The One Where We Go To Therapy (with Todd Baratz)

Summary

Sibling Rivalry Podcast: “The One Where We Go To Therapy” (with Todd Baratz)

Date: April 6, 2026
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Guest: Todd Baratz, Licensed Therapist

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Overview

This episode of Sibling Rivalry is a riotous but revealing deep-dive into the dynamic—and sometimes dysfunctional—friendship between Monét X Change and Bob the Drag Queen, as they submit themselves to a therapy-like session with real-life therapist Todd Baratz. Across fast-paced banter, heartfelt admissions, petty grievances, and tongue-in-cheek shade, the duo explores the roots of their competitive chemistry, recurring arguments, communication issues, and enduring love, with Todd offering both clinical and comedic reflections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introduction & Dynamic Background

• Monét and Bob recount their 14-year friendship:
  • Met in NYC drag scene, quickly became collaborators.
  • Monét jokes: “I want to say it’s 85% love, 10% vitriol and 5%. Ugh. I can’t with this bitch.” (03:02)
  • Bob counters: “I have 100% love for Monet, and everything that I do in all of my interactions with Monet stem from the love that I have for Monet.” (03:22)
• Setting the scene:
  • Todd notices competitiveness and asks: “What’s underneath all that aggression? The two of you clearly have some aggression for each other, but also a lot of love. Which two things can exist at once.” (05:37)

What Fuels Their Arguments?

• Competitiveness and context:
  • Monét claims Bob initiates competition in everything, even innocuous games (06:34).
  • Bob asserts his supportiveness and jokingly accuses Monét of “stealing his wedding” and “reheating [his] nachos” (07:02).
  • Both agree competitiveness is unique to their bond.

Seeking Validation & Communication Breakdown

• What they want from each other:
  • Bob: “I want Monat to listen to me when I’m talking... and give me the credit I deserve.” (09:46, 11:22)
  • Monét: Wants relationship to be “less contentious... less competitiveness... I want Bob to also give me the credit that I deserve.” (10:05, 10:47)
• Example of missed connection:
  • Bob recalls Monét ignoring a heartfelt confession about his sick mother to comment on her nail color (13:27).
  • Monét explains it's the nature of their fast-moving podcast, but acknowledges, “I do hear that I could have done better at that.” (17:23)
• Who interrupts whom?:
  • Ongoing debate over Bob cutting Monét off vs. Monét not listening.
  • Bob: “I do interrupt, Monet... but in my mind, it is for the efficiency of the conversation.” (31:44)
  • Monét: “Bob knows I have the memory of a squirrel... if Bob says one thing, I’ve completely gotten off topic, and I will never remember what I was talking about.” (30:50)

Emotional Underpinnings: Childhood and Patterns

• Early experiences:
  • Monét shares feelings of being overlooked in group settings: “Oftentimes I have felt in my life stepped over by people and overlooked, and my contributions aren’t valued.” (33:13)
  • Bob discusses moving from conflict avoidance (people-pleasing/Southern roots) to confrontational style after moving to NYC and getting sober (21:04).
• Comfort with vulnerability:
  • Bob explains they argue so much “we actually see each other at our truest form the most often, to be honest.” (22:12)
  • Both feel comfortable sharing their honest selves, even through conflict.

Real-Time Therapy: Grievances and Apologies

• Trying to show appreciation:
  • Bob requests a compliment from Monét—noting he wants a personality-based one, not superficial.
  • Monét initially offers a hair compliment; Bob presses for more.
  • Todd points out how Bob derails receiving (“...this is how you derail what you’re looking for...” 24:29).
  • Monét’s subsequent compliment comes “with a little random spice”—as Todd points out—for being “charming and endearing most of the time” (28:17).
• Oppositional moments:
  • Bob accuses Monét of oppositional defiance: “Sometimes Monet doesn’t want to do something just because I’m asking for it...” (28:27).
• Apology and acknowledgment:
  • Monét wants Bob to acknowledge constant interruptions (31:27), Bob admits, but rationalizes it’s for conversational efficiency.
• Resolution process after serious conflict:
  • When arguments escalate (rarely off-air), they either talk it out fully or remove themselves until emotions cool (41:02).
  • Example: After an intense recording, cameras were turned off, and they processed the emotions—sometimes even while naked, as a display of vulnerability (43:05).

Grudges & Boundaries

• Do they hold grudges?
  • Both claim not to, unless a serious line is crossed.
  • Bob: “I think the reason why Monet and I are able to be such great friends and life partners is because we don’t hold grudges... I think Monet is actually a little too forgiving.” (53:16, 54:10)
  • Todd wryly observes: “this whole hour, you all, both of you have been describing all of the grudges that you hold against each other, which is funny. That you both said you don’t hold grudges.” (54:35)
• Landmines in jokes:
  • There are established boundaries—certain “landmines” are off limits for jokes, which both respect (44:59).

Laughter, Teasing & Unique Friendship Chemistry

• Laughing at pain (and each other):
  • Bob: “When I am in pain, Monet starts laughing... it’s not irritating enough that I actually want her to stop doing it...” (45:38)
  • Monét: “I’m not laughing at you, I just think it’s very cute... It’s not laughing at you. I’m laughing—well, I guess it’s kind of.” (48:18)
• Publicly showing up:
  • Bob and Monét recount mutual caretaking during sickness and surgeries, reinforcing their support through humor or action (49:08).

Therapy & Sex Questions with Todd

• Todd’s practice:
  • Focused on relationship and sex therapy, typically more structured than this chaotic session (58:02).
• On sexual health and enhancement:
  • Monét asks about stimulants for erections.
  • Todd: “I mean, if you have a headache, you take a Tylenol. I don’t know. I’m a pill pusher. But, I mean, if there’s something that can fix the problem or take away your anxiety... you should take it if you want to take it...” (59:14)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bob (on the nature of their love):

  • “Everything that I do in all of my interactions with Monet stem from the love that I have for Monet.” (03:22)

• Todd (on communication):

  • “Just sometimes you have to shut up and listen to each other and slow it down.” (56:45)

• Monét (on feeling overlooked):

  • “Oftentimes I have felt in my life stepped over by people and overlooked, and my contributions aren’t valued.” (33:13)

• Bob (on confrontation):

  • “I’m someone who, like, if something bothers me, I will say it bothers me if I catch it and the time is right the first time it happens.” (21:04)

• Todd (calling out their grudge claims):

  • “Both of you have been describing all of the grudges that you hold against each other, which is funny. That you both said you don’t hold grudges.” (54:35)

• Bob (about Monet’s oppositional nature):

  • “Sometimes Monet doesn’t want to do something just because I’m asking for it... She has said this out loud. This is not me—this is not conjecture... Monet, were you the kind of kid who, if someone, like...?” (28:27)

• Monét (on public praise):

  • “We’re not talking about 10 years ago in New York City. We’re talking about now.” (37:22)

• Bob (100% in):

  • "I think our relationship is perfect the way it is. Again, 100% love." (61:29)

• The penis warning:

  • “You could lose your penis.” —Monét (01:42, repeated at 59:57 and 60:08 during sex therapy section)

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Content Summary | |------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:02 | Monét and Bob describe their “percentage” of love, irritation, drama—95% love, 10% vitriol, 5% “ugh.” | | 05:37 | Todd asks about underlying aggression and love in their dynamic. | | 09:46 | Bob wishes Monét would “listen to me when I’m talking” and give him due credit. | | 13:27 | Bob recounts a moment of emotional vulnerability ignored by Monét. | | 17:23 | Monét acknowledges missing Bob’s cue for comfort, but says it’s their podcast style. | | 21:04 | Bob reflects on moving from conflict avoidance to confrontation. | | 24:29 | Todd notes Bob derails compliments and can’t always receive. | | 28:27 | Bob accuses Monét of oppositional defiance—with both reflecting on childhood patterns. | | 31:44 | Bob and Monét hash out the “interrupting” vs. “not listening” rivalry. | | 33:13 | Monét opens up about feeling overlooked in group projects. | | 41:02 | Handling real conflict, removing themselves or processing it in private. | | 44:59 | Boundaries and “landmines” for jokes. | | 45:38 | Bob’s irritation at Monét laughing when he’s in pain—Monét finds it “cute.” | | 53:16 | Both claim not to be grudge-holders (Todd’s skeptical analysis follows). | | 54:35 | Todd: “You all... have been describing all of the grudges...” | | 56:45 | Todd's advice: slow down and listen. | | 59:14 | Todd gives his professional view on sexual health medications. | | 61:29 | Bob asserts “100% love,” and Monét (jokingly) concedes to her 85%. |

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Summary: Relationship Assessment & Takeaways

Their friendship is as intense and dramatic as it is genuine and supportive—rooted in deep love, but punctuated by sarcasm, competitive jabs, and miscommunications. Therapy brings out recurring themes:

• Validation, respect, and recognition are key unmet needs.
• Grievances usually aired with humor, but some deeper wounds linger.
• Cycle of conflict is familiar and oddly comforting—they’re most themselves with each other, flaws and all.
• Their banter provides both entertainment and catharsis for themselves and their audience.

Ultimately, as Todd summarizes:

“You have a cute dynamic. You just don’t listen to each other, and you don’t communicate properly... But underneath all of that, you both love each other very much, which is very sweet.” (56:37)

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Further Resources

• Find Todd Baratz (Therapist):
  Instagram: @yourdiagnonsense
  Website: toddbaratz.com (61:04)

• For therapy inquiries or more on sex/relationship issues, Todd encourages using his socials or website.

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Closing Note

This was a classic Sibling Rivalry episode—hilarious, messy, a bit unhinged, but unexpectedly thoughtful about what friendship and forgiveness mean over the long haul.

Transcript

[Todd Baratz]

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[Monet X Change]

of whatever you're carrying today.

[Commercial Voice]

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[Todd Baratz]

And breathe.

[Commercial Voice]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[Monet X Change]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen

[Monet X Change]

and I'm Monet's James. And this is sibling rivalry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

On this week's episode, we welcome licensed therapist Todd Baratz.

[Monet X Change]

We rehashed some of our biggest arguments.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we find out what made Todd say this.

[Todd Baratz]

Both of you have been describing all of the grudges that you hold against each other.

[Monet X Change]

And we find out what made Bob say this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do believe that Monet knew what I meant and she's acting like she didn't know.

[Todd Baratz]

And we find out what made Monet say this.

[Monet X Change]

You could lose your penis.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, everyone, just so you all know, welcome to a very special episode of Something Rivalry where we are going to be talking to a licensed therapist named Todd from the state of New York. But to be clear, this episode is for entertainment purposes only. Yes, Todd is a licensed therapist. This is just for entertainment purposes. And if you need therapy, you can visit Todd's socials or go wherever you go to get your therapy. Go where you go. Go where you.

[Monet X Change]

I used to get my therapy at bath houses.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I believe it's you.

[Todd Baratz]

You can get the best care there.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, we want to welcome you to. Well, let's, let's first. Well, let's first.

[Todd Baratz]

You're already arguing.

[Monet X Change]

Well, no, Todd, first, we just want to officially welcome you to the pod. Thank you so much for taking some time out to. To. To talk to the siblings. In case you don't know about us, give you a little background about us. We are two best friends, work wise for a very long time. We started In New York City. Well, Bob started New York City drag before me. I came after him, and we quickly had a. We quickly. See, already. Already starting. We quickly had a. I'm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm.

[Monet X Change]

I'm affirming you a very quick rise in friendship and through the tenure of our friendship over the past 14 years, we. It is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to.

[Monet X Change]

I want to say it's 85% love and 15. 85% love, 10% vitriol and 5%. Ugh. I can't with this bitch.

[Todd Baratz]

And I'm curious, Bob, are you on the same page? Is that the same.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Does the number break down how I feel about Monet? I would say I have 100% love for Monet, and everything that I do in all of my interactions with Monet stem from the love that I have for Monet. So if I am annoyed with Monet, it's coming from a place of love. If I am happy with Monet is coming from a place of love, and if I am pointing out Monet's discrepancies in character, it is all coming from a place of love.

[Todd Baratz]

Monet, you're rolling your eyes because he.

[Monet X Change]

Todd, he is putting on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob is.

[Monet X Change]

I wish we had. First of all, there are literally hundreds of hours of footage of Bob bullying me, yelling at me. Literally. There's an episode, Todd, because there's screenshots of. Just Google Bob. Of him want to physically strike me on the podcast. Those things have happened. I have never, ever physically struck, feigned, striking Bob, just to be clear.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, Monet is also putting on right now because Monet's not giving context. And I'm sure, Todd, as a license therapist, you know that context matters a lot. Monet was trying to prank me. Monet and Jacob were trying to prank me on the podcast, and I am afraid of bugs. And Monet acted like there was a bug, and then I had a visceral reaction to the bug that was not there. So, of course, Monet is using screenshots and things without context to paint a picture for who she thinks I am, I think.

[Monet X Change]

No, no. Anyway, sorry, Todd.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So what do you think about those things we've told you, Todd?

[Todd Baratz]

Well, I mean, I've seen some of these arguments, and the two of you are extremely competitive. I'm just curious about what' underneath the arguments? Like, what's the story for both of you? What's really happening? What is the 15%? What is the hundred percent? What is this about?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to hear these number breakdowns. I'm very intrigued by your math. And I need to crunch the numbers and see if that actually added up to 100.

[Monet X Change]

Well, quick math will tell you that 85 plus 10 plus 5 is clear. I don't know what Atlanta public school education you need to crunch the numbers on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Was that necessary, Todd? That's my question. Was that necessary?

[Todd Baratz]

Aggressive, but. So what's underneath all that aggression? The two of you clearly have some aggression for each other, but also a lot of love. Which two things can exist at once. But what's up with that? Is that a normal pattern for each of you? Is this the only relationship you experience in it?

[Monet X Change]

I think this is the only nature. This is the only relationship in my life. I could confidently say, I think this is the only relationship in my life where I'm this competitive with the other person. And I think I'm not taking my out of the whole competitive nature, but I do think a lot of the competitiveness between us is brewed on Bob's kitchen table. And I by proxy, am roped into it because I'm not competitive in any other with anyone else. No other Drag Race girls. No one else I don't have this competitive nature with.

[Todd Baratz]

So what is it about Bob?

[Monet X Change]

I think that literally everything involves into competition. We were at. There's a video of us playing a wig snatching game on his thing. And before the competition started, he starts with, I bet I can put my wig on or something fast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Something.

[Monet X Change]

I was like, why is the competition. We haven't even started the competition.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob.

[Monet X Change]

Bob knows this about himself. Bob is a very competitive person. Is that. Am I incorrect by that, Bob?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

To be clear, Todd, that was all within the context of a competition. I want to be very clear. Monae is talking about a specific competition that we knew we were having. We were choosing to compete in this online trend together. So obviously I was in a competitive mode. I think Monae is leaving out that I am also incredibly supportive that I uplift, that I nurture her talents, and that I am quite probably her biggest inspiration as well. Have you seen that episode? I don't watch Kardashians? There's an episode where apparently one of the Kardashians is taking someone else's wedding. Have you seen this? They use the same singer, the same color. She's like, she stole my wedding. I feel like Monet's often stealing my wedding. I feel that a lot. The Internet would say reheating my nachos.

[Todd Baratz]

Mm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet.

[Todd Baratz]

Monet, are you stealing?

[Monet X Change]

No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I'm not Stealing. I'm not reheating Bob's nacho. I'm not stealing anything of Bob's. There are several things that I've done and Bob has piggybacked off of me and several things like what? I had a very successful talk show. The exchange rate, literally, a few months later, Bob wanted us on his show, Bob the Live Queen. His talk show that had different segments just like my talk show, which I was like, sure, go ahead, go off Queen. That's an example of one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wanna be clear. It was not a few months later. It was Mone's skewing the timelines here, right? So what happened was, during lockdown, I didn't have gigs. None of us had gigs. I had nowhere to go. I had nowhere to be. So me and my partner Jacob were like, we need to keep. Well, we need to keep the lights on around here. You know, I lived in a pretty big apartment in New York City uptown. Um, and I was like, we gotta keep lights on right here.

[Monet X Change]

Showing off. You. You just had to. Had to add, I live in a pretty big apartment. Todd has a pretty big apartment, too. What's your point?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, my rent was expensive, and I wanted to make sure that I. That I provided a home for my family. So I. And I also didn't want it to not go crazy. So I started this show called Bob. Bob Live. I think it's called Bob Live.

[Monet X Change]

No, it was called Bob the Live Queen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I don't think it was, but we can have Jacob do a little bit of research on that. Yeah, it was called Bob Live. I specifically remember Monet kept calling it Bob Live Queen. I kept telling her that wasn't the name of it, but she didn't listen to me. Also, we'll get into Monet not listening to me. That's another big problem. Monat does not listen to me when I talk, which drives me absolutely. Like now, whatever she's doing, she's not paying attention. She's mixing up a drink or whatever.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, I can do two things at once. I can pick up my water.

[Todd Baratz]

That's what I'm wondering. With all of the arguments, with all the competition, what do you really want from each other? What are you looking for? I mean, it's not just to be angry with each other.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I. Again, it all comes from a place of love. It's all just varying degrees of love. I do get angry with Monet. I want Monat to listen to me when I'm talking. That would be really nice. I want Monat to Consider how I'm feeling. And I want Monet to give me the credit I deserve.

[Monet X Change]

And, you know, I think I have some similar requests. I want. I want to. I want us. I want our relationship to not be as contentious as it gets. I don't want everything to be competitive. I want us to be. To just exist as friends in love. I have so many. So many other friendships. They're not as precious to me as Bob, but they don't. They don't exist in this world. We're always competing, and it always just feels like this. Like, frict. This tension. I want to be able to walk into the relationship.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You want me to mimic friendships that you don't like. For example, if I'm your best friend, why would you want me to mimic your lesser friendships?

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why would you do that?

[Monet X Change]

You're not my only best friend. I've told you this. I have dejuan, I have Kameka, I have Arcia, I have Jay. I have other people who are best friends. And we don't have this relationship where we are constantly fighting and bickering, but

[Bob the Drag Queen]

they're not as great.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. See? Showboating. And I want our relationship to exist in that same space and occupy that same space. Like, we can have the amount of love, but just less competitiveness. I want Bob to also give me the credit that I deserve and the things that I've done and inspired him in his world and his career and the things that I have given Bob that has helped his career flourish and bloom and blossom in such a beautiful way.

[Todd Baratz]

Well, you guys are super fast, I think. Slow down a little bit. I mean, let's go back to what you both said you wanted. Yeah. Big eyes. What did you. What did you want from each other? Because you both zoomed right past it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I was saying I. I want to start with the fact that I want Monet to listen to me when I talk. It really drives me crazy that Monat does not listen to me when I'm talking. It drives me insane.

[Todd Baratz]

Okay. And Monet, listen. What is. What is it like for you to hear Bob say, this is what he wants?

[Monet X Change]

I think that I listen to Bob when he talks. So, I mean, but I think that, you know, if that's something that he's feeling, I can consider that, and I can try. Oh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ooh.

[Todd Baratz]

Okay. Yes.

[Monet X Change]

What?

[Todd Baratz]

No, I'm excited.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I think I can consider that. And, you know, I can acknowledge that there are ways I can be a better listener so that Bob feels that his voice is Being heard when being spoken, when he's talking to me. And I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

One of the greatest examples was on the podcast a couple years ago. This. So this one was. This is actually the one that tipped me off. And I was like, this is insane. Because it was so crazy, it got clipped and it started getting shared.

[Monet X Change]

Your apartment is at 77 degrees. That's insane.

[Todd Baratz]

That is nice in here. Wait, what was it like? Monet said?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mona said, she's not listening to me. She's looking at my. She wants to listen, but this is crazy. And the challenge of listening.

[Monet X Change]

You're not even listening to Todd. Todd is trying to talk. You're not listening to him. So the same thing you're saying I'm doing to you, that is their indication.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First of all, Todd's not my best friend, okay? I'm not working on my relationship with Todd. What is clear to me is that let's say they're not in a conversation where Monet. I talk about her not listening. Monet is like, look at their thermostat behind you. What did I just say? Monet, what did I just say when I said that? What was I talking about?

[Monet X Change]

You said you were talking about one of the times that it got really crazy, and then that I. When I wasn't listening to you. You're about to describe. I know exactly the situation you're about to describe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, then go ahead and describe it and justify it. Then go ahead and describe it and justify it.

[Monet X Change]

No, go ahead. I'll let you lay it out, and then I'll respond. I think you know what, I want to listen to you describe the situation, and then we can have a conversation about it. I don't want to take this moment from you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So we're on the podcast, and I was talking about my mother, because my mother was very sick at the time, and I was like, oh, God, my mom. And I was like, I've been interested in looking on the black market to find a lung for my mother. This is kind of crazy. I'm in this, like, crazy, desperate space. I don't know what to do. My mom needs a lung. Lungs are hard to get. I want to. And I was, like, telling her, like, I've been doing research on how to get on the black market and how to find a lung. This is kind of crazy. It kind of scares me to do this. And then after I, like, spilled my heart about this very devastating thing, Mone goes, oh, my God, I love this new nail color I'm wearing. What do you think about this? That was crazy to me. No, by the way, no acknowledge. We just moved on. No backtrack, no acknowledgement, no conversation. Just look at this nail color. I think we're gonna go with Midnight Star next time instead. And she's never acknowledged it to this day.

[Todd Baratz]

Did that happen?

[Monet X Change]

So, yes, it did happen. Context does matter. Like Bob said earlier about context, we did a whole podcast episode about the dark Web. And I think. And I think if you've listened to a few episodes of our podcast, Todd, we oftentimes we. We just jump around from topic to topic. We. We'll set a course and then we are just all over the map. All the change. I just. That. That is. That is the nature of our pod since the inception of our podcast. Two to two today. Nine. What, 10 years. In 10 years, this is how. This is how our podcast goes. So I do acknowledge that maybe I

[Bob the Drag Queen]

could have acquired 10 years. I'm sorry, we've not been podcasting for 10 years.

[Monet X Change]

Sorry. Nine years.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's been eight years.

[Monet X Change]

It's been nine. We started in 2017.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We'll look into that. Continue.

[Monet X Change]

See the cutting off. This, which is. Todd, this is my. I want to put a pin in that. The cutting off is something that I want to talk about.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Pin in my nuts. Since you put in pins and put a pin in my nuts. You and. It was seven years ago. Like I said, our first podcast uploaded was seven years ago. Anyway, continue.

[Monet X Change]

Wasn't a 2000. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, it was seven years ago.

[Todd Baratz]

What role do both play in this? What do you both bring? What's your shit? What are you bringing to the dynamic? So you're both just blaming each other for a bunch of shit? Yeah. Can we agree on that?

[Monet X Change]

I'm owning my part in it. I'm saying that I said that I could have been. I could have been better at investigating Bob's thought process about the black lung. Sorry, the black. The. The. The. The dark web.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My mom had a black lung. That's crazy. That's crazy.

[Todd Baratz]

Is your mom okay, by the way?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My mother is very dead. It's been.

[Monet X Change]

It's been a while now.

[Todd Baratz]

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[Monet X Change]

See terms about the dark web Trying to get a lung on on. Yeah, so I could have, I, I, I admit that I could have been a better job of talking about that more and expanding on that with Bob, but I think that in the con, in the, in, in the context of our podcast, we oftentimes don't always finished thoughts and we just kind of, I'll say something and Bob will bring up a whole nother thing. We don't really discuss it and vice versa. So I want to acknowledge, I do hear that I could have done better at that, but in the context of our podcast, that's kind of what we always have done and always and continue to do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What I feel like I'm hearing is in the moment when I mentioned this to Monet before, you brought up like basically what I always say, which is what is your part? Ms. Monet hates when I say that, which is you did another version. What is your part in this? Monet did not say. Oh, I. Because Monet, after you said Monet was like, no, I'm saying I could. But you didn't. In fact, what Monet said was, no, this is the kind of the nature of the podcast. This is what we do. So instead of looking inward, she was looking at the whole as opposed to the my scopic view. She was like, well, it's just kind of the nature of the pod is what we do.

[Monet X Change]

It's myopic. Not my scopic. Myopic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Once pressed on something. Once pressed. Well, you have to like catch Monet in some bullshit before she will acknowledge that she did it wrong. If you just let her do her thing, she will just skirt by without taking ownership or responsibility. And I was looking for the word microscopic, but I misspoke.

[Monet X Change]

But you said miscopic, so I just wanted to say that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you said 10 years.

[Todd Baratz]

Well, I think we understood what both of you were saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I understand it because I knew the content said it wasn't 10 years. I'm sorry, but you're correct. I missed smoking. You didn't know what I meant. Thank you very much.

[Todd Baratz]

Yes, but so I'm curious, in this moment, are the two of you feeling triggered? I feel like, what is this touching for you?

[Monet X Change]

I think that it's very rich for Bob to insinuate that I don't listen to him where there are hundred I haven't done, I haven't crushed the numbers on these hundreds of thousands of comments of people constantly saying how Bob doesn't let me finish a part, finish a thought and cuts me off constantly in comments and saying, bob, let Monet finish. Let Monet speak. You didn't let Monet say her piece. So that is, there is, there is evidence of this throughout our podcast. People constantly commenting on this. So I think it's rich to say that I don't let, that I don't acknowledge Bob's point, but Bob doesn't even let me speak on our podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You do speak on the podcast, obviously.

[Monet X Change]

Do you do acknowledge the comments saying, bob, let Monet speak when they was anything, Bob, let her finish. But Bob, stop cutting her off. Do you acknowledge those comments?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, people say that, but I don't think those people are right about this. I'm not talking about what people think about us. Talking about what you and I feel about us. I'm not worried about what people think about us. So why don't you worry how you feel, not what people are. So you think you, you think, you think, you think.

[Monet X Change]

If they're not letting me finish, I don't feel like I'm, I'm not my, like my voice isn't being heard on our podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It is interesting that you just interrupted me just now, but I, but I'm not bringing in what other people are observing. I'm bringing up what I am observing. I'm showing the ocular proof.

[Monet X Change]

I'm curious evidence that what I am feeling is validated by the comments is what I'm trying to say. Sorry, sorry.

[Todd Baratz]

It seems like the two of you bring out an earlier version of yourselves with each other because this kind of pettiness, this kind of circular conflict that goes nowhere, I mean, I would imagine it gives both of you a headache. I mean, you have a great show because of it. But how old are you right now? Are you in your adult self? Are you? Where are you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would say the younger version of myself was actually quite conflict avoidant. I do not think that. I do think that in life I am a confrontational person. I prefer to be confrontational as to be conflict avoidant. For me, it's more important to address things as opposed to ignoring them or letting them pass. I'm someone who, like, if something bothers me, I will say it bothers me if I catch it and the time is right the first time it happens. I mean, by the second time you do it, you'll already know I didn't like it the first time you did it.

[Todd Baratz]

And, and so why were you a conflict avoidant person before? And what shifted that now you're not?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think I was a people pleaser before I moved to New York City. I think something about growing up, I think something about getting sober. I think something about living in New York City. You know, I'm from the south, where, where, you know, there's that Southern hospitality. It's kind of like this, like, never let people know that you're bothered by them, or if you do, or if you are bothered by them, let them know in a really passive aggressive way. And New York City just kind of ripped that out of me. Like, I think sobriety also just ripped that out of me. So I have just become someone who would rather address things and nip them in the bud as opposed to letting them fester. So I, I will say to me, like, I don't suffer fools, right? Like, I, I really don't have very many people in my life who are not in a work relationship. Like, if I'm working somewhere and I don't like someone, yes, I will work, but I don't like, if I'm not the boss there and we're all just employees. I have no say over who works there. But in terms of my, like, personal life, I, I don't really suffer fools. I don't really spend time around people that, that bother me.

[Todd Baratz]

But you do spend a lot of time around Monet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet does bother me. But again, but Monet brings me much more joy than she bothers me. And sometimes Monet bothering me also brings me joy. So the truth is, I, because I am a confrontational person, I don't mind arguing sometimes I like arguing. I will say that is my toxic trait. And I think that sometimes when you're having an argument with someone, it actually brings out your truest self. It illuminates your most vulnerable side because you are, your emotions are so heightened. So I believe that because Monet and I argue so much, we actually see each other at our truest form the most often, to be honest.

[Todd Baratz]

So you feel most comfortable to be yourself, to express yourself. I feel very comfortable and being argumentative with Monet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes. And I feel very comfortable being myself around Monet. I don't feel the need to hide anything from Monet. I feel very, very comfortable being around Monet. And when I am in conflict with someone, I do, I don't necessarily feel like if it's someone that I don't know that well. It's not that I necessarily feel comfortable, but it doesn't make me super uncomfortable. I have no problem with conflict.

[Todd Baratz]

So there's a lot of reason behind why you can become so confrontational. Having to stuff it down, having to literally depress yourself, to hide yourself. And now you don't have to. Especially with someone like Monet, who you love so much, trust so much, you can let it all out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I think that sounds accurate. Okay, 180. Wanna say something nice about me?

[Todd Baratz]

Yeah. What's up with you?

[Monet X Change]

I don't think Todd is asking me to say something nice about you. I think Todd asked.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said, do you want to say something nice about me? That wasn't Todd asking.

[Monet X Change]

Come on. I like that your hair is growing in. It looks nice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How about my. Who I am as a person? Like my personality?

[Monet X Change]

Okay, well, you said something. You didn't specify if you wanted it. Internal, external. I was trying to just compliment you. I know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

See how Monet tried to make his argument? I just said, how about. I didn't say anything bad. I didn't say what you did was bad. I said, how about something about.

[Monet X Change]

But what I feel is that my first thing wasn't good enough for you, so now I need to change. You know what I mean? So I think, okay, it was great.

[Todd Baratz]

Well, yeah, Bob, this is how you derail what you're looking for. Because you want to be listened by Monet, and then Monet gives you the compliment, which maybe it wasn't the one you were looking for, but then you go after her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, all I said was, what about something about my personality? And then Monet goes, you're sad. I didn't say, All I said was, what about my personality?

[Monet X Change]

But, Todd, do you see how I. Now that makes me feel? Like, okay, you asked for the thing, I gave you the thing, and it wasn't good enough. So now, you know, in my life, you know, sometimes I have felt like what I offer isn't good enough. So, like, it, like, beats me down and I'm like, oh, okay, let me try again. And, like, I guess it feeds this thing of not being good enough by doing my first offering.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, Todd, I'll let you know right now. Monet knew what I meant. Monet knew what the fuck I meant. She knew what I meant. Monet knew I did not want a fucking compliment on my hair. Don't let Monet trick you into believing that she actually thought I meant, what about my hair?

[Monet X Change]

Bob, you okay, again, top of some context, Bob had hair replacement surgery. And literally, we just did. We. We. I saw him last week, and Bob Winter was going around the whole room telling. Showing everyone his hair, asking about how his hair looked. So in that, I took that to. Okay, let me affirm Bob's hair when or where I can. So I literally, in this moment, you asked for a compliment. I'm affirming the thing. You were just showing a whole room full of people a few days ago.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not.

[Todd Baratz]

So, Bob, could you receive that or you wanted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said, thank you.

[Todd Baratz]

Something more deep and meaningful.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do appreciate that. And I said, thank you. I do believe that Monet knew what I meant. And she's acting like she didn't know. Monet knows what I mean.

[Todd Baratz]

If we could go back and rewrite the script, how could you ask Monet for something like, something deeper, something more meaningful, something about your personality in a way that might elicit a better response.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

To be honest, I genuinely think I did a really good job. Monet gave me a compliment on my hair, and then I received it, and then I said, what about something about my personality? So I received the compliment. I appreciate it. I'm saying, thank you for it. And then I was like, So I didn't negate the compliment in any way. There was no negation of the compliment. I just went straight into, what about something else? So I didn't attack it in any way. And then me saying, what about this? Monet took that into some way of being like, you're saying, it's not good enough. I gave you the compliment already. That's what I'm hearing. She didn't say those words, but what I was hearing was, I've already given you a compliment. You're saying my compliment's not good enough, yada, yada, yada, when deep down, I believe Monat knew what I meant. And she's trying to play me and you for the fool, and she knows that we're not fools.

[Monet X Change]

But I think you're. You're. You're. You're taking a whole lot into my psyche and just assuming what I. What I meant.

[Commercial Voice]

And I'm.

[Monet X Change]

I'm telling you so you don't. You don't have to assume. I'm telling you what. I'm telling you what I said and what I meant. And now I know you want something deeper. I can go deeper. But I just was trying to acknowledge and compliment you physically, but you wanted something more than physical. So I heard received, and I can give you another Compliment. I think that your confrontational nature has served you well in your life and your career is something that's very charming and endearing about you at times.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, See, that compliment didn't feel particularly complimentary.

[Todd Baratz]

Well, the at times kind of really fucked that up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, well, we're on the same page because.

[Monet X Change]

Because that's real, right? Sometimes I don't want to argue down. I just want to just move on to the thing. So most times it isn't daring, but sometimes it's like, we don't need to argue about it. Let's just go on. So that's just honest.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you acknowledge what Todd and I are saying? That compliment was. There was a little random spice at the end that didn't necessarily need to be there.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, let me try that again. Your conversational nature is very charming and endearing most of the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was crazy. That was crazy. She doesn't have the ability. Also, something about money that drives me insane is that. I'm not gonna say I'm not. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not here to do armchair psychology. But if I were, I wouldn't be shocked if Monet was diagnosed with, like, oppositional defiance disorder. Sometimes Monet doesn't want to do something just because I'm asking for it. Like, the only reason she doesn't want to do it is not because she actually doesn't want to. And she has said this out loud. This is not me. This is not conjecture. This is not my framing. This is from the horse's mouth. Monet does not want to do some time simply. I mean, like, tell me if I'm wrong, Monet. Were you the kind of kid who. If someone, like. If you were cleaning your room and your parents came in and were like, clean up this room, how would you feel about that if you were already cleaning it?

[Monet X Change]

If I was already cleaning it, I'd be like, duh, duh, I'm already cleaning it. But I've always liked. This may be a wrong thing. Because, you know, I'm a very clean person. So, like, I would still. I wouldn't. Like, not if you ask me if I would stop doing it. Cause they asked me to do it. No, because a. I would get in trouble and be like, I wanted to be clean,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

but it would. But, yeah. So like, sometimes me.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, it would annoy me. That's like, if, if, if, if, if. If you're in the bathroom brushing your teeth and I walk in, like, bob, brush your teeth, you'd be like, what? Do you think I'm doing? That's irritating.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would probably say, I am brushing my teeth. I would probably think it was funny and be like, girl, what do you think I'm doing? I am brushing my teeth. I don't know that I'd be super annoyed. I'd be like, no.

[Monet X Change]

If your mom came in as like, and you brushes. She's like. She's like, bob, brush your teeth.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're like, like, if my mom came in and be like, whoa, what are you doing here? And I'm kidding. If my mom came in as a child and it was like, brush your teeth, I'd probably be like. I'd probably be like, I am brushing my teeth. Like, of course I'm brushing my teeth. I will say, though, like, when I'm at the elevator and someone comes up and presses the button, as if I did not press the button before they got there. My mind was like, you think I'm so dumb. I just walked up and just sit at the fucking elevator. You think I didn't already press the up button? You think. You think I'm just standing at the elevator looking crazy? So that would bother me. But if I was actively pushing the button and they were like, oh, can you press the button? I'd be like, oh, I just did. If that. If that gives any context to the. To the. If that answers your question at all.

[Monet X Change]

Can I. Can I. Can I get my grievances handled?

[Todd Baratz]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, what are they? Is the. Bob constantly, oftentimes interrupts me and I can't finish my thought, and Bob knows. Bob knows I have the memory of a squirrel. If Bob says one thing, I've completely gotten off topic, and I will never remember what I was talking about.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do not interrupt Monet. Sorry.

[Monet X Change]

First of all, you're delayed, bitch.

[Todd Baratz]

You were really trying to interrupt Bode there. It didn't work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So, yeah.

[Monet X Change]

So if I could just acknowledge his ability to interrupt and not let me finish thought and maybe some gesture to hopefully fix that or to make some movement to not doing that, that would really feel great to me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I do interrupt, Monet. I do have. I do get annoyed when I feel like someone is explaining something. And then when you loop back around and you explain it again, and then usually within the second or third time, my thought process is, I understand. Like, this is something that happens in my relationship with Jacob, where Jacob will be like, he'll be explaining something. And then I'd be like, I get it. Or, I understand. I understand what you're saying. And part of Me is like, I just. I get it. I know what you said. You said the thing. And I would like to maybe not optimize our time together, but I guess it's a part of my head that's just like. I don't know how many times I can listen to this person say this same thing again. I do this at work a lot. Especially someone, like, if someone just explained, like I'm doing right now, I'm like, I get it. I get it. I understand what you're saying. So, yes, I do interrupt sometimes, but in my mind, it is for the efficiency of the conversation.

[Monet X Change]

So is that an apology?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You didn't ask for an apology. You asked for an acknowledgement, which I acknowledged.

[Monet X Change]

But it's also. It's not only when I'm explaining something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, it's not an apology.

[Monet X Change]

I'll be talking about going to the mall and a story about going to get some Birkenstocks at the mall. And when I get to the part about putting my key into ignition and getting in the car, it goes off to something else because you've interrupted where I was going.

[Todd Baratz]

Well, I'm curious. I can assume why it might be a big deal, but I don't want to assume. Why is it a big deal for you?

[Monet X Change]

Because, you know, oftentimes I have felt in my life stepped over by people and overlooked, and my contributions aren't valued. So when I feel that in a loving relationship with my platonic.

[Todd Baratz]

I don't know. When did you feel that way? You said times in your life.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I think.

[Monet X Change]

I think I would say in, like, when I would do group projects in college, I went to a very atypical school situation, and we had to do way more group projects than anyone should ever do with anything. And I would have very valuable things to add to the group, and then people would kind of look over me, and it was very annoying.

[Todd Baratz]

And does this tie into what you were saying before about being criticized so much?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I think so.

[Todd Baratz]

How?

[Monet X Change]

Because it ties into feeling like. Feeling like my. Feeling like my contribution isn't valued or it's not worth the group's time or what I have to say does not add value. So why are we. So why are we. So why are we paying attention to it?

[Todd Baratz]

Yeah. With Bob, how does that translate? How does. How do these earlier experiences translate to what comes up here when he's not interrupted or when he's pushing back?

[Monet X Change]

Well, in our podcast, where we've worked so hard and so beautifully to create this amazing experience, I just want to feel like he. That. Because Bob is important to me and no knowing that what I have to say is important to him, because what he has to say is important to me, I think it would feel nice to know that he sees value there.

[Todd Baratz]

Bob, is it important to you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I see a lot of value in my friendship with Monet. So the idea to this podcast came from me and Monet. We were living apart for basically the first time in years. And I was living in.

[Monet X Change]

Not years, years.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Most Americans pronounce it years. And I was living in California. My name was living in the Bronx. And we would have these phone calls, and I was like, I think these phone calls are really great. And I think that people should hear what we'd be talking about. I think it'd be really fun for folks to hear what we'd be talking about. So then, because I really believed in the project, I invested in a lot of time and effort into, like, making the podcast happen. And Monet, you know, was very happily along for the ride at the time, which I. Which I really appreciated. And because I value Monet's ideas and opinions, I wanted to help create a platform for people to hear her ideas and hear her opinions and hear her values.

[Todd Baratz]

There was echoing somewhere.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I don't. I don't. Are you saying.

[Todd Baratz]

And so this is. You're saying that this is how much you value. This is how much.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, this. This feels like an outward perspective of my appreciation for Monet's opinions and values and ideas.

[Monet X Change]

But I want to be very clear. I don't think Bob made Bob. I don't think Bob had the suggestions of our podcast because the world. Because he values, like, because as some token, to show how much he values my ideas, I think we made this podcast. It was not made like. Correct me if I'm wrong, you didn't think about the podcast, and we didn't start this podcast because you think the world needed to hear my ideas so much.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was not made exclusively because I think the world want to hear ideas, but I think that the world would want to hear our conversations. Not just my part, both of our parts of the conversation. So I thought that it would be a great opportunity for the world to see what you've got going on, what you have to say. And not only that, I think I've expressed my appreciation for Monet's input and her ideas in multiple ways outside of the podcast. You know, when I left New York City, the nightlife scene in New York City, I offered Monet, like, two or three of my gigs, because I value her ideas. I value her opinions. I value her artistry. And I thought to myself, they were like, who do you want? And I was like, I would choose Monet. So I think I've shown several times that I really value Monet's opinions, ideas, her artistry, her craftsmanship.

[Monet X Change]

We're not talking about that. We're talking about this now in the podcast. I'm not talking about 10 years ago in New York City. We're talking about now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I'm showing what I'm doing. What I'm using is. Which is where you just interrupted me. That's kind of crazy. But I'm using this as an opportunity to show that I do value your ideas. And I hear what you're saying, that you have some past experiences that make you feel like your ideas and your opinions and your creativity isn't valued in group projects. And I actively wanted to be on the longest group project I've ever done with you because of how much I value your input. And I just want to point out

[Monet X Change]

that there was no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There was no. Most of the time. At the end of that compliment.

[Monet X Change]

The most of the time, I was just being silly because this. This, as you said, this is for entertainment purposes only.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just want to point it out. I'm just pointing that out. I'm just pointing out. That's all.

[Monet X Change]

I'm just pointing.

[Todd Baratz]

Can you. Can you let that in? Can you take that in money?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, for sure. I can absolutely take that in. And this is the longest group project I've ever done, and so far, and most of the times, I would just leave the group project, but I've stayed on. So I guess that says more about Bob than it does me.

[Todd Baratz]

I'm just curious, with these conflicts the two of you have, is there somebody that escalates the conflicts and then one of you shuts down, or are you both just at it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monae, what do you think?

[Todd Baratz]

Usually when there's two people, one person's shutting down, the other person is escalating.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. So as Bob outlined before, when we have conflict, Bob is like, let's talk about it. Let's do it now. I'm. I need to remove myself and think about all my emotions and my feelings and then talk about it. So I think in just the way we handle conflict, Bob is a little more. I mean, he said. I'm not. He said it. Bob likes conflict. Bob likes. Bob has a TikTok where Bob was literally on for hours debating and arguing with people, which. That is not my Thing is not. I. I don't enjoy. So I think Money just posted a

[Bob the Drag Queen]

whole video taking down a designer. I just want to point that out. That's not money's thing. Money doesn't enjoy that. Money just posted a whole video.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, Domino Couture in New York City.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I'm saying. But that's. But conflict's not Monet's thing.

[Monet X Change]

It's typically not. Anyway, so.

[Todd Baratz]

And so how does that. How does that interact with each other? So, Bob, you want to have the conflict. Monet, you don't want to have the conflict.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob is on the show called Monet Expose now. She's planning to expose other people. So this is actually a thing that Monet does.

[Monet X Change]

So Todd asked us a specific question. So if there was an argument and we're talking, Bob would be like, monet. I think that he would want to talk about it now. And I would be like, girl, I don't really want to. I feel like when. I just think that this is the best way for us to handle our disagreements.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I will relent.

[Monet X Change]

I will. I will. I would not. Relent is a word I would. I will acquiesce about. And I would deal with the conflict in that situation as opposed to what I would. What would make me feel value, which is taking. Taking a. Taking a beat and figuring out how

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I really feel about it. Well, I think it depends on the conflict. I think if Monet and I have ever had, like, a really big conflict,

[Monet X Change]

we've had three in our entire friendship. We'd have three big conflicts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If the conflict is really big, I actually will remove myself. Like, if it's really big. Like, we argued one time on the podcast, and I was like, I'm gonna walk home. Like, I am so over this. I'm leaving. I am walking home. I'm leaving your apartment. I do not want to be around anyone right now. And then I think with the veganism one, which has been.

[Monet X Change]

I don't remember how we even. How we even. How. I don't remember how that happened or how.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Veganism argument.

[Monet X Change]

No, not how it happened. The resolve. Like, I don't think we said. I think we just. We talked about it in your apartment for, like, two hours.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

About veganism or about the other one.

[Monet X Change]

Veganism.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The veganism when. Okay, the veganism when I felt like Monet was being hypocritical or. I'm sorry, that's the right word. I feel like when I was being defensive as opposed to receptive. So we ended up having this long back and forth. And we talked about it for a long time. So I didn't walk away from that one. And then the most recent one.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The last one we had, we. We talked it out. Both of us stayed and talked. So we talked. Two of them. Then the one that was the biggest, where I didn't. I didn't align with Monet's values. I. Cause the other one was like conflicts. And then one of them was like values. Our values were different. And the other two was like our miscommunications. Or I would say the other two were miscommunications. And the first one was a difference in values.

[Monet X Change]

I would say the most recent one, though, I like. I think I remember asking, what would you like to do? Like, how would you feel? Like we have a conflict.

[Todd Baratz]

And I can see the conflicts you're having on the show.

[Monet X Change]

Two of them were on the show. One was not. The veganism. One was not on the show. The other two on the show.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was rehashed on the show.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, we rehashable. When we rehash, it was fine. The two. The two most recent ones. Go ahead, Jake.

[Todd Baratz]

These were episodes we were recording and they actually started arguing so intensely that

[Bob the Drag Queen]

the episode never saw the light of day, which I had the footage.

[Monet X Change]

Todd, I could send you the footage if you want to see the footage of that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There are two episodes that never saw the light of day. Just two.

[Monet X Change]

And in the most recent one, we had the argument. We were like. It was getting heated and thing. And then we put down cameras. And then I asked Bob. I was like, how. Like, how would you feel? Like, what would make you feel? I don't know. The language I use to get us to a place, whatever. He was like, I would like to get undressed and let's talk. And then we did that, but naked.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wanna. I think we're still about to say. I don't think I said, let's get.

[Todd Baratz]

So you get naked. And then you talk.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, and to be clear too, like, me and Monet did not put the cameras down. Jacob was like, I think we should stop going.

[Todd Baratz]

And you said you were able to resolve that. So what did the two of you do to create a resolution?

[Monet X Change]

We just talked it out. Bob expressed his feelings about what had made him feel a certain way, and I expressed some things in it. You know, my. My feelings. We. I think we both acknowledged our part in the thing and then we set expectations going forward about how we want to talk about or treat that topic.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do think that works I do think details are important regarding this last one specifically, and what it was was Monet and I had reached a point where we were not on the same wavelength. Monet was joking. I wasn't joking. I told Monet that I wasn't joking. She thought I was joking when I said I wasn't, when I said I wasn't joking. And then I was really irritated. Then Monae acknowledged that there was a miscommunication there. She thought I was joking, and I told her, no, I was serious. I even said the words, I am not joking in this moment. And that's how we resolved that one.

[Todd Baratz]

I got a little lost with the joking and the not joking. But that's what I'm curious about, is that so many of these conflicts are jokes.

[Monet X Change]

Well, that's a thing, right?

[Todd Baratz]

Sometimes they're not, I would imagine. Sometimes they sting, and then sometimes you do process them if they get escalated, and other times you don't. And it just kind of wants. Kind of forms, scab forms, and you just keep touching them because none of them ever get resolved because you're not expressing your feelings. You're just criticizing each other or responding to each other or saying, I didn't like that. But you're not actually telling each other how you feel. But you did. When you're talking about vegans,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would say over a decade and a half. I would say over a decade and a half, Monet and I have set some really clear boundaries about things that we don't like to joke about. There's very few of them, but we know what they are. And we. Of course, it was like, you know, stepping on a landmine. But now you know where the landmines are. And for the most part, I would say the landmines are. Well, I know that. Like, I mean, I don't want to bring up the landmines because they're okay.

[Todd Baratz]

Don't bring up the landmines.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't want to bring up the landmines because they will all blow up. We'll all be dismembered in this bitch.

[Todd Baratz]

Let's stay intact.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, but Monet and I know what the landmines are, and I think we actually do a really good job navigating around them. And the other thing that Monet does that irritate me, they don't irritate me enough that I don't want her to do it. Like, for example, Monet laughs at me when I'm in pain. If I am in pain. Monet laughs. Let me rephrase that when I am in pain, Monet starts laughing. Monae says she's not laughing at me, but it certainly feels like is irritating. It's not irritating enough that I actually want her to stop doing it, but. Cause when the truth is, once I'm not in pain, it is funny. Like, when I look back at it, it is funny. But when I am in pain or when I am sick, it is not funny. It is very irritating. Last night we recorded a podcast. Or two nights ago, we recorded a podcast. I had very severe allergies. I had taken Benadryl on accident. I did a Broadway show on Benadryl. I was very drowsy. I was very.

[Monet X Change]

See Todd, he gotta add all the allergies there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, that. Well, context matters. Doing a Broadway show. It was also my seventh show of the week. I want to be clear. It wasn't like, fresh off of a break. It was my seventh show of the week. I was completely exhausted. I sat down, I had tissue in my nose. Monet immediately starts laughing at me immediately off rip. And I was very irritated about it. And then at the very end of the podcast, I was trying to do the podcast, and Monet wasn't listening to me. I was reading comments from the patrons, and I read the comment four times. And then instead of answering, she was like, you answered the question. And I was so irritated. I was like, the podcast is over. And I actually did a really. I feel like I did a really good job keeping my cool for two hours during the podcast. By the end, I was just spent. So, like, when I got my wisdom teeth removed, I was really sick. I had four.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, can I kind of rebut to that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Monet X Change]

So, Todd, I don't like. I don't laugh at Bob when he's in pain. I told him I think it's charming. As you can tell, Todd, Bob is a very charming individual. Bob is. He had charm out the wazoo. So when he's in pain, like Bob. Bob, like, does these subtle things with his hand, like, instead of, like, holding, like, touching his head. Todd, if your head hurt, you'd be like, oh, my God, my head hurt. This is how Bob, my Bob is. Ugh, my head. He just does all these, like, little silly things.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Now Todd's laughing at my pain. This is Bob.

[Todd Baratz]

Can you show us just so I can. Just so I can really understand what's happening here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't want to get my whole head. So I'll just do this and I'll. I'll put my hands like this and

[Todd Baratz]

I'll go with pinkies.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And Monet laughs. Cause I. Because I say I'm not well. Monet laughs.

[Monet X Change]

He said, I'm not well. I'm like, what's wrong? He's like, I'm not well. And I just think that's. Anyway, they're cute. So I said to him, I'm not laughing at you. I just think you're very. It's very cute, like when you're sick or something. It's. It's, It's. It's. It's not laughing at you. I'm laughing. Well, I guess it's kind of.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Which is why I adjusted to say, Monet's not laughing at me. When I'm in pain, Monet is laughing in my pain. Part of my pain is part of the cause of the laughter. My reaction to my pain is causing money to laugh. And when I'm. And when I'm not well, I. I don't like it. It is so. It would be like backstage at a show, my teeth hurt, my head hurts, my body hurts. And then I'm like. I'm, like, thinking to myself, I cannot believe I have to do a show. I cannot believe I have to sit here and do a show. And Monet's like, ha, ha, ha, you're in pain.

[Monet X Change]

Okay?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's what it feels like. It is not that. It feels like.

[Monet X Change]

Not that. I also wanna acknowledge that Bob had all four of his teeth. Wisdom teeth removed. I canceled work. I made myself available to pick him up from the hospital. I cared for him in his home. I brought his. I went to the pharmacy to get his medicine, to take care of him and vice versa. Bob is taking care of me when I've been sick. So when Bob is in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Pam, why would you bring that up? Because I.

[Monet X Change]

To outline that when you are. Every time you're not in Paramount, I just like, Ah. No, I like. I do my best to help you out as well.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why do they say you're not helping? But you're there. You're helping and laughing at me. So, like, for example, Monet's been very public about having her cosmetic surgery. When Monet had her cocktails, heard she was down bad. Yo, Monet was down bad. Imagine if I was laughing at you while you were sitting there. You were cracking jokes.

[Monet X Change]

You weren't laughing at me, but you were cracking jokes?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I told jokes to make you. To make you laugh, not so I

[Monet X Change]

could laugh at you, which was causing me pain because I couldn't laugh when I had the. When you were Telling those jokes and, you know, I couldn't laugh and it was hurting me when you tell jokes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you're lucky I wasn't in pain too. You'd have really split up.

[Todd Baratz]

How much do you enjoy the conflicts?

[Monet X Change]

I do not enjoy the conflicts. I only enjoy you both get some

[Todd Baratz]

pleasure out of it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, thank you, Todd, for calling it out, because I do enjoy the conflict.

[Todd Baratz]

Not necessarily like orgasmic pleasure. You're not like, squirting and having conflicts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think it helps us grow. And Monet is talking about all her best friends. Well, Monet is not acknowledging. And I'm gonna acknowledge it. Yes, Monet has a lot of best friends. They're not all her life partners. There's only two of us in this mix, and Andy ain't one of them.

[Monet X Change]

You see, Bob is taking a jab at my partner, which I never jab at Bob's partner. So I always honestly, you do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You started the phrase sneaky little boyfriend. That was you.

[Monet X Change]

Because Todd Bobbitt is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you said you never, so that's. So we clocked you in a lie already. And Jacob is on the call. Jacob can chime in. You do take jab to Jim, Jacob.

[Monet X Change]

That's because you and Jacob take jabs

[Bob the Drag Queen]

at my partner Andy, because Andy takes jabs at us.

[Monet X Change]

No,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

for the record, sneaky little boyfriend was coined before you were with Andy

[Monet X Change]

because you and Bob lied about y' all ad doctored a picture.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you just said it was a response to Andy. And meanwhile, sneaky little boyfriend was way before Andy. We, any of us knew Andy existed. So what's the truth?

[Monet X Change]

Well, I didn't know any of this because we met at Dragcon 2018, but that's the second point.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't even remember that.

[Monet X Change]

I don't remember if it still happened.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. You see?

[Monet X Change]

See the language, Todd? You see the language? I now I. I become a lie ass bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't make you a lion ass bitch. You made yourself a lion ass bitch by being a who lies and having an ass.

[Todd Baratz]

But as you're clutching your pearls, how much do you dislike being called a lion ass bitch, Todd?

[Monet X Change]

I hate it.

[Todd Baratz]

It is really 10 out of 10

[Monet X Change]

hate, because back when I was in middle school, this girl named Rakithala, she called me a lying ass bitch. And it takes me back to there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is that why you've been lying for a long time? How do you address the lying as opposed to addressing people calling you a liar?

[Monet X Change]

I didn't lie to Rakitha. She thought I did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we don't know Rakitha's side of the story, but I know that Rakitha sounds like a trustworthy. That sounds like the name of a trustworthy person. You know what doesn't, Kevin? That doesn't sound like a fucking trustworthy person. Would you. Would you let a Kevin watch your fucking kids?

[Monet X Change]

I would.

[Todd Baratz]

So the two of you don't hold any grudges against each other?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You. You would. You would let Kevin Hart watch your kids? You would leave your children. Can you respond to my tata? Can you respond to my tata? You would leave your children with Kevin Spacey?

[Todd Baratz]

Todd asked a question.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you respond? Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

[Todd Baratz]

Grudges. Okay.

[Monet X Change]

Because he was talking.

[Todd Baratz]

Sorry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't really. I don't really hold grudges.

[Todd Baratz]

I was asking who holds grudges, because it seems like there's a lot of grudges here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think. Monet. Monet. I don't hold grudges against each other. I will say I think Monet probably holds a grudge in general a little more than I do, but I don't think Monet is a person who really holds grudges too much. Um, and. And I don't really hold. I think the reason why Monet and I are able to be such great friends and life partners is because we don't hold grudges. Also, Monet and I both like being teased. We. We like teasing people, and we like people who like to be teased. So we both tend to not have a big problem with it. Um, so, yeah, I don't think. I don't think that Monet really holds a grudge. I mean, I would say if Monet holds a grudge against you, it is. You've probably done something very egregious, like you've probably stolen something or you have probably put her in some way of harm. But outside of that, Monet is a very forgiving person. I think Monet is actually a little too forgiving.

[Monet X Change]

I'll speak for myself. I don't hold grudges. And if I do with a grudge, it's because you've stolen something or you've done something. Like. Like. Yes. But yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You personally. Such a biting ass bitch. This is that also, Monat likes to bite me on. Like, she bites off of me on purpose and then acts like she doesn't do it. And that drives me crazy.

[Monet X Change]

Lame.

[Todd Baratz]

Well, I think this whole hour, you all, both of you have been describing all of the grudges that you hold against each other, which is funny. That you both said you don't hold grudges.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I don't hold any grudges against one a Ford. I mean, there are times someone said a while back, like, I do you. Do you trust me? And I said, I trust pretty much everyone. I trust you to do what I know you're gonna do. Right? So, like, there are people I wouldn't leave my money around because I trust you to steal. There are people that I wouldn't, you know, that I would leave my money around Cause I trust you not to steal. I trust you to do what you're gonna do. So, yeah, I think. I wouldn't describe them as grudges, but I think that they are. It is documented characteristics of Monet that I have locked away. And I know for sure, like, I'm like, Monet's gonna do this thing. When Monet gets here, she's going to do this. When Monet gets there, she's going to do that. When Monet sees that I'm doing this, she's going to do that.

[Monet X Change]

Ditto.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You just bit off me again. That's crazy. Say your own thing.

[Monet X Change]

Todd, I have a question. How do you propose if you had to rate this relationship on a score?

[Todd Baratz]

Rate?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think they ever have a great relationship. That's crazy.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. How would you rate this, this, this, this, this relationship compared to your.

[Todd Baratz]

Would I rate it like 1 to 10?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, compare it to your best friend. Good, bad. No, compare it compared to my best friend compared to you, your relationship with your best friend.

[Todd Baratz]

Hmm. I don't know if I could give it a rating. I mean, the two of you clearly enjoy fucking around with each other to the point where you've partnered and made a really fucking funny show about it. Sounds like some of the times when you're fucking with each other, though, it touches a little too deep. And conflict happens when they like. Conflict is fun. At other times, not so much. But it's. You have a cute dynamic. You just don't listen to each other, each other, and then you don't communicate properly each other.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's crazy.

[Todd Baratz]

And you're not communicating properly. But underneath all of that, you both love each other very much, which is very sweet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you know about communication?

[Todd Baratz]

Just sometimes you have to shut up and listen to each other and slow it down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let me see your relationship with your best friend. Let's see how you and your bestie

[Monet X Change]

are doing before you come in here

[Todd Baratz]

and tell us, oh, I don't have any friends.

[Monet X Change]

What is that?

[Todd Baratz]

I don't have any friends. It's my dog. She does what I tell her to do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How you gonna tell us how to be.

[Monet X Change]

Monet?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can't attack Todd. Monet was texting me to say that to you. Monet, text me. She was like, you can't lie.

[Todd Baratz]

I did not. You can attack me.

[Monet X Change]

You're such a liar. I literally have the text.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can post them. They're on the screen right now.

[Monet X Change]

You see? And if you're seeing this, this is footage that the sneaky little boyfriend. They docked her footage to Monay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You were texting me. Can you confront Todd about his lack

[Monet X Change]

of show us right now?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Now.

[Todd Baratz]

I mean, it's a problem.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Things that Todd does not want to talk about. This is crazy. Todd, in our last few moments.

[Todd Baratz]

Anything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you tell us a little bit about the kind of therapy that you do? We know that you. That you work in relationship therapy and sex therapy. Can you tell us a little bit about the kind of work that you do in therapy and what got you into therapy?

[Todd Baratz]

Yes. The typical therapy is not necessarily like this. The two of you are hysterical, and I love you both so much. So it's really fun to be able to hear. Part of me was just kind of like watching. Like, it was me watching a show, which I guess it is. But the typical type of therapy is not really like this. I'm much more engaged and much more serious. And I see a lot of couples. I see a lot of people who are just having issues with sex. But usually it's a lot of anxiety, a lot of trauma, a lot of childhood shame.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So what do you mean by issues with sex? Like, they're like. They're like. Is it, like, working through trauma or is it, like. Like ed or that, like, sex has died in their relationship?

[Todd Baratz]

Yeah, all of it. I mean, it's all relational issues that are presenting as sexual issues, but it's usually about a lot of relational anxiety. People are just, like, freaked out.

[Monet X Change]

What do you. What do you. As a sex therapist? As a therapist, you do a lot of sex therapy. What do you think about the use of lots of stimulants to make the penis erect? Like, all the girlies on her direct work? Okay, good.

[Todd Baratz]

Yeah. Why not?

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, if you got to get there, you don't. You gotta. If you gotta lay brick, you gotta lay brick.

[Todd Baratz]

I mean, if you have a headache, you take a Tylenol. I don't know. I'm a pill pusher. But, I mean, if there's something that can fix the problem or Take away your anxiety. I mean, like, you should take it if you want to take it, but don't take. I mean, you might also want to take a Tylenol and a allergy medic. Allergy pill as well.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Todd Baratz]

Get congested.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I, I have a friend, I have a friend who I say take an allergy pill before a Broadway show and then do a podcast and get laughed at. I have a friend who used the, the injector Trimax.

[Todd Baratz]

Trimax, yeah. And he was like, but it's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But then apparently.

[Todd Baratz]

But some people are using it as a party drug is another story.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Use it again to get it undone.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Sometimes you can over you, you can overthink it and your erection lasts too long. And then dudes like put like a cock ring on it and it's kind of circulation. You could, you could lose your penis.

[Todd Baratz]

Yeah, you have to be careful with that. That's a lot of, A lot of

[Monet X Change]

people are not what you said, Bob.

[Todd Baratz]

And so it's like a party trick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have people lost their penises to this?

[Monet X Change]

I mean, if you, if you, if you put the cock ring on and you trimax and then you have. And then you put too much and your boner goes on for like longer than. I don't know the amount of time. But that's blood just caught up in your penis. So you had to go to the, to the doctor and they had to like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Your hands are so light skin. It is crazy. This is insane how light your hands are compared to your body. It never, it never does it. Or is there a. Is it because they're too close? Is there anything else I want to talk about that is related to our guest? Sorry.

[Monet X Change]

No, wait.

[Todd Baratz]

This is related.

[Monet X Change]

So. So Todd, if people want to find.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Got the whitest hands here.

[Monet X Change]

If you want to find for therapy, how best do they do that?

[Todd Baratz]

You can find me on Instagram at yourdiagnonsense or my website, taudasbarrets.com therapy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And those are on the screen now. Right, Jay? Right, those social posts on the screen.

[Monet X Change]

Right, Jay Thanh, thank you for taking an hour out of your time to therapize this untherapizable relationship.

[Todd Baratz]

Untherapizable. Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think our relationship is perfect the way it is. Again, 100% love.

[Todd Baratz]

Yeah, don't change at all.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

100% love for Monet.

[Todd Baratz]

Just yell at each other.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would like to figure out how to get Monet's number up to. From 85%. I didn't, I didn't know I only had 85% love for you. That's. I'm gay.

[Monet X Change]

I'm not saying 85% love. I said in the 100%.

[Todd Baratz]

I mean, a B plus is pretty good, right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think you said 80. You said. And you said 85% love. You said Abrams in love. 10.

[Commercial Voice]

Dick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Dick and 5%. That is what you said. Can you acknowledge that before we go? Can that be your last acknowledgment, please?

[Todd Baratz]

I could take 85%.

[Monet X Change]

Thank you.

[Todd Baratz]

I encourage couples to go with 85%. I mean, if you can get 85%, that's pretty good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Be happy to get 2%.

[Todd Baratz]

Well, I'm in a very different rubric here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, bye, everybody.

[Commercial Voice]

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