The One With Ms. Pat

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "The One With Ms. Pat" (November 26, 2025)

Overview

In this episode of Sibling Rivalry, hosts Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change sit down with the legendary comedian Ms. Pat for a hilarious, heartfelt, and occasionally raunchy conversation. They reminisce about growing up in Atlanta, discuss Ms. Pat's journey with comedy and family, explore her deep connection with the LGBTQ+ community, and settle classic Sibling Rivalry arguments with Ms. Pat’s signature candor. Throughout, the episode balances wild comedic banter with honest talk about queerness and personal growth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Atlanta Upbringings & Comedy Roots

• Atlanta Vs. Clayton County

  • The trio debates the relative "niceness" of different Atlanta neighborhoods, playfully roasting each other's perceptions of the South versus New York (01:03–02:17).
  • Ms. Pat jokes about her time living in Clayton County and reminisces about her Section 8 days, clarifying she's now in Peachtree City, "where all the Delta pilots live" (01:29, 15:31).

• Breaking Into Comedy

  • Ms. Pat recounts how her honesty—not just wit—drew people to her, often saying what others were too afraid to say (06:00–06:45).
  • Origin story: "I say the stuff you wish you had the guts to say." – Ms. Pat (06:07)

2. Meet & Greets, Fans, and Merchandise

• Ms. Pat’s now-viral meet and greets are described as after-show, mini-comedy sessions where she interacts personally and finds comedic gold in real-life stories (03:07–04:49).
• Her ground rules: free pictures if you buy something at the merch table (04:25).

3. Queerness, Family, and Personal Growth

• Parenting a Queer Child:

  • Ms. Pat shares candidly about her journey from homophobia (taught by her community) to fierce acceptance, after realizing the harm such views did to her daughter and her daughter's friends (10:03–14:18).
  • Memorable moment: "Everybody eat pussy in Atlanta." – Ms. Pat to her daughter after she came out (12:13)
  • Ms. Pat now hosts "gay Thanksgiving" for her daughter's LGBTQ+ friends who can’t go home (14:20).

• On Homophobia & the Black Community

  • “That was an eye opening for me...to see so many of Ashley's friends that was homeless and had been molested and had been beat on and kicked out, that shit shocked me.” – Ms. Pat (12:40)
  • She emphasizes the responsibility of Black parents to support their queer children, refusing to repeat the mistakes of past generations (21:51).

4. The Ms. Pat Show & Collaborations

• Ms. Pat details how she and Jordan Cooper created "The Ms. Pat Show" and "Ms. Pat Settles It," highlighting Jordan’s dedication and study of her life to bring authenticity to the show (16:28–18:24).

5. Community Advocacy & Teachable Moments

• Ms. Pat discusses a viral "Breakfast Club" appearance, advocating for letting people define themselves: "If you wanna say you a fucking angel, Angel, you can be an angel. Just tell me what your angel name is." (18:51)
• On trans folks and identity: “If my daughter...believes she's a man and you tell her she ain't a man, I'm gonna tell her she is a man.” (19:58)

6. Sibling Rivalry’s Legendary Fights: Live Arbitration

• Pride Will Be Your Downfall (24:51)
  • Ms. Pat adjudicates a classic Bob vs. Monét fight (over a forgotten phone number reminder), definitively declaring Monét “in the wrong” with a judging smackdown: "So pride will be your damn downfall." (26:03)
• Dress Drama: The Alopecia Dress Case (27:05)
  • Ms. Pat reviews video evidence of uneven feathered costumes and sides with Bob that Monet's dress had more feathers—but tells Bob to "bring your own little pom poms with you, so when you don't have enough, you just glue them to you." (30:36)
• Style Theft Allegation (33:00)
  • Bob accuses Monét of copying his Instagram photo dumps; Ms. Pat sees it as inspiration, not thievery: "She's looking up to you." (34:49)

7. Sex & Relationships: Raunch, Openness, and Real Talk

• Hysterical segment about body types, drag, and performing, culminating in Monét being lovingly roasted for her “big dick energy” (41:42).
• On Open Relationships:
  • Monét and Bob reveal their open (and in Bob’s case, polyamorous) arrangements; Ms. Pat, ever candid, is unfazed but jokes: "Fuck no. I had. Sir, I've had gonorrhea. That shit burned." (52:23)
  • The hosts and Ms. Pat exchange playful but frank questions about sexual health, jealousy, and freedom in queer relationships (48:55–50:53).
• Sexual Partner Counts:
  • Both Bob and Monét dish about their statistics—bob claims 850–1500 partners, Monét "at least a thousand" (54:13).
  • Ms. Pat: "Oh, God, you got five today, so I can imagine." (54:03)

8. Ms. Pat’s Career & Accolades

• Shares that "The Ms. Pat Show" has earned BET’s first-ever Emmy nominations (32:28–32:49).
• She promotes her tours, TV shows, and upcoming projects, encouraging fans to find her at misspatcomedy.com (55:10).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [00:44] Monét (quoting Ms. Pat): "I have a salt and pepper vagina. It's not edible."
• [06:07] Ms. Pat: "I say the stuff you wish you had the guts to say."
• [12:13] Ms. Pat: “Everybody eat pussy in Atlanta.”
• [18:51] Ms. Pat: “If you wanna say you a fucking angel, Angel, you can be an angel. Just tell me what your angel name is.”
• [21:51] Ms. Pat: "Until it hit you and make you realize...how up a person you are, then you don't care."
• [26:03] Ms. Pat (settling the reminder debate): "So pride will be your damn downfall."
• [30:36] Ms. Pat (on drag costumes): "So, next time y’all do dresses, pack extra feathers...bring your own little pom poms with you."
• [41:42] Ms. Pat (marveling at Monét): "Jesus Christ, the gay community so lucky. Did you not see all that dick Mon got?"
• [52:23] Ms. Pat: "Fuck no. I had. Sir, I've had gonorrhea. That shit burned."
• [54:52] Ms. Pat (about using straws at a “gay convention”): “I'm so scared. I was like, I'm at a gay convention and I'm using...I might need to leave this shit alone.”

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Important Timestamps

• 01:03–02:17 – Atlanta vs. Clayton County debate
• 03:07–04:49 – Ms. Pat’s philosophy on meet & greets
• 10:03–14:18 – Ms. Pat’s journey to accepting her queer daughter
• 16:28–18:24 – The creation of "The Ms. Pat Show"
• 18:51–20:53 – Standout "Breakfast Club" moment on gender identity and acceptance
• 24:51–26:03 – Ms. Pat rules on "Pride Will Be Your Downfall" fight
• 27:05–30:36 – Feather dress courtroom drama
• 33:00–34:49 – Instagram photo dump "theft" adjudication
• 41:42 onwards – Wild, uncensored, and hilarious discussions about sex, relationships, and body parts
• 48:55–50:53 – Open relationships explained
• 52:23 – Ms. Pat on why she’s not open to open marriages

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Additional Highlights

• Representation: Ms. Pat’s leadership as a Black comedian who is vocally supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, putting herself in league with other icons like Mo’Nique and Adele Givens (20:47–21:24).
• Cultural Commentary: Candid critiques of generational homophobia, black family dynamics, and how cultural change happens when it becomes personal.
• Loads of Laughter: From feuding about feathers and phone numbers to unfiltered sex talk, this episode is a masterclass in comedic chemistry.

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Conclusion

This episode brings a seamless blend of comedic chaos, authentic storytelling, and real-world advocacy. Ms. Pat’s participation as a “judge” in the Sibling Rivalry courtroom, her no-holds-barred insight about parenting, queerness, and show business, as well as a riotously candid conversation about sex, makes it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

For more, follow Ms. Pat at misspatcomedy.com and catch her on BET’s "The Ms. Pat Show" and "Ms. Pat Settles It."

Transcript

[A]

My name is bob the drag queen.

[B]

And I'm monet x james.

[A]

And this is sibling rivalry. On this week's episode, we get the final verdict on some of the most fiery arguments and in the history of sibling rivalry.

[C]

We welcomed the fabulous, hilarious Ms. Pat to the podcast.

[B]

And we found out what made Monet say this.

[C]

Pride will be your downfall. And we find out what made Bob say this.

[A]

At the time, she was being a little black bitch. And we find out what made Ms. Pat say this.

[B]

I have a salt and pepper vagina. It's not edible.

[A]

Oh, my goodness, y'.

[B]

All.

[C]

This is legendary, honey.

[A]

Iconic.

[C]

Iconic. We have the legendary myth Ms. Pat Harris. Sibling Rivalry Studios Incorporated.

[A]

First of all, from Atlanta, Georgia.

[C]

I know she's from Atlanta.

[A]

I don't know if that shit about Atlanta. You always talk, run your mouth about Atlanta.

[C]

Now, you from Clayton County. Ms. Pat, where you from in Atlanta?

[B]

I got a house in Clayton County.

[A]

Riverdale. Yeah, I'm from Macon. Not Macon Morrow.

[B]

Morrow. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Well, technically Ellenwood. I'm on the Ellenwood Morrow border. Talk this shit about Clayton County. No, I like that shit about Clinton County. I like where.

[C]

Ms. Patland.

[A]

I don't like where you live at. I don't even live in a little.

[B]

I don't live there anymore. That's when I. I was on section 8.

[A]

See, I keep telling Mon, Monet thinks that Clayton county is really nice.

[C]

Mon, that is very nice.

[A]

That's why this is what I keep trying to tell Mon. Clayton county is not the nicest part of Atlanta.

[B]

I don't want to be robbed. This one want your ass beat.

[A]

Monet is from New York City, so Monae thinks that if you're in, like, a not nice area, it has to look like, I don't know, the south side of the Bronx. Marcy project.

[B]

Let me say this. It's not horrible, like, well, I grew up in the West End. You know, the West End. So West End is being gentrified now, so it's a lot better. But, you know, it's. It's. I wouldn't. I don't live in Clayton county anymore. I do own some property there.

[C]

Got it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm in the middle of remodeling right now, but it's not bad. It's livable. It is.

[A]

I live there.

[B]

You live there now?

[A]

No, I live in Hollywood. Excuse me, girl, please.

[B]

Can I ask y' all a question? Why the are y' all squeezed on that little sofa together?

[A]

Because we love each other.

[C]

We like them close.

[A]

We're sisters.

[B]

My little sister.

[C]

We got two big asses on this couch. Y' all look crazy.

[B]

Reminds me of living columns.

[A]

Oh, yes, yes. This is our representation of your titties squeezing.

[B]

That's a good ass representation.

[A]

Your boo are huge. The girls are sitting up. That's very.

[B]

These are Medicaid titties before the put in them. This is what you get when you was born on Medicaid and bread and cheese and all the good. This is called eating.

[A]

When did you start doing these meet and greet videos that are going so viral? I'm. Y', all. I like. I don't always do meet and greets, but now I want to go to the meet and greet because it looks like you get in a whole comedy show before. Is it before or after the show?

[C]

You do meet and greet?

[B]

It's after the show.

[A]

So you get it. You do a whole comedy show, and then they get a whole second improvisational comedy show afterwards.

[B]

It's not real. I'm just talking and, you know, people want to come up to me and tell me they problems and how I say they lives. And I listen. And you know me, I'm a people person. So no matter how big I get in in life, in this career, I'm a normal person. I shop for myself. So I and my team be like, you need to stop meeting. You need to charge. Whatever the hell am I charging people. They just bought a ticket. I want to go talk to these people. And it's the best comedy where you can go out there and you can see a lady getting drunk in a wheelchair with one leg. And I'm thinking, like, the alcohol ain't gonna balance. Cause you don't have two legs. You gonna be drunken on one side. And I get to say those things, and we laugh about them. So I love the meet and greet. So I started three weeks ago.

[C]

Okay. Oh, wow. That recent.

[B]

Is it that recent recording? Recording.

[A]

Oh, wow. A lot of comics don't do meet and greets, which I gagged to realize how many com. First of all, you're leaving a little bit of money on the table.

[B]

Well, I don't charge for them.

[C]

Yeah, they don't charge, girl.

[A]

Free.

[B]

They're free.

[A]

Oh, my God. You better than me.

[B]

Well, if I do a theater and it's 2,000 people, that's a lot of people. So all I ask you is to buy anything off the merch table. I don't care from five to. I don't care what you spend. So whatever you spend, as long as you buy something, you can get in the picture line. And to me, that cuts down how many people that just don't, you know, don't want to buy anything. And I gotta take a picture with you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So the picture is free as long as you buy something.

[A]

So why don't you do free meet and greets?

[C]

You know, it's because of the terrorists.

[A]

The terrorists.

[C]

The terrorists.

[A]

The terrorists on mean grease y' all are getting.

[C]

The price is beautiful.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait. Your ass flew in?

[A]

Well, money never bbl that she doesn't want to.

[C]

I do not have a bbl. Silicone is fat. This body is from eating collard greens and all the things growing up for

[A]

all my collard greens. Eat collard greens in St. Lucia. Yes, we do. Acting like you're from the South. Collard greens and yams and yeah, we do eat. You're from New York and St. Lucia.

[C]

Yeah, St. Lucia, we eat collus.

[B]

Excuse me. God damn, you got a gas.

[A]

You just arguing and now behave himself.

[B]

Do y' all know I'm here? I. I literally washed my pussy and came here and put on makeup, and you niggas just arguing at each other. I'm here.

[C]

He can't behave himself.

[B]

What the is St. Lucius? So St. Lucious. That's my.

[A]

That's my cousin from Mississippi. St. Lucius.

[C]

No, my family's from. My family's from. In the. The Caribbean. Saint L. Oh, okay.

[B]

I thought. I'm like, what the fuck is Saint Lucius? Can y' all add me in this conversation? I took a bath to be here.

[C]

Okay, so, Ms. Pat, how long have you've been in these comedy trees? For a very long time.

[B]

Over 20 years.

[C]

Over 20 years?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And again. And how do you. How did you find your way to comedy?

[B]

From just committing crimes, and I couldn't get no job, and this is the first thing I could do that did not give me a criminal background history. And so somebody just kept saying, you funny. People like, you funny. I'm like, I'm not funny. I'm just not. I say the stuff you wish you had this guts to say. Like, I remember one time my son played baseball, and. And it's. It's really hard to play your kids, to do little league sports and somebody. Daddy is the coach. But everybody knew the coach. Son wasn't. So I stood him say, you, coach, put my son in. Cause your son ain't shit. And the parents were like, yay. But they were scared to say it. And so the parents would just gather around me and be like, you so funny. I said, no, I'm honest. I'm honest. Cause y' all know this man's son can't play.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So. But nobody wants to tell him. So it started off just being honest and saying what's. Whatever comes up came out. Yeah.

[C]

The harsh.

[A]

Were there any crimes you committed that they didn't. They didn't catch you on and you want to admit.

[B]

Oh, yeah, no, I don't want to talk about it.

[A]

God damn this opportunity.

[B]

It's horrible to get locked up from a gay podcast.

[A]

The snatches of limitation must have worn off by now.

[B]

Cause you was over there with Bunny and Clyde, and you say you did. Who the fuck? No, no, no, no, no.

[C]

I think if we were doing crimes, I think I can get away way easier than you.

[A]

Well, I mean, probably people think she's like, Monet has like a. Like a. Like a happy disposition, you know? You watch Wicked?

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, I'm more Elphaba. She's more Glinda.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I'm the nicer sibling.

[A]

Glinda's not nice. Glinda.

[B]

So why do you think you. You think you can get away with a crime?

[C]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Like what?

[C]

Because I have a lot of. I'm very persuasive. I can, like, you know, a lot of shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I can steal real good. Did you ever boost from this studio? So many things.

[B]

No, I'm talking about in life before you became.

[C]

Okay, so one time I stole eyeliner from Target. And then.

[B]

Come on now. Gay men steal all the time. Tell the truth.

[A]

But she got caught.

[B]

You are the king of stealing.

[A]

She got caught, though. Like, gay men steal a lot.

[B]

Hell yeah. That's all y' all do is steal.

[A]

Well, as a matter of fact, no. I mean, Monet got caught, though.

[C]

Yeah, I got caught.

[A]

Your first time stealing? You got caught?

[C]

My first time stealing from Target. I saw some eyeliner and some gel, something. And then they caught me, girl, as I was walking out, they came all right on my shoulder and said, excuse me, sir. Come on. I said, sir, sir.

[A]

Lady, you big shouldered man.

[C]

Have you ever stolen anything?

[A]

I have never in my life stolen anything. I don't Believe you anything, Ms. Pat.

[C]

You believe that.

[A]

I have never stolen anything.

[B]

Excuse me, this nigga from Clayton County.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

You lying.

[A]

You lying.

[B]

All you do them ain't nothing but negroes up there lying. You lying. You making my hot flash give me one of them damn cars so I can fan myself.

[C]

I do. Put the AC on. It's a little warmer.

[A]

AC is on.

[C]

They shut it down.

[B]

Yeah, put it on mine.

[A]

Can we also get Ms. Ms. Pat. A clack fan?

[B]

A clack fan?

[C]

Oh, my God. Do you think. Ms. Ms. Pat, can you. Can you.

[B]

Can you clack a. I can't clack, but I do sell those fans.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So I want to help us in there real quick. The gay community loves you. You know this, right?

[B]

Yeah. And I love the gay community, especially lesbians. Oh, my God.

[A]

If you get lesbian love, lesbian love will go a long time, honey.

[C]

Yeah, it's a hard love to find.

[B]

Can y' all lesbian please stop trying to eat me? You don't want to eat me. I have a salt and pepper vagina. It's not edible. Please.

[A]

Salt and pepper pussy. Yes.

[B]

I'm 53.

[A]

Savory pussy. But they.

[B]

No, that ain't savory. That's been on the shelf.

[C]

It's got a little umami flavor on it.

[B]

I don't fucking know. Some days it's rough down.

[A]

But I think that the queer community loves you so much because you. Okay, first of all, you know what you did, which a lot of people will not do. Especially I used to have a TV show on HBO called We're Here, where you talk to a lot of moms about the way they treat their queer children. You have actually come clean and been like, I was homophobic.

[B]

I was homophobic. But let me get. Not towards my daughter. My daughter had a cheerleading coach. Yeah, the coach. My daughter had a cheerleading coach. And I just. I've been to prison, so I really never liked. I take that little. I really never cared for gay women. Women. Because I went to prison. Now. They didn't try to eat me or nothing. I just. Now I just. You know, we was. I'm black raised. If you was gay, it was something wrong with you. That's the black community. That's the biggest mistake we could ever do is, you know, take our kids and throw them away. Yeah. I never did that to my daughter. I. My daughter hid that she was gay because of the. She heard me say. Got it. Like, she heard me say elf words and. And punks and all of that kind of stuff. So she kept all of that stuff. Well, I don't want to say it in the game.

[A]

I'm just making sure that Monet knew what it was.

[B]

Yeah, I'm quite sure he did. So when my daughter finally came, I was at the Bulldog. We were sitting across the street from the Bulldog Bulldogs. So we were sitting across the street.

[A]

So we went down to the Bulldog. That is. So calling it the Bulldog is so Funny.

[B]

So let me tell you the story. So we all went out one night, me and my friend Tracy with our kids, and we stopped at the vortex to eat. So across the street was the Bulldog and all these fine ass black men. And I was like, look at them elf. You know, look at them faggots. And my daughter was burning hot. Cause at the time she hadn't came out. She was like a senior in high school. So I tell my friend, I said, let's go over here and see what they doing. So I, I just walk in the bulldog and damn my Beyonce. All the single ladies. All the single ladies. That was the hottest song. I walk in the back of the bulldog, there's my brother with his shirt over his hood doing that's. What the are you doing here?

[C]

Like, like you're like your. Your blood brother.

[B]

My blood brother. He said, what the are you doing?

[C]

Like Spider Man?

[B]

Like, what you who to be here? What?

[C]

Okay, so you have a gay brother, a lesbian, D. Yeah. And then so, so you. So that moment, you ain't a real gay.

[B]

No, I ain't. No.

[A]

That's some gay DNA.

[B]

Hey, sir, that's some rainbow. Let me tell you something. If you stop being gay for a minute, I'll you as a man, even if it's for a minute, you got to stop being gay now.

[C]

Okay, so then, so that, so that moment happened, you were like, okay, like I have queer people in my family. And then that was a gay.

[B]

It didn't matter to me, you know, cause I was still that same person. So my daughter go off to college and me high school. She graduated from high school, she go off to college and I started hearing rumors, but she never said I'm gay. So she disappeared for about three years. And as a mom, I'm like, what the fuck?

[C]

My child disappeared, like, not contacting a lot.

[B]

Every now and then, Facebook, like, where are you, Ashley? I'm Virginia. Why you. What you running from? So one day I tracked her down on Facebook and I said, ashley, I said, what are you running from? And she was like, huh? I said, are you gay? She said. I said, just say it out your mouth. She said, I'm gay. I said, well, come on home. We live in Atlanta. Everybody eat pussy. And so she came home and that's when I didn't know that, that people like throw their kids out, mistreat them. Ashley came home with so many homeless black friends. And as a black mama, I'm like, who the fuck can treat their kid like that? Cause they chose to eat the same thing they got, who cares? And that was an eye opening for me. Cause I love my kids. But to see so many of Ashley's friends that was homeless and had been molested and had been beat on and kicked out, that shit shocked me because, I mean, I never told my daughter she had to go because she was gay. It was just how I felt. But when that hit home, I was like, I love my child. I ain't gonna treat my mother child like that. I said, if you want to eat pussy. I even got her teeth fixed so she can eat more. Cause I was like, you should be out here eating no raggedy ass teeth.

[A]

You gonna cut the clit up. You gotta have a nice spot to eat some pussy.

[B]

Yeah. You don't want the click to slip down your throat.

[A]

If you have a gap, the click can slip in the gap, then it gets stuck behind it, baby.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

You cut the click off. Now you in jail for killing a bitch. Yeah.

[C]

Like, don't take a bite out of crime.

[A]

Just don't take a bite out of crime. No unsanctioned clitorectomies on accident.

[C]

It's hilarious.

[B]

They got me over here crying with they crazy ass. So that was a life learning lesson for me. When that's when I really realized how people treat, you know, the gay community, I was like, I'm not gonna be that parent. Cause I love my child and I do. And I just. There's been so many times, like, you want. You want to know something? I do every year.

[A]

Oh, it's empty.

[B]

Every year I throw a thing. Well, for the last two years, I throw Thanksgiving. And for all my daughter friends who can't go home to their parents, I put them in the pool house. I said, that's a gay Thanksgiving right there down there in the pool house.

[A]

Scrub. Hello, Ms. Pat.

[B]

I hear they don't act up at my door.

[A]

Ms. Pat, I hate the breaking news to you. That pool house is bulldogs too. That pool house got more DNA than the cdc, baby.

[B]

Wait a minute now.

[A]

If you sit down there, poor house.

[B]

I'm about to call Ashley.

[C]

Girl, you go there, you put on a little black light, you gonna be, huh?

[A]

Ms. Pat, if you sit down in that poor house, your daughter gonna have some siblings. Cause you gonna get pregnant in that pound. It is.

[B]

They just eating. I mean, not each other. Yes, I assure you. Oh, don't you shut the hell up. You can't assure me them people got turkey and ham down there. Why would they be eating pussy and sucking dicks on Thanksgiving.

[A]

I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I know what I would do.

[B]

Well, I'm not inviting your freaky ass.

[A]

You still live in Atlanta?

[B]

I do.

[A]

Where you at now?

[B]

Down by Peach Street City.

[C]

Peace Street City, honey. Is that by Buckhead?

[A]

Is that what that is? It's north. It's above Atlanta. This is where they driving the golf carts, honey. That's where all the Delta pilots.

[C]

Well, you know what? 20 years in the career, you fucking earned it like you did your big one. And you just. You deserve all that.

[A]

We will talk More about a MissPass Peachtree City Estate when we get back from this break. And if you do not want to experience the breaks, please consider going to the Simple Y Patreon.

[C]

Go to Patreon.

[A]

Tap in Simple RV podcast.

[C]

The best Patreon on the market.

[A]

Easily, Easily.

[B]

They said it.

[A]

And we are back.

[C]

Okay, Ms. Pat, so. Okay. So you and your daughter, you're in a good place, and then now you work with Jordan. Jordan. Jordan Cooper, who like y'. All now. Y' all are like. Y' all are like lifelong creative partners at this point.

[B]

Yes, we created the Ms. Pat show together. And we also created Ms. Pat settles it along with 495. Yes. The court Show. The Court Show.

[C]

I have. Where did y' all meet? At Bulldogs.

[B]

Are you crazy? Ladies?

[A]

Well, we know you go to Bulldogs.

[B]

No, the. I do not go to bu.

[A]

You told the story.

[B]

I said I went one time.

[A]

One time. Okay, we're going to review the security footage.

[B]

Don't you. Adam Les just up there looking for me.

[A]

You can come out.

[B]

You can just say, I'm do like a digital owner.

[A]

Ms. Pat, you gay. I'm such a pro.

[B]

I know a nigga named G. Okay,

[A]

since you brought it up, I want to go ahead and we're going to talk about it. Ms. Pat sells it. Monet and I, this show is called Sibling Rivalry.

[C]

We. I want to hear about Jordan Cooper, how y' all met.

[B]

Okay. Okay. So I had. I was in the business. I had gotten sold the Miss Pat show to Fox along with Lee Daniel. And so we was looking for a writer. I went through two writers, and then Lee was like, I found this young kid who's still in college. I want you to meet him. So I fly out from Iowa somewhere on my birthday, April 2nd, and. And I go and I meet him doing his play Ain't no More. And I sat there and I watch him, and he's so young and had never done anything but this play still in college.

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

Still in college. And I was like. And I told him, I said, boy, I said, I think you was a big black woman. Died and came back as a gay man. And so he knew of me a little bit because he had saw me on tv. And when. When I tell you, this became me. And that's why that show is so good. He listened to everything that I did. Every interview. He talked to me over the years of trying to develop the show. If I said something funny, Jordan would write it down in his phone. So we finally got picked up. He was like, do you remember saying this? I said, where the you get that from? And he just. He really just studied me. Studied. He really studied, Studied, studied, studied, studied.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

I don't know why I can't get that part out.

[C]

And then. So y' all create the show. What I love. So I saw the viral clip when y' all were both on Breakfast Club, and Jessaleris is talking about, you know, you was gonna have me on your show. But then the comments that I made about trans women, trans men having babies became a thing. And you're like, listen, baby, I love what you said. Cause you said, just let people be who they wanna be.

[B]

Just let people. You know, I don't know why anybody wanna argue with people with their sexuality. I don't know why anybody wanna talk about, you know, you can't say who you. If you wanna say you a fucking angel. Angel. You can be an angel. Just tell me what your angel name is.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not gonna try to talk you out of being whoever the you want to be. And I think that's what's wrong with society. Yeah. Society is so busy in other people's bedroom. And in other people business, if somebody say they want to have a baby, if they think they can have a baby, let them.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And they go as far as getting a Social Security check for it. I don't care. I've learned to mind my own business. I'm not gonna try to talk you out of nothing that you believe in. In. Because that's your dream, that's your hope. What you got going on over there, I don't have going on. And just like I told. Just hilarious. And everybody. Oh, she right. I don't. We. We both right. You know, she has an opinion on what she believe, and I have an opinion on what I believe. But when you start talking about the gay community, it affects me because my goddamn child is gay. If my daughter wanted. My daughter's a film. But if she wanted to Turn into a man. And then you gonna. She believes she's a man. And you tell her she ain't a man. I'm gonna tell her she is a man.

[C]

Absolutely. She.

[B]

I want you to tell me what I'm not.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

This is a free world. I can be whatever I want. But you know the crazy thing when you was little, they were saying they would teach you as a child you could be anything in the world you want to be. All of a sudden, the gay done got popular. Oh, no, you can't be that shit. Oh, whatever happened to telling these kids,

[C]

you can be anything in the world

[B]

you want to be? You can fly. You can. But, oh, soon as I want to suck a dick, you got a problem.

[A]

Well, if they ever see how I do it, they wouldn't have a problem.

[B]

God damn.

[C]

But I love that because I thought it was a very great teachable mom

[A]

for Cause, you know, I don't think Jess learned anything from her.

[C]

I don't think she did either. But I think the people who watch the Breakfast Club and who cause a big segment of the black community does watch that show. So it's nice that you're having someone like you who is a black woman speaking to that. I love that moment.

[A]

There's only two older black women in the comedy space who are really riding hard for the gay community. I will say three. Monique. Monique, don't play about the gay community.

[C]

Yeah. She has gay kids. Yeah.

[A]

I once went to go see Monique, and when she did her Vegas show and she. She saw me, I had to go in drag. And she saw me, and I was just sitting there, like, laughing, crying. Cause it was so good. And then, well, I didn't even. She knew who I was. She was just like, you come to my dressing room after the show. I was like, oh, my God. I was like, so gagged. Adele Givens.

[C]

Adele.

[A]

Because Adele also has a stud sister.

[C]

Oh, wow. See, it's always gonna hit your family. You're like, oh, shit. Like, that's like the moment.

[A]

And Ms. Pat.

[C]

Ms. Pat.

[B]

Well, it's always. I mean, it's just in everything in the world.

[A]

And obviously one dislike. But she's a lesbian.

[B]

Yeah, but it's. It's. It's like this. We don't really give a about something until it affect us. It's like this whole. This whole politics thing. You know, I voted this away for a certain reason, but as soon as that hit, they don't. What are you doing? You with me? So, you know, until it hit you and make you realize what? What. How up a person you are, then you don't care.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And when it. When it hit my daughter, I started to think about all the things I heard my grandparents, my granddaddy say, my mama said. I was like, oh, I don't feel like that. This is my child. Yeah. I carried this child for nine months. I love my. And my child do not have a horrible parent gay story. Thank God. Now I call her Little Black.

[A]

But it was not for being gay at the time. At the time, she was being a little black.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

We've all been to our parents.

[A]

I'm gonna start a petition right now. Ms. Pat needs to be a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race.

[C]

Ooh, that'll be great.

[B]

Easy.

[A]

Ms. Patton, Ms. Theron, I know you be watching. Get Ms. Pat as a judge. Would you ever do a show like the Traitors or anything like that? One of the. One of the murder mystery who did it and why Shows, Reality TV shows.

[C]

Lying, cheating, stealing kind of show with celebrities.

[B]

If I can keep up, you can.

[C]

You'd be great. Okay, so we know you have Ms. Pat. Settles it. Bob and I, as you can see, we oftentimes are going back and forth about different things, and we need someone like you, Ms. Pat, to settle the beef and tell us who is the winner of the thing.

[A]

Who's in the right, who's in the wrong?

[C]

Who's in the right?

[B]

Who's the wrong?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, so we're gonna start with this thing. Okay. What, Jacob, what's our first one that we're gonna bring up? Okay, here it is. I got it. They're ready.

[B]

You didn't get Jacob?

[A]

I thought I saw. I lost the card and I saw it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. So, Jacob, I have this thing that I do where if someone asks me for someone's phone number, I always say, let me call that person first to see if I can give you their phone number. I don't pass out nobody's phone number. Even if you lost the number you had. Let me just call. Let me text Jacob. Can I send Ms. Pat your phone number? Jacob says, yes, then I will send Ms. Pat the phone number. Okay, so Monet asked me for this illustrator's phone number, right? And then I was waiting for the illustrator to respond to me. He had not responded. Monet text me back, being like, I really need that number for the illustrator. I need the number right now. And I was like, oh, that's not what happened.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Then I said, monet, Monet was like, give him the number. I said, well, I was playing a video game. I said, monet, text me to remind me because I'm playing this game. I'm going to forget. So just text me to remind me me that other thing and then I'll do it. I need a reminder because I'm focused on this game. You can't pause. I'm playing online. So just text me to respond so I can write the guy when they text me back. I said, oh, but money. You didn't text me. You didn't text me to remind me. And I asked you to remind me so that I could call the guy and ask him for the number. Now you can pick up a story from there.

[C]

Yeah, so I had forgot to text him. So the next. So this is the next day now, right? The following day, I'm doing something. I was about to record my talk show, and then I get a text from him like, hey, you didn't. You didn't. Did you not want that number anymore? I was like, what number? He was like, the number you asked me for yesterday. I was like, oh, girl, I forgot. He's like, well, I told you to remind me. I said, girl, I just forgot. I was like, listen, give me the number or not. I don't have time for this, like, escalating. Give me the number or not. So then he goes and he texts me back, wow, pride will be your downfall before you start taking pride. I was like, there's no pride. I'm just busy. You remembered. You should. You should have just, like, let me know if I can get the number or not. Who is in the wrong here?

[A]

And I did send her the number, by the way.

[B]

Did you ask the person?

[A]

I asked the person and I sent money the number.

[C]

But the beef is like, he's mad I didn't text him to remind him when I just sent him the wrong.

[B]

I think he was in the wrong

[C]

because I forgot to text him back.

[B]

Yeah, you asked for the phone number. You asked for the phone number and then. And he reminded you about the phone number, then you became an asshole.

[A]

Okay, well, miss Fat. Okay, well, no, don't argue. She is the judge and adjudicator.

[C]

He had. When he had texted me to remind me to say, like, hey, you didn't remind me. He had already gotten a number already, so it wasn't like he was waiting for me.

[A]

That's not true. I had texted him and you had

[B]

to wait till him respond. And he was playing a video game and I don't Know if you know anything about people play video game, but they go empty minded. My son is 30 something years old. All he plays the video game. He forgot he got three kids and a wife. So. So that's why he said remind him and you didn't remind him. So it wasn't that important. Important because you didn't remind him. If it was that important, he wouldn't have called you the next day and asked you that you still need the number. After the person said, you can have the number. So it was your fault. And then you.

[A]

Let me gather you by your little point.

[B]

Then you had the attitude when he called back to be nice and say, hey. The person said, they can have your number. So pride will be your damn father.

[A]

And do not argue with her. She said what?

[B]

She said, that's right.

[A]

Okay, the second one is this. Monet and I, we do a lot of shows together. We are business partners as well as best friends. And Monet and I.

[C]

Wait, let me, let me do this one. Which missing dress? The new one.

[A]

Well, there's a story leading up to the missing dress.

[C]

The feathers?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So we did a show in San Francisco and Monet said, I'm bringing us matching dresses. They are the exact same dress, just in different colors. And I said, okay, I won't bring a dress then because you are bringing a dress. At the time we were the same size.

[C]

I will say when we showed pictures of the dress, you saw the dresses.

[A]

Yes, and in the pictures they were the same dress. Monet shows up to the gig, she gives me a dress that is has like a little feather bow at the top, a marabou bow at the top. And then Monet has one. And Monet's dress has gigantic.

[C]

This is already not true.

[A]

Jacob, bring up the video of you introducing. I mean, Monet's dress is huge.

[C]

Ms. Pat, this is already a fabric beautiful.

[A]

Hers is more elaborate than my dress.

[B]

So she gave you a dress that had alopecia?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Ms. Pat, this is. This is. Jacob's going to bring it up. You don't need to. You don't need to do your doctor photos. No, the live video. San Francisco live. You announced us. We came out in the dress.

[C]

I'm going to have pictures of both dresses.

[A]

Jacob's going to bring up the video, not your Dr. Chatgpt AI Sora videos, honey, where the arms are moving all like this and shit. Sorry, Ms. Pat.

[C]

I want.

[A]

I want to see the real deal.

[C]

Ms. Pat, do you like. Do you like it? AI?

[B]

No, I don't know how to work it. You better stop that. It's gonna put you out of work.

[A]

They gonna make she talk mean to her too.

[B]

They gonna make you a drag queen. You and it's over.

[A]

So what end up happening was Mon and I did a second gig and Mon was like, okay, I'm gonna bring the dresses and I. I don't trust you off Rip. I don't trust you. Cuz the last dress you gave me was janky and you gave yourself a better dress. So why don't you give me the dresses?

[B]

So back up before you go to the next dress. Did you wear the alopecia dress?

[A]

I cuz I didn't have a choice. I didn't bring it up. Bring it up in San.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, I'll text you. It's the San Francisco live show.

[B]

I think Jacob is confused.

[A]

Yeah, maybe the San Francisco live show.

[B]

San Diego, first of all.

[A]

San Francisco.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We were definitely backstage in San Francisco.

[B]

Are you talking back, baby?

[A]

Just google San Francisco silver rivalry live where you announce us.

[C]

So Ms. Pat. Anyway, so the dresses one was green, one was purple, and I.

[B]

What color did you have on?

[A]

He owned a purple one.

[B]

Hmm.

[A]

Yeah, this is. Yeah, this is literally the one, baby. Yeah. Now go back to the interest cause I want Ms. Pat to see. Look at you. See how many feathers Monae got on hers? So I come out in this dress, Ms. Pat.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This dress that Monet gave me, I look so good here. Look at Monet's feathers versus my feathers.

[C]

But again, they're the same dress.

[A]

Not the same dress.

[C]

This one has a little more feathers on it. But again, Ms. Pat, this Bob saw. I showed him both pictures of the dress.

[B]

What's wrong with your feathers? Feathers?

[A]

Well, my look.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

You see how many she has and how many I have?

[B]

Yeah, but you got boobs.

[A]

Exactly. So.

[B]

So it's still look good. You know, I'm up here thinking you had a feather on like a chicken had been plucked. You got feather. I mean, she do has way more feathers than you, you know. Are you mad because she can shake the feathers and you can't?

[A]

Well, I'm mad because she. Because she purposely.

[B]

Look, she blowing her feathers and she's

[A]

doing that because she knows she has more feathers than I.

[C]

You could have did it too. You could get in the fan too.

[B]

This is all put your ass on her, lady. Let them little two feathers flow.

[A]

So when it came to the second

[B]

gig, you rolling your eyes, you hating this shit cause I'm wearing the ugly dress. Ah, that Dress ain't ugly. Look, she pissed off.

[A]

No, I was hot.

[B]

She like, get up, bitch.

[A]

I was hot. I was fish grease hot. Ms. Pat.

[B]

Ooh, I could tell, baby. It's all over your. You look like, baby. You look like Oprah Winfrey, 1986. Ms. Pat, would you.

[C]

Would you ever do, like, a new Queens of Comedy tour?

[B]

I don't know no.

[C]

Like, do you.

[A]

She didn't say no. She said, I don't know.

[C]

Do you play? Do you play well? Well, with others on the road?

[B]

I'm nice to everybody. I don't care about who I work with. I care about. Let's do the check clip.

[C]

Yeah, we need to. We need to have a new Queens of Comedy.

[A]

Like, they haven't.

[C]

They haven't been one since, what, 1990, whatever that year was.

[B]

But, you know, I'm tired of black people making. Remaking the same shit. Do we need that? Yes. Well, I need to be solo. Y' all just buy a ticket to see me.

[C]

Okay, let's take a break. And we were talking about some other people, some other court cases.

[B]

So next time y' all do dresses, you always should pack extra feathers because it seem like you a feather chick. So you know you want extra feather. So bring your own little pom poms with you, so when you don't have enough, you just glue them to you.

[C]

The problem is when beggars want to be choosers.

[A]

O, you beg nasty. Do you see how she gets nasty, Ms. Pat? The difference is I am larger than Monet.

[B]

I am tall. We see

[A]

I am taller than Monat. We see that I am wider. My arms are bigger. I'm a big man. I'm six two. I am £235.

[B]

We see that.

[A]

Not too much. So I need more. I need the va va voom. So my drag tends to be. I'll do, like, something Monet does, like, a little. Typically, Monet does it very subtle. Monet be out there in jeans and

[C]

a tank top if I'm doing stand up. Yeah.

[A]

But this one day, Monet wanted to be cute and cunt.

[C]

Enter the party.

[B]

You know, you've been coming in my timeline. You had on all black one night. So I said, who the fuck is this dude? Who is this dude? And you done came down my timeline, like, five or six times all last week. And I was like, who the fuck is this new comedian? And so, you know, I don't really watch comedy. And then you dress really nice. Thank you. That's what really caught me. And I was like, oh, he's a comedian. Oh. I said, but who the fuck is this? So she knows everything. So I was like, you know this nigga? And she said. She was like, you need to get on they podcast. Who the fuck is this?

[A]

It's so funny.

[B]

Yeah. Cause you had on this black leather zoo. You was a. I saw you many times. You just popped up on my timeline.

[A]

I don't know how I have to infiltrate the Ms. Pat timeline.

[C]

So I'm like, I don't know how

[A]

to get in there.

[C]

It's a great place to be. It's a great place to be. Wait, so this is. You have season two of Ms. Pat's

[B]

Eliza coming up to season three. Season three every Tuesday night going on right now.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Bet.

[C]

We need to get you an Emmy.

[B]

Well, I've been nominated for three for the Miss Pat Show. Yes. Yes.

[C]

Congratulations.

[B]

You know, it's bet, So I was. We're the first show to ever get nominated for an Emmy.

[C]

Wait, what? Really?

[B]

Yes. Forever. For BET and bet. So, you know, I don't think. I think they were shocked. We was like, who the hell are y' all from bet?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I said, we here, bitch.

[C]

Absolutely. Three nominations. Congratulations. That's great.

[B]

So it's a big deal, I guess.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So our last case, I want to present to you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I believe that Monet has been biting my style for years now, and impossible, I'm telling you.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Thank you, mister.

[A]

This is what happened. I went on RuPaul's Drag Race.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

You won too, right?

[A]

I did win.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And I won as well.

[A]

You won All Stars. And then Monet went on RuPaul's Drag Race after I went on. Okay, I won Drag Race first, and then Monet won Drag Race. I went on a show called the Traitors. And then after me, Monet went on the Traitors, I moved to LA, and then after I moved to LA. LA. Monet moved to LA. I started doing standup comedy about 17 years ago, and then Monet started about five years ago, and then you got

[C]

funny two years ago.

[A]

Okay, well, that's. That's just categorically not true.

[C]

We're stating facts, and.

[A]

Well, the comments below will let you know that obviously, I'm one of the. I'm literally one of the funniest queens to ever come RuPaul's Drag Race. And then allegedly. And then now Monet has been copying my. My Instagram.

[C]

Please tell me how I'm copying your Instagram.

[A]

So, Jacob, show the footage. Go to the Instagrams. So the other day I posted a. What do you call it? Photo dump.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

And Monet's photo dump is almost identical to my photo dump. And it really drove me. It drove me crazy.

[C]

You invented a photo.

[A]

So here's a picture of me in my Halloween costume sitting in a chair doing my own thing, followed by a photo dump. Now can we go to Monet's Instagram, please? You invented photo dumps. A few days later, Monet X Change posts almost an identical photo dump to mine. Monet in her Halloween cost, sitting in a chair, looking.

[C]

Ms. Pat, the two of us literally did a photo shoot together in those two same characters.

[A]

But why do you have the same photo dump I have on?

[C]

Because.

[A]

What do you mean going through the page? Two of the dates. What are the dates, Jacob? Two weeks. Mine was two weeks ago. Mondays was one week ago. Ms. Pat, do you see any biting going on at all here?

[B]

You know, I don't think it's biting. I think you are encouraging Mulligan Monet. She's looking up to you.

[C]

How do you have your. He does encourage me. In Instagram, not so much.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think that my style is a more like. If you had to critique these two styles on Instagram, which one would you?

[B]

Let me go to their pages, let me see how they dress. I saw you come down my timeline.

[C]

Just scroll a little bit.

[B]

So this is you, right?

[A]

This is my Instagram. This is me doing something. Is that you? That's me, yeah.

[B]

I'm sorry. He was on my timeline. Hey. Oh, hey, hey. Hallelujah. Oh, God damn, your feet loud.

[C]

And they big too, Holly.

[B]

So I've been seeing you for weeks now. I said, who the is this?

[A]

Ms. Pat, you don't know how much you just did for me. You.

[B]

How the did I think that was you?

[A]

Yeah, especially after you heard the comedy. I don't know why you thought this bitch was funny. I'm not going to lie.

[B]

It was you. I've been seeing you about two, three weeks now. You just keep popping up with stand up. Oh, my God.

[A]

That. That.

[B]

You.

[A]

That just. Did I.

[B]

You. You know what?

[A]

I don't even need the version.

[B]

I know that, Jackie.

[A]

Yeah, that's my little jacket. So you can scroll through the Instagram.

[B]

So let me see his stand up to make sure. Because, you know, I wear glasses and I got menopause, so I'm going through

[A]

cataracts and my one eye go the other way.

[B]

I saw you too. I saw you too. I saw you, too.

[C]

Yeah. Thank you.

[B]

So you go. You you stand up. You do stand up and dress. Yeah. Okay. So you have any problem with the audience?

[C]

No, they love it. I will say. Well, we both get this a lot with them. They say, like they love our audiences because our audiences, it's the.

[B]

Oh, so it's your audience?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[C]

It's the girls, Gays and days. They tip well.

[B]

The girls what?

[A]

The girls, Gays and Days. The ggt.

[B]

You know what? Let me tell you. So I tell lb, lbgbt, D. New channel, Elementop. No, it's D now. And cuz y'. All. You gays have been doing it wrong, so I put D in it for the download. Cause y' all been leaving them out

[C]

and hello, Bobby's making fun of me.

[A]

Cuz I. For a long time.

[C]

That's only who I used to be canoodling with.

[B]

Yes. So I put D in your community, cuz.

[C]

Therefore, the lgbtdqif.

[B]

Yes, the D. We got y' all ass trying to play like you straight the down low. And then you come back home and kiss me, you dirty.

[A]

I am screaming. That is crazy. Yeah, this is my Instagram.

[B]

I don't think. I don't. I think you just encourage Monat, that's all.

[C]

Do you want to admit that, Monat,

[A]

that I'm an inspiration?

[C]

I wasn't your inspiration, but you do encourage me, and I encourage you. I try to encourage you on a lot.

[B]

Many things. Honey, have y' all ever dated?

[C]

No. No, we did not. It wouldn't work.

[B]

Why?

[C]

We are too. Too much friction.

[A]

Why you say it like that?

[C]

Because Bob is a lot like, what is friction?

[A]

Literally, in the opening of this podcast,

[C]

you were like, can y'.

[B]

All.

[C]

Can. Can you imagine that all the time where we just.

[B]

Okay, fight too much? Cause when you talking about friction, I was thinking about something else.

[A]

Oh, no, no, no, no. Monet's loose and sloppy. There'd be no friction. It's like a. It's like. It's like parking a Fiat in a. In a. In. Okay, Ms. Pat, if we were.

[C]

If we were a couple.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

I had hemorrhoids yesterday. That shit was so bad. And my hairstylist is gay. I'm like, how do you take this shit? This thing coming out of me like, they killed me. I had to lay down. I had to lay down. I was bleeding so bad out my ass.

[A]

You never sit on your hip.

[B]

I was constipated. And I mean, you ever had to do it in rock and get it out you. Oh, and I got big booty cheeks. So I had to let them flap so to let them chop it off.

[C]

So when I sit.

[A]

Crazy.

[C]

So tell me if you do this. When I sit, I gotta, I gotta part the red seeds. When I, When I sit on the toilet, do you do too?

[B]

Yeah, when I'm constipated. Cuz I need. I need that extra area for it to come out. So I'm in the bathroom just trying to break it off and I walked out there.

[A]

Y' all hear a round of applause in the bathroom. Ms. Passing by her side.

[B]

I felt like I had been raped. I told my. I said I need an ibuprofen for my ass.

[A]

Don't we all spread our cheeks when we sit? When I sit from the toy, I put one cheek on one seat and then I grab that friction, I slide it over and then I plant the other cheek on the other seat. And then your asshole is just.

[B]

You have to be careful too. Cause you'll split that little thing up the back if you do too much.

[A]

I've heard about that going crazy. It's just a little, a little slide. I'm not like grabbing the wall and grabbing.

[B]

No, no, I'm just. If you pull your cheeks too far on the seat, you can split your booty hole. Yeah. So unless you put vaseline back there

[C]

like, you know, at like the top of the crack.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It feel like somebody cut you with a piece of paper.

[A]

Have you invested in a squatty potty?

[B]

What's that?

[A]

You got to get a squatty potty. You put a squatty potty is basically a foot stool with a hole cut out for your toilet and then you put your feet on it. It. Will it help the flow of the feces coming out of your butthole?

[C]

Because the same back in the day, that's how we used to. We used to sit in the butt.

[B]

Outside.

[C]

Outside and just on the leaves. Yeah. Dig a little hole. Okay, so if we were a couple, who would you say is the top and who is the bottom?

[B]

Sir, I don't know what the top and bottom is.

[A]

Use your imagination.

[C]

Use your imagination, Ms. Pat. Who is the top?

[A]

The top, the top.

[B]

I would hope that he would be on top cuz. Wait a minute.

[A]

The top is doing the bending?

[C]

No, no, no. The bottom is doing the bending.

[B]

The bottom is doing the bending.

[C]

The top is giving.

[B]

Well, you short. So he gonna have to be on top because you, you ain't gonna be able to get you mon post.

[A]

So that's mon

[B]

be able to reach the top.

[C]

This is.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

This Is sm.

[B]

Why you wasting all that good dick in the gay community? Jesus Christ. Is that real? I better call some straight to get you. Jesus Christ. Ms. P, is that real? Yes, real. Jesus Christ, the gay community so lucky. Did you not see all that dick Mon got? Jesus Mon.

[C]

Damn.

[B]

We need to start calling you Marcus. Oh my God.

[A]

You want be blush.

[C]

You know black people can't be blushing like that.

[B]

Girl dick, please be straight for a weekend. You need something? See all this dick Monet just had?

[A]

I'm good.

[C]

I'm good.

[A]

You famously fuck what you said. Did you see my name?

[B]

Not even is attracted to gay men. But why you wasting all that good dick?

[A]

Monat, answer the question.

[B]

All them black babies you over there just sk.

[A]

No sheets and answer the question.

[B]

Jesus Christ, Monat.

[A]

Ms. V, how do you feel about

[B]

what your shit look like?

[A]

I have a very nice penis. I don't show it on the Internet.

[B]

Chicken.

[A]

Let me pull up a picture.

[C]

What you doing?

[A]

Why you holding up pictures? Is Jacob. Hold on now.

[B]

Hold on. Oh, God damn.

[A]

Have you ever.

[B]

In the hood they call you big dick.

[C]

Marcus

[B]

Mon. He had so much dick the draws didn't have. No more Alaskans in would just hang it. Jesus, Monat.

[A]

Don't show pictures. Don't show no pictures of me, Jacob. But I don't show draws though. I'm. I'm a very concerned conservative. I don't like when you put your phone.

[C]

Have you ever. Have you ever pulled jokes because of like cancel culture or you were like afraid that. No, never.

[B]

No.

[A]

Have you ever regretted a joke?

[B]

What?

[A]

Have you ever like regretted a joke that you told?

[B]

No, never. Because I'm very personal.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I don't go out. I don't go out talking about people. If I'm talking about the gay community, I'm talking about my child. So everything's from my point of view. I don't go out and, you know, tell dumbass gay jokes or just talk about people. My stuff is very personal. So how if you in the audience audience. And I'm talking about my gay child. I'm talking about my child is stupid. How the you gonna tell me who not to talk about in my child? I got the right to talk about my child. I'm not talking about your child. I'm talking about my child. So I think that's why I'm able to get away with a lot of stuff. So. And I don't. I don't. I'm not gonna talk about any community. You know, I don't give a. I'm not gonna bash the gay community. I don't give a about no lesbian. I don't give a about no straight people. I give a about me and do my checks clear.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

That's all I care about.

[A]

I have bashed the gay community before, but that was because of personal grievances. You don't they try to give you

[B]

back to the straight community.

[A]

No, they don't want me. They're not. They're not interested. I haven't ousted.

[B]

If you got dick like on they do. It's a shortage in Atlanta. Boy. They looking for some good dick.

[A]

I'mma say Atlanta. I didn't even know they allowed straight people to still live in Atlanta. Like y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

There are not straight. I'm telling you, Atlanta is the gayest, blackest city in Atlanta.

[C]

I do well in Atlanta. I love going to Atlanta.

[B]

Are you in a relationship?

[C]

Yeah, I am. Oh, good aged.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, Lord, he lucky. Let me see your penis too. Oh my God. I'mma be judging gay dicks today. Who got it and who don't.

[A]

Imagine I show miss Pat a dick pic and that would be insane.

[C]

You, you too on your show.

[A]

I know I did show my dick pic. I'm not.

[B]

No, no. I don't want to see it with

[A]

that a picture of my penis.

[B]

I want to see how yours hold up in them bikinis like mon.

[A]

I do not wear bikini. I'm a little. I'm a little too thick in the midsection. If you walk around in a bikini.

[B]

So we gotta squeeze your nipple for your.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not bikini ready. Some high waisted pants.

[B]

So he was. So he's that type of dude. He got a little stomach, right? You got to push that stomach back and you felt a dick and it's really hot down there and your eyelashes fall off because you know when they got that stomach sitting on that stay heated all year round.

[A]

My stomach's not hanging over my penis. It's just like a little, you know.

[B]

Right now. Yeah, right there. Right there.

[A]

I guess it is kind of touching my dick a little bit.

[B]

It gonna keep that area warm.

[A]

I just realizing my belly is fully touching my dick. I just had a revelatory moment.

[B]

My belly stuck covering my vagina too. It's just a front porch. So come on and sit on it.

[A]

Come sit on the front porch, y'. All. You heard it right here. Please come sit on the front porch.

[B]

Well, baby, he got the backyard.

[A]

He got the backyard.

[B]

I ain't never think I said this about no gay man. Won't you just leave your dick. The straight community. Snap it all. It's a black. It's a shortage of black babies. Don't be trying to get out of this shit, you big dick.

[C]

N. No, there's a comedian, they used to do a thing. Oh, was it wasn't Wanda Sax? She wish she had a detachable.

[A]

Wanda had a. Yeah, she wish she could take her off and leave it at home when she go for a jog.

[B]

Yeah, one is pretty brilliant, but what it don't move.

[A]

Now, here's the thing I've been wondering because you. You've been talking about people. You don't listen. You don't watch standup comedy.

[B]

Not a lot.

[A]

So what do you listen to when you're like, doing your makeup or driving in your car or getting ready?

[B]

Whitney Houston.

[A]

Oh, which one?

[B]

Saving all my love for you.

[A]

I like sad music too. I do, and I'm. It's interesting how many, like, happy, jovial people just genuinely love sad music. I love that. That Sad ass. Patty LaBelle.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, I love some. You know what's, what's the. The one that. The one that I'm obsessed with. No, the one she's like. Like, I'm under your spell. I don't want to be free. You know, you could make a out of me, Patty LaBelle. But you know, but you know who

[B]

I've been listening to a lot?

[A]

Somebody loves you, baby. This song. Somebody loves you, baby.

[B]

Okay, yeah, that's some sad shit. I listen a lot to that Zimna Monat, the AI girl.

[C]

Ms. Pat, you just say you don't like AI, but you listen to Z.

[B]

But I don't know who back there saying them bitch, them song. But them song hit home. When I used to get beat up by my baby daddy, that hit home. That be blowing though. She got a grandma song, a grandpa song, a daddy song, a mama song.

[A]

You visit Pat. What? You listen. You listen to AI.

[B]

That's the only one I listen to.

[A]

Damn, you got sza.

[C]

You got all these girls out here, though. They make sense.

[B]

I'm too old for that. Okay.

[A]

I don't think Ms. Pat was a side piece. Were you ever a side piece?

[B]

Hell yeah. My baby daddy was married.

[C]

You remember that?

[B]

He was married? Yeah, I was 12, he was 22. Oh, my God, that is crazy. That was the only time ever I was a side piece with, though, and I had to become the whole plate. I was like, you gots to go, nigga.

[A]

Ms. Pat?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's one of my favorite Quotes of all times. And you just reminded me of Jennifer Lewis. And she was talking about how she wanted to break up with this guy she was dating. Cause she said this tree was beautiful. And he was like, you say that about every tree. And all she said was, well, nigga, you got to go. And you just remember that is one of my favorite. You got to go. So, yeah, so Mon and I are both in relationships now. This is where some controversy comes in, cuz. We got, we got, we kind of got some beef on the Internet, cuz. Monet is. We're both in open relationships.

[B]

Open?

[A]

Yeah, open.

[B]

Oh, you need to be in open all that. Get your me with lady.

[A]

So we're both up relationships. Mon's engaged. And like, how you going to be open and engaged? And I, I have two boyfriends.

[B]

What the y' all gays be having so much fun.

[A]

I got, I got two of them.

[B]

Y' all got money too, don't you?

[A]

I'm not poor.

[B]

I told my daughter, I said my daugh pole ride. I said, you just up the gay community. You need to come on back over here on the straight side. You ain't got no money today.

[A]

What did she do?

[B]

Oh, she my daughter do makeup.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was like, hold on.

[A]

Why is the pause of the answer. Hold on.

[B]

No, she all right, Neville. But, but when she first started, I was like, gay people got money, they take trips.

[A]

And you, A lot of us don't have kids and.

[B]

Yeah, you don't have no kids. You live a life. So tell me about this open relationship, cuz. This is wild.

[C]

Yeah, so my boyfriend and I, we, But we, we're only open when we're not together. So like, we're both home. So like. So because I travel a lot for work.

[B]

So he can leave, he can get some other dick.

[C]

Yeah, and same vice versa. I can, I can see y' all

[B]

ain't worried about STDs, HIV.

[C]

We get tested all the time. We wolf on prep. And if, if I am feeling, if the vibe is really off, I'm using a condom. But I'm also on prep. You know what prep is? You know, prep pre exposure for prophylaxis.

[B]

Oh, I thought you said about prepping your food for the next day.

[A]

No, no, no. Prep is a, it's a pill you take once a day and it provisions for getting hiv.

[B]

This have made y' all gays take off condom. That ain't safe.

[A]

No, some gays, some gay.

[C]

No, no, I, I, I use, I use them a lot.

[A]

Some gays.

[C]

I Still use condoms? Some gays, I still use condoms, but I take prep just in case, you know, Cuz sometimes condoms be breaking if.

[B]

If. If y' all be.

[A]

Bitch is lying.

[B]

No, they be breaking.

[A]

They do breaking.

[C]

She.

[A]

She don't be using them.

[C]

No, I do.

[B]

I condom. For that type of dick, you need a Kroger sack.

[A]

One of my Kia bags.

[B]

Wait, so you. You have an open relationship and. And he can have sex while you go. Do he have to tell you? Yeah. Do we have to send you the picture?

[C]

Like, it's not like you have to send me a thing at the end of the day, but like, when we talk every night, like. So how was your day? Like, you know, you.

[B]

Oh, I just. Fuck Willie D. Who's back.

[A]

You broke today?

[C]

Yeah. If we ask. But it's not like you do a thing.

[B]

Did you get jealous? No.

[C]

I mean, at the beginning, I will say there was a little jealousy there. Cause you still trying to figure out, like, how that works with your dynamic. But we've been together for what, four years now? So we've come to a place where we're at.

[B]

We're good. You ain't enough for him. You enough for him. He ain't enough for you.

[C]

No, it's not about.

[A]

Well, he's the top, actually. The boy boyfriend's the top.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So money be doing the business. I can't stop saying the business.

[B]

So.

[C]

But I think, Ms. Pat, I think. But to your point earlier, I think that.

[B]

Why are you sharing that?

[C]

I think that that's what happens with a lot of straight people. Like, the reason why gays are like, we tend to be a little happy in our relationships is that we're not constricting our partner to, like, if they want to do something. We're like, I'm giving you the freedom to do that. But we still come back to each other. We love each other, and we have this common. This understanding between us.

[B]

But don't you know that there's gonna come a time when your dick is. Ain't gonna get up so.

[C]

Well, Ms. Pat, I don't have that problem.

[B]

Well, not right now. It's coming.

[A]

Ask your dad.

[C]

Yeah, that's true. But you ask your dad help you with a half.

[B]

Your daddy. Ask your daddy what y' all doing?

[C]

But Bob is. Bob is in a party.

[A]

Really gagging. So I have two boyfriends.

[B]

What?

[A]

One of my boyfriends has another boyfriend. And then I also live in two homes, and I drive between the two homes each day to get sex. Well, we have sex, but Also to watch movies and eat breakfast.

[B]

So do all five of y' all get together sometimes?

[A]

Not sexually, no. But we do hang out though. So it's me and Tao. And then me, that's Jacob. That's my other partner right there. So it's me and Jacob live on.

[B]

You fucking that little dude. That dude too little for your beard, Kyle. You taking all that big black teeth. Are you okay? Do your parents know where you at? Do your kids know where you at? No wonder he was short.

[A]

My other boyfriend is shorter than him. He's short. Yeah, my other boyfriend is. I like short guys.

[B]

Why do you like these little keychain white boys?

[A]

My other boyfriend's not white. My other boyfriend's black. This is my other boyfriend. Key white boy.

[B]

They didn't put him on your keychain.

[A]

This is my other boyfriend. He's like five four. Five foot four.

[B]

That's my height.

[A]

I like short guys.

[C]

Okay, Ms. Pat. So how is. So how is your look? I mean, you're married.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Happily married?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Would you ever be open?

[B]

Fuck no. I had. Sir, I've had gonorrhea. That shit burned.

[C]

Okay, yes, but it's curable, so yes.

[B]

I don't want it no more.

[A]

But think about you never been at the Walgreens and locked eyes with the man behind the counter?

[B]

No. No.

[A]

Do guys ever hit on you at the meet and greet?

[B]

They hit on me.

[C]

I'm sure they do.

[B]

You know what? I've been married for 30 something years and it's, it's. I'm so out of the world of dating. If most of the time my, My assistant be like, he hitting on you? I'm like, well, talking about. But I, I shut down. I'm married. Get out of my face. Cuz, you know, I, I have a career now. My husband's retired. I up, he take my money.

[A]

So can we do a role play? I'm gonna hit on you and I want to see how you would not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, Ms. P, you. That was real funny tonight. You was real funny and you look real good now.

[B]

Come get your.

[A]

Cause. I know it's some. I know it's some. I know you are testing very well in these Gen X streets. They have to be chasing you. And plus you got a bag. So these men, they're looking for a come up. And you're also open and you talk about sexuality in your life and more

[B]

attractions, really attracted to me. But I don't listen to that because you know what? I only been with three men's in My life. And that's. My husband was the third one. I don't have time for that. I wanted somebody to love, and I don't want to share no man. When we get old and shit, start working on him and start working on me. I'm going to unstick his dick with cocoa butter from his leg and we gonna watch TV together.

[A]

How many guys have we been with on that?

[C]

You want to tell us?

[A]

Five main guys we've been with.

[B]

Oh, God, you got five today, so I can imagine. I mean, you done been with.

[A]

If I had to guess, I would say I have probably been with roughly 6000. It's somewhere between actually 850. 1500 guys.

[C]

I'm definitely 4. 15 digits.

[B]

And how old are you?

[A]

39.

[B]

Jeez. And how much did you have?

[C]

I'm definitely 4 digits, I think. But here's the thing.

[B]

What is 4 digits?

[A]

At least a thousand.

[C]

At least a thousand. But it's not always penetration. I count, like, just prolonged eye contact. No, but like making out with somebody and like, touching each other. I count that as hooking up. So it's not always penetration. I'm just talking generally.

[B]

So how many penis you. You think you sucked?

[A]

Oh, my God. Jesus christ. At least 6 minutes from sucking dicks. I've sucked at least 600 dicks in my life. Minimum.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

At least. Minimum.

[C]

So, Ms. Pat. So do you still want to use that straw? You.

[B]

I'm scared. I'm so scared. I was like, I'm at a gay convention and I'm using. I might need to leave this shit alone. Gay convention.

[A]

All right, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Ms. Pat, where can we find you? Where can they see you? Are you still on tour? Before we get out of here, where can they see you?

[C]

Ms. Pat.

[B]

And Monet draws. If y' all don't do. Check out Monet and that bikini. Jesus Christ. Your website is misspackcompany.com misspatcompany.com and check out all of my dates every Tuesday night. I'm on BET on Ms. Pat setters. And if you watch the Ms. Pat show, it's coming back soon, but please catch me on tour. Baltimore. I'm on my way. Charlotte, I'm on my way next week, so make sure with that. This.

[C]

When this come out, we can put it out soon.

[B]

Okay? So make sure you get there and see me, cuz we going to have a good time.

[C]

Thank you so much for being here. You. You've been such a light and you're so hilarious.

[B]

Oh, my God, I love you. Guys. I just love y'. All.

[A]

You're so sweet. Thank you. All right, bye, everyone.

[C]

Bye, y'.

[A]

All.