Sibling Advicery: Microaggressions/Stripper Circus

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – "Sibling Advicery: Microaggressions/Stripper Circus"

Date: May 2, 2022
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Theme: Listeners call in for advice on topics ranging from microaggressions and friendships to party costumes and confronting misogyny among friends.

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Episode Overview

This episode of Sibling Rivalry is a classic installment of the duo's “Sibling Advicery” series, where Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change field questions and dilemmas from listeners. The episode covers a range of contemporary issues—microaggressions in interracial relationships, navigating exclusion in friendships, creative party looks, handling misogyny among gay men, and the complexities of dating someone with an STD. All advice comes with a reminder: it’s for entertainment purposes only, and not meant as a substitute for expert help—a point driven home by both queens in a perfectly unserious way.

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Key Discussion Points

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1. Exploding Feet, Bad Knees, and Merchant-of-Drama Banter (03:22–07:36)

• Topic: Monet and Bob's ongoing (and hilarious) sparring about each other’s supposed “exploding feet” and “disintegrated kneecaps.”
• Notable Quotes:
  • Monét: “Pictures…In a court of law does not hold up pictures.” (05:07)
  • Bob: “Let me put it this way: Monet can say whatever she wants…there will be much more proof of the exploding foot coming forward.” (05:38)
• Tone: Playful, teasing, a typical display of their chaotic chemistry.

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2. Microaggressions & Racial Assumptions – “Stop Calling Me Spicy” (10:00–16:10)

• Caller: Noelle, a brown-skinned man in an interracial relationship, dealing with neighbors and strangers constantly assuming he doesn’t own his home or is a service worker.
• Main Points:
  • Monet admits she hasn’t had this specific experience, but feels frustration on his behalf and wants to get "toxic."
  • Bob shares he experiences this problem all the time, including being approached for help in stores based on his appearance:

    “I just straight up say, ‘I don’t work here.’ Every time. That is my response every single time.” (13:20)

  • Both agree: Don’t make things easier for people who've made faulty assumptions—stand your ground and don’t feel the need to rescue them from their awkwardness.
• Advice:
  • Deadpan response (silent or verbal) is fine.
  • You don’t owe embarrassed strangers a soft landing.
  • Monet: “Don’t give them any energy of you feeling like apologetic in any way.” (15:40)

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3. Pets, Kids, and Social Energy (16:10–19:56)

• Monet’s dislike for petting strangers’ animals (due to allergies and just not wanting to).
• Bob finds dogs, especially medium-sized ones, easier to interact with and enjoys talking to kids, but isn’t a “play uncle.”
• Discussion of “play cousins” and familial boundaries in Black and Caribbean communities.
• Tone: Relatable, funny; the pair contrast their very different attitudes toward other people’s pets and kids.

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4. Religion, the Black Community, and Poverty (22:12–23:30)

• Monet brings up a TikTok on religion’s negative impact on Black communities.
• Bob notes Dr. Umar’s comments about Black churches maintaining poverty but emphasizes the importance of nuance:

  "Even a broken clock is right two times a day." (23:30)

• Quick, thoughtful digression reflective of their willingness to wade into heavier societal issues before heading to the next listener.

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5. Stripper Circus Party Costume Advice (“Lost at the Circus”) (24:45–30:14)

• Caller: 32yo cis gay man, Austin TX, wants non-basic outfit ideas for a “Stripper Circus” party.
• Bob’s Advice: Go as a clown!
  • Colorful speedos, suspenders, red nose, fun accessories.
  • If dark-skinned, paint face white for makeup to pop:

    “You can also keep your hair the way it is. You don’t have to do anything wild with your hair…get a pair of really colorful Speedos…knee-high socks…and a pair of red Converse.” (26:18)

• Monet’s Advice: Sexy lion tamer or animal harness look:
  • “You can get like a sexy lion tamer jacket…with a whip, or go the animal route with hot-glued fur to a harness, and be like a sexy lion or a sexy bear.” (27:35)
• Tips on using rhinestones and different adhesives (E6000 for longevity; hot glue for temporary use).
• Notable Moment: Bob almost became a clown—“Cotton Cody”—before doing drag.
• Vibe: Creative, resourceful, slightly shady.

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6. Addressing Misogyny among Gay Men (“Daniella’s Dilemma”) (45:45–39:13)

• Caller: Daniella, queer woman, asks how to confront misogynistic jokes and “pussy phobia” among cis gay male friends without being painted as dramatic or “stealing gay culture.”
• Monet’s Advice:
  • Be direct, give examples of their comments and how they make you feel.
  • If necessary, record their words or accurately recall them so they can hear themselves:

    “Sometimes hearing your own voice saying something that is…misogynistic is what you need.” (34:07)

• Bob’s Perspective:
  • Acknowledges his own past complicity.
  • “Misogyny affects all of us…A threat to one is a threat to all.” (35:16)
  • Describes becoming more sensitive to misogynistic humor, especially after dating someone affected by it.
• Both agree: It’s natural for people to bristle at being called out, but honest feedback is vital for growth.
• Tone: Empathetic, educational, personal.

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7. Sex, STDs & Disclosure – “Her Epiphany” (39:23–44:02)

• Caller: Chase, cis gay man dating a nonbinary partner with genital herpes, unsure about the risks and whether to continue dating.
• Bob’s Advice:
  • Encourage discussion with a doctor; medicine can reduce the risk, but nothing is foolproof.
  • Shares his own experience with cold sores and lowered risk when medicated.
  • “There is medicine you can take that would greatly reduce the risk of transmission.” (42:40)
• Monet’s Advice:
  • Get professional advice—talk with your doctor, alone or with your partner.
  • Don’t ignore the anxiety; get all the information to make an informed choice.
• Overall: Compassion, sex-positivity, and a model for approaching sexual health honestly.

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8. Navigating Friendship Dynamics & Being Left Out (45:54–66:34)

• Caller: Feels excluded after stepping back from always planning group activities.
• Monet’s Initial Take:
  • Friendships have roles; maybe the friendship dynamic was always uneven.
  • If you’ve already expressed your feelings and nothing has changed, “I would be tired. I would be so over it.”
• Bob’s Counterpoint:
  • Validates caller’s feelings—“I don’t want to say, is it enough to cry over? That feels like invalidating someone’s feelings.” (48:32)
  • Shares his own experience being left out by close friends and how it made him feel.
• Notable Back-and-Forth: Bob and Monet use themselves as examples; they debate whether expressing sadness after being left out is an accusation or just honesty (“All I’m saying out loud is, this happened. I wasn’t invited. I’m sad.”) (62:12)
• Resolution:
  • Communicate feelings without blaming.
  • Ask friends to make a bit more effort, but accept that communication styles differ.
  • Monet finally says, “I can see why that would be upsetting...and I think something that we, as a group, when something is happening, invite you to it.” (65:09)

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• Monét on microaggressions:
  “Don’t give them any energy of you feeling like apologetic in any way.” (15:40)
• Bob, dry as ever, on bad knees and Monet’s foot:
  “Your foundation is cracked. Maybe the first floor is not good here, but maybe the concrete they pour under the house is falling apart on you.” (04:20)
• Bob on confronting exclusion:
  “All I’m saying out loud is, this happened. I wasn’t invited. I’m sad.” (62:12)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Exploding Feet & Knees Banter: 03:22–07:36
• Microaggressions Caller: 10:00–16:10
• Pets & Kids Section: 16:10–19:56
• Religion & Poverty: 22:12–23:30
• Stripper Circus Costume Tips: 24:45–30:14
• Misogyny Among Gay Men: 33:00–39:13
• Dating & Herpes Advice: 39:23–44:02
• Friendship Exclusion & Communication: 45:54–66:34

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Overall Tone and Takeaways

The episode is classic Sibling Rivalry: candid, caring, but full of chaos, shading, and laughter. Bob and Monet approach tough subjects – microaggressions, misogyny, sexual health, and friendship drama – with vulnerability, humor, and personal anecdotes. Their dynamic swings from light teasing to serious advice, demonstrating both the importance of naming feelings and the value of honest (if sometimes messy) communication.

In classic fashion, the queens remind everyone not to take their advice too seriously (and always consult a real professional for medical or mental health questions)—but what they offer is relatability, laughter, and the encouragement to honor your boundaries, voice your feelings, and keep it cute even when things get complicated.

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Transcript

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

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[Monet X Change]

1-800-contacts. Hey, y', all, it's Monet X change.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

My name is Bob the Drag Queen, and this is sibling advice. Now, listen, we know that we are not doctors.

[Monet X Change]

Not even a little bit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We're not therapists. We are not psychologists.

[Monet X Change]

We don't know much about algebra.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Psychiatrist. If you need advice, please go to your doctor, your rabbi, your priest, your shaman, your teacher, your psych, your therapist. This is just for entertainment purposes only.

[Monet X Change]

Yes. Everything we saying is. Is for use in this podcast only. Do not take this as sound advice to take into the world to. To remedy your issues. If you have. Do not take any of this seriously. This is for entertainment purposes only. And we don't want anyone to feel like we are diagnosing them, that we can give them a prognosis on life.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So with that in line, let's get into some advisory. Amy, what are you listening to?

[Monet X Change]

Remember when we went to Todrick hall and I was freaking out about that guy behind us that was singing? Oh, yeah, fucking Avery Wilson, man. His voice is truly one of a. It's on some Whitney Houston shit. It's like voice you get every couple of lifetimes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it like R and B and soul?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, R and B. Soul stuff. His name is. If y' all don't know Avery Wilson. Look up avery Wilson on YouTube. I'll just listen to him singing. Can we talk the Tevin Campbell. Do you. Obviously you grew up with that song being, like, a thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can we talk? Well, tell me if I sound as good as. Tell me if I sound as good as him. You ready? Can we.

[Monet X Change]

First of all, you're already started in the wrong key.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm. I do my own key. I don't seem to get the key TE Campbell sings in.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, let me finish.

[Monet X Change]

Go on.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Can we talk for a minute, girl? I want to know your name. Some of us, when we do our. How you get.

[Monet X Change]

I love how you get Jamaican. I love how you get. You get. You get rude. But you also said. Can we talk for a minute,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

girl? I wonder your name.

[Monet X Change]

Gail. Gail. You need to stop it, girl, because you want a piece of chicken and a kind of Coke.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, girl. She's a proper Scouser. How are you feeling, Monet, Today?

[Monet X Change]

I feel like you are. You are a disingenuous person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not asking about me, bitch. How are you feeling?

[Monet X Change]

Well, I feel like you are a disingenuous person.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Why?

[Monet X Change]

Because you put something on a Patreon? There is literally no context to this picture. You put a picture of me with one of my shoes off at the bar. That means literally nothing. First of all, you know that you and I were very physical performers. When I say were, because. Because since. Because since your busted ass knees is preventing you from being physical these days. And we would often do things. So me having a shoe at a bar in New York in 2017, five years ago, means literally nothing about my quote, unquote, alleged exploding foot.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Listen, let me just say this out loud. I have been letting one A come for me and my knees for three years, four years on this podcast. The moment I mentioned Monet's exploding foot, all hell breaks loose. Monet's like, don't bring up my foot. Monet's magic exploding foot. The foot that exploded a thousand times. So Monet's mad because now y' all know the reality that she's the one who's bad below the waist. She's the one. Yeah. My knees are up a bitch. Your foundation is cracked. Maybe the first floor. Maybe the first floor is not good here, but maybe the. The concrete they pour under the house is falling apart on you. And that picture I took that I told you. I said I used to take. I used to take pictures of Monet's feet because it would always tickle me when her one shoe or white. Pictures.

[Monet X Change]

Pictures. So in a. In a court of law does not hold up pictures. Okay, you said pictures. Give us pictures. We saw a. I Found one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Because what happened was I was, I was trying to find something in my storyline. I, I went to. I went, I was. Went to go chat with someone and then I saw that they had posted something or responded to my story back in 20, like 15 or something. So I tried to scroll all the way back to see what they were responded to. But in the midst I realized you can't go past 2017. Like the archives or something. Don't go past 2017.

[Monet X Change]

For me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway. For me. So then I found this one picture and I was like, oh my God, this is the picture of Monet's exploding foot with the shoe off. And I'm going to scroll through, I'll probably find some more. Listen, y', all, let me put the other. This way Monet can say whatever she wants. Stay tuned because there will be much more proof of the exploding foot coming forward. So you can go. Okay, Patreon. And when I tell you a lot of evidence will be coming forward very soon about Monat exploding foot, rest assured.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, well, I will be.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I'll.

[Monet X Change]

I'll get many. Not even pictures, bitch. I'm gonna give y' all videos of your fucking disintegrated kneecaps. Okay? Your. That is like your kneecaps that have evaporated like a kind of condensed milk. I'm gonna have a show of videos of your kneecaps.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You've been workshopping disintegrated kneecap. That's my question, honey. Ever since I came up with exploding foot now also just now, this moment. The difference is I have never claimed to not have bad knees. You are acting like your feet are fine and Mary, they're not. Honey.

[Monet X Change]

Finding images from five years ago. Can you find any current images? If my foot is exploding, it just doesn't heal over five years. It would still be exploding.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Your foot is done. You're done. You're done. And the difference is, Monet, we aren't on our feet like we used to be. We used to do these long, long.

[Monet X Change]

We don't do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You and I don't do six one hour shows a week anymore. You and I both know, honey. But anyway, listen, yeah, I don't need to do any. A bit of posturing. Everyone just sit back, relax. Go to siblingravery.com civicwraverypodcast.com support and I. When I tell you in the next coming weeks, the. The evidence will be pouring in. You'll see. Oh, pictures, videos. Oh, because I know, I know there's a video of you tiptoeing around on one only maker. Literally the only maker. They call it only maker. They sent you one of them bitches,

[Monet X Change]

bitch. Have you heard Megan D. Stone's new song, Bitch? When I tell you she is on some 90s rap hood bitch shit and I fucking love it. It's so good. Called Plan B.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There was a video, I think Gail or someone is interviewing Megan about being interviewing about Tory Lanez being shot by Tory Lanez. And, like, why is he not in jail?

[Monet X Change]

I think the trial is still going on. 22 years but posted bail. Yeah. Yeah. But he's facing 22 years and eight months in prison. I hope he gets every. Every single last week.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Overshooting Megan, right?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah. And she came with. I mean, obviously this is a traumatic experience. I heard her talk about it. She was like. She's like. She's like. I was scared, but I didn't want to move because I was like. She was like, what if he shot something, like, vital? Like, what if he hit her in her fucking spine, bitch? You know what I mean? Like, that's scary.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't even imagine that he was like, dance, bitch. That's so disgusting and repulsive. And honestly, it is. It is how people talk about women in music. And he's one of those people who's like, actually out here in these streets doing that. And I think it's repulsive. I think it's disgusting. I think anyone who still listens to his music, I mean it just honestly. And maybe I'm being extra hyphy because it happens to be artists that I really love, but it shouldn't have to be an artist that I love for it to be disgusting behavior, you know?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Yeah. I fucking stand. Meghan, she's so great. And she's. She's. She really is great. She's really, really good. I'm so happy to, like, be alive in a time I can, like, appreciate Megan, like, in her current status. Like, she's really great.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's what I said. I was just saying. I said about Mariah Carey all the time. Can you believe that we're at all the times you could have been born? We get to be alive at the same time as Mariah Carey. That is. We're so lucky.

[Monet X Change]

Matea wishes you alive when Maria Callis was here.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Matea was alive when Maria Callis. I mean, not in her heyday, but

[Monet X Change]

I mean, like, yeah, like, when she, like, I'm not sure if Matea wishes, like, he could once go see Maria when she was at doing the fucking shit at the lyric and shit in fucking Italy. I'm sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

WOMAN A. Today is not sibling rivalry. Today's sibling advisory.

[Caller Noelle]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And we're gonna give advice to people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think we should get crack a lacking into. Into some advice, honey.

[Caller Noelle]

Hey, Bob and Monet, this is Noelle in San Francisco. I wanted to give you a little preface for something. I'm in a interracial relationship. My partner is white, and I was outside our home last week alone. I was. I was actually, like, had headphones in, working on our garden, and was just listening to the podcast. And this woman sort of, like, waves her hand to get my attention, and I pull my headphones on, like, yeah, can I help you? And she goes, oh, I love what you've done with the garden. Can I hire you guys to work on mine, too? And I was like, oh, no, I live here. And she had that moment where she goes, oh, shit. Like. Like, she knew that she messed up and was really embarrassed. So I kind of helped her through it and was polite about it, but I'm actually sick of dealing with it. Like, every time I go to deal with the garden as a brown man, people ask me, like, they, oh, do you know the owners? I have questions for them. Oh, they did a nice job. It. It's very, like, language that's focused on, hey, you're not. You can't possibly be. You are in a subservient role, period. There are things that happen. Like, if I go to the grocery store, people just ask me where things are. Like, where's so and so with, like, without.

[Monet X Change]

I don't.

[Caller Noelle]

I don't know if it's the way I dress. I don't know if it's just the color of my skin, but they just assumed that I'm in a subservient role. And my question to you is, have you had to deal with that? And do you deal with the frustration as well? Because, Jesus, sometimes, man, it's annoying as hell. Thank you. Love you guys so much. Signed, Stop calling me spicy.

[Caller Seeking Advice on Friendships]

Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

You know, I have never been in the position where someone has confused me to. In. In that way. I'm trying to think if I've encountered a situation. A situation. Oh, Jacob should have muted his mic. If I've encountered a situation where someone has treated me in this way, and I don't think I have. But my advice to you and I, obviously, I get you for your frustration. Like, obviously, that's fucking annoying. You shouldn't have to deal with that. But I guess. And in my mind, right, I want to Go to bitch. You should answer in a mean way. Like, bitch, I'm not the fucking help. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not the this. And, like, in my mind, that that's where I want to go. And I. And personally, I think that if you feel that in your spirit, bitch, let them have it. But I don't know. I. Because I want to be toxic. And I know. And y' all told me on this podcast, monet, you need to. So I'm trying not to be toxic, but I feel like I want to go to a toxic place. Like, stop fucking assuming shit about me. I asked the question first, so maybe you should go first. I. I feel myself giving toxic negative energy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I get this a lot. I get this all the time.

[Monet X Change]

Really?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, all the time. I remember. I remember one time I used to wear this red cardigan sweater I used to wear. And I remember one time going to Target, and I was wearing the red sweater. To be fair, I was wearing a red sweater at Target, but I was wearing this. I was walking through Target. I was wearing this red sweater, and this little girl came at me. She was running, and she was like 10 at the most. She was so excited. She stopped me. She was like, where are the toys? Where are the toys? And I was just like, aisle seven. They're on aisle. That was a really nice answer. I don't know where they were. I just felt like I didn't want to. I was like. But also because I. Okay, I look well, first of all, I am African. Monet is African. All black people are African. But I apparently look like I am, like, first generation or having immigrated to America from Africa. Africans often come up to me and just start speaking in African languages. This happens to me a lot in New York City and most of the fabric stores in New York City. A lot of Africans work there. So often I would be at the fabric store trying to buy some fabric, and then someone would just walk up to me and be like, can I get five yards of this all the time? And I would just look at them, and I just say, I don't work here. I said in that voice. And then, this is my face. I go, I don't work here. And then I maintain eye contact. And then I let them fumble through the awkwardness of. Of assuming that I work at this place by them. So I don't assist them through it. I do not owe them that. I don't. I don't offer advice. I just straight up say, I don't work here. Every time. That is my response every single time.

[Monet X Change]

You know, I guess a similar thing that I feeling is like, for example, like if I go to a supermarket and there's this thing where people have like little kids or pets or something and like they like and like the kid like, and the kid and they have like a baby, and the baby like looks at you and waves and smiles or something and they look at you like they want you to respond. Nine times out of ten, I look back at kind of like what Bob do in the same deadpan. I will stare at them and the baby like, or if they have their kid and their kid and, or their pet and they're like, and they're like, the pet like looks at me like wanting one of the pet. Bob knows this about me. Like, I really like my cat. I don't like people's pets and I don't, I don't go up petting people's. I'm like, oh my God, your dog is so cute. I just look at them deadpan. So in that same way I would say when someone does that in the neighborhood that you live in or that your boyfriend lives in that, that you frequent, when they say that, you literally don't respond and look at them like,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't work here.

[Monet X Change]

I just give them that same, yeah, don't give them any energy of like, of you feeling like apologetic in any way. Like, I like that. I'm just giving them just dead cold energy. If you want to say words like Bob did, sure. But I tend to just say no words and no response is deadpan. And then if you think I'm mean, great, that's not my problem. And I, I, that's how I tend to respond to people's animals and their children that I don't want to engage with.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I like talking to kids. I almost always enjoy talking to children. I like.

[Monet X Change]

You also talk to them like they're adults.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

A kid will be like, hey, mom, how you doing?

[Monet X Change]

Bob was like, hello, Amanda, how was your day doing? Like, Bob talks to them like they're like fully functioning like a 35 year old.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, kids like that. Kids like when you're like, oh, hey, like I'll see a little kid waving in the middle, oh, hey, how are you? And the kid will be like, even babies, I'd be like, well, hello there, how are you? How's your flight? There's always a little kid peeking through the little cracks in the seat. And I'd be like, oh, hey, you are, you're crawling into my Space. You are crawling into my space, aren't you, little buddy?

[Monet X Change]

Do you like engaging people's pets? Bitch? When people make you, like, want you to engage with their pet, that shit fucking gets on my nerves. I don't like people pets. I do not like pets.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It depends on the pet. I don't. I mean, I really have to learn. I have to know a big dog and I have to know a small dog because small dogs are really feisty and big dogs can be dangerous. So I have to really get to know your big or small dog before I. I'm just gonna start petting it. Medium sized dogs tend to be really friendly for some reason. Big dogs are friendly too, but I don't know your dog, and it's big and it's scary. I don't engage with people's cats almost ever. I engage with Colleen now. Usually when I come, I give Colleen a little bit tension and then when I leave, I will pick up her little bed, I lift her up and I say, I'm leaving. Then I put her down.

[Monet X Change]

Not me, bitch. I don't care if you had an animal for years. I do not like engaging people's pets. I don't like fucking. I don't like little dogs. I don't like big dogs. I don't like medium sized dogs. I just don't want to engage with pets.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't like manly dogs. I don't like big dogs.

[Monet X Change]

Is because also I am bomb Knows this. I am allergic to dogs. I have. I'm allergic to cats too. But because Colleen is hairless, I'm like, less likely to have an allergic reaction. But I'm allergic to dogs. So when I. So if I. And I'm very forgetful. If I go pet your fucking dog and then I forget and I rub my eyes, bitch. My eyes are red. They're itching. I'm like sneezing for the rest of the day. So I don't like touching dogs ever.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

How do you feel about potato, Andy's dog? How do you feel about potato?

[Monet X Change]

Potato is here. Potato is Andy's dog.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And Potato's in the house now.

[Monet X Change]

No.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh.

[Monet X Change]

But I don't really engage with Andy's dog like that. Like, potato is there and I'll be like, oh, potato. Look at potato. And that's it. I'm not like, I'm not. I don't. I don't. I don't cuddle potato. I don't pick potato up. I just. I. That's just not how. That's not how, you know, I'm not like that with dogs. People.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

White people will give their dog a food name. Pickle, Biscuit, Potato, Cocoa Chips. Those are white. There are white people listening right now. There is someone right now with a dog named Biscuit. There is someone right now a white person. And if you are, if you are a white person and Biscuit is sitting next to you or Pickle is sitting next to you, comment below.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, black people like, like human names for their pets?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, no, I think they named it. No, no. I don't know. Not in the South.

[Monet X Change]

West Indians. Do West Indians love a human name for a pet?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

In the south, our dog's names like Bear, Grizzly, Big Man, Rocco, Beast. Those are southern names. I found that lesbians do give their dogs human names or their cats human names and give their girlfriends cat nicknames. They're like, this is my dog. This is my girlfriend Cupcake. And this is my dog Elizabeth Charlie.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, so that. How are, how are you with fucking Andy's dog? Potato Bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've never met Potato.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, well, you like dogs though. Like you, you like dogs.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You, you, you famously had one and likes to get pet or is a little chill. I'll probably like the dog. I like dogs work.

[Monet X Change]

Well, you know what? Then you should, you shouldn't have them.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I don't like, it's not that I like, like, I'm not like, I don't, I don't want to like hang out with kids and stuff, but I like talking to kids one on one. Like, like being able to just be like have a conversation with kids. But I think because I work with kids for so long, I'm not one of the folks. Like, I love kids. Like, I don't want to. Some people really, really want to like spend their time with kids and like be integral in kids lives and raising them. And they want to be, they want nickname. They want to be uncle this and auntie that. I'm not. I have two. I have two kids who are. Who I'm an uncle to. I don't have. There's. I don't, I'm. I don't. I'm not nobody's play play uncle. I do not like anyone's kids giving me familial nicknames. I'm not sure if I am not your uncle.

[Monet X Change]

Damn, I am not your Negro.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, black families in the south do play family. And my mother has never. My mother's like, I don't have no play. I don't have play cousins. I don't have anything no play. Family.

[Monet X Change]

But we. I get you saying in St. Lucia, we do that too, but not the play family. But like, pretty much everyone who was a close family friend, who was not a direct aunt or uncle was still on to this or uncle this.

[Caller Noelle]

Nope, nope.

[Monet X Change]

It's not like play.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Not in my direct family. And it's in the South. We call them play cousins in the South. Your friends are your play cousins. That's just a phrase that we use. But my mother is like, you don't have. You have. These are your cousins. You have actual cousins. These are your cousins. And I had two cousins who would always call me their brother. And my mom would be like, amanda is not your sister. Amanda is your cousin. You and Amanda are not. You and Amanda are not siblings. You have one brother. His name is Justin, and Amanda's your cousin. Which I actually appreciate it. It's a great way to set boundaries, because people would come to your life and just claim your family. Just claim it. Claim it. Honey.

[Monet X Change]

I saw this. I saw this TikTok the other day about this woman talking about. About church and religion. And I was like, oh, my God, Bob, I think I sent it to. You didn't watch it, you dumb bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You sent me some on TikTok. I just didn't. I don't think you've ever sent me.

[Monet X Change]

Is her talking about how religion has destroyed the black Is causing the black community to be fucking. A prisoner of itself. Yeah, and it was great. It was really great. But.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And it was Dr. Umar talking about how white America is the creator of black ghettos. And although white America created the black ghettos, we as black people maintain them. He goes on to say that one of the. The biggest contributors to the maintenance of poverty within the black community is black religion. I mean, part of that I agree with, but. But that is not a nuanced take. I don't think that black people are keeping themselves impoverished, like, yet.

[Monet X Change]

Listen to the whole thing. It's talking about how. How, how, how. How religion has. Has created a structure where black people, instead of spending your time to other things, you're going to Bible study on Wednesday, Christ meeting on Tuesday, a choir meeting on Wednesday. And you're not taking a lot of that time and effort and money into putting it into your own stuff and your own family and your own communities and really building them up. You're giving the church millions of dollars a year, and you're doing nothing for yourself and your family.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Even a broken clock is right two times a day. Anyway. We should get some more.

[Monet X Change]

Some more question in I know we

[Bob the Drag Queen]

have 20 minutes in one question.

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[Monet X Change]

Jacob go ahead.

[Caller Lost at the Circus]

Hey Bob and Monet. I am a 32 year old cis gay male in Austin, Texas and a patron. Love y' all so much. My question is I'm getting ready to attend a friend's birthday party in a few weeks and the theme the party is Stripper Circus. I want to come up with a fun creative idea on what to do wear and not just be a full on thought but a little little thoughtiness ain't going to hurt nobody. But yeah, just not going to show up in my underwear. I want to get some creative ideas and spend some time putting together a cute outfit. So wanted to ask you all for some ideas on what could be fun that's not super basic. I will probably be shopping on Amazon and doing some minor work to put an outfit together. So anything that you think will might be some good advice on how to do that. Any tips and tricks would be appreciated. Love y' all so much. Sincerely lost at the circus.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, let me try. Now if the theme is circus, I'm always going to go clown. I love clowns. I love clowns. I've always I was going to be a clown before I was going to be a drag queen. I almost tripped and fell into clown life. I was this.

[Monet X Change]

You are.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean I still do my clown thing but I was this close to being Cotton Cody Instead of Bob the Drag Queen.

[Monet X Change]

Oh my God, can you do Kennedy, your little Cotton Cody voice?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It was like, hey guys, it's me, Cotton Cody. Hey everybody, it's me, Cotton Cody. Anyway, so I always go clown because clown makeup is just so fun. It's so exciting and you really can't go wrong with it. Now I don't know what your skin looks like. I don't know if you're black, white or brown or whatever. But if you're fair skinned, you can probably get away with doing just a little bit of like clown accessories. Like, like a clown eye, a little red nose and like, like a black lip or some sort of a clown lip moment. I found that on darker skin you want to really paint your face white because it helps the clown makeup pop. You can also keep your hair the way it is. You know, you don't have to do anything while with your hair that makes sexy. Get a pair of really colorful Speedos, like a polka dot Speedo, some suspenders, some knee high socks that are like striped multiple colors and a pair of red Converse. And then bring in like a rubber chicken, a pie, some sort of a flower that squirts water. And you're going to be a sexy stripper clown. I think that's, that is in my opinion, I always lean. I. My drag name is Eileen Clown. Eileen Clown, honey.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I would say, I would. If, if you're not feeling the clown, maybe you can do something like more like a, like a, like a lion tamer or something. I'm sure you can get like, like a sexy lion tamer jacket. Cause those are, they're often like bolero cut. So they can, if you just underwear that with no shirt under it, it will go, it will cut you. It'll put you like right at your pecs. You're like, you have no shirt under it and you can get like a sexy black thong or like a sexy black really tight booty short moment and have like a whip or something. And you can be like a sexy lion tamer at the, at the, at the circus or if you want to go an animal route, maybe just bitch getting you like a fucking. They sell harnesses so cheap on fucking on, on, on Amazon and just get one and you can get some fur. You don't, you don't have to get like real fur. You can get like muppet fur. You can put it and you can hot glue it to the harness and you can be like a sexy lion or a sexy bear and just get like little heirs or something. But I think those are. Those are cute ways. But I think the lion tamer one, because you can also get like a little top hat too with the jacket and like the tight and like the black thong, like the booty shorts and like some. And like some thigh high boots. You can be like a sexy little tamer with a whip.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's also like mesh. These like mesh bike tarts you can get. And a bike tart is like a. It looks like a tank top on the top and biker shorts on the bottom. That's a bike tard. It's like a bike bike short. Leotard is what it basically boils down to. Anyway. You can get. There's these like mesh bike tarts you can go to Amazon for, like really inexpensively and get some rhinestones and like stone them and you can be like a trapeze artist. And that could be also E6000.

[Monet X Change]

If you're gonna stone, use E6000. Don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If it's one night too hot glue. If it's one night. If. If E6000. If you're trying to like, if this needs to last and this needs to be tough, in my opinion.

[Monet X Change]

But hot glue can get really messy when that gun starts pouring out everywhere, girl. And then, and then also when you do hot glue, you have the.

[Advertisement Voice]

You.

[Monet X Change]

You run the risk of hot gluing your costume together because you. Because you're not aware of how fast that shit dries. At least with E6000, there's like a little window. Hot glue can get really bad really fast. If you don't know, you should know

[Bob the Drag Queen]

about E6000 that E6000 takes hours to cure.

[Monet X Change]

Yes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You cannot hot glue it and then walk out the door. You can hot glue something and then just get up and leave. But if you eat 6,000, it, you literally have to wait an entire day for it to. Or at least 12 hours.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah. Yeah. You give yourself some time for it to dry for sure.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If I can find the, the mesh bike tard up in here because there were some really great ones. And if I. And if I can find one, I will include it in the, in the comment below. But there were some really great ones and they look really sexy. I've bought them for dancers and they're just, They're. I know you're not. You said you're not trying to break the bank, so that's just my idea of the end. Are you ready? Oh, go ahead, Monica.

[Monet X Change]

Are you gonna be a basic bitch? Bitch? I'm kidding. You don't have to Break the bank. Also, do you see this outfit sitting here? Bob, do you have my jacket? Did you take the jacket with you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, Domino took it with him. Why everything gotta be me? Why do you think I'm taking everything?

[Monet X Change]

Well, can you bring it back when you come home?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't. Bitch. That's why I didn't take it. Bitch. It's for you. I didn't ask you for that. I did not ask you, you and Domini to work this out.

[Monet X Change]

You know what? I should have said no. I should have said no. Then your ass would have had no clothes.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You should have. But you didn't, did you? Did you, Monet?

[Monet X Change]

Is this a thing that I get for putting you bitches on? Oh, okay. So if you're not watching, if you're not on the Patreon, cause you a basic ass bitch. Right here is an outfit that I had to. I'm kidding. I went, so, Domino, Bob, comrade filming, we're here. And Domino needed to use a jacket that he made for me to pattern a look that he's making for Bob. So me, in my spare time, when I was busy, I fucking. The day I was filming, literally had to film the pit stop. Had to drive to my storage unit and go get this outfit from storage to get to bring to my home so Domino could fit it on Bob to pattern a look for him. And I asked him, Bob, to bring the jacket back home. Bob was like, no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't say no.

[Monet X Change]

Ungrateful bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't say no. What I said was, bitch, I didn't borrow it.

[Monet X Change]

Bitch. I'm busy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

To quote, I didn't ask you for no favors. Now I will see what I can do. But if I don't bring it back, what I'm saying is, it's Domino's. This is you and Domino's dealing. Not mine.

[Monet X Change]

Play the next one, Jacob. Why? Just fucking left this bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, play the next one before Monet's foot explodes.

[Caller Daniella]

Hi, Bob and Monet. My name is daniella. I'm a 25 year old cisgendered woman who identifies as queer. And my question for you guys is if you have any advice on how I can address misogynistic remarks and jokes within my friend groups that are majority cisgendered gay men. This is something that I feel really strongly about, but do not want to offend anybody, especially a community that I love so much. But it does also mean a lot to me to address misogyny when I see it, because it exists in every single community. And I Think it's a big issue that affects so many people, not just, you know, cisgendered women. And I want to be able to address these without offending them. But I have been met with, oh, you're being dramatic. Or this is just gay culture. Women are just, you know, crying about this, trying to take this away from gay men and that it doesn't come from a place of hatred. But I do want to address this because I do not feel comfortable with a lot of things they say, you know, the age old ew, pussies and you know, so on and so forth. How do you guys recommended that I address this without hurting anybody's feelings and without taking anything away from anybody? Because that's never my intention. Let me know. Thanks. Love you guys.

[Monet X Change]

You know, coming up in the gay bars in New York City, a big part of that was not a big part, but some of that. There was a lot of misogyny involved, like women. Why are you here at this bar? This is not for you. If you see the dragon performing, shut up and just give her a dollar. Like that is. That was a part of it. And you know, I think gay men, we have to. It is not just the work of your friends, but I think of gay men at large to really counteract their behavior and be. And to battle like the built in misogyny that we have in us as not even just as gay men, as men existing on this planet. It is part of our identity. We have a lot of privilege as men in this world and your friends are extensions of that. So I think a way to combat that is to kind of everything that you just said just now was great. I mean, maybe the problem is that you feel uncomfortable having this conversation with your friends, but if these are close friends of yours, I think that all the knowledge that you just dropped in the question that you asked I think is a perfect gateway into that. And I think that if they are, if you have brought it up and you are met with, oh, you just, you're just, you're just being dramatic. I think, I think giving them direct examples of behavior that they've done that is that, that, that that has made you feel bad. That is, that is misogynistic is right. I think when you, when direct, direct evidence like this is what you said and this is how it made me feel and this is why it is misogynistic. You can't argue that because, bitch, you did say it. And it's not me being dramatic. It's something that came out of your Mouth that, that you have said. So I think and it may be something of like it happens a few times and you like literally, honestly bitch, put the voice memo on your phone, record it. Like if you are in a situation where it's happening, like record it. And it may seem a little shady when you play back for them, but sometimes hearing your own voice saying something that is really hurtful and misogynistic is, is what you need to help you be like, I need to fix this behavior. This is disgusting. I should not do this. So I think it is. If you keep on being met with, you're being dramatic, giving them evidences of things that they've said, whether you can record it or verbalize it back to them, what they said, I think that's a great way so that they hear how bad it sounds and how it's behavior that needs to be changed.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't know if recording people without their permission would be a great way to kick off a conversation, but I will say this. I do agree that with one they said that what you said was really well, like, like you, you articulated it perfectly. What you said sounded like like all the things that you need to say. Or you can send your friends this link, send them this time stamp, send your friends this time stamp, this link. And I'm going to say this, this is something I say on stage a lot. And I, I like that you said that. Misogyny affects more than just cisgendered women. Misogyny affects trans women, CIS women, gay men, trans men, bi people. Misogyny affects a lot. Misogyny affects all of us. You know, a threat to one is a threat to all. A threat to. A threat to justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. And I used to be one of those gay guys who would ill pussy this and kind of stuff like that. And I used to just think it was funny. I thought it was. I just didn't know any better until someone, you know, until someone was like, why is that funny? And especially once I started dating a person who has a pussy and seeing their response to a group of gay guys cacackling about how gross pussy is. You know, even little stuff. Like I used to. One day Ezra went for a jog and then when he came home he was like, oh my God. I was like, what? He was like, I was just listening to Kesha and at one point in her song she just flat out says, I just can't date a dude with a vag. Now he's like. And I know she wasn't talking about me, but I just kind of stopped dead in my tracks and was like, that just felt. It felt so unnecessary to say. That just really felt so unnecessary to say. And, you know, I'm sure when she's in a room full of. A room full of men who don't have vaginas, everyone's like, isn't that so ridiculous and hilarious? How absurd that would be? So, you know, I know that I've been challenging my friends to let go of that rhetoric and cys hurtful. And I think that the verbiage you use with us was succinct. I think it made sense. And people are going to naturally buck against the notion of being called problematic. When you let someone know their behavior is problematic, their gut instinct is gonna be like, oh, no, I'm not problematic. It can't be me.

[Monet X Change]

Especially, yeah, especially gay men who already feel like they're downtrodden and how toxically masculine men are against them. They feel this sisterhood with. With cisgender, with women in general. So, like, girl, we're on this. It's that energy of we're on the same team. Like, we're fighting the same battle. But it's not the same thing. Cause you are. At the end of the day, you are a cisgendered male. This is a cisgendered woman. It is different. So I think that when you tell them they're misogynistic, they're hearing, girl, what are you talking about? We're sisters. We're on the same thing. But you're not. Because at the end of the day, you are a gay man. This is a cisgendered woman. It is different. So I think you're gonna be hit with that, and you need to be prepared for that and be like, bitch, no.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And, you know, pussy phobia, it comes from a lot of places. I hear it a lot with. With gay men. I hear it a lot with. With trans women. I heard a lot from a lot of people who just don't have vaginas. A lot of people who don't have.

[Caller Daniella]

Who.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Who are not born with vaginas say a lot of pussy phobic stuff. And I've become hyper aware of it now nowadays, and it does, and it is annoying. And I'm very sorry that you're going through that. That's so stupid. I hate. I really don't think it's funny. And I am one of those people who, in the past, I've laughed at things I don't laugh at anymore. But isn't that all of us to some regard. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

No. I laugh at everything I used to laugh at.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I believe you're still laughing at the stuff you used to laugh at. That I believe. Play the next one, Jacob.

[Caller Chase]

Hi, Bob. Hi, Monet. My name is Chase and I'm absolutely obsessed with your podcast. I recently joined the Patreon. I typically listen to your podcast and I'm at work in my cubicle getting dirty looks as I am snickering to myself in silence. So thank you so much for brightening my day. I am a gay man who is cisgendered and I am dating a non binary person who happens to have a penis. So on date number two, we're getting a little frisky and they tell me as I'm going for the crotch, they say, you can't touch it because I have genital herpes. And I'm like, I like dick way too much not to touch a dick. This is not, this is not going to work. But I ended up dating them for four or five more dates and I think I am falling for them. Do I continue seeing them and take a chance on love or do I walk away knowing that I could possibly catch a disease that would hinder my dating life in the future? What do you guys think? Sincerely, her Epiphany.

[Monet X Change]

I went first last time. Yeah. Your turn.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, so I just want to say that you know, your partner, there is medication. Obviously everyone's body is different. Everyone's body is different. But there are, it's really interesting. This one, this one coming right on the tails of, of, of pussy gate. There are medicines that your partner can take where over, over time they will be basically not able to less. Or let me rephrase that. Less likely to transmit genital herpes if they don't have any signs. Now that does not mean that, that does not mean that it is impossible. Even if you don't have signs of genital herpes, you can still pass genital herpes on to another person. But there are, there's, there is medicine that, that people can take. I've hooked up with people that I know for a fact had herpes. Genital herpes. But they, they were on medication and they were. And they weren't having any flare ups and I haven't had anything. I get cold sores on my mouth and I have kissed my partners who don't get cold sores ever. So you don't always, people don't always transmit general herpes or cold sores or whatever, Simplex one, whatever it is, back and forth just because they have it. I take a cyclovir once a day and which lowers my chances of having either a cold sore or transmitting it to one of my partners. And, and so I mean there should be medication, but again, there are certain cases. I don't know what the doctors told your partner, whatever they told them. I don't know. Just, just listen. Obviously listen to your, listen to their doctor. Listen to your doctor. I don't, I am not. I, I Again, this is, we should actually after this we're going to record a, A, a, a disclaimer that's going to go at the beginning of every episode. That this is advice that is just for entertainment purposes only. Do not take any. Go consult your physician, your therapist, your work, your, your rabbi, your preacher, whoever you need to talk to for your advice. But there is medication that you can take that would greatly reduce the risk of transmission.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I was gonna say, I was

[Bob the Drag Queen]

gonna say if you calling it a disease might not be, might not be kosher.

[Monet X Change]

I was, that was gonna be my advice. I was like if you feel super uncomfortable, I would recommend if you have a primary care doctor or someone that you see regularly. If you don't have of health insurance or a clinic that you frequent when you get tested or whatever, I would say just you, you can, with your partner or without them, just go and get, talk to the doctor about it and get the full scope of what, of what the ramifications are and, or what the risks are with. You know, if you feel uncomfortable, if that's something that you, that you, that because if you, if you just brush it off and act like it'll be fine, you obviously something that you are thinking about and it's heavy on your mind and it's going to, you know, it's not going to be good if you just keep on brushing off and not dealing with it. So I think you need to either with your partner or alone talk to your doctor and just so they can give you all, you can have all the information so then you can make an informed decision about what would be best for you and what, and how you will feel.

[Caller Noelle]

Good.

[Monet X Change]

Because that's the best way having a doctor tell you all of the things that you need to know about having, about having sex with someone who had genital or herpes or whatever it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then you can be like one of those commercials where you're running on the beach, riding a horse, surfing, eating with friends.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, that could be you.

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[Monet X Change]

But let's do another one.

[Caller Seeking Advice on Friendships]

Hey Bobby Monet, I love y' all so much. I both did fabulous on Drag Race. Love y' all bunches. So I need advice on a situation that I'm going through, and I just really, really need advice on this. So basically I'm friends with these two people, and us three were always known as, like, hanging out together. Always like that, you know, kikiing it up. And I just was exhausted with making the plans, so I decided to step back and not make plans anymore. But now they make plans with other people without me. And they literally know I'm sitting in my bedroom just alone, doing nothing, and they don't invite me at all. And I literally cry over this. So, like, what do you think I should do in this situation? Should I confront them? And I have confronted them in the past, but they just say, like, you always want the intention. So like, what should I do? Please help me. Thank you all so much. Love you both.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, so you excuse yourself from the hanging out. And then they started hanging out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They're like plans. Not from hanging out, making the plans.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, but if. If we always hung out. Okay, okay. If hell are tight friends, I get it. You're like, I'm sick of making the plans. But he said that he took a step. Okay, only from making plans. You sure?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He said. He said, I just. I got sick of making the plans because he was always the one making the plans. He got sick of making the plans. So now they're making plans, but they're not including him.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, listen, Some. Some friend groups have roles. They're friend in. In friend groups, people fall into different roles, whereas you be the one who's making all the plans. Never be someone who is really good at. I don't know when, When, When. When y' all are all out, everyone's drunk. The fucking designator friend who always gets everyone home. So, I mean, I feel like certain friend groups, people fall into different roles. Even in our friend group, when we're all hanging out, we have people. We fall into different roads. Kennedy is always running around picking shit up everywhere and putting people's shoes by the door. Patty is going to be on the couch doing his thing, but Patty is looking at cute boys, showing everyone. Bob is shooting 19 videos on the YouTube video, not sharing a remote with anyone. Everyone falls into their thing that they do in the friend group. And I get it that making the plans may seem really exhausting, but, you know, but on the other side, it's shady that they are doing other people, but is it enough to cry of a girl? I think. And if you've confronted them and they're still excluding you, then, bitch, I mean, I don't know what else you can do, but you've been clear. You've said, hey, I want to be included, and I don't like it. And they're still continuing to exclude you. I don't know what more you can do. Like, bitch, I would be tired. I would be so over it. I would not want to talk about it anymore.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I don't want to say ask. Is it enough to cry over?

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I don't want to.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That feels like invalidating someone's feelings. Like, why are you crying? There's nothing worse than when you're in your feelings and someone goes, why are you crying? And it's like, nigga, I'm just chilling. The fuck you mean while I'm crying? Because I'm sad? Damn.

[Monet X Change]

This is also my toxic. This is my toxic self. And I don't want to let those people know that they've gotten the best of me. You know what I mean? That I moved to tears. So this is my toxic side. So I acknowledge that you have a non toxic side.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, my God. I'm not, I'm not. I'm not trying to do a thing. When I. Oh, my God. When I. When Monet first moved to la, Monet would hang out with her friends, but she wouldn't tell me. And it used to drive me. I'm not even being funny. It would drive me crazy. Monet. Or I would find out through, through like Godoy or through Kim or through Naomi or I see pictures and I'd be like, oh, my God, everyone's hanging out without me. And I'm not trying to do a thing. But see, this is.

[Monet X Change]

I know, I know you're not. I know you're not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If someone tells you this and then this is how they react, then you, like, you feel stupid because you told them. So now you feel like you're a dumb bitch because you're like, why is everyone hanging out without me? And it's not. I'm not making this up. There were times you all would hang out or do things and I would not get invited. And I'd be like, this feels. It doesn't feel good. It feels not great. And, you know, when I mentioned it, I would usually just kind of get like a. Well, we ended up. Or, or. Or I often get told like, we just assumed you wouldn't want to, or we just assumed you wouldn't like it, or we just assumed you don't like movies or you don't. You don't drink, so why would you want to come to this? Blah, blah, blah, whatever. And I think that over time, I just kind of ended up just kind of doing my own thing is how I ended up just doing it because, you know, or if you and like, Rob would play like game. Do like a game night or something. And I'd be like, everyone had a game night and no one told me. So to be honest.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, but a crucial piece of information Bob is leaving out is that the reason why Kim would have to not invite Bob. Is that because. And this is no shade to Bob, but this is. Bob knows this to be true about himself. Kim would, like, text Bob about stuff in the past and Bob wouldn't respond. So Kim just would not text Bob because Bob has a hard time texting people back. And you know this about yourself.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So I don't, I don't personally Think that that is a. That that is a. Because, for example, Kim and I have done things together and she's magically found a way. I mean, the way we communicate. Like, when Kim and I went to go to. Kim and I have hung out quite a few times. And so obviously Kim and I know how to communicate, to hang out.

[Monet X Change]

Well, there are many times she wanted to. Where she couldn't get in touch with you. And also to my point, if I get invited, if I get a text message, hey, game night at my house at this time, I'll just show up

[Bob the Drag Queen]

and I'm not and have them not respond. That's not the same as not being able to get in contact with someone. Kim can get in contact with me. Right, but. Yeah, but that's not.

[Monet X Change]

No, but to her, she's not trying to, like, go out the way and, like, call you five times and text you five times and make sure you're in touch with you. Just like.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And now that's adding things. That's like being like, I text you once, you didn't respond. And now it becomes. I've called you five times. That. That is the.

[Monet X Change]

I'm saying she's not doing that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's the thing where it makes it seem. Where it makes it seem like I'm outrageous. And it's like, now it's come down to calling five times. It's not calling five times. That's not what it is.

[Monet X Change]

Bob, you know, Bob, all of your friends know. All of your friends and your coworkers know. I want to do a poll now. I'm going to make a TikTok evolve. You are.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm not responding to text, but I'm also one of those people that if we. If there's a plan, especially if you call me, everyone knows this. If you call me, I will answer the phone no matter where I am. I will be in the middle of the. I'll be in the middle of a shootout. I will say, hey, I can't. I can't talk right now, but I'll call you back. I will answer my phone. Everyone knows I. Everyone's got. Everyone's got this. Hey, I can't talk. What's up? Hey, I'm on the other line. Hey, so and so. So where it's like, if you want to. If you want to reach someone, you know how to do it. If you want to reach them, you know how to do it.

[Monet X Change]

Exactly. And when I. And when I've had stuff, I always call you because we. I talk to you at Least once a week. And I would always, like, I'm having this thing in my house. But when. When other people invite me to something, I'm not saying, who's on the guest list. You need to invite this person. I get a text like, hey, we're going to.

[Caller Lost at the Circus]

We're.

[Monet X Change]

We're going out to movies tomorrow. You want to come? Sure. And I show up, and we're. And I don't. And I'm like, oh, hey, hey, Nay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hey.

[Monet X Change]

Like, it's not. It's not like we're on in a big group chat like, we're gonna have dinner tomorrow. It's like I get a text like, hey, wanna go out to the movies?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I didn't accuse you. That. What I'm saying. Instead of spending this time trying to defend why someone's not invited, you could say, oh, I could see how that seems hurtful. And I might try to make a stronger effort to include you in things in the future, as opposed to spending the time defending yourself while trying to absolve yourself of any wrongdoing. So instead of trying to actually fix the problem, you're just trying to absolve yourself of accusation.

[Monet X Change]

Who, me?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And it's not. No. Yeah, well, in this moment, you are. And it's not about accusation. It's just me saying how I feel. It's just like, oh, I saw everyone hanging out, and I was sad that I wasn't there. That's. That's.

[Monet X Change]

But you pointed the finger first. You said that. Because you said that Monet would hang out with her friends and I would not be invited. So that is. That is. That is. That is implicating.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But that is. But.

[Monet X Change]

But. Hold on, hold on. That is implicating me by saying Monet is hanging out with friends. What you should be saying is everyone is hanging out, and I wasn't included. But saying Monet's hanging out with her friends is saying, like. Like, I had to get together with my friends and didn't invite you, and you say Monet's doing this thing with her friends. The language that is less threatening and making me seem like the bad guy is saying, all my friends are hanging out and I was invited, as opposed to Monet did this thing with her friends.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I can see why you would say that. I want to be clear. I'm not saying Monet made plans and Monet. What I said was Monet was hanging out with everyone because you're my best friend. I mean, me and Kim are friends, but me and Kim are best friends. So if Kim and Plastique hang out. That's not weird. If Kim Plastique and yeah, that's not weird If Kim, Plastique, Naomi and you hang out. And no one told me to me I'm like, oh, I just don't know why no one told me. It's like all the girls got together and no one. That then it feels strange to me. And again, I want to be clear instead of taking it some sort of, like, attack, instead of trying to absolve yourself of wrongdoing, I think that from my perspective, it would feel nice if you were like, I can see why that is upsetting. I can see why. And you know what? I will say this. A text did not feel like a strong effort to involve you.

[Monet X Change]

It's what everyone else gets.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, just, just listen. Just, just hear me out. Hey, but you know, you, you communicate with different people in different ways because everyone doesn't. You can't communicate with everyone the same way. You can't use the same method with everyone and expect the same result. In my

[Monet X Change]

advice to you to be, to maybe to the language you use to not try to implicate one of your friends as, or those two as the bad guys. Because then I feel like you're gonna get a negative result if you're like, you guys did this thing. You didn't do it. I think you should be like, hey, everyone is hanging out, and I feel not included. And then your friend's gonna be like, okay, we can see how we can make a better way to include you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is it me or what?

[Monet X Change]

If you go in pointing fingers, guns ablaze, and like, you bitches fucking hung out, and ain't none of y' all motherfuckers told me that's not gonna give you a good result. That's is that, is that, that is gonna cause conflamma.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, well, I, I, I do agree that the, the way. But I, I feel like what, what he's saying is I used to make the plans and everyone's hanging out, and I, and I cry in my room because I'm sad that I'm not there. That doesn't sound like, like fl. When all you're saying is you all are hanging out and I did not get invited. That is just true. Everyone's hanging out. I didn't get invited. That is the truth.

[Caller Seeking Advice on Friendships]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Making it.

[Monet X Change]

Yes, that's what I'm saying. But I'm saying to this person, do not go and say, Jack and Rob. You guys are hanging out with everyone else, saying like, okay, Everyone is hanging, saying, everyone is hanging out, I'm not included. As opposed to pointing fingers at two people saying, you guys did this thing to cause then they feel like you're saying, so you're saying we're actively trying to not include you. And I don't think that is true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Real or.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, I don't, I don't. I don't know this friend group. I don't know what, what their te

[Bob the Drag Queen]

is that's jumping to a really bold conclusion. So that's why I try. I'm just saying, I try not to extrapolate too much out of what people are saying. I just take the thing that they're saying. I try my best to just take the thing they're saying at face value. So if you just say everyone's hanging, you guys are hanging out and I did not get invited, you're not saying you are.

[Monet X Change]

That's a great way.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're not saying you're intentionally trying to exclude me. All you're saying are two things. Everyone's hanging out, I wasn't invited, I am sad. These are all true statements. I don't think that. I think that that's great.

[Monet X Change]

I agree with that 100%.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But also there's a difference. Like for example, if these two people who he's very close to, if A and B are hanging out with C, D, E, F and G, I'm not. He's not that. Maybe he's not that close with C, D, E, F and G. So it's not weird when C, D, E, F and G hang out, but when A and B do it, that is odd because we are very close friends. So like to make about our situation when Kim and Naomi hang, if I see a picture of Kim and am hanging out, that's not weird to me because they. Why would that be weird to me? But if everyone gets together and then Monea's there, then to me, I'm kind of like. It feels weird to me. But also it might also be easier if you. I mean, we're not talking to the friends, but if you are one of the friends who happens to accidentally have excluded someone. We have this happen in our friend group again with Alfredo recently. Recently too. It is easier, in my opinion, as one of the friends, to say, I'm sorry we didn't invite you, I apologize, we should have invited you. I forgot. You know what? I genuinely just forgot. I apologized. It was not our intention. And I will try going forward in the future to invite you more. But that does that deflates the ego. And it doesn't try to absolve yourself. It just takes on the ownership. I didn't invite you. And it makes it seem like the person who wasn't invited did something wrong by not getting invited and then mentioning their feelings. So when the person didn't get invited goes, I guess I'm sad I wasn't invited. You hung out without me and no one told me that is true. Does it feel like an accusation? It just feels like maybe it is. It's a true statement.

[Monet X Change]

But if abn, if ambian hanging out in dd, D, E, F, G, whatever he said, maybe a person who's excluded does not have the same relation with those people. So just because. So let's say I'm hanging out with fucking, I don't know, Elliott Watutis, Simone and Gigi Goode. Cause we hang out and you see me there. Just because you not being included in that doesn't mean that I don't want you there. That's plans. For example, when I first got here and it was myself, Brooklyn, Vanjie and Silky hanging out and you were in la, you weren't like, I cannot believe that you didn't include me because I'm

[Bob the Drag Queen]

not friends with Brooklyn or Silky or Vanjie. But me and Naomi.

[Monet X Change]

But when you weren't close with Plastique.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But it's not Plastique, it's me, Kim and Naomi, bitch. I introduced you to Kim and Naomi. You know Kim and Naomi because of me.

[Monet X Change]

Are you right? Yeah, I did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

So. Hello. So all of a sudden I was the bridge between Naomi, Kim and Monet. And then all of a sudden the bridge is gone and the land have just gotten close together.

[Monet X Change]

We've also built something else by going on, doing work the world together for months and being like. It becomes a different separate thing.

[Caller Daniella]

What?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's not an acc. All it is saying is, you're hanging out. I wasn't there. And I'm sad now you taking it as an accusation because you feel like you've done something. Maybe, maybe, I'm assuming maybe you feel like it's an accusation because you feel like that is negative. All I'm saying is. Or even like this person you're saying you hung out, I was not invited. These are all true statements. I am sad. These are all true statements. Now if you feel like that's an accusation, that is, maybe that says a lot about how you feel about that behavior. Behavior.

[Monet X Change]

Well, only because this person is saying I'm. Because in what this person was saying, she's like, I've. I've confronted A and B about it before. About them hanging out with other people and not including me because I don't want to make plans or they said I spoken to. No, they definitely said they spoken to A and B about it. So you saying that you've spoken to them about not being close to everything because that, that's why I'm taking it in this in the same way also. I am just not the type of person that I feel like I need to be. Maybe that's just. It's not a me thing. I'm sure more and more people feel that way, but I don't feel the need to go to everything and be a part of everything. I'm just like, if I. If, like if I saw you, Kim and Naomi hanging out, I wouldn't be like, I can't believe they didn't invite me. I would be like work. You know what I mean?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like if.

[Monet X Change]

But again, that's just. I don't think it's just me. I'm not saying I'm the weird one that only feels this way, but I just don't hold those feelings. So maybe I need to think about how. I don't know. There's something I need to change myself about. That energy with people.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I definitely don't feel that. It's not about changing it.

[Monet X Change]

It is because you asked me to when. When I'm making plans with them to make sure I hit you up to include you as well. And I'm like, my brain just doesn't think that way.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like you're not hearing what I'm saying. It's not about changing anything. It's not about saying like, you need to change what you're doing. It's not saying you need to do something different. All I'm saying out loud is, this happened. I wasn't invited. I'm sad. It's just.

[Monet X Change]

So the way to fix that so you're not feel sad, is to invite you to the thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But that's not what I said. I didn't say that. I'm just saying out loud.

[Monet X Change]

So how do you remedy it then?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And it's also not even necessarily asking for a remedy. It's just if you can't acknowledge how you feel with your friends out loud without them feeling like you're accusing them of something that is a little strange. So what it is is like for example, if. If you are. If you all are hanging out. I'm not saying like, like if, kid. It's One of these situations, you can't. Plastic are hanging out, okay, work. And then I think usually by like, the fifth time, I'm like, oh, I never. I. I never get invited. I would like to get invited. And then you say something like that, and then everyone goes, well, you don't answer the text. And I'm like, okay, but I mean, can you call me? And then once you ask if you can be called, and if that just feels like you're asking for way too much for a phone call, then you're like, okay, now I feel maybe a little hurt about that. And it's not. It's not saying you guys are doing anything wrong. It's not saying you're doing anything bad. I'm just acknowledging my feelings out loud. What I'm saying is I want to hang out, too. I would like to hang out.

[Monet X Change]

So to include you in is what

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm saying, is that everything with times, like, maybe invite me out, it's not being like, if you see that I went to the mall, and you're like, oh, I want to go to the mall sometime. It's not you being like, you need to change the way you go to the mall. You need to change the way you

[Monet X Change]

say about changing for hanging out.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What I'm saying is, like, maybe invite you even, and I'll invite you to the mall one or two times. Just like. Like when I asked you to invite me to St. Lucia. I'm not asking you to invite me to St. Lucia every time you go to St. Lucia. What I'm saying out loud is I would like to one day go to St. Lucia. One day I want to go to St. Lucia with you.

[Monet X Change]

So the change that is to. And it's to ask you if you want to come. That's what I'm saying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, but. But, but. But you're making. You're making it seem. Well, not. You're making it. It feels like it's like. It's about changing the way I. All I'm saying is, like, just invite me out once, twice. I don't want to go every time you go to Sale. I don't want to go every time. I just. I do. But I do want to go to St. Lucia with you, specifically one time.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, then I'll invite you to go to St. Lucia.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't. I don't get why that's so funny. But. But also, the other thing I'm asking, too, is, like, when I'm asking for a simple acknowledgment that you're like, you know what I can see? And I'm asking out loud, saying, again, I can see why that would be upsetting. But instead you're like, I don't get it. I'm just not that kind of person. I would never be sad by that kind of thing. I just don't think I need to be everywhere. So then that is also another thing.

[Monet X Change]

That's not. I did not say I would never be sad about that type of thing. That's not. Now you're literally putting words in my mouth. That's not what I said.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, maybe I'm just different. I need to change my perspective. I just don't think I need to be invited everything. Listen, that also kind of does an insinuation that I feel like you're like, I don't think I need to be invited to everything. I don't either. I don't think I need to be invited to everything. All I'm just asking is to be invited to something. So it would make sense if you would just say, oh, I can see that. I can see why that would be upsetting.

[Monet X Change]

You know, I, I, I, listen, I can see why that would be upsetting. And I think something that I can, that we as a group, when something is happening, invite you to it. I mean, that, that's, that's literally all I'm asking. You're like, no, you didn't. Now you're like, no, don't invite me. I'm like, you're inviting me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't need to be invited every time. I didn't say it's about change. I also.

[Monet X Change]

So how do I find out which time to invite you?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do what? How do I figure?

[Monet X Change]

Tell me, how do I know which time to invite you then?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And not like, just like out of

[Monet X Change]

like, if we also they happen. Like if it'll be like a random one, like on Friday, you want, you want to come get dinner? I'm like, okay, so like, how do I know if I invite you to that one or not? You see what I'm saying?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

If the math is that confusing, then it like if the math is that fucking confusing. If you're that confused by the math of inviting someone out to something, then just if it obviously clearly doesn't come naturally to you, then just then it feels like, well, then it feels like asking for the moon. When I feel like I'm really. I know it's not. That's why it feels so wild.

[Monet X Change]

Well, Roberta, when you come back from we're here, I'm going to Schedule a dinner, Bitch, I don't want to fucking

[Caller Chase]

hang out with you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's somebody. Bitch, I don't want to fucking hang out with your ass like that dinner

[Monet X Change]

I scheduled for your birthday last year, which was lovely. With Kim, you with Kim and I. And you know I'm gonna schedule something this year for you now. You just don't remember.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't remember. What did we do?

[Monet X Change]

Never mind. Then I guess it wasn't that it wasn't memorable.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What do we do on my birthday?

[Monet X Change]

Bitch, you went out to dinner.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Where? Answer the fucking question. Where'd we go?

[Monet X Change]

Cara, bitch. Cara, bitch.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

With Nick. Nick is in the.

[Monet X Change]

No, damn. Nick.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Nick was there.

[Monet X Change]

Nick was not there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You took me, Nick and Jacob to car. I have a picture of it.

[Monet X Change]

That is not true.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob, do you remember going to car with Nick? Was Monet not there?

[Monet X Change]

I was not there. I did not go. I did not see. I have not ever seen Nick in la.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You've never seen Nick. And we called Monet, and Monet was like, you gotta go to Cara.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And we called Mona a mockery.

[Monet X Change]

I took you to Cara for your birthday. Anyway, it's not important. See, this why I don't invite this nigga. No way. Because he don't even care. It was his fucking birthday. He don't even care.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What is Cara? What is Cara?

[Monet X Change]

It's a restaurant, bitch. What do you mean, what is it?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I mean, what kind of food? One night. Jesus Christ.

[Monet X Change]

It's like American food. American food. American. American Italian fusion, kind of. It has a pool outside. All right, we got to go. We have to go. This has been over an hour. I have to go. I have things to do. Thank you for talking about advice. You are fucking wild, girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You are it wild.

[Monet X Change]

Bye, y'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All.

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