Sibling Advicery: Sidelined/Daddies

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – Sibling Advicery: Sidelined/Daddies

Date: November 15, 2023
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of Sibling Rivalry, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change serve up their signature blend of hilarious banter, candid sex talk, and heartfelt advice. The duo tackle listener questions ranging from wedding planning for gay couples and navigating shifting sexual preferences, to friendships in adulthood and boundaries with OnlyFans partners. The pair's infectious chemistry, riotous storytelling, and unfiltered truths shine throughout, all within their uniquely comedic, caring tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Food, New York, and Touring ([01:51–05:32])

• Monét talks about moving back to New York for a bit and indulging in her favorite local restaurant spots.
  • “[In NYC] I love getting a bacon cheese there on a Croissant. And I love getting a chopped chicken on...on a hero.” – Monét ([02:28])
• Bob revels in nostalgia for Columbia Deli, despite the food being just “okay.”
• They swap fast food stories, discuss Raising Canes opening nearby, and joke about the temptations of having comfort food so close.
  • “I don't need a fucking Raising Canes five minutes from my home.” – Monét ([04:10])
• Both share their typical DJ set songs, ending up in a Lauryn Hill singalong and a playful quiz about misremembered lyrics ([05:32–07:54]).

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2. Drag DJing & Music Banter ([04:22–07:54])

• Monét shares highlights from Palm Springs Pride, notably being surprised by Violet Chachki's DJ skills.
  • “Violet really turned me out with the DJing.” – Monét ([04:47])
  • Bob: “We used to call her DJ Chashke on Work the World because she was always in the room blasting music.” ([04:50])
• The two riff on their favorite intro songs to play when DJing.
  • “First song right now, it's 'Industry Baby' by Lil Nas X.” – Monét ([05:35])
  • Bob responds, quoting Lauryn Hill to Monet’s bemusement.

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3. Listener Advice Segment

i. Gay Wedding Planning & Costs ([09:06–17:45])

Listener Joe from Dallas asks about planning a gay wedding, costs, and whether a reception is necessary.

• Budget is key: Monét emphasizes the need to set a budget before any planning begins.
  • “Having a budget is the most important part. That is what you need. That will inform you if you're having the pizza or if you're having steak.” – Monét ([11:03])
• Cutting Costs & Traditions: Bob suggests eloping at city hall and delaying the party to save money due to the wedding upcharge “[Venues] mark up their prices. Once you say it's a wedding… it’s $5,000.” – Monét ([12:01])
• On Hiring a Wedding Planner: Bob recommends considering a wedding planner, especially non-extravagant ones, to relieve stress and suggests custom, locally designed dresses instead of overpriced bridal gowns.
  • “Go get a custom wedding dress made for you. Do not go to a bridal store...you will be supporting a small business.” – Bob ([14:03])
• On Guest Lists: Both commiserate over the stress of keeping it small, exchanging funny barbs about seating priorities (“Somebody ain't coming...and it is what it is.” – Bob, [16:09])
• Food preferences come up—Monét wants West Indian-American fusion, Bob’s family always wants lemon pepper wings ([17:49–19:02]).

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ii. Navigating the “Side” Identity in Sex ([20:19–26:02])

Listener ‘Boy on the Side’ struggles with dating as someone who prefers non-penetrative sex (“side”).

• Validation: Both hosts affirm that side identity is valid and not “childish.”
  • “I don’t think only penetrative sex makes it sex… I think that’s childish to think.” – Monét ([22:49])
  • Bob relates by saying his own sexual behaviors rarely involve penetration; there is “someone out there who’s into what [you’re] into.”
• On labels and dating: Finding sexually compatible partners is hard for everyone; being a “side” adds extra friction but isn’t insurmountable.
• Side note: They riff on their own versatility (“I’m literally in the middle.” – Monét ([25:19])).

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iii. Staying Connected with Friends in Your 30s ([27:20–32:16])

Listener Frank asks about maintaining friendships as life grows busier and preferences around phone communications.

• Modes of Connection: Monét is all about frequent phone calls but acknowledges that's not for everyone. Suggests texting or even Zoom dates.
  • “The phone seems like the easiest way to keep connection with friends who are far.” – Monét ([28:25])
• Bob adds: There isn’t a hierarchy – some friends are for phone talks, others for in-person or silent hangs.
  • “With some friends, [not talking on the phone] doesn’t mean I like them less.” – Bob ([29:03])
• Voice notes—slow, nonintrusive way to stay in touch ([30:29]).

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iv. Dating OnlyFans Content Creators – Jealousy & Boundaries ([38:28–45:55])

Listener Jacobo wonders how to handle discomfort with their partner’s OnlyFans collabs.

• Bob’s Thoughts:
  • Suggests not viewing the content if it upsets you (“You have to get behind a paywall…why are you looking?” – Bob ([39:02]))
  • Acknowledges he hasn’t experienced this himself but thinks jealousy often springs from insecurity; recommends honest communication so “your partner can secure you.”
• Monét’s Perspective:
  • Admits she couldn’t handle dating a sex worker due to jealousy; suggests the listener is doing the right thing by examining what feels right.
  • “If you’re saying you do not have what it takes right now to date a sex worker, then that’s the move.” – Monét ([42:17])
• Emotional Mechanics of Jealousy: They dig into the feelings behind jealousy (fear of missing out, wishing energy is spent on the relationship), and how openness works for them in relationships, acknowledging it’s different for everyone.

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v. Reducing Phone Dependency & Attention Span ([47:20–52:02])

Listener Decal wants advice on cutting back phone usage and reclaiming focus.

• Monét’s Tips:
  • Try tech solutions—iOS Focus Modes, app blockers, and involving someone you trust for passcode safeguarding.
  • Explore activities that inherently keep you away from your phone—e.g., archery, classes ([47:42]).
• Bob’s Approach:
  • Admits he doesn’t feel bad about using his phone alone but strives to disconnect around others.
  • Recommends group activities (games, puzzles) as organic ways to put the phone down.
  • “If you think it’s affecting your connection with people around you…do activities that pull you away from your phone.” – Bob ([49:17])

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vi. “Daddies” – Communicating Sexual Boundaries ([52:32–60:19])

Listener “Anonymous” asks how to ask play partners to ease up on intensity (in this case, on rough masturbation or spanking).

• Monét’s Honest Truth:
  • She tends to “suffer in silence” out of fear of hurting feelings or losing access to hot partners—even recounts suffering through painful spanking ([54:49]).
  • “Y’all know me…I will literally come because I don’t want someone to feel bad.” – Monét ([53:53])
• Bob’s Approach:
  • More comfortable being direct: “Softer, lighter, harder…Don’t pinch my nipples…”
  • Emphasizes most people appreciate and adjust to feedback in the moment.
  • “I tend to speak up, like, right away…in all circumstances.” – Bob ([57:09])
• Advice: If speaking up feels impossible, consider simply ceasing the hookup; honesty is the best long-term policy.

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4. Running Jokes, Memorable Moments & Quotes

On Being Excluded from Bob’s Wedding:

• “So who you chopping? Madonna?” – Monét ([16:22])
• “You and Madonna both getting chopped.” – Bob ([16:26])

On Public Masturbation:

• “Can you jerk off in the car? Is that wrong?” – Bob ([31:25])
• “If you see me jerking off in my car, mind your business.” – Bob ([33:28])

On Android vs. iPhone Users:

• “Do you see how iPhone users can suck my fucking dick? Take a bite of that fucking apple.” – Bob ([51:56])

On the Art of Spanking:

• “Spankers don’t fuck around…Either they want to hit you very hard or they want to be hit very, very hard.” – Bob ([56:02])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [09:06] – Gay wedding planning & costs
• [20:19] – Navigating sexual identity as a “side”
• [27:20] – Keeping up with friends in your 30s
• [38:28] – Dating OnlyFans creators & jealousy
• [47:20] – Managing phone addiction & attention span
• [52:32] – Communicating sexual boundaries (“Daddies” segment)

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Overall Tone and Takeaways

Bob and Monét blend practical wisdom, empathy, and unchecked humor, always encouraging listeners to be honest about their needs and boundaries. Whether it’s parties, sex, or friendship, their advice centers on communication and authenticity—with plenty of spicy personal anecdotes. Don’t be afraid to laugh, cringe, or reflect!

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For fans of honest queer advice, messy sex stories, and riotous drag queen rapport—this episode ranks as a classic.

Transcript

[A]

I'm Kiana. And I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail].

[B]

hey, guys. Again, Bob the Drag Queen. I'm gonna be in Atlanta at the Atlanta Symphony on December 30, the eve of New Year's Eve. Please spend your time with me. You can go to seethedragqueen.com to hear some hilarious jokes, and maybe I'll wear, like, a festive Christmas outfit.

[A]

And, guys, you can catch me in Orlando and Tampa. I'm going to be at the Orlando improv on December 6th and the Tampa improv on December 7th. So if you in Florada, come see your girl Monet X change, because I'm retiring these jokes, y', all this year. This is the last time you can hear these motherfucking jokes. So come see me do these jokes in Orlando and Tampa. And y', all. Sibling Rivalry Live is coming to San Francisco at the Castro Theater on January 5th. Now, I know we have had. We swear. We swear this is the final day. We will be in San Francisco on January 5 for civic rivalry Live. So snatch up these last tickets and sell us the. The out. Oh, she did a costume change.

[B]

I took my hoodie off. It was a little warm in here.

[A]

Girl, it is so cold in here. They just brought me a heater, and that is not doing. I'm freezing in this goddamn hotel room.

[B]

Oh, wait. My view just went away.

[A]

That's weird.

[B]

What just happened? I think I. So that was weird.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I'm sorry that you're experiencing that. That sounds upsetting.

[A]

It's not upsetting, actually. It's just very cold. Can I tell you what? Anytime I'm back in New York because obviously I moved to Los Angeles. I just love food so much, and I love having little meals from my favorite restaurants here in New York.

[B]

What are your favorite restaurants?

[A]

Miss Lily's Kitchen in the East Village. I love Coppelia. I Love Aniejo on 10th Avenue. I also just love the bread and butter deli right here on. On. On. On. On 31st and 5th.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's just. I love getting a. A bacon cheese there on a Croissant. And I love getting a chopped chicken on from. From there, too. On a hero.

[B]

That sounds exciting. I like to go to Jacob's Pickles.

[A]

I'm. I'm sure you do like Jacob's Pickle.

[B]

Honestly, it's great. I also like Columbia Deli, only because it's nostalgic. The Columbia Deli is not particularly great, but I miss Chogi.

[A]

Does Shogi still work there?

[B]

I wouldn't know. I haven't been to Columbia Deli in years.

[A]

Nigga, your lips is here, not over here.

[B]

It's because sometimes I'm prone to cold sore, so I put it all around the area.

[A]

Oh, got it.

[B]

And I like.

[A]

Is that a Banksy shirt or is that a it shirt?

[B]

This is my shirt. Thank you for asking. Oh, cool. And it has all my dates available, all my. All the dates of the tour on the back. And you can get [e-mail] work. Just click the link that says Shop the Drag Queen. Thank you for asking, Monet.

[A]

You're very welcome. Would you like to ask me about my merch?

[B]

Is that merch you're wearing?

[A]

Yeah, it's my merch.

[B]

Tell me. Tell me about it.

[A]

I'm kidding. It's Victoria Monet merch. I got it at her show. That was really good.

[C]

That's it.

[A]

I'm just around. Okay, so Jacob's Pickle. What else?

[D]

That.

[A]

Is that it?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't really go out much like that. I don't really have, like, a lot of places I go, to be honest. Jacob's Pickles, and that's pretty much it. I tried to go to the Raising Canes before it was open in New York City, but the doors were open, but you couldn't order anything. Like you to walk in.

[A]

They're putting one. There is one by my house. I said, this is not good. This is not good. I don't need a fucking Raising Canes five minutes from my home. I don't need that.

[B]

It's what you need. It's what you deserve.

[A]

It's not. But this past week came back from. I was. I did Palm Springs Pride this week, this past weekend, which was so fun. Had such a great time. Violet Chachki is so. Oh, my God. Violet Chachki DJed Friday night. And y' all no shade. I was like, she's gonna get up there and do whatever. Violet is a really good dj. Like, the taste was Chef's kiss. Violet really turned me out with the DJing.

[B]

I was like, okay, Ms. Violet.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

We used to call her DJ Chashke on work the World because she was always in the room playing music.

[A]

No, not playing music, blasting music. On tour. Violet will play the music so loud that other people's rooms in proximity to hers. Our walls are vibrating because the music is so loud.

[B]

And everyone would run from her room. No one wanted to be in the same room as her anymore. DJ Chokshke. Shout out to DJ Chokshke.

[A]

She's like disco y 80s synthy with some pop stuff, but remixed top 40 stuff to fit the aesthetic of the other stuff. It was very well mixed. She did a great job. I was very impressed. Very impressed.

[B]

What's the first song you dropped when you dj?

[A]

The first song right now, It's Industry Baby by Lil Nas X. Cause when I start, it just feels like it really brings the energy up. And it's like this one FA da da ambiance. And I mix that with the same beat of Low by SZA and I segue into low. And then I go on like a doja cat ride and I go into papi. Then I go, then I go.

[B]

And that's your whole size at the front. First song. Please don't.

[A]

What is your first song?

[B]

Yeah, it's funny how money changes situations. Miscommunication lead to complications. My emancipation don't meet your equation. I was on the humble. You on every station.

[A]

Who is that, bitch?

[B]

You know who that is. You literally, if you. There's no way you.

[A]

I don't know who that is.

[B]

Don't know who that is. That's not possible. It's not. It is literally not possible if you not know who that is.

[A]

I don't. I mean, I don't know. I don't know the lyrics. Who is it?

[B]

It's Lauryn Hill.

[A]

Oh, no, I don't. I don't really know. The miseducation Lauryn Hill.

[B]

You might win some, but you just lost one. You might win some but you just lost one. You might win some but you just lost one.

[D]

Now, now.

[B]

How come your talk turned cold? Gave the whole world from the price of your soul? Trying to grab hold of what you can't control.

[A]

Did you see what she posted? I was like, lauren, this is not the take that you need to have, baby. Stop it.

[B]

What about her lateness?

[A]

Yeah, about her lateness. Talking about, like, God ordinated to be here and so what, bitch, you still late and I talking about that. No one wants to put her. Put. No one wanted her to put out an album. Oh, no.

[B]

Maybe they Did.

[A]

And you were in the studio and that's why you got sued and you had to settle because you were wasting people's time and not do what you have to do. I was like, so stop it.

[B]

Damn. Shots fired at Lauryn Horn Hill.

[A]

Stop it.

[B]

Because that's not what you got against Lauryn Hill.

[A]

Because, I mean, I'm sick of it. Like, we're all Lauryn Hill fans, but, bitch, don't act like you. Like, are you.

[B]

You don't even know.

[A]

I mean, you don't even know.

[B]

Just plus one.

[A]

I mean, I do not.

[B]

I. I don't know. I don't know. Mis Education. That is her only album.

[A]

I said I don't know. Miseducation like that. Like, I don't know every track. I know. Like, the girl like. Like to Zion, you just lost one

[B]

is like one of the big hits from that.

[A]

I didn't say no. I don't know. I'd say I don't know all of it like that. But I do know the album, you know, do up. Of course, that thing.

[B]

Do you. What do you know about Zion?

[A]

It's about. She wrote about her daughter.

[B]

Do you know? Can you sing it?

[A]

How beautiful.

[B]

Listen, finish the lyric. Finish the lyric. How beautiful. If nothing more than two at times or.

[A]

I've never seen a girl like this.

[B]

I've never been in love like this before.

[F]

Whoa.

[B]

This crazy circumstance. I knew his life deserved a chance

[A]

and I knew that he would too. I would. You're the joy.

[B]

You are making up lyrics on screaming. This is my favorite thing to do.

[A]

Put that fucking mic down. The list of things that you do that irritate me for no reason gets bigger and bigger. Every podcast but this mic thing is

[B]

up there with fucking. I hate that. And I think I'm gonna. I think I wanna reincorporate now. Let's ask the audience back into my daily. Let's ask the audience.

[A]

This is about advisory. We're not here to rival. We're here to advise. So, Jacob, can you please hit the first question?

[B]

Right? Let's give it a listen.

[C]

Hi, Bob and Mane. This is Joe from Dallas, Texas. I'm 36 years old. My pronouns are he, him, and and. I am submitting this question for advice because I am soon to propose to my boyfriend of three years and I'm really excited. However, it's made me really nervous into thinking of how much this is all gonna cost when we do get married. We've talked about things that we want. For example, we both really wanna have a Drag queen host our karaoke. So we've got someone local that we love that I'm excited to ask. And I'm just concerned of, like, the cost of a gay wedding versus a straight wedding. I'm sure is different. And it just depends on, you know, how much you want to do. But, like, how do we decide? Like, you know, what's an appropriate cost for, you know, ring. What's an appropriate cost for the venue for food? Like, I don't want people to do fish or fish or chicken. Like, y' all getting pizza. Like, that's what we're gonna do. But honestly, I'm not quite sure what the path should be. Like, how can I plan this? Is there, like, a guide or someone that, you know, that I can reach out to to be like, hey, what does a gay wedding look like? Or, how can we make our gay wedding the way we want it to be? But anyway, thanks. And do you think that there's a need for, like, a reception as well as a, like, ceremony? Like, should. Couldn't they just be at the same place at the same time? Am I crazy? Love you guys bunches. Bye.

[A]

You know, I think that.

[B]

Well, we should give our disclaimer first.

[A]

Oh, yes, y'. All, Bob and I are not experts in any of the things we're talking about. We are just giving advice for entertainment purposes only. We are not here to diagnose anyone, to give them a prognosis, or to tell them what they should do with their life. These are our opinions on the. On the. About the situations that they are presenting to us and how we would operate.

[B]

This advice is all for gets and shiggles.

[A]

I do think that this thing of a wedding. I mean, I think again, as a kid growing up, like, a lot of us, because of TV and Disney and whatever, we all had these fantasies of, oh, when I get married, I want it to be this and that. I want to have 400 people and this, that, and the other. And then as you get older and you're like, bitch, this is how much money I make. This is what I can afford. I think that you sound like you have a clear head about it. You're like, I'm not trying to be out here buying the whole damn meal. But I think that you and your partner put together your budget and what you want to spend, and then from there, then you can make choices and make decisions. Having a budget is the most important part. That is what you need. That will inform you if you having the pizza or if you're having the steak. Like, how much can we spend? Have you been saving up for this? Have you not been saving up? There are many questions you can ask. Once you have the figures in front of you, then you can go ahead. I know for me personally, if you. If I don't. If I. If I was to get married, I know that I am not trying to do. Like, I'm not trying to do. I'm not.

[C]

I'm not.

[A]

I'm not. I'm not spending because you never see that money again. It's just all for a party for everyone to celebrate you, that you're never going to get as many again. And there is studies that show that people and companies and venues, they mark up their prices. Once you say it's a wedding. Like, once you, like regularly a party, there would have been $1,000. Now it's a wedding, it's $5,000.

[G]

You.

[A]

So I say go to city hall, get married at city hall, and then y' all have a party later on, a few months, a year from now on, celebrating the wedding or like, celebrating your union. But do not, like, have a wedding at a venue because they're gonna charge you exorbitantly, exorbitantly. More than it would have cost just because it's a wedding.

[B]

And I thank you for choosing me to. To come through unto life to be a beautiful reflection of his grace.

[A]

You know what it is? I think that because you're really trying to get the notes out, you just forget dynamics. Like, you just try, but that time you just brought dynamics in and it actually got very beautiful. But normal time, you just, like, try to sing as loud as you can and it be. Sound crazy, but when you just put some dynamics into it.

[B]

This is not the voice. There's no buzzer. I'm not here for critiques. This, it's not a lesson back and forth. This is, you can applaud or you can move on.

[A]

What's her name? Cheryl Porter. She does these vocal exercises. You and I should afford Patreon exclusive. We should do the Cheryl for the vocal exercises together.

[B]

Oh, the lady was a E.

[F]

She

[B]

shared one of my videos a while back. I think that. Okay, let me talk about this. You're asking, is there someone who can help you? Yes, they're called wedding planners. You. You should hire a wedding planner. Hiring a wedding planner will take a lot off your plate. Every wedding planner is not super expensive. There are wedding planners within your. In your budget range. And planning weddings is a whole fiasco. I will say this. You are saving money because wedding Dresses are overpriced. I'm going to tell right now. If you're going to get a wedding dress, I'm going to tell you right now. Go get a custom wedding dress made for you. Do not go to a bridal store and get a dress made. The dress is overpriced because it is a wedding dress. Yeah. There are 40 other brides with the ex. Not 40. Hundreds, if not thousands of other brides with the exact same dress in their wedding photos. And you will be supporting a small business by having a local designer, or even if not local, just a designer, make you a wedding dress.

[A]

Yeah. Like Zach Posen or like Donatella Versace. That's one of them anyway.

[B]

Truly one of a kind. And it'll probably be less expensive and. And. And even a better dress and. And you can really design it with your. With. With your partner and with. With your family or whoever helps you design your things. But I think you really need to go ahead and get yourself a. A wedding planner. And I'm kind of saying, well, I don't want. To be honest. I don't even want to invite people to a wedding if I have one. It seems stressful because. Because I want it to be really, really small. I wanted to get married in my mom's house. 30 people, 20 people all together on your side, the whole kitten caboodle. I want to get married in my mom's home. I want to go upstairs and eat, and that is the entire event. I don't want to go. I don't want to move locations. I don't want to run out of hall. I want to get married in my mom's basement. I want to go upstairs, and I want to eat food, and I want to, like, enjoy my life with my partner and my loved ones. You know what I mean? So I hear your desire to have it small, but sometimes the desire to keep it small stresses me out, because I know that if I want it small, someone's not coming. And they're gonna be.

[A]

Last time we did this, you literally left some key players in your life out, and you were like. You were gagging. So, yeah, you can't keep it small, Bob. You're at a point in your career. You can't.

[B]

I'm gonna keep it small. I know it's gonna be small. I promise you, if anything, we get married, it's gonna be small, and someone's getting left out. And it is what it is.

[A]

Small is relative. I don't think 20 altogether. There's no way your family alone is seven people. And then you have. You have to invite your managers, your agent, your friends.

[B]

First of all, somebody ain't coming.

[A]

First of all, the crew alone is another seven people. So you're at 14 with just crew and family.

[B]

Somebody ain't making a cut.

[A]

You cannot.

[B]

It is what it is.

[A]

And now.

[B]

And now.

[A]

And now.

[B]

And now.

[A]

So who you chopping? Madonna? Yeah. Chop m. Chop m. You.

[B]

You and Madonna both getting chopped.

[A]

If I had to guess, I would say you could probably stand to have

[B]

40. Maybe you could do 40. Too many people. That's too many people. I'm getting married in my mother's basement, Monet. I can't fit 40 people down there.

[A]

Okay, so who. So who from the crew is getting chopped?

[B]

So we're starting with you and with them cheeks. We're saving up two seats.

[A]

Honey, you literally told me you want me to be. To be your officiant, but now I'm chopped.

[B]

It's too much to stress. I'm stressed about it. I'm already stressed.

[A]

I'm already stressed.

[B]

But, yeah, I think that you need to hire a wedding planner. You're trying to do this yourself. Is going to. You want to be relaxed on your wedding day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you're not. And it sounds like you're already stressing out. You're do it.

[A]

So you still won't be relaxed even if you have a wedding plan.

[B]

You'd probably be more relaxed if you're not trying to plan the entire wedding yourself. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. But also, the thousand dollars that you're spending on a wedding planner, maybe that can go towards something else. The pizza.

[B]

It could. I mean, you're paying for a convenience. That's clear. You're paying for a service and a convenience. You could sell your own dress. You could cook your own food, you know?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So, all right, next question.

[B]

What kind of food do you have for your wedding?

[A]

Oh, West Indian. Well, a mix. I want American West Indian food. Both of those things I know my

[B]

family's going to want. Honestly, I agree with them.

[A]

What?

[B]

Jacob, do you know my family's going to want chitolins? Not off the top of my head. Well, you should know this. Anyone should know. If you get My family. They want.

[H]

They want.

[B]

They almost always want wings. Buffalo wings. Almost always want Buffalo wings. Every occasion. Every occasion. Wings. So we gotta get some wings or we gotta get some wings?

[A]

We always have wings, though. We do barbecue wings. Not Buffalo buffalo wings.

[B]

Well, we do lemon pepper wings.

[A]

Oh, lemon pepper wings is so good. I Love me some lemon pepper wings.

[B]

That is the way to my family's heart. Lemon pepper wings, baby. Also in the uk, hot wings are not Buffalo wings. They're just spicy wings.

[A]

I don't think I've ever had wings in the UK to shout about.

[B]

Or all over Europe when you go to. When you. The hot wings are just spicy chicken wings.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Which is wild to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you like your buffalo wings breaded?

[A]

If. But not a heavy breading though. Not a heavy breading, but I do like a little.

[B]

It kind of slaps a little bit sometimes when I get on top, but

[A]

then it gets soggy. When it gets soggy, that's what I don't like. But there's this place, the Bronx Ale House.

[B]

What do you eat them over the course of eight weeks. How long. How long are you. How long are the wings hanging on your.

[A]

By the time you order it and it comes. It comes in the Uber eats. By the time you get there, it would have been sitting the sauce. Who knows how long it's sitting before it's ready to be picked up. It'd be sitting there.

[B]

Sound like by the time I get down to Uber eat, you just sitting in the sauce, you're gonna run the pound. What the was that? By the time I get down from the Uber eater, sit it in a sauce.

[A]

I did not.

[B]

That was. That was crazy.

[A]

No, I did not. Every time we do that, everyone is like, Bob is bugging. Monet was not sounding like that. So I'm not taking.

[B]

By the time you run. Also not every time. You always love to say what the comments are saying. When it be like one or two comments.

[A]

No, it don't be. There was something recently I was like, but you see, I'm not as petty as you, so I'll see it. I'll just move on. You were like, yeah, I mean, everyone, all of our listeners know I'm not that girl. So you can roll your eyes whatever you want.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Since you always read the comments, read these comments next. I'm gonna.

[A]

Jacob, read this next question, please.

[D]

And Monet, I am a 29 year old gay black man living in Dallas, Texas. And when I first started having sex with men, I was a bottom. But then I quickly changed that because it just wasn't comfortable. I only had one boyfriend ever to, you know, make it feel nice for me. So then I tried topping, but I didn't really like that either. I didn't really care for that too much either. And around like lockdown, quarantine time I realized that I was actually a side, which, if y' all don't know, is basically, I don't like penetrative sex at all. I'm into foreplay, mutual masturbation, those things like that. Only thing is that lowers my chances in the dating pool. A lot of guys I've talked to and I've told them I was aside, they don't get it, they say that's childish, etc. Etc. So I don't know what to do. Should I start topping bottoming again? Or should I just stick to my guns and wait for my person to come along, whoever that may be. Love you sincerely, boy on the side.

[B]

You know, I think that people's sexual proclivities change throughout their lives. Some people become. Some people discover they. At some point in their life, their anatomy changes, their desires change, their feelings change and they want to top. They want a bottom. You might find out down the line that you're not gay. Maybe you're pansexual, maybe you're bisexual. I know I found out down the line that I was like, oh, I thought I was just gay, but I wasn't. You know, you never know what is going to happen in you, but in this moment, if you're trying to hook up and just get a little Slurpee Slurpiana and a little Mum Munch munch on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, the. The shrimp emoji, then I say, you gotta do that. I tend to have less penetrative anal sex, but I'm still in these streets, so I guess I'm just finding some other people out there who are into what I'm into. You know what I mean? How do you feel about that, Monet?

[A]

I'm here to validate your psychosity.

[B]

There is.

[A]

I've had this conversation with Andy, someone who does. He's like. He's like. He's like, that's not real. I was like, yes, that is. It was like, I've had many hookups and I was out in these streets with just only doing, like, side stuff. Like it is. Yeah. Like, I don't think only penetrative sex makes it sex. Like, I think that's. I think that's childish to think that that's a thing. So, yeah, I completely see you. And I think to Bob's point, I was out here living my best life and only doing side activities and it was great. So, yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't pennish sex is fun, but maybe you're

[B]

sending nudes and your dingling is so beautiful. They're like, you're putting that in my butthole. Maybe your dingling is just too pretty or vice versa.

[A]

Your ass just looks so good. They're like, oh, I'm. I'm beating it up.

[B]

You know, maybe you just have the most beautiful lower extremities in the state of. In the glorious state of Texas. And they're like, you know, I have a friend who is a bottom with a very, very large penis. And he's like, I can't even send. I can't even send it.

[A]

That's not my business. My God.

[B]

I can't. He's like, I don't even send the news because they're gonna. They're gonna get me. They're gonna. They're gonna switch up on me and. Or they will bait and switch me. They'll be like, I'm a top, honey. And you get there and they be like, just kidding.

[A]

Yeah, but I think you're a big one. I think that there are people out there who are sides who are desiring a partner who is also a side, and you just gotta find it. I don't think it's your side necessarily. I think it's just the dating thing. Dating is fucking hard. And finding someone who piques your interest both sexually and romantically and spiritually and all those things is just hard in general. But again, because sides are looked at as this, like, niche in the community, maybe there is. I don't want to invalidate what you're saying. I'm sure that that is a thing too. But I know that there are a lot of people who like to do just side activities, and your person is out there who likes it as well. You just gotta find them.

[B]

Do you? Do you? Do you. Are you still like. I am. Strictly verse. Like, I will not lean in either way. Because I remember at one point you were like, I'm the first queen. I am one point. You're like, one point. You're like, I'm the bottom queen. But now you're like, are you like. I am, right? I am literally in the middle.

[A]

Yeah. I will say, like, depending on the partner I have, I think that that informs how I really can do both. And I like. I enjoy doing both. So I like. But I think in the partners that

[B]

I heard from a trusted source that you're really bad at one of them. And I'll let you guess which one

[A]

you're bad at anyway. But the partners I've had, they've leaned one way, so I'VE like, I've done more of the other thing, but I'm still doing both. But I just.

[B]

Eileen Bottom.

[A]

Eileen. Eileen Bottom.

[B]

Oh, Eileen Bottom. Eileen Top. What? The name is Eileen Bottom? It's Eileen Top.

[A]

Yeah. But yeah, I enjoy doing both. And I really am like a true verse person. Like, I can. I do both. And I can do both.

[B]

Prove it right now. Don't. No, you, Monet, would be not wearing pants half the time. Put your get. Sit down. Monet. I know you thought she was gonna

[A]

do after you asked her to prove it, right?

[B]

Victoria Monet has been popping up in my feed lately. Ever since you said that was the first time I ever heard her name ever. When you said it the other day. Now she's in my feed a lot, girl.

[A]

She's out here doing it. I can't say enough how amazing her concert was. She was incredible.

[B]

Can I also say real quick, y', all, if you like queer rap, I'm telling you right, if that motherfucker back there is not real, I'm telling right now, you need to go and listen to y'. All. Niggas can't rap. It is. Ocean Kelly's mixtape is so good. I know. I am constantly on this Internet talking about how much I love Ocean Kelly. I know it is. It is a non stop thing with me, but there's a reason. There's a reason why I'm saying it. Ocean Kelly is just, in my opinion, a brilliant rapper.

[A]

Oshana Kelly, Ocean.

[B]

House of Wave. House of Wave. All right, let's go to our next one, Jacob. We might actually get to quite a few today. Look at us.

[F]

Hi, Bob and Monet. Love you both so much. My name is Frank. I have a question. So I am 33 years old and I feel like I'm having trouble keeping up with my other friends that are in their 30s. I feel like, you know, now we're all in different phases of our lives. Some of my friends have kids. Some of my friends live in different states and they're in relationships and they're doing their own thing. And I feel like I'm not as close with some of my friends. Also, side note, I don't really like talking on the phone. I've never been a person that likes to talk on the phone. I'll text, I'll hit you up on social media all day. But I'm friends with a lot of people that love to talk on the phone all day. And I don't know, just like, it's not my favorite thing. It just gives Me, anxiety. I don't know. I'm weird about it, but I just. I know you both are in your 30s, some later than others, but just want to know how you keep up with your friends in your 30s that you're not seeing all the time. Thank you so much.

[E]

Real cute.

[B]

That little late at some level, that was bullshit.

[A]

I mean, baby, the phone. Like, all my friends who all, like my friends who I don't see often, which is obviously a lot of my friends, because a lot of them are here on the east coast or they're away working. We talk on the phone, but I also enjoy talking on the phone. So if you don't like talking on the phone, I don't know what else to tell you. Didn't text all the time, but girl, like what? Like how you maybe set up zoom dates, but then that seems like a lot. So, yeah, the phone seems like the easiest way to keep connection with friends who are far that you don't see often. Baby, I don't know what. I don't know what to tell you.

[B]

Well, some of your language is concerning the language, like keeping up with my friends, because it sounds like you're like, well, they're getting married. They're having kids. It's like, well, it's not a competition, baby. Like, either you like, if you don't want to have kids, don't have. Don't have kids to keep up with your friends. Don't get married to keep up with your friends. You know what I mean? And also, I would like to say I think that not wanting to talk on the phone is valid because I have some friends that I want to talk on the phone with, and I have some friends that I don't want to talk on the phone with. And it doesn't mean that I like one friend more than the other one. Me and my friend Alfredo, we just, like, don't talk on the phone like that. But also, Alfredo is that friend who would come over to the house and we would just sit in silence and hang out and really love each other's company. You know what I mean? So it's not like we were, like, talking. We're just, like, hanging out and just like existing and being around each other. Me and Alfredo have always been those kind of friends. Me and Peppermint, on the other hand, we talk on the phone. Me and Pep Love talk on the phone. We talk for hours on the phone. You know what I mean?

[A]

Me and Monet, Lady Bunny will. Lady Bunny and Peppermint will keep you on the Phone.

[B]

Yeah. But I love talking. I love talking on the phone. But some people, I don't like talking on the phone too, you know, and it's just part of the. It's part of our dynamic. Um, but I also like sending. Sometimes I have friends that I send voice notes to, and we don't have to like. It's not texting, it's not a phone call, but you just send me these little voice notes, and it's like you're talking on the phone over the course of two days, and it's really low stakes, and I find that to be really kind of relaxing, actually.

[A]

I do love a voicemail. Voicemail.

[B]

I do that with. You know, I do that with Layla McQueen's mom, Kathy LaFada. Shout out to Kathy Lafada, who I send voice notes back and forth with all the time.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, Cafe Kathy Lofata.

[B]

She came to our show in Boston. Do you remember?

[A]

I do remember that. At the Wilbur.

[B]

Kathy. Very, very sweet. I like Kathy. Shout out to Kathy and all the Boston. The bat. Sorry, the Boston listeners. Do you have it? Do you have this week, shout out.

[A]

Yes, I am shouting this out to everyone who is sitting in traffic.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

If you're sitting in traffic right now listening to the podcast, this is for you. It's gonna be done soon. It's annoying right now, but you almost home. You gonna go home to them kids, to that sandwich to maybe beat your meat? I don't know. Whatever you are on your way to home to do, you're almost there, baby.

[B]

Can you jerk off in the car? Like, is that wrong?

[A]

What's with you and jerking off in moving vehicles?

[B]

Answer the question, bitch.

[A]

No, I mean, can I? Yes, sure.

[B]

Can you? Is it appropriate to jerk off in your car if you're stuck in traffic?

[A]

If you're stuffing traffic? No, because you're at risk of indecent exposure. You don't know who can see you from their vehicle you might be driving next to.

[B]

Why are you looking at my car?

[A]

Because your windows are see through and we can see into your vehicle, but

[B]

you're, like, staring in. If you're staring in long enough to know that I'm jerking off, you're, like, invading my privacy.

[A]

If I'm driving by, we're in traffic and I just. I'm like. And I see you going like that, you're being indecent.

[B]

But if you look back again, you're

[A]

gazing, but one time is enough to be indecent exposure. And you're going to Jail.

[B]

I think that if I'm looking at my phone at the airport and there's porn on the phone. Why are you looking at my phone?

[A]

But you're not beating your meat in the terminal. You're just looking at porn. If you're looking at porn or you're on your. In your car by yourself.

[B]

Sure, beating your meat in the car is different than beating your meat on the hood of the car. I'm in my car jerking my own dick.

[A]

But people can still see you, so that is indecent exposure.

[B]

You can jerk off with your window open.

[A]

Say it again.

[B]

That's not. You can jerk off with your window open. That's not illegal.

[A]

But if people see your. Your. Your private parts and you jerking off. Yes. That isn't decent. Because you can.

[B]

No, you can jerk off in your home with your windows open.

[A]

Oh, yes, but that's different.

[B]

But it's. Windows are open. People can walk by and see it.

[A]

No, I ate you up with that. No, that's different.

[B]

I ate you up.

[A]

That's different. Because when you're literally devoured because your home is. I'm masticating is in a private thing. Your car is in a car is your private. Yeah, but. But it's. But is it. But it's in a public space. When you're at home, you're on your

[B]

property, but also you can see from off someone's property. I can see into your home from off your. I don't have to be at the window.

[A]

Because your home is your dwelling in your property, whereas a car. You are on a.

[B]

No, you did not fully lost baby mastication.

[A]

No, you're. No, you're. You're masturbation. That's what you're doing.

[B]

If. If you see me jerking off my car. Mind your business.

[A]

You're. And you're getting. Sure, I mind my business, but you're going to jail and I'm calling the cops.

[B]

You gonna call your brother?

[A]

Yes, yes. Sean, get this raggedy nigga from Columbus, Georgia.

[B]

I didn't think you. To Columbus, Georgia. It's really not exciting, though. That's the gay. You're gonna be like. Like, Atlanta's fine. Columbus is like. Girl, we are in. Columbus is like just a giant suburb. But it's not near another town. It's not near a city. It's just. It is the suburb. The whole of Columbus is the suburb.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

You know, I don't think I have a desire to go there, but if you want me to go with you, I'LL go with you. But if you're making the trip, like, I want Monet to go here, sure, I'll go. If you're like, I think Monet wants this, I don't want to go.

[B]

Well, I would love to drive you around and see the house I used to live in, the college I went to. That would drive you across that. Drive you across the Chattahoochee river to see Phoenix City, Alabama, and where I used to live. And I could take you to my grandma's shack.

[A]

Is it still there?

[B]

I don't know. I haven't been over there in a long time. I don't mean she owned it. I don't know if she owned it, but my grandma lived in. I don't know if I ever told you my grandma lived in a literal shack off a. Off a literal dirt road.

[A]

Gag. How big is the shack?

[B]

Well, there were two bedrooms.

[A]

Wrong. He's seven two.

[B]

There were. There were two bedrooms. They're kind of three bedrooms. And then they added a chunk to the house on. When I say added, you could, like. Like, it was like, it literally looked like two different houses. Like, the floor was different. You could see through. It was. It was wild. Like, it was like, literally like the house just built onto the house after, like, years. Different flooring, different walls, different everything. And. And it was.

[A]

It was wild in Muy and Teresante.

[B]

You know, my family is very interesting and. And it. Sometimes I forget how much they are until I'm, like, talking to people. I'm like, oh, my God, this is very. I was like, oh, I guess my family is a little interesting, huh? I thought we was just. Well, we are a regular family too, though, you know.

[A]

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[I]

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[A]

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[H]

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[I]

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[H]

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[I]

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[A]

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[G]

Hey, Bob and Monet. My name's Jacobo. I'm 28 years old, and I'm from the City of Angels, aka LA. And my question for y' all is, have y' all ever dated an OnlyFans content creator? I've been seeing this fella off and on, and this most recent time that we got back together, he's now an OnlyFans content creator. And I'm used to being in open relationships and having this don't ask, don't tell energy, but this is the first time I am seeing someone who posts their content online. And at first thinking it was solo content, I didn't really have a problem with it. But now that I've actually seen his OnlyFans, I'm realizing that it's involving collaborations and it's going to involve more collaborations. And it actually upset me, like, watching some of this stuff, and I've never felt those feelings before towards my partner. I felt like this could lead down a road of resentment. I'm not sure. And so how would y', all, like, suggest navigating this? We have direct communication, but I just don't understand if this is, like, me experiencing jealousy or if, like, maybe this is just a boundary that I have that I draw the line at someone doing OnlyFans and collaborating, maybe, rather than just solo content? I don't know. What do y' all think? Have y' all had any experience in this realm? Especially if you have partners that, like, would post sexual content online for the masses? Anyways, appreciate the energy, love the podcast, as always, sending kisses and sincerely was in distress.

[A]

Chow, first of all, why does Sasha just call us directly?

[B]

Who?

[A]

Sasha Velour.

[B]

First thing first, what's his handle? Let's get with that, honey. Let's see what you work our way over here. Is it my turn?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, first, I have a couple of mindsets. One, if I give it. It's kind of like when someone goes, it hurts when I do this. And, like, well, stop doing that. And he's like, I don't like looking at it. Then why are you looking? Why are you looking at it? Like, why are you, like. You have to, like, you have to get behind a paywall. To watch this.

[A]

I think. I think they said they saw it once. I don't think it's. And that was enough to really distress them.

[B]

I don't remember him saying how many times he saw it, but I would say maybe you can just not look at it. But also, if you don't have. If you don't have the constitution to date a sex worker. And now I've never dated a sex worker or anyone. I've never dated someone who has only fans. I have hooked up with people who have only fans, but that is very different than dating someone who has only fans. And I think so. I don't actually know how I would handle it personally, but I also don't. It sounds like sometimes. Sometimes jealousy comes from a place of insecurity. Not always, but oftentimes jealousy does come from a place of insecurity. And for me, a lot of times, tackling my insecurities and not giving them breath and not giving them life stems from me talking about the insecurities and why I feel insecure and what's making me feel insecure. And then your partner can secure you and be like, well, I'll have you know that, you know, yes, I am doing this with this person who is a very, very attractive person, because that's. Their whole thing is being attracted to their sex worker. And I'm also attracted to you more than I'm attracted to this person or it doesn't have to be about more. I'm attracted to you, and I want to be with you. I'm choosing to be with you because you're the one that I want to be with, and I don't want to be with anyone, and I want to be with anyone else. I want to be with you. But. And I mean, he got to work. He got to make money. You know what I mean? He has to make money. So there's a chance that maybe he just. You might. Just maybe you're not cut out to date a sex worker.

[A]

Yeah. To be honest, I don't. I've never been in a situation of dating a sex worker. And. But if I'm, like, really knowing myself and being true to myself, I don't think it's something I could do at this point in my life because I think there would be a lot of jealousy that would creep in there for me, and it would be hard for me to navigate. And. Yeah, that sounds.

[B]

Can I ask what you're jealous of?

[A]

I think that I would just be jealous that they're having sex with other people that was me. Because then I can barely do. Barely do openness. Like I said on the last podcast, Andy and I have had, like, spouts, like little couple weeks of openness, but we always, always closed it down because there were specific reasons why we did whatever. Anyway. But. Yeah, but. So I think maybe if I got to a place of being in a completely open relationship, then I would have to tackle that before I went on to being. To dating a sex worker. Cause I think that's just a different thing. Right? I know it's for work, and I know what. And obviously I get all the reasons why. I think it would still be just a little hard for me to do that. And maybe I could. I don't know. But at this point, being honest with myself, it would be hard for me. So I think for you saying that, but you sound like you have a healthy mindset about it. Like you are accurately identifying all the things you're saying. You know that it's for work and you know that there's jealousy creeping in. But you're saying, but you're being honest. You're like, but. And you just don't think right now that you have the propensity to date a sex work. And I think that that is valid. And, you know, maybe you guys, like, put it on ice for a little bit and then try later. Maybe. Maybe you guys put it on ice

[B]

for a little bit. Put on ice. Put his sex. Put his work on ice.

[A]

No, the relationship. He's saying, you can't. You put it on ice for a little bit. And then in that time away, you may like, realize, like, hey, I really enjoy Carl so much. I love being with Carl. And I think that I can. I recognize that this one aspect of his life and what he does for work is not. I don't. I'm not willing to lose the entire person because of this thing. And maybe you'll find ways to work through that and you guys can have a successful relationship. But if you're saying that your content. That you do not have what it takes right now to date a sex worker, then I think that that's the. That's. That's the big move. I know. I know. I couldn't. It'll be very hard for me.

[B]

Can I ask you a question? Can I rehash a very old conversation we haven't had in a long time on the podcast? So when you say that you. That you are.

[A]

You have.

[B]

You get jealous or you can't be in an open relationship, what are the feelings that you feel And I know you're saying jealousy, but, like, jealousy doesn't come from nothing. So what are you feeling when you think about your partner or see your partner with another person

[A]

sexually?

[B]

Yeah. Or imagining it, or, I don't know, seeing it, imagining it, hearing about it, or knowing that your partner is hooking up with someone else? What are those feelings that you feel?

[A]

I think the feelings that I feel are some type of fomo. A little bit like, I wish I was spending that time with my partner. I wish that we were investing that time, that sex, that energy into each other as opposed to someone else to help strengthen and make better what we have. But we're, like, spending that time with someone else.

[B]

So do you find that, like, the times that where your partner would have been with someone else was that time that you two would have been together, or is it just another time? Like, is it like, you're out of town, I'm out of town. Or is it just like, we wouldn't have been having sex now anyway? So it's not like I'm taking time from us. This is not any time it was taken from us. It's just different time.

[A]

Yeah. No, I completely get that it's irrational, but I'm saying. I'm agreeing. I get that the. These are irrational fears, and these are irrational. Well, not. Jealousy is not. I mean, it can be rational, sure, but I understand all the things around that, but it still doesn't change the fact that I feel those things. And I think that that comes with. But I think this is something that's a place you can get to with time with someone. And with. For me, that's something you can get to with time. And that's why when we have had bits of openness in our relationship, it works because we've been together for a certain period of time. So that felt comfortable, and it didn't feel shady. It didn't feel like I was missing out on something because we had built a level of trust and honesty with each other that felt like, okay, this doesn't feel weird, but, like, to your point, when we talked about this before, like, you were saying, like, from the beginning, like, you and Jacob have been open since the day you guys got together. And to me, that would be really hard for me to deal with.

[B]

When you say investing energy, I mean, do you feel like the energy is finite, or does it feel like you have an infinite amount of energy to invest in your partner?

[A]

I think you have an infinite amount of energy. I feel. I think that there is a critical time that at the beginning of a relationship, I think that's critical to really take all of your energy. Well, not all, but to invest a hefty amount of energy into only my partner. Because for my brain and how my brain functions, that's what I need. I need that. Like, what do you mean only your partner?

[B]

What do you mean when you say only your partner?

[A]

Like sexually and sexually and romantically like that My sexual and romantic energies. The beginning of a relationship is a critical time where I like to. Where I want to only think about my partner in that way.

[B]

Okay, should we do our next question?

[A]

Next question.

[H]

Hey, Bob and Monet, it's Decal from the Patreon. I'm a cool aunt and I've been around since the olden days. I am hoping for some advice on helping with phone usage and my now severe lack of an attention span. Any amount of an attention Spanish. My phone usage on Reddit and on YouTube is like increased exponentially during COVID and it has not stopped. I now work overnight and I'm constantly on my phone. It's not infecting my work or anything, but I'm noticing that it's spilling over into my home when I'm like hanging out with my family or with my kids or with friends, cleaning, cooking, anything. I am constantly listening to a podcast or on YouTube or watching videos. It's not really affecting me as far as not getting stuff done, but it's also not very helpful. I don't think. I'm noticing that I can't really focus on things as much anymore if I don't have something playing in the background. And I just don't want this to become a bigger problem than it is right now. The logical thing will be like, I don't know, stop or maybe do something better with my time. But it's just becoming very difficult to do so. So any advice that y' all have for helping other than get off your damn phone would be greatly appreciated. Y' all enjoy the rest of your day. Hope you pick me. Bye.

[B]

First of all, big shout out to decal. I love decal. And thank you for all being.

[A]

They've been around for a while.

[B]

Ah minute. So thank you so much for being Shout out to Texas honey.

[A]

Regarding that. So I don't know about Androids or Androids. Is that the operating system?

[B]

Android is an operating system.

[H]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know about Androids and Samsungs, so I don't know about Android, but iOS has. They have these things called focus modes and you can basically put Your phone in these focus modes where you cannot access certain applications and whatever. So that to help you focus for whatever that thing, whether that's work or gym or school or whatever it is. And then a step above that, you can set passwords that maybe only your partner knows or whatever. Or maybe you can text, maybe like someone you trust, an aunt, an uncle, a partner, whatever. They have the code. And if you really need to use this thing for whatever reason, you can text them and they can give it to you if it's a dire emergency. But I think setting focus modes on your phone would be a great way to circumvent that. And I wanna say I don't think that stuff is bad, but you clearly, you want to stop. It's not like you're like, you know, it sounds like it's affecting your quality of life and you want to be more present and you want to be engaged in different ways. I would say maybe also try to find maybe some activities you can do that aren't at home, that don't involve a phone. Like take up some, like, extracurricular activity. What's the thing? Archery or like, something. Because you are in Texas, I'm sure they have some archer place you can go to anyway. Some of this you can. Some activities that do not involve technology or phone, where you will have to be away from your phone for a chunk of time, an hour or two or three. And I think those are ways to help you, like focus modes and finding activities that do not involve technology or telephone.

[B]

You know what? I find that whenever I'm doing an activity, like if I was doing archery, like by myself in my backyard, I would be listening to a podcast. I would not be doing archery in silence. I would not be in my backyard listening to birds chirp. I would be listening to a book. I would be doing that. So I so decal I'm in that I'm in a situation very similar to yours where I spend a lot of my time. If I'm not around people, I tend to. And I will say this, I tend to. If I'm around people, I tend to put my phone down every and like, walk away from it to the point where I'm like, where's my phone? Or I don't realize that people are calling and texting me, which is sort of an issue as well. When I'm with people around me, I am. I sometimes get completely detached from the world, which is not necessarily a great thing, especially in terms of work and people trying to reach you. And that can Be a bit of an issue for me sometimes, but when I'm by myself, if I'm by myself, I am. I am on my phone. And I got to be honest, I don't feel bad about it. Like, I. I do not feel bad that I am by myself on my phone. Like, I don't. I personally don't see the issue with that. And if I'm around other people, I guess it depends on what we're doing. Like, if me and Jacob are in the house alone, I'll be on my phone. But sometimes me and Jacob do activities where I don't use my phone. You know what I mean? But Jacob and I live together, so I don't spend all my hours staring up in Jacob's face. Sometimes I'd be like, well, I'm gonna use my phone. He's his phone. And we're pretty chill with that. If you think it's affecting your connection with the people around you, I would say maybe engage in activities that you're doing with other people that. That might pull you away from your phone, like games or trivia or, Or. Or, you know, video games or talking to each other or doing some sort of mental activity that require you. All puzzles, stuff like that. Where you. Where you. Where your phone can be nearby if you need it. But it'd actually be hard to engage with your phone if you're doing that thing. But I personally don't see a problem with people using their phones. I used to know a friend who would go. Who go on walks without his phone and no watch or anything. He would go walk. He'd be like, I want to have nothing, which is obviously your prerogative.

[A]

Does Android have a head focus mouse, what I was talking about?

[B]

I wouldn't even know if it does because I've never even tried to use it. I mean, let me know. She probably had it before iPhone. Probably had like two years before iPhone, but probably has it probably, I'm sure.

[A]

See, do you see how Android users be starting violence? I just asked the question, like, oh, baby, we had it before iPhones.

[B]

Do you see? Do you see how iPhone users can suck my fucking dick? Take a bite of that fucking apple.

[A]

Unprovoked Every time.

[B]

Unprovoked. My nuts that they drag across your chin up to your nose. Unprovoked that. Honey, we have time for two more maybe.

[A]

All right. Not all right, Jacob.

[B]

Alt right.

[A]

That's what I said.

[B]

Everyone heard it.

[E]

Over hello, Bobby Monet, my aiming black. My name is Anonymous. I use he, they pronouns. I'm Genderqueer, but I have male genitalia, which will be important. So I am sitting in my car from just going to a regular friends with benefit hookup situation with the people I call the daddies. They're both fathers, young fathers, very attractive, very hot. Everything is amazing. This is my eighth time going over there, so it's very regular. Every time I leave with, like, a big smile on my face, everything's perfect. Except for tonight. One of the daddies was. The jerking off was a little too intense. I was like, are we creating fire with description? That's not. It just wasn't great. And I'm curious your advice on how do you tell people that you enjoy what's happening, but the intensity at which it's happening is far too much for enjoyment because otherwise everything's perfect? And eventually I was like. I got to the point where, you know, I just moved. I switched the situation around, so it ended up being fine. But just in general, like, how it's still, like, hot and in the moment, how can you tell somebody, hey, maybe, maybe not that. Thank you. I love you both.

[B]

That's a good question.

[A]

That is a good question. Y' all know me. I'm the suffering tolerance girl. I have definitely been this. I will literally come because I don't want to, because I don't want someone to feel bad. And I have absolutely endured sexual.

[B]

Will you leave because you don't want me to feel bad? Well, you can come, but will you go?

[A]

I've definitely endured sexual stuff that I was. That I was not into because I didn't want a person to feel bad. But. And this has been, like, over. Like, besides the shitting. The shitting was just too much for me. I could not. I swore that story about the shitting on my chest, that. That one I just couldn't stomach.

[B]

You finished him off.

[A]

I know, but I would if we didn't hook up again.

[B]

But, Monet, you. He literally shit on you and you finished him off.

[A]

But I said, hey, stop. Then I went to the bathroom, I wiped it off, then I finished him off. I didn't keep it on. I didn't keep it on me.

[B]

I'm screaming. Wild.

[A]

I was hanging up with this guy one time when I was still living in New York, and he was really into spanking. And obviously I have a big butt, and I. But it got to the point where it was like, I would be like, I would. It was more than red. Like, he was like. He was really hurting me, but he was, like, really into spanking. My fat ass. And then so I would just be there. So not. I didn't cry, but I would be sitting there like, oh, my God, this hurts so bad. But I'm just taking it because he was so hot. And I didn't want to, like. Cause I was afraid if I told him I didn't want that I didn't want that, that he would not want to hook up anymore. And I wanted to dick because he was so hot. But I was sitting there, like, when I tell y', all, like, holding back tears as hard as I could because it hurt so bad how much he was spanking me, but he was really into it.

[B]

Listen, spankers don't fuck around. I sometimes look up this girl who likes to get. I told you before, she likes to get beat up, and I'd be like, my hand is hurting. If you're with someone who is wanting to spank or wanting to be spanked, they're not y'. All, you need to know right now before you get involved with the spank.

[A]

They're not around.

[B]

They either. They either want to hit you very, very hard or they want to be hit very hard and very, very hurt.

[A]

I'm getting phantom hurt from it. Talking about it.

[B]

And I'd be speaking. I'd be like, how are you still going? This is crazy. Like, how. To the point where she takes you. The other day, she was like, not the other day, but, like, last time we noticed before, like, she was like, I literally can't sit down and work. This is crazy. Thank you.

[A]

Oh, no. I hated that. I hated it so much.

[B]

Yeah, girl, these spankers don't be playing around. They do this. It's not. It's not games, honey. It's not games when it comes to spanking, girl, he was.

[A]

He was Mike Tyson in my.

[B]

So you. So you're. You're so Monet's. Like, don't ask me.

[A]

I'm not the person to ask. I would literally do stuff because I'm like. Because they're hot. And I was like, whatever.

[B]

You know, I tend to be more dominant in the bedroom, so it's not odd for me to speak up. I'll just be like, softer, lighter, harder. Don't pinch my nipples. You can touch them. Like, if you want to lick my nipples, that's fine, but once you start putting teeth on them, hey,

[A]

you do have sensitive nipples. Everyone says, when I first met, I would, like, play around and, like, do, like, a little, like, hey.

[B]

I'm like, oh, they're very. But not sensitive. Like, A way it's like, ooh. It's like, ow. Like, ouch, that hurt. And so I. I tend to speak up, right? But that's also me in. In my. In everyday life, as soon as I don't like, hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So I tend to speak up, like, right away. That's. But that's kind of my thing in all circumstances. But also sexually speaking, most people, in my experience, even when it's not like a dom submissive situation thing going on in the bedroom, which I tend to be more dominant most time, but even when it's not, they'd just be like, oh, okay. And they. And they take the note, and they typically don't do it again. But if you're playing into it, they think you like it. So Monet's getting spanked and all. He's hearing money going. But in the spanking world, that means.

[D]

Yeah,

[B]

yeah, another one. Thank you. And then he was like, oh, you like this? So he was like, if that. If you. If you thought that one was good, wait till. You wait till this next one, because I'm about to go, bam. Then Monet's like. He's like, I. He's like, I'm doing my big one right now. He was like, I did my big one today. So he's in his mind is positive affirmation. He's like, I'm rocking this world right now. She wants this hand more than she wants the dick. This is crazy.

[E]

He.

[B]

He went home and told the same story I was telling, but from the other perspective, my same story. He was like, I was this, like, to get. But he was loving. He was obsessed with. I couldn't spank him hard enough. He was like, my hand was hurting. I didn't want to do it anymore.

[A]

That shit was crazy. And, like, spanking so hard. I'm like. I'm like. I'm like, oh, my God, please come. I'm like, just please. Like, begging. Like, it might in turn not saying a lot, obviously, but also. But when it got to the point, I'm like. I'm like.

[E]

I'm like.

[A]

I'm like, oh, yeah, come. Come for me, baby. Come for me, baby.

[B]

Baby.

[A]

He's like, oh, no, no, not yet. Not yet.

[B]

I'm like, oh, not yet. I'm like, okay, but if you want. But if you wanted to now, you know you could. I just want you to know that if you wanted to, go ahead and just do your thing.

[A]

Yeah, that shit was wild. So speak up. Is a moral story. But okay, if speaking up is hard, I think the only other option is just you stop hooking up with them. Like, you just don't go back. And then when they ask you, then you wait for them to ask you, hey, what's up? Like, then you can say them, which is not the way you should go. I think you should just speak up. But if speaking up is too hard, just stop hooking up with them. And then they'll ask you what happened. Then you can tell them then a

[B]

rough jerk is too much. And I've also had. I was looking at this one person who, like, couldn't deep throat unless, like, when they were deep throat and they were like, teething, like, as it was like teething like the base of my dick. And like. And I was like, hey, whoa. I was like, again, whoa, whoa, whoa, baby.

[D]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[B]

Like, that hurts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if you say, oh, that hurt a little bit, then they'll typically people. You'll be shocked at how, how quickly in the moment people will readjust their methods.

[A]

I used to call this guy back in. In Parksville, like, Gowanus area, and I fancy myself a good dick sucker. But he. The way he would unlodge his fucking jaw and like, the dick was just. Maybe he didn't have. Maybe. Maybe he was secretly taking his teeth out because there was never an inkling, a sign and up of a tooth. And like, it was just so slippery sliding in there. And I think about that blowjob often. I'm like, not often, but I have thought about it recently. I was like, wow. Like, what was he doing? You know, you ever had moments like that, you're like, what was that?

[B]

You know? Yeah. You know, I will say this. I want to say this again, and I've said it before. One day will. One day you and Andy open up your fucking gates or whatever you're doing.

[A]

We're not. We're going to give us forever. Why are you laughing? You are such a. Go on with your story.

[B]

There's no point. You're my forever. Let's just. Let's go ahead and close the podcast. Thank you all so much for joining us today on the sibling rivalry. You all been an amazing audience. Sibling advisor. I'm sorry and I hope you all have a good day.

[I]

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[A]

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