The One Where Bob Trips An Old Woman

Summary

Sibling Rivalry Podcast — "The One Where Bob Trips An Old Woman" (April 13, 2026)

Episode Overview

Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change—RuPaul’s Drag Race alumnae and iconic comedy duo—deliver their signature blend of hilariously chaotic banter, pop culture references, and playful sibling-esque squabbling. In this episode, they riff on everything from bathroom emergencies and toilet paper mysteries, to serial killers, home security, and the ethics of tripping little old ladies (in theory). The energy is high, the tangents wild, and the chemistry as vibrant as ever.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Toilet Paper Caper & Bathroom Chaos (00:34—06:30)

• Bob recounts a toilet paper shortage at home, spawning a comedic investigation: "I'm not upset. I'm befuddled…Where is the rest of the toilet paper?" — Bob (02:36)
• Discussion on bathroom habits, clean breaks, and ‘fiber journeys’ — Monét details her experiences, concluding, "When I'm on my fiber journey, oftentimes I don't have to wipe…" (04:53)
• Playful arguing about bidets and their effectiveness, with Bob poking fun at Monét’s previous statements about bathroom hygiene.
• Notable quote: "Don't give them no pain relief. Let them suffer." — Bob, referencing an infamous Mother Teresa anecdote (01:03, discussed at 12:32)

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2. Movie Nostalgia: Mighty Ducks, Spirit Fingers, and Cheerleading Moves (08:17—11:11)

• Monét wears a Mighty Ducks jersey, sparking a discussion about childhood movies and the plausibility of on-screen sports moves.
• Spirited debate about the difference between a "move" and an "action" in cheerleading:
  • Monét: "A move in cheerleading would be, like, something that's, like, ostentatious. Something that's hard to do." (09:41)
  • Bob: "Doesn't have to be hard. Like, a potted beret is not hard…this is an act." (09:55)
• Shout-outs: Ian Roberts as “Sparky Polastri” in Bring It On; listeners wearing jerseys are also celebrated.
• Recurring theme: Bob insists Monét already knows why he's wearing a hockey jersey, while Monét demands on-air explanations for the audience.

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3. Fact-Checking Legends & Problematic Icons (12:33—14:00)

• Bob references controversial stories about Gandhi and Mother Teresa:
  • Bob: "I think [Gandhi] did something with kids. And apparently Mother Teresa was really into people suffering…" (12:33)
  • Jacob (the producer) fact-checks on the fly, confirming Gandhi's "objectively weird" practice of testing his abstinence by sleeping next to women, some underage (13:37).
• Historical Timeline Fact: Monét shares: "We're closer to Cleopatra than she was to the pyramids." (14:07)

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4. The Will & The Drag Museum (17:12—23:56)

• Bob discusses his last will and testament, designating Bianca Del Rio as the inheritor of his drag crown for her planned drag museum.
  • Bob: "So the crown itself is gonna go to Bianca's museum..." (18:18)
  • Monét expresses skepticism and FOMO for not inheriting more drag.
• Tangents on family, possessions, and the fate of drag costumes, with friend-and-family allocations strictly limited to one full outfit each.

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5. Defining Trolling & Online Antics (24:14—29:00)

• Debate over who is the bigger "troll" online: Bob or Monét.
  • Bob: "I think trolling is trying to make a joke without the person…knowing that you're joking." (24:32)
  • Monét: "Trolling is poking fun at someone with jest, with humor, not with the intention to harm." (24:18)
• Bob is accused of being sneaky with pranks and online behavior, defending himself with examples (like the infamous family heirloom ring prank).

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6. Serial Killers, Home Security, and Morbid Obsessions (31:00—35:01)

• True crime discussion: Bob copes with his past fascination with John Wayne Gacy, while Monét admits no interest in the genre.
  • Bob: "When I was younger, in my 20s, I was particularly interested in what was going on with John Wayne Gacy..." (31:38)
• Discussion on why the 1970s were prolific for serial killers—lack of DNA testing, hitchhiking culture, and evolving police technology (34:13).
• Both reflect on never having picked up a hitchhiker, but Bob shares a story of picking up a lost elderly woman during LA fires.
  • Monet: "She could have been a killer." (35:40)
  • Bob: "But honestly, that would be a great time…there’s so much chaos in LA right now." (35:45)

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7. Security at Home (39:26—42:53)

• After recounting a local serial killer's modus operandi, Bob and Monét riff on locking doors and urban vs small-town safety habits.
• Monét reveals she keeps a decorative hammer by her bed: "I have a hammer by my bed…Just in case." (41:27)
• The pair debate whether it’s weird to enter friends’ bedrooms without an invitation.

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8. Sleep Setups, Pillows, and Interior (Dis)Harmony (43:03—46:59)

• Tangential but classic Sibling Rivalry: bed height comparisons, pillow counts, and bedroom decor realities.
• Bob laments his “college dorm” style bare bedroom, while Monét and Jacob discuss their elaborate pillow setups.

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9. Garage Escape: Serial Killer Scenario (47:18—53:35)

• Extended, comedic role play: What would Bob do if cornered in his parking garage by a knife-wielding "Scream" killer?
  • Bob maps an escape route, inventively using building architecture and theorizing about sacrificing a hypothetical old lady for survival ("I trip her, stick my leg out. She falls down, I start running…" (51:37))
  • Monét challenges his ethics: "So now you're an accomplice…you're going to jail." (51:57)
• Lighthearted debate about home security, breaking in, and whether Bob could sneak into Monét’s house undetected—betting on a future super-soaker prank.

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10. Drag Pranks & The Ethics of (Faux) Crime (55:15—60:32)

• Bob and Monét brainstorm a prank involving Andy, a fake hit-and-run, a hired actor, and drag levels of dramatic staging.
• Monét expresses nerves about realistic prop guns, referencing the risks after the Alec Baldwin incident (60:12).
• Segues into stories of drag tour prop guns and cross-continental legalities.

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Memorable Quotes

• "I'm befuddled…Where is the rest of the toilet paper?" — Bob (02:36)
• "When I'm on my fiber journey, oftentimes I don't have to wipe…" — Monét (04:53)
• "Don't give them no pain relief. Let them suffer." — Bob, quoting Mother Teresa allegations (01:03 / 12:32)
• "I'm wearing the hockey jersey because Monet came in and she's wearing a hockey jersey. And I said, 'Oh, I have a hockey jersey.'" — Bob (14:35)
• "You are a calamity of errors today." — Monét (05:58)
• "I think trolling is trying to make a joke without the person…knowing that you're joking." — Bob (24:32)
• "She could have been a killer. Or taking us to her son who was a killer." — Bob, about picking up the old lady (35:37)
• "If you can get into my home without my knowing, I have your full permission to blast me [with a super soaker]." — Monét (54:28)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Toilet Paper Mystery (02:36—04:00)
• Clean Fiber Journey & Bidet Advertisement (04:53—06:30)
• Movie Moves vs Actions Debate (08:49—10:07)
• Questionable Historical Saints (12:33—14:00)
• Wills, Drag Artifacts & Bianca’s Museum (17:12—23:56)
• Trolling: Definitions & Accusations (24:14—29:00)
• Serial Killer Era & Old Lady Rescue (31:00—38:59)
• Home Security & Hammer Defense (39:26—42:53)
• The Great Garage Serial Killer Escape (Roleplay) (47:18—53:06)
• Super-Soaker Home Invasion Bet (54:00—54:46)
• Drag Prank Plotting (55:15—60:32)

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The Signature Style

Throughout, Bob and Monét maintain their irreverent, razor-sharp wit:

• Constant playful interruptions ("You don't listen when your interlocutor is speaking to you.") (22:54)
• Veering wildly from topic to topic—a journey from bathroom hygiene to serial murder, then back to drag and sleep hygiene.
• Lovingly savage each other for minor memory lapses, missed wardrobe cues, and perceived slights.

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For New Listeners

This episode offers a perfect crash course in Sibling Rivalry: sharp cultural commentary, confessional storytelling, and relentless ribbing between two of the funniest queens in podcasting. If you missed the audio, this summary should bring the gags, debates, and memorable moments to life.

Transcript

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen,

[Monet X Change]

and I'm Monet X change.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And this is simply rivalry. On today's episode, we break news. In the toilet paper caper, Bob trips an old lady, and we find out what made Monet saved.

[Monet X Change]

That is a young person game. And we find out what made Bob say this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't give them no pain relief. Let them suffer.

[Monet X Change]

Have you seen that thing people play online with friends where it's like glasses of clear liquid and one of them is vodka? I mean, obviously I couldn't do it with you, but I always wanted to do that one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you're irritated.

[Monet X Change]

Cause I don't. Cause. Why'd you say, who said irritated? I said, obviously I can't do it with you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What seem, why does it seem okay? What I meant to say was why does it seem like irritated?

[Monet X Change]

Okay. Yeah. You didn't say team before. I'm not irritated.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You like to do with you.

[Monet X Change]

I would like to do with you, but I can't do with you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do it with somebody else.

[Monet X Change]

I know. I, I, I would do with someone else. I just said, yeah, I do with him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You gonna do it with Andy?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, we're gonna do it together.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ain't not gonna know about it.

[Monet X Change]

So it's four glasses. Three of them are water, one of them is vodka. And you got to say, I was

[Bob the Drag Queen]

using the restroom just now, and I was like, oh, shit, we need toilet paper. And then Taylor was like, I'm gonna go grab the toilet paper. I ordered some. He just came back with like a,

[Monet X Change]

like, it's not a full thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did Taylor just steal some toilet paper? I didn't see, like, if, I assume if you have to go get toilet paper because I ordered some, you would get, you would have like a completely closed package. But this is like, there, there were only four in there, and it looked like it was like a, like a nine year old.

[Monet X Change]

He probably ordered a bulk one and then he, like, brings them in at a time. They were probably at the bottom of it, so he'd bring the rest of it in. He probably started with 12 each time he brings four, and now there's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So he's going two doors down. So to bring one roll at a time.

[Monet X Change]

Maybe it's not across the street. Isn't it just across the street?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We need to find out what's going on here. We have to get to the bottom of this.

[Monet X Change]

Are you this upset about this toilet paper?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not upset. I'm befuddled.

[Monet X Change]

Are you. Are you that. Are you that befuddled by this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, I am. Where is the rest of the toilet paper? So, Taylor, because you went to go grab the toilet paper, but you have, like, a half a bag. Where. Where did you get. Where did you just get the toilet paper? Where did you. Where did you get the toilet paper from? Because you said you went to the warehouse to get the toilet paper, but you have, like, small chunks of it.

[Monet X Change]

The warehouse is closed, so nobody's working there, so they can't accept any deliveries.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So where did you steal the toilet paper from?

[Monet X Change]

From a different bathroom.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's someone else's toilet paper.

[Monet X Change]

It's our toilet paper.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. I was on my own.

[Monet X Change]

We share toilet paper. Brokey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How many? So last night, I was getting ready to. I was finishing up what I do in the bathroom when I'm on my

[Monet X Change]

phone, which would tell us pray.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When I'm on my phone.

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I looked over. You ever had the pedigree? I was like, oh, shit, I gotta get this done in, like, three square.

[Monet X Change]

Well, no. Cause we keep toilet paper.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, I gotta get this done. Well, we do too. But then there's a thing of toilet paper. Like, there's the toilet paper on the roll, and there's a thing of extra toilet paper. There was nothing in there either. So I was like, but they gotta get this done in, like, three squares.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, worst case scenario, you just put your panties up, get up again, go get the toilet paper, and come back and clean up. Are you leaving? That was Schmutz said if you stand up, you're gonna just dirty your whole asshole.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it's not Schmutz. But I cannot fathom. I mean, I have done it before, but I have to, like. But like, standing up without wiping is crazy.

[Monet X Change]

It is. But, like, you know, because I'm on my fiber journey, so when I take a shit, it's a clean. It's a clean break.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You've been Saying, Monet, you and I.

[Monet X Change]

This is an ASMR podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Now, when you say something and then I repeat back what you said, and then you say you didn't say it. And then when a month later, you say the thing.

[Monet X Change]

What did I say?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It drives me crazy.

[Monet X Change]

What did I say?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've mentioned your. You. You. You're pulling an as 10. You're pulling an as 10. What did I say? Because I mentioned you and your clean shits where you don't have to watch. Because one day you were like. You were like one of you. Like, I don't even need to wipe. And then I mentioned that. You were like, I never said that. Now you're like, honey, that's not what I see. You did once say I need to wipe.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, yes. If you let me finish a thought without before cutting me off. Bitch. What I said was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you won't cut your speech off.

[Monet X Change]

What I said was. When I'm on my Fiverr journey, oftentimes I don't have to wipe, but it goes like. Your body responds differently. Sometimes I do have to take another. Some swipes back there, but there have been some times.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it that okay.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wiping. This is all that.

[Monet X Change]

Have you ever seen those demonstrations of the tushy? I think it's such great advertisements for it. They take a balloon, but it's inside out. So the nipple is. You see what I'm saying? So it looks like this. There's no point to it, but it's still the creases.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You ever mooned anyone? No, you never mooned anyone.

[Monet X Change]

Your whole life will be a full moon, honey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It could be like little gibbous moon. Just like a little gibbous. Like half the moon. No, you never mooned anyone your whole life.

[Monet X Change]

I wanna show you something really quick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What?

[Monet X Change]

Well, it'll be stale by the side.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, forget I said it.

[Monet X Change]

I'll tell you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sorry. I hate, hate, hate your hair and makeup. I cannot stand when you do this.

[Monet X Change]

You are a calamity of errors today. You are just all over the place.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not Eric. Me. You're the one who can't even fucking.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah. As I was saying. Okay, so the tushy advertisement. Yeah, tushy. So what they do is they take like a chocolate syrup and they put it on the thing and then they take a toilet paper and they wipe it and they're like. You see how there's still residue here? Then they turn on the bidet and they put the thing in the thing and it Just cleans the butthole. I'm like, oh my God. A bidet would be. It's such a, such a, it like kind of exhumes your hole. It gets things out of there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Exhumes? Yeah, isn't it when you like dig. What's the difference between. Exhuming is when you pull up a dead body.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, so like pulling up the dead body from like pulling out the dead body.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Exhuming is taking a dead body from the grave. Would you allow us to exhume your body if something in the fairies happened in your death?

[Monet X Change]

Oh yeah. I mean, but I mean you'll find out with the toxicology report or like the autopsy. It's intrinsic to that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I mean, I'm just asking. I don't know what your healthcare directive is. I guess healthcare directive stops after you're dead. Like after, like maybe like it can't go on for in perpetuity. I guess it kind of can.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I think it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Right, but you're giving us permission to exhume your body if under any circumstances.

[Monet X Change]

Uh, yeah, so I think so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, so that's locked in.

[Monet X Change]

Uh huh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So for any reason I can't exhume your body.

[Monet X Change]

You what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because we're on camera.

[Monet X Change]

We're locked in. What do you mean we're locked in?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, your words matter. So what if after your what if postmortem we want to prove that you did have a bbo and we exhume the body and we. And we and we.

[Monet X Change]

What kind of sick verse do you have to be to when I exhume my body?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What is wrong with you, Monet? To exonerate your name.

[Monet X Change]

I don't care if people think I have a bvo. I know I didn't. I don't care. So what's that? What do you mean you know you didn't? Cause I know I didn't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How would you know? What if you were put under and then you woke up and your ass was fat? You don't know doctors do stuff like that.

[Monet X Change]

I'm like, oh, my ass is sore. I can't sit on my ass.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wonder what happened.

[Monet X Change]

Just some bad sushi. They would have to inoculate me for that shit. Okay,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't try to obfuscate the game that we're playing. I don't, I don't even need to. I already know what mine is. But we, we, we. I, I, I've already clocked yours. Why did you wear your Mighty Ducks? They're not a real team, right?

[Monet X Change]

No, they're just from the movie. It was one of my favorite movies growing up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I loved it growing up, and I watched it a lot. But then something happened, and I just kind of like. It's. All the memories of it have faded. All I remember is the. The knuckle puck.

[Monet X Change]

The knuckle pie, where you put it

[Bob the Drag Queen]

on the side and you hit it. Yes, the knuckle pie. And the V formation.

[Monet X Change]

The V. The flying V. Do you

[Bob the Drag Queen]

think the flying V actually works?

[Monet X Change]

I don't think so. I think in real hockey, a lot of these things that happen in these movies, in real sports things, they were like, girl, are you kidding me? Like, there's a big scene in Gotta Kick It Up. It's a Disney Channel original movie.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gotta kick it up.

[Monet X Change]

Where the girls are going. They're cheerleaders. I think they're trying to do it, and they do this thing, and I'm like, girl, this song. It's been like, 20 years since I've seen this movie. But they do this move, and I'm like, I don't think that's a practical move in cheerleading. I don't think anyone can really do this move.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you give us any information about the move?

[Monet X Change]

I remember it was like a. It was like. It was a. I don't remember.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But anyone who says, is it akin to spirit fingers?

[Monet X Change]

No, it's like a physical, like, impossible thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Cause you know about spirit fingers, like, from.

[Monet X Change]

Bring It On.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, a cheer move.

[Monet X Change]

Spar. I mean. What do you mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Spear fingers? Yeah, but it's a cheer move that they put in a cheer move.

[Monet X Change]

It's not a move. It's just an action. I would say it's an action, not a move.

[Jacob]

What's the movie called again?

[Monet X Change]

Gotta Kick It Out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's the difference between a move and an action?

[Monet X Change]

I think a move is, like. What do you think of, like, this is not a move. Like, a move in cheerleading would be, like, something that's, like, ostentatious. Something that's hard to do. This is not hard to do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is. This is a move.

[Monet X Change]

I think it's an action.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It doesn't have.

[Monet X Change]

Move.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Doesn't have to be hard. Like, a potted beret is not hard, but not hard. But, like, this is an act.

[Monet X Change]

No, Jacob can do a.

[Jacob]

Is it from this scene?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do they make a big deal about the move?

[Monet X Change]

No, it's like girls told us, like,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

in spirit fingers, they make a big deal about the spirit fingers.

[Monet X Change]

It's not a big deal. I mean, they do it Because Sparky Pilastery, who they paid all this money, is telling them about this. Where is he the actor or Sparky Flash?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The actor? I don't.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, he was like a big name actor. Was he?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't understand. Where is he?

[Monet X Change]

I don't remember.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who was Sparky Lash? He was an iconic part of that movie, for sure.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, he gave them lawsuk like this. Like, remember that scene, the spirit fingers. Oh, what's his name?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ian.

[Monet X Change]

Ian.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it Ian Jacob? Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Ian Roberts. Oh, wow. He looks very different there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was over 20 years ago.

[Monet X Change]

It was.

[Jacob]

Most recent thing he did was a driver at a college campus in a movie. 2017.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shout out to Sparky Pilastery, icon.

[Monet X Change]

The icon that you are, Ian Roberts. That scene was very.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was pretty fit in that movie, I feel.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, it was very fit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was in good shape.

[Jacob]

I mean, he's 60 now.

[Monet X Change]

He's 69.

[Jacob]

60 now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

60 now. Shout out to you, Ian.

[Monet X Change]

6, 9.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You want to shout anyone out?

[Monet X Change]

Ooh, I want to shout out anyone who's wearing a jersey. If we're listening to this episode and you were wearing a jersey, we're shouting you out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I want to get.

[Monet X Change]

Why are you wearing a hockey one?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You wearing a hockey one?

[Monet X Change]

I know. I'm. I'm okay. See why you got. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why are you wearing. Why are you wearing a hockey one? Why are you so. Why are you wearing a hockey one? Is crazy.

[Monet X Change]

Why is so extra. I just literally said, are you wearing a hockey one?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is that you're wearing a hockey one? And ask me why I'm wearing a hockey one.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, exactly why. I know why. I just said why I'm wearing one. Why are you wearing one?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know why I'm wearing a hockey one.

[Monet X Change]

Why?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet, you already know the answer to this. I think what's driving me crazy. You know why I'm wearing a hockey one.

[Monet X Change]

Well, it's a podcast, Bob. Engage and tell the audience.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But they're not wondering. Yes, they are.

[Monet X Change]

They're probably. I'm sure they're wondering why.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're wondering why I'm wearing a hockey one.

[Monet X Change]

You asked me. I said why I. And I asked you to ask. Wonder why you wearing a horse.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I ask you why. I never asked you why. I said, is this Mighty Ducks? Is that a real movie? I never asked you why you wearing

[Monet X Change]

hockey box, but I'm asking you why you're wearing one, Bob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know, but you're acting like they're wondering and they're not wondering. They might wonder they're not wondering. They're wondering specifically about me, about us together. Offer them why you're wearing a hockey jersey and then tell them why I'm wearing a hockey jersey. They're not wondering why I'm specifically wearing a hockey jersey. You are so tell them why you're wearing a hockey jersey. Be the change you want to see in the world. Oh, so you don't believe in Gandhi. So Gandhi's a piece of shit. Mahatma Gandhi. Mahatma Gandhi was apparently like a. He did something with kids. He what? Did, like, something with kids. Let me.

[Monet X Change]

That's a very big.

[Jacob]

Why don't we do a little bit of fact checking before we.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, that's a big statement to make.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think he did something.

[Jacob]

And where did you hear this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I read about it on TikTok. No, I read about it. I think he did something with kids. And apparently Mother Teresa was really into people suffering. Like, she believed that suffering was the pathway to righteousness. So people would be in her hospitals and she'd be like, don't give them no medicine. Do not give them medicine. Don't give them no pain relief. Let them suffer.

[Monet X Change]

Clap if you think she should suffer. Well, Jacob was looking at the Gandhi thing. Oh, God. This is about to be your.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm pretty sure Mahatma Gandhi did something with underage girls. I mean, I'm almost positive underage by America standards.

[Jacob]

You are. You are technically right. I don't know if now is the time to go into it because, like, it's a. It's a weirder. And I feel like the conversation about Gandhi and his, like, personal flaws is like a. More.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just saying something.

[Jacob]

Okay, I. I think what I. This is also what I've heard. Like, what I do remember reading Be. It's in a brief fact checking thing. So this might not be 100 true pre fact check. If I'm. If I'm. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, man.

[Jacob]

He did, like, a weird thing where he was, like, testing himself on his will to abstain from sex. So he would, like, have, like, women sleep in his bed with him, but, like, do nothing with them, which is, like, objectively weird. And like, that. That's why it's like a weird.

[Monet X Change]

Like, that is weird.

[Jacob]

And I do think some of them were underage, but also, like, he didn't do anything with them, but, like, it was still weird.

[Monet X Change]

That is weird.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gandhi.

[Monet X Change]

If you're watching comment below, he's dead, right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gandhi is 100% dead, and he's Been dead for a very long time.

[Monet X Change]

Do you know that? I told you these facts before. They're like my favorite little facts. That we're closer to Cleopatra than she was to the pyramids. I just love that. That's just so you mean the creation of the pyramids?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because the pyramids.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah. Like the creation of like. Like, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Tell us why you're wearing a hockey jersey.

[Monet X Change]

I wear it because I got on the Tick Tock shop and I thought

[Bob the Drag Queen]

it was cute and tell them why I'm wearing a hockey jersey.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know why?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know why you wear it. Could you tell us?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Tell them why I'm wearing the hockey.

[Monet X Change]

You tell us why you're wearing it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm wearing the hockey jersey because Monet came in and she's wearing a hockey jersey. And I said, oh, I have a hockey jersey. I bought this on tour in Canada when I was. I wore up to the meet and greet on my crazy black lady tour. And I was like, I'm gonna throw my.

[Monet X Change]

And he kept it all this time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. I don't really throw clothes away. I give them away, but I don't really. I throw away underwear. Obviously, you don't give away undergarments except a corset. I will give away a corset.

[Monet X Change]

I have so many corsets. I have so many corsets and I

[Bob the Drag Queen]

don't know, I give them to someone who needs a corset.

[Monet X Change]

I feel like they're so, like, thing to your body. Because all the ones I have are custom ones that have got made by someone. Like, they're not like, store bought. Have you done your. I'm Kiana and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know,

[Monet X Change]

and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Start your free [e-mail].

[Monet X Change]

close your eyes.

[Commercial Narrator]

Exhale.

[Monet X Change]

Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[Commercial Narrator]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[Monet X Change]

And breathe.

[Commercial Narrator]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[Monet X Change]

1-800-contacts. I started Ornod in 2013 and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business as essentially non technical people. We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end, and sell things online easily. If Shopify were a bike accessory, I think it would actually be the bicycle. It's the thing that you do the thing on. We run the business on Shopify. Start your free trial on shopify.com.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

have you done your last will and testament? And you're every.

[Monet X Change]

I need to do it. I am going to do it in a few months.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bang. Now what? What do I get?

[Monet X Change]

Bang into the room.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can't stop quoting Nicki Minaj.

[Monet X Change]

Ariana Grande.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jessie J is a piece of shit.

[Monet X Change]

And Jessie J, she come out with a new album this year. I'm very exciting.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jessica J.

[Monet X Change]

It's been so long.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know if her name is Jessica. I'm assuming. I'm really just assuming.

[Monet X Change]

I think it's Jessie.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I did my will. Her name is Jessica Ellen Cornish.

[Monet X Change]

Cornish. Like a Cornish hen?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So Ashiza, thick Brit accent.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah. Well, where's she? I think she's from South London or something. She's. She's a London gal.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I did my. My will and I was like, I'm not gonna tell anyone what they got in my will. Just. I don't trust y'.

[Jacob]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, not, you know, I didn't. I don't trust the people. And then I was like, well, there's one person I think I actually need to tell. Like, there's one person I'm like, I do need to actually tell, because they're in my will and they're gonna receive some stuff and I want them to know. So Bianca has been talking about creating this drag museum. And I was like, well, I don't have anyone in my family who is into drag. You throw your own drag away. So I know you'll throw my shit away. You tried to give my drag away. My iconic movie garment that I made away. So I was like, I'm not gonna give it to Monet, obviously. So I was like, I'm gonna give it to Bianca. I'm gonna let my friends and family get things they want. The crown itself is gonna go to Bianca's museum.

[Monet X Change]

And she was a museum.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She's. You're not listening to anything.

[Monet X Change]

I'm saying you never said that she had the fucking.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bianca's working on building a truck. I did.

[Monet X Change]

Did Bob say this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Monet X Change]

I did not hear that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just like the other time when you said I didn't mention wizard of Oz before you, and you did, so you're wrong again. You don't listen to me when I'm talking. This is in how. There's not even a mirror here. What are you. What are you doing if you're not listening to me, what are you on the podcast?

[Monet X Change]

What are you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you're not willing to communicate with your interlocutor, what are you doing?

[Monet X Change]

Y' all try to throw in 19 words to confuse me. Bitch, I already clocked you. I could use one. I already clocked you. I could use one. I clocked you a long time ago, baby.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think you did and you didn't.

[Monet X Change]

I did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because I haven't even said it yet.

[Monet X Change]

I did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, I, I, I called. I was like, I should let her know. So if I.

[Monet X Change]

And two minutes pass. By the way, Jacob, in the unlikely

[Bob the Drag Queen]

event that I pass away before Bianca, in the unlikely event I'm not, I'm out. You're living.

[Monet X Change]

You're not. Bianca lives a very healthy life. Bianca's not out here having.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bianca has more holes in her nose than the craters on the moon.

[Monet X Change]

She doesn't do it that much anymore. How do you know? I know. We talk about it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You talked to Bianca about her cocaine use.

[Monet X Change]

She doesn't use cocaine anymore.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You called Bianca talk about her cocaine use. You are on your.

[Monet X Change]

You really.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ever since you only have that one girl, you. You've been out of control.

[Monet X Change]

One girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The one girl. You two are very aligned. Anyway, I called Bianca and be like, hey, this is my plan. If I pass away before you, even if I don't pass, the museum that you're working on will get my drag, and you can, you know, display some of the items and. Cause I believe that she. Because she is a costumer for. She's a costumer before, she'll know how to take care of things and yada, yada, yada. She. I called her, by the way. This has happened to me twice this week. Two times a week, I've called someone. They've asked me a question that I have never, ever done in my life, that I have never, ever been accused of in my life. Twice this week, I call, and she goes, are you recording this? I said, I'm, I'm not. I'm not recording. She goes, a prank. I said, I'm not. I don't. I don't secretly. I'm not on that Kim Kardashian, Taylor Swift shit.

[Monet X Change]

I'm not.

[Jacob]

I'm not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't secretly record people.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, you are on. You are. You are.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Put your.

[Monet X Change]

As a troll online. I don't know if you know this. You're. Well, you are known to be a troll online.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is literally you. You are a troll, Monet. You're describing yourself.

[Monet X Change]

Why are people. Why are you calling people? And they're like, are you recording this? Are you around? Because that is what you. That's their perception. What am I trolling online?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Give me one example. All the time.

[Monet X Change]

You troll everyone all the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just one.

[Monet X Change]

You troll. You troll me all the time on this podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just one.

[Monet X Change]

You troll Ginger Minj.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How do I troll Ginger Minj?

[Monet X Change]

You troll Ginger Minj.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How? One example.

[Monet X Change]

Quickly recanting the story with Naomi.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not trolling.

[Monet X Change]

Let me say that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Telling a story for my life, saying

[Monet X Change]

that if RuPaul's Drag Race lost the Emmy, it was because of her outfit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not trolling.

[Monet X Change]

Do you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So that. That's a fact.

[Monet X Change]

You think that draggers will lose the Emmy because of that outfit? You think. You think that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That. That is a fact. That's me telling a joke on a podcast.

[Monet X Change]

You are known to be hyperbolic and troll.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is trolling her. Trolling.

[Monet X Change]

That is trolling her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So what do you think trolling is that. No, Monet specifically.

[Monet X Change]

Far from it. The words. The big goes that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, what would you think my word was?

[Monet X Change]

I think your word was befuddled.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You are so bad at this game.

[Monet X Change]

What was it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was gibbous.

[Monet X Change]

I didn't even hear you say that word.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You repeated it.

[Monet X Change]

Gibbous.

[Jacob]

You did.

[Monet X Change]

What did I say?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said gibbous. And then you said gibbous.

[Jacob]

He said, have you ever mooned anyone? Just like a little gibbous.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gibbous. And then I defined the word for you.

[Monet X Change]

That were you. That did happen. What was my word?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's wrong with your memory?

[Monet X Change]

What was my word?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's wrong? Answer quickly.

[Monet X Change]

What is my word, bitch?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Your word was. It was. It started with an H. It was. It was. It was a. It was. It was. It was a. It was. Start with an H. It was. It was.

[Monet X Change]

It was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It started with an H and it was about, like, something about what? I can't.

[Monet X Change]

I remember the word.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I remember the word when you said it because my ears went.

[Monet X Change]

Hubris.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, it wasn't hubris. It was. It was. It was like a word about like something being like, over the top and gregarious and larger than life.

[Monet X Change]

You're incorrect. You don't fucking listen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What was the word? Febrile. You didn't even say February.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, I did. When I saw about sparking Polastry, did you click febrile?

[Jacob]

You know, I didn't hear his name.

[Monet X Change]

I did say it. I said rewind it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you heard Gibbous.

[Jacob]

I didn't hear either of those.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, but you heard Monet beat back Gibbous.

[Monet X Change]

So don't try to get Kane on your side. Rewind the tapes. I absolutely said it. But you don't listen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, you actually don't listen when I talk. It actually drives me crazy. You don't listen when your interlocutor is speaking to you. You should. Anyway, I called Bianca and she goes like, are you recording this? I said, no, I'm serious. I don't believe you. I need to see it in print. So I had to screen grab a part of my will and send it to Bianca. And then she text me back and goes, well, at least send me $50,000 to clean your.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, so how much of your drag are you giving? So you're. So your family, friends and family are going to. Are going to get pieces of your drag?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, but you guys. You guys can't just ransack it. You can like, take a piece, but my crown acceptor is not going to. Anyone is going to the museum. So how will be property of my estate?

[Monet X Change]

How do you. How do you, like, decide, like, how much people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'll be dead.

[Monet X Change]

I'm saying. But so you say people, they can't ransack it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like one piece a piece.

[Monet X Change]

One each. Each.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Each one outfits you can get head to toe.

[Monet X Change]

One outfit each friend and family gets one. Who wants it can get a full outfit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, if you want. If you don't want it, then don't worry about it.

[Monet X Change]

And that's wigs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, the wigs don't keep that well. So y'.

[Jacob]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Y' all can take all.

[Monet X Change]

The Madonna one will probably last if you take care of it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not the Madonna wig.

[Monet X Change]

I know. It's the one they're made for you afterwards. I'm saying it hasn't been used, so it would probably. It'll probably maintain its thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Can you look up? Have you ever been.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I need you to find. Trolling is. We can't. We're not moving on. What do you think? What do you Think trolling is. I know what I think trolling is.

[Monet X Change]

Trolling are poking fun at someone with jest, with humor, not with the intention to harm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you troll.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I troll. I do troll.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think trolling is trying to make a joke without the person that you're joking about knowing that you're joking. Like, for example, if you. This would be. This. This is an example of trolling. When you're online, doing a live, and then I'm in the comments. Like, oh, for example, when Patti LaBelle and Chaka Khan. No, Patti LaBelle and Gladys Knight did their.

[Monet X Change]

They're trolling each other.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, when Patti LaBelle and Glass Knight did their verses, I was in the comments saying, do wop, do up. That's trolling.

[Monet X Change]

But also the lead up to. I think they were trolling each other as well. With those. With those. With those jokes about Gladys. What are you bringing? Like, that's trolling each other.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. So I. I do troll, but I don't. I have never in my life secretly recorded someone.

[Monet X Change]

I didn't say you did. I'm just saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, what I'm shocked by is, like, why would someone think that I was secretly recording? Like, because she might think you were recording him. I am very. I joke a lot, but I'm not sneaky. I don't do sneaky things. I do very. Like Ford.

[Monet X Change]

You do sneaky. Like what, Bob, I did a podcast with you and you. And you did a Visa Monet. We're going to list our top 10 drag race girls. Plug yours. That is sneaky. Like, what the fuck are you on? You are sneaky. So you're sneaky.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I did not. You. I asked you to name sneaky. I asked you to name girls you think should quit drag, and you named.

[Monet X Change]

That is sneaky.

[Jacob]

My ring.

[Monet X Change]

My ring. That I laughed at your face.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you're telling me. I did not say out loud, girls we think should quit drag. And then you.

[Monet X Change]

I'm not doing this with you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I did say that out loud. It's in the video.

[Monet X Change]

I'm not doing this with you. So you do sneaky things. You literally took. You and your sneaky little boyfriend took my ring and added it into you onto your hand to make the world believe that it's a family heirloom of

[Bob the Drag Queen]

yours that I stole my great loving.

[Monet X Change]

You are sneaky. This is your perception of people, of your lives.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And also other day at your house, you admitted that Andy cheats. And then one of the podcasts, you wouldn't admit it.

[Monet X Change]

No, I Just said it. I literally said it at the house, too, because we were all ganging up on him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Andy cheats. You said it before that. Before we ganged up on Andy, you were like. And Andy, don't be cheating because we know. At the top of Secret Hitler, you said, andy, don't be cheating because we know you be cheating.

[Monet X Change]

Right? I said also when I started.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Before we ever.

[Monet X Change]

Exactly. When I started Secret Hill. The game starts before the game starts, baby. Because they have people like Kane and people like Nick never played with Andy. So I try to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you take advantage of people. Of people?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. I'm trying to set Tease of Doubt. It's a fucking game. I'm trying to set Tease of Doubt before it starts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you don't think Andy cheats? No.

[Monet X Change]

Well, because what you said that he was cheating on in that version of Anomia. I don't think it was cheating.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is cheating.

[Monet X Change]

What did he do?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was googling answers to the word under the table so that no one could see it.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, she didn't be breaking up. That is not a rule of the game. There's a rule of the game. He says you can't look at people's

[Bob the Drag Queen]

cars, and he also looks at people's cars during his Secret Hitler.

[Monet X Change]

That's not true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is true.

[Monet X Change]

I don't think that's true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Andy looked at people's cars and Cigar Hitler.

[Monet X Change]

Where is the ocular proof of that? Well, you didn't see it. Someone told you, but you didn't see it. This is hearsay. And also, thank you, Jacob. The version of the game we're playing was a weird game, y'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All. Y'.

[Jacob]

All.

[Monet X Change]

It was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No one else was doing that.

[Monet X Change]

That doesn't mean it was a weird British version that none of us have ever played before.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you get a word you don't know, you. You bite the bullet and you. So we all just Google on top of the table now. No, no, no. It's not a rule. So next time we play now we're all just googling on the table. Okay. He's probably asleep.

[Monet X Change]

Who's the fucking.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nick? Nick was in the house being so crazy, and it was being crazy. He was like, I'm just gonna go to sleep, but I want to come

[Monet X Change]

to the studio, But I want to

[Bob the Drag Queen]

go to a spa, but I'm just gonna take a nap. I was like, girl, this is crazy.

[Monet X Change]

You can't do all those things.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Pick one.

[Monet X Change]

You know you can. I don't think. Full disclosure, y'. All. We are recording this on January 2nd, I really. When I tell y' all to get into work. My break and I get into work mode. It's a Monday and I have to get into work because we have work this weekend and I have other shit this weekend.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're not a five girl now.

[Monet X Change]

Huh?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're not a five girl now?

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You mean you can't work weekends or you mean specific because of the holiday?

[Monet X Change]

No, because of the holiday. Because, like, because of where. The way. The way New Year's felt it. So it feels so weird. New Year. And you can say New Year's the new Year. Yeah, because of the way the New Year fell. That even feels weird to say. I just. My brain cannot clock in. I just, like, try.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The way New Year's fold.

[Monet X Change]

The way. The way New Year's. The way New Year's falls.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The way the New year. Because of the date. Because of the way the New Year fell.

[Monet X Change]

Because of the way the New Year fell. Ow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What? What happened?

[Monet X Change]

Remember when I sliced my finger open? I lacerated myself to get a pizza cutter for Alex.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't try to make that about Alex.

[Monet X Change]

It's Alex's fault.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't try to make that about. Also, we didn't need to cut the pizza. Those pizzas were in enough pieces. It was. So we ordered some pizza from this place Monet loves. Well, I'm not gonna say the name. I'm no free advertiser, but Monet loves the pizza and I like it too. It's actually a really good pizza. And then Monet was like, dead set on like, no, we need to cut it into smaller pieces. Well, because meanwhile, I took two entire pies home. Two entire pies.

[Monet X Change]

I think people will avert. People didn't want to take. Because getting. Because y', all, these are. They're pretty big slices. So if you would cut them in halves of each one, I think people would be like, oh, I can have this bite sized piece of them. Like, if I get this big piece, I'm committing to this huge chunk of pizza. You know what I mean? Because when we did, well, the other place, the other pizza place at your house, I thought those slices were perfect.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're so. I honestly, I wish there was much of the podcast so I could say who they are.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, and they do deliver to me that I checked last night.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's going to be cold. No, I gotta say right now, when you're on Ubereats, if it is more than 35 minutes away, do not order it. Oh, no.

[Monet X Change]

Andy and I do it all the time. We get stuff from the other side of the hill.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But it's cold.

[Monet X Change]

No, but it really doesn't what you

[Bob the Drag Queen]

go do when you see the person on the bike.

[Monet X Change]

There's never been a bike. Imagine a bike coming from a holiday.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You never had a bike holiday.

[Monet X Change]

A bike not coming over here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've had times in New York City where. Cause a lot of them use bikes.

[Monet X Change]

Oh yeah, New York City.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My whole shit is wet. My whole shit is rainy, wet, soggy.

[Monet X Change]

Well, there's this whole thing about people saying, don't use doordash.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why?

[Monet X Change]

Because apparently, yeah, it's like a whole thing online. Doordash, like, okay, they're not sponsored. They. They like. Doordashes are like going in people's food. There's like, there's a lot a bunch of stuff going on with doordash.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What is that? Aren't the doordashes and Uber Eats people often the same person?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know. That's what, that's what people are saying. Like, do. Like people don't use.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But who.

[Monet X Change]

You know, this is probably some propaganda by fucking Uber Eats. Who knows?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not going to make that bold accusation. I'm not comfortable making that bold accusation. Now, we do not have a smooth segue. But. But today's topic, and I'm actually interested in talking.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know what it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet, are you one of those people who's ever had any sort of an obsession with serial killers?

[Monet X Change]

No, I'm not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You never had any moment in your life where you were like, I, this. I am interested in what's going on with this person.

[Monet X Change]

No, I'm not. I. I don't like true crime. I don't like that. I don't like stuff like that, which is. I. I realize I'm in the minority because true crime is the biggest podcast genre ever, people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it really?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, it's the biggest type of podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you not like about it?

[Monet X Change]

I'm just not interested in hearing the gory details of how someone is like killing multiple people. I'm just. It just doesn't interest me. I mean, I guess you can say a time I have is when I watched Dahmer. I just watched it because it was a good series. I wasn't like, I gotta find out about Jeffrey Dahmer. I just like, oh, it's a popular show on Netflix. Let me watch it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When I was younger, in my 20s, I was particularly interested in what was going on with John Wayne Gacy, who

[Monet X Change]

was he and what did he do?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The clown who killed, I think over 40 people and several of the bodies were hitting under his house and, and, and, and a lot of children. Like he was like. And he was a clown, a working clown, people. He was a. I mean he was a volunteer slash working clown. And I think he was like sort of a handyman or something.

[Monet X Change]

And how long did the serial killing go on for?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't do. Listen, I mean, I'm assuming he did it for like over a decade.

[Monet X Change]

A decade.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was pretty prolific.

[Monet X Change]

Listen, when people do it for that long, I'm like, how?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm assuming, I'm assuming he didn't get 40 people in, in a weekend.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, but I mean, I don't fucking know. Let's take a break and you'll tell me more about it. Shall we do this?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't want to do it. Well, this is your thing. I don't want to do it.

[Monet X Change]

This is your thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do it.

[Monet X Change]

This is your thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet, you're making me the bad guy.

[Monet X Change]

You the bad guy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do it. We have to split our. I do, I do. I do. 70 the ads on this podcast.

[Monet X Change]

That is not true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is true.

[Monet X Change]

That is not true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're gonna crush the numbers.

[Monet X Change]

Let's crush it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob will walk to my room and be like, read an ad girl. When you won't answer, same do the.

[Monet X Change]

Do the thing. If you don't like ads, you don't have to get ads. You go to civil rivalry Patreon and you can listen to this ad free from your girl, your sister, your homegirl, your cousin. When they exchange to you go to patreon.com civilriver Nope.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And type in civilrian podcast.

[Monet X Change]

Type the civil rivalry podcast and you'll never have to hear this ad again. Haircuts of ads. John Wayne Gacy is a well known John Wayne gase. John Wayne. John Wayne Gacy Casey's known killing spree span approximately six to seven. How do they know six or seven?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because they probably don't. Because you don't really know. I mean, when they catch a serial killer, they don't actually know who I'm. They assume how many they killed, but they could have got away with some.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, beginning in 1972 and ending with his arrest in December 1978. So a lot of these like serial killers were in the 70s?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

33.

[Monet X Change]

Why were there so many serial killers in the 70s? That was Dahmer's theory.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have a theory. And Jacob, please look this up. I believe that somewhere in the 70s they they found the technology to do DNA testing. Like somewhere in the 70s, DNA testing became a thing or in the air in the early 80s and they started just catching a lot of people. But before you can get away with it, and there was no. They had advanced DNA testing in some way where it became a lot easier to. To catch people.

[Monet X Change]

Got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Night. Where's. I mean, specifically in terms of. Yeah, in the 1970s, police technology had not caught up to the mobility of the crime of the criminals. So at some point in like the 80s, I want to say, they figured out this, like, thing where they're like, oh, we know how to. We know how to track DNA from a lot. So that's why I believe that might be why I would go back up.

[Monet X Change]

Jacob said also hitchhiking. That's true. See, hitchhike. Hitchhiking. It was a. It was a standard, socially acceptable way to travel predators like Ted Bundy and Edmund Kemper. Never heard of him. To direct advantage of this free love trust. So people will just like, see the hitchhikers used to fucking kill people. Well, the people accepting hitchhikers.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Or you would hitchhike and kill. But you could probably do both. You get a hitchhike and kill. Or you could pick up hitchhikers and kill.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I have never seen a hitchhiker. I've never seen a hitchhiker in my life.

[Monet X Change]

I don't think I have either, actually.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I don't think people hitchhike anymore. Well, let's say I've given a ride to a stranger before.

[Monet X Change]

Where, like, who was the stranger?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This little old lady.

[Monet X Change]

And how did you. Like. Okay, like, give it. Give us a scenario.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've already told the story. But she was a little old lady who was walking toward the fires during the. During the LA fires. She's walking against the crowd. And I was like, excuse me, where are you going? And she's like, I'm looking for my son. And I was like, you should get in the car with us. And then we drove her to her son.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, that seems acceptable.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But she could have been a killer.

[Monet X Change]

She could have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Or taking us to her son who was a killer.

[Monet X Change]

She could have been on Gladys.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She could have been. But honestly, that would be a great time to do. It's like, I got the itch to kill. There's so much chaos in LA right now. I'm gonna see if anyone will pick up a little old lady. But she was a very. I could have fucked her up.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. I mean, you think?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If need be.

[Monet X Change]

Until she pull out her little stick and crack it, then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What Stick and crack.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, put it. Put a. Put it in a bucket of water.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But, I mean, Jacob, were you nervous about picking up the little old lady?

[Jacob]

I was on nerves of picking up the old lady, but I was also like, we gotta get going. Okay. I think it took her. It took us about 10 minutes to convince her to get into the car with us.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes.

[Jacob]

She's like, I want to walk to my apartment building. My son's gonna pick me up there. It's like bumper to bumper traffic. Everyone's trying to get away from the fire. And Bob was like, get in the car.

[Monet X Change]

So did y' all all. So, like, y' all are driving, and

[Bob the Drag Queen]

she's, like, walking as well. Jacob, Camion, and Mikey. So all the seats are full. So now Jacob, Camion, and Mikey are all crowded in the back seat, and the little old lady is sitting next to me in the passenger seat.

[Monet X Change]

I'm saying, so y' all are slowly bumping a bumper, and she's, like, walking.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So it's. So we are driving toward the home. And then we have to see the

[Jacob]

fire from our house.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, you can see the fire from our. From where we were, actually. You can see the light. The light from the fire. And then we also had to take all our stuff out of the car and leave it on the street because we didn't. My car wasn't ready to receive that many people, so Jacob was, like, clearing stuff out of the car.

[Monet X Change]

What were you throwing out?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was.

[Jacob]

We just bought, like, supplies for our house. It was like toilet paper, like, dishwasher soap. Like, nothing. Nothing crazy.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. So all of the, like, cleaning supplies were. We just. We had to just leave them on the street. And then Camion is walking as slow as anyone's ever walked from a fire. Shout out to my nephew, like, lord have mercy. I was like, boy, our house just burned down. Haste a year to the day. Our house had burned down, and he was in the house. I was like, girl, you should be able to do this better than anybody. So. And then also, Mikey is stuck on the other side of a police blockade. So they're telling Mikey he can't come to us, but also, we can't go to him. So we're trying to figure out how to get. It was a lot going on.

[Monet X Change]

And Mikey has Malcolm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mikey has Malcolm. Yes. So Mikey has a dog. We're not adding to the cue. So Mikey and the dog are trying to get to us. Camion's trying to get to us. We're trying to get to Camyon. We're trying to get Mikey to meet us at our home. And then this little lady is just walking into the fire. And she was adamant. She was like, I'm going to my apartment. My son. And I was like, well, what's your son's name? What's your son's number? She goes, I don't.

[Monet X Change]

I delir. Was she like out of her mind?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She was just old enough to not be confused super with it. I mean, she's walking into a fire.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And she was moving and she was struggling to get. There was this. In our neighborhood, there's this one like really big drop off on between the sidewalk and the street. Like it like you, like you have to really lift your body. And she could not get up on this fucking sidewalk. And I was like, lady, get in the car. Get in the car and call your son. And she couldn't call her son. I was like, give me your son's phone number. And I called her son and I was like, where? I was like, it's 9pm do you know where your mother. And then we ended up driving to. Driving her to take her to her son. But she was that lady act like she didn't give a.

[Monet X Change]

She was like, she's probably like the sunset of her life. She's like, I've seen a lot. I've done enough. I'm ready to just go with the

[Bob the Drag Queen]

fire in a bl. In a literal blaze of glory. And can I say, I didn't do it for any reason. I just. Besides to help someone not die in a fire. Her son was like, thanks. Am I crazy for that? I mean, I like, come on, get out of this black ass man car.

[Commercial Narrator]

What?

[Monet X Change]

You know, we had a. There was a North Hollywood serial killer not too long ago.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I know. Were you nervous?

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I was because his MO was he would just allege. Apparently he would go up to houses and just see if the door would open. And if the door would open, he'd let himself in and kill people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can I just say real quick too.

[Monet X Change]

And Andy lived for a long time and not locking his doors. Isn't that crazy? When Andy lived in weho, he never locked his door.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Considering where Andy's from, I do think it's weird, like if my mother used to not lock her door growing up. But she's from a small town. My father, he's. He's from Phoenix City, Alabama. My mom is from Corinth, Mississippi. But if But Andy's from Boston.

[Monet X Change]

He's from the suburbs, though. He's from Lexington.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not a small town. People in the suburbs. I'm. I'm from the suburbs. We lock our doors.

[Monet X Change]

No, but Lexington is like. I mean, can you look up the population of Lexington, Massachusetts? Jacob? It's a.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a small, small town, but it's by Boston. Like, it's like.

[Monet X Change]

It's like two hours from Boston.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, Phoenix City is not a suburb. Phoenix City is a small town that's not near.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, 34,000 people. It's like two hours from Boston.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But Phoenix City is a small. The biggest next town is Columbus, Georgia, which is technically the second biggest city in Georgia. Technically, Phoenix City population is same amount.

[Monet X Change]

It is less. It's more people than Andy's town.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It just. It's just weird to me that people that he's from. In Phoenix City, by the way, we lock our doors.

[Jacob]

Like.

[Monet X Change]

Like if I heard someone in New York, in New York that didn't lock their doors, that'd be crazy. Imagine you're not locking your door.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I. My door is street facing 84, Washington.

[Monet X Change]

Imagine.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But also in New York City, the doors lock behind you. Like, a lot of the doors. Like, if every New Yorker. You put your foot out before the door closes, you check your pockets, and then you let the door close. Because every apartment I had in New York City, the door will lock right behind you.

[Monet X Change]

I don't remember.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't have to. You don't have to lock it.

[Monet X Change]

The door locks itself had a latch. You can put it on and off if it would do it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did your door lock behind Taylor in New York City?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. The door just.

[Jacob]

It's like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's like he said. Yes. It's like a hotel. The door just locks behind you. I don't remember if mine did, but. But yeah. So how are you gonna defend yourself in your home?

[Monet X Change]

Well, you know, I want to get my gun now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Someone broke in last night.

[Monet X Change]

I have a hammer.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Where? In the tool shed?

[Monet X Change]

No, I have one by my bed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have a hammer by your bed? Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Just in case. If the killer comes, I'll have something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it decorative?

[Monet X Change]

It's decorative.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it on the nightstand?

[Monet X Change]

Where's the hammer? I ain't never seen this hammer. It's on the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've been in your bedroom, like, two times.

[Monet X Change]

I just realized that I've never been to your bedroom.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Really?

[Monet X Change]

Well, you. The old. The one that you and Jacob used to share. I've never. I've never been to that room.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You never set foot in there.

[Monet X Change]

No, I want to see. I've seen it on zoom or room.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So why don't you just walk in?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know. I mean, I. I think it's a little weird to walk in someone's bedroom. I think I me. I think it's weird to walk in someone's bedroom unless you're invited.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not me.

[Monet X Change]

Anyone.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, not me.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, anyone.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, you and me.

[Monet X Change]

You.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can walk in any room. My house, you don't. I can't walk in any room in your house. No, you can't, and I do. I've been to every room in your house. You have. With your permission.

[Monet X Change]

But you were invited to the bedroom every time you came in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you're invited next time you come over. You were there the other day.

[Monet X Change]

You didn't want.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She just walked in.

[Monet X Change]

I know. I've never been invited.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you never even want to be like, what's up in there? Okay, I have a giant picture of you that I made myself individual.

[Jacob]

It's a nude.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. They're doing their thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, where is this hammer?

[Monet X Change]

It's so on my side of the bed. Like on. I don't know what you call it. It's not the base.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's like a little lip.

[Monet X Change]

You have the little lip.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You got like a stepping stool on your bed.

[Monet X Change]

No, stepping stool is a lip. My bed is pretty close to the ground.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, but why? You need to see.

[Monet X Change]

It's on the lip behind, like, where the pillow is, so you can't see it. Cause it would be bothering me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you think? My bed's on the floor. I mean, I wanted to laugh for

[Monet X Change]

a while, but the older I get. No, that is a young person game. A young person's game.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Last time I hooked up on a bed on the floor, I woke up and there was a person standing over me.

[Monet X Change]

I remember that. Wait, are you saying, like, mattress on

[Bob the Drag Queen]

the floor or like. No, actually, it's like a frame on the floor.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Commercial Narrator]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So there's no. There's no box spring beneath it.

[Monet X Change]

It's very bohemian.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's very like me and Tao's bed is pretty close to the floor. It's like. It's close with these. With these, like, Megan.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like Megan, towel.

[Monet X Change]

Must be putting it on you, baby, if you get it up out there. Man, he. What a pep in your step, Bobby. On the bed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, woohoo. A bed on the floor. It's not on the floor. It's close to the floor. Like, how Close. I would say the bed is at the top of the mattress is at my shins.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my. That is very low, girl. Like, that's here. That is low to the ground.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Top of the mattress is below my knees for sure.

[Monet X Change]

That's wild.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Where's the top of your mattress?

[Monet X Change]

Probably like at my knees, baby.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob's mattress at my nipples.

[Jacob]

Jacob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The mattress is soft. Well, Jacob is the thickest. First of all, Jacob has 97 pillows. I mean, Jacob. I will come in the room and Jacob will be playing like something on his computer. And he will have pillows behind him, pillows next to him, pillows under his feet, pillows under his knees. He has a full fortress.

[Monet X Change]

Well, if it's that high and then

[Bob the Drag Queen]

the headboard is pillowed, it's like a. It's like a pillowy texture.

[Monet X Change]

Quilted.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, it's a quilted thing.

[Monet X Change]

Well, Jacob, how the fuck do we get up if it's that high?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob's not that short.

[Jacob]

I think he's exaggerating.

[Monet X Change]

Jacob's five' four.

[Jacob]

It's not five' six. It's not that high.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm a bit hyperbolic.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, so sue us. The next time you ask a question, we say this vava. I don't exaggerate.

[Jacob]

Ginger was right about you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I never said I don't exaggerate.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, so I have. Okay, so on my bed, I have six pillows. We have two king ones on each side. Then we have a standard pillow in front of that and two decorate pillows in front of that. And he thinks that's too many pillows. I think that's standard.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like it's less than Jacob. By the way, all Jacob's pillows are all functional. None of them are for decorate. They are all. They all have a use. On my bed, I have two pillows.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, that's crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I have a. And I have like a. Like an infirm pillow.

[Monet X Change]

An infirm. What do you mean? Like a sick pillow? Infirm means.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, it's like. It's like for people who are recovering.

[Monet X Change]

What do you call?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a three part pillow. It's got a wedge and then it's got like a.

[Jacob]

When he got his hair plant surgery, he needs to sleep. You have to sleep sitting up for a certain amount of time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I just like it. I just kept. It doesn't match anything in my room. My bedroom is so unnice. There is nothing in there.

[Jacob]

That.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nothing in there makes sense because it was my drag lab. I spent so much time fixing up the studio that I just like, I can't Jacob actually had to help me for a little bit, but we both gave up. There's just. I have a. When I tell you my bedroom looks. Looks like a college dorm, I have the cheapest bed frame you have ever seen. Ever seen in your life. The thinnest mattress anyone has ever laid on. There's no headboard. I just have two pillows. My infern pillow. And there's no pictures on the wall. No, there's a picture. Jacob moved a picture into the room.

[Monet X Change]

Why did you take out the one that was in there and brought it here?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because I wanted it for the office. But then I took it down in here because I want to put my chronic scepter up. We don't have a lot of wall space here.

[Monet X Change]

Why did you put it back in your other space? The walls are empty.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I got to take it back. I brought it here. You know how long it took me to get a lot of this up in here? I had to. I will I do this thing all. I almost did it today. I. I gave K to the studio. I put all the trash in this thing. I came. Watch me collect it all. We were talking, and then I. I almost walked out the door without trash. Just left it on the counter. I have to put it, like, in front of the door. I will just. I would if there have been the amount of times I have walked, made it all the way to my car and be like, I don't have my keys.

[Monet X Change]

That's crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But then. But then I don't have my keys, so I can't get in the car, but I also can't get back into the building. So then I have to go back around. I have to walk all the way around the building, go hit in the punch code, go up the stairs, call Jacob to let me in. I do this minimum twice a week.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, so you are in the. Twice a week. Am I lying?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did I lie?

[Monet X Change]

So you're in the garage. There's a serial killer chasing you there, right?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

You don't have your keys. You don't have your phone. What are you doing? This is like. Think like, Mike Myers, serial killer, chasing you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, Mike Myers is, like, superpowers.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He's, like. He's, like, impossible to kill, and he's, like, crazy strong. Mike Myers has, like, superpowers. He has, like, otherworldly powers.

[Monet X Change]

Does he?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes. You obviously don't watch Halloween. I don't put someone's pick on Jam Lee Curtis's name.

[Monet X Change]

I know that. He obviously comes back, but I think that's just like.

[Jacob]

Like.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, one of the scream guys is chasing me. They don't have superpowers. There's people with costumes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So someone with a knife.

[Monet X Change]

Someone with a knife. Ghost face.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So all I have is my bag.

[Monet X Change]

You don't have nothing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I wouldn't go to my car without my car.

[Monet X Change]

You left it all on the. Okay, you have your little bum bag.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's not a bum bag.

[Monet X Change]

It's a bum bag.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a crossbody bag, which is a bum bag. In British slang, a bum bag is a fanny pack.

[Monet X Change]

No, it's not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Google it.

[Monet X Change]

No, but what you Google it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A bum bag is a motherfucking fanny pack, you faggot.

[Monet X Change]

Your Gucci one is that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it's not. It is a crossbody bag. It is a purse. I'm carrying a purse. No, I am the purse queen.

[Monet X Change]

Can we please show it on camera? Where is it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I carry it everywhere I go.

[Monet X Change]

That thing is a bum bag.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it is a crossbody bag. It is a purse. Anyway, I have my purse.

[Monet X Change]

You have that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's in what's. Okay, okay.

[Monet X Change]

No, okay. I'm always talking about that one, the other Gucci one, the black Gucci one you always carry around.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is the one I carry around everywhere. This is the. I've been carrying this purse for almost a year now. You don't pay any attention to me. You don't look at me, you don't pay me.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, well, that is a purse. But you're not talking about the other Gucci.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't talk to me.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I mean, he did have a Gucci for a long time and the Balenciaga one before that, but that was also over a year ago.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is called the Gucci Jumbo Gigi Small Cross body bag.

[Monet X Change]

No, I thought in grainy leather. I was talking about your other ones you had for. I didn't realize you changed bags.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Pay any attention to me. This is becoming really insulting. Anyway, I have my purse and I think that.

[Monet X Change]

That one. That one you used to have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I used to have that one.

[Commercial Narrator]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I missed that bag. I'm running up the ramp. So I have a two. It's two level garage.

[Monet X Change]

No, the things. The gates are closed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, there's no gate. The gates are blocking the outside. You can go between the ramp, the levels. Without. Without. There's no gate.

[Monet X Change]

Okay?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't pay attention to my garage. You don't love me.

[Monet X Change]

You don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you even know my real name?

[Monet X Change]

Is my actual legal name Caldwell to dq?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, so I'm So, okay, which way are they coming from? This is all important.

[Monet X Change]

They're coming down the stairs into the. The lower level parking things.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're coming downstairs. So they're coming through a door. They're on my right. I'm running to my left. I'm now going. Actually, I'm gonna run out the side door because you don't need to. So I'm running out the side door. I. And I. And I. I think actually I'm going to run out the side door and I'm going to put my foot against the wall and keep the door closed. And I don't have my phone, so I can't call the cops.

[Monet X Change]

You can't call the cops.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I'm going to keep the door closed.

[Monet X Change]

And they're pushing strong, but his hand has got through, so he's like swiping.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, so now there's another stairs. I'm running up the stairs and then there's a gate.

[Monet X Change]

And he's fast because he's an Olympic. He's actually Usain Bolt. Usain Bolt is actually the scream killer. So he's very fast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, this is getting. You're adding. I'm telling you now he can fly. No. What's gonna happen next time I. I defeat his ass?

[Monet X Change]

He's fast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, so his hand is through the door. So. Okay, so if. If he's that close. If he's that close, I would not try to hold the door. I would run out the side door. I'm running up the stairs and I'm going to get on the other side of the gate. There's a gate now that separates the side stairs from the street. I am now trying to close him into the gate. And I'm. I'm. I'm. Now, because I live in a. I live in Hollywood, it's pretty popular. I am screaming, screaming scre for help. At this point, their Usain Bolt is trying to kill me. The worst.

[Monet X Change]

But you don't know it's Usain Bolt.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, he has a master. Well, this guy seems Usain Bolt fast.

[Monet X Change]

But now you see an old woman walking, walking at him slowly. Now he set his eyes on her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She's walking toward him.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Okay, so she's walking because she's looking for her son.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I say, hey, old lady. Old lady.

[Monet X Change]

He's like, I think that I'm. Hi, my son's here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, well, she's in it. No, she's part of the crime. I don't trust her no more. I do not trust this woman, I trip her, stick my leg out. She falls down, I start running. If Usain Bolt starts stab, if this killer starts stabbing her, then I.

[Monet X Change]

You sacrifice Blood. Sacrifice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My bad. That's on me.

[Monet X Change]

So now. So now you're an accomplice. Now you keeping this in mind, when this is all done, you're going to jail.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Does he stab her or does he not stab her?

[Monet X Change]

He stabs her three times.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, does she live?

[Monet X Change]

She lives.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, well, she's fine. So I am now running. But he's gonna. I mean, he's gonna catch me. Is anyone responding to my calls?

[Monet X Change]

You don't have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's a lot of dogs in my

[Monet X Change]

area too, so dogs are barking. Dogs are barking. Someone's looking for the terrorist, but they think it's Halloween, so they think y' all are just doing like a thing. They're like these kids these days.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And he's. How close is he?

[Monet X Change]

He's about 20ft.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, I'm gonna get back in the building.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, back in the building.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I'm gonna go back into the building and I'm going to close the door behind me because there is. To get from my front. The front door, you have to go through one, two. Two doors, an elevator and a third door.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I can. There's enough time for me to create distance.

[Monet X Change]

Got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But. But no, I'm not gonna say. I'm running to the stairs.

[Monet X Change]

Stairs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So there's four doors.

[Monet X Change]

Four doors, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm running to the stairs, and I'm going to go into my apartment. I'm going to close the door.

[Monet X Change]

I'm going to lock it and then call police.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes. I feel like the reason why I. I was thinking this the other day. The idea of living in a big house kind of scares me because there are just so many ways to get into the house.

[Monet X Change]

I agree.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

People in the big houses like to get into my house to get into my. My apartment. The only easy way is through the front door. If you want to scale the balcony, there's people. There's no one above me. There's people below me. They're easy to get to get them. If you're going to skip that balcony below me to get to me, you deserve it.

[Monet X Change]

But people who have big houses like that, they like, they normally have enough security to feel like. I'm sure, like. Like Kardashians and the Kate Hudson's and all these rich celebrities, they have enough security or they have. Probably have like a security guard on guard.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like I can get in

[Monet X Change]

Your house, My house. You can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Without you knowing, no one has ever

[Monet X Change]

got into all my auto property. We have cameras everywhere.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You wouldn't even know I was in there.

[Monet X Change]

You've said this before and it's never. It still haven't done it. So now what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe it's in process.

[Monet X Change]

It's never gonna happen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You ever consider that?

[Monet X Change]

We have cameras everywhere and it was just added a barbed wire on that one corner. So you think you're gonna climb over that gate, but you're gonna go right through your hand. Because it doesn't look like barbed wire. It looks like it's regular. And you put it. You know, people don't realize how sharp it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would easily get into your home. Okay. And then I will be sitting on your couch.

[Monet X Change]

I like to see it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then you will come downstairs.

[Monet X Change]

I like to see it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you'll gag. Maybe not on the couch, but I know that I can get. I know for a fact. So. Okay, when I do this, can I just shoot? Am I allowed to hit you with a Super Soaker? Yeah, I can blast in your home?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Listen, only if you record it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So if I can get into your home without your knowing, I have your full permission to. To blast you?

[Monet X Change]

If you can get it for social

[Bob the Drag Queen]

media with a Super Soaker?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, this is gonna be amazing. I can't wait.

[Monet X Change]

Well, here's the thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I won't use.

[Monet X Change]

Here's the thing I'm about to say it can't be.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nope.

[Monet X Change]

Andy or Patrick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And Patrick won't know either. Okay, maybe Patrick might not. No.

[Monet X Change]

Because. No Patrick, because a serial killer robber wouldn't. Wouldn't call my friends to get the. Or my partner.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think no Patrick. Okay. Unless they're an accomplice. You think. Who would turn on you first, Andy or Patrick?

[Commercial Narrator]

Patrick.

[Monet X Change]

Who turn you in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Turn on you first? Who would be an accomplice in your murder? Andy or Patrick first.

[Monet X Change]

Who would be accomplishing you helping you or helping me?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, this is your murder.

[Monet X Change]

Now who would help? Andy is very. He's like, I'll hide the body. I'm like, we gotta test that. I don't know how. I don't know how.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Eddie wouldn't hide no fucking body, right?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know if Eddie would hide a body. Do you think Jacob would hide a body?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jesus Christ. Jacob would turn me in immediately. Jacob would not do anything like that. No.

[Monet X Change]

Would Tao had a body? Probably. I think that Patti would have a body. I think that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's hit someone with Your car in the middle of the night. You know that dark street on Hollywood. Let's hit someone with your car. We'll hire an actor. We'll hit them, and then we'll see if Andy wants to hide the body.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, that would be. Should we do that? That's not great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You said you don't hide the body. Let's see if you don't hide the body.

[Monet X Change]

This is gonna be a real drag race. Drag race acting challenge. Cause we have to be there together.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm there. Andy's gonna. Let's gonna defer to me.

[Monet X Change]

No, because maybe you act like Monet. We have to tell someone how far

[Bob the Drag Queen]

post surgery can we do it where he will. Where he can't be like, I can't pick anything up.

[Monet X Change]

I think he can't pick up more than £20, like the next, like, month or two, which you'll be gone anyway.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. So when we get back. He doesn't listen to the podcast, does he? No. Okay, good.

[Monet X Change]

So Selena. Or one of them might tell him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Selena would not. Selena's. She's with the shits.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, she's with the shit now. She is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You and Naomi have to stop bowling. Selena, you have to. I like her. She's my friend.

[Monet X Change]

I love Selena.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Guys, go to see her if you get a chance to go see Selena's eloteria show.

[Monet X Change]

So good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Or her drag race viewing or her

[Jacob]

show at hair party at Kiso. Print party.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, a print party.

[Monet X Change]

Have you seen the. Have you seen the mold she makes for the print party one? She's supposed to. I told her I want to buy one. How did you get it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I won it.

[Monet X Change]

You want it when you went down there?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well,

[Monet X Change]

graphic for me when she made them and she put.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said, I have a hat, though mine. I don't have the.

[Monet X Change]

I said, selena, you're sitting on a very big.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Selena.

[Monet X Change]

Selena. So, Selena, you're sitting on. I think that the faggots would. Would buy those shit up and hang them in the houses.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So we need to. How we're going to get. How we're going to trick him. So we go. You know the dark street.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We can. We do a thing where you're, like, being silly and you're like, okay, this street is so dark. And you turn the lights off, and then we have to turn off at a certain spot, and then you have to, like. Because there's a hill. So you slow down going over the hill. We at that point have someone.

[Monet X Change]

He's in the car with us.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, of course.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Someone. I've never been in the car with you and Andy at the same time. I have never been in the car.

[Jacob]

Yes, you'd have you never been in the sober mobile.

[Monet X Change]

No. You. You both.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You and Andy.

[Monet X Change]

I've been in the. You drove us when we got in and out that time when my family was in town.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you have to be driving, though. Yeah, I can't be driving.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I'll be driving.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because the other thing was. He ain't gonna high bye for me. Someone's gonna go over it. They're gonna. The hood. They're gonna slap the hood, girl.

[Monet X Change]

What if it really hits someone?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it's a hired actor.

[Monet X Change]

I know, but I'm scared, girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Someone's gonna. The hood of your car. You're gonna. You have to come to a screeching halt, tires be damned. You gotta.

[Monet X Change]

You gotta.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You gotta give something to have this prank pulled off. And then that person will be laying there covered in blood or just a gash. A gash is good enough.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Good luck.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And they're not moving. But then how do we convince him that the person's dead?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Cause this is gonna get. This is gonna go.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. Okay, the person's injured. Okay, the person's injured. Then they are like Mona X change. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. You and Andy are freaking out. I go over, I play a gunshot noise.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I say, monet, I've taken care of it. No, me and Andy are. You play the gunshot noise. Cause it has to be for you, right? You play the gunshot noise.

[Monet X Change]

And then what gun? He gonna be like, babe, you don't have a gun. You do in this story.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have a gun. You have to get a gun. By this point, the gunshot noise goes off. And then me and Andy run over and you have murdered the person.

[Monet X Change]

He's not gonna fall for it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, he will.

[Monet X Change]

I have a fake gun. But it's a yellow gun because you can't have a fake. Real looking, fake gun.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I thought it was just a New York law.

[Monet X Change]

I thought it was a la.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You gotta be able to have it. All these fake ass guns they be

[Monet X Change]

using on these sets.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you know, you have to have like a permit to have those realistic looking fake guns.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you know that one of the people on the Madonna tour almost got arrested for having a fake gun.

[Monet X Change]

Why? Well, because. Because it's illegal. What was it New York or was it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was in the uk. She's a British Lady. Oh, she's a. So she was arrested on a different tour because she. Not on Madonna. She was actually arrested on a different tour because. So she was like. So if you watch the Madonna tour in the uk, my guns that I use during the cowboy scene are 3D printed with wooden dowels on the end. And the ones I use in America are. They look like guns. Like everything about this gun is a gun except for the fact that it's not a gun. I don't. I can't even explain it beyond that they changed one mechanism or something. But the lady was like, we are not traveling with east. The uk. I'm telling you, I've been arrested before. I got. I got charges. And we cannot use those guns in the UK because I have been arrested in the past for prop guns.

[Monet X Change]

Why? Didn't even use.

[Jacob]

I would.

[Monet X Change]

I would be scared to even use a Prop 1. Bitch. Alec Baldwin.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, mine didn't make noises.

[Monet X Change]

I even. I would be. You said they look everything. I would be scared to even have that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It had chambers for bullets and everything. It had a barrel. It had a click. It had a hammer.

[Monet X Change]

That would freak.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was triggered. They were long guns, too.

[Monet X Change]

That would freak me out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But anyway, that's beside the point. The point is, I believe that we can get Andy with this. We'll. We'll. We'll finesse the details.

[Monet X Change]

Finesse the details.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And Selena, we'll know it's you, Selena. And you will be the body. And it won't be a prank.

[Monet X Change]

See y' all next time, y'.

[Commercial Narrator]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Goodbye.

[Commercial Narrator]

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