The One About Memoirs

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "The One About Memoirs" (April 20, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change bring their signature blend of wit, playful bickering, and random tangents to the topic of memoirs and autobiographies. They share personal experiences with favorite (and difficult) memoirs, reminisce about childhood books, dive into a spirited discussion of space exploration, and cap things off with a humorous round of Harry Potter trivia. True to Sibling Rivalry’s spirit, the episode is packed with roasting, memorable one-liners, and genuine camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Banter and Technical Fumbles (00:00–03:00)

• Bob and Monét start in their usual disordered fashion, interrupted by confusion over instructions for a secret “task” texted by producer Jacob.
• Bob: “Jesus Christ. Is it in your public education?” (01:15)
• Lighthearted roastings about reading comprehension and being described as "wild" set the tone for playful disagreements.

Childhood Books and Animorphs Fandom (02:00–04:00)

• Bob confesses never having read “Where The Wild Things Are”, instead favoring Babysitter's Club and Goosebumps.
• Monét and Jacob reminisce about Animorphs, with news about a Ryan Coogler-produced reboot getting Monét hyped.
  • Monét: “Jacob, do not fucking lie to me right now.” (02:32)
• Monét’s ideal Animorph: a beaver. Bob’s: a peregrine falcon, which sparks a tangent about animal speeds.
  • Bob: “I feel very ducky…but I’d probably become a peregon falcon. It’s the fastest animal in the world.” (04:35)
  • Bob guesses falcon top speed at 85 mph, Monét at 110 mph — it's actually 200 mph (in a dive).

On Thrill-Seeking and Daring Stunts (05:00–08:00)

• Debate over thrill-seekers versus the “safety crowd.”
• Bob: “I don’t have the thrill-seeking gene. There’s nothing in me that wants to be scared.” (05:57)
• Monét recalls jumping off New Zealand’s Sky Tower (“you’re not really free falling...”) and Beyoncé doing the same.
• Extended riffing about Alex Honnold (rock climber), small/large hands, and tall/short partners.

Tasks Revealed: Pronunciation Roasts (12:50–16:00)

• Monét confronts Bob for making fun of her way of saying words like “hair/air/bare/clear.”
  • Monét: “I want you to not talk about the way I say words like hair, air, bare, clear.” (12:56)
• This mutates into Bob gleefully coining and adopting “clare it up” for mispronunciations.
• Bob: “Clare it up is now...I can’t stop saying clare it up! That should be a segment.” (13:34)

Memoirs & Why Bob Gave Up (22:00–23:00)

• The hosts circle back to their stated episode theme:
  • Bob: “I kind of gave up on memoirs and biographies.” (00:33, 21:54)
  • Monét: “Why?”
  • Bob: “I was listening to Viola Davis while doing Runyon Canyon, and it is a very sad wait.”
  • They both discuss feeling overwhelmed by the heaviness of Viola Davis’ story (“Finding Me”). Monét shares she stopped at chapter three.
  • Bob: “The house she lived in...the rats. I may have blocked some of it out.” (22:25)
• Monét recounts a viral story about an elderly Bronx woman overrun by rats, paralleling the memoir’s themes of hardship.
• Generosity: Both discuss possibly supporting the woman’s GoFundMe.

Reflections on Aging & Loneliness (25:00–27:00)

• A standup bit prompts a discussion: Is having kids to “not die alone” worth it? Bob and Monét agree raising kids seems harder than contemplating old-age loneliness.
• Bob: “There’s no guarantee your kids are going to be there…how you know they won’t leave you to be in an apartment with rats by yourself?” (26:05)

Memoirs They Recommend (27:00–28:00)

• Monét praises Mariah Carey’s “The Meaning of Mariah Carey” as a must-read/listen for any fan, especially on audiobook.
• The conversation turns to why people cry on airplanes — with Bob citing the scientific explanation of mild hypoxia and Monét countering with the “sofa theory.”
  • Monét: “Do sofas make you cry? I’ve cried a bunch on my sofa, too!” (28:03)

Banter About Physiology & Sweating (28:56–31:13)

• Bob and Monét joke about metabolism and being “hot all the time.” Complaints about house temperature wars and excessive sweating segue into drag performer revelations about using Botox to prevent sweating.
  • Monét: “People get Botox to stop pit stains…But where is it going?!”
• More delightfully trivial bickering about home temperature, pit stains, and sweat.

Tangent: The Moon, Space, and Science Scepticism (31:09–39:18)

• Bob asks about current moon missions, and reflects how it seems like “we’re going backward” (orbiting, not landing).
  • Bob: “How could we possibly land in 1969 and now, over 50 years later, we can’t land again?” (36:00)
• Monét briefly veers into science scepticism:
  • Monét: “I think it’s all bullshit. There’s no way that we can…All this thing that these people are saying to us, there’s no way to corroborate.” (34:56)
  • Bob immediately pleads: “Monet, please, I beg of you, back off this one, I beg of you.” (35:19)
• They revisit dazzling new space telescope photos, the distance/time relativity mind game, and wonder if humans will ever make it to Mars.

Harry Potter & Wizard Trivia (44:54–64:09)

• Jacob administers a fast-paced Harry Potter trivia contest (spurred by a rambling detour about Pokémon!).
• Monét and Bob hilariously flub and occasionally nail questions about spells, mythical creatures, characters, and magical objects — often misunderstanding Jacob’s queries to comedic effect.
• Quote: “Dolby is crazy.” (53:13, Monét, roasting Bob for [mis]naming Dobby the house elf)
• The tiebreaker: “Name one creature encountered in the Forbidden Forest.”
  • Monét answers correctly (“centaur/tarantula”) to win after a series of wrong guesses on both sides.
  • Bob: “Honestly, I lost by one point. And having never read a book and only seen two movies, one under duress…I’m not mad at myself.” (64:38)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bob (on memoirs): “I kind of gave up on memoirs and biographies. Well, I was listening to Viola Davis while doing Runyon Canyon, and it is a very sad wait.” (00:33, 21:54)
• Monét: “Jacob, do not fucking lie to me right now.” (02:32) [about Animorphs reboot news]
• Bob: "I think 'Clare it up' is now...I can't stop saying clare it up! Clare it up! That should be a segment." (13:34)
• Bob, pleading: “Monet, please, I beg of you, back off this one, I beg of you.” (35:19) [when Monét questions peer review and physics]
• Monét: “Do sofas make you cry? I've cried a bunch on my sofa, too!” (28:03)
• Bob: “Beyoncé did it.” (07:11) [referring to jumping off a building]
• Bob (on physical traits): “Try to say that the word 'big' is another word to describe me…” (04:20)
• On Harry Potter trivia:
  • Jacob, deadpan: "What mythical creature guards the gold at Gringotts Bank?" (57:52)
  • Monét, correct answer: “Dragon!” (58:06)
  • Bob, incorrect: “Cerberus.” (58:06)
  • Monét to Bob: “Dolby is crazy.” (53:13)
• Final Score Recap: Monét wins the Harry Potter trivia by one point, to Bob's vocal chagrin.

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Important Timestamps

• 00:23: Episode theme and intro (“autobiographies, witch and wizard trivia”)
• 02:32: Animorphs reboot news & Monét’s disbelief
• 04:35: Animal morph fantasy discussion
• 05:57: Bob on thrill-seeking & fear aversion
• 12:56: Monét's confrontation about pronunciation ribbing
• 21:54: Bob explains giving up on memoirs, specifically Viola Davis
• 26:05: Ruminating on aging, loneliness, and kids
• 27:00: Monét’s memoir recommendations (Mariah Carey)
• 35:19: Bob’s plea to Monét not to go full science conspiracy
• 44:54–64:09: Extended Harry Potter and wizard trivia
• 53:13: “Dolby is crazy” – classic Sibling Rivalry zing
• 62:22: Jacob: "It's when you mess up your teleportation spell and you leave part of your body behind." [on splinching]
• 64:38: Bob, sportsmanship in defeat

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Episode Tone & Language

The hosts' typical repartee is in full force: mocking, irreverent, and loaded with drag queen humor, but also moments of sincerity — especially around issues of poverty and aging. Frequent digressions and affectionate, exasperated bickering keep things unpredictable and hilarious. As always, the language is mature (plenty of swear words and sexual innuendo), and the references are queer, Black, and pop-culture-literate.

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Summary

This episode is a showcase of Sibling Rivalry’s magic: the seemingly endless digressions, zany one-upmanship, and deep friendship between Bob and Monét. While the stated theme is “memoirs,” listeners are treated to hilarious asides about Animorphs, skydiving, the moon landing, home sweating, and a truly riotous Harry Potter trivia showdown. Along the way, there’s real talk about the weight of memoirs, compassion for those facing hardship, and musings on what it means to be alone, with or without kids, as you age.

If you love quick-witted banter, random science musings, and drag queen geek culture, this is a must-listen. Those less interested in following rapid switches of topic may find themselves, in Monét’s immortal words, “just clare it up!”

Transcript

[A]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen,

[B]

and I'm Monet X Change, and this is simply rivalry.

[A]

On this week's episode, we talk about

[B]

autobiographies, we do some witch and wizard

[A]

trivia, and we find out what made Monet say this. Jacob.

[B]

Jacob, do not fucking lie to me right now. And we find out what made Bob say this.

[A]

Oh, my God. This. Please, I beg of you, back off this one. I kind of gave up on memoirs and biographies.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Well, I was listening to Viola Davis while doing Runyon Canyon, and it is a very sad wait.

[B]

So Jayco text us our task, and Bob's trying to start the podcast before I can get mine under my belt.

[A]

Well, they were texting us before the podcast.

[B]

He literally just sent it to me at two seconds ago.

[A]

Is it a paragraph?

[C]

What?

[B]

Jake, I don't understand what this means.

[A]

Give it to me.

[B]

Get the fuck out of here. Wait. Okay, hold on. Let me just. Hold on.

[A]

Jesus Christ. Is it in your public education? What? This can't be. I can't wait to read this and be like, this can't be that hard to understand. Is there a typo in it?

[B]

No, it's just a little unclear what the actual action is.

[A]

Do you believe it's clear, Jacob?

[B]

It's a little confusing to me.

[D]

Okay, yeah, I'll text you to clear it up.

[A]

This is wild.

[B]

You're wild.

[A]

I mean, I've been described as wild before. Anyone want to say you literally have

[B]

a whole tour of something about this is wild. And a lot of it's about.

[A]

You said I've been described as wild before. I'm not arguing.

[B]

By who? Yourself?

[A]

Yes. No one's arguing. No one's arguing. I said I've been described as wild.

[B]

Okay, wait, let me clear it up.

[A]

Jesus Christ. This is wild.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[A]

This is the wildest, actually.

[B]

Where the Wild Things Are.

[A]

I was saying I.

[B]

Great book and movie.

[A]

I've never seen the movie.

[B]

What?

[A]

And honestly, I don't think I've ever read one of the books ever.

[B]

Were you a child?

[A]

I was a child for about 17 years.

[B]

What happened to you? What happened to your child that you never read?

[A]

We just didn't read where the Wild Things Are. I read Babysitter's Club. I read Goosebumps.

[B]

Did you read Animorphs?

[A]

I did not read Animorphs.

[B]

Animorphs was also really good. They made a TV show about it on Nickelodeon that was super dark.

[D]

Have you heard the news?

[B]

What?

[D]

They're rebooting it. Ryan Coogler from Sinners. He's producing the Animorphs reboot.

[B]

You're right, Jacob. Do not lie to me right now, Jacob.

[A]

Do not fucking lie. Is this because you love Animorphs or Ryan Coogler?

[B]

Animorphs. I used. I read all the books. I used to love the show even though it was dark.

[A]

What animal would you morph into?

[B]

Ooh, I would want to morph into a beaver.

[D]

So Animorphs can. Animorphs can turn into any animal they touch.

[A]

Oh, it's not just one animal. See, I never watched animals, but each

[D]

Animorph has a signature animal that they use for color.

[A]

Your sign would be a beaver.

[B]

A beaver for sure.

[A]

Apparently they're very strong.

[B]

I know that's what I want to be with.

[A]

Can you google a beaver's strength comparing.

[B]

Wait, hold on. And TV series in development at Disney. Ryan Coogler's Proximity Media to produce. Also, he's not directing, but his production company is doing it.

[A]

I don't imagine Ryan Coogler going to direct. Every I can imagine what's going to happen is Ryan Coogler will direct the first episode, and then the rest will be showed out to other people. Oh, my God.

[B]

This is great. New Jacob. Why didn't you send this to me earlier?

[D]

I didn't know you were an Animorphs girl.

[B]

I'm a huge Animor. I did a whole thread thing about it. People were coming at me for liking the Animorphot shoot.

[D]

Like the covers.

[B]

Ooh, that's a good idea.

[A]

Monet morphing into a beaver. Why?

[B]

I want to be a beaver.

[A]

You just chose beaver.

[B]

I'm just kidding. Just to piss you off.

[A]

Can you build? Yeah, that's a big.

[B]

I'm really good at building in. Say it with me. One, two. I said on three, bitch.

[A]

You did not say on three. You said it.

[B]

Say it on. And I said.

[A]

But you didn't say on 3. To be clear, you didn't say.

[B]

You said. You're supposed to be my best friend. You're supposed to be tapped in. Tap the fuck in and wake up.

[A]

I'm tapping out.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

I think it's time for Arcea to do her fair share anyway of best friending around here.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What's up? Also, how's your bite force? My beavers have a really strong bite

[B]

and people make fun of my big teeth all the time. I have very big teeth, Andy. Things that have, like, weirdly big teeth. I think my teeth are normal size. His are Just tiny teeth.

[A]

Andy does have small teeth.

[B]

Yes, small teeth.

[A]

Your first four are very chickly. I mean same. I also have big teeth as well. But also you have a big head. So I think that it fits in your.

[B]

Try to say that the word big is another word to describe me. Put big somewhere. Big teeth, big head, big hands, big

[A]

feet and a big heart. Why would you hit me?

[B]

Cause I don't want you to touch me, girly.

[A]

You gonna ask what animal I would morph into? This is wild.

[B]

What animal would you morph into?

[A]

Oh, you don't have to ask that question. Okay. Personality wise, I feel very ducky. You know, I'm a duck as far as my personality goes. But if I could choose the animal that I morph into, I would probably become a paragon falcon. It's the fastest animal in the world.

[D]

That's one of their signature flight birds. They also have signature flying birds. Yeah, one of them has signature.

[A]

It's the fastest animal.

[D]

I think it's Cassie's signature.

[B]

Cassie. Oh my God. Cassie.

[A]

Shout out to Cassie. Cassie, if you're watching.

[B]

Wait, so you want to be what? Falcon.

[A]

Paragon falcon.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

It is the fastest animal in the world.

[B]

Is it possible? Well, a cheetah is the fastest land animal.

[A]

The paragon falcon is the fastest animal in the world.

[B]

How fast does it fly?

[A]

Let's find out. I'm going to guess. I think a paragon falcon can fly up to 85 miles an hour.

[B]

I'm going to say 110.

[A]

And the answer is 200 miles an hour.

[B]

And by the prices. White, right?

[A]

Prices. Why you would.

[B]

You would which a white ass? More for sitting over there.

[D]

It's not. When they're flying with their wing, they have a hunting dive. So they see a mouse and they dive. They like do a free fall dive through the air and that's when they hit that speed. So their flight like they fall out

[A]

of the plane faster than that. If I jump, I could get up to 500. If I hit the pike, 100%.

[B]

Should we go skydiving?

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We should not. We should, but I would never stop

[B]

you from doing it. Why can't. Why would you do it?

[A]

I don't have the thrill seeking gene. There's nothing in me that wants to be scared outside of like a. Maybe a haunted house or a scary movie. I don't want to be in dangerous situations. I don't find it thrilling. I do. There's nothing about that though. I don't. You ever see people walking on the edge of buildings.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they do it. They get on the edge of a. They get. And they. No, no.

[B]

Oh, there's just a walking icing and

[A]

they do a backflip. Yeah. Like you're literally on the edge of a skyscraper. You just hit up. This is wild.

[B]

Something about that is weird. There's something fake about that.

[A]

I don't think there's.

[B]

No. People are risking them. I've seen these videos. They were on these like. Like 50 story buildings and doing the craziest stuff.

[A]

People seek thrills. Monet.

[B]

That's insane to me.

[A]

Are you jumping out of planes or you want to. You did jump off a building one time. There's footage of it. Footage is.

[B]

I dropped off. I jumped off of the Sky Tower in Auckland, New Zealand. I forget how long it was, but I was like. But that's not really. You're not really free falling. Cause you're attached to.

[A]

Until you're not. You're going like.

[B]

The mechanics of the things are going down with you. You're not just jumping without any support.

[A]

But until that carabiner, they didn't change it fast enough.

[B]

But it's like seven carabiners on you.

[A]

I'm just saying. You know what. You know who would never fall from that building on any accidents? Me. Cause I would never jump off of it. You would never catch me.

[B]

Beyonce did it.

[A]

Ok. I do not strive for you to Beyonce. I'm not mad at Beyonce. I'm not jumping off of a building. This is crazy. Wild.

[B]

Oh yeah, this guy, he just. So what's his name again?

[A]

He did it on. On TikTok and Instagram. It was streaming everywhere.

[B]

Alex Honnold. Yeah. He climbed this building in Taipei. He had Taipei, the skyscraper.

[A]

And he like.

[B]

With no help, no support, just.

[A]

That is crazy. Nothing.

[B]

Also because my grip strength is not great. I'm strong, but. And my right hand more so than my left hand. My right hand grip strength is.

[A]

Why is that?

[B]

I don't know. Because I jerk off my right hand.

[A]

That's what I was getting at.

[B]

No, but you think it'll be better though.

[A]

But your right hand is stronger.

[B]

You know my right hand is not as my left hand is stronger.

[A]

Oh, I should have bought the grip tester and you could have literally tested to see which one has.

[B]

No, you tried it last time and yours doesn't work.

[A]

Mine does work.

[B]

Well, last time you tried because my

[A]

grip was higher than yours.

[B]

No, last time it literally would not work. Last time you were like.

[A]

It did not happen. I've Tested the grip tester.

[B]

It works anyway.

[A]

Do you think you be rewriting history?

[B]

That's not it.

[A]

His hands look. No, it's like a.

[B]

It's a yellow, like orange thing, right?

[A]

No, it is white and gray. Yeah.

[B]

You would white squeeze it and you would.

[A]

And I did.

[B]

I know. Do you think he has soft hands?

[A]

You can look at his hand, they're like crocodile skin. This man absolutely does not have soft hands under any circumstances. This is a brutal, brittle, abrasive touch.

[B]

He. Look, he has tiny hands, though. And you think you need big hands for that?

[A]

His hands are the size of his head. How do those hands look tiny?

[B]

Because he's a small person. This guy's like 5 7.

[A]

How do you know that?

[B]

Because I was interested by the story.

[A]

Were you comparing him to the building?

[B]

No.

[A]

How tall is this man?

[B]

He's 5 7. How much. How much you want to bet? How much you want to bet?

[A]

20 bucks.

[B]

20 bucks?

[A]

No, I want something. I want something more substantial.

[B]

I may give you gifts to you.

[A]

I want them both.

[B]

No, you can't.

[A]

Actually, you know what if I'm right. Whoa, whoa. If he's not 5 7, and I don't mean within an inch.

[B]

No, no, no. You have to get the right height. Not just so I get one thing.

[A]

You.

[B]

The whole range of things.

[A]

I didn't say I knew this man's life.

[B]

Okay, then I'm saying you had to guess.

[A]

Let me tell you what I want. If you're wrong, you have to smash it. Smash it. As soon as you're wrong, you have to smash it.

[B]

If I'm wrong, I will smash one of these.

[A]

No, yours. You will smash this one and then smash this ugly ass ashtray.

[B]

This ashtray is very cute, by the way. You're such a hater. Look how cute this is.

[A]

Are you gonna do what I want?

[B]

So what? So if, and if you're wrong, I

[A]

don't know how tall this man is. Okay?

[B]

So I'm saying the deal I will do is you also have to get one right? Like, whoever. You have to guess the height.

[A]

Okay, well, no, but then I'm not claiming to know how tall this man is.

[B]

Okay, then I don't want the deal.

[A]

Well, I believe this man is 5 foot 9.

[B]

Do you hear what I'm saying?

[A]

Girl, I hear what you're saying, but to be clear, I never claim to know how tall this man is. You said you looked it up and

[B]

you know how tall he is, and he's five seven. Okay, but you need to guess a Height of five.

[A]

No, I'm not betting anything. I'm guessing five. Nine.

[B]

They were moving.

[A]

We're gonna find out.

[C]

Five.

[B]

Okay, so then if you're wrong, I get to smash something in here?

[A]

No, I'm not part of the. I don't have a part of it.

[B]

Then you can't smash anything of mine.

[A]

I don't want to smash it. I want to fight. Tall is. And we're going to find out.

[D]

Now this man is 5. 11 my.

[B]

So 57 plus 4.

[A]

Why did you make that up? Why would you. What's your obsession? This is. This is wild. This is wild. This behavior is wild. You're a wild person.

[B]

I'm 11.

[D]

Really?

[A]

You were just like, he's shorter than the building, so he's got to be short.

[D]

I feel like if you're a rock climber, you need to be tall so you can, like, do the crazy and grab whatever.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

The man and his hands were gigantic. They were the size of his head.

[B]

Well, there was nothing to like his head. I mean, they were.

[A]

He was holding.

[B]

This man looks like Jacob. So I was going off of Jacob. Jacob doesn't have a pretty big head. Jacob has a pretty average head.

[A]

I mean, this man has similarity to Jacob. He has curly hair. He's white. He has dark eyebrows. If I would just. If I.

[B]

In this room and I had sunglasses on and I did this.

[A]

I'm got Jacob. I mean, I would.

[B]

I.

[A]

But I. I see Jacob every day. I don't see Jacob every day, but I've seen Jacob enough times over the past almost nine years to I would be like, no, that's not Jacob. But if I wasn't wearing my glasses and he was really far away. No, because he's five' eleven. Jacob. By the way, I don't know if you ever dated a short guy before.

[B]

I have not.

[A]

Baby, don't lose him in a store. Baby, we be at Best Buy. Jacob doesn't clear the. He doesn't clear the aisles. Who clears the aisles at a store, you big bitch.

[B]

You got something of you. Six foot seven fucking big black motherfuckers.

[A]

Your nipples are above it.

[D]

Five minutes to finish your task. Sorry.

[B]

Got it.

[D]

Lost in stores.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The what?

[A]

He was putting us back on track.

[B]

Oh, got it.

[A]

You can find Andy, Big ass. You can hear those thunderous footsteps anywhere and listen for the sounds of eating.

[B]

Let's let you know again. Everyone said that Andy had.

[A]

Everyone did not say that. You were so hyperbolic.

[B]

It was lit.

[A]

Do you know how you went from everyone.

[B]

It was squit. But you're recanting the story. Well, no. Everyone thinks Andy has ugly feet, and that's literally not true.

[A]

Someone in this room just went.

[B]

They never seen it on the Patreon.

[A]

No, but he's seen them in real life. Yeah, there are cracks in the pavement outside of Monet's house. I don't know where they're from, but I've seen Andy walk in those spots is all I'm saying. Do you want soft hands?

[B]

I have soft hands where my calluses aren't.

[A]

Those are your hands?

[B]

No, my calluses are my whole hand.

[A]

Let me dry this off and let

[B]

me just get her fit. Why are your hands wet? Don't touch with your wet ass hands, motherfuckers. Are you nervous?

[A]

I'm moisturized.

[B]

Are you nervous to complete your task?

[A]

I've already done my task.

[B]

No, I'm not doing it.

[A]

Mine is already complete, by the way. Let me see your hand. This isn't part of my task.

[B]

I think it is.

[A]

I promise you this is not part of my task.

[B]

I think it is. I'm not going to touch you.

[A]

Well, then afterwards, I'm going to touch your hands.

[B]

Okay. Do you know. Can I tell you how you have started a complex? And I've been to mine, too. A complex with my fans online.

[A]

What's the complex with this?

[B]

How I pronounce things. And I really want to confront you about it on the podcast today.

[A]

Well, we're on the podcast.

[B]

It's too much, Bob. I want you to not talk about the way I say words like hair, air, bare clear.

[A]

You're gonna say all those and expect me to not give anything dear. And what do you want me to. How do you want me to respond to that?

[B]

To just let it go and let. God. I'm gonna test you Nair in there. Are you in the clear? You know, my mother had a horse that was a mare.

[A]

I think that. I want to say. I think that clare it up is part of your charm.

[B]

And don't say Clari it up. I say Clari it up.

[A]

Also. Clare it up is now. I now say Clari it up. Like, I can't stop saying clare it up. Clare it up. That should be. That should be a segment. Clare it up. But you have.

[B]

You have just. You have lied into. You have. I don't say what you say. I'm saying. I don't say clar it up. I say claire it up. Claire, Claire, Claire, Claire.

[A]

That's the same. But I say stuff funny too. Yeah, And I don't.

[B]

I let you live. I don't. If you were. If you pronounce Claire weird, I would not.

[A]

I don't pronounce clear weird.

[B]

How do you pronounce it clear? That's what I said.

[A]

I say outside is a clear blue sky.

[B]

You just said Claire.

[A]

No, Monet. You're saying you would say outside is a clear. You would say outside is a clear blue sky.

[B]

Y' all are watching gaslighting happening in real life.

[A]

No, they are laughing because they hear

[B]

you saying they're laughing at you.

[A]

I want to ask the room. Do you guys hear a difference? The way me and Monae are saying yes, exactly.

[B]

This is not a studio audience.

[A]

They're all saying yes, and there's nothing wrong with that. My favorite thing you said when you said near tears on the podcast once, near tears sent me to the. And I'm not saying how you said it, because you asked me not to do that, but when you said near tears, I was near tears. Near tears.

[B]

Near tears.

[A]

And it's part of your charm. It's really, really charming.

[B]

So we're saying to declare it up.

[A]

I think Clear it up is a segment on maybe your Monet expose should be called Clear It Up.

[B]

Clear It Up.

[A]

Yeah, let's clear it up. Oh, my God. That's such a good. I've done so many great branding opportunities for you, and you. You've offered me, like, a few over the years, too.

[B]

Do you just sit home and just.

[A]

I'm really.

[B]

I just. Jerk.

[A]

You.

[B]

I just. Just masturbate on your ideas. You think you.

[A]

I do think I have a really good idea.

[B]

Clearly.

[A]

That was good. Why can't you just leave it alone? Compliment again. I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day, I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me. It's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail].

[C]

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[B]

Close your eyes, exhale. Feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[C]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[B]

And breathe.

[C]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[B]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts.

[A]

All right, I finished my task. Why are you sitting on your sunglasses?

[B]

I just have them here.

[A]

Do you wear sunglasses?

[B]

You know, I can't really be a sunglasses. Why?

[A]

You know what it is? Obviously, this is the point of sunglasses, but, oh, hey, look at this one

[B]

here with the Gucci glasses.

[A]

Hey, hey.

[B]

Why do you become Africa when you do that?

[A]

Because I'm doing a Nigerian accent.

[B]

No, but to you, that's Jamaican also. And Beijing and Trinidad here.

[A]

My Jamaican accent is very different.

[B]

Let me hear.

[A]

If I was going Jamaican, I'd say, look at these hair glasses. And if I was doing, hey, hey, look at these hair glasses.

[B]

What's Beijing?

[A]

Beijing. It's more ban. I don't even know what Beijing is. Where is that Beijer? I don't even know what Beijing is.

[B]

Beijing.

[A]

What is Beijing?

[B]

Barbados.

[A]

Oh, they're Beijing.

[B]

They're Beijing.

[A]

They're not Barbadian.

[B]

No.

[A]

I guess I never knew that.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Bajans. Yeah, they're Bajan Parisians. Where they in Persians are from.

[B]

Are from Iran.

[A]

Anyway, it's too dark. I'm wearing shades that I'm like. It is. It's actually genuinely too dark.

[B]

You literally wore them on the first episode of Trader. So what was your. What was your thing there?

[A]

But I don't wear them the whole time, and they're often down here, so I can see over them.

[B]

Well, that's the point of sunglasses you were on.

[A]

I know. I think what it is, and I learned this from having a partner with blue eyes. He's experiencing the world. Did you know, apparently when you have light eyes, the world is brighter to you.

[B]

Yeah. Because when your eyes are brown, you have melanin in your eyes. It helps shield some of the reflection of the sun.

[A]

I didn't know it worked that way, because what happened? We were walking on Runyon, and I was. I was like. I remember Jacob being, like, needing sunglasses. I need sunglasses. And I was like. Like, I always thought Sunglasses just kind of like the only time I ever need sunglasses when I'm driving down Sunset when the sun is setting. Because the sun actually does set right over. I didn't realize that's why they call it Sunset Boulevard. Sunset Boulevard.

[B]

Sunset Boulevard. Correct.

[A]

It sets right over if you're driving east. East is.

[B]

No, west. That's the sunsets in the west.

[A]

If you're driving west, it's hellish. Yeah, Rising. You know how I remember sun rising the east because of Easter. Because Jesus rose in the east. Easter. He's rising. And I think that's why they call it that.

[B]

I just know because of school.

[A]

I think it's Easter because he's. He has risen.

[D]

No, it's called Easter because like Esthera was a pagan God who everyone worshiped and they were trying to get the pagans to convert to Christianity. So they like co opted Estera into Christianity by making Easter.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You did not know that?

[B]

Yes, I did.

[A]

But I. But I associate Easter. Him rising sun rises in the east.

[B]

I just know that the sun rises in the east because that's just from school. Just knowing that. Wait, what was your task?

[D]

Well, you have to guess what each other's tasks were.

[A]

Oh, something to do with those glasses.

[B]

What?

[A]

You have something to do with these glasses.

[B]

Why do you need the glasses?

[A]

Because you never. It's not that bright in here. And you're gagging.

[B]

Because I'm right. You're not right.

[A]

Well then what was it? Can I actually read it? I want to read it and see what was. So let me tell you first, ok?

[B]

My task was to say the word something with an ear 15 times. Okay? But what Jacob said first was you must say a hair, air Clair, dare nair or anything that rhymes with that 15 times. So I was like. Do I have to say like. Do I have to say like different ones? Or can I say the same one over and over when it says or

[A]

any female rhymes with that, right?

[B]

I'm saying like, did I have to do rhyming ones? Like hair? Yeah.

[A]

Cause it says but.

[B]

No, but I can say the same word 15 times. So I can say here, here, here, here, here.

[A]

Yeah, I want. May I read it? This is why I think it's clear. Woo you. Why are you sending Jacob nudes?

[B]

Because we like the. It's how we get down. Are you mad?

[A]

And why are they mine? No, you must say hear ear, clear, dear, near or anything that rhymes with that. 15. That honestly feels real.

[B]

That is not clear. That's not clear to me.

[A]

What's not clear about it because I didn't know if.

[B]

Could I say the same word over and over again?

[A]

So when it says or right.

[B]

I didn't know who was saying I had to say. Or that thing with it, like, to rhyme with it. You see what I'm saying?

[A]

Do you know what mine was?

[B]

Yours was. It wasn't something to do with the hands. I was just trying to extend because I hadn't done mine. So I tried to extend this.

[A]

Can I feel your hands, though?

[B]

Yeah, it's the calluses that are rough.

[A]

No, there are soft parts to your hand. You're actually. They've gotten softer.

[B]

Have they?

[A]

No, they actually have gotten much softer than the last time. I remember, like, taking a catalog of how your hands feel.

[B]

Because I haven't had shreds of the past two and a half months.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

I don't know. It's been three months, by the way. Three. Has it been three months?

[A]

I was gone. It's been more. I was gone for three months.

[B]

No, but I saw you. So we ducked on three.

[A]

But your hands are softer than they used to be.

[B]

Your task was. I couldn't tell.

[A]

I had to say, this is a while 15 times. And I think I might have clocked in around 20.

[B]

Jacob. Were you counting Jacob?

[D]

I stopped after 15, but yes.

[A]

Guess who. Back in the house, honey.

[B]

I won mine, too. What's your problem?

[A]

Like I was saying before, I had to give up on autobiographies. Not auto.

[B]

Your memoirs.

[A]

Memoirs and autobiographies.

[B]

Why?

[A]

So I was listening to Viola Davis

[B]

while doing Runyon Becoming. No, that's Michelle Obama.

[A]

I can't remember the name of hers, but it was. It was sad. It was really sad. Like Viola Davis. It was called. What's it called?

[B]

Ending Finding.

[A]

Finding Mean.

[B]

Funny you say that. Cause Andy got me this book, and I started reading it as well. And I stopped about chapter three because it is pretty tough. It's about her growing up in Rhode Island.

[A]

The fires.

[B]

The fires pretty heavy.

[A]

The house she lived in, the apartment below code. The rats. I think I may have blocked some of it out. I think maybe I will go back and finish it at some point. I mean, it is her story. Yeah, it is her story, which is like, that's real. But geez Louise, there is this.

[B]

I just saw this thing, this tick, this reels among this. Oh, my God, this poor woman. I think it's going viral. She lives in the Bronx on 173rd street and conquerors Avenue in the Bronx. And she's just like 73 year old woman, she's living in this apartment in New York City that is riddled with rats. And not just like tiny rats, these huge fucking rats. And she's 73 years old, she's retired, she can't work and she's like stressed out. She's like in this video, ABC7, she is sobbing and she's like, I just want someone to please help me with the situation. I'm not asking to leave my apartment. If that's what I have to do, I'll do it. But she's like, I am on, you know, I'm on Social Security. I cannot afford to just pick up and move. And watching this old Dominican lady tell this story, it is so sad to watch.

[A]

Well, why don't we. Can you bring it up, Jacob? And does she have a gofundme?

[B]

I don't know if there's a Gofundme.

[A]

I would like to give some money to her. Gofundme for sure.

[B]

But I'm like, how do we like help this woman get like, is she living in the Bronx? There is a thing where ABC7, the Bronx rat Lady, I'm sure will come.

[A]

Do you watch the cleaning videos?

[B]

Yes, I literally just saw one yesterday. So there she is.

[A]

I saw this. Deep cleaning. Can you look if she has a gofundme, I don't need to see the video. I trust Monet's recounting of it, but I just want to see if there's a Gofundme and we can donate to it and direct our fans to go donate as well. No one's gonna go find me.

[B]

Oh, go ahead. Jacob will find it.

[A]

So this, oh, it looks so sad. I can't. I can't watch old black ladies cry. I know, but anyway, I'm gonna get very emotional about that. This lady, they deep clean these houses. They deep clean these houses. And this old lady was in this house. She was like, just really, really old. But because she couldn't move around, her mobility had been obviously deeply affected. Then like she had. It was like cobwebs everywhere. And this lady who just flies around just cleaning up these houses.

[C]

Houses.

[B]

See, I don't have the stomach to do it. I would not be able to because I've seen some of these videos. Some of these people, houses are, they're in, they're down. Bad girl.

[A]

I feel like I would do them. I don't really have that skill set. Like as one of those, like, people who like, help. Cora. Spicy is her name. Her name, of course, Spicy.

[D]

And Spicy or.

[A]

Oh, Cora. And, and, and who's spicy?

[D]

Maybe you're a cat or maybe something

[B]

that's a good name for a cat.

[A]

Spicy spice is a good name for a cat. Can you click it?

[D]

It's not going through for some reason. It seems to be a dead link.

[A]

So I don't know if she's understand maybe she reached her goal. But I. We find it, I would. I'm going to go ahead and donate to this lady's gofundme and if you all want to. If we, if we find it, which I believe we have the capacity. The link is in the bio right now. You can help get this lady. We should get this lady up in a high rise.

[B]

Can we bring her here to la? Yeah.

[D]

It says Bad Gateway when I click through the link, so.

[A]

Interesting. I hope that this lady gets her money.

[B]

We move her just across the country to Los Angeles.

[A]

She probably has family in the Bronx. I would imagine old people want to be another family.

[B]

Yeah. See, when I get older, I just want to be alone. The older I get, I just want to be alone.

[A]

Andy watching this at home.

[B]

Andy watches like he doesn't watch a podcast.

[A]

Girl, I saw this guy do this, this stand up about like people say, you don't. You want to have kids because you don't want to die alone.

[B]

That's. I see that too.

[A]

And he was like, well, actually I think it's better. He's like, you won't die alone. There will be like, you know, people with you more than likely, even if you don't know them for sure. He goes, but also like you, the trade between like he basically was saying, like, dying. Dying is a very short process compared to raising a child.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I would rather not raise a little shithead for 30 years versus dying for six months.

[B]

And also there's no guarantee that your kids are going to be there for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Absolutely no guarantee that your kids are going to, to tend for you, take you to the bitch. How you know they won't leave you to be in an apartment in the Bronx with rides by yourself.

[A]

They also have like. But also, even, even if they want to. Who says they can't, they can't have the capacity. I mean, you got to work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got to eat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. Well, I was telling you something I forgot.

[A]

You were talking about the lady in the Bronx.

[B]

There's something else you said.

[A]

You were saying move her across the country. You were talking about displacing this woman and abandoning her family.

[B]

Why Are you being so ridiculous?

[A]

I don't remember what it was.

[B]

Are you so happy to sit next to me again?

[D]

You're saying you wanna live alone when

[A]

you're older, you wanna live alone.

[B]

No. Before we start talking about any of this, you're talking about. Oh, memoirs. Jesus Christ. This podcast is ridiculous.

[A]

Nah, I think this podcast is actually really nice.

[B]

It's ridiculously nice. So memoirs, right? Viola Davis was heavy. There are some I like, though. I talk about this all the time. Mariah Carey's memoir is so freaking good, obviously. Cause I think I'm a fan of. I'm a fan of Viola Davis as well. But Mariah Carey's life. I'm a fan of her music and how she wrote some of this music and what makes hers great, which I do. When it's a memoir, I will buy the book and also buy the audiobook, the Meaning of Mariah Carey, so I can, like, read along and listen to them. Because in it, like, Mariah is, like, so raw and so emotional. She's, like, crying at times. She has one where she starts to. I think at her father's funeral, she starts singing, this is the Light of Mine.

[A]

Like, in the thing. It's just.

[B]

It's just really touching. And I was just. And I would listen to them on planes, and I'll be on the plane. Literally, just like.

[A]

Planes make you cry.

[B]

Do you know about this? I've heard this. I don't know what the science is about that, though. Why does a plane make you cry?

[A]

I don't have the answer, but, I mean, you were crying. I've cried on. I cried during fall. Not Fall Guy. That. Who's the guy?

[B]

He was Ryan Reynolds. The one the Ryan Reynolds cried at.

[A]

The Ryan Reynolds movie, which is not Free Guy. I was boohooing. Boohooing during. Free Guy was gaggy.

[B]

But I don't think that that's like. So the sofas make you cry? I've cried a bunch on my sofa, too.

[A]

Sofa.

[B]

Sofa. Sofas. My sofa. Do sofas make you cry? I cry on my sofa when I watch movies.

[A]

I don't. Cabin pressure reduces blood oxygen levels, which is called mild hypoxia, weakening emotional regulation, while low humidity causes dehydration. So maybe your couch is. Maybe you live on a high elevation,

[B]

but if you have a low. Low. If you have a low humidity and dehydration, then that would mean you would be devoid of. You would have water to produce.

[A]

No, it doesn't dry up your teeth. No. Being dehydrated Mean, you can't cry.

[B]

I know, but I'm saying. But like, scientifically, like, if you have. If you. If you have dehydrated, you have less water, wouldn't that be like something with.

[A]

I think to not be able to have produce tears? Your level of dehydration have to be. So would be like to the point of death almost.

[B]

I know for sure. I'm just saying, like, scientific doesn't make sense. Like, if you say you're more hydrated, then, like, then more water will come. You see what I'm saying?

[A]

I don't know if it works that way because I don't think being more hydrated makes your eyes water more.

[B]

Andy has hyperhidrosis.

[A]

Is he sweaty? Yeah, that's a real fancy way to say he's sweaty, girl.

[B]

We'd be in a cool room, just a motherfucker sweating. I'm like, why are you sweating?

[A]

What does he. But he doesn't keep the air hot.

[B]

Yes, he does.

[A]

Oh, he does.

[B]

I don't know. It is a war in the house.

[A]

Is it. Is it brutal, girl?

[B]

Cause if Andy. Andy would sleep in 60, like 62 degrees. I'm like, that's. I cannot.

[A]

Andy looks like someone who is. Who is hot all the time.

[B]

And he looks like he is pretty hot.

[A]

And he looks like he is like moving. And he looks like. It looks like. It looks like moving. It looks like to have his body and to make it move around is work.

[B]

Well, you know, when you. When you get your. When you get your metabolism faster, you. You do. You do. Your body gets. Has a higher. Like you. You're actually sweat more. You sweat more.

[A]

You sweat a lot. Taylor, because Taylor has a high, high metabolism.

[B]

No, but I think because he got his, like Andy through whatever. He's got his metabolism fast. So your body's like burning more calories throughout the day.

[A]

Are you sweating more these days?

[B]

I do sweat a little. A little more. I'm not like, crazy, but I've never been an overly sweaty person.

[A]

Yeah, not that when I did drag,

[B]

when I'm on stage, you know, with stage lights and cartwheeling and back flipping and doing splits for two hours. Sure.

[A]

You know who I feel bad for?

[B]

Who?

[A]

People with pit stains. I never get pit stains.

[B]

I never had pit stains either.

[A]

Like, I never get pit stains. I'd be like, damn, you got pit stains. This is like. This is gaggy.

[B]

Okay. To see. Do you want to do. Want to feel. Since you feel bad for anyone to apologize?

[A]

I do. I mean, I feel bad. I didn't cause the pit stains. In fact, we have the air uncomfortably cold in here.

[B]

I would like to say. No, it's nice today. Normally it's freezing in here.

[A]

I know today it feels. But like, like, like when Tom Sandoval had, like, a pit stain, like, down to his, like, lower ribs, like, up to his shoulder. That. That is wild to me.

[B]

Well, then do people get Botox to stop it? But I'm like, then where is it going? People get Botox to stop head like, eureka. O' Hara got Botox on her head to stop from splitting on her head. I know the queens that got in their armpits because they hated their pit stains are fucking up the drag. I'm like, okay, you stopped it there. But where is it going? Does it just not come out anymore?

[A]

Like, I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, you know, so I don't understand.

[A]

I want to talk to you about something that has been boggling my mind. So, you know they're going to the moon right now.

[B]

Yeah, girl.

[A]

They're going to the dark side of the moon.

[B]

They're not going to the moon. They're orbiting the room. They're not getting.

[A]

They're not landing on the moon.

[B]

No. The goal to get on the moon is gonna be in 10 years. Within the next 10 years, they're going to actually land on the moon. So it feels like we're going backwards. Right. Cause we landed in 1970. 1969, and then now they're going to space to orbit around it to make sure we can land again. They're gonna be able to land in the next, like, within the next 10 years we can land. So they're not landing on it.

[A]

That's crazy. I thought they were landing. That's gaggy. No, but they're going to visit the dark side of the moon.

[B]

Yeah. And mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

[A]

And we, you know, you have never seen the dark side of the moon.

[B]

Right. Because we always see the light side.

[A]

Thank you. But process this with me. I was trying to figure this out the other day. You never see the other side of the moon because we are tidally locked with the moon.

[B]

Right?

[D]

Right.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

But the moon is rotating and we are rotating. The moon is orbiting us. We're orbiting the sun. So at some point you would think that as you rotate, by the way, everywhere on Earth, all of us are all seeing the same side of the moon. How is the moon rotating? And we're rotating, but we only see one side of the moon. I've done a little bit of research. The moon. A full day on the moon is about 29 days on Earth. So it takes the moon 29 days to do one full rotation, where it takes us roughly 24 hours. Right. So how are we not seeing the other side of the moon? Be the moon. Be the moon.

[B]

Well, you know what? Let's take a little break and then we can be the moon.

[A]

This is stressing me out.

[B]

I see.

[A]

We'll be right back.

[B]

You're sweating.

[A]

I have hyperhidrosis.

[D]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch up from

[C]

payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12 month plan required $15 per month, equivalent to taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.

[A]

All right, so I'm rotating like this and you're rotating slower. Right? But you're going around me. Now, let's say we are. Let's say America's.

[B]

Are we rotating the same way I think we are? No, we're not.

[A]

You don't know. You be saying stuff so definitively without an answer. But the Earth here is not rotating. But the Earth's not rotating, so we're having a problem. Can you Google do we rotate in the same direction? So, okay, so I'm rotating and you're rotating, but you're going around me, Right? So we're Earth, America. LA is right here in this divot. This dot here in the divot. Okay, so how am I only seeing? How does it make sense?

[B]

Girl, I don't know. I'm not a physicist.

[A]

But also bear in mind too, that we're moving like we're not stationary. We are like. So the sun, the whole Milky Way galaxy is. Imagine if we were rotating, but you're also in the back of a truck and the truck is driving. That's what we're doing. And we're also expanding at the same time. This does not make your head.

[B]

No, because. Can I be really honest?

[A]

Be honest.

[B]

I think it's all bullshit.

[A]

There's no way Monat don't come out of the flat earth.

[B]

I'm not a flat Earther. I do think there's no way that we can. All this thing that these people are saying to us, there's no way to corroborate what they're saying.

[A]

Yes, there is.

[B]

Mathematics, science, and how are you? Are you there? Math, doing the equations.

[A]

No, but they're peer reviewed.

[D]

Right.

[A]

So what happens is one. But what happens?

[B]

All the peers are corrupt.

[A]

Monat, that's. Oh, my God. This Monet. Please, I beg of you, back off this one, I beg of you.

[B]

What happens with all the peers?

[A]

We have never been able to get everyone on any accord, let alone people from different countries who have no association. NASA has no association with whatever the NASA of China is. In fact, they're in direct competition. So people in the NASA of China are going to try to disprove NASA or, or. But, but they're used. They're correct. So one scientist will make an observation using math and this and that and the other and science, and then another one will review that and be like,

[B]

yes, I know how peer review works. I'm just saying, why. So then why can't we land on the moon already? Why, why are we going backwards? How could we possibly land in 1969

[A]

and now how many years?

[B]

This is over 50. Over 50 years.

[A]

We can't land again, Dale.

[B]

Like, we can't land again. We can only orbit it this time.

[A]

Well, probably because of the dangers of landing. And also we're using completely different, I'm assuming better technology, I would imagine, but different still.

[B]

Also, how are we getting these pictures of. Have you seen the new pictures? They drop of all the planets.

[A]

Yeah, these are from the James Webb telescope.

[B]

They're fierce. I love them.

[A]

We can land on the moon but haven't returned since, primarily due to high cost, lack of political motivation, and the need to develop new safe technology for sustainable exploration rather than just short visits. But also, that's AI.

[D]

We were really trying to beat Russia to the moon. So we kind of cut some corners and like maybe did some unsafe choices just to get people there. And now we really don't care.

[A]

And they came back. The James Webb Telescope is how we're getting these photos.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You know what? The James Webb.

[B]

And it's. Where is. Where is it located in space? Yeah, yeah, it's in our orbit.

[A]

It's a satellite in our orbit.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You want me to tell you a point? Show me where it is. I don't know. It's up there. It's a giant telescope.

[D]

Can you just give us a rough.

[A]

It's like roughly around there. Okay, yeah, you Know what drives me crazy to realize the sky is below you.

[B]

Sky is below.

[A]

The sky is below you.

[B]

Well, it's, it's. It's all around you.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, bitch. The sky is down there.

[B]

There's all. But it's all. But it's not just down there. It's all.

[A]

I know it's all around, but the fact that it's down there is. It blows my mind. The sky is below us.

[B]

Do you know what? What makes me really sad is that I'll never get to go to another planet.

[A]

You don't know that they're exploring Mars.

[B]

It is not. Girl. We can't even land on the moon. The moon is maybe in the next 10 years. You think we're getting to Mars within my lifetime?

[A]

I do, actually. I do believe that landing on Mars will be a very.

[B]

That we can go to Mars in our lifetime.

[A]

I do believe so, yeah. I genuinely believe that landing on Mars will be a possibility for a lot of money for you and I. You and I. Yes. I believe. I genuinely, genuinely in my heart of heart believe that you will have the ability to take a very dangerous and very expensive trip to Mars in your lifetime.

[B]

Chad, do y' all think that we'll be able to go to Mars in our lifetime? Well, maybe y' all. In our lifetime. Are we going to Mars? No way.

[A]

I think so. I genuinely think so. They're investing a lot of infrastructure, a lot of money into trying to get to Mars.

[B]

We're not going to Mars. I hate to break it to you, it ain't happening.

[A]

People said this about the moon. Someone, ha ha ha. About the moon. Someone's like, you'll never make it to the moon. And now look at that person.

[B]

Yeah, they probably said it in 19, 20, 18, 27.

[A]

They probably said in 1968. No, I bet a dollar someone said we ain't gonna make the moon.

[B]

Sure. There was someone that said in 1968,

[A]

probably, I mean, there still believe the Earth's flat.

[B]

I do not think the Earth is flat.

[A]

I said some people.

[B]

I don't think the Earth is flat.

[A]

I'm talking about the people behind you. Cuz the sky is everywhere. But the James Webb telescope is taking all these photos and it's also combining photos from the Hubble. Not the Hubble. The Hubble. The Hubble. The Hubble.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

They're also combining photos from the Hubble and they're. So all these photos you see of space are like composite images, right?

[B]

I do know that.

[A]

Yeah. Because it's like, you know, so. But also I was looking into a scientist recently who was saying that basically if there is life out there, which they're more than likely is, they are more than likely the closest one to us is either millions of years ahead of us or millions of years behind us. There's a very small chance that we'd be advancing it even nearly the same time.

[B]

Well, that's what always like gags me when I think of space is like the, you know, the time of it all. I'm like, like how times are relative and how like we can be looking at something, but we're actually seeing something that's 3 million years ahead of us. Like that shit all blows my mind.

[A]

Do you know about the Voyager? Is it Voyager? What's the satellite that.

[B]

The one that Matthew McConaughey went on in that movie?

[A]

The very one. That's not Voyager. It's a camera that they've sent out and they were like, we're never going to get it back. But if you look up the blue dot, it is the blue dot image. But as this. What photo? What? Voyager 1. Yeah. So as Voyager 1 passed Pluto and they were like, this is our last chance to communicate with this satellite. They were like, they used all their energy and turned it back to Earth and took a photo of Earth past Pluto.

[B]

Okay, and then what happened after that?

[A]

And now it's just out there. Now the Voyager is just in space. It is the furthest man made thing that has left Earth. That is the furthest from Earth.

[B]

How big was this camera?

[A]

How big is the camera?

[B]

How big was it?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I mean, like we're talking about like,

[A]

I mean the Voyager is not just a camera. It's a lot of stuff. It's. It's jets and satellites.

[B]

But like I, I wonder like how big is the actual camera on it? Like, is it like the 1980s recording Dream Girls? Like, is a camera this big?

[A]

It's older than 1980s. It's. The Voyager is old. When did they launch the Voyager?

[B]

Wow, his face is wild.

[D]

1990.

[A]

Oh, wait, no, it's not older, but the camera might be older. You never know. But it is like. But it's old.

[B]

Who is the one that's this testing?

[A]

Oh, it is definitely older still. You. It's older, by the way.

[D]

1977.

[A]

Oh, 1977.

[B]

It's still not older then than the fucking movie.

[A]

1977 is older than the 1980s.

[B]

Oh, than Dream Girls. Yeah.

[A]

So that was a fluke. That was not a fluke. Cause I have been studying this fucking thing. I'm a.

[B]

So I was talking. What Jacob said in the 90s, you're like, oh, you just capitulated to whatever

[A]

the fuck he said. You want me to not be right is so crazy.

[B]

I'm not saying. I'm just saying when Jacob said.

[A]

When he said the 1990s, it is old truth.

[B]

When Jacob said the 1990s, you were

[A]

like, oh, but what did we know?

[B]

But you studied it so much what

[A]

we know for a fact that I was right.

[B]

If you said that to me about the animals, I'm like, hell no, bitch, I know what the fuck I'm talking about.

[A]

Well, I was. Can you just say I was right?

[B]

You were right about it, but when Jacob said the 1990s, you agree with it. So how much did you study?

[A]

Delicious.

[B]

How much did you study? If you ask, you asked Socrates to break down the Pythagorean theorem, honey, and you tell him A equals MC squared. He got like, equals MC squared.

[A]

Did Socrates make the. You think Socrates the philosopher was doing math equations?

[B]

He was very smart.

[A]

Do you think Socrates made the Pythagorean theorem?

[B]

He did not. He did not. I forget who did it.

[A]

So.

[B]

Pythagoras. Pythagoras. So if you tell Pythagoras.

[A]

Speaking of just saying shit, if Pythagoras. Let's go back to who just said shit.

[B]

If Pythagoras says E equals MC squared, he was like, no, that's not true. I know. It's A equals B squared with whatever the fuck.

[A]

Okay, to be clear, A like world class mathematician versus a person who looks up things on the Internet. I'm not comparing myself to Pythagoras.

[B]

No, but I'm saying. But if you know what you know, you know what you know. And you didn't know what you know.

[A]

I did know. I was right.

[B]

Congratulated. So why would Jacob said you disagree, Monay?

[A]

I was right.

[B]

Why would Jacob say why did you. Why did you disagree? Because. Why don't you fight for what you know is right?

[A]

Because I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong and it hurts you that I was right. You are. You are coping.

[B]

But why did you crazy if you. If you knew, why did you fight for it?

[A]

Mona, your coping is crazy right now.

[B]

I want you to fight for what you believe in, Bob. I want you. I want. I want to empower.

[A]

At the end of the day, I was right. I was emboldened to get back to what I was saying. They turned this camera back to earth, took a photo of it and now it is just out there. But it's also playing a song.

[B]

They don't know. That song is so work.

[A]

They don't know. They genuinely don't have. Don't have a who golden record containing 27 musical pieces including Bach, Beethoven and cherry buck cherries. Johnny B. Good side. Johnny B. Good.

[B]

I mean Chuck Berry. So they're. He was the guy from the one

[A]

who wrote Johnny B. Goodside. Well, why is that what it was

[B]

Beyonce by Morning Exchange. But why is that. Why is the name sound Chuckberry?

[A]

He.

[B]

He was like.

[A]

He's probably a famous musician.

[B]

He's like one of the godfathers of rock and roll. Right?

[A]

I do not know. I don't know who Chuck Berry is.

[B]

One of the one. One of the black architects of rock and roll. Yeah. Work.

[A]

So this is so this. These songs are just. This playlist in theory is still just playing out in space, which is wild to me.

[B]

So. Oh, no, we're not doing the test today. Never mind.

[A]

You can do the test.

[B]

No, I think we should. I mean, if you want to be good.

[A]

I don't mind taking the test.

[B]

It's a.

[A]

It is a. The other day we were discussing Pokemon that went to Harry Potter somehow. What is the name of the Pokemon from Smash Brothers who. She's a trophy and she has a force field and she's wearing a gown and she has long hair.

[D]

Yeah, that's Gardevoir.

[A]

Gardevoir. That's the one. Taylor. Gardevoir. Did you say Gardevoir? No, I was like, that's not what you showed me. You said jinx.

[B]

No, I said Chicken Chikorita.

[A]

And then he said. And then he said these had jinx. So then we went over. So then we start talking about Harry Potter and see who knows more about Harry Potter.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Do you think you know more? I. To be fair, I have never read a single Harry Potter book. I have only seen one movie one time. That's not true. I've seen two movies. I saw one on a plane and I saw. And I saw one right when it first came out.

[B]

I've seen all. I've seen all the movies.

[A]

All of them.

[B]

I don't read all the books, though.

[A]

Are you watching the TV show?

[B]

No, I'm really. It's going to give J.K. rowling so much money. They said she's going to send to make billions of dollars off of it.

[A]

She's already a billionaire.

[B]

I know, but I'm just saying what

[A]

she's saying, I'm not watching.

[B]

She's going to stand to make billions more.

[A]

To be fair, me not watching. This is not some big bold stance for me because I. I don't. I don't.

[B]

I love the movies.

[A]

I have. I've. I've never cared for Harry Potter. And also, it's one of those movies that if you don't watch it, when it comes out, you go back and watch, you're like, this is ass, bro. Like, I feel the way about a lot of Disney shows, like these shows that you guys love because you grew up watching Disney. Someone. Years and years I watched it, but I'm like, this writing is bad. This is ass.

[B]

I was talking to someone about this the other day. Like, I think we don't give Raven Simone so much credit for being such a brilliant comedian. Oh, she's brilliant and amazing physical comedian.

[A]

You see her on Ms. Pat.

[B]

Incredible.

[A]

She's brilliant.

[B]

But she was doing this when she was 12, 13, 14. On a Disney show.

[D]

Four.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On the Cosby Show.

[B]

But her physical comedy really came to flight when she did. That's a Ravenheart show. And her and Amanda Bynes. Honestly, if you hang out with Raven

[A]

for any short amount of time, you will be like, damn, this bitch is talented as shit.

[B]

She's so talented. She's good at so many things.

[A]

All right, we're gonna take the quiz. I'm ready.

[D]

Okay. So for clarity, just so everyone can be aware, I was a die hard Harry Potter fan from age 5 to 18. It is not a fan of my currently engagements, but I do unfortunately now have a large working knowledge of Harry Potter. We are starting very easy and if y' all are doing really well, we can get harder.

[B]

Okay, get harder.

[D]

What is the name of Harry Potter's owl?

[A]

Harry Potter has an owl, which I definitely knew the whole time. And I feel like the owl's name is. Ready? Yeah. One, two, three.

[B]

I think this is Ron's thing.

[A]

I wrote.

[D]

Who?

[A]

Scabbers.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Ron's rat is named Scabbers. That is correct, Monet. But that is.

[A]

Is who correct?

[D]

No, the name of Harry's owl is Hedwig.

[B]

Oh, is that where John Cameron Mitchell got it from?

[A]

No.

[B]

I know. No, I don't think you. Fucking musical music.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

I don't think you knew. I gotta be honest. No.

[D]

Name one of the trials guarding the Sorcerer's Stone.

[A]

No, we need to. The easiest, easiest, easy version.

[D]

Hedwig.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That is one of the easiest questions.

[A]

Harry Potter's owl's name. I'm Cooking. Okay. What are you asking?

[D]

Name one of the trials guarding the Sorcerer's Stone.

[A]

Jesus Christ. Oh, Oh, wait. One of the guards.

[D]

One of the trials. They had to go through multiple trials to get to the Sorcerer's Stone.

[B]

It's almost like if you say the whole fucking question, you won't have more answers.

[A]

Shut your bitch ass up.

[B]

Jacob is literally saying the question. You talking through it.

[A]

All right, I'm ready.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Chess.

[D]

You are both right. That was really.

[B]

You saw my answer.

[A]

I did not. It's the.

[B]

Roll the camera's back.

[A]

It is literally. It is literally the only thing I know.

[B]

Because you're a cheater.

[A]

Not Ron. Not Hermione. You. She came. She came to. To the Madonna tour. And everyone's gagging.

[B]

Who? Hermione, The.

[A]

The girl.

[B]

Emma. Emma.

[A]

Emma Roberts, is it? No, Emma Watson.

[B]

Emma Watson Roberts is Roberts niece and

[D]

also an actor from American Horror Story.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

What is the levitation?

[B]

Karen Jacobs question.

[A]

She's a really one on.

[D]

What is the levitation spell?

[B]

Wait, what?

[D]

What is the levitation.

[A]

If you listen.

[B]

Because you won't. You want to focus the levitation spell.

[D]

Hu.

[A]

Are we doing extra points for spelling?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

No. Because I don't know how to spell it.

[A]

Wingardium leviosa.

[D]

There you go. You're both correct.

[B]

You saw me writing it down.

[A]

I did not see you writing down.

[B]

Such a cheater.

[A]

It drives can we have jeopardy?

[B]

Like the little glass.

[A]

It drives you crazy. When I do well when I know stuff. It hurts your.

[B]

When I know things because you are such a turn your fucking thing.

[A]

Well, it hurts you when I do well. So you must be in constant pain.

[B]

Such a cheater.

[D]

Okay, how much money did J.K. rowling donate to the 4Women Scotland Fund to change the legal definition of a woman in the UK Equality act to refer to biological sex only.

[B]

Jesus.

[D]

In US Dollars.

[A]

To be clear, I've already written mine.

[D]

Whoever is closest will win.

[B]

Okay, are we doing prices right?

[D]

Yeah. Whoever is closest wins without going over

[B]

is what I'm saying.

[D]

No, I guess whoever's closest.

[A]

So we're not doing prices?

[D]

Yeah, we're not.

[B]

Oh, that's right, Jacob.

[A]

Four million.

[B]

I said 20 million.

[D]

Oh, no, it's only US$88,000.

[A]

That'd be me. That'd be me. Did I cheat again?

[B]

No, you finally got. Yeah, you would know that.

[A]

Did I cheat again?

[B]

Contributing against women now.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Name a defense against the Dark Arts, professor.

[A]

Ooh, a defense against the Dark Arts professor. Like a defense. Oh, wait. Name a defense against. Like. Can I Ask. Can we ask questions?

[B]

No. No.

[A]

You don't know.

[B]

You're not the one making the rules, Jacob. No?

[A]

No. Well, you gonna let this bitch tell

[B]

you what to do?

[A]

This is crazy. I'm gonna go with.

[B]

1, 2, 3.

[A]

Spells.

[B]

Spells.

[D]

Monat is right.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

Dolorvis.

[A]

Umbrage People or defenses, Bitch.

[B]

A te. He said a teacher. A defense against a Dark Arts teacher.

[A]

Spells No. A defense against the teacher. No, a defense against.

[B]

A defense against the Dark Arts teacher.

[A]

A defense against the teacher. Dolores is the teacher.

[D]

Defense, class is defense against the Dark Arts.

[A]

I thought you meant. Name a defense like spells defend against Dark Arts teacher. No, that makes sense. Name a defense against a Dark Arts teacher. Like you are defending yourself against a Dark Arts teacher. I didn't know it was defense against the Dark Arts teacher. Listen. No, what I'm saying makes perfect sense. Name a defense against a Dark Arts teacher. Name a spell against a Dark Arts teacher.

[B]

I think I got that point correct.

[A]

You did get it. Right, but I'm saying what I'm saying actually doesn't make sense. All right, go ahead.

[D]

Name one of the unforgivable curses.

[A]

All right. Havada Kedavra.

[B]

It's Avada Kedavra.

[A]

So you get incorrect. No, we weren't doing spelling. We already covered that. We're not doing spelling. We covered that.

[B]

Havana Cavanagh.

[D]

Both correct.

[A]

We already covered. We're not doing spelling.

[B]

Are you going to Cuba?

[A]

We already covered. We're not doing spelling.

[B]

Havana Canana. What the hell?

[D]

Who does the cooking?

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I have.

[B]

Okay, he has one. I have one. Okay, got it.

[D]

Who does the cooking and cleaning at Hogwarts?

[A]

Oh, it's the. I'm going to just write this. I don't think it's right, but I'm going to write this. But I feel like I know what he looks like, but I don't know his name. No, it's. It's.

[B]

I don't think this is right, but it's the closest I can get.

[A]

I wrote Dolby.

[B]

Dobby.

[D]

Dobby, Dobby. So the correct answer is house elves. It is a team of house elves. Dobby is a house elf, but he actually is not.

[B]

There's not Dobby just doing that.

[D]

Dobby doesn't work.

[B]

It's not the Dolby Theater. You know what?

[A]

It's not Hagrid. You know, who's not even close. You know who's not close? Hagrid is not. Hagrid is a giant and a wizard combined. He's a giant Wizard.

[B]

The Dolby. Yeah, you are.

[A]

You are so. You're trying. You're trying to deflect because you were so.

[B]

Dolby is crazy.

[A]

To be clear, I even knew that this person was one of the people who does it. You were just off.

[B]

Dolby is crazy.

[A]

Your deflection is wild.

[D]

How much are the house elves at Hogwarts paid for their work?

[A]

Putting their salary out there is kind of wild. Okay, all right, I have three pence.

[D]

They are not paid for their work. That is correct, Monet.

[A]

Oh, they're slaves.

[D]

Next question.

[A]

Why are house elves. Are we just moving on from the slavery?

[D]

Next question. Why are house elves not enslaved?

[B]

Wait, why are they. Wait, why are they not.

[D]

Yeah,

[A]

I've already read mine. This feels like a Pokemon answer.

[B]

Okay, 1, 2, 3.

[A]

They want to do it.

[B]

I said the patriarchy.

[D]

Yes. The correct answer is they are naturally subservient and they want to do the work.

[A]

Looks like we're tired again because, you know, they say Pokemon battles are like. No, they like fighting. They want to fight. Which. They're violent creatures. Not me being. Up, up.

[B]

You're not. We're the same.

[A]

Oh, why does mine say six? You say five.

[D]

Oh, no, the ones that we get right.

[A]

Oh, we both got one, we both got two, both got three, both got four.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, here we go.

[D]

What does Dumbledore claim to see in the mirror of Erised?

[A]

Oh, the mirror of Era Sad and Dumbledore. This is the. The big Gandalf looking guy and he sees something in that mirror. I have mine. You're right. You writing the whole chapter?

[B]

Okay, 1, 2, 3.

[A]

The death of Harry Potter.

[B]

I said these. The betrayal.

[D]

Neither of those corrects. He claims to see himself carrying. Getting a pair of new socks for Christmas.

[B]

And that's.

[A]

This is crazy. This is crazy. He's like, girl, I got a cunty new sock. Is he gay?

[B]

In the book? He is.

[D]

No, he's not gay in the books or the movies. After the books were published, like five years after J.K. rowling tweeted that he was gay. So I guess allegedly. But there is nothing in the book's canonically about transphobic.

[B]

Not homophobic. Yeah, got it.

[A]

She might be homophobic.

[B]

Let's not.

[A]

Let's not give her too much credit. Writing gay care.

[B]

Does it make you.

[A]

Does it make you.

[D]

What is the name of the student of Chinese descent at Hogwarts who Harry has a crush on?

[B]

I know this.

[A]

I have mine. And I feel very confident in this one. We need an answer.

[B]

It's not it. But it does have this letter in the. This letter is right.

[A]

Amanda.

[B]

It's not Amanda.

[D]

No. Her name is Cho Chang.

[B]

Oh, damn.

[A]

So you were wrong on all courts, but there is an R, not a.

[B]

Not an R anywhere in the name.

[A]

So you were wrong just saying stuff.

[D]

Okay, next one. Is Cho Chang a plausible name for a person of Chinese descent?

[B]

What?

[A]

Well, he's asking, is Cho Chang a real Chinese name?

[D]

Like, if you went to China, would

[A]

you realistically, how is this a Harry Potter? Just answer the question, bitch. I'm gonna. I already have my answer, and I'm gonna. Just adding this last part as an idea, as a notion I have. I guess in theory you can name your kids anything you want, but I have a answer. What are you writing? This is a podcast. People are listening.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I wrote no because it's two last names.

[B]

I said yes because Chinese people are free to be whoever they want to be. So you, Jacob, you tell us if they can't be who they want to be. You, Jacob, you tell us.

[D]

You know, that is fair, Monet, but it's not fair. I think generally the consensus is that,

[A]

no, it is not, because it's two last names. Yikes. But I've known people with two last names, though. I know a few people with two last names. All right, go ahead.

[D]

What mythical creature guards the gold at Gringotts Bank?

[A]

You don't have two last names.

[B]

Oh, wait, wait.

[A]

Naomi has two last names.

[B]

Great.

[D]

What mythical creature guards the gold of Gringotts Bank?

[A]

I'm actually. I think I'm better at this than I thought I was, but I just. Paying attention to stuff.

[B]

Okay, 1, 2, 3.

[A]

Cerberus.

[B]

It's in the dragon.

[D]

It's a dragon.

[A]

What is Cerberus?

[D]

The dog server is the three header dog that guards.

[A]

He does guard something.

[D]

Yeah, he got the underworld in Greek mythology. He's the. The big dog from Hercules.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cerberus.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Oh, my God, we're tied. This is crazy.

[D]

What disease in Harry Potter does J.K. rowling say is a metaphor for HIV and AIDS?

[A]

I have my answer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Covid.

[B]

I said the black lung.

[D]

No, the answer is lycanthropy or werewolf.

[A]

Being a werewolf, I thought the Gulan is lycanthropy. Is it? Yeah. Like you never heard of were called, like, a lycanthropic.

[D]

Oh, lycanthropy.

[A]

Lycanthropy, yeah. So is it sexually transmitted? Like, if you fuck a werewolf, do you become a werewolf?

[D]

No. They have to bite you.

[A]

Where?

[D]

Anywhere.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Or scratch you even. I think it's a little bit scratch. Scratch or a bite?

[B]

He's the guy. Yeah. This one of the professors turned into one in three.

[A]

Is that fucking in Harry Potter? I don't know.

[D]

I mean, not explicitly, no.

[A]

There's no, like, sex scenes written in.

[D]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's for like young teens.

[A]

There are books with him for young teens. 100. There's a book about crack that we read in high school. Dinky hawker. Shoot smack.

[B]

You are from Atlanta.

[A]

It's about. It's about. You ever heard smack? It's a book. It's a book that tells about the dangers of drugs.

[B]

We are wholesome people from New York. We don't deal with that kind of stuff. Yes, we're all from New York.

[A]

They're not. No. They go to college in New York

[B]

State and now they're from New Yorkers.

[D]

Okay, so this will be New York. This will be the tiebreaker and the final question.

[A]

Both of them both get it.

[D]

Well, this is. I think if you both get it wrong, then we'll move on to a new one. Okay. Name the four founders of Hogwarts. You get a point for each one. You name

[A]

the four founders, huh? What's his fucking name?

[D]

What's the word? I don't even give you a hint. Their last names are each of the Hogwarts houses. So they have a first name.

[B]

Can you. Jacob. That's crazy.

[A]

That's. No, you cannot tell Jacob what to do.

[B]

New question.

[A]

No, you cannot tell Jacob what to do. No, you don't get to decide this. You don't get to decide.

[B]

That is crazy. You saying their names are the.

[A]

That's. You don't get to be a contestant and an arbiter chat.

[B]

Wasn't that crazy? Thank you. That is crazy.

[A]

Well, we live in crazy world, honey.

[B]

Helping your man out like that is crazy.

[A]

That was helping you, toots.

[D]

No, sorry. The correct answer will be their first name and their last name.

[A]

Okay, I got this. And then. Okay, I have. Are you ready?

[B]

I'm ready.

[A]

I have Carl Gryffindor, Harry Hufflepuff, Jane Slytherin and Ray Ravenclaw.

[B]

So no. Rachel Ravenclaw, Howie Hufflepuff, Greg Gryffindor and Sam Slytherin. They're all alliterations, so I think the alliterations win.

[D]

They all are alliterations, but none of you got the right answer.

[A]

Harry Hufflepuff is an alliteration. Just to be clear.

[B]

Only one. They're all Alliterations, Honey, you're still wrong, Monet.

[A]

You did not get them right.

[D]

Okay, next. What does it mean if you get splinched?

[A]

You get splinched.

[D]

Yes. We're just going to. Somebody gets one right, and then that person wins.

[A]

All right, I have my answer. All right. What? I have. Jesus Christ. This is a listening podcast.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I have you lose your power for a short time.

[B]

I say, when you get DP'd onto Quidditch court.

[D]

Neither of those are correct.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

What is it?

[D]

It's when you mess up your teleportation spell and you leave part of your body behind.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

When I get in the flea thing and you die.

[D]

No. I mean, you can, but mostly it's just painful. You lose a finger, like an ear or something.

[A]

You don't lose your head. Jesus Christ.

[B]

Oh, my God. Easier.

[D]

Oh, my God. Okay, that was actually really easy. How did Moaning Myrtle die?

[A]

Modi Myrtle.

[D]

Moaning Myrtle. How did she die?

[A]

Myrtle died. Moaning Myrtle is definitely dead.

[B]

And. Got it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I believe, to meet your maker base,

[A]

I believe she got hit with a

[B]

spell that is such. That's so vague.

[A]

She got hit with a spell.

[B]

She drowned.

[D]

She got killed by the basilisk.

[B]

The basilisk? What is she in the toilet?

[C]

Bath.

[B]

The toilet, yeah.

[D]

Cause she was being bullied, so she went to the bathroom to cry. And the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets is in that bathroom. So then the snake was coming out to make its killing, and she was right there, and it killed her.

[A]

It ate her or something.

[D]

I think allegedly, it kills you by looking at you with its eyes. It kills you just by seeing you.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Okay, maybe it's. Name.

[D]

Name. She does, actually. She has a heart out in five minutes, name one in her garage. Name one creature they encounter in the Forbidden Forest.

[A]

Oh, a creature in the Forbidden Forest

[D]

that they encounter in the books or the movie.

[A]

How many creatures are there? How many options do we have to get it right?

[D]

Many.

[A]

Many. Okay, I have mine.

[B]

I have mine, too.

[A]

A cyclops.

[B]

I said a centaur or a tarantula.

[A]

No one.

[D]

To be fair, Cyclops is wrong, and both of those answers are correct, so Monet is indeed the winner.

[A]

Well, we're only taking one, so.

[B]

Get down on your knees.

[A]

Are they spelled correctly?

[B]

Grovel.

[A]

Are they spelled correctly? Say, thank you, Daddy. Monet, you love transphobes. Now let's do the Kanye west quiz, and I bet you'll rack it up.

[B]

Sure will. That one that. Kill me stronger.

[A]

To make me stronger. So Monae is the most transphobic of Us all confirmed.

[B]

You got ate the fuck up.

[A]

Honestly, I lost by one point. And having never read a book and only seen two movies, one under duress. Honestly, I'm not mad at myself.

[B]

Why are you under duress when you watched it?

[A]

I was working the Jekyll and Hyde Club, and everyone was like, let's go watch the fifth Harry Potter movie. And I was like, well, I want to hang out with you guys, but I don't. I haven't seen any of the other ones. I feel like I'll just be lost.

[B]

The fifth one's a good one. That's. That's the.

[A]

That's one where Dumbledore's hand's all fucked up.

[D]

The Order of the Phoenix. Oh, no. Dumbledore's hand is fucked up in seven.

[A]

No, it wasn't seven. Maybe I. Maybe. Maybe his hand wasn't fucked up. But I will tell you the year. It was around 2010. So does that give you a clue? It was around 2010 when I saw this movie.

[B]

I don't even know that it was the fifth one. That's a good one.

[A]

Which. Which movie is that?

[B]

So what's.

[A]

No, it was around 2010. It doesn't mean it was 2010.

[D]

Oh, yeah, it was. It was seven. Part one.

[A]

Seven, part one. My God. I seen. Yeah, so I saw seven. Okay, part one.

[B]

What about the dragon? This has been a great time. Thank you so much for having me over. By the way, these. I guess when this episode comes out, these are. Are we spoiling it? The episode hasn't come out yet.

[A]

I don't know. Well, then let's just. Let's just hold tight.

[B]

Never mind, then.

[A]

Love to tease it. All right, y'.

[D]

All.

[B]

I mean, I. I didn't know when this was coming out anyway, Bob, this has been a great time. Thank you for having me. Have a good day. Good job, pal. We'll see you guys next time on the podcast. Thank you so.

[A]

Much.