The One About Amber Wallin

Summary

Sibling Rivalry – “The One About Amber Wallin”

Date: September 25, 2024
Hosts: Bob the Drag Queen, Monét X Change
Guest: Amber Wallin

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Main Theme

This episode centers around comedian, content creator, and social media influencer Amber Wallin. Bob and Monét welcome Amber for a lively, laugh-filled conversation about her background, rise to TikTok fame, stand-up comedy journey, Southern roots, family stories, and the intricacies of Black and queer pop culture—plus hot takes on Janet Jackson, kitchen mishaps, board games, and viral internet drama.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Amber’s Background & Southern Connections

• Georgia Upbringing & Comedy Origins

  • Amber and Bob bond over both being from Georgia, trading hometown trivia (Athens and not Conyers) and sharing how “smelling the Southern” on each other created an instant connection.
  • Amber’s Southern family rituals, like learning spades and Domino’s, become a recurring motif.
  • Quote: “She has a big rule… the second time you’re in my mom’s house, you’re not a guest anymore.” – Amber ([05:41])

• Teaching Careers Before Comedy

  • Before internet stardom, Amber and her husband Ben both taught math and geometry in Chicago public schools.
  • The “teacher” years surface in anecdotes about geometry quizzes, classroom gaydar, and navigating careers.

2. Spades, Domino’s, and Family Games

• Cultural Differences & Game Night Stories
  • Bob and Amber relive the intensity and pressure of Black spades culture; Monet (Caribbean) admits never learning it, favoring Domino’s instead.
  • “You don’t need no acting or improv classes if you grew up playing spades.” – Amber ([06:54])
  • Amusing debate about the wisdom (or absurdity) of bringing two new packs of Domino’s to game night.
  • Quote: “That is strange.” – Amber, about Bob’s double Domino’s packs ([08:43])

3. TikTok Stardom, Family Life, and Social Media

• Amber’s Viral Content

  • Bob describes discovering Amber’s viral TikToks, especially those teaching Ben how to play spades or showing Southern family dynamics.
  • Amber reflects on turning Teach for America years, classroom sketches, and family routines into compelling, relatable content.
  • “When the stage stuff gets really, really strong, I already have the built-in audience…” – Amber ([38:39])

• Marriage, Family, Parenting

  • Amber recounts meeting Ben on Tinder, their casual first date at the dog beach, and family union logistics (with the dog Gucci in tow; Gucci, of course, was Amber’s idea).
  • Candid parenting talk: letting her daughter shape her own identity, learning from her, and the joys of little moments—like “just eating the cheese” off pizza.
  • “I like that she’s making that distinction. Like Amber is my drag name.” – Amber ([26:48])

4. Kitchen Mishaps & Cooking Competition Antics

• The Onion Peel Scandal
  • Amber describes a viral moment where she forgot to peel an onion before making breakfast hash, prompting ruthless internet scrutiny.
  • The group howls over culinary flexes, the drama of southern cooking, and Bob’s “rich auntie” moves at Target.
  • Bob walks Amber (and the listeners) through his signature vegan peanut butter ramen noodle dish—and the ongoing rivalry with Monet over an infamous cooking challenge judged by a “skinny white woman” ([34:01]).
  • Quote: “The skinny white woman that don’t eat food… how’s she gonna judge a cooking competition?” – Monét ([33:54])

5. Janet Jackson, Pop Culture, and PR Disasters

• Janet’s Wild Quotes

  • Hilarious roast of Janet Jackson’s viral “Kamala Harris isn’t black” interview moment and the subsequent (non)apology drama.
  • Sharp observations on celebrity detachment, the bubble of fame, and the way mishaps become meme worthy.
  • Quote: “Janet has apologized… Wait, she said she didn’t apologize!” – Bob & Amber ([54:21–54:59])

• PR & Social Media Backfires

  • Monet and Bob share personal tales of minor social media “scandals,” like being unfollowed by Meghan McCain or being mistaken for friends with Amber Rose.
  • “Let me tell you right now, it is hard work… I am constantly in the middle of a PR nightmare with my clients.” – Bob ([57:46])

6. Board Games, Relationship Dynamics & Scammer Stories

• Monopoly & Capitalist Critique

  • The trio attacks Monopoly as “the scammer pipeline”—teaching kids cutthroat capitalism and “monopolizing” as the goal.
  • “All good at Monopoly as a kid grew up to be scammers.” – Monét ([45:47])

• Relationship Roles & Planning Types

  • Amber, Monet, and Bob debate who plans trips in their relationships and how “alpha/beta” behaviors split across business, travel, and parenting.
  • Bob: “For me, it depends on the partner I’m with… For me and Mo, it’s like ‘who had the idea?’” ([42:36])

7. Amber’s Standup Comeback & Artistic Growth

• Standup vs. Internet Success

  • Amber explains her shift out of teaching, pandemic-era pivot into TikTok, and now her concerted return to standup stages.

  • Second City, improv, yoga instructor hustle, and how “the Amber Cinematic Universe” keeps evolving—with Ben as loving stay-at-home co-star.

  • Quote: “Now I’m kind of in this really sweet spot I’m excited about… when [standup] gets really, really strong, I already have the built-in audience.” ([38:39])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [03:18] “You are a singer.” – Bob
  “For sure I be singing. I can hold down some background vocals.” – Amber
• [06:54] “You don’t need no acting or improv classes if you grew up playing spades.” – Amber
• [08:43] “That is strange.” – Amber (on Bob buying two packs of dominoes)
• [12:16] “Amber, can you tell Monet what a hypotenuse is?” – Bob
  “The longest side is the hypotenuse.” – Amber
• [16:09] “I always say: I will never take fashion advice from someone who doesn’t know how many minutes are in a year.” – Bob
• [18:58] “I’m not just gonna be having sex with you and you live somewhere else. That’s crazy to me. In this economy.” – Amber, on moving in with Ben
• [24:45] "Are you hoping that [your daughter] will be a little starlet?"
  “Sometimes. But… do you, girl.” – Amber
• [33:54] “The skinny white woman that don’t eat food. So how’s she gonna judge a cooking competition?” – Monét
• [45:47] “All good at Monopoly as a kid grew up to be scammers. That Monopoly to scammer pipeline is wild.” – Monét
• [54:21–54:59] “Janet has apologized… She said, I didn’t issue that apology.” – Bob & Amber
• [57:46] “I am constantly in the middle of a PR nightmare with my clients.” – Bob

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Meet Amber Wallin, Friendship Origins (03:02 – 05:13)
• Spades & Southern Family Games (05:13 – 08:39)
• TikTok, Teaching, and Family Life (11:00 – 14:03)
• Kitchen Mishaps Story: The Onion Peel Incident (29:25 – 31:22)
• Bob’s Famous Vegan Peanut Ramen Recipe (32:28 – 33:54)
• Board Games & Monopoly Capitalism (43:54 – 45:53)
• Amber’s Standup Journey & Pandemic Career Pivot (36:28 – 39:28)
• Janet Jackson & the Kamala Harris Interview (51:16 – 54:59)
• PR Blunders, Amber Rose, and Monet’s Meghan McCain Beef (57:46 – 58:44)

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Tone and Language

Hilarious, warm, and sincerely Southern, the episode bursts with quick wit, sibling teasing, and familiar banter. Cultural insight and comedic commentary are leveled with depth—whether dissecting the meaning of game nights, the pitfalls of fame, or the pathways from classroom to comedy stage. Amber matches Bob and Monét’s infectious energy, offering wisdom, authenticity, and poignant humor throughout.

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Where to Find Amber

Amber Wallin on social: [@burriam_iam] on most platforms.

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Final Shoutouts

A lively celebration of Black Southern culture, queer joy, family, and the magic of internet-to-stage transformation. Amber’s moving, funny stories and the hosts’ signature irreverence make this a must-listen for fans of stand-up, TikTok, and drag royalty alike.

Transcript

[A]

Close your eyes.

[B]

Exhale.

[A]

Feel your body relax.

[C]

And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[A]

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[B]

1-800-contact contacts.

[A]

I'm Kiana, and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like I can't stop. I'm addicted.

[B]

Start your free [e-mail]. my name is Bob the Drag Queen.

[A]

And I'm Monet.

[C]

And this is Sibling rivalry.

[B]

On this week's episode, we welcome Amber Wallen to the podcast.

[C]

We talk about Janet Jackson.

[B]

And we find out what made Amber say this.

[A]

That is strange. We find out what made Monet say this.

[C]

The skinny white woman that don't eat food. So how's she gonna judge a cooking competition? And we find out what made Bob say this.

[B]

And that's why you getting scammed.

[C]

Well, sibling rivalry, listeners.

[B]

Yeah, Bob, you get the first word in. Why you trying to. Whenever y' all don't know this, we do the clap slave Monet always trying to jump to say the first word. Y' all don't. I want to be like, I don't

[C]

have the emotional bandwidth for this. Today we have. Can you behave yourself? Can you try to be on your best behavior in front of company? Can you try?

[B]

We about to double team you. We both from Georgia. You about to get double teamed.

[C]

Honey, can you try to have some couth?

[B]

Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, go ahead, do it. Since you're so damn desperate.

[C]

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the pod, a friend of the pod in our head in real life. Cause I haven't hung out with her in real life. Bob is only a parasocial friendship.

[B]

It is true.

[C]

The fabulous Amber Wallet.

[A]

Hey, everybody. This is a dream come true for us, too.

[B]

So me and Amber do hang out in real life more times than you and Amber have hung out, actually.

[C]

Clock that Tee it's not a competition.

[A]

Monet was in St. Lucia. To be fair.

[C]

I was. I was.

[B]

Nobody was invited. Nobody was invited.

[A]

I'm not gonna let you cook the entire pie. Monet was in St. Lucia.

[C]

Amber, thank you. You have an advocate.

[B]

Amber, you better get kicked off the podcast. You keep taking off coming out of the donation. You better get kicked off the pod.

[A]

I'm fully in your man's room right now, so let me be on my best behavior.

[B]

So for those who don't know Amber Wallen, I mean, how would you describe yourself? An actor, a social media influencer, a standup comedian, and also, I feel like you don't say singer, but you be singing.

[C]

You are a singer.

[A]

For sure I be singing. You know, I feel like I'm not. What do you say when you're like, I'm not a lead singer, but I think I can hold down some background vocals. That's how I feel.

[B]

I always say I. No one's gonna. Well, actually, it's changed a little bit lately, but I was like, I can carry a tune, and no one's gonna, like, throw me. No one's gonna be like, who is that?

[A]

Right.

[B]

If I'm singing a song, even if I don't sing the words, you'll recognize what the song is.

[C]

Oh, they'll say, who is that? All right. They wanna know who it is.

[B]

Yeah. Because they wanna go to the Spotify.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, well, rewind really quick. Where did y' all hang out when I was. Where did y' all go?

[B]

I've been to Amber's house, like, twice. We went to. We go to comedy clubs together.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. We go to comedy clubs together. You mean you went once, Bob. With Amber?

[B]

No, I went with Amber to a comedy show. Amber came with me to a comedy show. Amber came to the studio. Me and Amber hung out, like, five times already.

[A]

Yes, we have. It's getting pretty serious.

[B]

I know, right? I mean, pretty much. We just hit it off. We were, like, immediately, like, great friends. And then Amber came to the studio. Cause I'm trying to bring people to come to hang out at the studio and, like, create and be creative there. And it's just been. I don't know. We really hit it out. We're both from Georgia.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Were you from Georgia? Again, not Conyers.

[A]

I'm from Athens, Georgia.

[B]

Athens, Georgia.

[A]

Yes. So I think we smelled the Southern on each other.

[C]

Isn't that where Paula Deen is from?

[B]

No, Paula Deen is from Savannah. No, from Savannah.

[C]

Got it. Okay.

[B]

Or she Lives in Savannah. That's where her restaurant is. And Athens is uga. The University of Georgia.

[A]

Yes, yes. Or Nini's. Agnes Phaedra. Yeah. Any housewife head is basically like, the most famous people from Athens at this point.

[C]

Word.

[B]

Exactly. Exactly. So it's north of Atlanta.

[C]

I first came. I first got into the Amber Wallen consciousness. I was just one day just scrolling through my TikTok. I forgot what was the first one? I think it was definitely a video with you and Ben. And I just remember. I remember favoring it and sending to a bunch of my friends. I was, like, cracking up. I think one of the first ones I saw was you teaching him how to play spades. And like, Ben, no, when you get.

[B]

You gotta slam the car down like this.

[A]

Yes. Because we were coming home and he had met my folks before. But, you know, the first time you're just meeting them, we all go get along. My mama has a big rule where it's like, if you come to my house for a second time, you ain't a guest no more. So the first time it was like, this is my brother's name. This is my sister's name. This is my mama. Daddy, here's some customs.

[B]

Now.

[A]

You need to know how to play. Oh, my God. Which breaks my heart. Bob, I gotta reintroduce you to spades. I love spades.

[B]

I'm traumatized. I'm traumatized. I was a kid who. And you know how intense a game of spades can be with Negroes.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Literally. And it's difficult for me to, like, me and Monet and Andy and Jacob and other friends play this game called anomia. And I am very quick. But sometimes when it comes to looking at stuff and immediately doing math or coming up with words and, like, within, like, a split second, my brain just takes a moment. And there would be a lot of times where I would, quote, unquote, leave my kids in the street. I don't know if y' all know what it means, but, Monat, leaving your kids in the streets means when you have one hand but you didn't pick it up fast enough.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Someone else feel that they have the right to just take your hand and it's now theirs because you left your kids in the street.

[C]

Got it.

[A]

Yeah. You don't need no acting or improv classes if you grew up playing spades.

[B]

Literally. Thank you. My kids stayed in the streets. My kids were always in the streets. I was never picking them up. I was trying to do math. I was like, did we Win this hand.

[A]

If you won the book, your partner should pick them up, though.

[B]

But. Yeah. Why was it always my fault? Thank you. And my partner, whoever I was with, was always mad at me. I was always cutting their cards. I was always. It was too much.

[A]

You good game in relationships. Because when Ben would play. Ben can actually play spades pretty well now. So, Monet, hopefully, if you've taught Andy how to play, we'll all get together and play.

[C]

Girl, I can't play nothing. Ben will kick my ass in spades. Ben will be like, negro, please.

[B]

Monet is Caribbean. They don't play spades in the Caribbean.

[C]

We don't play spades.

[A]

Oh, really? Oh, yes. Y' all play Domino's?

[C]

Domino's? Yeah. And we went Domino's. My mom was in town for a month, and we played Domino's at my house, and I whooped Bob's ass in Domino's.

[B]

I came. There were three. There were four of us. I came in second place. And I want to remind you all that that was my first time playing Domino's in probably 20 years.

[A]

You got, you know, just. You sometimes just gotta take that ass whooping just a little bit. Like, if second, second, third, fourth, second and on. You kind of just gotta. You gotta take it a little bit.

[B]

Monet was being really weird about was that I bought two cases of Domino's. I bought two packs of Domino's, and money was like, why did you bring two packs of Domino's? I was like, I don't know. I just bought two. And just in case. But why. Why would you ever bring two? I was like, monet, we don't have to use both. Just. Just ignore the other pack. Act like it's not here. Monet was flabbergast. Flabbergasted.

[A]

It was two brand new packs.

[B]

Two brand new packs. Yeah.

[A]

That is strange.

[C]

Thank you, Amber.

[B]

It's not that strange. Money was like, grab Domino's. And I grabbed some Domino's, right? You look at each other with pizza, bitch.

[A]

Right? That's. Yeah, that's. That's a nice. That's a nice flex. Or. What did you say? Like, oh, we're having a game night. It might be multiple people playing. So you grab two packs.

[B]

Well, I didn't know who I was going to be there. I guess I did know. You did, But I just bought two packs of Domino. I just bought two packs.

[A]

That's a rich auntie flex right there.

[C]

It's like walking to packs of dominoes

[B]

like they were $9 from Target. I did not have custom made. I didn't have custom made. I went to the Target around the corner from Monet's place, grabbed the only pack of Domino's they had that wasn't like Domino Excursion, Domino's, Rio. They're like these weird versions like Domino's, you know, Oopsie. And I'm like, I'm just trying to play regular Domino's, y'. All. Just regular Domino's, right?

[A]

I feel like whenever I go home, let me know if this is like that for y', all, because all my family's in Georgia. So anytime. Anytime I come home and do something just slightly extra, it's always like, oh, Hollywood can afford two packs of dominoes now. Like, that's everything, girl.

[C]

Yes. I become Hollywood. They be like, oh, excuse me. I'm like, oh. I mean, it's just two packs of dominoes, guys.

[A]

Right? Like, let me buy the piece. They're like, oh, Hollywood tipping. Oh, okay. I'm like, you happen to be tipping as well.

[B]

My family. My family. So my family mostly lives in Mississippi. So Georgia is just me, my brother, my uncle. That's it. Me, my brother, my uncle, me, Justin and Uncle Steve, and my uncle Scotty. But everyone else. Not everyone else, but the bulk of my family lives in Mississippi. We got some Kentucky. We got some Utah. Oh, my God. I was just in Utah. I didn't call my uncle.

[C]

Ooh, maybe I. I don't think I've ever. I've only ever worked. I don't have. Oh, no, I do. I have a cousin that lives in Utah right now, actually. Which you have. You have a big ass family like you. Cause when you. Cause I see you and Ben, y' all go to these, like, family reunions, and it's a lot. Have the two families are there reunionizing yet or is it still separate? Separate reunion job he's on.

[A]

They got together for just the wedding. So we got married in 2019 in May.

[C]

Oh, right before the pandemic.

[A]

Right. But then it all went to. And now I feel like we've only been married for five years. But I feel like if you got through a relationship during the pandemic, y' all been in it for a while. Like that. That became like dog years.

[B]

No, truly, that is. No, that's real. That is the realest ever.

[A]

Marry you. I decided to be with you day in, day out, every day, sun up, sundown. Like, I actually married. I actually married the version of you that goes to work, literally.

[B]

Well, what were you and Ben doing before? Before you became the Amber Wallen, social media of TikTok.

[A]

What is the title now? So it's so funny because maybe about 10 years ago, Ben and I were both teachers in Chicago. So I taught high school geometry and he taught 6th through 8th grade math and science.

[B]

So you're good with math?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, well, I'm good with geometry. I do algebra pretty well too.

[B]

Monet, what's a hypotenuse?

[C]

Hypotenuse?

[B]

Yeah, what's a hypotenuse?

[C]

You mean a hypothesis?

[B]

No, a hypotenuse.

[C]

A hypotenuse angle.

[B]

What's a hypotenuse?

[C]

Are you talking about the hypotenuse angle?

[B]

Amber, can you tell Monet what a hypotenuse is?

[C]

Wait, no, no.

[B]

Amber, about the.

[C]

You know what it is?

[B]

Of course I know. I brought it up.

[A]

Monet, I did not co sign this. I was just telling my story. I watched you in real time set Monet up.

[B]

Monet, tell us. Hypotenuse. Okay, Amber, give us each. Give us each a high school level geometry question. Now, I don't know what a hypotenuse is. I just know that it has something to do with geometry. What is hypotenuse news, though?

[A]

So the hypotenuse is the. The long. Like, you know how you have A squared plus C, B squared equals C squared.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The longest side is the hypotenuse.

[B]

That's right. So with the opposite, the long end of the triangle is the hypothesis.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So you know, like when you buy a TV and it'll say like it's a 65 inch. That's actually the hypotenuse.

[C]

The diet, the diagonal.

[B]

I found that out. I was like, this TV is not this lengthy. They're talking about this way, which it feels shady.

[A]

It is very shady.

[C]

How is it shady?

[B]

Because when you tell me the TV 35 inches, I think my mind is like, oh, you mean left to right?

[A]

Left to right, Right, right.

[C]

No, but then it would. No, no, I think that makes sense.

[B]

And that's why you getting scammed. That's why you got. That's why you get these shit getting

[A]

scammed, because that's the longer distance. So they're trying to be like, ooh, it's bigger, it's better. But it's like, I'm not watching the show diagonally. So tell it to me.

[C]

Tell it to me.

[B]

All right, Amber, give us each a high school level geometry question. And we how we do one at a time.

[A]

You pick who Goes first. You said what?

[B]

You pick who goes first. As one at a time do. We can steal, Monet. We can steal first.

[C]

Amber, this is how it works. He gave you something to do. He start adding, qualifies. I could feel. And also I get to bust it.

[B]

Okay, Monet, do you agree to these rules?

[C]

Sure.

[B]

There we go.

[C]

All right.

[B]

I'm first. Are you? Only still if I don't know it, though. You can't just jump in.

[A]

That's not how that works, Bob, I'm gonna get you first. Okay, this is a question that has one answer. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Do you know the quadratic formula?

[B]

Okay, the quadratic formula is negative B plus or minus this or is that the quadratic equation?

[A]

No, you're doing right.

[B]

Negative B. Don't be adding qualifiers. Negative B plus or minus the square root of B. No. B squared over 2A.

[C]

Negative B plus or minus the square root of C.

[B]

I was closer. I was closer.

[A]

It's hard because if both of you got something wrong. So we're starting. Well, there's some stuff missing under the square root. If we get that right.

[B]

No, don't bring it up, Jacob. Don't bring it up. Don't bring it up. Don't bring it up. I'm covering it up. Don't bring it up. Negative B plus and minus. Square root of 4ac over 2 square.

[A]

Okay, put the B squared part back.

[B]

Negative B plus or minus B squared plus 4ac over 2a.

[A]

Oh, it's minus 4ac minus 4ac. Very, very close.

[C]

Okay, but not close enough.

[B]

Let's see how you do.

[C]

Monet, if this was a test, the answer will be wrong. You don't get partial credit.

[B]

Let's see how you do mo.

[C]

Okay, don't bring.

[B]

Don't bring the answers up, Jacob, because we're doing stills.

[A]

This is not. This is just a fun one. I used to love asking students.

[B]

Oh, Monae. It's the fun one.

[A]

All right, Monet.

[B]

Like Monet. Are you having a good day? This is crazy.

[A]

Monaque, here's your math question.

[C]

Uh huh.

[A]

How do you measure.

[C]

Measure a year in 525,600 minutes?

[A]

This.

[B]

It's actually in daylight, in sunsets, in midnight.

[A]

I would do this at the beginning of the year to be like, who are all my gay students? So I can see I have my back for the rest of the year. And it worked every time.

[B]

Who are the gay students?

[A]

I'm screaming. Okay, Terrence,

[B]

I'll tell you my. That relates to my gay test. I'll tell you my Gay test after the break. I always say, a great gay test. I would say, I will never take fashion advice from someone who doesn't know how many minutes are in a year. That's what I always say. You cannot give me fashion advice if you do not know how many minutes are in a year.

[A]

Year. Right. That's it. That's it. Just have like an intro zoom, like. Thank you. This was a great zoom call. I have one final question for you that's style related. How do you measure a year?

[B]

Yeah, exactly. So you went. You went to college for math?

[A]

No, so I actually went to college for journalism. Let me tell you.

[C]

Oh, my God, you have so many little alleys and byways. I love it.

[A]

We just try to make it through. When I was a little girl, I'm sure we all did this when we

[C]

were little girls for the Bruce Project.

[A]

I told my mama that I wanted to be an actor, a performer on tv. You know, my mother is a Southern Baptist woman, so she said, you will be a great news anchor. I was like, that's kind of not really what I said, but okay. I literally studied broadcast journalism in college because I was told that's how I would make my way to the screen.

[B]

I mean, low key is working.

[A]

You know what, the editing skills actually did pay off. So I'm not gonna completely take the dip off a chip and then high. No senior year of college. Have y' all heard of, like, Teach for America or other service year program?

[B]

Andy.

[C]

Andy did Teach for America for, like, a year or two.

[A]

Oh, nice. So I literally applied to Teach for America because it was senior year, I didn't have a job, and I was like, I know I wanna be an actor or performer. So I'm just gonna literally apply to any service year program. You get to pick 10 cities to apply for for Teach for America. So I literally chose anywhere, like, that either was an entertainment capital or that was, like, above the Mason Dixon line. Like, I just wanted to leave the south so bad to see the world. So I got picked for TFA Chicago.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

So that's how I started teaching in Chicago. And then I stayed in my school a little while. And I met Ben when he was in grad school. He was about to be a teacher, too. And I was like, hey, if I hold you. You know, we started dating. But then, you know, after about a year dating somebody, don't you be like, all right, let's make this make sense economically. Like, let's do this. If I hold you down if this economy, if we Fuck it. We need to come up with, like, a financial plan. Like, I'm not just gonna be having sex with you and you live somewhere else. That's crazy to me. In this economy. Now, see, you see, you've been on tv. In this economy when you ain't been on tv, you can't just be fucking people, not living with them.

[C]

Okay, wait, so what was. Okay, how did y'. All. Did y' all meet on, like, a dating app or Grindr?

[B]

Renee was about to say Grinder. My nigga was about to say Grindr.

[C]

Yeah, maybe. I don't know.

[A]

Honestly, I was probably down so bad back then, I was probably a millisecond for making a Grindr account. I was like, where are they at? Where they at? I'll explain when they get here. Let me just get on the app.

[C]

So y' all met in real life then?

[A]

So we met on Tinder, but after, like, talking one or two days, I basically was like, have you ever had, like, a date that's not really a date. It's like a date that's like, I'm gonna be here. If you wanna pull up this where I'm gonna be if you don't, I'm gonna be there.

[C]

Not even something I'm really into, actually, no. I don't think I've ever.

[A]

Have I ever done that?

[B]

Everyone's like, I'm gonna be at Barnes and Nobles. Come or don't.

[C]

I mean, the casual is nice because, like, it feels like little stakes, and if the person's really into it, they'll show up. If they're not, they won't. And then you kind of got the message. So I do like that. That's actually really. That' dating advice.

[A]

It was like, 2014, Tinder. So I was like, I'm probably not gonna be the love of my life here. Let me just let this man know. He's. He's a cute little white boy. I probably turn him out. You know, I'm going to tell him I'm. I'm gonna be at the dog beach. Feel free to come hang out with me and my dog if you'd like.

[C]

Ben's dog? The dog is your dog?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The dog's name is Gucci. You think Ben named his dog Gucci?

[C]

I mean, I don't know.

[B]

The answer is no. Monet, have you met Ben? You think Ben's like, yeah, we about to name this dog Gucci. This is just not. If Ben would have named the dog, like, Bartholomew or Carl Price is right.

[A]

Math question.

[B]

Okay, here we go.

[A]

I bought Gucci when I was in Georgia. I was about to.

[B]

$10.

[A]

You're $1 off, Bob.

[B]

Was it 9 or 11? 9, because my dog was $10. We boug. We bought Grizzly in the parking lot at Walmart. I was living in Phoenix City, Alabama, at the time, and the Walmarts in the south are massive. You cannot fathom how big a Walmart is in the South. So there's. So. And the parking lot is bigger than the Walmart. There's a big chunk of grass between the parking lot and the street. And in that parking lot area, you can just do whatever you want. You can just hang out there. I guess it belongs to Walmart, but they didn't really care. So there was a lady with flea markets out there.

[A]

Correct.

[C]

Literally.

[B]

So there's a lady out there with a box of dogs. And we walk by and we picked the smallest dog, and he. I don't know if he was bigger than the other, but he ended up being a gigantic dog by the end.

[A]

This is the whole story.

[B]

Yeah, we bought Grizzly for $10 in the parking lot at Walmart.

[C]

Y' all country people are wild.

[A]

Country.

[B]

I don't want to traumatize you, but you got some crazy animal stories, too, from St. Lucia, so don't act like from the country. We crazy.

[A]

Monet, what's the cheapest animal you bought in St. Lucia?

[C]

Free. Honestly, all of my pets before Colleen were always free. I was born into two of them. The other ones, like, you know, because everyone knows everyone there. So, like, someone has, like, a liter of puppies, and I'm like, do you want one? They just give puppies away.

[B]

Wait, how you know that was free? I was born before you. How you know this?

[C]

You wasn't there, but I know my parents are not buy dog. My mom is out. You met my mom? My mom is not buy no goddamn dog.

[B]

Kevin, we're not gonna ban a dog.

[C]

No, their names were Walk and Wine. And they were. And one was a big black Labrador, and one was a big chocolate Labrador.

[B]

Walk and.

[C]

Yeah, it's a SOCA song. Walk and Wine.

[B]

So one dog name was Walk. One dog's name was Wine.

[C]

Yeah, Walk and hilarious.

[B]

And it's like we had dog named Bump and Grime.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Bump and Grime. Okay, wait, so y'.

[B]

All.

[C]

So y' all have a. You make a date to come to the dog beach. Ben doesn't have a dog. So you're at the. So you're at the beach and does he show up and you're like, oh, my God. Or like, was he late? Like, what was the tea?

[A]

No, I actually. I think he actually confirmed that he was going. And I think he was, like, one block away. So I was like, I think I see you. And he was wearing this. That summer he was a camp counselor. So he had on a, like, highlighter yellow, bright shirt on.

[C]

I can't.

[A]

And I was like, he was hooked. I was like, you really needed some dick, huh? You ain't never seen your hookup walking up being like, I'm gonna do this, but God damn, girl.

[C]

100. Let me tell you something. The amount of benevolent blowjob jobs and ass I've given, it's crazy. Like, if.

[B]

Better than me, I will bail. Really, I will bail. No, I will leave during a hookup if it's not good.

[C]

No, I'll finish it out.

[A]

Like, if the fit is not good.

[C]

No.

[B]

Like, if. No. If I get a weird vibe from you or something, or if I don't like what's going on or you don't look like your pictures, I will. I will be like, oh, never mind. And I'll just turn around and leave.

[A]

He was like, I'm currently a camp counselor, so I'm wearing a very loud highlighter yellow shirt. But I promise you I'm coming right after work because I want to see, like, it was like that.

[B]

I also wanna say I really love Gucci. Gucci is such a sweet. This dog just loves rubs and has such a cute little. Little boppable little nose. Gucci is such a cute dog. Your family's so cute. Wild is such a sweet. I'm sorry, your client. Your client is demanding, but very adorable. And her love. Her love for cheese is universally understood, quite frankly.

[C]

Are you? Are you? Are you? So when people with k. Are you, you're not obviously, making a concerted effort to, like, have her in the arts, but you be her. Being your daughter, like, she's exposed. Like, you're singing all the time. And on social media, like, are you hoping that she's gonna be a little starlet?

[A]

Sometimes. But sometimes I'm kind of like, do you, girl? Because I feel like. I feel like we're that generation that our parents are always like, you an extension of me. Like, what you do wrong is an affront on me. Whatever, Whatever. And I'm really trying not to be. But I definitely will see her do some stuff. Like, sometimes. Every now and then, she'll kind of say something with, like, a little bit of, like, a southern accent. And I'm Kind of like, oh, that's all me. She clearly doesn't live there. But, like, the way she'll pronounce something is. Is. Is so signature me or something. Or sometimes she doesn't. She doesn't understand that, like, adults speak in similes and metaphors. So I remember one time I was yelling at Ben in front of her, which I really tried not to do, but he does stupid shit. Hey, my hands are tied. You know,

[B]

he put you against a rock in a hard place.

[A]

He did. Like you did something so silly. And I said, I was like, wow, B, you. You really dropped the ball with this. And she was like, drop ball, dad, dad, pick up the ball, dad. Like, she just kept going in his face.

[B]

I'll tell a story about one time we're hanging out. And you can tell me if you want to take it off the podcast. I don't think it's that bad. But they were hanging out and then Wild kept being like, Amber. And she's like, no, you can call me mom.

[C]

You call me Mom.

[B]

And she's like, okay, Mom. And then she was like, ben. He was like, yep, I'm Ben. That's me. I'm Ben. He's like. He's like, I think kids should be allowed to call you by your first name. Amber was like, well, you. You can call him Ben. I'm. I'm Mommy.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think I want my kid to call me by their first name.

[A]

And they do that cuz they hear the other parent do it, you know?

[C]

Yeah,

[A]

there's a little bit of nuance sometimes with it. Like I try to do a really good job of telling her that my name is Mom. But sometimes when I get all dressed up and I'm feeling good and I'm excited to go out and I'll come downstairs and she'll say like, oh, that's Amber. And so I kind of like that sometimes, if that makes any sense.

[B]

Amber stuns the girls, honey.

[A]

Amber stuns the girls now when she gets back out in here, like braless and angel made in a couple days. Now that's Mama. I like that she's making that distinction. Like, Amber is my drag name.

[B]

Well, one thing that. This one thing I don't know how I could do with kids because, I mean, I guess you just have to accept it. But we were sitting there and then Amber made some cheese sticks. And then we had some. We had some. What is this? Pizza.

[A]

He's obsessed with quarter sheets. Really great pizza.

[B]

It is a good pizza. It is good. Pizza. But Wild was like, I want to eat, too. So Amber made her some cheese steaks, then she had some pizza, but she would just take the crust off the cheese sticks and just eat the cheese. She'd take the pizza and just pull the cheese off.

[C]

So Wild just likes cheese.

[A]

Yes. Loves cheese.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

I was like, girl, you eat that pizza.

[C]

Tell Wild. Tell Wild, and then I'll just eat it. Enjoy it now, Wild, because in about 20 years, that cheese gonna mess you up, baby, and you will not be crying.

[B]

It didn't take me 20 years. I would say by nine or 10.

[C]

Really, you were lactose.

[B]

Yeah, but I'm not lactose tolerant anymore. I just don't. I also don't consume that much. The other day, I went to someone's house or somewhere, they had a gallon of milk in the fridge, and I was like, What? In the 1990s, like, whole milk.

[C]

The red.

[B]

With the red cap on it, I was like, a gallon of whole milk is wild.

[C]

Do you know the worst thing when, like, you. When y'. All. Like, as a kid, you leave milk in the fridge too long, then it curdles. You have to throw it out and. Oh, yeah. It was always my job to throw it out, and I would literally be throwing out and throwing up at the same time, like, watching the chunks. I can't give you.

[B]

Can I give you? Probably the weirdest thing I do. If my oat milk or my almond milk goes bad, I'll still drink it.

[A]

Oh, most definitely. Got it. Just smell it. Just smell it.

[B]

Just smell it, y'.

[A]

All.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

How bad? Like, how many months?

[B]

Like, past the date? Like, if it's just past the day but it still smells good, I'll still drink it.

[C]

But what's past the day?

[A]

I say a week or less. I'm still smelling it now. I'm not going into two or three weeks. That's. That's insane.

[B]

I mean, I've never bought more than a half a gallon of milk because I don't have a family of 10. And, like, going through a gallon of milk is, first of all, insane. How big is the box?

[C]

What is the box? Like, is that a half gallon?

[B]

You know what a half gallon looks like?

[C]

That's like, the box. It'd come like a standard box, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then I just split a half

[A]

gallon between, like, the three of us and cooking stuff. Well, I just. It would take a while to get through, though, still. Yeah.

[B]

Now you're under some country. You're under some fire right now, because of a meal you cooked recently.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

Wait, what? I missed this.

[A]

And it was a spike meal. It wasn't even. No, I wasn't going crazy. I wasn't trying to say, like, here's something that really. My husband really loves you girls should really get into it. I was just saying, like, we moving right now, and he getting on my nerves. But I'm gonna get us back together. Monet. Let me tell you what I did did. And they end up. And they dropping comments like, I'm gonna use them, like, I'm gonna be back in the kitchen, which is crazy.

[C]

What was it? What we do?

[A]

I just. I. I basically made like a breakfast hash, if you will. So I been made steak and potatoes the night before. I simply repurposed the potatoes. So put the potatoes in the skillet, Put a couple pieces of bacon in the skillet, some onion breakfast and some eggs all.

[C]

Okay. Now, are these bacon? Is the bacon chopped up or you just put whole sticks of bacon in some.

[A]

I cut the bacon up with some scissors.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

With some cooking scissors. Okay, well, they came with the knife set.

[C]

Okay. So not Wild's craft scissors.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Not even that. Okay, I'm in there. So this is where I.

[B]

It was Gucci's shearing scissors.

[A]

Yes. I shaved the dog, shave my pits, and then I use the same set. And then. Okay, so this is what I forgot to do that has the video trending worldwide. I forgot to take a little bit of the skin off of the onion. You know, like the brown skin, Amber.

[B]

Oh, is that a bad thing? I don't cook, Amber. It's like.

[A]

That's like.

[C]

It's like the nasty outer shell.

[B]

Right. It's flaky, but you just eat it.

[A]

You can A, eat it or you can B. Which people clearly didn't see that. I did. Once I realized the top layer that I had cut all had the brown skin on it, I just picked around it. Like, I just picked up onions that were around it.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Now here's the meal in question. The meal that has culinary experts in a tizzy. There are the onions. No, those are the potatoes. Those are the onions. The onions in question work well. Okay. Amber, do your family like noodles?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You should let me. I have one meal. You should let me come over and cook my one meal for your family. It is vegetarian, so I don't know if your family's gonna have gonna eat a vegetarian meal. We can throw chicken in there if you need it, or cheese if it

[A]

got cheese in it while I was eating it.

[B]

There's no cheese. It's vegan. It's a vegan vegetarian noodle dish. And when I say noodle dish, I mean it is literally ramen noodles. But I make it in a way that is really. I have never had anyone eat it and say it wasn't good, ever. Me and Monet got into a cooking competition on the show, and my. This dish won.

[A]

So what? So if it's.

[B]

I whooped Monet's ass.

[A]

What's the flavor profile if it's no meat in it?

[B]

Okay, so you get the, you get the soy sauce.

[C]

Let's take a break and then tell us after about your little, your little crunchy little meal.

[B]

So I take the soy sauce ramen noodles. The ramen noodles in the blue pack, right?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then you, I, I, first of all, this is Monet's mistake. This is how, well, not her mistake. This is how Monet cook noodles, which is crazy. You boil the water first. You do not put the noodles in the water while it's cold. That is. That is.

[A]

I agree with that.

[B]

You're gonna end up with mushy noodles, which is what Monet ended up with. And then once the water's boiling, you put the noodles in there. It'll take like two minutes for it to get soft. As soon as they are breaking up, you don't wait until they're soft. As soon as they start to break up, you pour out like, like 80% of the water. 80% of the water. And then you put in the sauce pack, the seasoning pack, and then you add, hear me out, a scoop or two scoops of peanut butter. I prefer chunky peanut butter. And then you pour in some sriracha sauce and you can add in like some of those pre mixed peas, carrots, like the pre mixed frozen, frozen.

[C]

Frozen frozen veggies?

[B]

Yeah, frozen. You can throw in the frozen veggies too. And it is. So you feel like you were at a Thai restauran. You would think. Emeril, is it? Sagabe Sagasse, what's his name? Emeril Lagasse came by and made you some spiced peanut noodles. They are very good.

[C]

I want to spot on you first

[B]

before you feed them to your child.

[A]

It's a peanut sauce.

[C]

I want to know the bitch that judged. It was a woman in her early hundreds who has not had a meal in 20 years. The skinny white woman that don't eat food. So how's she gonna judge a cooking competition?

[A]

Yeah, we don't. We don't trust skinny cooks.

[B]

What?

[A]

Monique's.

[B]

Do you? Okay, how about this? Do you want to. Amber's thick. Amber is younger than me. Probably younger than you. Probably. So since you're so confident, do you want to remake the exact same meal for Amber Wallen?

[A]

Size twelves and ups? I would like that, yes.

[B]

No, you cannot try to switch it up. You have to make what you made for Sherry Von.

[C]

I will make a noodle. I will make. I will make a ramen noodle dish for Sherry.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not a ramen noodle dish. The ramen noodle dish.

[C]

Okay? Some things I messed up last time. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm not gonna repeat the same mistakes I did last time. I'm gonna. Like.

[B]

You can't change the flavor profile. You can't.

[C]

You can't change. No, it's gonna be. I had chicken in mine, and I also had peanuts and stuff in mine. I got.

[B]

I gotta know what I'm doing. No, you took my peanuts.

[C]

Okay, because we were at your house. But you were. When we were. You were supposed to get peanuts for all of us.

[A]

No.

[B]

You never wanted peanuts. I got peanuts for myself. But then Monet saw me garnishing my dish, and she got jealous because she

[A]

started, auntie, you supposed to grab two bags of peanuts.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

That's the precedent that you have set.

[B]

No, Amber, I.

[C]

Too bad.

[B]

I said, what do you need me to grab? I was. I will grab whatever you need. I grabbed everything Monet asked for. Monet did not ask for the peanuts. Monet saw my peanuts, and then she was like, oh, I'm gonna get. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get a little extra now.

[A]

Monae, did you copy off of Bob's test?

[C]

I did not. I did not miss something that Amber and Ben put me on. And it really is working as a therapeutic device for me and Andy. Communication is overcooked. Overcooked really is, like, out here teaching communication and how to communicate and work through problems. That shit.

[A]

You think you in love? Play Overcooked with your name.

[C]

No, it really. It truly will get your relationship together. I'm obsessed.

[B]

So me. And. So I play Overcooked with peppermint sometimes. And then one time, Jacob's parents were in town. I was like, do y' all wanna play overcooked baby? Rose was in her overcooked bag. Rose was like, plans. Rose was like, all right, we gonna do this. We got this. Jacob was like, I need to. Jacob was like, I need a break.

[A]

Cutting onions and I love ain't no peels on those onions, so we don't have to worry about.

[B]

Jacob was like, girl, I need a break. I need a break. So, Amber, can we talk about your standup comedy journey and your cause? You're out. You're doing it like the tried and true, the real comics way, which is so fierce.

[A]

Yeah, I'm kind of going backwards, but I'm excited about that. So I. Okay, I'll rewind a little bit. So I was in Chicago doing like sketch improv and a little bit of standup. This is pre pandemic. So I left the classroom and I was like, ben, can you be the breadwinner? I really wanna like full throttle. Try this acting comedy thing. And so I was understudying this show at Second City. If you're familiar with Chicago, Second City Training center is like a big stage there if you want to be a comedian. So I was understudying a show at Second City and then like to bring in a little bit more money, I was a full time yoga teacher. And then we hot yoga at Core Power Yoga. Are y' all familiar with Core Power?

[C]

No.

[B]

I watched the documentary about Bikram though. That was crazy.

[A]

Right? Right. We had one Bikram style class there too. It was called like hpf. But yeah, I was full yoga instructor by day and then stage performer by night. So like annoyance, Second City, all of that. And then during the pandemic, I'm talking like maybe 24 hours into the pandemic, I was laid off from the yoga studio and the comedy club.

[B]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[A]

So I was like, you know what, Ben? Maybe I was maybe making like one video a week at that time. I was like, maybe like all of these sketch ideas that I have, I can just make those into TikToks or something. And that was kind of right when everybody was home with nothing to do but be on their phones. So I think if you decide to create during a pandemic or start a podcast during the pandemic, you pussy popping right now because you've done the work. So that's how I really started making more videos. And now I'm kind of in this really sweet spot I'm excited about where I'm kind of like, I actually have like the space and the financials to just dive back into more stage stuff. And then when the stage stuff gets really, really strong, I already have like the built in audience which is like super exciting. And it's nice because I Just haven't been on stage in a while and sometimes you're like, well, this will hit on the Internet. Cause I got the wig in the background and the family of it all. But will these Tyler jokes translate to the stage? And it's honestly, it's been going very, very well. It's interesting how you can kind of trust your comedic instinct and be like, if I sharpen here and there, like this still works.

[B]

I mean, you're a very funny person. You're very. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I love that Ben had your back. Jacob, can you financially take care of me while I pursue acting and comedy?

[A]

Jacob, you know, if you want to, I'm sure we can figure something out.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you, Jacob. I appreciate that.

[A]

You need that person. Yeah. Like for real.

[C]

But then. But like now. But now Ben has become so much a part of also like your comedy. So, like, what y' all are doing? So is Ben. Is Ben also trying to do some get. Get in these comedy streets or he's just letting you dictate and. And tread the path forward?

[A]

Oh, no. He knows that this has been. And he knows he lives within the Amber cinematic universe, so he's like, do your thing. I wanna read my comic books and my books and take care of my baby.

[B]

He's a full time stay at home dad. Yeah.

[A]

Yes, he is.

[B]

I mean, if someone called Ben, okay, Ben is really level headed. If someone was like, ben, you're kind of beta, would he be like, yeah, fully.

[A]

Oh, for sure.

[C]

Word.

[B]

Love to be a young girl.

[C]

He would love that.

[A]

He's like, it pays to be beta. He's like, I don't wanna be alpha.

[B]

Y' all don't know this beta shit is Gibbs. Baby, you're eating good.

[A]

I'm reading comic books.

[B]

You're out there with a hard hat on. I'm reading comic books, baby.

[A]

Right? He has alpha moments. Like, I'm somebody who is. Okay, let me. I'm gonna ask y' all who y' all are in this. In the relationship world.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

When it comes to traveling especially. So when you go to the airport with your man, I feel like one person. It's two types of people in this world, right? It's one person that did all of. I booked the flights. I know where we're going. I know what rental car we're getting. I know where our seats are, whatever. And it's one person. Just like, tell me where we going, where we flying to? Cause I don't even know. That's me.

[C]

You're the so Ben is like the scheduler and like, are we going this way? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you're like, I'm just along for the ride. Let's do the thing.

[A]

Right. Because I feel like when it comes to the comedy and all the business stuff, like, I have to be so alpha with all that stuff.

[C]

When it comes to ledger stuff.

[A]

Yeah. When it comes to like our vacations and high level logistics, like, I can't do any of that stuff at all. Yeah.

[C]

Andy is a big planner.

[B]

Andy.

[C]

But so like we kind of do both. Andy's a big planner. He likes to like if we're like going on. Cause when I used to vacation or even when my family hangs out, we're just at home chilling. Nothing. Bitch. I had my first white people Christmas two years ago, right? We got there, there was three events a day and we were going snowboarding here and we were going to the Meow Wolf and we're going to see the lights. And it was like a regimen which. That I have never spent a holiday like that ever. So that's very. How Annie's oriented. But because I travel so much, when we travel, like, I know all the travel details because I'm traveling like four days a week. So I'm like, we're going to like, I have my eyes set on my. My brain is regimented that way. But for like planning like a vacation and like that. Andy's. Andy's a planner on that. I just like go along for the ride.

[B]

For me, it depends on the partner that I'm with. I mean, sometimes I do all the. Do I work two peanuts.

[A]

Two. Two decks of spades.

[B]

I mean, Jacob, Jacob. Jacob is like, what happened happen? Like I'll get the flights, but then Jacob will plan the car.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

But then with like, I'll plan like everything.

[C]

What do you.

[B]

What like with me and Tam, I'll plan like everything. Like I'll. I'll plan the whole thing.

[C]

Yeah, got it.

[B]

So it really just depends on the partner or even if it's like a friendship thing. Me and Mo are pretty well. For me and Mo is more like. Whose idea was this?

[A]

Yeah, you got it.

[C]

The idea. Will plan it or. And also because we have the same management too, they also help a lot with that. So like when we went to go see Lizzo, for example, like, our manager, like took care of the hotel. Well, he helped them book it for us even though we paid for it. They like booked our flights and hotels so we don't have to worry about

[B]

shit like that and like. Like, for example, I want to plan a game night, but I'm playing it at Monet's house. So I have this grand idea for this game night that is, like, gonna be. It's an. It's a sleepover game night. Oh, it's gonna be super. Exactly. It's gonna be a super exclusive sleepover game night that I have planned.

[A]

Yeah, I've been the one that.

[B]

Well, we're basically going to play the traitors overnight. That's kind of the plan. And see who. But me and Monet got to. I mean, plan it. But I'm going to get the. I'm going to get outfits or at least hat. Like hats. Maybe just hats.

[A]

Just hats.

[C]

I mean, there's no space. We could do it. My boys. We can easily sleep 10 people here.

[A]

I was like, you taking measurements.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Or maybe I'm just giving you gloves.

[C]

Gloves, Glasses, A boa.

[B]

A scarf.

[C]

Scarf.

[B]

An earring, earrings. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yes. Just some prop glasses. That's all I need.

[C]

I do.

[B]

In my mind. I want it to be in full costume. Cause not really. I wanted to be like. I want to be like more. More murder mystery. More like up to date. Not like. Not like in a castle with all that stuff. I wanted to be like the doctor and the teacher and the movie star and the shady accountant. Very cool.

[C]

Very cool.

[A]

Yeah, but you need. Yeah, instead of like Colonel Mustard, it needs to be like the YouTuber.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, that's good. That's good. That's good. Ye.

[B]

Trying to wiggle. Wiggle into the party.

[C]

You know, I don't. I never played boring games like that. I feel like. I feel like boring games like Clue and like, Monopoly. That is so. That's. That's so basic.

[A]

Some listener just cried. Right?

[C]

They're basic. We've leveled up now. Boring.

[B]

Monopoly is a very. Monopoly can get Monopoly. Monopoly can be one of the craziest games I have.

[A]

No.

[B]

Outside of maybe a sore loser in Uno. Monopoly gets insane. People are flipping boards. People are crying because you are losing over the long game. Like, you are just losing hard for a long time.

[C]

What do you think about the lessons that Monopoly taught us? Monopoly is such a bad game. It is literally a game about capitalism and fucking taking over everyone and fucking monopolizing everything. It is. What a horrible lesson to teach children. We were like, yeah, let's play Monopoly. I'm gonna buy all the property. You have to pay me all your money. You're gonna go to jail.

[B]

It's crazy. Or is it Teaching you. When you feel bad, you're like, oh, I don't think that capitalism is good. I felt bad. This whole game that never.

[A]

You can't see that as a child.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

Exactly. Ever.

[C]

You don't see that. You're like, no, I wanna be the one in charge. I wanna be pulling the strings.

[B]

But you see how it is.

[C]

Yes. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Cause I'd be like, all right. I know I can't own the most property, but if I get them railroads, oh, my God.

[C]

All good at Monopoly as a kid. Grew up to be scammers. That shit is kind of the Monopoly to scammer. Pipeline is wild. I am.

[A]

Name.

[B]

Name one of the scammers. Do I know him?

[C]

No, no, no, no, no, you don't.

[A]

Y' all still friends, too? Or have y' all had an intervention with him?

[C]

No, we're not friends. It's like a childhood friend, but he grew up to be a scammer. Like, went to jail scammer.

[B]

I mean, have y' all known a couple of scammers, like, in. Like, in. Like in your adulthood? I mean. I mean, in the nightlife. I met a few. Like, in nightlife, baby, when you work in nightlife, there are some scam artists in these streets. It's kind of. It's kind of wild, actually.

[A]

It's hard because it's like. I feel like there are some people who I think genuinely, they don't know that what they're a part of is a scam. Like, and then there are some people who obviously know, like, I'm a scammer. This is how I get over on people. I sell these courses for this amount. But there are some people that I'm like, baby, you're in a pyramid scheme, like, very K. Yeah, yeah. Like, yes, like Avon. Like, my mom sold Mary Kay. So I was like, I don't. Looking back now, I don't think she would have classified herself as a scammer. Like, she. She got scammed and was just trying to sell the makeup.

[C]

Yeah. Because every day they sell everyone just thinking about getting this. This goddamn pink Cadillac.

[A]

Yes, the pink Cadillac.

[C]

Pink Cadillac.

[B]

What was the pink Cadillac?

[A]

That was it right there. When you got a pink Mary Kay checkbook, you running yours, Bobby?

[B]

Nobody.

[C]

What's the pink.

[B]

Mm. Mm.

[C]

Oh. Like, that was like. That was the. That was the beacon of. You were a Mary Kay success story when you got the pink checkbook and when you made. When you sold enough that the company gives you a pink Cadillac. It's like a millennial Blush. Pink Cadillac. That was yours. Like, that was like. Well, that means, like, I, like, turn the party American. I'm like, the best one.

[B]

Do they still give out pink Cadillacs?

[C]

I don't know. I don't know. But also, how many.

[A]

Did anyone ever get one? That's the question.

[C]

I've seen them on the street. I've definitely seen them on the street. Street, for sure.

[A]

Those are the times I'm like, did you even know that you got one?

[C]

Yeah, there you go. There you go. That pink Cadillac.

[A]

But that's the truth about it. But see, but how would you know, like, especially as little girls, if you were conditioned from, like, Girl Scouts on, like, in your brain, like, you're like, how is this any different? Like, I was convinced to sell Girl Scout cookies.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Is that.

[C]

Is that. Is that a scamming?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Are there Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts cookies?

[B]

Scam?

[A]

I don't see.

[B]

I mean, I don't know that's a scam, but it. It is child labor, and the kids don't make money for it, so.

[A]

And the Boy Scouts was most definitely predatory. Did y' all see that documentary?

[B]

Who?

[C]

The who?

[A]

Boy Scouts of America.

[C]

No, I did not.

[B]

I was a voice. I was a Boy Scout, though.

[A]

It was. There was a. Well, there was a very sad Netflix documentary about Boy Scouts that you should watch. I can't. I can't remember. Maybe it's called, like, Scout's Honor or something like that. But it was. It blew the lid open on, you know what happens when people who are scoutmasters become leaders that. No background checks, like, you know, are taking lots of groups of kids in the woods. Like, we can.

[C]

Yeah, I've noticed this.

[B]

Where there is homophobia, there is usually predatory behavior.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Are the Boy Scouts homophobic?

[B]

Yes, they were homophobic for quite a while. Scout leaders can't be gay. Boy Scouts couldn't say they were gay. They were also saying that young trans boys couldn't join the Boy Scouts. And then. Who is that? The lieutenant governor guy running for lieutenant governor right now. Who? They just clocked his porn account. Jacob.

[C]

Look at his name, the black.

[A]

He was Mike Gatz or something.

[C]

I was literally just listening to this on the radio.

[B]

He's like, Trump's pick for lieutenant governor of what state? I cannot remember.

[C]

I don't remember either. But, yeah, he had, like, a whole,

[A]

like, I believe it was North Carolina.

[C]

He wanted to bring, like, he's saying, like, we need to bring slavery back. Trump called him Martin Luther on steroids or Something like that Black Nazi.

[A]

The Mike Robinson or something like that. Yeah, yeah, that's his name.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

Robinson. His last name is Robinson, and his first name is. They're just referring to him as Robinson.

[C]

He's carrying a black person.

[B]

Mark Robinson. That's his name.

[C]

In 2024, is saying that we should. I'm a black Nazi. We should bring savior black like that. Like that is crazy. What made you hate yourself so much that you believed in shit like that?

[B]

So you know the tea about him. So he's a scam, Art. He and his wife were running a daycare. They got so many health code violations and so many citations and so many problems that instead of actually fixing it, they just sold the daycare to get rid of it. He was running basically a poorly run daycare. And apparently he also misappropriated campaign funds and is currently in litigation or I don't know the word. Is about to have a trial down trying to figure out what to do about that. So obviously. But also, I was trying to figure out what about him is Martin Luther King. He's a pastor and he's black. Like, what. Like, what else? Like, what about. What about his policy? What about his word? Like, he was just like, black pastor Martin Luther King on steroids.

[A]

Does he have kids? Yeah.

[C]

I mean, at this point, we know y', all, he just. He just says shit like, he literally. Literally no rhyme. He just says things. Who Trump. No, there's no rhyme or reason.

[A]

It's so y' all see when. Not to make it all about this, but did y' all see Janet Jackson recently?

[B]

Girl, girl, girl. Okay, so. So, you know, there is a certain age.

[C]

I'm gonna pull up the thing that she. The quote. Go ahead.

[B]

There's a certain age of black queer people where they really, really love Janet Jackson and of course, and Peppermint and I mean, really love. And it's like 43 to, like, 54.

[C]

They.

[B]

When I say they love Janet Jackson, they don't love Janet Jackson like the rest of us. They like, they don't fuck around about Janet Jackson. And I felt so bad. I was like, oh, Rob's gonna. Cause Robin Rob, my sister had to. I was like, oh, he gonna have to find out about Janet Jackson. Janet Jackson said, well, I heard she wasn't black. That's what I heard.

[C]

So Janet Jackson said she was doing an interview for Maggie G. And she said, well, you know what? They supposedly said she's not black. That's what I heard. That she's Indian. Her father's white. That's what I was told. I mean, I haven't. Well, she said. Well, well, well, you know what they said? Well, you know what they supposedly said? She's not black. That's what I did. You do the laugh.

[B]

Yeah, they do the laugh.

[C]

Her father's wife. That's what I was told. I mean, I haven't watched the news in a few days. I was told they discovered father is white. Like, honestly. And, like, I get. People want to be tapped out because it's too much. But at this point, you cannot say. I just. I mean. I mean, I don't really know what's going on. I don't watch. I don't know nothing about the election or whatever. But I heard she white. I do think she white, though.

[B]

That's what I heard.

[A]

You remember when Janet Jackson was asked about, like, hot Cheetos and she was like a hot Cheeto? What is that?

[C]

I remember this.

[B]

This is why. That's not weird to me. Janet Jackson had been a star and wealthy her entire life. I don't think that the Jacksons were eating hot Cheetos. I don't think that the Jacksons were having the experiences that the rest of us lowly people were having. I don't think she eats hot. I just don't think she eats hot cheese. Now we'll see Britney spears eat at McDonald's. Because Britney Spears wasn't always wealthy. She wasn't always famous. Janet Jackson was never not wealthy and famous. You know what I mean?

[A]

When they were little kids and Gary, Indiana.

[B]

But no, she's the youngest one.

[C]

Y' all hot Cheetos wasn't around back.

[B]

The old. The older ones were the ones who were, like, doing all the work. And Janet Jackson, I mean, making. Who went through the brokenness by the time. I think by the time Janet Jackson was, you know.

[C]

No, no, no. In the movie. No, she was. She had some brokenness going on for a little while.

[A]

What was. What question was asked to her that elicited that response? I'm not trying to blame the Guardian interviewer, but was the question like, what are your thoughts about the Harris Waltz ticket and shame,

[B]

Right?

[A]

I was like, what was the question?

[C]

Yum, yum.

[A]

That was crazy.

[B]

But the gag.

[C]

The gag is people are like, oh, Janet don't know what hot Cheetos are, but y' all believe that fucking Hillary had hot sauce in her bag. Swag on the Breakfast. On the Breakfast Club. Talking about some. I got hot sauce in my bag.

[B]

I mean, according to people, Hillary Clinton Allegedly, she really be carrying hot sauce in her bag.

[C]

I do not believe for Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton has a bottle of hot sauce in her purse.

[A]

Hillary read her assistant's notes that day and she. They. The assistant said, you're going to the Breakfast Club, girl. This is what's hot right now. Let me. Let me set you up. And Janet did not consult her assistant or her.

[B]

Janet has apologized. Janet Jackson reportedly apologized to Kamala Harris. Blames misinformation for the comments. Well, she's correcting. She's correcting. So Janet, we, we, we. Janet. I hope everyone can. I don't know, there's more. Read this next headline.

[A]

Didn't she say that she was like, I didn't issue that apology.

[B]

Oh, Janet Jackson apology for ill informed. Kamala Harris was not authorized according to Variety.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. When it wasn't authorized, meaning like what? Like I said it, but I don't want you to.

[B]

Julie. I didn't say that. My team said that, but I didn't say that.

[A]

Right. Somebody on her team was like, let's get behind this now. Absolutely not. She apologizes. And she was like, I didn't apologize.

[B]

We're like, that was literally a Dem Lovato song. Her team said, baby, I'm sorry. Jack said, I'm not sorry.

[A]

I'm not sorry.

[C]

Also, when you have that much of fame and wealth, like, at least these aren't even. I guess she doesn't really. I mean, I don't wanna put words in her mouth, whatever, but she probably doesn't even care about the election. She's like, whatever. Like, whoever wins.

[B]

That's a bold assumption.

[C]

I mean, but to walk around and say some crazy shit like, she's not black. I heard her daddy was white. Clearly you're not tapped in to be conscious of what that all means and the ramifications of it. And then when your team apologizes, you're like, bitch, I ain't say that. It's like, it doesn't matter.

[B]

Well, there are lots of people who are publicly saying Kamala Harris is not black, but they care about the election. So I don't know that saying you don't care about.

[C]

These people have the same power and money that Janet Jackson has.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Donald Trump, well, he is literally her opponent.

[B]

And lots of other, like, you know, I mean, it is usually a conservative talking point. But yeah, lots of people who care about the election are certainly spreading the misinformation that Kamala Harris has.

[C]

We think that Janet is a Trump supporter. I mean, I'm not saying, I'm just, I'm just speculating.

[A]

I just worry ticket sales after this.

[B]

Like, she finished the tour already.

[A]

Yeah, I know, but you can't. I, I feel like that will be slightly impacted. Right? Like, y' all remember when. Y' all remember when Chrisette Michelle sang at Trump's inauguration?

[C]

Uh huh, girl. We have not heard from her since.

[A]

She was never seen again. That was the end of the book.

[B]

Well, the question is, do you remember when Jennifer Holiday accepted to sing again? Inauguration.

[C]

I remember that too.

[B]

And they, they gave, they let her have it.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. So this wasn't a Trump endorsement, but it was like, okay, Janet, remember who buys your tickets now watch yourself. Like, I, I think, I think I will be interested if she goes on tour again. How the tickets sell. I'm sure they'll be fine, but I'm sure they'll be fluctuated a little bit because we don't forget, we, we love keeping score of like, oh, you want tickets? Interesting.

[B]

I mean, Jan Jackson being like, I ain't sorry is so wild.

[C]

That's the wild part. That's the crazy part.

[B]

Who's sorry?

[A]

She kind of ate that. I'm not even gonna hold her like, no, I don't agree with anything she said. I want to be clear about that.

[B]

I will say that that is some more next change. Shit. I'm not sorry knowing she wrong. I'm not sorry.

[A]

When your whole team crafts an apology and she says no, and they're like, well, we're just gonna submit it through. I said no. Heffa.

[B]

A lot of people don't know this. A lot of people don't know this, but I'm actually a part of Monet's PR team. I'm actually the. I'm probably one of Monet's main publicists.

[C]

You cannot pay me. You cannot pay me enough to be on my fucking team. No, thank you.

[B]

First of all, let me tell you right now, it is hard work when I tell y' all it is. I am constantly in the middle of a PR nightmare with my clients.

[C]

Oh, you mean like when you said, abolish libraries like that?

[B]

And I stand by it.

[A]

Has your team ever been urging you to issue an apology for something and then you're like, I'm sorry.

[C]

Still not done anything in that. That crazy?

[B]

Yeah, no, I've never been like, I ain't never said nothing that crazy.

[C]

My craziest PR thing was the Megan McCain thing, which again, stuff like that be like, blown up for you. But to the world, like, it was really inconsequential. But that was, like, my craziest thing.

[B]

Then when they tried to fight Meghan McCain online.

[C]

Oh, yeah, we did. I didn't try to fight her. I just literally laughed. I retweeted a Whoopi Goldberg thing of the girl, please stop talking. And Meg.

[B]

And then Meghan McCain unfollowed Monet on

[C]

social media, unblocked me on everything.

[A]

Retweets are bullets these days.

[B]

I gotta say something real quick to everyone. I really need to say this out loud. I need to make this abundantly clear to everyone here. I do not know. What's her name? Amber Rose. Like, y', all, people keep telling me, Amber's your friend. She's not my. I haven't spoken to Amber Rose once time in my life. I did her podcast. We are not buddies. We do not hang out. We do not kiki. I do not know Amber Rose. I think everyone thinks that because I was on her podcast that we are good Judy's. I do not know her. I don't know. I do not know that lady.

[A]

Yikes. Yeah. That she. She's.

[B]

Come on in. Are you gonna attack people like, ain't

[C]

this your friend all the time, girl? And then the gag is when we had did her podcast, she started saying some, like, race and colors and stuff on the podcast. And you can see Bob and I

[A]

literally being like, oh, y' all had a. Who is it? A shits and gigs moment?

[B]

No, no. Cause they was laughing. I was like, well, that's not quite how that works. I was like, that's not.

[A]

Wait, so was this part cut then out of the interview?

[B]

It's still there. I was like, that's. I can't remember exactly what I said.

[C]

I think she was like, I like. Cause the topic of interracial dating came up, and she was like, I like. She like, I like the Asians. I'm into the Asians now.

[B]

No, she said she like. No, she said she likes race play.

[C]

Oh, she likes race play. That's what it was.

[B]

That's what she said. And I was like, oh, do you. And then. And then she was like. And then she was like. She was like, saying she wasn't black. And I was like, well, that's not really how that. If you have a black parent, you're black. That just is what it is. I mean, I haven't watched the interview since. I don't think I actually.

[C]

I mean, I just remember from the recording. I don't. I don't Watch.

[B]

I don't really watch podcasts that I'm

[C]

on, to be honest.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's. I could see you both being like, work.

[C]

Have you been in any drama like that, Amber? No, I feel like I've never. I've never seen you in any TikTok drama, Any type of salacious anything.

[A]

No, I mean, I've definitely had. Ain't this your friend? This situation come up many a time, but everybody knows, like, for the most part, I don't. It make any. I don't want to call it, like, reactionary content, but I'll do some topical stuff, but I'm not going to do it. Not from, like, my POV or one of my characters pov. Like, I mostly have an. I don't know. I try to keep it about me and my family. Like, it's enough stuff that's happened in my life.

[C]

Jacob brought up this, right?

[B]

Jacob's zooming in on the onion peels.

[A]

Yes. Yes. I got. I don't even know how to peel an onion. You know, I got enough problems over here. We're moving in the morning, and, I mean, two hours ago, I was rummaging through boxes trying to find something to wear for this. Like, so I really. I'd be ghosting and ghosting.

[C]

You look beautiful for the most part.

[A]

Thank you so much. I have open boxes back at the apartment right now that I got to go close when I leave here.

[B]

Before we go. You have the mullet now?

[A]

I do. It's not giving what it needs to give. I'm going back on October 6th. When does this come out? Yes. I'm going back for phase two because I had to do. Have you ever tried to squeeze a whole bunch of surfaces into one day and eventually the stylist is like, we cannot finish this today.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

So the day that I went, I had to do, like, take down my hair, detox my locs, add on some more locs, color those locs. And. And it got to the point where we were like, we. Are we on hour 12? You gotta come back, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I think your hair looks really beautiful

[C]

in these hair streets. I've never had her hair anything. The most thing I used to do when I was in high school was escrow my hair sometimes. That was literally it. Well, not to be shady about that,

[B]

but you did start Austin pretty early. You was. You was early in the year.

[C]

You, like, a year after me.

[B]

No, no, no. I saw your pictures. I saw your pictures in college.

[A]

This is. You Have y' all seen the two plus sized girls online, right? Well, it's not even two. It's mostly one person coming for our queen Samira.

[B]

It's the big back.

[A]

Big Bob is doing the whole, like, I'm not plus size. I want 1x.

[B]

No, what I'm saying is. What I'm saying is, Monae, I, I. My journey was a. Was. I had time to play with the. With the locks, with the hair, with the.

[C]

With.

[B]

With the 4C.

[A]

But. But who do we see in front of us today?

[B]

Bob.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Beautiful.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

A beautiful. A beautiful. And I have been.

[B]

I could grow this back if I wanted to. Y' all started picturing me a couple of Christmas ago with a four.

[C]

Okay, George Jefferson.

[B]

Y' all saw that picture of me with a full head. Jacob. I mean, Jay put up the picture of me here with a full head of hair right here.

[A]

This is from a year ago.

[B]

This is from two, three years ago.

[C]

Amber, Amber, Amber. Stop believing what this nigga's telling you. He ain't got no damn hair full of hair.

[B]

What are we looking at?

[C]

What are we looking at? We know what we're looking at. We're looking at a damn toupee.

[B]

Exquisite. Excuse me, you got something to hurt.

[A]

Wait, so you shaved your head during the pandemic?

[C]

That's not right, Jacob. I can't.

[A]

Oh, this was all you two years ago. Ok,

[C]

Amber, on that note, thank you so much for joining us, y'.

[B]

All.

[C]

Please look out for Amber on her comedy journey. Go support. Amber is so fucking funny. So watch her tiktoks and go see her live. Do some comedy in irl.

[B]

Where can they find you online, Amber?

[A]

You can find me at Burriam on most platforms. That's B. Please don't forget to underscore I a m. Oh, you look so handsome.

[B]

Full head of hair.

[A]

Beautiful now. Yes. You look so over it.

[B]

That's my always face. That's my favorite face. All right, thank you, Amber, for joining us.

[A]

Bye, y'. All.

[B]

Bye.