Sibling Advicery: Drag Sisters/Opening Up

Summary

Sibling Rivalry Podcast

Episode: Sibling Advicery: Drag Sisters/Opening Up
Date: October 25, 2023
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

This “Sibling Advicery” edition of Sibling Rivalry features Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change delivering their signature banter and candid, comedic advice. The episode's main theme is providing honest, humorous responses to listener questions about drag community, queer-friendly travel, relationship boundaries, polyamory, personal organization, and more. As always, the duo’s chemistry blends personal anecdotes, sharp jokes, and real-life wisdom, reminding listeners their advice is for entertainment only.

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Key Segments, Insights, and Memorable Moments

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1. Quick Banter & Technical Difficulties

[00:28–08:00]

• Opening Disclaimer:
  Bob issues a reminder that neither are experts in any professional field:

  "All our advice is just for entertainment purposes only. So lamente entertainment." – Bob [00:38]

• Drag Expertise?
  Jacob teases them about not being drag experts, prompting Bob’s trademark self-deprecation:

  "I'm just some who won drag race by accident." – Bob [00:56]

• Travel Woes & Equipment Drama:
  Bob expresses irritation about missing equipment while on tour, fueling playful shade:

  "Of course, you take delight in one of me being annoyed, which annoys me even more." – Bob [01:39]
  "How do you explain the last 13 years of your career, Monét?" – Bob [02:37]

• Wig Nostalgia & Costume Care:
  Discussion of iconic drag wigs and the concept of archiving drag costumes, referencing Raja and Madonna’s archival habits:

  "I was thinking about finding a place that does archival… because it’s more than just keeping it." – Bob [05:23]

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2. Listener Question: Importance of Drag Family/Sisterhood

[11:15–17:15]

Question: Do you need a drag family or is it ok to be a loner in drag?

• Monét’s Experience:
  Monét explains that while personal growth in drag is possible solo, sisterhood brought her tips, friendship, and made drag more fun:

  "For me, it made drag more fun… the camaraderie, the bond… really spoke to me." – Monét [12:01]

• Bob’s Perspective:
  Bob recalls usually hanging out with drag sisters after gigs, emphasizing the value of community:

  "I love being around people, having friends, talking; I love community." – Bob [16:26]

• Examples of “loner” queens—Mahogany, Bella Biscotti—spark stories about New York’s scene and queens with larger-than-life personalities.

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3. Listener Question: Queer-Friendly International Travel Recommendations

[18:01–24:39]

Question: Where should a young queer person travel outside the US for a friendly, fun experience?

• Bob’s Picks:
  Brazil (noting political context but amazing gay nightlife—especially Rio de Janeiro), and London:

  "I did not feel nervous to be gay on the street… Brazil was a really lovely place to be an out queer person." – Bob [20:07]

• Monét’s Picks:
  Philippines, Korea, Tokyo, Australia (especially Bondi Beach), Puerto Vallarta, Tulum, Reykjavik (Iceland), and notably, Barbados’ LGBTQ+ initiatives:

  "Barbados is becoming probably the most queer-friendly Caribbean place." – Monét [22:55]

• Some humor about Atlanta and local pride ("Atlanta pops off, honey" – Bob [23:40]), and a rundown on US cities like San Francisco and New York.

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4. Listener Question: Relationship Boundaries & Social Media

[25:29–34:13]

Question: Partner goes through my messages/social media—how to set boundaries?

• Monét’s Advice:
  Strongly condemns precedent of snooping in messages:

  "That is no way to build anything in a relationship... It's starting from a very toxic place." – Monét [26:22]

• Bob Adds:
  On the importance of early boundary-setting and fostering trust:

  "It's less awkward down the road when people start to respect your boundaries." – Bob [27:58]

• Discussion moves to examples—some couples are okay with mutual phone access, but both agree enforced surveillance is unhealthy.

  "I can't wrap my mind around being interested in someone who does that because it sounds really gross and upsetting to me." – Bob [32:44]

• Tangent on what happens to privacy after death ("I'll be dead. I won't care." – Bob [34:31]).

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5. Listener Question: Polyamory, Communication & Relationship Growth

[40:46–50:09]

Question: After cheating and therapy, I realized I want polyamory, but my husband evades the conversation. How to proceed?

• Bob’s Take:
  Notes the pattern of poor communication and decision-making:

  "You're just making a bunch of bad decisions in a row and being like, why does this keep happening?" – Bob [42:14]

  Highlights necessity of open, honest dialogue—especially critical if polyamory is considered.

• Monét’s Input:
  Acknowledges polyamory demands secure communication and foundational trust:

  "If you are going to be polyamorous, you’re inviting more players on the field… you need to be foundationally secure first." – Monét [44:03]

  Suggestion: Have a frank, serious conversation, but be prepared for your partner to say no.

• Nuanced Debate:
  Bob questions the idea that you must "fix everything" before opening a relationship, instead arguing that relationships are always works in progress.

  "There's always something to work on in your relationship." – Bob [46:20]

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6. Listener Question: Staying Organized as Busy People

[51:00–56:29]

Question: How do you both stay organized?

• Monét:
  Google Calendar for everything—scheduling even the tiniest tasks:

  "Having a calendar with every little thing on there… is very helpful for me." – Monét [53:19]

• Bob:
  Not a neat freak but relies totally on Google tools for schedule, documents, reminders:

  "I can’t even express how much I rely on Google Calendars. It’s kind of crazy actually." – Bob [54:50]

• Friendly debate about the difference (or not) between “clean” and “tidy”.

  "Clean and tidy aren’t the same things, a place can be clean but untidy." – Bob [56:04]
  "Colloquially… when you say someone’s coming to clean, they’re doing both." – Monét [58:26]

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7. Random Fun: Pins, Matchbooks, “Peculiar” Habits & Gym Attire

[59:42–63:13]

• Bob considers collecting hotel pins; Monét teases him as “peculiar.”
• Spirited chat about mall walking and parking lot walking—Bob earnestly wants to start a mall walkers crew.

  "I love mall walking. I might join an LA mall walker group." – Bob [62:12]

• Monét talks about her gym attire (including tucking at the gym), sparking more playful jabs and supportive mocking.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Drag Family:

  "For me, it made drag more fun… the camaraderie, the bond… really spoke to me." – Monét [12:01]

• On Setting Boundaries:

  "It’s less awkward down the road when people start to respect your boundaries." – Bob [27:58]

• On Polyamory:

  "If you are going to be polyamorous, you’re inviting more players on the field… you need to be foundationally secure first." – Monét [44:03] "There's always something to work on in your relationship." – Bob [46:20]

• On Organization:

  "I can’t even express how much I rely on Google Calendars." – Bob [54:50]

• On 'Clean' vs 'Tidy':
  Classic Sibling Rivalry bickering over semantics, showing their sibling-esque dynamic.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:28] – Disclaimer & Drag expertise banter
• [11:15] – Drag family vs. loner question
• [18:01] – Queer travel recommendations
• [25:29] – Relationship boundaries & social media
• [40:46] – Polyamory, cheating, communication
• [51:35] – Staying organized
• [59:42] – Pins, matchbooks, mall-walking, gym attire

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Episode Tone

Lighthearted, real, unfiltered, and filled with inside jokes, lived experience, and honest guidance. Listeners are treated like friends—“read” with love and given warm, genuine attention. The playful interruptions, ongoing gentle shade, and classic friendly arguing deliver the unmistakably “Sibling Rivalry” tone.

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Conclusion

Bob and Monét manage to weave humor with honesty, addressing listener dilemmas with both lived queer experience and signature irreverence. Whether about the drag community, relationship woes, or the value of Google Calendar, their friendship and candor shine—making the advice as entertaining as it is surprisingly insightful. If you haven’t listened, this summary will catch you up and make you want to join their next “mall walk.”

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Want more? Join their Patreon for exclusive content (and Monét’s “butt workout” routine)!

Transcript

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

As a reminder everyone, Monet and I are not experts on relationships, fitness, health, science, sex, law.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I'm an expert on sex, baby.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Again, we are not expert on there. Please do not claim that I think this. We are not experts on any of these fields. All of our advice is just for entertainment purposes only. So lamente entertainment.

[Jacob]

You're not experts in drag?

[Monet X Change]

I'm an expert in drag.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If it refers to anything regarding safety, no, I'm not expert. Listen, Mon is your drag expert. I am, I am just a person on the Internet. What do I know about drag? I'm just, I'm just some who won drag race by accident.

[Monet X Change]

So please do not take any of our advice to the bank. This is for entertainment purposes only.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hello, Mona, how are you?

[Monet X Change]

Why you got that face on?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I'm irritated because I don't have my equipment ever made it off the bus. And so I'm using my computer microphone instead of the. My little handheld mic that I always use when I'm on the road. So that's a little bit annoying. And of course you take delight in one of me being annoyed, which annoys me even more.

[Monet X Change]

How am I taking delight?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I don't know, maybe we should have Jay replay the laughter that started ensued at the very top of the episode.

[Monet X Change]

The laughter was not because of your pain. The laughter was because of you as the thing. And you have this little smirk. It's this little smirk. You go, you adjust your glass and you go, hello, Monet. Like I'm here for a fucking job interview.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Take Joy, in my opinion, you've said it several times. You love when I'm annoyed. You take joy. I do. In my misery, which is very odd.

[Monet X Change]

But. But not today though.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I don't have a microphone and I just don't like making like a low quality things and I know that the audio is going to be bad and it's because I have also.

[Monet X Change]

How do you explain, how do you explain the last 13 years of your,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

of your career, Monet? Inspired. And I had one of these episodes when I was in, when we did the Renaissance one. I also didn't have audio Then either. Yeah, audio was my. I didn't have a microphone. Something.

[Monet X Change]

We did an episode about Renaissance.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, we did. When I was going to see the Renaissance Store.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, God. I got it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We didn't do, like, a. It was called one of our Renaissance.

[Monet X Change]

I don't remember.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you even watch Show Tamar? And I didn't. And I didn't have a chord. Like, one chord. It's like. It's really annoying when you, like, traveling, you pack everything you need then like, literally, what, you don't have one cord? And if you don't have this one cord, you might as well have not packed the other stuff. You ever have that happen to you?

[Monet X Change]

I can't say that I have.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've been there, bitch. You forgot who've been in this podcast five years, bitch.

[Monet X Change]

I said what I said.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Asking you as a courtesy, is this how you didn't have any bad wigs on season 10? Is it just like that?

[Monet X Change]

Well, I have. We have debunked that I had two bad wigs on the whole season. We have. We have figured that out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, you know, it's a matter of subject, right? Subjective.

[Monet X Change]

So people are really into this one that I wore that I posted the other day. People love these blonde dreads, honey. I love them, too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's Ever Scissorhands, Ever. Scissorhand Made me gave me a lock wig. It was inspired by Whoopi Goldberg and Jumping Jack Flash. And I was like, honestly, I might wear this for, like, my real life. Like, real life locks. Like, I might just wear them around town, but they're in my storage unit and I have not seen them since I moved to la.

[Caller/Listener]

Really?

[Monet X Change]

Do I. Let me look it up. I don't know what this wig looks like.

[Caller/Listener]

Hold on.

[Monet X Change]

Jumping.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jumping Jack Flash.

[Monet X Change]

Whoopi Goldberger.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jumping Jack Flash. And it is. It is an ex. It is an exact replica of Whoopi Goldberg's hair and Jumping Jack Flash.

[Monet X Change]

Like, what is Jumping Jack Flash about?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a movie where she's, like a. She is working on, like, international espionage, and this. This guy, like, basically writes her on her computer, and he's like, I need your help. I'm, like, in trouble with the government, and I need you to. Like, she's, like, a data analyst or she works at a bank. She works at a bank. And she's like, I. He's like, I need your help because I'm, like, in trouble with the government. It's a very. Honestly, it's not a great movie. It's not A good movie. But. But Whoopi Goldberg looks stunning in it. And there's a scene where her dress gets caught and caught in this, like, a paper shredder. And it looks like it starts ripping off and her dress ends up getting really short. And then she does this, like, lip sync. It's a baby. It's really. It's really cute.

[Monet X Change]

Well, you. You had, you. You were. I mean, not the same, but you had a similar wig that your mom had that you wore when we did the episode.

[Caller/Listener]

A little.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah, I like that wig. Yeah, I like that wig. But I gotta get my Jumbo Jack Flash wig out of storage. But I don't really want to go into my storage. I was thinking about, oh, by the way, you might want to do this with me. But you don't care about your costumes. You'll sell your costumes on fucking Etsy for $3. But I was thinking about getting. Finding a place that does archival archives, your clothing for you, and, like, takes care of it because, you know, it's more than just keeping it. Like, keep it and, like, spray it and like, to get. Make sure that the bugs don't get to it. Which ends.

[Monet X Change]

How did you find this? I didn't know that. That's so crazy that this is such a niche service that is offered.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I found out about it because. So my breastplate for this tour was done by the guy who did Raja's laser outfit for the lights Runway. And I met him, he's a really cool guy.

[Caller/Listener]

And

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I asked him, I was like, well, I have to ask you, I heard the rumors about the outfit that was so expensive, and Raja couldn't even keep it. And Raja wasn't even allowed to keep the outfit.

[Monet X Change]

It was so expensive.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we remember, we asked Raja, too, on the episode of our podcast that may or may never be released, and he was like, yeah, I just keep it in my, like, pressure climate controlled room where I take care of it and stuff. And it's just like. And then Madonna has this room where, like, she keeps all of her stuff, not just in a closet in her house. It's like in an archive place that, like, takes care of costumes specifically as they. As they age.

[Monet X Change]

It's probably so expensive.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I was thinking we should go in on it together.

[Monet X Change]

I'll be down to do that. There are some. I don't think I'll put everything in there, but there are some pieces that I would like to put in there. Not everything.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The sponge dress. I think the sponge dress, you've done it Dirty. It's like, I don't even know. I think that dress is girl at this point, because I don't know if you guys know this. In Apple, Monet went into a pool in the dress, put it in a trash bag while it was still wet, and then took it to World of Wonder, left it in World of Wonder in the mildewy bag for like months. Tried to grab the dress back. I was like, this dress is a biohazard.

[Monet X Change]

Well, that's not true. That's not completely true. I got in the pool and then I didn't live in la, so we only had like a day for it to dry. So we had it at Taylor's house, his bathtub, trying to dry it, but it didn't completely dry.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

World Wonder for a while too, though.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. So after that, because the reunion was shot after I shot my. Was shot before my video. But I don't know why we went back to World of Wonder actually. I don't know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know.

[Monet X Change]

Now it's in my storage unit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Biohazard. Their entire ecosystem is living in that dress. It's literally sponges. I mean, obviously it takes a long time for sponges to dry because their whole thing is retaining water.

[Caller/Listener]

So.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Girl, also in Europe, real quick, before we get into the advisory, by the way, this is an episode of Advisory, baby. Let me tell you right now, the knock, knock, enter. In Europe, the knock is curti. They knock and open the door at the same time.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, at hotels.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Well, there's a thing. Well, also, because. So they knock on your door for service or whatever it is you need. Sometimes they come as early as 9 o' clock in the morning. Why are you knocking at someone's at 9 o' clock in the morning?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You got to knock at 8 o' clock at night. It is 9:24 at night right now. I'm like, 9 o' clock at night, go home.

[Monet X Change]

So it's like when they knock they off, sometimes you're in the bed, you're like, not right now. You hear the knocking because they can't hear you. So I just never respond until they open the door. I said, no, I'm okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't need any.

[Monet X Change]

I don't need any service because they can't hear you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, no, no. Please also question. Were you at the age. I don't know if this was a southern North. We never got this in the south, or at least not my age range, where there was this bit where people online were going, boy, did you ever do that at School. The guys ever did at school. Boy, no. I saw it on the Internet, and it looks like people like your age maybe a little bit younger, like 30, 28 to 33. And they all look like northerners. And they all go like. They're like, boy, you never even heard of this?

[Monet X Change]

I never seen that. Never. I don't know what's going on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, do you know about this?

[Jacob]

Jacob?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob's 30. Jacob, do you know about this? Allegedly 30.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm 29.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

All right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And have you heard of this thing? No.

[Caller/Listener]

Damn.

[Monet X Change]

Do you know that there's this prison in Louisiana where the prisoners are literally, like, legitimately picking cotton as part of their. Like, as part of their punishment?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, prison work is slave labor.

[Monet X Change]

So, yeah, it's the Angola prison in Louisiana. They are picking cotton.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't like that. I don't like that name.

[Monet X Change]

Right. Angola.

[Caller/Listener]

Right.

[Monet X Change]

Something about it don't feel right. While being watched by white dudes on horses.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because it sounds like Anglo Saxon. That's why. That's what it is in my head.

[Monet X Change]

While being watched by white guards on horseback with rifles.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's probably some black guards in there, too, but that's a different story for a different day.

[Monet X Change]

That's just the fact that that IS exists in 2023 is just that visual. It's crazy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Welcome to the wild, wild west. So I like to be in front of a curtain. We need to get curtains at home. I may have curtains at home, but you and Jake.

[Monet X Change]

Why you. Why.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why the curtain? You and Jacob don't like when I sit in front of curtains for some

[Monet X Change]

reason, because it just. It just feels like you're sitting in front. It feels like you're sitting in front of a window. Like, it doesn't feel exactly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I am sitting in front of.

[Monet X Change]

And it's not. It's not giving.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What are you giving, honey?

[Monet X Change]

I'm giving glam.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

With your boats in the back? Let's start. Let's. Let's have some questions.

[Monet X Change]

The boats in the back.

[Jacob]

All right.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Bob. Hey, Monet. My name's Quinterius. I have a question. So I personally don't have, like, a drag mom, a drag family. I really don't have drag friends. Do you recommend getting that sisterhood, those drag siblings, like a drag mom? Because I personally just put my makeup on, my wig on, throw my hips on, do my stuff, go home, take that shit off. And I don't really have that, like, big bond with everybody. I just literally do what I do and go home. Do you recommend getting that Queen Serious

[Bob the Drag Queen]

sound a little antisocial.

[Monet X Change]

Hi, Quintarius.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think she said Queen Sirius.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, Queen Sirius.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

She said Queen Sirius for me.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, listen, I don't think the answer is no, you don't have to because you're clearly getting along fine. You're working and doing what you need. I think that with any field that you're in, like there is especially drag. I found for me a lot of my drag, a lot of what I. How I learned drag was a just being in the field and doing it, but also like the sisterhood I have with people like Bob, like Jasmine, like Pixie, like you just when you are work with other queens and you like hang out with them, you just learn little tips and tricks that you didn't even weren't even aware of that existed. And it's just, it like fosters it as well. For, for me, it naturally fostered this community of like camaraderie and sisterhood and like friendship and like a bond that we started to create and share. But if you are someone, do you find, I wish you could talk to them, do you find that this, this is. This, this, this perpetuates in other parts of your life. Like, are you at. If JAG is not your full time job, does this happen at your office? Are you like this with your family? Do you just like kind of just being a loner and hanging out by yourself? If so, that's fine. Cause I don't think you have to have these bonds and these friendships. But I think for me it made drag more fun. There was an aspect of getting together and painting together and going out to a club together and doing group numbers and doing a duo and like that aspect of drag really spoke to me and really it was really fun for me. It made drag more fun. But if you don't need that and you got your gigs and you got your. And you're doing your thing, you're making your own wigs and you don't need

[Bob the Drag Queen]

that then go off.

[Monet X Change]

I don't think you have to do it now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was trying to find Queen Sirius online, but maybe I'm saying her name wrong. I'm trying to think if we knew any loner queens.

[Monet X Change]

Holidays. Holiday is a loner.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I thought y' all was. I thought she had friends. I thought her and I thought her in Dallas. Me and her went to Fire island that one time and well, that was a gig.

[Monet X Change]

We were there for work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, okay.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. I mean, maybe she, maybe, maybe loner is too much of a strong word. But I know, like. I don't know, like, no, I guess Holly is not a loner.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Was Mahogany kind of. You were Mahogany?

[Monet X Change]

Mahogany was. But a lot of people also made fun of Mahogany, like Mahogany was trying to. But people didn't make fun of Hogan.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, they did.

[Monet X Change]

You remember get him in.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We used to think about Mahogany back in. Back in the day before. Before HD Grab and TikTok. We were all on Facebook, and Mahogany didn't have a list. She didn't have a last name.

[Monet X Change]

So her Instagram, Mahogany.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Her Facebook name was Mahog Mahogany. So people used to call her Mahog.

[Monet X Change]

Mahogany was. She. Mahogany was a messy little queen, but

[Bob the Drag Queen]

she was very sweet girl. But, I mean, we didn't. You know what. You know why Mahogany was? What? Didn't hang out with a lot of people. I remember now because she lived in New Jersey. That was what it was. I remember that Mahogany lived in New Jersey and all the other Queens. Most of us lived in Brooklyn or Manhattan, and a few of us lived in. A few of us sad cases lived in Queens.

[Monet X Change]

AKA the bitches that can't afford to live in Manhattan or Brooklyn.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But, yeah, I just remember her name was Mahog. Shout out to Mahogany. I had a lot of fun times with Mahogany. Whenever she did pop up at the club. Yeah. She was the only one who would just pop up. She drove. There was a few. Thorgy Monet, Mahogany. Who else used to drive? There's a few. Queen. Oh, you remember that queen. Bella Biscotti.

[Monet X Change]

Bella Biscotti. She lives in LA now.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think she's back in New York now, actually.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, she was working for Troy C.

[Caller/Listener]

Ford for a while.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I think she's like, I'm back in LA or back in New York or something. She's. I can't remember.

[Monet X Change]

Mohammed was also one of those queens, y'.

[Caller/Listener]

All.

She.

[Monet X Change]

Y' all know, not just Queens, but people in your life. Your auntie, uncle, someone that just walks in, like a storm. Like, they come in and they are just. They are just. Just a lot going on. Anytime Mahogany entered the space, it just was like, a lot going on. Peppermint is also a storm. Peppermint Hurricane.

[Caller/Listener]

Peppermint.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Every time it's a hurricane.

[Monet X Change]

What she.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hurricane Vanjie is a storm.

[Monet X Change]

Vanjie's a hurricane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you need. You know, I'm one of the. I. I'm a people person. I like people. I'm not one of the folks. I don't like people. I. I do like people.

[Monet X Change]

You do like people. You do like people. You just. You like to bully people too.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I like people. I like being around people, I like having friends, I like talking to people. I love community.

[Monet X Change]

You do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So Bob has a lot of people around him.

[Monet X Change]

A lot of people are always around Bob. People like being around you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So yeah, and you know, and whenever I would do the gig, I would usually go to the gig by myself. Occasionally I would pick up a friend on the way on the train. Especially if they were new to New York City, they didn't want to ride the train in drag. But always after the gig, always sisterhood after the gig, pretty much. I mean, it was very rare that I would just leave a gig and go home. I was after pretty much. I mean, for years I was hanging out with like one of my sisters or if not a whole group of us at the diner, at another club, leave our show, go to someone else's show, catch a cab uptown together or just hang out in the bar that we were working at.

[Monet X Change]

Kesha Cabs. That's a great drag name. Kesha Cabs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Kesha Cabs. So do you do use Queen Sirus?

[Monet X Change]

Queen? Oh, Queen Sirius. I thought they were saying they're out of drag name Quinterius, but I might

[Bob the Drag Queen]

again, I might be wrong. I thought she was saying Queen Sirus, period.

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[Caller/Listener]

Hi, Bob and Monet. My name is Justin from Denver, Colorado. So I just turned 29 and before I turn 30, I really want to leave the country and go somewhere outside of the US just because it's awful here and I need to see what the other rest of the world is like and hopefully it'll be less awful. Anyways, since you girls are so worldly and traveled, I was hoping you could give me some suggestions of places that you think are very queer friendly and would have just a very welcoming and, you know, a fun place to be for such a young, soft 20 year old such as myself. Thank you. I think you're both amazingly funny. I am teen monation though. But I still like the pop.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No one's perfect.

[Monet X Change]

Also someone's Bob. Our intersection of our fans. We're just the mob and I think that fits us very well, we're the Mob, honey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'll be named.

[Monet X Change]

You what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'll be naming the group of what it is.

[Monet X Change]

We be Mobbing hoes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So, you know, I do travel a lot, but I want to be clear that I don't really pick. I don't really do a lot in the places because usually when I'm traveling, we go in for the show when we leave. With the exception of Brazil and Australia, I haven't spent a lot of time outside of the places because when you go do the shows in Australia, the shows are on the weekends and you're just in Australia during the week. That's what it was on my first tour anyway.

[Caller/Listener]

Within the dark.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know. There's a lot of different promoters and the same in Brazil. So I just spent a lot of time in Brazil. And of course, I was in. And of course, I was in a lot of different places. From what I understand, Brazil's going through its own Donald Trump situation with his own politician who I think was even like worked in TV at some point as well.

[Monet X Change]

They took him out. They took him out. The Bolsonaro got. There's this. I believe there's a knot of Trump person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They had him and now they're going through. So they going through their. But they're still dealing with him in some regard, kind of the way that we're still dealing with Donald Trump in some regard. And there was a big homophobic and racist, specifically colorist push going on in Brazil. But I will say, when I was there, the gay nightlife in Brazil was so fun. It was so amazing. I did not feel nervous to be gay on the street. That was me and my experience for where I was. I was in Rio de Janeiro. I was in Brasilia. I was in. I went to like five places. I can't remember the name of some of them, but mainly Rio de Janeiro and Brazilian. And I found Brazil to be a really lovely place to be an out queer person. I've also heard that the Philippines is great for queer people. I've never been to the Philippines, but I've heard that the Philippines are great for queer people, from what I understand. And when I was in London, I found London to be really lovely as well. For me personally.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. So I think a shorter list, maybe because. Maybe because of the way I carry myself, because of my Persona, whatever. I rarely go places and I feel uncomfortable to be gay or just be me. And again, I wear pretty flamboyant femme clothes. I'm wearing literally a fucking onesie.

[Caller/Listener]

Right now.

[Monet X Change]

And like, I don't, I don't. I don't normally feel uncomfortable. Like, I feel pretty good in places I go to. Echo a Bob. To Echo Bob. A lot. A lot of. I've been to Asia and a lot of the Asian. A lot of the Asian countries. I felt extremely like Korea, I felt great. Manila felt great. Tokyo felt really nice to go as a queer person. Australia, I found Australia to be very, very, very welcoming for queer people too. Like, there's literally Bondi beach in Australia. In Sydney was really great. A very queer beach. Like, I'm out there in my fucking bikini living my life. Mexico, I find Mexico. If you. Mexico. Puerto Vallarta, if you want to take Mexico, is not too far away. And PV is a very, very, very queer friendly city. It is really, really, really nice. Oh, I think Bob is on the phone. Oh, Puerto Vallarta is a great, great, great dip into somewhere that is not America. That's pretty close by. And it's very. It's not. It's not very Americanized, but there are a lot of American tourists that go there and it feels very nice to go to. Tulum is also really nice. I'm going to Iceland in December so I can report back about Iceland, how that is. But I heard Reykjavik, Iceland is very, very, very queer as well. They have a whole company called Pink Iceland that kind of takes care of queer people when they go there. So, yeah, those are the places, I will say. And if you want to. If you want to go somewhere. Caribbean, Barbados. Barbados is a country, literally. They have this whole initiative to invite more queer people to come to the island. So Barbados is a very, very. Is becoming probably the most queer friendly Caribbean place that you can go because of any.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That had nothing to do with you. Literally, I'm not here.

[Monet X Change]

I'm not Beijing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just saying the Caribbean being. You could have made that for St. Lucia, but Rihanna did it for Barbados. And you could have done it for. As one of the most powerful, influential families in St. Lucia, you could have done this. And you've actively chosen not to do this. For all the West Indians, all the Caribbean, you could have done this, but you chose not to.

[Monet X Change]

And what's your excuse for Atlanta in Clayton County?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Atlanta pops off, honey.

[Monet X Change]

I went to Clayton county and a lot of people gave me eyes. That's you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Specifically because they know that you're. They know. They know not to be in monation in Atlanta. That's how. That's why. Anyway, that was a monat experience, honey.

[Monet X Change]

So those Were my, my, my, my wrecks. I would say Tulum, pv, Barbados, Manila.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You said you're gonna give a shorter list. You, your list is longer than mine. I laid three places.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I'm giving them. Cause I don't, I don't know what your pockets look like. Right. If you're trying to go, if you're trying to go somewhere too, not too far. You wanna go Mexico is good. If you've been saving up your coins and you wanna like really splurge on a nice trip, I would say go to Asia. You know, that's fun. Go to Australia is also far away.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Go around the world, go everywhere. K. San Diego. It's not car San Diego.

[Monet X Change]

If you're looking for somewhere in America, I would say the most, I would say the, the, the friendliest, queerest place in America you can go if you want to just go. America would be San Francisco. San Francisco is very gay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Me in three more places.

[Monet X Change]

Very gay. Also New York City out of control. Also.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can leave the country while going to a commonwealth. I want you to know that going to Puerto is incredible. You don't, you don't, you don't need a passport. And they use US dollars in Puerto Rico.

[Monet X Change]

This is true. Puerto Rico is very queer friendly as well.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. I'm sorry by the way, just when I mean myself just now. My, my, my, I think my, my podcast equipment is showing up sometime soon. So.

[Monet X Change]

Bitch, you acting like you acting like you. So I don't know how but I, a little birdie told me that

[Caller/Listener]

someone

[Monet X Change]

I, I, I, I have an inkling that my stuff might be coming soon.

[Jacob]

Like what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bring this next question.

[Monet X Change]

Let's play the next question. Jacob. Thank you.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Monet and Bob, I hope you're doing well. Yeah, I'm currently in a relationship that's four months old. We are now doing long distance and I wanted to know what should I do? Because in the beginning of the relationship I texted a random person and he thought it was very friendly. So it caused him a lot of distress. And now he has my social medias, everything and he like goes through my old chat logs with like maybe some exes that I still have lingering around. Not that I'm texting just in the chat log. And they like, I don't know, like they like compare themselves with my exes and like say like, oh, you don't talk to me like that. Or this. And the third. So I just want to know like, what can I do to set clear boundaries? Because I really like this person and they're really cool, but it's like a little invasive and I'm not sure if I'm really okay with that at heart. Thank you so much for whatever advice you give.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. Setting up having a relationship where your partner. Where is this precedent that your partner can go through your message? And that is no way to build anything in a relationship. I feel like that is heading down the road towards disaster. It's not going to end well. Yeah, like that for me, that is no way to build. To build long lasting trust or to foster a vibe or a relationship that feels that you can be super open and honest with each other. I think that's starting from a very toxic place. And I would really, I would highly recommend that you that the boundary be like, you cannot go through my things. You cannot read my messages. Like, that does not seem healthy and is going to lead down towards a breakup or something that's going to be very tumultuous and toxic later down the road. So I would, that would. My advice would be to stop that behavior, to nip it right now. But like, this is not. We're not doing that. And a way to help alleviate that fear or that insecurity that your partner might have is to talk about the things that they need to make them feel more secure in a relationship. That may be a bit more communication, like maybe now, like maybe like talking like when you're going to a thing like just like being super open and honest about things that you guys may be doing but not giving, not setting the precedent that they're allowed to go through your old messages and to see how you would say this to your ex boyfriend so that, so that they, so that they can compare it to their experience that you're giving them.

[Caller/Listener]

Now.

[Monet X Change]

I think that is not healthy and it's going to lead to a very bad situation later on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think that. And I'm an expert on my drag, of course. I think that if your partner is going through your. This is weird. But also it doesn't seem like your partner is hiding that they're going through your stuff, but they're doing it and it seems like you don't like it. And I know that sometimes it is hard to tell someone that you don't like that they're doing something after they've done it and you let it slide. And now they just keep doing it over and over again. Which is why I'm a firm believer in setting boundaries right away. It can be a little awkward that first time, but it's less awkward down the road when people start to respect your boundaries. Yeah. I think you need to have a strong conversation about and ask them what those insecurities are. And, you know, comparing yourself to someone's ex, it's a new relationship. And I don't know. I can't remember if you said four months or nine months. I couldn't quite hear what you said.

[Monet X Change]

Four months.

[Caller/Listener]

Four months.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And someone's like, well, you don't have to. Like, I talked to your ex. Well, okay, what if you. I was with my ex for nine months. Yeah. I'm going to talk to you differently than I talked to my. I was with my ex for three years. You and I have been together for four months. Maybe we will get to an era when we do talk like I talk to my ex. Or maybe we won't. Maybe that's not. Maybe I don't want that kind of relationship again, which is why I'm not with my ex anymore. Maybe I don't want to. Maybe I don't want to have a relationship with you like, I have my ex because we're not together anymore. I want this to be our own individual thing. And. And it sounds like you need to set some boundaries. Some. Some clear and undeniable boundaries.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I mean. I mean, you do say so. I have a friend who is in the. Like, they have each other's pass calls on their phones, and they, like, do that all the time. And she. Like, that's her thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And like, she says, like, they're like, they. They go through each other's phones. The part of their.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, they go through each other's phone

[Bob the Drag Queen]

is going through each other's phones.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, that's part of the thing. Like, they go through each other's phones. They go through each other's DMs, and like, that's how they do that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob and I. I have Jacob's password. Jacob has my password. And like, Jacob and I, we don't. We don't safeguard our phones from each other. But typically speaking, if Jacob is using my phone, it's like, to order food. Or if I'm using his phone, it's like, look at pictures from a thing we did together. But.

[Monet X Change]

But you're not, like, you're not embedded. Like, let me see your phone, Jake, and let me go through your DMs and see who you. Who you're talking to today. Like, that's what they do. Like, that's their thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, Jacob and I did not do that.

[Caller/Listener]

No.

[Monet X Change]

So.

[Caller/Listener]

And then.

[Monet X Change]

And she said to me, Like, I don't know. Like, I. I don't. I don't like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But then she doesn't like it.

[Monet X Change]

Well, here's the thing, though. She says she doesn't, but I think that a part of her does like it. Like, she likes this idea that her man.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I believe women, Renee. Jesus Christ.

[Monet X Change]

She likes this idea that her man is, like, so protective over her. Like, she loves that, like, machismo, very, like, macho like thing. So I think that some of her. She doesn't like it, but she likes the aspect that he's so protective of

[Bob the Drag Queen]

her is she goes through his dms.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, she goes through his as well.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Does she like that?

[Monet X Change]

It's. I mean, yes. I'm assuming so. Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So you're. You know, she doesn't like going. You know, she doesn't really care for him going through her dms. But you think she might like going through his.

[Monet X Change]

But I know the type of guy she likes. She likes toxic guys. She like. She likes guys like this. She likes guys. They'd be like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. My bitch ain't going through. She likes that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay. I wouldn't use them as a litmus or an example for what people say. No, no, I'm not.

[Monet X Change]

I'm not seeing an example, but I'm like, I'm posing the question, like, is there aspects of you that, like, that likes that they care that much or that they are so invasive? Because that, because to you, that's showing that they. That they're really into you and they want to protect that. You know, I mean, I'm just. I'm just posing that question. I'm not saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you think. What is that really about protecting the person you're with? Like, if someone. If someone tells their girlfriend not to dress in a certain way in public, is that really about protecting the girl or is it about protecting their ego because they don't want to be seen with a girl who dresses skanky.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah, for sure. I think. I think it's twofold.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It doesn't really have anything to do with, like, what are they. What are they protecting her from?

[Monet X Change]

I think. I think it's their ego. I think it's also they. I also feel like dudes that do that, they feel like they're thwarting off any type of. Any.

[Caller/Listener]

Any.

[Monet X Change]

Any. Anyone trying to holl at the girl or, like, make pass of the girl. I think to them, controlling how their girlfriend dresses or their partner dresses is shielding them from.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What if. What are they protecting her from. What if she wants attention? What if she wants to be viewed as sexy in public? Right.

[Monet X Change]

I'm saying they. I mean, the protecting is not about what she wants, is about their ego. And like, they're protecting her feel like they're protecting her. Like other dudes won't be trying to holler at their girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just don't think I can wrap my mind around being interested in someone who does that because it just sounds really gross and upsetting to me. I don't think that I have the. I can't even put myself in the mindset of someone who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is doing that. It literally doesn't make sense to me.

[Monet X Change]

I can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't even make it make sense.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I mean, I've had a lot of girlfriends that have been in that situation, honestly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I mean, you like what you like. If you. If you want someone who's doing that, then, I mean, who am I to judge you? I just. I just can't figure out what it is about that that is appealing personally. Do you like that?

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A little bit?

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you put yourself in that mindset?

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I could. I guess I could put. Oh, Jacob's show me. I mean, I guess I could. I guess I can see how. Why some people might like it, but also I can see why people might like crack. I know, I know I don't want it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I can see the appeal to crack. I mean, the upside to crack is clear. You're high. You feel good when you're high.

[Monet X Change]

I think that for that thing, like, there's this type of. There's a maybe in people in that situation. There's this rush, there's this sexiness that they feel like they make it. Maybe it makes them feel more desirable that, oh, my God, my guy thinks I'm so hot that other guys are gonna like, maybe that's what they do.

[Caller/Listener]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, wait.

[Jacob]

Okay. If you die, Jesus can. Do you want your partner to go through your messages? Like, do you. In case there's like something in there, like loose ends in your Instagram messages or like texts that need to be tied up or is like, that's on your phone, is your phone is gone.

[Caller/Listener]

It's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, I'll be dead. I don't think I will care. What the fuck's. I mean, I really don't feel like I'm going to be on the other side looking at things and I won't be able to be ashamed or embarrassed or anything because I will be as dead as a doorknob. So I really don't think. I don't think of my afterlife and like what I'll be doing on the other side or how people will think of me. Because I just won't. I won't. I'll be doing more than not caring. It's even more intense than I will be nothing in terms of it. But I do think that the idea while I'm here, people learning more about me is interesting. Good or bad. I mean, that's all subjective. And I would like for some. I don't. I don't want things to go to the grave with me. I would like for things to become uncovered, even. Even something I may have tried to hide. I would like it if that became uncovered, you know?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. I mean, just have loose ends. I don't know what loose ends they might be to tie up. And for part of me, like, opposite of all, I'm like, maybe like leave this, like mystery. Like this, this, this, this, this, this, this mystique that people made. May have wanted to answer that, that they never get. That kind of speaks to me too. Even though I'm gone and I'm dead, that kind of. To me, that's kind of fierce.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

When you die, can we have your body exhumed to see if you had a bbl?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

But no, then I won't be able to be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, you. Well, you got the bbl, so you can't go to Jewish cemetery already. Maybe. I don't know.

[Monet X Change]

Maybe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we'll see. If you're in the Jewish cemetery, then we'll know you didn't get the bbl.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, I know. I'm gonna be right next to Jacob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can you go in the Jewish cemetery? Have boot chop.

[Monet X Change]

And I have tattoos too, so I can't go to the Jewish cemetery.

[Jacob]

I mean, different cemeteries have different rules. So theoretically, yes.

[Monet X Change]

And I'm going to the BBL cemetery.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who else is in the bbl? Well, all of Black China's old work is in there.

[Monet X Change]

Is she Jewish?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, it's the BBL cemetery.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know what I meant. The. The Jewish BBL Cemetery. The. The JBBL Cemetery.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Got it. Jewish Brazilian butt lift. Got it.

[Monet X Change]

All right,

[Caller/Listener]

All right.

This question is similar to one you've answered.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Pause it. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Monet X Change]

He started talking real fast. Cause Bob also talking.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bitch, shut the fuck up. Play this. Play this motherfucking trick. By the way, I am so hungry. I have not eaten all day?

[Jacob]

Why not?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I was asleep, and then I sat down in my bed and I went to order Ubereats. And Stockholm doesn't have Ubereats.

[Monet X Change]

They probably have Deliveroo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I was annoyed and I was like. The idea of, like, leaving my room to go get food was exhausting. And then the idea of, like, downloading a new app was exhausting. So instead, I just watched YouTube videos and ate every snack I could get my hands on in the room. Like, I've had a bag of chips, I had three bananas, I've had the free chocolates, and I'm about to open up some fiddles, which is sweet, salt, sweet, spicy almonds, cashews, and peanuts.

[Monet X Change]

Let me tell you something. What you need to do is order you some dick in Stockholm. I had some of the best dick of my life in Stockholm.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, no.

[Monet X Change]

No lie.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How'd you find it?

[Monet X Change]

Grindr.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I went on a Grinder, a non sexual Grinder day, which I think I've only done.

[Monet X Change]

Maybe soccer was. Oh, Bob is frozen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, the other night. And.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, wait, say it again. You were frozen. I missed that. What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I went on a non sexual Grinder date, which I probably only done two times in my whole entire life ever.

[Monet X Change]

How does that start? Rewind. How does that start?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I was on.

[Monet X Change]

My brain literally cannot compute that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know. I was on Grindr and this guy was, like, hitting me up, and he was like. He. He was like, hey, let's. He was chatting and then he was like, do you want to go out? I was like, he's like, do you want it?

[Caller/Listener]

We.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can take you out on the town. I'm like a tour guide. And I was like, honestly, I don't really do. I don't do platonic connections on Grinder. I'm not really interested in that. So, no, thank you. To be honest. And then he was like, no, you're cute. And we could hook up, too. And I was like, okay. But then it was, like, raining, and they were texting back and forth. Then it was. I was like, I'm not going out on a walk. It's raining outside. And then it, like, stopped raining. And then I had this. Then I had a fucking cold sore. And I was like, well, I'm not going to do anything with you because I have a cold sore. And then I was like, well, we're not. I'm not going to do anything with you because I have a cold sore. But I do want to. You're kind of cute. And total side note, he's 6. 11. I was like, I gotta meet this hot. I was like, I gotta meet this six foot, hot guy. So we. So I was like, so. And I walked around belgium with this 6 foot, 11 guy.

[Monet X Change]

Hot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Creatively. Like, did you see the dick? We didn't do anything. We did not do anything.

[Monet X Change]

We brought up pictures.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you seen it? Yes. And I'm. Yes, I have a picture of it.

[Monet X Change]

And it's.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It seemed quite proportional,

[Caller/Listener]

but we did

[Bob the Drag Queen]

not go to each other's room.

[Monet X Change]

We just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We just walked around town.

[Monet X Change]

Six. I mean, I would. Six. Let me say something. I would put a damn. I put a sheet on that co. So I don't know, went to work. Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Someone else was like. I was like, that's so shady.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, girl. In Stockholm. I hooked up with this beautiful guy because he was also a model. He was. He was. He's a he. But it's how. When we were in Stockholm, it was just like London fashion or something. We had just come back from Fashion Week. We were Walk the World.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then.

[Monet X Change]

So we ended up being up on Grindr and was one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. His dick was so beautiful. His body was immaculate. It was some of the best. It was. It was amazing. It was beautiful. Beautiful. He came so fast, though. I was like,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

well, it must have been great for him.

[Monet X Change]

Not for me. I wanted to save with a flavor.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have your memories.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, the star option on Grindr.

[Monet X Change]

Next question.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi, Bob and Monet. Sorry if this question is similar to one you've answered before. To give you some background, I've been with my husband for seven years, and earlier this year we talked about an open relationship, and he was on a business trip. I did something dumb and I ended up cheating on him. This set us back quite a bit. But then we went to couples therapy. We worked on everything, and we actually ended up stronger than we were before. But during this time of communication, I realized that it wasn't an open relationship that I was yearning for, but a realization that a poly relationship is what I want. And I actually met someone through work about two months ago, and we got pretty close. He has a boyfriend. They're in a poly relationship. And I just saw how that world really worked and. And he ended up catching feelings, asking me out. I didn't act on it, and I ended up blocking him just because I could feel feelings grow too. But when I brought up the poly conversation to my husband, he said that we had to work on our communication first. And it's gotten much Better. And then I brought it up again to him about last month, and he didn't respond with a single word. And I don't know if I'm starting to resent him for losing that other guy's friendship, because I'm just the type of personality that I kind of cling on to people. So I had to end it right away. And I just don't know how to bring up the conversation a third time without pushing my husband further away. I love him, but I feel like I can love someone else in a different way. So, yeah, any advice would be nice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was gonna jokingly come in and be like, I don't believe in a relationship as a bit. But on a serious note, it just. It kind of sounds like you have some problems with communication. And I would like to say that in any relationship, open communication is absurdly important. I cannot even express how important open communication is in any relationship. In a polyamorous dynamic. Take it to the next level. Like, you have to be communicating with each other openly and honestly. And it sounds like you kind of don't have that ability. Like, you cheated on your husband, and then you then instead of communicating with the guy, you just blocked him. And then. Yeah, it sounds like. It sounds like you're just having some. It just doesn't sound like you're making wise decisions. Like, you're just making a bunch of bad decisions in a row and being like, why does this keep happening? This is crazy. Why is everyone mad at me? All I keep doing is the wrong thing on purpose over and over again. And I was talking to my mom today about people who do the wrong thing, and they know it's wrong, they do it anyway. And I can't compute that. I cannot compute people doing wrong knowing it's wrong, and then just straight up just doing it. Because typically, for me, if I'm doing wrong in the moment, I found a way to justify it, and it felt right to me. And then outline, I was like, oh, that wasn't right. You know? How about you, Mom? What you answer? I'm gonna plug in my computer because it's dying.

[Monet X Change]

Every time I said question, y' all see? He'd leave anytime I said a question, right? Yeah, I think I agree with Bob. I think the communication piece is a. In any relationship is super, super, super critical, honestly. And it is really.

[Caller/Listener]

It will.

[Monet X Change]

It will make or break your relationship. Quite honestly, I feel, in my experience, and it seems like just taking context clues, like your partner kind of like avoiding and evading the topic when you Want to talk about polyamory? It seems like your partner is not interested in polyamory, but you don't know that for sure because you guys haven't really had the conversation. But that's what it seems like, right? You try to bring it up three or four times now, and every time, they've dodged it, not answered or moved on, or just ignored it completely. So it seems like it's not a conversation that they're willing to have, especially when they feel like you guys aren't secure and strong. Because if you are going to be polyamorous, you're inviting more players on the field like you. Y' all need to be, like, foundationally secure first. And it seems like he doesn't feel like y' all are there, but you really want this connection with this other person, so you're willing to work through that while inviting someone else in. And I feel like that's, like, that's a tall order to work on you and start to be polyamorous. That's a whole lot going on, like, in one situation. So I feel like the first step is to have a conversation, and I think you can approach him seriously and be like, hey, like, stop. Like, I really want to talk about this thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Britney Spears, stop.

[Monet X Change]

Literally, like, they keep on avoiding you. So you were like, hey, like, this is where I'm at. Like, I'm feeling, like, not satisfied. Or this is not what you're saying. You're like, I'm feeling, like, not great here, and I really want to be polyamorous, and. And I really need this. And you're not talking to me, and it's making me want to pull away and not want to be here anymore. So I think you need to have that honest conversation with them and then let them react honestly. You also have to be prepared for him being like, if you want to be Paulie, then you can, but not with me, because that's not what I'm into.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because if you want to be polygon, get a pocket bitch.

[Monet X Change]

That may be the response. So you have to be ready for that. Answer them being like, if you want to be polyamorous, then we can't be a thing. And you love him. And then. But you've grown. Like, y' all have been together for seven years. You. Y' all are growing, like, you have grown into this person who wants to be open and polyamorous, and maybe that's not what this partner can facilitate or wants to be a part of, and that's okay as well. So maybe y' all are separating. If you can't be with someone who does not want to be poly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know if I believe in the notion behind being like. Because it's a common sentiment that I hear, which is, like, I want to work on us and make sure that we're, like, perfect before we open up our relationship or before we do a polyamorous thing. Because this notion of, like, making your relationship perfect or fictioning your relationship in some way, it doesn't seem to give way to the nuance that relationships are constantly being worked on. There's always something. There is always something to work on in your relationship. But I'm trying to think to myself, I mean, but I. But I get the. I get the idea behind it. The idea behind it makes sense, but I don't know that it actually. In practice. I don't know that it works in practice. Because when you hear the idea, like, I want to make sure we're right before we do anything. And it's like, maybe this is part of why you're not right.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I disagree. I think that I don't. I don't think perfection is what you're striving for, but I think that you want to work on communication because, like, if you and I are not communicating, which inviting someone else in, that's adding more people, there's going to be even worse communication and it's going to end badly. So I think that when they say, like, I want to work on us and maybe work on our work, work on our communication, work on our finance, like, different aspects of relationship, not to get them perfect, but to get them to a place where they're functioning properly. Because if they're not functioning properly, then inviting your boyfriend and my boyfriend in, and that was four of. And bitch, we ain't talking. And, like, that's just gonna really exacerbate the issue.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, that's. As someone who's been in this situation before, that wasn't the case for me. Maybe that's the case for someone else. But it also might just be a core problem in your relationship in general. And I think that the point of your relationship should not be to try to make it exist in a vacuum. You have to be with your partner and be in the world at the same time. So that's. So for me, that's kind of like saying, like, well, I just got. I just got the relationships. I don't wanna start a new job because I wanna work on this relationship. So bringing this new job in and out that spend My time, this job and my mind, between this relationship or saying like, I don't want to pick up new hobbies because I'm starting this new relationship, I think that I can, well, me personally, I can work on the relationship and work on a different relationship with my mother, with my boss, with my employees, with my, you know, whatever, my professors going to school, whatever, at the same time. But maybe that's because I'm just someone who can multitask. But because, you know, I mean, me and Jacob's relationship has never been perfect. But when me and Ezra started dating, me and Jacob were still working through stuff and we, we just worked. And I don't think that it made us any weaker. I think that if anything, it just made us stronger. Only thing that ever put a dent in Jacob's armor was the quarantine and spending the first time we ever had to spend 24 hours together in a row for like four months straight, we were like, this is crazy. We've never run into this much. That was the only thing that, that was just, that's just us specifically. Obviously my sentiment is not common. I think what I'm saying is a very. It's not a common take. So maybe I'm, maybe I'm wrong on

[Monet X Change]

this, but also think, I also think there are some people who do take on that job and the relationship thing and both things suffer, right? Like they're not. They're performing poorly at work and their relationship is suffering. I think that is a case by case situation. I think some people know what they need. Like I'm all about people trusting like what they need to make their thing. Some people can do the job and do the end of the piano class and do the recital and do the relationship and make them all function. And some people have to compartmental, like cannot do it all together. They need to be like, I need to just do this job and this guy. I can't take on the piano class too and the sewing thing too because my brain just all things are going to be bad. So I think that it's a case by case situation.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

As a reiteration, I am just talking about myself. This is for me, I'm not talking about anyone else in the world should be doing with their time, their business and their relationships. But if my relationship can't exist in the world while the world is also existing simultaneously, then that says a lot about my relationship. If I have to pause the world to work on my relationship or pause my interaction with the world to work on my relationship, then for Me. That says a lot about my relationship and our ability to go forward together.

[Monet X Change]

Relationship's a tough girl. They're fucking hard. Duh.

[Caller/Listener]

Like a.

[Monet X Change]

Like that Swedish dick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I had it for three minutes. All right, Jake, let's get our last question.

[Monet X Change]

It was seven inches or minutes? This is a lame question, but got it.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No lame questions.

[Caller/Listener]

Very busy people.

[Monet X Change]

Jk, you started from the top. Now I had missed the whole question.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That was lame.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Hi Bob and Monet. This is a lame question, but I'm just wondering how you two very, very busy people stay organized. What are your tips and tricks? Do you use any apps, any like tools or are there any really good routines that help you stay organized for the day or the week? Would love to hear it. Thanks.

[Monet X Change]

I think one organization tool that really helps just because it helps me visualize things. I'm. I am a kinesthetic learner, but with something like a schedule obviously. I mean writing it down would be that, but I don't do that. Is a Google calendar like having like the night before being able to have a calendar that has everything I'm doing from the time I'm supposed to wake up to go to bed. Even like little things like post this thing or send this email. I'll put little things like that in my thing. So I know that this email I've been having to Send for like 3 days and I kept on forgetting to do it. I like put it as an item in my schedule. So I it send. See like the 14 things I need to get done today like are all at different times and like on the schedule throughout the day that really, really, really helps me function. And again, I also have the the added benefit of a personal assistant that that helps me do that and a whole management company that helps me organize my my gigs and my work and an agency. So like I have other tools that normal like every. That the everyday person might not have to help stay organized but from my personal things. Like everything like even like things like make like I'll put like at 1:15. At 1:15 today I have to call Prolay to set up my appointment to do to for my laser hair for next. So like every little thing that I have and as soon as I even hanging out with friends, I put in a calendar like I'm going out to dinner tomorrow. Like I put everything so that I don't forget. And even with that there's still things I mess up and there are lots of times that I am unorganized and something someone will text me, like at 3 o', clock, like, hey, girl, are we still meeting? I'm like, yeah. So, like, things slip through the crack, but I think that having things slip through the cracks, but I think that having a calendar with every little thing on there, every detail is very helpful for me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I don't know who told you I was organized, but I certainly, you know, it's really funny. Like, I'm not a neat freak. My home is lived in. It's not like, destroyed. It's not messy. But my home is like, I don't live in. You know, you have friends who, their home is like a magazine or a whole hotel and everything is so, like, meticulously bit by. Boop. There'll be like a hat here and a thing there. And you might, there might be like, you know, the PlayStation remote will be on the table for like three days. Even if no one in a weird place, if no one's moving or using it or something like that. I might leave a suitcase in the hallway overnight or something. But I always remember where things are, which is so crazy for people who come to my home and they're like, there's no way you could possibly know where that one thing is. And I'm like, it is over there under that thing by the next thing. Except when people start fucking moving my shit around, that shit drives me crazy. Putting my stuff where they think it should go. Oh, Bob would want this over here. I also use a, I use Google for everything. Google Calendar, Google Drive, Google Sheets. My watch is a Samsung watch. So my phone, my watch is always telling me, you got a thing coming up. I also put everything in my calendar. Every step I take, I put it all in my calendar so that I won't miss anything. And that helps me tremendously. I can't even express how much I rely on Google Calendars. It's kind of crazy, actually.

[Monet X Change]

Google Calendar is dope. She's really dope.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet, do you think you're more organized than most people?

[Monet X Change]

I don't know how to gauge that. I really don't know because, like, for my life, I mean, for most people in my same field, or most people doing what I, we do, what we do, I would say I'm average. Like, everyone seems to be doing the shit they need to and getting, getting where they need to be on time. I mean, I don't know. I, I, I don't know how to gauge it. I really don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you crave organization?

[Monet X Change]

I do love organization. I love, I love cleanliness. Tidiness organization. Like, when I'm in, like, a clean space, I feel I can think if I'm. If, If I'm like, if I'm in a space that's not clean and like, tidy. Like, I feel like. I feel like. I feel like my brain can't think. Like, I feel like I can't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't get anything done between clean and tidy. Right. Like, my place can be clean but not tidy and I'm still fine.

[Monet X Change]

Said I. I disagree. I think something can be tidy. If something is, it's something. It's clean as tidy. It's something that's tidy. It may not be clean. Like, clean is like, there's no dust on the thing. And like, like to me, that's clean tidies. Everything is organized in its right place. But it can still be. It can still be. Yes. You have one and not the other. You can be clean and somebody said

[Bob the Drag Queen]

the same thing, but you disagreed for some reason.

[Monet X Change]

What did you say?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I said clean and tidy aren't the same things a place can be.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, as you said, they are. That's what I was like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, what place can be clean but untidy?

[Monet X Change]

No, but that's where we disagree. You don't think, if you're.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't think a place can be untidy and clean? Like, for example, if I clean your home and everything is scrubbed and clean and I just push all the pillows around, it's clean. It's just not tidy.

[Monet X Change]

See, that's not clean to me. Like when you have a cleaner definition of clean. When cleaners come, they're cleaning. They clean and tidy the place. Imagine you hire a cleaner. Imagine, Imagine, Imagine a cleaner comes and they clean everything and they leave everything. Then you didn't clean.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. I understand the process of hiring a cleaner, but I think there's, there's. They're cleaning your place and they're tidying your place. And when you. The cleaning is one part and the tiding is a separate. Is a separate thing. They're two separate things.

[Monet X Change]

Right. And I, and my point is, if

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I clean your litter box, I clean the whole thing. It is crystal clean, but I leave it in five pieces. It's not tidy, but it is clean. So Mona, you.

[Jacob]

You were saying tidiness is a part of cleanliness.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

So they are both the same thing. Yes, they're different, but they're linked together.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So that's what I'm saying. If I clean your litter box but I leave it in five pieces, is it not clean?

[Monet X Change]

It Is clean.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So clean and tight are two different things. Like if I vacuum your couch, is Monet frozen or am I frozen?

[Caller/Listener]

Oh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So if I clean your couch and I shampoo it and I tied it, but I, but I, but I leave it out to dry and all the pieces are just all around the living room and I, and I clean the, the, the throw that goes over it, but the throw is still in the washing machine. The pillows are on the porch drying off, and the couch is upside down. It is clean. It's just not tidy.

[Monet X Change]

I guess you're right. I guess you're right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So that's what I say. Like my clean is my, my home is, is, Is clean and tidy. Usually, especially when, when the cleaning lady comes over and, and cleans it and tidies it. But then after a while.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, no, no, you're never to clean and tidy before it says, she comes and clean. Now you try to add little caveats.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I'm not adding a caveat. I'm making the conversation make sense for you. Do you think that my clean lady comes over and doesn't tidy my home?

[Monet X Change]

No, I'm saying. But I've never heard you say, oh, she's going to come and clean and tidy. So the clean lady's coming over to clean.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's for this.

[Monet X Change]

I'm saying, like colloquially, I'm saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm saying for the sake of this conversation, I'm telling you what she's doing. I'm not, I'm not switching my words up. I would normally say she came in, she cleaned.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I'm saying colloquially, like when you say someone's coming to clean, they're doing both. That's why I lump them together. Like, rarely, when you say someone's coming to clean, you expect they're going to clean and leave everything untidy. Like that's, that's what I'm trying to say.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're not, I don't think we're saying different things, but you keep disagreeing with me for some reason.

[Monet X Change]

Well, because you're saying they're separate things. But my point is that colloquially they're the same thing. Like when you say someone's coming to clean or you say, I'm cleaning, I'm cleaning up, you're cleaning and tidying, that's what.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, and I'm not even arguing. I don't know who you're arguing with. I'm not arguing that. I'm not saying. That's not true at all. I'm just saying that the word clean and tidy Kind of refer to different things, but cleanliness in the house. Yes. Refers to tidiness.

[Monet X Change]

This is such a sibling rivalry conversation.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I'm not. I'm not disagreeing with you, but you keep acting like I am, which is. Which is wild.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. Okay, what's the next thing we don't have?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What are we saying we don't. We have literally two minutes left in the podcast. Or there's only next thing. That was the very last thing.

[Monet X Change]

I had a lot of fun talking to you today.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm thinking about starting to save up. Well, I'm not actually not going to, but a lot of hotels have their name on the pins, and I kind of want to, like, collect a bunch of pins from hotels, but I actually don't want to carry pins around. I like that there's something around taking something. And I like. Like matchbooks.

[Monet X Change]

Have you seen these matchbooks? People who collect matchbooks match, like, match. Like a matchbox.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A matchbook, not a matchbox.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know what a matchbook is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A matchbox is when it's a box, and a matchbook is when it flips over and then you tear the match and you strike it by holding the thing against the back.

[Monet X Change]

Got it. I don't know people still who steal themselves that well.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's not really, like, a thing about selling, but back in the day, most places would just have a matchbook. Like. Cause a lot of people, everyone smoked because more people were smoking. And if you need to go outside for cigarettes, you might do have a matchbook. And then you just have these, like, collectible matchbooks that people would collect, which seems kind of dangerous to collect. But I feel like a pin is kind of cute. And I realized a lot of these hotels, they have. They have cute pins. Why is it so funny?

[Monet X Change]

Because you just. You're such a peculiar person. I love it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't understand what's so peculiar about me. You like? You like? I'm the oddest bitch walking planet Earth all the time.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, you're pretty odd.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What makes me so odd?

[Monet X Change]

You're the bitch that, like. I love walking in parking lots. Oh, I just love walking. Like, that is a peculiar thing for someone to say. I just love walking in parking lot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, if you think about it, it's not. But when you hear it, when you actually think about it and break it down, it's not that peculiar. I like to get my steps in. But you don't get lost in the parking lot. You can cover a lot of area and you can go shopping. So walking parking lot is no different than. Is it really much different than mall walking?

[Monet X Change]

Mall walking, just so we're clear, is that where people who are like career mall walkers? That's fucking weird. It is peculiar.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No one's a career mall walker. You don't make a career out of mall walking. It's a community based thing.

[Monet X Change]

That is weird.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mall walking is not weird because you don't do it as weird. Because you don't do it. You don't, because you don't do it as weird.

[Monet X Change]

Can y' all please comment below if you think mall walking is a peculiar activity as along with parking lot walking? Okay, just start, start, start a little parking lot walking in crew. Start a parking lot walking.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Starting a mall walking crew. Me and Kim are gonna start a mall walking crew. Actually, me and Kim talked about starting a mall walking crew. And the reason why you mall walk is because you don't want to be in the sun or you don't want to be in the cold. Like you don't want to be in the elements, but you want to get your steps in and you can go shopping and there's camaraderie. You meet people. Honestly, if I was, I might join them all. I might join. If there's an LA mall walker group, I might join y'.

[Caller/Listener]

All.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I love mall walking. I never been mall walking. I mean, I've walked in malls by myself, but I never joined like a mall walking crew. And it just seems, honestly, really fun.

[Monet X Change]

There you have it, y'.

[Caller/Listener]

All.

[Monet X Change]

If you were in la, part of a mall walking, Bob will be back here in like two years. So maybe someone can start one. Maybe I'll start.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Maybe I'll start. Maybe I'll start my own mall walkers in la. And then as I travel, I can just walk in different malls around the world.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, that's true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, that sounds really fun. Actually, I could schedule my little walks with people, but I don't. But then I feel like it would end up being a meet and greet. We wouldn't actually. It wouldn't be about the walking. It'd be about like, Bob, take a picture and sign. I want it to be about the walking. Like, it has to be about the walking.

[Jacob]

Right?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we have to have a camaraderie based around walking, not based around like RuPaul's Drag Race, you know what I mean? You ever think about those kind of things, like you want to do something, but then you're afraid it won't be about the thing?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, for sure. All the Time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What's this monochromatic thing you got going on?

[Monet X Change]

It's my. So I've been really. So. I'm sorry. When I started the Amazon storefront, I get complimented a lot on my gym attire. And I want to like, do like little video showing my little gym attire.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ms. Gemma, gym attire. Go ahead.

[Caller/Listener]

Sorry.

[Monet X Change]

That's good. So how about one of my little onesies that wears at the gym,

[Jacob]

And that's Patreon.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You wear the gym?

[Monet X Change]

Well, I, I, I'm un, I'm undone right now because I'm at home, but I like, I wear like tucking panties.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This is wild.

[Monet X Change]

Why?

[Jacob]

You tuck at the gym?

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[Jacob]

That seems uncomfortable.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I do, I do. I do full two hour shows. Splitting, jumping, kicking in the same thing. That's not weird.

[Jacob]

What's your butt routine? What do you do?

[Monet X Change]

Funny you should ask. I literally did an exercise. What'd you say?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Pick up the phone, call Dr. Miami.

[Monet X Change]

You're such a. Wait, don't we have to do a rivalry? We should save this for rivalry.

[Jacob]

Well, here's the thing. Because Bob doesn't have his mics, I was gonna just do one episode.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The mics might be here. Actually, I think I got a call while we're here. So let's just end this episode. So y', all, thank you also.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I have to be done by 2 o' clock and it's 1:40. 1:20 already.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well then, bitch, let's never do it. Let's never do anything. Would you the one talking about the next episode. Rivalry, bitch.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, as you said, I was like, oh, it's 1:20. I have to be done by 2:00'.

[Caller/Listener]

Clock.

[Monet X Change]

I have to be long.

[Jacob]

I don't think we have time for a full episode. We have another recording scheduled for tomorrow, so I don't think.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, then go. Go do whatever your two o'.

[Caller/Listener]

Clock.

[Monet X Change]

We can also do a Patreon exclusive for the like 20.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We'll do whatever your little two o' clock thing is we're gonna do.

[Monet X Change]

Wait, so we're just keeping this one going?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, Amazon storefront at 2 o' clock?

[Monet X Change]

Because Jay's. Jay's gonna color correct it all in one thing.

[Jacob]

Let's do, let's do a concise wrap up and then we can move to a Patreon exclusive.

[Monet X Change]

All right, there you have it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did the patron. Did our listeners just listen to all that jazz?

[Jacob]

They. They did. And it's, it's come to the Patreon if you want to hear about Monet's butt workout.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Bye.