Sibling Advicery: Dying Alone/Twincest

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "Sibling Advicery: Dying Alone/Twincest"

Release Date: December 13, 2021
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

This special "Sibling Advicery" installment of Sibling Rivalry sees Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change offering their signature mix of candid advice, outrageous humor, and heartfelt honesty in response to an array of listener questions. From fears of "dying alone," to navigating taboo relationships, sex, kink, and boundaries, Bob and Monét tackle each submission with their trademark blend of shade, vulnerability, and wit.

Note: The queens are not professional therapists—take their advice with a grain of salt (and, as Bob jokes, "a shot of penicillin").

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Main Discussion Points & Listener Questions

1. On Giving and Receiving Advice

[01:30–05:22]

• Bob and Monét discuss how frequently they're asked for advice, both online and by close friends.
• Monét shares her top "sounding boards" for advice: Bob, Jay, and Duan.
• The importance of unbiased, level-headed guidance, especially in tense situations.
• Friendly jabs about professional expertise vs. lived experience:

  "You could be an expert in something and not have a license in it." – Monét [04:05]
  "Take it with a grain of salt and a shot of penicillin." – Bob [04:20]

• Introduction of new show formats: Rivalry (fighting), Watchery (watching/commenting), Advisory (giving advice).

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2. Dying Alone and Finding Love

[05:31–11:35]
Listener Q: "Bob, you said it took you a while to find a partner. What changed for you? I feel like I'm destined to be single forever."

• Bob shares how a career lull and meeting his partner Jacob via Grindr led to love—when he wasn’t actively seeking it.

  "We just kept hanging out… and then he came to my house and wouldn't leave." – Bob [06:35]

• Discussion about the myth of “true love” and “the one.”

  "I don't believe in 'the one.' I believe in 'a one' for you." – Bob [09:09]

• Emphasis on letting go of rigid expectations for relationships:

  "You had to really open yourself up to experience what love is supposed to be for you, not what you want it to be." – Monét [08:16]

• Exploring love's variety (monogamy, polyamory, etc.): There's no singular right way.

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3. Twincest: Navigating Taboo Love

[12:06–22:39]
Listener Q: Secret lovers write in: identical twin brothers in a secret, romantic/sexual relationship for 10 years, wondering if they should come out or keep hiding.

• Immediate shock and humor ("What in the Alabama is going on?" – Bob [14:27])
• Discussion of U.S. state laws:

  "Rhode Island, Ohio, and New Jersey are the only states where incest is legal." – Bob [15:57]

• Frank talk about social taboos, legal risks, and emotional toll:

  "You will have a very hard time getting acceptance from anyone... unless they're also doing it." – Bob [16:47]

• Reflection on internet “twincest” culture and personal discomfort with the subject.

  "Everything in my socialization tells me this is a problem... but I have a hard time coming to a place where consensually fucking your brother is wrong morally in my brain." – Bob [18:31]

• The hosts never kink-shame but are candid about the severe consequences and lifelong secrecy likely to be required.

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4. Falling for Fuck Buddies

[22:39–28:55]
Listener Q: "How do I stop falling in love with my fuck buddies?"

• Monét: Sex is just sex; clarify intentions and set boundaries to protect your feelings.
• Bob: Suggests practical boundaries (no sleepovers, less emotional intimacy, maybe not even kissing).
• Both discuss their historic experiences with fuck buddies and love.

  “Why don’t you just consider dating one of your fuck buddies? Why can’t y’all date?” – Bob [26:49]

• The need to distinguish between physical attraction and emotional intimacy.

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5. Anal Sex: Getting Over the Hump

[30:29–39:52]
Listener Q: "How do I make anal sex less intimidating as a first-timer, from both top & bottom perspectives?"

• The difference between anal sex for people assigned male vs. female at birth (prostate involvement).
• Key advice:
  • Use lots of lube ("...use as much as you think you need, then do two more squirts." – Bob [34:44])
  • Clean and prep appropriately but avoid over-douching.
  • Practice and communicate openly (“…be with someone who's gonna understand that this is your first time…” – Bob [35:43])
  • Monét suggests trying toys first, learning positions, keeping patience, and exploring what feels good.
  • New term: "side" — gay men who don’t have anal sex, popularized via TikTok [38:03].

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6. Dating Red Flags & Flaking

[40:00–43:59]
Listener Q: "Guy flaked on the 4th date, is this a red flag?"

• Bob: Asks for more context (reason for flaking?).
• Monét distinguishes between ghosting and flaking. An hour's notice isn't great but not a dealbreaker.
• Both recommend open dialogue, second chances, and context before making decisions about continuing dating.

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7. Kink & Race: Slurs in the Bedroom

[43:59–46:16]
Listener Q: On being turned on by racial slurs during sex with white partners.

• Emphasize distinction between consensual kink and post-sex guilt.

  "If you like it, who—no one can tell you that it's not." – Monét [44:59]

• Consensual degradation is a kink; only you can decide if the aftereffects are worth it.
• Both hosts set personal boundaries:

  "But you can't be calling me no niggas in the bedroom... But, bitch, if it's helping you get your rocks off, then guess that's fine and dandy for you, mama." – Monét [45:54]

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8. Entanglements: Defining Relationships

[46:16–48:57]
Listener Q: "How do I figure out where I stand in an entanglement?"

• Both: Communication is key—express what you want and ask for what you need from your partner.

  "Say how you feel and say what you want and then ask what you want to know." – Bob [46:33]

• Acknowledge it may hurt to get a negative answer, but certainty is better than anxiety.

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9. Asexuality in the Gay Community

[48:57–51:56]
Listener Q: On feeling isolated as a gay, asexual man.

• Recognition of the hypersexual norms in gay culture.
• Conversation on what asexuality actually means—nuanced, not "being a plant."
• Importance of self-acceptance and seeking community, even if it's harder as a "minority within a minority."

  "I do think that asexual people do belong in the queer community." – Bob [51:56]

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10. Kitchen Sex Walk-in

[52:20–56:32]
Listener Q: Sister walked in during a kitchen sex act, now not speaking.

• Monét: Assess age, context, relationship—text an apology or try in-person if comfortable.
• Bob: House etiquette—don’t have public sex in shared spaces unless alone, respect others’ boundaries.

  "Don’t be fucking in the kitchen... unless you know your home and then clean your shit up." – Bob [54:56]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On credentials:

  "The advice we're giving today should be taken with a grain of salt and a shot of penicillin." – Bob [04:20]

• On singlehood:

  "You'll find them when you're not looking... I think that maybe what we could all do is shift our idea of what a relationship is supposed to Be." – Bob [07:24]

• On social taboos:

  "You will have a very hard time finding acceptance from people if you are fucking your brother…" – Bob [16:47]

• On kink:

  "If after the sexual experience you feel bad about yourself... then I think that's something you need to explore." – Monét [44:59]

• On boundaries:

  "Maybe if kissing is what brings you to the loving point, maybe you don't kiss." – Bob [26:33]

• On advice:

  "You're going to have to find a sense of your own self because it is probably going to be harder to find more asexual people, quite frankly." – Bob [51:56]

• On being caught:

  "Don't fuck in the kitchen. Fuck in your bedroom. Don't spread your pussy juice and come all around the house for people to sit in after." – Bob [54:56]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:30] – Introducing “Sibling Advicery”
• [05:31] – “Dying alone” & how Bob met Jacob
• [12:06] – The “twincest” conundrum
• [22:46] – Falling for your fuck buddies
• [30:29] – Anal sex: first-time advice
• [40:00] – Flaking—when is it a red flag?
• [43:59] – Race-based kink & guilt
• [46:16] – Untangling relationships
• [48:57] – Asexuality & gay culture
• [52:20] – Kitchen sex walk-in

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Closing / Personal Advice Segment

[56:32–59:57]

Bob and Monét turn the questions on each other, exchanging playful advice about events, fashion, and their own sometimes-contentious (but loving) friendship, ending with a final joke-fueled volley and mutual declarations of love.

"I love you very much, bro." – Bob [59:52]
"I love you very too. I love you very much, too. Fine." – Monét [59:54]

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Summary

This Sibling Rivalry episode is a wild, warm, and wildly honest installment that spans everything from romantic expectations and sex tips to taboo relationships and self-acceptance within the LGBTQ+ community. Bob and Monét blend laugh-out-loud moments with genuine, empathetic insight—never shying from the messy or complicated realities of queer life.

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If you need laughs, real talk, and a reminder that no situation is too weird for good advice (or at least a well-timed joke), this episode delivers.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[B]

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[C]

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[A]

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[B]

1-800-contacts. My name is Bob the Drag Queen. And I'm Monet X Change. And this is Sibling rivalry. Hello, my name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[A]

I'm Monet X Change and this is Sibling advisory.

[B]

Do people ask you for advice?

[A]

People often. Not often people do ask me for advice. I mean on the Internet, yes, a lot. But in terms of. And I have like my close group of friends that often ask me for advice. So I guess, yeah, people do ask me for advice a lot.

[B]

And who do you ask for advice the most from?

[A]

I have like three people I asked for advice from, I asked you, I asked Jay, and I asked Duan. Those are like my three sounding boards pretty much all the time.

[B]

And why do you pick us three for your advice giving? What is it about our moral compass or our reasoning that you tend to lean into us?

[A]

I think all three of you are level headed people. You guys are pretty level headed. You guys often don't give biased advice. And that's what I like. I like advice as I like advice that is unbiased and level headed. Cause I often. So I sometimes don't think levelly in like tense situations when I'm like getting wild. So I like people who do.

[B]

I know you said you guys. Do you not think that women in your life are worthy of giving you advice or no women in your life who you think give good advice?

[A]

Yeah, fuck all of them. They all give shit advice. I would never ask any person who identifies as a woman to give me advice. They're terrible.

[B]

Well, welcome to Sibling Advice for You. My name is Bob the Drag Queen,

[A]

and I'm Monet X Change. And this is the new frontier.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We're doing a new thing called Sibling Watcher. I just want to let you all know.

[A]

Sibling Advisory. You're already saying the wrong thing.

[B]

Oh, God. Oh, God. This is not official advice. We are not professionals in therapy or in science or in any sort of area, except I can speak for myself. Drag and comedy is where I'm an area. And I'm sure Monet's music and drag and makeup and beauty, I can give

[A]

you advice on all those things.

[B]

You're not a professional makeup artist.

[A]

I don't think you need to be a professional makeup artist to give beauty advice.

[B]

I didn't say what we're professionals in. I didn't say what we're. I said, this is the thing that we are professional.

[A]

Well, I will say. Who says we're not? I mean, I do makeup on myself for a while.

[B]

I would say the lack of a license would say that you're not a. A qualified professional.

[A]

So someone who doesn't have a music degree makes them not a professional musician?

[B]

No, no, that's not what I said. I said someone who does not have a license in cosmetology is probably not some sort of a licensed professional who has met some standards and practices.

[A]

You could be an expert in something and not have a license in it.

[B]

Okay, well, that's professional. How about that? Professional.

[A]

Okay, professional.

[B]

You know what? Maybe you are an expert in makeup, but I will say this. The advice we're giving today should be taken with a grain of salt.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Whether it's about drag, whether it's about relationships, religion, whatever advice we're giving you, take it with a grain of salt and a shot of penicillin. And let's let the questions roll.

[A]

Yeah. So this is our new deviation. This is a new subsection of the sibling franchise. We have rivalry, where we fucking fight. We have watchery where we watch serieses and give our opinions and talk through them. And this is advisory. That's gonna do everything that. Bob. And again, I want to say for myself. Cause this I want to say multiple times, because I know without a shadow of a doubt, Bob, you know this. Can you put. Can you take your phone off the table?

[B]

You're the one always dee, dee, dee, dee, dee.

[A]

Bitch, that's you.

[B]

Everyone knows your ringtone, so let's get it real.

[A]

So I want to say it again, because I know Bob, and you know that someone is going to comment and be like, who Gives them the. This is Bob and I giving our opinions about how we feel about things, how we would handle it, what we would do. If you don't like that, then don't listen to this podcast.

[B]

The only thing Monet is an expert on is when you should finish your antibiotics. Let's go into. So, Jacob, did you rename these people?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, so our first one is. Bob, you had said before that it took you a while to find a partner and that you would be single for a while. What changed for you? I feel like I'm destined to be looking for the rest of eternity. Sincerely, single forever. This is giving very. Dear Abby, you single forever?

[A]

Yeah, Bob, what changed that for you?

[B]

So I was going through a period of time where I was not finding mutual attraction, and I also was very career focused. I think that Jacob and I met each other at a point in my life where my career was really shifting and I wasn't constantly, constantly looking for my next gig or my next project. I was working on one thing for six months. Well, I mean, a few things. I work on my show at Oasis. I guess it's a lot for me. It didn't seem like a lot for us. Doing a show twice a month at Oasis, doing a show eight times a week at Berkeley Rep, and then starting a podcast was, like, pretty chill. That was a very level schedule. I was like, girl, I am relaxed, honey. And, you know, Jacob and I met on Grindr, and we. We. He, like, reached out to me again, like, after a while, and then I reached out to him when I got back to San Francisco, and we just kept hanging out. And then he came to my house and wouldn't leave. So I was like, well, let's all start dating. I think that it was maybe, I don't know, I just ended up meeting someone who I had a lot in common with, who I seemed to hit it off with. And I felt like I also wasn't really looking. Like, I was just. I really was just looking to hook up. And then we ended up, like, being together.

[A]

Well, what say to you, to the people? Cause that's a lot of people say that they'll be like, you know what? You'll find him when you. You'll find him or her when you're not looking. You'll find them when you're not looking. That's, like, when it happens.

[B]

I think that you could look and still find someone.

[A]

I think. Yeah, agreed.

[B]

I think that maybe what we could all do is shift our idea of what a relationship is supposed to Be. Maybe we could shift our idea of what it means to be in love or to be with someone from some romanticized version you've seen on television or in movies or in a book or even in your own friend group. For everyone, love is different. Relationships are different. Love for you might not look like love for your parents. The kind of love your parents had might not look like the kind of love that you have. And the kind of love that your best friend has might look different than yours. We were talking to a friend recently who was like, my relationship with my boyfriend, he was explaining, and I was like, oh, this is so different than me and Jacob. Like, this is just not how we are. But it is working for him. And they really seem to be getting along very, very well.

[A]

Yeah. And on the opposite side of that, if the way that you picture love to be is the way that you want it, you're not willing to change from that, then you can't be upset that you don't find what you're looking for. And maybe you will find that eventually. But I think that you had to really open yourself up to experience what love is supposed to be for you, not what you want it to be for you. Like, love for you. Maybe have an idea that love, it will be a single monogamous relationship, you and this person. But maybe your spirit wants you to be polyamorous or aversive. Maybe you're like, ugh, I can only be open. I only want to have multiple partners and polyamorous and open. Or maybe the person for you, it might be someone who. It might be a monogamous relationship. I think that you just have to just open yourself. To what? Like, what? The possibilities are endless in love and relationships, especially today, so just lean into that.

[B]

Well, I don't believe in the person for you. I believe in a person for you. I don't believe in, like, true loves and, like, one true love and like, soul mates. I don't. I don't believe in that stuff work. I think that we're probably compatible with lots of people. And if the idea of, like, a

[A]

single one soulmate doesn't speak to me, but I do think that for some people, there is the one they're looking for and they find them and then they get married and they live happily ever after. Again, unhappily ever after doesn't mean, like, nothing ever happens. They don't get mad. They don't. They don't get a divorce. And that's another thing too. People, like, once you find, what do

[B]

you Mean by, like, the one they want to be like. I believe that. I believe that, honestly, if Jacob and I had met, I would have just met someone else that I was also very compatible with. Like, I think there are lots of people in the world that I'm very compatible with. I just haven't met them or we haven't landed in a circumstance where we would be able to date, or I met them, or they're older than me or younger than me, or they're. Or they're in a different country or they're on a different, you know, time zone, or they. They work the night shift and I work the day shift, and it won't work. But I think that. I think that we are compatible with lots of people. We just happen to meet a few of them because, yeah, sure, for you.

[A]

But I think for some people, they find that one person, and in their mind, that's the only person that they feel like they can be with, and they end up being together for 50 years or 20 years, or they're together for 10 and they divorce. And then after that, they just date because they don't feel like they'll find that person again. And I think that's fine, too. I just feel like it's whatever you can fall asleep to at the end of the night or when you close your eyes. When you die, whatever makes you happy and keeps you in that place, then good for you.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you know how I feel about the One. Like, it is just really. It puts a lot of weight on that person. Then, God forbid, thing ever happened to that person. They're dead, and you lost the One. The One. The One came and went, and now they're dead and you're single to the day you die.

[A]

And now you're free to fuck or. And be a whore for the rest of your life if you want to, too.

[B]

Yeah, I don't subscribe to the ideology, but I think that what worked for me was finding someone who. Who I'm compatible with. It's all about. It's all about compatibility, love. And luckily, we're very compatible. Right? Work.

[C]

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[A]

So that was single forever. Let's move on to the next one. And this is from Two guys in Love. My brother and I are identical twins. We were always. We were always extremely close growing up. And we were teens. And when we were teens, we started experimenting sexually with each other after a couple of years.

[B]

Girls, girl, stop reading for a second. You just kept reading. Like that was. You just kept reading. You just really kept reading.

[A]

I wanted to take it all in.

[B]

You said it. Yeah. Well, I think one of these twins wants to take it all in, too.

[A]

It's getting really. It's getting really juicy.

[B]

Very quick. Not the Zakar twins writing us, girl.

[A]

Very Zakar twins. If y' all know guys who used to tour with Murray and Peter.

[B]

Now that Zakarta is riding us.

[A]

Okay. After a couple of years, we realized we had fallen in love, Girl.

[B]

Jacob, can I get a drink, please? This is getting wild. I need to. Can you give me a drink and some of the squirty stuff, please? Some water and not the squirty stuff. I want one of these. Just like these twins give each other the squirty stuff. This is. What is it? Clickety clackety click. Clickety clackity. One of the comments said a while back, because I asked Jacob. I asked Jacob to Google something, and I said, can you. Clickety clackity? And then they said, how does Bob ask Jacob to suck his dick? Can you give me a slurpity slur?

[A]

Wasn't it suckity suckity?

[B]

It's in the cabinet where the Fly by Jing is. It's like someone said, does Bob look at Jacob and say, can I get that Suck at his slurpity. All right, sorry. Keep reading. This is just getting. This is getting crazier and crazier every time.

[A]

Ten years later, we are still together in secret. People. People keep asking us if we're looking to settle down and find a longtime partner, but we're happy the way things are. Do it owe to. Or I think they meant do we owe it. Do we owe it to other people to share our relationship with them? Can we get in legal trouble for coming out? How do we get other people to stop prying into our personal lives? Sincerely to guys in love. That is wild. That is wild. Oh, my God. Well, number one, you can't get in the. I mean, depending on where you live, I'm assuming.

[B]

What in the Alabama is going on

[A]

in all, I'm assuming, America. So you can't get in trouble for coming out. You can't get in legal trouble for coming out. You can come out whatever. But I think, but if you mean coming out as a couple legally, I mean, I'm sure there are some states, laws that may be against that in certain places that I'm not aware of.

[B]

I think you're allowed to fuck your siblings.

[A]

Are you legally in certain states, I

[B]

think you're allowed to legally fuck your siblings as long as you're both consenting. Really? I think there are some laws about procreating because I think. Can you Google that, please? I think there are some laws about procreating because I think there's a thing with, if you're closely related to someone, you have children, it can be, it can negatively impact their health.

[A]

Yeah, right. But, and no, I don't like, I

[B]

don't think that obviously these two can't procreate. Obviously these people are going to procreate.

[A]

I mean, yeah, yeah, they can't, but I don't, they don't. You don't owe it to anyone to share your relationship with them. If you like having your relationship in secret, then that's your business. But with that, no, people are going to pry. Especially if you have friends and family who you're close to. They are going to want to pry and find out like, did you like who you're dating? So you're, so you're constantly going to be living in this cycle of lying to people about your, about your life and about who you, about who you love.

[B]

Rhode Island, Ohio and New Jersey are the only states where incest is legal.

[A]

Wow. Wait, those three states are the only states that it's legal or illegal.

[B]

So if you want to fuck your brother, I recommend you go to Rhode Island, Ohio or New Jersey.

[A]

Yeah, I, I, I knew there was someone.

[B]

Adults. This is from criminaldefenselawyer.com Incest between adults is a felony punishable by five years to life depending on state laws. Incest against children is punishable as severely, if not more so as other cases of child and sexual abuse. All blah, blah, blah.

[A]

I think that, so yes, they can, you can get in if you, if, if you don't live in one of those three states. Bob said you can get in legal trouble for coming out of like your relationship.

[B]

You know, this is really testing my, my consensual adults. I'm like two consecutive adults. Whatever you want, you can't. I will say this, you will have a very Hard time finding acceptance from people. If you are fucking your brother, you will have a very, very hard time getting acceptance from anyone in your family, probably, unless they're also doing it. You probably have a hard time getting acceptance from your friends, and you'll certainly have a hard time getting acceptance from people in the world at large.

[A]

But you know what? There are porn star twins, though. I've seen this. Someone has shown me these twin brothers that they have sex with each other. So they must having sex in one of those three states you mentioned, or they're not American.

[B]

And I also know that there's also a big thing on porn where people are twins, but they're not twin. They're just people who look alike.

[A]

No, this is like, these are famous twin brothers.

[B]

They fuck each other.

[A]

Yeah, they suck each other's dicks and they fuck each other. It's like a thing.

[B]

I mean, girl. I mean. So this is popularly referred to on the Internet as twincest, which is usually when two, when two boyfriends look alike, they call it twincest. It's like a jokey thing. Yeah, but this is literally fucking your identical twin. And I, you know, I'm, I, if I'm being honest, it, I feel uncomfortable discussing this. I, it. Everything in my socialization tells me this is, this is a problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Morally speaking. I have a hard time coming to a place where consensually fucking your brother is wrong morally in my brain. But my socialization, everything in my socialization says this is horrible. Don't do this.

[A]

Yeah, I mean,

[B]

I had to get a drink on this one girl, the water Waterloo save the day girl Waterloo

[A]

come through well, you know what? This is so funny because I don't. It was some time ago.

[B]

You think it says it's funny?

[A]

It was some time ago. I was with some. I don't know who I was with. I don't know what if it. I don't know who I was talking to about, but the twin porn star brothers came up and everyone's talking about like how hot it was and they wanted to watch. I was like, I have no interest in watching that. And they were like, girl, it's hot. I was like, I don't think so. I don't think two twins having sex with each other. I don't want to see that. That's not like, that's not like a turn on for me. Everyone else thought it was really hot. And then the conversation got on. Well, girl, if you had a twin brother, you wouldn't want to see his Dick. I'm like, no, I really would not. I'm not interested. I was like a. If we're twins, we have the devices. So I don't need to say that.

[B]

That's not. That's not true. Identical twins do not have. Always have the same. Their bodies are not literally identical, and their penises and their genitals and their. Are not always the same. The Zakar twins famously did penis moles of themselves on YouTube. And they're two different. Yes, they did. They are. And they are two different dicks. You telling me that you wouldn't. Devin Burton.

[A]

Absolutely not. To me, that's so Devin and Devin and Kevin. It's my brother. That is so crazy to me. So. But then. But that's the thing we got on that conversation. They were like, well, girl, if you had a twin brother, you're like, y' all wouldn't. You wouldn't, like, suck his dick or something? I was like, no, I don't want to see it. I don't want to suck it. That would. That would be so weird.

[B]

It's my brother, so it makes me. I wouldn't either. It makes me wonder how many twins are sucking each other's dicks and eating each other's pussies. It makes me wonder, like, how often are twins, like, yeah, I just want to see if your dick looks like my dick. I also want to point. I don't think it is weird for young people to, like, want to see each other's genitals. That seems pretty normal.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Between, like, friends and even families. Like, I want to see what you have. You know, children are very curious people. Yeah. But, you know, I. I want to say best of luck to you all, but I just hope that you find what you need in life. And I do think that you will have a very hard time getting people to accept your relationship. Is this a real thing, or did you make these up? This is real. And were they submitted anonymously? Girl.

[A]

Girl. Well, my advice to you guys is know that again, if you do not live in one of the three states that Bob mentioned, you will get in legal trouble for coming out in a relationship together, for having sex together. And I. And I don't. You can stop people from prying into your lives, especially if they're close friends and family. They're gonna wanna know about your life. And not unless you're astray from your family.

[B]

It's not just because you're dating. You might possibly be fucking each other, but everyone's like, especially if you're a decent person. You know what's the most annoying question to be asked when you're single is why are you single, bitch? I don't fucking know, bitch. Unless I recently broke up, bitch, I don't fucking know. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, but if y' all are happy living secretly and. But it seems like you're not happy. Cause you. Cause people keep on prying and people wan. You want to share this with people so it doesn't seem like you're happy doing it in secret. But if you come out, there can be legal trouble and you can lose family, friends. I think there's a lot to lose by coming out.

[B]

Also, no lie can live forever. Remember that. No lie can live forever. As William Cullen Bryant said, truth crushed to earth will rise again. It will be found out.

[A]

Yeah. So I hope

[B]

you laughing over there, Jacob.

[A]

You guys stay safe and you find the validation that you're looking for from your friends and family by not coming out with it.

[B]

Let's move on. Dear Bob Monet, how do I stop falling in love with my fuck buddies?

[A]

I have an answer for this. Realizing that sex is just sex. Sex is sex. If you are single and you're having sex with these fuck buddies and hoping that they will eventually become relationships, you have to realize that these fuck weddings are probably coming into it as like, I'm just trying to fuck. I'm just trying to cum. I'm just trying to suck some dick. I'm just trying to eat some pussy. Like, that's all that they're probably going into it with. So if you're not going to it with those same intentions, hoping that you could. That it will become something more, then you're gonna keep on falling in love with them.

[B]

Maybe you could also try to set some boundaries. You know, if you're. If you're dating your fuck buddy, you'll probably fall in love with them if you're compatible. Also, I mean, I don't fall. Do people fall in love that frequently? I mean, how many times have you been in love, Monet? In love?

[A]

I would say I've been in love, like maybe four times.

[B]

And you're 31? Yeah, I'm 35. I've been in love probably three times. Probably three times in my life. And keep falling in love with your. Like, I don't fall. I don't fall in love that easily. I mean, I. I am.

[A]

When did you and Jacob say that? You. When did you and Jacob tell each other that you love each other?

[B]

Jake and I started saying we love each other right away, pretty much immediately. We? What do you mean, immediately? I mean, we had started dating and about a week later we were like, let's just start saying it even if we don't mean it. And then eventually we will.

[A]

Wait. Oh, wait, like, what do you say? Like, day one?

[B]

Like, less. Less than a. Maybe within a week we were like, laying asleep and I said, hey, I'm just gonna say I love you. I love you before I go to sleep. And let's just start saying it now. And I don't know if it's true yet or how we feel. It's pretty early on in our relationship. But we'll just start saying I love you now and not make a big deal out of it. When we finally say it, we'll just say, I love you, Mom.

[A]

You're so cute.

[B]

Yvonne, my little stinky baby, you're so cute.

[A]

Why is that so cute? Because again, y' all know me. I get Bob's little isms, his little quirks. They really tickle me. And that is such a Bob thing. Like, hey, I don't know if I really mean it. I was gonna say I love you to. And eventually it worked. That is very Bob. That is so Bob.

[B]

And it did work. And then. And now I really do love Jacob. And I don't remember the day where I said it and meant it, but I remember being like. But I do know that now I love Jacob very, very much. And he's an integral part of my life and I'm very grateful to have him in my life.

[A]

Do you remember when you told me that you love me?

[B]

I don't know. I mean, I don't know, but I say it a lot.

[A]

Though it was November 13, 1915, you're still full of shit. I mean, sorry. No, I'm serious. 2016 is the first time you told me that you loved me.

[B]

What were the circumstances?

[A]

I was going off to do a gig and you told me you loved me.

[B]

I can't tell if you're being serious or not.

[A]

I'm being serious.

[B]

Where were we?

[A]

You were at your old apartment and

[B]

you were leaving my place to go to gig. Why would you be at my place before a gig, Bob?

[A]

So many times I would get ready at your house with you in your little crunchy little apartment. Yes.

[B]

We don't need to start attacking my home. I don't know why that needs to start coming into play. I didn't say anything about your little shitty apartment in the Bronx with your little glass chest piece from Walgreens in the corner. Monae used to have a chessboard in the corner of her apartment that she couldn't play. By the way, Monet can't play chess either. By the way, Monet was hor. I played her one time. By the way, I'm not good at chess. I crushed Monet. I was like, oh, my God, you're bad at this game. And she just kept it proper. It was like one of those really cheap glass ones you see at Walgreens.

[A]

Cheap. Excuse me.

[B]

It was cheap. It was cheap. And you know it was cheap. Monet. You know, that thing was. You know that thing was cheap.

[A]

Anyway, back to the question. I like Bob's idea of boundaries, too. Like, maybe that means not letting them sleep over. Maybe that means not doing certain things so that you don't fall in love with this person.

[B]

Or maybe. Maybe if kissing is what brings you to the loving point, maybe you don't kiss. Maybe if it is. Maybe if. Yeah, maybe if the movies you watch together were too much. Like, maybe I don't need to be Netflix and chill. Maybe y' all need to just chill. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And also, why don't you just consider dating one of your fuck buddies? Like, why can't y' all date?

[A]

I think the thing might be the fuck buddies I'm not trying to date. I think that's what is happening here. He's like, have you ever had any

[B]

really consistent fuck buddies? Like, really consistent?

[A]

Like, oh, yeah, for sure.

[B]

Like, for years, fuck buddies.

[A]

For sure. Remember I was telling you about that guy Kenny that I used to hook up with when I used to. When I was still in high.

[B]

Not the name. Not the name, Bob.

[A]

The amount of Kennys that exist in the world. What are you talking about?

[B]

That went to your high school that fucked you?

[A]

No, he was not in high school with me. I was in high school. I met him while I was in high school. And periodically, he'll still text me to this day, and I'll be like, girl, I have a boyfriend, or something like that. I'm not in New York anymore. It's not cool.

[B]

I mean, anyways, now, one time. One time, Layla was in town, and there's this guy that she, like, hooks up with, and she was like, you know, when you come to town, there's a hookup. You try to see if you want. If you want to fuck everyone. A lot of people do this, right? So Layla reached out to this guy and was like, hey. And then, like, his first text back was, I'm monogamous now. So for a while, that was me and Layla's response to anything anyone would say. They'd be like, hey, do you guys wanna go out tonight?

[A]

I'm monogamous.

[B]

I'm monogamous now. I have a couple of fuck buddies now that I still, to be honest, I have probably two fuck buddies who are not my partners that are currently in rotation. They don't live in the same town as I do, but whenever I'm in their town, we definitely hang out.

[A]

Yeah. And do you ever find yourself falling in love with fuck buddies?

[B]

So I have a fuck buddy in San Francisco and we're not in love, but he's a really, really good friend. And we talk a lot. Well, not a lot. We text frequently. And whenever I'm in town, we definitely hang out. And I really like him, but I'm not in love. He's also in a relationship. And I have a fuck buddy from New York City who I actually did have feelings for, but I wasn't in love, but I did have feelings for him like a while back, like before I even met Jacob.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Thank you, horny heart. And I hope that helped.

[C]

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[A]

Dear Bob and Monet, I'm having trouble getting over the hump and having anal sex. I'm too scared. Do you have any advice on making the first time any easier and less intimidating? Both from A topping and bottom perspective. Sincerely getting ready.

[B]

Okay, I really feel like I need more information on you. I need to know if you're assigned female at birth or assigned male at birth, because that changes anal. Everything anal changes. If you're assigned female at birth versus assigned a male at birth, anal sex is completely different experiences, really, because, you know, people who are assigned female birth don't have prostates.

[A]

Right? But you still have to get into the hole. It's not about making them come. I think the person is saying the pain.

[B]

It's about the feel. But, like, I think the pleasure of having your prostate stimulated is a part of what makes anal sex so much more pleasurable for people who have. Who are assigned male at birth. Now, there are lots of people who are assigned female. There are lots of people with pussies who love anal sex. I've heard the stories. You see the videos on the Internet. You heard about it in the paper. You've seen it on the news.

[A]

Well, anytime someone complains about having anal sex in my mind, because as someone who bottoms a lot, I feel like it's getting through the pain threshold of it.

[B]

Because there is a thing balance between. I don't bottom, I bottom a lot. Big dicks are only for show.

[A]

Okay, first of all, it has to

[B]

be a big dick. If it's not a back breaker. I can't take a.

[A]

I have said. I have said.

[B]

Let me say.

[A]

Let me tell you what I have said on this podcast.

[B]

This is where they gather you in the comments, honey. This is where they gather.

[A]

I had said the big dick comment thing. And I said, guys with bigger dicks tend to want to get you ready and prep you and eat your ass out more because they know that they have a big piece of material. So whereas guys who may not necessarily have bigger penises, they just feel like they can just spit on it and go forward or they can just. They don't have to do anything because maybe people they mess with, they can just slip right on and it's good. But guys, when they have a bigger dick, you know that nine times out of 10, you need to work it. You need to get it ready or else nothing can happen. So I feel like they always take more time to prepare a body bottom to have sex.

[B]

I was listening to the Breakfast Club with Charlemagne the God, and they have. They were having a discussion about penis size, and Charlamagne kept going on and on about how his penis is really average size, and he's like, who wants these big dicks? And my dick is Completely average. And then he kept saying stuff like, honestly? Yeah. Then a caller would call in and be like, honestly, big dicks are horrible. They ruin me and it's not even fun. Then Charlamagne was like, yeah, I'm happy with my average eight and a half. Yeah, fuck those big huge dicks. Me and my little happy eight and a half are happy. And I was like, these two things you're saying aren't correlating.

[A]

Well, here's the thing. People say penis measurements and I don't think they realize maybe Charlamagne does have an 8 1/2 inch dick. But let me tell y', all, 8 1/2 inches of penis. 8.

[B]

If your dick is very big, that's average. So why is he saying average? Why does he keep me on. Me and my little average eight and a half are great. Why is he saying that? I think his dick is less than that. But he's just saying it because, right. He doesn't want to give the real number.

[A]

That's my point. Eight and a half inches. Very few people probably have eight and a half inches of dick. What I was going to say before Bob really interrupted me is that Charlamagne maybe has like an.

[B]

I could have done it way more rudely.

[A]

Charlamagne probably has a good and a good and plenty 7 inch dick. And 7 inches of dick. That is a. That is a. That is a lot of penis. That is a big penis.

[B]

That will.

[A]

I mean, like, that is long. Like, look, if you have a ruler or tape measure, pull out your tape measure ruler right? Now look at how long 7 inches is. That is a lot of detail.

[B]

More importantly, ask yourself how big you think your phone is and then Google the dimensions and you'll gag, right? Or you won't, because you don't gag. I think that when it comes to anal sex, here's something that's important to remember. Anal sex every isn't for everyone. You don't if you are queer or if you're not queer, whatever your situation is, you don't feel like you have to have. Everyone doesn't have to have anal sex or take stuff in their butt. It is not everyone's bodies are built differently. Our pleasure centers, our nerve endings are all different. So it just feels different for different people. If you are dedicated to having anal sex, I would say lots of lube. Lots of lube. I mean, more than you think you need. Use as much as you think you need, then do two more squirts. Make sure you are. You feel confident. You want to Clean your butthole out. If you don't feel confident, you're not going to want to do it.

[A]

You should always douche until the water is running clear. If there's a little, A little murky, you want to do it again to make sure it clear. Because then you feel good.

[B]

But also when you're douching, you don't need to be using these like one gallon bulbs. Like, you're not trying to clean out your entire intestine. You're trying to clean out the first, the first like 10 inches of your intestines. Right. All you're trying to clean out.

[A]

Yeah, over douching is a real thing. Over douching is a real thing. You get a lot of water in there. And then when y', all, it gets real squirty. Squirty. And like, and then you. Because if you over douche and you're gonna push the water too far up you. You're bringing shit down. That's all the way by your fucking abdominal, abdominal, abdominal, abdominal. Oh, my God. Abdomen. Jesus Christ. And you're bringing all that.

[B]

You're pulling out food that hasn't even been digested. A whole homie comes out.

[A]

So you don't want to over douche. That's the problem too.

[B]

That's a joke. There's. You can't, you can't do shot undigested. But just everyone, just everyone knows, again, we're not medical professionals, but you want to make sure that you, that you're clean. Because if you don't feel confident, I don't think you'll be. You'll be able to perform at your best. Although some people are just like, girl, whatever. You get what you get. You don't get upset, right? And be with someone who's gonna understand that this is your first time and that you need some patience. If the person is not patient, I feel like it is okay to let them know, hey, this is my first time, so please be patient with me, please.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And then. And also so you said from topping and bottom. So from a bottom, you want to be with someone who is going to lube you up properly, who is going to finger you a little bit. Or you can also use toys that aren't as big as a penis to help. That's something that they can do. They can also perform oral sex on your hole. Cause that again, that helps. Massage a hole.

[B]

Get it analingus.

[A]

Yes, it will. Analingus. And get it relaxed to top another thing, again, I don't use them, but A lot of people do recommend them, especially at sex wise. Whatever. People use poppers cause poppers help you relax. But again, poppers is a. I mean they sell it at stores. Is poppers considering that when they tell

[B]

everyone to do drugs, not when they tell everyone to do drugs. I mean the people use it, I don't use it. But honestly, it feels good to fucking crack. I don't do it, I don't do it. But if you want to do crack, I've heard fucking on crack is good. I've heard cracking on meth feels great. I've heard it, I don't do it.

[A]

And for. If you're coming from a top perspective, I think that you want to make that bottom feel as good as possible, which means doing all the things I mentioned. You have to want to engage the whole and make it relaxed and make it feel comfortable before you just start sticking a fucking dick in there. Don't be the type of top you kiss for a little bit, the bottom sucks your. And then you just go in and try to fuck them. Like no, you need to finger them. Use toys to get it open. Analingus. All those things to help the whole feel rock.

[B]

So check, check in with your partner, listen to them, ask them out loud. How is that? Does that feel good? That can also be a sexy question. Does that feel good? Is a sexy question. But also be prepared for them to be like, no, no, not great, not great. And then you have to adjust accordingly. So you know, there's also a new term called aside. Have you heard of this term?

[A]

What the fuck is aside? Aside? Aside Yaku.

[B]

Not a top, not a bottom. They're a side. It's a person who doesn't, who doesn't have anal sex. Like a gay man who doesn't have anal sex.

[A]

I've never heard that term.

[B]

It got popularized on TikTok in 2020.

[A]

So anyway, so I get reported for the news. It got popular on TikTok around 2020.

[B]

Popularized on, on the app TikTok in the year 2020. Side is a new term to describe whatever. So anyway, that is a, that is my advice to you and just know that you know, take some time. And also last thing I'll say too is like if you're gonna try to loosen your butthole up with toys before the real deal, just know that that's. It's not the same thing. Like when it, when, when a, when a, an actual penis or a strap attached to a person shows up, it is different because when you have your hand behind this toy trying to make it work versus a person thrusting their hips. The game will change. It will. So if you practice at home with a toy, it will not feel the same as when a person who is over 100 pounds, maybe over 200 pounds, maybe over 300 or 400 pounds, is thrusting their bodies at you. It will feel different. Be prepared for that.

[A]

Oh, I was. I will also say, too, practicing at home before you do the real thing. Like douching. Like, you by yourself at home. Douching by yourself at home, getting toys and, like, dildos that are similar to the dicks that you want to take or that you. Or you feel like you can take. Because then you can practice on yourself and you can find out, like, what positions feel good for you. Like, if you like doing it more like doggy style or missionary. Like, if. Do you like the head going up or down? Like, there are different things that you might like. And then you can only find that out, obviously, by having a lot of sex, but by practicing with toys on yourself at home. So knowing, like, what you're good at and how you feel. Good. Good.

[B]

Yeah. Find someone that you trust. Like our last listeners. They have. They found their twin brother. Find someone that you trust who knows you. Knows your body like it's their own. Just kidding.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Let's go into our next. All right. Dear Bob and Monet, I. I met a guy online. The guy flaked on me an hour before our first. Our fourth date. Oh, so this. This is fourth. Okay. The guy flaked me an hour before our fourth. Fourth date. That's hard to say. He's been great every other. Every other day, but this seems like a red flag. I'm trying to do better at setting boundaries because I have never set them before. Should I call the whole thing off or let him know it's not okay? And I won't be. There won't be a third chance if it happens again. A third chance? There's only the first one happened.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

we're missing a piece of the story. I think this person is full of shit, and this person really dodged a bullet by ghosting you.

[A]

No, I'm Peter. Oh, my God.

[B]

I just want to be respectful for myself. First of all, you're untrustworthy. You said second chance. It wasn't the first. This person really dodged a bullet not fucking with your ass.

[A]

Oh, my God. I would say go ahead.

[B]

It's a red flag. Ghosting is a red flag. Ghosting is a. Okay.

[A]

Ghosting and flaking are different Ghosted. Yeah, but I don't think this is not. I think Jacob put that. This is not ghosting someone. This is flake.

[B]

You're right. I think that also, we need more information. What is their excuse? Like, did someone die in the family? Or do they just say, I'm not feeling well? Also, sometimes it's okay for people to, like, work on their mental health. What if they're like, what, 20? 20 was rough. What if they're like, girl, I'm having a rough day and I just need to be. I. I can't go out today. I don't have the social. I don't have what it takes to go out into the world today. So please understand that I won't be joining you. Joining you tonight. Or do they just say, I ain't coming. Bye. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. Bob has taken the very diplomatic road. I'm gonna go on the ratchet side. The person was like, y' all had plans to meet at the coffee shop at 4 o'. Clock. You showed up at 4 o', clock, and the person just didn't show up. I think they didn't show up and they didn't text. I think that is a really bad, nasty flake. But if y' all were gonna meet at 4 o' clock and a person hits you up at, like, 3:50, like, hey, I know we're supposed to meet up in 10 minutes, but I just really can't today. I'm really sorry. Let's do it again next time. I also think that's a bit of a red flag. Well, I was gonna say that's a yellow flag. I'm like, bitch, you waited 10 minutes. Because if we were to meet at 4 o', clock, you knew before. Before 3:50. An hour before. Oh, they fixed me an hour. Okay.

[B]

An hour before.

[A]

I feel that. I feel that's reasonable. And I think that if the person's

[B]

fourth date, they showed up three times.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you should cut them off for that.

[B]

Yeah, I think that you should. If you're comfortable with date. If you're comfortable enough with this person, ask them why they flaked and they're comfortable enough. Telling you. You can assess if that was a good enough reason for you, but I don't think you should. I think people deserve more than. More chances than that.

[A]

In my mind, with Andy and I, something similar towards, like, it was like maybe after our fourth date, actually similar to this. It wasn't like a flake. So we had made plans to meet up for lunch at 3 o'. Clock. Well, he was gonna come to my place, and then we're gonna go to get lunch somewhere or get coffee somewhere or something like that. And then three o' clock came around, and I didn't hear anything. Now, granted, he was at work, so he had, like an hour break in his work day. He was gonna just swim by my house and get coffee together. Yeah. And then three o' clock came around. I never heard from him, and I didn't text or say anything. And then he texted me later. He was like, hey, how was your day? Are you gonna come over tonight? Whatever? And I was like, bitch, you remember we were supposed to have lunch, we were supposed to get coffee earlier. And he was like, oh, my God, why didn't you text me? And so. But so that's not like a bad. So in that moment, I was kind of feeling like, you. I'm like, does this motherfucker flake on me? Did he ghost on me? But I could have also taken the initiative to ask more and to be like, hey, is this still happening? Instead of just, you tried to play me, you flaked on me when that really wasn't the case.

[B]

Yeah. I think that this person deserves another chance, and I think that what you're doing is tres mature. So thank you. Ghosted.

[A]

Yeah. Dear Bob and Monet, is it wrong that I get turned on when a white man uses slurs while topping me? Ooh, girl, I feel so horrible about this. I'm African American, and lately I've been on a road to opening up my sexual exploration. I'm worried because I think I've gone too far to find this enjoyable. Sincerely, kink shamed. Girl, Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl. Speaking for me, I mean, have you. I mean, you are a grown person experiencing sex. You can go as far as you want to. You can go, and you can do as much as you want. I think that's up to you. I mean, if after the. After this sexual experience, you feel bad about yourself after. Cause in the moment, Right. You're finding it pleasurable, you're finding it enjoy. Are you, like, feeling down about yourself? You're like, oh, I can't believe I did that, then I think that's something that you need to explore. But I mean, if you like it, who. No one can tell you that it's not.

[B]

Right. Yeah. Being degraded in the bedroom is a big kink for a lot of people. And everyone has lines that they draw. It's really important to set boundaries.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When you're. When you're with people and if you are both consenting adults and you find that attractive, I think 1A is right. As long as you don't feel bad afterwards. If it sounds like it's affecting you now negatively. Yeah, it sounds like it's negatively impacting your mental health because you don't feel good about it. Or maybe. Maybe you need to do some more work on your. On yourself to find out if you actually do feel okay with it. Maybe take a deeper look into why you want that key. Why? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if you think that exploring that with a partner that you trust is healthy, then I don't. I don't see the problem with it. But if it's leaving you feeling bad, then I think. Think that you should. Bitch, abort. Abort mission. I'm not one of the folks who's like, never, never. You're adults. You're both adults. Do what feels good.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, as for me, I know that could work for me. And again, I'm into things like choking, slapping, all that shit. But you can't be calling me no niggas in the bedroom. That's not gonna work. That just wouldn't work for me. You can't be calling me a black monkey, a Negro, or whatever. That just can't work for me. But, bitch, if it's helping you get your rocks off, then guess that's fine and dandy for you, mama.

[B]

Yeah, same. Yeah, I'm certainly not gonna kink shame anyone. Dear Bob and Monet, I have an entanglement. How do I find out where we stand and how to go on? Can I take this with Monae? Do you wanna go? Take this one, please.

[A]

Go ahead, take it.

[B]

Open and honest communication. Say, are we da? You say, first of all, say how you feel and say what you want and then ask what you want to know. I have feelings for you. I would like a relationship. How do you feel? Don't get the guessing games. This is exhausting. If you're in the middle of a guessing game with this person right now, that sounds like a horrible kickoff to a relationship. It's a red flag. It is a precursor to the rest of your relationship. It is really setting yourself up to be really upset and annoyed because you are. You're just playing games like you don't want to guess. There's no guessing. I hate guessing. I hate the idea of guessing in a relationship what's going on and how

[A]

the other person feels.

[B]

That sounds horrible to me.

[A]

I agree. You know, in my Previous two relationships, it's been very straightforward, like, how we're feeling, whatever. But in the past, I told y', all, I used to date dudes that were DL, dudes that like stuff like that. So that would. It would. Like, it would affect my mental health so badly. And now look, I can really see how much it was really fucking me up, because it was always in this nebulous of, what are we? We can't do this together. We can't say this, because people don't. And then they couldn't call me their boyfriend because of what that meant. And toxic masculinity and the homophobia, internalizing homophobia that they had about themselves. It's all really, really, really not good for your mental state. So entanglements, we get it. They happen. They're very easy to happen, especially when it comes from a fuck buddy or whatever it is. And I think Bob is really is right. Just, like, being like, hey, this is how I feel. I really like you. I really like you. I like spending time with you. I like having sex with you. I like when we get to do this, this and that. I would like to be a boyfriend. Like, is that. Like, how do you feel about that? And then. But also, you have to be ready for them to be like, bitch, yeah, I'm not about that. Cause then that can fuck you up, too. But I think knowing is better than playing the guessing game.

[B]

Yeah. I once told a guy that I was really into him, and he was like, I'm not into you. And I was like, all right, I'm so glad we had this chat. Did it hurt? Yes. I was very upset set, but I got over it, and I'm feeling much better now. And I was able to really rip that band aid off. And, you know, you listen to some Sam Smith, you listen to some Lauryn Hill, and. And you. You listen to the Lemonade album. Well, that's more of a My ex, My boyfriend's cheating on me album.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you, you know, you. You keep moving. That's how I. That's how it works for me.

[A]

Anyway, thank you, Situationship. Next question. Dear Baba Monet, how do you guys feel about asexuality in the gay community? As someone who identifies as a gay asexual man, I feel like because a lot of gay culture is centered around the act of sex, it can be difficult to fit in with or relate to some gay men. When a lot of gay culture revolves around something I have no real interest in, it just feels isolating sometimes. Sincerely feeling left out. I Get that. You know, I feel like I have a couple asexual friends. They don't identify as that. But in our conversations and in the things that we talk about and discuss, it seems like that's what they are. And I do agree. Gay, Gay. The queer community is heavily, heavily, heavily talks about sex, thinks about sex, and sex is a really big part of the fabric of our community because again, as younger people, we. We couldn't find people to experiment with who were our own age and et cetera, et cetera. So I get it, why sexuality is such a big sex, sorry, is such a big thing for the queer community. And it can be sobering. Not sobering, it can be isolating. I get that. But I don't know, how do we make asexuality more acceptable, not more acceptable? I think people accept it. It's just. Sex is a big thing.

[B]

Yeah, well, being ace or asexual is a very real thing. There's a couple people who famously came forward as asexual. I think lathe actually famously came forward as asexual. Really? And, yeah, and I think people think that because you're asexual, it means you literally have no sexual attraction. That's not how that works. Some people just have. Some people who are asexual have just really specific sexual attractions. Sometimes it doesn't involve actual sex. Sometimes people who are asexual do have sex. It's. It's more complicated than just someone who has no physical attraction to anyone. That's not quite how it works.

[A]

Like they're not, they're not, they're not a fucking plant. Like when they hate asexual, they think of asexual plants or asexual jellyfish or whatever. They just procreate on their own or whatever. That's not what that means.

[B]

Yeah. And some people are emotionally attracted to people, but not demisexuals, and also vice versa. People are physically attractive, but not emotionally attractive. And that's how they're. That's how they express their asexuality. And I think that as long as you're, you know, being open with yourself, being honest with yourself, and you know, you are a minority within a minority, so you're going to have a harder time. Time. You are going to have a harder time, you know, what's we're looking for, connecting with and relating to other people in the queer space, but there's also lots of spaces online for asexual people to talk about what it feels like and what it means to be a part of that as well. And I do think that asexual people do belong in the queer community. Oh, for sure. I. I believe that wholeheartedly. So, yeah, I think it's really going to be about. You're going to have to find a sense of your own self because it is probably going to be harder to find more asexual people, quite frankly.

[A]

Yeah. You know, yeah, for sure.

[B]

We have one more, Monet. Oh, yeah. This has been really fun to do. We have one more.

[A]

Okay. With your little new voice, you don't even sound like you're having fun. Can you put some inflection in there so we can fucking believe you?

[B]

Well, a big part of me protecting my voice is not talking with a lot of inflection, but, you know, check my voice for it. Just take my word for it.

[A]

Well, we don't. Read the. Read the next submission, please.

[B]

Dear Bob and Monet, my sister walked in on me having sexual relations with a family friend of some sort in the kitchen. Word of some sort. Yeah. Okay, in the future, I want y' all to sprinkle in more details. Cuz, this is family friend. This is the babysitter. Is this your. Is this your. Is this your mom's friend? My sister walked in on me having sexualized with a family friend of some sort. In the case of kitchen, I was positioned doggy style on a chair, so I'm assuming, like, they had their knees on the chair. They were holding the back of the chair. And as soon as he put it in, she walked in. But I didn't notice. He did, and he kind of just froze. But I was ready, so I kept going. Then I heard footsteps walk away and got scared. I was like, oh, but. But we still kept going. And he finished. Me and him laughed about it. But I tried to talk to her after he left, and now my sister isn't talking to me and there's this weird tension between us. What do I do? How can I fix this? That is a lot, I think. Last one. You take this one.

[A]

Okay, so you want to. First of all, let's talk about a few things. Well, you heard someone come in the kitchen. But, I mean, I get it when you're in the heat of the moment, bitch, you about to get that done. Dick, you're thinking about the repercussions.

[B]

They literally just started. They literally just started.

[A]

I mean, but, bitch, you still in heat. You're like, bitch, I'm about to get that dick. Like, this nigga about to paint these walls. He's about to come in these guts. Like, I'M down, so I feel like they were like, ready, they're growing.

[B]

Paint these walls, right?

[A]

How about the shit off these walls? Right? But so in the heat of the moment, you weren't thinking about it, but then afterwards you're like, fuck her. But, well, y' all laughed about it. Also, some things I'm missing. Like, how old are you? How old is your sister? Like, are y' all like grown adults, like, living together or like, there's so many things.

[B]

How does your sister know this friend? Did your sister fuck this friend too? What do you mean? Family friend? Is he much older than the two of you? We are missing so many details.

[A]

There's a lot. There's a lot, there's a lot. But how you can fix it? I mean, I think your sister. Depending on how old they are, your sister needs time to be like, this is crazy. Or you can also just apologize. Okay, I would do this. I would send her a text, be like, hey, Marissa. I mean, your sisters be like, is everything cool? Or, sorry about that. Or, I don't know. You don't have to talk to your sister. I would text her first if you don't wanna. If you're uncomfortable with a face on face interaction, gauge how she responds from that and then go knock on her room later or go to her house, wherever she lives from you.

[B]

Also, if you don't live alone, don't be fucking in the kitchen. Like, this is a. Like you live in a house with other people who are walking around like people do. Because it's a fucking house house. Don't fuck in the kitchen. Fuck in your bedroom. Don't spread your pussy juice and come all around the house for people to sit in after you done. Like, no. Unless you know your home. And then clean your shit up. If you know you're home by yourself, everyone's like, I'm leaving for the weekend. I will not be back. Then maybe fuck. But it sounds like y' all didn't do any checking. You just was ready to get blasted from the back.

[A]

Oh, bitch. I used to have sex in my kitchen when I used to.

[B]

You take. He's ready to take bag shots on the chair at the dining room over the leftovers.

[A]

Yeah, but like, wow, the turkey gravy is really sour today. What's going on? Martha, right?

[B]

I mean, I don't know. I don't. This person did not tell us their. Their gender, but I think that it is safe to say that you did not do your due diligence and make sure you were home by Yourself. So in the future, just be more thoughtful of the people around you and try to consider that, you know, someone else is gonna pour sweet tea on that counter later.

[A]

Yeah. But, yeah, in the future. So thank you so much, Messi. But in the future, guys, when y' all send us these, we need just a little more detail to give accurate advice. Maybe you're leaving out a bunch of these details because your sister listens to Sibling Rivalry podcast and she's gonna hear the story, so. But just give us a little more details, y', all, so we can give y', all, like, thoughtful answers.

[B]

Can I ask you some advice before we go?

[A]

What?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I know. It's gonna be so silly. It's gonna be something so ridiculous.

[B]

Well, okay. You. Quite presumptuous of you.

[A]

Okay, what is it?

[B]

I have a gig coming up today, and I'm not sure what I should wear. I was told I could do out of drag. I'm gonna be DJing, and I'm wondering, like, how dressed up should I get as cross a Christmas party?

[A]

I think. If you're DJing out of drag, are you getting paid for this gig? No, you're not getting paid for it. Do you respect the people? Do you like the people doing this event?

[B]

I do a lot.

[A]

So I think that if you deal with people you love and support, you can show up in a nice, cute outfit. I wouldn't come up in what you're wearing right now, though. Maybe wear your Ivy park outfit or, like, one of, like, your little. One of your little tent dresses with, like, your boots, like, your hat. Like, wear a cute outfit. Don't come in there wearing what you're wearing.

[B]

I actually think I am getting paid. It's not, like, a ton, but I am getting paid a little bit.

[A]

Oh, so you're getting paid. You agreed to the gigs. You should have a cute boy look on, for sure.

[B]

Don't gender my clothes. Don't you ever just.

[A]

These are the pronouns you asked me to call you by. Bitch.

[B]

Okay, first of all, boy is not a pronoun. Let's just get that clear.

[A]

Well, it's up.

[B]

College. Graduated. How's three jobs in college going, huh? Summa cum laude. Yeah, someone does come loudly, and it's you.

[A]

Okay. Can I ask you one before we go?

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

I really, you know, I always ask you for advice. So, as you know, I'm best friends with this guy that's really, like, abusive, and he's, like, a bully, and he's very aggressive. I just wanna know, like, how can I foster more meaningful relationship? Why'd you put your camera off?

[B]

You know, I'll say, what you can probably do, honestly, is maybe move to a new town. Maybe move somewhere like la. And then when you get there, hang out with your other friends. And make sure you don't invite him. That's probably the most important thing. Go to movies. Go eat Korean barbecue, have game nights. And whatever you do, do not invite him. And then whenever he confronts you about why you never invite, go out to Joshua Tree. Go celebrate people's birthday parties. And whenever he asks you why he's not invited, say stuff like, you wouldn't like it anyway. Or say stuff like, well, you were. You had your surgery and couldn't talk or say something. Try stuff like that. Go see the movie, Aretha. A movie that, you know, would have inspired him.

[A]

You were not in town. You were not here.

[B]

I didn't know. Oh.

[A]

I didn't know it was me.

[B]

Oh. Oh, my God. This is very telling. Very telling. You are.

[A]

I genuinely want to physically punch you in the face.

[B]

Just try stuff like that and it might work out.

[A]

I won't physically hurt you in the face right now.

[B]

Well, good luck getting out of Texas a lot. Honey. You're talking about physically assault. You're on the tour with the old one, two, Punch Elizabeth Ever herself. You're telling. What the. Evander. Holy field of drag, honey. Let's see if you make it out of this alive.

[A]

Now dance. And now it's time to dance.

[B]

All right. I love you very much, bro.

[A]

I love you very too. I love you very much, too. Fine.

[B]

Bye.