The One About The Trolley Problem

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "The One About The Trolley Problem"

Date: December 17, 2025
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen (Bob) & Monét X Change (Monet)

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Overview

In this characteristically irreverent and insightful episode of Sibling Rivalry, Bob and Monét dive into classic morality and ethics thought experiments, most notably the infamous "Trolley Problem." The duo brings their signature blend of comedy and honesty to discussions about personal relationships, drag culture, life experiences, and moral dilemmas. Along the way, they veer into lively conversations about childhood stories, pets, culinary inventions, the ethics of crime (including hypothetical crime jobs), and the nuances of loyalty among friends and partners.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Drag Memories (02:24–08:35)

• The conversation kicks off with Monét sharing a story about her iconic "Flower Power" look at the VMAs and her desire to bring back big wigs. Bob teases her about her longstanding plans and fads.

• Quote:
  “You always talk about stuff you want to do that’s so within your realm. For years you would mention things you want to do...” —Bob (03:03)

• Monét then unveils her latest “culinary invention”: baked red-onion and parmesan "healthy" onion rings.

• Bob and Monét debate the finer points of onions (raw vs. cooked, types of onions), with playful jabs about their food preferences.

• Quote:
  “I like white onions too.” —Bob
  “We know you like everything white.” —Monét (07:52)

2. Childhood Homes & Upbringing (08:35–13:31)

• A discussion about growing up in St. Lucia (Monét) versus Georgia (Bob). The hosts compare who was more "bougie," including talk of fruit trees, living arrangements, and family cleaning ladies.

• Quote:
  “But you grew up rich.” —Bob (12:45)
  “So you acknowledge your confidence about St. Lucia. How you can see how it’s a different place.” —Monét (12:48)

• Bob jokes about Monét’s maid Julietta, leading to a tongue-in-cheek but affectionate back-and-forth.

3. Philosophizing About the Trolley Problem (24:04–41:55)

• The main theme: the morality of sacrifice.

• Bob introduces the classical trolley problem, tailoring it with their own loved ones and pets for added drama.

• Scenarios Discussed:

  • Would you pull a lever to save five people if it killed your partner?
  • Swapping family, friends, co-workers, and pets into the scenario for comedy but also genuine emotional stakes.
  • Who would you save between yourself and your partner?
  • What if the cost is a foot, both feet, or just strangers?

• Memorable Quotes:
  “I’m saving Andy. Andy’s my partner.” —Monét (38:13) “I’m saving myself, bitch.” —Monét (39:51) “Have you seen prosthetics? These days are fierce, bitch.” —Monét (40:06)

• Both reveal a willingness to save loved ones over multiple acquaintances/casual relationships.

• The hosts debate the emotional and ethical calculus, revealing both humor and nuance in their choices.

4. Jeremy Bentham, Push or Pull? (43:25–44:55)

• They take the dilemma deeper: Would you push an innocent person in front of the trolley to save five?
  • Both balk; pushing feels “different” from pulling a lever. The debate echoes real-world moral philosophy.
• Quote:
  “I’m not gonna sacrifice this person to save those five people. That’s crazy.” —Monét (43:55)

5. “Prisoner’s Dilemma” and Loyalty (46:08–48:02)

• Jacob, one of the podcast producers, introduces the Prisoner’s Dilemma: If they commit a crime together, would they rat each other out?
• Both initially claim loyalty. Monét jokes immediately admitting guilt, Bob says some “coaching” would be needed before questioning.
• Quote:
  “Your immediate admission of guilt was crazy.” —Bob (48:02)

6. White-Collar Crime, Bernie Madoff, and The Ethics of Theft (48:10–50:08)

• A tangent on white-collar crimes and whether the risk is “worth it.”
• Monét wonders if the payoff (billions, like Bernie Madoff) is worth the jail time.
• Quote:
  “He got 150 years. Gag. But he was old.” —Bob (48:59)

7. More “Moral Logic” Scenarios (51:41–58:08)

• Another group-thought experiment: A lifeboat fits 10 but there are 12 survivors. Who gets thrown off?

• The group (including producer Jacob, Taylor, and others) agree to vote—playfully, but with jesting justifications.

• Quote:
  “Because we gotta perpetuate the species. We gotta advance the black folks.” —Monét (55:27)
  “So you just—we’re gonna kill Taylor without even—yeah.” —Bob & Monét (57:21)

• Multiple revotes and joking rationales, but also a nod to the uncomfortable reality of collective survival decisions.

8. Drag Queens, Fight Stories & Stand Up For Your Partner (32:27–37:08)

• Bob details a cruise story about standing up for Jacob when someone tries to cut in line for a tattoo. Both discuss their willingness to “fight” for their loved ones.
• Quote:
  “I would get their hands off of [my partner]. I’d be like, ‘Don’t touch him.’” —Bob (34:41)

9. Random, Ridiculous, and Real

• Throughout, the hosts riff on:
  • Pet stories (dogs, cats—whose are cute or “hideous”)
  • White-collar and blue-collar crimes (assassin, arsonist, drug mule: which crime would Monét choose?)
  • Stephen King, farces, Scarsgards, and the genre of “The Blackening”
  • The dangers of sharing cooking tips and cosmetic product ingredients (“cocoa butter lotion” and the endless list of ingredients).
• Quote:
  “Did you like The Blackening? I thought it was very good.” —Monét (52:30)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• 07:52 — “We know you like everything white.” (Monét, ribbing Bob about onions and much more.)
• 13:04 — “She was not my nanny. She’s not taking care of—” (Monét disputing Bob’s maid/nanny joke.)
• 39:51 — “I’m saving myself, bitch. What the fuck?” (Monét, on self-preservation in the Trolley Problem)
• 43:55 — “Yeah, I’m not gonna kill. I’m not gonna sacrifice this person to save those five people. That’s crazy.” (Monét, line between action/inaction)
• 48:02 — “Your immediate admission of guilt was crazy.” (Bob, after Monét’s goof in the Prisoner’s Dilemma)
• 55:27 — “Because we gotta perpetuate the species. We gotta advance the black folks.” (Monét, on casting a vote in the lifeboat scenario)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Description | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------|--------------------| | Drag/Onion Banter | Onion recipes, VMA look, white vs. red onions | 02:24–08:35 | | Upbringing Comparison | Childhood homes, wealth, family maids | 08:35–13:31 | | Moral Dilemmas: Trolley Problem | Introducing, adapting trolley problem | 24:04–41:55 | | Push vs. Pull, Morality | Ethics of trolley variations, responsibility | 43:25–44:55 | | Prisoner’s Dilemma | Who would snitch? Loyalty & comedy | 46:08–48:02 | | White Collar Crimes Debate | Bernie Madoff, crime calculus | 48:10–50:08 | | Lifeboat Scenario/Votes | Group voting out someone for survival | 51:41–58:08 | | Standing Up for Partners | Cruise/tattoo fight story, defending loved ones | 32:27–37:08 |

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Takeaways

• The Sibling Rivalry approach to age-old philosophical dilemmas is hilariously authentic, refreshingly personal, and unafraid to expose their own foibles.
• Genuine affection, roast-style honesty, and playful mockery keep every scenario engaging, while their answers reveal much about personal loyalty and values.
• Morality is never just theoretical when Bob and Monét put themselves, their friends, and their pets on the line—literally!
• And, in true Sibling Rivalry fashion, the final answers often matter less than the riotous journey to get there.

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For listeners: Expect plenty of belly-laughs, spicy back-and-forth, and some surprisingly deep insights on what it means to choose between friends, lovers, and strangers—plus a truly original take on the classic trolley problem that only Bob and Monét can provide.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail]. my name is Bob the Drag Queen, and I'm Money Exchange. And this is Sibling Rivalry. On this week's episode, Monet debuts her new culinary invention.

[C]

We solved the trolley problem, and we

[B]

found out what made Monet say this.

[C]

We know you like everything white, and we find out what made Bob say this.

[B]

It is true. And the fans clock it all the time.

[C]

I would like to start this episode out by thanking me for doing this show with you after all these years. No matter what you did, I still returned because I care about you guys. The fan. And also, I want to thank our lovely, beautiful, smart, intelligent, kind, freaky, sexy, hot patrons who help us produce all of our content.

[B]

We couldn't do without y'.

[C]

All.

[B]

Soon.

[C]

Rivalry. The big question. Monet talks your career. They help us do all of it. So we thank them so much for all of it. We really appreciate it.

[B]

I'm grateful for you all. And if you want to join the patreon, go to patreon.com, type in sibling Rivalry podcast. What were you saying before we got started?

[C]

Wait.

[B]

It really pissed me off. It really pissed me off.

[C]

What pissed you off?

[B]

Talk about. It's right there on screen.

[C]

I was saying because we were Talking about the VMAs 2022 or 2023, whatever year it was when I wore that flower power look, it was that. Which, by the way, was from a Brazilian guy who does, like, these sketches like These cartoons. He, like, sketched it up and he tagged me in it. He's like, oh, my God, you look so. This looks like Monet. And I was like, oh, my God. Would you. Can I give this to a designer to, like, actually create into an outfit? He's like, sure. So it's me. It's like a big daisy on my thing with the orange pants and the big Afro puffs. And I was like, I just said I should get back into wearing big wigs like that.

[B]

And I was saying, I can't do

[C]

this with you anymore.

[B]

Cause you always talk about stuff you want to do that's so within your realm. For years you'll do it for years you would mention things you want to do like this. I'm so glad that the era's gone. Who remembers Monday doing this on podcast? The real ones Will. I'm not even going to tell you what it is, but this is.

[C]

I thought it was a little lip. Lip.

[B]

I love that we. What I do love about us not doing Riverside anymore, which is, like, basically our old one's, like, kind of Zoom, but it's just.

[C]

I know exactly what you're gonna say. I know exactly what you're gonna say,

[B]

because you know it's true. But Riverside is like Zoom. But you get high quality, like, high quality footage instead of, like, the grainy footage from Zoom.

[C]

It's not true. But you said it so many times. I know exactly where you're going with this.

[B]

It is true. And the fans clock it all the

[C]

time that I was looking at myself.

[B]

You were never paying attention to me.

[C]

Not true.

[B]

Monae, you. There's no more of you doing this, Man. You haven't mentioned wanting your lips done. Because we haven't. Because you can't see yourself right now. You have to focus on what's in front of you.

[C]

Well, we still talk about our bodies and stuff all the time.

[B]

No, it'd be non sequitur. We'd be, like, talking about Broadway shows. I want to get my lips done. We're not talking about our bodies.

[C]

We know some of the queens out here who pretend like they got big lips. You know, they be getting them rakakao. Some of the black queens.

[B]

What are you talking about?

[C]

Say their name.

[B]

We get that lipstick, you mean.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Well, Naomi talk about getting her lips done, but Naomi has no. Naomi, who? I genuinely don't know who you're talking about.

[C]

Okay, you have to bleep the name.

[B]

Don't bleep it. Let's go back to what we Used to be.

[C]

I'm bleeping the name. I'm not saying the name.

[B]

Okay, don't bleep it when I say it.

[C]

Go ahead.

[B]

Oh yeah, she looks like she gets up done though.

[C]

Does she to you?

[B]

To me, she looks like she.

[C]

I thought it was all natural. Cause one of the big mother lip bitches. We know who she is. The local New York City icon. It's Keisha Carr.

[B]

Yeah, she has big lips. Keisha Carr.

[C]

Those are all natural.

[B]

Yeah, Keisha Carr has big, big, big lips. Big old lips.

[C]

Yeah, she has big, big lips. Funky lips. Funky. I mean like in a good way.

[B]

It looks good though.

[C]

Oh, it looks amazing on this queen. I love it. So that's why I'm like.

[B]

I want that. They know who you're talking about, Monet.

[C]

They don't. There are several because there's another one. But she's not coming clean because people are clocking her.

[B]

Who's gonna say her name, who it is? But she's coming clean.

[C]

No, but I don't, I don't anyway,

[B]

but she's come clean.

[C]

I know, but.

[B]

So why don't you gonna whoop that ass? That's what it is, cuz. She from Killadelphia.

[C]

You see, you're trying to be funny. Believe that name too. Amelia and Jay. I was trying to be funny.

[B]

I'm not, I'm not trying. There's no. It doesn't even require effort.

[C]

Can I tell you?

[B]

Tell me.

[C]

You have to not roll your eyes and scoff and do all the things that you love to do.

[B]

No promises.

[C]

This is my new protein meal. I'm doing

[B]

protein air. I put protein powder in the air conditioner. Hear me out. I put protein powder in my air conditioner. And then I just stand by and take deep breaths.

[C]

And then I say protein. It's a way to eat something that I love, but a very healthy way. What?

[B]

I want this phase to be over. I really do. I want it over. I'm not gonna lie. I want it. I'm done with it. Tell me.

[C]

So I get a whole onion, a red onion. Cause they're sweeter. And I slice them. Not thin, like paper thin, but like about this thick. This thickness. Slice them, put em on the side. Put some parchment paper on a baking sheet. Put little things of shredded parmesan cheese, Little like dollops. One, two, three, take the onion. Put one thing of onion on each one. Put some avocado oil. Spray em with a little avocado oil. Put a little black pepper, a little salt, a Little garlic and herb seasoning and put a little sprinkling of Parmesan cheese on top of it. Bake it for 400 on 400 degrees for about 20 minutes. Bitch. It is the best onion rings you'll ever have in your life.

[B]

Well, this. See this, I will say this. That sounds delicious. First of all, because I love.

[C]

I love.

[B]

Well, this is why it kind of scares me, because I love onions, but I love raw onions. Like, once they start getting slimy. If you're eating a sandwich or a burger without onions, what are you doing? Okay, like, how are you. Like what. How are you getting a burger and you're not putting onions on it?

[C]

Talk to me, Nick Smith. Don't. Don't just put mustard and ketchup. Nothing else.

[B]

Burgers. I've never seen Nick eat a burger before. He eats chicken tender.

[C]

He's a. He's a cartoon.

[B]

But like, don't you want the sweet crunch of an onion?

[C]

Well, that's why you do the red onions. People who drink white onions drink them. I mean, eat white onions.

[B]

I will say, if you're drinking white onions, that is crazy, girl.

[C]

They don't have any sweetness. They don't have like, red onions have a little sweetness to it. That's why they taste so good.

[B]

I like white onions too.

[C]

We know you like everything white.

[B]

I know

[C]

you've not. Yak yaki, sister sister.

[B]

Why do you try to get us in drama all the time?

[C]

Because at this point, I'm like the girl.

[B]

But don't try to drag me into your. Into your.

[C]

At this point point they going to think, whatever. What?

[B]

I'm not in there with you at this point. What is wrong with you? That was a macaroni XG talking Monet

[C]

with an accent over the E. So they're really. So next time you come over, I'll mix them for you.

[B]

You, you, you don't come slimy. I mean, they're not like. It's not for me.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

I need crispy. I my. If your onions are not crispy, I can't like a cooked onion. In fact, when I eat an onion ring and you know when you eat onion ring and then you pull in the onion goes.

[C]

So you just want fucking fried onion batter.

[B]

I'll take the onion like strips.

[C]

Onion strips.

[B]

Like when they take them and they're like little shredded onion strips and crispy onion strips.

[C]

Oh, like a blooming onion.

[B]

No, no, no. Like you ever seen like onion crisp on a burger or something?

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. I mean, but Girl, that's like. Cause that's. They're like 80% battery.

[B]

Yeah. Or a raw onion. Like a straight up raw onion.

[C]

I used to eat onions like an

[B]

apple as a kid, if that makes sense. That sounds like something that you would have done in St. Lucia, like pick an onion from a tree.

[C]

Onions don't grow on trees.

[B]

No, onions don't grow on trees. I don't think you do that. I know they don't grow on trees.

[C]

I don't think you do that.

[B]

It was a bit. Uh huh. I know. I'm from. I'm from farmland. I'm not from farmland.

[C]

Well, I was thinking, you know, like. Cause back in St. Lucia, everyone like when people. Because even like no matter how big or small your house is, like, people have just like lots of like vegetation in maids.

[B]

Everyone has.

[C]

They have like different trees or different fruits.

[B]

I was like, I think that's true. I think you are from an echelon where you think everyone has.

[C]

No, I'm saying has a farm on their land. No, it's not a farm. Like literally just in like walking up to your house, there's like an orange tree or a breadfruit tree.

[B]

What about the ones who live in apartments?

[C]

People don't. I mean in like in like the city. First of all, people rarely live in apartments. There's like one apartment complex.

[B]

People in your tax bracket.

[C]

No, in just don't have a lot like apartment buildings. Buildings like here, you see up here. That's not a thing. There's one popular one called the cdc and that's like downtown. Like that's where you see it. But everyone else, either you live in. People live in like lots of like wooden houses or shacks. You see that a lot, but in that.

[B]

Do your family live in a shack?

[C]

No.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

But there. Huh.

[B]

Was it wooden?

[C]

No.

[B]

No. Okay. How many trees?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

In your house?

[C]

In my house? Yeah.

[B]

How many trees?

[C]

I don't know. What do you mean? How many trees do you have like

[B]

apple tree, a lemon tree, an orange tree.

[C]

We had a pom damu tree.

[B]

That sounds fancy.

[C]

It's a pomegranate.

[B]

Woo. And what else?

[C]

We had an orange tree. Woo.

[B]

Land. What else?

[C]

Keep going.

[B]

We got done.

[D]

Shit.

[B]

Even close to the end. Keep going. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

[C]

Keep going.

[B]

Keep going.

[C]

We had a coconut tree.

[A]

Hey.

[C]

And we had a plum tree.

[B]

That's a lot of trees.

[C]

But not American plum. Have you ever had like a Caribbean plum? They're so good. They're not like the big red ones, they're like tiny little green ones. Purple, not purple or red. They're like these tiny little green ones.

[B]

I used to have a pecan tree, but I. Well, my aunt Hazel had a pecan tree.

[C]

For pecans are very expensive. You ever buy a pecan? Even a pecan?

[B]

We say pecan, right? My family says pecan or something might say pecan. I can't remember. I never probably say both.

[C]

I'll never forget when I went to Bob's family's house. We were moving your family from the house to the new house. And Bob was like, yeah, the way Bob built the family. About how you living. I show up to a multi level. 3, 4. How many bedrooms was it?

[B]

It was a two floor and it was four. And it was. There's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Four bedrooms, four.

[C]

A four bedroom, multi story house is acting like it was the projects. It was the hood.

[B]

First of all, that's not the home I grew up in. I didn't grow up in a house.

[C]

I didn't grow up.

[B]

I didn't grow up in a house. That's the house that I got my mom after I won drag race or that I helped my mom pay for after I got on drag race. I grew up in an apartment building called cobblestone Flats.

[C]

Uh huh.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But the new house we moved y' all was a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood.

[B]

It was not in a nice neighborhood.

[C]

It was a nice neighborhood.

[B]

I keep telling you this Clayton county, the suburbs of Atlanta, it's not like the city. So when you go to the city and you see like a bad neighborhood, it looks so city. But the suburbs are just. It's different when you live in a suburb that's not a nice suburb. It's not the same as living in like Brownsville. It's not going to look like Brownsville.

[C]

So you acknowledge that. Different places. So when I was.

[B]

They look different.

[C]

Exactly. St. Lucia.

[B]

But you grew up rich.

[C]

So St. Lucia.

[B]

But you.

[C]

So you acknowledge your confidence about St. Lucia. How you can see how it's a different place.

[B]

No, but you had a maid.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

What do you mean? Okay? You have, you, you.

[C]

You have a maid now.

[B]

I have a house. I have a lady. I have a cleaning lady.

[C]

Exactly same. We. We did as well.

[B]

You had a nanny. I know.

[C]

She was. She was not my nanny. She's not taking care of.

[B]

She never took care of you. She goes here looking you here. Look at Julietta, who, Who, by the way, DM me. She did, but she asked me not to communicate with you because of the way your family treated her. And I'm sorry, Julietta, that I broke your anonymity and I broke our promise. But she. This lady, this wonderful woman, never did nothing to help you. Never took care of you.

[C]

I mean, wait, that's such a convoluted question and answer. Like there's a lot there.

[B]

But answer the question. Did Julietta do any form of taking care of you outside of cleaning? Did she make you. Did she ever cook?

[C]

Sporadically. Hey, hey.

[B]

See, my cleaning lady does not cook cooking. Did she ever tuck you in?

[C]

No.

[B]

Because you were unruly and she couldn't get your big ass in the bed. She pull you away from the curry goat long enough to take a nap? Did she ever take you anywhere?

[C]

No. Julia doesn't have a car.

[B]

That's not crazy. She can't even. Y' all didn't pay her unless you get a car.

[C]

She didn't want a car.

[B]

She just didn't want one. She wanted to walk everywhere she desired. She.

[E]

You.

[B]

You wouldn't allow her to have a license.

[C]

She'd have a license, though.

[B]

This is crazy. Juliet, I. I see you. I appreciate you. You're so ridiculous for appreciating Julieta in a way that your family could not and would not.

[C]

Why do you behave this way?

[B]

Appreciating black women for the work they do? What do you mean, this way? Do you want to say anything, Julietta, before we move on to the next topic?

[C]

Next time. I haven't been to St. Lucia, what, in two years? Next time I go there, I really want to try to connect with her.

[B]

People, even offer to take me. You will not take me to St. Lucia. You will not.

[C]

I literally have no plans to go. I said next time I go. I don't have any plans on going anytime soon. My mom wants to come back up here again.

[B]

The fact that Andy went before me is crazy. That's crazy. Andy going to St. Lucia before me.

[C]

Why is that crazy?

[B]

I've known you for 15 years.

[C]

Dejuana's known me longer, and he hasn't been.

[B]

So what's up with that? Wake it up.

[C]

No, it's just that.

[B]

Wake it up.

[C]

Kameka's been with me.

[B]

Isn't she St. Lucia? She's some kind of Caribbean.

[C]

She actually Panamanian.

[B]

Oh, she's a Panamanian?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

She a Panamaniac.

[C]

I wanna go to Panama. Should we go to. Should we, you and I do a South American tour?

[B]

I don't think Panama is in South America.

[C]

So Panama Is part of Central America. But a lot of Panamanians consider it South American because of like the canal and this and that either. That's the whole thing. It's considered Central American. South American and Caribbean and European and Australian and Asian. Panama has like a lot going on there.

[B]

Mexico is in North America.

[C]

Duh.

[B]

Don't. Jay. I need to know that. We caught Monet before this break. They're doing a bit saying that she. Jay, if it's in there, I need it put back in right now.

[C]

David. Jay could have involved doing her thing.

[B]

What are the countries in North America? Can you name three of them? Three big ones.

[C]

Canada, the U.S. and Mexico.

[B]

You're not slick. You slick as concrete, you know that. Slick as rubber on rubber, bitch.

[C]

Next. Next you're gonna say you didn't know that Mexico and Texas were used to be one country.

[B]

What do you mean one country?

[C]

Mexico and Texas were one and then the Union.

[B]

Not one country. Texas used to be part of Mexico.

[C]

Right? They were one.

[B]

Yeah, we purchased it or maybe stolen.

[C]

And then there's a war.

[B]

Might have been stolen. Yeah, it might have got took.

[C]

What is the Alamo.

[B]

Remember it?

[C]

Yeah, but what I didn't know what the Alamo.

[B]

You forgot it already.

[C]

What was the Battle of the Alamo about?

[B]

Yeah, let's guess before we look. I think the Alamo was a stand between. I think the Alamo might have been when the Confederacy was trying to hold their position against the Union and they got slaughtered at the Alamo. I think the Alamo is Texas's version of Sherman's march to the sea.

[C]

I think it's more about the US and Mexico battling for something.

[B]

Okay. The Battle of the Alamo was fought because Texan settlers Texians were rebelling against the centralist government of Mexican president Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana who had dissolved the Constitution of 1824 and imposed strict rule. Texians desired greater political autonomy, the continuation of slavery very Texas and resistance of Mexican military presence. The battle itself was the direct result of the Santa of Santa Ana's campaign to supporters the rebellion and retake the critical fortress at the Alamo.

[C]

And Antonio, is this in the US And Mexico? And Mexico.

[D]

And Mexico. Mexico won against Texas. So in future battles when Texas is trying to get people pumped, they're like, remember that last time we got really fucked up. Let's fight for them.

[B]

Let me throw it, Jinto.

[C]

And that's where they.

[B]

The Confederacy loves to remember their ass whooping, baby. The con. Those redneck flag waving cousin love to remember their defeats. They Love to be like the sh.

[D]

Sh.

[B]

They will. They will wave their loser ass. Loser. To quote my friend Jasmine, loser. Their loser flags to show you how much of losers. They love to remind you how they lost.

[C]

They're proud.

[B]

No, they're so proud of Los.

[C]

Why do you hate Texas so much? You had this whole thing about is Texas the South. Now they're a bunch of losers.

[B]

When I say that New York's not the south, that's not hate, as a matter of fact.

[C]

But, Bob, you made a. You made it half of your personality to talk about it's sexism. No, it's about 1/4 you guys about it's sex. You constantly talk about it.

[B]

Right now, half my personality is my hair transplant.

[C]

Oh, yeah, you started talking about it.

[B]

Yeah. The video will be out. The video's out by now. Yeah, yeah. And I posted about today online, too.

[C]

Yeah, I used to.

[B]

Right now, half of my personality is my hair transplant. It changes my. I'm a complicated woman.

[C]

I know. Combio is gone.

[B]

Droning. No, Cambio is maybe an eighth right now.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Droning is gone out. And it used to be a third.

[C]

Yeah, you would not being a droner.

[B]

League of Legends is now about 45% of my personality.

[C]

I really want you. I know we talked about it before.

[B]

Want me to what?

[C]

What about white twinks?

[B]

I mean, maybe. Well, I don't know if Jacob identifies as a Twinkie anymore, but when Jacob was Twinkie, it was about a third. A third.

[C]

Your partner was your boyfriend was a third.

[B]

What's it supposed to be?

[C]

A quarter.

[B]

A quarter. I have two.

[C]

So now they're two thirds.

[B]

So now fat booty Haitians are like another third.

[C]

So that was math. So math.

[B]

Yeah, I'm about 140% woman.

[C]

Do you know. Do you know what percent is, Andy to you?

[B]

Andy is. Make sure he tastes right to him, please.

[C]

Andy, I would say, is about a quarter.

[B]

A quarter.

[C]

We live together. We're getting engaged. We're talking about Colleen.

[B]

Cause Colleen used to be about 98% of your population.

[C]

That was not true.

[B]

No, Colleen, the content, the vlogs, the watching videos. You wouldn't shut up about this ugly fucking cat. I love my niece. She's hideous.

[C]

Colleen, Colleen's. Literally everyone comments about how cute Colleen is. You're the only. You're.

[B]

You're her personality.

[C]

To quote you on Drag Race, you're on Lonely Island.

[B]

Staten Island.

[C]

But you know, you said. You said, am I on lonely.

[B]

Is Staten island or a Manhattan? Am I on Staten Island? No, I Said, am I on Lonely island or am I in Manhattan? Am I on Staten island right now?

[C]

Yeah. So I. I'm going to the first part.

[B]

Colleen has a cute personality.

[C]

Colleen's a cute cat girl. Taylor, who is a cat lover. Taylor's Colleen cute or not? She's very cute.

[B]

He has an ugly cat in his house. Well, actually quite handsome.

[C]

Both cats are cute.

[B]

He has a man looking cat. Like his cat looks like. Looks like Clint Eastwood in the 80s. His cat is. Is weird looking.

[C]

I think Taylor's cats are very cute.

[B]

If Taylor's cat spoke one day, I'd be like, yeah, that scans. If one day Taylor tried to leave and the cat was like, please. I don't even think Taylor would be shocked. He'd be like, yeah, I knew the day was gonna come. Can we put up a picture of Taylor's cat here?

[C]

Well, there was. There was one. There was one episode where we asked Taylor for pictures of the cat. Taylor proceeded to send 14 pictures of this cat. Just doing.

[B]

Can I just say that?

[C]

Like, very handsome.

[B]

Can I say. When you do air quotes, in my opinion, it's one. So you say, like, she went to the store.

[C]

No, girl, you're on Lonely Island. When you say that. You say the duration of the thing. You put the air quotes from the longest thing as well. Like, she said, I was going tomorrow.

[B]

So Abraham Lincoln said. So you're telling me. You're telling me.

[C]

No.

[B]

Martin Luther King said, I have a dream that one day my children will be judged by the color of their skin and not the content of their character.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

In other words, I have a.

[C]

No, that feels ridiculous.

[B]

I have a dream that one day my children will be judged by the color of her skin and not the content of their character.

[C]

No.

[B]

That's crazy, because when you write it, it's just two quotations.

[C]

I know, but when you're saying it, you're making sure that a person visually knows that all of that was a quote. Cause.

[B]

Okay, I'm raising my fingers. Okay, so you just. So you what? Give me crazy. In example, I feel like RuPaul says, RuPaul says a quote from RuPaul when she says, she done already done had hers or she done already done had herses.

[C]

He's like, you would be like, so

[B]

she done already done had herses? Yes, Every word, every syllable. She done already does.

[C]

Space it out.

[B]

Can you do it for me, please?

[C]

So RuPaul said in that book, she already done had herses.

[B]

Can you give me. So you doing the bending?

[C]

Oh, I didn't even know that quote.

[B]

It's from Tyler Perry, Janet Jackson.

[C]

Oh, wait. Yeah.

[B]

But are you saying so you doing the bending?

[C]

So she said that would be. Oh, so you doing the bending?

[B]

I would say, oh, so you doing the bending.

[C]

That's crazy. You look great. Oh, so you doing the bending? That's crazy.

[B]

This is great for the people listening.

[C]

Well, if go to our Patreon, they don't have to worry about missing this.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Or right now, they can still see this part on YouTube, actually.

[B]

How is your moral compass and your problem solving skills in terms of, you know, like the, the. The track going? Because I want to get into this. I want to go see where your morality lies.

[C]

This took a turn.

[B]

It's going to be our topic today, which is what?

[C]

Morality.

[B]

About your morality and my morality.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Is it okay to kill one person to save someone else?

[C]

Depends on the situation. Like if, like two people are drowning. Like, essentially, if you're choosing to save one person, you're killing the other person.

[B]

Okay. Colleen is being attacked by a dog.

[C]

I'm killing that dog.

[B]

And you have the gun.

[C]

Killing the dog.

[B]

Killing you could wound.

[C]

Okay. Oh, yeah. I thought the answer was kill or not to kill. But if it's wound, yeah, I'm shooting the dog for sure. And I'll probably shoot tequila. Cause dogs are especially pit bulls. They're fucking resilient as fuck.

[B]

You can come out publicly against pit bu.

[D]

Pit bulls.

[C]

Why?

[B]

I think, like, because the pit bull community, they're. They're wild.

[C]

Well, I'm saying I have seen. Every time I, you know, I watch Judge Judy a lot. Every time there's a shine one, every time there's Attack on Judge Judy, it is always a pit bull.

[B]

Do you know that Mateo is like obsessed with pit bulls?

[C]

Is he?

[B]

Yeah, he's like obsessed with pit bulls. And he got bitten one time.

[C]

By who?

[B]

I mean by a pit bull.

[C]

Monet buy a pit bull, mate got bitten by Pitbull.

[B]

Yes. Where?

[C]

On his body.

[B]

On his hands.

[C]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Since you've known him. What? Yeah, a pit bull, like, bit his hand pretty severely.

[C]

I can't never say that.

[B]

This is not a bit. We can comment here. Right now he's in London, so he probably won't answer, but he got bitten by a pit bull and was injured pretty severely.

[C]

Why was he.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Was he.

[B]

I think he was trapped in a vestibule. Like, you know, in New York City, when you go past the front door and there's a second door, he was in that area with a Pit bull. You know, white people love petting people. Dogs. White people will. White people will just. You will have a dog foaming at the mouth, ripping a squirrel to shreds. What's his name? Literally, they will just go up to your dog and start rubbing it, kissing him in the mouth, licking him.

[C]

So Mateo went to go pet this dog and the dog.

[B]

I don't know that he went to pet the dog, but I wouldn't be shocked if he did.

[C]

I don't know. Mateo likes pets like that. I've never known Mateo to have a pet bulls. But it's only pit bulls. He doesn't like other dogs.

[B]

I know that he. I know that when I met Mateo, he had an affinity for pit bulls.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

The rapper.

[C]

When I see people who love animals, like, that's real wise. I'm like, why don't you have one?

[B]

Well, it's a lot of work.

[C]

Yeah, they are.

[B]

I love dogs.

[C]

You have one now.

[B]

Yeah. Low key.

[C]

Yeah. No, it's not low. It's a high key.

[B]

Yeah. Cody's with me a lot. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. You just watched a little Motherfucker a few days ago. A few weeks ago.

[B]

Little Motherfucker.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

The Internet was really upset with your apathy toward potato, by the way. And y' all were valid.

[C]

I don't care.

[B]

Someone said, I think the death penalty is in order.

[C]

I don't give a fuck.

[B]

Or no jail. They said, jail. I think. I think that was me. The other was my burner account.

[C]

I said what?

[B]

I said, Potato is a really cute dog and really sweet, and he's kind.

[C]

That does not change my feelings.

[B]

Where he tried to attack and old people. Amber's child. Children.

[C]

Yeah. Multiple children and old people.

[B]

How do dogs know you're old?

[C]

I don't know. Maybe. Maybe. They probably. They can smell it. I think dogs can smell everything.

[B]

You know, dogs can smell if your, like, blood sugar's low.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Blush the dog be like, is your blood sugar low?

[C]

Yeah, dogs can do that. They can smell people have cancer. Like, dogs can smell, girl. I was on a cruise ship with Simone.

[B]

With Simone, actually.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And we were in the Little. Waiting to go in, and the dog came by to sniff everyone's bag, baby. The dog went to this bag and was like. So I was like, rob, girl, look. And the dog was like. The dog leaned all up against his bag. The dog was like.

[D]

And.

[B]

And then the. So I was like, oh, my God. Girl, look.

[C]

But dogs don't smell for drugs.

[B]

Yes, they do. Dogs. There are dogs that smell for Drugs. This is the airport. They don't smell for drugs.

[D]

The cruise dogs are for drugs.

[B]

Yeah. So the dog leaned up against the bag, and I was like, girl, this is so. It was me and Bianca. Me and Bianca and Rob. And I was like, girl, look, look, look, look, look. And then the person.

[C]

You are such a messy bon chiche, Rosita.

[B]

And the person came home, was like, you need to come with me. And then they. Him, the dog in the bag, went to the back, and they were there for like 30ish minutes. He came back looking sad, bag looking, ran through. And then I came to him, cruise. I said, girl, I saw you with it. I saw you. I saw that dog gathered you.

[C]

What did it get?

[B]

He was like, yeah, the dog took my drugs.

[C]

Damn, bro.

[B]

He's like, the dog. The dog was like. The dog snitched. And he was like. It wasn't even. He was like, I had, like, according to this person, he, like, I had a grinder or a thing or like a pill or something somewhere. Like, one somewhere.

[C]

That's crazy, because

[B]

I have been on several cruises. Well, girl, you dodged. You dodged it, honey.

[C]

Several paraphernalia.

[B]

And I have never maybe don't smell for modeling. Maybe they just smell for weed. And I carry weed in my bag.

[C]

I carry weed everywhere I go.

[B]

I did a tour once, and when

[C]

y' all cross into Canada, the girl,

[B]

we cross and the tour manager was like, hey, guys, when we get to Canada, do. I don't care what you have. I'm not here to judge you. It can't go to Canada. We were told this multiple times, like a monthly thing, like every show. Like, whatever you have. It can't go to Canada.

[C]

Who's the tour manager? Was it.

[B]

I don't remember, say, with bleep.

[C]

I want to know who.

[B]

I can't remember her name, to be honest.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

But it cannot go to Canada. It cannot go to Canada.

[C]

Was the owner of the store on the. On the bus, because I know they had their own shit.

[B]

So then we. We got to the thing, and then they didn't listen. They were on separate buses. We are zooming. We're halfway to Toronto, baby. This other bus held back. Held back every strip searching. What? Strip searching. Spread cheeks.

[C]

No.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

No.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Well, they did not spread nobody's cheeks for no job.

[B]

They did spread someone's cheeks. I'm not saying their name. They spread someone's cheeks. You won't know him. You won't know him. No. You won't even know him. Okay.

[C]

But I Know him?

[B]

No, you won't know him. Got it.

[C]

Have you ever seen the movie Maria Full of Grace?

[B]

Why does that sound familiar?

[C]

So the woman who like, she's coming from Colombia and she like, she eats or she puts the drugs and the condoms up her butt or in her mouth. I think she eats them or she

[B]

has them in her pocket. Maybe they're in a whole different suitcase.

[C]

It's so good. The Maria Full of Grace is such a good movie.

[B]

Maria Full of drugs. Would you be a drug mule?

[E]

No.

[B]

You haven't picked a legal job today. What's the job you're picking? Can I give you some options?

[C]

Why call a crime?

[B]

I would like to give you the options, please.

[C]

No, I want to be a white collar.

[B]

I would like to give you options that you can do the same thing to me. Okay, you can be a drug mule. You can be an assassin. You can be

[D]

a thug.

[B]

Like you, like a hired bully. Like you beat people up. You don't kill them. Like you scare people. You can be a petty theft by gun. Or you can rob banks.

[C]

Let's take a break and I'll tell you. All right. I'm not gonna rob any banks. Cause every time I see a bank robbing movie, it never ends well for them. They are always getting. They're getting shot at by the cops.

[B]

I don't want that in the movies.

[C]

Yeah, I don't wanna be an assassin because they are always beat up. The assassin in the movie, they always like sit in the tub of ice water.

[B]

They live rough lives.

[C]

Very rough.

[B]

Lonely.

[C]

Lonely. Yeah, I don't want to be that. So I think I would be.

[B]

You have petty theft, you have the bully. The, the, the petty theft is how much?

[C]

Less than a thousand dollars. What kind of raggedy shit? I want Grant Larson if I'm going to be.

[B]

It's not an option. Grant Larson. Or you can be an arson. An arsonist.

[C]

But what's in that?

[D]

You.

[B]

Oh, in this thing, you have a thrill for arson. And you could also be paid by someone to do it. You would have done it for free.

[C]

Okay, what are the other two? Then?

[B]

I'm down to, so I'm throwing in arsonist. You can be a thug, like a hired hand, or you can be a petty theft.

[C]

A hired hand then.

[B]

But you're gonna get beat up. That's gonna be worse than assassin. You're doing hand to hand.

[C]

I forgot assassin. I'm being assassin.

[B]

No, you don't wanna be an assassin. So you can be. I think.

[C]

Okay, I wanna be like A ninja assassin. Have you ever seen a movie? Ninja assassin. Him, he's like, into stealth in the night. He don't get beat up that good.

[B]

But he does get beat up, though.

[C]

Not a lot. He's really good at his job.

[B]

Can you take a punch in the face?

[C]

No.

[B]

Yeah. When I look at boxing, like, you're getting hit in the face.

[C]

And girl boxers, when they're done, they be tore up, their eyes be punched

[B]

up, and that's the one who won.

[C]

I know. Their ears, they get fucked up.

[B]

Have you ever been punched in the face?

[C]

No. I mean.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Yes, I have been punched in the face.

[B]

It sucks.

[C]

It's the worst.

[B]

It's bad.

[C]

I've been punched in the face when. You know in the movies when it happens and you hear that eee. That's happened to me twice before.

[B]

When someone punches you in the eye, you'd be like. You'd be like.

[D]

You know,

[B]

you'd be like, oh, oh,

[C]

I've been punched in. Have you ever punched an eye?

[B]

Yes, I've been punched in the eye.

[C]

Really? Yeah. I can't picture you in any type of fight.

[B]

I hope you don't ever have to see it. I don't want to be in a fight.

[C]

I would love to see you in a fight, though.

[D]

Why?

[C]

Just to see how you fare.

[B]

I don't want to be in a fight. I don't want to ever have to be in a fight ever.

[C]

Well, I love seeing fights when it's always like, a little queer kid beating up some big motherfucker. I'm like, the captains are always. Have you seen. This has been trending. It's like, I never seen a gay guy lose a fight. And the gay guy's always been tearing it up.

[B]

There's one gay guy who's beating up his sister's boyfriend.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

And I was like, I will suck this nigga dick. Right? It turned me he's this tall gay guy wearing some gym shorts and I think a durag. He's kind of caramel complected. And he slapped him, stood over him, but it was so gay. And I was like, if he was my man, baby, when I think he would have got slurped. Slurped that night.

[C]

Could you see any of your boys?

[B]

You ever slept to my dick so hard you had their balls in your mouth, too?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

That's what he would have had that day.

[C]

Do you think your words comes to worse, like, y' all are out and there's a thing coming, and what if someone just keeps on disrespecting one of your friends.

[B]

I'm not a runner. I am a fighter.

[C]

So disrespecting your partners, like, you told them to back up and like, they

[B]

just keep em the full sword.

[C]

Which one is it? Okay, okay, so y' all are. So y' all are at.

[B]

Is it Jacob or towel?

[C]

Y' all are at Rocco's.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And y' all are just chilling at Rocco's.

[D]

Whatever, whatever.

[C]

And this guy keeps on trying to, like, talk to Tao and Tao, like, sexually, sexually, okay. And Tao says no, like, trying to like, flirt him off and then. But they're very persistent. And Taki is like, no. And now Tao is the person. You're like, this is so annoying. Really getting annoyed. And then you've. Now you've just turned to him, be like, hey, Tao. Like, dude, you should be like, chill like, you, man, Shut the fuck up. And then go, Tao. Now decide to grab Tao and pull Tao.

[B]

Okay, how they look?

[C]

They are.

[B]

Cause Tao's tiny. If they're to size, I'm like, t can probably take them.

[C]

No, this person is roughly Tokyo style. Tokyo.

[B]

So like five' nine and like kind of muscly. I'm fighting. I would get their hands off of. I'd be like, I'd be like, don't touch. Don't touch him. Oh, okay. I mean, me and Jacob are on a cruise and a famous gay singer. We. We were getting. We're getting tattoos.

[C]

Uh huh.

[B]

And we were on this cruise and we were getting tattoos and you had the. So then the guy was like, all right, I need everyone who wants tattoos. Just come up, Come up. Now you can get the tattoo. And then we were like, okay, I'm in line. I'm in line. And Jacob was like, I'm in line. And then this famous gay singer came in after Jacob got in line and was like, I'm in line. And then I was like, I remember like, no, you're not. My partner's in line. And he tried to put his boyfriend in line too. I said, no, you're not in line. Jacob's in line. Jacob's too sweet. Jacob's not gonna say nothing. I was like, jacob has been waiting. And. And also the person was like, all right, I got two more. And I think Jacob was either like the. The. The third one or the last one, something like that, because it was Big Frida's dancers were right before Jacob. Right? Does that sound familiar? And then I think that they actually stopped after Big Freeda's dance because we all have the same me, Big Frida, Kesha and her dancers all have this. This tattoo here.

[C]

Fishbone. Yeah.

[B]

And they tried to jump in front of Jacob, and I was like, either none of y' all are getting it or Jacob's getting it.

[C]

Okay, bye.

[B]

And, well, anyway, Jacob neither nor him have a tattoo now.

[D]

Sorry. What happened? It was the last spot. And I was like, oh, if it's the last spot, you should get the tattoo because to the guy. No, to you. You got the Ted. I could have gotten it, but I gave it to you.

[B]

But the guy tried to take it from me.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah, he did try to take it from me.

[B]

And I was like, you're not. You're absolutely not.

[C]

And what did they say to you? How did they respond?

[B]

He backed off work.

[C]

Now what if. What if he was like, no, I'm a star in the ship. He's not getting it, so now what?

[B]

He wouldn't have got the tattoo unless the tattoo artist or Kesha stepped in and goes, I would like for him to have it. He wouldn't have got the tattoo. It was Scott. It was Scott Hoying. I don't mind saying it. It was Scott Hoying, and I like him. We're cool. But I was like, you're not gonna push Jacob out of way for the tattoo. And he was like, all right, I'll back down.

[C]

And Scott is tall.

[B]

He's taller than me.

[C]

Yeah, he's taller than me.

[B]

I don't think he can take me. I don't think he would ever.

[C]

I don't think, you know, he's like a fucking, like, trained Taekwondo.

[B]

I don't think it would have ever gotten to that point for any reason, because there was no, like, there was no, like, aggression to the point of, like, fighting. But I was just like, you're not gonna, like, push Jacob out of the way, girl.

[C]

He's a trained black belt.

[B]

He didn't try to push Jacob, but he was, like, trying to, like, assert his dominance. Yeah. Over. Over Jacob.

[C]

He's a trained black belt.

[B]

Okay, now I know you're making that up.

[C]

No, he's got. It's all of his thing. You remember how JVN was always back flipping and gymnastics and everywhere? Scott used to do that too.

[B]

That's not true. He just made that shit up. So let's go with the infamous trolley dilemma.

[C]

I don't know what this is.

[B]

So a runaway trolley is speeding down the main track toward five workers tied to a track. Okay. Your five. Five of your employees. Uh huh. Okay. You are standing next to a lever that can divert the trolley onto a side track. But one of your other Andy's on the other track. It's just Andy. You can hit the lever. Either five of your employees are gonna get run over and killed, or you pull the lever and just Andy gets killed.

[C]

I'm saving Andy. What are you gonna do saving Andy?

[B]

You gonna let your five. Five whole people pass away?

[C]

Yes, I'm saving Andy. Andy's my partner.

[B]

But these are your. Some of these people, you know, longer than Andy. So Patty's on the tracks.

[C]

Patty has a good life. He's happy.

[B]

Escobar's on the tracks.

[C]

Mariah, you know, she's young, but she's experienced a lot.

[D]

Taylor's on the tracks.

[B]

Taylor's on the tracks.

[C]

Taylor has a cat that can be tended for by his.

[B]

You are lawyers on the tracks.

[C]

Brett is great.

[B]

It. You're going to let Brett, Taylor, Patrick, Mariah, and Colleen. Colleen's my.

[C]

She's not my employee.

[B]

She on the track either.

[C]

You can't just add Taylor's not your employee.

[B]

But we added him up.

[C]

Okay, so that Taylor's not there, then.

[B]

In this scenario, you set the precedent.

[C]

It was the.

[B]

In this scenario, where there's a track and stuff, where we're making stuff up, Taylor's your employee, and Colleen is the mascot for your. For your successful makeup company.

[C]

Como Como. I'm saving Indy.

[B]

You're gonna let Colleen, an innocent cat, a cute, sweet little cat, cute of personality, pass away?

[C]

She's a mascot. She's fine. Also, Colleen has a very low life expectancy, so she's probably in the twilight of her life anyway.

[B]

Okay. Andy's on the track with the five people. Uh huh. You are on the other track, and the lever's by your hands.

[C]

I'm saving me.

[B]

You're gonna let your finance.

[C]

Finance was funny.

[B]

I always thought finance was funny. Get run over?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're. Colleen's still on the track, so it's Andy, Colleen, Taylor, Patrick and Mariah Escobar. I'm. Yes.

[C]

I'm saving myself, bitch. What the fuck?

[B]

Who the fuck are you saving? Okay, okay.

[C]

No, your turn.

[B]

Last question. It's just your foot. It's just your foot.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Then I'll save them. I'll save them.

[B]

You're gonna lose a foot.

[C]

Yeah, girl.

[B]

Both your feet, girl.

[C]

Have you seen prosthetics? These das are fierce, bitch.

[B]

Honestly, it bothered me after the ffs, girl, and.

[C]

Cause now they make the bitch. My feet can be any size I want. I can have the Fiercest cuntiest feet ever.

[B]

But I grew up with an uncle with a prosthetic leg.

[C]

I know. Yeah, yeah, famously. He still has it.

[B]

I haven't talked to him in a while.

[C]

Okay. It's you.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You have the leather, right? And there are two tracks. One has Taylor, Alex. The man in the catsuit.

[B]

Man in the cat. Oh, I don't even need to know who's onto the track just to get rid of that cat.

[C]

Man in the catsuit. Jacob. The other track has Tao, Cody, me and Andy. Which one are you saving?

[B]

This is not even close. Taylor and that hideous cat are getting turned.

[C]

Jacob.

[B]

No, Jacob's on the side with you.

[C]

No, Jacob is on this side.

[B]

They say Jacob and Tao with you and.

[C]

No, Jacob's on this one. Tao's on this one.

[B]

Okay. Splitting Tao and Jacob is crazy.

[E]

Word.

[C]

I said what I said. That's crazy. I said what I said. Which track you saving?

[B]

Which track are you on?

[C]

I'm on the one with Tao.

[D]

I give you permission.

[B]

Yeah, Jake.

[C]

I don't chiming in on damn permission.

[B]

Yeah. You're going down. And it's mostly because of you. Wow.

[C]

So Tao has died.

[B]

It's because of you and Andy.

[C]

So Tao's gone.

[B]

It's cause of you and Andy. Tao and Cody.

[C]

Damn cold ass bitch.

[B]

Okay, let's say we're on this track and there are people you don't know, though. There are people you don't know. So just so you know, the track is going toward the five people. So you can do nothing, you have no hand in this, or you can pull the lever and save the one stranger. What are you gonna do?

[C]

I would save the five people. There's more people.

[B]

That requires you being active.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So I would save five people, then letting five people die. What would you do? I would do nothing.

[B]

Let me think. I'm looking at. The train's coming. How much time do I have?

[C]

You have 30 seconds to decide.

[B]

30 seconds.

[C]

30 seconds.

[B]

Can I ask them questions?

[D]

Starting now?

[B]

Okay, one person on the track. I can't tell. Do you have any kids?

[C]

I have two.

[B]

Two. Okay, five people. Do you all have kids? All of you have k. Oh, God. Okay, who's the oldest one here? Who's the oldest here? I'm 13. What track are you on?

[C]

One.

[B]

Oh, the solo track.

[D]

Okay, you have 10 seconds.

[B]

I'm doing. I'm gonna put. I'm gonna let the one person live. Live. They're 13 years old. It's a 13 year old with a kid. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Do not say that. Please believe that. Jay. Jay, I beg of you to believe that. I beg of you. I like this podcast and I beg of you to believe that. Okay, you're standing on a footbridge over a track, right? The runaway trolley is headed for five workers. There is no lever. But you are standing next to a man, okay? If you push him off the bridge onto the track, his body will stop the trolley, saving five people. He is a totally innocent bystander. He is not involved in the situation at all.

[C]

I'm not doing it. Cause now I'm interfering with death and I'm fucking up with fate.

[B]

But you can save five people.

[C]

I know, but everyone's innocent. But now I'm killing this man.

[B]

You're killing if you pull the lever, too.

[C]

But that's a little different.

[B]

How? That's like saying guns don't kill people. People kill people.

[C]

Pulling a lever is different than being

[B]

like, oops, oopsie made a poopsie.

[C]

Yeah, I'm not into that. But a lever, that's like.

[B]

So you're gonna let them die just to watch them die?

[C]

Yeah, I'm not gonna kill. I'm not gonna sacrifice this person to save those five people. That's crazy. What are you doing?

[B]

Who's the one person?

[C]

Ben Shapiro.

[B]

How old is this person? Like, is it an old man? No, I can't push an old man

[C]

on the tracks, right?

[B]

I can't push. Don't say it. I can't push an old man on the. On the tracks.

[C]

They'll save five people, I would say. On the track, you have Zoran Mamdani, AOC, Bernie. Okay. And two other staffers.

[B]

I don't want to push a man on the tracks.

[C]

So Maudani is dead.

[B]

I don't want to push someone on the tracks. Monet, that's crazy.

[C]

I know, but you're literally destroying the future of the Democratic Party. If you don't do this, we're going to descend into fascism in the country. Country is cooked. So you're essentially killing about 300 million people.

[B]

What are you doing?

[C]

This is not about me. This is about you. I. Answer the question.

[B]

I'm not pushing a man onto the tracks.

[C]

So you're killing democracy.

[B]

What's gonna happen is they're gonna get up and say, that guy pushed that other guy on the tracks, and now I'm going to prison. They can see me. Oh, you guys didn't get run over? How did you not get run over? Because we noticed that Trump had the head of The Justice Department tie you to the tracks and you didn't get run over. How did you live? Well, I think it's fair to say that Bob the Drag Queen shoved an innocent man onto the tracks.

[C]

Can you do an AOC impression?

[B]

No, I don't. Her voice isn't really distinctive.

[C]

Yeah, we said this. You and I do not have distinctive voices.

[B]

I think I have a very distinctive voice. I think if anyone heard my voice, they would be like, best Bob the Drag Queen.

[C]

I'm also not a good impressionist, actually.

[B]

Say again?

[C]

I'm not a good impressionist. I can do, like, certain ones we know. The handful I can do.

[B]

What are a handful?

[C]

You can do Whoopi Joy Behar. And there's two more I do.

[B]

I can't remember Joy Behar. What the fuck is that? That's Gilbert Godfrey. The problem with the. With Trump. All right, Jacob has another one. So talk us through this one, Jacob. Okay, so I love what Jacob said.

[D]

It. Okay, you have both been arrested together. You stole Violet Chachi's crown. Oh, God. And you've been arrested.

[B]

The one that she stole or the one that she won? One.

[D]

Maybe both. Okay.

[B]

No, she's always Sharon's crown. You know about that? Where she found Sharon's crown.

[D]

Yeah, that's why I start. That's what. That's why this story is.

[B]

I don't know if mono, but doesn't know that.

[D]

I don't know that.

[B]

Yeah. Violet found Sharon Needle's crown and took a picture with it posted on the Internet.

[C]

Work.

[D]

Okay, so you're in two separate rooms and the police come to you and that you both get this option of a deal. You're gonna Also now you're gonna close your eyes. Both of you are going to close your eyes. Okay, so you can either rat out your. Your best friend, you can testify against them. If you testify against your co host and they don't testify against you, you go free. They get three years in prison. Okay, if you both collectively agree to not say anything, you both will only get two years in prison. And if you both testify against each other, you each get four years in prison.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay, so now what?

[D]

Okay, so now you're gonna put out your thumbs. If you are testifying against your. If you're testifying against your co host, you're gonna put a thumbs up. If you're not testifying, thumbs down. And you can't talk about your decision.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Count of three.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

One, two, three. All right. And. Oh, keep your hand. Your. Your thumbs the way they Were. All right. And open your eyes.

[B]

That's good.

[C]

I would have testified. I would like.

[B]

No, I'd be like, I don't know

[C]

what you're talking about. Yeah, we. We did together.

[B]

Not about a crown. We did it together. No, that's not what we discussed. We did it together is crazy. Wet crown. You. We have to do some coaching before we go on to talk to the people because that. Your immediate admission of guilt was crazy.

[C]

They're in the other room. They can't hear us together. Are you wearing. You get her?

[B]

You got a word? You got her?

[C]

She did.

[B]

No, I would. I would. We would both be like, I don't. I do not know. I literally have no clue. These white collar crimes. Do you know how much money Bernie Madoff stole?

[C]

How much?

[B]

Billions.

[C]

But did he have. He did.

[B]

You don't know either? Oh, no. I think he stole like $60 billion.

[C]

Like, is that factual? Google it. I don't know.

[B]

Google it. It might have been more than that, but. Billions of dollars.

[C]

Did he have to pay it back though?

[B]

He couldn't pay it all back. He didn't pay it all back. He just went to jail. Bernie Minoff stole billions of dollars.

[C]

But what about the restitution?

[B]

14.7. Yeah, I said 60, so I was close. He stole $60 billion. I gotta say, he died in jail.

[C]

Cause he got a life sentence.

[B]

He got 150 years gag. But he was old.

[C]

Oh, he was old when he went to jail.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So over the course of his career, before he went to jail, he had stolen.

[B]

He had stolen $65 billion. That's all they found. That's all they can prove. So what I'm saying is I gotta say the time he did was worth the crime. He actually, the time wasn't even worth the crime he did.

[C]

What do you mean, the time?

[B]

The time, like the time, like if you. If you were told that you could get $65 billion and do 10 years in jail.

[C]

But I think when you go to jail is important. Like, if I go to jail, how old? If I go to jail at 80, 72. So when did I start stealing this money?

[D]

When?

[C]

In my 20s, in the 70s.

[B]

I'm gonna give you exactly Bernie Madoff's story.

[C]

So I had what, 50 years of just spending. Living my life.

[B]

I think he got caught in the early 2000s, so maybe 40.

[C]

I don't know. Your last couple years just in jail. That sounds.

[B]

But you got $65 billion, but it's not worth it.

[C]

Like. But also he's probably Going to. What was that lady? The Jeffrey Epson lady?

[B]

Yeah, her fancy prison where they take yoga class with a Real Housewives.

[C]

Yeah. So I'm like, it doesn't even seem that bad if I can guarantee I can go to that kind of prison. Yes. If I'm gonna be up in the fucking Shawshank Redemption.

[B]

No, Shawshank.

[C]

Shaw, isn't it?

[B]

Essay. The prison's called Shawshank.

[C]

That says Shawshank Redemption.

[B]

The prison's not called Shawshank Redemption.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, Shawshank. Yeah.

[B]

Man, I gotta tell you, that movie was so good.

[C]

I never seen it.

[B]

You know, he wrote the book.

[C]

Who?

[B]

Stephen King.

[C]

Is it a horror?

[B]

No.

[C]

I thought you only wrote horrors.

[B]

No, he writes. He writes other things in horrors.

[C]

Romance.

[B]

He has romance.

[C]

Does he really? Yeah. I've never heard of the Stephen King romance novel.

[B]

Can you look up Stephen King's romance novel? Yeah, he has. He has a romance novel work. I remember seeing him be like, Stephen King's romance novel. That's kind of crazy.

[C]

I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah, he's. He's quite prolific, this guy.

[C]

Stephen King fully wrote the Notebook book.

[D]

Huh?

[B]

He has a few, apparently. Yeah.

[C]

I don't think he does, Bob.

[B]

Wait. No, he has a romance novel. Go up there. It's right there. Yeah. Lissy Story is. Is a psychological horror romance novel. Well, horror romance, but they all romance

[C]

center on horror and gore.

[B]

You know, he's like really tall, apparently.

[C]

I think Stephen King.

[B]

I think he's like. Like over 64. Or maybe six' four.

[C]

All the Skarsgard. Six' four. All the Skarsgards are huge.

[B]

Well, they're Swedish. Yeah, The Swedish are giant people. Yeah, yeah. They're not teeny weeny at all.

[C]

Okay, give me. What's the other scenario?

[B]

I'll read this one.

[C]

A ship sinks. The lifeboat can hold 10, but 12 people survive. If all stay aboard, it will sink and everyone dies. To save most, someone must be left behind or sacrificed. How do you choose?

[B]

I think that we vote to be honest.

[C]

As a group. As a group.

[B]

And the ones who lose? We will. We will throw them off if they don't jump.

[C]

Damn.

[B]

When a hundo pee, that probably is

[C]

the fairest way to do it, but. Woof.

[B]

Did you watch the Blackening?

[C]

Yes. So good.

[B]

You know, when they send Clifford.

[C]

Oh, spoiler alert.

[B]

Spoiler alert. I'm gonna give you 10 seconds. Eight, six, four, two. They send Clifford away. Cause he's the blackest. But it's just that they just don't like him.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you like the Black Man? I thought it was very good.

[B]

It's pretty good. It's pretty good.

[C]

I thought it was very funny.

[B]

It is funny.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think I was expecting kind of a scarier movie for some reason.

[C]

Oh, yeah. It's like one of those comedy. Yeah, but not parody. Cause it's parody in, like, other scary movies.

[B]

I wouldn't call it a parody. Scary movie's a parody.

[C]

It's a parody lite. It's spoofing some scary movies.

[B]

I would say it's farcical, maybe. Is that the right word I'm trying to use?

[C]

A farce is something that's fake.

[B]

No, but a farce is also, like, a comedy silly thing, I think.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

A farce, but not the word farce. Like, farce in terms of, like, literature,

[C]

a comic, dramatic work using buffoonery and horseblade typically included crude characterization and ludicracy in probable situations.

[B]

Okay. I would say this is a farce. Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Look at you.

[C]

Come on. Word.

[E]

Words.

[C]

Yes, words. Yeah. I think voting is the most.

[B]

We got to vote you out. We got to vote, guys.

[C]

All right.

[B]

We got people up in here. We got to vote, y'. All. One person's not gonna be on the ship, and we need to all vote. Wow.

[C]

Turning on the room is crazy.

[B]

So you all know right now we have Nate. We have Nate's partner, Kane. We have Taylor, we have Jacob, me, and Monet, and we're all gonna vote right now.

[D]

I think I'm gonna organize it, and we're gonna do eyes closed.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

I'm not in the.

[B]

No, you have to vote.

[D]

All I want.

[B]

No, Jacob, you have to vote. You're gonna. You're in this, okay? You're on this boat. You get to live and just not vote. Nice try.

[D]

I'm just trying to run things smoothly, but, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think that on the count of three, we all are gonna point to who is not getting on this boat.

[C]

Okay?

[E]

Okay.

[B]

And I want to be clear. Do you have any. Does anyone have anything I want to say before. We don't have mics. Okay, let's vote on three. Who's going to be tough?

[C]

Okay. Where do you want it? 1, 2, 3.

[B]

Okay. I'm sacrifice you. Okay. Oh, benevolent Kane. Okay, me and Monet are pointing at Taylor. Taylor, Jacob and. Okay, Jacob's pointing at Monet. Nate is pointing at me. Taylor, you're not gonna make it.

[C]

Mary.

[B]

Taylor. Oh, and Taylor's pointing at me. So there's two on me.

[C]

So both Of y' all go, no, we have to.

[B]

Now. You got. Now. Only now me and Taylor can't vote, and everyone has to vote. And you can't vote yourself this time, Kane, okay? So you guys gotta point at either me or Taylor, and one of us is not gonna make it on this boat.

[C]

Okay. One.

[B]

Okay. Taylor and I tied again.

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

And Taylor, I guess we're jumping. Why did you vote for Taylor?

[C]

Because we gotta perpetuate the species. We gotta advance the black folks.

[B]

Two other white people that. Two other. To be clear to y', all, there are three black people here and there are two white people here. And Taylor just pointed out three. What'd I say?

[C]

There are six people here, bitch.

[B]

Yeah, there are three black people and three white people. Sorry, sorry. There's three white people there. Three white people. And then Monet said, well, we have to just. We have to perpetuate more black people. And Taylor pointed out very astutely, there are two other white people that Monet. So what's your.

[C]

They're younger.

[B]

So what's your.

[C]

You're the same age.

[B]

So what's your real reason now? Now we need the real reason. Why did you vote for Taylor?

[C]

That was a reason.

[B]

But there's other. Why did you vote for Jacob or.

[C]

I just said they're younger. Well, I thought they were younger.

[B]

Uneducated vote. Now that you know. Now that you know they're the same age, do you still feel the same way about your vote?

[C]

Yeah. Nice to have him in my vote.

[B]

So what is it now, then?

[C]

I don't like his. No.

[B]

Give the real reason.

[C]

His socks.

[B]

No, don't do a fake answer.

[C]

It's his socks.

[B]

No, Monet. Don't do a little cop out here. It's his socks, Monet. That's bullshit and you know it. I'm not gonna let you get away with that.

[C]

It was his socks.

[B]

I'm gonna tell you why I voted for Taylor. I'm gonna be honest about it.

[C]

Why'd you vote for Taylor?

[B]

I vote for Taylor because everyone. So these two are booed up. This is my partner. You're my best friend. And Taylor doesn't have a partner on the. On the thing. So I knew that the vote was, like, if Alex was here. If Alex was here, Taylor would have got an extra vote, but he wasn't gonna get it. And I thought to myself, I think that the vote's gonna go in Taylor's favor because everyone else here has either booed up or been together for so long. So I'M gonna vote for Taylor. Just because everyone else is booed up and we've been together for so long, I want to point out I've been Taylor. Taylor said he's been around longer. Well, no. I met Monet before I met you, honey.

[C]

Get that clear.

[B]

So can you. Now that I gave him.

[C]

I literally didn't have a. I literally just. I was like, Taylor. I just really didn't put that much thought into it.

[B]

So you just. We're gonna kill Taylor without even.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Without even thinking about it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's crazy. I want to revote.

[C]

And I sent it to you because I was like, you know what? Then I thought about it. I was like, you know what?

[B]

No.

[C]

Taylor deserves to live.

[B]

And then you didn't want to perpetuate the black species anymore. Cause then you had a choice between one black person and one white. So both of your reasons are bullshit. Cause then you switched to me, and you had an option between one black person and one white person. So what is true?

[C]

Because I feel like if we were on the boat together, I feel like you would gaslight me, and none of

[B]

your answers are lining up.

[C]

That's fine.

[B]

I think we all need to re. I think a reboot is in favor of you.

[C]

I just have to, like, stack the court against him and make everyone vote against him.

[B]

The thing is, your answers are bullshit. The socks, the whiteness. But then you voted for a black person for no reason. So I think we need to revote in the revote.

[C]

I voted for you. Correct.

[B]

Well, we're gonna re.

[C]

All for this reason, right? Right here.

[B]

We're all gonna re. One more time. Listen, that's why I voted for your ass.

[C]

Why you putting us. Exactly. That's why I voted for you the second time.

[B]

Jacob, put this thing on the screen.

[C]

Thank you, Nate.

[B]

So we need to revote on the count of three, y'.

[D]

All.

[C]

Revote. Revote. Canadian. I'm killing myself on the revote. We all know where your word's going this time.

[B]

Do we? Well, he's abstaining. Nate's abstaining.

[C]

I do think we should revote one more time. And I think we all know what we should do.

[B]

I think we do as well. Right, Taylor?

[C]

Right, Nate?

[B]

Right, Taylor. Right, Taylor. Right, Taylor.

[C]

One, two, three.

[B]

So now I have one, two. No, you're done. You're dead. You unvoted. Jacob and Taylor are pointing at each other.

[C]

So you're going. Cause you have two. Thank you, Kane.

[B]

You're done.

[C]

Cooked.

[B]

Yeah, Kane, you are cooked. Put another shrimp on the barbie. Kane's Australian, in case you're.

[C]

Do you want to thank me for the boots I give you?

[B]

No. Suck my fucking dick, bitch.

[C]

I gave you those little guns at my heart, start with that. You got the legs.

[B]

Suck my motherfucking ding a ling slurp

[C]

girl child, them legs grease up and out.

[B]

There's a little bit of cocoa butter lotion on them.

[C]

Cocoa butter? You just call it lotion. You gotta call it cocoa butter lotion.

[B]

Well, I was gonna say cocoa butter, but it's not cocoa butter, it's cocoa butter instead of lotion.

[C]

Yes, but cocoa butter lotion is something different. Like Coco Palmers makes a cocoa butter lotion. What you're doing is just Vaseline does lotion that has a little cocoa butter scent.

[B]

Yes. Coconut butter lotion.

[C]

No, it's not. It's lotion. Cause I use that same one as well.

[B]

You looked at the active ingredients, now run it back. More lies.

[C]

Palmer does a cocoa butter lotion.

[B]

More lies.

[C]

From the donation made of cocoa butter.

[B]

This is just hand it to me. She gonna get gate like Coco radio.

[C]

Okay, this says. We believe. That's what it says on here.

[D]

I believe.

[C]

First of all, you don't wanna know the ingredients. The fact that this lotion has all these ingredients. Water, glycerin, petroleum, stearate, acid, demufficate.

[B]

There's nothing wrong with that stuff. How do you know?

[C]

Water, petroleum, stearic acid.

[B]

Eliminate petroleum stearic acid. What do you think petroleum is?

[C]

Demethilicon, Bethlecan glycol. Glycol, separate.

[B]

I rub it on my skin every day.

[C]

Peg 100. Separate.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Isopropyl, menstruate.

[B]

What do you think that stuff is? You don't know what it is either. Isopropyl?

[C]

No, the other things I read, the 19 other things that you didn't know that steric acid.

[B]

I know those things. I know them well. Yeah.

[C]

So y', all, this is.

[B]

What kind of lotion do you use? And let's look at the active ingredients.

[C]

Let's see. I use the.

[B]

Go ahead and lie.

[C]

I use the Palmer's cocoa butter lotion.

[B]

Go ahead and lie.

[C]

I use the Palmer's cocoa butter lotion. Let's look at the ingredients.

[B]

The Palmer's cocoa butter lotion. And let's see if you feel good about what's in there. We have water, cocoa extract, coconut oil. Coconut oil, mineral oil. Okay. Petroleum, lactam, glycerin, static alcohol, dimoth accounting.

[C]

So those are eight ingredients compared to the 49,000.

[B]

Look at my legs. Look at my legs. And on that note, watch.

[C]

You're gonna fucking fast.

[B]

Thank you for doing our podcast.

[C]

Oh, you said hours today. That's very sweet. Bye Bye.

[E]

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