Sibling Advicery: Twitter Alts/Breakup

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – Sibling Advicery: Twitter Alts/Breakup (March 7, 2022)

Episode Overview

This lively “Sibling Advicery” episode sees Monét X Change and Bob the Drag Queen hosting a live edition of their advice column series. With listeners joining in real time via the Stereo app, the duo dispenses their signature mix of heartfelt wisdom and hilarious banter to questions on everything from breakups to Twitter porn alts, friendships, queerness, asexuality, and more. The show’s engaging back-and-forth, audience participation, and constant ribbing highlight their iconic chemistry—while also touching on vulnerability, queer identity, and the complexities of relationships.

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Key Segments, Insights & Quotes

1. Queerties Award Drama & Setting the Tone

• [03:07–06:58]
  Bob and Monét recount a mini–best friend spat over last-minute decisions about attending the Queerties awards. Monét feels slighted after Bob agrees not to go but then shows up—sparking a playful but real argument.
  • Notable Quote:
    “Am I the crazy one? Bob and I had a conversation about going to the awards together. He said he wasn't going, so I said I wasn't going either. Then he decided to go. Then I'm the crazy one.” – Monét [05:33]
  • Audience Engagement: Listeners are asked to chime in with their opinions via Twitter #siblingadvisory.
• Importance:
  Sets up show’s core: honest, real-time queer friendship, and crowdsourced opinions.

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2. Friendships & Boundaries

A. Friendship After Tinder Tryst

• [07:09–09:18] Listener: Brandon
  • Question: Can you be friends with someone you still have sexual feelings for after a brief romantic past?
  • Bob’s Take:
    “If you think it won’t complicate things, then go ahead and get the D. But if it would make things weird, maybe don’t.” [08:39]
  • Monét’s Take:
    “You need to know that about yourself—don’t do it if you’ll get emotionally entangled.” [08:47]
  • Theme: Honesty about emotional needs and limits in queer friendships.

B. Friend Exclusion on Trips

• [09:25–18:47] Listener: Quentin
  • Question: Is it shady for a close friend to cancel a birthday trip with you, then go anyway with others?
  • Discussion:
    • The importance of clarity, honest communication, and not making assumptions about friend group boundaries.
    • After inviting Quentin to speak, his story reveals clear hurt and confusion.
    • Monét: “That’s shady behavior. Quentin, I think Quentin owed you the courtesy to be like ‘Hey, this trip is happening’ instead of doing it behind your back.” [15:32]
    • Bob (on confrontation): “Say what you see, say how you feel, say what you want. ‘I see you went to New Orleans. I feel left out. I want to be included next time.’” [17:37]
• Takeaway: Sometimes, friends are inconsiderate or uncommunicative; open, honest conversation is essential to clear the air.

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3. Navigating Pride vs. Place, & Family

• [20:02–23:41] Listener: Michael (Delta Blues)
  • Question: How do I find pride in myself if I’m not proud of where I come from (small, conservative town)?
  • Bob:
    “You don’t have to be proud of every single thing from where you come from. Sometimes, you love your town most when you try to fix what’s broken.” [21:36]
  • Monét:
    “You have the privilege to choose your home—now you’re from Brooklyn. Rep what you love about your new place or your home.” [22:19]
  • Quote:
    “The people trying to fix the house are the people who love the house the most.” – Bob [21:36]
• Key Insight:
  “You don’t have to justify any part of your identity to anyone.” (echoed later, [55:35])

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4. Alt Twitter, Secrets & Betrayal

• [24:00–31:44] Listener: Isaac
  • Context: Finds out best friend’s alt Twitter is a porn account. Struggles with whether/how to address it since friend hasn’t come out as queer.
  • Discussion:
    • Bob is strict about privacy: “It is a betrayal of trust to take someone’s phone even as a joke.” [29:55]
    • Monét leans into directness and honesty: “If you’re going to ask him to be honest, you have to be honest too.” [30:36]
  • Advice:
    • Own up to what happened, apologize for the breach, offer unconditional support, and encourage an honest dialogue.
  • Twitter Chimes In: Someone points out having a porn-friendly Twitter isn’t always an indicator of queerness. [35:43]

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5. Changing Hookup App Habits for Relationships

• [32:23–36:24] Listener: Vicente (Portland)
  • Question: How do I move from frequent Grindr hookups to finding a real relationship?
  • Bob:
    “When you’re hooking up, do you hang out at all? Do you get to know them? ... Be open about wanting more than just sex in your profile and messages.” [33:40]
  • Monét:
    “Maybe check the language on your profile. Be super direct about what you want.” [34:19]
  • Quote (Bob):
    “Me and Jacob met on Grindr. Our first night, we hooked up, and this has been an almost five-year relationship.” [33:12]

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6. Professors, Outdated Language & Activism

• [37:29–45:36] Listener: Mo Samir (Lebanon)
  • Issue: Sociology professor uses offensive terms and outdated views about LGBTQIA+ people; repeated attempts to correct him have failed—even after going to the dean.
  • Discussion:
    • Bob is “a little extreme” but suggests exposure on social media if all institutional avenues fail, while warning about potential backlash. [43:03]
    • Monét suggests starting a petition among students: “Numbers speak volumes, right?” [42:24]
  • Cultural Note: Listeners from Lebanon add context about local attitudes toward social justice and queerness.

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7. Moving On from Breakups

• [46:00–51:48] Listener: Christian
  • Question: How long does it take to heal after a breakup? How do you stop looking for your ex in future partners?
  • Monét:
    “It varies. My last boyfriend took me two, three months… Take as much time as you need. Don’t feel weird about being sad. Hang out with friends who help take your mind off it.” [48:29]
  • Bob:
    “Allow yourself to feel your feelings, but don’t let yourself stay there. Your time with someone else does not define you.” [50:56]
  • Advice from Twitter: “Hang out with your hateful friends—nobody’s gonna humble you more than someone who secretly hated your ex.” – read by Monét [50:56]

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8. Queer Identity & Asexuality

• [52:35–58:15] Listener: Heather Mason
  • Question: “I’m gay and asexual—attracted to men romantically but not sexually—and get a metric ton of backlash from the gay community.”
  • Monét:
    “Your asexuality is completely valid…what other people think about you is none of your business.” [54:28]
  • Bob:
    “You do not have to justify a single part of your gender identity, your sexuality or your gender expression to a single person on the planet.” [55:35]
  • Listener:
    “I used to live in a queer dorm…but they were like ‘you’re not gay.’” – Heather [56:15]
  • Key Theme: Gatekeeping in queer spaces and the importance of self-validation.

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Running Show Themes & Notable Moments

• Audience Participation: Throughout, listeners are encouraged to join the discussion live and on Twitter (#siblingadvisory).
• Raw Honesty + Humor:
  • Monét and Bob never shy from calling each other out or joking about their messy escapades.
  • Example:
    “If you really want to get over [an ex], find your friends that hated your ex and they will remind you of every shitty thing about your ex.” – Monét [50:56]
• Signature Quotes:
  • “You don’t have to justify any part of your identity to anyone.” – Bob [55:35]
  • “Say what you see, say how you feel, say what you want.” – Bob, advice for confronting friends [17:37]
  • “If you’re going to ask him to be honest, you have to be honest too.” – Bob [30:36]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:07–06:58] Queerties Award Show Drama
• [07:09–09:18] Friendship vs. Romantic/Sexual Tension (Brandon)
• [09:25–18:47] Friendship Exclusion & Honest Confrontation (Quentin)
• [20:02–23:41] Finding Pride in Origin vs. Identity (Michael)
• [24:00–31:44] Twitter Porn Alt & Queer Privacy Dilemma (Isaac)
• [32:23–36:24] Wanting Relationships over Grindr Hookups (Vicente)
• [37:29–45:36] Confronting Problematic Professors (Mo Samir)
• [46:00–51:48] Getting over Breakups (Christian)
• [52:35–58:15] Being Gay & Asexual, Facing Backlash (Heather Mason)

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Episode Takeaways

• Open, Direct Communication was the recurring advice for all relationship dilemmas—romantic, platonic, or professional.
• Self-Validation > External Validation: Your queerness, desires, and boundaries are valid, even if others question them.
• Community Complexity: Even within queer spaces, gatekeeping and misunderstanding persist; challenge them by living authentically.
• Live Format Vibe: Audience engagement brings fresh perspectives (and receipts), making debates fun and more rounded.
• Signature Energy: The chaos, cussing, laughter, and sibling-style bickering deliver both comfort and candor—hallmarks of Sibling Rivalry.

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If you want an unfiltered queer perspective on everyday advice with plenty of mess and heart, this is an episode that delivers—whether you’re facing friend drama, unsure about love, finding your queer footing, or just need a laugh from two of drag’s brightest minds.

Transcript

[A]

I started Ornod in 2013 and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business as essentially non technical people. We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end and sell things online easily. If Shopify were a bike accessory, I think it would actually be the bicycle. It's the thing that you do the thing on. We run the business on Shopify. So start your free trial on shopify.com.

[B]

my name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop from the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you, it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com.

[C]

Hello, everyone, my name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[D]

We don't say this in advisory, but I'll go along and I'm name. No, this is not the script. You're going off script.

[C]

We don't have a screen. I'm just, I'm introducing myself to everyone and this is. You need this. Why'd you hand it back to me? Oh, you didn't have it back. And this is our advice column show called Sibling Advisory. So what Monet and I do is we're going to be. This is our first time doing one live. As you can tell, there's a lot of chaos. There's a lot of madness. Monet has begun the gaslighting. So what we're going to need you all to do is submit your questions right here on the stereo app. Once you submit your questions, please, please, please stick around because if we choose your question, if we need some more clarification, we might actually bring you up as a speaker. Speaker. To have you converse with us on the panel, darling.

[D]

Yeah, because you don't normally.

[C]

And again, it's advisable. How far the moon is from the earth. We need advice, not questions.

[D]

And it's very sweet. And yet we know you guys love us. You guys watch the season. We prefer not to get song, not to get comments of adoration. How much you love us on the show. We want like actual questions and not just romance. We get a lot of romance questions, people. Also, we get a lot of romance advice, which we love giving romance advice. But we're not limited. We can give you advice on other things, like work, like

[C]

how to use stereo, how to send them out originally.

[D]

So we're not limited to advice about romance. And so if you're not familiar, this podcast comes out every Monday, so you might be featured.

[C]

Not Monet telling the fans not to

[D]

say they like us, not people throwing tomatoes at your face. That's what you get. Y' all better throw these tomatoes at Bob. Throw these tomatoes.

[C]

And I'm sure you're getting it. And I'm sure there are no tomatoes going to you. I'm sure. Monet, you better work.

[D]

There are none.

[C]

You better rewrite history. You better rewrite history of Monet Exchange.

[D]

Please rewrite history. I should read. I should rewrite.

[E]

Oh.

[C]

So, first of all, Monay, tell me about your day at the Queerties.

[D]

Yeah, Bob and I went to the Queerties. Bob and I were nominated for best podcast, along with racechaser, the Bald and the Beautiful, and some other ones. And this is what we were talking about today, so. Oh, this is another thing. This is the Shade. So Bob calls me this morning. The first time we spoke this morning, we're on the phone, and I'm like, are you gonna go to the Queerties? He's like, you're like, I don't feel like going. I was like, I don't really feel like going either. He's like, you know what? We settle it then. We're not gonna go. I was like, work. We're not gonna go. So then the assistant of our manager, Maddie, sends me a text. She's like, hey, Monique, are you going to the Queer Dudes? I was like, talk to Bob. We're not gonna go. We're all cool with not going. She's like, I just spoke. He's going. I was like, what do you mean he's going? She's like, yeah, I just spoke to

[C]

Bob on the phone.

[D]

He said, he's going to the wars. I was like. I was like, maddie, you're wrong. I just spoke to Bob. He said, no, he's not going. And she's like, monet, I just spoke to him. He's going. I was like, this shady ass fucking nigga. So then I called this motherfucker, and I'm like, are you going to the Craz? You're like, well. Well, here's the T. I, like, spoke to Jacob, and Jacob didn't want to go, and I didn't want to go. But I spoke to Ezra and Ezra wants to go, so I think I'm going to go. I was like, so are you not going to tell me? I was like, we literally just spoke. We said we weren't gonna go. That's why I said I was not going. So I was already annoyed by that. So then I was like, well, if Bob's gonna go, I guess I'm gonna go. And then I ended up going in drag, and it was really cute. Bianca was there, Manila was there, Trixie was there, Mo Hart was hosting, and a lot of queer friends were there, so it was a good time.

[C]

How is me changing my mind about going to the Queerities?

[D]

Because we spoke on the first one. We spoke on the phone, and I

[C]

changed my mind and. Exactly my mind. Right?

[D]

But the conversation we had, we literally had a conversation of us going together. We literally. The contest on the phone was, are you going to go? Because I was like, are you going to go? You Like, I don't feel like going. I was like, I'm not going to go either.

[C]

Like, work.

[D]

We literally said, we're not going to go.

[C]

Yeah, And I changed my mind. Like, you could have just text me

[D]

or call me and say, oh, my. I'm going to go.

[C]

Well, clearly you weren't answering your fucking phone all day. So would you have answered?

[D]

Well, you. Well, when you spoke to me, did you tell me you were going to go?

[C]

Now, I also don't owe you, Bob. We were nominated together, and we said

[D]

that we were going to go together. Like, that's literally the conversation we had.

[C]

We said we weren't going together. So don't try everything I'm doing with my day.

[D]

So don't try to act like I'm crazy for being weirded out that you decided not to go after we literally had a conversation about not going. But, I mean, whatever.

[C]

I think your behavior is a little odd. I don't have to tell you everywhere I'm going.

[D]

No one said you had to. But we literally had a conversation about going to the award show together. Because we're not. So obviously, it really doesn't matter. We both went to the fucking award show. It's not that big of a deal. But what's weird is you're acting like that's not weird. Can y' all chime in? I want them to chime in. Am I the crazy one? Bob and I had a conversation about going to the wars together. He said he wasn't going, so I said, okay, well, I'm not gonna go either. And then he decided to go. Then I'm the crazy one.

[E]

Work, honey.

[C]

You are really.

[D]

No, bitch, you're on one. You are on one. You are acting like a crazy person.

[C]

Wait, we're gonna get to these questions, but before.

[D]

Yeah, I need some questions. I need some people to chime in.

[C]

If you all want to. Wait, I just want to go for a second. If you all want to chime in at all, you can also use the hashtag siblingadvisory on Twitter, and we can scan there to see what you can say. So if y' all want to chime in right now on Twitter, go to hashtag, Hashtag siblingadvisory. You can tell us right now if you think that I'm crazy for changing my mind and not telling Monet. And in the meantime, we will get to.

[D]

Or is Bob. Or you can also chime in if. If I'm. If I'm crazy. When we literally have a conversation about us going together and then Bob changes mind and not telling me. Am I the one that's acting wild? When we had a conversation about it and Bob didn't tell me that he was going. Am I the crazy one? Can y' all chime in on that?

[C]

Yeah, I want the. In the meantime, we're going to take a comment from a question from Brandon. So, Brandon, we're going to listen in, and if we. If we need some more clarification, we'll bring you to the main stage.

[F]

Stage.

[C]

Here we go.

[G]

Okay, so my name is Brandon. I'm a cousin. No, I'm a sibling.

[A]

Ha.

[G]

I'm a sibling. Yes, I am. I'm a nigga. And I have a question. So I have a friend. Well, technically, that's the situation. I have a friend. We met on Tinder, went on a couple dates, and, like, kind of had a little bit of a trist, but not really. And now we're trying to be friends, but, like, mentally, I still can't go there because I still want the D. What should I do? Sincerely, gay and confused.

[D]

Do you want.

[C]

Do you want. Do we. Do we need to bring Brandon up? Do we need to invite Brandon to the Live? Well, let's. Let's first give our.

[D]

Our.

[C]

Our. Our advice, and we'll see if we need to bring Brandon up. To clarify anything, I mean, in my opinion, if you. I think friends with benefits is a truly glorious thing. It is. It is this really interesting, in my opinion, almost elevated friendship, where you get to be there for each other in, like, some really, you know, important ways sexually and all this stuff. But obviously, there needs to Be a mutual understanding. Now, if you all think that you're not going to go any further and you're not going to, I don't know, if you think it won't complicate things and make things weird for you, then I would say go ahead and get the D. If you think it could actually, if you think it could be beneficial to you and not complicate things for you down the line. What do you think, Mom?

[D]

Yeah, I think that if you can be friends with benefits and they be all cool and you don't get emotionally entangled, you start to resent that person because it doesn't grow further, then I think go for it. But if you know that you cannot separate their friends with benefits from just being friends and it's gonna fuck up everything else, and I said, then you need to know that about yourself and not go. But I think having a friends with benefits is good. It's someone that you can get coffee with and chill with. Also someone you can bone and it'd still be cool. So, yeah, that's my advice.

[H]

Yeah.

[C]

Do we have another comment, Jacob? Another great question. All right, this is one from Quentin Phillips. Here we go.

[H]

Hi, Balmune. My name is Quinton. I'm a queer, 26 year old queer black man living in Dallas, Texas. And my advice is, should I super be mad and confront my one of my good friends for lying to me that he wasn't going to do this birthday trip and said, oh, we're not going to do the birthday trip. I'll come back in town, we'll do all these things. But then a couple days ago, I look on Instagram and Snapchat, he's full on gone on a trip to New Orleans and with people other than me. And then tell me nothing about it. When they said, oh, we're not going. So I just need advice on, do I full on confront him about like, yo, why are you shady or not? Thank you. Love you guys so much. So, so, so much.

[D]

All right, Quinton, that was Quentin from Dallas, Texas, about his friend going on a trip that and basically you weren't invited. I think that I guess maybe you have to assess how close a friend you are. Maybe your friend didn't think y' all were as close to friends. That and he didn't feel the need to invite you on this trip. But if y' all are like Ace Boons, y' all like, cool and they didn't invite you, to me, that's a little weird. I think you have to assess how close Sometimes. Honestly, sometimes it is. For some people are friends, and one friend think that they're closer than they actually are. And that person, or maybe he went to on the trip with a particular friend group. Again, if you listen to the podcast, I'm a big proponent of, I don't think all friend groups need to mix. I don't think you need to. All of your friends need to be friends. So maybe he went on a trip with his work friends or his dodgeball league friends, and that's why he didn't bring on that trip. But if y' all are super cool and y' all are super tight, I think it's worth asking, like, hey, so you told me about this trip. I wasn't invited. But then I saw. I mean, you told me about this trip, and I thought I was going. Then I saw you that you went. Anyway, I just wanted to, like, know what that was about. I think if y' all are super cool, that's something worth asking and being super honest and upfront as opposed to trying to fight him and beat this nigga up.

[C]

Do you think the friend is shady for going with a different group of friends, Monet?

[D]

No, I think that if you're going with their particular friend group, and that's the friend you want to go on it, like your dodgeball friends or your work friends or whatever friends they are, I think that that's cool, but.

[C]

So what you're saying is it's not weird for someone to say this thing isn't happening, but then end up going, you don't think that's shady, kind of like the queerities or something like that?

[D]

No, that's different. We had a conversation about going together, and then they had a conversation.

[C]

Quentin. In fact, let's invite Quentin up. Cause Quentin said they had a conversation about it, and then they said that it wasn't happening, and then they ended up going. I'm just intrigued by the double standard. I'm gonna invite Quentin up to the chat. Quentin, you are joining us to talk on our live. Quinton, welcome to our.

[H]

Oh, my gosh. Oh, this is like. Oh, I'm just.

[D]

Oh, Quentin, first of all, your avatar is so cute. Do you wear. Do you wear glasses in real life?

[H]

Yes. Yes, ma', am. I do.

[D]

I love.

[C]

Now, Quintin, you were saying that your friend told you beforehand, and then you found out that they were going. And Monet. It's interesting because Monet just said, that's not shady. That's so interesting to me.

[D]

Well, can we. Let's let Quentin Divulge.

[H]

Okay, so what happened? My best friend, Garrett, we have been friends since middle school, and we stayed good friends, like. And so he. So he moved to Houston. I moved to Dallas. He lived here. He moved, and we've been. I went to go up to see him. Only person to go up and see him, and he texted me, like, hey, another good friend of ours who still lives in Dallas wanted to go to New Orleans for his birthday, and he texted me about it.

[I]

Okay.

[D]

Okay, so he was inviting you on another friend's birthday trip?

[H]

No, his birthday trip. Okay, so he invited me, and he was like, yeah. And I was like. I was. I was like, yeah, I'm good to go. Just give me the details so I can take off work and I can have my money. And then. So, like, a couple weeks later, I said, hey, so what are the details? Because I need to know in advance. Take off work so you know, and get my money right, so I can get a room and know the place. Then he texts me. Then he says, oh, hey, so the trip's not gonna happen because our other friend and him put a deposit on a place to stay where we. I guess we were all gonna stay, but the guy overbooked it, and he's like, yeah, so we're not gonna go, and we'll have to try and figure out our money, but I'll totally come back in town and we'll do a birthday scene. And I'm like, okay, cool, that's totally fine, because. And he said, we're not gonna go. And then literally for three couple days last weekend, I'm scrolling. And see him on Snapchat and see him on Instagram. They're all in New Orleans for this. For this trip that was not supposed to happen.

[D]

And Quentin is your best friend since eighth grade.

[H]

Yeah, this is like my. Like, we have. We have divulged secrets. We've gone through parent losses together. We talk about a lot. And I'm like, so you full on didn't have the courtesy to tell me you were going on the trip, but you had another friend that lives in El Paso, make plans, take off work, and get a plane ticket. So what's up with this?

[D]

That's shady behavior.

[C]

My question is. I think. My question is, do you think there's a chance that there's something that was going on that wasn't shady? Maybe there's a chance that your friend was like, well, it's not gonna happen. And then someone else was like, well, let's do this. Let's do This I wanna surprise you with a this that I tend to err on the side of that most people in the world aren't operating in some sneaky, shady behavior. Cuz I don't operate in sneaky, shady behavior. So I think that if we lean into the notion that people are not just out here trying to be shady to each other, there's probably a very probably explanation. That doesn't mean that your feelings are invalid, because as we've talked about on this podcast, there have been lots of times where my friends go hang out with people and don't tell me. And apparently those friends, whoever they are, don't have any sneaky or shady motives. They just were all going out and just never thought to invite me for whatever reason.

[D]

Yeah, Quentin, I think that your friend is shady. Y' all have been friends since eighth grade. Quentin knew that he was going on this trip and he said, I think that Quinton. Oh, if y' all are ace Boons, y' all were planning this trip to go together. Y' all are best friends. Y' all are super tight. And y' all planned on going on this trip together. And he said it was canceled and then end up going anyway. Quentin, I think Quentin owed you the courtesy to be like, hey, this trip is happening instead of going, instead of doing it behind your back. That's my feelings, in my opinion.

[H]

But the sad, goofy of it all, we had really. He called me before he went on this trip, and we. And I had just told him about the days, like, hey, I want you to come back from my birth. And he was totally down and all that shit. So I was making it seem like he had nothing going on, but then went on the trip. And my thing is just like, I would have been cool if you told me, oh, hey, the trip's happening. And I just. We didn't have enough spots. I would have been totally cool with that. Yeah, he just didn't tell me. And that's one of the things. I'm just like, I thought we was way better than that.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I think those are. I think that's completely valid to feel that way. And have you. Have y' all spoken since? Like, have y'.

[H]

All.

[D]

Have y' all had a real conversation about it since? Or have you. Has it been, like, weird and awkward?

[H]

We haven't had a conversation about it. I kind of seen a passive aggressive text saying, oh, hey, how was the trip? He said, oh, it was a blast. And I was like,

[D]

Quinton, bitch. Yeah, that's wild. I think that is shady behavior. I think your friend moved a little shady. And, you know, but, you know, I don't think that. I don't think it's worth. Stop being his friend. And you don't act like you're. You don't seem like you're trying to not be their friend, but to me, that is a little shady, for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

I mean, I love him to death, and I don't want to stop being friends, but it just was like, it was. It kind of hurt a little bit because I'm like, I kind of take.

[D]

Yeah.

[H]

You know, I was like, damn, you could have just told me, and I would have been fine. But I was game to go. I needed a vacation, girl, I've been working. I needed a vacation in New Orleans. I'm trying to get tossed and turned up.

[C]

Well, I. I think that, you know, I think open, honest communication is really important. And obviously, I think that you should. You should maybe stray from the passive aggressive text and do a full earnest moment where you say, hey, this is how I felt, and I just want to know what it was instead of, you know, instead of going in lobbing accusations, I would go in and kind of be like, oh, this is what I am hearing, and this is how I am feeling. You know, years ago, I learned this thing where you say what you see, say how you say what you want. So you say, I see that you went to New Orleans without me. I feel left out, and I want to be included next time. Say what you see, say how you feel. Say what you want.

[H]

True. Very true. I do want to have a conversation with him about it and just be like. Just to get it off the air, because I do. Like, I still want to, like, he's still my best friend, love the dude to death, and I still want him to come back for my birthday party. So I'm like, you know, it is what it is.

[D]

Well, Quentin, what we have not told you is that he has been listening this entire time, and he has something he'd like to say now.

[C]

Now let's bring up Quentin's friend. I'm kidding. Live from Mardi Gras.

[D]

I'm kidding.

[C]

All right, thank you, Quentin. Thank you so much for your time.

[D]

Thank you.

[H]

Thank you so much. I love you both so, so much. This has just made my day work.

[C]

Now, we don't know how to kick you off, so you have to. You have to leave your. All right, Monet, do you think it's shady to have, like, birthday celebrations that, like, certain people can't come to no,

[D]

because you were invited and you can choose what you want to do. So let's take the next call.

[C]

What does that mean? You sound really. You sound really guilty.

[D]

You're trying to be subliminal. And, you know, you talked about me and I fully invited you, and you have full autonomy over your body. You can choose what you like to do and. Yeah, can we take the next call?

[C]

You're right. If I wanted to relapse, I could really have a great.

[D]

I mean, you have control of your body. You can choose what you do with your mouth. You can smoke what you want. You can drink what you want. That is all you, baby.

[C]

We're gonna invite Michael Smith. We're gonna listen to Michael Smith and

[D]

see if we wanna invite them up.

[C]

Here we go.

[F]

Hey, y'.

[I]

All.

[F]

Huge fan. Love you both sultry, but I could really use some advice.

[D]

Are you Michael?

[F]

I currently live in Brooklyn, but I'm originally from a small town called Duck Hill, Mississippi. And it is just as crazy as it sounds. And also, my family is, like, very trumpy giving very All Lives Matter. The house down, cowboy boots. And so basically my question is, how does someone find pride in who they are and where they come from? And if they aren't necessarily proud of where they come from? I would love to know what you think because it's, like, really been rocking my brain. Sincerely, Delta Blues.

[C]

I love these names. I want to dive in on this one. I want to say, you know, I'm very lucky because I come from a series of small towns, and I also get to travel to a lot of small towns. And on the show, we're here, and, you know, every small town is not the majority of its representation. You know, there are. You don't have to be. You don't have to be proud of every single thing from where you come from. I mean, if being an American has shown us anything, honey, it is that you do not have to align yourself with everything that America stands for to be proud of yourself. You don't necessarily. You can be proud of where you come from without being proud of every single thing that goes on where you come from. In fact, I think I use this analogy sometime.

[E]

If.

[C]

If you're in a house and some. And one person. You know, when people, like, talk about America, like, if you don't, like, you can leave. If you're in a house and you say, like, man, this roof is, like, leaking. And then someone goes, if you don't like this house, you can leave. You're like, I'm not saying I don't like the house. I'm saying the roof is leaking and we should fix it. If you don't like the house the way it is, then get the hell out of here. I think people who are actually trying to fix the house are the people who love the house the most. So I think that if you're trying to have a positive impact on your small town of Duck Foot, Mississippi. Is it Duck Foot of Duck Foot, Mississippi. I think that you actually love the town more than anyone there or you love the town more than people who are just like, the way it is. The way it is. If you don't like it, you can leave. What do you think, Mo?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I think that you don't. I mean, I don't think you have to rep where you're from. I mean, if being queer we can choose our family. And when you as you have decided to move from your small town, you now from Brooklyn, you rep Brooklyn. So you can, you can absolutely treasure those things about Brooklyn and that that can now become your hometown. I mean, I don't know how long you've lived in Brooklyn. I don't know how long it's been since you fled Duck Foot, Mississippi, but now you are from New York. Is that where he's from? Duck Foot? Duckville?

[C]

I don't know, it's just I'm from Mississippi and I've never heard of Duckfoot. And that really just tickles me. It is so Mississippi, they have a place called Duckfoot.

[D]

So you're going. So you now have the privilege. You know how you can choose where you're from? You can rep new, you can rep Brooklyn, New York. And there are many things to love about Brooklyn, New York, but Brooklyn, New York is not perfect itself. Bitch, I'm from Brooklyn. I know there are many fucked up things about Brooklyn, New York, but you can choose the good parts of that. Just like you can choose those good parts about Duckwood that you like and rep those good things. Every, no one place is perfect. Every place, every person has its flaws. So you don't need to hone in on those bad things and be like, ugh, we have that really crickety street. So I hate where I'm from. Fuck that. Rep the good things. I'm sure y' all have a good creek. I'm sure y' all have some good old ribs. I'm sure there's some good things about your town that you have this, like, there are good things about your new place in New York City, Brooklyn, that you can rep. As well.

[C]

And I want to remind you all that you can use the hashtag selling advisory to, like, just comment on what you're seeing and how you feel about the podcast right now. And we now have a question from. I don't know how to pronounce his name. I think it's Isaac Arzate. But we can. We can actually. We can act. We can actually invite them up afterwards.

[D]

Here we go.

[E]

All right. Hey, Bob and Monet. So I'm a 22 year old queer Latin X with he they pronouns. So my question has to do with some ti. And unknowingly uncovered about my bestie. We'll call him Leo. Anyways, I've always had a question or suspicion that Leo might be queer, but I've never confirmed it since. He never really talked about liking girls or guys after the beards he dated in high school. So one night we were all hanging out, and Leo left his phone unlocked and he Stan this problematic queen. So I wanted to go on his Stan account and tweet some hate from his account as a joke. But when I clicked on one of the accounts that was on his Twitter, it was a gayporn alt account. So I want to know what I should do or how I should approach this. If you can pull me up, I'd love to talk about how I confronted him about it and get more details on it. Thank you.

[A]

Love you.

[E]

Bye.

[D]

We need to pull Isaac. Bring Isaac up in the chat. I have so many questions. Bring Isaac up in here.

[E]

Isaac.

[C]

This is.

[D]

Bring Isaac's ass. This is up in here.

[C]

I just want to see if there's a way to bring some of the secret. Isaac, we need to invite you up. This is wild.

[D]

Isaac, get your wife up because.

[H]

Isaac.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Isaac, how are you, baby?

[E]

I know it's very Be

[C]

okay. I just want to remember saying this. It is very. It is very messy that you went snooping through your friend's phone. That's.

[E]

It wasn't snooping. Okay. I. I wanted to save the backstory because I knew y' all love some backstory, so. Yeah, let me give you some.

[D]

Yeah, give us. Give us some more details.

[E]

This is my bestie. We've been besties since middle school.

[D]

Huh?

[E]

But like I said that day, we were hanging out, and then I was like. Because the person he stands is a little problematic.

[D]

Wait, tell us. We don't know who the person is, so just say it.

[E]

It's Camila Cabello.

[D]

Oh, Cinderella. I thought you about to say like. Like he stands. Vladimir Putin. Putin. I Was like, oh, you know, Cabello.

[C]

You know Cabello was calling. What's it Normani a. On. On Google Chat or whatever.

[G]

What was it?

[D]

She did. She did do that. She did do that.

[E]

But yeah, I. I wanted to like, as a joke, like, tweet from his. From his Stand account. Like, I actually hate this, like, as a joke because, you know, she's anti black.

[A]

Got it.

[E]

But anyways, when I clicked on like the. On the Open up the other profiles, I clicked on one of them and it was the. You know, the. The corn, as we should say, is for.

[C]

This is not tick tock. We can say porn here.

[D]

Okay, wait, wait, wait. So you knew that he had an alt account, but you did not know that he had a porn.

[C]

He was following an alt account?

[E]

No, no, no.

[C]

He had a Stan account and his friend he was following.

[D]

Yeah, no, yeah, that's not right. Go ahead, Isaac, quick.

[E]

He had. He had two account. Three accounts attached to his Twitter his. So one of them was his Stan account and the other one was his Alt account. So he was the owner of both accounts, but the. One of them was like Facebook marks, you know, so, yeah, I actually, a couple days after I confronted him, I was like, hey, I didn't mention anything about it. I was like, hey, you know, you can tell me anything. Like, you're my bestie. Like, I love, you know, either way. And he's like, what are you talking about? And I was like, well, just know, like, whenever you're ready, you can come out. Like, I'll still be your friend. And he like, he's like, oh, I don't know what you're talking about. I kind of just brushed it off and he kind of told me I was projecting. It was giving very much Monet and Bob like that. That type of stuff.

[C]

What you mean?

[E]

It was given very much gaslighting. But the. The funny thing is, Bob, you actually met him. We were at your Irvine Improv show, kind of used him as a bit because he didn't know who you were. And he had just gone to your show because I made him go to your show because he had his wisdom teeth taken out and used that as a whole bit. But anyways, that's besides the point. But that's basically my dilemma. So I kind of feel like a bad friend, quote, unquote, because he doesn't feel comfortable like telling me who he is or how should I. How would you guys approach this?

[D]

So wait, so you. So you're. He doesn't know who he.

[G]

He.

[D]

He doesn't know you don't. Sorry. He doesn't know who he, he doesn't know you know who he is for having a porn account or he's gay?

[H]

Both.

[E]

He doesn't know I know both.

[D]

Got it. So he doesn't know that you. He doesn't know that you know that he is queer and also does porn.

[E]

Correct.

[D]

Got it, got it, got it. And you're trying to figure out how you can better, how you can like foster an honest conversation. Like, hey, I mean, honestly, I think honesty is the best policy. Be like, bitch, here's the table. I was trying to do some funny shit. I was trying to log into your Twitter and take your phone and tweet about Camila and do some funny shit. And bitch, I see that you dabble in some porn. What's the tea? I think you can use the porn as a segue into the cause. If he knows that you saw his alt Twitter, obviously you know what's on there. Like, you know that he, like, there was some business going on. So I think the gateway into that and be like, I saw your alt Twitter. What's the tv? And I think have a conversation. Because if you try to, try to like, walk on eggshells and try to like not address it, it's gonna get more and more awkward. And then the longer that you sit on this information and he knows that you. And when you find. Cause if other friends, he's gonna find out that you know eventually. And if he knows that you've known for a month, a year, five, whatever it is, that's gonna make it worse. And then that's gonna make him feel even. Like, that's gonna make him feel bad that you knew all this time and you never spoke to him about it. So I think the sooner you do it, the better.

[C]

And I want y' all on Twitter to chime in with this too. I gotta be honest, Isaac. I really do feel like in my personal opinion, it is a betrayal of trust to take someone's phone even if you were meeting as a joke. Like, I, I, as a rule, I do not like touch people's phones. I don't go through them. That's not a way that I joke. Like, I, I would never tweet something from one of my friends phones there. I don't even look at people's phones when they're using them. I don't, I don't like when people look at my phone when I'm texting or tweeting. I hate that shit. Something about it is like, this is. This what? Go ahead.

[E]

We've done that before. Like, he's taking my foot.

[D]

It's part of your dynamic. It's part of your dynamic. Like. Like what you guys play around.

[E]

Exactly.

[C]

Interesting. I guess that's. That's just the dynamic I. I would never be comfortable with. But if y' all have established that. That taking each other's phones and, like, And. And, you know, tweeting for each other's phones is a. Is a fun goof, then I guess go off. But I do think if you're going to ask him to be honest with you, then you have to be honest with him. You have to say. You can't just say, hey, if you wanted to do porn, you should say, hey, I saw your Alt account, and I apologize. I did not mean to betray that part of your trust. I know that's not my business, but I want you to know that I did see it, and I don't want you to think that I did not. So I think if you're going to expect honesty from your friend, then you owe him honesty as well.

[E]

Drag me.

[A]

Thank you.

[E]

I needed that.

[D]

Just sooner. Rather do not. And, yes, you may be afraid of, like, having, like, an awkward conversation or being, like, weird, but I think sooner rather than later. Do not wait. The longer you wait, the worse it will be because he'll just feel bad that you knew all this time and you knew and you never said anything.

[E]

All right. Thank you.

[G]

Yeah.

[D]

That's so cool.

[C]

Of course. And y' all let us know what you're thinking about that whole scenario, too. And again, you have to remove yourself, because we don't know how to remove people.

[D]

All right,

[C]

See yourself out. No, I'm kidding.

[D]

Bye, Isaac. Close your eyes.

[G]

Exhale.

[D]

Feel your body relax.

[C]

And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[I]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh. They're so fast.

[D]

And breathe.

[I]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[D]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.

[C]

1-800-contacts. Let's listen to Vincent Lama.

[A]

Hey, Bob.

[G]

Hey, Mune.

[D]

This is Vicente. Cousin on Patreon. So I'm on Grindr a lot. I can hook up with guys a lot easy. I think my count is well over the triple digits. My question is, how do I change my approach to Talking to guys to be more in relationship. I'm looking to be in a relationship now as opposed to just one Timers and shout out here from Portland, come through.

[H]

Yes.

[D]

Love Portland. I went first last time. You want to go first?

[C]

Yeah. You know, I, I do think that a lot of it is about your mentality going into it. I don't really necessarily, I don't believe in, I don't personally believe in energy and attracting energy and stuff. That's. That, that's just not part of my experience. But I do know that when you are again, open and honest with people, you know, if you say like, looking for fun, but it would not. But wouldn't be mad if a relationship came my way.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[C]

The question is, when you're hooking up, are you like, walk in, take your pants down, I'm gonna splicity splack, and you're gonna leave, or do you hang out with them a little bit? Do you get to know them a little bit? I mean, I met, me and Jacob met on Grinder. We, our first night, we hooked up and this has been an almost five year relationship. So I think there is a, there is a way to form relationships from hookups and hookup apps. But I think that if you're looking to have something more serious, then obviously, in my opinion, I think it is time to go ahead and be open about that. When you meet up with people, I

[D]

think you should say what you want. I think you should maybe look at what your profile is giving off, right? So on your profile, do you have language that people will be like, damn, I guess we just fucking. And that's it. Because sometimes people want relationships. They don't realize their profile is saying, you can't stay over. Their profiles are giving off the energy of you not trying to fuck around and you're not trying to hang out and you're not trying to have relationships. So maybe check the language on your profile. And then also when you hook up with these people, be direct and be like, hey, maybe after y' all finish doing whatever, be like, hey, you want to go get some coffee or you want to go get lunch, or you want to go, whatever the case may be, like, give. Let people know that you're looking for more than just a wham bam and that's it. I think you have to like. And if that's not working, just honestly just verbalize like, hey, in your tech. I mean, I don't know how deep, how much conversation you're having before you hook up but in your back and forth in the app, like, just say that. Like, say that. Say what you're looking for in the app, that you are looking for fun, but you're also looking for a relationship as well. And you would like some fun to lead into a relationship. I think just being super direct in what you want at this point, because we all know everyone can get trapped in the circle of grinders having sex and sex all the time, and you're not. And you're not truly getting from the app what you want, which is a relationship. So I think it may be time to just resort to just being super direct and super honest about what you're looking for in the app, which is fun, but you like it to become something else. You like it to become a relationship.

[C]

I love the confidence. He was like, oh, I can get dick, bitch. I get dick all the time. It's easy for me. Triple digits. Dick, bitch. Also, we have a couple people chimed in on Twitter at. This name is like C4 limb 3 JB says that. A good point about Isaac is that just because, to be honest, just because he has a gay porn page and makes gay porn doesn't automatically make him gay. That is a very good point that I had not even considered. So Isaac, if you're still listening, that is a. That is a. A great point to bring up as well. Again, you can join the conversation on twitter@ hashtag siblingadvisory. I'm just scrolling through the, through the hashtags and checking them out.

[G]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah, I'm checking out. I'm checking these out. Sibling advis 27 minutes ago from rnquevo. Bob, you're weird for not telling Monet. You're going. How are you going to say something and go back on it without telling her? Like, huh, the next one. Swimming advisory. Bob is wild for not telling Monet. They are going. Since it's a joint award swimming advisory. If Bob gonna go there, goes to the grave dead wrong about this award show. So everyone say, okay, Isaac, I don't

[C]

think I owe Monet my location. Everywhere in my life. I can go to. I can go to things without you.

[H]

Yeah.

[C]

And that's just. That is the tea.

[D]

You know what? You're right. You go to things without me all the time.

[C]

All the time.

[D]

Hasadiga, could Monet turn up her mic? Okay. Sibling advice.

[C]

You don't have to read every. You don't have to read every single one.

[D]

Monet. We have to read our choice. We're reading some. To be honest, just because he Has a gay. Oh, this one. Civil advisory standing with Monet in the argument. Sorry, Bob. I'm Team Monet on this one. All right, great. Y' all can look at the similar advisory hashtags and you can make your decisions. Can we get the next question? Poor favor.

[C]

This is Mo Samir.

[J]

Hi, Baba Munay. I have a question. I've been having issues with my professor. He's a sociology professor, and he's been saying a lot of politically incorrect things in class, and I've tried correcting him once and twice, and. And he keeps saying these old terms that we don't use anymore. They're very politically incorrect, and I'm very surprised that he's actually saying them, but I've corrected him twice already, and he keeps shutting me down, and I don't know what to do. I went to the dean, and she said she would talk to him, but nothing has changed. I don't know what to do.

[C]

I think I need some more specifics on this. What is he saying?

[D]

Let me tell you something. I have experienced faculties that are tenured, and the university, they are so slow to move on tenured professors because they've done their time, for lack of a better word. And they are really slow to act on professors unless it's something really egregious that they just can't let slide. Which, honestly, if they're using wrong terms of sociology, that seems a little sus. But, yeah, universities are very slow to move on tenured professors. I'm guessing he's tenured, but bring him in here.

[C]

Let's bring Mo Samir up, and we will find out exactly what is going on with this professor. I want to know. Hi, Mo. How are you? Oh, Mo's. Hi, Mo.

[D]

How are you?

[F]

I don't know.

[D]

Is this Monet X change? So.

[C]

So. So Mo is. Is your professor. Is it like microaggressions? Like, what. What are they? What, if you don't mind us asking, what are the things this professor saying? That is. That feels antiquated and offensive?

[D]

And remember, you. This is your voice. So whatever you say, we will. We will hold it against you, and we'll act like you're saying it. So be very careful what you say, Mo.

[H]

God.

[J]

Okay, so they're. They're not like microaggressions. They're like. Flat out. He's flat out saying them. He was saying things like Red Indians. He was saying things like transsexuals. He was saying, like. He was saying. No, he was. He was implying that a transgender people are not considered transgender until they like, they do the operation. And I was telling him, I was telling him that it's not true. And he was like, that is true. And it's just the way that he's speaking. It seems like he's very uninformed or it's like. Because he's like, he's a dinosaur. So it's like he's teaching from like back when.

[D]

Is he. I have a question. Is your, is your professor tenured? Has he been there for a long time?

[J]

Because we're like, I'm, I'm in Lebanon. And so we like, only American universities have 10 years and things like that. So he's not tenured. But because he's old, I think like the dean doesn't want to tell him to like update his language. It seems kind of awkward. I, I get it. But I went to her twice and it keeps happening. He, like, he's like, Even the way he says, he doesn't say African Americans, he says blacks. And it's just the, the usage of the words are so archaic.

[C]

Well, I mean, so I, this is, this is my thought process. I. There is something about saying it's the s at the end of blacks. It's the, It's. Black is when. It's, when people say blacks. That's what it is. Like, what, what is this? I think black is a, an appropriate term because not every black person is African American. But that's beside the point. You know, obviously your professor is saying some very offensive stuff and honestly, I, it sounds like he's coming from a very ill informed place and he, he might need some sort of sensitivity training. And honestly, I know the dean is, is like the highest you can go at a school, but if the dean's not doing anything about it, I'm a little extreme. Maybe I'm too much. But bitch, maybe it's time to fucking expose him. Like sometimes when you go to the manager and the manager won't do anything about it, you just fucking go to Twitter. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, people find out how to act, right? All of a sudden. Because if this person is from a position of power, they're standing in front of the class teaching everyone. It gives them. People take their professor's wor. Knowledge because they trust them. They are, they're educated. They are up here. They have been accredited by the university because.

[J]

Or there's already prejudice against transgender people, against LGBTQ folk here. And just for him to say this, just teaching people in college, this, it just you know, it perpetuates the cycle of hate towards people of, you know, queer people.

[D]

Yeah. You know, I mean, I think, I

[C]

think, I think it'd be good, maybe

[D]

consider some other ways. Like maybe start a petition and have, like have the student body express their discomfort with this professor and maybe the university, instead of just listening to which they should listen to everyone. But obviously numbers speak volumes, right? So you can get a majority of this or I mean, I don't know how many people you need to sign a petition for the university to really take to look at it, but get as many signatures as you can. Be like, this is happening. This professor is doing these things and all of us who have signed this petition feel this way. Something needs to change. I think that is a great way to. You can like make the university open up their eyes to be like, okay, we need to do something now.

[C]

Or if you, if you get the professor saying this offensive stuff, bitch, post it on fucking. Post that shit on TikTok and be like, this is what I have to go and be told is the truth in class every day. I've gone to the dean, she's done nothing about it and this is my last resort. And I want to say that is very extreme and I. And maybe you don't want to do that because it can cause trouble with you at school. You could end up being a target.

[J]

Part of me feels like I'm graduating this semester and just like it, it's not my problem, but I feel like part of it is my problem because I'm someone who's queer in this country and like him teaching this just brings hate to my community, you know?

[D]

Yeah, for sure.

[C]

Yeah. Someone, someone's saying here, as someone also born in Lebanon, I feel like the people aren't really open minded and educated on social justice as Americans. This is from someone named Horig. And yeah, I mean, maybe, maybe Mo. You know, this is one of those be the change you need to see in the world moments, but I think also understanding that by, by putting yourself out there, you could end up becoming a target for some sort of hate as well. So just make sure that you're taking care of yourself, that you're not putting yourself in any situation that could cause you to, you know, risk your education or risk your, your, your safety at school. That's what I would say.

[D]

This is, These are some of our. This is what some of the sibling rivalry listeners have to say on Twitter. Someone said, this is from Bloodbathbitch says, fuck respecting the professor. Let that nigga have it. She also. Someone said the fact that. Wait, as someone also born in Lebanon. This is from Ori Ourig 94. As someone born in Lebanon, I feel like people aren't open minded and educated on social justice as Americans. So yeah, I mean, again, I think I like what Bob said about bitch. You've seen it. We've all gone to TikTok on social media, on IG, whatever you've seen someone posted a teacher or professor or a parent or someone doing something crazy and everyone rallies around the person posting the clip and they take help get action to get that person removed from what they're doing. But I mean, I think a petition is a great way. A petition does not as drastic and as aggressive as posting something to social media. So maybe I would say try the petition route. Get a bunch of students, as many students as you can to sign this petition and present it to the dean or the president or whoever of the university and be like, this has happened. All of us agree that something needs to change and see what can happen from there.

[C]

Yeah. All right, thank you so much for your advice. Question, Mo, I think we have time for a few more. Oh, thank you, Mo. We have time for a few more. We're gonna now take one from Christian. This is Christian also. Again, you can join us in the conversation on Twitter @siblingadvisory. I really love reading what you all think about these while we, while we, while we talk.

[G]

Hi, Bob and Monet. My question is how long did it take for either of you, if you were ever in the position to move on from a past relationship and that heartache and all that weight and stop looking for what you had in your previous partner in your future relationships or what you're looking for. Like, how long did that take and what does that look like?

[B]

Wow.

[D]

You wanna go or you want me to go? I'll go. Cause I think you went last. First loss. I think that at the previous relationship, it varies. For me, I've had like, maybe not maybe I've had three actual breakups and the other were just fucking around shits that end up whatever. But my last part, my last boyfriend, that took me like a couple months. I would say it took me a solid two months, two, three months to be really over it. Cause again, you spend a lot of time with this person, you love them and you really experience put your heart and soul into the relationship. And when it does end, it is hard and it is. And I don't think that you should feel bad about feeling bad about It. It's completely normal. And I think that take as much time as you feel like you need it. Cause what you don't want to do is get into a new relationship or dating people or meeting people again. But you still have that heartache. You're caring for the past relationship. Don't feel weird about being sad about mourning the loss of an old relationship. It's completely normal. But I also don't think you should wallow in it. I think that you should try different things to help get over that. What I found was comforting was hanging out with friends and being around people. Because obviously the inclination, like you want to be alone and you want to listen to sad music and you want to think about all the good things that happen and you want to stay in that. But try to hang out with your friends, your friends that make you really happy and your friends that can take your mind off of it. And I think that is super helpful surrounding yourself with people who aren't going to make you wallow in your sadness. Because I have friends that them niggas like being sad. And I would want to put myself with those people. Cause I know I wanted to stain. I wanted to be sad about it. Also, bitch, when I break up, somehow I'm very dramatic. And that's too much. So I think it's okay to feel those emotions. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to miss that person, that relationship. But you can't let yourself stay there because, bitch, that's being dark for too long. And it can really, really, really bring you down.

[C]

You know, I gotta be honest. I don't have a lot of. Of experience with breakups. I've never been through a breakup before. I started dating really late in life. I didn't start dating until my early 30s. So Jacob is my first boyfriend and we're still dating. But I have been there for a lot of friends through their breakups. I can't say that I've been there with a lot of friends while they were breaking up with people. And I think it's really important to remember that your time with someone else does not define you. That person does not define you. Being with them is. I always say, like, honestly, if you find. You don't want to find anyone that completes you, that's not the tea for me. I'm speaking for myself. That's not the tea for me. I always say, like, you're not. Like, it's surf and turf. It's not like you're the perfect compliment to my. It's not steak and mashed potatoes. Like, we're both the main course. We complement each other, but we do not complete each other. We do not finish each other. We do not encase each other's everything. But also allow yourself to feel your feelings and don't beat yourself up for feeling bad. Beat yourself up for having perfectly human emotions. It takes some people longer to get over things. And don't try to meter yourself to and compare yourself to other people and be like, well, so and so got over it in two days. And so and so got over it in two months. You know, I'll never forget my mom was talking to me about how when her, when my aunt passed away, she was really sad about it. Like, like, I think like years later she was just because my mom, I only have one aunt, aunt or uncle that's passed away. My mom was only lost one sibling. And then like, I think a year later she was like, just sitting there like, sad. And her, my mom's boyfriend at the time was like, you're still sad about your sister? Like, he said it like that, like, you're still sad about your sister. And she just looked at him and she was like, I cannot believe you just said that to me. Like, yes, I'm very sad about my sister. And of course he never, he never understood until he lost a sibling later down the line. And then he was like, I, I, he actually apologized. He goes, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize how, how hard it could be. So what I'm saying is don't be hard on yourself. Allow yourself to get over it in the time that feels appropriate to you and prioritize yourself in this time. Do not, do not prioritize them. You have to always, even in a relationship, you cannot, in my opinion, you cannot prioritize your partner over yourself. You have to always be the priority in every situation.

[D]

Katya's at Katya's tiny hand said, hang out with your hateful friends. Nobody's gonna humble you more than someone who secretly hated your ex. That is the realty. If you really want to get over it, find your friends that hated your ex and they will remind you of every shitty thing about your ex. That was annoying. Why? No, why? They didn't like him. And that will make you feel a lot better. They're like, yeah, and that stink.

[C]

And he eats sloppy and his breath

[D]

used to stink and he ain't brush his hair and he like, find your friends that did not like your, Find your hateful friends. They will remind you of every gross thing about your every ex that you didn't miss. And that's a good way to get

[G]

over it for sure.

[C]

Do you think that me not liking your ex helped you get over him?

[D]

Oh, yeah, for sure. Because you were very. You were used to say. You used to tell me stuff. I was like, oh, my God.

[A]

True. It.

[D]

It.

[J]

It.

[D]

It absolutely helped me for sure.

[C]

But I just want to point out I did not ever come out vocally against him until the day you were like, it's over. I was like, great. I have a Google document I'm going to send to you. I've been thinking about some stuff. All right, I think we have time for one more. How have you enjoyed. How have you enjoyed our. Our sibling advisory live?

[D]

Once Patty paid the electric company and I had power, it was great. But before that.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I forgot y'. All. Whoever's been here from the beginning, y', all, it was a. Oh, we're leaving. You know what?

[D]

Maybe. Maybe we can make it a Patreon exclusive. The first fucking 25 minutes of this podcast that we're not gonna air. We'll make that. We'll put that on Patreon because we're not losing it. It was great.

[C]

All right, let's listen to Heather Mason.

[D]

Here we go.

[A]

What do you guys think of someone like me who identifies as gay and asexual? I am attracted to men. I like being with men. But the concept of sex is gross to me. It kind of scares me a little bit.

[F]

It.

[A]

I've tried it in the past. I did not like it. But I have gotten a metric ton of backlash from the gay community as a result of me identifying as this.

[D]

What is. I. I mean, I would. I would like to invite this person in because I'm curious what this backlash is that you're. That they're receiving. And I also have. Can. Can we. Can we bring this person in?

[C]

Yeah, let's go ahead and invite in Heather Mason. Heather Mason, you're on the line. Welcome to the chat.

[D]

Hi, Heather Mason.

[C]

Hi, Heather. Yeah, what are your pronouns, Heather?

[A]

My pronouns are they, them. Thank you for asking.

[C]

Of course.

[G]

My pleasure.

[C]

So Money has some questions.

[D]

Yeah. So what. Obviously. What.

[H]

What.

[D]

What is some of the backlash you're getting from.

[E]

From.

[D]

From the queer community about your asexuality?

[A]

So, like I said, I identify as gay. I'm very romantically attracted to men, and that is regardless of if they are trans or not. Not because I think it's stupid to make that distinction, but a lot of it is like you don't. You're not actually gay unless you have sex. It's one of those types of things like, oh no, you don't like a dick in your ass, therefore you're not gay. Or you don't like putting your dick another man's ass, so you're not gay.

[C]

Got is after dark on civic advisory, honey.

[A]

2:30 where I am and I am half a bottle of vodka through, so.

[D]

Well, you know what, Heather Mason, listen. Your asexuality, not that you need me to validate it, but your asexuality is completely valid. And those people who will think that way, they have a really narrow mind of how they think about sex and how they think. They probably have not met many asexual people before or they have, they just didn't know. But just because you do not have sex with a man doesn't make you any less gay or any less queer or whatever you choose to, whatever your inclination is. So yeah, I mean, bitch, don't. I mean, in terms of ignoring those people, I guess if these people are your friends or these people that you surround yourself often with, or these people that you have to interact with, it's hard to ignore that because they've said these things and it's hurtful and it's very fucking annoying. But their opinions about your asexuality mean literally nothing. What other people think about you is none them of of your fucking business. If they don't understand you being asexual, that's not your fucking problem. That is their narrow mind. And they need to think about the world in 2022. Just because they never met asexual people before they don't understand it does not make it any less of a thing.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Yeah. You know, I feel like you really. You do not have to justify any part of your identity to anyone. I'm going to repeat that. You do not have to justify a single part of your gender identity, your sexuality, your gender expression. You don't have to justify any of that to a single person on the planet. It is your business. You can identify how you like. You do not have. You do not have to have sex to be gay. I mean, a lot of us know that we were queer since the time that we were children, before we ever had sex and we knew that we were gay. We knew before we were ever into anything, before we'd ever actually done anything.

[A]

And sometimes, go ahead, like kindergarten back when I would have crushes on the boys in kindergarten and not the girls. And then I found out much later in life that I was gay. But it's just like even like the queer people I surround myself with, like, I used to live in a queer dorm for four years when. Back when I was in college. And even the people in that queer dorm, they were like, you're not gay. You're not gay. So it's just like, damn.

[D]

I wish, you know, Heather, I wish

[A]

more people were accepting of different things essentially.

[C]

I think what's happening there, Heather, is that these people, and this is just my, My. I'm just assuming here, but a lot of these people, they feel the need to gatekeep their. Gatekeep gayness because they felt like they had to fight really hard for it. They felt like they had to fight for their identity. And they feel like they feel like maybe you're, I don't know, getting away with something, but that's. That's none of their business. And that's their. That. That is their own trauma that they're placing on you that you're not responsible for. And you do not have to hold any responsibility for their trauma response to your experience. And, you know, there will always be someone disagreeing with you. You know, and we can't. We can't change. We can change some people's lives. We can't change them all. And it's not our jobs to. You know, I think that as long as you're living your authentic truth, doing your like, living your tea, then you're.

[A]

You're doing.

[C]

You're doing the right thing. And there. There is someone out there who. Who thinks like you and who will. Who will want to have the same thing that you want. For sure. In my opinion.

[D]

I agree with that. The only person needs to understand your asexuality. The only person needs to understand your asexuality is you. Is not Tom's or Rebecca's or Trishell's or Keisha's. None of their business.

[C]

Rebecca.

[A]

Especially Rebecca Lake nearby. Rebecca, back up.

[D]

All right.

[C]

Thank you so much, Heather. Thank you, Heather. And I hope that's not Stolely you're drinking.

[D]

No, I'm kidding.

[A]

I've been wanting to ask this question for a while. Thank you guys so much for having me on. I love you both, of course, for helping me discover drag. I love you.

[G]

Word.

[C]

And again, you have to remove yourself. But we don't know how to remove people from the.

[H]

From the jet.

[C]

Thank you. I'm so glad money that we've. We not had a rogue person who

[D]

wouldn't refuse to get off yet because we would not be defend ourselves if it was me. I would absolutely be that person. I would not leave. I'm like, no, make me leave. Chaotic energy.

[C]

I don't think that's not you. You're not that bitch you say you are. You're really not her.

[D]

I am. I am. I would do that to you if you had some type of thing and you invited me in. I would not remove myself and I would troll you the entire time.

[A]

That's.

[C]

That's just so naive. That's just so naive. Like Monet's like, this bitch you look like.

[D]

Try me. Do a live. Do a live with your little friend, Peppermint, one of your little friends and invite me in. And I bet you I'm not leaving. I say them the whole time.

[C]

I could literally. Bitch, I could block you from this conversation right now. Let's make that clear.

[D]

First of all, bitch, I can block you.

[C]

So listen, everyone, thank you so much for listening to us here on Sibling Ed Vice.

[D]

Excuse me. Excuse me, I'm not done. Thank you all for weighing in on civil advisory. I have read all of the civil advisory hashtag, and you guys have been really. You guys have opened my eyes to a lot of things today, and I appreciate your responses, for sure.

[C]

What do they open your eyes to?

[D]

You know, just behavior by certain people that I feel vindicated knowing that I'm not the crazy one. Interesting.

[C]

Well, congratulations on getting your validation from the Internet. All right, thank you so much, everyone. Thank you so much for listening to us on the podcast.

[D]

You are.

[C]

I'm great. I'm grateful that you all listen to us and we will talk to you all soon. Bye, everyone.

[D]

You guys are also, also saying that you guys like this, the live advisory. And we. I guess we will definitely come back. We may not. We may not use stereo again. We might try another platform. But actually it. It ended up working out. But we would definitely do more live advisories because this was really great to talk to y' all and people to explain themselves and we just understand a little better the situations for sure. So we'll see y' all next time on the Advice three.

[C]

Bye, everyone.

[I]

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