Sibling Advicery: Sister Mary Koonst/Queer Cities

Summary

Sibling Rivalry Podcast Summary

Episode: Sibling Advicery: Sister Mary Koonst/Queer Cities
Date: April 5, 2023
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen & Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

This high-energy, unsparingly honest episode of Sibling Rivalry focuses on "Advicery"—the hosts, Bob and Monét, respond to listener-submitted dilemmas ranging from workplace woes and struggles with self-worth to navigating queer life in new cities. The conversation is peppered with hilarious banter, affectionate bickering, and candid reflections on their own experiences as queer Black entertainers. The episode also delves into topics such as polyamory versus monogamy, body image in queer spaces, and the ever-complicated language of marginalized communities.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Platonic Partnership & Polyamory vs. Monogamy

• Opening Banter:
  • Bob and Monét joke about not seeing each other for a long stretch, riffing on their "platonic life partnership."
  • Playful debate erupts over monogamy versus polyamory. Monét says, "It is very true. I am, after all, your platonic life partner." (01:46)
  • Bob accuses Monét of leaning into monogamy for show, while Monét claims she’s doing it just to get a rise out of Bob.
  • Quote: “Every time you mention your boyfriend Andy, that's not you acknowledging that you're monogamous. But when you specifically say ‘I'm in a monogamous relationship’ ...” (Bob, 02:33)

2. Tooth Candy & Trends

• Tooth Jewelry Experience:
  • Discussion of “tooth candy”—rhinestone tooth gems. Monét expresses interest, Bob recounts his own experience.
  • Quote: "In true Monét fashion, years after I did it, Monét was like, ‘We should get tooth candy.’” (Bob, 05:15)
  • Producer Ryan Reynolds chimes in with a practical question: “Does it cut the inside of your lip?” (Ryan, 06:41)

3. Explicit Sex Talk & Porn Vernacular

• Oral Techniques:
  • A frank, comedic exchange about sexual technique and porn, including mention of porn star Mandingo and the loaded historical context of the term "mandingo.”
  • Quote: “Mandingo is a porn star with a humongous ... absurdly humongous penis.” (Bob, 09:08)

4. Experiences with Drinking & Sobriety

• Alcohol & Relationships:
  • Discussion of kissing partners when one is sober and one has been drinking. Bob shares he doesn’t tongue kiss in public; Monét admits to sometimes making out on the dance floor.
  • Bob hilariously shares a story about a date who became rapidly drunk during a hookup attempt, prompting concerns over boundaries and comfort.
  • Quote: "He was so cute though, too... but you're not that cute, baby." (Bob, 14:44)

5. Monét’s Drunk Stories

• Who’s Really Drunk?
  • Monét claims she's only been drunk “maybe six or seven times.” Bob calls her out, doubting this low count, teasingly suggesting she is lying for her mom’s benefit or for the show.
  • Quote: “You will come on this podcast and come clean about a nigga shitting on your chest. But then you will lie about how many times you've been drunk. You are wild.” (Bob, 17:19)

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Advicery: Listener Questions

6. Navigating Anti-Black Coworkers (21:26)

• Caller “Chanello” asks how to deal with a Black coworker whose attitudes align with white supremacy (uses the term “coon”).
• Bob provides context for the term, distinguishing "epitaph" from "epithet," and explains the nuances and controversy of such labels.
  • Quote: “Coon is a racial pejorative... specifically one that Black people use against other Black people. I don’t typically assign that title; I say things like, ‘internalized racism.’” (Bob, 28:29)
• Monét empathizes, acknowledging the pain of seeing fellow Black people align with oppressive attitudes. She advises disengagement if possible, focusing on protecting one's peace, and only debating if it feels safe.
• Advice: Ignore when possible, protect your peace, and don’t feel responsible to “fix” them.

[22:44] - Monét’s Advice on Workplace Racism

“Most times when Black people walk into a room, you feel some type of kinship... When you see them say things or do behavior that uplift white supremacy... it feels maddening... It’s not your job to teach them.” (Monét, 22:44)

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7. Self-Worth and Dating Apps (Rashawn, 29:32)

• Caller “Rashawn” asks how to maintain self-worth while facing racism, colorism, and body shaming on apps like Grindr and Tinder.
• Bob reflects deeply on learning self-love after years of feeling undesirable, emphasizing that assigning your worth to how others see you is unsustainable.
  • Quote: “You’re gonna be in your 30s or 40s, look back now and realize you wasted so much time feeling undesirable.” (Bob, 30:49)
• Monét shares her own journey, stressing that self-acceptance can take years and that it’s okay to step back from these apps to focus on self-worth.
  • Quote: “The journey to self-acceptance is, to some people, a lifelong journey... Maybe the answer is to get off the app a little bit...” (Monét, 34:01)
• Key Insight: Beauty is a social construct, usually tied to Eurocentric standards. There is someone for every type, and finding love starts with self-acceptance.
• Recommendation: Watch The Color Purple, a film about loving oneself (Bob, 35:44)

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8. Rent, Utilities, and Roommate Etiquette (Georgie, 42:23)

• Caller “Georgie” wonders if she should bring up that her roommate/landlord no longer asks for utilities money.
• Monét sets the record straight: “You’re not helping her mortgage, you’re paying rent." Advises to count blessings if it's not an issue, but to clarify if unsure.
  • Quote: “If the person is not asking you for it ... just count your blessings.” (Monét, 44:24)
• Bob recommends getting all agreements in writing to avoid future disputes.
  • Quote: “Get it in writing... If she tells you you do not owe me any money for those utilities... get that in something you can show someone else.” (Bob, 45:23)

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9. Best Queer Cities (Warren, 47:13)

• Caller “Warren” wants recommendations for moving to a queer-friendly city.
• Bob's Picks:
  • New York City: “My favorite city in the world—rewarding, exciting, queer.” (Bob, 47:59)
  • Los Angeles: Beautiful and relaxing, especially after living in NYC.
  • Austin, TX: “A wonderful town…has a really fierce, like, queer scene.” (Bob, 49:31)
• Monét's Picks:
  • NYC: “The greatest city in the world… I fucking love being from New York!” (Monét, 51:47)
  • LA: Also loves LA.
  • Portland: "Queer the house down boots and very white."
  • European Cities: Madrid, Barcelona, even Prague are surprisingly queer-feeling, though experiences may vary for locals versus visitors.
• Cultural Note: Both discuss how visiting cities briefly (especially for drag events) can make places seem queerer than the day-to-day reality for residents.
  • Quote: “Because we are there for short amounts of time and doing the queerest things, we think these towns are queer.” (Bob, 53:24)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On language:
  • “It is as bad as saying the N word… do not advise you use this word.” (Bob, 30:19, on non-Black people using ‘coon’)
• On self-worth:
  • “You have to decolonize your own mind, basically.” (Bob, 37:38)
• Heartwarming Closer:
  • “I’m willing to savor these moments with you... I love you so much. I really do.” (Monét, 56:50)
  • “I feel strongly about you too, man.” (Bob, 57:03)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:31 – Discussion about time apart, platonic partnerships, and upcoming separation
• 02:32 – Polyamory vs monogamy debate
• 04:22 – Tooth candy (tooth gems) explained
• 06:41 – Producer asks about tooth candy discomfort
• 09:08 – Conversation about Mandingo, language history
• 10:18 – Alcohol and public affection, sober partnerships
• 14:44 – Dating/Hookup gone wrong with drinking
• 17:19 – Monét’s (alleged) drunk stories and honesty
• 21:26 – Advice for working with anti-Black coworkers
• 29:32 – Advice about self-worth on hookup apps (Grindr/Tinder)
• 35:44 – Bob recommends The Color Purple for self-love
• 42:23 – Rent/Utility roommate etiquette
• 47:13 – Best queer cities for moving
• 53:24 – How cities’ “queerness” can depend on perspective
• 56:50 – Sentimental exchange between Bob and Monét

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Overall Flow and Tone

The episode effortlessly weaves together humor, candid personal disclosures, cultural criticism, and sincere advice. Bob and Monét’s electric chemistry delivers both serious wisdom and lighthearted “sibling” sparring, making tough topics accessible while keeping listeners engaged. This blend of vulnerability, self-reflection, and irreverence remains the podcast’s calling card. A must-listen (or at least, must-read!) for fans of queer culture and comedy.

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For best effect: Listen along with the timestamps for context, or use this guide as an in-depth refresher or entry point to the Sibling Rivalry universe.

Transcript

[Narrator/Advertiser]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

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[Monet X Change]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

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[Bob the Drag Queen]

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[Monet X Change]

Take me over. Bout to shine bright like a supernova. Hi, Roberta.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Hey. Good evening.

[Monet X Change]

It is very late. Well, it is. It's late. No, girl, I am.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We woke up really early, so it feels. I think we filmed. We have recorded way past this time, but we just both woke up so early that it feels particularly.

[Monet X Change]

Aren't you gonna miss seeing me in person for so long?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, I will, but I believe that I'll be able to endure. You know, I think that we have. We've gone long stretches without seeing each other before.

[Monet X Change]

Not this long. This is gonna be the longest we've gone in a long time, probably.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, that's true.

[Monet X Change]

It is very true. I am, after all, your platonic life partner.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You have, like, five of us, so I don't feel special. It's like, what? It's like, me, Kameka. Who else? Jay. We have three. So, like, you're polyamorous. Bitch, you're the one that's polyamorous.

[Monet X Change]

You know people on the podcast that come in, like, they were like, bob loves to come from Monet, talking about her monogamous relationship. I'm like, when Bob was literally talking about how polyamory almost everybody.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That's not the same thing. I was acknowledging that I had two boyfriends. You are specifically bringing up that you're monogamous.

[Monet X Change]

I was acknowledging I'm monogamous.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I was acknowledging that I have two parts. I was like, oh, I'll go to Ezra. I was talking to Jacob, but I wasn't like, my polyamorous lifestyle. I'm polyamorous. I was like, oh, I'm going to see Ezra. And then I'm going to see Jake.

[Monet X Change]

It's same thing.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's not the same. So is every time you mention. Every time you mention your boyfriend Andy. That's not acknowledging. That's not you acknowledging that you're monogamous. But when you specifically say I'm in a monogamous relationship.

[Monet X Change]

Well, also, I'm also doing a bit, because I know how the thought of monogamy, you find it tickles you. So I'm doing a bit. That's number one. But number two, before that, before I would say my monogamous relationship, I would say, Andy, you were like, oh, we get it, Monet. You talking about your boyfriend Andy. We get it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Which, by the way, which is literally what you did for me the entire time I started dating Jacob. As soon as I started dating Jacob. Every time. We get it. And by the way, I'm not even gonna defend myself with it.

[Monet X Change]

I know that to be true because

[Bob the Drag Queen]

it's around the time that we started the podcast. There's a lot of footage of it. So you all. You don't. You don't need to. You all don't need to. This was five years ago. Go to the first episodes of podcast. Whenever I mentioned that I had a partner, Monae Blood, what'd you do? I was like, well, me and Jacob. Oh, we get it. You have a boyfriend.

[Monet X Change]

We know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

We know. So I. It's not the fact that you were acknowledging that you have a partner.

[Monet X Change]

Is that you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You're. You're so leaning into your monogamy, and it's like. It was also like. It was like, literally, like one or two comments. One is like, everyone you love to be everyone said it is everyone.

[Monet X Change]

By the way, I posted on Patreon today, Nick dragged you. And I agree with Nick. It's inconsistencies for me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Also, first of all, Nick is a dumb fuck and doesn't know what he's talking about. And I hope Nick is listening.

[Monet X Change]

Nick is a Patreon. Of course Nick is listening.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you know, I have a lot of sisters from my season who can confirm my story. And I immediately said, wait, I don't remember. Did we have. Then I. And I did not say we don't have no days off. I said, oh, wait, I think we actually had Saturdays off, is what I said. I literally said it in the same breath on the podcast. So maybe lick. Maybe Nick has lick. Yeah, maybe Nick has dumb bitch selective hearing.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. Jesus. So we were with someone today that had tooth candy. And so you guys don't know. Tooth candies. When they take a Swarovski crystal and they put it on your tooth, on any of your teeth you want, they put it on your tooth, and it's supposed to last, they say, from three to six months. Patty has had his tooth candy in before we moved here. So, like, two years, the past.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel like toothpaste candy's a brand. I feel like candy's a brand. I might be wrong, though, but I had tooth candy. I already got tooth candy.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, dragcon uk, you went. You got it done in drag.

[Caller Warren]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I said, monet, you should go get a tooth candy. And you were like. And you're like, no. And now here you are, years later.

[Monet X Change]

How long did yours last?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It lasted quite some. I scraped it off. I had to take it off. It was months. It was on there.

[Monet X Change]

Why did you take it off? Did you not like it anymore?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think I was over it. But in true Monet fashion, years after I did it, Monet was like, we should get tooth candy.

[Monet X Change]

Well, here's the thing. So I'm not a fan of the one one. I would. I want. So if y' all don't know how Swarovski crystals go, they go from SS1.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I'm sure all crystals, by the way, it's not just Swarovski crystals.

[Monet X Change]

Well, yeah, sorry. So all crystals.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

For those who don't know, Swarovski is a brand.

[Monet X Change]

Is a brand.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Crystals. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

And, you know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But.

[Monet X Change]

But, you know, Swarovski stopped selling their crystals individually to, like, dealers. So now there's a new one I went down to get for a video Bob and I did that's coming out soon. I was go buy crystals. I was like, can I have Swarovski? I was like, you can't buy Swarovski anymore because they don't. So there's a new one that takes the place of Swarovski. Anyway, how they. They're measured from. Oh, that video. Yes. They're measured from SS1 up until I get the biggest I know is 40. I'm sure they go bigger. I just don't. I don't know that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

What does that. What would that look like? It's not like a. Is that like a. What is it? What would that even look like?

[Monet X Change]

SS40. I would imagine to be about. About the size of a little smaller than a quarter or like a. A nickel.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a huge rhinestone.

[Monet X Change]

But I want. So I want, like, SS5. SS5 is tiny. I want. If I get Like a bunch of SS5s on one tooth. I think that would be cute.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think you should do it. You know, I. I enjoyed my tooth candy. I thought it was fun. I liked it. And then when I was over it, I just kind of scraped it off. And what about my business?

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

Does it cut the inside of your lip? I'd be worried about that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It didn't cut my lip. I mean, you feel it there. You definitely feel it on your lip. But I enjoyed it. And I mean, Jacob, I had it while we were together.

[Monet X Change]

Did you feel. So when Bob would give you oral pleasure, did you feel it, Jacob?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you think I'm rubbing my teeth on Jacob's dick or asshole? Is that what you do when you get fed or eat ass? Do you rub your teeth on your partner's dick? The outside of your teeth, no less. Is that how you give head?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, you know, I like to use all parts of my mouth. I don't just only do the throat and tongue. I like to incorporate the teeth as well in a thoughtful way so that it's pleasurable. Well, okay. You've seen this, have you? I know you've seen this. And I don't know how that's pleasurable. You see the videos where people give. Where people suck dick and they put the dick in between their teeth and their cheek like that. I'm like, what is that? What is that?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I think it's porn. I think it's geared. It's pleasurable for the person viewing it at home, but I don't think it's really for the person receiving the blowout.

[Monet X Change]

It's not pleasurable to me viewing that at home. I'm not like, ooh, that looks like it feels good.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

For someone who's like, ooh, I wanna see the penis in their mouth and on the side and on the side of their mouth. So I think that's more so for the viewer, I'm assuming.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm a guy in porn who. Who's, like, always telling girls to, like, bite the head of his dick. A little bite.

[Monet X Change]

Well, probably like a little, like, not. I'm. I'm guessing it's not like a little, like, you know.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I'm not sure. But he tells the girls to bite the head of his penis a lot. Mandingo. Mandingo often tells the girls to bite his penis.

[Monet X Change]

His name is Mandingo. I don't know Mandingo.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Mandingo is a. Is a famous porn star.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. I don't know the origins of the word Mandingo. But, I mean, I tried, so that's why.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But then the term for slavery, then the term became a little bit more perverted here in America. It became mandingo. Then it became just a term for, like, large fetishize, large black men. And then specifically in terms of the fights, it became like, mandingo fights. But.

[Monet X Change]

And then it became a colloquialism used for porn, too. Like, I want, like, a mandingo. Yeah, I want a mandingo dick or something like that.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, well, mandingo was one of the people who got that, because mandingo is a porn star with a humongous, like, absurdly humongous penis. And then. And then a giant penis became known as a mandingo.

[Monet X Change]

Has the podcast episode where you guys. Where I did poppers. Is that. Did that come out yet? No.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

By the time they listen to this episode, that episode will be out. Yes.

[Monet X Change]

Oh. So, okay. Well, I talk about my experience doing Papa's there, and. I was telling Andy I did Papa's on the podcast. He was like, you did pop up on the podcast. I was like, yeah. He was like, do you want to do it when we have sex? I was like, no, and maybe I should try it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Andy trying to get a whiff. Andy trying to live vicariously.

[Monet X Change]

No, he's not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Andy's like, do you want to just spit your beer in my mouth? Andy living a little too. Andy, do you want to have a drink? And then, like, just flash me with, do you want to drink? And then kiss me with a lot of tongue? Andy trying to live vicariously. Andy flying. Andy getting real slick over there.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, I have a question as you being a sober person, Jacob, not when, like, let's say you and Jacob are out somewhere and Jacob is drinking. Do you like. And you guys, like, happen to kiss, do you not. Oh, you guys kiss. Do you pause before you kiss, Jacob? So, like, the alcohol, like, goes away or you just go for it anyway?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, we don't, like, make out in public, and so that's kind of, like, a big part of why that's, like, we're not making out in public. And also, Jacob doesn't really drink that often, so I've. I've never been in a scenario in public where me and Jacob were, like, tongue kissing in a public venue where he was having drinks, so. And I can't really think of a scenario where Jacob and I would be out in public. Tongue kissing

[Monet X Change]

work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, it's kind of not. It's just kind of not our thing, you know? Are you doing any tongue kiss in public? A lot?

[Monet X Change]

I don't say a lot, but we do, like, a lot of being. Like, we're always doing it, but we tongue kiss often in public.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like, where are you tongue kissing? Where. Like, where are you. Like, where are you making out public?

[Monet X Change]

The way you ask questions, it sounds so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

But I'm genuinely curious, like, where you are that you're making out in public.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, I'm making out. Like, let's say we're, like, on a dance floor, like a party, and, like, I'm drinking a drink, and we're dancing, and then we, like, go in and we go in for a kiss. Like, that's. We do that. Like, we go, like, making out, and

[Bob the Drag Queen]

you're, like, making out.

[Monet X Change]

No, we're not like. But we're kissing and there is a little tongue. Like, a little. You know, not like we're not, like, making out for five minutes, but, like, we're kissing. There's a little tongue in there, like, for a few of those moments.

[Caller Chanello]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Jacob and I don't.

[Monet X Change]

We.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I don't. I don't think Jake and I have ever had a moment. We have, like, been. Been kissing more than a peck in public.

[Caller Rashawn]

Really?

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

Have you. Have you had that experience with alcohol breath and kissing somebody with somebody else, though? Because we're polyamorous.

[Monet X Change]

Jesus Christ, Here we go. Polyamorous.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, my. My last partner was sober. My other partner was sober and. But, like, stranger. No, I did tell the story before, and I'll reiterate it quickly, but at one time, Tina Burner did randomly kiss me, and my mouth went numb. Hashtag, by the way, on a completely unrelated note, have you seen the movie Cocaine Bear? On a completely unrelated note, I am not insinuating anything. I'm just wondering if you've seen Cocaine Bear. Have you seen it?

[Monet X Change]

Bob is so full of shit.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm just asking about Cook.

[Monet X Change]

We spoke about this, so. Yes, I do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, then answer the question, bitch. Have you seen it or not?

[Monet X Change]

I just see it and.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, well, then now we can move on and go back to the conversation. Have you ever. Is that the problem that you and Andy have with the kissing and the mouth stuff?

[Monet X Change]

That he went numb?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No. That you were, like, drinking tequila and then. Or for fraud. You know, it could be tequila, it could be whiskey, it could be vodka. You have no clue.

[Monet X Change]

No, it's a situation where, like, I would, like, have just sick with some drink, and it was going for a kiss, and he was. And he was like. I was like, oh, sorry. But yeah, that makes sense.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah. I. Yeah, Jacob. Jacob doesn't really drink at home, and we don't make out in public, so we. This is not a problem that Jacob and I have ever run into.

[Monet X Change]

Okay. When you, like, hook up with. Is it something because of Jacob's composite? Like, do you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I was a guy in Brooklyn, like, maybe like, I don't know, a couple months ago, and. And he showed up and he was like, I bought a drink. I said, oh, do you. I said, do you want to drink from the mini bar? And he was like, no, I bought a drink. And then he was, like, drinking it and then trying to kiss me. And I was. And he was like, trying to, like. I was like, nigga, swallow your fucking drink at least. Damn. And then he, like, went to. And then he was like. So he would drink the entire drink, like, this whole, like, cocktail that he had, like a premix cocktail that he got from the store. And then he was like, that is

[Monet X Change]

such a New York thing. That is. Well, maybe it's not New York, but this is my experience in New York. Niggas in New York will bring a drink from the corner store. That is so New York.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then he was in a black bag. No, I mean, his was in a black. But he was so cute though, too. But I was like, I hate that you're so.

[Monet X Change]

That you're.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then he was like, actually, can I have that drink of yours? Like, sure. So I gave him the bottle. You know those little bottles of Al. It wasn't like a premature. It was like a bottle of alcohol. Like, straight up alcohol.

[Monet X Change]

A little, like, airline one.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Like the little one. It was like maybe three of those in this bottle.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Oh.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And then he drank the entire thing. And then we kept fooling around. And then he was like, oh, can I get the premixed drink too? And I was like, this is wild. Like, you're not that cute, baby. Like, you're really hot, but, like, not cute enough to be like. And then he drank that. And then by the time I was like, you are drunk. You showed up sober and you are now wasted.

[Monet X Change]

Was he wasted really? Or you would just be drunk.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He was drunk. He left drunk. And I was like, it's a part. I was like, this is. You gotta, like. I didn't say you gotta go. We talked and hung out for a little bit, but I was like, you're. I remember thinking to myself, like, you are drunk. Like, you were not drunk when you showed. I went downstairs, met you downstairs. And then by the time he Left. He was drunk. He had an entire cocktail. Three shots and then a cocktail. Gagged. Fully gagged.

[Monet X Change]

Jacob? Jacob, you playing music?

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

Sorry, I have my phone ready for advisory. And I got a text.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh, yeah, I was fully gagged.

[Monet X Change]

He was so cool.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He had a really cool style.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I haven't. I've been drunk maybe like six or seven times in my entire life. And one of them was recently when I went to Australia.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I must have been around for, like, all five of them. Cause we used to work together. And, baby, I promise you, you've been drunk with. Seven times.

[Monet X Change]

I was not drunk. I was not drunk in those times.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, sure. I've never seen you drunk. When I'm asking you have I never seen you drunk.

[Monet X Change]

No, you have not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, so if I call Mitch right now and Mitch answers the phone, because we both work with you at the Monster, Mitch will say he has never seen you drunk.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. I'm asking Rob, first of all, it is one o' clock in the morning. Two o' clock in the morning in New York. Do not call me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And you know Mitch is awake. Just answer the question.

[Monet X Change]

I don't know if Mitch is awake, so.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't. You don't. Because, you know, Mitch and I both know we've seen you drunk several, many times. Six times. You are on this podcast lying. Is your mom. Is your mom listening, bitch? Like. Like, why? Who you. Who are you fronting for? Who are you fronting for? You will come on this podcast and come clean about a nigga shitting on your chest. But then you will lie about how many times you've been drunk. You are wild. You are. You are wild. I think I've been drunk maybe twice. Maybe, Bitch, you've been drunk more than six times. I've seen you drunk more than six times.

[Monet X Change]

I said six or seven.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monat, you are. Y'. All. Okay, continue your false story. Y' all believe this shit. If you want to. Go ahead, Monet. If I call Kameka right now, how many times? How many times you think Kameka seen you drunk?

[Monet X Change]

Kameka's obviously seen me drunk maybe two times. Maybe. And Kameka has known me for the longest of anyone in my life.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I've seen you drunk more than more than two times. And I've known you for 11 or 12 years.

[Caller Chanello]

Okay?

[Monet X Change]

Also, Bob will call somebody drunk if they had one drink, but has one drink.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet, I worked in bars for. I have been working in. In bars since, like, 2008. I know a drunk person when I see one. Everyone with a drink is not drunk. We I know a drunk person when I see When I am an alcoholic, I know a drunk person when I see a drunk person.

[Monet X Change]

I have not Bob has made Bob

[Bob the Drag Queen]

did an entire season of a podcast with Thorgy. I know a drunk person when I see a drunk person.

[Monet X Change]

Okay, Thor not a drunk person. Thorgy has a problem. Okay, let's start there. Anyway, I think we should take a break and then we'll come back and we'll talk a little bit more about.

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[Monet X Change]

Let's take the first question, please. Jesus, someone saved me.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Wait, hold on. Don't do the question yet, Jake. Cause oh Lord, I actually have our first question. I actually have our first question.

[Monet X Change]

First of all, Jasmine Rice is downstairs now. I'll call Jasmine Rice.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Oh yeah.

[Monet X Change]

Please leave your message. Yeah,

[Bob the Drag Queen]

you lucky. I'm trying.

[Monet X Change]

Bob will call somebody back to back. They are. First of all, he's not even. He's not even sleep. He's just person that ignore ignored.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, yeah, called you.

[Monet X Change]

Let's take the first question. Jasmine can't come up.

[Caller Chanello]

Hi, Bob and Monet. My name is Chanello. Pronouns are she, they and I'm a black fat, queer woman living in America, right? I have this co worker who for lack of a better term, sorry to use this word, but that's. But that's like the only. I don't have a good vocabulary. But she's a coon. Literally. It's every day. It's every day. I met with like anti black sentiments and I'm a cashier. I work in retail, so I work long hours and we're short staffed and it's me and her, and I want to know, like, what can I do to like, tune her out or stop letting her insecurities bother me? So, yeah, that's it. Sincerely shucking and jiving.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, this sounds familiar. Just anyone who's listened to our podcast who is not familiar with these verbiage. So Kuhn is a word. It's evolved over time. It used to just be like a racial slur against black people that white people used to use, and now it's like a term that black people use as like a epitaph against other. I don't know if I'm using that word right. Against other black people who they think, I guess, like align their vision with. With like white supremacy, I think is the best way. Yeah, I don't know if I'm using the word epitaph. Right. Epitaph.

[Monet X Change]

I think he did.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, epitaph is when someone dies. And an epitaph

[Caller Rashawn]

is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Epitaph is a phrase or word.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

It's a epithet.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Epithet.

[Monet X Change]

Isn't that what you said?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is an adjective or adjective or descriptive phrase expressing a quality of characteristics of a person or things mentioned. Epithet. I said epitaph. Which is what? Which is what also is on your tombstone. Epitaph. Epithet. Anyway, Monae, you wanna take, you know,

[Monet X Change]

meeting another black person who exhibits this kind of behavior, it is very frustrating. It's very upsetting. It's maddening. Cause, you know. Cause you know, you share. Obviously not obviously, but most times when most black people walk into a room, even though you have never met or seen or spoken to a black person before, you feel some type of kinship. Sometimes just because you assume that you guys have a similar experience, especially if you both are from America or you're both from the uk, whatever it is. And when you see them say things or do behavior that uplift white supremacy or align themselves with it, it's really annoying and it feels maddening to be around. And the advice I can give you to not let this person's coonage identity bring you down. I want to say engage with that person because it's not your business to shine a light on. I mean, it's not your business. Maybe it might be something that you might do to alleviate yourself of having to. So at least you have the thing that you did what you could do to express your opinions to that person. But I mean, it's kind of like the thing, right? Just ignore them. And if you are assigned projects to work with this person or you guys have to work the same shift together. I know that's really hard to not communicate with that person, and you don't want it to affect your job and your livelihood. But it's kind of like most people I've seen who are that, they've grown up. They've been rooted in this behavior. They've always thought like this as long as they can remember, so it's really hard to kind of erase it from that. And it's not your job to teach them a better way, but you just kind of have to just ignore them and just not engage. Even though how maddening it could be and how frustrating it is be to hear them say things that align themselves with that kind of behavior. I don't really know how to coexist with that, to be honest.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, I wish that I knew what the person was doing, because I feel like the term coon has really. Has a really. Depending on who you are, has a really wide definition. So for some people, Kooning is like. You have to be like, Uncle Ruckus. Like, if you're not Uncle Ruckus, I don't know if, you know, Uncle Ruckus is a character from Boondocks who just loves white people and thinks that white people are just like, the best. Best thing ever. And he's like, I love the white man. And he's like. You know, he. And he's like. And shucking and jiving is like, a phrase that you use to describe like, when, like, a black person is, like, dancing and performing blackness for white people. But then there are times, then you have someone like Candace Owens who gets famous a lot. But then I've been called a coon because I have a white boyfriend. So sometimes the wideness of what is and is not a coon is really wild. Is what people consider really.

[Monet X Change]

Have you really been called a coon before for having. Just having a white boyfriend?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Boyfriend?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, people have made statements on me, but. But I've never noticed them calling me a coon because my boyfriend is white

[Bob the Drag Queen]

or for having white friends or. You must have forgot our one hater on Twitter.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, girl.

[Caller Warren]

Girl.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

He called us that a lot.

[Monet X Change]

Did he?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, because we have white boyfriends and white friends. But anyway, I mean, I think that if. If this person is exhibiting behavior that's anti black, I'm argumentative. I'm not recommending that because at work. Let me. Monet. Let me finish my thing again, I'm not recommending that. But I do tend to sometimes, even at work, even when I wasn't working this job, I would express my thoughts in a way that was very clear, that I was not interested or not happy with or did not align myself with the way that someone was thinking. And I can't in good faith recommend it all the time, but I know that it helped me a lot and it rarely ever really got me in trouble because I do still have tacks. So I'm not going to be like, mother, you know, I'm not going to be like, screaming at people and being like, do not. I'll be like. So when you said you feel like black people should just stop resisting, what do you mean by that? Do you think, like, I heard that at work today, you kind of echoed this idea that black people make up 13% of the population, but are over 50% of the prison population now. Do you think that might be because black communities are over policed? Do you think it might be a statistical impossibility for black people to commit more than half the crime in America, considering that we're 13% of the population or that the crime is underreported or under. There's very few arrests in charge of in white communities or non black communities. So do you think that might be a possibility? I mean, even if every single black person in America was committing violent crimes and only half the white people were committing violent crime, they would still be doing more crimes than us. So don't you think that might be a possibility? I would probably say it like that. As opposed to being like, don't ever. You know what I mean? But also, if you have the ability to just like, do your job and leave. I mean, it depends on what does this job mean to you. If you have the ability to do your job, clock out and go home, then maybe that's the best thing. I really think that protecting your peace is really important.

[Monet X Change]

And then you and all the other black people just get together and talk about that bitch. We're like, yo, you can't believe what this dumb bitch said the other day. And I'm like, bitch, I know some other famous black coons that people. Maybe that's. That seems messy to engage in. Actually, let me not do that. That seems very messy. I'm not going to do that. But you're not going to do it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

While that's coon behavior, you won't call them out. Wow, that's the acab. All coons are bastards.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

I'm kidding.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, Candace Owens and Ben Shapiro are probably not Ben Shapiro.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ben Shapiro is not black.

[Monet X Change]

The one that became the Department of Housing. He's a Ben Carson.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There's something weird, okay, the term I've mentioned something weird about. Because the difference between like nigga as a. Because when black people use nigga, it's not a pejorative. Right. And coon is a racial pejorative, but it's specifically one that black people use against other black people. It's just, it's just such an interesting, it's such an interesting. It's really interesting. I don't actually, I don't typically assign that title to people. I don't call people coons, but I do, I do usually say things like, this person has a lot of internalized racism. This person has some self hatred. Some internalized racism.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, I don't use that word often. I don't have a problem with other black people using it, but it's just not part of my vocabulary. But yeah. Shall we do the next question? Yaakov?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All right, here we go.

[Caller Rashawn]

Hey, Bob Monet. My name is Rashawn. I'm a college student in Spartburg, South Carolina. I'm 19 years old and I wanted to ask advice about how to maintain my self worth on apps like Grindr and Tinder. Especially when I'm faced with a lot of not only colorism, racism like fatphobia and all this other stuff. I'm working on my body a lot and this could be really heartbreaking when people like don't find you attractive because of it. It has a really big self impact on me, especially when I'm a short, dark skinned black guy, chubby in America. So I just want to know some advice on how to not only cope with that but I guess navigate those spaces. Thanks.

[Monet X Change]

I love you guys. Thank you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Before we go into that, I just want to quickly say, because we did not, I did not say this before to any white people listening who are just now finding out about the word coon. I do not advise you use this word. It is it like don't, do not. I'm obviously people can say whatever they want to say, but it is as bad as saying the N word. And like to you, you cannot be like, well, Candace Owens is a coon.

[Monet X Change]

Well, you know, and imagine if you

[Bob the Drag Queen]

heard a white person called Candace Owens a like, what did I do if I was standing around and a white person called Candice Oscoon, I'd be like, this is, I'd be like, this is crazy. This is crazy. You know, okay, this is something I struggled with for so long and you sound kind of young, which is Like, I want to tell you this right now. Like, you are. I don't know what you look like. I don't know. You did give a description, but I don't actually know what you look like outside of being black, dark, short, and chubby, which are the words that you use to describe yourself. But I really feel like you're gonna fucking be in your 30s, turning 40s. You're gonna look back at yourself now. You're gonna be like, I was so cute. I was so handsome. I was so adorable. And I wasted so much of my 20s feeling undesirable. So much of my 20s feeling completely unattractive, Completely undesirable. Because I allowed my self worth, the way that I value myself, to be dictated by other people and how they saw me. I did not allow myself to give myself my own value. I really looked for it from other people, and I. I needed it from other people, and I needed it from really, really beautiful people. I remember I said y' all about. About that guy I was dating, that. Not dating, but, like, we were, like, kind of seeing each other. That I was, like, obsessed with Preston, and, oh, he was so pretty. And I was like. And that was the first time I remember being, like, someone who I thought was, like, really beautiful, thought that I was really beautiful. And I allowed him to assign me all of my worth. He doesn't know. He didn't know this. He still doesn't know. He probably never does. This day, I allowed him to assign all of my worth to me. And when he didn't want to be with me anymore, I became worthless in my own mind because he was the arbiter and the keeper and the bearer of all my words. When I lost him, I lost my worth, and I had to kind of rebuild it back up. And I was pretty young. I was probably, like, 25 or 26. And I remember being like, okay, this is. I'm realizing now that I can't. They can't be it. That's not sustainable. You know what I mean?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And there's. There's nothing wrong with. There is nothing wrong with wanting to work on yourself or work on your body, as you say. But if you're working on your body, this is, in my opinion, if you work on your body so that people will want to be with you, that doesn't seem sustainable. You know what I mean? That does not seem sustainable. And I do think there are people who are going to want to be with you and people who do find you, people who will find you attractive. No matter how you look in this world. And you might find a lot more value in those relationships and in those interactions than in changing yourself to fit the standard of people who wouldn't be attracted to you otherwise. You know, trying to pull a sandy in Grease. A Sandy Danny Zuko, where they changed their whole aesthetic to win the other one over by the end of the year.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, yeah, I agree with pretty much everything Bob said. And you know, I think that the journey to self acceptance is to some people, a lifelong journey. To me, it's taken me to well into my 30s to finally find and be at peace with like to get it. Cause I remember being young and 20s bitch. Going back to Craigslist, being on Craigslist, being on Adam for Adam. I've been feeling so insecure about what I looked like and why I was. Is not desirable to all these people. I was trying. I wish I was too. Why I was too feminine, why I was too fat, why I was too this and that and the other. I remember being there and hating myself for all those things. And now being at a place where I feel so comfortable with my skin, of course. And again. But I'm still a work in progress too, right? I'm still looking in the mirror. Oh, I wish I could lose ten pounds here. I wish I could. Like, I still struggle with that as well. So I think it is a life journey for a lot of us and it's something that you have to keep on working on. And maybe the answer is to get off the app a little bit. I know getting off the app sounds like, well, no, like everyone like that. How else are you gonna hook up? And you don't. And that's comfortable for you. But sometimes it really does take getting off that shit and not being addicted to it, like waking up. And it's the first thing you're looking for. Seeing if anybody sent you any messages to see if you have any taps, if anyone favorited you. Like you. It's really. It's really easy to get sucked into that shit and being addicted to that shit. Like fucking, like fucking drugs girl. It's like it fucking fully feels like a drug in some sense. It literally takes you to step back from that shit and really do some own soul searching and just really coming to love you. And I know that sounds so cliche and like such some bullshit you see at the end of a rom com or some fucking movie, but it really is taking a step back and finding that self love and really digging deep into that and really. And really. And really Being at peace with that for you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First of all, I recommended watching the Color Purple. The Color Purple was the best love story in the world because in the end she gets herself spoiler alert. But the movie is also 39 years old at this point, so you should have seen it. But you should have seen it by now. 38 years old and the books is probably 45 years old. 40 years old. So yeah, I definitely recommend you watch the Color Purple once I real. Once I realized that beauty is a social construct. Because here I'm gonna give y' all a big dose of truth right now. This is like a really big something that kind of like it used to drive me crazy and I just kind of had to just like let it go because I realized that it genuinely has nothing to do with me. And those people not finding you attractive genuinely has nothing to do with you. And I know that sounds so far fetched, but you, like, you have to hear me out. And you know, I, I do most of the stuff I do, I do with Monet Exchange and with Peppermint and whatever it is about Monet and Peppermint, whenever they are on the screen, it is all a bunch of comments on their physical beauty. It is always especially Peppermint. Whenever I do anything with Peppermint, the entire screen is just. Peppermint is glowing. My God, Peppermint is so beautiful. Which, by the way, I agree. Peppermint and Monet are very beautiful. And I see their beauty and I bask in it. And it used to drive me crazy. And I was like, bitch, am I fucking chopped Sui over here? And then in the, you know, in the last episode, I have this beard that I had been growing just because I was. I hadn't done drag in so long. And then I started getting compliments on my beard and I was like, well, I have to shave my beard off. I do drag. And it was like driving me a little bit crazy because I was like, I was finally getting these compliments that I was like never getting online. But then I had to realize too that for me to derive my self worth off of how beautiful people think I am does not actually give me self worth. You know what I mean? It is a very superficial feeling, a fleeting feeling, by the way, of feeling beautiful. And when I realized that, again, like I said, beauty is just a social construct. It's based on. And it is almost always based on Eurocentric beauty standards. And I'm going to reiterate that it's almost always based on Eurocentric beauty standards. And the further you get away from a skinny white person, then the less beautiful you feel. You know what I mean? And basically, you really have to decolonize your own mind, basically.

[Monet X Change]

And also, last thing I want to say, too, is just know that for every body shape, physicality, every type of beauty in the world, there's someone who is into that, and someone's gonna love that. You know what I mean? And you may not be finding it as easy as you would like to on these apps and these hookup apps and dating apps, but I promise you, there's somebody out there that is gonna see your short, black ass and be like, fuck, that's my man. That's my guy. That's my person. You know what I mean? So you so just know that that is a thing. And again, it sounds like, yeah, sure, it's not gonna happen, but I promise

[Bob the Drag Queen]

you there is also. If you're loading up a comment about my physical beauty, please delete it. Please do not. Please. Oh, it's too late. I'm kidding. No, but please.

[Monet X Change]

No, Bob. No, Bob.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It drives me. I. Please don't. Please delete the comments. Please hit backspace, honey. It makes me. I, I am. I've actually got to point where I am a little bit uncomfortable with people talking about. Not, not too much, to be honest, but I'm a little bit uncomfortable with people commenting on my physical beauty in general. It. It. I, I think I'm overcoming some form of. I don't want to call it trauma, but, like, I'm just overcoming my own issues with that, to be honest. Especially when I'm not done up. Especially when I'm. When I'm like, you know, just sitting

[Monet X Change]

around, just bobbing around.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, it makes me a little bit uncomfortable, but not enough that people. But I don't want to make a big deal out of it. So. You know what? Type your comments. I don't care. What's up? What's up? What's our next.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. That was. That was a journey. I, I, I, I, I don't know where we're at. I don't know what to do. I have. I, I have. I have loaded. I just typed the words, Bob. I don't know what to put after him.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm still on my journey, Monet, so you don't mind if I'm my journey.

[Monet X Change]

So can I say, bob, you're beautiful, or can I not?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You can say what everyone says

[Monet X Change]

and set.

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[Monet X Change]

Okay, next question.

[Caller Georgie]

Hi, my name is Georgie. My pronouns are she her. I have this predicament where I have been living with my roommate who is nine years older than me for like four years now. And so since they're so much older they are more established into career, they make a lot of money and during 2020 they bought a house and I moved into that house with them. So I pay like however so much money a month to help them with rent, I mean to help them with their mortgage. But it's rent for me. But she stopped like two years ago. We've lived in the house for two years. She's only charged me for utilities like gas and heat and water and trash and stuff like once and then like never billed me again for it. So like I send them money every month and then that's all just for rent. I do pay for our Internet. I'm just wondering, like, should I bring this up or do we think it's fair? Because, like, I'm helping them with their mortgage on a house that's an investment. I. What do you guys think?

[Monet X Change]

I want to say, first of all, you're not helping them with their mortgage. You're paying rent to live somewhere. Like, yes, but if you were living at an apartment building or if you're living somewhere else, you're paying.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Monet is gathering. Monet said you're not helping. You're paying rent, bitch.

[Monet X Change]

Like, you're paying rent, honey. You're like, you're. If you were living in an apartment complex, whatever it is, that your rent money is going towards the mortgage of that building, but you're not helping the landlord, bitch. You're paying to live at a place, so you're not helping her out. Yes, y' all are friends, but you're still paying to live there. The only place you could. And I don't know your situation, but maybe the only place you could live rent free is that back at home with your family, your friends. So you know what I mean? So. And so they're saying that the person has not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They've.

[Monet X Change]

They've stopped paying rent and they're only paying utilities.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, they stopped paying utilities. They're only paying rent. They only pay Internet and rent.

[Monet X Change]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

They haven't paid any utilities in a long time, and they're wondering if they should bring it up.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, if the person. If the person is not asking you for it, I assume that, you know, like you said, the person makes a lot of money, so they may be in a situation when they maybe know your financial situation, and they're just. They don't feel like they need to get those extra coin tadas from you to help pay for the other things like trash and water and power. They got it. But if you're still holding up your end of the deal and paying your rent and the Internet, that I think counted a blessing. And I think if. Cause. But I'm confused. I want to know how did you get to the place that you stopped giving it? Like, did they say, hey, did you just stop paying it and they stopped asking for it, so you just chucked it up to, oh, I guess they don't need it? Or did a person tell you to stop paying it? Because if they told you, just pay me rent and utility, rent and Internet, then that's what they asking of you. So I would say just count your blessings. But you're not helping them out with their mortgage. You're paying rent to live, not at home.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I really do not like surprise bills. I do not. I always ask. I like to ask up front. I like to be like, hey, I need to know exactly how much this cost, and I need to pay it as soon as possible, because I do not want in a couple of months to get hit with six months of bills all at once. So I like to try to get ahead of things while I can, just to make sure. Just to. And I know you're friends, but, baby, listen to me. I know you're friends, and if you are friends, this will not be an issue. Get it in writing. If she tells you you do not owe me any money for those utilities for the past couple months. Get that in writing.

[Monet X Change]

Even an email.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yeah, get that. Get that in something that you can show someone else down the road. Obviously, you're gonna. I mean, obviously you're gonna pay rent if you're gonna live there. That makes. That makes the most sense to me. And it sounds like you have a pretty sweet deal. It sounds like your friends. It sounds like you get along. It sounds like it's not. It sounds like you're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You. You're not spending that much to live, and you're living with someone that you like, and. And they're bearing the brunt of responsibility, probably. Probably because they are the major shareholder, and they're probably in the biggest bedroom. These are all assumptions. So, yeah, I would just say just get. Get clear on that. Get it in writing, and then just kind of, like, ride the wave, you know?

[Monet X Change]

It's okay with that. I'm helping her pay her mortgage.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Girl, that really tickles.

[Monet X Change]

You stop helping her pay her mortgage, bitch. You are paying her rent to live.

[Caller Warren]

Hey, Bob and Monet. My name is Warren. I use he, him pronouns. And I'm a huge fan of the podcast. I am Team Monation, but I got love for y' all Boba heads out there.

[Monet X Change]

That makes one of you.

[Caller Warren]

I just want to ask a quick question. I recently graduated college and moved back home to Virginia, but I really want to move to a very queer city, just so, you know, I can be with my fellow queers and live my best gay life. And I just want to ask you all, what are your favorite queer cities out there? I know both of you have traveled so much and toured all throughout the world, and I just wanted to know also, maybe one that kind of shook you. You're like, damn, this place is gay. But anyways, love you both. Have a lovely day.

[Monet X Change]

I think it's your turn to go.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, my favorite city in the world is New York City. New York City is not easy to live in, but if you want to live in New York City, it is so. It can be so rewarding. I moved there when I was 22 years old. I did not graduate from college. I dropped out of college and I just, you know, moved to New York City and was like, I just had so many dreams and so many hopes and just really bright eyes and just so just. I was just really, you know, NYC soloist from Annie. You know, three bucks, two bags, one me vibe. And I would not change it for anything in the world. I look back on my memories living in New York City as a very young adult, as some of the fondest days of my life. I just cannot. I cannot believe that I got to be in New York City before Uber.

[Monet X Change]

And.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And like, you know, when I got to New York City, like, the. The token was on the way out, basically.

[Monet X Change]

Wow. Like, they were those little coins with little holes in them.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

There were still some. There were still some. Some swipe cards that had token spots in them. And. And it was just like, such an amazing place. I. I cannot say enough nice things about New York City. And I also really love. La is a beautiful town. I really like this town a lot. It's so. It's so relaxing. Which probably is not relaxing if you're from Virginia, you know, but if you. If you go from Virginia to la, it'll probably seem quite busy. But if you're coming from New York City, anything is relaxing.

[Caller Rashawn]

This.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anything is relaxing if you lived in New York City for a while, you know what I mean? And a city that shocked me. I was like, oh, wow. And anyone who lives there is probably like, why would you be shocked? But as someone who was not very versed in Texas, Austin is a wonderful town. I actually considered moving to Austin before moving to LA from New York City. I didn't give it a ton of consideration, but it was on my radar. Like Monet's Portland Saga. I was like, I might move to Austin. Like, it was.

[Monet X Change]

It was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a really cute town. And Austin has a really fierce, like, queer scene.

[Monet X Change]

And Ritzy Bits moved there from New York.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Ritzy Bits? The flipping one?

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

From Connecticut? Is she from Connecticut? Ritzy Bits was the OG Jax was

[Monet X Change]

Ritzy Bits from Connecticut?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Are you sure Ritzy Bits is from Connecticut? I think Ritzy Bits is adopted and I think we're. And she used to do the flips, right?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, she do back flips.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I'm dead. I might have just made all that up. But I'm pretty sure she's from Connecticut. I'm pretty sure she's. This is crazy.

[Monet X Change]

You know that's a New York thing, right? And. Okay, let me. Hold on. Pause, pause, pause. Before you start getting quit, let me rewind.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You don't know what I'm gonna do.

[Monet X Change]

I realized. I think I realized that it may be a New York thing that I hear people do that all the time. And I just. I was talking to two friends recently from New York and I was like, oh, my God. I realize that, like a lot of New Yorkers say that. I don't know if it's just a.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

Say what?

[Monet X Change]

Like I'm dead or I'm crying, Like stuff like that. Like, that is not okay. That's why I said pause, bitch. And I knew for that fucking reaction. That's why I said pause.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, bitch, I'm unpausing. Everything's not a New York City thing. One saying I'm dead or I'm screaming or I'm crying. I'm crying, just. But the thing is, you found out about it in New York City because you were living in New York City when you found out about it. But that does not make it a New York City thing.

[Monet X Change]

Okay?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Anyway, Queer cities, people walking and breathing and blinking. That is.

[Monet X Change]

That is very New York. The New Yorkers do that like all the time.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Gay cities. Queer cities.

[Monet X Change]

Queer cities. I will say. I mean, I. New York City is to me. I. I know I live in LA now. New York City is the greatest city in the world. I fucking love being from New York. I fucking love growing up in New York. I fucking love coming of age in New York. I fucking love being a young adult in New York. I fucking love being an adult in New York. Just being able to walk around the city and go and experience so much gay shit all over the city. I. It truly and still today. Now I know some. Some of the local queers there or the queens there, they're like, there's too many gay bars. Too much, too much, too much dragon.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I can't say now than there were when I.

[Monet X Change]

When I fucking started dragging gay bars. They opened like three last year and

[Bob the Drag Queen]

they've closed like 10 since.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Even more than that. Heaven Splash, Excess Therapy, the Boiler Room, Manhole XL Gym bar.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

It was in Brooklyn. It was shaped kind of like a window.

[Monet X Change]

Sugar Land.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Tnt. Sugar. Sugar Land. No parking.

[Monet X Change]

No parking. Oh my God, that was such a good club.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

These are all the spots I used to go, girl. Yeah.

[Monet X Change]

So New York City. And of course, you know, la, Portland is a very queer city. Like, just queer in general. It is queer. The house down booths and it is very white. Cortland is very white. And then, I don't know, it's because I am American and I know Europeans just are just a little bit different. But so many cities in Europe, I feel, are so fucking queer. And I love being there. Fucking Madrid and Barcelona.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, can I say something real quick?

[Monet X Change]

Yeah.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Do you think. Because I've experienced this too when I go to these towns, but because we are there for short amounts of time and we are there on the queerest. We are doing the queerest things. We think these towns are queer. But like, so in. In my experience, Newcastle is a very queer town. Every time I go to Newcastle, it is a very queer experience. But I got a sneaking suspicion that the folks in Newcastle will be like, no, no, no, baby. New Castle is not queer. Bright is not queer. But in my mind, Newcastle is just. Honey, it is gay. I think Ibiza. Ibiza is queer than Madrid. I think that London is queer than Birmingham. I think that you know those places like that.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I went to Madrid, but not being Bradley Wilson and I, we vacationed there for like, for like. We went there for like a week and a half and we just went on a friend trip to Madrid and Madrid and was very queer. Like, they have bars, like a lot of bars and things called like Boyberry, where Bitch. They have like a lot of them around the city. And like we went to like three gay bars. So maybe it's not that queer. It felt very queer to me as an American visiting Madrid and I think and also Prague. I was very gagged again, but I was there for work. You've been to your Prague.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Prague.

[Monet X Change]

So maybe Bob may be right. Maybe Prague isn't that queer. But you know that Nicki Minaj. Duh. And then. So Prague is when I was there on Work the World. The second time I went there, I was there on Work the World and myself and one of our sisters. I'll say her name, she doesn't care. Naomi. Were at this bar, in this club. This club in Prague. At the bar. We got out of drag. We got zhuzhed up. We at the club, it was her, us and all of us. Violet, Valentino, we're all out of this club. And then Naomi had, like, planned to hook up with this dude there, like, meet up. I don't know what they were, but meet up. So then Naomi met up with him. He's this very, very good looking dude. Hot, right? And, like, they're talking, they're talking. And Naomi just turns around to me, she goes, you can have him. And I was like. I was like, work.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And did you hook up with him?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, bitch, we saw that. Do your favorite thing. Make it out in the bar. And then we went back to my hotel. We. Bitch. I went back to the hotel. I should run. Clear. We got it. It's. It was great. He was hot. It was great. That was a great time. Naomi just. I will never forget, Naomi was sort of. And she had been talking to him for, like, 40 minutes at this point. She turned around and goes, you can have him. Must be nice.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

Did you ever explain what her thought process was?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

No, I never.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

How was the hookup?

[Monet X Change]

I never asked her why. And I'll ask her. Thank you, Jacob, for reminding me. And the hookup was great. He was a great bitch. He was turning me out. He was great. He was great. Like, I don't know what he could have done or said that. Naomi was like, nah, I'm good on it. Or maybe she met someone else. Can you.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

Can we call her and ask?

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God, she lives in Los Angeles. No, no, Jacob. Jacob is so messy.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

It's a fair question.

[Monet X Change]

I mean, should I call and ask her?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That is between you and Ms. Heppenstahl.

[Monet X Change]

Let me text her, see if she's up. Bob? Yana.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, dear.

[Monet X Change]

I'm willing to savor these moments with you. My little baby's gonna be gone for so long, and I'm gonna miss you so much. And I'm happy you're not being a total bitch and a cunt. And we can have these lovely, sweet moments together. I love you so much. I really do.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I feel strongly about you too, man. That.

[Caller Georgie]

Okay.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

And I'm glad that you feel like you can share those feelings with me. See?

[Monet X Change]

See, there it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

That.

[Caller Rashawn]

Do y'.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

All.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

Okay.

[Monet X Change]

Patrons especially, and all of you who listen to our podcast. But I know some, because some of y' all don't.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You.

[Monet X Change]

If you're listening on YouTube, you. You can't see this part. When Bob does that thing, when he answers stuff, he goes like, well, Monet, I'm glad that you feel you can show this way to me. It feels so dismissive and shady, and I don't like it.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, because, Monet, you were just Trying to intentionally antagonize me. And I didn't allow you to. What you said was, I'm glad you're not being a bitch and a cunt. So you tried to act like, first of all, you're not as clever as your icon Mistress Isabel Brooks to be able to gas like me. I'm not Lucy Laduca. You're not Mistress. Let me tell you right now, bitch, if you and me were on the same season, I would be mind gaming you. You don't have what it. You get to wake up very early in the morning to play mind games on Bob the motherfucking Drag Queen. So you don't get to act like you're. You give me a compliment while saying, I'm glad you're not being a bitch and a. Because like, you normally are. And then you get to be nice and then expect me to flip around and be like, ooh, ooh. And then I give you nothing. And then you act like me giving you nothing was giving you something, when in fact, you're the one who gave me something.

[Monet X Change]

Well, I think I just achieved everything I was going for. So thank you so much for playing into what I wanted to. Cause I got the reaction I wanted, honey.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Sure. Yeah. That's the reaction you wanted.

[Caller Chanello]

It was.

[Monet X Change]

There it is. There it is.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Yes, honey. Let me guess. Naomi didn't. Let me guess. Naomi didn't answer your text. You're left on red, and it says red.

[Monet X Change]

Actually. You're actually gonna show the screenshot. It doesn't even say delivered. Whatever reason, I don't think her phone is on. So it says.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I just said, first of all, Naomi's phone will always. It's your crunchy phone. It's your crunchy. Naomi's phone is always working, honey. Okay, don't ever. Don't ever come for Naomi Smalls like that ever again. It's your crunchy phone.

[Monet X Change]

It's not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Don't ever fix your lips say anything about my season. Season eight top three.

[Monet X Change]

She was.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

First of all, she was my top three. For. She was your. Yours. Okay, bitch? And Naomi was in your top three. Cause she felt bad for you. That's the only reason she was in the finale for you. Cause she felt bad for you. Honey.

[Monet X Change]

Naomi, we tell this story all the time. You know when we did, it was the top four of All Stars four. When Trinity and I were top two. And then Naomi and Monique go to the back, and then that's when they reveal Alaska, Trixie Mattel and Chad Michaels. And then they turn up at the top of the Runway. And Naomi says, monique looks at them. She looks back at her, and she looks. Talking about Trixie's outfit. She goes, is this bitch wearing polyester?

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Is this bitch wearing polyester?

[Monet X Change]

Literally, that is so funny.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know, I'm starting to realize that, like, it's been so long since I was on RuPaul's Drag Race that I don't. I don't think I actually remember it as much as I just remember telling stories. Like, I'm just remembering the stories that I've told, and I don't actually remember Drag Race. I just remember specifically the stories that I tell a lot. And people say things that I'm like, oh, yeah, I guess that did happen, didn't it, girl?

[Monet X Change]

This is me. And everything I can't remember. Should I do, like, sometimes you would tell me something we did a couple months ago, like, from tour. I'm like, oh, yeah, I. Yeah, so I feel you.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I found this Facebook group I started years ago, because I did. I kind of miss the. I found out about. Hold on. I found out about this woman named Zoe Alexander from the X. From X Factor. And this is, like, over 10 years ago. She went on, and she was kind of, like, labeled as a pink impersonator. And then she's saying, you know, I want to start a fight. And they were like, he's like, kind of seeing your own thing. Like, don't do the pink thing. Don't do the pink thing. Do you like your own thing? And she goes on. They're like, yeah, you need to go find your own identity and then come back. And then you see her face kind of, like, melt. And she was like, wait a minute. Like, I didn't want to sing Pink. You guys told me to sing Pink. I didn't even want to sing Pink. And they were like, what? We didn't tell you. Sing anything. And then she. Then she, like, threw her microphone. She said she dropped it. They act like they made it seem like she threw it. She knocked over set piece. She, like, pushed the camera, and it was like her realizing that watching the reality TV machine turn on her, and she didn't realize it. And I had a similar moment to that with this group called Glamour Beast that me and my friends were in back in 2010, maybe. Oh, 2011, where we all went to America's Got Talent, and I'm gonna. Should this be a Patreon exclusive where I tell the story, or should I just.

[Monet X Change]

Yeah, make it Patreon exclusive.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Okay, I'll tell you all it was my first time ever.

[Ryan Reynolds / Podcast Producer]

Wait, if we're gonna make it a Patreon exclusive, let's wrap up this episode, leave it with the Patriot exclusive.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, it's a story about the behind the scenes tee on America's Got Talent. And last comic standing, we'll just do that way.

[Monet X Change]

All right.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Which I did before Drag Race.

[Monet X Change]

Thank you guys for submitting all of your questions for similar advice. We have not done one in a while, so this is very lovely. And I guess we should start.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

You know what?

[Monet X Change]

Let's do a little stint of it. Actually, we'll have a lot of advisory coming up because this season is maybe like three or four more episodes, so we'll get there.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Well, bitch, you know All Stars is just around the riverbend. Allegedly. You don't have to watch him all night. You don't have to do anything.

[Caller Chanello]

I'm not.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Thorgy would be happy to fill in.

[Monet X Change]

Bitch, first of all, let me tell you one motherfucking thing, okay? Naomi Smalls, you could take a break. Naomi and I would do with the motherfucking All Stars.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Bitch, you're the one huffing and puffing and grieving.

[Monet X Change]

But you don't know what I'm huffing and puffing at.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

Will, you want to share the class?

[Monet X Change]

No, I don't, actually.

[Bob the Drag Queen]

I know what you're huffing and puffing and breathing about because you took the stairs about two hours ago.

[Monet X Change]

Oh, my God. Thank you guys for the advisory, and we'll see y' all next time. Bye.