Chung
Yes. And you know, when I was starting to really rapidly grow my business, I had to have that moment of like, oh, I thought people were paying me for the knowledge that I can give them and the strategies and skills. And then I realized, oh, they want a piece of me and that energy and like, they want the calls to be fun and they want to have a good time and I need to facilitate a good time. And then I had another up leveling of, oh, okay, how can I protect myself while still providing that for them?
- [07:26]
Brittany
Yeah, absolutely. That definitely ends up being something that you have to work through. But I think it's beautiful that you were able to recognize, oh, like I thought they wanted all this information. And by the way, if you think that your value is information, I mean, AI is going to beat you. Right? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, you, you can't find your value in information. There are people that have more information. There are robots that have more information. Like the, the Internet, which is where we exist and create this landscape of reality, has more information. Like, it's not information, it's energy, it's presence. It's your unshakable power and knowing and embodiment of that information. Because information is just words. Like, I could read a book and be like, I read those words. Will they actually seep into my cells and inform my way of being? Maybe. Probably not, though. What does that is being around people who embody it. Like, everyone has met like an old, like grandma sort of energy person who just carries this energy of love. Maybe it was a religious figure, a spiritual figure, someone that you've admired and found to be deeply loving and wise. And it's about being in that person's energy more so than anything she has to do or say. It's just her presence. And I think that is what you have to learn how to value within yourself. Because if you don't, you will always come up with limiting beliefs and narratives around why people don't want to work with you. And I think that's the one thing that just completely ruins people's confidence, it destroys people's businesses. Because if you're looking for reasons why someone should work with you, you don't yet believe that you're valuable to work with and be around and so it's going to be very hard. Your business is always going to be like this, this measuring stick that you use against yourself to find out if you're valuable. Like, okay, like I made like this K, this 10K a month or whatever. Like now I know I'm valuable. But for as long as you don't tap into what's truly essential about you, you will always feel scarce, even if you're making like 50k months. And I've actually seen that. I've seen people who don't have any trouble bringing in the money, but they're just always feeling like, I just don't know if I can do it again. Like it, there's always fear. Right.
- [09:38]
Samantha Chung
I want to make sure I have so many things that I want to know from you, Brittany, but I'll just file your courses. But I want to make sure that we clarify some of the language that we're using so that folks listening know what we're talking about. So things like scarcity and abundance. Can you just kind of high level tell us what you mean by that? Like you're talking to a beginner business owner who maybe hasn't been introduced to this even like thought process yet.
- [10:04]
Brittany
Yeah, I would say scarcity on the most basic level is believing that you need something that you don't have at this current moment, or believing that things are outside of you and that you need them. So the energy of scarcity is, I need this, I don't have that. If I only had that, right. It creates a lot of if then conditional thinking. And it's what drives a lot of business. Like if I make sales, then I will feel worthy, or if I make sales, then I will be okay if I get clients. Right. It needs something other than itself in order to be sustained or to be okay. Another way of describing it could be like an attachment. An attachment is just basically needing a condition in order to find yourself acceptable, worthy, happy, fulfilled. Something outside has to happen before you can internally create a shift. And abundance would be the exact opposite. Meaning that you feel self trusting, you feel deeply confident. You know that what you want to create is able to be created by and through you and you alone. There is nothing that you need other than what you already have within yourself. And so I think it's very important that people begin to recognize what is the value within themselves. Some people have never had that conversation with themselves. They're like, I'm not worth anything. I have no skills. Like, no one cares about me, no one loves me. None of those things are actually true. But we do believe those stories and conditioned narratives after many negative past experiences, our childhoods, who knows what kind of childhood you had and what sort of stories that cemented for you. But we start to believe that who we are as people is not sufficient, is not good enough, is not worthy. Which leads us into the scarcity paradigm, which is, I need something outside to be okay. I have to change my body now. I have to gain status. I need to create wealth. I need something, something, something. But the truly abundant person is the one who needs nothing outside of themselves. And these people are the best service providers in the world because they are not trying to scam you into putting money in their pocket. That doesn't go to say that every person in scarcity is trying to scam, but there is something to be said about the energy of a person and whether or not they need you in order to feel okay. We know what it feels like to talk to a sketchy, greasy salesperson. We can tell we're just a sale for them. And to show up in that energy is not to be fully service led and heart led. It's very ego led. It's like, I need this sale in order to take care of xyz, right? But when you feel into your abundance, you trust and know that whether it's this sale or not, you will be okay and you will make it work because you trust yourself to make it work.
- [12:55]
Samantha Chung
I tell my clients often that the energy of desperation, which I think it's saying the same thing as you, the energy of desperation is the worst place to sell from because you're stressed and you're like gripping to make that conversion happen.
- [13:08]
Brittany
I think the problem with scarcity driven actions is that scarcity begets more scarcity. It doesn't actually lead to security. That's, that's the funny trap of it all is we live in scarcity and we're like, oh, okay, like when I lose this much weight or when I make this much money, I'm going to be okay. But you could even reach that point. Actually most people do, but that isn't what actually relieves them. If anything, it might increase their sense of scarcity. Maybe you make that much money and now you're like, oh no, what if I lose it? Like, oh my God, I lost all this weight, what if I gain it back? It's like, it's kind of terrifying to be actually at the place that you always wanted to be at because now you're afraid of losing it.
- [13:46]
Samantha Chung
And that's something you work with people on once they find themselves in that moment as well.
- [13:50]
Brittany
Mm. Yeah. It's actually usually the point at which people will come to work with me is they've managed by just clawing egoically and scarcity wise, they've managed to create some sort of condition that they thought their mind would be satisfied with. Like, okay, I did all the work, like I am in this position at work now, or I now have these things in my life. I thought that I would feel so much better. But they either say they feel the same or they feel worse. And I'm like, duh, clockwork, right? Because the destination feels like the journey is what I always say. So what sort of journey are you going on? And a lot of people think I need to be on a very rushed, very rapid, very fearful, very anxious journey in order to get to a very peaceful place.
- [14:44]
Samantha Chung
Yeah. When you say like that, it's like, well, that obviously isn't going to happen, right?
- [14:47]
Brittany
Like it makes actually no sense. When you say it out loud. You're like, how, how could being in anxiety get me to peace? But that's the illusion we create for ourselves. We say, I'm going to suffer now so that I can experience absence of suffering later. But there is no later. There's just how we habitually do things in the now. And so people create this habituation of anxiety, scarcity, hustling, rushing, thinking, one day I won't do this anymore. And it's very rare that people transition into the I won't do this anymore. Right. It's something that they need to work on actively in the presence that their life can feel really juicy in the now. And then you actually decrease your attachment to what you need to happen later. Because you only need later if you don't like what's happening right now. But if you're deeply happy and embodied in the present, then you can be less attached to what happens in the later or the future. And what's really interesting about that is you can now have a bigger imagination about what's possible in the future. Because when you need the future to save you, you have to have a very limited imagination of what's possible. Okay, I have to make like 50k or whatever thing you decide in your mind arbitrarily. But when you don't need that so much anymore, you can actually have a lot more fun with it. You can be like, what would it look like to have an eight figure business? Like, what would it look like to own 10 houses around the world? And again, it's not about manifesting those things in order to find yourself worthy and acceptable. It's just playful. It's like, I don't need 10 houses around the world in order to be happy, but wouldn't it be fun to find out what that could be like? How can I be playful in figuring out how to get there and enjoy myself? And maybe I'll get there, but I don't have to get there. And so I can have actually much more expansion and creativity and playfulness in my life when I don't need the future to happen a certain way.
- [16:30]
Samantha Chung
Oh my gosh, I love that. So I have a question. Sometimes I'm really like, I'm good at this. I'm good at this. I was raised on it. I was raised on. You find a dollar on the ground, you hold it up in the air and say, I am a money magnet. And you're like thankful for that. Serious on all of it. But I ebb and flow. How do you sustain these beliefs? And I mean maybe for yourself, if you clock yourself slipping and not being the person that you want to be and not thinking in an abundant way or finding yourself stressed about money or one of your habits, how do you sort of pull yourself to where you want to be?
- [17:07]
Brittany
This is two parter. So if you find yourself in like a deep spiral of overwhelm and you're freaking out about money like at that time, you really just need self soothing techniques. Like you have to have those if you're going to run your own business. Like your nervous system will get activated when someone asks for a refund. Like these things will happen and you have to know how to manage that. But over time you have to also begin to challenge the beliefs that are causing that overwhelm. So self soothing is a beautiful technique, but it doesn't really deal with what caused the overwhelm. It's what you have to do once you're already there. So it's both. It's okay. I'm in a state of overwhelm. I need to manage now, whatever it is I do. Do I do medit breath? Do I use movement? Do I call a friend? Like what happens for me in a supportive way when I get there. But then once you're balanced again, you have to get curious about what did I make it mean that no one was buying my course? Like, what did I start catastrophizing about when they asked for a refund or whatever it is that kind of triggered you into that state. And I think ultimately with money, this is what My course is all about not many people know where money comes from, which is such a funny thing to think about because we're all after more money. Yet if I ask a person on the street, where does money come from? They're like, I don't know, the bank? I'm like, no, the bank stores the money that you make. Money does not come from the bank, but like, where does money come from? And the people are so dumbfounded by this question. And I love to lead people through this awareness that is that we create money through our own creation of goods, our own services, our creativity literally makes money. And until people know that, they freak out that people aren't buying stuff, right? But it's not about getting them to buy stuff. It's about recognizing that I always create things of value. And when you realize that you're the bank, it's okay if someone asks for a refund, it's okay if someone, whatever, drops out of the program. It's okay if you have a bad month because you're the source and the well of everything that's gonna be attracted to you. So it's okay, you've got it all within you. But that takes time because so many of us are taught that money is more valuable than ourselves in terms of.
- [19:23]
Samantha Chung
The like, managing your nervous system and all of that. I do have something on that. When I first started working with a mindset coach who I didn't know was a mindset coach, she kind of like sells herself as a business coach. But then you get in and it's mindset and you didn't know you needed that. And you're like, oh, thank God I'm here. So, yes. So great. Thank you. Because I hadn't been introd as is years ago, I hadn't been introduced to any of it. And one thing was I would get emails from clients that I perceived as mean. And looking back, they probably weren't mean. I just maybe had a different threshold for what was a mean thing to say or whatever. But so we would call them mean males. And she's like, okay, when you get a mean male, we gotta move that cortisol through your system, so you need to move your body. That was my like self soothing in the moment. So I'd be like, babe, I just got an email from Carolyn and she's so mad at me. And I'll be like running and doing pushups and like telling him about this email that I just got. And even just one really silly skill like that in my tool belt helped me on My trajectory, one little tool tool, like that. And then as you were talking, I'm like going back in my mind like yeah. And then I did have to figure out what I was making it mean, like why, why I was getting upset in the first place. And then there wasn't just a quick band aid fix to that. It was a journey.
- [20:41]
Brittany
Yeah, I mean it's definitely like I said that two parter, it's okay. What am I gonna do in the moment of overwhelm? And that's perfect. Like running in place, moving the body, shifting that cortisol out. But then afterwards being like why did that freak me out so much? Why did I get so triggered? I find that people are either doing one or the other a lot. People are either always self soothing but never getting curious. So it keeps happening over and over and over. And so they're just basically putting a band aid with their self soothing technique which never looks to go deeper, or they're constantly over intellectualizing why they got upset about it. But they're never self soothing so the cortisol never leaves and they're always stressed.
- [21:18]
Samantha Chung
Oh my goodness. That makes perfect sense.
- [21:21]
Brittany
Yeah, I gotta do both.
- [21:22]
Samantha Chung
I love that one thing that I know listeners deal with and I would just love to have your thoughts on dealing with negative comments or comments we perceive as negative or judgmental on social media. I've had some folks come on here and talk about this from a mindset perspective. What we've discovered from other shiny new clients episodes are that we believe that a tiger is chasing us and it's our brain trying to take care of ourselves and that because of negativity bias, even if there's a hundred positive comments, we will only see the negative one. Can you tell us some more tools or thoughts to think about when we see that negativity or for some people, the prospect of negativity possibly coming keeps them from posting altogether.
- [22:08]
Brittany
Yeah, no, that's so common and that's so real and I do want to validate that. And even what you've offered is really helpful information. Just, just knowing how your nervous system works and how it gets activated is sometimes enough to make people realize, oh, it's okay, this is just what my body does. But I think the way that I work around this with my clients is by getting them to realize that they're not dealing with negative comments, they're dealing with their response to negative comments. Negative comments are just a neutral stimulus in the universe that they're being confronted with what they're dealing with. The problem why it's a problem is because they feel a certain way about it. Now most people think, oh, I need to deal with the negative comments. No, you don't need to deal with the negative comments. You can just leave them alone. They can just be there. They're again, neutral. You need to deal with what your response to that was. This could be with respect to anything. It could be what your friend said, it could be what your mom said about your video. It doesn't even matter what it is. It's what happens inside of you when you see that that's what you're working with. I think just being able to clarify that is really helpful for people. They're like, oh, it's not the negative comment. It's actually my response to that. Now, I use a lot of infuse, a lot of ifs work internal family systems within my coaching, which is the framework or idea that we have multiple parts within us that make up the ecosystem that is you. I would suggest to people that they get curious about which part of them was negatively impacted by that. This automatically creates a little bit of space from the situation. It's like, oh, there's a part of me that was impacted by the comment, but then there's also me who is observing and being compassionate and aware that I was obsessed impacted by that comment. It doesn't subsume you. And then with that relationship and that space created, you can decide how you want to soothe or comfort this part of you. And so it's not about the comments, it's about how are you relating to yourself in the face of comments? How do you relate to yourself in the face of refund? How do you relate to yourself in the face of failed launch? They're all the same thing. They're just masks for parts of ourselves. And so if we can have an incredible relationship to ourself, then we don't care about any of those things. I get negative comments all the time. I've received a mean mail. It does nothing to me because over time, what that part of me has learned is, I'm going to take care of you and nothing bad is ever going to happen. And so now the part of me that used to freak out when that happens is like, oh, nothing happens. If we get a negative comment is totally fine. There's no bad thing. Yeah, but if we react poorly to a negative comment without ever soothing ourselves, and unfortunately what our brain learns is, see, that's dangerous. Negative comments are bad. You have to show up for yourself in a way that eventually soothes your system to the point where it knows, oh, negative comments are just like words on a screen. Like, that's not actually bad. Like, that doesn't lead to our demise. It's just a comment. But how you eventually relate to negative comment in this example will come down to how did you relate to yourself when you got triggered by negative comment? The more and more you relate positively to your internal experience of when that happens, your body will go, oh, it's fine when that happens. And then eventually that will not be a trigger at all.
- [25:31]
Samantha Chung
You just made that feel so accessible. You know, sometimes this work gets scary too, right? To think things differently, to change the way that we're approaching it, to rewire our brain. Like, it's intimidating. I have to learn this new language and it's like I'm sitting almost like at school, you know, but that's. But just describing it that way makes it feel so accessible. It makes me feel so capable of overcoming it. Where as like with the negative commenting especially, often I feel like I'm. I have some strategies. Again, me, the strategy person, the consultant person, I'm like, here are some strategies. Here's an article I wrote once on handling trolls. Like, it's. But it's not the actual. Fixing the root of the problem.
- [26:13]
Brittany
Yes. The root of the problem is how you internally relate to your reaction to external problems. And that's the root of the work that I do is we create an internal environment that is so solid that, yeah, shit can totally hit the fan on the outside and it doesn't bother you. One of my favorite quotes is by a monk who said, my secret to life is that I don't mind what happens. If you're someone who is deeply attached and led by scarcity, you'd be like, what the fuck does that mean? Like, how. How do you not care what happens? Like, I need this to happen or I need to prevent this from happening. But what he's suggesting is that when you have, like, a deeply trusting, compassionate relationship to all the parts of yourself, whenever things happen on the outside, you know how to relate to that internally. That's the only thing you deal with. You have feelings about it. If you don't have feelings about it, it wouldn't be a problem.
- [27:04]
Samantha Chung
Yeah.
- [27:05]
Brittany
And so the more you know, it's not a complacency.
- [27:07]
Samantha Chung
It's not about not wanting things or not going for things either. I just want to make sure people that are new to this, we're not saying like, abdicate and just not care.
- [27:18]
Jenna Warner
Like, we care.
- [27:19]
Samantha Chung
We Care.
- [27:20]
Brittany
Absolutely. And I think that's one of the biggest mindset blocks that keeps people behind is behind, obviously, is an illusion, but you know what I mean. But they think if I stop being attached, I won't care about things anymore. No, you can absolutely care deeply about the things that you're moving towards and creating and offering. You just don't have to be controlled by them. In any case, I think you could actually be more caring and more thoughtful about those things. When you aren't being controlled by them. You can be genuinely more loving because love is the absence of fear and control. So you give a lot more to the things that you care about in your life when you are no longer attached to them.
- [27:59]
Samantha Chung
Well, if that's not inspiration to take action on this stuff, I don't know what is. Sam, you have a chart topping podcast. Who should listen to that?
- [28:09]
Brittany
Anyone who considers themselves to be on the spiritual journey of awakening to their wounds, their patterns, their limiting beliefs. It is, I believe, one of the most refreshing, relatable conversational podcasts on hard topics, like having hard conversations, toxic relationships, the limiting beliefs that keep you from growing in your life. Relationships, business. All of this feels so heavy. But we make it as light and, like you said, accessible as possible. It feels as if, I've been told by multiple people, but when you listen to a podcast and finish an episode, you're like, I can handle that situation better now. And that is my intention for anyone who listens to it. So that's called Spiraling Higher Amazing.
- [28:54]
Samantha Chung
The Spiraling Higher podcast. And then run to follow Samimplifying Sam on Instagram and TikToks and buy all of her programs and watch all of her reels. And I will meet you in the comment section of those pieces of content.
- [29:08]
Brittany
Thank you so much, Jenna. I'm so glad we got to have this chat. And yeah, I hope it inspired your listeners too.
- [29:14]
Samantha Chung
I'm sure it did. Thank you so much for being here.