Sibling Advicery: Body Hair/New York City

Summary

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Sibling Rivalry – “Sibling Advicery: Body Hair/New York City”

Date: March 21, 2022
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

This episode of Sibling Rivalry is all about advice—on body hair, coming out as a public figure, making friends in the drag scene, dating and self-confidence, running small businesses, navigating family boundaries, and more. Bob and Monét tackle listener questions with their signature mix of humor, vulnerability, and real talk, shedding light on queer experiences in New York and beyond. Their banter—full of playful bickering and camaraderie—keeps the energy high throughout.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Navigating Public Life as a Queer Creator (07:00–11:00)

• Listener (Carmen): A trans woman entering public life with a podcast asks how to transition from being “a nobody” to a visible queer public figure.
• Monét’s Advice: Don’t let public opinion make or break you. “You’re getting this platform ... because of who you are already ... don’t let any of them ... sway who you are.” (07:23)
• Bob’s Perspective: Avoid extremes of self-worth tied to fame. “Even if you are working as an esthetician who is stealthing, you never know who you’re helping just by existing and living your life.” (08:19)
• Both stress: Find your own sense of value. Be open to learning from feedback and don’t let mistakes define you.

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2. Making Friends in the Local Drag Scene (11:00–20:00)

• Listener (Stephen): Wants advice on entering the drag scene and making connections without feeling awkward.
• Monét’s Story: Shares how she and her friend Jasmine ventured out together as “baby queens,” emphasizing the value of earnestness and humility. “The energy that a new queen comes with is very important ... act like the new girl.” (18:31)
• Bob’s Story: Recounts starting out with Frosty Flakes and gradually making friends—especially with fellow newcomers: “I made friends with enough baby queens that, after a while, none of us were baby queens anymore.” (15:34)
• Advice: Always bring good energy, be gracious, and avoid entitlement.

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3. Dating, Intimacy, and Self-Esteem (23:29–33:46)

• Listener (Carmen): Struggling with self-confidence and intimacy, hasn’t dated or had sex in years.
• Bob’s Real Talk: Focus on what you like about yourself. “Confidence is sexy ... find what it is about yourself that you like and just focus on that thing.” (25:07)
• Monét’s “Alternative” Take: Suggests seeking partners who are into low-self-esteem as a kink—though clarifies it’s not a long-term solution. “If you just want to get some dick ... find someone who’s into that kink.” (25:12)
• Heated Banter: Bob pushes back, emphasizing building self-love, not leaning on pity. Monét defends offering multiple options, pointing out how complex self-confidence struggles can be.

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4. Small Business & LLCs (33:53–39:23)

• Listener (“Record Breaker”): Asks for LLC/business advice for taking over a record store.
• Monét’s Tip: Use services like incorporate.com to handle paperwork as “they take care of every aspect ... so that your [business] is legitimized and you are not out there thinking that you have an LLC when you have nothing.” (35:52)
• Bob’s Alternative: Some banks will walk you through the process for free.
• Branding/Market Advice: “Make sure you really, really love records ... try hosting events ... attach something additional like a coffee shop, or have signings and listening parties.” (36:46)

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5. How to Have a Life & Not Miss Out (FOMO for bomo) (40:20–45:22)

• Listener: Wants to keep up with social life despite low stamina after work.
• Monét: Finds energy from being with people she likes. “Surround yourself and do events for and with people that really get you excited.” (41:26)
• Bob: Swears by the power of naps—especially the “coffee nap.” “Take a nap, bitch. Take a whole ass nap.” (42:19)
• Both agree: Don’t push yourself with people that drain you; prioritize positive connections.

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6. NYC for First-Timers—Queer Edition (46:00–51:00)

• Listener: Asks what to do on a first trip to NYC as a queer couple.
• Bob: “Always go to a drag show.” (46:29) Recommends specific venues (Industry, Pieces, Hardware), and describes the uniquely New York experience of one-woman shows mixing comedy, music, and games.
• Monét: Suggests Empanada Mama for late-night food, visiting the new floating island park, and exploring Soho: “You just never know sometimes what you’re gonna encounter ... just let the night lead you.” (47:39)
• Pro Tips: Drag shows are typically Sun–Thurs, brunches on weekends, clubs go ‘til 4AM.

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7. Insecurities Around Body Hair (52:51–56:47)

• Listener (“Teenage Werewolf”): Feels unattractive due to body hair, but doesn’t want to remove it.
• Monét: “I think it's hot ... and I think that more people are probably into it than you think.” (53:50)
• Bob: Shares that both his boyfriends are hairy and “I think their body hair is very cute and very sexy.” Adds that there’s a wide spectrum of taste, not just the “media ideal.” (54:24)
• Advice: Embrace it and seek out those who appreciate you as you are.

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8. Setting Boundaries with Family (59:36–66:40)

• Listener: Struggles with a “trifling” father, feels guilty as he’s her only living parent.
• Bob: “You don't owe [your parents] literally anything ... There’s a notion that we owe our parents, and when I tell you it is literally the exact opposite.” (60:37)
• Both hosts: Emphasize that boundaries are healthy, and healing comes from honesty and choosing your own support network. “You get to choose how you want to experience your father ... it’s on your terms, not his.” – Monét (63:33)
• Bob: Reminds not to villainize parents fully. “People have a lot of facets to their personality ... resenting your father is not it.” (64:27)

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Memorable Quotes & Banter

Monét (07:23):
“Do not let the public make or break you ... do not let that validate you or invalidate you.”

Bob (15:34):
“I made friends with enough baby queens that, after a while, none of us were baby queens anymore.”

Monét (18:31):
“When you come in a new [queen] and you feel entitled ... act like the new girl.”

Bob (25:07):
“Confidence is sexy. Confidence is a very sexy thing.”

Monét (25:12):
“Find someone who's into that kink of someone who feels that way about themselves.”

Bob (36:46):
“Is this just like a random thing, or do you really, really love records? ... Try hosting events, attach something additional.”

Monét (52:59):
“Stop laughing like that, girl. That's not good for your voice.”
(playful roast as Bob cackles)

Bob (54:24):
“Both my boyfriends are hairy ... I think that their body hair is very beautiful and sexy.”

Bob (60:37):
“You don’t owe [your parents] literally anything ... They owe you up to a point, and then they don’t owe you anything either.”

Monét (68:23):
“Life is not Burger King. You can’t always have it your way.”

Banter Highlights

• Ongoing comedic standoff about giving each other compliments (57:00–68:00).
• Playful jabs about who’s “wild” or “mean,” with Bob coaxing Monét for compliments, and Monét resisting:
  “You would rather chew off your own tongue than be nice to me!” – Bob (52:34)

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Timestamps – Notable Segments

• [07:00] – Advice on entering public life as a queer creator
• [11:00] – Entering and making friends in the drag scene
• [23:29] – Dating, sex, and self-confidence struggles
• [33:53] – Small business and LLC start-up advice
• [40:20] – Keeping up with social life (FOMO/energy)
• [46:00] – NYC recommendations for queer tourists
• [52:51] – Insecurity about body hair
• [59:36] – Setting boundaries with parents and family
• [57:00–68:00] – Banter: Bob’s demands for compliments from Monét

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Tone & Style

The tone remains light-hearted, irreverent, affirming, and deeply honest—reflective of the hosts’ trademark chemistry. They balance real advice with playful reads and tangents, demonstrating vulnerability about their own journeys while keeping listeners laughing.

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Summary

Whether you’re pondering public life, breaking into drag, wrestling with self-esteem, managing a business, or finding your footing in a family, Sibling Rivalry’s “Sibling Advicery” offers laughter, realness, and reminders that you’re not alone—plus plenty of classic Bob & Monét back-and-forth.

Final sign-off: Bob attempts to get Monét to give him a compliment; Monét stands her ground. The episode closes with laughs and more mutual roasts—classic Sibling Rivalry.

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Transcript

[Monet]

Close your eyes.

[Carmen]

Exhale.

[Monet]

Feel your body relax.

[Bob]

And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[Monet]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts

[Carmen]

in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts.

[Monet]

Oh, my gosh. They're so fast.

[Bob]

And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order.

[Monet]

Oh, sorry.

[Carmen]

Namaste.

[Monet]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[Bob]

1-800-contact contacts.

[Monet]

Bring it back up and soak it up Bring it, Bring it back up and soak it up Such a good mood. Well, you know, we just watched a little. The first draft of our commercial video. It was very exciting.

[Bob]

Commercial for what?

[Monet]

For our makeup line, bomo Beauty. Honey, I have my food in my teeth.

[Bob]

Do you have any. Do you have any fears about bomo Beauty? People. Invisalign people. Invisalign. Swear people with Invisalign.

[Monet]

The only fears that I have is that how people like to.

[Bob]

Like, we know what y' all are doing. Like, we know what y' all are doing. Finding. They'd be at restaurants like, yeah, can I get the. Sorry, hold on. And then you pull all the saliva out, dripping.

[Monet]

Wait, you know what? Y' all are the ones. You were the one making it a problem. People who don't have Invisalign, like, to. People like you make it a problem. We are trying to live our own lives with our own shit. Like, we know what you're doing, Susan.

[Bob]

We know what you're doing.

[Monet]

I'm like, calm down.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Monet]

Do you need to announce it to the whole restaurant?

[Bob]

All of us non Invisaligners, we just. We be seeing what y' all be up to.

[Monet]

You're not slick, because y' all are obsessed anyway. My only fear is that hope people like it, and I hope that the products look good on lots of different people. And, yeah, I mean, I guess, like, a fear that I'm afraid people don't like it and people are gonna drag us because it's this product. But I don't think it's.

[Bob]

We spent a lot of time.

[Monet]

We invested a lot of time.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah. It's a really great product. And I've also put in the hands of some really talented makeup artists to see how they like it. Um, and I. We usually get really good feedback.

[Monet]

You didn't put it in my hand.

[Bob]

Really. You and I, we had some of the first hands they was ever in. And I'm really Excited to see. Oh, she wears clothes now.

[Monet]

Andy was like, there's something very strange about Colleen wearing cat print. That was like fair point.

[Bob]

She wears. Now you have a cat that wears clothes.

[Monet]

Yeah, she normally always looks cool. But I gave her a bath yesterday. I just felt like putting clothes on her today.

[Bob]

I was just thinking about Colleen the other day actually. It's really funny.

[Monet]

Why?

[Bob]

I was thinking about how she in that box and then like tractor throughout the apartment and then you're like chasing her around trying to like clean the off her paws and her feet and then she started biting you and then you're trying to like clean her in the sink and she's actively eating you while you're trying to clean her clean off your little shitty kitty.

[Monet]

That was a wild time. That was a wild time, girl.

[Bob]

You said she does like sweet little baby and steps in it.

[Monet]

I know it's very annoying, but she, she like rarely. She's like randomly. She does that. She doesn't always do exhibit that kind of behavior.

[Bob]

Sometimes she's probably trying to kick it to cover it up and then she accidentally kicks the.

[Monet]

I know. And it's. But it's still gross. It's very annoying. You can't go up there, babe.

[Bob]

Well, she probably did on accident. But I guess we're just condemning the poor cat for trying her best to, you know, do what comes naturally to her.

[Monet]

Smelly cat. Smelly cat.

[Bob]

Monet. People are genuinely in the world out here asking us for advice.

[Monet]

I can't believe so for me. But you, you get wild.

[Bob]

I get wild with my advice?

[Monet]

Yeah. You were letting children have it with your advice.

[Bob]

How I can't tell if you're doing a thing.

[Monet]

No, I'm kidding. No, you give good advice. I mean in life. I often ask you for advice on things in life.

[Bob]

One has to face a huge assortment of nauseating fads and good advice. There's health and clinical. That was your first rag number deportment and other countless forms of sacrifice. You know where that's from?

[Monet]

Did you ever find that video? You should put it. Can you find that video and put it on Patreon of you doing stronger suit?

[Bob]

I cannot find it. But tonight I am actually tonight going to put the video of me doing Midsummer Night's Dream on Patreon work.

[Monet]

You found it.

[Bob]

20 year old Caldwell in Midsummer Night's Dream at Columbus State University at the very first show in the River Center Theater,

[Monet]

Riverside. You did, you did Bob, you did her did that.

[Bob]

I mean for all you know I can do

[Monet]

I mean, you often do. So who knows? Who knows? What is the truth? People do ask us for advice a lot of times. It's often relationship advice and sex. People want a lot of sex and relationship advice from us. Why don't they ask us about finances? Why don't they ask us about flying, about how to be a pilot?

[Bob]

Because we have on the show that we don't know anything about finance several times. Probably because we've both said that we fall asleep while our financial advisor is talking to us. That's probably why. I'm assuming. I'm just guessing, though. That's just a guess. What do I know?

[Monet]

Shall we get into the advice listening?

[Carmen]

Hi, Bob and Monet. My name is Carmen and I'm a first time caller, longtime listener, big fan of you both. And I guess I'm calling for advice on a career change that I'm about to go through. So I am a trans woman from Atlanta, Georgia, and for the past 10 years, I have been working as a professional esthetician and a teacher. I've always felt like I should be doing something for trans people. And in my role as an esthetician and a teacher, I was never really able to talk openly about my trans experience. I always felt like it was better if I just, you know, ignored it or just tried to hide in stealth, I guess, as some trans women would say. But now I am creating a podcast for a large media network and it is about the trans experience in the southeastern United States. So this will be my first time creating something that is going to be, like, sent out into the public and my first time being a public figure, I guess. So my question is, how do you deal with the. This transition from being a nobody to basically being somebody who is going to be like a queer public figure? And what kind of advice do you have for somebody embarking on a new podcasting career? Thanks so much. Have a great day.

[Monet]

My advice would be to, now that you are stepping into the public eye, do not let the public make or break you, if that makes sense. And by that I mean, yes, you will get people who like what you have to say and adore who you are, and they really vibe with you, Rob. But you're gonna have the opposite of that. People who don't like what you have to say and will try to say and do mean things to you. But either way, do not let public opinion of you sway who you are like be. You're getting this platform, you're getting this opportunity because of who you are already. You don't need to prove or validate yourself to these people. You get. You do. You do what you're being paid to do, and you let that be your work. Do not. Whether they're nice comments or bad comments, don't let any of them either way, like, sway who you are as. Like, do not let that validate you or invalidate you is my advice.

[Bob]

You know, the phrase nobody has a lot of negative connotation to it. It's not a phrase I would use. I don't want to stop you from identifying as a nobody if you don't before your podcast launches into the world. But also notice that it can give you an inflated ego if you saw yourself as a nobody before and as a somebody afterwards, because then it says a lot about how you view the world around you as well. So I think that something that Monet is saying is true. Like, you have to find your own sense of self and value, you know, within yourself. And just know that even if you are working as an esthetician who is stealthing, you never know who you're helping. You don't. You don't know what trans people you're helping by existing and living your life as a teacher and as an esthetician, as a beauty worker in the world. You know what I mean? I think that as long as you talk about something you really love, you're probably going to be really fine with your podcast. I think that it should. It should. If it ever feels like it's not fun, stop doing it. Is my other advice to you.

[Monet]

Yeah. On the mean, nasty people. What you want to do with. With your work, with your. With your. With your leisure, whatever it is, don't let that deter you. Good or bad. Like, bitch, do your work.

[Bob]

You've been doing it. Yeah. It works both ways. You can't give it too much. You cannot. Yeah, you cannot. Your worth can't be based on people thinking you're great. Like people who say, I was. I was. I was a. No. But, like, I would have nothing, I would be nothing without my fans. It just kind of says that you think that people who don't have fans or nothing.

[Monet]

Yeah. And also, and also, you know, if you. If you do happen to misspeak or misstep on your podcast, because now this is a public forum and many people are consuming you. I think that there is something to listening to what people are saying in that regard. Like, you may refer to a demographic of people in a certain way then, and people are going to be like, hey, that's not how you do that. And I think be open to listen to that. I mean, they're not. Every. Now that you. On this public platform, a lot of people will have opinions about what you say and do, and you have to be smart when to listen and what is appropriate. So that's also a thing I've learned, too, being a public figure, is that sometimes I say something or do something I did not know is offensive. Could be offensive, was offensive. And it's listening to people telling you, like, hey, that thing you said, that's not cool. And you're like, oh, got it. So that's also something, too. I actually. I mean, I can think of the top of my head, but I have definitely miss. I have misspoke many times. Anyone who is a fan of mine or who follows me, know that I have and people me out, and I'd be like, got it. Won't say that. Interesting work. Let's listen to our next one.

[Bob]

Yeah, you want to play? Hey, Bob and Monet.

[Monet]

My name is Stephen. I'm 22, I'm living in Brooklyn, and my pronouns are he, she, they. I have a question about drag and, I guess the social implications of, like, drag and stuff. I'm sort of getting together to start drag, and I really want to make friends with some of the queens I really admire, but I'm afraid of coming off as strange or intrusive or just, like, this random person, like, entering the scene. So I just wanted to know how I can properly, like, make connections with people in my, like, local tracks scene without feeling like just like, the new kid at school or something.

[Carmen]

I don't know.

[Monet]

Any way you guys can help, I'd really appreciate it. And I love your podcast.

[Bob]

Bye.

[Monet]

Don't be. Don't be blowing no kisses at me. I'm kidding.

[Bob]

Wow. Not. Not making the new kid feel bad.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Do you have any memories of. Of, like, stuff, like, being a baby queen and, like, going to the club and not knowing anyone? Did you come with friends? Did you. Were you in. Were you in Jasmine. Doing it together. How did that work? How did you, like, stumble into the scene?

[Monet]

Yeah, when I first started going out in the drag scene, I would. Jasmine. I would go out together.

[Bob]

We.

[Monet]

We found out we were in his opera program together. We found out we both like drag, and we both watched RuPaul's Drag Race. And then. And then she was like, there's. We were at school summer program. She like. There's a show at this bar called the Ritz. It's, like, not too far from this area, because I think was on 42nd Street. It's like, right on 46th Street. Do you want to, like, go together? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, do you want to go together in drag? I was like, yeah. I mean, I had no idea what drag makeup was. I never tried doing makeup before. And then. So I went that day on our lunch break, we went to Mac. We bought, like, makeup stuff from Mac and, like, little tidbits at the drugstore. I went to her apartment. We got an outfit from Forever 21, and we put on these blouses with, like, some jeans and some drag makeup on. And I had, well, drag makeup on and no wig. And I went out to the club. And I think that queens, like seasoned queens who are regulars at the bars and do shows at the bars. You know, a baby queen when you see them, someone who tell that they're not quite sure of what they're doing. But I think you can also feel their energy, too. You can feel the energy of a queen who is eager to want to join and become friends and want to hang out and go eat with you afterwards. And in my experience in New York City, I was very earnest and I was super gracious in how I presented myself to queens. I didn't want them to think that I was just some fangirl, which I was a. But, like, in, like, the bad type of fangirls, the ones that you don't want to hang out with, I wanted to be like, I like what you do. I would love to go and hang out with you afterwards. And Azraya and Thorgy, they were really inviting. They were like, yeah, come on to eat with us. And then from there, we would hang out with them, and they would say, oh, we're doing this night at this club. And then I would go see Thorgy at this place, or I would go see Ezriel at this other place, and I would just. I kind of started following them around. And then you start to become friends with them. Then they start handing you tips, and they start tips, as in tip for your drag, not literal money. And they would start just helping out with drag and teaching you the ways around it. And you start doing your own research, and you start finding out ways that you like. And I think going to the shows and making friends with the veteran queens and just being really honest, telling that you like drag and you want to try starting. But I mean, now I feel like it's so different now, though, girl, because everyone wants to do drag now. But back then, I Don't. I mean, in my experience it didn't seem like it was as much. I don't know, I feel like maybe a little different album. How was your experience starting?

[Bob]

I also had a friend that I did drag with. It was really. I will say this, it is really nice to have someone to be with when you're in drag. Yes. I don't know that I could imagine going to a club by myself with no one. That would have been really terrifying. My friend Frosty Flakes and I would go compete at Barracuda on Star Search, hosted by Peppermint together. So that was our weekly thing. We would just like spend the entire week figuring out how to do drag and then that week's work would end up being Thursday and we go, we present what we came up with for the week. Obviously, while having full time job. Well, I mean part time work. I was working like 30 something hours a week, not full time, actually. It probably was over four hours.

[Monet]

And you could never be full time. You could never be full time.

[Bob]

I had a job and I. In the meantime, between, you know, waiting tables at the Jekyll and Hyde club and bartending, I would figure out how to do drag and we'd go. And then when you're there, you meet people. Brenda Darling, you know, Madison Logan, Hardcore. Honey Davenport, Peppermint. Now, some of the queens were just a little, a bit too established for me to feel comfortable. I could not go to Peppermint and ask her because she was Peppermint. But me and Honey Davenport, we were both baby queens. I could talk to Honey Davenport, I could talk to Brenda Darling. Me and Brenda Darling were both baby queens. You know, I could have a conversation with Jacqueline Darling. We were baby queens together. But then I made friends with enough baby queens that after a while, none of us were baby queens anymore. We were all queens who had been doing it for a couple of years, who have gigs, who invite each other to each other's gigs, that kind of stuff. But also every once in a while we would be blessed to have an evening with Shaquita or an evening with Peppermint or an evening with a queen who had a gig. I would be able to sit with them at the diner or run into them at the wig store or something like that.

[Monet]

Holly Day, bless you with her time.

[Bob]

So I made friends with a lot of queens on the scene is what I did. I made friends with a lot of queens on the scene and I was very grateful and I think it's all because of my friend Frostyflakes. And I starting to do drag at the same time. And if you don't have any friends doing drag with you, it's okay as long as you have someone. I would recommend you have a friend who wants to go to the bars with you at least so that you can, like, I don't know, so you're not by yourself. A sad drag queen by herself in a bar is just. I can't even. It just, it breaks my heart. It's the saddest visual to think of a queen. I just went to the bar by myself recently and I was like, I think I'm. I don't think I'm gonna go to the bar. I was going to the, the Majestic in Tulsa. Yeah.

[Monet]

And you.

[Bob]

So you.

[Monet]

Oh, so you, you were, you were finished with, Were you in drag?

[Bob]

No, I just finished my show. I got not a drag. I had invited the, the guy who, the promoter for Kane's Ballroom was like, hey, my friend owns the Majestic and wants you to come down. I said, oh, I would love to go down. Thank you for inviting me. So I went down to the Majestic and I was like, I can't. I mean, maybe it's the thing, because I'm like a well known drag queen at this point. I'm like, I cannot go to a bar by myself without a buffer or someone with me. I was out of drag, of course, but, like, we can talk about this after I give my advice. But yeah, having a friend with you and, and introducing yourself to people. And also, I'm telling you right now, drag queens really admire talent. I mean, if you come in and if you come in and you blow someone away, everyone will love you until you, until you give them a reason to hate you. And that's the tea.

[Monet]

And I was so. And I would really be mindful of the energy that you bring into the bar when you meet in Queens, because I've met back when I was still working in New York City, local girl, like, when you meet new queens or baby drag queens, the energy that they come with is so important and really dictates how other people will respond to them. When you come in a new bitch and you feel entitled, like you, like, bitch, like you own the space. Like, bitch, you are new here. Act like the new girl. Don't act like you are some seasoned veteran bitch like that. The energy that a new queen comes with is very important and it dictates how a lot of people will respond to and treat you. So be mindful of the energy and be sweet.

[Bob]

Yeah, drag queens do not like saucy.

[Monet]

They'll come and be like, hey, Bob, my name is Riverside fm. That shirt girl choices.

[Bob]

Mona, you better read the name. Literally in front of you. You better read the name. My name's like. My name is invite people Squiggly sign. Riverside recording upload 94%.

[Monet]

Like, I met that girl. They come in, bitch. They knew. They're trying to read people. I'm like, bitch, who are you? Shut your ass.

[Bob]

I hate when the new girl comes out and get out. I hate when the new girl comes in and she says stuff like, honey, I will never perform for less than $100. And I'm like, you will.

[Monet]

You absolutely will.

[Bob]

You'll do it for free for like two years, but you'll do. Not coming here with no skills, demanding money. No skills.

[Monet]

That's crazy.

[Bob]

Demanding money.

[Monet]

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[Bob]

I'm going to say. So I went to the Majestic and when I got there, tell me, how do you navigate? Okay, was I wrong? So people will come up to me and you know I don't like hugging people. Especially now that we're still in the pandemic. I do not like hugging people. I hate it. Especially strangers. I like hugging people. I know I don't like hugging strangers. So if you walk up to me with your arms out, I hold my phone out like this. So by the time you reach me, the phone touches your chest and you can't. And you can't get any closer to me. I did this to this one lady and she got really mad at me. She came in for a hug.

[Monet]

What's really mad.

[Bob]

Okay. She came in for the hug and I held the phone out and she tried to kiss me and I said, hey. She put her arm. Then I phoned her phone and then she went to give me these, the cheek kisses. And then she goes. I said, hi. And then she goes, okay, nice. Real nice, real nice. And then walked away.

[Monet]

Work. And then that was the end. Then she walked away.

[Bob]

Yeah, I walked away. We both, we. But she was really upset. She may have been also a little bit embarrassed. And then I just walked on and I kept thinking about how like I had these interactions throughout the night that were kind of like that. Like the. Probably one of my favorite interactions of the night was this one guy stopped me and he was. I just want to. I just got to ask you a question. Who do you main. And I was like, in Smash. And he was like, yes, we talked about Smash. And then his friends came over who were with Tootsie, the traveling production of Tootsie. And we were talking, but they didn't ask me for a picture. They. We were just like. It just felt like I just like ran into people at the bar and started talking to them and made conversation with them and it actually felt really nice. And people who come up and go, I mean, if someone says, can I have a picture and then leave, that's actually cool. Someone who goes, can I get a picture? And they just walk away. I actually don't mind that either. I mean, I would rather. I don't love taking pictures at bars because it becomes immediate meet and greet. You know what I mean, girl? But someone who just asks for a picture and bounces, I'm not super mad at. And also people who come up and go, I just want you to say, I really admire your work. I usually go, oh my God, thank you very much. And then we'll part ways too. But people who try to hug me without permission, that really. I really don't like that. I don't know how we got on

[Monet]

this topic, but yeah, I think that you should have grabbed her and tunked her fervently.

[Carmen]

Hey, Bob and Monet. So pronouns. She, her, and I'm bisexual. I have a lot of issues with dating and intimacy. I haven't, you know, had a boyfriend

[Monet]

in over 10 years. I've never had a girlfriend and I

[Carmen]

haven't had sex also in years. It's very much tied to like my self esteem and I'm Just wondering how

[Monet]

to freaking get over it so your

[Bob]

girl can get laid.

[Carmen]

Anyway, love you. Thanks. Bye.

[Bob]

When you feel comfortable with yourself, and that's not. I don't know, I don't know what that necessarily means because I don't, I don't know where your lack of confidence stems from. I don't know if it's from, if it's from your, your socioeconomic status. I don't know if it's from the way you dress, the way you look, if it's from your. I don't know what your lack of confidence from or if it's just like a deep inherent thing. But I, I often tell people, and this sounds like some like middle school, after school special advice, but it really is true. You really need to find what it is about yourself that you like and just focus on that thing. If you focus on the thing you really like about yourself, you can start liking other things by yourself. This is not an absolute to figure out how to love every single part of your essence. But if you love your personality, if you love your sense of humor, if you love your glasses. I sit on Drag Race. My friend Larry introduced me to this notion. If you love one tooth, just pick the one thing you love about yourself, focus on that and let that be in your mind when you're interacting with other people. Because confidence is sexy. Confidence is a very sexy thing. And you know, having someone who's complaining about being single all the time, that's just not sexy. Those folks were all like, why am I single? It's like because of that bitch. That's why you're single. Don't I like that shit.

[Monet]

Oh my God, Bob. Oh my God.

[Bob]

Do you find that attractive?

[Monet]

I don't find that attractive, no. But I mean, to be fair, there are some people who do. Some people, some people. My advice would be like if, like if this is a, this is a perpetual thing that you cannot seem to do is find self confidence, bitch. Find someone who finds that sexy. Find some. There are, there are people who, into people who. I mean, it is true. If you cannot find self confidence and you just. I mean it is not a solution for life. If you cannot find self confidence and you are just trying to find. You're just trying to get laid. If that's what you get, laid. There are people who are into that. That is a kink. People are into people who feel that way about themselves. Now, I mean, I don't, I don't think it's a long term fix. But if your goal. Because you Just said you, you want us to help you get some pussy or some dick. I said find someone who's into that kink of someone who feels the way that you do. I wouldn't rely on that for. To fix your life. But if you just want to get some dick tonight or tomorrow or some pussy next Wednesday, I think that's where to go about it. But if it's, but if it's like a deep seated something that you describe to me what it was to find

[Bob]

someone who, who is. Who is. Can you describe that process to me?

[Monet]

This person, she. She might be.

[Bob]

She may be into being.

[Monet]

She may be into like being like. She may be into like being degraded or someone pointing out those things that she does not like about herself. That is a kink for that. I. People are into that kind of. I mean not for me. But if you did something that you cannot shake and sex is the only thing that you're looking for right now. You're not looking for a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a partner or a husband or a wife. You just look into sex. Find someone that's into the thing that you feel about yourself.

[Bob]

I think that there is a, there's a, there is a nugget of what you're saying that could help. But also a big part of kink and shame kink is not the actual feeling like you're shit. It's just the kinky notion that you're shit. It's not actually about thinking.

[Monet]

I disagree. I think there are some people who are into like making. They want to feel like shit. They want to feel bad. That absolutely is a thing.

[Bob]

That's not something. Yeah, there's someone out there who's interested in like people who don't shower and smell like shit all the time. Yes, there's. There is someone out. There is someone out there who's into that. But also a part of that is you have to be into that kink too. So if you are into smelling like shit, that's a maybe you're assuming. I think she's gave. I think she gave us a lot of the information that we, that we have. And let's not just make assumptions. By the way, really wild.

[Monet]

The information she gave us is that she's the inso. The info she gave us is that she has self confidence issues. She cannot seem to break it for a long time and she wants to get laid. So if you're having self confidence issues, find someone who is into those issues that you have. And so that you feel. Because I feel because it's like a weird circular thing that you'll feel good about it and you want to. Just want to get some dick.

[Bob]

But that insinuates that she's into the kink of having low self esteem, that she's into the kink of being shamed or being pitied for having low self esteem. And that if, unless you're into being pitied or being having someone be like, ugh, you're so pathetic while fucking you. And that is a.

[Monet]

She made me into it. We should get on the phone.

[Bob]

That is a wild assumption to assume that she's.

[Monet]

If you. Yeah, if, if you. I mean, but she's saying this has been, this is a long pattern for her. She cannot break it. And again, we don't have the information.

[Bob]

She said it's her truth, it's her kink.

[Monet]

We don't have the information. How long. We don't know if she's been battling this for a month, a day. Years, decades. She's at 10 years. 10 years. So that is a decade. So I don't think that, I don't think that we can offer an advice to help her fix something that she has been battling for a decade plus. I think that you need to find something to meet you at where you're at. We need to find something to meet her where she's at. This, where she. This is the place she's at currently.

[Bob]

You know, Monet, you finish your advice. I'm going to give some completely different advice. Finish up your advice to this lady because I do not agree with you.

[Monet]

That's my advice. Find someone that's into, that's into that thing that, that you feel bad about yourself. And if that's gonna be the gateway to you getting some dick, hurrah.

[Bob]

I, I feel like for my mind kink really needs to be like both people have to be at least a little into it. So the notion of a pity, it's not just about someone who wants to pity. You have to want to be pityed to be for it. For. Yeah, for it, for it to work. And I'm assuming she's not into pity fucking because that feels like a pertinent piece of information she would have given us. And it'd be a, it'd be a wild assumption to assume that she's into getting pity fucked by anyone. What I was going to say is find a way to build your confidence. Luckily we live in a world where there's a lot of confidence building tools out there and just know that you can Find someone who celebrates you for things that you like about yourself. So for example, if you think you are really funny, but you don't think you're super physically attractive. I use my humor to get me laid all the time. I know there are people who find humor really attractive. So instead of me trying to lean into being like I want someone who fucks me because I think I'm ugly, what I say is, find someone who wants to fuck you because you think you're funny. Find someone who wants to fuck you because you think you're smart. Find someone who wants to fuck you because you have great legs. Find someone who wants to fuck you because you have long, luscious hair. Find someone who wants to fuck you for something that you like about yourself, not something that you don't like about yourself. That's my advice.

[Carmen]

Work.

[Monet]

And I'm gonna assume that that's not your thing and you cannot find it. And you can, you can easily find someone who will fuck you for the things that you don't like about yourself.

[Bob]

Are you, are you being serious? You really, you really think it's easy to find?

[Monet]

I am being serious. This person, this is, this is, this is, this is a decades old problem. So I think that this person probably has tried the advice that you have offering and I'm just all altering an alternative. We don't know what's going to work. Let this person decide when they hear this podcast.

[Bob]

It just seems like a weird thing to assume that she wants a pity fucking. That's just, that's just a weird assumption

[Monet]

in my head because all she wants is some dick and she's been trying for decades to figure out how to find self confidence. And I'm just offering her an alternative she may not have thought of, which is to find someone who may be into that. And maybe she's into being pity fucked. Who knows? We don't know. Bitch. Everyone is into a little something that you would never thought they were into. I. Bitch. I mean, I don't. I'll tell you. We'll tell you. Listen, say the name afterwards. But as a friend that's into poopy stuff. And I was like, work, good for you.

[Bob]

I'm not saying, I'm not saying people are into weird stuff. It just seems, it feels like you're willing to die on this hill that you're. That you're almost certain that she might be into it.

[Monet]

And I, I did not say almost certain. I am offering alternative advice to yours that may, she may not have thought of. I, I Don't know what Miss Mary Mack is into. I'm just trying to offer an alternative solution that she may not have thought of. She's like, actually, I might be into being pretty fucked. Who knows?

[Bob]

But dying on a hill, that's just such a wild way to give advice. Okay, I'm gonna move on from this. That'd be like, if the last person I was like, who knows? Maybe you want. Maybe you actually want to piss off all the drag queens. Who knows? Some people want to piss people off. So honestly, just going to the club and just like, actually going to the club and just slap the drag queen, because maybe that's the difference.

[Monet]

This person. No, this person asked this person this. No, that's different. That's a different thing. This person asked. This person asked how they could be. How could. How can they make drag friends at scene. And we know. We're drag queens, we know how to make that happen.

[Bob]

But who knows? There's some drag queen who just wants a new queen to show up and slap them. Who knows?

[Monet]

But she wants to make friends. This person said they want to. They specifically want to make friends.

[Bob]

That's the difference.

[Monet]

This person, this lady said that she

[Bob]

just wants to be club. There might be a queen at the club who wants to get slapped and be friends with that kind of person. Who knows? Like, who knows?

[Monet]

Maybe there is. You know what? Maybe there is. But this person asked how to make friends.

[Bob]

This next question.

[Monet]

You and I, we. We actively. This person asked how to make friends. This. This Miss Mary Mack wants to just be.

[Bob]

Next question right now.

[Monet]

Ms. Mary Mack. Ms. Mary Mack wants a pussy to eat or a dick in her or whatever. So I am offering alternative advice that Ms. Mary Mack may never have thought of. That is what I'm doing on this podcast. Ms. Mary Mack.

[Bob]

Read the next question.

[Monet]

Thank you so much.

[Bob]

This is so.

[Monet]

That is my advice for her.

[Bob]

You are wild. Read the next question.

[Monet]

No, bitch, you're wild. Read the next question. Hey, Bob Evode. I'm an opportunity has landed in my lap to take over and own an established record store in my town. What general advice do you have for a small business owner about starting an llc? Ooh. I look up to y' all like mentors and appreciate any advice and insight in branding yourself as a business owner. Xobbs. Sincerely, Record Breaker.

[Bob]

Bbs.

[Monet]

Xobbs. Is that their name? Their babies?

[Bob]

Bbs. Bbs.

[Monet]

Oh, bbs. Got it, got it, got it, got it.

[Bob]

Honestly. Honestly, you might want to run your business into the ground. Some people. Some people Want to buy businesses and just watch them crumble. Who knows. So what I would do is I would like buy the business now. Let me finish. I would buy the business and just don't record, keep like don't even advertise, open up at odd hours, open up from 3am to 4am and then close after business.

[Monet]

That's not. That might be a great business model.

[Bob]

Honestly what I would say is maybe record breaker doesn't actually want business. Who knows? That's how you sound.

[Monet]

I would say go to my.

[Bob]

That's how you sound.

[Monet]

My best advice would be to go to which is what I did for mine is go to incorporate.com. incorporate.com will literally, they will file all of your things. They will take care of every aspect of starting an LLC that you need to do. They. So again there's so much red tape and if you miss one thing, like for example in New York state there's a law, I mean I don't know what other states, when you start a business you have to file an article in a newspaper which legitimizes your business. And if you don't do that within a certain amount of days after you start a business, bitch, your shit is null and void. You be thinking, you be thinking that you have a business, bitch, you have nothing. You have nothing. So I would say go to incorporate.com. you pay them a fee of like I want to say maybe like $500 but they take care of all the paperwork, they file all the things and they do everything so that your is legitimized and you are not out of here thinking that you have an LLC when you have nothing. Looking ball headed and confused. Incorporate.com that's how I did. That's how I did my first llc.

[Bob]

I went to the bank and I asked them what to do. They didn't charge me anything. And they literally, they literally step by step showed me every single thing I needed to do to file for an llc. I mean took my hand and walked me through the entire process. Did not Chase is that Chase in the West Village did not charge me a dollar. They just literally showed me the entire process. That's what I did. I've done it several times actually. And in terms of advice for a small business owner, I think that more than anything, I think that you need to look at the market you're serving, make sure that you love it. Like do you, do you love record stores? Like is this just like a random thing? Is someone giving it up and you're like I could do Records or do you really, really love records?

[Monet]

If you're opening a small business, he's taking it over, he's taking over one.

[Bob]

But, but, but I'm saying an opportunity to take, to take over one. That doesn't mean that he loves them. I'm saying I've had opportunities to do stuff that I did, I love doing. For example, you know, one of my, one of my dear friends, his father passed away and he had an opportunity to take over a tool business. He does not love tools. He's not obsessed with tools. But he had an opportunity to take over a tool business. But he has a minimal involvement in his brothers who are more into tools. They, they do that part. So that's why I'm asking, do you love the record business? Are you obsessed with records? I mean, I think you know that if you're selling records, there's probably a chance that this is a passion project. Like I don't know how many folks are here in the world buying records. You know what I mean? It has become you that you truly love. Also think about other ways you can expand your business. Do you want to bring in musicians and have them play? Is there a space for a small stage? Do you want to, is there a way to attach a coffee shop to your business so that you don't have to just work, focus on the sales of records? You know, little ways to make it exciting for you. Because when you have, when you, when you have a small business, it is, it is almost all of your time, especially if it is your sole income.

[Monet]

Oh absolutely.

[Bob]

You have to spend so much time figuring out how to make money and because you know, you're a small business and you have, you are, you're the product as well. I'm the product at my small business, but even outside of that, I sell products too and it is a lot of work. So I would just say really make sure that you truly, truly love what you're doing. Record breaker.

[Monet]

And I would also say look at social media and advertising, like find like trends that you can incorporate for your business, like make your business a ticket tok and Instagram and other social media ways and find ways that you can literally incorporate your business into it to get people to hear about it and know about it. Maybe you do some, I don't know, you can find someone who juggles records and they can do it. Make like a fun TikTok. I don't know because I'm sure you're talking about like old time records which are popular again, everyone has every Every hotel I've been in recently, almost every. Has almost all the records of the hotels. I meant to have had a record player as the records are popular again, they're big again. So I would say just find really fun and trendy things you can do to promote the business to get people knowing that it's out there. And maybe you guys do giveaways. Maybe you guys, I don't know, have record playing parties and that sort of thing. I don't know. But find fun, interesting ways that you can promote your business that people hear about.

[Bob]

You can have small artists debut their albums at your place, do signings. Maybe you can have an artist do a signing of their album in your location. Maybe some bands who release stuff. That's a great way to drum up business. Do you think maybe Monet, that you're all the hotels you're staying at have records because you're staying at a chain of hotels that all have records in their rooms?

[Monet]

No, I haven't been like. I've been like the ace. I did the. The Neoform hotel. They're not all, not all the same chain. They're different ones. But a lot of places have records.

[Bob]

Do the aces have records in their rooms?

[Monet]

Records. Records are really big though. Like almost every artist now when, when they put out albums, they were like. And we're doing unlimited 300 copies of the. Of the record version. Like almost everyone now. It's a really popular thing. Trendy.

[Bob]

I am. Dear Bob Monet, I am 24 years young, cis queer, blackity black. I cannot stay. I cannot stay up past my old lady bedtime or get drunk without paying for it for at least the next 24 to 48 hours. But I'm also someone who can't stand missing out on group outings. I want to do it all. So I got to know the tea from you two go getters. What are your strategies for staying fun and fabulous when you're running on fumes? Sincerely, FOMO for bomo.

[Monet]

Bitch, I'll tell you right now, I am often, even when even in my life I am. I don't need a lot of sleep to function. I normally function between like four and six hours of sleep. Normally I rarely get more than six hours of sleep. So I'm like a little different. But I think that when I am tired, something that really energizes me is when I'm doing things with people I like doing it with. Like, if I'm like doing stuff for Sleeping river or doing something with Bob or doing so for like friends that I really like hanging out with. That gives me energy because I want to be there. I actually want to participate. If you're doing shit with people that suck the life out of you, whether it be coworkers or whether. Or people that you don't, that you tolerate, you hang out with, but you don't really want to, that gets draining. So I think that you need to surround yourself as much as you can. Obviously there are things that you can't always be with the people you want to be with, but surround yourself and do events for and with people that really get you excited. You said that you're a CIS square, blackity black black black woman. So maybe try finding those circles that have like Facebook groups that do like group outings and shit like that. Like hang out with the people that you really find engaging and really get you going. And I think that will help you to. When you feel the fumes that will like kick you up into hyperge. So you can hang out longer, stay out another an extra hour even though you're tired as fuck because you are really engaged in conversation. You like, you like the restaurant. Like, you know, hang out and do things with people you really want to do it with.

[Bob]

I suppose it's already, you know, I. I've been really fatigued lately. Like this has been a thing for like the past month maybe, where I've been a lot more tired and sleepy than I normally am. I was experiencing like some confusion and stuff. And then since the confusion, I've been really just like sleepy. And I'm thinking about maybe I've reached a point in my life where. And maybe you're just reaching this point younger. The power of a fucking nap in the middle of the day is monumental. Take a nap, bitch. Take a whole ass nap. When you get off work, go lay your ass down, sleep for two hours, and you will wake up feeling like a brand new blackity black woman. You will be like, I did not know I could be this energized at this hour. Also, I've done something called a. So that's. That's a disco nap. I'm also into a coffee nap. This is a new thing I found out about. You drink coffee or a Red bull or some sort of caffeinated beverage and then you take a nap. And then when you wake up, you have even more energy because you know it takes a while for the coffee to kick in and because you're reserving energy. I don't know if there's actual science behind this, but a coffee nap Is a very real thing. People drink coffee, take, go to sleep and then wake up more energized. Now if you're, that's, that's for a nap. It's like a 20 minute, 30 minute more. It's not to go to sleep for hours. Then you'll just sleep through, you'll sleep through the caffeine kick.

[Monet]

I'm about to say if you're like me, I can't if I get off of work. I used to get off work, I'm like, I'm gonna take a nap. Like when I used to be doing the gigs working at the Yale Come. I could not go. If I, if I got off of work and took a nap, I'm done. I would wake up. I, I, this, I will wake up at like 1 o' clock in the morning, 2 o' clock in the morning, like. And then I can't sleep until I get home the next day from work because I can't go to bed. Y' all who take duko naps are brave.

[Bob]

You can't take a nap and then wake up and then start functioning.

[Monet]

No. When I used to work a full eight hour shift at work and get off and take a nap. Absolutely not. No, no, no, no, no. It would never work out. I would have to stay up. Yeah, but not, that's not after an eight hour shift at work, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna take a little, let me just take a little disc go now, bitch. I am out for the six hours and then I'm why do we get two o' clock in the morning?

[Bob]

I like a disco nap. It really, as I'm taking a nap, I'll just say set an alarm for two hours. I'm really let me right now if the alarm goes off, I'm up. If the alarm goes off, I will get up. I'm one of those folks who just has conditioned my body to wake up when the alarm goes off. And that's just how I wake up pretty much every single day is to an alarm. You know what I mean? Unless I'm on vacation, I rarely just wake up. Just like, oh, how am I? You know, I rarely just wake up without, without an alarm waking me up. So that's my advice for you, Ms. Fomo for Bomo. And when you I try, I try not to get to the point where I'm running on fumes. Otherwise I'm just powering through it. I mean, I'm just walking through mud. You know, when you get sleepy, where

[Monet]

do you feel it Monet, When I get sleepy, my eyes, my eyes burn and I'm like, oh, I can't get my eyes. They burn a lot

[Bob]

for me. It's right behind my eyes, right in this area of my forehead. That's where I'm sleeping.

[Monet]

Like, like, like a headache.

[Bob]

Like, that area starts to like. No, it kind of tingles and like, it feels like all of my energy is being sucked to that one spot and I can't focus and I'm like, oh, my God. I cannot. Like, all I can think about is, like, focusing on this spot. And then I start getting sleepy. Yeah.

[Monet]

Dear Bob and Monet, my boyfriend and I are traveling to New York City for the very first time. Could you give me some advice and major highlights to visit on my weekend trip? I want opinions from queer New Yorkers. Sincerely, a couple of tourists.

[Bob]

A couple of Tauruses. They're. They're bulls. I was good. Always go to a drag show. If you go to New York City and you're queer, go to a drag show. I cannot recommend enough. Go to a drag show. If you want a big raucous drag show, go to Queen on Thursday.

[Monet]

The Industry hosted by Holiday.

[Bob]

If you want a. If you want like a. Like a smaller drag show, go see the Help, which is on Wednesdays at Industry. If you want. If you want a one on one, go to. I actually don't even know what show put it on.

[Monet]

Sunday nights with Pixie Aventura.

[Bob]

There we go. Pixie's. There's another. Yeah, you can go see. Is she still there on background?

[Monet]

Sundays, it's at 10pm Work Sunday night.

[Bob]

That is a one woman show fantasy. It's a great. It's a New York City staple. The one drag queen by herself doing a show is a true New York City staple. You have to experience it. It is unlike the drag you will see anywhere else in the world. When I say woman show, it's not like. It's not like a scripted show. It's not. It's a combination of stand up comedy, talk show, improv, and drag numbers. Can you think of another way to describe a New York City drag show?

[Monet]

I mean, I think that is it dancing, singing, hosting, comedy, and just randomness. Like oftentimes the big thing about you just, oh, games.

[Bob]

It's a game show.

[Monet]

You just never know sometimes what you're gonna encounter. You might go there, fucking Kelly Ripa and her fucking husband might be there. You just never know. So just go out and just let the night lead you. Go ahead.

[Bob]

Yeah. Now drag Shows are typically speaking in New York City anyway. Sunday through Thursday and then Friday and Saturday, the clubs are usually just dancing. There might be a queen hosting, walking around. But it's not like a full drag show because a lot of people know this whenever the drag show is done, except in hardware. The reason why, well, that's like the queens do like numbers. Oh, that's true. That's true. They do like numbers back and forth, like throughout the night. It's not like a full show on Saturday.

[Monet]

What's that? During the day like from like this skinny brunch and then there's a one woman show. And then late in the night it's like a dance party.

[Bob]

Yeah, Skinny Brunch is on.

[Monet]

Is on Saturday and Sunday. Or do they change it Saturday and Sunday?

[Bob]

Oh, the show. I named that show Skinny Run. I did, I did name the show.

[Monet]

I was talking about your little old lady voice you love doing.

[Bob]

No, back in my day. But the reason, but that's my advice. Go to a drag show. Because a lot of people don't know. Like the reason why the drag shows don't usually happen on Friday and Saturday nights is because there's this thing, there's this vibe in the club. When the show's over, everyone just leaves the club. Like everyone just gets up and leaves the club. And obviously you want people dancing until 4am so you, you know. Also New York City Clubs open till 4. 4 in the morning.

[Monet]

Yeah, it's.

[Bob]

It's not the latest in the country, but it's later. It's two hours later than most of the country. So be prepared to dance the night away. Live your dreams. Go up to the drag queen, offer to buy her a drink. Buy the drag queen a drink and you'll have a friend.

[Monet]

Also boots.

[Bob]

Buy the queen a drink.

[Monet]

Boots of the Ferris does a show Saturday nights at Pieces. It's like a full show. She has a guest and she does numbers and stuff. So that's a show on a Saturday night. If you're, if you're there for the. Because you're there on the weekend. And Sunday, Jasmine Rice does a show. Jasmine is one of my New York City sisters. She's very funny. She's gorgeous. She does a show on Sundays at Hardware. My advice is food, bitch. You need to go to a New York City staple, a New York City nightlife staple. Call Empanada Mama. Bitch, take your ass to empanada mama for 24 hours. Whatever time you finish going to the drag show, you and your boo are gonna be hungry. Go to empanada mama get you the cheeseburger, empanada, the Viagra, the ground beef, corn flour, and I'll get you the reggaeton. There's mad empanadas. Repat is everything. It's so good. I would also say go to the floating islands. They just opened this park. It's on 14th street and West End, west side Highway. It's right down there. You can take the. You can take the a train to 14 street, walk over three blocks, and there's this really cool new island they have that's floating on the water. It's really fun. And also, if you've never been to New York City before, again, go to Soho. Now, Soho used to be popping back when I was like middle school and high school. Then it got corny and now it's allegedly popping again. So I had to go down to soho and look at the fun. The David Z store is a place you can get cute. If you're a sneaker head. You like buying sneakers and high tops and air force ones and shit. I would say just take a walk down soho and Broadway. You can find all the nice designer stores, but also just regular boutique stores too.

[Bob]

Yeah. I did not do stuff in the. In my 12 years in New York City, I did not spit. Do daytime stuff. If you do my daytime stuff, you'd be going to the fabric store, you'd be going up to the 125th to buy wigs. I was not, I was not a creature of the day. I. I had. I had always been. Now in la, she's a creature of the night. This is the woman. This is the woman of the day. In la, I'm a woman of the day. But also you would want to do my stuff is like, go to Michael's, get something framed. You got to love that. Go to Runyon Canyon. Go to Runyon Canyon and just go. Go for a hike. My, my. I feel like LA is getting a very different bob than New York City. Got New York got a rambunctious young bitch who was like, out there, like, living in these streets on the train, like, living her life. And L. A has a lady who drives an SUV and goes to Michael's to get things rained.

[Monet]

Which am I getting? Because I'm still not sure.

[Bob]

Yeah. Oh, you got. You better find out when the movie ends. You'll know. You better. You better be the real.

[Monet]

Read the question.

[Bob]

You better be the real question.

[Monet]

Read the question.

[Bob]

Don't ever, don't ever call me a again.

[Monet]

Oh, my God.

[Bob]

Call me something Nice and ask me to read the question.

[Monet]

Please read the question.

[Bob]

Say bestie. Say, bestie. Can you read the question?

[Monet]

Well, I'm not.

[Bob]

I'm not playing.

[Monet]

I'm not doing this.

[Bob]

You won't be nice to me. What do you mean playing? You won't be nice to me when you say you won't do this.

[Monet]

Jacob, can you please get your raggedy ass man to read this question,

[Bob]

call me bestie and ask me to read the question? I would do this for you if you asked me to. I'm just. I'm just asking you to be nice to me. Be nice.

[Monet]

Bob, we need to play video games. Can you hear her? Read a question.

[Bob]

You would rather. You would rather chew off your own tongue than be nice to me? Just call me bestie and ask me to read the question.

[Monet]

I'd rather chew off my own tongue than be nice to you. So would you like to read the question? Now

[Bob]

you read it, Bestie. Would you read the question, please, Bestie.

[Monet]

Howdy, Bob and Monet. I mean, hi, Bob and Monet. Exchange. What advice would you give to a guy who's insecure about his body?

[Carmen]

Here.

[Monet]

Stop laughing like that, girl. That's not good for your voice.

[Bob]

That. That is good.

[Monet]

What advice would you get to a guy who's insecure about his body hair? I'm part of the Alphabet soup, so I understand that there are guys that prefer it. But seeing hairless guys in the media most of the time kind of gets to me and makes me feel unattractive. And on the other hand, removing it would feel like removing a part of me at this point. What your outlook and exposure. Experience. What's your outlook and experience with things like this? How do I get over it? Thanks. Love you both. Sincerely, teenage werewolf.

[Bob]

Honestly, I'm gonna give you the advice right now. Find someone who's into you being ashamed of having body hair. Find someone who, if you're into kink, too, if you're into shaming, you hate that. You hate having body hair.

[Monet]

If you hate. If you're into that. I mean, I think it's hot. I like. I mean, I'm not into body hair myself, but I am into it on other guys. I think the body hair can be. I think it's hot. And I think. I think that more people are probably into it than you think. I think maybe this is the thing that you're going through yourself. I think you'll be surprised a lot of guys just because it's like in the media, we see that on these fucking Magazines and on people and who's the hottest man of the year or whatever. You see that in movies and shit. A lot of guys are into body hair. Like, a lot. Like, a lot of my friends like body hair. Do you like body hair?

[Bob]

Both my boyfriends are hairy.

[Monet]

Yeah. Work. Ezra's hairy.

[Bob]

They're both hairy. And Ezra is hairy. Not as Harry's Jake. Jacob is hairier than Ezra is. But they're. But they're both hairier than me. I don't have body hair. I have. I have very. Let me rephrase. I have very little body hair. I have some hair on my chest. I have nothing on my stomach, nothing on my back, and I have very little leg hair. I just. I just don't have a lot of body hair. But I think that Jacob in his body hair is very cute and very sexy. I think that Ezra's body hair is very beautiful, very sexy. And I don't know that I've ever been, like, into body hair, but I'm in love with these guys, and they have body hair, and I think it looks really attractive. I think they're just both really beautiful. And I think there are. I think Monet's right. There's a lot of people who are really into fur. Like, really into fur. I mean, I'm assuming teenage werewolf. It sounds like you might. I'm just assuming because I feel like if you were a top, you would not be having these problems. And I feel like a lot of people who are bottoms are kind of, like, sensitive about their hair. This is just an assumption that I'm making. This is based on practically nothing except experience. But there are also lots of tops who love hairy booties, who love hairy chest, hairy shoulders, hairy arms. Body hair is very, very in. It is very in, even on bottoms and Twinkies and otters. And, like, it's not just for, like, big, big daddies. Body hair is for. It's not just for, like. You don't have to be, like, a big bear or a muscle daddy to have body hair. You can be, like, a skinny little otter covered in hair. And there's a lot of folks who really, really into that, too.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

You know, you can be slim, covered in hair, and there are people who are really into it. I think that. I think that once you find someone who's into hair, you're gonna start loving your hair.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

But maybe you're also. Maybe you're already with someone and they're not in the hair. That might be an issue, too. You know what I Mean.

[Monet]

Yeah, yeah. I would say if you're not with someone, find someone who's into that, because I guarantee there are a lot of people who are. You just. You just don't. And if it is a bottom thing, and I mean, if you want to get rid of your hair. You didn't say if you want to get rid of or not.

[Bob]

No.

[Monet]

You know, you said feeling like, removing it. Feel like you. Like you're moving a part of yourself. So that doesn't seem like that's an option for laser hair removal or anything like that. But I think the best option is to finding someone who's into that. And I guarantee you there are a lot of people, whether they're tops, bottoms, verse, whatever, who are into that. You just haven't found them. Or maybe not, or you haven't looked hard enough.

[Bob]

Yeah, this will be. This will be an easy find. This will be a very easy find. All right, we have time for my favorite. We have time for my favorite Drag king. One more. We have time for one.

[Monet]

Well, you go ahead and read it.

[Bob]

Will you ask me. Will you ask me to read it? Will you ask me. Will you call me best and ask me to read it?

[Monet]

No, I'm not. And you know that. You know that when you, you know, you back me, the corner beg me to think. I'm not going to.

[Bob]

So, Harvey, why is it so hard for you to be nice to me? It's so hard to be very often.

[Monet]

But, you know, this thing? This is like the sweater when you're. Like, when I do this thing, or else I'm not doing it. I'm not going to do it. That's just how I am. That's how I'm programmed. But, Bob, I would really like to.

[Bob]

Well, bestie, will you read it? No, I'll be nice to you.

[Monet]

Hey, bestie, I don't want to read it. I've read too many.

[Bob]

I only want you to be. I'm asking that you be nice to me and ask me to read it. I literally said, bitch, you read.

[Monet]

I literally said for multiple times. I said, babe, can you read the next question, please?

[Bob]

You said that multiple times?

[Monet]

Yes, I. I rewind. I mean, I didn't say babe, but I said, bob, can you read the next question, please? Girl, can you read the. Can you. Can you read the next question? I think. I think it's you, babe. I've literally said that a couple times on this. On this. On this podcast.

[Bob]

You said that multiple. Wow, that is. That is very interesting. I want you to Say, I want you to give me a compliment and I want you to ask me to read the compliment.

[Monet]

You're not getting that.

[Bob]

Which I would like. I would like you to give me.

[Monet]

You're not getting that. You're not getting that.

[Bob]

Well then, Monet, will you read it? You have. Your eyebrows look really nice. Will you read the next one?

[Monet]

Jacob? Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. How to quote?

[Bob]

I enjoy. I enjoy. I think you're a really talented person and I enjoy working with you. Will you read the next one?

[Monet]

I can't even think of this person who did that song.

[Bob]

You can't. Is it this hard for you to be. Be nice to me. Just say something nice to me and ask me to read. I'm asking you for what I want in the world. Do you want to read it, friend?

[Carmen]

Dior.

[Monet]

My God.

[Bob]

If you just give me a compliment and asked me to read it, I would have read it minutes ago.

[Monet]

Oh my God. Oh my God.

[Bob]

I love reading the fucking question.

[Monet]

Please read the question.

[Bob]

Now you're getting meaner. This is the opposite of. This is the opposite of what I want. I want you to say something nice about me and ask me to read it. Or. Or. You and your beautiful smile. I would like for you to read it.

[Monet]

Howdy, Baba mane. How do y' all deal with having trifling bio parents? I'm new to this. My mom passed when I was younger, so I only have my dad left. I was a daddy's girl for so long, so I'm just not realizing he's not a good person. I'm trying to come to terms with it and learning how to set boundaries to protect myself and my family. But it's hard because he is the only parent I have left. Any advice? Sincerely. Daddy is a trifling stone. A rolling stone. I get it. Vaughn, would you like to go first? Since I read the question. Do you want.

[Bob]

You wanna keep me company?

[Monet]

Oh my God. Answer the question, bitch.

[Bob]

Why is it so hard for you to say something nice about me?

[Monet]

This is.

[Bob]

This is. I'm not asking for the mood.

[Monet]

I compliment you all the time.

[Bob]

Give me a compliment.

[Monet]

I'm not doing. I'm not doing this. Tank. This dance with you. I'm not doing this dance with you.

[Bob]

The dance where I ask you to

[Monet]

be nice to me. It's two to tango and I'm not tangoing. So you tango by yourself?

[Bob]

This is a. This is a wild work environment. Listen, I think that your parents that you were. That contributed to your birth, be it through passing you through their Canal, donating an egg or some sperm. You know, you don't owe them literally anything. There's a notion that we owe our parents, and when I tell you it is literally the exact opposite. They owe you up to a point, and then they don't owe you anything either.

[Carmen]

You.

[Bob]

If you want to. If you want to have a relationship with your father, I would say start with open honesty. I have a very hard relationship with my father, and it is currently being affected. And until I'm able to go to him and say I've been hurt in this way, this way and this way, we will never have a relationship. Our relationship will never be real until. And I have not done this yet. This is much harder advice to take than it is to give. Let me say that right now. It is so hard to say out loud I'm hurt because of this and list off all the reasons why you

[Monet]

feel

[Bob]

like you don't connect to your parents. You know what I mean? So it sounds like you want to connect with him because he's the only parent that you have left. But also bear in mind that we have parent figures in other people. You know, my Uncle Scotty is like a dad to me. My Uncle Scotty was a big part of raising me. And I really look at him like a father figure. I call him Uncle Scotty, but I look at him like a father figure because he was just kind of that male figure for me growing up as a kid. Monet can speak to this. Monet has a very close relationship with her chosen mother and a different relationship with the woman who gave birth to her. You wanna go ahead?

[Monet]

Yeah, I agree a lot with. You don't owe your parents anything. I think that, you know, in terms of your dad, if setting. You want to set these boundaries to protect yourself from your father and from the rest of your family. And I think that is. Honestly, that is the wisest thing to do. I think that protecting yourself comes first. Like your mental self, mentally, physically, you need to protect yourself how you know, and setting these boundaries is a good way to do that. I mean, I think that if you are trying to. It seems like you want to have a relationship, but you just know that your dad is not a good person or he may be toxic or whatever behavior he's exhibiting that, you know is not good for you. So I think that. I think setting these boundaries, establishing what that is, and then once you feel fully protected and you want to then establish these conversations and have. And talk to him about the ways that he is not being good or being toxic to you and not fulfilling you, but, you know, being a queer person. Do you identify as queer? But queer people. RuPaul says this a lot, and we all know this to be true. Like, we're really, really good at surrounding and choosing family when we need to and people who fulfill us in that way. And for me, I chose to love the woman who chose to love me and adopt me and the woman who gave birth to me, I don't owe her. I didn't owe her affection. I don't owe her family. So I choose to love the people who choose to love me. And that's what's true for me. That's what makes me sleep at night. That's what makes me feel good. You get to choose how you want to experience your father and what relationship you want to have with him. It's on your terms, not his. And I think going knowing that and being confident in that, it's on your terms, not anyone else's.

[Bob]

You also wrote here, I'm just not realizing that he's not a good person. You know, villainizing your parents is so easy to do. And I do not know what your father has done. I have literally no clue. But I do know that people are not just good people and bad people. It's not just like, he's not a good person. And that's just the end of the story. You know, people have a lot of facets, their personality, and I think that there's a chance that your father's morals may not line up with your own and that your father's scruples or lack thereof may not line up with your own as well. But I don't think that inherently means that your father is not a good person, because once you label him as not a good person, that's all you'll see him as. Take it from me. Trust me. And believe me, resenting your father is. Is not it. No matter what. My father's done a lot of up stuff. I've mentioned a lot on the podcast. What he's done to me, and resenting him has never done anything for me. It has only ever hurt me. Only ever. And when I thought he was dying, it was hurting me even more. So that's my. That's my advice on that. Try maybe to. To see something different in your father. And. And, you know, a quote I heard a long time ago, and I got some flack online for saying this, but, like, I firmly believe it. You know, your parents did the best they could with what they had. I really believe that. I firmly believe that. That's what I had to believe for me to get through my trauma with my parents, my dad specifically. Your parents did the best they could with what they had.

[Monet]

And sometimes you just need that physical distance, like, physically and emotionally to distance us so you can really sit with yourself and your thoughts and really collect. Like, what will make me feel better about this? What do I really want? Because maybe you're saying that you know all this stuff, and maybe you really do want to have a close relationship with your dad, or vice versa. You think that you do, but then realize you don't. I think you need to really sit with yourself and further yourself from them physically, but also mentally and really come to what it is that you want and what it is you need. What will make you feel good, what will make you go to sleep at night and to tackle it that way.

[Bob]

Monet, it has been an absolute pleasure recording this podcast with you. You have a radiant smile. You have a. A wonderful personality, and I'm very grateful that you are my coworker here.

[Monet]

Thank you so much. I've had. I had a great time with you up until the point and. Which is just like the last, I want to say, 10 minutes. It was absolutely lovely. I love them. This pockets at the end, in the last 10 minutes, you know, you'll. You really know how to seal the deal.

[Bob]

Do you want to give me any specific. Any specific compliments? Like, specifically, like, instead of, like, repeating back what I said to you, do you want to give me any specific compliments?

[Monet]

No.

[Bob]

You can't think of anything that I said?

[Monet]

I can think of them. There are many nice things. I compliment you very often, all the time to your face and a lot of times not even to you.

[Bob]

And you just. And you just choosing. You just choosing not to say any of the nice things?

[Carmen]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Any. Any. Any particular reason?

[Monet]

I don't feel like it.

[Bob]

You just. You just don't feel like saying nice things to me?

[Monet]

Not in this moment, no.

[Bob]

What is that based on? What do you. What do you think that's. What do you think that's said to me?

[Monet]

Just my own personal proclivities at this point in time at 10:21pm on Sunday night, March 13. That's how I feel right now in this moment. You just don't want to say nice things to me?

[Bob]

I just want to. I just want to keep the floor open that. Monet, if you ever need me, if you ever feel like you need some affirmations or you need me to say nice things about you in a particular moment. More than likely, I'll be happy to do that.

[Monet]

I love that about you and us.

[Bob]

I would love that in return from you. I would love for you. I would love to be able to ask you for what I need and then, you know, not have you. You know, make it about, you know what?

[Monet]

You and your life can always be on your terms. Life can.

[Bob]

You're on your own terms.

[Monet]

Life cannot be on your terms when you want it. Life is not Burger King. You can't always have it your way. But we try and we strive to have it the best way for us when we need it to. And that's just how the cookie crumbles, baby.

[Bob]

And before we log off, I just want to ask, are you. Are you proud of your behavior?

[Monet]

Oh, very proud. Extremely proud. For sure proud, yes. Very happy with my behavior.

[Bob]

All right, there you have it.

[Monet]

Pride will be.

[Bob]

Get you.

[Monet]

Pride will be my uphill.

[Bob]

Did you lose a. Lose a brain cell trying to come over? That bitch start sweating, shaking her teeth. Start gritting.

[Carmen]

Proud of me?

[Bob]

My uphill pride will be my. You're ridiculous. I'm hitting. Stop. I'm gonna give you the last word.

[Monet]

You. You.

[Bob]

I'm offering you the last word.

[Monet]

Anything you want to say. Soak it up.