Who Says Sliding Into DMs Doesn’t Work?

Summary

Sibling Revelry with Kate Hudson and Oliver Hudson

Episode: Who Says Sliding Into DMs Doesn’t Work?
Date: December 18, 2025
Guests: Nikki Marie (Content Creator, Podcaster)
Host: Oliver Hudson
(iHeartPodcasts)

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Episode Overview

This episode explores the power of internet connections (specifically sliding into DMs), the realities of divorce and single parenting, navigating menopause, sibling dynamics, ADHD, and redefining parenting and career ambitions. Oliver Hudson sits down with Nikki Marie after she reached out to him via DM, and the pair engage in a candid, humorous conversation about life's twists, family legacy, vulnerability, and embracing authenticity both online and offline.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sliding into DMs — How This Episode Happened

(06:00–07:00)

• Oliver jokes about Nikki DMing him, which led to this conversation, highlighting the theme that unpredictable outcomes can arise from a simple online message.
• "She actually DM’d me. She slid into my damn. And I wanted to have a chat... she talks about relationships and menopause and female things and being a single mom." – Oliver [05:55]

2. Vulnerability, Masculinity, and Being Seen

(07:00–08:30)

• Oliver reflects on how hard it is for men to show vulnerability, especially with women they love.
• “For men, it’s harder to reach that place of true vulnerability... with women that I love... there’s a fear there... just being totally upfront, saying, I love you... that would make me retreat.” – Oliver [08:00]
• Nikki notes that care and empathy keep relationships alive.

3. Career Transitions & Embracing Authenticity after Divorce

(10:00–16:00)

• Nikki shares how her divorce propelled her into content creation and leaning into her innate humor, despite early professional pressure to be more serious.
• "I started noticing that I was taking myself more seriously and starting to be stressed out about work... that climb the ladder Nikki kind of got away from like, true Nikki, which is like, I'm sending Snapchats to everybody." – Nikki [14:43]

4. Building an Online Presence—Genuine Connections & Challenges

(16:30–19:00)

• Nikki discusses treating her 4 million followers "like I'm on FaceTime with four million people," and balancing authenticity with privacy as her kids grow older.
• "It's just so personal, you know, when it's not flashy, when it's not set up, when it is just sort of handheld, boom. Here I am... Here's what I'm going through." – Oliver [18:28]
• Handling their kids' privacy as public figures is an evolving challenge.

5. Divorce, Dating, and the Perimenopause Experience

(19:00–24:00)

• Nikki talks openly about how her perspective on dating and partnership has changed after divorce and perimenopause.
• “You almost wish you had this perspective about dating before you got married... Now the man of my dreams is like, wait, is that even fucking possible? I don't know if that person exists.” – Nikki [21:01]
• Funny story about her brother, who manages her career, pushing her to start menopause sooner for sponsorship deals.
• Menopause Metaphor:
  "Perimenopause is like, there’s no filter in the pot. The beans are going everywhere. We don’t know what day it is. We don’t know if we’re hot or we’re cold or we’re pissed or we’re happy." – Nikki [23:18]

6. The Sibling Relationship—Support, Teasing, and Half-Siblings

(28:13–30:13)

• Nikki has an 18-year age gap with her half-brother, who is her brand manager. Their relationship is loving, teasing, and supportive.
• “He’s the only person that can get me to take nights off, like away from my kids... when he comes home, I'm like, I gotta go do a thing." – Nikki [29:00]
• Their podcast dynamic mirrors Oliver and Kate’s dynamic—honest, nothing off-limits.

7. Only Child and 80s Upbringing

(30:20–32:19)

• Nikki recounts being an only child and an 80s tomboy, hypercompetitive, ADHD “social butterfly,” who poured her focus into sports.

8. Social Media Content—Knowing (and Not Knowing) the Audience

(32:19–33:50)

• Nikki admits she doesn’t really curate for her audience, doesn’t know them in detail (except “90% are women”), and just puts her unfiltered self online.
• “The men that follow me... you’re a good egg. If you know my, you’re, you’re standing up for your wife.” – Nikki [32:39]

9. Healthy Masculinity and the Role Models We Need

(33:50–39:00)

• Discussion of the importance of positive male figures and multi-dimensional masculinity.
• Nikki reminiscences about her grandfather as the “epitome of romance.”
• “I think we all need to get more curious about why we do things as men and as women and why we feel certain ways...” – Oliver [34:39]

10. Parenting, Career Sacrifice, and Motherhood

(36:10–39:00)

• Both hosts discuss the personal sacrifices—especially women—make for parenting.
• “When my kids are 9 and 11, I’m all in. Unless a man can come in and bring something to the table... I’m with my kids.” – Nikki [37:29]
• Oliver relates how his father figure (Kurt) shaped him and how present he wants to be as a dad.

11. Single Parenting and Raising Boys

(39:00–46:05)

• Nikki asks Oliver how single moms can best support their sons.
• Oliver tells a formative childhood story: Kurt leaving him alone to find his way home on an ATV, teaching self-reliance and independence.
• “You’re okay. You’re... You’re fine. And I was like, okay... now I want you to get us home. And... it was this epiphany.” – Oliver [40:20]
• Reference to Richard Reeves and the importance of boys’ emotional care.

12. Emotional Vulnerability in Boys & Men

(46:06–49:49)

• The lack of affectionate communication among men, and how simply reaching out (“Hey dude, thinking about you”) can be powerful.
• “We don’t get those things as men... And when you as a dude, when you get that, first of all, if my friend texted me, I’d be like, dude, is something wrong? Are you okay?” – Oliver [46:07]

13. ADHD: Challenge and Superpower

(12:23–14:43, 47:54–51:34)

• Both Oliver and Nikki discuss late-in-life ADHD diagnosis and how their brains work.
• “It needs to be looked at as a superpower... I like that my brain’s all over the place.” – Oliver [51:15]

14. Academic Performance, Self-Worth, and Parenting Styles

(52:00–56:48)

• Both share past poor SAT scores and not equating their worth with grades.
• Parenting approach: effort over achievement, open communication, not overly strict.
• “If I see that you tried and you get an F but you studied your ass off, I'm like, good. You did it. You win, buddy. That's it.” – Oliver [54:11]

15. Love Languages in Marriage

(57:35–59:11)

• Oliver discusses how he and his wife have different love languages (hers: acts of service, his: physical touch), and how awareness helps their relationship.
• "Mine's physical touch. And her, her, her last love language is physical touch. So it's hard, you know." – Oliver [59:02]

16. Final Reflections: Understanding Each Other Across the Gender Divide

(60:02–60:11)

• Both appreciate a real male–female dialogue about understanding one another’s experience.
• "I love the male, female coming together. Talking... in a way, trying to understand each other." – Nikki [60:02]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On vulnerability:
  “There’s a fear there of just fully opening up... and I just want to tell you that... that would make me sort of retreat, you know?” – Oliver [08:00]
• On perimenopause:
  “We don’t know if we’re hot or we’re cold or we’re pissed or we’re happy. We don’t know who we’re mad at, but if you're in front of us, it’s going to be you to blame...” – Nikki [23:18]
• On raising independent kids:
  "If I see that you tried and you get an F but you studied your ass off, I'm like, good. You did it. You win, buddy. That's it." – Oliver [54:11]
• On sibling connection:
  “Only siblings can really, like hard time for him was like, is a hilarious time for me.” – Nikki [28:25]
• On ADHD:
  “It needs to be looked at as a superpower.” – Oliver [51:00]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 05:55 – Nikki “slides into DMs”, origin of episode
• 08:00 – Vulnerability and gender roles in relationships
• 12:23–14:43 – ADHD in adulthood, self-acceptance
• 19:00–24:00 – Dating after divorce, perimenopause, and libido
• 28:13–30:13 – Sibling dynamic, working with her brother
• 40:20 – Oliver’s "learning independence" ATV story
• 46:07 – The importance of checking in on other men emotionally
• 51:00 – ADHD as a creative superpower
• 54:11 – Parenting philosophy: effort over outcome
• 59:02 – Navigating love languages in marriage
• 60:02 – Embracing curiosity and dialogue between men and women

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Summary Reflection

This episode is a candid, warm, and frequently hilarious look at how real people navigate change, aging, career pivots, parenting, and intimacy. Both Oliver and Nikki lean into their vulnerabilities, championing the importance of honesty, humor, and family—whether by blood, marriage, or daring online message. Their stories are relatable to anyone facing life transitions, and their playful banter makes complex issues feel approachable and human.

Follow Nikki:
Instagram: @NikkiMarieInc
Movies Mentioned: Merry Little Xmas (Oliver's Netflix Christmas movie)
Book Referenced: The Tipping Point (Malcolm Gladwell), Lean In (Sheryl Sandberg)
Guest reference: Richard Reeves (Boys and Men) [45:10]

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Note: Advertisements and non-content sections such as sponsor reads and outros have been omitted.
For full stories and anecdotes, listen to the episode directly where segments and timestamps above are referenced.

Transcript

[A]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[B]

Fall is such a great season to travel with my family. So we've been talking about a trip to Switzerland because I actually have never been to Switzerland. Hiking in the Alps, taking those scenic trains, tasting all the chocolate. So when we travel, I love staying in an Airbnb. If you're heading out this fall, consider hosting your home on Airbnb with a co host network. You. You can have someone local take care of everything while you're gone. Find a co [e-mail] host hey audiobook lovers. I'm Kalpin. I'm Ed Helms. Ed and I are inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with our new podcast, Hearsay. The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Each week we sit down with your favorite iHeart podcast hosts and some very special guests to discuss the latest and greatest audiobooks from audible. Listen to Earsay on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow Earsay and start listening on the free iHeartradio app today. This is Rob Gronkowski from Dudes on Dudes with Gronk and jules. For the second season in a row, I partnered with T Mobile's Friday night 5G lights, powering up hometown football across America. This year, T mobile invested over $4 million in prizes to help schools take their Friday nights to the next level. Now it's time to crown our $1 million grand prize winner. A huge congrats to Derrick's High School in Derrick's, Arkansas, home of the outlaws and your 2020 5T mobile Friday night 5G lights champion. They scored a home field upgrade, Gronk Fitness weight room, a 2026 tailgate party and an all expense paid trip to the SEC championship game. To every school that competed, posted and rallied your communities. Thank you. And a big thanks to T Mobile for making it all possible and helping communities shine under the Friday night lights. This season may be over, but the story isn't. Stay tuned for season three in 2026.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Seems like something's missing. Every business has unique data.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

IBM. What's up everyone? This is Angel Diego and Jason and we're at Gustav about podcast Siemporciento Musica Regional Mexicana pro veces uno. Cheese me. Holiday season's here and the studio is feeling festive. We got the tracks, the exclusives. Yes, it's bright winter spice cranberry.

[A]

Bien frio.

[B]

That refreshing cranberry flavor hits just right. A seasonal favorite, but limited time only, so don't sleep on it to keep your fiestas festive. Adar Flo Frio. Conspire winter spice cranberry. Obey your thirst. Hi, I'm Kate Hudson and my name is Oliver Hudson.

[A]

We wanted to do something that highlighted.

[B]

Our relationship and what it's like to be siblings. We are. A sibling rivalry.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Sibling reh for free.

[A]

Don't do that with your mouth.

[B]

Sibling revelry.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Oliver Hudson. It's like I've been saying my name so much recently when I do these podcasts, when I do anything. It's Oliver Hudson reporting live. I don't know where that came from, but I'm just going to keep going with it. Anyway. It's Oliver Hudson reporting live from my son, Bodhi Han Hudson. Yes, that's his middle name. Han. Take a guess why. Goldie Han. Bodhi Han Hudson. You know, and I love it, don't get me wrong, but Bodhi Hawn's kind of sounds like Goldie Hawn. And we didn't quite think that out. Like, hey, well, look, it's Bodhi Hawn or not Goldie Hawn. You know, it's got a similar ring to it. And I love that there's legacy in it. My middle. The middle name for my oldest is Brooks Wilder Brooks. And then Rio is Rio Laura Rio Laura Hudson. And Laura is my grandmother's name. So I've got them all in there. We got Brooks, we got mom, we got Goldie, and we got Laura. If I was to switch them out, I'd probably go, Bode Brooks Hudson. It's got that B alliteration, you know, Bode Brooks Hudson Wilder Hawn Hudson, Real Laura. So maybe I'd switch him out. I'm gonna see if I can't do that before the new year, before the year is up. Just change their birth certificates without them knowing. Anyway, I ramble, I ramble, I ramble. And no need to ramble much longer because we, of course, have a guest waiting in the waiting room. She actually DM'd me. She slid into my damn. And I wanted to have a chat and I looked her up and I've said, of course, because she talks about amazing things. She talks about relationships and menopause and female things and being a single mom and. And, and as we are discovering on this podcast, Oliver Hudson is extremely in touch with his feminine side. I mean, there is no denying that anymore. You know what I mean? Like, I can talk menopause. Perimenopause, full menopause, you know, with the best of them. Let me just say that. Anyway, this is Nikki Marie, and let's just bring her in so she doesn't have to keep waiting. How are you?

[A]

I'm good. Thanks for finding my dm.

[B]

I know. I was just talking about it in my little intro. I'm like, you know, setting you up. My. She slid into my DMs, sure she wanted to have a conversation. And I said, I think you picked the right guy. Because as masculine as I am, because everyone looks at me and thinks, just pure sex, pure masculinity, but there's a strong feminine side. And I was saying that I could talk menopause. Perry, full whatever you want, with the best of them. Okay. My wife is 52. I'm in it deep. I want to know about it. I'm not one of those dudes who's just like, oh, fuck this. I. You go through your shit, and I will sort of stay on the sideline. I'm interested. You know? I mean, biology is an amazing thing. So I've gone pretty deep.

[A]

I love this because I'm divorced. And I'm going to tell you what. You're married because you care.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Married because you're putting in that care. All we want to do is be seen and heard and understood. And it's really hard.

[B]

I know. And it's funny, because those are the things that we hear all the time. Be seen, be heard, be understood, and, of course, loved. You know? And it seems so simple, but it is difficult because all of those things require a certain vulnerability. And I think for men, it's harder to reach that place of true vulnerability to where you can see, hear, and be fully open with your partner. We protect something as dudes. And being vulnerable with certain people around love, around women especially, interestingly enough, was very difficult for me with my friends, societally, me as a human being, I can. I'll cry in front of people. I don't give a. But it's funny with women that I love, whether my mom, my sister, my wife, there's a fear there of just fully opening up and just being totally upfront, saying, I love you, and you're amazing. And I just want to tell you that that would make me sort of retreat, you know?

[A]

Dang. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But now I've kind of figured it all out.

[A]

I love this. And you're having the conversations. Isn't it fun that you get to pick up a microphone and talk about. Talk about, like.

[B]

I love it. I really, really do. You know you have a podcast, right?

[A]

So, yeah, I'm a professional yapper. How did life take me here?

[B]

No, I. I know, I know. It's. It's really, really fun. And. And the. The different people you get to meet and converse with, it's just. It's a blast. It is.

[A]

I've got clout with my kids because I was like, do not come downstairs. I am going to be on a call with the guy from Christmas Chronicles. So they're like, what? You know, I get the clout. I'm like, cool mom now because I can talk to people.

[B]

You gotta watch the new one. I've got a new one out that's with me and Alicia Silverstone on Netflix. It's a Christmas movie.

[A]

Done. Selah.

[B]

It's called Merry Little Xmas, which is actually perfect because it's about.

[A]

I saw that. Yep.

[B]

Yeah. So it's like divorced for nine months. There's still love there. Kind of. Christmases traditions are huge. So dad is back for the traditions of holidays, but he brings a girlfriend along who's a bit nutty. And it turns out there's just a lot of miscommunication that had happened in the last year that led them to their divorce. And of course, you know, they get back together in the end, but it's really sweet.

[A]

I have lived that movie. But they're not. They're not back getting back together part.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, which. Which kind of is. Was your divorce what set you onto your path?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. So it's terrible. But there's the silver lining.

[A]

You know, the book, the tipping point that. My tipping point to doing everything in my life that I'm doing now, which is totally Nicky Little Nikki. I'm back. I like middle school element doing silly videos. And it's all because of my divorce. Yeah. Kind of knocked me on my ass.

[B]

How did that. How did it. How did it propel you to do what you wanted to do? I mean, of course it was bad. I'm hearing that. So what part of you after potentially mourning. I'm just guessing. Were you saying, okay, I'm gonna get up off my ass right now and I'm gonna. I'm gonna find the silver lining here and I'm gonna make the best of this?

[A]

I went into. This is. That's a great question. I went into My career, right? Being told in, like, my first two jobs that not everything can be funny. Literally, I had bosses who were like, you've got to wear makeup. You've got to blow dry your hair. You've got to show up. And not everything needs to be funny. And I was thinking my clients. Like, I was a sales manager, and my clients love me because I come in with something different. I'm myself no matter where I go. And I don't have the type of humor that was from, like, scar tissue or anything. I think it's just innately I notice everything. Extremely sensitive to everything around me, and I could find a way to, like, call it out.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I grew up thinking in my early career that, like, you had to become more serious to be taken seriously. Right. To climb the ladder.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was a Division 1 athlete, all American. So I knew how to, like, grit and, like, get down and dirty with my girls on the field. And then I started learning, right. Society shapes you. I started learning in my careers that, like, my ADHD maybe wasn't that great. Everywhere I went and people started, you know, noticing it, and I was like, oh, shit. This always was my superpower. And now I'm not organized. I can't get my quota, like, expense reports on. On time. Started changing myself to be more, what, like, the corporate the company needs me to be.

[B]

How did you go about doing that? Like, what. How do you consciously try to make that transition? Especially having adhd, which I was just diagnosed with myself. I did a whole crazy brain scan with this guy, Dr. Dr. Amen. I don't know if you know, Dr. Amen.

[A]

Love him.

[B]

He's amazing. And I did the whole thing, and it was incredible, you know? But how did you sort of attempt that transition to being something you're not? Meaning, going. Going literally against your chemistry in your brain?

[A]

So I had. I always note it back to my childhood. I had four grandparents who, literally, I was the only granddaughter. I was, like, the beloved, overly spoiled, with love kid. So, like, if you spoil your kids with love, I'm a walking billboard that it's not gonna mess them up. Matter of fact, they're gonna, like, think they are great in ways, right? Like, in a. Not an equal way, but in a. Like, I'm capable. So, like, I want to say that first because I would. I want to frame it with. I grew up where my family loved me for exactly who I was. It was like, you need to get all straight A's. How dare you? It was like, at the C plus B minus, we Good. We're going.

[B]

Yeah. You're definitely my people. I mean, you and I, similar, are very similar, I think cut from the same cloth. Everything that you're saying from the beginning, when we got on till now, it's pretty much how I think, who I am, what I believe, you know? And the funny part, being funny and it doesn't. You're. You're not just giving other people sort of joy. It brings joy to yourself too. I mean, I always be fucking funny. Like, whatever situation you're in, humor is there for a reason. Even in the most difficult times, in tragedy and pain, humor is always there to lean on.

[A]

Yes. Yes. So. So my. So back to the question of corporate. I was like, the way I was as an athlete is I knew how much I had to run and train to be good at a sport. So I think I took that practicality and I put it over into, okay, this is what your bosses want to see you do. So I just started doing those things and I climbed the corporate ladder and I figured out how to get the next position. And I was like the put me in coach type of employee. And I started noticing that I was like, taking myself more seriously and starting to be stressed out about work. And I would get home to my husband and I'd be still wanting to work. And I think that that climb the ladder Nikki kind of got away from like, true Nikki, which is like, I'm sending Snapchats to everybody in the company because they're funny.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm a vp.

[B]

I'm like, right, right.

[A]

I've always been a behind the scenes girly with, like, my selfies and my. And now take me divorce. Covid lost all my clients. When I. When Covid hit, I was like, I'll go on TikTok and I'll see, like, what my clients are asking for. And that's it. I just started showing up as the non Instagram mom. Like, we don't have a perfect porch on Halloween. I don't. I'm not spending much on pumpkins.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't have that aesthetic down. My kids are a train wreck when we're going to take Christmas photos. Like, we're gonna pretend that we shit together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was like. So the timing of that in 2020 was like, thank God.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Crazy bun. And she's like, doesn't know what she's doing in motherhood. And here we are.

[B]

Wow. And when did you see it sort of take off? And was there a moment where you're like, holy, wait a minute. I Was doing this kind of for fun and putting myself out there. But now it's, you know, this is.

[A]

Bigger than I expected in probably 20. What are we in? 25, 25, 23. January was when I knew that I had was at a crossroad. I'm like, either I'm gonna do this half ass and I'm gonna keep consulting and try to figure out my life because I need to pay the bills. Divorce is almost over. I need to figure out my life. I just gave myself. Somebody out there might need to hear this. I gave myself a six month window to succeed or fail. And I was like, if I do this all in from January to June and it sucks, then I'll do the next thing. By March, my Instagram page blew up.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And so it was like, okay, I can do this. And I need to be less apologetic about what this is. Cause it's weird. I'm 48 years old. I'm still like, how do I explain Content creator? I make videos, I talk about bullshit. That's.

[B]

Do you have a. Do you have a structure to it or is it just pure? Right. No, because that's. I asked because that's how I am. Like, you know, I don't. I mean, I make a little money off Instagram here and then when I promote shit, right. But it's not. It's sort of an ancillary part of my income and I don't spend enough time on it because I have to be inspired to put out some kind of a post. And that can be three months. I don't do shit. And then I start feeling guilty. I'm like, all these people have followed me and they're not getting anything. And then I'm like, well, who gives a shit? Because they, they follow a million other people. But I have to feel like that an inspiration to go put something out when you're doing it as a gig, it's. I mean, you must be like, okay, I got to. I gotta do some shit today if.

[A]

Yeah. And this, this, like, it sounds so ridiculous in the grand scheme of life to be like, oh, it's stressful. I just go back. We were hosted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So ridiculous. Because my life is not normal. I tell my kids that all the time. This is right. Like, let's pull back layers. To my kids who are 9 and 11. Mommy had 15 jobs before this. Mommy was head coach at a college. Mommy taught a college course. So this isn't just, hey, I've been ready for this my whole life. There's been a lot of layers to getting this ready to be on camera. But to your point is if you gave up everything else that you're doing and you just. You would find a way to just feed them.

[B]

I mean, you would. You do.

[A]

Yeah. It's in your DNA. I love it. I. I treat it like I'm on FaceTime with like 4 million people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, what's up? How are we doing today?

[B]

Right? It's great. That's the best stuff because it's. It's. To me anyway, it's just so personal, you know, when it's not flashy, when it's not set up, when it is just sort of handheld, boom. Here I am, you know, here's my. Here's what I'm going through right now in this moment.

[A]

Absolutely. The hard part is your kids get a little older and you're like, oh, wait, their privacy matters now in a different way than it did three years ago. 3. We were on the verge of elementary school. Now my daughter's going into middle school. So I'm like, oh, I can't make fun of her as much as I.

[B]

Used to, you know, I know it's true.

[A]

And now I'm finding my, like, what's my happily ever after 2.0. What do I want to do when I grow up? When my kids, like, get their license and they don't as much.

[B]

I'm there. I'm there right now. It's crazy.

[A]

Journey.

[B]

So it's crazy. How long have you been divorced?

[A]

So I separated in September of 2019.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then came covet right around. I was like, I'm gonna get it together. And then 2020 did not get it together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

But yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, divorce was a beast.

[B]

And it was. Are you dating? No. Because this is a huge part of your brand.

[A]

This is just my. My perspective is after divorce and then perimenopause. You add that in. My brother is my manager. He called me the other day. He's like, when are you in actual menopause? Not for like, over another year. He's like, can you hurry it up? Because I have like, six figure deal for you. I'm like, no, I'll talk to you when it happens.

[B]

That's really cool.

[A]

What happens is you become. I don't want to say picky, but, like, you've just been through some shit. Almost wish that you had this perspective about dating before you got married. When you get married, there's like the. Oh, every milestone will, like, will mold us a bit more and everything Will change once we have kids and oh, once we get married, he won't golf as much. And once. And you just have all these ideas because you had something in your brain about your life that was. It was a dead set thing. I'm goal oriented, so I was like, this is what my life's gonna be like. And I got married and when the divorce happened, I'm like, I need to rewrite that entire play. Right? Like you're a writer. I had to rewrite the whole fricking thing. So now the man of my dreams is like, wait, is that even fucking possible? I don't know if that person exists. And he's definitely not in Massachusetts, so why not?

[B]

Why isn't he in Mass?

[A]

Definitely not. I'm way taller than him or something.

[B]

Yeah. Where in Mass are you, by the way?

[A]

Southeastern Mass. So a little bit cape, like 20 minutes from the ferry that goes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Well, my. My wife is from Mass. Or her. Her parents grew up in Brockton. Full thick ass accents. Then they moved along meadow up in the western part of the state.

[A]

So I'm not that far from Brockton. Yeah, you know my parts. She knows what's up.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. And then we go to Falmouth every year because that's where her parents live now.

[A]

The best.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

No, I know, I know. Well, that's so funny. I know.

[A]

Dating. No, not right now. I'm in my. And I used to say, and it's a sad thing to say now, I always would tell people, like, I'm in my Diane Keaton era. He plays is just like the white on white on the beach, chilling in her, you know, midlife vibes. Doesn't need a man. And then I was in my Diane.

[B]

Let me ask a question. Actually getting into perimenopause. My wife is in it now. Obviously we're together, so she's not single. But you know, you know what happens to your libido when you start this? I understand the hormones. She's on. She's on some hormone replacement therapies, trying to find the right balance. Because it's been a tricky thing to find the right balance. Yes, but what happens to your body? What happens to your libido in that when that you just. Does everyone just shut down like, I don't want it anymore.

[A]

Okay. This is like I want to say the right thing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

When I was. If I were married, my libido would look way different than being the woman who can just have that. When you wanna. Yeah, just Different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If someone lived with me, I'd wanna take his head off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's perimenopause. So you're not necessarily doing anything wrong. But here's. I'm gonna do this for your wife. Ready? I'm gonna do this for the wives out there and the husbands.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

Have you ever made a pot of coffee and forgot to put, like, the filter in the pot?

[B]

100%.

[A]

And beans, the grunt, whatever you got pours out before perimenopause. Everything is filtering nicely. The filter's in there? Yeah, Everything's flowing, and it's right down into the pot. Okay. Perimenopause. You forgot to put the filter there, so. But. But I forgot to put the filter in. I made the coffee, but I'm pissed off at you that I forgot to put the filter in. I forgot it. But I want to blame you because you're taking up too much of my mental. Perimenopause is like, there's no filter in the pot. The beans are going everywhere. We don't know what day it is. We don't know if we're hot or we're cold or we're pissed or we're happy. We don't know who we're mad at, but we're. If you're in front of us, it's going to be you to blame and don't. What I'll say is we don't want to be like that. We very much want to be. What's the. What's the Bruce Willis Michelle Pfeiffer movie where she's like, I'm fun. I'm a fun girl. Like, they. They're on the verge of, like, their marriage ending, and she. How fun she was before the marriage. That's the character that we are. We, like. We know we're fun. We also know we're bitchy right now, and we don't know how to get a hold of it. I'm on an estrogen patch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm on progesterone before bed. And my brother and I have a podcast together. And I, like, crashed out last week. Bawling, crying about the Toy Story 5 preview.

[B]

On your podcast?

[A]

No, just in. In a.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I watched the preview.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Talking. Sobbing. And my brother goes like this to me. He's like, time for the.

[B]

It's so wild that the holidays are almost here.

[A]

It is pretty wild. I'm actually already currently right now because, actually, because of the fires, I had to throw away all of my Christmas decorations.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So I am literally right now on the Wayfair site, looking at all Christmas decorations, wreaths, garlands, holiday pillows because I had to do a full refresh. And let me tell you something, it's the way to go.

[B]

No, I know. And by the way, timing is right because their Black Friday sale is happening now, so you can score huge deals in all things home, up to 70% off. And Wayfair items arrive so fast. Free shipping too.

[A]

I love it. Whether it's modern, farmhouse, something in between, you can find your style. You know what else I love about Wayfair? You can do things that are super, super affordable and then they also have really like luxurious items on there. So it kind of is the full spectrum of whatever it is that you could ever possibly need. So do not miss out on early Black Friday deals.

[B]

So starting October 30th, you can shop Wayfair's Can't Miss Black Friday deals all month long. Plus you can join Wayfair's new loyalty program and get 5% back on every purchase, members only sales and free shipping on everything.

[A]

Don't miss out on early Black Friday deals.

[B]

Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70% off.

[A]

That's Wayfair.com w a y f a I r dot com sale ends December 7th. Ten athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points. You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of you will leave here with an IFIT contract for $250,000. This is where mindset comes in. Someone will be eliminated. Pressure is coming down.

[B]

Trainer games on Prime Video January 8th. Watch the trailer on trainergames.com Season 2.

[A]

Of Unrivaled Basketball is here and the talent is unreal. Paige Beckers, Nafiza Collier, Kelsey Plum, Brianna Stewart and more are back to redefine the game. Unrivaled basketball season two, sponsored by Samsung Galaxy, tips off January 5th on TNT True TV and HBO. HBO Max.

[B]

Nothing in life is free except this $10 that better picks is offering. Download the Better app, Pick more or less on your favorite player's stats, watch the games and win some cash. It's that simple. Must be 21 or older in a jurisdiction where Better Picks operates. Terms and conditions apply. Better Picks Sports just got better.

[A]

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[B]

Talk about your relationship with your brother. I mean, this is a sibling show, after all. He sounds awesome. Like, he sounds like kind of like me with. With Kate, where you can say talk about anything. Nothing is off limits.

[A]

Oh, that's. That's us. I mean, there's. I was making fun of him the other day because he was talking about how he had two casts on his legs when he was 8. And I was just crying, laughing, and it's like, only siblings can really, like hard time for him was like, is a hilarious time for me. So much love. So. Yeah. There's 18 years difference between the two of us. He lives in la.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I'm here in Mass when we come together, technically, he's the only person I want to go out and party with.

[B]

Yeah. Does he. Were you guys blood or half?

[A]

Half.

[B]

Half. Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he comes home and I'm like, let's. He's the only person that can get me to take nights off, like away from my kids. They don't, like, they're with me 24 7. When he comes home, I'm like, I gotta go do a thing.

[B]

And.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Like the chicken box in Nantucket, the oldest one in there. It's kind of like my escape. If that's just the sibling thing, that's you.

[B]

And I'm sure it's a good sounding board too, you know, for each other, really. Can you. Can you get under his skin? You know, do you know how to needle him and. And. And, you know, sort of push his buttons because I know every button of Kate's. It's so easy, you know, if I really want to.

[A]

This morning I said, you gotta. He. So he manages me. He manages my brand deals, which is so interesting. And today he had a piece of it. He asked me a question. I go, I. I can't work with you on this. Thank you for getting the brand deal now. I'm going to take it. I'm going to. Don't. We're not talking about this anymore. And we just go each other. It's great. And then five minutes were sending each other Like a gif or a meme.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Of being mad is like three and a half minutes.

[B]

Yeah. So you grew up as an only child?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

In mass.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. What was. How did that shape you? You know what I mean? What was it like being in. Is this. Are you. Are you a typical only child?

[A]

I am an only child that was raised in the 80s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like rugged tomboy. Throwing a football with the boys in the yard. I would go into recess. I don't think this is normal now that I think it out loud and say it all out. I would go to. I would go to gym class in like third, fourth grade. And I would look at the leaderboard for floor hockey to see which boys had more goals than me. And I would like, lock it in. And I would go into gym class being like, I gotta score four today. And I would score. So that's me as like an only child. Like, uber competitive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not in a way that I would ever tell anybody I was competitive. It was just. I think it's a little of the ADHD hyper fixation. So I was a 80s, ADHD, couldn't pay attention to shit. Social butterfly on my report cards. It's a hard time paying attention. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sports became like my hyper fixation. So I was a total tomboy.

[B]

You were. And that's when you got into field hockey and just crushed it.

[A]

Crushed it.

[B]

Yeah. My wife went to ithaca. She played D3 lacrosse.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Yeah. It's so funny, you Mass girls, there's a certain breed. It's so interesting. Like all my wife. All of her girlfriends from. I mean, there's a certain energy of. Of all you girls. It's so funny.

[A]

That is funny there. I think that's why I also. Nothing that I'm doing online is that unique to me because I know a bunch of baddies like me. Funny to the rest of the world because you're right there. It's a certain type of read here.

[B]

And with your, you know, with your feeds and with what you do and what you put out there, do you just speak with whatever comes to your brain or do you curate it in a sense that, you know, I feel like talking about this today, or I want to hit this topic. And do you know your audience? You know what I mean?

[A]

I don't necessarily know my audience. I know it's 90 something percent women, which it's very clear that I'm a raging goofball on that. Right. Like, it takes a certain. The men that follow me. I'm like, you're a good egg. Sometimes I'll meet a man who's like, oh my God, I gotta take a picture of you for my wife. I'm like, you're awesome. If you know my, you're, you're standing up for your wife. So I think that's, the conversation we're having is like, how do I become more curious into what my wife is thinking?

[B]

Well, that's the thing. That's, that's what's interesting about it. That's why men need to follow more accounts like yourselves and, and, and the other way around. That's why women should follow more. I mean, I guess it's a little bit different when, when, when we talk about things, but the male perspective, I think is important. I do Drew Barrymore a bunch and, and because she wants me to come on, to give the male perspective on a very female driven demographic, you know, about love and relationships and sex, you know? You know, so it's important to learn each other's sides. I mean, I have a million plus followers or whatever, and I've 91 female, you know.

[A]

Right. But think about the guy. I really do feel like men are getting a bad rap right now. I've spoken so much about my divorce. I've spoken what I see as far as like, you know, I don't use the term toxic masculinity, but unfortunately, the really great husbands and the really great guys are not like online talking about being great. Instead, we're seeing, I'm raising a son. I want him to be awesome. Yeah, that's amazing. My uncle's amazing. My grandpa was the epitome of like, romance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of my grandmother. Till the very last day. He lived for her. And so me being raised around that, like, I just have this vision of like, what a man is supposed to be like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's really hard when you're in a world where you don't see enough of it. Does that make sense?

[B]

Oh, 100%. I think we, I think we all need to get more curious about why we do things as men and as women and why we feel certain ways and get into the intricacies of the dynamic, the different dynamics of men and women. Because it's deep. You know, on the surface it's like, oh, he's a dude and he's a dick and blah, blah, whatever. Right. But there are, if you, if you dig into his psyche a little bit and understand sort of where that comes from, then I think we can sort of live harmoniously a little bit, even a little Better. You know, there's. There's also so much primal in us that's just left over from 10,000 years ago.

[A]

I mean, insane for women like you about this. The Lean in movement. Right? I. Naturally, when I was. I was handling a big piece of business for a corporate brand as an svp, I. I had my second child, and I was just not the same. Everything was tearing me up about, like, wanting to be with my children. And I remember Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean in and all these big, loud, like, with the heels on and, like, go for what? Have a seat at the table. I was like, I don't want a seat at the table. And I feel so bizarre saying that. I wanted to lean out. I wanted to go home when the clock was done, at the end of the workday, I wanted to fly out of the parking lot to get home to my kids. And that's a nature.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And my wife was an actor, and she was amazing and doing very well. And, like, she. You know, she could have kept going. And she's beautiful, and she's good, and she's all of it. She could have had, like, a big career, you know, and we had our first baby 18 years ago, Wilder, and. And I was like, all right, you want to go, you know, you back? And she's like, no, done. I was like, you're done. Done. No, you don't want to act anymore. You're done. She's like, I'm done. I just want to be a mom. Like, okay, great. Amazing. You know, and how did she.

[A]

Why? What, like, changing? Was she so.

[B]

She. She is happy as a clam. You know what I mean? Like, there's no regrets there at all. Zero. There's no. She doesn't have that. Well, I need to do something. I mean, I think there's a part of her sometimes that is like, you know, I feel like I have more to give or I should be doing something. And I always encourage her because she's an amazing human and has an amazing ideas and. And. And everyone loves her, and she's just. I was like, you could. There's so much you could do. But, you know, she's. She's cool. She's cool. It's just hanging and being a mom.

[A]

And I live. It's. It's like, I'm unapologetically. I live for motherhood when people. There's so much noise out there, and it's social media, and it's new, you know, you live in this world.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just. There's so much that tells you you have to have a life outside of your kids. You. And I'm like, can I have a hot minute here? My kids are 9 and 11. I'm all in. And unless a man can come in and bring something to the table that I'm doing now and not pull me from my kids. Yeah. Oh, come with me. I'm like, I'm with my kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's a very Jerry Maguire type of thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm radically all in on my cat.

[B]

Of course. I mean, I am as well, to the detriment of my career at points, because I would not. I'm not going to New York for that. I'm not going to do it. Like, I'm not going to go commit myself to a series that could potentially go six years where I'm living in New York. Like, I. That's not worth it to me. You know, my deathbed is going to be surrounded by my children and the memories of all of the incredible times that I had with my family. Not a job here or an award here or that. You know, I think as you get older, we can let that go a little bit. You know, going to college, they're out of the house. There'll be a little bit more time to focus on myself. But, you know, I'm all in. Especially because my dad, you know, wasn't there. You know, Kurt came into my life and raised me, but there was a part of me that just was gonna do everything that I could to just be the most present father of all time to the point of insanity. You know, where I miss a recital, I'm like, he's gonna need therapy. He's gonna have abandonment issues, and it's just like. It's completely irrational.

[A]

But, you know, talk to me for a second. I'm a single mom. I mean, they have their dad, but this is on me. What can I do for my son to. Like, is there anything that you were raised with that made you right? You do hear a lot about single moms and boys need bro.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I got lucky because Kurt came into my life at 6, okay? And my dad, we were good until 12, and then something happened, and whatever, it split apart and it got contentious, and that was that. But Kurt raised me, and he was an amazing father, extremely masculine. When I was a very shy boy who had been through some trauma with divorce at that young of an age and sort of clingy to mom. And he was the one who sort of broke me out of that and taught me that I'm okay alone. I'm okay just being who I am, and I can essentially find my way home, which was literal and figurative. We had this moment, you know, where I would ride on these ATVs with him in Colorado, and we went down to the river, and he just disappeared. And I started freaking out, and I was panicking, and we call him Pa, And I was screaming, pa. Pa. Like, panicking. And he was behind a tree, just watching me. And then he came out, and he was. Ollie. Oliver's like, papa, I'm losing it. I'm, you know, 6 or 7 years old. And he said, you're okay. You're. You're. You're. You're fine. And I was like, okay. He goes, now I want you to get us home. And I was like, no way. I want to. I need you in my sight. And he goes, I'll be right behind you. I promise. I will never leave you. And so, boom, I get us home. Keep looking behind me, and I get us home. And it was this epiphany, like, he goes, see? Like, if I wasn't there, if I did disappear for some reason, you know how to get home. And that was literal. And also, you know, as I get older, it's become more metaphorical as well, you know? And then the cap to that story is for the year I've been hearing, oh, Oliver's end up to end up too dependent on you, to my mother saying, he's too dependent on you. And mom would agree, and he needs independence. And I didn't quite understand what that meant, but I heard those words knowing that dependency, connotated negativity and independency with independent was this sort of, you know, positive thing. And that next morning, I fly down on my ATV and they're having coffee on their porch, and you can see the little dirt road. And I say, mom, Pa, look, I'm independent. Not quite understanding what that meant, but, boom, I was off to the races. I was done. I was now able to be free and not afraid.

[A]

You know, that is so beautiful in so many ways. And all I'm thinking about is, I need myself a Kirk is. So. He's nine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Six.

[B]

Yeah, I was six. I was six or seven, but. But. But then it continued, you know? I mean, he taught me to hunt. He taught me to get into the woods. He. He taught me to be alone, you know, with a rifle, with knives, with this, with that. And I learned how to fish, which is a passion of mine now. So he really brought me to that.

[A]

Place and that is that's the beauty of to healthy like a healthy man and a healthy woman like right. That's what I think you're going to get. You get married you as this partnership and you're going to handle some of this and you're going to handle some of this and now I don't know that my cortisol levels are meant to handle both roles.

[B]

Yeah. Stop.

[A]

10 athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points. You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of you will leave here with an IFIT contract worth $250,000. This is where mindset comes in. Someone will be eliminated. Pressure is coming down.

[B]

Trainer Games on Prime Video January 8th Watch the trailer on trainergames.com Season 2.

[A]

Of Unrivaled Basketball is here and the talent is unreal. Paige Beckers, Nafiza Collier, Kelsey Plumb, Brianna Stewart and more are back to redefine the game. Unrivaled basketball season two sponsored by Samsung Galaxy tips off January 5th on TNT, TruTV and HBO.

[B]

Max do you actually know ball well? Come prove it with a free $10 from Better Picks. Download the Better app, pick more or less on player stats, watch the games and win cash. It's that simple. Must be 21 or older in a jurisdiction where Better Picks operates. Terms and conditions apply. Better Picks Sports just got better. Your ticket to big savings is that big blue envelope in your mailbox. Valpak. It's brimming with deals from big name brands and your favorite local spots, dining services, stuff you're already buying. All for less. And you could score $100 or other instant prizes just for opening it. Or save even faster with mobile coupons you can use right [e-mail] Valpak there's definitely something in it for you. The world's best ski and snowboard athletes are chasing medals. Now you can follow their every move. Jo Insider, the official US Ski and snowboard fan loyalty program and get premium viewing at World cup ski events, exclusive athlete meetups, discounts from brands you love and a custom welcome gift mailed direct to your doorstep this winter. Show your support as they race for the podium. Head to insider.usski and snowboard.org and join today. And I should remember his name. I saw him on CNN and he is put. He, he's, he's written a book and it's all about men and boys and how we need to be taken care of. Oh, Richard Reeves. Richard Reeves is his name and it's amazing. There's some controversy, not controversy to it, but you know, there's a lot of talk about sort of female empowerment and of course it's amazing. But he's, his idea is like, we can't forget about the boys and the men. And he gives all these amazing statistics and how important it is to raise good boys who can become great men.

[A]

I need to talk to him.

[B]

You should have him on. He's awesome.

[A]

I do see a lot of women get defensive when there's a, a childhood specialist or a psychologist that says men, like boys need men. Like right. The single moms are like, but I raised my. And I'm like, I feel defensive in my gut but I also want to listen, I want to hear. Because why would we want to close that like off like raising like I want them to have best of both worlds, men and women. Like can we all do this together?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Against each other thing.

[B]

I think we also underestimate the man slash boys emotional capacity or emotional thirst or need for that because part of his thing was, you know, hey, just text, text a male, a kid or your cousin or whoever and just say, hey dude, like thinking about you today, you're the man. Or something like that. We don't, you know, we don't get those things as men. Like all my guy friends, we're never texting each other like, yo, I love you buddy. Like, you're just, you're amazing, you know. And when you as a dude, when you get that, first of all, if my friend texted me, I'd be like, dude, is something wrong? Are you okay? But if it's genuine, it just feels good, you know?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Son's friend came over and it's so funny. Like they're both doing my son's homework project together. I'm like, this is interesting. The girls would never have a friend over and do a homework project together. And I'm looking at him, I'm like, oh, they're, they're two little, a little bit introverted boys and that this is like they're doing this thing. I do believe they're all wired exactly how they're going to be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remind me a lot of my son. Going back to your six year old self is like, yeah, mom is everything at sex. Like I couldn't even send him into a fun camp because he'd be panicked to leave the car. And I remember sitting there at camps in my, I think I did a post three years ago. I couldn't get him to go off to the golf camp that he was going to and I talked about having to re regulate as a mom and how to re regulate your emotions and see stay strong for the kid and show him that he's capable. And it's exhausting. So many other moms resonated with like the, the anxious boy.

[B]

Oh gosh. I mean, look, I've had anxiety. My 20s it started and then I've had bouts of it throughout my life until 49. I'm on Lexapro, you know, I'm on, I, I manage it. I'm so used to it now, the feelings. I'm no longer afraid of it. I mean, I've been through the ringer with, with that.

[A]

You know, we're talking about mental health. Like we talked about ADHD earlier today. Perfect example. My, the school called me. They never called me unless I'm like, oh no, they just. I know my daughter was missing her three math books that she needed and I ran over there, I dropped them off, brought some chocolates to the secretaries to be like, let's not pay attention to our stuff.

[B]

There's some bribery.

[A]

Yeah, totally. And I got in my car and I was like, wow, do you know how many moms feel like shit because they are unorganized? They have ADHD that never went treated. So now we're finding out the moms with ADHD who never got treated have no idea how to handle it, don't have the systems in place. Now I'm like, I could either do this to my kid or we could get the help we need to get her to understand systems and structure. Like, I don't want the label on her, but man, it's a different world is what I'm saying. To have label. We live in a different world where we can like manage it better.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, oh, entirely. I mean, the amount of memes that my wife sends me about adhd, it's crazy because she has it and she had it through.

[A]

Like her perimenopause made it worse probably.

[B]

Yes, definitely, Definitely. She has it and she has Vyvanse to sort of. She doesn't take it every day, but I'm like, why don't you just take it every morning? You're amazing. When you're on Vyvanse, you are getting done. You're amazing, you know? But she only takes them. Like, I gotta get stuff done today. I'm like, just take it every day. It's awesome.

[A]

Or she and I maybe need to talk. This is so fun. My, I, my assistant and I, when I First hired her, I took a vivance one day and she's like, oh, God. She couldn't understand what was going on. I said, I took a five dance today and I said, maybe we start a series that's called Vyvanse Mondays. Do all the shit I don't want to do. But then if I took a byvance every day, by week two, I go off of it because I'm like, I don't need it.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

I'm like, I don't need this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the reason I don't need it is because I've been taking it.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Weird thing.

[B]

Oh, entirely. I, I, I know when she's on it. I mean, you know, because she has to take it early because otherwise she won't be able to sleep, you know, because it gets you all up and, you know, so I'll drop the kids off, whatever, make breakfast. And then I see her, you know, 10 o'. Clock. I look at her, I'm like, you're on by Vance, aren't you? She's like, yep. Huh? Yeah. On Byvance. Let's go closet. Done. You know, I'm like, oh, you're ready to roll.

[A]

ADHD parents has got. That's got to be a wild house.

[B]

There was that. We had another ADHD specialist on our show, and he talked about how it needs to be looked at as a superpower. As you explained earlier on in the podcast, you know, it can take control of you for sure, but it is a superpower. There's something very creative about it. You know, I would never change it. You know, I love my brain and how it fires and maybe, yeah, it can hinder me in certain ways, but I would never change that or trade it in for having a blank mind. I like that I'm, My brain's all over the place.

[A]

But yes, we can live in a world my, our kids can see, a world that is going to be very capable for their minds. I came out of school and I remember my guidance counselor being like, what do you want to do? And I don't know, what can I do with, with like, where I'm at? I don't want to take the SAT again. Like one and done on that. But now, right, they did, they wanted me to take it again. I was like, hell, no.

[B]

I got the worst SAT score, maybe in the, in the, in the nation.

[A]

Have you ever admitted what you got to any?

[B]

Oh, yeah, of course. I say it all the time. I got, I think out of 1600 points, I got a 767 80.

[A]

I said it out loud.

[B]

No, you didn't.

[A]

On my life. I've never said that in my life.

[B]

Oh, my God, I'm so happy. You and I are so similar. No one else has even come close to my bad score.

[A]

87 60.

[B]

You beat me by one question.

[A]

Oh. And then, like, how, how did I rank in my class? I remember getting the rankings and being like, holy, I'm dumb.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I was in the just. But I'll be honest with you, and you need to say it too. Did you care that much?

[B]

No. No, I didn't. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew I loved to be in movies. I, I had this feeling that, first of all, I didn't attach my sense of self worth to my grades ever, ever, ever. It was not me. You know, I, I, I, I loved who I was. I had a million friends. I had fun with life. I was a good person, a nice person. I was like, my grades. Yeah, I'm, I'm fine.

[A]

That should be the name of your, like, next episode. Not book smart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A bunch of kids that can't, like, can't jam. My daughter is so funny.

[B]

She's.

[A]

She goes like this. She goes, Mom, Mrs. I won't say the teacher's name. She's, like, asking me questions. I'm like, I don't know the answers. And that's how she says it. And I go, but what do you say? She's just like. She said that her teacher's like, you should know this by now. You're in fifth grade. And I go, that's what she says to you? Because I'm having flashbacks. And I go around. I said, layla, be honest. Do you look around and think, like, how the hell does everybody know the answers to this? And she goes every day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, there's a group of us that like, let's unite.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By our.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We didn't get the book stuff.

[B]

No. And that's fine.

[A]

But you will grab other parts of the world by the balls better than.

[B]

Anyone around billion percent, you know, and that's what I'm with my daughter Rio, you know, who's in sixth grade, middle school, big transition from fifth. The workload is more, Is more intense. And with all my kids, I just said, look, just put the effort in. Just try. If I see that you tried and you get an F, but you studied your ass off. I'm like, good. You did it. You win, buddy. That's it. Now if you just fuck off and you don't Give a shit. Then I have an issue because I do believe in work ethic, and that's something I wish I had more of. You know what I mean? I honestly wish I was pushed a little bit harder to work harder.

[A]

Same. So I, I love that we're saying this. I feel so, this is therapeutic for me to say because I never want to feel like I'm raising lazy kids around. I want them to do well. I want them to find out that they're brilliant in some area. If my daughter ends up being like, oh, my God, I love science. I'm gonna be like, wow. I don't. But I want them to find something in life that makes them feel good about themselves and some to work hard at finding that. Yeah, I'm not at the F. I'm more like, oh, my God. I understand you're confused. Meanwhile, my son, the teacher can say something once he locks it in. Remember?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My middle, my middle kid is like, My middle kid is like, never talked about homework once. He's in 10th grade now he's straight A's, like, Bode. His name's Bodhi. I'm like, bode, you good? He's like, yeah, good. I'm like, okay, man, good. I don't have to.

[A]

He's not asking you for homework help?

[B]

No, hell no. I, I ask him, I mean, I need help, I need help with his life. And he sits me down and has a.

[A]

That's great. So how would you describe your, like, parenting style?

[B]

Non restrictive. We're not, we're not strict parents at all. I, I, I think that we coddle our kids just generally in our society now, too much. I think they need to get out and fall down and figure out on their own, you know, kindness looking people in the eye. All of that stuff really matters to me, you know, a lot because that's what we were instilled with, but never had a real curfew. I've never grounded my kids, even when they've done some bad to me. It's like, you know, what you did wrong? What am I doing? You know, grounding you. What does that do at the end of the day?

[A]

Threats. I'm like, I won't take that out of the wall.

[B]

No, I know, I know. It's my, my wife once, like, lost it in the car. All three kids are a little younger, and she's like, that's it. We're not having Christmas. I'm like, babe, that's, we can't, you cannot follow through with that one. That's like not going to happen.

[A]

Just run out of options.

[B]

Totally. But I am strict on, on a few things, you know, I just want them to pay attention, to be safe, to be aware of their surroundings, you know what I mean? And to be respectful. I, I give you a long rope, so be respectful to me. And I've had to deal with that a little bit where it's like, yo, I, I give you everything. You know what I'm saying? Like, show a little bit of respect here. I, I'm not strict. I don't fuck with you at all, you know, give me a little bit of respect. So there's, it's, it's kind of like that, you know.

[A]

I totally get it. Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What about your wife? What would she say is like the hardest part of dealing with you as her husband? I'm here to help.

[B]

No, I know. Well, I was going to say when we ended this, if you ever, if you want me to come on your, on your pod, I1 will be fun.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. So she's so amazing, my wife, because she just understands who I am so well, she knows how crazy I can be. She knows that I am passionate about certain things like my fishing and boats and my golf here and there and, you know, and she allows me to do those things and I allow her to go have week girl weekends with her friends. Three nights sleeping out. And we just, we're very independent that way that we don't have some codependent relationship. I think, you know, I think with her, she would probably want me to get out of my own head and to believe in myself more and stop the negative self talk. Yeah, that bugs her, you know, because she's like, it's just reinforcing, you know, all the. And if you believe this about yourself, you're not going to move forward. And she's not wrong. Yeah. I think, you know, that's probably it. I do the dishes. Okay. She would say I don't. Her love language is acts of service. You know what I mean? Mine's physical touch.

[A]

I love that you know that yours.

[B]

Oh yeah. I'm physical touch. And her, her, her last love language is physical touch. So it's hard, you know. It's hard, you know, so.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But yeah, I think we're pretty, we're pretty compatible.

[A]

I wouldn't think. I think my ex husband would have said his love language was physical touch, but it was only a certain type of physical touch.

[B]

Right. Rightly.

[A]

Play with my hair.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

The thing there was never. It went from zero to. I'm like, can we just start with the hair?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 100. See, I. I was more. I was more like this, where I'm sort of standing at the island or doing whatever, and she walks behind me, and I'm thinking, is she gonna touch my back? Is she gonna touch my back? Is she gonna touch my back? And then she doesn't touch my back. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. She didn't touch my back. She doesn't like me. I mean, that's my mind where I'm like, she gonna touch me. She gonna touch me. Oh, she didn't touch me. You know?

[A]

But, yeah, talk about. I love that we're. I love the male, female coming together. Talking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Other. In a way, trying to understand each other. That's great.

[B]

Well, this has been awesome. Thank you for coming on. And honestly, like, if. If you ever want me to. To. To be on your show, I would love to you. You guys, I would love to meet your brother too, and I'm sure we'd have a blast. Sort of just.

[A]

Yeah, let's do it.

[B]

Opening it up for sure.

[A]

Thank you so much for having me.

[B]

Thank you. Nikki, do you want to plug anything?

[A]

Just Nikki Marie Inc. On Instagram, and I feel like that's my main hub and you could find elsewhere through all the tags doing a little bit of everything.

[B]

Perfect. Well, go. Go keep doing it. Go Keep relating.

[A]

Go keep making that money off the cuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Show up as. As you are.

[B]

Yeah, of course. Always. All right, bye. Fun. I found a kindred spirit. I did. Yeah. She's so mass. It's so funny. Reminds me so much of my wife and her friends. It's crazy. Anyway, I have to go, and I have to go because iHeartRadio needs the Zoom. One of the big companies. One of the great big. Oh, yeah, no, I'm keeping going. We're gonna keep this in. Iheartradio needs the zoom. Laura, our producer, is trying to interject at 12:10. We're two minutes past the deadline, so I'm sure another podcast is freaking out right now. I suggest maybe getting a few more Zoom accounts. Oliver Hudson out.

[A]

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[A]

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