Sibling Advicery: Step Up Your P*ssy/What Are We?

Summary

Sibling Rivalry: “Sibling Advicery: Step Up Your P*ssy/What Are We?” Podcast Summary

Episode Overview February 21, 2022 | In this advice-centric episode, Bob the Drag Queen and Monét X Change—renowned for their comedic chemistry and honest banter—answer a range of listener questions on relationships, career choices, sex, and community. The pair bring their trademark mix of wit, vulnerability, and “tough love,” while riffing on pop culture, drag life, and their own experiences.

---

1. Warm-Up Banter—Language, Names, and Drag Queens

• Discussion about confusing English words (e.g., "record" vs "record", "read" vs "red") [00:57]
• Playful jokes about Brooklyn Heights' name and spelling, teasing and faux drama about supporting her [01:40–02:26]
  • “Say you don’t support your sisters without saying I don’t support Brooklyn Heights.” – Monét [02:19]
  • “I don’t support her. I’ll say it with saying, I do not support her.” – Bob [02:23]
• Humorous contemplation of wearing wigs in daily life [02:40]

Memorable Moment:
Bob and Monét’s escalating “I don’t like Brooklyn Heights” gag [02:28], culminating in absurd pairings for “fight-offs” with other Drag Race icons.

---

2. Pop Culture Check-In—Kanye, Fame, and Security
[03:13–09:43]

• Concerns over Kanye West’s Instagram behavior and veiled threats toward Pete Davidson [04:02]
  • “He posted a picture of Pete Davidson and then tagged… 'the sniper.'” – Bob [04:02]
• Whether North West is well-monitored on TikTok; the scrutiny celebrity children endure [05:05]
  • “I have a sneaking suspicion that Northwest is one of the most monitored children in the world outside of the president’s kids.” – Bob [05:36]
• Who’s more famous: Beyoncé or Michelle Obama? [06:23–07:27]
  • “Michelle Obama’s fame is attached to Barack Obama’s… Beyoncé’s fame is not attached to anyone’s.” – Bob [06:52]
• Donald Trump as “the most famous person in the world” due to controversy [07:25]

Memorable, On-Brand Quotes:

• “Comment below—who do you guys think is the most famous person in the world?” – Monet [07:45]
• “That sounds like me trying to boost up Donald Trump, but… he was just the most Googled name.” – Bob [07:54]

---

3. Sibling Advicery: Listener Questions and Advice

a. Should I Get a Master’s Degree? (Nat) [10:11–16:59]
Nat is considering a master’s in music and museum administration; is debt worth it to advance in his field?

• Monét: If a master’s is the “benchmark” in your field, you’ll likely need it for advancement, but warns of the debt trap. [11:07–12:39]
  • “I spent about seven years paying $900 a month on my student loans… after seven years, I had only paid $3,000 on the principal.” – Monet [12:05]
• Bob: Advises federal loans over private; also questions if Nat truly needs the degrees or is just intimidated. Higher education can be a scam unless required for your chosen path. [12:49–14:46]
  • Example: Most performers don’t need a degree unless teaching [14:41]
• Consensus: Get the degree if essential for your career. Otherwise, reconsider.

b. Re-Kindling with a West Coast Ex [17:13–19:50] Listener considers reaching out to an ex after moving to LA, since distance was their only obstacle.

• Bob: Encourages reaching out if “that was really the only reason” for the breakup [17:56]
• Monét: “Shoot your shot… The worst he can say is ‘there was a time, and I’m not interested.’” [18:41]
• Comic extremes: Bob: “He could go ‘baby, let’s get married.’ He could go, ‘your mom’s a fat cunt.’” [19:50]

c. When to Make It Official? [23:33–30:24] Young queer listener wonders how Bob and Monét knew when to move from dating to exclusive.

• Monét: Discuss relationship styles/expectations first (“what does a relationship look like?”); for her, it just felt natural after 6-7 weeks. [23:29]
• Bob: Describes a fluid, almost unmarked transition with Jacob (“somewhere between one and four months”), emphasizing that not everyone marks strict anniversaries. [25:30]
  • “We kind of just like did some math and chose our anniversary day.” [27:26]
• Takeaway: Compatibility and communication are key; make sure you want the same things before getting “official.”

d. Relationship Anxiety & Reassurance [30:32–34:43] Listener feels chronically insecure in relationships despite strong self-worth elsewhere.

• Bob: Shares how reassurance helped his partner (who’s open about BPD) feel secure; encourages asking for what you need (“words of affirmation”). [31:16–33:11]
• Monét: Normalize requesting affirmation, but recognize some partners may struggle to give it; stress open dialogue about needs and comfort zones. [33:11–34:43]
• Both: Communication is vital; don’t bottle up your feelings.

e. Rekindling the Spark After Kids [36:08–42:12] Caller lost their sex drive after having a child; relationship is now sexless for 2+ years.

• Monét: Suggests sending sexy messages, trying new things (like visiting a sex shop together), creating “newness” [36:59]
• Bob: Reiterates loss of sex drive post-birth is normal. Prioritizes not forcing oneself into sex. Suggests considering alternative arrangements (like opening up) if sex drives mismatch. [37:49–40:46]
  • “You should not feel bad about not wanting to have sex.” – Bob [37:49]
• Both: See a therapist specializing in sexuality/relationships; speak honestly with your partner, sometimes the solution is surprisingly simple. [41:34]

f. Mixing Friend Groups (“Friend Blender”) [43:22–45:21] Listener struggles with blending diverse friends who fulfill different needs.

• Bob: It’s rude to ignore friends you encounter out; let them see if they vibe themselves. [43:22]
• Monét: Validates keeping friend circles separate—“you don’t need to be the bridge”—but still say hi and introduce them if you meet at the club. [44:01]
  • Amusing aside: Bob accuses Monét of hiding friends from him; Monét rebuffs the claim. [45:21]

g. How to Make Black Friends in Europe [46:19–54:22] Queer Black listener in Europe lacks connection to other Black people.

• Bob: Understands the struggle from college experience; suggests using the internet (e.g., Patreon bulletin boards) to find community. [50:03–51:48]
  • “Maybe you have experiences that are less common among black people, and that could be what you’re experiencing.” [48:01]
• Monét: Food is a powerful icebreaker; bring up Caribbean or Black cuisines to make connections. [50:03–50:51]
  • (This leads to running jokes about walk-up Mac and cheese convo starters—“Y’all niggas eat fried chicken?”—with self-aware humor about cringy icebreakers.) [51:01–51:22]
• Both: Express your authentic self; don’t force cultural sameness, but find common ground and keep reaching out.

h. Drag Plateau: “Step Up Your Pussy” [54:31–61:07] Queen feels stagnant after 5 years—how to get regular gigs?

• Bob: Drag success depends on hustle more than talent; not everyone is a stage star, some find drag fulfillment through design, photography, etc. Find your niche and grind. [55:17–57:45]
  • “I know some drag queens who are just honestly, not that funny, not that pretty, not that talented... but they have so many gigs because they just gig. They hustle.” [55:24]
• Monét: Self-assess—“are you doing as much as you think?” Emphasizes versatility and relentless presence; find what you do well and hone it. [58:02]
• Both: Decide how badly you want it, and commit (“I was happy to sacrifice my living room to do drag… I love drag so much”). [61:07]

i. Navigating Flamboyant Straight Men (and White People) [61:10–67:11] Caller frustrated by “flamboyant” straight white men who read as queer (and his own bias against white folks).

• Monét: Embraces blurred gender expression lines; society is “allowing” more femme men. Understands annoyance but encourages letting people be themselves. [61:49–63:01]
• Bob: Reminds us there’s a history of flamboyant straight men; this is progress in challenging gender norms. Don’t blame folks for your own queer assumptions; sexuality can be fluid and private. [63:01–66:29]

---

4. Signature Banter & Episode Wrap-Up

• Gentle ribbing about whose advice is “food heavy” and the “math” of 20% food-based tips [67:49–68:20]
• Playful debate about the significance of percentages and tipping [68:05–68:20]

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Love: “If that was the only reason you guys broke up and you feel like there’s still love there… shoot your shot.” – Monet, [18:41]
• On Drag Hustle: “It’s not about how talented you are. It’s about how dedicated you are to the grind.” – Bob, [55:17]
• On Relationships: “Communication is vital; don’t bottle up your feelings.” – Bob & Monet, throughout

---

Timestamps at a Glance

• [01:57] Language and drag queen pettiness
• [04:02] Kanye and celebrity child surveillance
• [06:23] Beyoncé vs Michelle Obama vs Trump—most famous debate
• [10:11] Should I get a master’s degree?
• [17:13] Reaching out to an ex after a move
• [23:33] Deciding to make it official in a relationship
• [30:32] Overcoming relationship insecurity
• [36:08] Sex drive issues and parenting
• [43:22] Mixing (or not) friend groups
• [46:19] Black community connection struggles
• [54:31] Drag career stagnation—how to level up?
• [61:10] Dealing with flamboyant straight men/white resentment

---

Episode’s Tone & Takeaways

• Candid, irreverent, compassionate: Bob and Monét never shy away from tough advice, but always wrap it up with humor and humanity.
• Community & Connection: Whether about friends, partners, or work, their recurring answer is honest communication, authenticity, and a willingness to try new things.
• Food as universal connector: Running joke, but also a real suggestion for breaking the ice or rejuvenating a relationship.

For Listeners Who Skipped the Episode: You’ll get heartfelt, unfiltered advice on everything from professional growth (in drag and museum administration), to sex and romance (reassurance, opening up post-kids, asking for what you want), to the importance of showing up—in relationships, on stage, and in community. All of it filtered through Bob and Monét’s signature mix of “real talk” and high-camp drag banter.

Skip To:

• Considerations on higher education debt: [10:11–16:59]
• Reaching out to an ex after moving: [17:13–19:50]
• Securing a drag career: [54:31–61:07]

Best One-Liner:
“You can have that opinion… I’m not gonna tell you your opinion is ridiculous. You’re allowed to have that opinion.” – Bob [68:51]

---

End Note:
Monét and Bob ultimately champion honesty, effort, and self-knowledge—whether you’re blending friend groups, stepping up your drag, or just choosing when to say “I love you.”

Transcript

[Shannon Maldonado]

My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop. From the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you is it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com.

[Bob]

close your eyes.

[Meditation Guide]

Exhale.

[Monet]

Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[Ad Reader]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh my gosh, they're so fast.

[Bob]

And breathe.

[Ad Reader]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[Monet]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[Bob]

1-800-contacts. I don't like that the word record and record are spelled the same. I don't like the. I don't like the fact that the word read and red are spelled the same.

[Monet]

Wait, no. English is a very silly language.

[Bob]

I don't like that. Eight in fright or wait. Eight. Wait, what is it? Eight in like a word that has a letter? Freight. No, they are. Are they spelled the same with the fr.

[Monet]

They spelled the same with just an

[Bob]

F, R. But there's something else. There's another E, I, G, H, T word that is like the same thing but all of a sudden.

[Monet]

Height.

[Bob]

Height. 8 in height. Like what gives Brooklyn Heights? Why?

[Monet]

How I hate the way I hate the Brooklyn spells. I had the Brooklyn Heights spells. Her name H, Y, T E, S Bothers me because she.

[Bob]

Because she doesn't say Brooklyn hates. She doesn't want to be Brooklyn hates Brooklyn Whites.

[Monet]

She's been Brooklyn Whites because you know what? That bitch is white.

[Bob]

I wish her name was Brooklyn Brook Lynn. Like first name Brooke.

[Monet]

Middle name Brooklyn.

[Bob]

Is it?

[Monet]

It is. That is what it is. Yes.

[Bob]

Not on the gram. Is it?

[Monet]

Her first name is Brooke. B R, O, O, K E. Middle name Lynn. L, Y, N, N. Last name Heights.

[Bob]

Oh, then she's doing. She's nailing it. You know what? I approve the name I think about. Wow.

[Monet]

Say you don't support your sisters without saying I don't support Brooklyn Heights.

[Bob]

I Don't support her. I'll say it with saying, I do not support her.

[Meditation Guide]

Good.

[Monet]

Anyone else want me to say I don't support.

[Bob]

I don't like that.

[Monet]

Why?

[Bob]

I just don't like her. I just don't like her.

[Monet]

Okay, what's this specifically about Brooklyn?

[Bob]

I don't need more reasons.

[Monet]

I'm just asking you.

[Bob]

I just don't like her.

[Monet]

There was no specific thing that happened.

[Bob]

I just don't like Brooklyn Heights. I'm thinking about wearing a wig in my day to day life.

[Monet]

Something like this. Like a pixie.

[Bob]

I will not be clarifying that. I'm joking. I don't like Brooklyn Heights. And tell her I said it at her tag. Her tag Brooklyn. Hyes.

[Monet]

I'm not joking about the jacket. Does not like her. And furthermore, something he said off camera that I feel, I feel comfortable.

[Bob]

RuPaul and Monaire in a fight offside. I don't like.

[Monet]

VCs are offside. He's punching that in the face. That's what he said before the camera started rolling. So.

[Bob]

And Mon to physically assault brook. Monet and RuPaul are in a fight. Me and Brooklyn in a fight. That's how his fight. Renee, girl, have you seen Kanye West? I mean, he didn't. Kanye west did not listen to our advice last episode because mistake is going.

[Monet]

He did not.

[Bob]

Wild. It is.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

It's genuinely concerning. And I, I said, I said a while back, I was like. I remember there was a point where I said I'm actually. I don't want to make fun of Kanye west anymore because it doesn't feel. It feels.

[Monet]

Is it concerning? Like what? After all the stunt shows and Shenanigans Kanye west pulled during the last election cycle, this isn't any nuttier or loopy or crazier than that Kanye West. I think this is stunts, shows, Kikis and shenanigans the last election cycle.

[Bob]

I, I think this is more. I think this is like a lot of like, he's. Oh, well, my opinion is that this is more alarming. This is. First of all, he, like, he posted a picture of Pete Davidson and then he tagged someone whose name is something the sniper, which feels like some sort of a veiled threat at Pete Davidson.

[Monet]

I'm pretty sure he's referring to a rapper.

[Bob]

Yeah, but also, what does that rapper have to do with Pete Davidson? Like, what does that rapper have to do with Pete Davidson? Or is he just posting it right now?

[Monet]

Rap beef.

[Bob]

I don't think that guy has anything to do with. Anyway, it Was alarming to me. He posted like 20 to 30 in a day, all these posts back to back. He's also doing a lot of weird posts, like directing a lot of hate toward his child, which is alarming.

[Monet]

City hate towards his child. What do you say about hate his child?

[Bob]

Well, he was sending a lot of hate over to Kim and about Northwest

[Monet]

being on Tick Tock.

[Bob]

Yeah. Which I look back and it's actually, there's nothing wrong with having because, like, they made it. It sounded like Northwest just buy herself on Tick Tock. But the Tick Tock has a policy where you can be under 13 with a tick Tock if you have a parent guardian.

[Shannon Maldonado]

And.

[Bob]

And it's. It's Kim.

[Monet]

And I think Kanye was. It seemed. It. It seemed like sometimes Northwood or. The information he got was that north was not being monitored. And that's where he was trying to say his concerns are coming from. But, I mean, Kim Kardashian probably has 85 nannies watching the kids, I'm sure.

[Bob]

I have a sneaking suspicion that Northwest is one of the most monitored children in the world outside of the president's kids. You know what I mean?

[Monet]

No, I think. Well, famously, the queen didn't want to protect the little black baby in the royal family. So you might be right.

[Bob]

I mean. Yeah, I think that. I mean, I think that Northwest, like, you know, one of my friends who worked on that sentinel, the makeup artist, said that the most intense security they ever had on the show was when Beyonce was there, not when Michelle Obama was there. Like, Michelle Obama came by. Barack Obama came by. There was security. But when Beyonce came by, it was. And they were like, this was security like you've never seen in your life. And this is over the Secret Services. That's wild.

[Monet]

I mean, Beyonce is. She's a pretty big deal.

[Bob]

I was just.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Would you do.

[Monet]

Would you say that? I mean, this is not. This is not rivalry. We need to get some advice. For advice very soon, because y' all be reading. Y' all be like, this is not rivalry. This is advisory. What advice. But do you think that. Who do you think is more. Who do you think is more famous, Beyonce or Michelle Obama?

[Bob]

Who is more famous? Beyonce or Michelle Obama? I don't know how to. I think that they're both very, very famous. I think they're both known. I'd be shocked to find someone who doesn't know either one of them.

[Monet]

Who do you think is more?

[Bob]

I don't know. I'm thinking. I'm trying to think of a world where someone doesn't know either one of them. I would say maybe, maybe Beyonce. Because I do think that Michelle Obama's fame is attached to Barack Obama's fame, whereas Beyonce's fame is not attached to anyone's.

[Monet]

Yeah, I think that because Beyonce is music, I feel like, especially for like younger people who may not know who Michelle Obama is, I feel like young people will know Beyonce and I think that's where the edge. That's where just because of music, I

[Bob]

don't think just because music. I actually do think that Donald Trump

[Monet]

is more global influence.

[Bob]

Yeah, I do think that Donald Trump is more famous than Beyonce. And Donald Trump is not a musician. So I don't think it's just because she's a musician. Donald Trump is inarguably probably the most famous person in the world. I mean probably the most famous person. Excuse me. Excuse me. Probably the most famous person in the world.

[Monet]

No, like who do you think is more famous than. Comment below. Who do you guys think is the most famous person in the world? Comment below. Who you think is the most famous person in the world?

[Bob]

It sounds like me trying to boost up Donald Trump, but he is, he's like, he's. He was just, he was the most Googled name like 4 years running. Like non stop. Was he right with. Yes. Like he was just non stop controversy insane. Anyway. But yeah, I do think that, that I just imagine when's the last time Beyonce actually looked at someone and said hi, my name's Beyonce. What's your name? And they were like, sorry, be Beyonce. Like I, I don't know when the last time that ever happened.

[Monet]

The most Google person in 2020 was President elect Joe Biden.

[Bob]

Well, I'm talking about the four years he was president.

[Monet]

The most Google President 2019 was.

[Bob]

Who was it? Not.

[Monet]

Not the most Google person, not number 10 was Shailene Woodley. Who the fuck is Shailene Woodley?

[Bob]

Well, Google her and find out who was in 2019.

[Monet]

She was an actress who became a person of interest to many when it was learned she was not only dating Aaron Rodgers, but also engaged to Green Bay packers quarterback.

[Bob]

I don't know.

[Monet]

He was nine.

[Caller]

Girl.

[Monet]

No, the first. The number one Google person in 2021. Oh, 2019 was Kyle Rittenhouse.

[Bob]

Oh, that makes sense. Is Beyonce top 10?

[Monet]

No.

[Bob]

Well then I guess neither 1001.

[Monet]

Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods.

[Bob]

He probably had a controversy.

[Caller]

Probably.

[Monet]

Alec Baldwin was three. Anyway, that's beside the point. This is silly advice to revolve where we give advice read to all of our lovely listeners of this podcast, and I think that we give sound advice. Would you agree?

[Bob]

Sometimes I think that some of our advice is sound, and I think that some of it should absolutely not be followed under any circumstances. And I really believe that from the

[Monet]

heart of hearts, you look. I can't take you seriously with this wig on. You look ridiculous.

[Bob]

Why do I look ridiculous?

[Monet]

Because it just doesn't. This wig. Anyway, we get into rivalry. We need to get with advice. Shall we listen to the first audio submission?

[Meditation Guide]

Hey, Bob and Monet. My name is Nat. I use he, him, pronouns. I just joined the Patreon and I really, really love it. So thank you so much. My question today is actually about my master's degree and if I should go into one. I'm currently studying music and museum administration. I'm a double major in my bachelor's and I don't know if it's worth it to go into a master's program because I just don't know if it's worth the payoff of paying for it. But I also know at the same time that everyone in the field that I want to go into, which is museum studies or museum administration, administration, all have masters or doctorates, so it's kind of intimidating. Thanks so much.

[Monet]

Hi, Matt.

[Bob]

I think it's Nat.

[Monet]

Nad.

[Bob]

I think I said Nat. Nat, like Nat King Cole. I think I heard, I think I heard Nat.

[Monet]

Oh, but I might be wrong. I, I. If you know, if it's gonna make. If everyone in your field has these degrees and that's how they're getting advancements in their in the field that you want to work, and I think that you kind of have to get the degree because if everyone else is not if everyone else is doing it, if everyone else is getting a master's degree in the field that you're working on and you kind of need that requirement to get the job, then that's kind of what the benchmark is. I mean, I understand going more into debt sounds insane, but if getting this degree you will be able to get more money, then that will make sense. But if it's going to keep you at a lower level in the field that you want, then, then you're kind of wasting your time. If you don't go to get the extra degree to get them going to get more going dadas and be happier in your field. But I get it. Going more and more into debt school is crazy. When I went to, I was recently in Portland, my friend and I were talking about how like, like my big Light bulb moment. How much of a scam college tuition is and school money was, was. I spent about seven years paying $900 a month on my student loans. Bitch. I looked after seven years, I had only paid $3,000 on the principal. The rest all paid interest. And again, that's because I got bad interest rates. Whatever. I was a young kid borrowing money for the bank to pay for school. I get it, all those things. But yeah, going more into debt to pay for school sounds insane, but if you need it to get in a position in your job that you wanted and you kind of have to, you

[Bob]

know, I will say if you have to get a student loan, I would really try to get a federal loan. Federal loans have much better interest rates than private loans.

[Monet]

Yeah.

[Bob]

And so I got federal loans and I was able to pay mine back pretty easily, actually. I mean, I literally did not pay my student loans for 10 years. And then I was still able to pay them all off in like one chunk payment.

[Monet]

How much did you have again?

[Bob]

I didn't have that much. I only had $10,000. I was on the Pell Grant. The Pell Grant is how you pay for college if you don't have money. Like, if your parents don't make a lot of money, then you have the Pell Grant. But I also try to take summer classes and because I was taking summer classes. Pell Grant does not cover summer classes. Pell Grant covers just. You have to be a full time student and it has to be. But I also have this thing where I. I told you all about the run and I had. With a teacher. I had a rest, couldn't go to class, so I lost my pell gram. It was a whole thing. So I had to get whatever anyway. And I also feel like another thing that I think is important to think about is like, is it something that you actually need? Is it a requirement? Or will you just feel intimidated if you don't have it? If it's a requirement, then. If it's a requirement and that's the field you want to go into, then you literally have to do it. But I know that I wanted to get a theater degree, but you do not need a theater degree to be an actor, like at all. You just don't need it. A theater degree. I think that theater training can help you become a better actor because you're taking acting classes. But a theater degree itself alone will not make you a. It won't get you jobs. You know what I mean?

[Monet]

I mean, I know that's true. If you're going to teach, for example, if you're going to. If you get an. An opera performance degree and a master's, a bachelor's, whatever. If you want to teach opera at a collegiate level, you need a master's or bachelor's degree.

[Bob]

I'm not talking about. I'm talking about acting. I didn't say teaching.

[Monet]

Oh, to perform.

[Bob]

Yes.

[Monet]

To perform, got it.

[Bob]

Yes. But also. Yeah, I don't know if this is. If it's something. If this is something a requirement or it's just something everyone else has. Like, if you go to a. If you go to see, like, a Broadway show and look in the program, most of those people will have college degrees in performance. But you don't need that in order to be a Broadway performer or to be an actor, to be a film actor, to be a comedian, to be a stage actor, any of that kind of stuff. But it can help. You know what I mean? I do think that higher education in America is one of the biggest scams we have we're facing today. I think that you need to ask yourself, if you really want to go into that field, then, yeah, you have to do it. It's kind of like my friend. Our friend Nick. Nick has a master's degree in opera, and he works in real estate. And he's always kind of like, I mean, I'm glad I went to school, but I just. I have this. This a very expensive degree that I'm just not using at all. And I think that happens to a lot of performers. A lot of performers spend a lot of money because we.

[Caller]

We.

[Monet]

We are.

[Shannon Maldonado]

We're.

[Bob]

We're. We're taught the pipe dream that you have to spend all this money, you have to go to school. And we're taught that grad school will help. And then we're also taught, well, you can start teaching. Well, bitch, most of us don't want to teach, and that's full t. Most of us, we went to school for performance.

[Monet]

Nat is like. Nat is Ducky Seal. Nat's like, I want to do this thing. Nat isn't like me or myself.

[Bob]

I don't know if it's a requirement.

[Monet]

What are we going to do?

[Bob]

But I also don't know why Nat's getting a music degree if Nat's like, it's like you're just spending more money on a music degree. If you're going into museum management.

[Monet]

It just seems like it might be museum management.

[Bob]

He said, music and museum management.

[Monet]

I'm pretty sure he said, but the masters Agree. It's in one of the others. It's in one of. The master's degree is in a dual one. He said he got the degree in music and art. Whatever.

[Bob]

Oh, I can't remember. I thought that he said he was trying to get a dual master's degree, one in music. He's studying music, and I can't remember. Long story short, if you need the degree, you should get it. If this is certainly the field that you want to work in and this is the only way to get in that field. Yes. But if you are getting some sort of a dual master's degree in music and you don't intend to work in music, I would not get that. That seems like, to me, like a waste of money. And if you really want to learn more about music, you can just take private classes.

[Monet]

Girl, girl. Full team. All right, let me play the second memo.

[Caller]

Hello, Bob and Monet. So my boyfriend and I were together for almost two and a half years, but then he broke up with me in April of 2021 because he was moving to LA, and I live on the east coast, and he didn't want to do long distance. Cut to now. A friend of mine wants to move to LA with me, and I just am confused and befuddled if I should hit him up again, because that was kind of the only reason was the long distance. Because I still do have feelings for him, and we were really close and in love and everything. So any advice would be welcomed. Love you. Sincerely. Heart transplant.

[Bob]

Not gonna give themselves names. They're giving themselves names. I mean, I'll say this. If that was really. If that was really the only reason, then I say hit him up. If you don't have any bad blood, hit him up. And if nothing else, maybe you'll still be good friends. I don't know if he's. If he's still available and free. You know what I mean? I think I also feel like it's interesting that you. That you didn't say why you're moving with a friend, but it's interesting. You wouldn't move for your partner, but you're moving with a friend. That is a little interesting. But you also didn't say why. Maybe you and the friend have a job. I don't know what it was, but it seemed like the partner was moving. You're like, I'm good. The friend moving. You're like, let's move. But if there. If. If. Honey, if he's free and you're in and you still have feelings, just explore It. See what happens. Yeah.

[Monet]

I think that maybe you're moving because after all the pandemic, you're like, I. I want to live somewhere else. I don't want to live on the east coast anymore. Wherever you're living, you want, you want. You want to change. And LA sounds like a good place. Whatever your reason is good for you. Because I moved to LA and I love it. I say, I agree. Shoot your shot. I'm like, life is too short. If that was the only reason you guys broke up and you feel like there's still love there, and you guys are still. And you think that this could be something, this could be your husband or whatever it is, I say, shoot your shot. And the worst you can say is there was a time, and I'm not interested in pursuing, in pursuing a relationship again. Y' all were ex. Y' all were boyfriends. So you know each other intimately. So that won't be an awkward. I mean, not saying it can't be awkward. It's sure, it sure can be an awkward conversation. But you guys had a relationship before, so it's less likely that it will be. And I think, shoot your shot and see what he says. He might say, oh, my God, this is the greatest news of my life. He might say, bitch, fuck you. Go back to where you came from. Who knows?

[Bob]

But try it. Those are really extremes.

[Monet]

I mean, anything in the middle of those things can happen.

[Bob]

He could go, baby, let's get married. He could go, your mom's a fat cunt. He could say either one of those things. We never know, pretty much.

[Monet]

I will let your mom know that she's a fat cunt.

[Bob]

That was a pretty good Tiffany. You sound like Tiffany. Have you been watching Celebrity Big Brother, by the way?

[Monet]

I feel, like, pretty great. I feel, like, pretty fly. I can't believe that fucking Jenna gave me adulthe and Gabbanas.

[Bob]

What have you been watching? Celebrity Big Brother. Have you been watching Celebrity Big Brother?

[Monet]

I have not been watching have you been watching it? I heard Todrick is being mean, rude and nasty.

[Bob]

I have not watched it either, but my mom is like, yo, my mom. My mom loves the show. And she keeps being like, your friend Todrick is acting wild on Celebrity Big Brother. And I was like, I don't know how to play the game. But apparently for people who are. People who are real fans of the show are like, that's how you play. That's, like, how you have to play the game. That.

[Monet]

That's what everyone says, stuff like that. I'm like, it sounds like he's playing the game. Like people go on Survivor and Big Brother. Now there is a thing of playing the game too hard, too fast. You know what I mean? That is a thing where you see people go on the show and day one, they're like plotting to take ba ba ba out because they don't fly. Because a lot of that shows strategy, which is flying under the radar, making big moves, but playing it cool so that people aren't putting a target on you. So maybe Todrick maybe playing too hard. That might be what be happening. But lying and deceiving is not weird for Big Brother.

[Bob]

Today at the dentist, they were like, are you watching Big Brother? And I was like, I'm not watching Big Brother. They were like, oh, my God, Todrick. I think he's going to win. My dental hygienist think that Todrick is going to win. My mom think that Todrick is going to get himself kicked off the show for being too messy and she thinks Carson's going to win. Maybe my mom should do watchery for. Maybe Martha should do watchery for.

[Monet]

I would watch it with the pretty Big Brother. If I knew she watch. We would have. I would have done a watch with Ms. Caldwell and we would have watched Big Brother together.

[Bob]

Also, not to mention I went to to's Instagram and all the comments are like snake emojis and trash emojis.

[Monet]

Oh, no, that sucks.

[Bob]

But also, like, for playing, for playing the game the right way, I mean, I don't know. I also haven't watched, so I cannot. I can't vouch for how messy or nasty he's being because I haven't watched the show. I need to watch it. I also feel like I'm just so behind. I don't get the show works anymore. I don't know how. Not anymore. I never knew how the show worked, to be honest.

[Monet]

But what it's. It's one of those shows, Survivor and Big Brother you can pick up anytime you can because every scene is the same with slight variation. You can pick it up. You're not.

[Caller]

You can.

[Monet]

If you just watch it, you'll get it.

[Bob]

Where we all start episode one. All right, let's get another. Another audio. I love the audio submissions.

[Monet]

Oh, do you like the audio submissions?

[Bob]

Me, me, me, me. I do.

[Caller]

Hi, Bob. Mh. I really like your show and I would like to get some advice on relationships. So, first of all, I'm 24 years old, I'm a queer man, and I've been dating this guy for a Few months now. So I really like him. We spend a lot of time together. We have great sexual chemistry. So I've been thinking a lot lately about asking him to be my boyfriend. But since this will be my first for my relationship per se, this I would like to get your advice on. How did you decide, like, with your partners that you wanted to jump from dating to actually being in a relationship? Like, is it something that you planned ahead, or is it something that just came up naturally one day and you just ask, please let me know. Sincerely, bachelor number one.

[Monet]

What is it? Sincerely what?

[Bob]

Bachelor number one. I love these names they give themselves.

[Caller]

I.

[Monet]

If y' all have gotten this far, I assume that y' all have already talked about what you guys want in a relationship. Whether it's like, monogamy, polyamory, open. What I'm assuming you guys have discussed that, if not before you ask someone to be a boyfriend. I think that's an important thing to know. Like, what does a relationship look like to that person? So I think knowing fundamentally, you need to know if y' all are compatible, because if he wants to be polyamorous and you want to be monogamous, that's just not going to work. Nonetheless, you're willing to change for him or vice versa. And vice versa. And how I knew.

[Caller]

I.

[Monet]

We just knew. I think we were. We were dating for, at this. At this point, six weeks. Six weeks, seven weeks. And then we were like, we should be boyfriends. And it just was.

[Bob]

But this kind of.

[Monet]

We're both very goofy, so we kind of just had like, a goofy conversation about it, and then it was a thing.

[Bob]

We're so goofy. I don't know why that's so goofy. We're not like. No, we're, like, really goofy. I don't know why that tickled me so much.

[Monet]

I mean, there are couples that are very serious. Bobby, you're.

[Bob]

You and Jacob.

[Monet]

Well, actually, you're goofy. Jacob is more straight. Lace, you're, like, bobbing around goofy. And Jacob is like, Jacob is very. You're a goofy, too.

[Bob]

I'll have you know, Jacob's very fine.

[Monet]

I don't know.

[Caller]

Say I, I.

[Bob]

Okay.

[Monet]

Jacob being straight, Lace, has nothing to how funny he is. You are a goofy human being. And Jacob is very sitting there, like,

[Bob]

now you just calling me goofy? Goofy. You Are you a goofy ass with your goof ass. Yo, goof ass. I think that. Okay. I don't know why y' all keep asking me mon for relationship advice. I, I, I don't know what give y' all the. The notion. First of all, thank you all for giving us details. Thank you for telling us your age, your. Your. Your sexual. Like, it really helps out a lot. And I don't know why you all think that me and Monet are relationship experts, but I appreciate y' all asking us about these things.

[Monet]

Me, I think people just have a lot of relationship questions. Relationships are hard.

[Bob]

Bob, me and Mo, me and Jacob, were we. Honestly, like, we were. We had been dating for probably a month maybe. What are you shaking your head for? You don't have a mic, do you? So what do you. How long do you think we're dating? Jacob says four months. That is not something.

[Monet]

That is a big discrepancy. You said. Amanda Jacobs said 4. I mean, but also, y' all said, I love you. Literally, that as soon as. As soon as y' all said hey on the app, and y' all started sending dick pics. So I. I don't know what's going on.

[Bob]

You just falsified a lot of information. Um, I think that maybe our dating was somewhere between one and four months, maybe. But Jacob was also staying at my house a lot, and we were very much just, like, dating, more or less without actually saying we were official. But we also didn't. We didn't make a big deal. It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't like. It wasn't a tearful, like, should we be together? It wasn't a scene from the Notebook. It was just a question if we should start. If we want it to be official. In my mind, I imagine that Monet and Andy were like, have you guys seen the scene in the movies where, like, the couples have sex and then the girl sitting on the edge of the bed that she looks back and she always goes, what are we doing? In my mind. In my mind, Monet was like, what are we doing?

[Monet]

Okay, wait, so I'm confused. So, bitch, y' all don't have a. Between one and four months. That is the.

[Bob]

Whoa.

[Monet]

That is the Vegas weirdest. Y' all just, like, it happened at some point. Like, you don't have a time when you guys call, like, what?

[Bob]

Yeah, we all. Okay.

[Monet]

What about you and Ezra? Did y' all just start calling each other boyfriends a day? What about you and Ezra?

[Bob]

Yeah, me and Jacob did not mark down the constellations and mark our calendars. We actually. We ended up. We kind of arbitrary. Not arbitrary. We kind of just, like, did some math and chose and chose our anniversary day. We were like, it's around this time. And Then we just landed on a date that felt like. I think we said, what do we say, babe? Okay, so the first time we met, it was December 18th on Grindr. That's our eating asshursary. You're just so ridiculous, Jacob. Then he came to Berkeley January 25th, and then we.

[Monet]

He asked me.

[Bob]

We talked about being boyfriends sometime in early April, so. Well, there was also a big. There was like, a month where we weren't seeing each other at all because of me living in New York City anyway, and Ezra and I were. Ezra and I were probably on our, like, maybe like our third date, and we started dating

[Monet]

third day. Okay, Bob, was that. Was it because you weren't living in la? So was this like a month between. A day?

[Bob]

Maybe it was over the course of, like, two months. Maybe. Maybe two and a half months. Maybe. I think so. As you can see, I don't really make a big deal about, like, the time that I'm, like, dating people. I'm like.

[Monet]

I don't.

[Bob]

I don't like marketing the calendar. I'm not like, you know, it's not. It's not written in the school.

[Monet]

Do you celebrate anniversaries?

[Bob]

Yeah, kind of. I mean, me and Jacob have. Me and Jacob and I have celebrated an anniversary before. And Ezra and I have also celebrated anniversary before. Yes. So Ezra and I, one time.

[Monet]

In the three years you and Jacob have been together.

[Bob]

Jacob and I have been together for almost four years. I think it has been four years. Yeah. More or less four years. And we've celebrated our anniversary before. But also, like, for example, the other day, me and Ezra were together for Valentine's Day, but we didn't really do any Valentine's Day stuff. It wasn't like a Valentine's Day thing. We were just like. At some point, I was like, oh, hey, Happy Valentine's Day. But we were just at, like, an event, and then I was like, oh, it's Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. That's how I do romance for myself. It makes it more manageable and less. I don't know, it's just less like, there's no gotcha. There's no. You forgot my blank. There isn't any of that. Like, other day, I was asking Jacob about what he wants to do for his birthday. He was like, don't plan anything. Just don't. Just. We'll just see what happens on that day. And I'm like, okay, sounds good to me.

[Shannon Maldonado]

Work

[Bob]

well, caller. Caller number three.

[Monet]

I forgot. Yeah, I. I would say have make sure that you guys are in tune fundamentally what you want from relationship before you say, before you start calling each other boyfriends. Because I think that will make things very hairy and dicey if you don't. That's my advice.

[Bob]

I agree. Let's listen to some more. Some more questions.

[Monet]

We have one more audio and we shall take a listen.

[Caller]

Hi. I've been seeing a guy for a couple months and I haven't got much relationship experience. But whenever I'm in a relationship, I constantly feel like the other guy doesn't like me or he's going to break up with me. I'm well aware that it's something that comes from my childhood. It's something I only experience in relationships because outside of relationships, I have a very high self worth. But I find myself getting surprised when he wants to spend time with me or compliments me. And I just, I want to reprogram my brain. It's not something that I. I put on the other person in a relationship because that's not fair to do. And I'm also aware that it's unwarranted, but I don't enjoy feeling like this all the time. Is there anything I can do to reprogram my brain?

[Bob]

You know, I was having this. So Ezra and I were having this scenario come up where Ezra kept feeling like basically the other shoe was gonna drop and I was gonna be like, not interested or something. And I think that I did. I just, I did my part in assuring him that I was interested in him and that I did not want to, you know, break up or, or anything like that. But also, also Ezra was a part of. It was Ezra, who, by the way, is quite open about his struggling with bpd Borderline personality disorder. It's like a symptom of that for him anyway. And we just, you know, we just communicate with each other and, and I, and I let him know how I feel. And also I think that it's okay to ask for what you need. And if you're in a relationship where you don't feel comfortable asking for what you need, I can see that being very upsetting. Like, I can see it being very upsetting if you're, if you're with someone, assurance from the other partner in terms of anything. If you need something and you don't

[Monet]

in this specifically, do you think he should ask him to like, assure him?

[Bob]

I think that he should ask him for assurance if it's not too much of an issue to assure your partner that you are interested in them. Some people need a lot of words of affirmation. Some people need gifts. Some people need touch. Some people need, you know, people need different things to feel affirmed in their relationship. And maybe after a while of affirming, it'll feel real to you and you won't need it after a while, but it's okay to ask for it while you need it. In my opinion. Me and Jacob had a moment where we were affirming each other a lot, and it really helped our relationship a lot. And Jacob would say, hey, can you just tell me affirm me? And I would ask Jacob, can you affirm me and tell me that you like me and that you love me? And we did this for a while, and I think it really helped us out a lot. Work.

[Monet]

Um, yeah, I mean, I definitely believe in telling your partner what they mean to you often. And don't take it for granted how you think that person may feel or how you think that person thinks you think about them. I think, I think it is important to regularly affirm your partner about how attractive they are to you, how much you love them, all that stuff. I do agree with that. But on the other hand, your partner may be someone who, whatever reasons in their life, they don't like to. That is not a way that they speak love with words of affirmation, either giving or receiving. So I think it's fine if that's. If clearly the partner is not doing that, or maybe they are, they're not doing it enough for you. So I, I agree about talking to them and asking them to maybe to make that slight adjustment because that'll make you feel better if it's not a burden to them, but it's something that they don't like doing because they maybe feel awkward hearing that. Some people don't like to hear how beautiful they are. Some people don't like to hear how much you love them because it makes them feel icky, whatever their situation may be. So, again, I think a through line through. A lot of the advice Bob and I give here is having conversation, having dialogue about what you are feeling, and just being honest, because that is really the best way to mitigate any bullshit. Just being honest. Be like, hey, I'm feeling really bad. And I mean, I know the relationship. I know we've been dating for three months, but I just don't know if you love me. And it would really make me feel better if you would just tell me a little more often that how much you love me and, and. And whatever it is that you need but cautious about if that is not how that person speaks. And you have to find a balance. I'll make both of you happy.

[Bob]

I believe in open communication with swift honesty. Meaning, like, be honest as soon as you can. It will really help you in the long run. Like you don't want to bottle shit up bottling up feelings. And then you've been feeling unwanted by your partner for this all the time. And your partner's like, oh, all you need is for me to tell you that I. That I really enjoy being around you. I think you're funny and that I think you're really talented. I would have been saying that a thousand times. I thought I was saying it a lot. Apparently I wasn't. I would love to say it more. I would love to make sure that you feel. To help you feel great around me.

[Monet]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month back. So I thought it would be fun if we made fifteen dollar bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Ad Reader]

of 45 for three months, $90 for six months or 180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms.

[Bob]

So let's get on to some of our our written questions. Hey, Bob and Monet. I've been with my husband. Oh my God. We have been married for 10 years now, so almost 20 years together.

[Monet]

Oh, wait. What?

[Bob]

Got it. Okay, wait. They. They. This person was with their husband before they were married. I'm assuming. It did not tell us how. It did not tell us how old they are. So I don't know how long they've been together, but it's almost tweeting.

[Monet]

Yeah. Okay.

[Bob]

This person is roughly 37.

[Monet]

Roughly 37.

[Bob]

All right. I've been with my husband since I was 17 years old. We've been married for 10 years now. So almost 20 years together in total. And we have a two year old son. Unfortunately, ever since I got pregnant with our son, my sex drive has died. It has now been over two years and some change since we've had sex. Wow. I need advice on how to make the spark come back to our relationship before we fizzle out. Please help. Huge fan. Love you both. Thank you for. For making long drives to work. Bearable. Sincerely married with children. Monet, you're up first.

[Monet]

Okay, girl, we gave some advice similar to this before, and I think you should try some things you have not done before. Like maybe it is sending your husband some sexy pictures while he's at work or sending him dirty text messages. Try going to a sex store, going to a sex shop together. Y' all don't have to buy anything. Maybe just the act of going to a sex shop together and looking at the things that are available, it might pique your interest. Might be kids interest. You have me want to try something and then y' all are having this. Y' all having stuff together. I think doing stuff together to find what is arousing to both of you. That's new because again, if you've been together for 20 years, I'm assuming you've probably done a lot of things or maybe you haven't done a lot. So I think trying to find new and interesting sexy things to get that spark again and make you guys excited about having sex with each other, I think could. Could help.

[Bob]

Um, you know, I'm going to say this. I do not think that you should feel bad about not wanting to have sex. I think that I'm. I'm not 100% sure. I'm just googling right now. It is. This is. According to BabyCenter.com it is normal to have a decreased sex drive after giving birth. The feeling can last for a few months. One study of postpartum women, 20% had little or no desire to have sex for three months after delivery. Another 21% had a complete loss of desire for an or aversion to sexual activity. I think that when you give birth to a child, it probably changes your body's chemistry a lot. Probably. I'm assuming. I don't know. And also, as we get older, sometimes people have just have lower sex drives. Some people get older and just want to have less sex. And I do not think you should feel bad about that. I also do not think that you should force yourself bad, though. Well, let me finish my thing. I also don't think that you should force yourself to have sex if you don't want to. Like you. If. I mean, it sounds like you. It sounds like from what I'm reading, you just don't have a. You have a very, very low sex drive. It says. It says my sex drive has died. So I can imagine trying to have sex with no sex drive would be very unfulfilling to the person who has no sex drive. I think that maybe there's ways to find out if your partner can. Find out if there's some way for your partner to get some sort of arousal without you. Find out if there's something you can do that won't feel burdensome to yourself. Because I don't think you want to start resenting having sex with your partner or resenting doing anything with your partner, especially if you feel like you just. You're not compelled to do it. I can see how that could really upset someone's. For me, it would upset my soul to engage with sex. I just have no sex drive. If I'm just like, I just don't want to do that. I have no. I have no desire. And sometimes, you know, things shift and change within your dynamics with people in general. But. But maybe your part, your husband still has a very high sex drive and you want him to be able to have sex, but you can't keep up with him. Maybe there's other ways. Maybe there's other people. Maybe there's other things. Maybe there are things you can do that feel sexy to you, but you don't have to. All, in my opinion, you do not have to always have sex every single time. And I get it. You're like, if your husband is not having sex at all for two years and he has a high sex drive, I can see that being very, very, very frustrating. So I. That's why I think that it's okay to explore the possibility of maybe if you think your relationship can stand it, opening up or having another person or seeing if there's something that your husband can do that doesn't involve you, where he can still get his rocks off and you don't have to compromise your desire to not have sex.

[Monet]

Yeah. On the notion of getting a spark back. Beside, outside of the things that I said about going to the store together, Bobby recommended maybe opening it up. Maybe a spark. Maybe something. Maybe try to do some stuff with food. Like maybe you guys can go out to a nice restaurant together and instead of sitting opposite each other, maybe try sitting next to each other. I know that seems like something so simple, but try going to restaurant sitting next to each other.

[Bob]

That is.

[Monet]

Gets to me, that gets very intimate. Maybe something. You guys have not tried having a meal like that together before, and it can get. I don't know, it could. It could percolate a little sexiness inside of you or. Or him. And that could be the spark that you're looking for. So just. Just try doing things differently than you have been doing it. For the past 20 years to. To get a little spark back in. In the. In the booty hole.

[Bob]

You know, in my honest opinion, I think the most important thing you can do is probably talk to a therapist who specializes in sexual and specializes in people who have a loss of sex drive. There is, as we say on better. On our better help ad. There is a specialist for everything. There is some therapist out there who knows exactly what to do. I think that seeking professional help and getting counseling for your relationship is so smart and is so underutilized. And I don't think you should be embarrassed to talk to a therapist and say, do you know someone who specializes in sex? Because I have no sex drive, but I want my partner to be happy.

[Monet]

And also the last thing I'll say to this, and the last thing I'd say is talk to your husband. Maybe your husband can tell you the thing. This may say something to you that you would. You want to feel like, oh my God, something that easy was. You know what I mean? Having, having a conversation with your. With your husband, I think is important because there may be something that you just so simply you and him could change or try together that would make you guys bring y' all closer together again after 20 years. Yeah, little things. Sometimes the most obvious thing. Next question. Dear Bob and Monet, I'm an extrovert and I have a lot of friends who are wildly different. Like, I have my gays who I like to get turnt and party with, my gays, who I like to have intellectual conversations with, and my gays who I play video games with. They don't know each other. I love them all and they all fulfill different needs of mine. But I don't feel like these people would be friends or mix well together. Sometimes I'm at the club with one friend and I'll see another friend who wants to hang out. It feels rude to be like, I'm with my other friends now, but I don't feel like there will be good group chemistry. Is it rude to ignore a friend at the club if you're out with somebody else? How do you introduce friends who have clashing personalities? Sincerely, Friend Blender.

[Bob]

All right, this. In my opinion, it is rude to ignore your friends when you're out. That in. In my opinion, yes. If I saw a friend of mine, especially they were a close friend and they ignored me out in public, I'd be like, what the hell's going on? Also, you don't know. These people might be. They might get along like gangbusters. Give them the opportunity to see if they get along. Like, don't, don't decide for them that they won't, you know, have. That they won't get along. Let them find out for themselves. I think,

[Monet]

you know, I am someone like that. I don't, I, I am not the type of person. I feel like all my friends need to commingle and be friends themselves. I don't, I don't, I don't describe to that. I feel you. I feel like there are some certain friends you do certain things with because that feels that void for you. And I think that's totally fine and that's valid. But if you are outside, like at a gate at a club and you see a nerd group, Gameboy friend, you're our gameboy friend. And then you see PlayStation friend over there to bar a way to not like, if you, I don't think you should ignore the other friend. You should go over and be like,

[Bob]

hey, how you doing?

[Monet]

PlayStation Friend's. Good to see you here. Yeah, I'm here with my friend da da da. Now, if they, if he comes over and they end a meeting, that's fine, but I don't think you need to feel like you need to be the bridge to bring all these friends together. I think that is completely fine and completely valid to keep your friend group separate. Because that's. Because it's not about them being friends, good for them. It's about what, how you, how, what makes you feel good and what makes you feel feel safe and what makes you feel, you know, not getting. Because I get. When different friend groups meet, I know the feeling. You get anxiety, like, oh my God, this person saying this thing like you, it's a lot. So I think keeping them separate is fine. But if they organically meet at a bar because it's a public space, everyone is welcome there. Then that's not your business. Like if he comes over and they become friends, good for them. But I don't think you need. You feel like you have to do it. And you should not feel bad about not wanting to make sure friends it.

[Bob]

Can I just say that for years I have been literally saying that you have been separating me from your other friends. And you always say, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not doing that. I'm not trying to keep you from your friends

[Monet]

with you. That's not true. Have I, do I like, do I make. For example, I brought to your house, I brought Dewan to your house.

[Bob]

How did you do it?

[Monet]

Certain Friend groups, certain. Certain mix and certain friend groups. Even anxiety. But you're not a person that feel that with. There are some other friends that I do feel that with. With you I don't. You've met so many groups of my friends. Arcia was literally sitting on your couch. I brought her to your house, we were watching games and you gave her some shitty advice about the boy she was dating.

[Bob]

I literally begged you to bring over for I think legitimately three years.

[Monet]

But Bob, also you traveled and you were every. Sometimes Arc will come to my house on the weekend and you're not here for the weekend. There are things I was not keeping Arcia from. There's no reason why I would do that. And you know that you just being extra.

[Bob]

I'm not.

[Monet]

But there are certain friends that I don't like to mingle. Yeah, there are certain ones but you are not. You don't fall into that category.

[Bob]

Let me go to the next question. Hi, Bob and Monet. I am a 25 year old queer black male. I am. I was born in North America. This is very vague, like we're not going to track you down. I was born in North America but have lived around the world for most of my life, mostly in Europe. My dilemma is that I have no black friends. I haven't had black friends for most of my life and elementary school, school, high school or university. For some reason I can't seem to form proper connections with. With the few that I do meet in our community. I love living in Europe. I love my friends. I don't care about race, but I do long for jokes and kikis with someone with a similar background. I love watching you too because the connection you have is so inspiring. And I. And I feel like I'm your friend through the screen. How do I find friends that'll appreciate my. My bake and shark palu Ox. Oh, this is food. Is this. Oh, Palau rice and peas. Rody and doubles as much as I do sincerely lonely is land.

[Monet]

Lowly island.

[Bob]

I know, I know it's pronounced island. I know that everyone.

[Monet]

Do you.

[Bob]

I mean I. I used to live so.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Monet]

You're a black person that does not have any black friends because not elementary, not in high school, university. I guess it's figuring out why you feel like you can't make proper connections with other black people in your. Like, do you feel. I just.

[Bob]

I. Because I'm not.

[Monet]

I've never had that experience. I honestly, when I see black people

[Bob]

in the room, I'm like, who?

[Monet]

Thank God I'm like, I know that I can connect with these people on a certain level. So I've never experienced not being able to make friends with black folk. And I'm trying to. I'm trying to figure out where that may come from.

[Bob]

I mean, I am someone who has friends of lots of different races. And I grew up having only black friends. And then when I went to college, well, in high school, I also had some Vietnamese friends because there are lots of Vietnamese. There's a large Vietnamese population in Atlanta, Georgia. And then in college, I started hanging out with white people, like pretty much for the first time. And I remember my mom never saw me hanging out with white people until I was in college. And then she was like, oh my God, you hang out with all these white people. And I started feeling self conscious about it because I was like, yeah, I'm hanging out with some white people, but I'm also hanging out with. I started feeling like, is it weird that I hang out with. That I'm hanging out with the theater majors at my school? Because most of the theater majors were white. That's just how I was in my school. I didn't go to a historically back university. I went to just some, you know, white people state college. It wasn't a white people college, but there were a lot of white people at my school and it was in Columbus, Georgia. And I think that maybe what's going on is because you were raised around so many white people, maybe you are having. Maybe you have. Your experiences are less common amongst black people. That could be maybe what you're experiencing. And I think that is. I think that there's probably a lot of black people who have similar experiences to you who also crave to have some more black friends. And I think that maybe you can find those people. You know, luckily on the. With the, with the help of the Internet, we can find so many people who are in our areas who have such similar characteristics and experiences in history to us.

[Monet]

I would say food is a great uniter. And you have, I'm guessing you are

[Bob]

some type of always food. One is like food.

[Monet]

I mean, I mean, he literally listed

[Bob]

a fucking menu that you're like, you know what?

[Monet]

Food is a. Food is a great uniter. So you have the workings of a great conversation starter. I bought some oxtail, some pillow, some roti. You have so many things you can bring up to a lot. I mean, definitely of the West Indian variety, but I think use food segue food, bitch. Find some people who like Mac and cheese and you Let that be the. Let that be the conversation starter. Like, I mean, walk into the. I mean, not at school anymore, but in my mind, you're gonna walk into the cafeteria at your office and be like, does anybody have, like, Mac and cheese?

[Caller]

Oh, no.

[Monet]

There's a lot of white people like Mac and cheese, too. Does anybody have, like, big Mac and cheese?

[Bob]

I don't. I don't know if this is good. I don't know if this is good or bad.

[Monet]

No, I knew. They're not saying,

[Bob]

walk the cafeteria and say, y' all niggas eat fried chicken.

[Monet]

What the hell?

[Bob]

What kind of advice is this?

[Monet]

I think that food is a great conversation starter. Use food as if you feel nervous. Use food as a way to start the conversation, and I think you will be a shoo in to finally.

[Bob]

Hey, y' all niggas need buffalo wings. I love chicken. I love chicken. Listen, I don't need to eat chicken. For example, you listen to sibling rivalry. I happen to know for a fact there's lots of black people who listen to sibling rivalry. You're in the Patreon.

[Monet]

Go to the Patreon.

[Bob]

There is a bulletin board in the Patreon. He's on the Patreon. You can't be on the Patreon. You can't comment. Submit questions if you're not on the Patreon.

[Monet]

Oh, yeah, true.

[Bob]

So you can be in the bulletin board. Hey, I don't have a lot of black friends, and I'm craving blackness in my life. Anyone here happen to live in Europe? Anyone want to meet up? When you go out to the club, go up to black people and talk to them. You can be, you know, don't be. Don't be cringy. Don't walk up and start asking about Mac and cheese and whatever. You can just, you know, go to them and just start talking to them.

[Monet]

And, hey, you should walk to the black people. Like, y'.

[Bob]

All.

[Monet]

Like, I can see watermelon and then see what happens.

[Bob]

This is the messiest event, but I think that you can, you know, there. That's. That's the thing. Like, you're. You're. Whoever you. Whoever you are, bear in mind you are not unlike black people. You are like black people because you are a black person. There are lots of black people who have experiences just like you. Your expression of your blackness does not need to coincide with that of me and Monet. Monet and I have two completely different expressions of blackness because I am a black Southerner and Monet is a West Indian. You are a black person who's lived in Europe, probably around a bunch of white people. So you probably have a really interesting experience. So there are lots of other black folks who have the exact. You and Candace Owens. No, I'm kidding. You can find a lot of people who have experience. Like I was talking to Monroe Bergdorf from the UK actually, and she was saying that she did not meet any people of color until she got to college. She just never met people of color. She grew up around no people. Monroe Bergdorf is a social commentator, a political commentator in the uk. She's like known for like going head to head with Piers Morgan on the Good Morning Britain or whatever that show was. Like, Morgan would be saying like racist or transphobic or homophobic things. And she's this black trans woman who would, who would like read him for filth within an inch of his life while looking absolutely stunning the whole time.

[Monet]

Yeah, that's my advice. Don't be nervous around black people. Just try to go to go to go to bars in the city or whatever city you live in. I genuinely. Well, because I drink, but I genuinely think having like a little cocktail loosens you up, up. And he'll like kind of strips on some of your divisions and takes away some of the nerves so you can have conversations. I mean, don't be, don't be messy, don't be belligerent and be like. I don't consider that. But I think if you, if you feel more comfortable at a bar setting, have a cocktail and just have, have. Just strike up conversations with people. People. Especially if you notice other black people maybe at the bar by themselves. That's. Maybe there's someone town visiting or someone who is maybe in the same situation as you trying to make friends because they're new to the same city, whatever they are. Just try going to a bar and having conversations with folk.

[Bob]

Yeah, strike up a conversation.

[Monet]

This is yours. Did you read this or it's my turn to read?

[Bob]

I read the last because I mispronounced all that fucking West Indian food.

[Monet]

Yeah. Dear Bob and Monet, I've been doing drag pretty regularly for five years and I feel like I'm stuck in the same place. A lot of queens who started at the same time as me have weekly gigs, but I'm still just doing competitions and performances. When I get invited, how do I step my pussy up and move to the next level? Sincerely, start from the bottom. Now we still at the bottom.

[Bob]

Is this from Free? No point. Right? Did Free. Did Free send this? Did my drag daughter Send this girl.

[Monet]

Oh, my goodness.

[Bob]

Wait, who started the last one? Did you started the last one? Did you? I can't remember if I did.

[Monet]

Yeah, you did. Yeah. So you go.

[Bob]

So here's the skinny. You know, this is literally a conversation I just had with one of my drag kids named Free. So Free is wanting to make it in the scene as a performer, but Free happens to be making her way through the scene as a seamstress and as someone who makes. As a costume designer. And honestly, that is such a beautiful and glorious path. And I understand how the grass is always greener on the other side. And, you know, Free is a performer. Free was a ballet dancer for years and wanted to make it as, you know, a performer because that's the world that he came from. But he stumbled into this world where he's a really good designer. And I think about how many drag queens have honestly made really remarkable careers being designers. Like, that is their thing, you know, Free. You know, Domino Couture is one that pops into my mind immediately. Who has a animation career? I've never seen Domino perform a single time in my life. I think Domino said that she's. The Last time she performed, she was 19. And we're the same age. You know what I mean? And I think that maybe. I don't know if you. I don't know if you don't. If you're not getting gigs because you don't have. I don't know if it's like, you're not going out there and getting the, like. Like a part of being. Doing drag. Honestly, it's not about how talented you are. It's about how dedicated you are to the grind. Like, that is true. I know some drag queens who are just honestly, not that funny, not that pretty, not that talented. Can't sing, can't dance. Like, but they have so many gigs because they just gig like, they hustle, they hit the ground running. They create their own shows. They're asking bars. Oh, my God, that is so shady. But I feel like, you know, you gotta find what you're good at, and everyone's good at something. That's the thing, baby. Everyone is good at something. Like, for example, the drag queen Linda Simpson.

[Monet]

I don't believe in that.

[Bob]

Everyone is good at something. No one. There's no one out there who's just not talented, who's. Who can't do anything. I don't think that's a thing. I don't believe that personally. You know, Linda Simpson is a photographer, and Linda Simpson is. Is Is really good at documenting, and she's turned that into part of her drag. She's this drag queen who, like, takes photographs and documents, and now and she's friends with all the legends. She does shows and she does comedy sometimes. But her big thing is her documentary.

[Monet]

Her book, if you can. It's really good.

[Bob]

Yeah. So, like, I'm saying, like, every. Every queen isn't going to be the one doing splits and kicks and telling jokes.

[Caller]

Some.

[Bob]

Some queens are going to be doing costume design. Some queens are going to be making wigs. Some queens are going to be. Some queens are going to be writers. Some queens are going to be podcasters. Some queens are going to be. Are only good in the medium of YouTube and TikTok, and that's okay, too. There's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to be a reflection of everything you see around you.

[Monet]

Yeah, I agree. I think.

[Caller]

I agree.

[Monet]

Everyone is not good at everything. I think you should find the things that you do very well. But again, you say you've been doing it. Okay, what's pretty regularly? Like, are you the bitch who comes out, like, one, like, one night out of the week and you perform one night and the other girls are, like, out every night of the week turning looks into things and they're progressing and you're not? Is that what pretty regularly is? Because there is that thing too. Queens who. They come out once a week, twice out of the month, and be like, but I'm doing it. Like, I'm doing so much drag. I'm doing it. I'm like, but, yeah, but you're not doing it at the level of the girls who are doing. Because I experienced this in New York City growing up, going through the ranks, you know, I was out every night of the week, coming in drag without getting paid or not, like, not asking for a booking fee, doing whatever I can to get exposure. And that. I think that helped me grow. I think you should look at what the other girls are doing and see what you can improve on to make your chances of securing a weekly gig better and see how you can improve your drag to get to where you want to go. Because, yeah, maybe not. Maybe you may not be the best. The best live singer, but you're a fucking fierce lip syncer. Maybe, you know, you may not be the best. The best dancer, but you can host very well. So I think find what that thing is that you can do really well and the things that you're lacking and how you can improve those so you can get them weekly Gigs girl. Because I. I get it. That is. Well for New York City, the validation of having a weekly gig or hosting a thing or having your own night somewhere that like a lot of girls back then, I don't know what they do now strive for that. Everyone wanted that. So I could see how you not getting that and you want to take drag seriously is really fucking you up. So see what you can be better at, boo.

[Bob]

And also food. Food is a great way to get into drag. You know, just go to the bar.

[Monet]

Oh my God.

[Bob]

And say, like, whoever loves Mac and cheese?

[Monet]

Do you remember my Fat Mix number?

[Bob]

I. I do remember your.

[Monet]

That really put me on the mic. That put me on the map.

[Bob]

No, I think another video on the map was your. Your beat down mix. I think that's the one that. Okay, all right, well, you can have what you want.

[Monet]

Part of your world. The one where you maybe that shitty reveal dress.

[Bob]

Okay, okay. Was it the fat. But I love this back then, was it the fat mix? Was it the. Was it part of your world? Which one was it?

[Monet]

That's a combination of the two.

[Bob]

I. There was something else I wanted to say about this person, but I can't remember, honestly. Yeah, you gotta just. Also, you ask yourself, honestly, this is the thing about drag. You really have to ask yourself, how badly do you want this life? That is the real tea. Like, I remember to a point where I was like sacrificing so many things to do drag just because it brought me so much joy. I was happy to sacrifice my living room to do drag. I was happy to quit my job as a realtor to do drag. I was happy to leave the Jekyll and Hyde club where I was making good money to struggle and do drag. I was happy to do so because I love drag so much. You know what I mean? You gotta ask yourself, there's people out there who are doing drag with no intention of ever getting on drag race or being famous. They just love drag. Gotta ask yourself, why you doing it?

[Monet]

How are you doing?

[Bob]

What's our last one? Our last one. Here we go. Hello, Bob and Monet. So recently I had a situation where I thought this straight CIS man identified as gay, or at least queer. Queer. However, he recently told me he is not. And it has completely thrown me off course with my gaydar. I guess my question is, how do I navigate relationships with. With PC flamboyant straight white men when I, myself, an indigenous gay man, am not having it with the whites. Thanks, bitter 20 year old. First of all, tell Maddie Morphosis. I said, hi. Let's start with that.

[Monet]

Oh, my God, you're a mess. I mean, so you're upset that they're flamboyant and straight or you just. Or it's not like you're just mad that they're white. You know what? Being bad at white people. I get it. I get it. But I mean, I think in 2022, I think a lot more people are. Are honestly, since the dawn of the Met. Do you remember. Remember when metrosexuals was trending? That was the thing everyone wanted to. Well, not ones, but everyone was metrosexual. Metrosexual. I think that straight. Straight men have been. Are allowing themselves to be more flamboyant. And especially nowadays, I think the lines of what. Of sex are so blurred, and people just are. People are just allowing the sense to live. And sometimes that means being really faggy and flamboyant even though you are a straight man. So I think mad that they're white, being mad at white people is a thing. And I get it. I've been that girl, just mad at somebody because they white as hell. And you're like, why you here? Why you here being white in the space? I get that for the film. If they're being flamboyant and just gay, let them live, girl. Let people live.

[Bob]

Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think of it because, you know, I famously tweeted out that I'm often annoyed with white people, but it's whiteness in general. It's never really specific white. There was a picture of a friend of mine who was white with a bunch of other white people. They're all laughing, and I remember being like, what y' all laughing at? What the fuck?

[Monet]

Y' all just get mad at white people. Sometimes you just get mad at white people. You, like, you. You look at this, you, like your ancestors are full of.

[Bob]

And if they were full of, you

[Monet]

got a little in you too. You just be mad looking at them.

[Bob]

But I don't. But. But I don't necessarily actually believe that. And. And I want to reiterate, it's not actually that I'm annoyed with, like, white people specifically, like, specific white people. It's just whiteness in general has had a negative impact in my life at certain times, and there have been times when it's had a neutral impact and times when it's had a positive impact, you know, based on the white people around.

[Monet]

I heard you had a good white experience this evening, honey, when you got home to Your man, I heard you had a good white experience. I heard that he got you together as a girl.

[Bob]

You sound like RuPaul. You got ripping the whip. I think that we are. I think that we are asking people to challenge gender norms, and this is what it looks like. You know, a flamboyant straight man is not new. It was not even new when they started saying metrosexual. I mean, you know, Dennis Rodman, Prince, and David Bowie would all like to have a word with you. And I know you're all gonna say David Bowie is bi. But what I'm saying is, like, these. Like, it is not a new notion that. That. That straight men have sometime been flamboyant.

[Monet]

It's simply trendier. For sure.

[Bob]

Sure. That's not. That's not the point, what I'm saying. But it's not new is what I'm getting at. You know what I mean?

[Monet]

No, not new at all.

[Bob]

Yeah. And. And I think that if we're. If we're asking people to challenge gender norms and we're asking. And we were. And we're encouraging all people to try their best to rid themselves of toxic masculinity. This is the result of that. This is the. This is the fruit of our labor. I hate to be the one to tell you this is the fruit of our labor. And you know, someone. Just because you thought someone was queer does not mean that they did anything wrong.

[Monet]

Yeah, that's not their problem.

[Bob]

It doesn't mean they did anything wrong. They just. They were just being themselves. Now, are they. Are they queer baiting? I don't know. You didn't. You didn't give us enough detail to tell us why you thought this person was queer? Was this person, like, telling everyone they were queer and then, like, saying they weren't? You know, is this person strongly insinuating? Are they making it ambiguous? You never know. And also, the truth is, we don't even know. Just because someone says they're straight now. We do not know where they are on their journey with their sexuality. Everyone is not as evolved as you are. You know what I mean? Like, every. Some people, I remember this guy. I can never his name, but he's a. He's a photographer from P Town. He does these Polaroids, everyone. And when I met him, he was like, I'm straight.

[Monet]

I know.

[Bob]

I can't remember. There it is. He does these, these, these. And he was like, I'm straight. I'm straight. I'm straight. I'm straight. And I was like, okay, sure. You're straight. But he was always at the gay bars, and I was like, he's just this. Some straight guy who just loves drag queens. And then I saw him a couple years later. He was like, girl, I'm gay. I am so gay.

[Monet]

Yeah, but that.

[Bob]

And that's just because that was his journey. It just took him longer to find out. And it's because of his past, probably. It is because of people's baggage, their past, and their journeys.

[Caller]

Our.

[Bob]

Our paths are not linear. They're not parallel. Everyone gets there at a different time. Everyone gets to the destination at a different time, you know?

[Monet]

Yeah, for sure. So give people a little grace and let them be flamboyant and faggy and let these straight people do that. Then do that so that they can teach their kids that it's okay. And the kids.

[Meditation Guide]

Kids.

[Monet]

And then we can all just live in a world that's free with sunshines and rainbows and just being queer as.

[Bob]

I mean, if the queer folks are. If. Listen, here's the real tea. If queer folks for years have been celebrating when gay guys act straight, I think it's time we can probably celebrate when. When straight guys don't act so toxic and masculine.

[Monet]

Yeah, I agree. I agree.

[Bob]

Mon, how did you feel? You think you gave some good advice today?

[Monet]

I gave some great advice today. How do you feel about yours?

[Bob]

I did a pretty good job. Now, how do you feel about mine?

[Monet]

I think you did some work today. Some good work.

[Bob]

You didn't ask me how I felt about yours.

[Monet]

I hope you and your wig. Well, I hope you and my wig. Have a good night. And you guys posted.

[Bob]

You didn't ask me how I felt about yours.

[Monet]

Oh, well, I'm not interested.

[Bob]

I'm gonna tell you anyway. It was a little food heavy today. It was a little food heavy today.

[Monet]

1. I told him about food.

[Bob]

2. Back to.

[Monet]

And the sex one, too.

[Bob]

Yeah, so that's. That's not one. That's actually twice as many as one. Okay.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Monet]

That's two out of ten. So, baby, the math ain't mathing.

[Bob]

That's 20.

[Caller]

That's a.

[Bob]

That's a lot. That is not a lot.

[Monet]

20%.

[Bob]

That is not a lot.

[Monet]

When you. When you tip. When you tip somebody 20, you're like, why made it rain? That's you. 20%, not a lot. Baby, you. You can be 30.

[Bob]

20% can be a lot, depending on what you're talking about. If you woke up tomorrow and you. You lost 20% of your body weight, you'd be like, oh, My God, I am. I have lost a lot of weight. But if you woke up tomorrow, you know that 20% means different things. That makes. What I'm saying makes perfect sense.

[Monet]

Obviously, that's anything in the world.

[Bob]

So what I'm saying is I think that 20% of your advice being food based.

[Monet]

No, that's.

[Bob]

That.

[Monet]

That is. That is a ridiculous ratio. That is ridiculous.

[Bob]

That is a high standard.

[Monet]

That is not a. That is. No, it is not. You're being ridiculous, and you know you are.

[Bob]

You can have that opinion. I'm not gonna the difference between what you and I say. I'm not gonna tell you that your opinion is ridiculous. You're allowed to have that opinion.

[Monet]

Well, I'm gonna tell you one of yours is wrong when it is because it's wrong.

[Bob]

Well, I guess you're the arbiter of what is right and wrong.

[Monet]

I am in this conversation, this podcast about this specific thing right now, for sure. Sure.

[Bob]

All right. Have a good night.

[Monet]

Have a good night, babe.

[Ad Reader]

Instacart understands that not all bananas are created equal. Some people want them green, some want them ripe, some want them ready right now. With Instacart's Preference Picker, now available at most retailers, you can choose how you like certain items, like banana ripeness, deli thickness, even avocados before your shopper even starts. So instead of crossing your fingers and hoping for the best, you get groceries picked the way you would pick them. It's a small thing, but it makes a big difference. Download the app and get bananas just how you like. With Instacart.