Sibling Advicery: Smiling/Size Queens

Summary

Podcast Summary: Sibling Rivalry – "Sibling Advicery: Smiling/Size Queens"

Hosts: Bob The Drag Queen & Monét X Change
Date: January 3, 2024

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Overview

In this episode of Sibling Rivalry, Bob and Monét take a break from their usual rapid-fire banter to tackle listener-submitted advice questions, covering topics like the pressure to smile at work, queer identity expression, size preferences in dating, dressing confidently at any size, and writing stand-up comedy. The duo blend humor, personal anecdotes, and sharp social commentary, delivering both practical advice and laugh-out-loud moments. Their chemistry and honesty shine throughout, as they challenge each other's perspectives and share real talk about culture, drag, and the queer experience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcast Reviews: A Call to Action

Timestamps: 00:58–01:28

• Bob and Monét urge listeners to leave reviews on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, emphasizing how reviews support their show.
• Notable Quote:

  "We need those sweet, sweet delicioso reviews." – Bob (01:13)

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2. Party Tales & TikTok Purchases

Timestamps: 03:44–08:44

• Bob tells a funny story about accidentally having food delivered to his own apartment instead of a party.
• The duo discuss Bob’s new rugged "Tank" phone, bought after seeing it on TikTok, and Monét's skepticism about social media-driven purchases.
  • Notable Quote:

    "TikTok be working on Bob. This nigga will buy anything he sees on fucking TikTok." – Monét (07:01)

• Monét prepares for a White Elephant party, bringing a Drew Barrymore-branded popcorn maker.

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3. Smiling at Work & Double Standards for Black Women

Timestamps: 10:32–17:26

• Listener "Seven" asks for advice about being told to smile more at work as a Black woman in customer service.
• Bob relates, laments being asked if he’s “tired,” and shares a strategy to deflect intrusive comments.
  • Notable Quote:

    "If you comment on me looking unhappy... my go to reaction now is to make you feel as uncomfortable as I feel." – Bob (11:23)

• Monét acknowledges the retail industry's desire to "sell an experience."
• The conversation covers implicit bias:
  • Bob explains how Black women are more often read as angry or unfriendly for not smiling, compared to white men.
  • Monét pushes back, saying she doesn’t personally experience that bias when receiving service, but ultimately agrees the dynamic exists in society.
  • Notable Exchange:

    Bob: "Do you see how that gives 'I don't see color'?" (17:13)
    Monét: "No, I don't." (17:17)
    Insight into the rhetorical tension and honesty in their friendship.

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4. Bisexuality, Queer Coding, and Inclusion in the LGBTQ+ Community

Timestamps: 18:26–26:41

• A bisexual listener worries they don't "seem" queer enough to fit in, due to presenting as a basic white girl.
• Monét suggests playful signaling—rainbows, or throwback gay fashion like "seatbelt belts"—to feel more affirmed.
  • Notable Quote:

    "If you want that outward projection that you are queer, you just gotta signal a little more." – Monét (21:08)

• Bob argues appearance doesn’t define queerness and encourages the caller not to prove bisexuality to anyone.
  • Notable Quote:

    "Your bisexuality does not have to be 50/50, bitch. If your bisexuality is 95/5, you're still bisexual." – Bob (22:34)

• Both reflect on how looking “queer” (or not) impacts dating and community.

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5. “Size Queen” Discourse and What Attracts Us

Timestamps: 26:47–35:05

• Listener asks if it’s “okay” to be a “size queen” (prefer larger anatomy in sexual partners).
• Bob reframes: size is not a dealbreaker, but sometimes a deal-maker, and everyone has different triggers for attraction.
  • Notable Quote:

    "There’s an average-to-small dick to no dick at all is not a deal breaker. But sometimes a big dick can be a deal maker." – Bob (28:06)

• Monét: likes hands and teeth—"deal makers" don’t have to be sexual.
• Laugh-out-loud moment: The duo critique their own and their partners' hands, spiraling into a playful roast. (31:05–32:22)
• Both affirm sexual preferences are valid as long as everyone’s honest and kind.

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6. Body Confidence & Dressing While Plus Size

Timestamps: 38:30–45:46

• Listener asks for advice about expressing femmeness while struggling with weight gain post-lockdown.
• Monét shares how dressing femme felt easier when she was bigger, advocating for flowy fits and recommended stores (Primark, River Island).
  • Quote:

    "Primark has so many options that you can get, like, different things to make your body look really fierce." – Monét (41:36)

• Bob reflects on how bodies change how clothes land, and how personal style evolves.
  • Notable Quote:

    "What you like about your clothes isn't just the clothes. You like the way the clothes land on your body, so as your body changes, the clothes are landing differently." – Bob (42:19)

• Both recommend baggy/oversized fashion (currently on trend) and even learning basic sewing to customize fit.
• Moment of banter: The phrase "process silently" leads to mock-serious bickering and a flurry of Bible references. (45:31–45:46)

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7. Stand-Up Comedy: The Art of Writing Jokes

Timestamps: 50:17–60:30

• Theater student Anthony seeks advice on writing stand-up bits for a play.
• Bob’s Advice:
  • Don’t chase universal approval—write what’s funny to you, let your audience find you.
  • Build bits from premises you find curious or amusing, then escalate the absurdity.
  • Workshop jokes live, using audience reaction to refine timing and punchlines.
  • Dissects techniques: subverting expectations, misdirection, absurd humor, and "saying what everyone’s thinking."
  • Notable Quote:

    "You cannot please everyone. You have to let that go. Write for yourself and let your audience find you." – Bob (52:43)

• Monét’s Advice:
  • Draw on real-life stories, journal what’s funny, then uncover the themes.
  • For solo work, start with journaling life events and let the central story emerge organically.
• Both reference favorite comedians and dissect classic joke structures.
• Jinx Monsoon’s “Let’s just be cousins” roast joke (58:03) is cited as top-tier subversion.

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8. Memorable Quotes & Moments

Bob on Self-Perception:

"Do my eyes seem like they’re half closed? …This feels, I feel like an insane person right now." (51:18–51:43)

Monét on Being “Very Gay”:

"I also love being… I dress very, very gay. It’s very affirming." (24:29)

Bob on Therapy:

"I have to go. I have therapy actually, and I have to drive there, so I have to go." (60:35)

Monét’s sign-off:

"Okay, good. I hope that help you get the help that you need." (60:39)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 01:00: Asking for podcast reviews
• 03:44: Story – Party food mishap
• 07:00: Bob’s TikTok-inspired phone purchase
• 10:32: Smiling/customer service bias question
• 18:26: Bisexual listener and queer signaling
• 26:47: Size queens and sexual preferences
• 38:30: Dressing with body changes/femme expression
• 50:17: Crafting stand-up comedy bits
• 58:03: Joke structure breakdown
• 60:35: Episode wrap-up, therapy, and closing banter

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Tone & Character

• Tone: Witty, sharp, open, and comedic with moments of genuine vulnerability.
• Dynamic: The hosts playfully challenge each other (“Do you see how that gives ‘I don’t see color’?”), balance humor with serious commentary, and invite listeners into a chosen family energy.

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Useful for:
Anyone curious about racialized expectations in customer service, queer inclusion, body image, the language of attraction, and the process of stand-up writing—from two of queer culture’s funniest voices.
Skip:
Ads, sponsor shoutouts, and some off-topic banter.

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End of summary.

Transcript

[Ornod Founder]

I started Ornod in 2013 and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business as essentially non technical people. We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end and sell things online easily. If Shopify were a bike accessory, I think it would actually be the bicycle. It's the thing that you do the thing on. We run the business on Shopify. So start your free trial on shopify.com

[Shannon Maldonado]

My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop from the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you, it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com y',

[Monet]

all, listen, this is sibling rivalry podcast. We only have 8,000 reviews on, on Apple and we should have.

[Bob]

We have Shady.

[Monet]

We have hundreds of thousands of, hundreds of thousands of listeners, but we have almost 20,000 on our Patreon. So there should be at least 20k reviews on Apple podcasts.

[Bob]

So if you all could please go and give us a review over on Spotify, over on Apple podcasts, over on Everywhere, wherever you listen podcast. Please, please, please. It helps a lot. So give. We need those sweet, sweet delicioso reviews.

[Monet]

And also, even if you don't listen on Apple podcasts, you get it as an Apple user, when you have, if you have an iPhone, just download the app and go. Leave a five star review and a comment. That's all you gotta do. It's gonna take you literally, literally one minute to do all of that. Thank.

[Bob]

Macaroo.

[Monet]

Life is a cavalry, old chum. I want to see you be the mc.

[Bob]

No, thank you.

[Monet]

You don't want. You don't. Aren't you the theater girl? What's wrong with you?

[Bob]

Doesn't mean I want to play every role. Do you want to be in every opera and sing every song?

[Monet]

I mean, why don't you want to do the. Let's talk about, why don't you want to be the mc?

[Bob]

It's not a character that speaks to me. I don't think I can sing it also. And I mean, you know, I feel like it specifically probably should be A character played by like maybe like a Jewish person or something.

[Caller/Listener]

Got it.

[Bob]

Fair, See? Okay. That's what I think. Do you want to. Do you want to. Do you want to play the mc?

[Monet]

To be honest, I do. I've never seen the show Cabaret. All I know is that clip I've seen of Alan Cummings during the beginning.

[Bob]

Happy to see you.

[Monet]

Glissando.

[Bob]

Okay, all right. Glissando.

[Ad Voice]

Yes.

[Bob]

I don't perform for your approval, but that was.

[Monet]

You did a slight little portamenti to that next connection.

[Bob]

I know what I did.

[Monet]

What? Where?

[Bob]

Where I describe it to the audience.

[Monet]

What note? What note?

[Bob]

You can describe it to the audience.

[Monet]

What was it? What was it? Do it again.

[Bob]

Let me hear the portamenti. You know what it was. And it was only slight.

[Monet]

That was very nice. It was very nice Last night at

[Bob]

Monet's White Elephant or sorry, interracial elephant. This guy was there, his name was James. And he was like, I want a charcuterie. Is it rude to go get a charcuterie? And I was like, well, just go buy like a pre made charcuterie or just order one on route. He was like, I don't want a premade, I want to make a charcuterie. I was like, you want to go buy the ingredients for a charcuterie? And I was like, I don't know if it's rude if you're supposed to bring something. If you just go over and say, hey, do you guys mind that? Probably won't care. So I said, is a chaos agent.

[Monet]

He is. James is on 12.

[Bob]

Yeah. Way worse than me. Way worse than me. So I said, I said, andy, do you mind if I. Would you be offended if I order some? I want some cheesy queso dip. Do you mind if I order the ingredients to make it here? And he was like, of course, go ahead. Have any of you ever done this? I ordered the food and I was like, oh, it's almost here. And then I see my phone go buzzer. I ordered the food to my house.

[Monet]

Damn.

[Bob]

So I now have the ingredients for a queso dip in my home that I'm clearly not gonna be eating. I have done this a few times. There have been times where I once ordered a pizza to Asad's apartment because the Domino's app had Asad's address in there. So I just bought Assad and his friend's pizza that day.

[Monet]

Well, you know, I'm really very into food and I don't make mistakes like that. I will make sure that I Will triple check. I've never had that happen to me before.

[Bob]

Have you been tagged in that picture online? It's an image of this little Caribbean girl running from this woman.

[Monet]

Yes.

[Bob]

Can we please put it on the screen if we have it? This shit is so.

[Jacob]

Can you.

[Bob]

How do you feel? Do you have any. Can you explain what it is? It is. What it looks like is a little Caribbean girl, like, holding a pot of food, running from this. From, like, what appears to be her mother. And, like, she's, like, gleefully, like, she's, like, smiling as she has stolen this food, and she's just running from. Who appears to be some sort of a maternal figure. And it's really low key.

[Monet]

Someone tagged me. They said a couple Twitters, a couple tweets tagged me. One said, monet stealing the curry goat from the pot. One said, monet stealing Julietta's food.

[Bob]

Do you have. Can you. Can you send it to the group? I don't have it. Can you send it to the group? How do you feel about it? How do you feel about it?

[Monet]

I feel it's very offensive, and I don't like stuff like that.

[Bob]

Why? Does it offend you? What offends you about it?

[Monet]

You know, I don't want to get into it, but it really hurts my heart.

[Bob]

You don't want to talk about it?

[Monet]

No.

[Bob]

I mean, I don't care.

[Monet]

It was a while ago, though. I don't know. I don't think I can go back that far in my mentions.

[Bob]

I'll try to find it. I don't have Twitter on this phone, but that shit, I.

[Monet]

Wait, did you take Twitter off your phone?

[Bob]

No. You know, I have two phones, and my real. I have my iPhone here, and my real phone is in the other room. Cause it was charging, y'.

[Nathan]

All.

[Monet]

Bob took.

[Bob]

Bob bought that.

[Monet]

Damn. What is it called?

[Bob]

The Frunk the Tank.

[Monet]

The Tank phone. It is. First of all, it's so heavy.

[Bob]

Should I get it?

[Monet]

Yeah, go get it and show these people that ridiculous phone. So if y' all don't know, first of all, TikTok be working on Bob. This nigga will buy anything he sees on fucking TikTok. So he bought this new phone. It's called the Tank, and it can go up to, like, a couple, like, months without a charge. It has this crazy flashlight on it.

[Bob]

It's just.

[Monet]

It is a. It is literally like a. It's fucking heavy. It's literally one of the bricks they threw at Stonewall, I'm pretty sure. And he is. Has it at this party just, like, showing it off, and it is so silly. I'm trying to find this picture of me.

[Bob]

Are you going to Kim's White Elephant party tomorrow?

[Monet]

Yeah, it's today.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, it's today.

[Bob]

What are you going to bring?

[Monet]

Oh, so I'm bringing this. This Drew Barrymore popcorn maker that I got from the MTV Movie Awards. They sent it as a gift thing with, like, for winning the thing. And then. So I'm bringing that.

[Bob]

What makes it Drew Barrymore themed.

[Monet]

It's her. She is her company.

[Bob]

This is the Tank. It is a beast of a phone, a behemoth of a phone. And what makes it interesting is I have not charged this phone In, I think, six days now, y'. All. It is at 70%.

[Monet]

But you also haven't been using it, though. If I just didn't put my phone.

[Bob]

That's my phone.

[Monet]

Huh?

[Bob]

I use the Tank, like, as your phone.

[Monet]

Like, you use it for what?

[Bob]

Not as my phone, but I use it to watch videos. I use it. I scroll through it. I've been, like, playing with it. I don't have a phone that can last for five days and get down to 70%.

[Monet]

I think my phone has a.

[Bob]

This phone has an insane battery life. That's like. That's, like, the whole selling point of the phone.

[Monet]

Interesting.

[Bob]

Your phone can't do this, Monet. My other. My phone can't do this. This phone can't. This is the newest iPhone that can't do this. This phone is on 50%. I charged it this morning. This phone's on 70%. I charged it five days ago, So.

[Ornod Founder]

Oh, here it is.

[Monet]

I found it. I found a picture, y'. All.

[Bob]

The picture of what?

[Monet]

Of me stealing Julietta's lunch.

[Bob]

Let me put. Send it to the group chat with me, you and Jacob.

[Nathan]

Okay.

[Bob]

That sent me through the moon. Through the moon. So, Monet, we. We're gonna. I wanna. I wanted to talk about something. I thought about doing a little video today on Tick Tock, but I decided to talk about it here. Every bit of Monet and I, all the advice that we give you guys, it is. This is for fun. Do not. Don't take the advice. This is all Kikis and kakals. Some of it, we just be really goofy and acting silly on. But also be wary of folks in these streets who be out here. Like, take my advice. It's.

[Monet]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. You wait. This is your disclaimer or someone's. I'm confused.

[Bob]

It's our disclaimer, but. But also a couple of, like, there's too many fucking, like, advice, self help guru people on the Internet.

[Monet]

Oh, yeah, I. I agree with that. There is. That is. That is very pervasive. It is a lot.

[Bob]

And like, y', all, I'm again, entertainment. I'm a comedian. This is all for Kikis and Kakakos. Do not take this advice. Go seek out your rabbi, your therapist, your mentor, your parents, your pastor, your imam, whoever you get your advice from.

[Monet]

Not your memaw.

[Bob]

I said emom.

[Monet]

All right, let's go to the first question. Jacob.

[Jacob]

Hi, Bob and Monet. My name is Seven. I'm 20 and from New Jersey. I just wanted to ask about something Bob had mentioned in an earlier episode. He said that when people tell him to smile, he realized they were uncomfortable with his presence. And this really stuck with me because as a black woman working in customer service, there's always expectations to smile or always be positive. So much so that people always assume I'm sad or mad, but that's just how my face looks. And I was just wondering if you guys relate in any way or just have any advice on how to deal with this

[Bob]

before I answer. Do I look like a turtle?

[Monet]

You look like eternal.

[Bob]

Do I have. My head is kind of like a shape, like a Ninja Turtle right now.

[Monet]

I mean, I guess I could see that. But, no, not particularly.

[Bob]

I. I've started. I think. I think I'm going to stop doing this, but I've started doing this thing now where if you. If you comment on me looking unhappy, my go to reaction now is to make you feel as uncomfortable as I feel with you calling me out for that. So I have this stock response that I always give, which I think. I think I'm gonna stop doing it because it's escalating. If anything, I'm aware of that. But someone goes, you know a question I hate. This question is so. This. You cannot ask someone this question. There have to be very specific circumstances where you can ask the following question. You really tired? You just tired? You're pretty tired, huh? Don't do that. I don't care if I am panting, wheezing, and my eyes are literally doubling over. Don't ask me if I'm tired. Don't tell me I look tired. That shit pisses me the fuck off. So, you know, someone says, are you. Are you mad? Are you upset? I always say, no, I just have a shitty face. And I go, no, no, no, no. I'm like, nah. Yeah, now we both feel awkward. Bitch. Yeah, I like them apples.

[Monet]

I don't think I have the same response about being tired. It doesn't perturb me in the same way. But I think, as for your question, you be cheesy. I think if that you be cheesing. I think that when it comes to, like, customer service and stuff like that, I think that your boss or your manager, whoever, the reason why they may harp on that a little bit more is because they're trying to sell an experience. Right? They're trying to like you being their customer service person at, I'm assuming, a retail store or something like that. Because if people are coming up to you and saying, smile more, I'm assuming it's at that. It's not like a phone one or whatever. I think because they want to give this vibe that their store is so happy and the workers are happy to help and all that stuff. So I think that's why. So I think it may be looking at a. Because, I mean, I have had the experience where I go up to someone, maybe like Target or something, and they just look mad. And I won't even ask them for help because I'm like, they look like they're having a bad day. I'm just not even gonna even engage in that. Cause I don't want to upset them even more. And I'll go out on my way to find someone else. So I think there's a layer of that as well. So I think maybe look to maybe a different position. But also, you should feel free to express yourself how you want. But when you are working in customer service, people want. They want you to sell the experience and that you are happy, and yet you are happy to help. So I don't know.

[Bob]

But the litmus is different. Specifically for women and for black women and for queer people, especially black women, because you got the double whammy going on. For not smiling as a black woman is not the same as not smiling as a white man.

[Monet]

So if you go, oh, yeah, for sure.

[Bob]

So when people go to like.

[Monet]

But I will say for me, for both of them, if I see a white dude on. On aisle seven, and he looks angry.

[Bob]

Angry. The difference between, like, not smiling and looking angry. So when a. I feel like. When a. Let me just say this. When a black woman is, like, not smiling, then she looks angry. Or when a black person is not smiling, we look pissed off and mad. But when, like, a white man is not smiling, he's just, like, hanging out and chilling and relaxing, maxing all cool and all. She's gonna be bored outside of school. And I think that I disagree, though. Do what?

[Monet]

Like, if a white dude is stacking boxes and he's working at Target and he's doing his thing and he's just sitting there like, he looks like he doesn't look. He looks like he looks like he doesn't want to be maybe not angry. They look like they don't want to be bothered.

[Bob]

So if you're not smiling, smiling while stacking bottom smiling.

[Monet]

But like. But like, you. You have seen those people. They like. Like you. Like, you don't be bothered as opposed to just like. It's like a thing is a different energy between those two things.

[Bob]

But I'm saying that little subtle difference that you're doing, people put that on black people more than they put on more put on white, but they put it on women more, they put it on men. Whereas a man could just be like, how many bags do you need? Whereas a woman goes, how many bags do you need? This bitch got an attitude all of a sudden. That's.

[Monet]

I don't. I mean, I guess in context of the world, I do know that to be true.

[Bob]

Well, you cannot have it. You can't not have it.

[Monet]

I'm talking about my experience when I am getting customer service help. Like, that's just not what my experience is.

[Bob]

Let's have to insinuate that you have somehow escaped the bias of the world that we all are a part of. Even, I mean, even people, by the way, even black women do this to other black women. We all have these biases inside of us that we have to be actively trying to not engage in. Even black women.

[Monet]

I'm telling you, that is not my experience.

[Bob]

Even black women, I don't have that. Let me just finish my statement. Even black women be thinking, other black women be having stank face. Why I don't like her because she thinks she cute. All this stuff in our heads. And I think that if you're willing to engage with the notion that maybe you have some biases that society has put into your brain as opposed to being like, I am just above bias.

[Monet]

I am not. You are making a very big leap. I am not saying I am above biases. I'm talking about this specific instance, this specific situation. That is not something that I possess. Of course, I am a human existing in this world. There are many biases that I walk out of my house that I am. That I am dressed in every day. I am not saying that. That's not what I'm saying. So don't put that in my Mouth. I'm saying that my experience, it's this specific question about customer service. When I see someone who is just like, there is a different energy and a different, like, vibe to someone, and it's very subtle. And when you are. When you. When you want to engage in for help and what feels warm and welcoming and inviting, I'm saying that that is a specific bias that I don't experience. I. I take that at face value for whether you're black, white, green, purple, yellow, male, female, non binary, whatever. That is just my own thing. But also that's just me. Like, biases that other people don't have.

[Bob]

Do you see how that gives? I don't see color.

[Monet]

No, I don't.

[Bob]

That's interesting.

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[Bob]

Close your eyes, exhale.

[Caller/Listener]

Feel your body relax, and let go

[Bob]

of whatever you're carrying today.

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[Bob]

And breathe.

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[Monet]

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[Bob]

All right, what's the next question?

[Caller/Listener]

So I'm a very basic white girl who is also very bisexual, but I don't really know how to be, like, accepted in queer spaces at all. I'm not the type of person to, like, get bangs or, like, get a nose piercing. So confusing off the bat, but a lot of my, like, gay and lesbian friends have been a little, like, invalidating about, like, being, like, kind of implying that I'm not queer enough to be part of, like, any conversations or go on with them. And I'm like, I really know what this is based off of. Because, like, none of you guys have seen Paris is Burning, so it's not Like a report card thing. Like, is it literally just like that I'm basic. Is it like the bisexual. Like, I didn't like poppers that one time I did them.

[Monet]

So.

[Caller/Listener]

So I would love some advice about, like, how to be more accepted in queer spaces when I really am just like, basic white girl who looks straight. Like, looks very allied, but I'm like, I'm very bisexual. I promise.

[Bob]

What is she talking about? We went from poppers to.

[Monet]

What is adding up all the things she's trying to. She. She's tried to do to signal that, hey, guys, I am one of you. Well, accept me. So paupers is a. Which I guess we talked about this before. Bitches be doing poppers. Poppers on the dance floor. Sounds so crazy to me. Anyway, did I go first or you go first? Last.

[Bob]

I can't remember. You go ahead. I think.

[Monet]

Yeah, listen, I don't. There is a part, like you want to feel included. You want. You want everyone to know that you're down. Like, you want. At face value, you want people to know that, bitch, I eat pussy. Like, I get that. But just because you don't have a septum piercing or you don't have, like, anything that feels like, alternative and a little, like, queer, I don't know, maybe just start wearing bitch. Be one of those bitches. Back in 2000, I remember in New York City there was a. Well, it was a trend where people get these, like, rainbow silver seatbelt buckles belts. And like, when people had those on, like, you knew they were gay. So maybe you just need to do a few more outward expressions of your fabulosity. I think can go a little. Can go a long way. Like wear more rainbows or like, I don't know, put a little rainbow flag on your Instagram bio. Like, little things to signal if you want. If you want that outward projection that you are part of the community and that you are queer, you just gotta signal a little more.

[Caller/Listener]

Girl.

[Bob]

Can I say a very controversial statement. Bring back basic white girl allies, even if you're not an ally. Bring back basic white girls. Like, maybe Manic Panic can stop selling hair dye for a month and just see if nature can heal itself. There's nothing wrong with looking extra, you know what I mean? But I feel like you don't have to prove your queerness to anybody. Your bisexuality does not have to be 50 50, bitch. If your bisexuality is 95. 5, you're still bisexual. You don't have to prove it by going out and dating men or dating Women, you don't have to prove. You don't have to prove your attraction to anyone in the world. That's not how that works. I'm someone who's like very visibly queer. People see me. Although for some reason my mom swears up and down, people can't tell I'm gay. We've had this conversation. Jake has been there for these conversations. My mom swears up and down that until I say I'm gay, until I say the words I'm gay, no one knows. Which is, I think, precious of my mom. But that's. That's just. That's just not my experience. I'll say that. That is certainly not my experience. But maybe gaydar is just all for boomers.

[Monet]

I don't know.

[Bob]

Maybe that's what it is. But girl, like, you don't have to fucking prove yourself and get you some friends who are going to be like, like, you know, Mike Kennedy is a lesbian. Well, like a bi lesbian. And just like, I'm like a bi gay guy. But like, Kennedy just reads as like, this, this, like straight white girl. A lot people just be like, oh, she's just. Especially before she got all these tattoos, used to be like, and this straight girl. And King would just kind of be like, either she. Sometimes she's speaking like, I'm not straight, or sometimes she'd be sitting with her girlfriend. She's like, this is my girlfriend or something like that. But she just kind of like this like, plain looking white girl. She's like, it just is what it is. I'm a plain. What do you want? I'm a plain looking white girl. You know what I mean?

[Monet]

But I will say it's not her friends. It's her. She's like, she's like, she's like, I want. She's like, I want to. I want to look more queer. She's like, I want to look more queer. Her friends are her. It's not like her friends are like, girl, we are just. We are fine.

[Bob]

But it's not wanting to do it to signal to her friends like, she. It's not just her friends. It's like she's trying to signal to people around her that she is more queer. And part of me is like, it's okay to just be like. But I will say this. If you're trying to get more pussy, then you might want to signal your queerness a little bit more.

[Monet]

I was just about to say, I said, she probably wants more. She probably wants more.

[Bob]

If you're trying to get women in your life. You probably need to signal your queerness a little more to get women in your life. I will say this because of how queer I read. I don't attract a lot of women because of how queer I read. I wouldn't even know how to hit. Hit on a.

[Monet]

Because you're a fag.

[Bob]

Yeah. Now I'm the one with the bag. They call me bitch now. Look who famous and like.

[Monet]

Oh, my God, you're obsessed. So you're obsessed.

[Bob]

I like Todrick a lot.

[Ornod Founder]

I do like Todrick.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

I like Todrick Europe's. No, no, no, no. I'm just like, it's obsession.

[Bob]

He was one of my top artists a few years in a row. So.

[Monet]

Yeah, I know.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

But listen, also because I am so also, I also love being. Looking very gay. Like, bitch. It's literally how I dress. Like, I dress very, very gay. So. And I feel very. It's very affirming. So it may be like you want to feel more affirmed than your queer identity. And I get that. And because I've never really had to do that. I've had a big butt and thick thighs. And I know there are straight people who have that stuff too. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about a gay person. I'm a gay person with very feminine features. And it has. I have loved having that my entire life. So is the. But you get.

[Bob]

Say it again. Did the butt make you gay?

[Monet]

Oh, for sure.

[Bob]

As the butt gets bigger, do you get more gay? And as it gets smaller, do you get less gay?

[Monet]

Yes.

[Bob]

So if you start liking.

[Monet]

So that's why I've been on a constant. I've been doing my Brazilian butt lifts to get these motherfucking.

[Bob]

These cheeks popping.

[Monet]

Because I don't ever want to be on the other side. So I get how validating it feels to look gay and be that. So I think you just want to be more faggy. Like, fine, just wear more rainbows. Boo.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Monet]

In my opinion.

[Bob]

Now your hair blue.

[Monet]

Yeah, yeah. What do. What do women do to look more gay?

[Bob]

I think that it depends on what kind of woman you're trying to attract. A lot of them cut their hair short and wear polos.

[Monet]

Get a pixie cut. Get a.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Monet]

Get a pixie cut.

[Bob]

No, not a pix. Get a. Get a. A James Dean. Get a James Dean.

[Monet]

What's a James Dean?

[Bob]

Let me try it out. Them white James Dean's lesbians be cleaning up.

[Monet]

James Dean. Is that a haircut?

[Bob]

Just Google James Dean. The haircut that James Dean would have them.

[Monet]

Oh. Oh, yes.

[Bob]

Oh, bitch.

[Monet]

I would fuck this bitch.

[Bob]

I would fuck her. These white James Dean lesbians be cleaning up.

[Monet]

Yeah, that's hard.

[Bob]

I'm telling you. I think there's like a. There's a whole James Dean lesbian. If I type in James Dean lesbian, does anything pop up? I feel like there's a lot of James Dean lesbians out there.

[Monet]

I would fuck a James Dean lesbian for sure. No, nothing pops up. But I know the girl. I know the girl you're talking about, though. I've seen this person many times.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Monet]

Especially riding through us. Old Silver Lake.

[Bob]

Yeah. All right, what's our next one, Jacob?

[Monet]

What is the black version of the James Dean?

[Bob]

James Brown.

[Monet]

Hey now, Akadija. Akadija.

[Bob]

Oh, yeah, Akadija. But she's.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, Bob and Monet, my partner of seven years and I recently moved to New York City and we reopen. We only hook up together. And I noticed that we tend to only hook up with, well and down guys. Just. That is what we're working with as well. And it's also what's tended to feel the best to us. I wanted to ask our resident size queen, Monet. Change. And also, Bob, is it okay to be a size queen or should we broaden our horizons? Best size queenery.

[Bob]

Okay, first of all, like me and

[Monet]

my boyfriend, we just happen to only hook up with guys with big dicks because we also have really big dicks. And like everyone just a lot of

[Bob]

dick that's floating around this apartment. It pays to advertise.

[Monet]

Also, doesn't he sound like Nick? I went first. Your turn.

[Bob]

You know, I'm not a size queen and I always say there's an average to small dick to no dick at all is not a deal breaker. But sometimes a big dick can be a deal maker. That is how I always say it. If you have a average penis, small penis or no penis at all, that is not a deal breaker for me. Sometimes that can also be a deal maker for me as well. Honestly. Depending. I mean, so is everything.

[Monet]

So everything is a maker.

[Bob]

Not everything's a deal maker. Not everything's a deal maker. You know what I mean? I mean, sometimes. Sometimes the deal maker is like this. This. This person's tall. Sometimes the deal. The deal maker, this person has nice pecs. Sometimes the deal maker, this person has nice legs. Like, there's like one thing that this person has that like pushes it over the edge for you. You never had that. What's Mon's. What's Monet's deal maker, in your opinion. Oh, what do I think it is? Yeah. Being able to lift her off the ground easily. I think if you can show that you can lift money off the ground, like, without breaking a sweat, then she'll probably be like, oh, this, this gave you an extra three or four points. Does that sound right? Yeah, I like that. Yeah, but. But you probably have other deal makers too. Like, maybe like nice arms, actually.

[Monet]

Do you? I like hands. I'm weird. Hands, Hands and teeth are dealmakers.

[Bob]

You know, on TikTok, who's always like, I gotta stop doing this. I'm gonna stop reaching TikTok, because you don't. You don't. You. Apparently, you're like Simone Bile's husband. You've never been on the Internet. You don't see things.

[Monet]

Well, I have not. So I know I go in ways I have not been on. I have not been in my tick

[Bob]

tock for like, you know, the girl who's. Who's always like, I'm a dying breed. No, she's this really funny black girl on Tick Tock who. Anyway, you just did. Okay, I. I'm officially vowing to not mention any more tick tocks of Monet. I. It's done. It's a wrap. But you were saying Monet.

[Monet]

What was I saying?

[Bob]

Hands. You like hands. You're weird. Throw.

[Monet]

You, like, hands and teeth are like deal makers for me. Like if you are cute. Like, if I'm on the fence and like, I see your hands, I'm like, I know, that's so weird. But I'm like, oh, yes.

[Bob]

What on these hands? What about the hands?

[Monet]

Like, they had to be like a very.

[Bob]

How are your hands? Would you hook up with your hands?

[Monet]

My hands are okay, but like, Andy has nice. Have you seen Andy's hands? Andy has nice hands.

[Bob]

I've seen them, but I haven't taken note of them. But I have seen that Andy has hands. If someone asked me to vouch, I would say, yes, Andy has hands and

[Monet]

he has nice hands. So I like, can you please a nice manicure? Like a nice manicured finger. I'm not saying you're going to the nail salon, but like, nicely, like, manicured.

[Bob]

Like, they're like, manicure.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Huh?

[Bob]

You have manicures?

[Monet]

I do. I do. And like, I need to see this. The new growth. Like, I had a nice healthy new growth.

[Bob]

Wait, is it about the. Is it about the size, shape? Cause it's how you're describing your hands. But you're like, my hands are fine. What Is it about Andy's hands?

[Monet]

They have to have, like, a nice size. Like, a nice width. Like, I don't. I don't like skinny.

[Ornod Founder]

Like, big.

[Bob]

What's a nice size?

[Monet]

Like, big. Like, not skinny, but, like, not like, overly fat hand, but, like, a nice, like, weight. I can't describe it. I just like the hands. I don't know.

[Bob]

Do you want to critique me in Jacob's hands? Oh, my God.

[Monet]

What are you doing?

[Bob]

I want you to critique me in Jacob's hands.

[Monet]

Yeah, look at. I mean, that's a bad picture. Jacob.

[Bob]

He's fucking rolling through mud. Is that Andy?

[Monet]

Yes, bitch.

[Bob]

These hands look mangled. What is this?

[Monet]

I know. See? Look at Andy's hands, bitch.

[Bob]

These look like fucking skillets.

[Monet]

I do like, a big hand.

[Bob]

These look like Paul Bunyan. All right. Talk about my hands.

[Monet]

Well, you have very nice hands. I like your hands. I wish that you. I wish they were more manicured, though. That's the only thing. Like, but you have, like, the weight and size of your hands are great.

[Bob]

All right. Talk about Jacob's hands.

[Monet]

I can't see Jacob's hands.

[Bob]

Oh, I.

[Monet]

Well, Jacob is small.

[Bob]

I have Barbie.

[Monet]

Jacob is tiny.

[Bob]

Girl.

[Monet]

Jacob.

[Bob]

Bitch.

[Monet]

Jacob can put your entire. Around your thumb. Jacob and I.

[Caller/Listener]

Girl.

[Bob]

Jacob has beautiful hands. He has beautiful hands.

[Monet]

But they're small. Jacob has small. Jacob's very small.

[Bob]

Yeah, they're very beautiful, little petite hands. I love my little baby's hands. Okay, go.

[Monet]

Go jerk him off. Another episode is.

[Bob]

Every episode. You're gonna be jerking jacket andy's hands for 18 minutes. I can't. You say three words about Jacob's hands

[Monet]

every episode. You and Jacob are just.

[Bob]

I can't say three words about Jacob's hands. That's you and Andy at game night, Monet. Wait. Oh, size queens. Is it okay to be a size queen? Oh, yes. Lost the question.

[Monet]

Listen, I think if you like big dicks and you feel like you can take those better and those feel better in your body, then I think this. Yes, you are allowed to be a size queen. Like, I don't think there's shame in being a size queen. Don't let other people shame me for being the size queen. Like, if that's what floats your boat and that's what gets you really hot and that's what makes you want to come, then go ahead, like, live your life.

[Bob]

It sounds like you want to explore other stuff, though. It sounds like you're interested in exploring other things. I mean, are there other parts of the body that you also Find erotic. Does it have to be a big penis? Does it have to be in your butthole? Does it have to be. Can it. What about the butts? You know what I mean? Like, for example, I'm someone who notoriously, notoriously loves a little booty. A little booty? I like a little booty.

[Monet]

Is that what you and I would never think?

[Bob]

I don't think he also likes big booties. I like big booties.

[Monet]

He just likes booties in general. Booty from the lumbar.

[Bob]

What do you think that's so far? Yeah, I also. But I also have love for big booties, too. And I have love for little booties. You know what I mean?

[Monet]

What are my favorite mediums?

[Bob]

What about medium booties? I mean, wow.

[Monet]

So you hate. So you hate medium booties.

[Bob]

I feel like sometimes the little booties are medium booty because they're, like, little. But they're like a little plump, but

[Monet]

they're like, Bob, everything is a deal maker. You said, I like little booties, I like big ones. We said, what about me?

[Bob]

Well, I like everything. A medium booty wouldn't be a deal maker for me, but a big booty or a little booty would be a deal maker. Like a little booty. A medium booty is whatever. But if you have a big booty or a little booty that can. That gives you extra points for me.

[Monet]

Got it. One of. One of my favorite memories is we were. Bob, you had came back. We were at your apartment in one 180Fort Washington. 160. Where are you at?

[Bob]

Oh, my God, I don't remember. 181. I don't know. 181. 62 for Washington. How about that?

[Monet]

164. He was 84 Washington. That's what it was. And we were at your old house. And then I hadn't seen you for a while. Oh, this is in the pandemic. And I didn't see you for a few. I didn't see you in person for a week. So the first time I came over to your house, and I was doing a lot of biking, and I walked and I walked past you in front of you. You go, monet.

[Caller/Listener]

He's like.

[Monet]

I was like, what? He's like, monet, I was like, what? He's like, like, your ass is ridiculous.

[Bob]

Who. I said this.

[Monet]

Like, you see me so many. It was just very funny to me. Like, because Bob always does this thing. He'll, like, say something like that. And you think it's gonna be, like, a serious conversation. Like, I'm like, oh, my God, what happened? He was like, girl, your ass is crazy.

[Bob]

I think the reason. The main reason you and I didn't work out is because when I met you, I was really skinny. You're not in the skinny guys. I was very skinny. When you and I first met, you used to always be like, you're so skinny.

[Monet]

You are very skinny.

[Bob]

But you'd be like, you're so skinny. It was like that, y'.

[Shannon Maldonado]

All.

[Bob]

It was. It wasn't. It wasn't like. It was like, oh, I'm. I'm observing that you're skinny. It was like, you're ill. I. No, she didn't literally never. But she did go, you're so skinny. And I be like, yeah, I'm skinny.

[Monet]

I think you're inferring a lot of what you think my intention.

[Bob]

Why was your lip. Why was your lip doing. Doing like. Doing like a Viola Davis playing Michelle Obama all lifetime. Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney.

[Monet]

Was that a real thing? I never did watch it.

[Bob]

I didn't watch it. But if it was real Mitt Romney, I know Michelle has to be like, why you do me like that? It must have met.

[Monet]

Oh, Viola and Michelle. Yeah, I would assume.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Bob]

I'm going to name some very famous people, and I'm going to you tell me if you ever met them, even if for a second. Like, spoken and shared words. Okay.

[Monet]

Okay.

[Bob]

Elton John.

[Monet]

Wait, if I've met them?

[Bob]

Yes. You.

[Monet]

No.

[Bob]

Laverne Cox?

[Monet]

Yes.

[Bob]

Lil Nas? X.

[Monet]

No.

[Bob]

Who's the guy who plays Magneto?

[Monet]

Jacob Sir. Ian McKellen.

[Bob]

Ian McKellen.

[Monet]

No.

[Bob]

All right, now you do me. Just name some famous queer people. Like, have I met queer people? I edit all queer people.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Monet]

Wanda Sykes.

[Bob]

Yes.

[Monet]

Victoria Monet.

[Bob]

No.

[Monet]

Cynthia Riva. Yes.

[Bob]

One more.

[Monet]

Candy Burris.

[Bob]

She's queer?

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Are you making that up? Are you fucking with me? I'm not.

[Monet]

Kandy hooks up with women and has in the past. Yes.

[Bob]

Oh, I've not met her. I believe she moved to Atlanta after I moved. When was she on the Way Housewives?

[Monet]

No, she's always been Atlanta. Kandi. Kandy's, like, born and raised in Atlanta.

[Bob]

80. 80, 80, 80.

[Monet]

Well, she's probably. She's from, like. She's from, like, South. Like, she's, like, from Gutter Bucket, you know.

[Bob]

Nene's not from Atlanta. I know.

[Monet]

She's. Her and Nene were, like, in the

[Bob]

same area, you know. Nene's not from Atlanta.

[Monet]

I know, but they were from the same area. Wherever that is, you know where she's from? No.

[Bob]

Queens.

[Monet]

Oh. But Nene and like they had like a high school. A high school something in Atlanta though.

[Bob]

I mean, people move, you know, you didn't you live in, didn't you go to high school? Didn't you go to middle school in Atlanta? You ain't from Atlanta.

[Caller/Listener]

True.

[Bob]

Okay, we got.

[Monet]

We gotta go. We are. Girl, we did a. We are get. Next question.

[Bob]

We are getting three. Three is a lot for us. Don't rush us. Don't ever rush us.

[Nathan]

Hey, Bob and Monet. My name is Nathan. I'm 30 years old. I am based in Bristol in the UK. I am a queer, non binary person of color. And recently I have put on a bit of weight. I fluctuate with my weight anyway. But since the lockdown, I have, I've like got the biggest that I've ever been. And I love my body. I am very comfortable in my skin. But I am really struggling to express myself in the ways that I usually do in terms of the way that I dress. And this is difficult for me because this means that I am basically just dressing very in quotation marks masc most of the time and not really exploring that femme in quotation marks side of me. And I was just wondering if you had any advice.

[Bob]

Macaroni. Ooh.

[Monet]

I mean, I would say like, as you know, over my life as well, my weight has fluctuated, gone up and down and I've always. But more. In my mid-20s, I started dressing more. More femme. But when my weight was up, I found it more comfortable to dress femme when I was, when I was bigger because I could feel like I could wear, like, I could wear dresses. I could wear like flowier things. So I find interesting that you find it. You, you have it the opposite. You feel like the more weight that you have on, you can find it easier to dress more butch.

[Bob]

I think they said that they are still dressing butch. I think they just find themselves still dressing butch as opposed to choosing to dress more butch. That's what I think.

[Monet]

I heard what I'm saying. So like as. So if you want to express yourself in a more feminine way, I feel like it's easier to access that in my experiences when you, because you can go get some nice sundresses or if you, I mean, you're in the uk, so bitch, I know it's fucking cold as hell on that bitch. You can get you some flowier things over there. Because the question is how can they express themselves in a more femme way?

[Bob]

And with their new body and with

[Monet]

a new body, right?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Monet]

So I say, ooh, go to. Okay. I. Me and Michelle Visage and a lot of people, not just us, but we specifically the only two customers. We've shopped at Primark a lot. And Primark, and I guess living over there, y' all probably like, ew, Primark. But me, as an American, I know we have them here, but it's still. I still fucking love it. Primark has so many great things. Things you can find potatoes. Stop it. Primark has so many, like, great.

[Bob]

I'm hood. Go ahead.

[Monet]

What?

[Bob]

But I'm hood. Okay, continue. Sit y' all ass down in there.

[Monet]

Primark has so many options that you can get, like, different. Like, things that you can wear to suit your body, to make your body look really fierce. I say, go to Primark. Go to River Island. And I would also take a little pop into what's that place

[Bob]

are still near River Island.

[Monet]

River island is a super.

[Anthony]

Is a.

[Monet]

Is a. Is a clothing department store.

[Bob]

Oh, I thought river island was a place in. In the uk.

[Monet]

No, no, no, no, no. Go there. I think. I think Primark. Primark is my number one, though. They have so many different options. The fucking places are so goddamn big. You can find so many things, you

[Bob]

know, interesting about fashion and bodies. I've probably gained about 60 pounds since I was on Drag Race, so my body's changed quite a bit as well. And as you grow and shrink, you realize what you like about your clothes isn't just the clothes. You like the way the clothes land on your body, so as your body changes, the clothes are landing differently, so you don't like that item anymore. You know what I mean? Also, maybe you're the kind of person who maybe where you get curves is in the hips, and that makes you feel your non binary fantasy, so you'll want to wear something tighter. Maybe where you gain weight is in the shoulders, and that. That does not help you feel your whatever, you know, maybe I. I am a belly and booty bitch. That's where all my weight goes in my gut, my ass. They come in a pair. That's what that is where I gain most of my weight. And I have noticed that the larger I am, but also I think the older I am, the more flowy my clothes have become. I just. As in my age, I've gotten a lot more modest. I feel like Monet met me at the end. At the beginning of my modesty journey. I've always been relatively modest, to be honest, except I used to wear little shorty shorts back in the day? A little bit here and there, but I just, I just always dress modestly. I'm. I'm someone who wears boots and pants practically all year round. I mean, I famously went to, went on a cruise and I only bought a pair and I only bought Doc Martens and I was on the beach and some Doc Martens looking crazy as hell.

[Monet]

Were you really? Yes. I cannot.

[Bob]

But have you ever seen me in a flip flop ever? A thong flip flop? Have you ever been?

[Ad Voice]

No.

[Monet]

But you do you wear Crocs if you go to the beach? I thought if you're going on a cruise, I'm like, oh, he at least brought some crocs or something.

[Bob]

Why would you wear Crocs like two years ago? This is years ago.

[Caller/Listener]

Got it.

[Monet]

Yeah. Also, I will say this too, like in what's in trend? What's trending right now? What's in vogue is like baggy clothes. Like, everyone is wearing like oversized T shirts, oversized jeans, oversized pants. So, bitch, take like, take this moment and like, get you some oversized things to make yourself like look trendy. But also, you know, dressing your body in a way that feels comfortable, like how you want to present yourself to the world.

[Bob]

Also hot take. Learn to sew.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

One of my friends, Kejia Carr, makes her own clothes all the time.

[Monet]

Oh, yes.

[Bob]

And I be like, honestly, slay, live, laugh.

[Monet]

No, I, I see. I, I think I realize what bothers me.

[Bob]

I think that make her own clothes helped her discover her non binary identity as well.

[Monet]

I think what I discover, what bothers me when you say that is that I know you're not saying it to me, but I am the one you're talking to, but you also talking to everyone else. And that's why it irritates me.

[Bob]

What irritates you?

[Monet]

You're like my friend, Keja Carr, my bitch. That's my friend. And I know her as well. I know. And I just. In real time, I said I get it. I know what you're explaining to them. I get it. But I'm listening to it. So that's why you're.

[Bob]

Well, can you process silently?

[Monet]

Nigga, don't tell me how the fuck to process my feelings and emotions.

[Bob]

Well, that irritates me. How about that? Oh, and I'm just now realizing that, that when you process out loud, I get irritated. We're all having Revelations, Book of Revelations, chapter 12, verse 17.

[Caller/Listener]

Ha.

[Bob]

Neither shall they hunger no more. Neither shall they thirst.

[Caller/Listener]

Ha.

[Bob]

Get ready for the revolution. Ha ha. Oh, My neighbor the other day was. I was sitting outside on the porch talking to a friend, and my neighbor was like, bob, shut up. Oh, my God.

[Monet]

Wait, they said what?

[Bob]

He was like, bob. I was like, oh, my God. Hey. And because he was Our. Our. Our balcony is right above the. The community balcony, the group, the rooftop. And he was like. I was like, oh, yeah. I've been home for a few days. He goes, I know which neighbor. Ladies owner.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, yeah.

[Monet]

Did you stick up for me? Did you finally say about that fucking mutt?

[Bob]

She is a mixed breed. But that's not. We're not gonna use the word mutt. She's a labradoodle. And. But I was just gagging when he goes, oh, I know. I was like, ate me up a bop. Is there some part of the world

[Monet]

that you live in? Do you think that you're a quiet person?

[Bob]

Well, it just didn't register me that people are, like, like, existing outside.

[Monet]

Like, there's not like, people like, what?

[Bob]

Like, my. I don't share. This wall isn't. This wall is shared with a garbage chute. Like, this is the garbage chute back here.

[Monet]

Mm.

[Bob]

And there's no one above me, and that's just the courtyard. So I was like, oh, this room is so far away from everything.

[Monet]

Nigga, you have windows. You have doors.

[Bob]

Listen, I know you and my neighbor should get together and talk about how loud I am. Cause he was like, I don't care. He's like, I just know you're home.

[Monet]

Are they old or are they young?

[Bob]

They're young ladies. Older. There's one neighbor in my building who lives in a duplex. There's two apartments that are combined spheres. And I was like, I want to come see. And she's like, oh, yeah, for sure. But I happened to be, like, coming and going, so I couldn't see the day. I was like, okay. So I text her. I was like, can I come see the apartment? She was like, yeah. But then she didn't respond for, like, weeks. And she was like, oh, yeah, come over. And I was on the road, and then I was like, oh. So I got back, and she didn't respond. And then she always responds, like, a week later, like, yeah, come over. But I want to see this fucking duplex. Like, how do they convert to apartment?

[Monet]

I want to see two. I want to see two.

[Bob]

I want to go fucking see. Maybe I'll text her again and be like, I know it's been. Is it weird now to be like, I know it's been literally Been months, but can I please come see your apartment? Yeah.

[Monet]

Y' all live in the same building? Yeah. I don't think that's weird. They're like, hey, I'm back in time for the rose.

[Bob]

It's been years since she offered to show me her apartment. I also do not remember her name.

[Monet]

They'll be like, hey, this is Marvin. Blah, blah, blah. I'm back in town. Well, let's come see the place.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Still.

[Bob]

I think she saved my phone as duplex.

[Monet]

I do that too. If I don't know your name, I'll save you as how I got your number. So I want to apartment.

[Bob]

If you want me to film an apartment tour for my neighbor.

[Monet]

Dude, I saw on Facebook the other day. I logged on Facebook the other day. Ew. And I saw that queen's name. Complete destruction. I just think it's just still such a funny drag. Name

[Bob]

it. I mean, it's. It's something everyone's.

[Monet]

I just thought it was funny.

[Bob]

Even first my funny like hitting with a whip, I guess. Now people's drag names are full sentences. I was like, your name is literally a full sentence. Your name is Mimi. I'm first. You have a conjugation. Everything up in there. You have a. You have a. You have a. Proper nouns.

[Monet]

I am going to bury this dog alive.

[Bob]

The name of that is me me, not me me. As in, say again, Can y' all

[Monet]

hear the dog barking?

[Bob]

We did hear that. Yeah. But it's like very faint in the background.

[Monet]

And you know, well, it's not faint to me.

[Bob]

I'm just trying to stand up for the dog because in the house where he's constantly bullied by you and Colleen. Where's Andy?

[Monet]

He's working out with someone.

[Caller/Listener]

Working.

[Monet]

Give me one second. Just give me. Oh, my God.

[Bob]

Y' all have. Y' all know there have been someone breaking in Monet's house. On every. Every podcast since the dawn of time, someone's always breaking in, stealing something. There's ghost in the apartment. Always something going on the. The dogs screaming.

[Monet]

Let's go to the last question. Jacob.

[Anthony]

Hi, Bob and Monet. My name is Anthony. I'm 21 years old and I'm from Calgary, Canada. I'm currently a theater major and I'm writing a play for my playwriting class about stand up comedy. It's kind of a love story slash success story about someone trying to break into the comedy business. I love both of your guys's stand up comedy. And Monet, when I saw you this summer at the Great Outdoors comedy festival. That's what kind of inspired me to write this and to keep diving into more stand up comedy. So my question is, how does one write a good funny stand up bit? I'd appreciate any advice because that's proven to be the hardest part of this process. You know, the plot stuff is easy, but, you know, getting some good, effective stand up bits in there that would be loved by all audiences is kind of proving to be difficult because I've never written stand up before. So I'd love any advice on that for a first timer. Thank you both.

[Monet]

Ooh, you want to go first? Yeah, I just went first.

[Bob]

Do my eyes seem like they're half closed?

[Monet]

Do your eyes seem half closed?

[Bob]

I've been told I have like, my eyelids always seem like they're like halfway, like shut.

[Monet]

I can't say I've ever noticed that about you. But.

[Bob]

But this seems wild, right?

[Monet]

No, that seems normal.

[Bob]

This seems normal. That's wild.

[Monet]

That's wild. But the one just before that was normal.

[Bob]

This feels crazy. I feel like I am in. This is. This is too much. Who can hold their eyes this wide? By the way, this be blue eyed people. People with blue eyes. You're impressed by blue eyes? They'd be like, hey, Jacob. No, Jacob doesn't. Jacob's eyes aren't that wide. But some, some blue eyed folks be like, but yeah, this is where my eyes rest. You don't see the difference between this and this. This feels, I feel like an insane person right now. Open, like open your eyes a little bit. How do people maintain that?

[Monet]

I think that's why, because it's forcing us for us

[Bob]

when it comes to stand up comedy. First of all, it sounds like you're trying to write a one man show or a one person show versus a standup. And also, baby, do not try to write stand up. That will be universally loved by everyone. That is not a thing. You can have a lot of people like it, but you cannot, you cannot please everyone. You cannot please everyone. You have to let that go. You have to think as most important that you think it's funny. Do you think it's funny? And then you have to find your audience, right? Like for someone like say, Matt Rife. Matt Rife found an audience who thought that, who thought that what he was doing was funny for a long time and they turned on him because he turned on them and they're like, not funny anymore. You know what I mean? Or a comedian who, like Dane Cook back in the early 2000s was like, was very Controversial because not a lot of comedians thought it was funny. But he sold out Masquit Garden, so someone thought it was funny. You know what I mean? You just gotta find your audience. So instead of trying to write for your audience, write for yourself and let your audience find you. And secondly, I will say this. I just find a concept that I either think is a little bit funny or I find a concept I find interesting and I try to extrapolate on it. So something I would say is interesting. Like I've used this before. Have you ever noticed that when people walk out in the rain, they kind of low key, look a little bit like Jesus? They always walk out and they always go and they put their hands up. Something about that is funny to me. Now that's the very simple premise of it. And then you find ways to stack on top of that premise and then you make that funnier and funnier and funnier. Or I did a bit on something that's not funny and I extrapolated on it and made it funny. Was exploring misogyny in the queer community and amongst men in general. And why do I think that AMAB people tend to be more misogynistic than AFAB people? And I talked about, and I compared it to the Salem witch trials and showed how misogyny was was prevalent in the Salem witch trials and how their misogyny took them to such extreme lengths that they were shoving women off cliffs just to prove that women are bad when they have a small amount of agency. And then you try to find the humor in it without punching down, if that makes any sense. You can see it's toward the end, like the last third of my special Walkman in a dress. Yes, there's a plug for me. If you're a patron, it is available. I mean, it's available on patreon and on YouTube, but the patrons are at first. So how about you, Mo? Oh, sorry. Last thing I'll say is, in my opinion, you have to build a comedy in front of an audience. You have to test it out, Test it out, keep trying it, workshopping it, finding what parts are good and then finding that perfect kicker, that perfect punchline.

[Monet]

Yeah, for me.

[Bob]

Am I boring you? Did the question bore you? Monet said your show boring. Monet said your show boring as hell.

[Monet]

So I've done both, I've written both stand up comedy and a one woman show. And I think the difference in both of them, the similarities were for stand up comedy, I find different things that have happened to me, different events that have happened to me and what I find funny about those. And then what. And then when I journal these things that I. That I think that I've had to me that are funny, I write down what I think is funny about it. And then I, to Bob's point, extrapolate on what I think other people will think are funny about it. And then I've worked the material out with friends or in rooms, and then I get the best bits of what made that thing funny. And I put it all together for it to be a joke for a one woman show. I didn't go in thinking, like, I'm gonna write a show about this. I was just journaling and I was reading old journals and I was writing and I was writing my time from middle school to college and then from college to drag race. And then from those things, you will.

[Caller/Listener]

What will.

[Monet]

What will begin to reveal itself is you will find a common thread between those things. And then after I had all the stories down together, then I would. Then I, Then I treated it like stand up and I was like finding chunks of it that I thought were funny and different situations that I. That I thought were funny. And then I would extrapolate on those things and find the smaller bits of it that were funny and then condense it all to be. To be little chunks. And then those chunks became a full story from beginning to end, if that makes any sense. But I didn't go in like, I'm gonna write a one woman show about, About. About. About finding my voice. Like, it just kind of. It revealed itself to me that that's what the story was about, if that makes sense.

[Bob]

A couple of interesting things about humor. There's a couple ways to get a laugh. One of them is subverting expectations. So a great example is when Jinx Monsoon on the roast of. Who's y' all roasting? Monet Ross. We're roasting anything at the roast. The Kennedy center on her roast.

[Monet]

Oh, that's what it is.

[Bob]

She said Trinity. When she broke up with her last boyfriend, she just said, let's just be cousins. So you're subverting. You're expecting her to say, let's just be friends, but she's playing on the fact that Kennedy is involved in some sort of Alabama inbred sex. So she said, let's just be cousins because she subverted it. She tricked you. It was a misdirection. It was a misguided. She misdirected you and she subverted your expectation. There's also, like, obviously a pun there's also absurd humor. So what's his name? He had a special called King Baby. His name is. Can you Google that? Jacob King Baby comedy special. His name is Jim Gaffigan. Jim Gaffigan does this entire bit about pie. Now, pie is not inherently funny. It's not cake and pie. But he went on about it for so long, and I mean for so long that it just became hilarious. He would not let up about it, and he kept. And he kept joking about how long he was going on and. Is there another pie joke? Will there be another pie joke? I couldn't possibly tell another pie joke? Or a cupcake. I can't remember if it was cupcake or pie. It was all about cupcakes and pies. He's going on about how a muffin is just a cupcake with no icing and all this stuff, and it just kept going on and on forever, and the absurdity became the humor. So is it subverting? Is it misdirection? Is it absurdity? Sometimes when you just say what everyone else is thinking, that can be like, I can't remember the comedian who did. He was like. Even though it's in a picture, when you.

[Monet]

When you.

[Bob]

When you. When you lean in like this in a picture, you look at the picture, there's still four feet between you, and you're like, oh, yeah, I did. I have noticed that. That's crazy. And then you can go into absurdity by going on and on and on and on and on about that.

[Monet]

Anyway, also, it is also insult comedy. Maybe you're. Maybe you're a good insult comic. Maybe your thing can be all just ripping on other people and reading them?

[Jacob]

Are you.

[Monet]

Do you. Are you among your friends group, in your friend group? Are you the reader? Are you the one that's always, like, cracking everyone up because you're reading other people? Maybe that's your thing. You're an insult comic.

[Bob]

And in the insult comedy, you can use all those other techniques to still get the things. Layers. Layers. I love talking about comedy. I love talking about comedy.

[Monet]

Comedy. Bob, we answered so many questions, and we helped so many people.

[Bob]

I have to go. I have therapy, actually, and I have to drive there, so I have to go.

[Monet]

Okay, good. I hope that help you get the help that you need.

[Bob]

Are you coming? It's couples therapy, court order, so if you don't come, you'll be arrested. Why?

[Monet]

Why you got to list up.

[Bob]

Court ordered. Bye, everyone.

[Monet]

Bye.