Podcast
Authentic Confidence with Dr. Aziz
Hosted by Dr. Aziz Gazipura, Psychologist and Author · EN
Do you worry what other people will think? Does it make you doubt yourself, feel guilty, and ultimately stop you from being fully yourself?
This can show up as people-pleasing and difficulty saying no. Or as social anxiety, staying silent in meetings, replaying conversations for hours afterward.
Dr. Aziz Gazipura is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of Not Nice. He's helped thousands of people break free from self-doubt and the fear of others' opinions.
After 20 years of clinical work, Dr. Aziz discovered one pattern running underneath all of it. He calls it the approval trap: prioritizing approval over being yourself, saying what you mean, and going for what you actually want.
This show is for the person who looks confident on the outside and doesn't feel it on the inside.
New episodes every Wednesday.
Next Steps:
1. Discover your approval type.
Take the 2-minute quiz to find out which of the four patterns is running your work, dating, and social life — Diplomat, Avoider, Fixer, or Performer:
www.draziz.com
2. Apply for the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind.
Dr. Aziz's flagship year-long program for serious work on confidence, authenticity, and freedom from self-doubt:
https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3
3. Watch on YouTube.
Every podcast episode is also available as a video, plus additional content not on the podcast:
https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura
4. Read Dr. Aziz's books:
- Not Nice
- The Art of Extraordinary Confidence
- Doubtless
- On My Own Side
- Less Nice, More You
- The Solution to Social Anxiety
5. Connect:
Website: www.draziz.com
Facebook: facebook.com/DrAzizGazipura
Instagram: @drazizconfidencecoach
TikTok: @drazizgazipura
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
35episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
Why You Feel You Have To Earn People's Approval
2d ago00:12:13Tap to summarizeThere's a pressure that follows you into every social situation. A running commentary that says whatever you're doing is wrong. You walk into the meeting, the party, the date, and the inner observer is already activated. In this episode, Dr. Aziz names the specific lie underneath all of it. I have to be something to get something. And he makes the case that the math is backwards. The version of you that's pressuring yourself to be impressive is actually less attractive than the version of you who isn't. You'll learn: What actually makes someone magnetic in a conversation, and why it isn't polish The dancing breakthrough that taught Dr. Aziz what real freedom looks like The wild-snow-leopard versus zoo-leopard distinction that captures the entire problem The specific 2% experiment you can run in your next conversation to test the whole thing for yourself Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura Work with Dr. Aziz directly: The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3 Connect: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoach LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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You’re Successful and Exhausted
1w ago00:11:53Tap to summarizeYou're successful by every external measure. Some part of you is tracking, in real time, how you're coming across. Confident enough. Smart enough. Polished enough. The hyper-observation never quite turns off. Not in the meeting, not at the dinner, not in the relationship you've been in for two years. In this episode, Dr. Aziz breaks down the Performer, one of the four ways your nervous system tries to keep you safe when disapproval is on the table. It's the most rewarded of the four patterns. It's also the most exhausting. He walks through why succeeding doesn't quiet the voice, why the achievement route fails, and includes one of the most vulnerable stories he's shared on the show: a panic attack on a picnic with a woman who liked him. This episode covers: What the Performer pattern actually does in your nervous system Why getting more impressive doesn't fix it, and why it makes it worse The intimacy cost: why the people closest to you don't quite know you The Broadway-show-from-hell metaphor for what life feels like as a Performer What actually changes the pattern, and why willpower can't reach it Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura Work with Dr. Aziz directly: The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3. Connect: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoach LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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You Look Confident But You Don’t Feel It
2w ago00:17:19Tap to summarizeYou're more accomplished than you used to be. The doubt didn't go away. Three a.m. replays. Did I say the right thing. Why did I do that. Should have handled that differently. The voice doesn't care how much you've achieved. In this episode, Dr. Aziz unpacks why self-doubt persists no matter how successful you become. The physicians twenty years in still secretly questioning themselves at the end of every workday. The CEOs and founders who look polished and confident on the outside but live with a constant headwind of doubt on the inside. This episode covers: Why more achievement doesn't fix self-doubt (and the strategy almost everyone tries first) Why doubt is the default, the path of least resistance for the human nervous system The strange way doubt gives you certainty and comfort A 20-year-old client convinced he'd already missed his chance, and what that conversation reveals The reframe that breaks doubt's hold: the opposite of doubt isn't certainty Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura Work with Dr. Aziz directly: The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3. Connect: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoach LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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The Real Reason You Don't Speak Up
3w ago00:12:03Tap to summarizeThere's a conversation you know you need to have. You've thought about it. You've maybe rehearsed it. The moment comes, and you don't say anything. The moment passes. It feels, for a second, like you dodged something dangerous. In this episode, Dr. Aziz breaks down the Avoider, one of the four ways your nervous system tries to keep you safe when disapproval is on the table. He shares ten years of his own life lived in this pattern, including the moment he realized he was experiencing every relationship as a trap he needed to escape from. This episode covers: Why this isn't a willpower problem (and why beating yourself up about it makes it worse) The two layers of the Avoider: the front-end avoidance most people call shyness, and the deeper avoidance that quietly destroys relationships Lonely amongst people: the most painful cost of avoiding what needs to be said What actually changes the pattern, and why the standard just push through advice keeps failing Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura Work with Dr. Aziz directly: The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3. Connect: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoach LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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Why You Still Care What People Think
Jun 900:21:07Tap to summarizeYour boss doesn't quite make eye contact in a meeting. You text someone and they don't get back to you. And it sticks. The whole rest of the day, some part of you can't put it down. In this episode, Dr. Aziz walks through the wheel of life. A metaphor he uses with clients to show why your nervous system is still looking up to people the way you did at five years old, even when you're forty. Even when those people are old. Even when they're not actually that powerful anymore. Even when, sometimes, you don't even like them. This episode covers: Why telling yourself to just be more confident never quite works The wheel of life metaphor: how the developmental wiring that was appropriate at five gets stuck running at thirty-five The equation underneath all of it (approval equals self-worth) and why it has to be broken Two pathways for reclaiming the authority you've been giving away Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura Work with Dr. Aziz directly: The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3. Connect: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoach LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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Why You Feel Like You’re Being Judged All The Time
Jun 200:12:35Tap to summarizeYou walk into a room and your guard goes up. Not because anyone said anything. Not because anyone is even looking at you yet. Just the room. If this is you, you've probably called it social anxiety, or being too sensitive, or I just care too much what people think. It's none of those things on their own. In this episode, Dr. Aziz unpacks what's actually been installed in you over the last twenty years, and why uninstalling the apps doesn't fix it. There's a specific equation running underneath the chronic feeling of being evaluated, and once you can see it, the just stop caring what people think advice stops looking like an answer. He shares two stories that show how the wiring gets installed and how it propagates. One from when he was eleven, sitting in a Supercuts, flipping through a magazine he'd never normally read. One from last week, with his ten and twelve-year-old kids and a basketball trick shot. The two stories together show why this isn't a personality flaw and isn't fixed by uninstalling the apps. It's the cultural arrangement we've all been swimming in, and the equation it installed inside you decades ago. Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura Work with Dr. Aziz directly: The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3. Connect: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoach LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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Why You Can't Say What You Actually Mean
May 2600:12:33Tap to summarizeYou knew exactly what you wanted to say. Then something softer came out instead. It happens at work, with your partner, with your parents. Every time, you walk away wondering why you keep doing this. In this episode, Dr. Aziz walks through what's actually happening in that gap between what you meant to say and what came out. He shares a real client case where the version of his client sitting in the office and the version of him in the meeting were two completely different people. The gap between those two voices is the entire teaching. This episode covers: Why telling yourself to stop being a people-pleaser never quite works The specific pattern running below your conscious mind when you soften, hedge, or hold back The three costs you're probably not adding up, including one showing up in your body What actually changes the pattern, and what doesn't Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura Work with Dr. Aziz directly: The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3. Connect: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoach LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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Why You Need People To Like You (Even When You Don’t Like Them)
May 1900:10:41Tap to summarizeYou can explain your work to a friend over dinner. In front of your boss, the same words fall apart. Most people call this social anxiety, or I just lack confidence in those situations. It isn't either of those things. In this episode, Dr. Aziz unpacks what's actually firing when you freeze around certain people. The cyberball research from UCLA. The reason your wiring treats social rejection like physical pain. And the strange phenomenon where you need approval from people you don't even like. This episode covers: The brain mechanism that makes disapproval feel dangerous Why your social anxiety fires unevenly: grounded with one group, paralyzed with another The distinction between disapproval being uncomfortable and disapproval being dangerous Why standard confidence advice doesn't move the needle Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura Work with Dr. Aziz directly: The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3. Connect: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoach LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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The 4 Ways You Override Yourself Around People
May 1200:15:08Tap to summarizeYou knew exactly what you wanted to say. Then something softer came out instead. There's a specific reason this keeps happening, and it isn't a confidence problem. In this episode, Dr. Aziz breaks down the four ways people override themselves under social pressure: the Diplomat, the Avoider, the Fixer, and the Performer. Most people call this people-pleasing, being too nice, or social anxiety. Those labels aren't wrong. They just don't explain why it keeps happening for decades, even after reading the books and trying the techniques. This episode covers: What triggers each of the four patterns Why this isn't a confidence problem The equation running underneath all four (disapproval equals danger) and what it means for actual change How each pattern shows up in work, relationships, and daily life Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz at https://www.draziz.com Watch episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura Work with Dr. Aziz directly: The Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind is a year-long program for people ready to unwire this pattern at the nervous system level. Application at https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3. Connect: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drazizconfidencecoachLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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The Invisible Pressure to Not Be Yourself
May 600:21:01Tap to summarizeThere's an invisible pressure pushing you to not be yourself. It doesn't show up as a dramatic moment. It's death by a thousand paper cuts. The meeting where you stayed quiet. The conversation where you chose what they'd want to hear. The thing you didn't say. The version of you that doesn't quite get to come out. In this first episode of Authentic Confidence, Dr. Aziz introduces the show, the framework, and what's actually running underneath the chronic feeling of not being fully yourself. You'll discover the false choice most people don't realize they're caught inside, the difference between the social anxiety cage and the "nice cage" Dr. Aziz lived in for years after escaping the first one, why authentic confidence isn't a personality trait but a practice, and a preview of the four approval patterns coming next week. Next Steps: 1. Discover your approval type. Take the 2-minute quiz to find out which of the four patterns is running your work, dating, and social life:www.draziz.com 2. Apply for the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind. Dr. Aziz's flagship year-long program for serious work on confidence, authenticity, and freedom from self-doubt:https://www.socialconfidencecenter.com/ucmv3 3. Watch on YouTube. This episode is also available as a video, plus additional content not on the podcast:https://www.youtube.com/@DrAzizGazipura 4. Read Dr. Aziz's books: Not NiceThe Art of Extraordinary ConfidenceDoubtlessOn My Own SideLess Nice, More YouThe Solution to Social Anxiety 5. Connect:Website: www.draziz.comFacebook: facebook.com/DrAzizGazipuraInstagram: @drazizconfidencecoachTikTok: @drazizgazipuraLinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drazizgazipura
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