Sibling Advicery: Annoying Twinks/Hamilton Tickets

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: “Sibling Advicery: Annoying Twinks/Hamilton Tickets”

Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Date: December 20, 2021

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Episode Overview

In this Sibling Rivarly episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change deliver another round of unfiltered, hilarious, and heartfelt advice through their “Sibling Advicery” segment. The queens tackle juicy listener submissions covering messy friend drama, queer leadership in tech, wild hookup triangles, dating as a tall bisexual, and opening up to kink. Alongside their trademark shade and infectious banter, the episode kicks off with both sharing personal stories—especially Monét’s hair transformation—before jumping into advice with their signature honesty and humor.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Monét’s Man Weave Reveal (01:10–10:44)

• Monét reveals her new man weave:
  Bob is gagged; playful teasing ensues about the look, the process, and care tips.
• Monét shares the story of getting it done by Mickey Da Barber, reflecting on queer comfort in salon spaces.
• Bob relates: Both discuss the anxiety, maintenance, and challenges (gym, sweating, itching) that come with hair units.
• Discussion about hiding awkward hair growth and fantasizing about future wig colors/styles—including a Cruella De Vil moment.
• Notable Quote:
  • Bob [04:11]: "Oh my God, that looks so good. Roberta. I can't take it. I can't."
  • Monét [06:34]: “What if I do a Cruella de Vil moment? Drag in and out of drag!”

Key Themes: Queer comfort in beauty spaces, gender expression, hair anxiety, and Black barbershop dynamics.

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2. The Sibling Advicery Segment

#1: Petty High School Drama (14:55–18:58)

• Listener: James is caught between two feuding friends; one (M) is scheming and the other (V) is being targeted, but James is closer to M.
• Advice:
  • Both agree James should not ‘tell on’ M to V but should privately call out the messy behavior to M directly.
• Quotes:
  • Monét [18:23]: “Being a real friend is letting them know when they're being messy... that's what a real friendship is.”
  • Bob [18:46]: “If you tell on M, that's just gonna make more drama. Tell her she’s being messy, but don’t get involved.”

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#2: Being a Black Queer Leader in Tech (19:16–25:51)

• Listener: “Queercoded”—a Black queer woman leading a racially diverse but not Black team—wonders if she should feel guilty or justify herself to others.
• Advice:
  • Bob shares his own, similar experiences of criticism over representation within his creative teams.
  • Both underscore that as long as one is sincerely making an effort and being intentional, critics will always exist; you can't please everyone.
  • Listening and self-reflection remain important, but no one should parade their good deeds for approval.
• Quotes:
  • Bob [25:18]: "People are going to have something to say regardless... You just do the best you can."
  • Monét [25:47]: “Have your criticism. I’m not saying it’s invalid, but I am saying it is not informed.”

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#3: The Hamilton Tickets Triangle (27:02–35:06)

• Listener: “Hamil Tickets” is sleeping with “Max,” who previously had a complicated situationship with Andy, another coworker; lying has occurred, and motives for continuing the hookup include securing Hamilton tickets.
• Advice:
  • Bob and Monét break down the “messy” dynamic, discuss the pitfalls of possessive friendships, and assert that as long as real relationships (not just ‘situationships’) or consent aren’t being breached, grown folks are free to hook up as they please.
  • The main concern: Stop lying, communicate better, and don’t claim casual flings as exclusive territory.
• Quotes:
  • Bob [30:52]: “Max is not your boyfriend. You can't tell him to stop talking to him. Y’all are in a situationship!”
  • Monét [31:10]: “I have a problem with people claiming everyone they’ve ever hooked up with.”

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#4: Dating While Tall & ‘High Standards’ (35:35–44:08)

• Listener: “High Standards,” a tall bisexual woman, admits to struggling with her attraction to—and discomfort around—shorter men.
• Advice:
  • Monét: Don’t force yourself to date people you’re not physically comfortable with—it’s about your comfort and feeling sexy.
  • Bob: Challenge internalized biases and consider broadening your definition of attraction—sexuality and beauty can be about opening up to new experiences and seeing value in unexpected places.
• Quotes:
  • Bob [39:09]: “I do think it is possible to shift your perspective on how you view beauty and sexiness.”
  • Monét [38:05]: “If you can’t feel sexy, don’t do it!”

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#5: The Annoying New Boyfriend (44:44–48:44)

• Listener: “Over it”—friend has a new boyfriend hated by the group for being “a basic bitchy twink.”
• Advice:
  • Monét: “Mind your business” unless the person is genuinely harmful; let your friend figure it out and don’t risk losing them over personal dislike.
  • Bob: Only speak up if it crucially affects your ability to hang out, but otherwise, keep complaints low-key and avoid confrontation unless necessary.
• Quotes:
  • Monét [46:24]: “If it’s just like, ‘I don’t like her,’ I don’t say anything.”
  • Bob [47:21]: “[If] everybody hates him... just drop little hints, suss it out.”

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#6: Exploring Kink & Overcoming Sexual Inhibitions (48:46–53:11)

• Listener: “A Whole New World” wants to be more sexually adventurous but is anxious—especially after her boyfriend requests pegging.
• Advice:
  • Bob and Monét recommend a gradual approach: start with dirty texting, try watching porn together, and ease into communicating more openly about desires and boundaries.
  • Emphasize patience, building comfort, and reframing anxiety as curiosity.
• Quotes:
  • Bob [51:22]: “Start by just getting a dirty magazine together... it can graduate to texting, then porn... it’s gradual.”
  • Monét [51:54]: “You can just send some dirty texts—even if you’re in the same room!”

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3. Notable Memorable Moments

Man Weave Banter & Drag Humor

• Bob’s immediate delight and over-the-top reaction to Monét’s hair (“Bitch, if I’m—girl, these things are so good. I could never, I would never know that was not your real hair!” [04:11])
• Detailed and relatable talk about the “traumatizing” experience of the Black queer barbershop.
• The idea of a “Cruella De Vil, in and out of drag” persona [06:34] had both hosts in stitches.

“Hamilton” Question Breakdown

• Dissecting “situation-ships” and the blurred lines of queer dating friendships.
• Extended, comical hypothetical about exes and “claimed” romantic territory, leading to bigger discussions about possessiveness and polyamory [32:26–34:55].
• Monét [34:55]: “Andy seems possessive over Max’s experiences... that is very strange. A lot of toxicity up in here.”

Advice Section Standouts

• Bob and Monét consistently emphasize self-reflection, direct communication, and setting boundaries.
• Encouragement to “try new things” and “open your mind a bit” on sex, attraction, and relationships.
• Ongoing jokes about Patreon-exclusive content, always poking fun at each other’s personalities and quirks.

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Key Timestamps

• Man Weave Reveal & Hair Chat: 01:10 – 10:44
• Sibling Advicery Segment Starts: 14:35
  • High School Drama: 14:55 – 18:58
  • Queer Leader in Tech: 19:16 – 25:51
  • Hamilton Tickets Triangle: 27:02 – 35:06
  • Tall Bisexual & Dating Standards: 35:35 – 44:08
  • Annoying Boyfriend: 44:44 – 48:44
  • Opening Up to Kink: 48:46 – 53:11
• Closings & Final Hair Talk: 54:33 – 55:18

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Summary of Tone & Style

The episode serves sincere, actionable advice—always colored by Bob and Monét’s playful shade, deep friendship, and open-hearted queer perspectives. The language is frank, explicit, and often punctuated by laughter, quick roasts, and deeply personal anecdotes, making the entire session both entertaining and genuinely insightful.

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Quotes Highlight Reel

• Bob [04:11]: “Oh my God, that looks so good. Roberta. I can’t take it.”
• Monét [18:23]: “Being a real friend is letting them know when they're being messy.”
• Bob [25:18]: “You just do the best you can... critics regardless.”
• Bob [30:52]: “Max is not your boyfriend. You can't tell him to stop talking to him. Y’all are in a situationship!”
• Monét [39:09]: “I do think it is possible to shift your perspective on how you view beauty and sexiness.”
• Bob [51:22]: “Start by just getting a dirty magazine together... it can graduate to texting, then porn... it’s gradual.”

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For listeners (and non-listeners alike), this episode is a perfect blend of practical advice, queer life realities, and the signature Sibling Rivalry wit, all served with a heavy dose of real talk.

Transcript

[Shannon Maldonado]

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[Bob]

I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop.

[Shannon Maldonado]

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[Bob]

there on your dashboard.

[Shannon Maldonado]

For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you, it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com.

[Bob]

Busy. Okay, wait. Before you put your camera on. So Bob has gotten his hair did. She done got a man weave and I have not seen it. You didn't tell me you're getting it today.

[Monet]

So.

[Bob]

I'm about to. You're about to. I'm about to see it and whatever. Are we gonna count down?

[Monet]

Well, before we do, I wanna talk about when I first saw yours. I remember when you got your man weave and I was. We were in the airport. Monat, just. Okay, Monat, I don't think you said anything. You just showed up and I was like, oh, my God,

[Bob]

what is going on? And we will put a video in to show y'. All. I heard the videos of you wearing it. You were turning. You were doing stunts and shows when I came. Man, you were doing too much. You were so rude.

[Monet]

Well, what was I doing?

[Bob]

You were like. You started filming me. You started recording me.

[Monet]

No. Okay, just so everyone's clear, I was vlogging everyone. So it's me, Larry Tizlarm. Like, everyone was. So it's not. I did not start filming Monet because she showed up with hair. Everyone was filming there.

[Bob]

I had put her on and you were filming me.

[Monet]

And if you look at the film, you'll see. The film starts with me and Larry and me and dj2face in my apartment before I even knew Monet had did her thing. Anyway. Are you ready for my hair?

[Bob]

Yeah. I'm gonna count down from three.

[Monet]

Okay.

[Bob]

Three, two, one. Reveal yourself.

[Monet]

Why are you laughing?

[Bob]

You with you and Justin, when you have the. Y' all have the Christmas one with. Y' all have the sweaters on. Bob, I'm gagging. Oh, my God.

[Monet]

You look so.

[Bob]

I thought you were gonna get. You were gonna get. You were gonna get the. The Killer Monger.

[Monet]

Yeah. So I went to Mickey DA Barber, who we mentioned on the podcast before. Mickey did not have that unit in. She didn't have the unit to do that. So we were, like, discussing what should I get? Should I get waves? And I ended up with this little curly, little mini, mini, mini fro moment. It's not even a frozen.

[Bob]

Okay, tell us the process. How long did it take you? I want to know all the things.

[Monet]

Okay. So this took about. About three hours to do. I was also stopping. We were talking. We were, like, talking and chatting. It probably would have been an hour and a half if we weren't talking and kikiing and cackling and vlogging. The whole thing.

[Bob]

Is Mickey queer?

[Monet]

Mickey is queer. Mickey identifies as a lesbian Work. Yes.

[Bob]

And is Mickey close to us, or was it like a Trek?

[Monet]

So it's in the arts district.

[Bob]

I don't know what that means.

[Monet]

It was about 30 minutes away from where I am. 30 minutes away from.

[Bob]

That's not bad at all, you know? Okay, wait. Turn around. Give me the full 360, bitch. Turn around.

[Monet]

Okay, so here's.

[Bob]

Oh, my God, that looks so good. Roberta. I can't take it. I can't. I can't. Bitch, if. If I'm.

[Monet]

I.

[Bob]

Girl, these things are so good. I could never. I would never know that that was not your real hair.

[Monet]

Honestly, it looks amazing. So. So Mickey and I were talking. We have this plan because, like, to be honest, so I haven't even had her for. I've had this for a very short amount of time, so I don't. I don't really know.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Monet]

How long

[Bob]

you have to sleep with a durag. You got to, like, put, like, your little oil.

[Monet]

I can't wear a durag. I actually can't wear a durag because mine is not. It will. It will smush my hair. Mine is, like, pretty dense, so I actually have to just wear a bandana around this part. Like, a bandana around the edges. You fully, like.

[Bob]

You are like the black. You like a black girl from the 90s. I love it. I fucking Bob, it looks so good. You look so good.

[Monet]

Thank you. So I'm gonna be wearing. By the way, I am wearing this to the gym tomorrow morning.

[Bob]

Oh, honey. That's when I. Okay. So, Bob, you know me. I am.

[Monet]

You're like, according to Monet, the gym is when you really put this bitch to the test.

[Bob]

This is when you know me about that lie Sweatisha McSweaterson. And let me tell you something. I would sweat so much that. That the. That the water would start to pour from under the unit and would just be like a pool of water just falling.

[Monet]

Well, I mean, I'm. I'm not as sweaty as you, but I'm not. Not sweaty. I'm sweatier. I'm sweatier than most people, I feel. So we're going to. We're going to get into that. We're going to find out how she is. But anyway. Yeah, but here she. Here's my girl. So it felt weird because I was growing. You know, this process. When you growing out your hair, you're hiding. I mean, girl, girl, you are at every corner pictures because you don't want people to see the mess you're growing on your head. So me and her were talking. We were like, honestly, I kind of want to. After this one, I was like, maybe down the line, I will. Cause she had this one that's like black and white. And I was like, what if I do a Cruella de Vil moment? So here's my idea. I get a Cruella de Vil outfit made. I get one in drag, and I do Cruella Deville out of drag. So I'm like, cruella de Vil is a drag queen. This is her in drag. This is her out of drag.

[Bob]

That could be a moment I want to do. So I want to get one too. I want to do a full blonde moment, though. I want to do blonde or do like. Or do like caramel brown. Like, so I. Bitch. I'm gonna be one color hair, skin, everything, one color monochromatic.

[Monet]

You should go to. You should go to Mickey.

[Bob]

I'll go to Mickey. Mickey's like one of the best ones. But I've seen Mickey has done, like low, low, low Caesars. I'm like, how is that? How is it so unclockable? It's really good. Mickey does really good work.

[Monet]

So when she does a low Caesar, she's actually hand laying the hair. So it's not a unit. This is a piece. When she does a low scissors, she's actually laying the hair individually by Hand. But what she's saying is that hairstyle really does not last any more than two weeks. And that is taking extreme, extreme care of it. And it only lasts for two weeks. This can last like a month. I don't know that I'm going to last a month.

[Bob]

Oh, yeah. How are you going to put wigs on?

[Monet]

Well, I don't have any gigs until January. I don't have any gigs of the new year.

[Bob]

I was saying about. Okay, but. Okay, okay, let's say you do this and you love it. You're like, oh, my God, I have my. I have my mojo back. And you want to keep on doing this. Can you wear this? Can you wear this with wigs?

[Monet]

Yeah, I think you can. I'm pretty sure you can.

[Bob]

How are you gonna pin the wigs in the stuff?

[Monet]

I mean, I never pin. You think, how do I. I don't

[Bob]

pin my wigs in now, Bob. Cause we're bald. So it grips to your head. But when you have something like that, it's gonna. It's. It's creating space. And the wigs are gonna fit on your head differently. You're gonna have to pin them in.

[Monet]

Bitch. Ask the Vivian.

[Bob]

You are so rude. Oh, my God. I'm staring with the fucking toothpale. I'm staring at the two pale myself.

[Monet]

But honestly, this part is really the main feature.

[Bob]

Oh, it's everything. It's fierce. Bitch. Bitch, you look. It looks so fucking good. You about to get all the tray, honey. You about to get all the pussy, honey.

[Monet]

The comment section's looking thirsty, honey. No, I'm just kidding. But also, this is such a departure from how I normally look because I normally don't have any hair anywhere on my head.

[Bob]

I know. You know what I mean? I'm gay and now I have a full beard.

[Monet]

And. And I wanted to do this hair while I had this beard. I was like, I think I want to do the two together. And I love it. I think it looks really good. I'll find out if this feels like something I could actually upkeep and do for a long period of time. Because already, I mean, just as she was describing, I was like, this feels like. This feels like a lot of work.

[Bob]

Like what, like, what is. What is.

[Monet]

What is the. It's the head time and keeping your head, like washing your face but not getting your hair wet. And. And like, you can't get wet at all. You know what I mean? I mean, I think you can get it wet, but it's like a whole. It's like, a whole thing. She was like, just keep your hair wrapped in the shower. Do all this. It's a weave. You have to treat it like a weave.

[Bob]

You see, that's my problem. I gymed to. So when I got mine, I was like, the first day, I didn't go to the gym, obviously, and I was like, the second day, I was like, which I'm going to the gym. And then I kept on going to the gym, and it started to get so itchy. My skin was so irritated under it from, like, the sweating and not be able to, like, I guess, cleanse that area. It really irritated my scalp, and it took my scalp. I had, like, really a bad breakout. It took my scalp a while to recover, like, a couple months.

[Monet]

Oh, my God. Well, I'm also. If it was. If it was warmer, actually, maybe I will. I think I want to try to test this hair out. I want to go swimming. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go hiking. I'm going to, like, put this hair to the test. I think maybe my vlog will be me, like, testing this hair out and seeing how it withstands with me trying my best to take care of it, but also, like, actually, like, putting this hair to the test again.

[Bob]

And I'll tell y'.

[Shannon Maldonado]

All.

[Bob]

Y' all don't know. So what I found out, there are a lot of, like, a lot of basketball players do this. They have these fucking. They have man weaves in it. And, bitch, we out here thinking that they are living the best life, but they fully have. Which you are. There's no problem with man weaves. Which people. I wear wigs for a living, literally, so there's no problem with it. But a lot of people have. Man, we's on more than y' all think.

[Monet]

I mean, if these basketball players are doing it and they're sweating, then, hell, if they can do basketball.

[Bob]

But also, bitch, that's. They're making, like, $83 million a year, bitch. They probably change it every week.

[Monet]

But you want to be up in. I mean, you know, I mean, honestly, when I. When I did have. Actually, we had a really great conversation. I kind of want to bring Mickey on the podcast. We had a great conversation about, like, how a lot of her clients are almost exclusively gay men. Even the ones who don't need the. Who don't need the weaves because they just don't want to go to barbershops.

[Bob]

Toxic barbershop. Barbershops are terrible. I used to hate them as a kid. Yeah, my faggoty ass.

[Monet]

So she. So, so she's so. She's like, yeah, people just don't want to go to barbershop. They'd rather be with it, with a queer person. And it just feels better to be able to talk to another queer person instead of being in like, barbershops are horrible hor. Like y'. All. They're horrible. Like, for a queer person. I'm sure for. For, for straight people, it's fun.

[Bob]

Woo.

[Monet]

Yay. Congratulations. But for black queer people especially, I can't speak for. I don't know what white barbershops are like, but for black queer people, barbershops can be.

[Bob]

No.

[Monet]

I bet y' all just be up in a doo opping barbershop quartets in the corner. I love to get my haircut, yes, I do. I love to get my haircut, yes I do. I shut the up. But for black people, black queer people. A barbershop can be a very traumatizing place. To be honest, I am serving this look right now. This is.

[Bob]

Oh my God. I see. Bitch, first of all, I'm looking in the camera. I'm like, I know this nigga is not looking at me. Bitch, you're looking at yourself. I know you look at yourself. You are.

[Monet]

Were you looking at yourself when you first got. When you first got your hair done?

[Bob]

Oh, yeah, bitch, I couldn't stop looking at it. I loved it. It was crazy. You're living. You love it.

[Monet]

How long do you fucking love it? You keep yours. How long did you keep yours?

[Bob]

I wanna say maybe like about. Bitch, I kept it in maybe like two weeks. No, Bob, I had the video of me ripping it off at the Amsterdam airport when we went for civil rivalry.

[Monet]

Wait, did I only see you for. I hadn't seen you for two weeks.

[Bob]

What do you mean?

[Monet]

I saw you at the airport. That's when I saw you. That's when I first saw the hair at the airport. I didn't see you for two weeks.

[Bob]

Bob, are you forgetting these are back in the days when we were traveling. We weren't always in town at the same time. Bitch, we always doing our own thing.

[Monet]

No, you was avoiding me. You was hanging out with Kim. You and Kim and Plasti was hanging out at the time.

[Bob]

Wait, I had to find a video. J. I don't know if I want to put this in on the podcast. This video is very embarrassing. I don't know if I can do that, but I'll show you.

[Monet]

Are you going to show you? You say you Going to show me?

[Bob]

Yeah, okay, but, Jay,

[Monet]

do something with

[Bob]

my screen or something. Look at me ripping.

[Monet]

You know, this would be a. You know, this would be a Patreon exclusive. Only the patrons can see Monet ripping the piece off. Wait, wait, wait. Show me. Wait. Was it hurting? Is that why you couldn't do it? Yeah, it hurts so bad. Wait, turn it more to the middle. Turn it more to the middle.

[Bob]

It's like a tight. It's like a fucking adhesive. It hurts so bad.

[Monet]

Why didn't you. Well, why didn't you. Oh, I was gonna say, why didn't you use a solvent? Because, you bitch. You were in the airport.

[Bob]

I was in the airport. And I remember you and I, we were sitting right next to each other, first class. And my hair was scratching so bad. I was just like, hitting my head so bad. So we got to the ant airport and I was like, I can't. And I disappeared to the bathroom. And I came back and I took my wig, my weave off. And all of y' all were like, this bitch is crazy.

[Monet]

Mickey said that it was. It's not actually the. It's not actually the sweat that would make your hair itch. It is the hair growing back. It's the hair growing underneath the glue that makes your head itch. Ooh, girl.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Uh,

[Bob]

I think it's time to get us giving some advice.

[Monet]

Yeah, this is like I was. This is Silvian Adviceary. We are back. You all really seem to enjoy our new segment. Thank you so much for showing us so much love and support. You always show us love here at Sibling Rivalry. And now here at Sibling Advisory, we're gonna get it popping. So you wanna go first? You want me to go first, Mo?

[Bob]

I'd like to go first. All right, so let's take a listen to our audio advisory submission. Hi, Sibling advisory. My name is James, and I wanna get your guys opinion on some very petty high school drama. Oh, God. High school drama. So I have these two friends that really do not like each other. Let's call them M and V. M is spreading rumors about V. She's taking pictures with V's ex to make her jealous. She is turning mutual friends against V. And I feel bad because I want to tell V about the things that M's doing because she doesn't really know. But me and V have only been friends for a couple of months, whereas me and Em have been friends for a while and we're definitely closer. And Em has had my back during times when I was not doing the right Thing, So I don't really know what I should do. What do you guys think?

[Monet]

What was that one?

[Bob]

It was Sza. Who was your favorite song on the Weeknd? Petty high school drama. Ooh, that brings me back. Ooh, this is so high school. I used to engage in a lot of this behavior. You might be shocked.

[Monet]

This could not be further from my high school experience. I was the president of the drama club, but there was no drama in that.

[Bob]

Our club.

[Monet]

Honey, that's.

[Bob]

That's a lie. Arts kids are so dramatic. And there's always drama in art school. Are you joking?

[Monet]

Not me, girl. Listen. You listen. I'm telling. I keep telling you. I was a very innocent kid. I was not sneaking off and sucking dick and doing all that crazy stuff. I had one girlfriend, and I was very monogamous to my. To my one girlfriend.

[Bob]

We were not doing.

[Monet]

We were not pettying. We were not. I was not. I was not Mr. Steel. Girl. There was no tomfoolery or shenanigans going on with me anyway. I'm sure the other kids were probably acting wild, but not me. So is this a high school. This is a high schooler.

[Bob]

Yeah. This is high school. This is very standard high school drama, for sure.

[Monet]

Yeah. Well, you seem to be the expert, so I'll let you go first, and I'll give my advice after you.

[Bob]

Well, you know, I am. Bob and I have discussed this on a podcast about being ride or die and who the friends you really ride for and do things for. But it doesn't sound like you are ride or die for M or V. Yes, you're closer to M, but it doesn't sound like she's like. Or they are like your best friend or like, you're like, homie, homie, homie. For example, if this was. If M was Bob and V was, I don't know, fucking Layla McQueen. I would write for Bob, and I would. Like. I would not. Bob and I would have conversations about. Bitch, you're being messy. I think that you can have a conversation with Em. That Em is being messy, but I don't think you need to go and tell on. On M to V, because that's just gonna make more drama. And, yes, you are gonna be. You're going for the righteous thing and try to put everyone out there and let V know what's being said about her, but that's gonna stir up more drama and possibly. I mean, I don't know how bad about it y' all are at your high school, but that could possibly start a fight between Em and V. And then you're gonna be right in the middle of it because you told V that it was Em saying the stuff. So I think you should tell Em, girl, you're being really messy. You need to stop doing this. Because I don't know what the rumors are, though. Like, is she saying, like, she's, like, sucking. Like, she's saying that she's sucking this boy's dick. Like, I don't know, like, what the drama is.

[Monet]

Well, I was hearing taking pictures with the ex and stuff. I agree with Monet. I mean, just a second. That you can. In my opinion, being a real ride or die being someone's real friend is letting them know when they're being messy and not standing up for them when they're in the wrong. When you're a real friend, you're like, hey, these are the areas you can improve upon. And this is where it's getting a little messy. To me, that's what a real friendship is, you know?

[Bob]

Yeah. Yes. So I think talk to Em. Be like, em, you're being messy. Like, doing the thing with the boyfriend. Like, girl, you need to like, like, girl, come on now. But I don't think you need to get involved and tell on it, Em. Yeah. You're doing too much.

[Monet]

Yeah. Cause then you're making. You're making. You're making their drama, your drama. And, baby, let me tell you right now, I don't need extra drama in my life, despite what you hear me say here on this podcast. We got another room.

[Bob]

Yeah, Bobby. And drama, too. Yeah.

[Monet]

Anyway, let's go to our next one. All right. Dear Bob Monet, I'm a black queer woman in charge of a. Oh, by the way, just everyone knows. As a reminder, this is our new segment called Sibling Advisory, and we do want you all to send us some audio submissions. We will have a little description at the end of this episode telling you how to send in audio submissions. All right, here we go. Dear Bob Monet, I'm a black queer woman in charge of a small team at a major tech company. My team is racially diverse, but there aren't any black people on it. I sometimes feel pressure from external forces, friends, family, co workers and their teams that there aren't enough black people working for me. It's not a purposeful thing that happened, and I feel like I do a lot of other things to increase black representation in my company. I sometimes feel like I shouldn't have to justify myself to other people, but I'm also aware that that I've grown up with some internalized racism, and I'm trying to leave space to listen to the critiques of other people of color. How do I navigate this and hold myself accountable? Do I even need to sincerely coded. You mean to take this one first?

[Bob]

Yeah, girl, you. I know you want to.

[Monet]

So I. Okay, so I have a creative team on the show. We're here that is made up of mostly. Actually is mostly Mexican people and. And some white people as well. So I have Gloria Divina, Mindy Lamour, Tyler and. Ricky, who are all Mexican. And then I have Domino, Layla and Kennedy, who are white. And there aren't. There aren't any. Any black people on my creative team. And in this moment, for me, this ended up happening this way because I did have black people on my creative team, actually had Asian people on my team. I had black people on my team. And then through availabilities and working with people and what's ended up working out best, I ended up with the team that I have now. I used to have Keja Carr on my team. I used to have Jasmine Rice on my team. And the people that everyone has been on my team has been a expert in drag. Now this is just on my team for we're here. This actually feels very similar to what I'm going through as well, because I do have black people on my other. Like, my lawyer is black. My trainer is black. One of my photographers is black. Two of my hairdressers are my hair. My wig stylists are black. There's obviously lots of black people on my team. But sometime when you post one specific. I post this one picture, and it was just me and these Mexicans and these white people, and everyone's like, see? Bob hates black people. I knew it. I knew it, I knew it. And then. So part of me wants to, like, listen to what people are saying and be like, okay, I'm listening and I'm hearing what you're saying because you're seeing that I. This particular part of my creative team doesn't have any black people on it. And it's also kind of like this person, our friend here, queercoded, that is only a fraction of my team. This is just one part of my team that's on this particular television show, not my team at large. You know what I mean? And of course, in my head, my thing was like, my gut reaction was to defend myself and be like, you don't even know that the DJ that I mainly travel with is black. Whenever we travel, we use almost all black dancers. Like, like, like, I. And not only that, I have two entire. I've done. I've done two full black queer festivals for black queer people where we hire black people, pay them very well for their time and their talents, but also

[Bob]

very well is debatable.

[Monet]

No, we paid you less than everyone else. And then we actually. They're like, right. And. But then I'm also thinking to myself, like, I don't want to justify that by parading around the people that we. The work that I. Because I don't do it to be able to be like, oh, look what I did, Ms. Thing. I do it because several reasons. One, because I love to help and pay black people. And sometimes it's just because those black people happen to be the best people for the job as well.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

You know what I mean? So I think that in terms of listening to the critique, you can listen to it, and if it feels valid to you, you can apply it. If you think that there is some room for improvement for yourself, then you can do that as well. What do you think, Monae?

[Bob]

Yeah, I agree with that. I don't often get that same critique as Bob, but I do sometimes as well that, oh, why don't you have this person do your hair? Or, oh, I see none of your designers are black. And that's just literally not true. Like Bob said, a lot of it is availability, but for your specific circumstance. I know that I have. I don't know because I'm not involved in tech, but I have heard that critique that there aren't a lot of black people involved in tech, and why aren't they hiring more black people? Et cetera, et cetera. So you're obviously in another industry that people say this status about status to you, about your industry a lot. So I understand the frustration. But I mean, I agree with Bob. I mean, you can't, like, you know that you are making strides to make that happen as best as possible, and you're trying your best to. To fill that void with black folk and black queer people especially. And I get that. So I think if you know that you are doing your due diligence to make that happen and you're trying your best, people gonna have something to say whether you are doing really good or really bad or whether you're trying really good or whether you're trying really hard or not, people are going to have something to say regardless of what the fuck you're doing. So as long as you can sleep with yourself at night knowing that you are doing Those things to try to make that happen as best as you can. That's all you can do. You cannot. You cannot do your job to please other people. Well, I guess that's part of having a job is to please your boss and make sure you get fired, but.

[Monet]

Well, in pleasing customers and pleasing so and so. Yeah, depending what your job is, basically. Depending on your job.

[Bob]

Yeah. Well, your job. But in this specific aspect, I think that you're doing the best that you can and you're gonna have critics regardless of what you do. Bitch, if you hire 10 black people next year, they'd be like, well, why wasn't it 12? What happens? You're constantly gonna be chasing this thing forever and ever and ever. You just do the best that you can and try as hard as you can to make it happen.

[Monet]

Yeah, I can confirm, you know, like I said, I did two entire festivals where we hired, I think between the two, literally about 80 black queer people. And still. And still people have these criticisms and I'm like, honestly go off have your criticism. I'm not saying that your critique is invalid, but I am saying it is not informed. Right?

[Bob]

Ooh, that's good. Ooh, she knows words today. That's cute.

[Monet]

Yes, informed, which is not a big word. Do the next question, Mona.

[Bob]

For you, it is.

[Shannon Maldonado]

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[Bob]

Let's go on to the next question. Hi, Baba. Hi, Bob and Monet. I've recently gotten myself involved in a pretty messy situation. I work this. I work with this other gay guy named Andy. Oh. Who had what I'll call a situationship with. With this guy named Max. They've been going on dates and for a while. And Max has even taken Andy on vacation. They recently had a pretty bad falling out because Max has a long distance boyfriend that he is still in love with. So he wanted to keep Andy all hush hush. The problem is I am also attracted to Max, but just sexually. Even after they had a big fight and Andy told me not to talk to him, I fucked him. Anyways.

[Monet]

Things have only gotten worse. Oh my God.

[Bob]

Between the two. And when Andy asked me if Max and I had met up, I lied and said we've only been texting. So that night Andy gets drunk. So sees Max at the bar and confronts him and aggressively tells him to leave me alone and stop talking to me. I have yet to end things with Max because I want front row tickets to see Hamilton. I feel like a horrible friend, but at the same time I want my cookies. Thoughts? Sincerely, Hamil tickets. This is okay.

[Monet]

Hamil tickets is messy.

[Bob]

Helmets. It's very messy. I have a few questions.

[Monet]

I mean. Okay, let's try to break it down. Okay, let's break it down.

[Bob]

So it's a big story.

[Monet]

It sounds like Andy and Max are just fuck buddies, right? Because they're calling it a situationship.

[Bob]

Situationship. It's not a relationship. It's a situationship.

[Monet]

But also, I wouldn't put it behind Hamilton to play down bitch. They could be fully married and Hamilton would be like it's a situationship because they're messy.

[Shannon Maldonado]

So.

[Monet]

So it sounds like Max and Andy are fuck buddies and Hamilton started fucking Max because they think Max is hot and they want some tickets to Hamilton. So it sounds like they're using Max. It sounds like they're lying to Andy. It sounds like Andy and Max have a tumultuous relationship. Is it sounds like none of you are. Are being truthful with each other except for Max. All of you are.

[Bob]

No, Max is being true with him. Max is like, I have a long distance boyfriend that I'm in love with. But Andy, you're here so we can fuck and we can go on vacations and.

[Monet]

But is he being truthful? Does his long distance boyfriend know this?

[Bob]

I don't know. You know what? We have him in the call. Let me patch him in.

[Monet]

Yeah, this. Okay. This is wild. I'm gonna go ahead and say that there's not a lot of open, honest communication going on here. I think that there's some toxic. There seems to be a lot of toxicity percolating in this dynamic. And I not gonna lie, I do find that Very concerning.

[Bob]

Well, and also this part. So that night, Andy gets drunk, sees Max at the bar, confronts him, and aggressively tells him to leave me alone and stop talking to me, bitch. Andy, Max is not your boyfriend. You can't tell him to stop talking to him. Y' all are in a situationship. He has someone that, you know, that he's in love with, so he doesn't have to listen to you. Because then Hamilton says, I've yet to end things with Max. That means Max is probably at the bar, like, mm, mm. Next day, Hamilton's come over and give me that slurpity. Slurpity.

[Monet]

Yes. Suckity slurpity.

[Bob]

Suckity slurpity. So, yes, I feel like Max seems the only one. I feel like Max is not an innocent bystander, but Max is just literally. He's like, I'm having sex with him, Andy. I'm having. Everyone. Max. Everyone knows who Max is. Max is Andy. He's ham with tickets, and he's his longdistance boyfriend. Oh, girl.

[Monet]

Max is getting that dick wet, honey. Max is getting. Or getting. Or get. Or getting that back broke. Getting splitty slack down, honey.

[Bob]

Yeah, but for you, Hamil tickets, I think, honestly, Andy doesn't own Max. I think you can, in my opinion, still Max, as much as you want to get those Hamilton tickets, still have sex with Max. Like, live your life. Andy doesn't. He's not his boyfriend. Andy can monetize. He can have sex with Max, too. Or not. Max is trying to give it to

[Monet]

everybody, so I'll take it. I also have a problem with people who are, like, trying to, like, go out in the world and fuck, like, a lot of people and, like, claim every. Like, fucking as many people as possible and claiming them all and being like, I think it's weird when this is just me. This is where me and Todrick hall had a huge conversation once. I think it's weird, but when someone's like, you can't have sex with anyone that I've ever had sex with, I'm like, what? Not. He didn't say, you can't. He's like. He's like, I think it's weird for friends to have sex with people that I've had sex with. They're my friends. I'm like, what do you think about that, Monet?

[Bob]

Okay, so, like, any example. So, like, let's say you and I are both having sex with Mateo.

[Monet]

Or you and Mateo used to have sex, and then me and Mateo started having sex. Are you, like, you can't fuck Mateo. I used to fuck Mateo.

[Bob]

Oh, no, no, no. I don't think so. No, that wouldn't bother me. What would bother me? If Mateo and I were dating and Mateo and I were a couple, and you and I were best friends. Right? And then Matea and I broke up. Then you and Mateo's. Then you. Then. Okay, sorry. Okay. Mateo and Monae are brought up.

[Monet]

Use one of our actual boyfriends to make it easy. Just use one of our exes or current boyfriends to make it easier.

[Bob]

No, it doesn't matter. Okay.

[Monet]

You. Okay.

[Bob]

You and Jacob are. You and Jacob are. Y' all were together for a year. Y' all broke up, right? Two years, five. Whatever. How long y' all been together? For three years. Four years now.

[Monet]

Four years. Four years.

[Bob]

Y' all not been together for four years?

[Monet]

Bitch, we've been together for four years.

[Bob]

Three and a half.

[Monet]

Oh, sure. What is his prices? Right?

[Bob]

You and Jacob together, and then. But. And then. So do you and Jacob break up and then you. Me and Jacob get together, but then you and Jacob are. But you and Jacob start fucking again later? I would not. I would not be into that. I'm like, that's your ex boyfriend. You have such a big pass with him. I'm not with you fucking him. How do you feel about that?

[Monet]

Okay, that is so complicated. I haven't even considered that as a notion.

[Bob]

You and Jacob were together. You and Jacob break up.

[Monet]

You know, I got it. I picked it. I picked it up. I picked it up. I've just never considered this as a notion. I think that consenting adults should be able to have sex with whoever they want as long as everyone consents. And no one's being cheated on. No one's being lied to. I don't know that I. I don't know what it's like to hook up with an ex. I don't have any exes. And I'm like, would I ever fuck my ex? That just sounds crazy. I also would.

[Bob]

So much emotion involved there.

[Monet]

Even though I believe in. I also don't. But that's the thing, though. My. One of my boyfriends is full. Fully has an entire girlfriend that he has a lot of emotion with. So I don't mind my partner having sex with someone that he has a lot of emotion with. Like, that doesn't bother me at all.

[Bob]

Work.

[Monet]

Like, I'm okay with my partner having sex someone that he has emotions for.

[Bob]

Work.

[Monet]

I mean, I have sex with. I have sex. I have two partners. And I have.

[Bob]

I know. I know, I know. But again, y' all have also. All y' all all in polyamory together. So like that's like, that's like a different thing too. So it's kind of different.

[Monet]

Yeah, it does.

[Bob]

It doesn't.

[Monet]

It doesn't have. I mean, I don't. For my, for me and my partners, it doesn't have. They don't have to be having meaningless sex. Their sex can mean something. I don't, I don't. I don't need to be your only like passionate, meaningful sex. Like, I don't. I don't feel possessive over your. Over your experiences. I feel possessive over my experiences, but I don't feel possessive over other people's experiences, you know, But I do think it's weird that Andy seems to be possessive over. Yeah, Andy seems possessive over Max experiences without. Yeah, no, that's weird. That is very strange. And I think that there's a lot of toxicity in this dynamic between Andy and Hamilton tickets, quite frankly.

[Bob]

I mean, listen, Hamilton. I say fuck Max as long as you can. As long as you want to get those Hamilton tickets. Get the Cinderella tickets. Like, fuck him. Who cares what Andy thinks? It's not his business. Have sex.

[Monet]

Also, everyone was gagging at how straight faced you were while reading the Twincest, the story last time. But you were reading like, like, like you were reading like you were reading a recipe for cornbread. You were like, yeah, two scoops of flour, one scoop of butter and what? What's going on? What's the matter? Yeah, preheat the oven at 450. Make sure you grease the pan. I was like, oh my God, I'm the one from Alabama.

[Bob]

Let's read the next to the next one.

[Monet]

Go ahead. Dear Bob and Monet, I am a tall bisexual lady. Lol. And I sometimes find it hard to talk to guys who are short me, even when I'm interested in them. Have y' all ever had to adjust your standards when it comes to dating? And do you have any advice on how to do that? Thank you so much. Much love, sincerely. High standards. All right, you'll take it first.

[Bob]

Mom, can I tell the listeners Jacob is the one writing the names. Jacob. Jacob. These are really good. I'm very impressed. You're funny.

[Monet]

Jacob's very funny. Jacob's very funny.

[Bob]

Not high standards. Okay, Girl.

[Monet]

Girl.

[Bob]

I feel like I know this story so well. This is. So, so Bob, obviously, Bob, both of Bob's partners are very short. Bob has no problems dating people that are much smaller, shorter than him. But also in Bob's relationships. Bob asserts himself as the top and as, you know, as the dom in his relationship. In sexual relationships and romantic ones, I often play a verse role, but more like a subverse or bottom verse. Whatever you want to say. So sometimes to me, I have been attracted to guys who are shorter than me. But in a sexual. I always think about the sex and I'm like, that would be so weird to me. I'm a big. As Bob says, we are big ass niggas. Okay? So the thought of having somebody who is so much smaller than me trying to top me, I just, it's mental block. I can't. I like can't. I have not ever figured how to do that. So I have. I have always been attracted to be. I. I used to always say on my show, like, you need to be at least 6 foot 2 to get on this ride. Like I was. Andy is 6:2. He's literally 6:2.

[Monet]

I feel like I've stood next to Andy and I am definitely taller than

[Bob]

Andy or, or he's. Or he's like six one, six one, six two. Something like that.

[Shannon Maldonado]

He's.

[Bob]

He's taller than me. I'm five, ten, three, four.

[Monet]

I'm a, I'm a dainty six two. I make you look like six feet.

[Bob]

So I like, I'm like, I'm big boned, I'm fat, I'm tall. Like so, So I definitely. So I never really gravitate towards really skinny guys or guys who are short because I just feel like I'm just such a big ass nigga. Like I just need someone who can hold me down. And Andy is definitely that. I'm very grateful for that. So I feel you. And I mean. And listen and I.

[Monet]

You have given no advice, Monet. All you're saying is like, them short niggas.

[Bob]

Well, I'm about to tell her, like, if you feel uncomfortable, I don't feel. I don't think you should pursue into a sexual or romantic relationship that you feel uncomfortable with. I was like, if you know that you want someone who can physically make you feel the way that you want, then that's what you go for. I don't think you need to change that because you feel like you're being shortest or, or, or you're being prejudiced against short or against short guys. I don't think it's that. It's like you, you just physically don't feel comfortable and you can't feel sexy if you're dating someone or having sex with someone that doesn't make you feel that way. And I think that's absolutely fine.

[Monet]

See, my advice is on the contrary. So I. Okay. Monet says something that are kind of true but doesn't scan across the board for me. I. Both my boyfriends are shorter than me. Yes. However, I am very, very attracted to incredibly tall people. Monet knows about that one person in Portland I used to hook up with who's like six. Whatever. I'm not trying to put there because once I say everyone I know who I'm talking about, but like. And then you know about. I'm not gonna say, but you know about all the people I've hooked up with.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah, I know. I know some of them.

[Monet]

Some of them are very tall. I love, love, love tall guys. Tall guys are so beautiful. I also love very short guys and love average height, blah, blah, blah. And I do think that when I was. When I first started, like, having sex, whatever, I had a very limited view of what I could find attractive. But then I just opened up. I opened up my mind and I tried new stuff, and I realized that it is. I think it is possible to shift your perspective on how you view beauty in. And sexiness in other people. I recommend you listen to a podcast called Tell Me I'm Fat. It's an episode of this American Life. It's called. It's an episode of this American Life called Tell Me I'm Fat. It's. It's by. Is an episode by the woman who did Shrill, who wrote Shrill. She used to work for Dan Savage, and it's about a woman who had

[Bob]

to shift Her Dan Savage podcast was really good.

[Monet]

Oh, work. She had to shift her perspective on how she viewed fat people as a fat person. And. And she was like, I had to decide that fat was sexy, that being fat was not, like, acceptable, but, like, sexy. And then she's like. And it worked. And I think that that has worked for me as well over time. And I. And I. I think that's how. How it comes apart. We realize that I'm pansexual. That it's not just that it's not just men for me, that I. That my sexuality goes beyond that. And it's honestly been really freeing for me. And the best thing I can say is just. I had to just challenge my notions of what I thought was a trajectory. And there's still biases that I want to. Biases that I want to break down in my. What I find sexy and what I don't find sexy in the world. I'm not. I'm not 100%. You know, I. I still have. I still have things that I find attractive and unattractive in people. And you ever notice that people who, like, people who have a wide palate seem to be having the best sex and the best sex lives? You ever notice that, like, folks who just, like, are down to fucking with a white palette, they'd be like, they fuck tall guys, short guys, fat guys, skinny guys. They are people in general. They seem to be having some of the best sex and just living their best lives. And I am very envious of that.

[Bob]

Yeah. I mean, regarding this person, I don't think that the person. I don't think they're saying that.

[Monet]

Because you said.

[Bob]

You said to shift your perspective. Go ahead.

[Monet]

It's not. This woman is saying that she. That she doesn't want to. That she has a hard time dating short guys because she. Just. Because she's very tall,

[Bob]

I don't know, unattractive. She's not saying short guys are not attractive. She's saying that she's talking about short guys and how it makes her feel, I think is what she's saying. And I'm, like, going into a situation,

[Monet]

to quote, I sometimes find it hard to talk to guys who are shorter than me, even when I'm interested in them. So it seems like some sort of a mental block. So there's some. But there's. But there's some sort of a mental block stopping her from wanting to talk to these people. And I'm saying, try. Try to shift your perspective on. On situations like that.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah. So I was gonna be very clear. This. This person is not saying that short guys aren't attractive or she's not into them. She is into them. She. She finds them interest. She's. But it's for her, like. And I think that going to any situation, yes, you can work on shifting your perspective to, like, a wider palette of guys, but going into any relationship or any sexual situation, what I think is something that should. Is at the front of. How you should be at the front of your mind is how, oh, my God, someone in my house always feel like someone's breaking into my house.

[Monet]

You always think someone breaking up in your house.

[Bob]

I know, I know. Is going in feeling your best and your sexiest. I think that comes first, because then if you feel sexy, if you feel great, then you're gonna have a good time. But if whatever it is, whatever that block is preventing you from feeling sexy, going into situations is gonna be a moot point. Because it's not gonna be good. Cause you don't feel your best. And I feel like that's the most important thing, going into sex and going into a relationship, going into a new fucking job, is that you feel your best. And if you don't, it's not gonna

[Monet]

be a good outcome unless you can shift your perspective. For example, my little belly is like a very big part of insecurity for me. And it was really hard for me. Whenever someone would. Whenever someone touched my belly, for me, I would feel gross. But then after a while, I. Both my partners were like, I like your belly. I like your body the way it is. And it allows me to feel sexy. Even if my partner touches my stomach during sex or grabs my belly while we're in the house just hugging or whatever. And I'm like, you know what? They're not making fun of me. They're. They're seeing this. They're seeing my beauty not despite my belly, but maybe even because of it. You know what I mean? And it allows me to be like, oh, wow. I'm actually able to not be so self conscious because of this part of my body, you know?

[Bob]

Will you let me touch your belly?

[Monet]

If you want to touch my belly, Monet, you can touch. You probably touch my belly. I smack your ass all the time, so yes, you can touch my belly. I think I smack Monet's ass more than I smack my own partner's asses.

[Bob]

So high standards keep us. Also, guys, when we answer these, like, if you have some updates, we'll try to keep in touch because I would love to know how some of this stuff plays out. Like, I want to know who was the last person that gets Max's dick. I want to know who gets the last maxi dicky.

[Monet]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Let's do a reunion episode.

[Bob]

Let's move on to the next question. Dear Bob and Monet, our friend has a new boyfriend, and everybody in our gossipy gay friend group hates him. Girl, he's not done anything terrible. He just kind of a basic bitchy twink who thinks he's hot shit but is annoying. I love my friend, but I just can't stand his boyfriend. Do I tell him how I feel? How do I move forward with friend? Sincerely over it. Girl, we've been there with a friend before. You've been there with. You said you've been there with me before. Okay, it was just you. It wasn't everybody. It was literally just you.

[Monet]

I did not. I. Down the line. I told you I didn't I didn't really like you. I didn't really care much for your boyfriend. I didn't, I didn't. I wasn't like this. I wasn't. He's a basic dumb bitchy twink. I was just like, I don't think I like this guy. And I've had this with a few of my friends. And my rule of thumb is if I don't like someone's boyfriend, I don't say anything. I shut my mouth. I, I said, I shut my fat ass up. I sit there and I don't say anything because it is not my business. They will figure it out on their own. I don't want to lose my friend. Couldn't. Because I think that it'll. Honestly, if they're, if they're like not good, they'll end up breaking up anyway. I don't want to lose my friend and have them lose their partner. Then, then what was the point? I don't say anything unless I think this person is like truly bad. Like if I think they're like abusive or like, or like, like on a mental or physical level, or if they're like a thief or if they're like, you know, stealing from them or something like that, that which is also a form of abuse, then I would say something. But if it's just like I don't like her, I don't say anything.

[Bob]

Yeah, I'm with that. I mean, I'm not as much as Bob. I was like, will not say anything, whatever. Like if it's, if someone's dating someone I really don't like and I'm like, like, because if there, if there's a boyfriend, you have to be around this person. You have to hang out with them. Like you grant you you're going to be forced to occupy a lot of space with this person. So I think if it's like, if I really did not like one of Bob's boyfriends, it like fucking bothered me. It was literally keeping me up at night. I would tell you, I would be like, I would be like, bob, can we talk? I'm like, I don't know what this means. But I. Jacob, I don't know. I just, I. He's this, he's that, he's xyz. And I don't know what that would mean for me and Bob. But also Bob is a level headed person. Bob, he would take offense with a little bit and then we would figure something out. But I would have to. How? I don't know. I could not Just stomach that for. For what, a year? 2, 3, 5 years? I couldn't stomach that.

[Monet]

Or you could shift your perspective on who.

[Bob]

Shift these nuts, nigga. Shift these nuts. So, yeah, I mean, so if it's, like, that bad, like, if everybody hate him, there has to be a moment where y' all all hang out together. Y' all could be like, girl, what's the tea with Danny? And, like, maybe, like, just drop little hints. Like, girl, why, like, suss it out a little bit. Like, don't go any full throttle. Like, Danny's this. I don't like his hair. His mother is a fucking dumb. Like. Like, just like a little thing. Like, girl, what was up with that thing that Danny did? And just see how the boy, how your friend responds, and then you can navigate that.

[Monet]

Well, also, the thing about me is this. Is this something about me, too? I will call out the behavior in the person directly, but I won't make it Monet's business. I'll be like, hey, Danny, I don't like when you do this, this, and this. But I won't be like, Monet, I don't like when Danny does this, this, and this. Because that's not Danny's. That's not Monet's business. Danny's business. So. Right. I have told. I have told my friends, boyfriends, I don't like their behavior. I've never said I don't like you, but I have been like this. I don't like the way you do this. I don't like how you did that. Don't ever do that to me again. Don't ever do that around me again. I've. I've done that before, for sure. Me and Alfredo's boyfriend had it at one time because. Because he bought someone in my house one time anyway. But I don't. But I. But I don't bring it to the partner because it's not their. It's not their problem.

[Bob]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Monet]

They're not their parents. They're their partners, you know?

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

So that's our humble advice. We have a. We have a few more. All right, here we go. Dear Bob Monet, I have been dating a guy that I met in California. I live in Texas. He's way more experienced and open sexually than how I was raised to be. Even talking about sex makes me nervous. Okay? When he recently told me that he was interested in pegging, I immediately changed the subject. Will you both help and tell me how I can get out of my head sexually to be open to try new things? I'VE only had vanilla sex in the past, but I get no pleasure from it. Oh my God. So I want to explore sincerely a whole new world.

[Bob]

A whole spelled H O L E.

[Monet]

Okay, so it sounds like you're with a guy who wants you to strap up and peg him.

[Bob]

Love that.

[Monet]

I'm really shocked at this part that says I've only had vanilla sex in the past and I had get no pleasure from it. Baby, that's a lot of women enjoying sex. Baby, if you're not enjoying sex, you need to change up the game. Honey, that's a lot of women. If you're not enjoying sex, obviously you need. You have to be doing. Baby, you got it. I mean, this sounds like one of those scenarios. Someone who's like, I've never had an orgasm before. I mean, you don't enjoy sex at all. Baby, something is. I mean, you can, but I would

[Bob]

enjoy the act of sex.

[Monet]

I like nude stuff.

[Bob]

You can enjoy the act of sex and not get pleasure. You can like getting penetrated, but doesn't mean that you're getting off. You know what I mean? So I think that could also possibly be it.

[Monet]

I assume that this person meant, like, I get no pleasure. Like, not just physical, but like, I don't like it. I. I get no, I get no pleasure from sex. Not just no physical pleasure. But I might be reading into that too much to. To be honest. Yeah, I mean, obviously if you're pegging someone, you're not going to get actual physical pleasure. It's going to be more of a. Actually, that's not true because, you know, sometimes when you. When pegging, you can actually get clitoral stimulation as well.

[Bob]

Yeah. About to say. Yeah, they have a little attachment you can put on there.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

But I think a lot of pegging is for the person doing the pegging is a mental thing.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

But also, I don't know because I've never pegged anyone. I've never worn a strap on. I don't have a vagina. So I don't know how that actually works, but I can say that I think you gotta try, baby. You may have this person, may have this man. May have landed in your hands at the right time in the right place to show you, you know, I can show you the world. This might be the moment.

[Bob]

Yeah, I think so. You want to find out how you can get out of your head sexually. I think maybe what it can start with. Cause you said that you don't like even sometimes talking about sex makes you nervous. So maybe Y' all can start with maybe y' all can start with getting watch. Like getting a dirty magazine, looking that together. That can graduate to watching. Maybe watching porn pics together online. That can graduate to watching porn together online. I think that you need to.

[Monet]

You know what else you could. You know what else they could do? Monet, you just reminded me. Maybe, just maybe you can start with texting.

[Bob]

Texting. Dirty text. That's a great.

[Monet]

You can just send some dirty texts. Even if you're texting someone in the room. That can be hot and very sexy.

[Bob]

Oh, very sexy. That. I think that can be very sexy.

[Monet]

Then.

[Bob]

Then if. When y' all go out to dinner after you do the text, you can graduate to, like, maybe like at. At dinner, just whispering something to him. Him whispering something to you that's dirty. Like, stuff like that. So you could just get more comfortable with. And again, it doesn't have to be dirty. Like, I want you to take your fucking penis and annihilate my pussy through my mouth. Like, you don't have to be all that. You can just be like, I really want to.

[Monet]

That wasn't even sexy. You weren't even trying. You were just writing. Wait, was that excerpt from Coldest Winter Ever? Was that a sister soldier book you were reading?

[Bob]

It could be something really simple, like, I really wish I was kissing you right now. I really wish I was touching your penis right now. Just small things that just get you going so you can get a little bit more comfortable. You can start watching porn together and doing that, and that can graduate you. Because then also when you get in porn, you can get inspired. You can be like, oh, what is that toy? And then maybe that would. Maybe I can take a trip to a porn store together and y' all can buy, like, little things, like just. I think it's gradual thing, but I think starting with text, what Bob said, I think that's a great way to start. That's a great way. That. That way you're not saying it. You don't have to look at his reaction in time. You can text it, press send, and just wait to get it back and then see what happens. I think that that's a great way to start.

[Monet]

Yeah. Try sending a dirty text when you're apart from each other. And then maybe try sending dirty text when you're together in the same house. Maybe not in the same room, but in the same house when they leave the room. And then if you really want to get kind of spicy, send a dirty text when you're with your friends, but you're just texting each other. But it also depends on the partner you have, because we like one of our friends, Patty. Patty's a friend that if you try to text. Like, if I try to text Patty something shady about Monet before Patty reads it, Patty looks at the phone and goes, bob, why are you texting me? And I'm like, n. Shut the hell up.

[Bob]

That is very Patty. That's because Patty's loyal, unlike Kennedy, that just let anything fly. That's why. If you want to submit question of a sibling advisory. We're not trying to gatekeep the advice, but, you know, you have to be a patron of where is it? We keep it behind the paywall. So you want to submit a question for advice. Re. We put a form on our Patreon. You can submit it there. And again, we encourage. We encourage. We encourage audio submission so we can get a feel for who you are and your vibe and your temperament. So we can help you a little bit and give advice that's curated more for you.

[Monet]

And if you want to join our Patreon, please go to siblingriverypodcast.com support. That is siblingrivalrypodcast.com/support.

[Bob]

All right, all right.

[Monet]

So let this be the beginning of the hair journey. We are at day one, not even two hours. I'm gonna put my. My bandana on right now so that I can wake up my color banana.

[Bob]

Actually, it's really cute.

[Monet]

This is hunter green. This stands for daddy and son play. It's not my hanky. I have engaged in some daddy and son play in my. In my life. This is strictly a coincidence. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah.

[Bob]

I don't think I've ever done a

[Monet]

daddy son play or anything like that.

[Bob]

No. Oh, Jacob just put his camera on for the daddy and son thing. So you and Jacob be daddy and son.

[Monet]

Oh, that's not. That's not what I was gonna say. Oh.

[Bob]

All right, y'. All.

[Monet]

Bye.

[Shannon Maldonado]

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