Sibling Advicery: Colorism/Happy White People

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: “Sibling Advicery: Colorism/Happy White People”

Hosts: Monét X Change & Bob The Drag Queen
Date: December 26, 2022

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Episode Overview

This episode of Sibling Rivalry is part of the “Sibling Advicery” series, where Bob and Monét answer listener-submitted questions ranging from navigating social spaces as Black queer people, dealing with colorism in dating, body image, cosmetic procedures, and finding queer joy and safety in homophobic environments. As always, their advice is mixed with humor, candid personal stories, and the signature banter between the two.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. “Happy White People” and Social Anxiety

Timestamp: 06:12–12:26

• Caller’s Dilemma: A listener expresses discomfort about “faking” social excitement in predominantly white spaces, especially during seasonal gatherings, and asks how to deal with it without being inauthentic.
• Bob’s Insight:
  • "People who fake laugh, not everyone, but a lot of people do it because they're uncomfortable... They're just doing the best they can with what they have." (07:33)
  • Suggests finding genuine conversations instead of forcing niceties, sharing an anecdote about a friend who laughs when nervous.
  • Emphasizes being yourself and not imitating others yields better social experiences.
• Monét’s Advice:
  • "You sound like someone who is the life of the party as well...be the joke teller, you be the story crafter." (08:56)
  • Encourages caller to embrace their natural charisma rather than trying to fit in by force.
• Humor Moment:
  • Monét jokes about faking positivity: "Just spit on them. I'm kidding. Don't do that." (10:21)
• Bob on discomfort seeing “happy white people”:
  • "Watching white people laugh in a group is irritating. What y’ all niggas laughing at?" (10:41)
  • Both agree it’s valid to sometimes just not be in the mood and that’s okay.

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2. On Cosmetic Procedures & Self-Worth

Timestamp: 14:03–23:43

• Caller’s Concern: A lesbian who recently got lip fillers feels conflicted about relying on injections for confidence and worries about friends’ reactions.
• Bob’s Personal Story:
  • Shares getting called out for filler and feeling awkward but ultimately deciding not to lie about it to close friends. (15:02–16:00)
  • "Dyeing your hair is really no different to me than getting Botox...there's nothing wrong with doing something to your body, but society's made you believe that...there's something wrong with this." (21:04)
• Monét’s Affirmation:
  • "What others think of you is none of your business...life is too motherfucking short to not be happy to look how you want to look..." (21:54)
  • Encourages confronting friends or family who make negative comments, but not bothering with strangers’ opinions.
• Memorable Exchange:
  • "If a friend calls you out at work for about it, they're probably broke and jealous." – Bob (23:43)

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3. Colorism in Dating and Society

Timestamp: 23:59–33:39

• Caller’s Struggle: A young dark-skinned woman feels overlooked in dating because of her skin tone.
• Monét’s Take:
  • Colorism is pervasive across Black and other communities—“Calling out colorism in dating, as you are now, is part of fixing the problem.” (24:33)
  • Thanks those who express their bias openly ("thank you for putting it on front street") so no time is wasted.
• Bob’s Reflection:
  • Shares being nicknamed “Blackie” in elementary school (in an all-Black school), describing lasting trauma—“Never ever tell a kid they're ugly. It is in the back of your mind till the day you die.” (26:24)
  • Reemphasizes the importance of self-love: “It is their loss if they don't want to be with you because you’re dark-skinned...” (27:45)
• Discussion of Chris Brown:
  • Monét and Bob discuss issues of prominent Black entertainers who perpetuate colorist attitudes, citing Chris Brown’s reported comments and ongoing controversies. (28:18–29:47)
• Broader Picture:
  • Colorism isn’t just a Black American issue—it’s present in South Korea, Brazil, Cuba, the Dominican Republic, and Jamaica.
  • In Jamaica, Monét notes the skin bleaching phenomenon, while Bob highlights Cuban and Dominican colorism and the complexity of ethnic identity in these places. (32:20–33:37)

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4. LGBTQ+ Life in Homophobic Environments

Timestamp: 33:39–39:12

• Saudi Arabia Caller: A 22-year-old gay person asks how to survive years in the closet in a homophobic household and country until they can immigrate.
• Hosts’ Empathy:
  • Both express deep sadness and caution for safety, highlighting the risk of legal and physical harm.
  • “Your safety is really important, and I think that happiness is part of safety...maybe you can find queer community online in a way that maybe your family won’t see it, like listening to this podcast.” – Bob (35:07–36:37)
• Resource Mentioned:
  • Rainbow Railroad, an organization helping queer people escape dangerous environments, is recommended—but with the warning that seeking asylum often means never returning home.
• Monét’s Affirmation:
  • Reinforces that queerness is natural and found in animal species, countering religious arguments against it: “How much more natural can it get?” (37:08)
• Humorous Exchange:
  • Bob: “You know what they don’t do in nature? Praise the Lord... there’s no religion in nature.” (37:23)
  • Monét: “You should be an anti-pastor. You should be an anti-rabbi.” (37:40)

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5. Jealousy & Insecurity in Relationships

Timestamp: 43:34–47:40

• Caller’s Question: How to stop feeling jealous about “boys”—possibly partner jealousy or insecurity.
• Bob’s Philosophy:
  • “Jealousy is a symptom. It is not the illness… Often it is a symptom of insecurity.” (44:49)
  • Advises finding the root cause: insecurity about worth, love, or attraction, and communicating openly with partners.
• Monét’s Reality Check:
  • "You're not going to be every single thing your partner wants ...there's always going to be someone prettier, funnier, smarter..." (46:03–46:26)
  • Stresses honest dialogue and self-acceptance.
• Bob’s Encouragement:
  • “If you feel the need to be your partner's everything, there's a much, much more important conversation to be had. Because you have to be you. You have to be your everything, not your partner's everything.” (47:15)

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6. Gender Expression, Weight, and Self-Love

Timestamp: 48:17–54:05

• Nathan from Bristol: A non-binary person of color shares that weight gain has made it hard to dress femme, even though they love their body.
• Monét’s Practice:
  • Shares her journey of affirming her changing body by taking nudes and engaging in self-affirmation—“I would just take naked pictures of myself...and look at myself and be like, bitch, this is hot, this is sexy.” (50:05–51:08)
  • Her drag experience was a key part of her body acceptance journey.
• Bob’s Story:
  • Has gained 60 pounds since starting drag—“I was skin-ny [when I started]...now I am several someone's uncles, to be quite frank." (51:42–53:13)
  • Shares famous quote: “I could either do the physical work it takes to change my body or the mental work it takes to love it… and I've chosen to do neither." (51:50–52:02)
  • On attraction: “There is someone out there who is very into your body...Somebody wants that thick, non-binary Bristol bussy, baby.” (53:41)
  • Encourages listeners to openly seek and accept positive affirmation.

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7. Quick Takes & Notable Banter

Throughout the Episode

• Playful accusation that Monét thinks she’s “better than all the other Black queens” (59:54 – 60:51), ending in math jokes and classic back-and-forth.
• Recurrent bits about how hard it is to pretend social happiness, the necessity of honest friendships, and the absurdity of societal beauty standards.
• Quips about Bob starting a cult, making up fake religions, and forming a church that’s basically “group therapy with mushrooms.”
• References to pop culture (Black Panther 2), colorism across the diaspora, and comparing cats’ stubbornness to children.

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8. Bonus: Black Panther 2 Review

Timestamp: 54:48–59:47

• Bob’s Take:
  • “It was long, Mama. It could have been shorter… It was weird to see them pay tribute to a dead character who’s also a dead person.” (54:41–55:41)
  • Didn’t enjoy seeing racial conflict as the main plot.
• Monét’s Review:
  • Missed “fierce” fight scenes compared to the first movie, found the final battle anticlimactic.
  • Gives love to M’Baku (“He’s West Indian!”).
• Bob on Character:
  • Jokes about Shuri’s lack of effective fighting gear: “She got the powers and didn’t do nothing…Make her like Iron Man or something.” (56:46–58:26)
  • Confirms the Marvel/EU spinoff connections.

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Memorable Quotes

• Bob: "Never ever tell a kid they're ugly. That is something that a child will, can probably never recover from." (26:24)
• Monét: "Life is too motherfucking short to not be happy to look how you want to look for the time you are alive on this fucking earth." (21:54)
• Bob: “If you feel the need to be your partner’s everything, there’s a much, much more important conversation to be had. Be your everything.” (47:15)
• Monét: “You sound like someone who is the life of the party...You be the joke teller, you be the story crafter.” (08:56)
• Bob (re: affirmation & attraction): “Somebody wants that thick, non binary Bristol bussy, baby.” (53:41)

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Sibling Rivalry demonstrates the deep community impact of Black queer voices—providing empathy, humor, context, and practical advice on complex issues like colorism, body image, social fitting-in, and the real struggles of queer people globally. Bob and Monét reaffirm that survival, joy, and authenticity are radical acts, best supported through honesty, self-love, and connection—both online and off.

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Note: For resources, Bob mentions Rainbow Railroad as a support for queer people in dangerous environments.

Transcript

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[Caller from Saudi Arabia]

close your eyes, exhale, feel your body

[Monet X Change]

relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today.

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[Monet X Change]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

1-800-contacts.

[Monet X Change]

Hey, y', all, it's Monet X change.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen and this is SBing advice. Now listen, we all know that we are not doctors.

[Monet X Change]

Not even a little bit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're not therapists. We are not psychologists.

[Monet X Change]

We don't know much about algebra.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Psychiatrist. If you need advice, please go to your doctor, your rabbi, your priest, your shaman, your teacher, your psych, your therapist. This is just for entertainment purposes only.

[Monet X Change]

Yes. Everything we're saying is. Is for use in this podcast only. Do not take this as sound advice to take into the world to. To remedy your issues. If you have, do not take any of this seriously. This is for entertainment purposes only. And we don't want anyone to feel like we are diagnosing them, that we can give them a prognosis on life.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So with that in line, let's get into some advisory.

[Monet X Change]

Amy, Kitty cat, Kitty cat, what are you listening to? Can you hear me?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hold on one second. You heard Jacob, did you see the super cut of Bosco saying problematic stuff that Mitch put in the video?

[1-800-Contacts Advertiser]

I did.

[Monet X Change]

It was very funny.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It is very good. Mitch is such a funny editor. Oh, watch one more time. That is so funny. He cut together Bosco saying, I think black girls are not funny, Bob. Why don't you go to hell, you fucking bitch? But it's literally like, I think black girls are not funny, Pop. Why don't you go to hell?

[Monet X Change]

Um, Bosco, I think I really have met Bosco a few times and they're very delightful. I really enjoy her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, she's Yeah, I like Bosco a lot too.

[Monet X Change]

Bosco. Have you been to Boskov's?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are we recording?

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. What is that?

[Monet X Change]

Boskov is a department store in Delaware is where I've seen it. It's like a Macy's or Jason's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You wanna do a shirtless podcast?

[Monet X Change]

No, I'm not interested. But you should, though. We should do it. I would love to see you do it. No, you try. From a me from a me place.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is our podcast, though.

[Monet X Change]

But I mean, we don't have to do everything together. We do. We oftentimes do separate things on this podcast that we. That makes us happy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we don't have to do it. I just wanted to know if you wanted to. I've asked you in the past and you've never said yes.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, and I will never say yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Will you be posting full news on the Internet?

[Producer/Interjector]

Pop off.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, this is my podcast. This is my place of work. I'm not working on the Internet. I'm working here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can say that again. You were slacking, honey. Slacking? Yeah, all over the Internet.

[Caller Seeking Advice on Jealousy]

Mm.

[Monet X Change]

But a bitch is still what, paid? Cause it costs a billion to look this good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, so you get. Do you get paid for the picture or.

[Monet X Change]

Because she got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What about those things on your TikTok and Instagram that say paid promotion? It says like paid. Were you working then?

[Monet X Change]

That's on TikTok. I've never been naked on TikTok. Only on Instagram.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'll be doing a little bit of investigation into that. You haven't posted any paid promotions on Instagram?

[Producer/Interjector]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You never had a paid promotion on Instagram? You legally can't lie.

[Monet X Change]

I legally can't lie.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you ever had a paid promotion on Instagram?

[Monet X Change]

I don't recall.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What about those away suitcases and those pictures?

[Monet X Change]

You took those.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah,

[Monet X Change]

I don't know what away is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you never heard of a white suitcase? Wow, your funny is about to get snatched. Y' all about to see Monet at the.

[Caller Asking About Social Anxiety]

At the.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

At the airport with a bunch of fucking garbage bags. Always gonna show up and snooch. Okay, sorry. Tell me about this restaurant you're talking about.

[Monet X Change]

Restaurant? What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The place you asked me if I went. I assumed it was a restaurant.

[Producer/Interjector]

Boscov's Boss something.

[Monet X Change]

Bitch. I said I did a whole explanation to you. I'm not saying no, but I wasn't listening.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like talking.

[Monet X Change]

I forget. I don't know what it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what boss gov's is. Tell me what Boss Gov's is.

[Monet X Change]

I really don't. I was doing a video you knew

[Bob the Drag Queen]

a second ago and now you don't know.

[Monet X Change]

I was doing a bit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, there's no boss Gov's.

[Monet X Change]

No, there isn't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you lying? What?

[Monet X Change]

The Boskovs. I don't know what that means.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're full of shit. You're gaslighting. Boskovs is. Check out our weekly deals, sales and promotions. Great deals and top brands. Shop Boscovs.com for great values and apparel, shoes and handbags, cosmetics, jewelries and home free shipping at $45.

[Monet X Change]

There you go.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So there is a Boscovs?

[Caller Asking About Colorism]

There is.

[Monet X Change]

And you just explained what it is to all of us. Thank you so much.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can find a Boskovs near you. They're in Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Rhode island. There are 26 of them in Pennsylvania.

[Monet X Change]

Pennsylvania loves their Boss Govs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you ever been to Boscov's?

[Monet X Change]

Yes, my aunt that lives in Delaware. When we used to go Black Friday shopping and stuff. We used to go to Boskov's back in the day.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you do know Boscov's is.

[Monet X Change]

Yes,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, this is advisory, not rivalry. Can you give us our first bit of advice, please?

[Caller Asking About Social Anxiety]

What is up? Sibling rivalry to Monet. I know you love the British, so

[Bob the Drag Queen]

top of the moon in love.

[Caller Asking About Social Anxiety]

I hope that did the right things for you, Bob. Sup, nigga? So, as you know, we are approaching a new season, but obviously I'm the trade of four seasons.

[Monet X Change]

So I am.

[Caller Asking About Social Anxiety]

I'm currently trying to prepare myself for, you know, the fucking pumpkin talk, you know, happy white people, which is upsetting. So my question is, you know, how do you fool people into thinking that you're excited about life? It's not that I'm not a fun person to be around, you know, I like to make people laugh and feel good. But the thing is that I'm not going to fake. I'm not gonna fake laugh, I'm not going to fake care. And I think sometimes I can put people off. So, you know, any advice is much appreciated. Thank you for doing what you do. Good luck in the tour. I can't wait for new music. Fucking Monet. Just let me take a bite.

[Monet X Change]

Jesus Christ. Do you wanna. This is something very much up your alley. You wanna take it first? No, up my name is your alley.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'll talk about it. You know, I feel like at parties

[Monet X Change]

you hate small talk. You don't like smiling at people and stuff. You like. I think this is up your alley

[Bob the Drag Queen]

at parties and stuff. I don't particularly care for niceties and small talk, but I do find things that I actually want to have conversations about. So, you know, instead of being like. Instead of being like, I don't want to fake laugh. You don't have to think left. No one's asking you to fake laugh. You know, I think some. Now I realize this in life. People who fake laugh, not everyone, but a lot of people fake laugh is because they're uncomfortable. They're not doing it to be fake. They're doing it because they don't know how to deal with the scenario. Otherwise, they just start laughing. There are certain people who laugh while they're talking. They laugh after everything they say. They're not saying anything funny. They just laugh. I have a friend named Miguel in New York City who would laugh at. I mean, guffaw at everything he said. No, it doesn't matter what. It could be sad. It could be serious. It could be neutral. It could be funny. He was cackling while he was talking. And I realized it was never because he thought it was funny. It's because he just felt awkward. He wasn't trying to be fake. He was honestly just doing the best he could with what he had. Now, I, in my experience, I tend to be the life of the party. I tend to do very well at parties. And I'm not usually fake laughing. I usually just engage in conversations I want to. And then when someone talks about something I find a little bit interesting, I'll just kind of jump in and tell my, you know, give my two cents on the thing as well. And I think that if you lean into being yourself, you'll get a much better response, actually, than trying to imitate other people's behavior.

[Monet X Change]

I was going to say you sound like a funny person. Like, normally at parties, I'm a very social person. And I'll, like, buzz around and talk to different people. And I tend to always be like, making jokes or making observations about the party and that. So people aren't fake laughing. They're enjoying the sound. And they're laughing with me. Cause I'm cracking jokes. And so you seem like someone that can do that too. You seem, from how you submitted your question, you sound like someone who is the life of the party as well. You sound like someone who's cracking jokes, someone who can make other people laugh. So I would say lean into that personality so you don't feel like you're at the will to laugh at other people's jokes. Bitch. You be the joke teller. You be the story crafter. You be the one who is making the party fierce if you want to take that on. And if not, he's black.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you told him to be a story cracker.

[Monet X Change]

I said tori teller. Joke cracker. I meant a joke cracker.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He told him to be a joke cracker. He's black.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. So. But it's also. Also, if you. But also if you're going to this party, you're not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is Trixie a joke cracker?

[Monet X Change]

She is. And you're not particularly interested in, like, carrying on. And maybe you just want to go to this party because you know they're going to have some good hors d'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oeuvres.

[Monet X Change]

Let me tell you, bitch, I fucking love hors d'. Oeuvres. It's like my favorite food. Sometimes you just want to go to a party just for the little hand tricks and the free drinks, and that's cool, too. And on the subject of happy white people, I know it is upsetting sometimes to see white people cheersing their pumpkin spices and drinking out their cups, and then bitches smiling and kiki and cockeying. It is. Sometimes it's hard to do. And you know what? Just. Just spit on them. I'm kidding. Don't do that. I'm just. I'm being silly. I don't really mean that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've expressed one time, and people were kind of like, I don't get it. And some folks are like, no, I get it. Watching white people laugh in a group is irritating. What y' all niggas laughing at? What the fuck are y' all watching? A bunch of white people, like, by. In a picture, all laughing. My first thought, I was like, what the fuck are you laughing at? I want to know what you're. I want to know what's so fucking funny. I would really like to know. As a matter of fact, I don't know why it bothers me so much. It just irritates me.

[Monet X Change]

You never feel that for sure. So what you see, I mean to say I'm Bob. I mean, they have days like Bob makes. There have days when I walk around and I'm not in the best of the moods. I'm not smiling at things. I'm just irritated. And then I would. So I would like. And I know I have to run to a mall to pick up a thing that I have to get for a thing. I'll just walk around with my glasses on and just mean mugging the whole time. And I think that is a perfectly acceptable space to be sometimes. You don't always have to be happy and cheery and goofy and Kiki and Cacaen. Being angry and annoyed and pissed off is great, too. And I love being in that space just as much as I like being happy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do think that if you're gonna be at. If you're gonna go to a party and you're in a bad mood, maybe sit that party out. If you're in a mood where you're like, I can't recover from this, maybe sit that out. Maybe don't bring the energy to a party.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, for sure. But also, sometimes, if you thought dearth

[Bob the Drag Queen]

is gonna be good, sometimes you have a contrary opinion. It can be really cool to, like, have a really cool conversation at a party. If everyone's talking about Zodiac, I'm the one who will be like, I don't really know if I believe in the Zodiac. And then you might end up having actually a really fun and cool conversation.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Am I in my Monet experience?

[Monet X Change]

Shall we take on the next question?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You ever use that as some sort of a branding thing? In my Monet experience.

[Monet X Change]

And then you give advice on the exchange rate. The producers, they made a lot of money puns for me. We were notched for the money puns every second.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not a money pun, though. I mean.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, a pun or a play on my name. My show was full of them.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you think? Every Monet experience.

[Monet X Change]

I think we did use Monet xperience for something. Actually, I'm pretty sure we did.

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, hit it, Jacob.

[Caller Asking About Lip Filler]

I'm a lesbian in my 30s. Living in Los Angeles, and I've recently been touched by an angel. Got some lip filler, some other filler, and I'm very happy with the results. It's still a little bit odd looking in the mirror and seeing myself, but my question is, my friends are, you know, obviously they're noticing the difference. They're saying, wow, you're looking so good. You really, really look good. And. Which makes me feel a little bit conflicted. I mean, obviously that was the point. But part of me is like, well, when the fillers dissolve, how am I going to feel? Am I going to have to keep doing this the rest of my life? I want to, but then again, I'm feeling well. My self confidence shouldn't be based solely on my amount of lip filler. I don't know. I'm just wondering if you've ever experienced anything similar. Thank you. Love you both.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, considering your. What you said on the last episode. Do you want to take this one first, too?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So yesterday, one of my best friends called me out at work for having filler.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

In front of all of our co workers.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, let me say this. We were on the podcast and we were on the thing, and I was like, something looks different about your face. I don't know what it was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't know what.

[Monet X Change]

Bob could have said anything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I could have lied, but I chose not to lie. I could have been like, nothing. Literally nothing. So, yeah, I have had a scenario where a friend of mine in a professional space called me out for getting work done, and I have evidence to prove it. By the way, something about your face, what you do to your face.

[Monet X Change]

I did not do that. I said something was different.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But if it wasn't work, what would it be?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know what it would be. Maybe you don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't wash using a sculpting tool, bitch.

[Monet X Change]

You don't moisturize.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do moisturize.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I'm saying Laila tried to put you on, like, a school full skincare regimen that you don't do. Remember you started doing that. I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's literally shea butter right next to my.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. Shea butter for your face.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't use my face. But I'm saying I moisturize.

[Monet X Change]

I'm talking about skin care skin.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I do moisturize my face, too. You think my. You think my skin looks like this and I don't do.

[Monet X Change]

No, but a cleanser, a toner, a serum, an eye cream. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Toner's not moisturizer.

[Monet X Change]

Toner is part of a cleanser's not moisturizer.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't say it's not supportive skincare. I said. You said you don't moisturize.

[Monet X Change]

And I fixed. And I said you're right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Fix yourself.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm going to literally fix yourself real quick.

[Monet X Change]

The way I on site be like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet. I was thinking the other day, today you and I should do for the Patreon. We should play basketball. Will you beat me at basketball?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We need to play a game of 21.

[Monet X Change]

We need to do anything you can do. We need to do basketball, football and soccer.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You need teams to do football. There's no two person football. Yes, you can two person football. How?

[Monet X Change]

With the flag. You put the little flags and whoever gets the flag of the other person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But that's not.

[Producer/Interjector]

Indeed I can play football.

[Monet X Change]

Andy. Yeah. And me and Andy will fuck against Jacob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't want to embarrass him.

[Monet X Change]

Andy will pick up Jacob by his ankle and fucking Hercules Jacob across the motherfucking parking lot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't ever underestimate Jacob. That's your first mistake. Okay. Okay.

[Monet X Change]

Now let's do it. Then me and you.

[Caller Asking About Social Anxiety]

Just like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Andy was positive he was going to take me down in our little mercy game. Andy was like, oh, I'm gathering you. Within three seconds, your little boyfriend, who you were like, my boyfriend can gather. You was gathered.

[Aura Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you, you were on the podcast. Andy gonna whoop you up. Andy gonna this.

[Monet X Change]

Andy never said that.

[Producer/Interjector]

Yes, you did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I never did. Back when we talk about arm wrestling, you were like, get Andy. Andy gonna gather you. Andy gonna get you. Cause you all remember this. Jacob, do you remember any. Jacob, do you remember any of this specifically? We talk about arm wrestling. Monet was like, do Andy. Andy gonna get you.

[Monet X Change]

No, I did not.

[Producer/Interjector]

Yeah, she was. But I mean, that's kind of. I think she was more doing it as a bit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It doesn't matter. You said what you need to say. Monae said she didn'. Well, how about you. You and your boyfriend got gathered by me.

[Monet X Change]

How about you, Andy, going to the gym, do your little leg game?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jake goes to the gym five times a week.

[Monet X Change]

You know what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what?

[Monet X Change]

I'll see. You know, we'll. We'll put. We'll put Andy down. How about me and Patty versus you and your little boyfriend?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First of all, you, Andy, Jacob's going to beat your boyfriend up. Jacob goes to the gym literally five days a week. Jacob will literally beat your boyfriend.

[Monet X Change]

Jacob is literally like, Jacob is like, please ixnay on the beat up. Say, hey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob was like, jacob has been taking pole dancing class. He has very strong arms and legs. Jacob will literally beat your boyfriend up in his little fucking sober mobile. Andy about to get fucked up. You just sign Andy's fucking death certificate. You just put a hit out on your own boyfriend. You know what?

[Monet X Change]

You know what? You know what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We'll take a bite now.

[Monet X Change]

We will even let you invite another Paulie into the Cube, because it'll be two against three, and we'll still Mollywop. All three of y' all niggas is Andy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You better go say bye now to Andy. Cause Andy might not make it hometown.

[Monet X Change]

Cause you know what he's doing. He's at a motherfucking spin Spartan race, honey. Something that you and your boyfriend could never do. He's over here working on his motherfucking fitness, bitch. He's working on his fitness.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob. Handle it, Jacob. That's all I gotta say. Handle it, Jacob.

[Monet X Change]

We gonna get Jacob his little asthma pop.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob does not have asthma. How dare you. My baby is fit and healthy.

[Monet X Change]

Wow. I want to say there is nothing wrong with people who have asthma, y'.

[Caller Asking About Colorism]

All.

[Monet X Change]

Wow.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bob.

[Monet X Change]

There is nothing wrong with people who have it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, now back to this girl that had a lot to ask us on advisory the other day. Lesbian was good. You know, I think that your. Okay, let me say this. I thought about it the other day, too. So I went to this doctor. I did not know I was gonna talk about my fucking filler two episodes in a row. I went to the doctor. I mentioned to my publicist. I was like, I want to get a little lipo down here. I've mentioned this on the podcast before. I was like, I want to get a little light bulb right here. I went into the doctor. The doctor said, you actually don't have enough fat there to pull. That's not fat. That's actually muscle. You just have, like, a strong thing, and then you have sub. Sub something.

[Monet X Change]

Fat meaning subdermal.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's not. It wasn't something. He's a different word. It was like sub muscular. Whatever. It's not. It's not bleak skin. It's like. It's like fat beneath them. But he's like, it's just part of. It's not like there. He's like, there's no working out you can do. Then get rid of it. There's no lipo. It's just part of who you are. You have a thick layer of muscle and then some fat underneath that. But what you actually need to do is just get your chin. Either an implant or you can do filler, which is less permanent, will go away after about a year and a half. And some people just go back and do it every couple years. And your worth should not be based on how you, how people view you. I was thinking about this today. I was watching. Me and Jacob were watching episode three of We're Here Today, and Shangela's Drag Kid in St. George, Utah, was, was talking about how, how, how nice it feels to be seen as a man, to be seen as a guy, to not be seen as a girl. He's trans masculine. And of course the part of me is like, well, what does it matter how people view you? But also what really matters, how you view yourself. If that makes you feel good, there's nothing wrong with doing that. There's nothing wrong with. There's nothing wrong with getting up and doing your hair every day. That's is it. It takes more effort to do your hair every day or get a haircut every couple of weeks that, than it does to get filler once a, once every year and a half. There's, there's nothing wrong with doing something to your body, but society's made you believe that, that if it's, if it's cosmetic or if it's some sort of a cosmetic procedure, that there's something wrong with this bad. Dyeing your hair is really no different to me than getting Botox. In fact, dyeing your hair takes longer.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you have, and you have to do it more frequently. There's nothing wrong with liking the way you look with lip filler. Do not let society tell you that getting filler or getting Botox or getting liposuction or getting an eyebrow lift or going on a diet or staying off a diet or gaining some weight or losing some weight. You want to pick up pounds, you want to lose pounds. If it makes you feel good and it doesn't feel negative to you, then I think you should do it.

[Monet X Change]

I agree. And if you have people who you feel like are judging you for this, whether it be, albeit friends or family, I think that's when you can have a conversation and be like, hey, I don't like that you guys say this about my filler or my, or whatever I'm doing, I don't like it. It doesn't make me feel good. If there are people now, if there are strangers that you feel are judging you, I mean, I don't think it's worth having A conversation with them. Bitch, what strangers think about you. I have a tattoo on my back. What others think of you is none of your business. So if it's strangers, whatever. But if they're close friends or family or partner, then I think since you're a lesbian, it's a girlfriend or girlfriend prospect. If they're the ones making you feel strange or weird about it, then I think having a conversation about it. Because these are people that you'll have to deal with forever or a long time. So it's not worth being uncomfortable because you don't want to say something. I say, say something so you can eliminate that part of it. But, yeah, bitch, do what you want. I am all about cosmetic surgery. I'm like, bitch, live your life. I'm all about going to the gym as much as you want, dyeing your hair. Like, live life is too motherfucking short to not be happy to look how you want to look for the time that you are alive on this fucking earth. Cause a lot of people are dead and didn't get a chance to do it. So I'm all about doing what you want to your body to make yourself happy, Period.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How lucky are you to live in 2022 and you get to have lip filler? People in the 60s were just like, I just got these little paper cuts

[Monet X Change]

or bitch people in the early 90s. I know people, old gays from the 90s that got filler back then, and it wasn't what it is now. And bitch, their shit is fucked up because the science was different. And like, back then, the science, it would clump up. So sometimes you see people who used to get filler back in the 90s, and their lips are kind of like. They kind of misshape him because of how the filler ended up aging. Cause it wasn't great stuff back then. So you're in a time where it looks good now and it will later. So, bitch, use it, abuse it, and be fierce.

[Caller Asking About Colorism]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And if you have a friend that calls you out, you know what? They're probably jealous. All right, go ahead.

[Monet X Change]

Honestly. Cause that bitch is broke and they can afford the filler you got.

[Caller Asking About Social Anxiety]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If a friend calls you out at work for about it, they're probably broke and jealous.

[Monet X Change]

100%. Absolutely.

[Caller Asking About Colorism]

Like, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, go ahead. What's the next one? Jacob?

[Caller Asking About Colorism]

Hi, Monet and Bob. My question is, how do you guys feel about colorism in the dating aspect? I'm 21, and a lot of guys, they don't even pay me any mind because I'M a dark skinned woman and I feel like I have to do more to look pleasing. But if a light skinned woman just steps out the house, she's automatically attractive just because the complexion of her skin. I don't get a lot of attention because of that. It might be where I'm from, but how do you guys feel about that? Do you witness a lot of that?

[Monet X Change]

I think colorism is something that is very pervasive in our society, whether it be dating, friendships, work, whatever. Like it's a, it's a very real conversation and not just for black folk, for other, for other ethnic groups too. You know, it is a very big thing. And as it pertains to dating, I hear a lot of people talk about this and I, you know, they have to have two minds about it. One mind is, well, bitch, kind of like with gays, like with like, I don't want, I don't want, I don't want any femmes, I don't want any fats, whatever. I'm like, well, I don't want you either. Like, if not, if you're not looking for that, then thank God you're putting it on front street because then I don't want to fucking fuck you or suck your dick or date you if that's your mindset. So my mind is like, if someone doesn't want to be with you because you have darker skin. And I'm like, well, thank you for letting me know because I'm not wasting my time. But also the moral aspect of it is like, bitch, like, what the fuck is wrong with you? What kind of self loathing and self hate do you have towards your own people? That because my skin is darker that you don't want to date me or you don't find me attractive? It's really fucked up. And I think it's just a lot of work that we have to keep on doing and calling it out. Now I'm saying I don't think you want to get into a screaming match with some person on a dating app that doesn't want to date you because you're darker skin. I'm like, that, I wouldn't want to do that either. But I think it takes us societally to like mention it and doing like things on this podcast or someone that may be listening and who is perpetuating that behavior. Calling it out now, unless you submitting your question to have this conversation out loud I think is steps to helping solve the problem and helping people realize their own racial biases for people in their community.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I would say, whenever I hook up with someone who's dark skinned, it is so wild. I remember this one guy who's dark skinned. Whenever we have sex, I'd be like, we literally look like one person. I literally can't tell where I end and where you begin.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, that's the lyric, bitch. Let me write that down.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I want money. And if I hear you, and if I hear you fucking sing it at all, run me a check. Evidence right here. Anyway, and anyway, that's just a total side note. You know, colorism is so serious and it is so real. And I am, I am pretty dark skinned. You know, I come from a pretty dark skinned family. We are. My nickname in elementary school was Blackie. And as a reminder, I went to an all black elementary school. So they called me Blackie because I was like the blackest, one of the blackest of the blacks. And it was so. It was just not fun. Like, man, it was shit. It felt like shit. It felt so, so, so bad as a child. I answer right now, if you're out there listening to me right now, listen to me. This is real. And I was thinking, I didn't want to tweet it because it just felt like so weird to say to tweet, but I need to say this somewhere. Never ever tell a kid they're ugly. You cannot ever tell a kid that. I'm telling you guys, you can't do that to a child. That is something that a child will, can probably never recover from. If you tell a kid they're ugly, it is in the back of your mind till the day you die. Because you're so formative when you're young and when someone tells you that you're ugly, especially a bunch of other kids or like an adult, that shit can really fuck you up.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So anyway, I got that off my chest. But I think that Monet is right. Like, honestly, it sounds so basic, but it is their loss. It is their loss if they don't want to be with you because you're, because you're dark skinned and coloring is really, really rough. Especially I feel like, especially I feel personally a lot amongst the straights. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know what it is with like, with like straight guys specifically saying out loud the words like no

[Monet X Change]

dark skinned girls like Chris Brown, that's. Go ahead, sing your thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, that's pretty much it. What did you say about Chris Brown?

[Monet X Change]

Well, because, you know, because Chris Brown was, he was supposed to be honored at the AMAs he was supposed to be honored at the AMAs for doing. They wanted to do some dance, but the AMAs pulled his performance or they decided not to go with it. I guess maybe some people were like, chris Brown, like, did y' all forget? And people were like, oh, man, he apologized to Rihanna. Rihanna forgive him. Why can't y' all move on? And then Kelly Rowland was like, uh, we not gonna do that. And I'm like, it's not just the Rihanna thing. Like, also, that is Rihanna's choice to forgive him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Kelly Roland said, we're not gonna forgive him or we're not gonna not forgive him.

[Monet X Change]

We're not gonna not forgive. Because she was announcing it. She was like, and the window is Chris Brown. And people were like, booing. She was like, we're not doing that. And she's like, chris Brown, I love you, support you, blah, blah, blah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Kelly Rowland supports Chris Brown.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I'm like.

[Monet X Change]

And first of all, that's Rihanna's problem. As a person who was digesting pop culture, I saw that. And I can choose myself and us as a general public can choose whether or not, like, how we feel about the situation. But not just that Chris Brown is so vocal about light skins only and him not wanting to go with dark skinned girls and stuff like that. So I'm like, it's not just a Rihanna thing. There are other layers as to why Chris Brown and the colorism thing being such a big issue in the black community. To have really big black entertainers who are very popular in the community say shit like that only helps perpetuate the behavior by other dudes and people in the community.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Didn't Chris Brown get into like a fight with Frank Ocean over some, like, homophobic shit?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know. Did he?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Apparently Chris Brown and Frank Ocean got into like a huge fight, apparently. And apparently Frank Ocean was throwing hands.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah. Chris Brown and Chris Brown and Frank Ocean Twitter beef.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I think it became, I think that, let's see, it got real in the real world.

[Monet X Change]

Chris Brown tweeted, I fuck with Frank Ocean. It reminds me of a young James Fauntleroy or Kevin Costum. I don't know who that is. And then he. And if Frank Ocean said, I fucked with Chris Brown reminds me of a young Cisco or Ike Turner.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, wait.

[Monet X Change]

And then Frank Ocean said, I just don't under. I just don't understand underhanded comments. That's all I'm saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Does Frank Ocean literally have no Chill. Frank Ocean has two settings. Calling you Ike Turner or selling you a $40,000 cock ring. This is crazy.

[Monet X Change]

Uh huh. No, Chris Brown is wild. It was a compliment, you bitch ass nigga. Everybody came to be the devil till they meet him. And then she was just, they were just going back and forth.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So is Chris Brown saying he's the devil?

[Producer/Interjector]

Chris Brown tried to shake Frank Ocean's hand and Frank Ocean was like, no, thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Honestly, Frank Ocean better work.

[Producer/Interjector]

And then Chris and then allegedly. This is where the stories get kind of murky. In some accounts, it looks like Chris Brown punched him in the face. At some other point, it just looks like other people started fighting. And then and through. In that fight, somebody in Brown's crew called Frank Ocean a faggot and that. So, yeah, it started fighting.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You call me a slur. You were thinking of the whole time, like if we fight and you call me a slur that's been in your mind the whole time. Do you feel that way, Mona?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How do we even get on this?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know. I was talking about colorism and Chris Brown, but yeah. So is this from the, is this

[Bob the Drag Queen]

from the lip injections question? The light skin question?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. So long story short, again, I think that us having this conversation and the dialogue is important, but it's something that's so heavily embedded in our culture.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is that colorism in St. Lucia?

[Monet X Change]

I honestly know, maybe I was so young, I didn't realize. And going back, I don't realize it now. I'm sure people who live there may have a different experience, but I don't. Like, they were just black people. And the thing that stuck out was a few, when I was young, few white people that lived on the island. But you have any light skinned? They were, yeah, like light skin. Light skinned and dark skinned. West Indian people in Jamaica, it's a very big thing. Like a lot of, you know, a lot of Jamaicans. Yeah. Because so, so much so that a lot of people in Jamaica who are dark skinned, they, they bleach their skin to be light skin. But that's not a thing in St. Lucia at all.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, unicolorism is huge. And it's like really intense. Specifically South Korea and Brazil and Cuba.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, Cuba. Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah, in Cuba. Oh my God. The colorism is apparent. I've never been to Cuba, but from what I hear, the colorism is like really intense in Cuba because there's a lot of. There's a lot of black Cubans.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And also in like The Dominican. The Dominican Republic. Which is why. A lot of. Which is why some people are saying a lot of Dominicans say they're not black no matter how black they look, because they just don't want to be black. Black. Like.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, Jacob, next question.

[Caller from Saudi Arabia]

Hi, Bob and Monet. So I'm a 22 year old gay person living here in Saudi Arabia, which is a very homophobic environment, both inside of my house and outside of my house. And I really want to be able to express my gender identity and my sexuality and my drag, but I really cannot. The circumstances don't allow it. And I won't be able to for the next coming years. Not. Not until I graduate college and try to immigrate. I just wanted to ask, like, what advice would you give to someone trying to survive being in the closet for a long time and feeling depressed about it? Thank you very much. I love the podcast.

[Monet X Change]

That's a tough one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That makes me very sad. I'm very sad hearing that.

[Monet X Change]

I know. I got very sad. Same, same. Because it's just in that kind of. In their tone. It's just they just sound so defeated. And I cannot. I cannot imagine living in a space and not being able to express yourself freely and to be the. That sounds very sad. And also, you live in a country that you may be pursued by law, like, you may be in jail. You could. I mean, I don't know the exact laws in the Middle east, but you know what, it sounds like you could be stoned or some crazy thing. So I don't even want to give any advice to put you in danger of any of that stuff.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It sounds so terrifying. There's a company called Rainbow Railroad which helps people seek asylum and get out of places where they feel like they're in danger, specifically queer people. It's called Rainbow Railroad. It's really, honestly one of the most sickening charities I've ever come across in my life. They help people get out of very, very scary places and get them to safety and help them seek asylum. But, you know, the thing about seeking asylum is if you seek asylum, you can't go back.

[Producer/Interjector]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, you have to give up everything. You can only reach out to your family via Zoom or if they come to. To you. That's what you don't realize about asylum. So, like, when everyone's like, just go seek asylum. Like, you can, like, people who seek us out. Like, I have a. We have a friend who seeks asylum from Russia, a drag queen in New York City, and she can never go home again, ever. She literally cannot go back home. Yeah, that is so. Yeah, it sounds. It's just really sad. You know, I think that your safety is really important and I think that happiness is a part of safety. And I think you have to weigh what's important to you and what feels urgent and what you need now. You know, maybe what you need now is a home, but maybe what you need down the line is queer community. Maybe you can find queer community online in a way that maybe your family won't see it by, like listening to this podcast. Maybe there's queer people that you can talk to online. I'm afraid to even say meet them in person because my God, that sounds so scary.

[Caller from Saudi Arabia]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But thank God we live on the Internet now. We're in the digital age.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I just hope that one day you're in a place where you can feel free to be yourself and hold hands with who you want to hold hands with and be the kind of person you want to be. It just sounds. I really count my lucky stars every day that I live in a place where that's not the case for me.

[Monet X Change]

And often something that happens in fucking nature. And like people, Christians, they try to say, it's not natural.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bitch.

[Monet X Change]

It is so natural. Fucking mad animals do it. Dolphins, lions, bitch. Penguins. They develop same sex relationships and they adopt and raise baby penguins together. How much more natural can it get?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what they don't do in nature? Praise the Lord, Worship Jesus. There's no religion in nature. That's what they don't. That's what's not natural. Is anyone ever going to talk about that?

[Monet X Change]

That's a good point.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's no zebras worshiping the Lord out here.

[Monet X Change]

You make some.

[Caller Asking About Social Anxiety]

You know what? You should become?

[Monet X Change]

You should become. You know how they have the Antichrist. You should be an anti pastor. You should be an anti rabbi. You had some very good points. It does not happen in nature.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Never. Not once. There are no maybe in the Lion King. In the movie the Lion King, it did happen. But as far as I know, there are no Christian giraffes.

[Monet X Change]

That's a good point. You're so smart sometimes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My little bishop with his little. A little giraffe. I saw a video of a giraffe recently and I was like, my God, giraffes look crazy. A giraffe is fully a dinosaur. Like, when you look at a giraffe, you're like, this is insane. Have you ever seen one in real life?

[Monet X Change]

Not in real life. Oh, I did actually. Andy And I went on a safari.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They look like dinosaurs. I feel the same way about ostriches and emus. Emus look. Crazy pitch on Reddit the other day.

[Monet X Change]

I was scrolling through Reddit. I don't know what page I follow on Reddit, but it was ostrich just running through traffic. And then it got hit by a car. And that bitch got up, it fucking kicked the car and then went on his merry way. I was like, these motherfuckers are crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And ostrich can run like 40 miles an hour or something.

[Monet X Change]

It's crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, they are so scary.

[Monet X Change]

Have you ever seen that lady on TikTok who like, she's like 43 miles an hour?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The one who's like this to the ostrich?

[Caller Asking About Lip Filler]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And she like stops them. I'm like, bitch, that thing look like it's gonna get her.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

It's not an ostrich. It's like an emu or something like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ostriches and giraffes look insane. I saw a giraffe online and then I was like, this just doesn't even look like a real creature. This long ass neck and you know the way they do. You know how giraffes give birth?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah. Standing up.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The baby just falls.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hits a dip on birth, gets up and starts catwalking. Like, gets up and just gets tens across the board.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Jerusalem I've never seen, you know, years ago. And if y' all are listening, I am sorry. I've had to cancel the gig so many times. I'm gonna have my people reach back out to me because I want to go. I definitely want to go. The gig in south, in Cape Town, in Johannesburg. I really want to go. Trinity did it and Detox did it. And they said, girl, I can't recommend this gig enough. It's such a good time. And I was like, I know it's a good time. Something just. There's always something going on with my schedule. I have many years ago. So I want to go and I want to see and touch the animals. I want to be amongst my people. The giraffes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You think you're a giraffe for sure. What do they look like to you?

[Monet X Change]

A pin.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's like a superhero with a cape.

[Monet X Change]

You're one of those kids. You're one of those kids that had to play with pins and put post its on it as a thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We didn't all grow up with billion dollar Lego sets.

[Monet X Change]

I didn't have imagination. I needed the real thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So please forgive Us. Those of us who had to resort to pins, you'll forgive us.

[Monet X Change]

That was you. No, I'd also. I wasn't a kid.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I did.

[Monet X Change]

I didn't make kiddie sounds. I didn't do stuff like, pew, pew. That was not me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You sound like you were real fun.

[Monet X Change]

That wasn't me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You sound like. You must have been a riot to hang out with this child.

[Monet X Change]

I couldn't do it with the fake shit. I needed the real shit. I was playing my Nintendo 64.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You never played pretend?

[Monet X Change]

No. Cause it wasn't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Damn, that shit sounds sad as hell. You never played make believe. You never had play. Play nothing?

[Monet X Change]

No, I was real.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you ever believe in Santa Claus?

[Monet X Change]

I did. I think as late as, like, seven.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did you have a tooth fairy Easter bunny?

[Monet X Change]

We did not have a tooth fairy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We hid.

[Monet X Change]

We dug up eggs on Easter. But I know that my mom did it. It wasn't no damn bunny.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're like, we know. You were probably smug about it, too.

[Producer/Interjector]

Dug up eggs like they were buried underneath the ground.

[Monet X Change]

Well, no, they would put them in, like, a plant or they put them in, like, our yard.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We had a yard.

[Monet X Change]

So they'd be, like, all over the. All over the ground.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you watching your mom hide the eggs and then just picking them up where you saw her put them down?

[Monet X Change]

No, she would do them when we weren't looking.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You was like, mm.

[Monet X Change]

While she was hiding the eggs, I was getting the goat in the pan.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The curry. Curry good.

[Monet X Change]

I was like, this bitch thinks she's slick. I was like, yeah, Ma, go hide the eggs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We didn't really do. We did Easter eggs at church. We never did them at home, though.

[Monet X Change]

Back when. Back when you were arming your arsenal with your antichrist rhetoric.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not.

[Monet X Change]

When I.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When I studied, honey.

[Monet X Change]

You know, it's not natural animals praising the Lord.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was like, you know, there should be some sort of a. Like, kind of. But, like, imagine there was, like, a church, but it's not actually church. It's just, like, healing group therapy that you go to. To get good advice from. From a person who is kind of pastoral. But, I mean, honestly, it's aa, but, like. But, like, you don't have to be sober for it. You can just go to this place, get good advice, and it doesn't have to be through the guise of, like, the Lord.

[Monet X Change]

I think the same thing. But do it with, like, mushrooms or, like, acid or, like, ayahuasca. That's even more healing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe we should start our own thing.

[Monet X Change]

I think okay, but I don't think that's a cult.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm going to stop that before it gets out of control. That's a cult, and we're not doing that. We need to move.

[Monet X Change]

Let's do it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's go to the next question.

[Monet X Change]

Jacob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They try to start a cult.

[Monet X Change]

I bitch. You the one that would have started, not me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then the gas lighting.

[Monet X Change]

This is crazy.

[Caller Seeking Advice on Jealousy]

I hope you guys are doing really good. So basically, I need advice on just, like, how to not, like, be jealous over, like. Like, just boys. Like, that shit is dumb. And I. It's. I hate it. And I hate that I'm like that. But, like, I don't know. It's like, if anything ever makes me jealous, if I'm, like, talking to a boy or whatever, I'm like, oh, who cares? Like, no need to be jealous, blah, blah, blah. But 10 minutes later, and I'm sitting there mad because I'm jealous. And it's stupid. So any advice is greatly appreciated. Love you both. You're both so amazing. And. Yeah, thank you.

[Monet X Change]

Jealous of other boys or jealous.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think you mean jealous of, like, his partner talking to boys.

[Monet X Change]

Got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think. Unless you're just jealous of, like, your friends being, like, successful or your friend. I was. There are times where I get very jealous of people who aren't. I'm not dating, but, like, you ever had a friend who just. Who, like, gets all the people you want and you're like, that was like everyone I've ever wanted to hook up with, you've hooked up with? This is crazy.

[Monet X Change]

I don't think so, actually.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Me either, actually. But anyway, so may I offer this notion? Jealousy is a symptom. It is not the illness. It is just a symptom of something else. Often it is a symptom of insecurity. So that's where you have to work on the insecurity. And then I think that if you work on the insecurity, then the symptoms of your insecurity will be lessened over time. So if you're insecure about whether or not your partner really loves you, maybe work on your relationship. If you're insecure about. If your partner thinks you're sexy, maybe talk to your partner about that. Maybe you will learn that your sexiness is not actually derived in your physical beauty or that your sexiness is not actually in competition with anyone else's beauty. You know what I mean? Maybe your insecurity is in whether or not your partner thinks you're funny and he thinks that these people he has a better connection with other people. And then you might realize that your partner actually loves your connection and he doesn't want it to be different. He just likes having different connections with other people too. I mean, so I would say, I would look at the symptom. I mean, look at the cause of the symptom as opposed to looking at the jealousy as if it's the end all, be all.

[Monet X Change]

I think that's great advice. I also want to offer this to you too. Is that like, let's say someone is like, you are not. You're not going to be every single thing that your partner wants. There's always going to be someone prettier, funnier, smarter, more in shape or whatever. Like there's no way that you can be the motherfucking super thanos of life to your partner. So I think that accepting that truth to be.

[Aura Advertiser]

To.

[Monet X Change]

To be truth, and that's a big step in it. Also talking to your partner kind of in line with what Bob is saying, having these conversations with your partner and being vocal and honest about it. It's another big part of the puzzle in that because I feel like once you are allowing yourself to be like, hey, babe, this is what I'm feeling, and this is why I feel that way, then that opens up your partner as well to maybe affirm you more, to maybe spend time with you more, or to just make things to help you feel better in that thing. But just know, you have to know in your mind that you would never be the hottest, the funniest, the tallest, the prettiest, like no one can will be, that there was always going to be something else better. But just having a strong foundation and having open and honest conversation with your partner is a. Is a valuable way and a good way in my opinion to remedy that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You also don't need to be all that stuff. And I say there's always something better. There's always something different. You know what I mean? And each people value things differently. And you also just. You don't like if you. I think personally, if you feel the need to be your partner's everything, there's a much, much more important conversation to be had. Because you have to be you. You have to be your everything, not your partner's everything. Be your everything.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, my. Is that Mary J. Blige? You're my everything. And everything is you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't recognize that lyric. Oh, and everything is you. Yeah, you know, I was wrong. I do recognize that lyric, actually. I just didn't. You weren't Singing it.

[Monet X Change]

Thank you, Bob, for pointing that. I wasn't singing it. Duh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just don't know if you know what singing is technically or not. I don't know if you know what singers.

[Monet X Change]

Jacob. Next question, please.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Divine singing.

[Aura Advertiser]

Hey, Bob and Monet. My name is Nathan, I'm 30 years old. I am based in Bristol in the UK. I am a queer, non binary person of colour and recently I have put on a bit of weight. I fluctuate with my weight anyway. But since the lockdown I have, I've like got the biggest that I've ever been and I love my body, I am very comfortable in my skin, but I am really struggling, struggling to express myself in the ways that I usually do in terms of the way that I dress. And this is difficult for me because this means that I am basically just dressing very in quotation marks mask most of the time and not really exploring that femme in quotation marks side of me. And I was just wondering if you had any advice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's their name again?

[Monet X Change]

Fun fact.

[Producer/Interjector]

Cody.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know, I don't remember. Go ahead,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nathan.

[Monet X Change]

Nathan, how did you get Cody from the Haitian?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know.

[Monet X Change]

Fun fact about Bristol, when I did my first Wonder Woman show, Call Me by Monet, when I took it to the uk, bitch, Bristol was my first city. They lost my bags in Bristol and then I didn't have it for Bristol, didn't have it for Dublin, and then they showed up in Glasgow like three days later. But I had. So it was just local queens bringing things to the show so that I could wear it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bristow.

[Monet X Change]

Bristow. So as someone whose weight fluctuates a lot, but I mean, I've always been on the thicker side my entire life. I've lost a little weight in my adult year, but I've always been a thick bitch. And I think that if your body's changing and you say that you put on a little weight since COVID I think to start embracing that fem side again, I think you have to take some time to love on your thicker self. Like something that I did was that I would just like Bob talking about my nudes, I would just take naked pictures of myself and take naked videos of myself and look at myself and be like, bitch, this is hot, this is sexy. And I would just like look in the mirror and just affirm what I was seeing in the camera, what I was seeing in the mirror and like taking that time to be like, this looks good. I think this is sexy. I better Work. And I think that that was a big part of building my confidence in how my body was changing and me truly coming to love myself because it took me a long time to get here, right? And we talk about on the podcast, you know, how we look at old pictures of ourselves and be like, not this, Colleen. Get down from there. We talk about, why don't we talk to cats?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, as if cats gonna listen. Cats be like, nigga, I heard you and I'm not doing it. That's how cats look at people.

[Monet X Change]

And then, you know, we look at old pictures of myself and be like, I was so hard on myself and I was small back then. And I think when I realized that was happening, I would really, like go and like, do the work of looking at my body and taking pictures and video of myself and be like, I look sexy, I look hot. What of it? And also drag. Giving myself the liberty to love myself in drag was a big part also that journey to loving my body and myself and what I looked like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've gained a lot of weight over the years. I do not quite fluctuate. I just kind of just keep going

[Monet X Change]

up,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

you know, from when I started drag, I've legitimately gained 60 pounds from when I started doing Dragon. 60 pounds. That is a lot of person. It does not help that I was very skinny. I was skin knee when I started doing drag and now I am someone's uncle. I'm a several someone's uncles, to be quite frank. And that's just kind of how my body has changed over the years. My body, that's just what my body's grown into. I could probably do something to change it. But as we, as we mentioned on the last podcast, I could either do the physical work it takes to change my body or the mental work it takes to love it. And I've chosen to, to do neither. A lot of people really resonated with that quote last time I said it. But the truth is I actually am working to try to, you know, to love my body. That was actually more of a bit than actual, than actual truth. And you know, my gender expression has definitely changed over the years throughout my aging and my weight gain. You know, I will to get this, but this is a picture of me when I was like 25 and I was like 180 pounds and I was dressing the way I'm dressing there, which is like a black shirt and some black jeans and I was just like skinny and at the club, like living my dreams. And this is a picture of me around like 240, which is what I am at now, 60 pounds later, you know what I mean?

[Caller Seeking Advice on Jealousy]

And

[Bob the Drag Queen]

something interesting that I realized is like, Nathan, there is someone out there who is very into your body. Oh, baby. Someone's into your body. Someone is very into the way Nathan's shaped right now. Someone out there is. It wants to fucking slurp up on some Nathan right now. Somebody wants that thick, non binary Bristol bussy, baby. And somebody wants it to day, honey.

[Monet X Change]

All right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And there was nothing wrong with. There's nothing wrong with getting affirmations from people who you from hearing people tell me that I was sexy really helped me out. Oh, my God. Helped me so much. Having someone affirm you and your beauty. Oh, my God, that can do a lot. There's nothing wrong with asking for that and searching for that. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about it.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, I agree. Sorry, Colleen. Jump. I got nervous.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Put your cat down stairs, please.

[Monet X Change]

I shan't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're not going to acknowledge that really brilliant bit? You're such a hater these days. I don't know what's got into you. You're a hater these days.

[Monet X Change]

We probably have time for one more question, so we should take the question, Bob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we have time is for you to acknowledge that I am. That was funny.

[Producer/Interjector]

That was our last question.

[Aura Advertiser]

Oh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So why don't we spend the rest of these last six minutes talking about our problems?

[Producer/Interjector]

Or you can talk about what you thought about Black Panther 2. We haven't discussed in the podcast yet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We need to talk. Money needs to address the issue. The elephant in the room,

[Producer/Interjector]

her opinion on Black Panther 2. That would be a really good topic. Bob. What did you think of Black Panther 2?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I thought that it was as funny as me. What do you think, Monet? Do you think Black Panther 2 is as funny as me?

[Monet X Change]

I thought M'. Baku. I loved M' Baku's role in the film. I loved him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, if I'm being very serious.

[Monet X Change]

And he's Trinidadian. Did you know that he's West Indian? Bitch, I know that you hate West Indians and you talk about Korean people all the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, what?

[Monet X Change]

We all know it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why would I hate West Indians?

[Monet X Change]

We have nothing to do about your behaviors on this podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we know how you feel about Southerners and there's a lot of Southerners who listen to this podcast.

[Monet X Change]

Some of my favorite dick is from the South.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. Okay. Well, you fetishize our dick. What about our way of life? Honey, my honest thoughts about Black Panther 2 Wakanda Forever. You know, it was long, and I. Okay, we need to. Obviously. Spoiler alert. We're throwing out a spoiler alert to you all.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Blank Panther 2 was long, Mama. It was giving long. It could have been shorter. I really do feel that way. It was really weird to see them pay tribute to a dead character who's also a dead person. Like, they were paying tribute to t', Challa, but also paying tribute to Chadwick Boseman.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Which was very interesting. I wasn't in love with, like, the racial fighting between the indigenous Mexicans or the indigenous North Americans and the black people.

[Monet X Change]

The Mesoamericans.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mesoamericans. Thank you. Between the Mesoamericans and the black folks, I was like, why we gotta be fighting? Like, when we could be fighting Julia Louise Dreyfus, who's over here actively plotting all of our downfall. Let's go fight the vice president. Let's go fight Veep.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I think they're trying to give. They're trying to build up. Build up to that. So they did it in this thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I want to fight Veep now. I want to fight like. Like, I don't. I don't want to fight these fucking Mesoamericans. I want to fight the vice president. Honey.

[Monet X Change]

My. My qualm was that. I thought it was a good movie. I wish. I wish. The. I go. Listen, I go to Marvel movies for the fighting and the. And, like, the crazy fight scenes. And the first Black Panther movie, the fight scenes were so fucking good in it. And in this one, I feel like the fiercest one was the one with Okoye and one of the. They're not Atlantans. What are they called? Tolo Khan.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't remember. It was hard to pronounce.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. One of. One of the Mesoamericans and Okoye, when they fought on the bridge in Boston, to me, that was the fiercest fight scene. And the big fight scene that we build up to the end, it just felt a little anticlimactic. There was like a. There was like, a few moments. But normally the final fight scene in these Marvel movies, they're always fucking fierce. And you live. Then you leave the theater like, oh, my God, that was so good. So I was upset that I didn't get, like, my full. My. My. The fighting scenes that I wanted in Black Panther.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And Black Panther was getting her ass whooped. She was getting beat the fuck up. I was like, she's getting whooped up, honey. Beat down. I was like, my God, this is not looking good at all. She got the powers and didn't do nothing. I was like, what is going on?

[Monet X Change]

Well, you know. Cause t' Challa was like. He was like an expert warrior and like a good fighter. And Shuri's claim to Black Pantherism or like we've seen, is that she's really smart. So like you would think that she would give herself like gadgets and stuff to give her a leg up. And like those two little hand things she made he crushed Oath in the first second of combat. They were gone.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Make her like Iron man or something. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

Like super smart, right?

[Producer/Interjector]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Cause she is super smart.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But use your technology the way Iron man does. Or the way that college girl was doing Ironheart. A college girl named Ironheart?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. She's gonna be Ironheart in this series. She's Iron Man's protege. Well, she becomes a new Iron man

[Producer/Interjector]

and her spin off Marvel show is the one that Shay's in.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Wow. So you don't. You know, why do you hate Shay? Shay has nothing but support you. Your little black, black nativity show. What's it called? Umoja. No, what is the show? With Bibi and you and Pap and Shay. Oh, my God.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why do you hate BB Pep and Shay? Why do you hate me? BB Pep and Shay? Why do you hate all of us? That's the real question. I'm not telling you. Why do you tell me why you hate all of us? And I'll tell you the name of it. Why did you decline an invitation to be a part of it?

[Monet X Change]

That is. I have explained the story 19 times. I did not decline it. Y' all know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why did you decline?

[Monet X Change]

Y' all know

[Bob the Drag Queen]

from the other black creators.

[Monet X Change]

That's not what happened. And y' all know that's not what happened.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why you want to be on a separate. Why do you think you're better than all the other black girls?

[Monet X Change]

Nativity. Umoja.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, it's called Jumanji.

[Monet X Change]

What is the name?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's called Nubia.

[Monet X Change]

Nubia.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then you. You belittle it and laugh at it by calling it Umaji and Jubambwe. Jaboodi.

[Producer/Interjector]

You are.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is the way you want to separate yourself from all the black girls and belittle what we've created.

[Monet X Change]

That is not what happened. You're so ridiculous.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You think you're better than us.

[Monet X Change]

I do not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you better than us? Are you better than. Are you better than me?

[Monet X Change]

I'm definitely better than you Are you better than Pap? I'm better than you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you better than Pap?

[Monet X Change]

I'm better than you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you better than Bibi?

[Monet X Change]

I'm better than you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you better than Shay?

[Monet X Change]

Are you better than you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you better than Mohart?

[Monet X Change]

I'm better than you. So the question thing. So the question is, if you think you're better than all of them? That I guess I am.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you're better than all them?

[Monet X Change]

If I'm better than you, how do you rate yourself next to these queens?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wow. I think we're equals.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, so I guess we're equal, then.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. So if you're better than me and we're equals, you're better than all of them?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I guess.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But you know how math works, mama. You ever heard the transitive property, Mama?

[Monet X Change]

I don't. But I know how meth works, and I'm about to do something right now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So. By the transitive property, you think you're better than all y'?

[Caller Asking About Colorism]

All?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You heard it. Monet's better than every other black queen who's ever existed. I'm sorry y' all had to find out this way.

[Monet X Change]

You know what? Me, Vixen and Tamisha Iman, we gonna start our own thing called Khadijah. Khadijah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And on that note, y' all have a wonderful thank you for listening to Sibling Advisory. Goodbye, everyone.

[Monet X Change]

You are w.