Sibling Advicery: Black Friends/ Trying Grindr

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: Sibling Advicery – Black Friends / Trying Grindr (Feb 26, 2024)

Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Theme: Hilarious listener advice and queer community Q&A, served with classic Sibling Rivalry wit and lived experience.

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Sibling Rivalry is an "Advicery" special, where Bob and Monét field listener questions about friendship, identity, drag, and dating—especially within queer and Black communities. The hosts' signature banter weaves through advice on making Black friends as a biracial person, exploring queer dating apps as a pansexual non-binary individual, drag starter tips, and more. They blend humor, honesty, and real talk, often poking fun at each other and the questions, but always looping back to heartfelt advice.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life as Content Creators (03:00–06:33)

• Content Creation & Professional Identity: Both discuss their evolving self-identification at parties and on official forms—drag queen, comedian, musician—with Monét favoring "musician" on paper and Bob leaning into "comedian."
• Fashionable Entrances: Bob describes a scene-stealing holiday look, with Monét recounting Bob’s over-the-top arrival at a party ("a nice Category 5 hurricane, but controlled" — Monét, 05:29).

---

2. Socializing, Party Plans, and Karaoke Fails (06:33–12:49)

• Afterparty Drama: A comedic exchange about post-party plans, where Bob wanted to continue the night but Monét craved more detailed plans ("I wanna do stuff is not a plan" — Monét, 09:14).
• LA vs. NYC Ubers: Comparison of city transportation woes.
• Uber Etiquette: Hilarious story about a friend vaping in an Uber, leading into a broader riff on respect for drivers and rules ("Vapors, they can just vape anywhere…" — Bob, 15:17).

---

3. Discussion: Making Black Friends as a Biracial Person (20:59–28:06)

Caller: Nathaniel from Cleveland

Question: As a half-Black man who’s struggled to make Black friends, what’s an authentic way to connect with the Black community?

• Bob’s Take:
  • "Counting your Black friends is crazy." (21:48)
  • Challenges the caller's language: "It sounds like you identify specifically as half Black…Barack Obama’s not the first half Black president. He’s the first Black president." (22:20)
  • Emphasizes the caller may need to do inner work rather than focusing on Black folks as the problem.
• Monét’s Take:
  • Suggests the caller may be collecting Black friends for optics rather than connection: "There are things that you can do to…reflect on what behaviors and what things you are doing to elicit that response from other Black people" (24:35).
  • Both hosts underscore that Black people are a diverse group and connecting is about genuine shared experience, not fulfillment of a racial quota.

Notable Quote:

"If you feel like you don’t have any connection with Black people, why do you think that is?" — Bob (25:17)

---

4. Navigating Queer Dating as a Pansexual Non-Binary Person (28:08–36:24)

Caller: Pansexual, Non-Binary, Femme-presenting

Question: Is it wrong to use Grindr to meet bi/pan men, given I'm read as a woman?

• Hosts’ Responses:
  • Monét praises caller for bucking the stigma around bi men: "It is so refreshing…a lot of my friends [women] hear a man is bi and they’re like, nope." (29:30)
  • Discuss Grindr’s function, openness, and tagging system. Affirm that it’s okay for someone with this presentation & identity to explore Grindr for queer matches.
• Advice Synthesis:
  • Try Grindr, be honest in your profile—expect a mixed bag of responses.
  • OkCupid and Badoo suggested as additional options.
  • "If there’s something you like, there is someone out there who wants to give that." — Monét (36:24)

Notable Quote:

"Those people aren’t there for you, and they can’t actually run you off the site unless you let them." — Bob (32:50)

---

5. First Drag: Getting Started Advice (38:08–44:32)

Caller: Nervous New Drag Enthusiast

Question: What’s a good drag starter pack?

• Bob’s Practical List:
  • Three shades of foundation
  • Beauty blender
  • Eyeshadow palette & 301 lashes
  • Couch cushions & turkey carver for pads
  • Corset, tuck panties, sewing machine & stretch fabric
  • Two lace front wigs (stack for volume)
• Monét’s Realness:
  • Skip lace fronts at first—start with a basic wig secured by bobby pins.
  • Buy ready-made dresses from places like Forever 21 or Rainbow, don’t try to sew right away if you’re new.
  • Cheap, heavy-duty stage makeup like Mehron, Kryolan, or Ben Nye is recommended.
  • "Everyone looks good in a smokey eye. Don’t try to do no cut crease." (41:38)

Notable Quote:

"Trust me, you’ll be happy you got a sewing machine." — Bob (62:28)

---

6. Rural Queer Dilemmas: Family Love vs. Conservative Communities (44:33–50:43)

Caller: Eli from Boston (Trans, Non-Binary)

Question: How do I reconcile loving my family in rural MA with hating the close-minded community?

• Monét’s Encouragement:
  • "I’m always a big proponent of fleeing the coop… there’s so much life waiting for you outside of these conservative ass towns." (47:26)
  • Highlights building chosen family.
• Bob’s Anecdote:
  • Shares he’s not attached to places, encourages moving for opportunity, and affirms it’s okay to return if plans change.

---

7. Drag Resource Deep Dive: Corsets & Heels for Bigger Queens (52:00–57:08)

Caller: 18 y/o Drag Queen, Oklahoma

Question: Where do I find sturdy corsets and heels for large feet?

• Shoe Stores:
  • Shoes4less.com, costumeshoes.com, onlymaker.com, pleaser.com, Nordstrom Rack.
  • Only Maker is the panel favorite for style, size range, durability.
• Corset Advice:
  • Corsets aren’t made for splits and dancing—consider getting a custom sturdy one, or a cincher/shapewear.
  • Avoid cheap Amazon corsets; custom options last longer (e.g., Domino Couture, Orchardcorset.com).
• Pro-tip:
  • "You would be blown away by what Saran Wrap can do for your body." — Bob (55:03)

---

8. First Time in Drag: Host Stories (58:49–64:14)

• Monét’s Origin:
  • Painted by Peppermint in college; first real look comprised of Forever 21 dress, Payless shoes, Target separates, and a bad lace front.
• Bob’s Origin:
  • First makeup experience was for a class; first drag involved a “kitty cat” wig, self-made dress, belt from Goodwill, and sex store boots.
  • Both share that starting out means looking a mess—embrace it and focus on fun, not perfection.

---

Memorable Quotes

• "Counting your black friends is crazy." – Bob (21:48)
• "If you feel like you don’t have any connection with black people, why do you think that is?" – Bob (25:17)
• "Everyone looks good in a smoky eye. Don’t try to do no cut crease." – Monét (41:38)
• "If you like it, there is someone out there looking for it." – Monét (36:24)
• "You would be blown away by what Saran wrap can do for your body." – Bob (55:03)

---

Notable Advice By Section

| Topic | Timestamp | Key Advice / Takeaway | |-------------------------------------|-----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | Content Creation | 03:00 | Define yourself by what you actually do, not just how you present | | Making Black Friends | 20:59 | Look within; seek connections based on genuine shared interests, not fulfilling identity quotas | | Queer Dating as Non-Binary | 28:08 | Use Grindr and other apps openly; honesty in profile is key; there’s a community for every preference | | Drag Starter Kit | 38:08 | Start simple: easy wigs, budget makeup, pre-made outfits; don’t stress perfection early | | Living in Rural, Conservative Areas | 44:33 | You’re not obligated to stay; chosen family and new cities welcome you | | Drag Corsets & Shoes | 52:00 | For larger feet, stick to specialty stores like Only Maker; invest in a custom or robust corset |

---

Final Thoughts

This episode brings classic Sibling Rivalry—sharp, funny, and unexpectedly deep. Bob and Monét make clear that community connections, whether friendship or dating, take authenticity and openness. The practical advice for new drag performers is interspersed with realness about the struggle and joy of starting out. If you’re seeking LGBTQ+ community, advice, or a drag starter kit—or just want to laugh with two queens who keep it all the way real—this is a must-listen installment.

---

Listen For...

• The “collecting Black friends” controversy and unpacking authentic community-building (20:59–28:06)
• Drag starter kit advice and “everyone looks busted the first time” talk (38:08–44:32)
• Explanations of stigma around bi men in dating, and creative exploration on queer dating apps (28:08–36:24)
• Hosts’ first drag stories that prove even the best started messy (58:49–64:14)

---

All timestamps in MM:SS format for easy reference.

Transcript

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Close your eyes, exhale.

[Ad Read Voice]

Feel your body relax and let go

[Bob the Drag Queen]

of whatever you're carrying today.

[Ad Read Voice]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh my gosh, they're so fast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And breathe. Oh, sorry.

[Ad Read Voice]

I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[Monet X Change]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contact contacts.

[Ad Read Voice]

Summer is here, which means we all want to look and feel our best. A GLP1 may be right for you. Visit orderlymeds.com to learn more about which GLP1 you could be eligible for. Getting started is fast, easy, and happens virtually through telemedicine from licensed professionals. Check it out for yourself. Go to orderlymeds.com podcast that's orderlymeds.com podcast. Taking care of yourself feels great. Compounded medications are not FDA approved. Eligibility required and determined by a licensed provider. Individual results may vary. See website for details.

[Monet X Change]

Y' all, listen, this is Sibling Rivalry podcast. We only have 8, 000 reviews on, on Apple and we should have, we have shady. We have hundreds of thousands of, hundreds of thousands of listeners. We have almost 20, 000 on our Patreon. So there should be at least 20k reviews on Apple Podcasts.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So if you all could please go and give us a review over on Spotify, over on Apple Podcasts, over on Everywhere, wherever you listen to your podcast. Please, please, please. It helps a lot. So give us that review. We need those sweet, sweet delicioso reviews.

[Monet X Change]

And also, even if you don't listen on Apple podcast, you get it as an Apple user, when you have, if you have an iPhone, just download the app and go. Leave a five star review and a comment. That's all you gotta do. It's gonna take you literally, literally one minute to do all of that. Thank.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This advice is for entertainment purposes only. Take any of this advice with a grain of salt. It is not meant to be taken seriously. We are not experts in any field. We are not experts in medicine, relationships. We're not experts in sex and theology, radiology, cardiology, cardi.

[Nathaniel]

B.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We are not experts in anything. So just, just, just, just take the advice and just like listen to it and, and have a good laugh with it.

[Monet X Change]

The only things I'm an expert in is in drag and musicianship and music education. Outside of that, I can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't listen to me on anything. Macaroni x Cheese. Why are you so dressed up today?

[Monet X Change]

I'm about to film some content today and, yeah, that's why I'm looking schnazzy. Why are you looking? You're looking very cute yourself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you a content creator now? Are you one of those?

[Monet X Change]

No, I mean, to be honest, as long as I've been on Drag Race,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've been a content creator girl.

[Monet X Change]

I've been creating content for different brands and shit since that show. So I guess I am, I guess. But I wouldn't, like, if someone asked me, like, what do you do? I wouldn't say, I'm a content creator, but I guess we are. But is it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you artist?

[Monet X Change]

If you're a musician, you're creating content. If you're. If you're a baker, you're creating content.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do you say? I've actually changed my answer over time. Someone says, what do you do for a living? My answer is,

[Monet X Change]

What's your answer?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I used to say, I'm a drag queen, but that doesn't really tell you what I do. That just tells you how I dress while I do the thing that I do, honestly. So now I'm a stand up comedian. I said, I'm a comedian.

[Monet X Change]

Got it? I normally, like, on like customs forms and stuff like that. I always say, musician, ask me what to do. I always say, I always put musician down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do people ask you at parties?

[Monet X Change]

I say, I'm a drag queen. And then death normally follow like, oh, my God, really? And it's like, what'd you do? And then I say, I do stand up and I do and I sing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I guess I just cut straight to the point. I go, I'm a comedian. They go, oh, where do you perform? And I go, honestly, I always say the same thing. Anywhere that'll have me. That's what I always say. Anywhere that'll have me, to be honest.

[Monet X Change]

But. Well, I also think also too, like, because drag is such a. It's so, it's so like just saying drag at the top is a very big. You're like, oh, okay, I see. Where I see, like, I feel like drag is such a big indicator of like, I am like a big personality, you know, I also don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If I'm with someone who doesn't know what I do for a living, I'm not always particularly interested in having a conversation about what I do for a living and why I do what I do. I'm like, I'm not interested in talking you through what a drag queen is. And where I perform and talking about whether or not I was on RuPaul's Drag Race with a stranger at a birthday party, you know?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. That is annoying. In Ubers, I never say what I do. I always say the most mundane thing. I think I'm like, I'm an accountant.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, if I'm gonna see these people again, I say comedian. I don't wanna lie. If I'm talking to an Uber driver, I will say accountant. But if I'm talking to a person who I will see again probably for the foreseeable future, or like someone else knows me, like when we were at, you know, I actually love going to parties and, like, bouncing from spot to spot. I never stay in one spot too long. I just go and talk to every single person kind of individually, and I feel like I had a lot of fun at Kim's holiday party.

[Monet X Change]

Well, first of all, y', all, Bob came to the party. Bob was just a scene coming in. Bob comes in. Bob has these like, seven foot tall, silver sequin go, go boots on. Then Bob is wearing his red sack. Then Bob has a white fur coat that goes. That has a train on it. Long sleeves have the train. Then Bob has a big red head muff scarf thing. So Bob comes into the party like just a storm. You are. You talk about peppermint comes, but peppermint is a different kind of storm. Peppermint is like chaos. Bob is. Is a nice Category 5 hurricane, but controlled.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It does draw a lot of attention. But, you know, I thought to myself, I have this red and white look that I want to pull together. I want it to be holiday festive. And honestly, I ate. I was very holiday festive.

[Jacob]

You look good.

[Monet X Change]

You look good. You did look good. But it was a lot of personality and just your look. Only like, we can tell you have a big personality by just your look.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I thought to myself, I can't just go home. So then I called up some friends and we went out partying at a couple of.

[Monet X Change]

You did?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, me and Asad went. Me and Asad went to like two or three bars. I'll tell you after this break. Let's take a really, really short break.

[Ad Read Voice]

Summer is here at orderly Meds. We know this time is a reminder that life is full of new beginnings. Whether you're celebrating the nice weather, starting a new chapter, planning a vacation, or simp looking ahead to what's next, this season can be the perfect time to invest in yourself and your health. If you've struggled with weight loss and are curious about GLP1 medications. Orderly meds can help you learn about your options. Through a simple virtual process, you can connect with licensed medical professionals who can determine whether treatment may be appropriate for you. Getting started is fast, convenient, and happens online from the comfort of home. This summer, consider a new approach to feeling your best. Visit orderlymeds.com podcast to learn more. That's orderlymeds.com podcast orderlymeds.com podcast because every new season is an opportunity to take the next step forward, compounded medications are not FDA approved. Eligibility required and determined by a licensed provider. Individual results may vary. See website for details. Summer is here, which means we all want to look and feel our best. A GLP 1 may be right for you. Visit orderlymeds.com to learn more about which GLP 1 you could be eligible for. Getting started is free, fast, easy, and happens virtually through telemedicine from licensed professionals. Check it out for yourself. Go to orderlymeds.com podcast that's orderlymeds.com podcast taking care of yourself feels great. Compounded medications are not FDA approved. Eligibility required and determined by a licensed provider. Individual results may vary. See website for details.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, now I'm mad at you. I'm mad at you now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I told you, okay, you have no right to be mad at me. Because I told you and Andy that I wanted to hang out. And you and Andy were like, we're going home. Cause you, me and Andy left the party at the exact same time. And I said, I'm gonna keep going out. And you were like, we're going home. So y' all went. And then I said, okay. And then I sat in my car and I called Assad and I said, I wanna go sing karaoke. I wanna go sing Christmas karaoke. I really wanna sing Christmas karaoke. So we were out looking for Christmas karaoke. I think I told you I wanted to sing Christmas karaoke.

[Monet X Change]

I told everyone at the party.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was telling Naomi, and I was like, who wants to party hop? Like, the party here is ending. Let's keep going. Like, I'm dressed up. I wanna go out. And Ricardo was kind of tired. Naomi was kind of tired. So I was like, I'll just find friends who haven't partied yet. That's how I found Asada. So I was just at home hanging out. So why are you mad at me, bitch, I invited you. You said no.

[Monet X Change]

Well, if you told me, you were like, here's the thing. Tell me how you feel about this. When someone is like, I want to hang out. There's no plan in motion. Usually the next half an hour or whatever an hour is trying to find the things. If you were like, I'm gonna go to XYZ Bar. That's a plan. Not like, I wanna do stuff is not a plan. So when you're like, I wanna do stuff, I'm like, that could mean anything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I didn't have a plan at the moment, but I do think I expressed that I wanted to sing Christmas karaoke. I can't remember if I expressed that to you or not. Not to me, to Assad, but I was. I was really. I was really kind of sad. Not sad, but I was annoyed. Not annoyed. That's not the right word. I was disappointed. It all sounds too negative. I wanted there to be Christmas songs at the holiday party. And there were no Christmas songs. Not even. I mean, I don't think there was even music playing, which is fine because I don't normally like music, but I really like singing Christmas music. I want to listen to Mariah Carey, I want to listen to Whitney Houston, specifically those two. And I'm open to others. I'm open to the.

[Monet X Change]

When you came to my house for Christmas, you. We listen. We had Christmas carols playing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I said, can we sit down and watch YouTube videos? And I looked up Whitney and I looked up Mariah Carey singing oh Holy Night.

[Monet X Change]

And that was the only time there was music playing.

[Eli]

When I.

[Monet X Change]

No, no, we had music playing, like in the sound system, not on the tv, but the Christmas carol was playing on the sound system.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, I didn't. I like for everyone to, like, stop and sing the song. I want everyone to be singing on Holy Night. I want everyone to, like, be like, let's all, like, actively pay attention to the music. Which is why I think karaoke sounded so fun. I wanted to sing oh Holy Night. But anyway, we didn't find karaoke. Why am I telling a Christmas story in February? We couldn't find karaoke, but we did find some bars to hang out at. And then on the way back, as I walked Assad, because I drove Asad there because Asad doesn't have a car. As I was walking back to the car to drive Asad home, we went by broke ass bitch.

[Monet X Change]

Broke ass bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, Asad. Asad is not broke. But Assad. Assad's car did wreck. You know Assad's car got totaled.

[Monet X Change]

I know. After he left the set of yet another dig.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I mean, it was after, but not like literally as in like a Time after that, but it was not on that day anyway. But when they tried to get his car back, when he was trying to get his car back, it was during the car shortage when there were no cars. You remember this?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, because of the chip and the whatever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then after a while he was like, ah, I don't need a car.

[Monet X Change]

I. People that live in LA without a car, I am. Honestly, I don't understand. I lived here for. I would. I didn't have a car for like three weeks. And I was like, the cost of Ubers alone is crazy. And Uber takes so long in la, New York City. And you are never more than, than three minutes from an Uber. You request an Uber in New York City within three minutes, you will have your car in la. Sometimes when I, When I take an Uber to the airport, sometimes I'm waiting like 15 minutes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I think it's because of where you live. I live in Hollywood and I don't have the experience, but when I am out by. I've never taken an Uber from your place, but I have taken an Uber from, from. From places that are in. In your. In your area. And you are right, it does tend to be a little bit more. It's too much. But the thing is, in New York City, there's nowhere you are where it's more than five minutes. You can be in fucking Far Rockaway probably. I don't know, some of Far Rockaway would probably be like, that's not true. Somewhere in Far Rockaway would probably be like, beep, beep, beep, beep, bitch. That's not true. But I can say that, like most places that I've lived, Upper west side and Washington Heights, always an Uber, always an Uber. Multiple Ubers.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, it's wild.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When I lived in Queens, there was. Yeah, there was no Uber when I was living in Queens.

[Monet X Change]

But I will say. But even my old place, Bob, my old place, I would always struggle finding getting Ubers there too. Not my new place, my old place, my old neighborhood.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you weren't in Hollywood though. You were in East Hollywood.

[Monet X Change]

I was in Hollywood.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You were in East Hollywood. You're in East LA or East Hollywood.

[Monet X Change]

That's not East Hollywood, but that's right by Silver Lake. Silver Lake, Los Feliz.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like Hollywood as a whole.

[Monet X Change]

It's also only me, Patty, who lives, who lives. Who live like two minutes away from me. Didn't have a problem. Was just like. It was only like my house.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But to be clear, it's like saying I think East Hollywood is a different Place in West Hollywood is Hollywood. They're two different places. Actually. West Hollywood is a town has a mayor.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I was. I was a stone's throw away from Hollywood. Like if. If.

[Ad Read Voice]

If.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If. If the Uber.

[Monet X Change]

If the. If the county line or the city line or the district line really makes Uber change. That's crazy. I was literally, patty lives in Hollywood, and Patty was three minutes away from me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That makes sense. Wait. Oh, my God. We're doing advisory.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah. I was asking some advice on how to get Ubers. Can I have some advice?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's. Let's give advice to. Let me focus our advice more so on our listeners. I forgot that I was like, oh, what are we doing?

[Monet X Change]

Wait, really quick. Every really quick story, let's say you and a friend call an Uber, right? And you know Ubers, you're not supposed to smoke in Ubers, right? And your friend knows they're not smoking Ubers, and your friend does. Does vaping. So you're in the Uber and you're like, please don't vape in this Uber, because you know they don't like that. But your friend tries to be slick, and they're taking the vape and they're. And they call it ghosting, where you can barely see the smoke, but you ghost the vape. And then the Uber driver looks in the mirror at your friend, and you're like, I told you he doesn't like that. He's like, no, that's not why. It's because we're gay. And then the Uber trip ends, and then they leave a comment saying, please don't smoke in my car.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, your friend is drama. I think that that is so disrespectful. Was it Jacob? Why haven't you. Because it's Andy.

[Monet X Change]

Oh,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that that is. You know, I don't know what's up with people who vape. I went through a short vaping phase. I'm not addicted to vape, so I can't.

[Monet X Change]

I can't with the vaping. I can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't speak to someone who's, like, addicted to vape and who, like, can't not vape, but, like, bitch, you can't vape in here. Like, people who are addicted to cigarettes, they know. They're like, oh, yeah, you mean I can't smoke in here. And they just rarely. Rarely ever is someone just like, I'm gonna light up a fucking cigarette. People who smoke cigarettes know, bitch, take your ass outside. And they. And they get it, and they don't try to do no slick shit. People who vape vapors, they can. They can just vape anywhere. I had someone come to my dressing room the other day, started vaping, and

[Monet X Change]

I was like, what did you say?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I don't mind if some people vape in the dressing room, but this one dress room was just so small. And the way she vapes, she be pulling like she has the lungs of fucking.

[Monet X Change]

Like she's fucking Winifred Sanderson.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, literally, it's giving that, and she blows, so. And I was like, bitch, it's a blueberry fog in my room right now. I'm in a blueberry fog. Like, I don't want to smell all this.

[Monet X Change]

I know. And it doesn't smell like cigarettes. It does smell fruity, but it's still annoying to smell like. I don't want to smell that. I don't want to smell kiwi strawberry bananas all day. I don't want to smell that either, either.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think you're not wrong. So people who vape, like, if people don't want you to vape in their space, bitch, be cool. And yes, vape smoke does dissipate way quicker than cigarette smoke. I mean, vapor, because it's not smoke. It's vapor. Vapor does that way sooner than cigarette smoke, and it doesn't linger in the same way. But, geez Louise, someone says, don't vape, don't vape. Do not vape.

[Monet X Change]

Girl, she. She be trying to. She. She be trying to vape on planes, too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's crazy. You about to be on the motherfucking no Fly List.

[Monet X Change]

Keep playing around. Hello. Hey, yo ass by yourself. It ain't gonna be me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yo, they do not play. They do not play at these airports, y'. All. They do not play at these. Y' all keep talking.

[Monet X Change]

Imagine winding up on the no Fly List. Imagine. And that's the only people that be getting, like, pull off airplanes and shit. They get put on a no Fly List.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I know. I saw a woman. Well, I don't know if it's always, but I think it is, though. I saw a woman who. Who went down the. The jet bridge when they told her she couldn't. And then they were like. Then she. Then they were, like, trying to get her come out. This bitch comes out with a fire extinguisher. So you can see. Talking about vaping. You see blueberry fog come all out of the motherfucking jet bridge.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, but she went on the plane, and to fight the cops, she comes out with a fire extinguisher.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She's one of the jet bridge. So she went from the gate to the jet bridge, and she's on the bridge, and then they're like, come back out and she clearly doesn't make the plan because the door's already closed. So she turns around with a fire extinguisher. So all you see is just fire extinguisher coming out of. Out of the jet. Out of the jet bridge. And then she gets fucking body slammed to the ground, as she should. And people are like, y', all, the lady probably has something going on. I don't want to discredit people who are going through mental illness, but still, girl, that's. You're going to go on the no fly list.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, for sure. You ain't flying. And how do you get off the no fly. Do you have to, like, petition to, like, how do you get offered a no fly list? Is it amount of years that's a pass? Like, I don't even know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know. Jake, can you Google that? I know Kathy Griffin was on the no fly list for a while.

[Monet X Change]

All right. After the Trump beheaded thing. Beheaded, beheaded. She fed it it. It died. Beheaded. She treaded, it lied. Exactly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Kathy Griffin said that she was getting stopped at the airport constantly. Kathy Griffin's had a rough couple years. I mean, she seems to doing good now.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, she had cancer. She had like throat cancer or something.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Lung cancer, I believe.

[Monet X Change]

Lung cancer.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She had lung cancer. She lost her voice.

[Caller from Oklahoma]

She got.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She had so much of her career taken from her that it just felt like a poor Catholic.

[Monet X Change]

The punishment did not fit the crime, in my opinion. But, I mean, who am I?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The cancer was not part of the punishment. To be clear.

[Monet X Change]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

To be clear, the cancer was not part of the. No, I mean, like.

[Monet X Change]

Well, like, like, like being put on the no fly list. Like having the Secret service raid her house. Like, really? Anyway, we should probably get to some advice. We are. We are along. We got. We got to get some advice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, Jacob, what do we got?

[Nathaniel]

Hey, Bob and Bob sidekick. My name is Nathaniel. I am a bi CIS man out of Cleveland, Ohio, originally from New Jersey, go tri state. And I'm coming to you today with a question that pertains less to your queerness and more to your blackness. I, being half black, black, dad, white, mom, grew up in a very, very white neighborhood and eventually transitioned to a school that was full of black and Latino kids. I was only there for a short period of time, but realized that I was so in this bubble where I was from and ended up going back to where I was from originally, back into this really white neighborhood, where I was now the blackest thing ever, somehow, as this African. And so I went to college, made a couple of black friends who I keep to this day. But generally, I don't have a ton of black friends. And it's something that I'm generally kind of insecure about as a half black person. A lot of times I struggle with the insecurity of feeling not white enough to hang out with white people, but also not black enough to hang out with black people. Um, so I wanted to ask you, what are some ways that I can authentically, as a black person who wants to be enveloped in the black experience, meet black people in the area that I am in? Thank you. Signed, your least favorite African.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was. There was. There was. So there is red flags much to unpack in that. I don't think I know where to start. Do you know where to start?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I think that, honestly, the thing that I think he can best do is to go fuck himself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right there. Monet said what she has said. You know, I want to say Monet's not my sidekick.

[Monet X Change]

She's my familiar.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm kidding. You know, I think that, first of all, counting your black friends is very wild.

[Monet X Change]

Keeping past also the wording about it. I'm like, I still have some black friends that I keep. Keep.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, counting your black friends is crazy

[Monet X Change]

that both of them has me wild.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that you might want to do some unpacking and look in yourself and ask yourself why you think you don't have many black friends. And it also sounds like you don't. It sounds like you don't really identify as black. It sounds like you identify specifically as half black, which I don't know that half black is a thing. Right. Like, Barack Obama's not the first half black president. He's the first black president. When you mix chocolate with milk, you get chocolate milk. The milk is chocolate. It's chocolate. As Lil Mama would say, what's her name?

[Jacob]

What's her name?

[Monet X Change]

June Jambalaya.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

June Jambalaya would say. And I think that if you're finding that you don't connect with black people, I think it probably has more to do with you than it does with the black people, because black people are as varied as any other person in the world. So you can't be like, oh, it's because I don't like hip hop. Because there are black people who don't like hip hop. You can't be like, it's because I don't wear durags because there are black people who don't wear. You can't be like, it's because I don't. It's like you can't say it's for those reasons because there are lots of black people who have a lot of different interests in a lot of different things, and maybe there is a chance that you are. I find that whenever I go somewhere, if I'm in a place and even if most people there aren't black, a lot of the black folks just kind of start congregating together.

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And that's a real thing. And kind of relating on, you know, what's going on in the space and their shared experience that we're having in that space. And then from those situations, I end up making a lot of friends who I keep. Who friends that I keep with me. And I don't know. I just think that it sounds like the work needs to be done within you, obviously. And maybe you can look at why. You ask yourself a long, hard question why you don't have very many black friends that you, quote, unquote, keep with you. The keep gag.

[Monet X Change]

The keep gagged me. The keep gagged me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Maybe do some work from that angle. What do you think, Monet?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I echo a lot of the sentiments you said. I think that. I think that instead of, like, putting the onus on other black people, why they won't be friends with you, consider that you might be the problem. And consider that there are things that you can do to. You can honestly reflect on what behaviors and what things you are doing to elicit that response from other black people as opposing to. As opposed to saying, well, what's wrong with y', all, nigga? What's wrong with you? So I think you should really think about that and ponder on that and see if that changes things for you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It doesn't even sound like he's saying it's a response from them. It sounds like he's saying, like, he's not connecting with them. Like, he's like, are you. Like, are you following up with these people? But also, do you find that you have a genuine connection? And if you feel like you don't have any connection with black people, why do you think that is?

[Monet X Change]

Well, I was gonna say, like. But, like, yeah, sure, but if. If. If. If there's not a connection, there has to be a reason why, like, a connection isn't being formed. Like. Like, there has to be some behavior that's happening People are like, I'm good off him. We're gonna hang out. We ain't. We, we. We ain't calling John Mark. We're gonna do our own, you know, I mean, there has to be something that's happening that may be off putting or that doesn't feel warm or inviting or wants people to still to be. To chill and hang out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think the difference what I'm saying is that's a possibility. But I don't think it's because people don't want to be around him. I think it's because he doesn't want to be around black people. Like, black people don't have a magical sixth sense for black folks who are not good at him.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I don't want to hang out with him. I know him for six minutes and I don't want to hang out with her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I hear that. But what I'm saying is, like, I don't think black people have a magical sixth sense where we can tell when someone's not a good black person, quote unquote.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah, for sure. No one has that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It sounds like he does not want to have connections with black people. He doesn't actually want to have the connections. He's looking to have connections with people because they're black, and he's not looking to have connections with people because he relates to them. So he's trying to collect. So it's not like he's trying to collect black people to have his friends as opposed to having friends.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I have. I mean, I think that just as having a human being experience, like we've all hung out with someone and been like, yeah, I'm not. I'm good. I don't need to be with this person anymore or hang out with this person anymore. So I think it may be a combination of the two.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is true. But I don't. But I think it'd be wild to every black person he hangs out with is like, nah, not this. But what does make more sense is that he's not making connections to all the black people, as opposed to all the black folks he's meeting are all having this similar experience. They're like, we don't like this guy. But what makes more sense is that he is just not wanting to. To actually hang out with these people because they're black as opposed to. And he's wanting to hang out with them so that he can optically have black people or so that he can change his experiences, but he doesn't actually want to hang out with them. And it is because they're black.

[Monet X Change]

And that is a possibility. What I'm saying is that other people might be picking up on the things that he's telling us in this story. How he's basically trying to like, keep and collect black friends. They may be in their experiences and encountering this person. They may be picking up on that same thing. And they're like, bitch, I'm not gonna hang out with him. Like, because they feel that vibe. They feel the energy from either the way that he talks to them, the way that he behaves, the way that he speaks to other people. And like, you pick up on that. You pick up on those social cues. So I think we've all been in a situation where you pick up on these social cues and someone like, I'm good off her, like, hey, have a good night. And you never text them or talk to them ever again.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe. What's the next question?

[Pansexual Non-Binary Caller]

So I am a pansexual, non binary person who presents as a straight woman. I look like a woman. Most people that approach me to date me are looking for women, and I've historically just dated CIS hetero men. But I am thinking of maybe joining Grindr or some other queer dating site to find bisexual men because I find that that's more so who I'm attracted to. I'm attracted to men who have feminine energy and who have explored sex with other men before. I. Thus, I don't know why, but that's my preference. I. I like people that have embraced all sides of themselves. Maybe it's someone who is pansexual and who's non binary. I want to be with someone else who also has embraced those things. But I know that it could be looked at as appropriation if I look like a female and I'm on those apps. So I'm just wondering if I'm wrong for that or what would be the best place to go to look for the type of man that I would like to find. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Can I just say, it is so refreshing to hear someone who, as she describes herself expressing those viewpoints. I think oftentimes even in my friends who identify as women and who have sex with men, like, they just from then the time they hear someone is by, they're like, nope. It's an immediate turn off. They're like, no, I'm not trying to fuck. No, I ain't trying to fuck no nigga that be there be fucking other niggas. Like, so it's very refreshing and it's very lovely Quite honestly, to hear you express that. And that, that, that. That is very lovely. I love that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, they didn't say that they're a woman. They said they. That they present as a woman.

[Monet X Change]

They said that they identify as a woman and they look like a woman and they have sex with men.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're pansexual. And they said they're non binary and that they present. Did they say they're.

[Eli]

No.

[Monet X Change]

Non binary?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They did, but they present very much. CIS woman.

[Monet X Change]

Someone who resents CIS woman. So, so if I, so if I was to see this, if I was to see this person off the street, I would say, oh, and she's pansexual. So she has sex with men. So that's what I'm saying. People who, people who present women. Well, my friends who, who present women and have sex with men, they, when they, they are just. They have no interest in having sex.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was trying to make sure we didn't.

[Monet X Change]

They have no desires to have sex with men who sleep with other men that are bi. Like, it's just like from. As soon as they hear that tidbit of information like, nope, I'm good. I don't want to do that. And that was like a major plot line in Insecure Issa Rae show in season one. Molly was dating this guy and they were having a great time. She found out he was bi. She immediately wanted to cut it off because she's like. And I think it's a sentiment echoed a lot that we see a lot in movies and shit like that. So it's very nice to hear that from you, my friend. I think joining Grindr or something. I mean, yeah, I mean, I have to say I think that may be a good way to find other. But I think on Grindr, if you go into Grindr to find specifically bisexual men who are femme because that's what you're attracted to. I mean, I think it's gonna. I guess it won't be hard. I don't know. I guess that is a good place to find that. I don't even have any experience on all of these. On these like Tinders and Coffee Meets Bagels and all these things for people like yourself. So I don't even know. Do Tinder on these websites even have signifiers for non binary people and I mean identifiers for non binary people and stuff like that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I think they were talking about Grindr specifically. I don't know if they mentioned Tinder. They were talking specifically about Grindr because they want to meet queer men. Queer, bisexual men. And they wanted to date men, but

[Monet X Change]

they don't want to be sexual.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Straight men do.

[Monet X Change]

What she looking for femme bisexual men on Grindr?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, maybe a little femme.

[Monet X Change]

You're probably gonna find a mixed bag. You're gonna find some butch ones and some femme ones.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And, you know, I want to say that I think that that's actually a very good idea. There's lots of men on Grindr who are always touting their bisexuality, I think. I don't know if all of them are bisexual. They're just saying it because they know that some of these fucking fags really want to get dicked down by a guy who dicks down.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

CIS women. But if they're being honest, then there's lots of them out there. And I think you might be shocked at what you find there. I think you might be like, oh, wow, there's actually lots of guys who want to talk to me who would have known you might get some people who are like, get off of here. What are you doing here? But those people aren't there for you, and they can't actually run you off the site unless you let them. But I think that you might actually be shocked at what you find when you go there. And on Grindr, you can certainly put your gender identity, and you can't search by gender identity, but you can.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, you can.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, you can't. You cannot search by gender identity, you can't search by race, and you can't search by gender identity. Really can't do that. Well, there are some tags that you can use. So, like, people can use certain tags and the tags will indicate a gender identity or that you are interested in a gender identity.

[Jacob]

Right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But. But you. But you can't click like, I want to search for CIS men, I want to search for CIS women, I want to search for non binary people. You can't do that.

[Monet X Change]

But for your tags, you can put. You can like, you can like check all those things off to kind of whittle it down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And there. There's a limited number of tags. So the tags aren't unlimited. You can't just have.

[Monet X Change]

No, no, you can do up to three.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I believe what I'm saying is there are.

[Jacob]

No, you can do a lot more than three.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What I'm saying, let me say this thing. There are tags you can choose from. You can't make up your own tags. So I don't think that. CIS man is not a tag. You can't just tag yourself.

[Monet X Change]

Can you check. Jacob, can you check that while you're doing this.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I'm looking.

[Monet X Change]

I thought you could be wrong.

[Jacob]

Personality. Other tags by race. There. Yeah, there's a buy tag. There's a. Is there a pan tag? I don't see pan. There are a lot of tags and if you click on the tags, it shows you everybody who has that tag on their profile in your area. I don't see necessarily like a pansexual.

[Monet X Change]

Got it.

[Jacob]

Or a non binary tag work. But maybe it's here and I'm just missing it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But they're attacked. They're attacked to choose from. So, anyway, long story short, you can't search. You can kind of search by gender identity, but only through the tags that are available. And you cannot search through for ethnicity or for someone. You can't look for CIS men. You have to just kind of scroll until you find one.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, Grindr, I mean, Grindr has also evolved so much. I mean, back when I used to be on the grind, often I would find, you know, I would have my boy Grinder and my lady Grinder, Courtney X and I called it. And oftentimes the guys who would be drawn to the lady Grinder, they were specifically looking for someone who presented female but had a penis. So I don't know that. I don't know if. I don't know if that's still the case, but I know that was like they wanted someone who presented female and had a dick. Like, that's what they wanted. So. But also. But I'm sure there is a market for how you present yourself and identify. So, I mean, yeah, give it a shot, girl. Also, you should also try the website, Bobji. Badu. Badu is a good one too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Go on.

[Monet X Change]

Badu Badu. You can find, you can find. You'll be able to find a lot of what you're looking for.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's a non binary, very feminine presenting person on this tour. And they were like, I'm trying to have sex, but I'm not trying to fuck no fucking straight. No CIS straight guys. And I told them, I was like, girl, get on a grinder. And then they were like, you know what? That worked like a charm.

[Monet X Change]

If you like it, there is someone out there looking for it. If there's something you like, there is someone out there who wants to give that. Like, it's just a matter of finding it. If you're into it, someone is into it too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's our next thing?

[Jacob]

All right. I would also say OkCupid is also a good resource.

[Monet X Change]

People still use OkCupid.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I think it's honestly all the people I know who use OkCupid are people who are looking for bisexual men who are interested in having sex with men and women or people of all genders.

[Nathaniel]

Right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And if you use our code sibling rivalry 10, you can get 10% off. Kidding. We don't have it. Okay, give me a pass.

[Jacob]

What's our next but you can come see us live for Netflix is a joke. May 5th in Los Angeles at see

[Bob the Drag Queen]

the drag queen.com you can, you can't.

[Monet X Change]

You, you can that. Also I want to remind y' all that I am coming to the Soho Theater in March. Girl, I'm going to be at the Soho Theater the third week of March doing my one woman show Life be life in. So if you're in the London area of your babes, Jermaine, just like get ticket to my and I'll see you all there in in March. I started Ornod in 2013 and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business

[Eli]

as essentially non technical people.

[Monet X Change]

We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end and sell things online easily. If Shopify were a bike, except accessory, I think it would actually be the bicycle. It's the thing that you do the thing on. We run the business on Shopify. Start your free trial on shopify.com okay.

[Jacob]

As someone who has never done drag before, I'm wondering if you have any advice as to what a good starter pack for drag would be. I guess like makeup, costumes, just kind of the basics, I'd say one of the most daunting things about drag to me is just how much stuff it feels like you need just to start. So like sort of like a starter pack idea would definitely be helpful.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I don't know what it is about telling someone how to start drag that I just can't stand. I don't know why, but I do not want to tell anyone how to start drag. And I think it's because like if you want to start drag, you will just figure it out. You have to do drag despite all the odds. You really have to do drag despite all the odds. You won't make any money. You will probably suffer socially or you will gain socially, who knows? It's all this stuff you have to conflict with the job that you currently have. The short answer though is buy two foundations. One that is your color, one that is one lighter and probably three. One that's also a little bit darker. Two shades darker, two shades lighter, and then the color of your skin. Get yourself a beauty blender, get yourself an eyeshadow palette. Buy yourself a pair of 301 lashes. Get a pair of couch cushions and a turkey carver. Carve them in the shape of Africa and South America. Get yourself a corset, get yourself a pair of tuck it away panties. Get yourself a sewing machine and buy some four way stretch fabric and then get yourself a lace front wig. Buy two of them are the same color. Hopefully one of them can be a half wig so you can stack it on top of the other one and you won't have to pay as much money for it. And you really don't want to be putting a lace front wig on the back of the ponytail anyway. And make lots of friends. That's the boring answer.

[Monet X Change]

I would say don't worry about getting your lace front wig, girl. The first time it can be a little rough and then you probably won't know how to lay it down. So I would say start off with just a kitty cat or something that you can just put on your head and not feel like your lace is puckering or your lace is showing and it's gonna like. Then you didn't glue the sides down. So you do a number of slips off your head. Get you a kitty cat so you can and get you some bobby pins so you can put that kitty cat on and pin it into your hair so you don't have to worry about your hair flying off your head when you're performing. And don't get no forward stretch. Don't get no forward stretch fabric to start or go try make an outfit, bitch. Take your ass down to Forever 21 or a rainbow or a pay half in your city and just go buy you a. And just go buy you a dress. They are very, especially these days, rainbow and all these. They have come the fuck up. They have nice clothes that you can get without having to worry about sewing an outfit. You barely know how to sew. So then you put your, then you go to get a dress, you put your hand in the sleeve and then, and then the fucking sleeve busts off and then you like, what am I going to do? Go get you a dress that's already sewed, get you a wig that ain't no lace front. And I would say do not spend money on expensive makeup. You'll be like, ugh, I saw that they use a Christian Dior fountain. No, bitch, you're just starting out. Go get you some Mehron M e h R, O, N. Try Mehron makeup or Kryolan TV paint stick, which Kryolan's kind of expensive now these days. Or go to Ben Nye. Those are the three that are. That are. You'll get a lot of bang for your buck. It is very, very, very heavy duty makeup. So it will cover with that beard. Because you're not going to color.

[Ad Read Voice]

Correct.

[Monet X Change]

Because you don't know how to do that yet. So get you some Mehron, some Ben Nye or some Kryolon, a shake and go wig, and a nice dress from Forever 21. Or pay less. I mean, or pay less or pay half or rainbow, and you'll be good to go. Honestly, don't even worry about. Oh, get you a nice liquid liner. Don't even worry about doing eyeshadow. Just get you. Just do you a nice little. Just put a whole bunch of black on here. Gel liner, just buff it out. Give you a smoky eye. Everyone looks good in the smoky eye. I don't try to do no cut, crease. Just get you a nice little smoky eye. Get. Get you a little glitter put in the middle.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But it's like, don't get a wig.

[Jacob]

No.

[Monet X Change]

You're trying to get, you know, your first time out. Go sew a dress.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You didn't know how to sew. That's what I did.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. And we saw the pictures, and you look like it, too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You talking about.

[Monet X Change]

Anyway, that's what I did. Look at, look at. You know, we go put my first time in drag and boss for summer drag side by side. Whose advice do you want to follow? We'll let you choose.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would say this. Whenever you're taking advice from someone, just consider where they've gone.

[Monet X Change]

Let's both put our first time in the drag pictures. Let them choose. I think that's fair.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Just consider where they've gone. Just look at the people and be like, would I want a career that mirrors Bob the drag queens? And if you think that that's good advice, then take the advice. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Or we can literally just put our first time in drag pictures and you can choose which. Which journey do you want?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I agree. Yeah, I agree.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, what they could do, baby. I mean, this is like the real tea. This is like the hack of all hacks. Get you the pretty funny palette. Go to bulma beauty.com, get the pretty funny palette. And you use any one of those colors. If you don't want to do with the smokey eye, you can smoke it out with any of Those colors too. But if you want you a banging blue smokey eye, get you the Beaumo Pretty funny palette. You want a banging purple eye, get you the Beaumo pretty funny palette. Have you looking right now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When Monet puts her first picture up in drag, I'm going to make sure it's the first one because I have the picture that will predate whatever she has. Because Monet will try to play games. Because, nigga, the hell you will.

[Monet X Change]

I have my first time in drag picture. I don't know what the fuck I look like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

These two have pictures of ferocious couture. Yeah, we still have pictures of Ferocha couture.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, that was not my first time in drag. That was at my. That was at college.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Were you in drag?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I didn't have a wig or anything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Were you in drag?

[Monet X Change]

And also, I did not paint myself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Were you in drag?

[Monet X Change]

I did not paint myself. I'm not. That's the picture of me is the first time I got up in drag and I painted myself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Were you in drag?

[Monet X Change]

No, I wasn't in drag. I was in a T shirt.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You are. You are moving the goal post.

[Monet X Change]

You are moving the goal post. I also had the video to prove it with Peppermint. That's when I painted myself. And I got all my drag from Target and I got my little shoes from payless, my size 13s. And did I look the most beautiful? No, but I was fucking stunning.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What is our next question?

[Eli]

Hello, Monet and Bob. Yes, in that order. My name is Eli. I am a 19 year old trans non binary person living in Boston, Massachusetts. I'm a student. My pronouns are they and she, she. And my question is, I feel like mainly for Bob, but also I think Monet could definitely give some insight into this too. So I grew up in like super deep far western Massachusetts, which is kind of like the most rural it gets for the Northeast. And it was like a very like close minded, not accepting community. Even though Massachusetts is like the bluest state in the country. Where I grew up was really shitty and kind of like post industrial, like conservatism that was just like not good for me at all. But like, my family lives here and I love my family. And I feel like I'm having some like cognitive dissonance over like where I grew up, like, you know, loving, kind of like the upbringing I had with my family, but then kind of hating the social, the socialization that I had in my community. So I was wondering if y' all had any advice on like how to Grapple kind of with that. And like, if I should, you know, consider just like dipping Massachusetts for good. Because I think it's, you know, doesn't have anything for me anymore. Even though my parents and family really want to be close to me. I love what you guys have to say. I love you so, so, so much.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why would that question be for me? What do I know about that?

[Monet X Change]

Because I think the rules. Because you grew up in, I mean, like Corinth and Phoenix City, it sound like really rural places. And maybe that's what I think you can relate to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't grow up in any conservative areas. Every. Everywhere I lived was a. Was a black community and they were not conservative. They were all. Everywhere I went was like super blue. And Corinth, Mississippi, Phoenix State, Alabama. Actually Phoenix City was a little bit. Actually that was the. Probably the one time I lived in the neighborhood that was not like exclusively black, but Columbus, Georgia and Atlanta. But maybe, maybe that. Maybe, yeah, maybe that's. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know.

[Monet X Change]

That was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, let's just.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I think that for this person, I think that you should not feel the need to be tied down to this place. Cause your family's at now if you want to stay there and be close to your family. Because that's how you feel love and you feel home. In spite of all of the very super conservative values and you not feeling like you can, you know, truly spread your wings and fly. I'm always. I'm a very big proponent of fleeing the coop. And I think that if you. And you can always visit, you can always come back and visit. Like, you know, yes, life happens and people may get sick, people may pass away, whatever. You can always come back and visit. But you have to allow yourself to like, live your life, bitch. Spread your wings. What's that Mariah Carey song? Butterfly. Do that song. Spread your wings and fly, bitch. And like. Or the other one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fly like a bird.

[Monet X Change]

Take to the sky. Like, you have to like, let yourself like, live. Like there's so much life waiting for you outside of these conservative ass towns. There's so many people to meet and there's so many queer communities. And the opportunity which I really love is to like make your own fucking chosen family. That is the greatest gift that I think I've gotten as a queer person is to like, choose like who my close ace boon, my tight crew is and like have that be like my family, the people I talk to and check in with all the time. And that's not to say you cannot talk to and check in with your family from your small town, but, you know, you have a chance to make something, make even more family and get out of that conservative ass fucking shit,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

you know, I just am not someone who's really ever had attachment issues. I can really easily separate myself from people and places. Like, I really love New York City. And I was like, I'm moving. I think I decided like in like two weeks, I was like, I'm moving. Bye, everyone. I mean, I moved. I've moved so many times. I've lived in as an adult. I lived in Columbus, Opelika, Alabama, New York City, Minneapolis, Minnesota. San Francisco, California. Los Angeles, California. Like, I will just. I will up and move. I really, really will. I'm also pretty good at staying in contact with people, you know, I mean, not every single person. I'll stay in contact with every single person. And I obviously love my family very, very much. But I'm not one of the folks who like, needs to live like next to their family. I'm never one of those folks, like, needs to live in the same. On the same block as their family. You know, Mateo says he has like 40 cousin. They all live in like the same two blocks, which is like wild to me. Maybe that's because my mom moved away from her family. So then I was like, oh, people just what people do. People just move. And I had opportunities that I wanted and I couldn't find them in Atlanta. So I looked for them in New York City. And then when I ran out of them in New York City, I looked for them in Los Angeles and I ran out of la. Maybe I moved to Vegas or London or who knows where I'll go. But that's easy for me to say. As someone who doesn't have attachment things, I would just get up and fucking go if I'm done. You know what I mean? And there are people who are obviously attached to me and I'll drag them with me. Jacob has moved twice now, chasing my ass around the fucking country. So I see that it's very easy for me as a person who doesn't have an attachment issue to say, like, girl, just get up and leave. But I guess that's also just. That's where I'm at in my life. I'm just very much, girl, just get up and go like, you gotta beat it. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I'm all about fucking moving, girl. And also think about like 20 new experiences you can have, right? And also the. The main Thing, you can always go back. Like if you move to New York or you move to just Boston, just move to Boston, which is the city. Just move to Boston. If you don't like Boston, worst comes to worst, you can always go back home. You can always go back.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, it might be hard to get back home, but that's okay too. You just gotta.

[Monet X Change]

You gotta. You gotta do what you gotta do

[Bob the Drag Queen]

to get where you wanna go. You gotta do what you gotta do to get what you want to get.

[Monet X Change]

What is the next question, Jacob?

[Jacob]

Okay, so here's the thing. I had one more question lined up, but it was about starting drag, and now I'm trying to find it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, I'm gonna ask you.

[Jacob]

Let me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't ever get irritated, people asking how to start drag?

[Monet X Change]

You're never like, you know enough for our fans. I mean, also, like, this is an advice thing. If you ask me that in the club, if we out at the club and I'm like, I've had a few drinks and you come and be like, oh, my God, Monet, I just really want to ask you, how should I? I'm like, girl, what if they're one of our fans? Then I can't talk to you at the bar. I'm drunk. I have a little whistle, a little liquor in me. I'm not interested in answering that question.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not for the fans. You don't mind the fans?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, but I have their conditions. And I have caveats. And the caveat is, if you don't see me at the club, Schwasted talking about some. Can you tell me how to start drag? I can tell you how you gonna end your life by fucking talking to me now, right, bitch. Well, I gotta be honest.

[Jacob]

Do you have any drag daughters, Monet?

[Monet X Change]

Say it again.

[Jacob]

Do you have any drag daughters?

[Monet X Change]

None. Not a single one.

[Jacob]

Not Patty.

[Monet X Change]

Patty's not my drag daughter.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Damn.

[Jacob]

Patty have a drag mother?

[Monet X Change]

No, Patty's his own.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jesus Christ. That was cold.

[Monet X Change]

Cold ass bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, Patty.

[Caller from Oklahoma]

Hello, baba. Monet, I am an 18 year old drag queen from Oklahoma and I was just wanting to ask. I started doing drag about like a year and a half ago. I've been stockpiling clothes and stuff. And the hardest thing that I have had trouble finding is corsets and heels. They are almost impossible. I'm like a size 11 and a half in men's, so trying to find any type of heel is almost impossible. So that's number one. But number two specifically is corsets. Corsets are almost impossible to find. For my size, I'm, like, a bigger guy. But especially, like, sturdy ones. Like, anytime I'm booked and I have to do, like, a split or a dip or something to kind of, you know, get that factor, it's almost impossible because, like, they break. Like, the inseam will break or, like, the part where it hooks together will break. And I just need to find a sturdy corset. Thank you guys so much. I love watching you guys. Thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, 11 and bitch. If I feel like. If I had an a size 11 foot, I feel like 12 is the barrier. 12 is where, like, it gets, like, a little bit hard. Past 12, I feel genuinely bad for people. For people who are looking for, like, nice heels who wear above a size 12, it gets practically impossible to find.

[Caller from Oklahoma]

Yeah, I would agree with that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

At an eleven and a half, you are in a pretty good spot. There are no more Paylesses, so I hate that you can't go to Payless, but there's a couple places. Shoes4less.com, costumeshoes.com, onlymaker.com any sex store, they sell a pleaser. Pleaser.com. all these places will sell shoes in your size. Plenty of shoes in your size. And I mean, you will be swimming in shoes. Go to Nordstrom Rack. Nordstrom Rack also has big shoes. And as far as a corset, maybe you need a cincher. Maybe you need, like, instead of trying to get, like, a corset that you tie in the back that has the like, that might be too much because you're not really meant to be dancing in those now. I dance in them. The ones that I dance in are usually custom, and they're a little bit more sturdier. But you're not really supposed to be dancing in a corset. It is underwear, but the point of the underwear is to keep. Is to keep you upright. So when you do a split and you bend down, you are going against the very nature of what the garment is doing. You're fighting against the garment. You know what I mean? And I think that. So maybe he gives himself some. A cincher or some sort of a shapewear or. Ms. Belt. You ever heard Ms. Belt? Look up. Ms. Belt. You might like Ms. Belt. And also this may gag you, but, like, honestly, I've seen it look really, really good. Girls put on, like, a T shirt or like some sort of a tube top to cover their skin, and you would be blown away by what Saran Wrap can do for your body. Blown away

[Monet X Change]

work. I mean, I Dance in corsets. I would always dance in corsets. But also you do wake up that you may be also if you're buying like no shade, if you're buying the courses from Amazon, those are not well made corsets. Those corsets will bust, buckle and they're, they're terrible. What if you are really well, you, you, you, you get booked. So you, this is your, this is your career, you make income from it. I would invest in an ISO corset, one that's made very strong and that's very durable because the Amazon ones, girl, I, I, I, I had one break on me, literally, but I didn't even dance in it. I wore through one night. At the end of the night, one of the little, one of the clasps like snapped off of it. So they're just not made very well. So I would invest in a nicer corset. And maybe when you talk to the corset maker, you can talk to them about what materials are in the corset that are, that will. Because I mean Domino Couture made me a corset that I would do. I wore it for years. I was, I wore it in Drag Race. I was splitting, dancing, cartwheeling, do everything in it for years and it lasted me for a very long time. So I think the materials used to make a corset are important. So try to get one made with some nicer materials. And for shoes. Yeah, Bob. All I know is Bob, name all these shoes right here. You see here, these are all only Maker. Every single shoe back here is an only maker. Besides this one right here, this stone blue one, which is an fsj. So FSJ is an option as well. But only Maker goes up to a women's size 15. So that's where you can get your shoes from, baby. I love Only Maker. Clearly I love Only Maker. They're nice durable shoes. They last. You can I, I, if I like one, if I find one I really like, I get multiple colors of it just in case they discontinue the color. And I want to still have that shoe. Like they're nude. Their nude matches me perfectly. So every time I buy like three at a time. So I know I have this nude shoe for a couple years. So yeah, I would definitely. Those are, those are my two things for you. Get a nice corset made with nice materials so you can stand your, your dancing. And two Only Maker best shoes ever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You also might want to try Orchard Discount Corset or sort of course orchardcorset.com actually makes pretty good corset. The dress. The corset I was wearing on Drag Race that entire season was an Orchard discount corset. Great corset. They're in New York City, but they ship internationally. And I had a.

[Jacob]

That.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That corset did me really well. It's not, like, super great. It won't send you super, super well because, like, when they're not custom, they kind of just do this. And when you're a customer, does this, if that makes any sense. I don't know. I don't know if that made any sense, what I just did. I just made my hands look more sharp, more like an hourglass. And that's like a bottle of Coke. Yeah. The custom courses will give you a very hourglass figure. And I feel like the courses you get from, like, Orchard or somewhere else will give you more of a. The shape of a bottle of Coca Cola as opposed to that deep. You know what I have to realize Jacob, too, I don't mind questions about people who are doing drag. So think about, like, how do I start drag? I don't know why that drives me so crazy. I'm like, I don't know. Just do it, girl.

[Monet X Change]

Just do it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that. But I guess that maybe people are, like, they want to do drag, and they're looking for someone they look up to to be like, you should do it, but you can do it. But I can't really decide that for you. You gotta. You really gotta decide for yourself. And then once you're in it, I can be like, oh, girl, once you're doing it, I think that's the proof. The proof is you doing it. The hardest part, doing drag is actually doing it getting up. And actually, when I heard I was fucking, I was exhilarated. I was, like, fucking excited to do it.

[Jacob]

Can you walk. Walk me through your first drag look? Like, where'd you get the wig? Where'd you get the makeup? How did you find out how to do your makeup? Where'd you get the dress, the shoes? Like, what was your first drag look? Can you walk us through it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You want to go?

[Monet X Change]

My first drag look was when Peppermint came to my college to do. I'm saying the one that I. The first. She came for my freshman year, but Arcia literally brought me to her room, and she put some purple eyeshadow on my eyes. And then I went and literally, my dress shirt and, like, jeans and, like, some, like, loafers, like, it was crazy. But, like, the second year, Peppermint came back and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do drag design. So I went to Trenton, New Jersey, and I got. Went into this beauty supply store and I did buy a lace front, but I had no idea what I was doing. It cost me $57 I for that short blonde lace front. This is the picture right here. And so I got this and I went to Target and I went to, like, the plus size section. I got me, like, a teal skirt, I got me a white top. I got me a black blazer. That was going to be my look for the show, but I needed a tiptoe look to come to, to get to the function. So I went to Forever 21 in the Plainsboro Mall. I think it's Plainsboro whatever, on Route 1 in Princeton. And I got me.

[Jacob]

Oh, the Quaker Bridge Mall.

[Monet X Change]

Quaker Bridge.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There we go.

[Monet X Change]

Quaker Bridge. And I got me a black and red dress from Forever 21 that was Cher on the top. And yeah, that was my first look. And I. Oh, I went to Payless. I got me the Payless size 13 shoes, and it was narrow as fuck, so my feet were screaming. And, yeah, I felt very beautiful and I felt like I was the one. And after that one time in drag, that's when I started coming to New York City. And then I did the opera program and I met Jasmine Rise. And then one thing led to another, and now, bitch, here I am in my drag garage in my house. So that was that one time really popped my chair. And I was into it. I was balls to the wall. I was obsessed with drag. After doing it just one time.

[Jacob]

And before we move to Bob Monet, do you want to do a shout out to anybody listening to the podcast today?

[Monet X Change]

Ooh, I want to give a shout out to any nurses. Any nurses listening. Working the overnight shift or you getting up. Sorry, the graveyard shift, or you waking up for the sunrise, whatever you are. Shout out to all the nurses. Keeping people healthy and listening to civil memory.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think my first time, my very, very first time in drag, I ordered a Ben Nye makeup kit. So my entire face was literally all Ben Nye. Nothing but Ben Nye. I just remember being in college and. Well, okay, when do I consider my first time in drag? So my first time ever playing with gender and makeup on my own was in college for a makeup class, and we had to do, quote, unquote, opposite sex makeup. And I had very long hair. I had very long hair. Like, my hair was, like, down to my shoulders at the time. So I Put my hair up in this, like, half up, half down ponytail, I think. And I was just following the teacher's steps as best I could to make myself look like a woman. And he put this, like, feather bow on me. We took these photos. I wish I could find those photos. I wish there was some way on God's green earth to find those photos. This was y'.

[Nathaniel]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This was before. It wasn't before Facebook, but it was before everyone could join Facebook. You had to be a college student at a certain. At certain colleges. So he uploaded all, like, his website where you could, like, see the picture. And I didn't even know how to download it or anything. So that was my first time ever doing. And I was just wearing, like, a feather boa and, like, my hair up and some makeup. I probably looked a busted, dusted mess. And then my first time, like, when I was like, I'm gonna do drag, I had this, like, kitty cat wig that looked like my mom's hair used to look in the 2000s and the late 90s.

[Monet X Change]

So you were wearing a kitty cat wig?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was wearing a Kitty Kat wig, yeah. Again, there weren't a lot of lace front wigs back then either. This was like 2008, 2009. I also want to point out, too, that whenever I give someone advice on how to do something, if I did something and it wasn't good, I'm not going to tell you to do that. So I'm going to give you advice that I wish I would have gotten, which is get a sewing machine. Trust me, you'll be happy you got one. Trust me. But I had a little kitty cat wig on. I had a belt that I got from Goodwill, and I had a skirt that I made, but I pulled the skirt all the way up to be a dress. It was like, up to here. And I had boobs in there. And I put the belt right under the boobs. And it was this, like, leopard print skirt. And I wore it to Pride in 2008, 2009, that was my first time out. I had these boots that I got from the sex store that no longer exist down on 6th Avenue. 6th Avenue. And like, maybe 12th street, it's now a restaurant, but it used to be a sex store right there. And I used to love that sex store. They had such great costumes. They actually weren't great costumes, but at the time, I love going in there to buy those costumes. Just look. I couldn't afford it, and so I just kind of look at them all the time. But the shoes that's my first pair of shoes. I had these like thigh high, but my legs are long, they went to my knees. Boots, they were giant. Like maybe a 7, 8 inch platform with a big platform under the toe. So yeah, it was a look. It was definitely a look. Honey. I wouldn't recommend anyone else recreate that look, but it was a look we love.

[Monet X Change]

All right, Bob, I think we gave some sound advice today.

[Ad Read Voice]

Instacart makes grocery shopping easier. And just because you're not doing the shopping yourself doesn't mean you don't care how it's done. With Instacart Shopper notes, you can get particular about what you want right in the app. Like rotisserie chicken. That's extra crispy steak with marbling the Romans would have loved. And lettuce you'd actually pick yourself. Just leave a note for your shopper so they can get it right for you without having to ask. That way you can get groceries just how you like. Download the Instacart app and shop today. Summer is here, which means we all want to look and feel our best. A GLP1 may be right for you. Visit orderlymeds.com to learn more about which GLP1 you could be eligible for. Getting started is fast, easy, and happens virtually through telemedicine from licensed professionals. Check it out for yourself. Go to orderlymeds.com podcast that's orderlymeds.com podcast taking care of yourself feels great. Compounded medications are not FDA approved. Eligibility required and determined by a licensed provider. Individual results may vary. See website for details.