Sibling Advicery: Lending Money/Office Attire

Summary

Sibling Rivalry Podcast: Sibling Advicery – Lending Money / Office Attire
Date: May 23, 2022
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

On this episode of Sibling Rivalry, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change respond to listener advice questions on everything from lending money to an ex, navigating office dress codes, making friends in new cities, setting guest boundaries on podcasts, microaggressions, and more. Their trademark wit, honesty, and authenticity are on full display as they share candid personal stories, tease each other relentlessly, and remind listeners that—while they're giving advice—"This is just for entertainment purposes only."

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting Boundaries for Podcast Guests

Caller: Xavier, 30, Phoenix, AZ [05:52]

• Issue: Xavier is launching a podcast; acquaintances (sometimes from years ago) keep inviting themselves to be guests.
• Monét’s Advice: As the host/producer, you control the show’s direction. Politely tell people, “I’m still figuring out the format, and when I want guests, I’ll reach out.” Leave the door open but be noncommittal. (07:22)
• Bob’s Script (for Xavier to use):
  “Thank you so much for your interest in being on the podcast. We’re still figuring out what we’re doing ... and casting can be tough. We’ll reach out in the future about guesting opportunities, but for now I’m really inundated with requests ... Thank you so much.” (08:25)
• Notable Quote:
  Monét: “You are now the product … you wear all those hats.” [07:22]

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2. Making and Sustaining Friendships in a New City

Caller: 24, cis woman, new to Brooklyn [09:30]

• Issue: Caller has strong friendships on the West Coast, but struggles to connect in NYC—finds "everyone annoying."
• Bob’s Insight: New York is a numbers game. You'll meet LOTS of people before finding the compatible ones. Friendships can be casual and need not be immediately deep—just keep meeting people. (11:23–14:09)
• Personal Anecdote: The evolution of Bob and Monét’s own friendship: started with “friend dates,” grew organically, wasn’t instantly close. (12:45–14:09)
• Monét’s Take: Change your mindset—if you decide NYC is unfriendly or fake, that’s all you’ll see. Be open or you’ll block genuine connections. (15:30)
• Notable Quotes:
  Bob: “New York City is a numbers game … You have to go through a lot to get to the good ones.” [12:07]
  Monét: “If you move to LA and say everyone is fake, all you’ll find is fakeness.” [16:10]

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3. Lending Money to an Ex—Is It Worth the Hassle?

Caller: 21, UK university student [18:35]

• Issue: Lent money to ex who now pays back in small increments, but makes sexual advances during each interaction.
• Monét’s Advice: When lending money, assume you might not get it back—only lend what you can lose. If the sum isn't crucial, cut your losses to avoid the emotional drain. If you need it, insist on no-contact payments (e.g., PayPal) to avoid the awkwardness. (19:54–21:01)
• Bob’s Principle: Never lend more than you’re comfortable losing. Be firm—if the ex can’t repay without inappropriate behavior, state boundaries or consider legal action. (21:27–22:43)
• Notable Quotes:
  Monét: “You have to give [money] with the expectation you might not get it back.” [19:54]
  Bob: “Never lend anyone an amount of money you can’t live without.” [21:27]

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4. Attending Events With Homophobic Relatives

Caller: 22, non-binary lesbian [23:12]

• Issue: Invited to straight friend’s graduation party, warned about family’s homophobia, feels uneasy being “the only gay at the cookout.”
• Bob’s Insights: It’s thoughtful for your friend to warn you, but do not put yourself in a triggering situation just to support your friend. Assess your own boundaries—if the environment risks your wellbeing, skip it. (25:07–27:27)
• Monét’s Stance: Don’t go where you aren’t comfortable, regardless of the occasion. “I don’t need to put myself in spaces with … Republicans, with straight people” if it doesn’t feel safe or affirming. (27:27)
• Suggestions: Decline with love, maybe send a gift, but don’t feel obligated to endure bigotry to celebrate someone else.
• Notable Quotes:
  Monét: “You are at a time of your life … you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” [27:27]
  Bob: “If you think being in this situation would trigger you ... then don't go.” [27:07]

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5. Navigating Office Attire & Dress Codes

Caller: “Youngish professional" with newly hired friend [28:53]

• Issue: Friend’s work attire is stylish/young, maybe too “club,” but not obviously against dress code. Caller wonders if they should say something.
• Monét’s Take: If no supervisors have complained and she's not breaking rules, maybe it’s your discomfort—not hers. Modern offices are less strict; personal style is more accepted. (30:18–32:18)
• Bob’s View: If you’re not her boss, it is not your place to police her clothes. Unless it’s impacting her reputation or work, let people wear what makes them comfortable. (31:43)
• Notable Quotes: Monét: “If no one is saying anything to her, she’s not violating any dress code, maybe adjust why you feel a way about it.” [30:42] Bob: “It just kinda doesn’t seem like it’s your business, quite frankly.” [32:18]

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6. Overcoming “Intimidating” First Impressions

Caller: Ricky, 26, tall, broad cis gay Latino man [33:40]

• Issue: Feels people find him intimidating due to his size and “resting bitch face,” though he’s actually bubbly.
• Bob’s Experience: Size and presence do impact others’ perceptions. If you want people to approach you, try initiating greetings, smiling, and using “softer” body language. (36:48–37:43)
• Monét’s Advice: If your demeanor is “icy,” intentionally greet people, lead with a smile, and be physically open. (36:48)
• Notable Quotes:
  Bob: "If you want to give off a vibe where you want to invite people, then... switch up your social cues." [36:41] Monét: "Lead with a smile... it's just small things like this." [37:17]

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7. Making Community After College / Navigating Socioeconomic Divides

Caller: Gender-neutral, just graduated, feels isolated among wealthy peers [41:36]

• Issue: Never fit in socioeconomically, doubts ability to connect. Nervous about community-building post-grad.
• Monét’s Strategies: Find community both online and off; try new venues (hobbies, games, digital spaces). Adapt your approach if old methods aren’t working. (42:33)
• Bob’s Insight: While class differences are real, you may share more common ground than you think. Adopt a mindset of seeking connection rather than difference—confirmation bias (“look for good, you’ll find good”). (43:52)

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8. Microaggressions & Being Uncomfortable in White Spaces

Caller: Victor, Latinx gay man [45:18]

• Issue: Feels dread/irritation in predominately white spaces after repeated microaggressions and ignorant questions.
• Monét’s Truth: Feeling “annoyed by whiteness” is a real, normal reaction for many people of color. Comedy can help, but sometimes you just need to set boundaries and express discomfort honestly. (46:56–51:09)
• Bob’s Approach: Call out the discomfort ("if I'm uncomfortable, you can be too"); surround yourself with white people who acknowledge their privilege. Not everything is about “spreading love”—sometimes it’s about accountability and education. (47:45–50:03)
• Practical Tips: Flip the questions back, enforce boundaries (“Google it”), and set clear expectations so people learn not to burden you with educating them.
• Notable Quotes:
  Monét: “Being irritated by whiteness is a very real thing for people of color.” [52:19] Bob: “Committing your life to making white people uncomfortable is a long journey, but you get some good results.” [52:19]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Opening Disclaimer, Tone-Setter
  Bob: “We are not doctors, therapists, psychologists, or psychiatrists… This is for entertainment purposes only.” [01:44–02:11]

• Lighthearted Banter

  • Bob: “Why are you wearing the same shirt as last time? Damn, you don’t shower.” [02:46]
  • Monét on friendship rivalries: “After the age of 25, all your Brooklyn friends are typing up storms in the chat right now.” [15:11]
  • Bob (about lending money): “Is it literally, like, the amount of money I wipe my ass with?” [21:06]

• On Setting Boundaries

  • Monét: “If you go in like, ‘I don’t like this, I fucking hate New York, I don’t wanna be friends with nobody here’—then that’s all you’re going to find.” [15:30]

• On Office Attire

  • Monét: “Gone are the days of cubicles… Now, there’s a ball pit… just do your work.” [32:18]

• On White Spaces

  • Bob: “Whenever I see a picture of a bunch of white folks laughing, I’m like, ‘What y’ all niggas laughing at?’” [47:45]

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• [05:52] Advice to Xavier about podcast guest boundaries
• [09:30] Making/keeping friends as an adult in a new city (NYC)
• [18:35] Lending money to ex-boyfriends / Cutting losses
• [23:12] The only gay at the (possibly homophobic) family cookout
• [28:53] Navigating modern office attire as a peer, not a supervisor
• [33:40] Combatting “intimidating” vibes / Resting bitch face issues
• [41:36] Finding new community after college / social class divides
• [45:18] Being a visible minority in white-dominated spaces

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Episode Takeaways

• Only lend what you can afford to lose.
• Setting boundaries—whether around guests, money, family events, or microaggressions—is vital for self-care.
• Friendships take time, trial, and openness.
• “Old school” social/office norms are changing—challenge your bias before projecting it onto others.
• Name discomfort, call out microaggressions, and don’t feel guilty for prioritizing your own wellbeing.
• Harness comedy and direct honesty to diffuse ignorance—educate when you have the bandwidth, but protect your energy first.

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Sibling Advicery is all about real talk, lived experience, and letting listeners know they're not alone—whatever their dilemma.

Transcript

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[Caller 1]

Close your eyes, exhale.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[Commercial Narrator]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[Caller 2]

And breathe.

[Commercial Narrator]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[Monet X Change]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

1-800-contacts.

[Monet X Change]

Hey, y', all, it's me, Monat. Listen, I have a show at the Brea Improv on June 14th.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, you don't.

[Monet X Change]

In California. So it's gonna be a really fun night. All new jokes, some new music. Please get your tickets at Just Google Bray Improv Monet and it will pop up. Get your tickets. It's gonna be a good time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Y' all heard that Monet said all new jokes. I'm going to the Dynasty typewriter. I'm gonna record the entire show on my phone, and if I hear any jokes I that you told at Donnie's typewriter, I'm gonna stand up and start booing in the middle of the show. All I'm expecting all new jokes. Otherwise it's false advertisement. Let's do the episode.

[Monet X Change]

Hey, y', all, it's Monet X change.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen, and this is SBing advice. Now listen, we all know that we are not doctors.

[Monet X Change]

Not even a little bit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're not therapists. We are not psychologists.

[Monet X Change]

We don't know much about algebra.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Psychiatrists. If you need advice, please go to your doctor, your rabbi, your priest, your shaman, your teacher, your psych, your therapist. This is just for entertainment purposes only.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, everything we're saying is is for use in this podcast only. Do not take this as sound advice to take into the world to remedy your issues. If you have, do not take any of this seriously. This is for entertainment purposes only. And we don't want anyone to feel like we are diagnosing them, that we can give them a prognosis on life.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So with that in line, let's get into some advisory.

[Monet X Change]

Annie, you are. Y' all dismissed. Bob tried to do some shady shit, Bob. But the thing didn't start recording. He's like, monique, why are you wearing the same clothes? And he realized it wasn't recording. So you was almost caught on Candid Camera.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why are you wearing the same shirt as last time? Damn, you don't shower.

[Monet X Change]

I used to love Candid Camera. They should, like, bring it back.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Candy camera is such a fun show. You're on Candid Camera.

[Monet X Change]

I just also love America's Funniest Home Videos, too. That was my show.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Rip Bob second.

[Monet X Change]

I know. And also Sabrina. The Teenagers. What were your shows you used to watch as a kid?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Family. I'm a Full House. My Full House was my favorite show as a child. Like, Full House was my first jam. Stefan Arkel was my first crush. No, my first crush was Chrissy Amaguchi. After that, it was Stefan Arkel.

[Monet X Change]

Stefan Arkel. Who is that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So Steve Urkel. That he would drink, which, if people don't know, Steve Urkel had this potion that he would drink that he was no longer a nerd. And he became very cool. And he went from Steve Urkel to Stefan Arkel.

[Monet X Change]

I didn't know he had a last name.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, Stefan Arkel was the name of Stephen. Steve Urkel's, you know.

[Monet X Change]

You know, Rest in Peace. The laugh track. I mean, I know shows now, they don't do it. It's like, sitcoms are so different, but I miss the laugh track. Letting me know when to laugh. I really do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you ever seen where they edit the laugh tracks out of the shows

[Monet X Change]

when they edit them out? Like old shows?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. There's, like, versions of the Big Bang without the laugh track or versions of. Versions of Friends. Euphoria. Yeah. Imagine Euphoria with a laugh track. That would be so weird.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. Should that be our.

[Caller 3]

Should we.

[Monet X Change]

Should we start a TikTok that adds laugh track to shows that don't need it? That's gonna be our TikTok.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

True crime with a laugh track. Monet.

[Caller 4]

We.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, as you all heard from disclaimer before the show, we are not experts, but we do love giving advice to people. And I. We've been. We've been giving some great advice. I think lately. You've. You've actually been. You've been. You've been much better, Monet, because you. You were off the rails for a hot minute. You were off the rails for a minute.

[Monet X Change]

No, you know, I like. I like to vary my advice. And sometimes you know, sometimes the most obvious advice, some of us who don't like to soul search and give the surface level advice, I go a little deeper and try to offer them a perspective that they were never even thinking of, that they needed to know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what? That is one way to think of it. We sure wanted to do like a highlight of the advisory. Highlight some of the wildest advice we've ever given on this show.

[Monet X Change]

Oh my God. Speaking of advice, Chelsea, Chelsea is like. Chelsea comments on my post now. I love Chelsea. I love Chelsea Handler so much.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're welcome. Let's get into this advisory. You ready to give some advice?

[Monet X Change]

Monet, did you see the screen grab of the email that you just forgot all about? Did you see that? Did you happen to watch that episode of the podcast?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's clear to me that you don't listen to Dear Chelsea because you know about the entire interaction we had on an entire episode of her show. So whatever.

[Monet X Change]

Anyway, continue. Let's go to our first question.

[Xavier]

Hey, Bob and Monet, my name is Xavier, I am 30 years old and I live in Phoenix, Arizona. I have a podcast coming out in

[Bob the Drag Queen]

a couple weeks competition.

[Xavier]

So I've been promoting it on Instagram, getting the word out and I'm really happy with the reaction so far. However, there's about more than a handful of people who are openly inviting themselves to be guests on the podcast. And while I appreciate their offer, some of these people I haven't spoken to in 10 plus years, they could sound like Dora the Explorer for all I know. Other people, I just don't know if the vibe is going to be there on a recorded line. So I mean, I'm respecting responsible to make sure that this podcast is fun. This podcast has a cool vibe. How do I let these poo poo platter of people know that while I appreciate your offer, I will reach out if I need any guests in a nice way. Because I mean, it's just, I, I just don't feel like this, like this is going to get better. I feel like this problem is going to grow and people are going to aggressively invite themselves onto this shit. Anyways, I need your help. Sincerely, Podcasting Couch Mo.

[Monet X Change]

You know, the beauty of you starting our podcast is that you are now the product. I mean, I'm assuming you're the producer, director, you're the talent wrangler, you are the host, you wear all those hats so you get to make the decisions for your podcast. And I think you just, you said it perfectly right here. You're like, hey, thank you for wanting to do a podcast. We're like, we're just starting. I'm still figuring out my flow, and when I'm ready to have guests, I'll hit you up. Or you can say, if I want to have guests, I'll hit you up and leave it open ended that way. Because you also don't know how you're doing a podcast. Like, you're just starting out. So, yes, you may have an idea of what your podcast is, but like, Bob and I, we had an idea of what a podcast is, but it definitely changed and different things happened as we started to do it, and, you know, we got our feet wet. So I wouldn't say to, like, close them off completely so that then when you want a guest, so then later when you want a guest, they're like, oh, so now you want us. I would just say, hey, we're just starting out. It's so fun doing the podcast. I'm still figuring out my flow, and if you want guests in the future, I'll definitely hit you up, you know, so do it like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Xavier, I'm gonna do you a favor. Clip this next chunk. So start recording in 3, 3, 2, 1. Hey, thank you so much for your interest in being on the podcast. You know, we're still figuring out what we're gonna be doing on the podcast, and casting can be really, really tough. So we will be reaching out to you in the future about podcasting opportunities and being a guest on the show. But right now I'm really inundated with a lot of requests, and we will be calling people on episodes that seem to fit their personalities better or fit their talking styles better than just having people on randomly. So thank you so much. And of course, you have my number. I'll talk to you soon. Stop recording. All right, there you go. Use that. That should do.

[Monet X Change]

They're like, bob the Drag Queen is producing this podcast.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, Bob the Drag Queen is a producer on the podcast. All right, Jacob, let's hear the next one.

[Caller 5]

Hi, Bob.

[Caller 6]

Oh,

[Caller 5]

sorry. Hi, Bob Monde. I am a 24 year old cisgendered woman. Unfortunately, I'm straight and I am currently living in Brooklyn. I'm from California. So I hope you're enjoying this place. But from what I see from you two, you guys, and like, just like viewing as a fan, I don't know y' all personally, but y' all seem to have, like, a very strong friendship that can handle fights, the tests of time and whatnot. And I have some of those friendships. I actually have like five or six of those. But all of those friendships exist on the west coast. And I tend to like a smaller group. But like, I am in my early to mid-20s and like, I like to do fun stuff and I'm not. And I'm trying to learn how to maintain light hearted friendships because even though I love my friends back home on the west coast and for the longest time I felt like I didn't need any more friends. I want stuff to do with people in New York, like the most happening city of all time, but everyone annoys the shit out of me. I'm sorry. And like, so my question is, how did you guys navigate New York, especially as drag queens who come across giant personalities that you're obviously not going to love every single thing about them? How did you maintain friendships while also respecting yourself, but also not treating everything like a huge committed relationship? Does that make sense? If it does, thank you so much. I've been a patron since y' all have been calling us Patreons. Xoxo I hate everyone.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Work.

[Monet X Change]

Rebertha.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Did I go? Did I. Did you go first last time? Why am I. Why can I never remember who went first or who went last? You know, Monet, this person is. It's interesting cause like, whenever someone makes blanket statements like, I mean, there are so many people in New York City, there's no way all of them are annoying you. That's just not possible. There's probably some really great people that you could have some great connections with. The issue is New York City is a numbers game. Whether you're dating, whether you're looking for friends, whether you're working, whether you're looking for even a fucking. A trainer at the gym. It is a numbers game. You have to go through a lot of people. A numbers game? Yeah, I mean, like, there's so many of them that you're going to have to go through a lot more to get to the good ones or the ones that are more compatible with you. And I don't think that you need to give each person this deep, committed amount of your time and that you're best friends, that you're good Judy's and you're gonna go to the movies together and you're gonna hang out in silence and all that stuff. It doesn't have to be. It don't have to be all that. It could literally just be you and people hanging out on little friend dates until you find out what worked. That's literally what me and Monat did. We went out on friend dates. We did stuff for each other.

[Monet X Change]

We hung out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We went to. We watched shows together. We went to drag shows together. We hung out at each other's houses until. And then we. And I did that with a lot of people until I ran into Monet. And our friendship just happened to work out really well because of our. I know. We just happened to be very compatible. And I also don't think that me and Monet were not out the gate being like, we're best friends. We just were like, oh. Actually, a big part of me and Monet's French. We talked about it before, was like, my friend, who was my best friend at the time, had, like, some jealous feelings about Monet because Monet and I were hanging out a lot. And I remember Monet was like. I remember Monet was like, if that bitch. Don't, don't.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. I mean, because. I mean, I'm very lovable. A lot of people envy me and, like, how I'm able to, like, be friends with, like, a lot of people, so it's understandable. But.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But, yeah, we weren't, like, super committed then after a while, we were just like, oh, wow, we're really, really good friends. Oh, wow. We are hanging out all the time. Oh, my God, we are. When you. When you have the club with all the Queens and you realize you keep leaving with the same one, you know, especially when Monat was living in Brooklyn and I was living uptown, Monat would give me a ride all the way uptown and then drive back. We were in Midtown. Monet would drive up to Washington Heights, and not Washington Heights, Upper west side, and then get back on the west side highway, drive back down to Brooklyn. And we started being like, wow, we're really going out of our way to hang out with each other.

[Monet X Change]

You know, one of us more than the other.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I was. In my defense, people who live in Manhattan, we do not go out of our way to Brooklyn. That's just not a thing we do. And everyone from New York City knows people from Brooklyn go out of the way. People in Manhattan. If you live in Manhattan, it's just almost never the other way around. Almost never.

[Monet X Change]

That is not true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's because you lived in Brooklyn. You never lived in Manhattan. So you don't have.

[Monet X Change]

I live in Manhattan where You lived

[Bob the Drag Queen]

in the Bronx, bitch. Where'd you live in Manhattan? Are you drunk? Oh, I forgot. When you lived.

[Monet X Change]

I forgot, like, what?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And when you were in Manhattan, you were visiting people in Brooklyn. Not your family. Not your family. Friends.

[Monet X Change]

I don't have any friends that lived in Brooklyn?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet, that's not. You don't have. You didn't have. You are from Brooklyn.

[Monet X Change]

Not close friends like Patty. No friends who lived in Brooklyn but not close friends. You were in Manhattan. Patty Mateo. All my clothes from Pixie. Like all my close friends were in also, you know this. I. After the age of 25, all your

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Brooklyn friends are typing up storms in the chat right now. Oh, in the comments they are going. They are. All your Brooklyn friends are dragging the fuck out of you. Drag Thorgy. Drag Thorgy. Thorgy not your friend.

[Monet X Change]

Thorgy and I were not close friends. I'm not hang out with orgy like that a lot. My God, you're so silly.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh my God.

[Monet X Change]

But yeah, I mean, I think, I think that when you will garner genuine friendships like Brooklyn, New York is not this place that does not allow friendships to flourish. That's not a thing. I think you need to change your mindset. I think that you're setting up in your mind and your kids this place that you're not that you don't wanna meet friends, you don't wanna meet new people. And if you're moving to a new place, you just can't be that way because like you said, all of your close friends are back on the West Coast. So if you wanna flourish and thrive in New York, you're gonna have to open yourself up to allow yourself to have personal relationships with friends to develop that. But if you're going in like, I don't like this. I fucking hate New York. I don't wanna be friends with nobody in this fucking city. Ill, then that's what you're.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's like the people like, like people who move to LA and say everyone in LA is fake. All you're going to find is fakeness in people.

[Monet X Change]

It's fake people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you just. If you've made up your mind that everyone's. Everyone in LA is fake, all you're going to find is fakeness in everyone you interact with. And if you made your mind that everyone in New York City is surface and mean, all you're going to find is meanness in people. You know?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. So you have to just adjust, like change your mindset and want to find people. You'll find you. You will find genuine connection. New York, New York. I can confirm New York City has a lot of great people. I have, I have, I have got. I have garnered great friendships, lifelong friendships and people I love, who I would love for the rest of my life in New York City. And I think you can do the same. Just need to adjust.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're welcome. Have you ever noticed that? Am I not one. Am I not one of those people? Bitch, am I one of those people?

[Monet X Change]

Not today.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Have you noticed that people who say stuff like, oh, my God, the gay community is so toxic. Like, everyone in the gay community, all they want to do is fuck. No one's deep. And I'm like, who are these gay people? You're. Because that's just not my experience in the gay community. But is it possible that that's all you're. That that's what you've decided you're going to find in the gay. Have you heard people say something like that before?

[Monet X Change]

Of course, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is that your experience in terms of the gay community?

[Monet X Change]

No, it's not. I mean, I know gay people who only want to fuck and whatever, but I know a whole bunch of people who don't want that, who are gay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I also don't think the gay people want to fuck are toxic. Maybe it's what it is that I just don't see those things as toxic traits.

[Monet X Change]

I think people are talking about that. They're more talking about people on Grindr, who. But again, you're on Grindrs, and a Grindr is literally an app. People are looking to hook up. So that's. Of course you're gonna find people, like, if you're not gonna enter, they're gonna block you and move on. Like, that's just what that. That. That's what that is. So you can't be mad at that. That's like me going to the grocery store. Like, ugh, why is there so much food here? This is ridiculous. Yes, bitch, It's a fucking grocery store.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, Monet, I mean, I love you, but you would never be mad at the amount of food

[Caller 7]

I love you,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

but you'd never be like, oh, this is too much food. It's not a read. You said you love food. It's about you loving food. You said you love food.

[Monet X Change]

You know, that was a read. This is a Bob thing. Bobby was like, monet, Monet, Monet, you

[Bob the Drag Queen]

said you like food.

[Monet X Change]

You know you're trying to read me. You know you tried to drag me,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

but do you love food?

[Monet X Change]

But don't try to fucking act like you are such. You're horrible.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Let's get to the next question. You are wild, team.

[Monet X Change]

You are wild.

[Caller 1]

Hey, Bob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet.

[Caller 1]

I'm a 21 year old university student in the UK and I need some help. I'm wondering if I Should keep accepting my ex boyfriend's money, even though I don't want to get back together with him. We dated last year, summer from August to about December. And during that time he wasn't working and. And for a period of time he needed a place to stay. So I had some money saved up. I thought I'd help him here. There were some groceries, paying for food and my place to stay while I was studying at uni. He ended up not really taking care of the place, disrespecting the rules, and getting me in trouble with my parents. He's 27, by the way, and we ended up breaking up. What happened then is I completely stopped contact with him, even though I wasn't getting repaid. But this April, I messaged him again because I thought, you know what? I need to get my money back. But each time he makes the payments now he does them in installments because he can't afford to pay me back all at once. He keeps making sexual advances, talking about how this would make me trust him again. And it's just really annoying and makes me uncomfortable. So I'm just wondering, is it worth the money to put up with all of this?

[Monet X Change]

Let me tell you something, girl. When you give someone money, you have to give it with the expectation that you might not get it back. You have. That has to be part of your, of your, that has to be in your mind, someone giving this money. And it sounds like you do not want to deal with. Deal with this person anymore. This person sounds like they're annoying you and it, it fucking. And I. I've had those interactions where, like, dealing with someone, you feel like it like sucks the life out of you, hate doing it. So at this one I would say, I mean, how much money are we talking? Like, does this person owe you? Like, $20,000? Like, do you need this money? Or is it like, I don't know, 500 bucks? Like, can you afford to live without this money? If you can't afford to live without this money, that must be nice. If you can afford to live without this money, I say cut your losses because it's not worth the mental torment and the mental anguish of dealing with this person hitting on you sexually, making you feel uncomfortable. Like, if you can live without it, just cut it. But if you need it, bitch, pony up or set up a situation where the person can't do that. So if they have to give you money, like, why do you have to meet this person to get money, bitch, send me. I mean, you're in the UK so not Venmo, but bitch, PayPal, me my shit or whatever. Like, there has to be another way that they can send you money.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's no Venmo in the uk.

[Monet X Change]

No, they don't do Venmo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not Monet being like, is this something measly, like 500 bucks? Is it literally, like, the amount of money I wipe my ass with? Is it like the kind of money that I use to pick up? Colleen means cat shit, or is it like a substantial amount of money, like, 3 million? Because if it's 3 million, then yeah, but if it's 1 million, like, gross.

[Monet X Change]

Grow up and live on that shit, girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The elite, the 1%. Listen, I. This is just advice to everyone listening. Never lend anyone an amount of money you can't live without. I'm gonna say that again. Never lend anyone an amount of money. Let me amend that. Never lend anyone any. Anything or any amount of money that you're not comfortable not getting back. Like, you have.

[Caller 7]

You. You.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If you list especially money, if you list on money, you have to be comfortable never seeing that money ever again in your life because there's a small chance that you might not get it back. If it's an. If it is amount of money that you feel like you absolutely need, then I would say listen, because you have. So you have. You have to be stern, and you have to be completely, like, linear with this and be like, I really need this money back, and I really. And I don't want to have these interactions. I don't want to date you. I don't want to have sex with you. I just want my money back. And if you cannot give me my money back without these sexual advances or these weird interactions, I'm going to have to seek legal action. And I'm trying to do this in a way that seems very amicable and. And not hostile, but if you're going to keep doing these other things, I'm going to have to. I'm gonna have to use a lawyer to get my money back.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I think that's it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I think that. And I think that it's very. If you put your foot down, hopefully that person would respect that. Hopefully.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I agree. I think. I think that's the case. And I. Not. I agree with you 100%. Not giving someone money that you cannot. Like, you're not. Okay. And, like, not getting it back, like, that's a big part of it too, for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Work. Yeah. All right, let's. Let's do the next one.

[Caller 2]

Hi, Bob and monet. I'm a 22 year old non binary lesbian. My pronouns are they, them, and I appreciate y' all so much. So I'm going to get right into it. I'm friends with this girl who identifies as straight and we've got it really close this past year. We're about to graduate and she invited me and my girlfriend to her graduation party. I was initially really excited because the of. Of course I want to be there and celebrate with her. But she prefaced her invitation by warning me that a lot of her family will be there, but that they're also very ignorant people and have very homophobic views. She of course reassured me that she wanted me to be there and that if anything was said that offended me that she would do something about it and handle it. She's an ally and we've never had any issues regarding my queerness, so I know that she does have my best interests at heart. But part of me is feeling apprehensive about going because I just know for a fact, based on what I know about her, her family being very religious and conservative when it comes to queer people. My partner and I will very likely be the only queer people there. And her warnings just didn't make me feel any less worried. I really just don't want any negative situation to arise or for her to have to mediate something, especially when it's a day meant for celebration. I've never met any of her family or even her friends outside of her mutuals before. So I'm just stuck between wanting to go but also being worried about having to change myself in order to make others comfortable. So do y' all have any advice on navigating this situation? What would y' all do? Should I bring up my concerns to my friend? Anything would be so appreciated. Thank you so much. Sincerely. The only gay at the cookout.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I, you know, I feel like it's

[Monet X Change]

my turn to go first.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, what in the world? Go ahead. Is it really?

[Monet X Change]

It really is. This is the fourth question I went first. Author question. I, you know, I am very. But, but you, you can actually go. I'll just. You can go for. We don't have to stick with this thing. You can go first if you want to go first. Go ahead.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're screaming at me. Go ahead. Starting to feel like shit. Cool. I feel like I've. I've been in scenarios that are very similar to this on both ends. My family is not problematic, but my family is as problematic as the next black country family. You know what I mean? So One of my partners is trans. And I was like, listen, baby, when we go home, a lot of my family doesn't know anyone trans. They don't know trans people. And they may or may not say something strange. And I'm just forewarning you. And I think it is very thoughtful of the person to tell you that, to be like, just so you know, my family is not super up on, you know, PC Ness, basically. It is very kind of her to. To put it to you that way. And, and I also think that if you are a person who feels most comfortable with they. Them pronouns outside of queer liberal spaces, you're probably going to encounter a lot of people who use the wrong pronouns for you. Like a lot. Um, and, and, and I feel like that maybe that's one of those things where you either have to stand firm in your correcting of people's pronouns, you know, and then you have to decide if that is something that makes you feel uncomfortable to correct people's pronouns the entire time and then obviously have a conversation about the pronoun because someone go, I just don't get it. Or they'll go, I'm sorry, they'll. Or they'll start over correcting other people for you. I guess, you know, in a lot of those scenarios, you have to decide how you feel the most comfortable. I don't think you should put yourself in a situation that would trigger you. If you think that being in this situation would trigger you and end up upsetting you in a way that doesn't feel good or that feels really bad, then don't go. Like, it's not worth it to trigger yourself to celebrate your friends. I think he said graduation or whatever your friend is having. I don't think it's worth that. But if you feel like you can endure what unfortunately a lot of queer people have to endure in straight spaces to support your friend, then you know, you know your, your threshold better than we do.

[Monet X Change]

I listen, I. With that 100%. I am very. I'm at a point. I just had this conversation with a friend. I'm at a point in my life where I do when I, I don't feel the need that to. That I. Unless I really want to, to put myself in spaces with fucking Republicans, with straight people, with anything like that. Like I have. I don't want to deal with that in my life. So if I know I'm going to be. If those people are friends of my friends, I won't meet, I won't hang out with those people. If my Friend's family is super conservative, bitch, I'm not going. If I am at a time of my Life, bitch, I'm 32 years old and I don't want to do it, and I'm not fucking doing it. I don't care if everyone else is doing it. If I don't want to go, if it doesn't mean anything for me to go, bitch, I'm not coming. So just plan on me not being there. And I think you should know that about yourself, too. If you, you don't, don't put yourself in a situation to. Because you want to be there for your friend. Well, bitch, I don't want to. I don't want to be there for, for you in that situation. And I think that is completely okay. And your friends should understand, especially they're coming to you, telling you, hey, just so you know, just the fact that they have to give you a disclaimer, I think that automatically gives you to be like, you know what? I'm not going to be there. I love you. Maybe send a gift still, or if you were like something like that, like a nice token, like send some flowers or Edible Arrangements or something. But you are. And you don't have to be 32, but you can be 17, you can be 12, you can be 9. Do not put yourself in a situation that you don't want to be. Because you know what? You don't have to. Period.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I think we're all on the same page here. All right, let's do our next one.

[Caller 7]

Hi, Bob and Monet. I am checking in with the most current sibling advisory, and it's inspired me to submit to this question. I am a young professional, youngish professional, working in a kind of a larger corporate office, and I recently had a girlfriend apply and get a job at this company. A girlfriend from school, platonic girlfriend. And so my question is, she's been out of the workforce for a minute and she's really young and hip and she's cool. But when she comes to the office, I tend to think that her attire, her wardrobe is a little like club, not too club, but just like, you know, mini dresses, cotton knit mini dresses. Generally pretty cool and professional, but maybe not for a larger corporate environment. So I would like to mention it to her as a friend. But I also don't want to really play that regulatory role as a friend and just as empowering young women to do whatever they want. But I do think it would be fair to like, have a conversation about it. So I'm curious to Know, if you think that would be overstepping the boundaries. As a friend, is it bad form to critique what women wear nowadays? I'd be curious to hear what you guys think. Thanks. Bye.

[Caller 4]

Hey.

[Monet X Change]

Hey. Yeah, so that is a very interesting place to be. But I think that this person is your friend. You got this person, this job. So obviously y' all are cool on, like, some type of level. So I think if y' all are friends, it doesn't hurt to be like, hey, I think you look dope, bitch. You returning it? But just so you know. Well, did he say that somebody has mentioned something to him about it or.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, he did not say that.

[Monet X Change]

He did not. So I think it'll be cool to say to this person, oh, actually, no, because if no one had said something like, if it's not bothering anyone, it's just. It seems to want to be bothering you nonetheless. Like, people are sitting over at the water cooler like, girl, did you see what Bob wore today? I can't believe she wore that. But if the superiors don't have a problem with it, maybe it's just your uncomfortability with it. But if no one is saying anything to her, she's not violating any dress code that she's wearing appropriate clothes to work. That's not getting her reprimanded, then I think you should maybe adjust why you feel. Since I've worried about it. And what and, and why do you think that women should wear a certain type of thing? I mean, again, if she's wearing, like, you know, booty shorts and like that are rising up like half her butt is out, or, you know, something like that, maybe that'd be a different thing. But, you know, if it's just clothes that you feel are too club, but no one else has a problem with it, especially her superiors, I'm sure someone would have said something to her then. Let it rock.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, that's what I was about to say. If you're not her supervisor and you're just a colleague and you're linear across the aisle from her and you're not like, above her, it's really not your position to comment on what she's wearing. It's really not your position to be like, your outfits are a little too clubby or too, you know, inappropriate or skanky or slutty or anything. It just. I agree with money. It seems like it's bothering, you know, more than anyone else. And if the higher ups have a problem with it, then they need to say something. It's really not on you to say anything about this. It just kind of doesn't seem like it's your business, quite frankly.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I think that just a little rock because also we're in a time where maybe you may be a little more old school, but you know, like, bitch, I did a gig once time at Blue Apron and like, and like a couple of corporate gigs I've done, you know, in the past like five years. And the way that the corporate stuff space operates is just different these days. Like, bitch, gone are the days of cubicles. We have realized that you can't police people's hair, especially people of color, black people. You can't tell them to not wear Jordan lobster cannons and not wear braids. And instead of people sitting in cubicles and stuff, a lot of the times in these big office areas, it's just like, bitch, there's a ball pit for you to chill in. The ball pit. Do your work. The corporate space has changed a lot. And so the things gone are the days of old where you have to come to work with a fucking pencil skirt down to your ankles and a habit basically to work. Like. So I think that a lot of corporations and companies are adjusting dress code as well so that people, because I think they realize, yeah, it's a fucking habit. But I feel like corporations have realized that people work better when they feel better at work and that's wearing clothes that they feel good in and adorning hairstyles that they do. So I think it made. You might be a little old school, bro.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, yeah, you mad old school, son.

[Caller 4]

Hi, Monet. Hi Roberta. My name is ricky. I'm a 26 year old, cisgendered gay male Latinx. And I'm reaching out today because I'd love your opinion on something that I've been struggling with for a while.

[Monet X Change]

No, you're not.

[Caller 4]

So for context, I'm a six foot one, broad guy, like, broad shoulders, the broad rib cage. I hate to admit it, but I kind of am similar in features to like Alexa Michelle. Just again, for more context. And I feel like when I enter a room, I don't immediately project the bubbly and charismatic sort of energy that I naturally give off as a Leo. Right? Like a lot of times I notice like if I enter an Ulta or a Sephora, I'm immediately targeted as like, what the hell is this big ass guy doing here?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Right?

[Caller 4]

Like, and I'm just shopping. And then on top of that, like, I don't immediately make friends because I have been told by my current friends that when they first met me, I gave off those, like, icy, uninviting, resting bitch face vibes. Like, I've been told I have that Miranda Priestly intimidation tactic or whatever, and I'm just like, this is totally the antithesis of who I am as a person. Like, I'm very charismatic. I love talking to people, but maybe I'm just not projecting or presenting myself in a way. Maybe my demeanor is giving off that hostile vibe. So I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how I could identify that and kind of like target it and figure it out or ways that I could just sort of like, change that demeanor that I'm immediately casting when I enter a room. Any ideas you might have, I'd greatly appreciate it. I love you too. Love the podcast and I hope you guys have a really great day.

[Caller 2]

Bye.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I, you know, I am also tall and apparently intimidating looking and I look mean when I walk in the room. But unlike you, that is truly who I am, though. Like, I. I'm not bubbly and I'm not, like, I don't. I don't want people to come to me and talk to me. So I'm very much into the vibe of being like. Like, I would rather less people talk to me because then I'm having fewer interactions, but they're more impactful than a bunch of surface interactions with people of me just smiling and stuff, because I don't know if it is a size thing. I know lots of people who are like, really physically large, but who have really bubbly personalities because of how much they're smiling, because of the way they walk, because of them singing, what they're wearing, you know, them talking to other people first. It seems like you want to have a lot of interactions with people, so I think that you have to start the interactions yourself. You know what I mean? I also know lots of tiny people who look mean. Pixie Aventura who tiny and looking mean. And folks are like, this bitch look mean. I ain't talking to this bitch.

[Monet X Change]

You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So, I mean, I hate to give you this advice because it sounds like, like, if I said, like, I hate hearing out loud, but, like, maybe you do have a smile more. Maybe if you want to give off a vibe where you want to invite people, then I would say maybe

[Monet X Change]

switch

[Bob the Drag Queen]

up your social cues, which are the way that you're physically behaving in. In the space.

[Monet X Change]

That's what I was gonna say. I was like, I think that you should. You have to change what you're doing physically, if you think that what you are currently doing is if you walk in, you feel like you're scowling, and you kind of, like, look like you have low energy. People aren't dragging me to that. So I think. I think you have to, like, lead with a smile. But, like, you walk in a room. From the time you open the walk in a room, you're smiling, you're looking at stuff, and you like, you know, it's just small things like this. No one talks about this.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You like.

[Monet X Change]

Like, you just say hello to people, say hi, and wave like that. Not wave. That's a little much. But if someone pass you be like, you know, stuff like that. I feel like that as little as you looks, this is literally being Bob. That's Bob. That is Bob. That is Bob's resting, and I'm. My resting is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

To be honest, I am genuinely shocked when people want to talk to me, especially strangers who don't even know who I am. Like, not people who, like, know me from tv. People, like, have no clue. I am. I'm like, what on this plane gave you the interpretation that I wanted to talk to you?

[Caller 4]

This.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

This. This lady got on the plane recently. I was headed back from Indiana, in Indiana, and this lady was like, oh, my God, Bob, I love you. I'm such a big fan. And I was like, thank you. We were, like, smiling back and forth. And then the guy next to me goes, who are you? Are you, like, a famous YouTuber? And I said, no, I am. We know each other from high school. It's a running bit. Every time we see each other, we act like the other one's famous, and we always say, I'm a big fan. And he was like, oh, I didn't know if you were, like, sometimes. Nope, not famous. Just. It's a bit that me and my friend have together. But then he kept. Even after that, he kept talking. I was like, why do you think I'm friendly?

[Monet X Change]

Obviously, we've learned this from Uber drivers and stuff. You cannot say anything. You have to say the most boring thing. Are you famous or something? No, I'm an architect.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But the woman said, I'm a big fan of you. He heard her go, I'm such a big fan. And I just said, nope, we're friends from high school, and we've been doing this bit forever.

[Monet X Change]

Now. That is also such a random thing to say.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

The only option was to tell the truth and go, yes, I am. I work on TV and I have a YouTube page, but it's easier for me to be like, I don't know. No, that's just us. Just a bit. We're not. I'm not famous. We're just. Because he didn't know who I was. Nothing. What's really irritating is when you. When people don't know who you are. I know, but they want to know why you're famous. Why does everyone. Why does it. Why do they want a picture with you?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Or what you could have done. You could have been like, I think. I think she thinks of someone else. I have no idea. So then he would have been like, oh, yeah. You know what I mean? That might have a way to quell. To quench his thirst for knowledge about who you are.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, either way, the answer is lie. And the answer for you is probably, you might need to switch up what you're doing. Cause if you're doing the same thing and expecting a different. Expecting a different outcome, that's. That's. You're not going to get it. You have to switch up your. Also a long time ago, someone once said doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome of the definition of insanity, which, by the way, is not. But that's just began to become popular canon. Everyone's like, yeah, that's the definition of insanity. And I'm like, no, it's not the definition of insanity.

[Monet X Change]

I think. I think the phrase is a little hyperbolic. But it's saying if you keep on. If I keep on lifting my phone up and expecting it to be a calculator, it's just not, bitch, go get a calculator.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think that makes you insane. Maybe I'm looking at it too. D. Everyone's like, but why insane again?

[Monet X Change]

I think it's just a little hyperbole. I think they're saying, like, that's wild. Expecting this water bottle to become a fucking glass. Like, this is not going to happen.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That might be a little bit of insanity, apparently. I think Albert Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

[Monet X Change]

And he was smarter than you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, in theory.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. I made the theory. E equals MC squared. What does that even mean? Do you even know what that means?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what it means?

[Monet X Change]

Yes. Energy equals molecular cosmetology.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Shut your ass up. Shut your ass up. Shut your ass up.

[Monet X Change]

It is. It is energy, though. The E is energy. I don't know what the MC is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't think it's. I don't think it is. Energy equals mass times the speed of light. Squared.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. I knew it was energy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, play this next clip.

[Monet X Change]

Hi Monet and Bob.

[Caller 6]

I am a 22 year old, non binary identifying person who is about to graduate college in a week. No you not New York City. Although I do have a few close friends from college that I am very happy to take with me into this next chapter of my life. I never really fit in with the vibe of my college and a majority of the people who go there, many of the people I've met over these past four years have been uber rich or trust fund kids that don't really acknowledge their privilege and that just drives me insane. Because of this, I have felt without a community for a few years now and it's made me doubt my abilities to connect with people and feel pretty nervous. For this next chapter, whether it's New York City specific or not. Do you have any tips for finding new community and getting over fears of connecting with others? Thank you so much. Sincerely, naked and afraid.

[Monet X Change]

Finding new community. I mean, I think we kind of addressed this a few times in the advisories, but I think you have to kind of what we talked about before, you can't do the same thing specifically if you only look online, try going out to a physical place. If you only meet friends at school, try meeting friends online in different places. Online in the fucking metaverse. There's so many different segments of the Internet where you can find like minded individuals and people who have similar interests as yours. If you're a gamer, there are like people who meet weekly in game, in terms of board games or video games. But I think that for any quadrant of folk you're trying to find, there is a subsection for you on the international Internet somewhere to find people. And maybe it won't be physical, maybe it's not physical people. Maybe you might find people that you are interested in that may just be a digital thing and y' all meet and y' all play Dragbox TV every week or something like that. So I think there's a way to find people online. But if you want to meet people physically, you have to go out there and get them. Kind of like if you're dating, you want to find a boyfriend or girlfriend or a person, you have to go and, and go out to a bar if you're trying to do it or do it online. So I think you have to decide if you want to have physical friendships with people or do you want to do something digitally and you can find your tribe.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I think that maybe there's something to instead of just Assuming that you don't have much in common with any of the people around you, maybe find out what you do have in common with them. You know, I mean, even though there are inherent differences in people who grew up with a lot of money and without money, there's also a lot of things that we have in common with people that we don't even realize. So like I said earlier, like, if you. If you're looking, if you are expecting to have nothing in common with them, then you'll probably not have a lot in common with them. And if you're looking for things you have in common, you might find those. It's kind of like when, you know, when someone says they start seeing signs of something over and over again. When you're looking for signs, you'll find them. Because you're just looking for them. It doesn't mean you're actually getting more signs. It just means that you're creating that you are. Your brain is recognizing things as signs more often. So you probably still have a lot in common. I mean, I've been able to make friendships with people that I have very little in common with on paper, you know?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, look at this. This. This friendship. I have nothing common with this bitch, but I made a friendship out of it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I'm talented, I'm smart, I'm sexy, I'm hot. I'm everything you're not. I'm pretty, I'm cool, and I dominate the school.

[Monet X Change]

I'm T. Taurent. You're Captain Torrent. Let's go. Da, da, da, da. We are the Toro. The mighty, mighty Toro. Crystal. Terrific. We must be Toro cholitas.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You are in the highway. You are in the middle of the street.

[Caller 3]

Hi, Monet and Bob. My name is Victor. I'm a fellow cousin to the Patreon. Love the content. Love y' all ladies. Y' all are great. Great gowns, beautiful gowns. And I need your 2 cents on something personal for me. So I've just recently become aware or. Not recently, but I've just started being more aware of, like, the sort of intolerance or discomfort against white people. I've seen that, like, being in large, white, predominant spaces makes me feel uncomfortable. Whether it's because I can't. I think I can't relate to them for their growing up experience or personal experience or it's like, I always feel like questions that. That I'm always asked, like, oh, are you. Where are you from? Or do you. Do you speak Spanish? Or things that I know are innocent to their minds. For me, can sometimes seem like passive aggressive, whether it's just my internalized issues or whatever, but I've just become aware of that. And I don't want to necessarily gear my emotions towards negativity towards any kind of person. So I would like to know, what kind of advice would you give to people like me who just tend to experience this and just. Just don't want to spread hate, but spread love. I know that. So 1. I identify as a Latinx gay man. I'm sure there are plenty of people of other identities and origins that have very similar experience to me, but I feel like it would be great to know what y' all think about this. Thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You want to talk about microaggressions? Let's talk about microaggressions.

[Monet X Change]

Let me say something. I. Bitch, I can. A lot of people call, I'm sure, not just me. I am constantly annoyed by whiteness. I am constantly irritated by whiteness. When I see a bunch of white people. White people in. It makes me sometimes so angry. Like, I just get. Sometimes it's like a physical reaction. Like, I'll just have to, like, walk away or I just started, like, rocking. I just.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can 100% take your phone and put it on. It's been zizzing all over. Is that your phone zizzing?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, is it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Every couple of seconds it says.

[Monet X Change]

But yeah, I have definitely. And I still do get irritated by whiteness. I feel that. I just wanted to say that. I know it's your time to start. I. Yes, fucking whiteness is very annoying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it my transfer? You know, I famously said in a tweet or on the podcast, whenever I see a picture of a bunch of white folks laughing in a picture, I'm like, what y' all niggas laughing at? That shit? What y' all niggas laughing at? Why y' all laughing? Yeah, I know y'. All. I know y' all laughing about some shit you ain't supposed to be laughing about. But on the other hand, I will say experiencing microaggressions is very real, and it's okay. You don't have to sit with that discomfort by yourself. Part of my thing is, like, if I have to be uncomfortable, you have to be uncomfortable, too, especially if you are part of the source of my discomfort. We gonna both be some uncomfortable motherfuckers on this day. We gonna talk about. We gonna talk about whatever may. Whatever. Whatever I'm experiencing that has me reacting in an uncomfortable way now. And I'm also not one of the folks who's, like, in the world, like, we all have to spread nothing but positivity. I also don't believe that everything in the world has to be about love. Some things can be about education. Some things can be about respect. Some things. And I guess everyone's like, that's just a version of love. Okay, sure, pop off. But I don't think there's anything wrong with being like now. Even though I'm, you know, constantly irritated by white people, I plot twists. I have white friends, I have a white boyfriend, and I'm able to get along with them. But also the white people that I that are in my life are usually people who are white people who are a little more aware of their privilege. And I'm also constantly someone who's trying to be aware of my privilege. Like, I would not want to be someone with one of my trans girlfriends who has no concept of my sis. Passing privilege. You know what I mean? Or with my. Or if I'm with one of my. Any of my girlfriends who can't. Like, when you're with a girlfriend who's a tiny woman who's five feet tall and is a woman, and you're like, let's go go for a walk through Central park tonight by ourselves. I'm like, let me try to acknowledge my privilege. And it is very hard to be around people who are not interested in acknowledging that. That is very upsetting. But I just. I'm the queen of call it out personally.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. I mean, and if you're trying to find a way where you can find a happy equilibrium with enduring the microaggression that you are, but also finding a way to let them know. I think that. But a good way to go about it is to, like, if you are a funny person. I don't know if. I mean, comedy is my gateway into, like, making awkward situations, learning moments. Like, if someone says some weird black shit, I will, like, flip it around and say something to, like, kind of to break the tension in the room, but also make it a teachable moment. So. But if you're not a jokey, joked person, then I think of just being really honest. Even, like, you'd be like, you know, they ask you, like, where you're from. Like, you know what? Don't worry about where I'm from, bitch. Give me a little attitude. I'm sorry. I'm trying to be positive, but that shit is irritating. And I'm not a Spanish speaker, but I could imagine people constantly asking, like, so where you from? Mexico or whatever. Like, that shit is probably so fucking annoying. And asking you how to pronounce different words in Spanish, I can imagine how fucking irritating that is. I'm like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I also turn it back, too. I'm like. And where are you from? Italy. What do you folk? Scottish. Where are you from? Norway. Is it pronounced haggis? What is it called? Scottish people eat haggis. That's so interesting, right?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. That's a great way to flow back on them. Or, like, if you're black and some white people keep asking you, is this okay to say? Bitch. Google it. Why you asking me? Why are you asking me? Bitch, you don't have a phone. I just think it's just. It just forced people to do the work on their own. And once you set up a precedent of them doing their own research, then they will take the hint. If they are smart people who know how to fucking use their brain, they will take the hint. Okay, maybe I shouldn't ask him about that. I'm gonna just. Instead of. They'd be like, You know what I mean? So I think once you set that precedent up, it'll take a little while. It'll take a few times, but once you set that precedent, like, bitch, don't fucking ask me. They'll get the hint and they'll do their own research, and then you won't have to say it anymore. But being irritated by whiteness is a very real thing for people of color. And, bitch, you are not alone. Bitch, we all up in here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. Committing your life to making white people uncomfortable is a long journey, but you get some good results in there. And in that extent, a lot of white folks are like, I'm just not comfortable asking Bob these questions because she's gonna drag me. And I'm like,

[Monet X Change]

but

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I had fun giving advice with you today.

[Monet X Change]

I've had a time with you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, bye, everybody.

[Monet X Change]

Bye.