Sibling Advicery: Brooms Wars/Sexting

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: Sibling Advicery — "Broom Wars/Sexting"

Date: February 14, 2022
Hosts: Monét X Change & Bob the Drag Queen

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Episode Overview

In this lively and hysterical advice episode, Monét and Bob take a break from their usual back-and-forth banter (well, only a tiny break) to answer listeners’ questions on dating, coming out, housemate challenges, sexting, OnlyFans, queer identity, threesomes, and, of course, the eternal question: how many brooms should one apartment really have? As always, the duo blends raunchy humor with heartfelt empathy, sprinkling in personal experiences and sharp-witted observations.

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Major Discussion Points & Insights

1. Invitations, Birthdays, and the Myth of Grand Soirées

• Friendship Dynamics: The episode kicks off with Monét and Bob playfully bickering over party and event invitations, clarifying that despite rumors, not every event is a legendary extravaganza.
• Notable Moment: Bob claims, "It was literally the first time you've invited me." (02:27)
• Insight: Addresses adult friendships, showing how communication (and miscommunication) regarding invitations can create funny but real feelings of being left out.

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2. Living Spaces, Old Apartments, and Package Troubles

• Real Life Relatability: Both hosts share frustrations and funny stories about living in apartment complexes, misdelivered packages, and what constitutes "fancy" amenities.
• Memorable quote: “It's also the rent office, too.” —Monét, regarding how multi-functional apartment clubhouses can be. (05:56)
• Insight: These anecdotes lighten up the show with slice-of-life humor, while touching on broader topics of moving, community, and nostalgia.

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3. Listener Advice: Heartache, Open Relationships, & Emotional Protection

[10:04]
Question: Listener asks how to protect himself emotionally after getting back into dating, specifically with a person in an open relationship.

• Bob’s (Jokingly Savage) Take: "I hope you fall for someone who's emotionally unavailable for the rest of your life..." (10:53) (followed by “No, I’m kidding”)
• Practical Wisdom:
  • Monét: “You're armed with all the information you need to know. This person's not sneaking this on you.” (12:11)
  • Bob: “If you think you don't have the capacity to hook up with this guy and not be emotionally entangled…then maybe hookups aren't for you. Maybe you're actually a demisexual.” (12:45)
• Insight: Recognizing and respecting one’s own emotional boundaries prevents self-inflicted heartbreak.

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4. Coming Out to Religiously Conservative Families

[13:34]
Question: Is it worth coming out to a super religious, sometimes homophobic family?

• Monét: “Don't think about coming out for anyone else. Not your friend, your cousin, your sister, not your brother, not your mother. Whoever it is — come out for you.” (14:18)
• Bob: “Would you rather have an honest relationship or have a peaceful relationship?” (16:07)
• Discussion:
  • Monét encourages prioritizing self-liberation but warns of possible consequences like exclusion.
  • Bob reflects on his own positive coming out experience and emphasizes balancing honesty with desired relationship dynamics.
  • Both touch on how queerness can “run in the family”—with Bob joking, “It’s like diabetes.” (15:47)
• Notable Quote:
  • “I want my family to be able to love me for who I truly am, not for a projection.” (16:26, Bob)
• Insight: Coming out is deeply personal; listeners are urged to consider their own happiness and safety first.

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5. Sexting, Overpromising, and Bedroom Realities

[21:07]
Question: Listener, isolating for work, gets into hot-and-heavy sexting and fears they can’t deliver in person.

• Monét: “I have promised undelivered. I am offering a service I cannot provide.” (22:04)
• Bob: “I do not overpromise, but I have been overpromised before and been like, this was not the tea.” (22:17)
• Advice:
  • Don’t oversell; stick to what you know you can do.
  • Play up strengths when meeting; focus on authenticity and go with the flow.
• Insight: Sexting is performative; reality may differ and that's okay. Manage expectations to avoid awkwardness and self-pressure.

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6. How to Succeed on OnlyFans (Without Really Annoying People)

[24:50]
Question: What makes a good OnlyFans?

• Bob’s Real Talk:
  • Post consistently. “You have to, have to, have to post regularly. If you have a schedule, even better.” (25:46)
  • Don’t bait followers with $1 subscriptions and then upsell in DMs.
  • Fair pricing is $5.99–$6.99/month; more is “wild”. (26:31)
  • Show complete content (“Don’t ever complete… You’re hard pressed to find a nut, a cum shot anywhere.” —Monét, 28:18)
  • Pay your collab partners and promote through Twitter/TikTok teasers.
• Memorable Moment:
  • Bob reads out a content creator’s earnings to underscore what consistency and investment can return: “He has posted 1,000 pictures and 299 videos.” (28:01)
• Insight: Fans want regular, uncensored, and complete content at a reasonable price, not to be nickel-and-dimed.

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7. Roommate Hygiene Nightmares

[29:55]
Question: Dealing with a roommate who’s unsanitary, particularly with kitchen hygiene and raw chicken.

• Bob: “This is a matter of safety.” (30:24)
• Monét: “Girl, you’re gonna get sick.” (30:26)
• Advice:
  • Use “I” statements to express concern about specific habits.
  • Frame issues as suggestions for overall house well-being and safety.
  • Be patient but clear; some people just haven’t learned proper cleaning.
• Bob’s Confession: “I'm a messy person... but over the years, I'm less offended if someone's like, hey, can we clean up?” (31:18)
• Insight: Safety trumps awkwardness; be direct but not aggressive.

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8. The Legendary Broom Wars

[35:14]
Story: Bob’s saga with a former roommate over whether to keep or toss an extra broom.

• Bob’s Stance: “Why would I throw my broom away for you?” (36:07)
• Monét: “It's an eyesore.” (35:58)
• Comic Roleplay: The pair re-enact how to (not) resolve silly but real roommate disputes (38:21).
• Moral: Sometimes petty squabbles are about territory and principle more than practicality.

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9. Queer Identity & Sexual Fluidity

[39:17]
Question: Listener who’s always identified as gay is now interested in a woman, feeling confused.

• Monét: “You're allowing yourself to experience sexuality in a very honest and real way.” (40:27)
• Bob: “You don't have to prove to anyone how pansexual, how bi you are... it doesn't have to be 50/50.” (41:29)
• Key Takeaway:
  • There’s no “scoreboard” to sexuality.
  • Labels are fluid and should serve self-understanding, not limit or police identity.
• Memorable Exchange:
  • “I want to see the penis going inside a vagina or a butthole…I want to see all the things you do.” —Monét (41:57, joking about how nobody needs to prove their queerness)

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10. Threesomes & Monogamy — Rules and Realities

[42:32]
Question: Advice for a couple contemplating their first threesome.

• Monét: “You and your partner should have the conversation before the third person comes...set the rules and boundaries.” (43:13)
• Bob: “You have a guest in your home. Make your guest feel good.” (45:40)
• Key Points:
  • Communicate openly in advance about what’s okay, and what isn’t.
  • Set rules/boundaries and include the third person in this conversation.
  • Avoid drama or resentment during or after the hookup.
• Humorous Warning:
  • “Make sure you and your partner have set clear boundaries and all go in with the right game plan so that way no one leaves upset and everyone feels fulfilled.” —Monét (46:19)

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11. Family, Homophobia, and Protecting Partners

[50:00]
Question: Should listener introduce his boyfriend to his (homophobic) family or protect him?

• Monét: “Be honest with your boyfriend… Sometimes a partner is like, I want the chance to meet them in my own decision.” (50:32)
• Bob: “Set your fucking family straight before you bring him in there. Absolutely get your family together and be like, I'm bringing someone I love—don't embarrass me.” (53:01)
• Key Advice:
  • Lay out the situation for your partner and let them make their own choice.
  • If you do bring him, prepare your family and set boundaries for respectful treatment.
  • Ultimately, prioritize your partner’s comfort and mental health.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Roommate Confrontations:
  • “Don't be mean and nasty about it, but be like, ‘Hey guys, …I'm concerned about getting sick.’” —Bob, (30:37)
• On Sexual Variety:
  • “Sexual dynamics tend to be complimentary, meaning they tend to be quite opposite. Sometimes a red wine goes nice with a steak, but then you bring a lot of red wine into the room and it's like, oh, there's a lot of red wine in this room.” —Bob, (44:10)
• On Adulting:
  • “I'm not a kid anymore…And as I got older, I stopped letting [family] bully me around.” —Bob, (53:10)
• On Setting Boundaries:
  • “If you do, we're leaving.” —Bob, warning about bringing a loved one into a disrespectful situation. (53:49)
• On Exploring Sexuality:
  • “You can do whatever the fuck you want and it's your business...with limitations.” —Monét (42:13, with Bob’s humorous caveat)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [10:04] — Emotional Protection in Dating/Open Relationships
• [13:34] — Coming Out to Religious, Potentially Homophobic Families
• [21:07] — Sexting, Overpromising, and Bedroom Realities
• [24:50] — OnlyFans Content & Fan Management
• [29:55] — Roommate Kitchen Hygiene Drama
• [35:14] — Broom Wars: How Petty Can You Get?
• [39:17] — Queer Identity & Sexual Fluidity
• [42:32] — Advice: Threesomes in Monogamous Relationships
• [50:00] — Dealing with Homophobic Families as a Couple

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Summary Tone & Vibe

Bob and Monét’s natural banter is cutting, uproarious, and honest. They mix deep emotional intelligence with campy irreverence, always willing to poke fun at themselves, each other, and the absurdities of queer life and chosen family. Even the most serious advice is filtered through their filter of “realness” and roast, making for a distinctly Sibling Rivalry episode: advice with a wink, a kiki, and real insight.

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This episode is essential listening for anyone navigating sexuality, sharing a home, digital intimacy, or just looking for a mix of cackles with some real-life, heartfelt advice.

Transcript

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[Bob]

close your eyes.

[Caller]

Exhale.

[Bob]

Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

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[Bob]

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[Monet]

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[Bob]

Do you count your steps?

[Monet]

I don't count my steps. I'm back to 2A days, though. So I'm like, what's 2 a day? Going to the gym twice a day mean?

[Bob]

Back to.

[Monet]

I did it for a little bit in January and it's exhausting.

[Bob]

Why are you working out so much?

[Monet]

Cause I have my big birthday extravaganza in March.

[Bob]

The one that I was like, kind of. So Monet kind of like. I'm just stating facts. Monet invited me to her birthday.

[Monet]

What is inviting quotes? What does invite you mean? I invited you. Either I did or I didn't.

[Bob]

Monet was like, I have a thing.

[Monet]

But you don't want to come.

[Bob]

I'm just gonna tell you now, you're not gonna wanna come. It's a thing that you're not gonna wanna be at. But I'm inviting you, but you don't wanna be around.

[Monet]

You know what? This calls back to the conversation about doubling down on my point about when you had that thing at your house with Patty and I was like, why invite someone to something that you know they're not gonna enjoy?

[Bob]

So why'd you invite me?

[Monet]

Because of the long history of this podcast. You're saying that I never invite you or anything, How I always leave you out. So I wanted to let you know this is happening. You can come. But I 98.9% think you're gonna be Bored. You're not gonna have a good time. So I'm covering my base. I'm doing your thing. I'm inviting you anyway. I'm doing my thing of telling you I don't think you'll have a good time, but sure, you can come.

[Bob]

I actually appreciated being invited. It was literally the first time you've invited me.

[Monet]

We literally had many things at my home that took the game that I've invited you to.

[Bob]

Yeah, but not like.

[Monet]

Yeah, no, you just said it's the first time I invited you somewhere.

[Bob]

Okay, that was hyperbole. Remember that? Remember our thing? But you do these, like, your grand things. What GR Joshua Tree trip.

[Monet]

That was not my trip. That was not my trip.

[Bob]

And also a couple of your brunches. I was invited.

[Monet]

I went, what brunches?

[Bob]

A couple, like, dinners. When I looked up and I was

[Monet]

like, oh, that is not true. Everything is not. You acting like I'm this, like, event planner bitch. I get invited and I show up. But also what Bob is not saying to you, oftentimes, Bob does not receive invitations from things because people often message Bob and Bob doesn't respond. So, yes, call Kim. Call Kimberly Chi right now. Ask her why she. Because she's like Bob. And every time she says Bob. So it's like, bob, Bob, I always message you and I always go to the come, but you never respond.

[Bob]

Wow, that is ableist. Me and Kim are hanging out. Me and Kim are hanging out this week.

[Monet]

I'm sure you are, but I'm telling you why Kim has not invited you

[Bob]

and we're hanging out this week.

[Monet]

And Bob knows me and Kim are

[Bob]

going to Oxnard together.

[Monet]

Everyone knows that Bob does not answer his phone and seldom look at Jacob. Jacob peeking over that camera like, girl, please, did you answer my phone? Well, to Bob, everyone. Everyone else in Bob's life be like, sure you answered the phone if I'm

[Bob]

at work, if I'm like, doing something. But look, all these are answers. There's all answ. I missed a call from my mom. And then look at all the answers. I missed a call from Don.

[Monet]

Don Dieter, Rhett, Dita Rheads. And that was.

[Bob]

Oh, you can't see the numbers?

[Monet]

No, that was a lot of red coming up there. And Dita Ritz, you recorded first person impressions two days ago. So that was just. That was just in two days, Mary. So please, I was.

[Bob]

No. Okay, Monday's not you not taking into account. That was d. Were having and you know this some connectivity issues. I have the curse of the Internet.

[Caller]

Around me.

[Bob]

The curse of the Irish Internet. And so she was calling me, but I was on the. On the. The riverside and she was calling and see the. Can I silence my phone? Because if you put your phone on the thing and it. Which I need to actually take the vibrate off. Anyway, long story short, I'm actually grateful that you invited me, that you finally invited me to one of your legendary iconic events.

[Monet]

Stop doing that. Cause he know it's not. First of all, you know, I don't. As I've discussed on this podcast many times, I don't do birthday stuff. This is the first time I'm. And it's not. It's not even fully my birthday. It's like a. It's like a bunch of things happening around that time because my birthday is in February, so I don't ever do something for my birthday. So this is not even his birthday too. It is his birthday. Jacob and I enjoy what's good so much.

[Bob]

You don't know. So you didn't invite him? I'm just asking if you invited Jacob or not.

[Monet]

It's his birthday.

[Bob]

You have the same birthday. It's literally his birthday. Did you invite him or not? You're so messy. I'm just asking.

[Monet]

I'm not saying this. I'm not entertaining.

[Bob]

Jacob, did you get anybody for one's birthday?

[Monet]

Strawberry.

[Caller 2]

Awesome.

[Bob]

You know, I. I went the bowling one I was invited to. I just didn't feel like going.

[Monet]

The bowling one.

[Bob]

That was Kim. And we did go. You did go to that one.

[Monet]

What bowling one? Oh,

[Bob]

there was another. There was another thing.

[Monet]

No. Is it.

[Bob]

Then Monet, on my birthday, there's this story about when Monet had a bowling birthday party and nobody went.

[Monet]

It wasn't bowling.

[Bob]

No, it wasn't bowling.

[Monet]

It was just at the clubhouse.

[Bob]

Yeah, at the clubhouse. That's the thing in Atlanta. Atlanta, the. The.

[Monet]

All the apartment complexes.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

Apartment complex have clubhouses. All of them.

[Bob]

It's also the rent office, too.

[Monet]

Yeah. It's weird, but it's like a.

[Bob]

It's where the pool is.

[Monet]

Humidity space. Yeah.

[Bob]

And also, you would think that these. These spaces, like, when you hear that a complex has like a pool and like a tennis court. You think it's. It's not fancy.

[Monet]

Don't be fancy.

[Caller 2]

It is. They.

[Bob]

They have found.

[Monet]

They have. Sure, there are fancy ones, but I don't know.

[Bob]

But not the ones we lived in. Yeah, I know they're fancy ones, especially on the ones in London at. It was called Copper's Home Class.

[Monet]

And I live There, but it's been

[Bob]

renamed London park at Rex or something. If you all want to go see my old neighborhood, I used to live in apartment R6, work.

[Monet]

You. Oh, my God. Do you know the person? You should just do a thing. We should go back to the old apartment and give. Whoever's there, give them. How old are you?

[Bob]

35.

[Monet]

Give them $3,500. $1,000 for every year.

[Bob]

I don't think I'm rich enough to. I mean, not rich enough. I don't think I'm famous enough to just go to people's and assume they'll

[Monet]

know who I am. Let me say something. If you come with a camera crew, I don't think they'll. They may not know who you are, but if you come with a camera crew and stuff, they go. They're all. They will automatically think it's legit, which, it is legit. You're filming it for your own content and just give them some money.

[Bob]

There was a clip a while back where Lady Gaga lost her dog. Went into her old building on the Lower east side.

[Monet]

She was always rich, and she was

[Bob]

like, hey, I'm Lady Gaga. Well, I don't know. I had a. I had to talk with you last week about someone never being broken. I got my head ripped off. So I. I don't know if I can speak on her finances and if she was always rich or not because I don't want to upset anyone. So you tell me that was two weeks ago. Someone who's been. I don't. I don't. I don't know if she's always been rich. I thought, so now you're coming.

[Monet]

I thought, wow, Even the same. Like, Ariana Grand. Dante Swift, like Army Hammer. Like, they come for money. Allegedly. I don't know.

[Shannon Maldonado]

That's true.

[Caller]

This.

[Monet]

Right.

[Bob]

Wow. This is very. Money. You cannot speak on their finances.

[Ad Voice]

Oh, my God.

[Bob]

You cannot say.

[Monet]

You cannot bang on the table.

[Bob]

You're not saying. That's not. That's inappropriate. You're invalidating their experiences. Anyway, she knocked on the door of, like, a studio she's living in Lower east side. And she was like, lady Gaga, can I come in? Oh, my God, Lady Gaga. No, you can't come in.

[Monet]

Work. Really?

[Bob]

And they're like, no, you can't come in with your camera crew. Word. She's like, no.

[Ad Voice]

They're like.

[Bob]

She's like, no, seriously, you can't come in.

[Monet]

You know, my old apartment in the city, they still get all my press packages and everything there.

[Bob]

My stuff still goes to Kennedy's place. Actually, a patron lives in Kennedy's old apartment.

[Monet]

No, they do not.

[Bob]

Yes, we got a. They're like, if I live at this address in Brooklyn. And I was like, no. But all my stuff got sent to Kennedy because, as you all know, my old place in New York City, I could not receive packages because they would. I didn't have. I didn't have a lot.

[Monet]

Your problem was exposed to the street.

[Bob]

Yeah. So if you put stuff in front of me, it would just get mopped.

[Monet]

Yeah. Someone would just take it.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

And also, even if you've been in the building, that shit would still get mopped.

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[Monet]

So this is something advisory. So stop talking and get to the advisory. Mama, I'm gonna read the first one.

[Bob]

Why'd you get. We have two sound ones first.

[Monet]

Oh, there are two sound ones, so you don't even pay attention.

[Bob]

Wow, she had this brother.

[Caller]

Hi, Monae and Chippy. Just kidding, Bob. Love you both. So I'm 27 years old, and I'm starting to put myself back out there again after five years on a dating hiatus. I spent that time getting a new job, going to therap, losing 45 pounds, words. So just being in a good place in my life. So my question is, now that I'm putting myself back out there again, how do I protect myself emotionally when getting involved with people? For example, I'm seeing a guy in an open relationship right now, and I'm scared of falling for him, and I just want to make sure that I'm safe and I'm secure and I'm protected at the end of the day. So any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Bob]

I'll go first. I guess in your 45 pounds you lost your manners. I don't care what happens to you. I hope you fall for someone who's emotionally unavailable for the rest of their life. I hope you have unrequited love until the day you die. I hope that you go to the movies and you see the movie. Then right before the movie finds out, the film just stops happening. I hope that you have wet socks for the rest of your life. I hope that a lot of bad stuff happens to you. No, I'm kidding. Not chippy.

[Monet]

Well, you're not anymore. She's all fixed.

[Bob]

You are serious. This feels. I'm not saying you are. I'm saying it feels like you're making fun of me.

[Shannon Maldonado]

I'm not.

[Bob]

You got it done. You did the thing. It's not done.

[Monet]

No one knows that. Only you know that. You tell everybody your business.

[Bob]

Well, I'm going to get my tooth fixed again for this 30 minute dentist lunch break. This procedure y' all talking about. I'm in week two of my report reparation.

[Monet]

Well, you look great. With or without. You look great. All sides of your bottom.

[Bob]

Thank you.

[Monet]

This person. So I mean, in regards to protecting yourself against this person in an open relationship, I mean, you're going into this knowing that this person is. Is. Is open. And so, I mean, you can't control who they're sleeping with and all that stuff.

[Bob]

So I mean, I think if you're

[Monet]

getting involved in that, you already know that. Like. Like it's not to protect yourself. You're armed with all the information that you need to know. Like this person's not sneaking this on you. So you continue to pursue whatever with this person. Know that they are open. Like you have all the things that you need to know.

[Bob]

Yeah, it sounds like you're asking us to tell you what you already know and to validate your. To like, you're like, you know, it was like, tell me to go to log off and do my homework.

[Monet]

Yeah, you need to log off.

[Bob]

Tell yourself to log off and do your homework.

[Caller]

You know what I mean?

[Bob]

If you think that hooking up with this guy, if you don't think you have the capacity to hook up with this guy and not be emotionally entangled. Entangled with him, then you need to stop hooking up. Maybe hookups aren't for you. Maybe you're not the hookup girl. Maybe you're actually a demisexual. Yeah, maybe you're a demisexual. Maybe you are a long term committed monogamous bitch. You know what I mean? Or maybe you are able to be open with people, but you need to have someone with you as well. You are with someone in an open relationship. You're not the one in the open relationship.

[Monet]

Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think. I think you know what you need to do. You just want us to tell you what you already know and we're already giving you information that you probably already know.

[Bob]

Yeah. Rude nigga. All right, let's go.

[Monet]

But that's not. He's Caucasian.

[Bob]

We don't know. Do you sound like you.

[Caller 2]

Is it worth it for me to come out to a family that is super religious and sometimes it leads towards homophobia, But I know that they do love me. But I wonder sometimes if they would love me the same if they knew, you know, I moved away from home and I kind of have my own life outside of where I grew up. But you know, as a queer person, you know, we love our families and it's the thing we want the most is sometimes just for them to. For us to be accepted by them. And so I guess I'm just asking like if that is worth it.

[Monet]

I mean, I forget them. It's not like, fuck them what you think they want or they need. It's about you. I think you need to think about will you be a happier person? I. I don't want to answer for you, but most people would agree that they will be you. The lightness you feel, the freedom you feel by coming out. I think that you, if. If you want to come out for yourself, don't think about coming out for anyone else. Not your friend, not your cousin or your sister, not your brother, not your mother. Whoever it is come out for you if you want to do so. But know that it may come at a cost. You may lose a lot of your family. They may not talk to you anymore. They may shun you from the church, whatever it is. If you still like going to church, there are things that may come with you coming out, but if you know it's going to liberate you and make you happier, then I think go for it.

[Bob]

I don't think they said that they're not out. They said come out to their family. And I understand that. Here's the thing, you know, I really to be. If I'm being. I don't have a lot of experience in this realm because I never once thought for a second that coming out my family would result in anything other Than me being loved. I never had this. I never had a fear, never had a qualm, ever. I've never struggled with this. I mean, I was nervous as. But I came out in high school. I was. I came out after the day I graduated high school.

[Monet]

But you also had uncle that you knew that were gay.

[Bob]

Yeah. I have queer people in my family. My mom's queer, My uncle's queer. I'm not the queer trailblazer of my family. So I got to see a lot of people still be loved. I have some very. I have some gay cousins. I have a lot of. There's some gay asses.

[Monet]

You know, they say gay.

[Bob]

It runs in the family.

[Monet]

It's genetic. Yeah.

[Bob]

It's like. It's like diabetes.

[Monet]

It runs in the family. It runs in the family.

[Bob]

Which, ironically, if that be. You probably don't run in the family. No kidding. Because no. People die. No. But I think that you need to weigh your relationship with them. Do you think you can have an honest relationship with these people if you're not out and would you rather have it? And then once you think about that, ask yourself, would you rather have an honest relationship or have a peaceful relationship? So I think that you really just gotta. I don't know, you gotta decide if. If it's more important that your relationship be honest or that it be peaceful.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

If you don't think you can have both.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

And I mean, because for some people, it is important. Like, I can. I know I can say for myself, this is just for me. Whenever I'm thinking about my family loving me, I'm like, I want my family to be able to love me for who I truly am, not for a projection of what I am.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

And there is. There isn't. I think there is such a thing as, like, not coming out, but also not lying about who you are.

[Monet]

I don't know. I feel like if you don't come out, there is a part of you that is always. That is always kind of lying. Because if you're like. Not because there's a part of you that you. You're just not giving your family about yourself, which I don't think you're.

[Bob]

I don't think we owe our families everything about us, I don't think.

[Monet]

But who you love and who you sleep with and like, all that stuff, I think that's a big part of a lot of people's identity. Like when you. Let's say you get a wife or a husband, whatever it is, however you identify. And then. But you Keep that part of you from your family forever that is a big part of your life that you are not including family.

[Bob]

But if you can't have peace, if you can't have peace with that, like, if you, like, if you can't bring them around your family and act and also, like, not be enthralled in arguments and anger and fighting, I. I think that it is okay to. Because even we have. We all. I can't say we all. A lot of us have problematic family members, but they're still our family members. And their rel. That relationship still means something to us because it means a lot to have that. Like, you want to have a relationship with this person, even if they are kind of messy, even if they are anti vaxxer, even if they are homophobic.

[Monet]

You know, I think I'm so. I'm a sociopathic. I don't. Members of my family who are. That. I literally have no tolerance. I have no. I have no care to like you.

[Bob]

But maybe it's because you haven't had any particular, maybe great experiences with those people. There's someone who's like, their. Their grandma means everything to them, and then they found out later in life that she's a homophobe or that she's transphobic.

[Monet]

Yes. Yeah.

[Bob]

You know what I mean? Sometimes you don't find out. You don't find out that people are homophobic or transphobic until it becomes a social. A big social topic in the world. Like, you don't until all of a sudden you're sitting down, and then you. You all of a sudden hear Grandma say, Caitlyn Jenner will always be a man. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Pump the brakes, Granny.

[Monet]

He was once great, and now he's Brusetta.

[Bob]

Yeah. Oh, is that Wendy Williams?

[Monet]

That's it. I can't.

[Bob]

What did she say? Melinda?

[Monet]

No.

[Bob]

Belinda?

[Monet]

No. Brucet.

[Bob]

No. No. What happened was a while back, Wendy Williams leaked.

[Monet]

Wendy Williams is a fat whale.

[Bob]

Wendy Williams leaked. Caitlyn Jenner's her real name, but she thought. She thought it was Belinda. And she was like, you need to raise your kids. That's more important than trying to become Belinda. And obviously her name was not Belinda. Or maybe it was. She changed the last minute because she got mad that went and spoiled it. And then she. But also raise your kids. Caitlin. Jenna's children are grown, like, full grown. It. Raise your kid. They're adults.

[Monet]

Well, no, that's not true. Like, when that all went, when Caitlyn was transitioning Cali, I Don't think was even 18 yet. She was under 18 team. And that's.

[Bob]

It is still shady to insinuate that you can't. That you can't transition and raise your children.

[Monet]

I was just saying that.

[Bob]

Yeah. What's the woman's name? She's a non. Binary. We chooses she. Her pronouns. Bodybuilder. And she had a whole.

[Monet]

For transformation.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

Anyway, she was transformer.

[Bob]

Yes. She was raising her kids well.

[Monet]

And her kids were great. I don't know how much of it was camera, but I was like, these are really great kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like, giving her, like, dating advice. Like, giving her outfit choices. Like, Like, I was like, this is crazy also.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah. Have you.

[Monet]

Have you seen those. Those black people in the shade room and like, online, like, when Wendy. All her sickness, like, all of her disease and stuff, like, people like, well, that's what she gets for all the years of gossiping about people. I'm like, bitch, y' all be gossiping about people at church.

[Bob]

It's just.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Or.

[Bob]

Or in life in general. You gossip about your friends. It's every. As soon as one friend leave the room, you're like, did you hear about

[Monet]

so and so and so and so. So just because she did it. She had millions of people watching.

[Caller]

That.

[Bob]

That.

[Monet]

That makes her. That makes her gossiping worse than yours. No, bitch, you're the same gossip folks.

[Bob]

Also, I mean, I. I also don't believe in karma or. Or deeds catching up with you. I don't believe in that. So I just think that she just happened to get sick.

[Monet]

And I believe in karma. You do Energies for sure.

[Bob]

No, no, it's not a thing. If it was a thing, Donald Trump would be dead. Like, fucked up dead. And like. And like, devastated and tortured right now. There's no way. And that's why. That's why someone pointed out something true. Like, the reason I don't believe in ghosts. Because if ghosts were real, white people would never sleep in America after what all the fucking informally enslaved people would do. If ghosts were real, white people would never get a night's sleep in America, you know?

[Monet]

All right, let's go back. I'll read the first one. Open your shit up.

[Bob]

You know how to use this fucking thing, don't you?

[Monet]

Have your little. I don't have a face like you.

[Bob]

Yeah, exactly. You will never have a face like me, honey.

[Monet]

God, you're ridiculous. Dear Monet and Bob, I'm currently in a light Covid bubble for a work project. I've been talking to A guy on Grindr for about two weeks now. And we won't be able to meet up until my project ends. We started tech, we started sexting.

[Bob]

And it feels bad for you. I found out today.

[Monet]

Well, yeah, yeah. Yes, that's a fact.

[Bob]

But also, what am I supposed to do? Like, bitch, I got to get the shit out of here.

[Monet]

If you, if you do vocalises, the phlegm will clear off for your throat

[Bob]

over the 45 minutes, not 45.

[Monet]

Anyway, we started sexting and it's escalated out of the realm of what I can actually do in one with what is hot and heavy. I promise. Splits, spread eagles, backflips, flip flops, one right after the other. Now I'm nervous that when we finally meet in person, I won't be able to deliver. What do I do? Sincerely buzzing it down, girl. I'm guilty of this. I have promised undelivered.

[Bob]

Why? Because you know, like they hit in the moment.

[Monet]

You're like talking to you like, oh, yeah, baby. When I do like that reverse lunge onto your dick and like doing saying the most like bitch. I'm like, I am offering a service that I cannot provide.

[Bob]

I've seen, I've had this happen to me before. I do not over promise, but I have been over promised before and been like, this was not the tea like you. I think we can do better next time because this was. There was some service that I would like to complain about here.

[Monet]

Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of us, not all of us, a lot of us are guilty of sometimes going a little ham in the sexting and then like you like read the conversation back later when you, when y' all finish talking and you like on your bed read.

[Bob]

I was like, oh, girl.

[Monet]

I was really, I was really selling the dream. I was really selling. We're all guilty of that. I mean, as just do your best in the when, when the things happen, do your best suck that dick like nobody else can. Back on that spread eagles. Yeah. If you're the top, bust that down like you are Shaquille o'. Neal. I imagine Shaquille o' Neal is a good.

[Bob]

Just because, just because he's tall, big,

[Monet]

probably got a big dick.

[Bob]

Do you think that's, that's, that's what makes a good. Just being tall and big with a

[Monet]

big funny and stuff. I, I, I get good from Shaquille o' Neal through the tv.

[Bob]

I get conservative missionary from Shaquille o'.

[Caller]

Neal.

[Monet]

No, that's what I get. I feel like Shaquille will Lay there. And he got, like, doing all. Because, I mean, he is.

[Bob]

Yeah, he's laying there. They're doing all the work. Well, how does that make him a good.

[Monet]

Oh, because when.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Monet]

Nah, tops is laid there that you knowing, like, how to, like, use your pelvis the right way so you're hitting the right spot when they. That is a very. That's a good talent.

[Bob]

Well, first you said just lay there. And I was like, well, he's gonna just lay there.

[Monet]

Just laying there. And for doing the right pelvic motions, that's important as well.

[Bob]

Well, man, for sure. I understand that. I. I don't get that from Shaquille now. LeBron James.

[Monet]

No. But Stefan Curry, I don't know him. And Aisha Tyler beats basketball player, too. Yeah, the light skin guy from the Golden State.

[Bob]

I know three basketball players.

[Monet]

Michael Jordan, Shaquille and Ron James, Mugsy

[Bob]

Bird, Mugsy Balls, Charles Barkley, Scotty Pippen, and if you're noticing Iverson, Allen Iverson, if you notice, I'm naming all people who do not even play basketball. They're all retired. That's how. That's how far removed I am.

[Monet]

Every.

[Bob]

No, what I named is fully retired.

[Monet]

What do you do? Yeah, so that's my advice. Just when you get there, just do the best with what you got. But, like, really go in on the things you're good at.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Or just, you know, tone it down. When you start texting, like, don't, you know, just kind of be like, I'm gonna bottom. Don't be like, I'm gonna split. Just. Just say what you know for sure you're gonna be doing. I will be bottoming. And then when they show up, they'll be shocked and amazed when you start to top them.

[Monet]

Flip the script.

[Bob]

I can't even deliver that. Dear Bob and Monet, I'm moving from a Twitter instigate to OnlyFans star. What makes a good OnlyFans? How to make the best content for my audience. Sincerely, that hoe over there, Bob, this is your arena. You don't scribe onlyfans.

[Monet]

So I haven't had the one in, like, months now at this point.

[Bob]

Okay, so there's a few people I subscribe to, OnlyFans, and the ones that are really annoying are the people who like. So there's this one guy, his name is, like, Melanin Dick teaser. Well, he shows his. He shows. Okay, but, like, he always is on Twitter, being like, come to my only fans. And I always go, but I love only the only fans shows how much content they have before you subscribe. This nigga has not posted anything for months. And I mean months.

[Monet]

That's so shady.

[Bob]

And I was like, you think. You think people are going to subscribe to your channel and you've not posted in months? Why would. Why would anyone ever do that? You have to, have to have to post regularly. If you have a schedule, even better. Yeah, you want to have a schedule. If you do not post, people will unsubscribe and. Or if you post, they would just be annoyed that they get there. Also, I would rather you charge a higher price than have like a $1 only fans and then try to sell me stuff in the DMs. Yes, do not try to sell me stuff in the fucking DMs. Yeah, yeah, just charge more money. I also think that in my opinion, a great amount for only fans is either 5.99 or 6.99amonth. More than that is wild. 1099amonth is a lot for only fans,

[Monet]

especially because that's like Netflix and you're

[Bob]

not releasing that much content. You know what I mean? And not. Not only that, but I feel like if you do, if you do 5.99, you're. You're probably more like, you're probably likely to get more people. This one guy goes on his Twitter, his TikTok and talks about how much money he makes on OnlyFans. He keeps popping up on my. His name is Reno Gold or something. Reno Gold. And this is his.

[Monet]

So I get this question a lot

[Bob]

and it's really hard to answer because yes, I do make great money, but that happens for a very, very small percentage of people.

[Monet]

Six figures a month. Six.

[Bob]

That's seven figures a year.

[Monet]

Yeah, for sure. In 12 months.

[Caller]

Wow.

[Bob]

So just so you guys know, I'm reading his amount, he made $86,000 in September, $13,000 in August, $112,000 in July. And is. This guy has made $1.2 million.

[Monet]

He said in a year he's investing his money. He's young on only fans and I

[Bob]

think it's probably because he. I do not follow his only fans, but he posts a lot of content, I'm sure. Actually, let me find out. You can click on his only fans link and it'll tell you how many things he's posted. OnlyFans. Click. According to this, he has posted 1,000 video, 1,000 pictures and 299 videos. This. This motherfucker.

[Monet]

299 videos. It's not a lot of videos.

[Bob]

That is one, two. That's. That's a.

[Monet]

That's almost a video a day. Yeah, true.

[Bob]

Take it off weekends. Like, it's like, take it off the weekend and a thousand pictures. So in between, he probably doing a couple videos a week and over a picture a day, for sure.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

You know what I mean?

[Monet]

Yeah, he's a good. Yeah, that's a good schedule. Yeah. And also I would say this ones that, like, show, like, don't ever complete. You have people like you, you never. You are hard pressed to find. To find a nut, a cum shot anywhere. They just. They're just always stroking the cuts off and. Or like short videos. I hate, like, short videos that are like less than, like 15 seconds.

[Bob]

Also pay the people who are collaborating with you and they'll be more happy to promote it as well.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Also post, like salacious stuff on your TikTok and your Twitter. Post a video of you and your underwear jumping around with your dick bopping around. And then be like, the link is in the bio.

[Monet]

Sneaky link.

[Bob]

Take the link if you want to see what's in the bio or post, you know, something online and then you can get people to go see more and more and more.

[Monet]

Yeah. Post content and don't. And like, show us the fucking nut. And also don't make your videos too short.

[Bob]

But also. And plus, like, don't you. I don't think you want to leave. I don't think you want to leave Twitter. You can't move from Twitter. You need to. You need Twitter and Instagram to promote your only fans. So I would not. I would. It's like I was telling Mateo. Mateo didn't want to do Twitter and was like, I'm not going to use Twitter or TikTok. I was like, mateo, you're a comedian. You need to promote yourself. And now he's doing it and his shows are selling out.

[Monet]

Yeah. Hello, Bob and Monet. I live with five roommates and I love them all and got super lucky. My only issue is that one of them doesn't have the best sanitary habits in the kitchen. He often just washes dishes with water and not soap, washes his hands without soap, cross contaminates chicken with other stuff and leaves open packs of raw chicken clanging around the fridge.

[Bob]

Oh, my God.

[Monet]

I had tried to dress in soap in nice ways, but he can't really seem to get in the habit of it. I don't want to be seen as the uppity white bitch of the house, but I have pretty bad OCD and I'm 90% sure I'll get salmonella eventually. He's a good friend, but I really need some advice on how I can learn to live with it or break it to him nicely. I avoid confrontation at all costs, so advice on how to change that would be great. Sincerely, Salmonella. P.S. i love you both. Even when Monet gaslights.

[Bob]

Okay, this is a matter of safety.

[Monet]

Yeah, girl, you're gonna get sick.

[Bob]

I don't think you need to pull. Okay, don't be nasty.

[Monet]

Well, this person is. Does not like to avoid conversation, so I don't think they're gonna be nasty.

[Bob]

Don't be mean and nasty about it, but be like, hey, guys, you can't I'm. I statements. Hey, I'm concerned about the chicken in the fridge because it's raw and it's not wrapped or anything. And I'm concerned about getting sick. So do you guys, do you all mind if we, you know, wrap it up or put it in the freezer inside of vacuum sealed packages or something? Here are some ideas. Maybe this person also doesn't know how to clean.

[Monet]

Yeah, they clearly don't know, so maybe

[Bob]

you can suggest things to them. I'm like, oh, maybe try this.

[Monet]

Like, hey, yeah, I just pulled the plate out of the. Out of the cabinet. I think because I'm not using soap on it, there's still residue on it. So I think everyone needs to use soap when you wash the dishes. And I am not just water.

[Bob]

I'm a messy person. I am a person who's naturally very messy, but over the years, I. I'm. I'm less offended if someone's like, hey, can we clean up the living room? Because I'm like, you know what? You're right. I didn't clean the living room. I'm a messy person. Me and Jacob are both a little bit messy. Ezra is not messy at all. So when Ezra's like, can we. Can you please clean your side of the bed? Cause I had to take my clothes off and I just have a pot, I'll end up with like three days worth of clothes right next to my bed. And I'm like, I have three pair of pants over here, four pair of socks. And then when he says, I'm like, you know what? You're right. I'm sorry. I will clean up my side of the bed now.

[Monet]

You better be sorry anyway.

[Bob]

But I don't know if this person has reached that point yet that where they can take the critique, but a lot of this stuff seems not only annoying, but dangerous. Like, this chicken, like, raw chicken is really dangerous.

[Monet]

Yeah, I definitely suffer from a little ocd. I like, I like to clean up a lot. So I, I, I know how much of an eyesore it is when you see, like, they're, like, keeping, like, a little messy. So I, I know that probably drives you insane. So I think just keep on suggesting things about how, like, hey, so I went to go sit on the couch and the slippers, you know, like, I just, like, make, like, be sure you're saying things that you're noticing that are, that are stopping you from enjoying the space and just make suggestions on how we can be better about cleaning it up. And so we're. So no one is inconvenient.

[Bob]

There's also certain things that, like, if you, I'll say this. Like, I've never minded doing dishes. I've just never minded doing dishes. I don't know why. I think I grew up doing dishes without a dishwasher. So I'm just kind of like, I wash dishes. It's not a big deal to me. And if I ever have a roommate who doesn't want to do dishes, as long as they're not, like, piling dishes up to the sky, I'll just do the dishes. I'll just do them. Because it really doesn't, it really doesn't bother me. Then you can't get on a high horse about it. You can't be like, I'm around here doing all that dishes and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But if it's something you just honestly don't mind doing, just, just do it.

[Monet]

It's not about don't mind doing it. It's the fact that you're not pulling your own weight. And now is now. I had to pick up the slack because you're inconveniencing everyone by not washing dishes like that over time. That would get, get on my nerves.

[Bob]

It wouldn't bother me if I, if I, if, if it was something I did, if it was something I truly did, like, didn't like doing, I'd be like, this is starting to bother me. But if it's dishes, I'm like, I honestly don't care about it. I will do dishes. It's not a big deal. Again, as long as you're not like, the only kind of dish I don't like is when people cook and then leave those dishes. But if it's like the plates and the bowls and the stuff, I'll wash those dishes for sure. Good.

[Monet]

I'm gonna start coming here and Dropping my shit off in your kitchen.

[Bob]

Please do.

[Monet]

Okay, great.

[Bob]

Let's see how. See how that works out for you. Can I see the vindictive thing I did one time?

[Caller 2]

Time.

[Monet]

One time.

[Bob]

Just once. One time I was vindictive.

[Monet]

Can you believe this?

[Bob]

Only one time. So I was bartending at Ruby Tuesday in Columbus, Georgia, and this waiter said I was bartending, he said, at the bar. And the rule is, like, waiters don't serve waiters. You don't serve staff, with the exception of the people in the kitchen have to cook the food. But, like, we don't serve you. So you cannot. You do not leave your food at the bar. You don't leave your plate at the bar. You don't leave your plate at tables. You take it back to the dishwasher. To the dishwasher. Well, this guy left his plate there. And I said, don't leave your plate here. Take your plate to the dishwasher. He goes, you'll take it back to the dishwasher.

[Monet]

Work. Was he.

[Bob]

I don't even remember. I don't think. I think he was. I'm pretty sure he was, actually. And I said. I said, are you gonna watch this plate? And he goes, we'll see. I said, you are absolutely washing this plate. He left the store. He left the plate right there. Someone came to bust it. The bus guy said, do not. Do not bust that plate.

[Caller 2]

Plate.

[Bob]

So I took the plate, put it in my. Exactly how he had it. Took all the dishes. He had like two or three dishes. Put them in my car. I draw. I found out where he lived, drove to his house, put the plates on his doorstep, and then I left.

[Monet]

Well, how you know he washed the dishes, though?

[Bob]

He washed those dishes.

[Monet]

I would threw that away.

[Bob]

They were nice dishes.

[Monet]

You are crazy. Not dry, not five.

[Bob]

Oh, yeah, Stalkery found its address. Okay, so years ago, me and the

[Monet]

Bronx is Bob's old roommate.

[Bob]

Yeah, we were living together.

[Monet]

Drag queen.

[Bob]

And we. Once we moved in together, we found out that we had two brooms. And it was a pretty small apartment. And Hunter LeBron was like, oh, we have two now. The broom was. Okay, so let me tell you what the rooms were. I had a round trash can, but it was pushed into the corner. So, you know, if it's a round trash can in the corner, there's still a little space because. Because the trash can is not a. Is not a perfect square. So it's like that little space behind the trash can is where we put both the brooms. And Brooks, like, we gotta get Rid of one of these brooms. And I was like, why do I have to get rid of one of these brooms? And he's like, they're just taking up too much space. I was like, they're not taking up any space. It is a broom. It is behind the trash can. There's nothing else you wanna put in that space. It's not taking up a space. It's not.

[Monet]

It's an eyesore.

[Bob]

It's not taking space from the mop. It's not taking. It is anything. I was like. He was like, I need you to throw away your broom. I said, I'm not throwing away my broom.

[Monet]

Why? Why yours?

[Bob]

And I said, throw away your fucking broom. And he was like, why would I throw away my broom? My broom'? Than yours. I said, okay, but I. This is my broom. Why would I throw my broom away? So that your broom can be in this house now.

[Monet]

It's such a mob argument.

[Bob]

I'm wrong. Someone moved in and asked me to throw my broom away.

[Monet]

Honestly, you're wrong. I was like, this is. This is just a situation that you would find yourself in.

[Bob]

So I was like, why would. I was like, why would I throw my broom away for you? And he was like, because we don't need two brooms. Okay, we don't need two brooms. But the broom's not taken. It's not a couch.

[Monet]

This is only a situation you would buy yourself.

[Bob]

It's like. It's not a couch. It's not a tv. It is a broom. It is tall and skinny. It is vertical and it's behind the trash can, taking up no extra space. I'm not. So we had. This is like a long argument and we ended up saying, I'm not throwing my broom away. You can do whatever you want with your broom. I'm not throwing my broom. I said, what you do? Whatever. You move out. And now my dumbass ain't got no broom. Now I got to go buy a new broom because you. I just threw my broom away so that you could not look at my broom. Anyway, he did move out and I still had my fucking broom. I had that broom until. Until the quarantine where. So the thing happened in New York City during the quarantine where all the. The bug spray people, the fumigators stopped coming to the apartments because they couldn't

[Monet]

get into people's homes.

[Bob]

So our entire building had not been fumigated and the bug showed up. This happened to you in your place?

[Monet]

No, but I remember. Yeah.

[Bob]

So the Bug showed up and a massive roach appeared. That's one that you and Jacob were fighting about, screaming. Me and Jacob were jumping, screaming, trying to kill this fucking. And I broke the broom. And that was the broom. Jacob, that, that broom that saved our lives.

[Monet]

Oh, my God.

[Bob]

Gets to throw it away.

[Monet]

This is, this, this is only an argument that you would have with someone.

[Bob]

Would you have thrown the broom away? What would you have done?

[Monet]

Depending on the broom. I, I, I, I, I, I don't know. This broom. I don't know how much you love

[Bob]

this broom, but if someone moved. Okay. Andy moves in and asks you to throw your broom away. Not even Andy. Someone who you know you won't be.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Whatever.

[Bob]

It's like, throw your broom away. I don't know how you make me like I'm crazy.

[Monet]

Not saying you're crazy.

[Bob]

So what would you do behind the road so I could throw your room away? Can you please. Here it is. I was just cleaning in the kitchen, and I noticed that we have two brooms. We have two brooms?

[Monet]

Yeah. My broom and your broom.

[Bob]

Yeah. But we don't need two brooms, though, so I think that we should probably get rid of one of them.

[Monet]

But why mine? Oh, sorry.

[Bob]

I think we should get rid of one of them.

[Monet]

Okay. So you gonna throw yours away or mine?

[Bob]

I think you should throw your broom away because. Yeah, I think you should throw your broom away.

[Monet]

Okay, which one is newer?

[Bob]

Mine is newer.

[Monet]

Yours is newer.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

All right. I mean, I think it's weird I have to throw mine away, but honestly, it's a broom. I really don't care that much.

[Bob]

Good.

[Monet]

All right.

[Bob]

I got a couple other suggestions, too. I was in your bedroom. I don't like your bed straight away, too. Can you throw your bed away now? Mine is newer than yours.

[Monet]

Are we both sleeping on your bed now?

[Bob]

No, I just don't like looking at your bed.

[Monet]

Oh, well, that sucks.

[Bob]

Takes up a lot of space.

[Monet]

That sucks. Bitch.

[Bob]

You're ridiculous. You're not throwing away my broom. And then when he moved, I needed a broom.

[Monet]

You're insane. Read the next question, bitch.

[Bob]

Talk about fucking broom. Bob Monet. My entire. For my entire life, I've identified as gay. I got bullied at school for it. I liked all the gay stuff, like makeup, dolls, dicks in my mouth. You get the gist. I moved to college where I met a. I love being around. She's funny, cute, and overall a light in my life. I could see us together for the rest of my life, to be perfectly honest. Have I Been spicy straight this whole time, sincerely gazed and confused.

[Monet]

Okay, so have they ever been in a relationship with them? With a man?

[Bob]

Oh, my boyfriend and I just, I just scan past it. They're just gay. They, they like gay stuff. They didn't, they didn't, they didn't mention whether or not they've been in a relationship, but it did say they like dicks in their mouth.

[Monet]

Okay. Yeah. I mean, I think you're just on the spectrum of sexuality. You're just like, you were just live, you, you're just, you're, you're letting yourself experience sex and, and, and, and, and sexuality. You're having a human experience with it. Sometimes you, like, maybe later you, you and this, you and this woman will separate and you'll be with another. Who knows? I think that you're just allowing yourself to experience sexuality in a very honest and real way. And I think you should be committed for that. Honestly.

[Bob]

I identified as gay for a really, really long time, and I still say gay because it's just easier to talk about myself when I say I'm gay versus saying I'm pansexual. But then I had some experiences with some trans women and being attracted to some like, quite frankly, butch women, Butch CIS women. And I was like, oh, I think that my attraction is more than just to mention. And I just, it took me a second to be like, you know, I think that I just like more than just, you know, I think I just like more than just guys. And being gay can really be a big part of your. Especially when you're coming out, you have to clean, you have to fight to be gay. So it feels like giving it up to become, you know, metamorphosis as a whole. To become. Yeah, is a whole thing. So I understand what you're saying. And, and also, you just don't worry, but you're not negating your gayness by your queerness. By hooking up with this woman and also after this woman, you don't, you don't have to. When you say you're bi or pansexual, you don't have to prove to anyone how pansexual, how by you are. You don't. It doesn't have to be 50, 50. You don't have to like the same, you don't have to like women the same amount you like men. You don't have to link. You don't have to hook up with people to show you don't have to girls to show that you're pansexual by that's not, that's not how that works.

[Monet]

We need to know, are you doing

[Bob]

like, like bedroom checks?

[Monet]

Yeah. I want to see the penis going inside a vagina or, or, or a butthole or you put in the penis. I want to see all the things that you do.

[Bob]

There it is. All right, Monet, that was the only fans question. We've moved on. We've moved past the only fans question at this point.

[Monet]

Yeah, I, I, I, I think you girl, just live, live, do whatever you want. Like, you can do whatever the fuck you want and it's your business.

[Bob]

I mean, there's limitations.

[Monet]

So. Okay. Oh, God.

[Bob]

I'm just talking. When this person goes out and kills and says, Monet said do whatever I want, you gonna be looking crazy.

[Monet]

Dear Bob and Monet, I'm a gay 21 year old man. My boyfriend and I are monogamous, but we've been talking about inviting somebody in for the occasional threesome. I've never done one before. Do you have any advice for my first threesome or about having threesomes? When within a monogamous relationship can they get messy? Is there anything to avoid? Sincerely, Nicki Minaj. ATOI

[Bob]

heard recently. I had a conversation with someone recently about your ad voice.

[Monet]

My ad voice.

[Bob]

And you did your ad voice just now.

[Monet]

Who's.

[Bob]

When you record ads, you talk different than when you do on the podcast.

[Monet]

Who did you have this conversation with?

[Bob]

It was me and Godoy.

[Monet]

Godoy.

[Bob]

Talking about your ad voice.

[Monet]

Oh, God.

[Bob]

You know your ad voice.

[Monet]

You're like, mm, yeah, mm, that's my chicken select. All right. I do have any advice on my first season. I mean, I think, honestly, I think you, if, if you know there are some actions that will happen in the threesome that will make you uncomfortable and make you feel some type of way afterwards. I think you and your partner should have the conversation before the third person comes. Like, if you know that something if you know if, like if you see, see your boyfriend kiss this third person on the lips, you know that's gonna fucking trigger and set you off after it's done. And you won't like, it'll be really fuck you up. You need to have that conversation. You guys set the rules and boundaries for you guys in the parameters of this threesome. And then when you invite the third person, you guys can all make sure everyone's on the same page. But I think setting boundaries of what you don't want to happen is very important. Before going into it, next thing you see something and then, bitch, y' all Broken up and then you're done.

[Bob]

You know, sexual dynamics tend to be complimentary, meaning they tend to be quite opposite. Sometimes, you know, a red wine goes nice with a steak, but then you bring a lot of red wine into the room and it's like, oh, there's a lot of red wine in this room.

[Monet]

Now all of a sudden, you know,

[Bob]

you don't normally have this much red wine in the mill. And something I've experienced with both of my partners is that if we invite someone into the room with us, me and Jacob and me and Ezra are just so different from each other. So it's often kind of difficult to find someone who is interested in both of us because we are such opposites. Someone has to have a really wide power to be into, you know, me and one of my partners. But when you are in there, I think if the. Let's say, let's say there's two service oriented bottoms and one top who likes to be serviced. I think if the two bottoms are like, let's work together to service this top together, because we both like this. This can be a teamwork thing and vice versa. If there's two tops and there's one bottom who likes to be dominated, then the other tops can be like, all right, let together and dominate this. This, you know, this bottom here. And I think that that's communication. I think that you and your partner have to communicate with each other like Monet said. But also you two are. You have a guest in your home. Like, make your guests feel good. Like, it's not great to go to a threesome. And then you there and you're like, bitch, am I here just to watch you two fuck?

[Monet]

Well, sometimes you might be into that,

[Bob]

if that's your thing. Yeah, that's the thing. Make them feel like a good guest and like, let them watch you fuck with, but open and honest with them. Make your guests feel comfortable. Make sure your guest's having a good time and establish your with your partner before they get there.

[Monet]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob]

Do not have drama. Very important during a hookup.

[Monet]

Girl.

[Bob]

Do not make it uncomfortable for this other person.

[Monet]

Like, you see him cream pie them and you're like, you only supposed to cream by me. And the that come is still wet on the hole and y' all start slapping each other up. Knucklehucking

[Bob]

oatmeal cream pie bitch girl.

[Monet]

So, yeah, so make sure that you, yeah, you and your partner have set clear boundaries and y' all on the same page and y' all go in with the with the right game plan and so that. So that way no one leaves upset and everyone feels fulfilled.

[Bob]

And again, make your guests feel like a guest. You have a guest in your home.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Treat them like a guest. Be nice to them.

[Monet]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob]

Michael B. Jordan approaches you.

[Caller]

He says, I want to have a

[Bob]

threesome, but only with Monet or Bob.

[Caller]

So it's.

[Bob]

You can only have a threesome with Michael B. Jordan if the other one is there.

[Caller]

Who's.

[Bob]

Oh, Michael B. Jordan. Michael B. Jordan wants to have sex with me.

[Monet]

Who are the two of us?

[Ad Voice]

Michael. Michael.

[Bob]

Michael Bjorn wants to go with two of us together.

[Monet]

You know, also on his face while you suck his dick.

[Bob]

I mean, if you said Wiz Khalifa. I'm really much more into Wiz Khalifa than Michael B. Jordan. Wiz Khalifa is my ultimate celebrity crush. Really? He's so hot. But if you look at Wiz Khalifa, that makes perfect sense.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Looking at Wiz Khalifa. But Michael B. Jordan is also very

[Monet]

hot sauce on a Wiz's face. And you suck his dick.

[Bob]

Yeah. Yeah. We could hook up. Yeah, I wouldn't mind seeing Monet's genitals.

[Monet]

Earlier today, we were talking to your mom. You're like, monet, your phone.

[Bob]

Can I say what was on the phone?

[Monet]

Sure.

[Bob]

So we're just. Monet just had her phone, like, facing me, but it was like facing me, but it was gone. And I'm assuming it's a picture that Andy took.

[Monet]

Yeah, it's just.

[Bob]

It's just Monet shitting, like, on the toilet.

[Monet]

And I was like, not shitting.

[Bob]

Okay. You were sitting on the toilet and I was. I'm sorry for assuming.

[Monet]

Well, I. Because I often sit peeing down. Okay. I pee sitting down.

[Bob]

Did you say shit peeing down?

[Monet]

I said, no, I said, sit peeing down.

[Bob]

Oh, yeah. So. So, okay, well, excuse me for assuming, but when you piece it down, there's also a little poop come out of your butt to.

[Monet]

No, because also, peeing sitting down is great. Especially at night time when you don't want to put the lights on and, like, wake your ass up. You walk to the bathroom, you just sit down and pee.

[Bob]

I'm. I'm not advocating against being down. So do you.

[Monet]

Do you, do you pee sitting down sometimes? No, never.

[Bob]

If I'm pooping, I don't. I don't stand up to peace. I don't. I don't. At the end of my poop, I don't stand up.

[Monet]

So when you wake up to go pee at like 2 o' clock in the morning you put all lights on.

[Bob]

Yeah. Turn the lights on. Yeah.

[Monet]

That is so annoying.

[Bob]

I mean, not to me, but yeah, I turn the lights on. I also want to see what I'm doing. I don't want to step on anything I don't want to like, what is it?

[Monet]

Is there an obstacle course in the toilet?

[Bob]

Sometimes my socks are in the bathroom or, you know, I don't know. Who knows? Maybe a soap is on the ground, on the floor. Maybe. You never know. We're not all Mr. Clean. I don't. My home is lived in.

[Monet]

I have used your bathroom many times. Yeah.

[Bob]

But also I. Okay, so I don't poop in our bathroom next to our bedroom. I poop exclusively in the half bathroom in the hallway. So every morning when I poop, I go. I like traverse.

[Caller]

Really?

[Bob]

Yes. To go poop in that bathroom because I just feel like. I don't know, I just like that bathroom more. It feels more private.

[Monet]

Oh yeah. I poop anyway. Anywhere. I didn't even go to the bathroom.

[Bob]

But I mean, you'll poop.

[Monet]

I was doing it in the bed.

[Bob]

You don't. You don't. You'll poop at the closest one, you mean?

[Monet]

Yeah. The closest to what?

[Bob]

I have pooped in there, but I prefer to poop in the. In the other bathroom. I mean, when I was. Yeah, when I was. When I. When I lived in. At. In Washington High School. You go to the basement sometimes not. If I had company, I would. I would poop in the basement, but I like rarely ever pooped in that.

[Monet]

The one by the door?

[Bob]

No, the other one.

[Monet]

Oh, the other one.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

Yeah. Where'd you poop, babe?

[Bob]

The main one where the shower is. Yeah.

[Monet]

Okay. One. One more advice.

[Bob]

Dear Bob Monet, Recently, I've. Recently I've come out as bisexual and received a ton of support from my friends. I want to explore a serious relationship with another guy, but I'm concerned for my family's reaction. I don't want to seem like a DL straight guy, but I don't think he would meet my family because they're low key, homophobic, phobic. Do I protect him from my family or does he have a right to meet them and we deal with the consequences after? I'm more concerned for how they will treat him. Sincerely by furious,

[Monet]

I say, be like, be honest with your boyfriend. Tell him. Be like, hey, just, you know, my family is homophobic as and I'm afraid they're going to make you feel weird. I don't want to put you In a situation where you feel uncomfortable and he's like, like, you know what? I want the chance to meet them in my own decision. Because sometimes a partner is like that. They're like, you tell them all the information. Like, I still want you to see that. I tried. And then. But as long as they know what they're stepping into, I think everything is cool.

[Bob]

Did Andy take a high racist family?

[Monet]

Oh, yeah. I mean, the tiki torches were. That was like a shock at first.

[Bob]

But everything else, you know, I don't think it's DL. That's not what DL is.

[Monet]

Yeah, that's not DL.

[Bob]

I just want to say that that's not what DL is. Mr. Fury, I think that again, if you feel like you will be putting your partner in an uncomfortable situation, meeting your family, like, are they gonna. Like, I don't know how homophobic are they? Are they low key homophobic or are they big homophobic? You know what I mean? Like, if you're gonna bring. This is low key homophobic. If you're gonna bring him home and they're gonna treat him poorly, then I wouldn't want to be around that.

[Monet]

I wouldn't either. But sometimes they probably partner will do this for their partner. Just to let you know, like, babe, I tried.

[Bob]

If. If it meant. If Jacob. If the Ritzes were homophobic, and it meant a lot for me to meet them for Jacob, if it was for Jacob's own. Like, I'm doing this for myself.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

I'm doing this to establish myself as a queer. As a queer man within my family.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Bob]

I would do it for Jacob. Now. Now, week one.

[Monet]

No. Yeah, week one.

[Bob]

I'm not gonna go meet your racist. Your homophobic family.

[Monet]

But I love you, though.

[Bob]

I. I mean,

[Monet]

I love you.

[Bob]

You are wild.

[Monet]

Oh, my.

[Bob]

There's nothing wrong with saying you love someone. I love you.

[Monet]

No, let's say there is.

[Bob]

I. I like you, but I love you. I like you.

[Monet]

I love you, though. I love you there, baby.

[Bob]

Give your advice. No, no.

[Monet]

Yeah, I think I. I think be honest with your partner. Be honest with your partner. Let them make the decision. Like, be like, hey, my family's having Christmas. They've invited us. But my Aunt Rita and Uncle Sam, they are so homophobic. Like, they're. They're really homophobic. I feel really weird bringing you, but I want to. I want you to meet the rest. Some other members of my family. But, like, like, what do you think, babe?

[Bob]

But also, fool. T, set your fucking family straight before you bring him in there. Absolutely get your family together and be like, I'm bringing someone I love. Honey, don't embarrass me.

[Monet]

Right.

[Bob]

You're an adult now. I honestly, it took me a while to realize. I mean, I'm not a kid anymore.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

And every adult in my life has not. Has not always been right. Shocking. I found out later in life them

[Monet]

be wrong sometimes for sure.

[Bob]

You know what I mean? And as I got older, I stopped letting them bully me around. And I. I don't know if you. I know in black families, not. We let our. We let older people in our family bully us around. They'd be fully wrong. Dead ass wrong. And I'm like, I'm not a kid anymore. And if I'm gonna be. If I'm gonna be bringing my loved ones around, my friends around, then I will not have you all being homophobic, being racist, being blah, blah, blah, being transphobic around them. And if you do, we're leaving.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

If you do that, we will be leaving.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

So I think that you need to get. Gather your family like a chignon and then bring your loved one over there.

[Monet]

Yeah, I agree. I agree with all that.

[Bob]

Are you gonna bring any. Him?

[Monet]

There's nothing to. Oh, I'm going to New York in two weeks, so. He's going to. But he's already met my aunt.

[Bob]

I've never met anyone in your family. This is crazy.

[Monet]

Really.

[Bob]

I've never met anyone in your family.

[Monet]

Well, every time they came, there were two times you could have. But you could DragCon in New York City. They always would come to my short hardware. But you never came to my short hardware on New York.

[Bob]

I didn't know they were coming. Yes, they were. You just invited me to Hardware. You didn't say my family's coming.

[Monet]

Yeah, my buddies at a show.

[Bob]

I didn't know your fan was gonna be there. But I thought it was just a show at Hardware.

[Monet]

Well, allegedly, I think you knew, but you don't want to be in my family anyway.

[Bob]

Yeah. You know, I've been avoiding your aunt. What's her name?

[Monet]

Rosemont. Rosemont. Well, Annette. Everyone calls her Annette. Annette.

[Bob]

Why do I know it's Rose that's so queer? You must have told me at some

[Monet]

point because her name is Rosemont. Annette Burton.

[Bob]

Y' all sound prestigious Roseman. Annette Burton from the legendary house of Burton Darling from the Burton State. But absolutely, my name is Res. Mont. Next.

[Monet]

Berton Bertin. Oh, my God.

[Bob]

Does anyone in your family really say that?

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Who?

[Monet]

Everyone in St. Lucia, they really say

[Bob]

Bertin they do like dead ass.

[Monet]

Deadass.

[Bob]

Am I ever going to St. Lucia? Will I ever be invited? Or just like your. Your party, your birthday party. That's not an extravaganza.

[Monet]

Well, why would you go to St. Lucia? You know, you don't like sand, you don't like the beach, you don't like meeting people you don't like.

[Bob]

I don't like meeting people you don't even want to invite.

[Monet]

I have not been to st. Lucia in three years.

[Bob]

You take Kameka.

[Monet]

That was in 2014. Kameka and I went.

[Bob]

Answer my question.

[Monet]

When there was a tan.

[Caller]

Speak.

[Monet]

I will. Yes. Bring it to St. Lucia.

[Bob]

Why did they beat that out of you?

[Monet]

My God.

[Bob]

I bet you see my whole family.

[Monet]

Yeah, I've only met your mom and my brother and Justin and my Uncle Steve. I didn't meet Uncle Steve.

[Bob]

You didn't meet Uncle Steve?

[Monet]

No, he wasn't there. That's why Justin picking up for the airport.

[Bob]

Just. Oh, my God, I love Justin. Me and Justin going to open a food truck.

[Monet]

We're in. In Atlanta.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Monet]

What is it? What kind of food?

[Bob]

Soul food.

[Monet]

Soul food.

[Bob]

I want to call it Aunt Bob's.

[Monet]

Yeah, we talked about this before.

[Bob]

I think it's a good idea.

[Monet]

Aunt Bob.

[Bob]

Another. Another project for y' all to check

[Monet]

me on down the line. All right, bye.

[Ad Voice]

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