The One About Compromise

Summary

Podcast Summary: Sibling Rivalry – "The One About Compromise"

Date: November 5, 2025
Hosts: Monét X Change and Bob the Drag Queen
Theme: This episode is a comedic deep dive into the art (and struggle) of compromise, as Bob and Monét tackle a series of “life together” scenarios. From choosing pets to planning parties and drafting roommate car contracts, they verbally spar, negotiate, and shade each other with their trademark hilarious chemistry.

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Main Theme & Purpose

Bob and Monét, drag queens and best frenemies, explore what it truly means to compromise when making decisions as a duo. Through a series of improv exercises and ridiculous hypotheticals, they showcase both their inability and surprising ability to find common ground, all while keeping the banter sharp and the laughs coming.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Measuring Contest (01:00–11:30)

• Brown Skin Girls Bit: Quick banter about both wearing brown and singing “Brown Skin Girl,” leading to a debate over who always sings in their accents.
• Discussion on The Great White Way and The Silver Screen: Both struggle to define why Broadway and Hollywood are named as such, with audience member Jacob providing the actual answer (02:32).
• Transition to Hilarious Size-Measuring Game:
  • They challenge each other to guess the length between their hands with a measuring tape, referencing penis size throughout, leading to escalating shade and braggadocio about their size estimation skills.
  • Quote:
    • Bob: “Two inches is a lot of penis when it comes to the Empire State Building. I wouldn't note if it was 2 inches taller or shorter; when it comes to penis, someone show 2 inches, more or less of penis? I will know immediately.” – (08:59)
• Classic “You Know I Don’t Like Fingers in My Hole” Riff (04:34): They spiral from discussing prostates to elaborate on surgeries that allegedly “move your prostate around”—a clear set-up for Bob’s dry delivery.
  • Memorable Exchange:
    • Monét: “Why would I lie about that?”
    • Bob (deadpan): “So you can feel it better? So you can just put it somewhere that it has easier access.” (05:24)

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2. Annoyances, Pet Peeves, and Brain Voices (11:51–14:28)

• Nevermind Is a Pet Peeve:
  • Bob expresses that “nevermind” is one of his top pet peeves. Monét counters that sometimes saying nevermind is about setting a boundary and not wasting time.
• Accent in Your Brain:
  • They debate whether their inner voice has an accent and try to verbalize their “brain voices.”
  • Monét jokes: “In my brain it’s Japanese.” Bob: “That’s crazy.” (13:16)

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3. Brand Partnerships, TikTok Influencer Life (14:10–16:23)

• Rumors about Influencer Deals:
  • Bob suspects Monét has TikTok shop links. Monét denies, revealing the casual simplicity of her TikToks.
• League of Legends Jealousy:
  • Bob is jealous of a fellow drag queen’s sponsorship. Monét recalls Bob actually streams LoL and is the top Google result for “Drag Queen League of Legends.” (15:01–15:11)
• How Would You Deal With Me Losing My Mind (Roleplay):
  • Spontaneous improv skit where Monét plays the responsible friend as Bob prepares to “travel to the moon” for groceries.
  • Quote:
    • Bob: “Just getting ready to go to the moon.”
    • Monét: “You need help packing?” – (15:34)

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4. Adopting a Pet Together – Structured Compromise (18:23–24:48)

• Scenario: Bob and Monét must choose a pet to adopt together.
  • Bob wants a dog; Monét claims she’s allergic and doesn’t like dogs (“I just don’t like dogs. They require too much” – 22:49).
  • They reject reptiles (lack of affection), and cats (Bob is scared of them).
  • After playful bickering, Bob proposes a hypoallergenic poodle. Monét finally concedes to a big labradoodle or Great Dane-sized poodle.
  • Quote:
    • Monét: “I want you to remember this moment. Going forward in this exercise, I'm very amenable.” (24:48)
• Insight: Even among friends, negotiating around compromise involves revealing deeper preferences and grudging flexibility.

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5. Desert Island Songs (25:10–27:51)

• Task: Decide on five songs they’d both be stuck with on a desert island.
  • Method: Two each, one joint pick.
  • Picks include Whitney Houston’s “All the Man That I Need,” Mariah Carey’s “Emotions,” Sza’s “Broken Clocks,” Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me.”
  • They bicker over musicals; finally, they agree on “Zero to Hero” from Disney’s Hercules as the fifth group song.
  • Quote:
    • Bob: “So easy.”
    • Monét: “Wow, look at us. We're gonna be living so fun.” (28:42)

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6. Party Guest List—Ten People, No Partners (29:09–33:46)

• Scenario: Need to collectively choose 10 friends for a party, with a key rule: no partners.
  • Read out names and debate the pros/cons, shade some for working too hard, others for being fun.
  • When Ben is ruled out, Monét jokes: “Yeah, Ben can’t come.”
  • Memorable Moment:
    • The hosts list drag friends like Naomi, KimChi, Peppermint, and comedian friends such as Matteo Lane. Naomi is outed as “the one who does drugs” (32:06), a reference Monét calls out in jest.

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7. Ordering Lunch on DoorDash – The Restaurant Compromise Game (33:48–41:14)

• Scenario: Can only use Monét's phone to DoorDash lunch; must agree on a restaurant.
  • Bob wants wings; Monét insists on Cheesecake Factory (“It has Italian, Mexican, Japanese. There’s a meal for every flavor!” – 34:53).
  • Disagreement: Bob accuses Monét of knowing the menu too well; Monét claps back: “Yeah, cause your fat ass know the menu, bitch.” (36:38)
  • They settle on Maison Pickle after dismissing Cheesecake Factory and Jacob’s Pickle. End up negotiating specifics (scrambled eggs, sausage on Texas toast, French toast, “no pulp” in the orange juice).
  • Quote:
    • Bob: “I want my sausage, egg and cheese on Texas toast scrambled.”
    • Monét: “Okay.” (39:39–39:46)
• Insight: Even food orders can be a battleground for compromise, negotiation, and plenty of petty shade.

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8. Creating a Roommate Car Contract (42:31–52:39)

• Scenario: Imagine sharing a single car. They negotiate: car type, schedule, car care, and penalties.
  • Bob wants a dark blue crossover SUV; Monét suggests a BMW X6, then jokes about Bob’s obvious setup.
  • Scheduling war: who gets the car during which days/hours, factoring in errands and work commutes.
  • The day is split, but Bob points out how quickly compromises get re-compromised.
  • Quote:
    • Bob: “So your plan is let you use the car at your own beck and Will. And then when you’re ready, just let me use it. I get to use it. That's your proposal?” (47:29)
  • Car gets washed Saturday afternoons because of “discounts”—Monét claims, Bob doubts.
  • Gas policy: car should never come back with less than a quarter tank.
  • Memorable End:
    • Bob sings a bit of “The Electric Slide” while they wrap up the car contract scenario.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Compromise:
  • Monét: “Remember this moment…how I worked with you...I want you to remember this moment.” (24:48)
• On Measuring Contest:
  • Bob: “Two inches is a lot of penis...when it comes to penis, someone show 2 inches, more or less of penis? I Will know immediately.” (08:59)
• On Roles in Shared Life:
  • Bob: “You’ll let me use my own car on the days I don’t have errands? Yes, you will.” (47:21)
• On Food:
  • Monét: “Yeah, cause your fat ass know the menu, bitch.” (36:38)
• On Cats:
  • Bob: “That cat looks like a person in a cat suit. Tell me that's not a human being in a cat suit.” (22:31)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:00–03:00: Banter about Broadway, “The Great White Way,” and silver screen origins
• 04:20–06:50: Prostate and surgery riff; “Hear Me Out” segment
• 08:45–11:20: Measuring tape/penis-size guessing game
• 13:01–13:28: “Accent in your brain” discussion
• 18:23–24:48: The pet adoption compromise exercise
• 25:10–27:51: Desert island songs – negotiation and musical references
• 33:48–41:14: Compromising on ordering food via DoorDash
• 42:31–52:39: Car contract, scheduling, and penalty discussion

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Tone & Style

• Tone: Chaotic, playful, deeply petty in an affectionate way, conversational, banter-heavy with rapid-fire one-liners and shade.
• Language: Authentic to the drag and queer comedy scene—teasing, irreverent, with familiar drag sister quips and meta-commentary on their own discussions.
• Dynamic: True to form, Bob methodically tries to be logical, while Monét is impulsive, clever, and shady; their clashing styles provide the comedy and heart of the episode.

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Summary

“The One About Compromise” is less a lesson plan in effective negotiation and more a showcase of how two opinionated, hilarious friends could ever (barely) manage to live together. Through a series of increasingly silly improv scenarios, Bob and Monét bicker, jab, and ultimately (sometimes) meet in the middle—the key to sibling rivalry and, as it turns out, a pretty great listen.

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End of summary.

Transcript

[A]

I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was

[B]

a thing, I never turned back.

[A]

I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like I can't stop.

[B]

I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail].

[A]

close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax, and let go

[B]

of whatever you're carrying today.

[C]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh. They're so fast.

[A]

And breathe.

[C]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[A]

1-800-contacts.

[B]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen,

[A]

and I'm Monet X Change, and this is simply rivalry. On this week's episode, we find out what 8 inches really looks like.

[B]

We work on compromising, and we find

[A]

out what made Bob say this.

[B]

They have surgery that'll move your prostate around. Out. What made Monet say this?

[A]

Why would I lie about that? We're both wearing brown. Brown skin girls. Your skin. Look.

[B]

This.

[A]

This how you sing when you sing to me when you do Caribbean accent. Brown skin girls.

[B]

No, I do under the sea. Under the sea.

[A]

Also, the patrons, they have a call, y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

They're like, bob needs to. The Monet always sing. Allegations are out there.

[B]

What of it? You are come see me eight times a week. I'll be singing on the Great White Way.

[A]

The Great White Way. Is that what roadways. Why is it called the Great White Way?

[B]

I don't have the answer. That I don't know. Why is it the silver screen?

[D]

Because it's black and white. Movies are like silver.

[A]

I literally going to say, like, when the. I was going to say the static

[B]

was the screen itself silver.

[A]

But I think black and white makes silver or some version of it.

[B]

I. I wouldn't. I don't know why they call it silver.

[A]

Is. Is it a Great White Way? Because Broadway is only supposed to be for white artists.

[B]

I don't. I don't know.

[D]

Early movie scenes were literally coated with reflective materials like silver aluminum to make the images brighter and sharper. And the Great White ray refers to the bright lights of Broadway.

[A]

Oh, there you have it. There we have it.

[B]

So I don't know why either one of them were called those things. I just know they call the silver screen and the Great White Way, but I didn't know why they were, you know, I don't know.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

You know. But I know that I've been on both. Well, actually, you haven't.

[A]

You're not on the Big White Way. I mean, you have.

[B]

You have the Great White Way.

[A]

You have topped the Great White Way before.

[B]

I have topped a Great White way before.

[D]

I have.

[B]

And I've topped a silver screen. I once fucked a guy in a Tin man costume. Really? No, I've never done that, but I will. I've seen some porn where they paint their whole bodies a color and they're still fucking.

[A]

It's kind of wild.

[B]

Well, you know, for.

[A]

For enough for a time. I'm sure it still happens when. I love when porn's parody movies. Like, I remember watching much anymore, though.

[B]

They used to happen a lot more, I feel.

[A]

Yeah, maybe. Yeah. But I remember, like, I specifically remember watching a, a With the blue people. Avatar porn. I, this is.

[B]

Well, I've always said avatars are hot. I've always said that's my Hear me out will be the avatar people for sure. No, I don't think.

[A]

You don't have to hear me. That's like saying, hear me out.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Yeah, I think we can all agree avatars are hot.

[B]

They're a little creaturely.

[A]

Like, hear me out would be for me. Okay, hear me out. The big labubus.

[B]

The big lab.

[A]

Not the tiny ones, the big ones.

[B]

The dimensions are the same, though.

[A]

I know, but something about it being bigger, I'm like, I mean, I can

[B]

see maybe a big labu. Boo. I think my hear me out is probably. I don't know what is my hear me out. I, I, I think that. Oh, Mushu.

[A]

Mushu.

[D]

Mushu, the dragon from Mulan.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Mushu. Okay. Yeah, Mushu.

[B]

Okay. You can see Mushu at the bar being, like, all twisted up also.

[A]

We should just go in and just like, wreak havoc in there. Have you ever had your prostate played with in a nice way? Like, like, in a very pleasurable way?

[B]

I mean, I've been, I've been topped.

[A]

Yeah, but even. But, like, there are some people who. They're like, every time they're. They're having sex, they're accessing their prostate. I don't feel that every time I

[B]

have sex, Maybe your prostate is hidden or maybe whoever's going in there doesn't know how to find it.

[A]

No, but. And do you know how to find it? I don't even know how to find it.

[B]

I haven't been that deep in there.

[D]

I don't like.

[A]

I see, I don't. I said this before, I don't like fingers in my hole. Maybe that's part of the problem.

[B]

Well, that's where the prosthetics. You gotta.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Come here.

[A]

But it has some guys who. Wherever the prostate sits, every time they is the process getting tickled and they are auto ejaculating.

[B]

You can have it. You can have it shifted and moved. They have surgery that'll move your prostate around.

[A]

Why?

[B]

So you can feel it better? So you can just put it somewhere that it has easier access.

[A]

Is that what the surgeon for? They're like, oh, I want to put

[B]

it in your hand. You can put it in your ear.

[D]

You can.

[B]

Why would I lie to you about that?

[A]

Anyway, so have you ever had your prostate tickles and like someone went in there to. With. With the purposes of tickling your prostate specifically?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No. I'm not really in these bottom streets and I haven't bought them for a really long time.

[A]

You want to do and try right now with you?

[B]

No, I'm good. Thank you for the offer. That's very kind of you.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Very, very sweet offer on your behalf.

[A]

A very benevolent person, I must say.

[B]

But I don't think. I don't think I am. I don't think I ever was a good bottom. And I don't. And I certainly am way out of practice these days.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

One hundo p. But I do remember that everyone I have bottom for was

[A]

obsessed with everyone who you bought them for. They were obsessed with you.

[B]

Obsessed. Obsessed like Fatal Attraction obsessed like showing up at my job.

[A]

You're lying.

[B]

I'm not lying.

[A]

Look, what you mean. You mean coming out to the bar when they were gonna have a drink?

[B]

No. Showing up at the restaurant I worked at and being like, I just want to talk to you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm literally not lying. I'm literally not lying.

[A]

And what do they want to talk to you about?

[B]

I didn't want to see him anymore. I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore. He was not a good top. He was a pretty bad top. And he was just ramming and slamming with his gigantic penis and it didn't feel good.

[A]

Gigantic. A rough estimate, money.

[B]

I was in my early 20s.

[A]

Okay, girl, I remember dicks. I've had my early 20s.

[B]

You don't. Because. Because when I ask you to describe penis to me, you. I'm going to be you. I'm going to be you. This is a great example. I hooked up with this hot guy and I'll show you he had a great. Oh, my God. A beautiful penis.

[A]

Monet. Monet, I'm gonna be you. Monet, do you want to tell me anything more about this penis? Jesus Christ. I have to fight you for every.

[B]

It was great. I don't know. It was just great.

[A]

Monet, I will give you now until the end of time to tell me to describe this penis. It was like.

[B]

I don't know. It felt nice. It looked nice. It was just.

[A]

Okay, well, they fangs.

[B]

It was just a really nice. It was just so nice. What did you like about it?

[A]

The sh.

[B]

The size. What size was it? Like a nice one. That's you. I don't know.

[A]

I would say a number.

[B]

Like a great.

[A]

I would say a rough number.

[B]

You don't.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Do you. How good are you with numbers?

[A]

I'm pretty good. Like. I mean, like what? Like addition.

[B]

I'm gonna show you a distance between my hands.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And you're gonna. And we're. Taylor, can you grab a measuring tape? And I need you to tell me.

[A]

A black one.

[B]

And I need you to tell me how much space you think I'm holding between my hands.

[A]

Oh, I'm gonna nail it.

[B]

You sure?

[A]

I'm going to nail it.

[B]

Actually, no. Taylor, get the. Do we have the Z? We mopped it. Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Yeah. You took it from. You took it from the studio. And we will be invoicing you for that. For that tape.

[B]

Okay, but I need to. Okay, I won't look. I look.

[A]

I look this way.

[B]

But the thing about the measuring tape is you can. You can hide it by putting it upside down.

[A]

What?

[B]

The measurement. Like.

[A]

Well, do centimeters. I do not know centimeters.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know what one centimeter is. The inches.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

I'm gonna say roughly 28 inches.

[B]

That is 20 inches.

[A]

That's not bad.

[B]

You're eight off. What is that?

[A]

Oh, I can tell you that, baby.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

That's about seven inches.

[B]

That's five inches. Okay. Okay.

[A]

I'm two inches off. That's not crazy.

[B]

Two inches is a lot of penis when it comes to the Empire State Building. I wouldn't note if it was 2 inches taller or shorter when it comes to penis. Someone show 2 inches, more or less of penis? I Will know immediately.

[A]

I can give you one more. Let me give you two more. Okay, that's three inches. That is two inches an inch off

[B]

you.

[C]

You.

[B]

You added a third.

[A]

That's 12. This is 10 inches. Okay.

[B]

I might not be great enough. That's what I said. I don't remember. It was so long ago. You were wrong on everyone. Okay, let's see what you're batting.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A rod. 17 inches.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Gagged.

[A]

Who? You also know centimeters. In Clayton county, they use centimeters of the most inches. So I'm gonna do it this way. So just hold. Can you. Can you see the top?

[B]

First of all, I don't know centimeters, and I ate that up. Do the next one. You think I was thinking I'm British. 27 inches.

[A]

Wrong. 25 inches and 2 inches. I will notice 2 inches. Give me clear.

[B]

You were off 8 inches when I was. Let's do it again. You're gagging right now.

[A]

You are gagging. You are off 2 inches.

[B]

You are so gagged right now.

[A]

You were off 2 inches.

[B]

I'm not gagged. You're so gagged. 9 inches. No. What is it?

[A]

10?

[B]

I am so much better than this. Even though I literally did the same thing. No, you did.

[A]

I was an inch off on three, and you were like Monet. That's a one inch.

[B]

I am so much better at this than you.

[A]

You are insane.

[B]

Give me some more. I am eating you up.

[A]

Say, how are you doing? Better than me or not? I'll give you the first one. You did nail it.

[B]

That is 11 inches.

[A]

That's correct.

[B]

You're gagging.

[A]

You got one more.

[B]

I got four more.

[A]

You get one more.

[B]

Honestly, I am eating this up. That is 22 inches. 18.

[A]

So those 4 inches erases the last one. I rest my case.

[B]

I did better than you.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yes. What do you mean, no? I got two right. You got all of them wrong. Give me back my measuring tape.

[A]

That's a nice measuring tape.

[B]

Actually, it's probably Taylor's. Is that yours?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Taylor's so chic with his black measuring tape. You would.

[B]

Taylor is very. He's a very, very chic person. Trey chic for sure. 1 hundo p. 1 hundo p. Trey chic. Oh, never mind what trey chic means. Very chic.

[A]

I know.

[B]

What were we about to say?

[A]

I was gonna say why they're mixing French and Spanish, but tres. Anyway, it's French.

[B]

I think that saying nevermind is probably one of my biggest pet peeves.

[A]

Bob, you have so many pet peeves.

[B]

But you can agree that saying nevermind is annoying though.

[A]

No. Cause when he says nevermind, it's two things I don't want. It's like, it's literally a passing fault that's not that important. I don't want to take our time when we literally have a short amount of time. Today I was like, it doesn't even matter. And then. Or if it's something that is gonna be like, it's a non factor, it's wasting time doing it.

[B]

It's not just time. You do this when we are just having conversations where no one's filming and we have all the time in the world. We're just hanging out. I'm gonna be like, do you. Never mind.

[A]

Because it's a passing thought that doesn't require. It doesn't need that much. I don't need to take time or. I don't wanna waste your time or even talk about my thoughts about it. Cause it's not about the person. It's about me. It's about me setting a boundary. Like, you know what I don't wanna

[D]

say about this thing.

[B]

I think in my head, I just wish that they had never bought it up when they do it. I'm always like, I really wish this hadn't been brought up.

[A]

You just say stuff in your brain. I'm like, it's not worth it.

[B]

Your brain. That's out loud.

[A]

No, you say stuff in my brain all the time. Your brain. And then it comes out your mouth.

[B]

You have an accent in your brain. Do you say hair? Do you say, I can't hear you in your brain or do you say, I can't.

[A]

I don't know what it sounds like. It's only my brain. Do you. Do you know what. Do you know what things sound like in your brain?

[B]

My. My brain. My voice in my brain sounds exactly like my real voice. Like this is how I sound. Just like this.

[A]

I don't. I, I don't. I don't. I don't know that. Let me try to think.

[B]

I even do my, like my. Even my, my ups and downs. What are you speaking Puerto Rican?

[A]

I. Yeah. And my brain is Japanese.

[B]

Can you. Can you verbalize it? Can you connect it to them? No, that's crazy.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

You guys speaking one Japanese. You didn't know something Japanese? Arigato.

[A]

Yeah, arigato. Omakase.

[B]

What's that mean?

[A]

Some type of sushi thing. Like when you get an omakase meal, it's like a. It's. It's. It's a very refined, very high expensive sushi experience where they. I think. Where.

[D]

I don't think it's exclusive to sushi. It's any meal where the chef has planned everything out and you don't get to choose the menu.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Do you have a brand partnership with some food thing?

[A]

No.

[B]

Or are you just posting on TikTok like, as. Like a. As like a. Yes.

[A]

I just. I just love you. I'll tell you. I'm in. I'm in my.

[B]

So is that something you got from TikTok, the meal? No, no. But you. But you put it on the thing.

[A]

No, I did the protein chips.

[B]

Yeah, you put it on your thing. You put the shop link.

[A]

No, I didn't. I didn't put it on there. I literally just recorded video and posted it. There's a shop link on my thing.

[B]

Wait, someone look it up. I think there's a shop link. What? Yeah. You talking about your little chips and there's a shop.

[A]

No, I didn't. I. Girl, I literally just recorded that. Like, I made them in my kitchen. I was like, oh, I got this. So I want to tell people about these chips. I did not put anything.

[B]

I heard a rumor that some girl from.

[A]

I just heard me say that thing about Umbrella Academy. I heard a rumor.

[B]

Oh. That some girl from the. Our management company who that we manage has a deal with League of Legends. And I'm so jealous.

[A]

Oh, fear.

[B]

I'm, like, insanely jealous. That's crazy. I don't know who it is. I was playing League Legends the other day, and someone came out and said, oh, someone. I was just working on a deal with this for someone. Huh.

[A]

Well, there's one about clash of clans.

[B]

Never mind.

[D]

For what it's worth, if you Google drag queen League of Legends, you're the first person who comes up on your streams. Also, they've reached out to you on Instagram to give you free things. I responded on your behalf.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you very much. But doesn't I have that shop link and everything? Did I make that up?

[D]

Yeah, you just made that up.

[B]

It was a filter. You have a filter on.

[A]

No.

[B]

Maybe I'm losing my mind. How would you deal with me losing my mind?

[A]

I deal with it on a regular basis.

[B]

Role play. You ready? You come to my house?

[A]

I come to your house.

[B]

Hey, Monet.

[A]

Hey, girl. What's up? What you doing?

[B]

Nothing. Just getting ready to go to the moon.

[A]

To the moon?

[B]

To the moon.

[A]

To the moon. Why the moon?

[B]

Well, I think that's for my The Trader Joe's I like is on the moon.

[A]

You need help packing?

[B]

Yeah. You gonna help me pack?

[A]

I will gladly.

[B]

It's just a. It's just a short trip. I'll be back in, like, two hours, so there's nothing to pack.

[A]

That's me. There's traffic.

[B]

I need you to drive into the airport, though.

[A]

I will take it to the airport. You have your bags?

[B]

It's just a couple hours. I don't need. I got my purse.

[A]

What about your headphones? Your medicine?

[B]

Ooh, that's a good idea. Let me go grab my medicine.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Grab my headphones.

[A]

Your Dante's neighbors did complain about the noise, girl.

[B]

Well, I'll be gone for a couple hours, so they'll be good now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Are you coming with me?

[A]

Yeah, we'll see when we get there.

[B]

All right. Are we going to the car now?

[A]

Yeah, we're in the car.

[B]

All right, we're in the car.

[A]

We're driving.

[D]

We're driving.

[B]

Watch out for that dragon.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Got it. Got it. Okay, over here. Nurse. Get her.

[B]

And on that note, let's take a break. You call this. You would have me institutionalized, girl. Oh, real quick. By the way, for those of you who just witnessed that ad break, you were thinking to yourself, man, this would be such a better experience if I didn't have to hear ads. You can join the Sibling rivalry Patreon.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Every single episode we have ever recorded ad free on our Patreon. We also have several of my solo shows. Several of Monet's solo shows. We have tons of Patreon exclusive content. We have content. Early releases of Civil Rivalry, Civil War.

[A]

We will still keep on doing those.

[B]

Even though you don't like early releases of the Big Question. Early releases of my YouTube videos, early releases of Monet Talks, and also I

[A]

put in my vlogs on the early release. Actually, that's a good idea.

[B]

Do you own the. Do you have access to the exchange rate episodes? They belong to you. They belong to you?

[A]

I mean, I have them. I mean, the exchange rate is my IP. It is on builds, YouTube. But, I mean, they're mine. I can put.

[B]

But they probably only episodes, though.

[A]

It's on their YouTube. But why? For why?

[B]

I was wondering if there's, like a. I don't know.

[A]

I think. I think I can put them.

[B]

I don't know why I was asking. I was wondering, like, maybe we should put them in a data. Like, put them all up on the thing.

[A]

But, I mean, I could do that. I'll be Fine. Also, people don't know.

[B]

People.

[A]

People don't know.

[D]

Only.

[A]

Only the patrons. About. About this. Current events.

[B]

Yeah, current events. Monet and I talk about current events once a week on our Patreon. So if you want to know what me and Monet, these are up to the. We record these every single week.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And they're always, you know, talking about there. It's always what's going on. So catch us out. Check us out over on the sibling rivalry Patreon. There's great stuff there.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, so today we're playing a game or we're doing an experience where Bob adopting a pet together.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we have to collaborate on what type of breed it is and, like,

[B]

with what animal and what has the questions lined up.

[D]

Yeah, I do. This is the first one.

[B]

Okay, so what's the question? This is.

[D]

This is the first. This is the first of a.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Series of exercises.

[B]

I would like a dog.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So the question is, you're definitely put together what animal and what breed is? I would like a dog.

[A]

Okay. I'm allergic to dogs.

[B]

You live with a dog?

[A]

I do. And it is because I. Every day, I have to take. Every day. Every morning I take Zyrtec to inoculate my symptoms.

[B]

Is it bad for your liver?

[A]

It's not good for me. So if we're gonna move it together and we do a thing, I would like to not have that experience.

[B]

So what's gonna happen to the dog you already have?

[A]

No, we're moving together. We're adopting an animal together.

[B]

Oh, so you're leaving that dog?

[A]

Yeah, I'm leaving that dog, leaving that man, leaving everything.

[B]

How long have you been living with that dog?

[A]

For three years.

[B]

To be clear, I don't think Zer takes bad for your liver. Just so you gotta know those.

[A]

No, but there is something. It's not bad for your liver, but there is. It's not good to take and antihistamine every day.

[D]

Like, I don't think it is, because I. I took it a lot and I asked my doctor if it was fine to take Zurich every day. And they were like, yeah, it's fine. Go for a girl.

[B]

So we're not doctor, you guys. We're not doctors. I'm taking it. This is all.

[A]

This was an assault. Tick tock. Probably wrong.

[B]

Anyway. So you. I just want to be clear. You have experience with living with a dog and you manage. You seem really happy.

[A]

I was happy with the man, not happy with the dog. I was sacrificing for that.

[B]

Well, you as roommates, you'll probably be very happy. So why can't you offer me the same kind as you offered him?

[A]

Because I'm saying a new experience, and I would like it to not. I would like to not have to do it every day. I. I want to stop doing all these medicines.

[B]

I'm so sorry to hear about Andy.

[A]

I know he did the crash. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

The emotional crash.

[A]

The emotional crash while he was in turmoil. Yeah.

[B]

Into a car.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Off a cliff.

[B]

The crash of the crash. Crash.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But. But I'm gonna be moving in with you to help you build your life. Okay. If you. I would like to have a talk about a poodle. Because poodles are non allergenic.

[A]

They are. They are hypoallergenic. I can ruminate on that. How do you feel about maybe a reptile?

[B]

A reptile?

[A]

Yeah. We have a friend, Asad Yaquh, who has reptiles. And they seem to be pretty chill. They don't require a whole lot.

[B]

They're not friendly. Reptiles don't love you.

[A]

His chameleon is very friendly.

[B]

Reptiles don't have affection for. Toward people.

[A]

How you know that?

[B]

It's like a thing. It's like science. Like, reptiles don't. I was watching one of the. One of the alligator guys, and he was handling an alligator, and he was basically being like this alligator. You see me rubbing her, and she let me rub her. But this alligator seems to not, like, seem like she wants to, like, be friends with me. I can't read that.

[A]

Yes, reptiles do experience emotions, but they

[B]

don't have feelings for humans.

[A]

Can you give me a look at Jacob?

[B]

So as they're like, he's like, rubbing it, but he's like. The only reason she's not biting me because I know how to handle her. And he goes, watch this. And he moves his hand slightly over and she tried to bite his hand. They do not feel emotions like love and affections the way that mammals do. So I would like a pet that wants. That likes me.

[A]

Okay, hear me out. Cats.

[B]

That's a hard no for me.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I don't like them. They piss in the house. They smell funny. They're mean. And I'm kind of scared of cats.

[A]

You're scared of cats?

[D]

A little.

[B]

I'm a little bit afraid of cats.

[A]

But you. You and Colleen get along so well.

[B]

I. Colleen is in very. I don't live with Colleen. And also when I'm there, she hides. Colleen. Is she in the corner? She's in her little chair, but I don't I don't have experiences around Colleen. I have very few. I feel like when she was a kitten, she was really playful, but now she's an old, grumpy, grumpy.

[A]

She ain't sweet. I think if we got. Because, you know, if we have our friend, you know. You know our friend Taylor. Yeah, yeah. He has a big Maine coon kind of cat.

[B]

You would never see me. That cat is. That cat hits. That cat has attacked his other friends. His poor Rick and friend got attacked by that cat. She. He. The cat attacked her, and the cat looks like a person in a cat suit. Here's a picture of the cat. Tell me that's not a human being in a cat suit. This thing is creepy. It's the size of Jacob.

[A]

It's roughly.

[B]

That's a twink in a fucking catsuit.

[A]

A little hello Kitty.

[B]

Very. That I could settle. Okay. I would prefer a poodle because if the. If the only issue is that the dog is. Is your allergies.

[A]

Don't. So here's the thing. The allergies. I just don't like dogs. I think dogs require too much.

[B]

They didn't bring that up earlier?

[A]

Yeah, they require too much. Too much affection. You got to take them out for walks. You got to take them. It's just too much. And if we're living together, chances are, you know, you travel a lot. I do, and I travel a lot. But sometimes there's a chance that you'll be out of town, and I have to be walking, picking up, and taking a dog out of the neighborhood.

[B]

You did all that with Andy?

[A]

No, I do not.

[B]

You did that with. Anyway, Andy was. You pick up Andy right before the crash.

[A]

I loved him. I wouldn't love the dog. So you're not gonna love our pet? No. If it's a dog, hell no.

[B]

You don't love potato.

[A]

No.

[B]

You're not real.

[A]

I don't love potato.

[B]

You don't love potato?

[A]

I tolerate potato. I don't love.

[B]

Do you love Colleen?

[A]

I love Colleen. That's my. I birth her with my own love.

[B]

When you see potato, what feeling do you have?

[A]

I have respect. I have care for him because I don't want him to die because he's a. He's a human. He's a sentient existing being. But I don't see him like, oh, my God. I just. These young people see dogs like, oh, my God. Can I please pet him?

[B]

How does your heart feel?

[A]

My heart feels neutral.

[B]

What if potato's limping? How do you feel then?

[A]

I feel sad for, but I don't mean I love it.

[B]

How do you feel about Cody?

[A]

I think Cody's fine. I don't have the thing for dogs. What I do like. Okay, here's what I can see. I think it might be a. Cody, come here, Cody.

[B]

Cody, Cody, come on.

[A]

Cody said girl.

[B]

No, Cody, Cody, don't embarrass me.

[D]

This is what I'm talking about.

[B]

This is what I. Cody, don't embarrass me. That's right, Cody, you know, Cody, stay your ass over there.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

I'm now neutral on you too.

[A]

The tides turn really fast.

[B]

Yeah. You know, I don't want a poodle.

[A]

I do. I will say I grew up with a poodle. Her name was Blossom. And I do like. I do like poodles. Okay, I can concede if we get a labradoodle. I want a big dog. A big poodle.

[B]

So you are willing to get a dog?

[A]

I'm willing to get a big old Labrador. I want like a Great Dane sized poodle.

[B]

Okay, let's get it.

[A]

All right.

[B]

All right, step one, we have a group.

[A]

I will say, remember this moment. Remember this moment how I was amenable and how I worked with you on what would. So we can get somewhere. I want you to remember this moment. Going forward in this exercise, I'm very amenable. Okay.

[B]

And I think we both know that. Oh, that was just one. One thing on the animal. Oh, we've moved on from the animal.

[A]

Okay, I'll read this one. You're on a desert island together and you can only listen to five songs. Which five songs are you taking?

[B]

We both get five or we have five collectively.

[D]

Collectively agree on one.

[B]

So it sounds like you pick two, I pick two. We agree on one.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Are we, Are we, Are these songs on loop?

[D]

You can play them whatever you would

[B]

like, but they're not constantly playing.

[D]

No, but it's the only songs you can play and listen to. You can't sing. You can't sing. Other songs have to either listen or interact with these specific five songs on your desert island.

[B]

Okay, let's go song for song.

[A]

Song for song.

[B]

You want me to go first?

[A]

I can go first.

[B]

Okay, go ahead.

[A]

All the men that I need, Whitney Houston.

[B]

I'm going to have emotions. Mariah Carey.

[A]

I'm going to have broken clocks by Sza.

[B]

I'm going to have because you love me, Celine Dion. Okay, and now we have to agree on a song.

[A]

Agree on something.

[B]

So do you want to pick a song? From a musical that we both like?

[A]

Sure, I could be amenable to that.

[B]

Do you want to be Dreamgirls?

[A]

No. For the rest of our lives? No.

[B]

A musical, but not Dreamgirls. That's the. I feel like that is the one music you and I can agree on the most. The one musical that you and I can agree on the most.

[A]

No. There's more.

[B]

Little Shop?

[A]

No.

[B]

Annie?

[A]

No.

[B]

Les Mis?

[A]

No. I never seen it.

[B]

Do you have any recommendations?

[A]

Death becomes her for the rest of our lives.

[B]

I mean, I like Death becomes her, but for the rest of our lives?

[A]

Yeah, why not?

[B]

Okay, what song? I want to be clear. What we have emotions is a upbeat pop. You know what I mean?

[A]

All the man I need is mid pop morality pop.

[B]

Because you love me is a full on ballad.

[A]

Ballad. Broken clocks is a vibe.

[B]

So call it a vibe. So you want to bring Willow Smith?

[A]

No, not Willow Smith.

[B]

So. And don't say her name because you know who's throwing in here. Do you want. So what is the vibe of this? Because. So are we agreeing on death becomes her as our. As our fifth song? Yeah, I mean, as our fifth. So from this show?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so what do we want? There's not a lot of ballads in the show.

[A]

You know what? Maybe not Death becomes her. I'm trying to think. What else? Oh, Hercules.

[B]

The movie?

[A]

Well, yeah, the movie. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I think it should be the gospel truth. We get some religion, we can use this for church, for worship, and we can use it also for energy.

[B]

I mean, our population's dying out pretty soon.

[C]

It is.

[B]

Unless one of us is going to be able to get pregnant.

[A]

And I think we all know there's enough.

[B]

I just want to remind you, last time I bought them, those guys went crazy. So I think that Gospel truth is pretty short though. I think Hercules would be a better song.

[A]

Hercules? You mean zero to hero?

[B]

Yeah, Zero to hero would be a better song.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because Gospel truth is actually really short.

[A]

I was going to say I was going to stitch them all together, you know.

[B]

Not allowed to do that. Not allowed.

[A]

Not.

[B]

I was going to stitch every song from Ms. K. Lauren Hill all into one big song.

[A]

We make the rules here.

[B]

So let me just go. Okay. I would go back. I would like to stitch every song from the M case Laura Hill into one big song.

[A]

No, but Gospel Truth is 1, 2, 3.

[B]

No, they're. They're in different chunks of the movie.

[A]

No, they all happen at the beginning. Gospel Truth is 1, 2, 3.

[D]

After the beginning, they're in the Sound. We'll see how they are listed in the soundtrack.

[A]

In the soundtrack, they're 1, 2, 3. I'm guaranteeing it.

[B]

I was stitching Miseducation Lauren Hill in order.

[A]

That's not. You can't do that. 1, 2, 3. You can't do that.

[B]

But you can stitch them together.

[D]

Okay, they are 1, 2, 3. But they're three separate songs.

[B]

Yeah, they're separate songs. When it's one song, we can't. We're not bringing rules to make it easy for ourselves. You only pick one. I'm choosing zero to hero.

[A]

Okay. I'll just. Zero.

[B]

Cuz it's got. Who's got the glad. Who put the glad. Gladiator. That has the churchy moment in it too.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

So easy.

[A]

Wow, look at us. We're gonna. We're gonna be living so fun.

[B]

I thought it was gonna be more about the pet. I thought the whole thing was figuring out life for this pet.

[A]

No.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I can do a Labrador.

[A]

I love a Labrador. Like a big dog.

[B]

I like big dogs.

[A]

Yeah. Brownie. No, Grizzly was a big dog.

[B]

Grizzly was a big dog. Yeah.

[A]

Grizzly, I think. I like big dogs. And I like Cody too. Cody is small. Cody's very cute.

[B]

We are gonna have a party and we're inviting 10 people and our partners cannot come. Well, for you, that's happening to me.

[A]

That's your whole list.

[B]

So who are we inviting?

[A]

Okay, easy.

[B]

Naomi.

[A]

Small kimchi.

[B]

They're on the list, obviously.

[A]

I think. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

I think we don't need anyone else. Peppermint can come.

[A]

Peppermint can come.

[B]

Mateo can come.

[A]

Mateo Lane, Nick Smith. Wow, you're going to include Nick Smith.

[B]

I see we both sitting at the same time. Could you number them, Jacob, so that I can keep up with them instead? That'd be. If you just do one. Well, you can do that too. They would number themselves if you do the thing, but that's fine. And okay, so now we.

[A]

Who.

[B]

Who are we putting up and who else? Who else is invited to this party?

[A]

Patty. No response.

[B]

I'm. Let's put a little asterisk next to Patty.

[A]

Taylor. Taylor will be fine. Taylor. Taylor will. Taylor will be great. Taylor will be great for morale. Taylor will have us all. Taylor will be looking at the glass half the whole time.

[B]

You didn't say about Patrick.

[A]

No. Oh, Patty is. The glass is almost empty.

[B]

Is this a balancing act? This is why we have Patrick. And Patty's very.

[A]

Patty is very resourceful. Oh, no, this is not the. I think we're on the opposite party still. This is the party.

[B]

This is a party.

[A]

What do we need?

[B]

You trying to make Patty work at the party? This is just a party.

[A]

No, I was thinking I was something on the island.

[B]

No, we're not an island. We are at a party.

[A]

At a party.

[B]

Okay? In fact, we'll tell you. And again, if you want no ads, you can get on our Patreon. But if you are not on Patreon,

[A]

what do you have to break? Actually, tell them they don't have.

[B]

They don't have. They don't have the experience to break. You don't have to.

[D]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile.

[A]

Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] switch upfront payment

[C]

of $45 for 3 months, $90 for 6 months or $180 dollars for 12 month plan required 15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.

[B]

Okay, this was getting really. Okay, this is getting really hard because now we have three people. Are any family members coming? Do you have anyone in your family you want to come?

[A]

No. No family members. These are friends. No. Who you bring for your family? You bring Justin?

[B]

No, I'm not bringing Justin. I don't think just want to hang out with us.

[A]

I need someone gonna do drugs.

[B]

I just want to be. Oh, Alex. Naomi would do drugs. A year. Naomi would do drugs.

[A]

Don't say that about it.

[B]

Naomi said. Naomi on the podcast scream we do drugs. She did. Did you not watch us? Alex is not coming. Take Alex off the list and meet. Alex is not coming. Why? No one's partner's there.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Everyone with a partner has to be solo. So sorry, Alex. And Alex doesn't watch our podcast, so he'll never know about this.

[A]

He sure won't. We need three more. Three more people for party.

[B]

Okay, I'm going to invite. I would like. Do we want. Like who's. I'm gonna say, do you want Mitch to come?

[A]

I don't think Mitch is gonna be for the party.

[B]

Do we want.

[A]

Oh, actually, you know Mitch Khadijay.

[D]

So Mitch is working.

[B]

So Mitch is working.

[A]

He's still at the party.

[B]

Wait, hold on, hold on.

[A]

I'M hosting at my house. I'm here making drinks and bringing y' all food and shit.

[B]

We all working. We're not hosting. This isn't a house. This is at the Bellagio, in the ballroom at the Bellagio, in the Gym

[A]

with just 10 people, all of us in this big ass room.

[B]

Yeah, we can afford it.

[A]

I think that

[B]

Kadember Amber Wallen is

[A]

fun vibes at a party.

[B]

But Ben can't come because no one's party can be there.

[A]

Yeah, Ben can't come.

[D]

What about the kids?

[A]

Yes, the kids can. Well, no, the kids.

[B]

There's one spot left and there's two kids. So the kids can't come.

[A]

The kids can't come.

[B]

So I would say Jasmine should be the last one.

[A]

Jasmine. I'm into that.

[B]

Jasmine W. Jasmine at the game that

[A]

I had the other the other day. She was so fun. She's so funny.

[B]

She's very fun. She's very fun.

[A]

Okay, that's a fun party.

[C]

That was easy.

[B]

Yeah, that was fun. That was easy. I like that.

[A]

That was. That was good.

[B]

Nice. All right, Jacob, what's that next? What's that next one?

[D]

Okay, this is your final challenge.

[A]

Oh, God.

[D]

Monet, you need to get your phone out.

[B]

Oh, do I need my phone?

[D]

Nope.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why you want to get a phone?

[D]

Okay, together you're ordering lunch for yourself from Doordash. You need to compromise on a restaurant and then figure out what you're going to get from the restaurant. And only Monet can be inputting the order onto the phone.

[B]

Well, you're not going to lie.

[A]

No, I would never.

[B]

Why can only one of you put

[D]

in the order in to make it more complicated?

[B]

Because she'll lie in screen record. Start screen recording right now.

[A]

I will not do that.

[B]

Start screen recording this very second so we can know if you're lying. Okay, show me that the screen. Show me that the screen is recording.

[A]

You don't need to see. I'm telling you, this kid is recording. Why would I lie about that? Okay.

[B]

And we need to do a. Do a. Do a. Well, how will they know when they start recording? I think you should have been like, boom. Does it count down?

[A]

It does.

[B]

It counts fine. All right. I don't know. Anyway. Okay, so ordering lunch.

[A]

Ordering lunch. Okay, I say hear me out. I say we go to a Cheesecake Factory.

[B]

The Cheesecake Factory.

[A]

Because you have an array. We have Italian, Mexican, Japanese. We have. There's an American. There's an array of different things.

[B]

I have not been to the Cheesecake Factory. I think I've been once in my whole life.

[A]

Let me tell you something. There's a meal for every flavor.

[B]

I don't even know it's there. Everything.

[A]

You tell me something, I'll tell you if it's that Cheesecake Factory.

[B]

Wait, so we. We. Are we both getting meals? Are we both getting the same meal?

[D]

You have to compromise on the restaurant. Yeah. You're not. You can get whatever you want.

[B]

Oh, this is gonna be easy. I want wings.

[A]

Yeah, Cheeky Factory has wings.

[B]

Open. Go to the app. How much? Who's paying for this?

[A]

You?

[B]

No, we're splitting the cost.

[A]

I don't think that's what it was.

[B]

I think we need limits. Like, how much money can we spend? We need more limits because this is gonna be too easy.

[D]

Well, let's get to seeing if the Cheesecake Factory has wings.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Are there wings there?

[A]

Well, can you search inside a restaurant?

[B]

Yeah, you go to the restaurant.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I see it.

[B]

And then you go. Yeah. Type in wings.

[A]

Yep. Buffalo wings and Buffalo wings with French fries. And you love both of those things.

[B]

This is what I want.

[A]

I know that's what you want.

[B]

What flavors do they have?

[A]

Just buffalo.

[B]

What?

[A]

Just Buffalo wings. What.

[B]

What spiciness are they?

[A]

I. I don't know. I've never had a buffalo wings.

[B]

Are they breaded?

[A]

Yes, they're breaded.

[B]

But I don't know what the spice flavor. What the flavor, what the spice profile is.

[A]

They're good. They're the best wings I've ever had.

[B]

You don't know that.

[A]

Yes, I have.

[B]

No. We gotta go somewhere else.

[A]

No. Okay.

[B]

Cause you know this menu very well, so you know you're gonna love what

[A]

you are saying how you call me a fat bitch that just knows the menu so well.

[B]

You're the one who's like, it has a tie and it has the greens, potatoes, tomatoes, you name it.

[A]

You like?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Cause your fat ass know the menu, bitch.

[B]

You said you knew the menu anyways.

[A]

Okay, okay. So I've been suggesting. Do you want to suggest a restaurant?

[B]

Well, I think that we should go to. We should go to put the. We should go to Jacob's Pickle.

[A]

I don't really like Jacobs pickle anymore.

[B]

Give me anymore.

[A]

It's gone down. The quality is not what it used to be. Sorry. Have you been in there with it?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It's delicious.

[A]

When's the last time you were there?

[B]

Last time I was in New York, maybe like a couple months ago. Really? Yeah.

[A]

The chicken is over breaded, I think. Okay. I'll Meet you at Maison Pickle, which has some Jacob Pickle elements.

[B]

I don't know Maison Pickles. You'll have to talk me through the whole menu.

[A]

The whole menu.

[B]

We'll go to Maison Pickle.

[A]

I don't think it will even pick up over here.

[B]

Well, then move your thing.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's what.

[B]

See, this is what this is.

[D]

This is.

[B]

See, if I was controlling the phone, we wouldn't have to. I would have knew that already. I'm starving over here. I'm literally starving to death. Where is Maison Pickle at?

[A]

It's in the Upper west side.

[B]

Is it French?

[A]

It's French ish. It's like more like Creole, you know?

[B]

Is this like New Orleans food?

[A]

No.

[B]

Is it gumbo New Orleans food?

[A]

Like, for example, they have like a Haitian Creole? No. They have like their big classic Mac and cheese. Is it fried chicken and toast? There's a classic.

[B]

So it's like Louisiana Creole kinda. Oh, the pull apart bread.

[A]

You would. I know you love bread. The pull apart bread is the honey butter. Pull apart bread is.

[B]

Don't over me.

[A]

You love bread.

[B]

Don't Oprah me. They have wings.

[A]

They have the pull apart bread with herb butter.

[B]

What is pull apart bread?

[A]

It's like you bake this bread like this and they put a big slab of honey and butter in the middle and it kind of comes together like monkey bread. And you pull it apart and it's like, okay.

[B]

Wheel is a great appetizer. Do they have wings?

[A]

I don't know if they have wings. I think you might have to give up on the wings, girl. Everywhere.

[B]

Everywhere.

[A]

Don't have no goddamn wings.

[B]

I'm just asking.

[A]

They don't have wings. No results.

[B]

Okay, what do they have? Read me the menu.

[A]

I don't know what's there. There's a classic Caesar. There's a steak tartare. There's a French onion.

[B]

If, you know I don't. You know, you can skip the ones you know I don't want. You think I want to eat a steak tartare?

[A]

Why would you?

[B]

Do you think why? I want you to think about the times you meet. You think, I want to eat a raw piece of steak?

[A]

Steak tartar is good.

[B]

They have.

[A]

Oh, you love this.

[B]

Skip the ones I don't want the bacon.

[A]

Steak is so good. They take a piece of bacon and that's cut thick like a steak, and then you cut it like it's. It's a thin strip. Thin, thick shrimp.

[B]

I don't like steak.

[A]

It's bacon. Oh, it's bacon like a shrimp.

[B]

I thought it was steak cut like bacon.

[A]

You know, it's bacon cut like steak.

[B]

I don't want it though.

[A]

There's a sausage egg. You love of sausage, egg and cheese.

[B]

On what?

[A]

On Texas toast.

[B]

Wait a minute, girl. Okay. Is it a link or a patty?

[A]

It is a patty. I love patty.

[B]

This is great. I know.

[A]

Well, you love most patties Patty. I love you.

[B]

Do you want. Okay. Can I get it scrambled?

[A]

Yeah, they're scrambled.

[B]

Are you lying?

[A]

No, it's scrambled.

[B]

Okay, so I want my sausage, egg and cheese on Texas toast scrambled.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I want a hash brown.

[A]

I don't think we have hash browns.

[B]

So what am I supposed to eat next to my.

[A]

A bacon steak.

[B]

Two entrees.

[A]

Oh, yes, girl. Yes, Mary.

[B]

Did they come with sides?

[A]

No, you have to get the sides separately.

[B]

Okay, what size can I get

[A]

star? Oh, I don't know if they have sides like that.

[D]

Girl.

[B]

They don't have sides at a restaurant.

[A]

Oh, brunch sides. There we go. We have a side of French toast. Oh, that's not a size entree, dude, we're splitting it.

[B]

This is, we're not splitting. This is my part of the meal.

[A]

No, I said we can split the side. The sides. You can have a ham.

[B]

How much money do we have to spend?

[D]

Focus on getting ordered together.

[A]

Breakfast. Potatoes. I think it's hash browns.

[B]

I don't want that. Okay, I'll take the French toast. Okay.

[A]

And we can split it.

[B]

Get your own French toast. You can get your own French toast. You gonna eat a whole order of

[A]

French toast by yourself?

[B]

Yeah, people eat fritzos all the time with not when they get the Texas toast. Okay, we can split it.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

And I like some orange juice first.

[A]

Squeeze. Do you have pulp or no pulp?

[B]

No pulp.

[A]

No, you're getting pulp.

[B]

No, I don't want pulp.

[A]

No, you're getting pulp.

[B]

Why would you give me pulp?

[A]

Because I want to taste it.

[B]

Get your own orange juice.

[A]

No, but I want to taste yours. I don't want a whole glass. I just want like a little bit.

[B]

Do no pulp.

[A]

Monet. I, I, I, I don't like that.

[B]

Okay, what are you ordering for yourself?

[A]

I'm gonna guess the shrimp Caesar and the bacon steak for breakfast.

[B]

Okay, a shrimp Caesar for breakfast?

[A]

Yeah, with the bacon steak. That's gonna be good, girl.

[B]

Okay. Uh huh.

[A]

That was easy.

[D]

I mean, it took you 10 minutes.

[B]

But I mean, what is a mikoa salad?

[A]

What I never see, I always see like a Neuqua salad.

[B]

I'M about a mikoy salad. A nikoi a mikoy salad. I actually don't know. I just know in the album for the musical TikTok, he goes at the beginning of the song brunch, he goes, I have a mecoy salad and some honey bread.

[A]

Who is that roll?

[B]

It's just like a random. I don't even know who it is. But just some. Someone says, I'll have a me quoi salad and some honey bread. And that is like. I think about that all the time.

[A]

I know. Neuqua salad from Legally Blonde. Is that a line in it? A neuqua salad, actually, Jacob, can you look that up?

[B]

Like, I think it says a miqui salad, but it's the song called Brunch from Tick Tick Boo.

[D]

I thought he said salad Neuqua.

[B]

Well, we'll find out in a second.

[A]

That's where you have such a little theater fags.

[B]

It's at the top of the song.

[D]

They might not be online because it's not like. Well, no, it's the Sala Neuqua. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it's a neuqua. Nequa and some honey bread.

[A]

Yeah. Neuqua salad is like a thing.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know what that is. I just know it from that musical. Imagine you live together and must share one car. You need to create a roommate style car contract. You must agree on a weekly schedule who gets it for weekend. For weekends, nights, the rule of use. The gas tank must be at least halfway full. No trash left inside. And the penalty for breaking a rule.

[A]

Okay, okay, I think first of all, we both work and run errands a lot during today. How are we going to handle this?

[B]

Well, do we talk about the kind of car we need? An suv?

[A]

Yes. You for sure. Yes.

[B]

With a hatchback.

[A]

Meaning, like what? Yeah, yeah, that's fine. I mean, that's not all SUVs open, though.

[B]

No, some open to the side.

[D]

All right.

[B]

G wagon opens to the side.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Although actually, it kind of helps because sometimes when you're in a place like there's an air. There's an air conditioner duct right over my parking spot. And my can't even open my thing all the way up. It's kind of annoying. Anyway, we literally both drive a black. We literally both drive black issues.

[A]

But I was just saying, like, in my future, I think I'll do a different color. Like, I wanted to kind of get my car wrapped in like an olive hunter green.

[B]

I don't want a green car. I would like It. I know you're comfortable driving a black car.

[A]

I'm comfortable with it, but we're also, we're negotiating. I'm getting a new car. I'm getting a new lease.

[B]

So I would do like blue. I would do red. I would do a dark blue.

[A]

Okay, I'm into that. Let's do like a dark navy blue.

[B]

Okay. A dark blue card. Got it.

[A]

What, what, what? Make a model.

[B]

I mean, I'm not super. As long as it is like a crossovery type. Like I don't want to drive a Suburban.

[A]

Same.

[B]

Or a Lincoln Navigator. I would like it to look like, like a, like a Toyota Venza, a Lexus or a Rivian.

[A]

What? A Rivian. They're. They're electric.

[B]

They're. They're pickup trucks.

[A]

Are they?

[B]

Rivians are pickup trucks.

[A]

No, I have the ones that are like, look like the Rivian. They have the ones that look like. They look like little crossover SUVs. I've seen those.

[B]

Those. The Rivian SUV.

[A]

R, I, V, I, A, N. Yeah, Rivian SUV.

[B]

See, it's a little big. That's. That's. That's the size of a Suburban. That's too big.

[A]

That is too big.

[B]

You'll never find parking in LA ever.

[A]

That is too big. I don't like that actually.

[B]

So we. Whatever car you have right now, that. That works fine for me. It looks. It's the same size as my car.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, we'll do that.

[B]

Okay. So what kind of car is it?

[A]

It's a BMW X6. I knew I knew you.

[D]

I knew one.

[A]

For the time you did that. You were just trying. I. You're. You' so see through your fucking. Your cellophane, bitch.

[B]

$77,000 and they go up to 135,000 and she owns it.

[A]

Oh my God. I knew you were. I could smell you from literally a mile away.

[B]

Woo.

[A]

Anyway, so. Okay, so we're gonna do that. What's the schedule like? I need to have a dream today.

[B]

During the day.

[A]

You don't go anywhere during the day. You come to work, to your studio, you stay here. You leave in the evening. So you. So I think you should Uber to work. I used to do it today. And you can have it at night.

[B]

I go first of all. I don't go anywhere at night.

[A]

I don't get anywhere at night either.

[B]

I take my ass home the same. So what this, what needs to happen.

[A]

Wait, hold on. That is language. That's not gonna work. What needs to happen is crazy. No, what you would like to happen is what.

[B]

What needs to happen is what you like to happen. You can drop me off at work. I'm not taking an Uber to work.

[A]

So now I'm. Yeah, so now I'm your fucking chauffeur?

[B]

Well, as you know, my studio is very close to your home. This is not out of your way.

[A]

So. No, that means I am driving. So let me get this straight. You want me to get my black

[D]

ass up in this situation world? Your roommates who live together with our dog.

[A]

So we live over here in the Valley.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. What time you need to get to work?

[B]

10 o' clock every morning. My hours are 10 to 6. Okay, you know what?

[A]

I go to the gym typically from 7 to 9. I can grab eggs. But now I'm doing Spanish class though, so best class is from nine to. So here's the thing.

[B]

Okay, I can drive you to the pfit.

[A]

Say it again. Yeah, but. Okay, I can drive you, but you have to come to work a little early. I can drop you off at 9:30. I can't drop off at 10 o'.

[D]

Clock.

[B]

I could do 9:30.

[A]

Actually, 9:15.

[B]

I feel like. Because I agreed. You just pushed it.

[A]

No, because my class starts at nine thirty.

[B]

It feels like I agreed and then you just pushed it earlier.

[A]

Class starts at nine thirty. Okay, nine twenty. Claim to be back home by ten. By nine thirty.

[B]

Okay, nine twenty. Okay, I'll be at work at nine twenty. I have now shifted my office hours. Now I work from 9:20 to 520. Okay, for.

[A]

For this car that we're sharing, that we agreed to. I. I said we can get separate. You wanted to do it together.

[B]

I still run errands.

[A]

Okay, so Taylor is here.

[B]

Taylor can drive us sometime during the day when he's in town, but on days that Taylor's not here, I will need to. Because. Where are you driving the car to during the day?

[A]

I have a bunch of errands around town every day. Most days. I'm always doing something.

[B]

Every day you're running errands?

[A]

Not every day, but the days. You know what, the days that don't have errands, you're more than welcome to use it. I'll let you use it. It.

[B]

You'll let me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You'll let me use my own car

[A]

on the days I don't have errands?

[B]

Yes, you will. So when do I get the car

[A]

on days I don't have stuff to do it with.

[B]

So your plan is let you use the car at your own beck and Will. And then when you're ready, just let me use it. I get to you. That's your proposal?

[A]

I'm literally chauffeuring you to and from work. I am basically working for you. I have to mix it up to every day, take you to your studio at 9:20 in the morning every day.

[B]

I do. Not my day, not your rule, not when. Because when Monet does this thing where she'll show up like we film at 5 and I'd be like Monet walking in at 5:50 or 5, 5 5. And she'll be like, I was in the parking lot at 5. I need to be in my chair. Right.

[A]

So you.

[B]

At 9:20.

[A]

So you have a personal show.

[B]

So I need to be here by like 9:18 at the latest.

[A]

I said 15, but you didn't want to do that. So.

[B]

But I'm just making sure you know, I mean, in my chair, working by

[A]

nine weeks at 9:15. We're leaving the house at 9:15.

[B]

We're Leaving the house at 9:15. Yes.

[A]

That's what that's proposing before, anyway. So now I, I have to clear my schedule to drop you off at work and whatever.

[B]

Cuz this fit into your schedule.

[A]

You.

[B]

You've made it. You're not clearing anything. You've made this.

[A]

No, there are things that I do. I have, I'll have to. I have to curtail some things to accommodate you on this driving.

[B]

But you're not clearing your. You mean, you mean you were clear. You're not clearing your schedule.

[A]

But I'm curtailing my schedule for you.

[B]

Okay, we'll work around that.

[A]

And then I had to clear my schedule sometimes and pick you up at what, 5:20?

[B]

But also what about the mornings where I'm going to film like Brittany Broski's podcast or if I'm going over to do Nicole Byers podcast.

[A]

Taylor.

[B]

No, from home.

[A]

We live together.

[B]

Yeah. So what about those mornings where I have to go, Are you gonna drive me? Are you gonna drive me to those places?

[A]

On those mornings you have to tell me how long you're gonna be gone and I can see if that will work. If you're gonna go film the podcast, is that you can't just have the car. I'm not just having the car.

[B]

The plan is just you have the car and then I have to just beg you for.

[A]

No, you're not begging me. We're agreeing.

[D]

You can't.

[B]

This, this plan. You can't just keep the car. Monet.

[A]

I don't. I'm not keeping it we're talking about

[B]

it Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. We need to do days of the week. That's the only way this is going to work. We need to do days of the week.

[A]

So someone has it for the whole day.

[B]

The whole day.

[A]

And then. So, okay, so I have it Monday, Wednesday, Friday. You have it Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday.

[B]

And what about that extra day? We rotate once a. We rotate?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So every other week, some. Someone gets an extra day.

[A]

An extra day? No, I have it Monday, Wednesday. I have it Monday, Wednesday, Friday. You have it Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday.

[B]

That's only six days a week.

[A]

And then Saturdays. I think I should have it in the morning. You have it in the evening because you're not a morning person anyway. You're not getting up early.

[B]

I'm not. You're not a morning person?

[A]

I'm not a morning person.

[B]

I'm as much of a morning person as you are.

[A]

I'm up 7am every day.

[B]

I'm up 7aM some days.

[A]

Some days.

[B]

So what time you bring the car back?

[A]

We do split it in the middle. So I. I have it from 12am to 12 to 12pm you have it from 12pm to 12am no. Monet.

[B]

What?

[A]

That's the perfect hours for you.

[B]

You don't like to go out. You don't hang out late. You're having it from midnight until noon. Huh? And then I have from noon till midnight. Those are the perfect hours for you. Actually, this works out exactly. Everything.

[A]

Everything you want to do happens in those hours.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why are you trying to fight?

[B]

Because I was hearing something else. I heard I had it from midnight because I was hearing the night had it from midnight to. Yeah.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. This was easy. Who's washing the car?

[A]

Girl. We take it to the. Do you want to hand wash the car?

[B]

No, I drive it to the thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What day does it get washed?

[A]

It gets washed when it needs it. I think, as it goes, it needs

[B]

to be a day of the week. Mondays?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Every Monday?

[A]

Most Saturdays.

[B]

Every Wednesdays.

[A]

Saturdays.

[B]

Every Friday.

[A]

Saturdays.

[B]

Every Sunday.

[A]

Saturday on Saturday.

[B]

What time?

[A]

Sabbath.

[B]

We have to do it before noon. Why you got to.

[A]

Well, you know, the discounts are afternoon.

[B]

Is that a thing?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Are there really discounts on car wash afternoon, Saturday afternoon?

[A]

Cause that's people. Is she lying? That's the days people don't go wash their cars. You people are busy running errands and stuff. Saturday's afternoon, so it falls in line with your schedule.

[B]

Actually, I don't think that's true.

[A]

It is a thing.

[B]

You're making that up.

[A]

I'm not making it up.

[B]

Saturday afternoons is just the discount day. You know the industry standard for discounts, McCarran.

[A]

Once a week, girl.

[B]

During the discount time.

[A]

Not always in a discount time.

[B]

So it's okay to do it during that time.

[A]

It's okay to do. But I think we're trying to. We're trying to save money because we spent money on this expensive ass car. You want to get.

[B]

How about gas?

[A]

I think as. As it goes. I think you. I think every time you use a car gas it up.

[B]

The car should never come back with less than a quarter tank of gas.

[A]

I agree. Ever agree. But it's not once get electric car. Where you want to get a gas go for.

[B]

You chose this car.

[A]

No, I said. You said.

[B]

You said the Rivian. But that's a huge car.

[A]

But it's electric. What?

[B]

You don't know? You know that song?

[D]

What?

[B]

It's electric. Yes, electric something.

[A]

You're doing the hustle. You're doing the hustle.

[B]

It's electric.

[A]

That's a hustle.

[C]

The.

[B]

It's electric. It is. The electric slide. I can't remember. Anyway, we gotta go. Bye, everyone. Bye.

[C]

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